#Actually I had an obsession with Dr. Carlisle

[miss-d-tiare]

OMFG HAPPY BDAY TWILIGHT!!!

These actually came later to my city and I can rightfully claim that I was practically of the first people to buy it and got my friends into it as well and we never expected it would become massive lol

So many good memories, awww

"How long have you been 17"

Since today, happy birthday Twilight!

[nequittezpaswrites]

I would love to know more about how you came about developing Diana as an OC. Was it plot first, then character development? Or did Diana help the plot develop?

I’m just so curious!— I often have a hard time getting into OC-centric fics because I sometimes can’t connect with the OC, but I find myself very intrigued by Diana. She’s the type of character I’d obsess over making moodboards and Pinterest boards for. 😂

This is a fun question! I hope you’ll forgive the lengthy response.

What came first was the talent, actually.

Inter Vivos began life as an Aro x OC fic, and I wanted to create a character with a talent which would draw him in, in particular. The idea of a talent for influencing people sprang to mind immediately. Originally, I thought about making Diana a vampire to begin with--but the problem is that any vampire with sense who had that kind of talent would probably do their best to stay well away from the Volturi.

So, the OC had to start out human. She also had to be in a position where she would be noticed by Aro and the Volturi, without being eaten. So she had to stumble on the secret, but there had to be a compelling reason why she couldn’t just be killed or turned right away.

With these constraints, investigating a loved one’s mysterious death in Volterra came to mind immediately as the opening for the story, and it demanded a certain sort of character: someone suspicious enough to worry immediately; someone proactive and clever enough to track her loved one down; someone brave enough to walk into almost certain danger in order to save her loved one; and someone cunning enough to put together fail-safes that would, if not guarantee her safety, at least guarantee serious repercussions if anything were to happen to her.

Diana’s character unfurled from there. The story was initially going to be pretty straightforward--Diana striking the bargain for time, then doing her best to hate Aro as she slowly gets to know him, failing, and ultimately romance ensues. The hybrid pregnancy plot did not exist at all.

Diana’s character shaped the plot very significantly from there. For one thing, she’s a little too similar to Aro to make for good romance, at least in my opinion. They’re both cunning and curious and share a lot of the same values. That made it hard to come up with good conflict beyond “you ate my sister.”

(Aro, for his part, is inherently difficult to write a romance with, because when you’ve seen every thought everyone’s ever had immediately upon meeting them, it’s easy to make judgments about who you like and who you don’t like. I don’t subscribe to love at first sight, but for Aro it does seem likely that he would experience love at first touch. And while I could have written a story where Aro fell in love immediately and had to slowly woo an extremely reluctant Diana, that isn’t the sort of romance I’m interested in writing. Also, CarnivorousMuffin and Vinelle’s meta and fics have convinced me that Aro is mostly gay for Carlisle, and I’m now incapable of shipping him with anyone else.)

With the pairing that inspired the story originally in tatters, I scrambled for candidates to salvage this as a romance. Writing the Volturi is difficult because, aside from Aro, the rest of them have very, very few lines.

I narrowed down the candidates to Marcus and Demetri. Once the hybrid pregnancy plot was involved (which was a natural extension of the political situation), Demetri was out. We get very little from him in canon, but he does come across as very polite and dutiful, and thus not inclined to hit on a woman who is basically royalty and thus above his station. That left Marcus, who already had an edge because while he only says like two sentences in canon, he has a solid backstory from which his character can be extrapolated. And that extrapolated character is different enough from Diana for me to work with.

TL;DR: The kernel of a plot gave me Diana’s character, which then imploded the planned plot and forced me to rewrite the whole thing.

[therealvinelle]

Answering the ask about Carlisle killing humans: take two

In this post, @effervescent-influenza​ asked me what it would take for Carlisle to intentionally kill a human. Sadly for effervescent-influenza, the thought of Carlisle killing people was apparently so inconceivable to my brain that it said “Error. Did you mean: accidentally kills a human?” and so I wrote them a post about Carlisle losing patients as part of his work as a doctor instead. [Insert the meme about Michael asking for a file but getting a cactus from The Good Place here.]

Anyway, here’s me trying to give effervescent-influenza an actual answer and not just another cactus.

What could motivate Carlisle to kill a human?

He was willing to kill newborns in Eclipse. This was in self-defense and to defend others, and he had no other means to stop them. These were unique conditions that had not arisen before in his near four-hundred-years long life.

He’ll never need to defend himself from humans. If he needs to keep a human from hurting other humans, then he will have an array of options, as it is we see him do this in canon with Bella’s would-be rapists. They’re drugged and taken to a police station, where the police have outstanding arrest warrents on them. (Question I’ll return to below: What would he have done if those would-be rapists weren’t known to the police? If they would go back to raping and murdering as soon as they woke up?)

Beyond that, looking for other motives...

Carlisle isn’t going to kill a human for his own benefit, as there would be none. He’s not willing to kill them for their blood, he would not benefit materially, and there’s nothing humans could do to him to provoke him. A patient could become obsessed with him and become his Misery-style terrifying stalker, or a capricious colleague could set out to make him miserable at work, and he’d probably fail but if he didn’t, if a human succeeded in being such a nuisance that it bothered Carlisle, then Carlisle can just move. Always, if a human becomes a problem for him, he can just pack up his things and move. He has a low threshold for doing this.

Carlisle’s not going to kill any humans for his own sake.

But, we do in canon see that he allowed Rosalie to kill her rapists and that he took it for granted that something had to be done about Bella’s would-be rapists.

To take Rosalie and her rapists first, Edward (who is not the best source, but I’ll write a separate post on that. Basically, read the below closely - notice how he inserts himself into this.) explains how it went down:

“In the first year of Rosalie’s second life, before she had disappeared on her several missions of revenge, her thoughts had given her away clearly and thoroughly. I knew what she was planning, and I’d informed Carlisle. The first time, he counseled her gently, urging her to let go of her past life, certain that if she did she would forget, and then her pain could lessen. Revenge could not bring back anything she had lost. But when his guidance met only the implacability of her fury, he gave her advice on how best to be discreet about her forays. Neither of us could argue that she didn’t deserve vengeance. And we both couldn’t help but believe that the world would be a better place without the rapists and murderers who had ended her life.” (Midnight Sun, chapter 18)

For the record, I disagree with the notion that Carlisle would wish Charles Evenson (Esme’s abusive first husband) harm, or harbor revenge fantasies, and this is why. Killing Charles wouldn’t take away Esme’s trauma, it wouldn’t undo any of what happened to her, and it wouldn’t help her heal. It would be for Carlisle’s own benefit, for him to feel better, at the cost of a human life.

More, this would make Carlisle judge and jury of which humans get to live or die. In his life as a doctor, Carlisle has seen countless of cruel men who abused their families. Most of them still have their wives and children living with them, with no rescue in sight. If Carlisle were to kill Evenson, what justification does he have not to kill other abusers?

We know, through Carlisle’s condemnation of Edward’s actions when he ran away to eat rapists, and again when he’s delighted Edward didn’t eat rapists in 2005, that Carlisle doesn’t think humans lose their right to live - or perhaps, to rephrase in light of Rosalie’s situation - killing isn’t worth what it does to you, the killer.

When Rosalie wanted revenge, Carlisle urged her to move past it, to heal without making herself a murderer. That had nothing to do with Royce, or whether Carlisle thought he deserved to die or not, and everything to do with Rosalie. She had a very long life ahead of herself, and Carlisle did not want her to start it off with murder.

Of course, Rosalie refused to move past it, she had to have her revenge to move past this, and so Carlisle agreed. I imagine his consent came because of several factors:

This wasn’t a vampire killing humans, as Carlisle killing Charles would be, or Edward killing rapists for that matter. This was personal: this was a rape victim killing her rapists. Had Rosalie survived and been given a gun, she likely would have done the same thing.

Had Royce and his friends been convicted of the rape and murder of Rosalie Hale, they would have received the capital sentence. Unfortunately there was no body, so no one would know what happened to Rosalie and no charges could be pressed against anybody. Even if they could, and suspected who did it, Royce King II was a rich white man at the top of the social ladder in the 1930′s. He was untouchable. He did what he did to Rosalie because he knew he’d get away with it. Rosalie killing him and the other four rapists was what the legal system would have seen to in an ideal world.

Royce King II would likely have done what he did to Rosalie again, to other women.

Rosalie deserved justice after what was done to her.

Royce King II was a perfect storm of conditions for Carlisle to approve of a killing, and even then he would rather have Rosalie not do it. Rosalie and Edward found out how far Carlisle would go, and that turned out to be not very far at all.

And yet, when Bella was accosted in Port Angeles, there was no question to Carlisle as to whether he should do something or not.

I think, and this is me headcanoning, that when Carlisle has found himself facing the Royces of this world, people who are only going to hurt others, and there has been no legal recourse, his preferred course of action has been nothing, or as little as possible. Action means making himself judge and jury of mankind, and that’s not what he’s for. He walks with humans to help them, not to act as some vigilante above us all . He doesn’t have that right.

In extreme cases, though...

There will always be extreme cases. Serial rapists, child molestors, the worst of the worst. And they’ll be hard to catch for humans, especially in times preceding modern forensics. Carlisle, with his nose and hearing, has likely known the identities of culprits and of undiscovered crimes he knew he could never bring to the police. “Yes, your honor, I smelled him all over the crime scene. He’s guilty!”

I honestly think, in the most desperate situations where to do nothing would be to condemn the innocent to suffer monstrously, Carlisle has gotten creative. This could mean anything, could mean bundling up the offending human and putting them on a boat headed to Australia, could mean gathering up his surgical equipment in the dead of night and making a eunich.

Doesn’t mean murder, though. He made that quite clear with Rosalie and Royce. No matter the evil of the human offender, becoming a murderer would only make it a greater tragedy.

TL;DR: “Cool motive, still murder” - Carlisle Cullen.

[spanishinfluenza]

💖💜💚CONGRATULATIONS ON ANOTHER HUNDRED fans, YOU ABSOLUTE BEAUTYYY 💖💚💙

Now, to celebrate, if you had to rewrite all the twilight novels, in short, what would take place?

This is a hefty ask so feel free to cut it down as much as preferable.

(I.e. New Moon; Bella gets rebound. Volturi sub subsumes Edward. Carlisle cries. Then goes on a find himself venture where he ends up livin’ his best life 😎)

this has been sitting in my inbox for a real minute. i can only apologise but wow what a good and also colossal question. i can only thank you

I'm not usually one to shy away from long ass text posts and i love giving needless detail which is why if i were to answer this as thoroughly as i want to, I'd likely never finish. this would get so fuckin long. Why? bc bro i'd change just about everything. Twilight is full of so many fantastic ideas but they're all executed terribly and with vehement racism. i love twilight i just hate all the canon content. i literally just wanna change all the plot but that makes me think about so many possible au scenarios that i'd love to explore and they'd all require their own posts to do so, so for the dash's sake im jus gonna go through the saga book by book

Twilight

Bella moves to Forks from Arizona to live with her dad that she hasn't spent much time with in a while. Things are awkward and not just because they're not so familiar with each other but because they're both awkward people and I love that. Over time, being better understood and taken care of by Charlie, she comes to realise that her mom was actually super shitty, even if she didnt exactly mean to be. She starts to realise she has a good amount of childhood to mourn. But I think Charlie could do more in terms of fathering - I think he should be a better cook (he has taken care of himself for several years like he says) because Bella taking up the cooking for this parent too doesn't sit as right with me - especially because it informs nothing else about the plot. Let Bella be a child again.

