#AS A FLORIDIAN THIS LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE MY MOM

[mimiatmidnight]

The way I was not worried about this hurricane at all until all of a sudden this bitch is literally 1 mph away from Cat 5..........

[rogersevans]

Fist Fights

Summary: Two years after the death of your mom you moved to Florida, for a new start. That’s how you ended up teaching Mary Adler how to throw a good sucker punch. 

Pairing: Frank Adler x Reader

Warnings: mentions of bullying, violence (punching), death, swearing, smut, unprotected sex

a/n: i’m such a softie for frank ngl, he makes me weak, so enjoy this which I have been working on for a while now

Frank Adler had stumbled upon you one sweltering Floridian Saturday, literally.  

You were lying on the grass of your front yard in a pair of denim shorts and white bikini top, trying to soak up some rays, not having had chance during the move. He hadn’t realised that someone had even moved in next door to be honest, Frank didn’t notice a lot of things. Like you lying on a towel until he tripped over your stretched out leg, him falling over you and making you yelp out in surprise.

“What the fuck!” Pulling your headphones out to find a very handsome man in your lap.  

“I’m so- sorry!!” Scrambling to push himself up off you, resting on his knees next to you.

“Don’t you look where you going? A body on the ground is hard to miss.”

“I didn’t even realise that someone lived here now.” He admitted sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“I’ve been here for two weeks.”  

“He doesn’t pay attention. I’m Mary, this is my uncle Frank.” The small blonde appeared from behind him and extended her hand out to you. She was cute, she had that whole blonde hair and blue eyes thing going for her.  

Slowly taking her hand in yours and giving it a soft shake, “good form kid.”  

Ok, so kids weren’t your area of expertise.  

They hated you, in other words.  

“Good form?” Mary asked, coking her head to the side.  

“Good grip, good shake.” You clarified letting go of her hand and clearing your throat.  

“Sorry again.” Frank finally spoke up again. You didn’t know if it was heat exhaustion or your lack of sex in the past six months but as you drank in his appearance, he almost had you panting, like a bitch in heat. His bright, blue eyes contrasting perfectly with his olive skin tone, his hair sticking up in different directions in a perfectly dishevelled way and that beard-

“You’re staring.” Mary interrupted your train of thought, folding her arms across her chest and giving you a quizzical look.  

“Mary, that’s rude.” Frank scolded her, standing to his feet and taking her small hand in his. He wasn’t mad though, how could he be when he was doing the exact same as you, staring. Well, admiring, he found you breath-taking.  

“Well, nice meeting you.” You gave him a quick nod and Mary and quick pat on the head, you really didn’t get kids, but when Mary giggled at your action you knew she didn’t mind. Jumping to your feet, bending to grab your towel and phone, giving Frank full view of your denim clad ass. Which he took full opportunity of.  

“Now you’re staring.” You heard Mary whisper to Frank, your entire body tingling at the thought.

“You’re a pain.” He hissed at her. “What did you say your name was?” He called after you as you climbed your porch.  

“I didn’t.” Turning to throw them both a two fingered wave before stepping into your home.  

“She’s weird, I like her.” Mary said before pulling Frank off towards their truck.  

A couple of days went by and you hadn’t seen much of Frank (not that you were looking), you learnt he kept to himself, not even bothering to stop and say ‘hi’ to neighbours as he trudged to his truck each morning.  

Mary was the complete opposite however, she would go out of her way to speak to neighbours or to sit with her cat on the porch as they watched the day pass them by.  

You were unpacking one last box that you had put off mainly because of its contents, the last of your mom’s belongings, she was the reason for your move to a completely new state.  

Fresh state. Fresh start.  

You would repeat to yourself on the drive, it had become your mantra.

Sudden knocking made you jump, causing you to drop a framed picture, the sound of it smashing made you cringe. “Shit.” You mumbled before crouching down to pick up the shards of glass.

The knocking continued, “it’s open!” You shouted from your spot, not even bothering to look up.  

“That’s dangerous, you know? Letting anyone walk in,” Mary’s voice rang through your house once she stepped inside. “I could’ve been a serial killer.” Crouching down by your side.  

“I’ll take my chances.” You rolled your eyes, pushing her back a little so she didn’t step on the glass. “How do you know about serial killers? Aren’t you like... 4?” Your eyes narrowing in on her.

Resting her cheek on her knees she looked at you. “8, and I watch the news.”  

“You’re 8 and you watch the news? What about Disney Channel or Nickelodeon?”  

“They’ve changed.” She said with a heavy sigh, like it was something that really bothered her. She turned her head to look at the photo on the floor, reaching out to grab and inspect it closer. “Who’s this?”

“My mom.”  

“She’s really pretty, are you close with your mom?” Tracing her fingers over the photo softly.

“I was, she died two years ago.” Letting out a cough to fill the now silent air, walking over to the kitchen to dispose of the broken glass.

“My mom died.” Her little footsteps could be heard as she followed you, still holding the picture. “She killed herself when I was 6 months old.”  

