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fyx-ation · 1 year ago

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A Continued Ramble on FFXVI

Themes! Tone! Character development!

Spoilers beyond the cut.

Tonally, my first reaction is to say that this game is nothing like any previous FF titles as far as presentation goes. However, when I thought about it... many of the older ones were incredibly dark and had brutal story beats.

The difference is that they were presented through 16bits and text on the screen rather than fully rendered CGI models with lifelike expressions and voice acting. The gulf is as wide as the pacific ocean. The impact of Kefka cutting down General Leo in VI's 16bit glory is vastly different than Mom of the Year slicing her own throat in XVI's CG cutscene. Both are intense but the delivery of the latter is much more gratuitous and realistic. Doesn't leave much to the imagination.

I'm not much for censorship, but parental guidance should be a given. FFXVI is not for kids, which is a tough thing to wrap my head around as I started playing Final Fantasy when I was a kid. The M rating should be a warning, but as someone who's handled clueless parents for customers in the past--some folks do not read ESRB ratings. On the entirely plausible instance that the parent hasn't been living under a rock and knows what FF is, they might still ignore that rating because their experience with FF in the past tells them it's perfectly fine for all ages. A friend of mine learned better very quickly within the first few minutes of playing when Garuda calls Titan a cock before dry humping him. He had to shoo his preschooler out of the room and turn down the volume. lol.

Was it necessary to tell the story in this way? As though the staff hovered over the corpse of Game of Thrones and huffed the decaying fumes of rot like it was a freshly baked pie? I'm not so sure. I swear, when the first cutscene with Benedikta and Barnabas post-coitus happened, I was like "If you guys start sexpositioning me right now, you will have to get pliers to free my eyeballs from rolling so far back into my head." Fortunately, this was not a reoccurring thing. And the only purpose that scene had was to reveal Benedikta's role between factions.

Was anyone out their clamoring for a Final Fantasy swear counter? I cuss like I sailor, but I wasn't sitting in front of my TV thinking "You know what FF fucking needs? More fucks." It doesn't detract from the game; it's just a weird thing to meet in a FF game. The fact that 95% of the voice acting is from the British Isles, Clive and Torgal are like Jon Snow and Ghost, and the warring factions of Storm and Ash are like Westeros, not to mention the Akashic are like white walkers/wights makes it impossible to not see the influence.

But stories are always influenced by other stories. Nothing new under the sun, and all that. There was something driving me crazy from day one of playing... something that is still driving me crazy because I cannot name what I was thinking of. The game was reminding me of something. A show or book or movie I saw about a person meant or designed to be the vessel of some higher being, but they wind up being the hero and better at using their own body than the higher being. For the life of me, I couldn't just name the thing I was talking about but I have since decided it might be because I'm remembering the plot of several different things all at once. It's like ATLA, Avatar, Star Wars, ASOIAF, a billion Chinese/Korean/Japanese period fantasies, and so many other things. If you know what I am remembering that is so similar to the Mythos/Ultima dynamic, please drop a comment. Give my over-thinking brain some relief.

This is a wild journey of over-thinking, really. I did enjoy the game. I will definitely new game+ it at some point. I do think it's a much needed breath of fresh air for the franchise. And yet, while trying not to be a contrarian asshole, I feel there were a few missed opportunities and fumbles.

Why do I feel like Blackthorne had more character development than Jill? I would have loved to have had a few "loyalty" missions with her to really flesh her out. I can only think of 3-4 scenes where she talks about herself without any tie to a main character. The game fails the Bechdel test, too. Very early on, I found myself wondering if any of the women with a decent amount of screen time were going to be more than raging bitches or the love interest. Tarja, Doris, and Charon did balance out that worry a bit. Isabelle and Martha, too, as they were more developed. Oh, shit, I forgot about Mid. She's (suddenly!) there, too.

A few months ago, I responded to a post about the tone-deaf excuse for the lack of black people in the game. Well. I was perhaps half-right about the reasoning behind that (without knowing when humans migrated away from Storm/Ash--the original cradle of life on Valisthea). I think the real reason was because the game tries to tackle the immorality of slavery and very firmly decided not to include darker skinned people in the game to avoid that foul can of worms. Bearers being treated as less than human, property, unclean, etc. all mirrors how many real cultures viewed their slaves. The writing drives this home, but the message is delivered with very padded, not-to-political gloves.

There's a little side quest near the end that explains how bearers went from being at the top of the food chain to the very bottom. That, perhaps, should have been a running theme much earlier in the game as it explains why they don't turn on their masters or why you see most of them just doing menial labors in the first quarter of the game (which is entirely dropped later. It's like we're shown an example a few times and then just reminded of it from time to time).

And while we're on the subject of disdain for the bearers, Clive's magical capabilities are largely ignored by people that should be spitting on him pre and post-brand removal. They must know what the scar means, they must see him fighting with magic, but he is mostly treated with tolerance because he wears literal plot armor in the form of "I'm vouched for" merit badges.

We never see the bearers or cursebreakers actually using magic to fight. It's implied that former slaves take up arms more than once, but it's never shown. Maybe they don't know how? Unless they were trained assassins... whom we also don't see use magic (like Doris).

There's an enormous pile of implied stuff that's off screen or mentioned in lore that could have been very interesting to see. But the game is very compact. It's whittled down to the barest essentials: plot, linear main story, and some side quests that are actually vital to the story. No dungeons, no grinding, no padded pacing, no mini-games, and no collectibles. The chronoliths and hunts are (nearly) entirely optional, too, though they do give decent rewards.

This is personal taste, but I like an RPG with some idle fun. Stuff that doesn't immersion-break the game because DOOM is immanent. A good example is Commander Shepard re-treading old ground for new dialog or hidden encounters--all of which is beneficial. Or Geralt playing Gwent. A bad example of this is Aloy while the apocalypse is approaching and she fucks off to get a hologram for Las Vegas.

Right before the last encounter of the game, quest after quest after quest opens up, so there's no sense of DOOM coming. The blight is getting worse, yes, but the game never says "Yo, you should finish the game right now because the blight is coming and also Arche is sorta turning everyone into wights/akashic." The chronoliths and hunts are about as close to that side content as it gets, and you can finish those pretty quickly unless didn't do them as they popped up. Gotta backtrack a little over maps you might have only visited a handful of times before.

As for feelings about the plot's execution, hmm.... Mostly positive, I think. On the downside, I was predicting things way too early and not even things that are drip-fed. I figured out what the Mother Crystals were doing before Cid lays out his theory. I called the harvest of ether/breeding the vessel. The upside is that I hadn't figured out the hows of Ultma, despite knowing the whys, so I was still surprised by the revelations. It had the right amount of foreshadowing and peeks behind the curtain. I love a good plant and pay off.

So, now that I've played the game, I'm curious to go see how others experienced it. Is this a good direction for FF titles? How many bad takes are out there based on minimal game play vs. full play-throughs? How many people wanted to hate the game so badly they they're reaching for reasons to? Conversely, how many people are heaping praise on it because they love Yoshi-P or just FF in general? How many journalists or content creators are gushing about it because clicks are more important than genuine opinions that might incite backlash? That's just the gaming atmosphere anymore. Giving a game people love or hate a 7/10 is blasphemous.

#FFXVI #final fantasy xvi #FF16

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saiwriting · 4 months ago

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Thoughts, Thoughts, Blog #3

I so badly want to be someone else, but that someone else I want to be is also me. I find it extremely hard to envision myself in the future. Ever since I was younger, I always had this promise to myself that literally only one person knows: that I would not make it or go past 25 years old. Doesn't matter, don't come console me about it, I'm actively working toward that sentiment daily in the "it's so over" "we're so back" format. Either way, I could never truly envision myself in the future without it looking and sounding and even smelling eerily similar to me in the present moment. Then I thought to myself, well, maybe this is a weird lesson in accepting myself as I am. Maybe this is something that I will never truly be mastered in my mind. Those goddamn maybes will kill me. I guess the only logical product of this mindset was one that I was forced to accept who I was at any given moment and that wanting improvement was an innate hatred of yourself which, hey, is pretty fitting considering the whole born sinner thing. Or maybe the mindset was the residual effect. I could not even see a better me within my dreams.