This brings me to my next point about the human crew: Bella being a child means that Bella should get friends. And she should CHERISH that. She's so quick to ditch the humans when she finds some supernatural emo to hang out with and it sucks. Jessica, Angela and Bella becoming a powerful and tight af little trio would have been fantastic. I think Bella could then do wayy better at bridging the gap between the Cullens and the humans.

I think Bella needs to not fawn over Edward so much. Not saying she shouldn't be quite as obsessed as him as she is - she's 17, let her live - I just think that her obsession should come from the fact that this guy is creepy af and super morbid. I think she should obsess over him the way I obsess over true crime stories - morbid fascination and curiosity. I mean the guy is weird af, it'd be great if Bella called him out thoroughly on all his whackass behaviour. I also think it would serve to give us a lot more funny scenes. That post where she slides a copy of dracula across the table and he slides it back signed? Yes. What i'm saying is, fans know that this typa friendship would evolve into a wayyyy more compelling romance than simply brood, brood, sparkle, endanger, save, brood.

More of the above but Bella inviting the Cullens over to the lunch table (or maybe just Ed and Alice as they're in the same year) would be fantastic. And instead of that whole "the Cullens are so hot so no one talks to them", let it be "the Cullens are so weird??? like dr sexy and mommy milf are bomb but the kids do not know how to act" because that would make for some more really great interactions. Mostly tho, Edward needs to interact w more people. He hears peoples thoughts and yet learns nothing about them because he's so sure he interprets other's thoughts in The Correct Way. I feel like actually chatting to Mike and Ben and Jess would give him some necessary humbling. Also,, Mike and Edward ending up as friends?? Alice and Jess?? would get on no?

Everything else can proceed as is but let the older Cullens rag on Ed a bit more. Bella has hugely rose-tinted glasses on when it comes to him like "omg he can play piano too? what a perfect specimen" and it'd be great to hear from characters that know him better to balance that out and correct the unreliable narrator. I also think this'd give us a better chance to explore the specific dynamics in this very complex type of family. The idea that Esme and Carlisle are seen as everyone's parents when theyre like a few years older than everyone else is just so unrealistic. It'd be wayy more interesting to see the precise types of relationships that occur within the family.

This brings me to my next point quite neatly: the whole parent situation. I don't believe the two twenty somethings can or would be convincing parents, to the kids or to strangers. Just because sm*yer thinks 30 yr olds are old and dicrepit, doesnt mean the rest of us do. So i'd personally make Vommy and Vaddy in their late 40s, early 50s for the sheer pilfacity of it all. That's not to say I hate their ages as they are - there's certainly a beautiful and heartbreaking tragedy to their incredibly painful and short human lives. So if you wanna keep them young, thas cool but then their dynamics w the kids need to change. Either way they're both still hot as balls. I think Esme should have a very motherly role to Emmett and Edward and a sort of guardian relationship with Jalice. She's incredibly close with Rose but more as a wise older sister or fun aunt. Their stories are strikingly similar in regards to their experiences of men, and yet they deal with it in incredibly different ways - let them be besties, let them learn from each other and find comfort in each other the way that sisters often do. Conversely, I'd give Carlisle a very paternal relationship with Rose and Edward and takes charge of Jalice in a similar way to Esme (coven-leader style). Emmett on the other hand makes him feel young and boyish and Carlisle views him like a charming and dear son-in-law. AND I'D MAKE THEM ALL INTERACT A HELL OF A LOT MORE.

I'm talking Esme giving chores, Carlisle telling Edward to "listen to you're mother", the two of them being cute and adorable and the kids all groding out bc Bella should get to see what real love is.

When Bella does find out that they're all vampires, she needs to be violently curious. Talk about the logistics of periods sm*yer so help me god. I want her to have heaps of questions for them. Constant, just all the time. She wants to see Emmett down a redbull just to know how that would affect a vampire, she finds things for Edward to very boredly snap in half with his little finger, she compiles a list of questions for Carlisle everytime Edward takes her over to his house. Am I projecting now? Too bad idc.

I didn't really have an issue w the whole James thing and I'm actually glad it was more Edward's behaviour that caused the whole beef bc I like when he's in the wrong lol? But when Renee shows up at the end, let Bella's internal monologue note the fact that Renee hardly cares at all what is going on. I think Bella needs to have that interaction w her old life in Arizona to truly reaffirm at the end of the story that she belongs in Forks. Not with the Cullens or Edward, but in Forks w her weird interspecies friendship group, her awkward and caring dad and her just-about-flowering love interest.

Baseball scene was great though I wouldnt have had Esme just trauma dump on the poor teen out of nowhere. Maybe something plot related could happen that reveals some of her story? Just an idea smeyer. Say the presence of the other vampires makes her uncharacteristically nervous. Say the growling between James and Edward freaks her out bc its a sure sign that violence is about to ensue. You get what i'm saying

Also I'd make Emmett canonically Black, Alice canonically Asian-American (if anyone has any specific thoughts on this pls hit me up) and Esme canonically Ashkenazi Jewish. It'd take a single sentence for each and it would rock my socks.

New Moon

I'm gonna start this one by saying that I actually liked New Moon which is weird considering I live and die for carlesme content. But in regards to Bella's story, I think it was interesting to have the Cullens fuck off for a bit. But then, if Twilight had have panned out with a more convincing and healthy romance, I dont think that seperation would have been necessary.

Either way, I know immediately, I'd want more of that classic Bella and the Cullen kids at school scenario. All of that juicy content is barely washed over in the start of new moon and it sucks bc the Cullens at school is such a hilarious concept to me. So maybe we wouldn't start w Bella's birthday but we'd get more of her Junior year, and more of the budding romance - I'm talking that real lame high school shit. Passing notes in class, gossiping in the hallways, going round to his house after school to 'study'.

So anyway, her birthday rolls around and Jasper nuts over a singular drop of blood - give me a deeper description of Esme trying to control herself bc she is known to have little control and the idea of cuddly caring mommy trying not to go feral and eat you is deliciously terrifying - and Edward loses the plot and leaves. But he DOESNT do the whole Gatekeep Girlboss Gaslight routine where he just completely erases himself from her life. He tells her the real reason they have to leave - she's not safe - and she is mad and does not accept it but at least he was honest.

Then she gets hella depressy as per the book, only this time Charlie properly steps in BECAUSE WHO IS BETTER ON THE SUBJECT OF SUDDEN BREAK UP THAN THAT POOR BASTARD? He ends up taking her to the Blacks where she revives another part of the childhood that needed mourning - her friendship with Jacob.

I love Jacob in NM and I do not hate his crush on Bella. But he is like two years younger than Bella. That's not a big deal if they're in their twenties but there is a big developmental difference between an 18 year old and a 16 year old. She should, by no means, fancy him back. And I never really got the vibe that she did in the book. In fact I loved his sweet pining because his friendship with her came first. She needed a friend and he was willing to step up to the plate. And Bella considering a life with him? That rubs me the wrong way because not only is he quite a bit younger but she also be going through it. Give the girl some time before you give her another love interest, smeyer.

So then Jacob turns (none of the wolves cut their hair for this in my rewrite, fuck off) and there's not really all that much I would change with the rest of the book, in terms of plot. Though the tension between Jacob and Edward coming back should be nothing to do with his crush, just to be clear. It should be to do with upsetting Bella and, ultimately, endangering her, Jacob's entire family, and the entire town of Forks with his very presence.

The end of NM kinda fucked me off a little. First, Harry Clearwater's death was completely washed over. I'd love him to have survived but even if he didn't, wayyyy more of the book should have centrered around that loss. This time, Bella is the one to try to heal and help others. She is not the victim and that is freeing for her. Not to mention, Jacob, Leah, Seth, Billy, ffs even Charlie, would have all needed support. Bella should have been there. That's her family.

Secondly, the entire ending was just Bella being like "I cannot sleep for a moment because this is a dream that he's back I love him so much." No. Bella, you found yourself in an Edwardless Forks. You found your childhood friends, you connected with your dad on a profound and vulnerable level, you had to reconcile your perception of the world with the presence of MORE supernaturals in ways that went far beyond your crush on Ned. Bella moved beyond the need for Edward and she should have made him well aware of this. She should have shown him that she now runs with humans and werewolves and she has friends and family and Harry's death is just another painful reminder that there is more going on in her life now than just the crush she had in junior year. Edward should simply be another addition in her whackass life, not the whole of it. Edward being humbled by this new badass, scorned Bella? That's a compelling romance. Bella making the distinction between needing and wanting him is a compelling romance.

Also recentering Bella's story away from her romance with Edward would give us more room for very necessary world-building. We got the tiniest smidge of vamp history and culture w the Volturi in NM and then nothing else for basically the rest of the saga and I reckon thats because Bedward pining took up too much time. So now with Edward in the background a little more, we get necessary interactions between Bella and the other Cullens, and their experiences of vampirism. Even just passing comments on coven politics or vampire mannerisms (Esme purring) or vampire history or maybe other supernatural creatures?? there's gotta be more than just shape shifters and vampires?? or even just tidbits from their experience of history - would have been so immersive smh

Eclipse:

Okay so now im changing a lot of shit.

First off, Jacob remains Jacob. He is young, world on his shoulders, going through a lot. But an assaulter? Hell no. Jacob loves Bella and is slowly limping over his crush on her.

Newborns army is wreaking havoc in Seattle only this time, when Jasper mentions he was a confederate soldier, Bella loses her goddamn mind as she fucking should have. Or better yet, Jasper could just?? not be a confederate soldier?

If Alice so much as tries her racist shit with the Quileutes, Bella can equally chew her out. This is Bella's story dammit and the Cullens are on thin ice as it is for what they did to her in NM. Now she's a bad bitch and now she has a real spine and doesnt tolerate crap.

The wolves and the vamps have to reluctantly work together to defeat this army and this time IT DOESNT ALL GO THROUGH BELLA. Rosalie and Jacob get along on account of them both being into mechanical engineering and both thinking Edward is a toolbag. Equally, Seth and Esme are both little bottles of sunshine and I need at least a passing comment about them chatting in the field together. Also Leah and Emmett? I feel should have had a chance to get along with each other. She was fucking going through it man, she needed wayyyyy more screen time. Her story was heart wrenching.

The battle ensues and Edward does not follow Bella and Jacob to the cliff top. This does give Jacob and Bella a chance to talk, to air out the romantic feelings and where they're at. In truth, I think Jacob has too much going on in his life now. He's mourning so much of his childhood, as well as Seth's now, that romance would feel like another loss at this stage. That conversation needed to happen. And then hooray! Victoria doesnt follow them to the cliff and Edward can get his heroic murder of her afterall. I would like to have seen the battle though, so I think Jacob being called back to frontline for whatever reason (and having to bring Bella with him ofc) would be sweet. Then we can have Bella confront the true violence of vampirism.

Also aftermath. We need Bella to understand the aftermath of that battle. For example, Esme struggling to cope with the violence she's just witnessed and exercised, Alice being injured, Carlisle performing vampire surgery to leech stranger's venom from his children's wounds. They should have been more affected by this battle imo.

Breaking Dawn:

never happens

at the end of Eclipse the Volturi show up and realise just how insanely powerful the Cullens are, especially with their ubelievably strong new allies that are designed to kill vampires. They report back to Aro who's obviously going to want to mount an attack against them all. Then we get sexy Carlisle bringing in his sexy vampire friends (for more world building!). At this point I think it'd be cool if we include more species. Siobhan has half-fairy friends? Benjamin tells stories of real serpopods? Nice.

The night before the battle Alice has her vision. She shows Aro on the day of the chaos. Very few survive the battle if it goes ahead. Bella does, but only once she is turned. Carlisle, famously, does not. Neither does Aro, but this time it's Esme that slaughters him, full Molly Weasely style.