Her admission made your heart ache, when you looked over your shoulder at her and saw her sad eyes looking back at you, you felt it crack.  

“My mom died of cancer. Doesn't life just suck?” Turning to face her, leaning against the counter.

“You’re telling me, and I’m only 8.” She huffed, her little smile returning.  

You let out a chuckle, “you’re a weird kid, but weird is good.”  

“That’s not what the kids at school say, they make fun of me because I’m smart.”

“Kids are assholes.” You replied without thinking until she was repeating you.

“Kids are assholes.” Giving you an affirmative nod.

“No, no, no, no- fuck, kid don’t swear.” Now kneeling in front of her. “This is why I don’t talk to kids.”  

“Because you swear like a sailor?”  

“That, and kids don’t like me.” Mary cocked her head to the side, frowning her brows at you.

“I like you, you’re funny-”

The sound of someone banging on your door echoed throughout your small home and then Frank’s frantic voice. “Please answer!” Causing you to look over at Mary who was looking rather sheepish. “You didn’t tell him where you going, did you?” She shook her head. “And now he’s panicking.” Now nodding at you before you ran to open the door.

“I’m sorry to bother you but have you seen-” He stopped when you stepped aside revealing Mary stood behind you, shuffling on her feet. “Mary?!” He fell to his knees and grabbed her arms, pulling her into a tight hug. “You know you’re not supposed to wonder off on your own!”  

“I just wanted to see-”

“I don’t care, you scared me!” A mixture of panic and anger was washing over him now, more so anger once he knew she was safe.  

“It's my fault. I needed help moving something, didn’t see anyone else around to help.” Frank assessed you both as he stood, when he wasn’t looking you threw Mary a quick wink and she smiled brightly back at you. “Y/n,” he looked at you confused, “I never told you my name before, it’s Y/n.”

You took the silent moment to admire him, his clothes had patches of dirt and oil on them and his jeans were ripped at the knee, it didn’t seem like a fashion choice though. You knew he was a boat repairman, the decal on the side of his truck a big indicator. But labour looked good on him. 

“You’re staring, again.” Mary pointed out to you, making you blush.

After apologising to you, Frank and Mary walked back over to their home and you couldn’t help but listen to their conversation. “I made a friend!” Jumping around him as they walked before wrapping herself around his right leg, like a kola.  

“Yeah? If you keep wandering off your friendship won’t last because I’m going to kill you.” Laughing as he grabbed her and peeled her from his leg, carrying her in his arms and tickling her.

“You’re so dramatic Uncle Frank!!” She screamed through her giggles.

The view made you smile.  

You had come to learn that Frank was really good with Mary. Knowing how honest he had been with her about her mother’s suicide and how he treated her like his equal, embracing her unique intelligence when she would question it after a hard day of school or pushing her to always try harder like when she was struggling to do a cartwheel so Frank stayed by her side and pushed her until she nailed it.  

Not to mention he had that whole DILF look really going for him.

After that Mary made a habit of just wandering over to you when you were home and Frank was working, often just walking in and sitting on your sofa. It had become such a norm for all three of you that Frank would call in to pick her up when he got in from work, finding her curled up on your couch passed out.  

Over the next few months, you had built up a strong connection with Mary. It happened after she came home from school with scruff marks on her knees and hands, her cheeks tear stained and eyes puffy and red as she walked past you on your porch. You didn’t know what came over you but you felt the sudden urge to protect her and comfort her. So, after a comforting bowl of chocolate ice cream you taught her how to throw a punch. You taught her how to defend herself against the bullies ‘never throw the first punch’ you would say, ‘that way it’s self-defence’ she would always recite back to you.

That’s how you came home to an angry Frank on your porch one Monday evening.  

“So, I got a call from the school today. Mary is suspended because she sucker punched a kid in the face.” His tone was harsh and his jaw clenched, you looked over to see Mary stood on their porch, Fred in her arms as she snuggled more into him. You were almost flattered that he remembered your work schedule, but his hard stare ruined the moment.

“Did she throw the first punch?” Moving around him to get to your front door, but he just blocked you.

“No-”

“Self-defence.” You stated proudly, his hands now on his hips with brows raised in annoyance.  

“So, you have been teaching her how to fight?”

“Defend herself,” you corrected. “She asked me to, kids were picking on her.”  

“You had no right to.”

“It’s not like I was teaching her nipple twists or atomic wedgies, chill out.” You shrugged.  

“Don’t tell me to chill out. I don’t want her knowing these things-”

“What’s a nipple twist?” Mary shouted over to you both, standing on the edge of the porch and leaning over the railing.  

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.” Looking over your shoulder you gave her a quick wink, making her giggle. “So, you’re saying if a kid hits her, she’s supposed to take it?” Now facing Frank, your arms folded across your chest and popping your hip out slightly.  

“No-”

“Because we both know those teachers will do fuck all about it. I bet that kid won’t be bothering her anymore.”  

“She gave him a black eye.”