Recently, I finished the book The Law of Attraction and it was both...weird and transformative, This guy-or entity-Abraham was, like, a total Yoda in my book; lucky for him I've always fucked with the weird wise guys. A key pillar in this....biography? novel? self-help guide? was that The Law of Attraction was always happening whether I knew it or not and therefore I am always creating things within my reality based on whatever I am focused on. Therefore, the more consistent I am with 1) listening to my Inner Being as 'he' called it, 2) thinking strongly, positively, and deliberately about what it is I want for my life and 3) to then be as delusional as possible and believe that I am owed it by the Universal law, the better my life will be, I will have made my Higher Self proud, and I will literally get everything I have ever wanted. If you couldn't tell by the tonality of the language used, this is possibly the hardest thing I could ever do in my life (thanks Gemini North Node, I guess?). How could I possibly accomplish this when I LITERALLY CANNOT THINK OF MYSELF IN ANYTHING BUT FIRST PERSON. Well, lucky for me, Abraham kinda explained it good enough to where I can practice it at the very least. TL;DR version is this: if you keep thinking about the what-is then you will keep attracting only.....you guessed it! what-is. It sounds simple, but when that is literally something I have been doing my whole life, then it's impossibly frustrating to shift gears now at the ripe age of 22.

So, a conclusion that I came up with, thanks to both my obsession with the medium and the Akashic Records reading I got the day before my birthday, was that I needed to write. I needed to write, and I needed to write so obsessively so that I am writing just about anything I or you could think of. Whatever I want to accomplish in this life, for sure, can only be accomplished by writing because otherwise the F-5 twister of thoughts in my brain will never be synthesized, organized, and archived for future sanity's sake. I have to write in order to live. That's why I got so many goddamn sticky notes and shit from W.B Mason thanks to my now former employment. Shit is crazy, but I gotta write in order to even feel like I can think. In some ways, this feels like a curse because who truly has time for that motherfucker who wants to stay an extra 5 seconds in any given moment to savor and process it for fear of a dissociative and depressive memory loss. Who wants to always see me writing with a pen in my little notebook splaying my thoughts on paper because if I try to launch them from my tongue, they malfunction. Who wants to deal with the frustration of someone who cannot and will not do anything "on the fly" because she just....she just can't think that fast. Who wants that? Who wants to stop for that? (Un)fortunately, it has to be me.

#spilled ink #writers on tumblr #art #black woman writer #black writers #black poetry #black poets on tumblr #language #poem #poets on tumblr #black women blog #writing blogs #creative writing #blog #blogger #thoughts #random thoughts #thought blog

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authorpayaldedhia · 2 years ago

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The Trapped Butterfly - Know Akash

The Trapped Butterfly - Know Akash One incident changed my entire life and left me forever impaired. What was my fault? I ask this every day. I only smiled at her, that too from afar. She was the sweetest face I had seen, with a smile that brought light into your life. Aarvi. Unable to control myself, I smiled at her once. But it turned out to be my gravest mistake. She was already with someone, a guy I wouldn't have chosen for her. But as they say, girls get attracted to bad guys faster. And the attraction that doesn't wane with time. He was pompous, arrogant, rowdy, and loved degrading her. One day, I smiled at her. And the next day, I was at the hospital battling for my life. The doctor had to amputate my leg, and later I ran to Canada. For too many years, I stayed lost and unfocused until the day that I decided to return for my revenge. I came from old money, so money wasn't an issue, but when I saw her with him, my blood boiled. She shouldn't be with a guy like him. Revenge took a backseat, and a sudden need to save Aarvi overpowered me. I didn't even know if she was unhappy. And he might be a changed man. But my initial analysis was accurate. I saw him abusing her outside the apartment building she stayed. I made a plan and come what may, I will save her. Read my story - The Trapped Butterly, and see Aarvi fighting her demons. Falling for her just happened, and I have no control over it, but I know she needs a friend more than a life partner. I will be whatever she needs me to be. Even as a friend, she is the best thing that has happened to me. Click here to read the book Blurb: Happiness comes first. Pride second, hope third, and survival the last. But when life throws you under the bus, the chakra reverses. Survival becomes a moot point. You survive. You win the battle because not all fights have a winning prize. Some are just a silent sigh of a day passed without hiccups. Aarvi Sharma, never in her worst nightmare, considered she would be with someone like Mohnish, but he wasn't just in her life. He had captivated her soul, and daily he leeched on her happiness. Aakash Duman, damaged because of Mohnish's actions, vowed to teach the man a lesson of a lifetime but what he hadn't expected seeing her in his arms. What comes next is a story of survival and hope. This is not a pleasant story. It's a story that talks about abuse with a positive outcome. Note: This story speaks about physical and mental abuse. If you are a reader with certain triggers or sensitivities, please take heed of the warning. Read other short stories. I Confessed (click to read) My Soulmate (click to read) The What If Romance (click to read) A Touch From a Stranger (click to read) Read the full article

#romancenovels #ebooks #Hope #Indianromance #kindle #kindleunlimited #love #shortreads #Shortromance #shortstories #survival

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kaylinalexanderbooks · 5 months ago

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Character voice

Thanks to @the-golden-comet here, here, and here, @paeliae-occasionally here, @melpomene-grey here, and @mysticstarlightduck here!

Rules: write a given phrase in your OCs' voices!

Got long; below the cut!

“Okay, confess: WHO ate the last bite?!”

Lexi: "I'm not mad, I just want to know: who ate the last bite? I'm not accusing anyone."

Maddie: "There was one bite left. Who ate it? Cause we weren't supposed to."

Ash: "I know who did it, but I'll give you two dollars if you admit it to everyone else."

Gwen: "Um, guys, there's a bite left. I know you probably didn't know this, but that bite was actually being saved for my youngest brother. And he'll be fine, of course, but I'd like to know what happened to it."

Robbie: "Woah what happened to the last bite? I swear there was one left."

Akash: "Someone ate the last bite?? Who does that?! I'd never do that. [Pause] I mean I guess someone has to eat the last bite, but like, check first?"

Jedi: "Pardon me for asking, but did anyone take the last bite?"

Carmen: "WHO STOLE THE LAST BITE???"

“We’ve run out of gas/fuel.”

Lexi: "Oh, no! We're outta gas! This will delay us and now we're gonna be late! Oh, God, I need to text Trixie now and tell her we're behind!!"

Maddie: "Hey, uh... The gas tank light is flashing."

Ash: "Guys, I think we just ran out of gas, the car's acting weird."

Gwen: "Not to be rude or anything, but don't you think we should start looking for a gas station?"

Robbie: "Shit, where's the nearest gas station??? Siri GAS STATION WHERE???"

Akash: "I know the gas light is on, but trust me, we have enough gas to get to the next station."

Jedi: "I am aware that the gasoline in the tank of this Ceteri vehicle is merely a quarter empty, and while that may not be too drastic, we should stop at a station and refuel, just in case we don't pass by another one."

Carmen: "Ceteri vehicles are so asinine; why must we waste non-renewable resources on fueling a car?"

“Why would you call ME?”

Lexi: "Look, I love you, but I'm confused. Why'dja call me? I don't know anything about this. Maybe call [Name], they know so much about this topic. They could help!"

Maddie: "I barely know you; why didja call me?"

Ash: "I mean... I'm not sure why you called me of all people. Couldn't you call, I dunno, a closer friend?"

Gwen: "Oh. Um, I'm flattered you called me, but I don't think I can help with that. Sorry. Maybe you can call Lexi, she'll know who can help you."

Robbie: "Haha, uhhh... Look, man, I'm... Not sure why you called me?? Like, I'd love to help you, but I dunno if I can."

Akash: "...well, thanks for uh...thinking of me I guess.... Uhhhhhh maybe you could call someone who knows more about this? Who do you know that could help in this field? Oh, them! Yeah yeah, uh, go call them! Uh... Thanks. I mean you're welcome. Bye."

Jedi: "Forgive me for asking, but may I inquire as to your reasoning behind calling me? I am unsure if I am capable of helping you in your predicament. Perhaps you may call someone with greater expertise."

Carmen: "... And you called ME?!... Why should I help you with your problem?!"

“Not in my house, you don't.”

Lexi: "Please don't do that in my house. My parents wouldn't like it."

Maddie: "Why are you doing that in my house?"

Ash: "Hey, uh, this is my house. I don't want you doing that."