Aro changes his mind, with a very wary glance to sweet, unassuming, unaware little Esme and they head home to Italy to not think about bothering the Cullens or their many friends.

Then the Cullens make the decision to move away from Forks. Their presence has posed too much danger to the human residents, not to mention the absolute havoc they've wreaked for the Quileutes. They move on, Billy makes Carlisle promise to never come back. Carlisle keeps it. So Bella is left with a decision to make. Follow the vampires? Stay with her human friends and family? i dont have a conclusion worked out for that, sorry

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

Thoughts on the ship Rosalie/Bella?

While it’s a nice thought, sadly, I don’t think either Rosalie or Bella are what the other would ever seek in a partner.

Indeed, I think the other would be too close of a reminder to what they see in the worst of themselves. So, even in better circumstances, I don’t think they’d choose each other.

Let’s break that down.

What is Rosalie Looking For?

Rosalie’s past is one filled with brutal trauma, betrayal, and heartbreak. She has been violated by men in the worst of ways, betrayed by the man she thought would be her husband, and then has the surreal experience of being turned into something that, while alive, is not human.

She romanticizes the human life she could have had, clinging to it, never acknowledging that circumstances were such that she never would have had it.

Rosalie never was going to get that simple future of being a humble, good, simple man’s wife with beautiful children and a comfortable life. She was raised in society, uncommonly beautiful and charming, and was set to marry the wealthiest man she could. It might not have been Royce, she could have married a good man, but she would have married into this wealthy world and not ended up with someone like Emmett.

I think this is very telling.

For very understandable reasons, Rosalie has never confronted nor truly gotten over her trauma. Oh, she murdered her rapists and murderers, and put their deaths behind her, she married Emmett and has a (fairly) good relationship with him, but she hasn’t taken her full final steps to recovery.

I think this in part shows in her ending up with a guy like Emmett.

Emmett’s not bad, don’t get me wrong, but it’s very telling in what he loves of Rosalie and that Rosalie loves him for it.

He worships her beauty above all other things and is described as a very simple but pleasant and laidback guy. I think Rosalie is at the point where she wants to be worshipped, especially for the quality that was most valued in her human life, her beauty.

She wants to be with someone safe, someone who loves her, and that someone is definitely Emmett.

I think in the short run this works out very well for the pair of them and perhaps even in the long run. I think both could have chosen a better partner.

Rosalie is complicated, she’s not the shallow vain bitch Edward complains she is nor is she what Emmett seems to see her as. Emmett doesn’t really get his wife, or defend her all that much, he’s in love with her beautiful cheerleader persona. Rosalie, similarly, is in love with this man whose greatest attribute is his love of her. I’m sure there are moments she finds Emmett rather boorish and slow on the uptake.

What Do I Think Rosalie Needs?

To be honest, of all the characters where I raise my eyebrow at Meyer putting them with someone of the opposite gender, Rosalie’s one of the ones where they raise the highest.

Even Carlisle, when Rosalie drags in this man’s bleeding carcass, goes, “Oh, is this your cousin?” And has a “Him?!” moment when Rosalie explains this is her new husband.

I always would have expected, especially after her experiences, for Rosalie to be with a woman. That said, I do think her society’s prejudices and expectations would be a huge barrier for her and she’d have to do a lot of character growth before this would ever be possible. And I mean a lot of character growth, as in, Rosalie hasn’t reached this point even post Twilight saga.

Right, regardless of gender, I think Rosalie needs a partner who a) understands her b) does not value her looks c) accepts the good and the bad parts of her.

Like all of us, Rosalie is flawed. She’s a very impressive, down right intimidating, woman who has an iron clad will and gets what she wants. She has a deep love for her family and a great capacity for compassion. However, there are times when she’s the sixteen-year-old girl who has very much not escaped her society’s mindset. She fully advocates Bella Swan’s murder so the family won’t have to move, not realizing until Carlisle points it out that this is a heinous thing to do. Rosalie says vicious, racist, things to Jake likely never realizing exactly what it is she’s saying. She’s stubborn, proud, and as Edward put it a bit pig-headed.

Emmett tends to just go “Yeah, she’s a bitch, but she’s my bitch”. Which... great, thanks Emmett, that’s very helpful.

Bella Swan is Not That Person

Bella per the start of the series is a seventeen-year-old girl with cripplingly low self-esteem, huge parental issues, and a dangerous inclination towards depression.

Bella shows serious interest in women sexually (her relationship with Alice has some serious homoerotic undertones) but she’s also very intimidated by them. Rosalie, especially, makes Bella evaluate and feel worse about herself as she knows she will never be as beautiful as this teenage blonde goddess.

In other words, this Bella is not in a position to be the kind of person Rosalie needs. She’s too caught up in figuring out who she herself is, cares very much about Rosalie’s appearance and using it to compare against her own, and isn’t stable enough to be what Rosalie needs.

And by the end of canon... Well... Bella’s left the planet and will soon join Esme in being a hauntingly strange person entirely divorced from reality.

What if we’re in a slightly AU world?

Well, we’re banking on a lot of character development for Bella that I don’t believe can happen with Edward around. Either Bella shows interest in Edward or, well, he eats her. (No, seriously, this is canon, both Alice and Edward confirm as much.) 

And if the family packs up and leaves during New Moon and never comes back... Well, of all the people Bella might end up with after that, I think Rosalie might just be the least likely (not to mention Rosalie would not be down for hanging around Edward’s stupid human girlfriend).

What is Bella Looking For?

Bella’s looking for validation of her very self. She wants to be loved, more than that, she wants to be worth something.

Bella has such a low opinion of herself that, at this point in her life, she needs this feeling to come from elsewhere. She finds this in both Edward and Jacob.

And it doesn’t matter how scary they are (and both are, indeed, very scary towards her), it doesn’t matter what it is they value, just that they both seem to want her even though she’s a foolish, clumsy, pale, ugly, human, nobody, loser. 

That’s all Bella wants.

Edward’s a perfect storm in that he’s inhumanly perfect, beautiful beyond all comprehension, and completely obsessed with her. In Edward’s eyes, Bella is not just perfect, she’s fascinating.

And then, of course, she’s not and it utterly destroys her. 

Basically, Bella’s is a very sad life.

What Does Bella Need?

Bella needs time to grow up and find out who she is and how to value that.

Bella is your very typical teenage girl. She’s precocious, has a lot of issues growing up with her mom, but she has a lot of issues many teenage girls do have.

I think, before Bella can find a truly good partner, she needs to learn how to value herself.

This will be painful and take a lot of time. In New Moon, I think Jake actually sets her back as she uses him to find value in herself for her (essentially replacing Edward).

Only after Bella discovers who she is, reaffirms why she is important and worthy of love, can she find someone.

What does that person look like?

Well, it sure as fuck isn’t Vampire Patrick Bateman, otherwise known as Edward Cullen. Nor is it Jake Black who sexually assaults her, tells her to kiss him or he’ll kill himself, then tells her that her dying is pointless as it means he and Edward fought over nothing. 

It also isn’t Alice, who treats Bella a lot like she would a life-sized Barbie Doll rather than a friend and a human being.

I’m not sure who it is, to be honest.

Someone who recognizes who Bella is, certainly, the good and the bad. Someone who is able to... reconcile her with the world she truly lives in. Maybe, circumstances changing around a bit, it’s Carlisle Cullen? (Though that would certainly be a dumpster fire of divorce and despair with Edward and Esme) Maybe it’s Jasper (also a dumpster fire of divorce and despair with Edward and Alice)? 

I really have no idea here. Unlike Rosalie, I can’t even tell you what this person would need to be like.

What I do know is...

Rosalie is Not That Person

Just as Bella views Rosalie as a threat, as something to measure herself against and feel unworthy of in every way, Rosalie does the same.

Bella is a pretty human woman who captures Edward’s attention in a way she never can. Rosalie, at the time we start canon, for all her accomplishments and all she’s done is still insecure enough that she needs to be the prettiest woman in the room. 

Just as Bella’s not secure enough to be what Rosalie needs, Rosalie is not secure enough to be what Bella needs.

Rosalie also doesn’t see Bella for what she is. Rosalie sees, at first, a normal boring human teenager and dismisses her. She falls into the typical Cullen trap (for all but Carlisle) that they forget humans are people too. Later, Bella discounts Rosalie’s very earnest advice and Rosalie never forgives her for it. This is understandable, Rosalie lays her soul bare, but she forgets Bella’s a teenage girl and more can’t see what Bella herself is battling with.

Bella thinks being human is worthless because Bella thinks being Bella is worthless. Children and a human future mean nothing to her.

It would take a lot, A LOT, of character development for Rosalie to be someone that Bella needs in this situation and even then... Well, they’d have to deal with the horrifying shit show that is Edward. Because if Edward/Bella isn’t happening...

It’s lunch time.

TL;DR

I’d say pin your hopes on Alice/Bella, except that one’s not happening either for all that they do have their very homoerotic friendship.

[exquisitley-obsessed]

The Dinosaur and the Vampire Part Two (carlisle cullen x reader)

Request: hi can you do a one shot for Twilight where the reader is best friends with Bella and is there at the car crash in the first movie, they go to hospital and that’s where the reader meets Carlisle, really fluffy, thanks

Word Count: Long

Pairings: Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Warnings: nothing

A/N: This is part two of this request because it was so highly requested!! Thank you so much for the love and support!! I’m back re-reading the twilight series so if you have any requests just send them my way<3

MASTLERLIST

“I’ll see if we can sort this thing out.”

It was the last thing he had said to her with a small and yet reassuring smile before he turned and walked through those pale doors and apparently, y/n’s life. She hadn’t seen Dr Cullen since the day of the accident. Hell, she had barely seen his adopted children. Spring was warming into summer, the sun glittering down through the immense greenery and the Cullens were never around when it was sunny. 

Bella and Edward were getting closer with every passing day. He had taken over their morning ride together, stopping by in his silver Volvo to pick Bella up, every so often flashing a smile at y/n as she climbed into her own less flashy car. Edward was kind enough to leave Bella to y/n after school, considering they both finished with gym. It was precious time for the pair as they recounted their day and filled each other in on gossip, none of it proving to be that interesting. Well, apart from the budding romance between Bella and Edward.

Despite y/n’s secret complaints every time Bella disappeared from a study session or cancelled a trip to Port Angeles, she knew her prejudice came from no genuine malice toward Edward. After all, he was lovely. Since the day of the accident his attitude towards y/n had done a 180, before he had never so much as spared her a glance and now he smiled at her in the corridor, even sat next to her in English, the only class they shared together. He made little conversation, most of it was inquiring after Bella but it was nice to have made a new friend.

It just seemed unfair. They way he had spoken in the hospital made it seem as if something would happen, perhaps an apology gift or an invitation to their mansion up in the woods. Something. Edward’s cordial behaviour was pleasant but in no way satisfactory. Y/n wished in every spare moment to see the doctor again, and when she wasn’t wishing to see him she was imagining what it would be like to see him. Maybe he’d pick the Cullen’s up after school or maybe there would be some big event in town which everyone went to. It was a silly thought since the Cullens were rarely grouped with ‘everyone’. So her mind of drifted to the idea of herself being injured, dragged into hospital only to have his face, angelic and flushed in light hovering above her.

“Stupid.” She muttered under her breath, dismissing the thought instantly. Bella threw her a glance, “Forgot to carry the one.” Y/n lied as she smiled and looked back down at her barely touched maths homework. All this pining and obsessive thinking made her feel so little and insignificant. She felt like a student with a crush on their teacher, and in many ways she was. Every time his name or ivory face rolled into her mind a small voice in her head protested.