“Nice one kid!” You shouted over your shoulder only to be met with Frank’s hard stare. “You hungry? I’m starving! Wanna get some pizza? You can continue shouting at me if you want.” Suddenly changing the subject and walking over to Frank’s truck, meeting Mary there and picking her up and resting her on your hip. Leaving him still stood there, dumbfounded. “You didn’t tuck your thumb in did you? Used the technique I showed you?” When Mary nodded to your questions you poked her nose and held your hand open. “Yes! Gimme some!”  

“Seriously?” Frank deadpanned to you striding round to the driver's side, unlocking the truck and hopping in. You and Mary share a look before jumping in next to him, staying close to your side during the quiet car ride.  

“I can’t believe you did this...” Frank trailed off, you were both stood at the counter waiting for your pizza, you glanced over your shoulder at Mary who was occupying herself on your phone at a table behind you.

“C’mon Frank,” you sang, nudging your shoulder with his. “Look at her, she’s fine, she kicked ass, you should be proud.”  

He gave you a knowing look over his shoulder, narrowing his eyes in on you. Up until that very moment you had seen Frank as a friend, you’re very, very attractive friend. But seeing him in papa bear protective mode did things to you. His longing stare on you made your entire body warm up, the knot in your stomach tightening as he leaned in closer to you, your eyes drifted down to his lips as he closed the gap between you both. But disappointment quickly settled inside you when he grabbed a few napkins from the holder behind you and twisting to put them on the table Mary was at. Giving the opportunity to relax and regulate your breathing again before turned back to face you.  

“No more backyard boxing, you got it?” Picking up both beers and Mary’s drink leaving you to grab the pizza.  

“I’ve taught her everything she needs to know.” But then nodding in agreement when he turned to give you another stern look. “Got it.”  

“Still kicked ass.” Mary informed you both, her legs swinging as she handed you back your phone.  

“Hey, do you want to go and live with Evelyn?” Frank threatened jokingly, knowing he would never do that, he’d probably miss her before they even left the street.

Over time you felt yourself falling in love with Frank, you didn’t know if he felt the same, the atmosphere around you both always felt flirty and intense but when he refused to make a move you told yourself that he didn’t like you romantically.  

You were convinced that Mary knew even if she didn’t say anything, but her constant ‘parent trap’ ploys never went unnoticed by you.  

Like locking you both in his truck, or pretending to be scared whilst watching E.T. (even though she’d seen it before) so you both would cuddle her and even ringing up the closest restaurant and booking a table only to be caught by Frank and claiming she wanted to treat Fred to a nice meal.

You knew showing her that film would come back to bite you in ass.  

It was another Friday afternoon of Frank complaining how behind on work he was, fumbling around the question of asking you to pick Mary up from school. Half an hour later you found yourself sat on a bench in the school yard, waiting for the tiny blonde to come running out the doors.  

“Excuse me, Mrs. Adler?” A soft voice called out and you don’t know why you responded or why the mistaken name made you giddy.  

“Yeah?”  

“I need to speak with you, about Mary-”

“What happened? She alright?” Now standing, tucking your phone into the pocket of your shorts.  

“Yes,” she nodded, you recognised her as Mary’s teacher. “We need to discuss an incident that happened today, follow me.” Without another word she turned and headed back inside, you following closely behind.  

When she led you into her classroom you spotted Mary sat next to her desk, her eyes red and puffy and the right corner of her bottom lip coated in now dried blood. Panic set in straight away making you kneel down in front of her, cupping her cheeks and examining her.  

“What the fuck?” You mumbled to yourself, Mary giggling a little at your cursing. “What happened?” You demanded now stood and facing the teacher, your hand holding Mary’s tightly.  

“There was a fight-”

“No shit, wanna tell me how it happened?” You didn’t need to be told you knew. “Was she being picked on again?” When the teacher opened her mouth to speak you stopped her. “You know, this has been happening for a while and you shitheads proceed to do nothing about it.”  

“We did warn your husband that this would happen, that her intelligence would make her a target-”

“Target? Are you fucking kidding me? She’s a child not a nuclear weapon. And in your care, we’re trusting you to look after her. Not fucking feed her to the wolves.” Your chest started to heave as you yanked Mary to her feet, hiding her behind your legs as you grabbed her bag. “This either gets fixed or your boss will be getting a very heavy complaint, got it?” You threatened.

With a quick movement Mary was in your arms and you were headed towards your car, your blood still boiling. It took Mary resting her head on your shoulder, snuggling into your neck, for your nerves to calm.  

You hadn’t noticed the effect Mary Adler had on you, or how attached you had become to her over the past months until now when you felt your body completely relax under her embrace.

“Did my mom kill herself because of me?” Mary suddenly asked as you placed her in the passenger seat, leaving you shocked.