Gwen: "Please don't do that in my house."

Robbie: "Woahwoahwoah hold on, what are you doing??? My mom's gonna kill you!"

Akash: "Hey--Hey! This is my mom's house! What are you doing??"

Jedi: "I would rather you not do this in my house."

Carmen: "THIS IS MY HOUSE AND YOU WILL BE RESPECTFUL!"

“Where did you put my ______?”

We're only gonna see one side of the conversation.

Lexi: "Where is my blue pen??? Where is my blue pen???? I know I put it here last, and now it's not there!!! Someone had to move it... How am I supposed to write down my math assignments without blue??? You found it!!! No, that's my CYAN pen, not blue!! Aghhhh!"

Maddie: "Where'd you put my Obi-Wan Kenobi Star Fighter LEGO set? I uh.... Can't find it.... Because you're the one who organized my unopened LEGO sets! You do it weird; I don't like it. It makes more sense to be the order I got them."

Ash: "Hannah! Where is my cross ring? My cross ring! Y'know, the one I wear on my left middle finger? No, not cross like crucifix, the criss cross one! How do you not know what that looks like; I wear it every day! I'm tearing the room apart until I find it! It'll be a meeeesss."

Gwen: "Chris! Cody! Where are my drumsticks? I know one of you two did it. Get back here! Ugh. Mal, do you know where the boys hid my drumsticks? I need them for tomorrow!"

Robbie: "Shit. Goddammit. Shit. Shit shit shit. MUTTI! I can't find the permission slip you signed! Yes, I know you told me to put it in my folder immediately so I won't lose it. I forgot! Yes, in the time it took me to walk upstairs and down the hall. Mutti, please, help me; you always find it."

Akash: "Robbie. *balanced inhale* Please, please tell me you did not move the hair gel. Robbie, it's the only thing that makes my hair look good. No, I don't look like Jimmy Neutron when I put it in! Robbie, did you hide it on purpose? No, so where is it, then? You don't know. You set it down, and then forgot. *Sigh* it's okay. It's fine. I'll just go like this then."

Jedi: "Oh, dear. Er, Carmen? You have not happened to run across my tablet, have you? Yes, I know this is quite irregular. I have never misplaced it before, but it appears to have slipped my mind. No, I did not get a lot of sleep last night, but that is typical. Perhaps... I may have left it in my quarters. I shall look there."

Carmen: "Where is my throw pillow? Fine, it's not my throw pillow, but I always sit in that spot on that couch, and I lean on the throw pillow that is no longer there! Yes, I know there are other throw pillows, but I don't CARE! Jedi, that's mine. Did one of the kids take it? I bet it was Mr. Stafford. Ugh, I'll go ask him."

“(sighs, done with life) Alright, what did you do now?”

Lexi: *disappointed sigh* "Can anyone tell me what happened?"

Maddie: *irritated sigh* "Hm. What happened?"

Ash: *exhales while buzzing lips* "Okay, what's going on?"

Gwen: *deep tired sigh* "Alright. What did we do?"

Robbie: *dismayed sigh* "Oh, God, what did y'all do?"

Akash: *irritated sigh, then one to calm down* "It's okay, it's fine. What did you do?"

Jedi: *resigned sigh* "Please enlighten me as to what took place."

Carmen: *impatient sigh* "What could you have possibly done NOW?!"

This was so much fun, actually!

Tagging @sleepyowlwrites @dyrewrites @aalinaaaaaa @eccaiia @mk-writes-stuff

+ ANYONE ELSE

Your phrase is “Wow, look at that view. [Describe the view]”

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

#the secret portal #teaspoon #tsp #oc tag game #my ocs #character voice #writers on tumblr #writing community #writers of tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr #writeblr community #writing tag game

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kaylinalexanderbooks · 10 months ago

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I've posted some of these lines out of context. Here is the context.

From The Secret Portal Part One (Robbie POV)

“You thinking about something?” Akash asked at the table as I stared at the bowl in front of me. “Have you ever thought about how cereal is like the skeleton of milk?” “You’re implying that milk is meat, and I don’t like that at all.” “Milk has fat—yes, I’m implying that it’s meat.” “So milk is cereal that’s, like, boneless?” “Exactly.” “However, some people have cereal dry, which means that the cereal is a fatless skeleton, but we add fat if we feel the need.” “Does that make the bowl the flesh?” “Of course it does.” “So we’re eating the insides right out of the skin?” Akash paused. “Yes.” “Terrifyingly morbid,” I said, taking a huge bite of my soggy bowl-innards. “Some people have fruit in their cereal,” Akash pointed out. “What are those?” “Organs?” I suggested. “Sure, why not?” “I just realized something even more morbid.” “What?” “So we keep the bones in its own separate box, we keep the meat refrigerated in a liquid state, it’s already disemboweled, and we keep its empty flesh sack in a dark room with other flesh sacks.” “What the heck are you guys talking about?” I looked up to see Sammy in the doorway, her hair a mess from just getting out of bed. “You’re up early,” I noted. Sammy shrugged. “I got hungry.” “You want some disemboweled innards served directly in the flesh sack?” Akash asked, holding up his bowl. Sammy pressed her eyebrows together in a disturbed expression. “I think I’ll get toast.”

Daily Sip 2/22

You can reblog this post.

You can make your own post.

You reblog someone else's snip!

Just tag it sipofsnips so everyone can find each other. ^.-

#writing blog #writers on tumblr #writing community #the secret portal #tsp #tsp excerpt #teaspoon #robbie stafford #akash singh #sam stafford #sipofsnips #wip excerpt #writers of tumblr #writing on tumblr #writeblr community #writeblr

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laadgovernorandsankadevi · 3 years ago

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OS: Hey, I Missed You

Whille being on bedrest for the past four days, I ended up writing this in the notes app. Thought to add it here as well just because! It’s currently available on my wordpress blog and india-forums. You can check out all my fan fictions here.

It was no secret to the members of the Raizada household that Arnav and Khushi were incapable of keeping their hands off each other. While generally, no one dared to stop Arnav from dragging his wife away from family gatherings, which Akash had found extremely unfair, the week before Diwali, everybody had collectively decided that they would rather die than let Arnav drag Khushi away, especially with multiple guests visiting and Khushi being the eldest bahu who possessed the zest for event management.

Manorama fretted over the new cushions on the couch before running over to straighten the curtains Hari Prakash had just hung when she saw Arnav walk into the house with Akash following behind. She was quick to call Akash over to help her out who did little to nothing to help her besides standing behind her as she rambled about no one caring that her sister was visiting. Arnav shook his head and muttered an 'unbelievable' before trying to find the one person he had been looking for. Khushi was standing near the mandir with a notepad in her hand and had just looked up.

She smiled at him as he tilted his head, silently asking him to follow her. She raised her eyebrows to try to insinuate that Mami might not let her go but he was insistent. She shrugged, putting the notepad on the table in the way before walking up to her. He leaned in to kiss her cheek. "Jija ji is here!" she punched him lightly on the arm. Arnav switched his laptop bag into the other hand before wrapping his arm around her waist as they two walked upstairs, hoping to remain unnoticed.

Unfortunately, they were noticed! "Oh ho Phatti Sari—matlab Khushi!", Manorama called out from the back!

"Just ignore Khushi!" Arnav mumbled into her ear.

Manorama rushed towards the stairs and noticed Arnav's arms around her. "Oh no Arnav bitwa, I need PhaKhushi betiya with me today!" She was quick to pull Khushi's other arm towards her and dragged her downstairs. —"You can have her back later!" she called out before directing Khushi to change the table covers in the room.

Arnav stood rooted to his spot for about a whole minute with Khushi casting stolen glances towards him with an apologetic face. Never before had someone just taken Khushi away from him like this. He slowly moved away, stunned to process any other thoughts.

---

Arnav came downstairs looking for his wife whom he hadn't properly seen in about a week's time. Manorama's sister and NK's mother, was coming back to India after about ten years and staying over with them for about a month. While Arnav had no objections to the arrangement when he was inquired about it thrice by both Anjali and Khushi respectively, he had begun questioning the setup after seeing that Payal and Khushi were held responsible for most of the whims Manorama was concerned about. He didn't understand why he paid salaries to an army of servants if everything was to befall upon his Khushi in the last minute.