She hated that voice. It was the one that reminded her she was only a junior in high school. The one that mocked her, told her that he was an adult with a job, a medical job that must have demanded a couple of years of study pushing him into his late twenties. What doctor has time for a high school student with a crush. A crush that was so overt she couldn’t even talk to Bella about it. Bella who had quickly grown into becoming her best friend, Bella who was dating Carlisle’s adopted son, Bella who was currently packing her things into her bag with haste.

“Where are you going?” Y/n hated the small whine in her voice and tried to play it off with a smile. She wanted to be happy for Bella and Edward and deep down she was, they were just a reminder that she was getting nowhere with her own crush and, most likely, never would.

“I’m running up to Edward’s to pick up his Bio questions. I forgot about them and he offered to help.” She smiled, oblivious to y/n’s anguish.

They were camped out in Bella’s room, a strange sounding CD playing in the background as they finished off their schoolwork. It had become a bit of a ritual to spend time with each other doing insignificant things. Bella was nice like that, never desperate to go anywhere or really do anything, happy to stay inside. Plus Charlie liked having y/n in the house, he was always asking her questions about her parents, grateful Bella was able to make such a good friend so soon.

“M’kay.” Y/n followed in suit, shoving her unfinished problems into her bag. This was her cue to leave. “How is Edward by the way?”

���He’s...fine?” Bella smiled wryly through her lashes, “Why are you asking?”

“Oh, it’s just, you always fill me in on your gossip but never actually tell me how he is.” Y/n smiled back as they both padded down the stairs.

“He’s fine. I think. His family’s a bit nervous about us actually.”

“Oh.” Y/n tried to make her voice sound as inconspicuous as possible, hiding her feral craving for more information on the Cullens.

“Well...it’s mostly just Rosaline, you know the blonde one.”

“The gorgeous one.”

“They’re all gorgeous.” Bella sighed.

“You got that right.” Y/n muttered under her breath. Pale hair melting into pale skin - the human equivalent of snow.

“Anyways,” Bella sighed not hearing her, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yup!” Y/n called over her shoulder as she hopped the fence between their two houses, pulling the keys out of her pocket.

A loud engine revved distantly followed by the squealing of car tires as a silver blur flashed down the street before halting in front of them. Edward. He was out of the car quickly, a broad grin stretched across his cheeks. He was smiling at Bella, of course. Y/n was happy for them, smiling to herself as she pushed her keys into the door.

“Hey y/n!” His voice was both silken and broad.

“Hey!” Y/n spun around shooting him a grin, “How are you, I haven’t seen you for a while.” It was nice now that she was able to actually carry a conversation with him, that they weren’t just strangers.

“Yeah weather’s been nice, Carlisle took us up this trail in the mountains. It was beautiful.” Edward said his name so casually and yet the word stunned her for a minute. It had been so long since she had actually heard it said aloud.

“Oh,” She murmured, her breath somewhat stuck in her throat. His eyes were careful, assessing her despite his broad welcoming smile. “Well you owe me,” Y/n relaxed back into the conversation, “I’ve been taking over Bella runs to school.” His laugh was loud and rare.

“Hey!” Bella half-protested tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, “I didn’t realise I was such a burden to you guys.”

“Aw, it’s okay.” Y/n smiled, her keys feeling slippery in her fingers, “You make up for it with good conversation.” Y/n turned back to the door, mentally preparing for her night of microwaved meals and algebra.

“Y/n,” Edward’s voice surprisingly called out, “I’m running Bella up to mine for some biology questions but I wouldn’t mind if you came. I’ve got that first edition Hardy I was telling you about in English.”

The offer was most shocking to Bella who turned, utterly stunned, to gawk at her boyfriend. Y/n felt as though she had just been slapped as her heart lurched, sure her and Edward were chatty but the fact he was now inviting her to his house - the Cullens house. She did a quick mental calculation. On one hand she was invading Bella’s privacy with Edward but it was him who offered the invitation, on the other hand, well she might just see him. If it were anyone else y/n would have politely declined and been happy with soggy potatoes and Pythagoras, but she felt completely and utterly compelled to accept. The mere chance that he might be there in that house was enough for y/n to waltz her way into the back of Edward’s silver Volvo.

***

Edward drove like a maniac and somehow, that made sense. Y/n gripped the edge of her seat as she glanced out the window focusing on the never ending blur of blue and green. The conversation was casual and somewhat stilted but y/n couldn’t even try to care, her mind was already there in the Cullens house. She pictured popping into Edward’s room to grab the book and bumping into him, or the scenario where he was in the kitchen, or what about seeing him as he comes home from work, wearing the same pale shirt and tie.

Y/n hated how obsessive her mind was. But it genuinely felt as though she couldn’t help it, as though she had no control over her thoughts whatsoever. A small knot had twisted its way into existence in her gut and what was worse, they had already arrived.

“You guys can stay for a bit,” Edward got out the car heading into what can only be described as a mansion. “I’m pretty sure everyone’s out.” These seemed to ease something in Bella but had the opposite effect on y/n. Trying not to think about it y/n was quick behind Edward and Bella who had loosely interlocked their fingers as they walked in.

Taking her time, y/n absorbed what was probably the most beautiful house she had ever seen. Wood and glass flowing from wall to wall in eccentric shapes and patterns. Artwork y/n would never understand slung across the walls. A grand piano, smooth like silk displayed in the corner

“Oh, y/n.” Edward called her back to reality, “I’m pretty sure I left the book in the kitchen, I was going to bring it to you tomorrow.” Y/n was taken aback.

“Wow, thanks Edward. You really didn’t have to.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled, “You’re free to get it, Kitchen’s just up the stairs and to the right.” Y/n smiled at him gratefully before heading up the stairs. Partly to leave Bella and Edward in peace, partly to admire the home interrupted. She took her time going to the kitchen, admiring the way the Cullens lived. Of course they lived somewhere like this.

Once in the kitchen, y/n spotted a worn copy of ‘Tess of the d’Urbervilles’ waiting for her. Picking it up she thumbed through the first few pages noticing small faded scribbles in pencil - it would be nice to have a look in Edward’s mind.

“Y/n.” 

All he said was her name and yet she knew in an instant who it was. Snapping the book shut and spinning around, there he was. His trousers were dark and tucked into them was a crisp shirt, white as skin and unbuttoned slightly, the sleeves rolled up to display his forearms. They looked like marble, pale and stony and completely solid. His silver hair was swept away from his face, his eyes a golden brown similar to Edward’s. “How did you...” he trailed off, his voice soft and distant, not a hint of anger.

“Sorry Carlisle,” Edward appeared out of thin air behind her. She took note of how he never called him ‘dad’. “I thought everyone was out. I brought y/n and Bella up to collect some things for school.” The two Cullen’s stared intensely at each other, something passing between them in that look.

“I’m sorry,” Y/n blurted after a moment, feeling as though she had intruded, “I’ve got what I came for,” She held up the book, “I can head back now.” She attempted a half-smile not meeting Carlisle’s eyes.

“It’s fine.” He said almost too quickly. His voice quiet, meditated. “You’re no bother to me.” The way he spoke, it was so elegant and unlike anyone in town. “I see you two are friends now after the accident.” Edward and y/n shared a glance.

“It was no big problem really.” Y/n felt herself melting into his presence, now more confident to steal looks at his unwavering eyes, fixed on her. “Just a scratch.”

“Still,” A smile had warmed into his stony cheeks, evidently comfortable himself as he busied himself with a folder already fanned out on the counter top, “Edward’s behaviour was unacceptable. He did apologise?” Carlisle leaned on his forearms, his smile widening.

“Yes...I did.” Edward groaned, y/n couldn’t help but giggle. He then turned to her, “You should’ve heard the verbal lashing I got when I came home.”

“Edward.” Carlisle warned, his smile dropping disapprovingly. Edward held y/n’s gaze for a moment before slowly reaching Carlisle's stare, again something seemed to pass between the two. “Did you say Bella was here?” Carlisle swiftly changed the topic.

“Yeah, I best go find her.” Edward added, the two easing the tension with expertise. “Before she falls down two flights of stairs and through a window or something.” He muttered.

“Wouldn’t put it past her.” Y/n agreed.

“Me neither.” Carlisle added distantly causing y/n to flash a smile at him. Edward bounded out of the room, distantly calling Bella’s name as he began his search. “Good book.” Carlisle commented.

“Yeah when Edward said I could borrow his first edition I was in shock to be honest.” Making conversation was disturbingly easy.

“You can take anything you want from our library, it’s full of first editions.” Carlisle said without thinking, “It’s sort of a...hobby. For us.” The way he said ‘us’ made y/n shiver, he knew that him and his family were exclusive, outsiders. Us and them, and y/n couldn’t figure out what side she was on.

“I have a feeling this one will take me a while but thanks. I’ll keep your offer in mind.” She smiled without thinking.

“It’s nice to see Edward’s making friends. We’ve been here a few years now and he’s only just branching out.”

“Well, ‘making friends’ is a bit of an overstatement,” She leaned back against the counter top, comfortable, “Technically me and Bella are the only two people he’s talked to outside of his own family. And I’m pretty sure he’s only putting up with me because I live next to Bella, that and your...verbal lashing.”

“It wasn’t that bad, honestly.” Carlisle chuckled to himself.

“Thank you though, nonetheless.” He eyed her carefully, his golden orbs flitting across her face and, unless she was mistaken, for a moment they glanced down her body.

“Your cut cleaned up perfectly.” He spoke into the silence, “No scarring at all.”

“I don’t think I would’ve minded a scar. At least it would be a conversation starter.” He laughed, it was softer than Edward’s, more rounded and from deep within his chest.

“Ah yes, then you could tell everyone about the time you walked into a car door.”

“Technically, I think the car door walked into me.” He laughed again and y/n’s chest swelled with pride. She was doing it, holding a conversation with him at ease. “It feels like ages ago now,” She pondered aloud, “And it’s really how Edward and Bella met. Funny that.”

“Yes.” He agreed, his eyes holding hers a second too long before he turned back to his paperwork. “Well,” He cleared his throat, “Best get back to business.” Almost like clockwork Edward and Bella appeared at the stairs, giggling to themselves about some inside joke.

“Yeah uh, I’ll see you around.” Y/n shot him a tentative smile. He didn’t say anything in response but his eyes were conveying an emotion she couldn’t quite comprehend. She already knew that look was going to stick with her.

“You ready to head back y/n?” Edward asked as he sidled into the kitchen. From behind him Bella shot y/n an apologetic look as if she were sorry for leaving her with Carlisle. How little she knew.

“Of course.” Y/n smiled at Edward.

“Okay, just head down to the car I’ll be down in a sec.” With one last smile at Carlisle y/n skipped a little to meet up with Bella before the pair headed downstairs. It wasn’t until they were far out the house and near the car that Bella started a conversation.

“Sorry for leaving you there.” She half-smiled.

“Don’t be.” Y/n tried not to smile too much.

“Carlisle’s lovely isn’t he?” The question caught y/n off-guard, it took her a minute to realise Bella was speaking of him as a fatherly-figure.

“Uh, yeah.” Y/n stammered, a pink flush spreading across her cheeks. Bella noticed and went to say something when she realised.

“Y/n, your book?”

“What?” Y/n was confused again before realising, looking down her lap was empty. Completely devoid of all 19th century classical text. “Shit, be back in a sec.”

And with that she was out, jumping up the house steps two at a time. When she was in the house though she slowed down again, afraid of the mere thought of falling and damaging anything within the house. As she moved through the house she became aware of somewhat raised voices.