“What? Look at me,” you demanded but it went ignored by 8 year old so you lifted her chin with your finger, making her look at you. “Who told you that? Mary, your mother was a very unhappy woman, but you... You were her light.” As you watched tears begin to brim in her eyes you felt your heart break. “Wanna know how I know?” You whispered and when she nodded you continued. “Because, you’re an amazing kid and I know my life would suck without you in it. In fact, my life did suck without you in it, you’re my favourite small person.”  

“You’re my favourite tall person!” She cheered back instantly, “just don’t tell Frank, he gets jealous easily.”  

“You got it.” Giving her head a quick peck before walking round to the driver's side. “Pizza and parent trap?” Her little face lit up at the idea, her head nodding up and down enthusiastically. “Careful kiddo, you’ll give yourself whiplash.”  

When you pulled into your driveway Mary finally spoke, “my teacher called Frank your husband.” She stated, her nose scrunching up at the realisation.

“That a problem?” Reaching to the back seat to grab the pizza, ignoring the butterflies fluttering at the thought of it.

“No,” she shrugged. “You’d be a good wife for him, he needs someone like you, so do I.” Pushing the door open she hopped out, letting it shut as she jumped up onto your porch waiting for you.

11PM the time read when Frank trudged through your front door without knocking, kicking his boots off and rubbing her eyes. He went straight to the kitchen lifting the lid of the pizza box open and helping himself, before turning to grab a beer from your fridge.  

He welcomed the homely and familiar feeling your home brought him, it always made him relax after a long day, like today. His body slowly relaxing against the counter. 

“Busy day?” You asked quietly as you rounded the corner, coming into view.

“Busy week.” He took a large swig of the beer, washing down the pizza. “The school called. Apparently, my wife needs to control her anger or she won’t be allowed back.” He said with a playful smirk.

“Or they could just do their job?” You shrugged, reaching to grab another slice of pizza.

Frank watched as you moved around him, his heart speeding up slightly when you came to stand next to him, pushing yourself up onto the counter. At first, he was confused when the school mentioned his wife and it didn’t take long for realisation to hit, they were talking about you. But he didn’t correct them, he knew he should’ve, but the thought of you being his wife felt too good. 

Why does he like the way that sounds so much?

It does have a nice ring to it.

“Mrs. Adler, what did you do?” He teased.

The name falling from his lips had a different effect on you than earlier, it made your knees weak and heart race. 

“May have thrown a few curse words in there, that smug bitch tried telling me that they ‘warned you this would happen’, like it’s your fault-” you stopped yourself, shaking your head before you got too worked up.  

“Thank you,” when you looked over at him confused, he continued. “For sticking up for her, for picking her up and for being there for when I’m not able to. It means a lot to her. To me.” Taking another swig of his beer, eyes still fixed on you. 

“Mary asked me if she was the reason her mom killed herself, it was fucking heart breaking.”  

“I’m sorry,” before he could continue you stopped him.

“I meant it was heart breaking because she thought that, not because she asked.” Looking down at your feet, you hadn’t noticed Frank shuffle to stand in front of you until his fingers tilted your chin up to face him, settling between your thighs. 

His bright blue eyes were electrifying, making it hard for you to look away. The heat reradiating off of him made you lean into his touch, the beers and pizza long forgotten. His breath hitched in his throat when he felt you lean in closer, his thumb moving to trace your jaw, his eyes flicking down to your lips as he wet his own with his tongue.  

“Frank,” you whined out, your hands fisting his flannel shirt, the pool in your panties expanding.  

The whine that fell from your lips drove Frank to the point of no return, it’s worth possibly ruining your friendship for one kiss he told himself as he leaned down and captured his lips with yours. He expected you to push him away, reject him or something. What he didn’t expect was you to pull him closer, tilt your head to the side to deepen the kiss or your hands to wander under the fabric of the white shirt and when you felt the soft skin of his abs you couldn’t stop your hips from jutting against him.  

In the tangled mess of hands exploring each other’s bodies, teeth clashing and soft whimpers coming from you both, you had somehow made it to your bedroom door where Frank pulled away, looking at you, searching for confirmation.  

When you nodded, he didn’t waste time to open the door and push you in, his body following and still connected to yours, not being able to bring himself to part from you. Your touch was addictive to him. The noises you made as he touched you were addictive to him.

You were addictive to him.  

You internally thanked yourself for putting Mary in your spare bedroom.

Frank caging you on the bed as he hovered over you, his lips traveling from your lips, to your jaw, then neck and down the valley of your breasts over your shirt, before reaching the hem of it and pulling it up with his teeth. “Off,” he demanded when he let the fabric fall from his mouth.

Clothes were discarded in a rushed manner, leaving you both exposed to each other. You watched as Frank peppered kisses over your naked body, admiring you in the moonlight, the sudden urge to cover yourself washed over you and before you could wrap your arms around yourself Frank stopped you, shaking his head.  

“You’re beautiful,” holding your wrists above your head, pinning them into the mattress as his lips connected to your neck, sucking over your pulse spot making you arch your back and moan. “Fuck, you sound so pretty like this. Thought about this since I met you.” His teeth grazing over the spot, making your eyes roll back as you pushed your hips up to meet his throbbing cock, it rubbing over your clit making you both moan out, loudly.  