He spotted Khushi sitting next to Nani ji and Mami, nodding along to instructions being given.

"Khushi, can you come upstairs!" he asked in front of the older ladies.

"Nahi Chotte, Khushi betiya ne abhi mandir saajana hai."

"What?!"

"Bitwa, she can't come right now."

"Why can't Payal do it? or Di? Di loves doing stuff like this!"

"Chotte!" Deviyani was visibly irritated, "Anjali betiya was fasting today, she's at the mandir herself. and Payal betiya is making kheer for tonight."

Khushi smiled at him unapologetically, as he stomped towards the study.

---

"pata nahi yeh Khushi kahan reh gai!" Payal mumbled irritated.

Payal and Anjali stood by the door, waiting for Khushi to rush. She had excused herself by saying that she needed to go to the bathroom and pick up her purse before they head out for gift shopping for the incoming guests, however it had been close to half an hour and they were contemplating going upstairs themselves to look for it.

They walked upstairs to find the door half ajar, and Khushi struggling whilst giggling, while being held by Arnav against the cupboard door.

The two women looked at each other before knocking and pushing the door open. "Arnav ji, chodiye!" she wasn't quite enough for the others to not hear.

"Chotte! Ghar me itna sara kam para hai! Diwali ki renovations and then NK bhai ki family aur tum Khushi ji ko neeche aane nahi de rahe ho!"

"Haan toh!" he replied indignantly.

"Haan toh kiya!" she snapped back before walking up close enough for his grip to loosen on Khushi's arm. Arnav gaped as his sister pulled away from his wife from him who clearly appeared more amused than upset at the dry spell this week had been for them. Payal tried being considerate to Arnav's gaping expression by saying sorry however it did little to help since she was barely able to contain her laughter at the predicament in front of her.

---

Arnav had decided to come home early, leaving tasks pending for the first time in perhaps six months so he was able to whisk Khushi away from everyone before dinner. He had miscalculated his steps since the arrival of the guests about five minutes before he entered the gates of Shantivan ensured that Payal and his wife would be held ransom until the guests were taken to their rooms.

He walked in to be greeted by NK who had previously left India only about three months ago. "Nannav! mere bhai! Did you miss me?"

Arnav grumbled a no and uncomfortably patted NK's back who had thrown his arms around him.

"How was the flight?" he inquired.

"Flight? Oh, it was great! Drank some champagne, watched some Harry Potter, dreamt about Khushi ji's jalebis!"

Arnav looked at him incredulously. If he could punch NK for talking about Khushi's food, he would but he knew that that would be quite unacceptable.

"Arnav ji!" Khushi breathed, excusing herself from the group to walk over to him. He smiled at her, hoping that she wouldn't be called back but before he could say anything, NK popped in between the two with a sneaky grin. "Come on guys, you see each other every day. Spend some time with us."

Khushi chuckled before meeting her husband's eyes who looked like he could chop someone's head off. NK made sure to poke Arnav a couple of times before walking away.

"Why don't you freshen up. We're going to set up for dinner."

"Are you coming upstairs?" he was about to lean in to kiss her cheek when the door opened behind him and Akash walked in to cheerfully greet his aunt and cousin from the entrance itself.

"I have to help Di and Jiji!" she replied apologetically. He sighed nodding and turned to see Akash holding Payal's hand while sitting next to NK.

About half an hour later, Arnav walked downstairs to seat himself for dinner. There were two empty seats were next to Akash at the end of the table, and one next to him. He pulled open his seat and pushed the one next to his for Khushi except an over-eager NK decided to seat himself. "Thanks, mere Bhai!"

It had taken all of his energy to politely nod along to any question asked of him during dinner before he excused himself. Khushi however, had become the life of the party alongside NK. He contemplated pulling her up from the seat but seeing that she was still eating, he tapped her shoulder and whispered, telling her he's waiting for her; before leaving.

---

It was past midnight when Khushi made an appearance in their bedroom. After pacing around for close to two hours, Arnav had fallen asleep without pulling the covers on himself. Khushi walked over towards him, moving the hair off his forehead to see if he was awake. She had found herself exceptionally busy in preparation for Mami's sister's entire family and with Diwali around the corner, she was sure that the weekend was going to go by just as fast. She heaved a sigh before walking over to pull out her nightclothes and walking into the bathroom.

Arnav found himself being roused out of sleep. For a moment he thought that he was imagining her touch, but the sound of lock and running sink water from the bathroom brought him out of the momentary haze. He sat up noticing the blanket tucked around him. Khushi walked out of the bathroom at the same instant.

"Aap jageh hue ho?"

She was about to get into the bed when he took her hand and pulled her towards him with as much force as he could muster so that she felt square onto him. She smiled, looking up at him and allowing herself to fall into the depths of warmth and love his eyes always seemed to welcome.

"I missed you," he whispered

"Me too," she replied

He leaned in, his hand holding onto hers, his lips slowly finding hers. They tasted like jalebis and barfis, the sweets she probably had been eating before. The kiss deepened as her hands wandered towards his torso and rested on his chest. Part of her wanted to pull away and fall asleep knowing the chores lined up for tomorrow but she had missed him so much throughout the week. He breathed in her scent before breaking away. He kissed her forehead before wrapping his arms around her as she pulled the blankets up for them. Her head fell from the crook of his elbow to his shoulder, her hands clutching onto his t-shirt, and in mere seconds she was snoring. He chuckled at her ability to fall asleep instantly and half of her body resting over his, as he himself closed his eyes welcoming the most peaceful sleep he was about to have in a week's time.

#ipkknd ff #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon fan fiction #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #ipkknd #arnav and khushi #arnav singh raizada #khushi kumari gupta #arhi #arshi #fan fiction #laadgovernorandsankadevi

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hotcheri · 4 years ago

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Always Something There to Remind Me (a Jen/Khalil Black Lightning fanfic)

DISCLAIMER: I own none of the Black Lightning characters. They solely belong to DC Comics and the CW Network. This is just my take on what could have happened after the show ended.

Prologue

Khalil's POV

They were meditating when TC crept into Khalil's mindscape like a thief in the night.

Well, at least, Khalil was meditating. He loved to empty his mind of all thoughts and focus on his breathing, relishing the mental stillness and the sense of peace he didn't have in his normal life.

Painkiller sat to the side of the mental dojo like he always did whenever Khalil was centering himself, a mocking sneer twisting his lips up as Khalil tried to ignore the rage that was baking off his mind twin like a rabid fever.

Painkiller was always angry, and the people he was mostly enraged at were the Pierces. Jen, to be exact. They lived in Painkiller's head rent free, and since Khalil shared the same mind as him, and almost all of his thoughts, the image of Jen was never far from Khalil. Pain in the ass Jen, who also happened to be Khalil's first love. What a mind fuck to love someone with all your heart while part of you needed to kill her and was in pure agony every second she was alive. Khalil didn't need anyone to tell him about mind fucks, having Painkiller relentlessly prowling through his mind was more than enough.

Every time TC appeared in Khalil's mindscape, Painkiller leapt up from his seat and started pacing back and forth in a tight little line like a tiger stalking its prey, hands clasped behind his back, nostrils flared, glaring at TC as if he wanted nothing more than to boot him out of his head after savaging him a little.

Too bad it's our head, and I'm trying to hear what he has to say.

The thought flitted through Khalil's mind grimly, and he sucked in a breath before opening his eyes and gazing at TC, who kept shooting quick little fearful glances at Painkiller. Khalil knew how he felt. Until he had started working actively with Painkiller, forcing the duality in his brain to coexist, he'd been terrified of him too.

"Uh, hi guys," TC started, his voice trembling as he looked around for exit points even though all he had to do was break the connection with the chip in Khalil's brain if he wanted to leave. Khalil supposed when someone entered a room and found themselves face to face with Painkiller, even if it was a virtual reality room, that person could get very scared very fast. In cases like that, logic was the first thing to escape.

Khalil liked the kid, had liked him even before he had locked Painkiller behind a firewall in his head and had shown Jen how to coax Khalil out of the safe space he'd created in his mind. Khalil knew without a doubt that the Pierces, especially Anissa, would have taken him out after Jen had blasted him with lightning to ward off Painkiller's attack on her family as he tried to complete the kill directive, because that's exactly what he would have done.