“What game are you playing?” It was Carlisle’s voice, not angry, not anything. It was completely monotonous. It was wrong to eavesdrop but it felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand it was rude to eavesdrop, on the other she was already stuck behind the corner of the kitchen and had no idea how to walk into the kitchen naturally, especially since the conversation had already begun and the Cullens would know that she must’ve heard some of it.

“I’m not doing anything.” Edward’s voice was soft as well. The pair arguing without arguing.

“What you’re doing is dangerous.”

“You’re so happy for me and Bella. Every time I enter a room all I can hear it you’re praise of approval. Why can’t you let yourself be happy.”

“Edward-”

“I’m being serious.”

“I don’t need this right now I’ve got paperwork.”

“If we were to live life your way you’d quite literally be doing paperwork for eternity.”

“The smell Edward. Even I have only so much restraint.” Whatever she was expecting to hear, it wasn’t that. Y/n was brutally offended. Surely, surely he wasn’t talking about her. Mortified, y/n tugged her shirt to her nose and inhaled deeply. It smelt like her mother’s washing detergent and y/n’s cheap perfume from Christmas. The statement had knocked her so off balance she wasn’t quite aware of Edward stalking in her direction. Hurriedly, she paced down three steps before walking up them as if it were the first time.

“Y/n.” Edward exclaimed loud enough for Carlisle to hear. Y/n looked at him, trying to mask whatever emotion she was feeling.

“Sorry. I forgot the book.” She smiled, hoping her eyes didn’t give her away. Edward said nothing, just disappeared and returned with the Hardy, gently passing it to her before leading her downstairs. Did he know she was listening?

The drive home was silent.

next part

requests open <3

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[notquitetwilight]

Carlisle

Sexuality Headcanon: Straight as Carlisle, Lesbian as Carine. Either way both of them only have eyes for a woman Esme

Gender Headcanon: I like both male Carlisle and female Carine (again Team Sarah Paulson as Carine)

A ship I have with said character: Carlesme or Carine x Esme obviously

A BROTP I have with said character: Carlisle x Aro (Aro is that weird friend Carlisle is kinda scared of but doesn’t wanna get on his bad side, while Aro is in love with an oblivious Carlisle). He loves all the kids and is obviously close to Edward but I like to think he has a very strong connection to Rosalie in particular (especially because he feels extra guilty for changing her as a result of her resentment, so he’s spent a lot of time getting to know her, making sure she’s okay and building her sense of trust in him). He’d also be both impressed by and fascinated with her thirst control. I headcanon that her getting the medical degrees had him bursting with pride and excitement for MONTHS afterwards to the point where they had to move from a place they just moved to because he kept bragging about how his supposedly high school junior daughter had two medical degrees. But it gave him a rare moment of “wow I have adoptive kids who do actually take after me in some ways” 🥺

A NOTP I have with said character: Carlisle x Edward or literally any of the kids like he’s not THAT kinda daddy to them

A random headcanon: I fully believe he is a nerd. Like sure he’s brilliantly smart and has been around for centuries but I don’t just mean he’s a nerd for his career or his knowledge, I mean like, he’s a hardcore fantasy/comic/sci-fi fan. But not in a gross misogynistic or sexist way, in like a Ben Wyatt way. He’s obsessed with fantasy phenomenons, makes the family play D&D, and if he’s had a particularly stressful week Esme will pull out a Princess Leia/Arwen/Xena costume to make him feel better lol 😌

General Opinion over said character: I love my nerdy caring wholesome Dr. Dilf with all my heart even if he is an Englishman and first movie Carlisle can choke me with his scarf tbh

[iheardarumorxxx]

Midnight Sun, Chapter 5 - Invitations

This chapter opens up with Weirdo doing what he does best, whining.

In particular, he’s whining this time about how school is hell. Oh, it’s not boring anymore, not just a coma that he has to suffer through to appear normal, but actual genuine hell. He has to be around Bella all the time, you see. He has to exist in the same space as her and it is just misery and woe.

Except, and this is a point that I was going to make back in chapter one when Jasper was doing his freaky little spazz thing about all the tasty good hoomans around them, the Cullens don’t actually HAVE to suffer through the inane slog of Forks High. Think about it for a second. As far as anyone in town knows, Carlisle is a respected doctor (Dr. Kevorkian, but so far he hasn’t been that bad here), and Esme is a soft delicate happy homemaker mama. So why the fuck do they bother going to the public high school? Why would it be out of the realm of posibility to say that Esme home-schools the kids? It keeps them away from the teenagers who could be in very real danger having a bunch of Pire classmates, and it literally leaves them to their own devices. If they wanna spend a week up in Alaska (Weirdo) then no one is going to be the wiser, because they live on the edge of town and the only one with any actual ties to the community at large is Dr, Carlisle. 

Maybe they do it because they get bored just being around one another all the time. But everything we’ve seen in the text tells us that even at school, they only hang out with each other and go out of their way to avoid the rest of the school population. It tracks as yet another selfish thing that the Cullens are doing, putting the teenagers of Forks High at risk because they wanna go to normal school, even though they don’t have to.

I’m not even a paragraph in and I just ranted for two. This chapter recap might be a long one, guys.

I'd comforted myself with the fact that her pain would be nothing more than a pinprick - just a tiny sting of rejection - compared to mine.

This is one of those lines that SM uses to hammer home the fact that her Pires are OH SO MUCH better than you. It’s such a blatant ‘Oh, my pain and sorrow and misery is just SO BAD compared to Bella with her weak human mind and weak human emotions. She couldn’t possibly be as hurt as I, the great Edward Cullen, am.’ And it’s trash. It hasn’t been overt enough yet, but there’s still a rant coming about vampire instincts, with which I hope to point out exactly how this sentiment is wrong. 

If I was destined to love her

This is one of the main reasons why I just don’t buy the love story aspect of this series. They never talk about love in anything but ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’. Love is hard work. It’s building mutual respect and trust for one another and learning little quirks and habits along the way. It’s bumpy and messy and gross and wonderful, and most of all, it’s a choice. A choice to get to know someone, to spend time with that person and understand their hopes and dreams and wants and needs and fears and all of it, but in Twilight, it feels like the choice is taken away. Alice with her magic future power divines that Weirdo and Bella are gonna be in love, and instead of Eddie boy taking note that he barely even knows Bella, and has spent the better part of the few weeks he’s had with her making wild assumptions about who she is and what she’s like, he just goes ‘Ope, well, I guess if the future says I love her, I love her’ and that’s it. And the worst part is, even after their relationship actually begins, they don’t even try to do that getting to know and trust and respect one another thing, they just flat out keep their wild assumptions about one another throughout the entire series and rely on this ever subjective future that Alice has seen.

Wow, I’m ranting a lot today in this one. I’m not even a third of the way into this chapter yet.

Who would have ever dreamed that such a generic, boring mortal could be so infuriating?

We’re shitting on Mike Newton again, and I have to point something out yet again. Eddie, baby, sweety. You are outright ignoring Bella and treating her like she doesn’t matter in the slightest to you. You stated just before this that you were going out of your way to outwardly ignore her, even while you obsess over her in your mind. You have given only the outward indication of, if not outright disdain, then at the very least indifference to this girl and yet you’re giving Mike shit for having a crush on a girl and actually fucking acting on it. He talks to her, he attempts poorly to flirt with her and ask her out, even though we all know that she’s just as obsessed with you and compares Mike to a dog (because Bella is a piece of shit, too, so at least you have that in common). So stop shitting on poor Mike, who’s only crime is liking a girl who isn’t interested in him.

He'd created a Bella in his head that didn't exist

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU’VE FUCKING DONE, EDWARD. And honestly? Yours is even worse because you don’t even BOTHER trying to FUCKING TALK TO HER TO GET TO KNOW HER. You just spy on her conversations with other people and assume that you know everything about her! Bella goes out of her way to put on this fake little show for her classmates and lie to them about everything she feels and thinks about them, but at least they FUCKING TALK TO HER! So yeah, I agree, Mike doesn’t have the full picture of who Bella really is (and if he did, he absolutely would not still have that little crush on her because Bella is a big fucking jerk), but at least they’re MAKING THE EFFORT!

Bella was good.

This is just not true and I have four books worth of canon to prove it.

I frequently amused myself by imagining backhanding him across the room and into the far wall...

“It helps if you think of them as people.” Remember that, Eddie??? Now here’s the thing. We’ve all had those fantasies about people. Wanting to throw them across the room or punch them in the face or whatever. The difference here? Edward is well aware that his Magic Pire Strength would genuinely hurt Mike, so much so that the very next line is about how it ‘probably’ wouldn’t hurt him fatally. Meaning that Eddie is well aware that it would hurt him, probably even break a few bones, but hey, he probably won’t die! Fuck you, Edward.

For all I knew, she never thought about me at all.

Pointedly gonna look over at Twilight now and see just how fucking much Bella is obsessing over Eddie, to the point where any thought not centered around her Woobie Pire is glossed over and ignored.

Eddie is having a jealous baby fit and once again thinking about how he would just love to hurt poor Mike for having the gall and audacity to ask Bella out. I already ranted about it up there, and I’m too tired and annoyed to do it again. Just know that Edward is a fucking asshole and poor Mike doesn’t deserve any of the shit that gets forced on him in this series.

Eddie is finally paying attention to Bella again, and wondering what she’s thinking, and he does that a lot in this book. I know that it’s supposed to be because he’s relied on his shitty vampire super power for so long, but considering how often he demanded (yes, demanded) to know what she was thinking in canon, and wouldn’t let up until she caved and told him, it feels like he’s trying to monitor her thoughts. She can’t be thinking anything that Daddy Ed doesn’t approve of, after all.

I picked the correct answer out of his head

But the Cullens are just super smart and know things and definitely aren’t cheating cheaters who cheat to get perfect grades in school.

"Are you speaking to me again?"

This is a problem with this canon. These people have had TWO conversations. In one of them, it was banal and inane small talk about the fucking weather and why Bella moved to Forks, and in the other, Eddie was gaslighting her to make her think she was wrong about what happened in the Van Of Doom(tm) crash. They haven’t talked like, at all. They don’t know anything about one another besides what they’ve crafted in their own empty heads. Bella is obsessing about how Eddie must hate her and Eddie is obsessing about how this version of Bella he’s built up in his head must be so amazing and wonderful and touting about how he loves her. There isn’t love in this relationship. There isn’t even a relationship. These people are obsessed stalkers.

I managed not to laugh.

This is another example of Edward being just... the biggest fucking jerk. Clearly, Bella is upset. She’s jumped to the wrong conclusion, and assumes that Eddie just wants her to fucking die or whatever, but she’s clearly upset and annoyed and Eddie is treating her feelings like a joke. He does that so often in the series, but hearing it from his own perspective really drives it home. 

Edward is being extremely shallow watching Eric and Tyler asking Bella out. He makes a rude comment about Eric’s skin (he’s a teenage boy with acne, oh GOD) and outright calls Tyler ‘average’ as if he knows anything about him. This is another problem with Ed and his magic surface thought listening power. I’ve already pointed out that he’s created this image of who Bella is in his head based on absolutely nothing, but he’s done this with everyone around him. He assumes what kind of people they are based on the very bare, surface thoughts they have. He doesn’t consider the people around him complex, because he isn’t diving into their more complex thoughts and emotions, and that’s just so gross and shitty.

How was I any better than some sick peeping tom?

We know what this is, right? We’re witnessing the birth of Eddie breaking into Bella’s house and watching her sleep. He’s once again acknowledging that he shouldn’t be doing it, and he knows that its wrong, so of course, that means he can just keep on doing it anyway. 

I was not the one she was destined to say yes to.