Both stilling your movements and listening for any movement from Mary, but after a couple of seconds of quiet you were satisfied that you hadn’t woken her.  

“You’re soaking, coating me and I haven’t even touched you yet.” He whispered against the shell of your ear.

“Please Frank,” you begged.

“What is it sweetheart?” He smirked at how sensitive to his touch you were, how your body responded to every stroke of his lips, graze of his thumb or lick of his tongue, making you squirm beneath him. “Tell me what you want.”  

“You, I need you.” You moaned out, pushing your naked chest up. “I’ve always needed you.”  

Your confession had him pushing your thighs further apart as he positioned himself between them, lining himself up with your entrance, giving you one final look of permission and when you nodded, he didn’t hesitate to push into you.

Frank had you on cloud nine, a whirl of ecstasy as he bottomed out, filling you completely, stretching you out. Sure, he looked big and thick but that was nothing compared to him being inside of you, the feeling had your back arching, legs wrapping around his waist, locking him there, and your nails digging into his shoulders when he released your wrists from his grip.  

Once you had adjusted to his size, you needed him to move. “Frank, please.” Leaning up to capture his lips on yours, he swallowed your moans as he started to pull out of you only to slam back into you.  

“Jesus- fuck... You’re so tight.” His breathing was rapid as he continued to fuck you, his hands falling to your hips, lifting them slightly and allowing him to hit a new spot, the spot, making you cover your mouth with your hand to stifle your cries, but this only spurred Frank on.  

Beads of sweat beginning to form above his brow, his hips began to stutter and you knew his was close, his hands now firmly holding your ass and kneading it.  

“Frank, I-I'm close,” you whined out, your head falling back against your bed as your eyes rolled back. The coil tightening in your stomach with each thrust.  

“I’ve got you baby, let go.” He grunted out, his speed increasing as he helped you reach your own high, leaning down to swallow your moans as the coil in your stomach snapped and had your body pulsing beneath him, clenching around his cock and you felt him twitch inside you. The feeling of your nails dragging down his back, no doubt leaving your mark, and your teeth biting down on his shoulder had him reaching his own high, the feeling of his seed spurting inside of you made you dizzy.  

Your small room was now filled with your rapid breathing, the scent of both of your arousal’s now settling in the room. You felt the bed dip when Fank rolled off of you, the heat of the moment disappearing and the reality settling in.  

There goes that friendship.  

You were fucked.

What if he didn’t want anything more than an easy fuck?

In the time that you’ve known him he’s never been on a date, not even batted an eyelid at the other moms at Mary’s school who would often flirt with him.  

“What you thinking?” His head now turned to look at you, watching as you stared up at the ceiling, biting your bottom lip, something you often did when you were nervous.  

When he called your name softly you turned to face him, his expression shocked you, he looked happy, relaxed. It was nice to see, relaxed was a good look on him. “Huh?”

“What’s on your mind?” He chuckled at your flustered state. “I lost you for a bit there.”  

Twisting your body so you were on your side, propped up by your elbow as you looked down at him, your hand finding his bare chest and his hand resting on the small of your back, pulling you into him.  

“I like you Adler, not really a fan of the friends with benefits thing or casual hook ups, so if that’s what you want then I can’t do that-”

“Who said anything about casual?” Your heart fluttered at his rhetorical question. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m a bit of a loner, don’t really let anyone in, but then you moved in next door.” Now shifting his weight so your back was pressed into the mattress and he was hovering over you. “You slowly chipped away at that, without even knowing. I don’t do casual or hook ups. I want you, only you, all of you-”

“Again? Someone’s eager.” You teased, smiling wide showing off her your teeth when he rolled his eyes playfully.  

“You know what I mean.” He chuckled, his fingers tracing shapes over your stomach. “I want this.”  Motioning between you both. “Us.”

“Me too Adler.” You whispered before giving him a sweet, lingering kiss.  

The sun streaming through your windows made you stir in Frank’s arms, the small taps to your forehead made your eyes flutter open to find the small blonde stood by your bedside and rubbing her eyes.

“I’m hungry.” She whispered, leaning in closer to you and quickly glancing at Frank who was pressed up against your back with arms tightly wrapped around your middle, his head on the pillow next to you, lightly snoring.

Suddenly, feeling very exposed you wrapped the covers around you tighter, trying to wriggle out of Frank’s grip but he only tightened his hold, gently stirring behind you.

“Saturday is pancake day.” She informed you, eyeing you suspiciously. “Does Frank always sleep in your bed? Naked?” Tilting her head to the side.

“Ok,” your cheeks tinting a deep shade of pink. “You’re not old enough for this conversation, neither am I for that matter, go wait in the living room and we’ll be out in a minute.”

Mary eyed you again, her stare blank as she processed the situation. “I’m timing you.” She turned and headed for the door, before leaving turned back to you. “I want to move in here, that room’s bigger. I need a lot of space for healthy growth, the books say.”