But TC had done the inconceivable. He'd managed to read Khalil's real thoughts, thoughts that had somehow filtered through the Painkiller operating system as soon as he set eyes on Jen. Thoughts that he must have been hiding way down in his secret heart, feelings that must have survived the A.S.A. mindwipe that transformed him into a lean, mean, biological weapon. As he lay prone on the table in Gambi's work station, on the verge of unconsciousness, his sharp ears had listened as TC, a total stranger, had his back.

"Hey. Who's Jen?" TC had interrupted the post fight argument, glancing around at the faces of people he didn't know.

Impatiently, with the touch of heat that Khalil loved and had missed with a sudden depth of emotion he hadn't felt since he was just track star Khalil, and not two warring parts of a government weapon whole, Jen replied, "That's me."

"He loves you."

And Jen's suddenly shaky, tear-filled voice had whispered, "How do you know that?"

TC's answer had been simple. "He told me."

Yeah, TC was good people. And even though the reunion between Khalil and Jen hadn't lasted, even though it had been bittersweet and doomed to fail with a painful, brusque ending, for a short, sweet time, he had been happy again.

But there was no use in thinking about that, no use in brooding over something he couldn't fix. With Painkiller in his head, being with Jen wasn't an option.

Painkiller was the first to talk, stepping forward as TC gave Khalil a half-hearted wave. "Oh, you must be crazy bringin' your ass here," he growled out in his distorted, angry voice.

TC took an involuntary step back, wringing his hands. Khalil could feel the fear in the kid increase as Painkiller stopped inches from his face, glowering down at him.

Raising a hand, Khalil talked to Painkiller like a patient parent calming down a tantrum throwing toddler. "I invited him," he lied, not caring that Painkiller would know that he hadn't.

Sharing his mind with a psychopathic, heartless killer sucked all the time, and keeping secrets was nearly impossible. Painkiller knew he was claustrophobic, that he loved trains, and that he thought about the one that got away daily. But when it came to people Khalil cared for, he didn't give a fuck if Painkiller knew he was lying to protect them from his rage. TC was a friend, and he wasn't going to let Painkiller's angry ass intimidate him.

"Don't think I won't kick your ass, too," Painkiller growled. Khalil fixed him with a steady look. He'd won more fights against Painkiller, especially after his return after a year long silence, and Painkiller knew it. After a few seconds, Painkiller sucked his teeth and resumed scowling at TC.

Spreading his arms out placatingly, TC asked, "What if I come with good and great news?"

A curious expression darted across Painkiller's face. Khalil caught it and grinned to himself. Psychotic or not, everyone liked the idea of good news.

"Speak," Painkiller ground out.

Swallowing nervously, TC said, "Tobias Whale is dead."

Okay, that was unexpected, and so was the rush of relief that coursed through Khalil's body, relaxing muscles that had been tense ever since he had started working for Tobias. Even though the A.S.A. mindwipe had taken all his memories and locked them away, they had been retrieved as soon as TC had put the firewall in his head, and so too had the underlying current of fear that always pulsed whenever he thought of Tobias.

And now his former boss, the man who had ripped out his spine and dumped him on the church steps when he was done with him, the evil torturer who had been responsible for leading Khalil over to the dark side was finally dead. Closing his eyes, Khalil sent up a prayer of thanks to a God he no longer strictly believed in.

Even after becoming Agent Odell's chief asset, Khalil still harbored thoughts that Tobias would come to him, eager to finish what he had started, wanting revenge for Syonide's death, the attempted robbery at the club before Khalil and Jen became runaways, and every single other thing he'd done that had pissed Tobias off. He'd reluctantly come to believe that a showdown with Tobias was inevitable, and even though his road to atonement had led him to Akashic Valley and a new life, he always knew that Tobias would eventually come for him. It was in his nature. But now this piece of good news had been thrown into his lap and Khalil took a moment to bask in gratitude.

Painkiller's reaction was the polar opposite of Khalil's restrained joy. Anger blazed onto his face and his brow creased as he listened to TC give Khalil the best news he'd heard in a while.

Sounding like a petulant child after being asked if he had McDonald's money, Painkiller groaned. "Damn. I wanted to kill him." He fisted both hands into his unruly curls and glowering up at the ceiling. "That's not good news." Turning to Khalil, his voice turned wheedling. "Let me kick his ass just a little."

With a quick glance towards Painkiller, TC cleared his throat before dropping his bombshell. "I've isolated the system code for the kill order. I can free you."

TC backed away till his back was against the wall, as far as he could get from a snarling Painkiller. When he got furious, Painkiller acted just like a wolf ready to attack. Luckily, Khalil had him on a mental leash. Ignoring him, Khalil focused his attention on TC.

"TC, what is your other news?"

Khalil let out a shaky breath, a glimmer of hope blooming in his chest.

At last.

"Good." Both TC and Khalil turned to face Painkiller, who had a look on his face so unnatural that Khalil didn't immediately recognize it. He looked like a doomed man seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Is he...is he happy? "Let's do it."

"But there's a catch," TC started slowly, plucking nervously at his sleeve as his eyes slid from Khalil to Painkiller and back again. Khalil sighed, motioning to TC to continue. There was always a catch and he knew that better than anybody, but for a second he had allowed himself to believe that getting rid of the kill order that brought such pain to both Painkiller and him, finally being freed from the chains that the A.S.A had wound around his body and in his mind, was ripe for the taking, with no blowback. "It's linked to everything you know and love about the whole Pierce family. If you break the kill order, you won't remember the Pierces at all."

The breath went out of Khalil all at once, leaving him feeling weak and boneless. He was glad he was sitting down, because if he had been standing when TC spoke, the strength would have ran out of his legs. And even though this was all in his mind, his physical body had stopped breathing for a second, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

This wasn't a catch, it was a fucking dilemma. There had to be another way.

Chewing on his bottom lip, Khalil found himself thinking about the technology he and Painkiller had found in Maya's safe house. Surely there was something there that would help isolate the kill switch without messing with his memories more than they'd already been messed with? Because this alternative that TC was suggesting... it wasn't fair. After leaving Freeland to keep Jen and her family safe and away from him, hell, after saving Anissa's wife from kidnappers, after everything that had happened in Khalil's life to get him to this point in time, losing the only good memories he had left just plain wrong.

"So what?" Painkiller asked, his top lip turned up into a snarl. Whether he was oblivious to the wave of emotion Khalil was weathering, or if he just didn't care, Khalil didn't know. Painkiller knew what he wanted. He was tired of the agony that came with not fulfilling the kill order. "They're pains in the ass anyway!"

In a chillingly calm voice that brooked no argument, Khalil stared evenly at Painkiller and said, "Shut up and sit your black ass down." Shocked into obedience, Painkiller sank down to the floor as Khalil looked at TC, a pleading tone in his voice. "TC, there's got to be another way around."

"There's none." Khalil could hear the despair in TC's voice, and he knew he was telling the truth. Of course he was. "I've checked and I've double checked."

Painkiller was still silent, and Khalil turned to look at him. "Damn!" He clenched his fist so hard that the veins in his arm popped out, but he took no notice. "You won't stop, will you? Sooner or later you're going to kill Jen and the rest of the Pierces."

Nodding sagely, like he had been the one meditating, Painkiller said, "Best believe. But I'm not nobody's puppy." He pointed at Khalil, his face stern and absolutely serious. "Cut the damn cord."

The muscles in Khalil's jaw worked as he stood up, turning his back on TC and Painkiller so that they couldn't see the emotions playing across his face. He wanted to be free of the kill code more than anything, needed Painkiller to be at rest so that he could figure out a way to become whole again. But the cost- losing Jen again- was it just too great?

Khalil closed his eyes, and suddenly, he was back on the Pierce's roof with Jen after Painkiller had broken free of the firewall for a couple of nasty minutes to wrap his hands around Jen's neck. He could feel everything in that moment, the wind brushing lightly against his face, the shingles of the roof under his sneakers, the terrified look Jen shot him before schooling her features into a coolness Khalil had never seen on her face. Both looks hit him like a ton of bricks.

She was scared of him.

Painkiller had shown her his true colors and had, once again, pushed someone he loved away from him. And what she had said had chilled him to the core, a sudden lump rising in his throat, and tears smarting in his eyes as she let him go.