This is such a ham-fisted attempt at keeping the ‘will they won’t they’ illusion up, because its been made so obvious from the word GO that there’s never going to be anyone else for Bella. Even the attempt at a love triangle doesn’t work in the series because SM made it so clear all throughout New Moon that Bella would never choose Jacob if Edward was a choice. Everything she did in New Moon was to keep the illusion of Edward up in her mind, and even spending time with Jacob was a means to that end goal. Its not a compelling love story because, as stated, there is no love here because they haven’t spoken to one another, but their sick, driving obsession with one another is going to guide them all the way to the end. Edward and Bella are not a good couple, and I wish very much that that line up there was the truth, and that Bella discovered who she was as a person and found someone to compliment her.

My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. It must, by necessity, always be midnight for me. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my midnight?

Left that full for context. This is our title drop, and as someone who has read all of Twilight, who has seen all of the horrible title drops in them, I honestly think this one might be the worst of them all. It’s just this affected way that SM writes and it really, really irks me to see it so blatantly on display combined with a ‘hee hee, Midnight Sun, get it~’ on top of it.

My self, also, had frozen as it was - my personality, my likes and my dislikes, my moods and my desires; all were fixed in place.

This has a lot of implications for the Pires that SM never even bothers to explore because she doesn’t actually realize the potential in it. According to canon, right there in that sentence, when they’re turned Pires STOP CHANGING. They don’t develop new interests or hobbies, they don’t change their taste in music, film, anything. They become truly frozen in time. That means that the Cullens should not be driving cars, or wearing the clothes that they wear. They should not have picked up all of these skills that immortality has allowed them to pick up. The should be the exact same as they were the day they were turned. There’s something really dark and genuinely heartbreaking about that, and a better author would have explored it. Unfortunately, we don’t have a better author.

if I were going to attempt any kind of relationship with her

Edward refuses to take into account that that is not solely his decision to make. Pretend for a second that Bella is a normal human with normal thoughts. All she has seen of Eddie is this hot and cold thing were he does a nice thing or has a nice conversation with her and then ices her out for days and weeks at a time. He is, by all accounts, a total jerk and kind of a weirdo. Why the hell would she (again, if she were a normal, rational person) want a relationship with him?

Strange, unfamiliar reactions stirred deep in my forgotten human core.

AKA, Eddie just felt the first stirrings of being a horny teenage boy. Gross. 

The chapter ends on Eddie asking Bella to let him drive her to Seattle. I know I’ve already made this point, but if Bella were a normal teenage girl experiencing all of this shit from Eddie, she would have absolutely laughed in his face and told him to go fuck himself on a cactus or something. He’s proven to be volitale, rude, condescending, and just an outright jerk. There is no reason a sane, rational person would want to go anywhere with him. Would want to spend any time alone with him. If anything, Bella should be thinking that Eddie wants to get her alone to murder her or something based on the way he’s acting. It’s creepy and weird. Bella, unfortunately, eats this shit up and is so excited about her date with him. 

That’s it. Chapter over. Sorry this was such a long one, folks, but I’m not sure they’re gonna get any shorter. This story makes me angry, and when I get angry, I rant. Feel free to reach out in messages or DMs if you wanna chat more about this book or offer suggestions for the next one I should do after I finally put this one to bed. 

You can also buy me a snack if you want, I have my CashApp tag in my bio. Until next time. 

[imbumkyung]

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch.4) - Acting

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Warnings: none!

“Well the good news is, the cast should only be on for about a month, and you can go back to regular activities within eight weeks,” the blonde, golden eyed doctor advised.

The room you were sat in was glum. You remember it this exact way from the movie. Dr. Cullen’s hair swept back with a white coat on, eyes focused on the document in front of him being held by a clip board. We was writing things down, probably prescribing her some medications or as her friends liked to call it— hardcore drugs.

Kai reminisced that comedy segment that John Mulaney did about lying to his doctor for Xanax. She considered the same trick on Dr. Cullen, but feared that he would deny her since marijuana and other drugs were still taboo in 2007. Still, her mouth ran faster than she could process.

“Hey uh, sometimes I get nervous on airplanes,” she stated

God. I have to blame my ADHD on that one.

“Ah,” he nodded, “well I hope you won’t be going on any airplanes anytime soon then,” Dr. Cullen replied with a smile

Dammit. No Xanax for me then.

He finished writing but not without leaving a signature at the bottom of the page and sending me off with a smile. As she was leaving the room, she happened up bump straight into the hardest and coldest figure she’d ever felt.

“Sh— sorry man,” she apologized. She looked up for a split second and instantly regretted when she did

Edward

His eyes narrowed, making her feel smaller, “I remember you,” he stated

She said nothing, but ducked her head and rushed away as fast as she could. Her sense of accomplishment for getting away was cut short by a cold hand wrapped around her upper right arm. At this, she tensed and gave him a cold look.

“It’s not nice to grab people,” she spat

“How do you know who I am?” He asked gently

“The last time someone asked me that I got this,” she raised the cast on her left forearm. Unknowlingly revealing she knew about Victoria as well. The sound of her screaming in pain and the events of Victoria effortlessly snapping her arm played in her head.

“Besides,” she shrugged her arm from his grasp, “I’ll be out if your way soon”

Unwillingly, she remembered the time she tried to kill herself back to go back to her normal life and the next image that flashed in her head was her driving at over 100mph, then closing her eyes and sealing her fate. It wasn’t a set-in-stone kind of plan, but it was an idea that came up on the spot.

Edward cringed, “that— that’s not neccessary,”

“What’s not neccessar— oh. Stay out of my head please,” she remembered, he can hear her thoughts, but she wasn’t aware that any form of imagery would translate for him.

“You know I can read your thoughts,” he stated.

“Look, I’d love to explain everything, but I really gotta go. My mom needs me home to uh...” she paused, scrambling in her head for an excuse “take care of my brother— Don’t speak to me if you ever run into me again. Please,” she walked out of the hospital as fast as she could, deciding she didn’t need any of the medication. She just needed to get away.

-

Needless to say, Kai was stressed. Stressed that she’s attracted so much attention from the characters. Stressed that said characters had even seen her. It put her in danger. Victoria even knows about her now, and now that another human besides Bella knows of their existence— it’s a crime to the bloodsuckers.

Upon realizing this, Kaileia’s eyes widened.

Her knowledge of them had been exposed to two vampires. Theres no one to protect her from this— Bella’s safety was secured because Edward was her mate. Kai had no one. She’d avoided becoming friends with anybody at all in fear that any connection would lead her to the vampires or the wolves.

Slamming open the door to her bedroom, she scrambled for the journal she bought months back. It had been weeks since she last documented her experiences, but after today, it was time for an update

“Victoria caught me today and broke my arm bro. At least it was my shitty arm. I havent had an actual conversation with anyone besides Jeremy who interviewed me for the job I have now. Carlisle fixed my arm as if theres no other god damn doctors in forks dAMMIT MEYER. Then edward radiated some REAL Serial killer energy today like hOLY SHIT he can read my thoughts. I just wanna go back to where my only problem was my mom. She wasnt even that much of a problem tho tbh. But its Not like blood sucking vampires and their werewolf enemies. Kendrick Lamar isnt even famous yet. No one knows who Chance the Rapper is. Everyones obsessed with the pussycat dolls and I dont even think they know about Chris Brown beating up Rihanna. At this point, I’ve definitely missed the area 51 raid and I’m disappointed.

Not gonna lie tho, I’ve been running from it all this time and it’s worked until now. I was faced with just the greatest danger ever and now I’m getting sucked in. I’m really hoping I never have to mean anything to them. I’m also wondering what happens after it’s all over? I don’t want to write what it is here, because if someone finds this I don’t want to change the future, but after that last chapter, where do I go? I can’t live here forever. I have my own life.

I wonder if my dogs miss me. If anyones feeding them the right amount, walking them twice a day. Do my parents know I’m gone? Its been over half a year and I’m still here”

Her hand started cramping and she shut her book, flinging her pen across the opposite side of the room, thought instantly regretting it because she may think of other ideas to write down. Kai lay flat on her bed, letting go of any control she had over her muscles and stared at the ceiling. Things were starting to get a lot more intense. It had her shaken that she might have to be involved in order to stay safe.

There was no evidence supporting her theory, but Kai believed in order to go back to her old life, she cannot die by the hands of another person.

(Fourth wall break)Yes, it’s a plot hole. Smeyer had a lot of those too and I’m writing this impulsively. Give me a break

-

Edward pushed open Carlisle’s office door with force, “She knows,” he stated urgently, his expression stoic but panicked.

Carlisle furrowed his brows, “who?”

“That patient you just had,” Edward said, pointing back to the door behind him with his thumb, “She knows about us. I was in her head. Victoria broke her arm,” He rushed, taking a step toward Carlisle with wide eyes.

Carlisle’s eyes widened as well, “She’s in danger,” he stated

“We have to protect her,” Edward stated, “if Victoria kills her, the treaty is compromised,” He concluded, alluding to the treaty they had with the wolves.

Carlisle paused, trying to collect his thoughts, “I think this calls for a house meeting, actually,” he suggested, now standing with his arms to his side, “I can tell this concerns you, Edward.”

“I don’t want a fight with the wolves,” Edward explained, “Jacob was here for Bella while I was in Italy. He’s the one who told me she was dead,” he paused, Carlisle listening intently to his son, “I know if we fight, he’ll come for me first. And I can’t hurt Bella like that.”

Carlisle nodded, “We’ll let the rest of them know,” he said, referring to his family, “I think it’s best if the wolves know to protect her as well,” he suggested

“She doesn’t want to be involved,” Edward said, “it was the last thing she wanted. I don’t want to drag her into this life as well.” Edward was still beating himself up for bringing Bella into his world. Weather she wanted to be in it or not, he still wanted her to keep a normal human life. And if a normal human life is what Kai wanted, then damn it, he was going to let her have it

-

“So theres another human?” Rosalie seethed

“It’s not her fault—” Carlisle interjected

“It’s not her fault? Not her fault that she found out about us? How could she figure it out without dedicating so much time into figuring us out?” She accused the girl they didn’t know about. She knew Bella only found out because of the loads of research she did.

“She didn’t,” Edward defended, taking a step closer, “I don’t know how she knows, but she does. She doesn’t even want to be involved in this life,” he said gently, keeping eye contact with Rosalie

“So what do we do?” Esme asked, “If the Volturi find out she knows about our kind, they have no one to accuse except us. We’re the only coven in Washington.” She said softly

Everyone was staring hard at the ground, trying to grant Kai’s wish of not becoming involved, all the while knowing that the only real way to protect her was to stay with her at all times.

“She at least needs to know the that Victoria won’t stop,” Alice said, “she knows the Volturi would either blame her or us for exposing our kind.”

Carlisle pressed his lips in a tight line, “I’m sure she knows.” He sighed. Everyone shared quick glances before staring back to the floor in concentration, desperately trying to come up with a solution.

“She’ll need to get out of Forks,” Alice concluded, “Victoria is only here for Bella, I don’t think she’ll go for the girl until after her plan for Bella.” Alice believed Victoria was really only hungry for revenge, and this unknown girl wouldn’t be in danger until Victoria got what she wanted with her. However, Alice had no doubts that Victoria would be defeated before even having the chance to get to the girl.

“What’s her name?” Esme asked, “so we don’t have to keep calling her “the girl””

Edward shrugged, “I don’t know, actually.” He described her instead, “she’s short, black hair, tan skin and freckles” he recalled.

Carlisle nodded, the same description in his mind

Alice froze, and stared off into the distance, “It’s Victoria.”

Everyone stood alert. Alice was having a vision.