Grabbing your pillow you throw it at her playfully making her giggle and scramble out of your room, letting the door shut behind her causing Frank to wake up.

“Mornin’” he mumbled, his voice gravelly as he left a single kiss on your bare shoulder.

Turning in his arms to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing his nose. “Morning, not to burst your bubble but Mary was just in here, wants pancakes.”

“Ah, pancake day.”

“She also said that the guest room is bigger than her bedroom, wants that one when you move in.” You smirked as you watched him grab his boxers and jeans, throwing them on and turning to face you.

“Who says you won’t move in with us?” He asked, now matching your smirk.

“My house is better.” You simply put, “it’s bigger.” Shrugging your shoulders.

“That’s true!!” Mary shouted on the other side of the door making you laugh, throwing on Frank’s shirt and a pair of sleep shorts before he opened the bedroom door to find Mary stood there, beaming from ear to ear.

“You’re so nosey.”

“I’m 8. Of course I’m nosey,” she shrugged and pointed her index finger at you both. “But that room is mine, I called dibs last night. If you have a baby it can go in your room.”

Both you and Frank stood there shocked as she turned on her sock clad heals and bounded down the stairs to the kitchen.

“Wow.” Frank said, staring at you still shocked.

“She’s your niece.” Giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and following her down the stairs, Frank not long behind you to start the pancakes as you and Mary supervised.

[selfetishizing]

In which Eiji grossly overestimates the amount of mandarins he and Ash can eat. / 🍊 / ao3

Eiji comes home with a carton of mandarins and drops them at the entrance step with a dull thump.

“It was a good deal,” he tells Ash between breaths. “Ten kilograms for six thousand yen.” And then something about Mikan mandarins being nothing like those Floridian jokes for citrus and how the season for them is coming to a close. Ash never asked in the first place. It was as though he was defending himself from something before Ash could even open his mouth.

“Okay.” Ash kisses him on the cheek and helps him out of his coat, always in that order. Eiji stands on his toes, balancing himself with the cords of Ash’s sweater to aim another on his mouth. Ash leans down to help him, unconsciously souring his expression as he pulls back. “Have one on your way home?” He kisses him again for surety and, well, sure enough, his lips taste like they had been doused with Tang.

“A couple. Two couples.”

Ash whistles. “Dang. These oranges must be somethin’.”

"Mandarins, Ash. Mandarins. Not that I’d know the difference,” he sighs. “Oranges, mandarins... They're all kind of the same aren't they? Maybe it's about the size, the firmness, the peel. Maybe it's about the taste. All I know is that mandarins are like candy, and whatever this is,” Eiji pushes his chest out and wildly gesticulates to the accursed box before them, “is not it. These must be clementines from— oh, I don't know!— Pensa-fucking-cola!” He erupts all at once, shooting up like a thermometer on a dog day June afternoon and fizzling out like cola foam.

Eiji leans back against the door and Ash on the bannister. They stare at it, Eiji with utter disdain and Ash with morbid curiosity. Like a pack of Tic Tacs magnified by one hundred, he muses.

Ash crouches down to pick one of the mandarins up. Eiji moves in accordance, hand reaching out as if to stop him— that the fruit would poison him if he so much as hovered over it. Despite this silent warning, Ash grabs three and plays court jester for His Highness.

He juggles.

He juggles and he absolutely sucks at it while Eiji watches in complete horror; seeing the mandarins not as mandarins, but clipped grenades ready to blow the very hands that handled it. The color had gone from his face. He is but a pale sheet reflecting the warm hue of the ball pit that tormented him from below.

Eiji flashes him a mortified look. What the hell do you think you're doing?

Ash concentrates. Trying not to mess up.

Eiji frowns. This isn’t funny.

Ash almost cries. Yeah it is.

And he messes up.

The mandarins drop to the floor, sad little balls with not a lot of roll in them. Their eyes trace them as they huddle next to the box, like they had desperately wanted to go home and out of the reach of these two men that were belittling them.

Defeated, Eiji's back slides down the door. He holds his head in his hands.

“I miscalculated,” he says exasperatedly. “What are we going to do with all of these oranges?”

“Mandarins.”

“Mandarins.”

Ash sits level with him on the first step, eyes gleaming with warrior morale. He grabs the enemy and thrusts his fingers unto him, peeling them from their leathery armor. Ash— the fearless brute!— sections his enemy into eighths and tears into their head, innards spilling down his chin. In savage fashion, he wipes their juices with the back of his hand, going as far as offering their remains to Eiji. He grins. “We’re gonna eat ‘em.”

──────────⊹⊱🍊⊰⊹──────────

The sun slowly filters through bleary eyes and he sees a blob of Eiji watching him, head propped on both elbows. Ash hums as Eiji runs his hands through his hair, neither awake or asleep.

“An angel,” he murmurs, grasping his wrist and pulling him in. He presses his lips on the inside of his arm.

