#Abigail and Caroline said: Ew

[giggly-squiggily]

I got the day off today Whoop whoop! Now to spend it responsibly-

*get’s absorbed into Stardew Valley*

[spongek-squidge]

How much you’d have to pay me to get me to hook-up with SDV Characters✨

Lil bit nsfw but in the throwaway comment way

(BACHELORS)

SHANE: Like a whole pizza. Love him, hate the smell of alcohol 🤷 Maybe some mints as well but like for him not me there’s no way he remembers to brush his teeth often ngl

ELLIOTT: A hair tie and the audiobooks for all his books (hair tie for him) he’d be lovely in bed honestly so I’d be down

HARVEY: A chocolate eclair. He needs some live in his life so I’d do it for free I’m just hungry

ALEX: An Oreo-Nutella cheesecake and £10, he’s fine but like he needs more respect woman juice in his life and also is probably a virgin (I said it)so may not know women also get the pleasure out of sex (if ya know what I mean). If I was a man like £3

SAM: a jam donut (and another one for him). Babyboy

SEBASTIAN: A packet of mints (for him) and some strawberry flavoured chewing gum (for me). I’m sorry but cigarette smell/taste is very strong I refuse to sleep with him without mints

(BACHELORETTES)

MARU: Nothing I’d do it for *free* that’s my WIFE-

EMILY: Like £10 and a steak bake, she’s not my fave and she might try to meditate half way thru or something idk

HALEY: A lollipop and some confidence. She’d insult me and I’d like it tbh

ABIGAIL: The ability to update all my mods on all my games instantly. She’s fine but like I see her as more of a friend then a love interest

PENNY: £30 and some flowers, I’d feel bad she seems like a wait till marriage type

LEAH: The biggest pack of copics and refills for all. I get the hype but also not really-

(OTHERS)

If people aren’t in this list it’s because they’re either a child or you couldn’t get me to do it ever

WIZARD: £500, he’d be weird in bed but like I feel that’s an experience I can’t give up, ya know? I mean it definitely worked for Caroline-

CAROLINE: Soeaking of! Like a Jaffa hot chocolate, I’m down :]

PIERRE: Ew. Like 5 winning lottery tickets and a lifetime supply of double cream Oreos. I’d do it but I wouldn’t be happy. There’s a reason his daughter isn’t his.

ROBIN: £5. She’s hot and is definitely strong 👀

LINUS: A winning lottery ticket and a lifetime supply of cheesecake. He’s lovely, I love him, not in that way

WILLY: £100 and some mints his breath smells like fish.

MARNIE: Some notebooks, she’s lovely. She needs to be shown Lewis is a dick and not in the way she thinks

KENT: £98 and a subscription to an art box. He’s fine? Strong probably? He has issues tho and infidelity does not need to be one of them

JODI: £100, she’d be easy to convince she wants to abandon her family anyway but the boys need their mum so I’d need convincing

[stardewvalley-headcanons]

Stardew valley As things my Parents say. (Mosty Kent)

Kent: Okay Jodi and I are going to Zuzu city tonight to go to the casino.

Sam: Thats boring dont you do anything else?

Kent: Your mom.

Sam:...ew I hate you.

Kent: You asked

...

Sam: What do you mean you don't know my friends names?

Kent: I have my own names for them.

Sam: Witch are?

Kent: Smart ass, Dumb ass, and Fuck ass.

Sam: Whos who?

Kent: Dumb ass is the one with purple hair.

Sam: Abigail.

Kent: Smart ass is the sad one

Sam: Sebastian.

Kent: And you're the Fuck ass.

...

Caroline: Have you been doing drugs? Did you have sex yet? Tried alcohol?

Abigail: No.

Caroline: Ha ha. Loser.

...

(I would like to point out that my dad said what Kent said when defending my cousin. Not Demetrius. I'm so proud if him for sticking up for her because he's come such a long way<3)

Demetrius: Abigail wouldn't date you (Sebastian) anyways she's bi.

Kent: So? Why wouldn't she date him?

Demetrius: She has a girlfriend.

Kent: No she doesn't they broke up.

Demetrius: Yeah but she likes girls cuz she's bi.

Kent: She likes girls and guys- Why does it even matter!

Demetrius: I'm just saying.

Kent: Well your wrong.

...

Sams Birthday

Sam: Wait guys my mom just texted me.

Text: Hi Sam is Vincent. Mom is drunk and wanted me to text you and say 'happy birthday you motha fucka I'm proud of you you stupied bitch. I hope you get as waisted as I am. Love you Bitch.'

...

Haley and Alex looking at Christmas lights

Alex: Why does it look like that elf is beating the dear?

Haley: Oh. I thought he was beating off.

...

Maru recording Robbin working: Hey-

Robbin: Fucking Christ! You scared the crap out if me, Bitch

...

Abigail: Dont worry dad I always have a lie prepared.

Perrie: Thats why I'm proud of you.

...

Haley: How do I look?

Emily looking up from her book: Dont wear mesh It makes you look like a whore.

...

Perrie: Can I borrow some ones for strippers?

...

Sebastian: See this? *Shows Louis' bald tires*

Sebastian: This is where Louis dies.