“What? What about her?” Jasper asked, his eyes not leaving hers.

“She’s in La Push” Alice sat, her eyes unmoving. Jasper handed her a pen as she sketched a store on one half of the paper writing “Minnie’s Stop” above it. Within a second, she moved her hand to the right, sketching out a house at the corner of a row of houses reading “Hilltop Rd”.

Edward’s brows knitted and shook his head slowly, “That’s not Bella’s street.”

“It has to be hers,” Esme said

Alice looked ahead incredulously, “she’s not going for Bella.” Alice snapped out of her vision, “If she was going for Bella, I would have seen something familiar.” This proved their theory wrong. She spared some time before getting to Bella. Why did she prioritize catching the unknown girl over avenging her mate?

The Cullens shared silent glances, knowing all too well that Victoria was hunting down the girl.

“She goes to La Push. We have to inform Sam.” Carlisle said sternly. He turned to Edward, “I understand you want to protect her from this world, but we can’t risk anything happening to her on their territory.”

Edward nodded and sighed. As opposed as he was to the idea, he knew Carlisle was right. He grabbed the keys off the table and bid his family goodnight, before leaving to spend the night at Bella’s

-

“You said she already knew who you were?” Bella asked concerned, a hand on his chest, her eyebrows together and eyes looking straight into his own

“Yeah,” he exhaled, “not just who but... what.”

Bella was confused, “how?”

“I wish I knew. She refuses to speak to me and guards her thoughts. Every time I try to read in, she stops saying things in her head,” he paused, “She knew I could read minds”

“Do you think there could be other... creatures besides your kind and Jacobs?” Bella asked, just above a whisper, “like— she could be a fairy or something,” she chuckled a bit, shaking her head at the idea.

“She was kind of short,” Edward shrugged and smiled at the memory of looking down at someone the size of a fifth grader.

“Get some sleep. We’re going to meet with Sam tomorrow and tell him everything. Alice saw Victoria hunting her down in La Push.” Edward advised and let her know their plans for tomorrow.

Bella nodded before snuggling closer to his chest and finally dozing off

———

WHOOP CH 4 IS HERE!!!

Let me know what you guys think!!

Ask box is always open for comments, critiques and suggestions! Or any feedback, really. Ya know what even if u wanna just say hi HAHAH

Its open for anything really

Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are all appreciated!

Tags: @coffees-and-constellations @rosalies-hale @sunflowerspectre

[rcguereveries]

♤

NONSEXUAL ACTS OF INTIMACY || Accepting || @biff–mcintosh  

♤: Taking a bath together

It was never out of the ordinary for the brunette to decide executively to take a bath after an extremely long shift at work. It wasn’t that the shift was actually any longer than others, but it just felt like it lasted forever and a week to finish. Could the blame be placed on the patients? Not in a complete sense, oddly enough. Despite her lack of a sunny disposition, the patients didn’t hate her. The toughest part of her job was the doctor that she was working with, James Carlisle. His ghostly presence and near stalker-like obsession with her life- specifically her love life. It had gotten so ridiculous that she’d roped Biff into playing her boyfriend just to get Dr. Carlisle off her case about having dinner with him. It was a completely crazy plan, right?

Thankfully, there was always about an extra hour between when Penelope got off of work and when the babysitter needed her to pick Jackie up from her place. Drawing the bath, the water was just warm enough to make her feel as though she was engulfed in a blanket as she lay back in the tub. The brunette slipped under the surface of the water for a moment before settling in for a good 45 minute bathe at least. 

Near the point of nodding off, the nurse stirred slightly but with no clue of what caused such. Sighing briefly, she realized that she should have grabbed the bottle of wine that she’d taken out of the fridge when she walked in. Typically, Penny did her best to do her small portions of drinking when Jackie wasn’t around; the last thing she wanted was for her daughter to grow up and start telling her preschool class how much of a lush her mother was. The few times she had caught the other with wine had already gotten her to say “Momma, juice!” That wasn’t the ideal way Penny wanted Jackie to see her; it reminded her too much of her mother- or adoptive mother.

Reluctantly, she started moving to stand up in the bathtub as she heard footsteps. While she had an idea that it was just Biff, on the offhand it was an intruder, she failed to cover herself up. Perhaps they would be far too distracted by her attributes to actually do anything. Though when she glanced toward the open bathroom door, she caught sight of her faux beau with the bottle in his hand. 

“Oh- hi dear. You read my mind. I was just going to get that. You didn’t happen to grab the bottle opener, did you? Eh, it doesn’t matter. Can you just grab the blowtorch under my bed? That will get that sucker open.” Her words flowed out of her mouth so nonchalantly, one may have even forgotten how she stood in her bare form and her arm extended for the bottle. The lack of a response or movement caused Penny to blink. “What? Did you want to get in on this action? The tub is plenty big enough.” 

“...also, you know that I’m messing with you right? I don’t have a blowtorch under my bed. ...It’s in my closet.”

[amusewithaview]

Amuse Reads the “Life and Death: a reimagining of the classic novel” (aka TWILIGHT GENDERSWAPPED) Chs. 3-5

Chs. 1-2

Let me just say, re-reading 1-3 again to refresh, that she sheer number of little snide digs at Renee make me so annoyed.  It’s so pervasive and toxic.  UGH.

Also, did I mention that the main character’s full name switched from Isabella to Beaufort?  Not even Beauregard, Beaufort.  WHERE DOES S. MEYER FIND THESE NAMES???

Ch. 3

So, first off, I was wrong and the excerpt only contained the prologue and (I believe) the first two chapters.  I’m not going to go back and edit the original post because it’s old enough that I just don’t care.  MOVING ON WITH THE PATERNALISM SHOW, I MEAN SHOW.

Seriously, all of the digs at Renee’s parenting are continuing and they are so much worse with Beau than I remember them being with Bella.  Honestly, what S. Meyer is describing is neglect, essentially.  I can’t tell if that’s what she was going for or not.

The Collision (yes, it deserves the capital) happens differently.  Beau actually does hit his head pretty hard (he appears to have a mild concussion he does not have a concussion but he is clearly very dazed).

Also, Beau keeps describing Edythe’s eyes as ‘long.’  I have never before heard someone’s eyes described as ‘long’ and I’m having a hard time picturing this.  Does S. Meyer mean wide?  Does she mean they’re big like anime eyes?  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I need a more detailed description of Edythe’s eyes and their proportions with respect to the rest of her face.

Is Beau’s middle name Hannibal, or something?  “...more beautiful than any movie star I’d ever seen.  Like someone sliced up Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, and Marilyn Monroe, took the best parts, and glued them together to form one goddess.”  Are you going to ask Dr. Cullen about her skin care regimen, Beau?  Are you going to advise her to put on lotion or else she’s gonna get the hose again?

Beau has his first she’s so pretty when she’s angry moment.  Why, S. Meyer, why.

We end the chapter with Renee again ‘hysterical’ over her child being in danger.  Like, look, if somebody called my mom and told her I’d been in a car accident and that was it, then left her to stew in fear and concern for several hours, SHE WOULD BE UPSET.  LIKE MOST MOMS.  NOTHING HYSTERICAL ABOUT IT.  I just.  The language used to describe Renee bothers me so much.

Ch. 4

Beau comes off as actually a stalker when he talks about dreaming about Edythe and watching Edythe (but only from afar)?  But he acknowledges this?  It seems comparable to Bella’s level of creepitude (and she totally creeped on Edward).

Oh my god, Beau has mentioned that his attachment to Edythe and obsession with her might be unhealthy.  I am so proud of him.

I find it interesting the way S. Meyer has changed all of the characters’ canon heights to ensure that the boys are all taller than the girls.  Granted, a certain amount of sexual dimorphism is accurate, but basic genetics would dictate that most of the kids in a family would usually be of a similar height.  She’s reaching, in my opinion, and I’m not sure why this was so important to her.

Beau is upset and also chopping onions.  Is this connected?  Is he secretly crying but also onions?  Was this deliberate on S. Meyer’s part?  Did someone hand her a pamphlet on literary techniques?  More impressive, did she read it?

Forks has been upgraded from ‘prison’ to ‘purgatory,’ dear god, I had forgotten how melodramatic this character was.

“I didn’t get my balance issues from my mom.”  I find this line puzzling because we never see commentary about Charlie stumbling or tripping or otherwise being clumsy.  Also, he’s a goddamn police officer.  A klutzy cop would literally be a walking, talking safety hazard.  I take back what I said about S. Meyer learning things about writing.  I mean, I suppose we could attribute this to the POV character being oblivious to anything not directly affecting them (and BS very much IS OBLIVIOUS), but still.

Pages 64 and 65 are kind of hard to unpack.  A lot is happening here and it’s sufficiently different from the original that I’m thrown.  In a nutshell: Beau is convinced that Edythe is mocking him with her hot and cold act and gets angry at her, her beauty, and the situation (angry at her beauty = yikes).  This leads to him standing up for himself a bit more than Bella EVER did and actually walking away from Edythe, putting her in the chasing position.  Edythe is actually chasing him, as in, she offers to drive him to Seattle for his big ‘avoid the dance’ book trip.

Basically, Beau has more self-esteem than Bella in some respects.  S. Meyer has described it as Beau being less angry than Bella, but it’s honestly the exact opposite: Beau allows himself to be angry with Edythe and her treatment of him in a way that Bella didn’t at this point in their interactions.  Also, Edythe is actually seeking Beau out openly in ways Edward didn’t.

IDK, it’s interesting.  Weird, too.

Ch. 5

Genderswapped names, human edition!

Jessica = Jeremy Mike = McKayla Lauren = Logan Angela = Allen Eric = Erica Tyler = Taylor

Seriously, S. Meyer, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET EDYTHE AND ROYAL?

Again, why are Edythe’s eyes described as ‘long.’  What does that even mean?  Is this longitude or latitude, how big are Edythe’s eyes?

Beau is much more open to believing that Edythe is dangerous.  I’m not sure how this fits into the overall depiction of Beau as different-from-Bella, but I think he’s more aware, in some ways.  He has a broader perspective?  Mind you, he’s still the most melodramatic teenager in existence (Zuko comes to mind as a more stable, less dramatic teen).

Edythe is unnaturally strong and it’s more obvious than Edward’s strength because S. Meyer made Edythe short instead of letting her keep Edward’s height.  Also, Beau is significantly taller than Bella was.  Beau is, in fact, almost as tall as Royal and Eleanor, for some reason.  I really wonder why S. Meyer made the choice to make Beau so tall, or give him blue eyes instead of brown.  These are the things that I look at and go, ‘This was a conscious decision, unlike some of the weird bias things that were probably just slipped in.  WHY, though?’

WHY DOES S. MEYER THINK IT’S ABNORMAL FOR PEOPLE TO BE ABLE TO SMELL BLOOD?  SHE’S A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD CHILDREN, PRESUMABLY SHE HAS EXPERIENCED MENSTRUATION.  COULDN’T SHE SMELL THAT?  IF NOT, SHE SHOULD GET HER NOSE CHECKED OUT BECAUSE THE INABILITY TO PROPERLY SMELL CAN INDICATE OTHER PROBLEMS.  All caps because this point frustrates me for its sheer illogic.

Beau acknowledges that da little woman is stronger than him, but it doesn’t bother him because she’s probably stronger than everyone.  Oh, and he’s secure because he’s big and strong enough to make people leave him alone now, as opposed to when he was bullied when he was younger (and significantly shorter).

Beau just described his mother as his ‘best friend?’  And I’m.  What?  You complain about having to talk to her at all, let alone offering her comfort when you have legitimately been in danger.  If that’s how you treat your ‘best friend,’ then I wanna pull Edythe to one side NOW and tell her to fucking run.