“Not quite.” Eiji climbs over him, heartbeats tethered. He smooches his jaw, laces their hands loosely. “Your worst nightmare, actually. A real devil with horns and a pitchfork.”

“Oh no.” Ash wraps an arm around Eiji’s waist, keeping them fixed together. He aims— bullseye!— for his lips, scrunching his nose when he tastes him on his tongue. “Oh no.” Mandarines today. Tangerines yesterday. Clementines the day before.

The wisps of Eiji’s hair tickle his skin as he laughs into his chest. “Told you so.”

“Sugar, you’re sour!”

“You really won’t like what’s for breakfast then.” Eiji rests his cheek against his shoulder, looking up from behind his lashes. Ash stares at him, the world in his eyes. It's enough to mask his disappointment.

“Again?”

“Yes, again. It was your idea."

“Can’t I have you for breakfast?”

“No, silly. That would be cannibalism.”

“But you’d be so delicious." Ash brings their held hands to his mouth, playfully biting one of Eiji’s fingers. Oranges. Of course it tastes like oranges. “Actually, on second thought....”

“Poor thing,” patronizes Eiji, patting his head like he’s the star player of a losing team. “You poor, poor thing.”

“You’re evil,” Ash whispers.

“I know, and you’re absolutely mad about me for it.” Eiji winks and untangles himself from Ash’s cling. He swipes his bangs up and pecks him on the forehead. “It’s waiting for you downstairs.”

“‘It?’ What is ‘it?'”

Eiji is already out the door, down the hall before he can answer.

Ash rolls himself up with linen wraps and lays lax in their unmade bed, ruler of this citrus peel mausoleum. He curses to himself, at the sun, at his sweet-turned-sourheart. He wishes it was the weekend. Then, he'd have an excuse to stay in bed all day and never leave their room. He'd be able to snack on all the Eiji he wants without burning the roof of his mouth with acid fruit.

──────────⊹⊱🍊⊰⊹──────────

The low table is dressed with white lace placemats and their finest floral china— courtesy of Missus Mom Okumura. A carafe is the centerpiece, replacing the vase of lilies Ash had bought Eiji when he went into town. Ash looks through the glass, Eiji’s head bobbing in the saffron pool.

“Come sit,” beckons Eiji, motioning to the cushion adjacent to him. His smile is distorted by pulp. Cautiously, Ash enters. He keeps it cool, keeps it blasé as he shuffles his feet inside with his knuckles tucked into the waistband of his brief, elbows pointed outward. There, his place is set with wooden chopsticks and their granite stopper. And lo and behold, the main course’s presentation is that of a rose, blooming from its peel. He should’ve known.

“You’re joking.”

Ash would've laughed had the situation not been so ridiculous.

“I wish I was.”

“How is it that we have an infinite arsenal of mandarins?”

“Not infinite. The box is almost empty.”

“It took us four days of constant snacking to get to this point.”

“And it will take us one more to finish it.”

Ash points an accusatory finger at him. “You’re crazy if you think I’m gonna stuff myself with another one of those. My shit is literally orange.”

“Put me in a sanatorium then.” Eiji slides the plate in his direction. “Breakfast is served.”

──────────⊹⊱🍊⊰⊹──────────

Ash always liked train rides in Japan, liked how silent it was, and the comforting voice of the announcer telling them they’d arrived at their destination. Living in the countryside meant sprawling fields for hours until they reached the city, a scene Ash never seemed to tire of. A cow would greet him for a second before they were replaced by some grandpa with muddied ankles, before he was replaced by a young girl on a Tiffany blue bell bike, before she was replaced with…

As he stares out the window, he can see Eiji, sitting across from him cross-legged, peeling another offending mandarin. Ash sighs, trying to immerse himself back into his one-man game of I Spy. Eiji wins his attention again— he always does— and so Ash settles on watching Eiji’s reflection behind him.

Eiji always starts at the middle and digs his thumbs into the peel, pulling its skin off as if he were undressing it. Erotic, Ash thinks fleetingly. He strips it sensually, letting it unfurl into a sproutling. Juice drips down his hand when he carelessly breaks into its flesh. Eiji licks up from his wrist, the heel of his palm and sucks on a finger. Naughty, naughty. Ash smiles into his sleeve, letting the thought float up in his head and burst into a million soap bubbles.

Finally, for once this week, his mouth waters, parched. Ash supposes this is what it means to be in love. Even the most mundane of tasks can look enticing if your other half is doing it. He’s sure he’ll be over the moon about this snapshot scene for the rest of the month. He’ll count the replays of Eiji in the train instead of sheep just before slumber, ensuring him tender dreams.

“It’s a lucky sweet one.” Telepathic. Eiji seems to know exactly what he wants.

Ash nods.

Eiji breaks it into fourths, a fourth into a half. Instead of giving him a section, Eiji rises from his seat to sit beside Ash; crosses his legs, leans in, opens his mouth to say “aaaah” as he feeds him. Ash devours, nips his nail.