"I can't love a weapon that's pointed at my family, even if it does have a soul." Her shoulders hunched pitifully as she wrapped her arms around her legs, all at once seeming far younger than her years. "See you around, Khalil."

He took one last look at her, her curly hair brushing past her chin, her eyes chilly and flinty in the dusk as she turned away from him, blinking away tears of her own. "No. You won't," he said, and with that, he had exited Jen's life.

Some things you can't go back to. The way Jen had ended things between them still hurt, and the realization that he wasn't going to be able to salvage things with her caused him pain that was almost physical, but if TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase his memories of her, the pain would go. All the pain would disappear, and his fresh start in Akashic Valley would be just that, a fresh start.

Behind him, TC started to say, "If you need more time, I can-," but by now, Khalil's mind was made up. There was no other choice.

"I always known I'd give my life for that girl." Khalil heaved a sad sigh, running a hand over his face as he turned to look at a nervous TC and an impassive Painkiller. Painkiller smirked, knowing what decision Khalil had made, and in that moment, Khalil hated him, the A.S.A., Odell- everyone who had gotten him into this situation. Especially himself. "Never thought I'd have to forget her." A nod towards TC. "Do it."

TC nodded dumbly, just as another thought flitted into Khalil's mind. If TC was able to isolate the kill code and erase some of his memories, wasn't it possible that he could remove his very worst memory?

Before he left Freeland for good after shooting Odell and letting Black Lightning deal with the evil son of a bitch however he saw fit, Khalil took a detour to the cemetery, picking a bunch of blooming flowers from the ramshackle garden of Mrs. Sutton, the Payne's old landlady. Khalil didn't think she would mind, she had loved Nichelle Payne dearly.

Once at the cemetery, he had laid the flowers on his mother's grave, sat down with his back resting against her tombstone and cried a little. Nobody had been around to see him; Freeland residents weren't crazy about going to the graveyard at nighttime.

"I shot the guy who made me kill you, ma," he'd whispered, his words blown away by the breeze as the tears blurred his vision. "I know you always said vengeance never pays, but I had to do it. I'm sorry, ma. I love you, and I'm so, so sorry."

Nichelle Payne had raised him to be the best in whatever he did, and what had he done in return? Snapped her neck, and the best excuse he could come up with was he'd just been following orders. The knowledge weighed heavily on his soul, and he knew that he would pay for it in time. Everything comes due. But if TC could somehow make him forget...

"I can try," TC said doubtfully, and Khalil raised his eyes from his clenched fists, remembering where he was through the sadness that engulfed his soul.

"No." Khalil shook his head, resigning himself to reality. "It's part of who I am, and I need to find redemption for it, or a way to live with myself."

TC opened his mouth and hesitated before shyly asking, "Do you want to- I mean, I could give you Jen's number and you could talk to her one last time?"

Painkiller groaned, storming around the circumference of the dojo angrily. "Can we fucking do this already? No more flashbacks, no phone calls- get this kill order the fuck out of my head!"

"Our head," Khalil reminded him. "And right now, I'm in charge." He bit his lip, wrestling with himself. Saying goodbye to Jen wouldn't make things better, it would just bring home the truth that he would never see his first girlfriend again, and even if by some weird coincidence he did, he wouldn't know her. It was stupid. They already said their goodbyes on the Pierce roof, what would he gain from this? "What's her number?"

Painkiller actually growled at this and stomped off somewhere. Khalil could still feel him burning in his mind, but it looked like he had opted out of being a part of Khalil's final goodbye. Not that Khalil minded in the least. Before Painkiller, his relationship with Jen had been special. He didn't want his insane mind twin tainting the very last moment he would have with her.

Courteously, TC severed the connection with Khalil's brain chip, promising to return when the phone call was over and start the process. Khalil stared down at his phone and punched in Jen's number before he could lose his cool. Meditation seemed like a lifetime away, it was all he could do to keep his heart from galloping away like a war horse.

Jen's phone rang once, twice, three times, and Khalil was just about to hit the end button when suddenly-

"Hi." Jen's bold, brash voice was in his ear, and Khalil forgot to breathe. The background noise was filled with laughter and music, a noise that Khalil associated with family time, even though he was never fortunate enough to have enjoyed family time with his mother working two jobs, his father in jail, and his brother running the streets with the 100. "You know you're calling from a- Anissa, stop!" Khalil closed his eyes, savoring the sound of Jen's hearty giggles as someone- Anissa, probably- tickled her or something similar. "You're calling from a private number, who is this?"

A male chuckle sounded, and Khalil recognized Gambi's voice sounding from the distance. "Probably a scam, hang up before they get all your info."

Same old Gambi, trusting nobody. A wistful smile turned up Khalil's lips, but he still couldn't come up with a thing to say. It was like all his thought circuits were down, and he wondered if Painkiller had something to do with it.

"Helloooo? Who is this?" Jen's voice turned speculative, and she gave a derisive snort. "This better not be TC playing with me again, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not going to prom wit' you?"

"I'm literally right here," TC protested in the background.

And Khalil found that he couldn't bring himself to say anything, let alone goodbye. He wasn't great with goodbyes, anyway, so who was he fooling? "Uh, sorry," he muttered. Why had he thought this would be a good idea again? "Wrong number."

In the few seconds it took for him to press the end call button, Jen's voice sharpened with recognition and she exclaimed, "Wait, that sounds a little like-."

Call ended blinked up at him from his phone screen as his pulse jumped in his throat. Safe getaway. Of course, he'd ended the call before Jen could say his name, or even more hurtful, the name of somebody else.

But fuck, hearing her voice was bittersweet.

"You hung up?" TC was back in his head, eyes gleaming with relief that Painkiller wasn't around.

Nodding, Khalil strove to keep his face blank and impassive. "Yeah. I'd rather remember her the way she was on that phone, happy, carefree, pain in the ass J."

She sounded happy and normal, like the old her, before the 100 had kidnapped her and she had discovered she had powers. She sounded like the Queen of Garfield. By coming back into her life even for a few seconds, he might jeopardize that happiness, and if there's one thing he wanted her to be after the events of the past few years, it was at peace and she wasn't going to find it with him.

"But you didn't get to say goodbye."

Pity was written all across TC's face, and once again, Khalil felt the wave of sadness engulf him. Did it ever stop? Even with his memories of Jen gone, would he really be at peace?

"I didn't need to." Khalil stopped, his shoulders slumped, and came to stand next to TC, who was still looking at him with that sympathetic look on his face. "TC..."

Looking up at him, TC said, "Yeah?"

"Don't tell her."

TC let out a dramatic gasp that made Khalil crack a smile, even though he had never felt less like smiling. "What? But I was just about to-?"

"No." Khalil shook his head resolutely. "Let her live her life." TC opened his mouth to protest, but Khalil talked over him. It was the only way. "You told me she lost the guy she was seeing, and she's already lost so much. Just- let her think what she's been thinking, that I left Freeland to live my life." He started pacing like Painkiller sometimes did, back and forth, his arms behind his back as he spoke. It felt like atoning for his sins. "I poisoned her. I almost killed her."

Interrupting, his voice utterly horrified, TC exclaimed, "That was Painkiller, not you!"

"Yeah, but don't you get it? He's in me, so even if I know that I'm not the one doing the poisoning, everyone else thinks it, because he's in my head wanting to kill all the time." Khalil stopped pacing and turned to TC, his face serious. "With the kill code gone, we can co-exist without the anger and rage that drives Painkiller. I came here for a fresh start and removing the memories of the Pierces will give me that." To show that he meant business, he clapped his hands together. "Let's do this. How's it gonna work?"

Getting back to business removed the pity from TC's face, and Khalil was glad. Seeing that look on his normally cheery friends face and knowing it was directed at him made him feel like even more of a shitty person.

Tapping his chin, Khalil asked, "So I won't remember that they're metas as well?"

"You'll forget about them. Anything related to them, too."

TC's eyes started to flash green as he went over the logistics of changing Khalil's life.

"No, you'll remember that, you'll know about Black Lightning, Thunder and Lightning, you just won't know their identities. You won't remember they're Pierces."

Nodding, Khalil said, "Got it." Actually, it sounded confusing to him, but he would cross that bridge when he came to it. "But if I want to reinstate my memories, can't I just come to you and-."