Carlisle = Carine Esme = Earnest

Also, we’re at two more counts of backhanded ‘Renee was the adult on paper’ and Renee is ‘very young for her age’ and I am so done.  I want like 50,000 words of Renee-centric fic right now.  I just want her to be okay and away from her judgmental shitstain of a son.

That wraps up chapter 5, we get to meet lady!Jake in the next one!

[exquisitley-obsessed]

The Dinosaur and the Vampire (Carlisle Cullen x Reader)

Request: hi can you do a oneshot for Twilight where the reader is best friends with Bella and is there at the car crash in the first movie, they go to hopsital and that’s where the reader meets Carlisle, really fluffy, thanks

Word Count: 2210

Pairings: reader x Carlisle Cullen

Warnings: swearing, hospitals, car crash

A/N: So I got this request and kind of took off on it because I actually find it hard to right a little amount about a simple plot line (it’s an actual problem)

MASTLERLIST

Forks was one of those towns which found happiness in comfort, and it showed. With its all-year-round dozy drizzle, foggy air and green roads, Forks was not a city associated with the word excitement; yet, the secret of one family which resided in the leafy shrubbery was wild enough to change the very way humanity saw the world.

Y/N hadn’t lived in Forks her whole life but lived there long enough to have lost interest in the blue hue and greenish glow of the place. The house Y/N lived in was small and like everything in Forks, comfortable, she resided with her family next to Charlie Swan, a man of policy day and night. Routine was a major role in Y/N’s lifestyle, day in day out following the same skeleton of the day before, that was till Bella Swan arrived in town.

Y/N had been staring blankly at the information sheet about Shakespeare, trying to pull some motivation from somewhere, when the familiar purr of Charlie’s car pulled into the neighbouring driveway. Y/n, of course, didn’t give it much thought, until a collection of voices streamed through the window, awkward laughter laced within them.

Putting down the sheet with little remorse, Y/N gave into her natural curiosity and peered out of her window, swinging on her chair as she did so. Charlie Swan was play fighting with Billy Black, a far too familiar face around here, whilst Jacob and a stranger chatted about the red truck that had arrived on the Swan’s drive only a few days ago. The stranger was ivory skinned with dark hair and eyes, she dressed in brows, greys and blues and yet still had an odd sparkle in her eye. It was, of course, Bella Swan, the person who would soon introduce Y/N to a certain doctor.

It started out as a normal Monday, but as Y/N pushed her way out of her house, her keys rattling in her hand as she swirled them around her finger, the figure of a petite girl in the neighbouring house startled her enough to fling her keys to the end of her drive. The rattle caused the ivory skinned shadow to snap to her direction, doe eyes wide and scared.

“Oh shit sorry!” Y/N chirped as she felt her hand slap to her mouth, “Didn’t mean to scare you,” Bella relaxed and mustered a delicate smile.

“No, no, don’t worry about it,” She spluttered out, her fingers pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, her head shaking ever so slightly. She was nervous.

“You must be Bella Swan,” Y/N pushed on, determined to make Bella feel less uncomfortable.

“Um, yeah,” She half-smiled again.

“I’m Y/N L/N, I’m guessing you’re on your way to Forks High?” Y/N was  inching down her driveway towards her keys as she said this.

“Yeah, I am actually,” She murmured, her hair sweeping back into her face as she looked down.

“Cool, I go there,” Y/N smiled , “Don’t worry, everyone’s super nice, you’ll make friends quick,” 

“Sure,”

“Hey…” Y/N trailed off, her eyes flickering from Bella to her keys, “Why don’t I drive you there, I mean, on the way I can tell you where everything is,” She tried to muster her friendliest smile. Bella glanced up, a soft smile pulling at the corners of her cheeks, she was about to accept the offer when she remembered something.

“That would be nice but…well, you see, Charl- my dad, got me this car,” Bella gestured to the russet truck, “And um, I think it would hurt his feelings if I didn’t use it,” The two girls shared a soft smile before they each turned back to their own cars, Y/N snatching up her keys in the process. “Hey,” The voice caused Y/N to whip back round, once more meeting a pair of soft brown orbs, "Why don't I drive you...in my truck I mean," A relieved smile pulled at Y/N's cheeks. "I'd love that."

"God, you're obsessed with him," The words laced with laughter as Y/N watched the distant gaze of Bella as she drove down the icy roads. Bella had been going to school for a few weeks now and Y/N had had the privilege of watching the strange relationship between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen blossom.

"I am not," Bella managed to crack a sly smile as she drove around a corner. "Sure, whatever you say," Y/N chirped  as she distractedly proof-read her latest essay, sighing and groaning every so often, "Do you know how lucky you are?" She piped up after a while.

"Lucky?"

"To have gotten the attention of him, he's been here for a while and never shown any interest in anyone...people began assuming he was seeing someone outside of Forks." Bella didn't respond to this for a moment.

"He's a bit..." She began before her words dropped out of her mouth.

"Yeah," Y/N found herself agreeing, the pictures of golden eyes, paler than pale skin and curled lips popped into her mind, "He is."

The two friends were sliding out of the truck onto the icy ground below before Bella's voice softened into silence. Looking over the truck Y/N watched as Bella and Edward stared at each other over the car park, he was leaning against a silver Volvo, his brows furrowed, his skin turned a few shades lighter by the snow's reflection. Y/N reached down to pull her bag out of the car and was about to crack a joke when the sound of screaming tires and frightened gasps filled her ears. Snapping upright she saw a blur of black, heard a large thump, and then felt the open car door snap back, colliding with her face.

Y/N stumbled backwards, her feet catching on the curb as her hands snapped up to her face, and then she was on the soft grassy hill at the front of the school, a deep groan humming from her chest. Removing her hands from her face she looked up in time to see Edward Cullen jumping over the truck and stalking away, not even glancing down at Y/N, his thoughts somewhere else. The car door had collided with Y/N's left cheekbone and was swollen to touch, wiping away at the tears which had sprung up she found a small smear of blood on her hand, she had a small cut under her left eye.

"Oh...yay," She muttered under her breath, stumbling to her feet she shoved all her loose notes back into her bag before acknowledging the crowd that had formed on the other side of the car. Shit, Bella.

Pushing through the excited crowd that had formed around a confused looking Bella, Y/N somehow managed to grab her shoulders and force her to look at her.

"Bella, what happened? Are you okay?" Y/N spluttered over the noise, it took Bella a moment to recognise Y/N.

"Y/N...you're bleeding," She muttered

"Barley," Y/N felt like laughing before she saw how close a black van was to the car, the guy in the driving seat was breathing heavily as a trickle of blood dribbled down his cheek. "Wait...wait were we hit by a car? Was there a crash? Are you okay? Why...why did I see Edward Cullen walking away, wasn't he on the other side of the car park?" Y/N had let go of Bella's shoulders and was now talking to herself more than anyone, but her thought trail became interrupted by the noise of wailing sirens.  

Y/N shuffled around the hospital wings, searching blindly for the familiar ivory skin of a certain Swan. After climbing into the back of an ambulance, Y/N, for the entire trip, had to convince the medical staff that besides the small cut and the dull throbbing in her cheekbone, she was fine. But of course, they couldn't simply take her word for it, so she was carted off away from Bella to the x-ray division to make sure there were no fractures or broken bones within her skull, the main reason it sucked was because she never got to hear Bella's side of the story. Soon she was released from the clutches of the doctors and nurses to go find her friend, who soon came into view sitting on a white sheet, chatting animatedly to her dad.

"Hi Bella," Y/N said rather loudly, announcing her presence to the Swans, Bella's eyes snapped straight to Y/N whereas Charlie slowly turned his eyes only leaving Bella at the last possible second.

"Y/N," He said, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm absolutely fine, besides some bruises and swelling, there's nothing wrong with me," Y/N smiled softly.

"Nice band-aid," Bella piped up, the corners of her mouth pulling upwards. "Oh yeah," Y/N's hand fluttered up to her cheek where a band-aid coated with small dinosaurs sat under her right eye, "Well, I needed something to show my mum that it wasn't serious, I sent her a photo of it and she's went from worrying about me to laughing at me,"

"Wow, a parent who listens to their child...wild," Bella murmured, Charlie's jaws snapped open in response but what he was going to say was never heard, as at that moment a young doctor with icy blonde hair strolled into the room.

"I head the chief's daughter was here," His voice rung through the pale hospital walls with a definite edge of command and authority, and then within seconds, he was by their side overlooking the clipboard at the end of Bella's bed. There was something so cold about him, from the shade of his hair and skin to the piercing blue of his eyes, he looked like the human equal of snow. As his eyes were running over the paper he seemed to pause, his entire body stiffening every so slightly, Y/N could see how the ribbons of muscles hidden underneath his frosty medical coat seemed to stand on end, almost pulsating out of his clothes. But as quickly as this moment started, it was over. The doctor took a deep breath and lifted his eyes to Bella and Charlie, ignoring Y/N.

"Dr Cullen," Charlie muttered with a nod, Dr Cullen turned to Bella.

"So, Isabella...how are you feeling?" He said, his voice a string of silk.

"Good," Bella muttered, her eyes filling with curiosity as Dr Cullen continued the medical check, murmuring words about vitals, PTSD and head trauma. Every so often he would grimace, his eyebrows furrowing and his marble skin creasing. Y/N slowly felt herself sinking into the shadows, feeling the cold shoulder of the Dr, of course, she knew about Carlisle Cullen, the adoptive father of Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and of course, Edward, but she had never met him, she never had reason to. And yet there he stood. At least a head taller than Y/N with snow-white skin disappearing behind a creamy coat, eyes darker than a stormy river, and, no wedding ring. Y/N's eyes immediately snapped away from his form as a certain thought crossed her mind.

"You know it would have been a whole lot worse if Edward hadn't been there," The words from Bella pulled Y/N back down to earth, "He knocked me out of the way," The image of Edward Cullen jumping over the red truck sprung back to Y/N suddenly, the look of anger and confusion writhing in his face as he walked right past her form.

"Edward," Charlie chirped, "Your boy?" Carlisle simply glanced up from his clipboard, but he quickly looked back down again.

"Yeah, it was amazing..." Bella continued.

"He left me on the floor," Y/N somehow found her voice, her eyes fixed squarely on Bella, refusing to look anywhere near a certain doctor.

"What?" She asked.

"Well, I was knocked to the floor by the door, and he just...walked right past me,"  

"Really?" That voice was not Bella's. Turning to Carlisle Y/N met his cool eyes and felt something tighten in her stomach.

"Yeah..." She murmured, "It was a bit weird, to be honest," Her eyes fell back to the floor. 

"Yeah," He hummed in response, a silence settled for a brief moment before he seemed to remember where he was, "Anyways, Bella you'll be fine, I recommend, however, that you take the rest of the day off," He smiled softly, "And you..." He turned back to Y/N, pausing once more before speaking, "The same goes,"

"Thank you, Dr Cullen," Charlie barked politely, helping Bella to her feet, the three were getting ready to leave when Carlisle spoke once more.

"Hey..." He turned to Y/N, pausing for her to fill the gap.

"Oh...um, my name is Y/N L/N,"

"Right," He murmured, grimacing once more, "I'll talk to Edward, see if we can sort this thing out," 

"Oh um..." Y/N felt a smile curl at her lips, "Thanks," She shuffled her bag on her shoulder and turned to leave, feeling something drop in her stomach at the thought of not seeing him again, not even seeing him for a while.

"Oh, Y/N one more thing," The clear voice called out calling her to turn around almost too quickly. 

"Nice band-aid."

part two