TC laughed as Khalil made a casual popping noise with his tongue in his cheek. "No. You won't even know that your memories are gone."

"And you're sure they'll stay gone."

This was the most important part. What ifs ran through Khalil's mind with the speed of a Formula One car. If he somehow ran into the Pierce sisters on vacation. If he helped someone from a mugger and it turned out to be Doctor Pierce? If Black Lightning ended up in Akashic Valley like Anissa had and they ran into each other?

Shifting from one foot to the other, TC said, "Um, 90% sure."

"90?" Khalil asked incredulously.

TC shrugged. "That's an A."

"I used to get straight A's in school," Khalil said musingly. "And then Odell dropped a few Master's degrees into my head, but that happened after I stopped caring about grades." TC gave him a confused, yet concerned look, and Khalil said, "Let's get rid of these memories."

A few minutes later, Khalil was lying on an operating table, a brain scanner that looked like a crown on his head. Philky just happened to have one lying around, which was pure Philky, and after TC had uploaded his program into the lab's computer, he'd told Khalil's master of tech exactly what to do. Donald was on standby in case something went wrong medically. And Painkiller? He was still in the dojo, and Khalil could feel the excitement thrumming through him. Khalil didn't blame him; he was excited too.

A high-pitched whine started up, and Khalil felt a pinprick of electricity tickle his forehead as the process started. TC had warned him about this.

What TC hadn't warned him about was, as the memories left, they replayed in his head, almost like a flashback reel.

Khalil saw himself on the Pierce roof with Jen, giving her a chaste, shy kiss as she agreed to be his girlfriend.

He saw himself stealing into Garfield High and meeting up with Jen by the lockers after enduring more abuse from Tobias, knowing that she was the only person he could really talk to despite what had gone down between them. Sitting down in silence, not needing to say a word because their connection was that powerful.

He saw them running away together, Jen using her lightning powers in front of him for the first time and blasting the 100 hoodlums. How he'd kissed her later on and it had been electric, and the hottest kiss he'd ever had.

He saw himself (the memories were blurry around the edges, soon they'd be gone but so would the kill code, it was for the best but it hurt, TC didn't say it would hurt this much) sitting next to Jen in his special place, his private place, his favorite place, the abandoned subway car, eating ramen and reminiscing on how he had asked her to be his girlfriend, and he had been so shy when he gave her the necklace, something that had caught his eye in Freeland's jewelry store and he'd saved up for two months to buy it for her, a necklace he was giving to her for the second time because he loved her, and he'd lost her once and wasn't about to let her go again and...

The memories faded as Khalil's mind cycled through the deepest, darkest levels of consciousness, and there was only darkness, and finally, blissfully, peace.

(See more on ao3 or wattpad!)

#black lightning #fanfic #khalil payne #jennifer pierce #jordan calloway #china anne mcclain #wattpad #ao3fic

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sextonsharpwinhalstead · 4 years ago

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I want Max and Helen together, but sometimes I wonder what will make him change, Because now, he does have a lot and cant be what Helen needs, but we saw him without all that stuff not being what Georgia needed, she was fringed so no grown on his part there, he will just wake up one day and be the guy can put what the one he loves first?without any kind of catalyst, jut seeing her with a new guy? I want them together but I dont see Max being close to be ready to be the guy I think Helen deserves

I kind of agree here, or at least there has to be some part of Max that has to address it, out loud. And maybe that is as far as it goes. Max hasn't exactly been ready just yet but he's getting closer, that was the point of Alice. That was also the whole point of the risk in bringing Luna home, cause it was worth it.

He is still grieving, but he's in love with Helen and he knows and he's made it clear that he can't "do this without you" meaning his life without her. Remember how intentional it was that Max never saw Akash with Helen, who she had WAY more chemistry with than she does with Cassian?

I kind of think that was the point. Max knows he wants her in his life so I think seeing her with Cassian might make him question what that actually means, what that looks like beyond the hospital.

I'm not 100% sure that they will be together this season but I think a kiss could happen...maybe more.

However, I think you're right about not being able to see Max's ability to change lickity split. We've kind of seen it but not really, even when he makes a decision to do less at the hospital, everyone including Georgia rallied for him so he wouldnt have to change, same with his chemo/cancer treatment.

Georgia's death was the first time he lost. So I'm interested to see how the show writes him "losing" Sharpe and dealing with it. From what we've seen I can agree that he isn't in the position to be what Helen needs right now. But I'm hoping he's learning from his mistakes and we get to see a new version of Max as we are seeing a new version of Helen. It's the only way it works out.

#new amsterdam #max goodwin #helen sharpe #sharpwin #ask sextonsharpwinhalstead

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jalebi-weds-bluetooth · 3 years ago

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Hey JWB! Hope you are doing well! Did you ever had a thought that why Arnav didn't believed khushi after her revelation? Didn't he remembered khushi and her engagement with the man named "shyam"? Even Arnav's family forgot that khushi's engagement had happened with the guy named "Shyam" when shyam's truth was revealed post kidnapping track. Also it seemed that he trusts payal more than khushi both at times on broken marriage as well as shyam matter. What's your take on this? Thanks :)

Dearest Anon,

I'm doing well - thank you! How are you doing?

Oh I had lots of thoughts on why Arnav didn't believe Khushi after her revelation (I guess you are referring to her attempt at suicide).

Why Didn't Arnav Believe Khushi Post the Suicide?

Let's look at this from his psyche. Arnav is a man of facts, analytics, logic and practicality. When anyone is arguing with him with facts and logic by their side - he listens and often agrees with the other party. He gets to understand the other person's point of view - even if they are against his - as well.

For example; Arnav wasn't stunned to silence by Khushi's anger at the guesthouse. Her questions left him speechless.

"Don't I have a right to privacy? How can you not know about the guesthouse! You have always pointed out at my lack of class!"

Arnav was ashamed, and he only spoke to clarify her accusation that he meant no real harm. Apart from that he listened and was guilt ridden because Khushi spoke facts. Arnav knew much of his judgement was from prejudice which he never fact checked.

Likewise, when Khushi hands in her resignation, Arnav does not demand the one lakh in return simply because Khushi spoke one really solid fact.

"With each position comes a responsibility, and the minute you (Arnav) forgot your responsibility as an employer - this contract ceased to exist."

And that's true. A lot of what Arnav did can be classified under several lawsuits and Arnav knew he never gave Khushi a fair chance as an employee therefore extorting any money out of her - even if she is breaking the contract - is unethical because he never played on fair grounds.

However, when it comes to Khushi's revelation Arnav finds it difficult to believe what she is saying because:

1) Khushi claims she didn't tell the truth about Shyam to preserve Anjali's happiness. It's stupid. It does not make any practical sense. Anjali is NOT Khushi's sister, so at no point does Khushi struggle with the dilemma Arnav did.

If Khushi said she kept quiet for the sake of Payal and Akash's marriage - Arnav would've believed her cause (1) that is largely the truth (2) it is logical given Payal and Akash's wedding had enough problems on their own and Khushi would do anything for Payal - go against her judgement and keep such a hideous truth away.

2) Khushi blames Arnav and his way of thinking and tells him he is mistaken without saying why. Arnav hates being wrong. So one can't expect much success in being believed if your only point of argument is "hey, you're wrong, that's not the truth."

3) Everything Khushi says about Shyam can only be verified through Khushi or her family - people Khushi can easily compel to lie on her behalf. So whatever Khushi says has no way of being verified. Maybe Khushi could have spoken about the people in Laxminagar who can identify Shyam. Maybe there were some pictures. Maybe Khushi could've told about Shyam getting her a job at one of AR's warehouses. But Khushi is a human, she's not debating with Arnav at a competition, she is being emotional and is shocked on how he could think so little of her when she loved him so I'm not blaming her at all.

4) Yes, Arnav does recollect that Khushi's fiancé is Shyam. Which is why he is stunned for the first few minutes. But that does not prove that Khushi does not love Shyam or that this wasn't an affair. It proves nothing - it's a new information that fits regardless. And that applies to the family. When everyone learns about it they are more furious that the Gupta sisters didn't share this information to the Raizada's on time. They believe them, but they're also furious for a valid reason. To the family's credit no one believes Shyam's lies of Khushi getting obsessed and lost in love for him. No one.

I think more than the person what made Arnav trust everything Payal said is the way the truth came out before him.

She was not appealing to Arnav. In fact she didn't even care that he was present. She was denying a very favorable proposition and during that denial the truth of her marriage came out.

At no point does Payal even say 'trust me Akash, this is what happened'. She's more like 'you don't know anything about me, but your brother does'. And that has the impact of a thousand slaps.

It's as good as Khushi telling Arnav "I wonder how many times you've been right about me. Sheesh Mahal? Lucknow? Your office? Barsi? After Diwali?" Cause then Arnav would realise that he has never been right in assuming things about Khushi.

And when one is in heartbreak or is facing immense emotions towards someone, you are more inclined to believe the same truth when someone else - someone you have no connection with - tells you about it.

Also during his heartbreak Arnav would've believed anyone, anyone apart from himself and Khushi, to give him the perspective he's waiting for. That Khushi is innocent. Of course it is his flaw that this needs to be heard from somewhere else and I do like it that in his isolation during his kidnapping Arnav comes to a solemn realization that he chose to not see another perspective just to nurse his heartbreak, especially when the other perspective seems truer.

Now this whole ask might seem like I'm defending Arnav but that is not true. I wish, I so wish he showed more patience, questioned Shyam's version of events (like what are the chances he's telling truth while declaring love for Khushi) and tried to figure out things before jumping to conclusions. I wish he believed more, searched more and could push away his heartbreak in search of truth.

And neither am I faulting Khushi for not saying the exact things that would've made Arnav trust her, cause her heart was BREAKING and trust me, very few people say the things they should when confronting someone they trusted.

Lastly, I do feel the whole revelation was written rather poorly though. It wasn't a good enough scene and did not hold the weight it should've considering this was the big payoff people were waiting for months.

Hope you liked this and this answered your ask!

Much love,

- JWB

#ask #analysis #ipkknd analysis #arnav

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kalyan-gullapalli · 4 years ago

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Post # 150

Yagna - Superstition or Science?

Three years back, I had been to Varanasi to meet a business partner. After the day's work, I was back at Varanasi airport, and stepped into its small, compact smoking zone. As I lit my cigarette, a middle aged lady walked in, took out a cigarette from her handbag, lit it and smiled at me. She was a foreigner. We struck a conversation. She told me that she was a German and had come here to invite one of the pandits in Varanasi to visit her home town in Germany, to organise a Yagna for them. I looked at her incredulously. She told me calmly that there is a big market for Yagnas in Europe. I could not believe my ears. As she ground her half-finished cigarette and turned to leave, she smiled and said politely, "Indians have forgotten the science behind Yagnas." And she left.

She was wrong. I hadn't forgotten. I just didn't know that there was a science behind Yagnas.

The above illustration is one of the thousand or so that Devdutt Pattanaik has sketched in his fifty plus publications demystifying Hinduism, its mythology and its complex imagery. Over the past three years, I have heavily banked on him to understand this multi-faceted way of life, originally called Sanatana Dharma, now conveniently but inaccurately called Hinduism. What I share with you below is based on my understanding, however incomplete it may be.

The most commonly used translation of Yagna is Sacrifice. Devdutt Pattanaik says that Yagna was infact conceptualized, not as a mere sacrifice, but as an Exchange. As such, it consisted of two parts - A Sacrifice or an Offering, made in return for an Expectation.

The initiator of the Yagna was called a Yajamana. He initiated a Yagna because he had a material desire that he wanted to fulfill - a son to continue his lineage, or wealth for his treasury, or rains for his kingdom, or victory in a war, and so on and so forth.

In order to fulfill his desire, he was willing to make an offering (donations of cows, wealth etc), represented by Svaha - This of me, I offer to you.

The fulfiller of his desires was a Devata - an energy form, representing the material apiration of the Yajamana. More on this guy later. The Devata fulfilled the desire saying Tathastu - So be it!

So, a Yagna was a mechanism of invoking a Devata to fulfill a particular desire. It was a "give and recieve" mechanism, a practical, material process, as against the misunderstood "noble" concept of simply a sacrifice.

This process of invoking the Devata was highly technical, and required an expert who knew its technolgy. This expert was called a Rishi, who was a Brahmana (one who is in communion with the Brahman).

Ancient Indian Rishis were scientists, who knew the science and technology behind invoking different energy bodies (Devatas) representing different material desires.

Okay. But did Devatas exist? Are they these so-called energy bodies, or are they just figments of mythology? How do we get a grip on this idea?

To understand this, lets see what modern science has to say. I take modern science's reference, not because it is more advanced or more accurate, but simply because it is contemporary and so, we relate to it better. Lets see what its foremost scientist, Albert Einstein, had to say.

The crux of Einstein's entire life is a small formula, probably the most well-known formula in the world, E=mc2. Through it, Einstein states that:

Matter is nothing but condensed energy.

Different types of matter resonate with different energy levels.

Now, compare this with what the Sankhya Yoga, one of the six schools of Indian philosophy, expounded by Kapila Maharshi, says.

Consciousness (Purusha or Shiva) manifests as Energy (Prakriti or Shakti).

Energy manifests as various forms of matter - from the very subtle (Shoonya), to the subtle (Sukshma), to the gross forms of matter (Sthula).

So, Energy is condensed Consciousness. Matter is condensed Energy.

Through a set of processes, it into possible to change matter into energy, or energy into matter, or tap into higher or lower energy levels, and change the forms of matter.

So, it is possible to invoke an energy form that will bring rain to a land. Required frequencies have to be tapped. It is possible to invoke a male child in a barren womb. Those particular frequencies have to be tapped. This Yagna was called Putrakameshthi Yagna. It is possible to invoke wealth. A different frequency, and hence a corresponding energy form needs to be tapped. This energy form can be given a name (for example, Kubera) and can be considered a deity (worthy of worship), but in essence, I understand a Devata as an energy form, corresponding to the frequency of a material, physical aspect.

So, there can be a water god (Varuna), or a fire god (Agni) or a wind god (Vayu), or a tree god, or an elephant god (Ganesha) or a goddess for wealth (Lakshmi), or for knowledge (Saraswati), or for any of the 33 million gods and goddesses in the Hindu pantheon. They may just have been various energy forms corresponding to various frequencies on the material plane.

Next, how can one invoke these deities (Devatas or Devis)?

The set up of the Yagnashala itself is applied science, ie. highly advanced technology. Take for instance the Havan Kund, also called Yagna Vedi.

The Havan Kund works on a simple scientific principle that geometry (shape, direction, size, location) influences the flow of energy. This is the same principle on which Vaastu Shastra is based. So the shape of the Yagna Vedi varies with the type of energy to be invoked.

A funfact - the word pyramid means fire in the middle. It was an ancient geometrical tool to create a particular energy field within itself.

The second aspect of invoking the Devata is the use of Mantras. There is a beautiful book on this subject by Om Swami.

Basically, mantras are sounds. Sound is infact energy. If a particular sound is uttered, a vibration is created. This vibration has a particular frequency. So different syllables generate different frequencies.

A mantra is a combination of different syllables in a particular order, which when uttered aloud, repeatedly, creates a particular energy field. There are mantras for various material and spiritual aspirations - for health, for wealth, for relations, for mental peace, for spiritual growth, so on and so forth.

Another funfact - the most powerful mantra in the universe is a simple syllable - Om, also pronounced as AUM, a corruption of which is seen in every religion - Amen in Christianity, Amin in Islam etc.

Another aspect of the science of Yagna is the use of Fire - Agni.

Fire is one of the five primordial elements - Agni (fire), Vayu (air), Apah (water), Akash (space) and Prithvi (earth).

The discovery of Fire by man is a pivotal moment in his evolutionary journey, primarily because it marks man's evolution of consciousness. Reminds me of the movie - Jungle book, by Disney - where Mowgli is captured by a bunch a monkeys because the monkey king wants to know how man made fire.

More importantly, fire is energy - heat energy. It also signifies purity. It burns away impurities and leaves a pure residue.

I read somewhere that there are 1008 types of Yagnas in the Vedas.

I wonder why the only narrative of Yagna I heard as a kid growing up was that it involved animal sacrifice. I wonder why I have always considered Yagna to be a superstition. And I wonder how Germans heard another narrative and decided to import its technology from India.

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