“There’s people in this car,” Eiji whispers sharply, eyes darting left and right. A man is reading the paper— a huge parrotfish is its cover story. There’s a teenage boy in the back fiddling with his phone, neon lights of his game reflecting softly on his face. A woman Ash presumes worked the night shift is sound asleep.

“No one’s looking.” Ash wraps an arm around him and scooches closer. “Quickly.”

Eiji, Mister Goody-Two-Shoes, puffs his cheek and scans the area one more time, switching his gaze from Ash’s mischievous stare to his near-empty surroundings. He surrenders and angles his head up, eyes closed, waiting, aching. Ash captures him.

“You taste like Sunday morning,” Ash coos, supping the remnants of his juice-glossed lips.

“Ever the poet.” Eiji, blushing, concentrates on turning more quarters into halves. “We still have four of these left. Hopefully they taste just as sweet.”

Ash is sure they will be.

He wouldn’t mind eating mandarins for the rest of his life so long as Eiji is peeling them for him.

[eatsleepbreathefutbol]

Wedding

This was inspired by Disney Fairytale weddings, I have been obsessed with that show recently. In this imagine I’m using names of his family. Like DeeDee is his older sister, Kelley is his mom, and Will his cousin. I’m thinking of making a three part wedding series for him, this one will be the first part of it which will be the getting ready for the ceremony.

So today was the day, the day where you and Christian were getting married. You were at the Grand Floridian getting ready with your mom, DeeDee, Kelley, Y/BF/N who was your maid of honor, and the rest of your bridal party.

Chris had sent Will over to your room to give you a little gift before the wedding to ease your nerves. When Will walked in the stylist was doing your makeup, and he walks in with a little wooden box he hands it to you and gives you the instructions “So cousin in law, I was given strict instructions to give you, Christian told me to give you the box and your only allowed to open one of the parts of the gifts today while you finish getting ready” before Will leaves he gives Y/BF/N a kiss since he was her boyfriend, that was the one thing you loved about the relationship that you had a couple to go on double dates with.

You open the envelope that was on top of the lid of the wooden box, that read open on our wedding day, when you opened the envelop you find a folded piece of paper and open it to find it was a letter:

Dear Y/N,

I don’t know how to start this off mamas, but I can tell you that I am very excited to get married to you. I’m probably trying to fight the urge to run to you and kiss you now, I probably put Will and Weston on Christian Watch as corny as it sounds but it’s probably necessary. I’m excited to be that hubby that will be at the end of the aisle crying while you walk down the aisle because I can’t believe that I’m marrying such a beautiful, caring and wonderful woman like you but most of all because Mrs. Christian Mate Pulisic is walking towards me to proof to the audience our profound love for each other. I can’t wait til the day where we have a mini version of you or me running around the house while you’re on the couch holding our other child watching Frozen II for like the millionth time.

I knew you were my other half on our first year anniversary, when you moved in with me. I knew that I wanted to keep waking up next to you, with you in my arms. By the time we were together for a year and half I was already imagining what it’d be like if we were to have kids and how they would look like, if mini you would get her good looks from me and mini me would have the tennis skills his mama has or his dad’s soccer skills. I can assure you the time we took time apart was the worst part of my life, because I can’t see my life without you. I just know that I’m ready to conquer whatever obstacle comes towards us, because it’ll be you and me for the rest of our lives ‘until death of us part’.

I’m so happy that we’re getting married at the most magical place in the world, a place that has a special place in our hearts, a place that brought us even closer for our 2nd year anniversary trip. I know you’ve always wanted to get married in front of Cinderella’s castle in Magic kingdom, because it’s one of your favorite places and because of your obsession with Disney Fairytale Wedding. Well babe you’ve got your fairytale ending, with e as your Prince Charming, and fairytale wedding. I hope I didn’t make you cry, because if I did your makeup is probably ruined by now but to me it wouldn’t matter because I love you and all of your phases.

Well I should stop rambling on so you can finish getting ready, can’t wait to see you at the end of the altar Mrs. Y/N Y/MN Pulisic.

Your loving soon to be husband,

Christian Pulisic

After you had finish reading the letter to the people in the room, you hadn’t noticed the happy tears streaming down your face, Kelley was excited that you were going to be her daughter-in-law. Your mom was in tears, happy at the thought that her daughter had found her soulmate. You were excited to open the wooden box that was still on your lap, when you open the box you see different envelopes. You start flipping through them reading each envelope:

Open when we enter our house as a married couple

Open when you’re getting ready for the first home game as my wife

Open when I’m at the first away game as your husband

Open when you miss me

Open when you feel insecure

Open when you need a good laugh

Open when we’ve had our first fight as a married couple

Open when you’re on a flight back home

Open when it’s a rainy day in London

Open when you find out your pregnant

Open when we’re at the hospital holding our first child

The envelopes seemed to have been written by someone else other than Christian, because the handwriting was neat and not sloppy. You had not expected a gift like this, but you had sent Y/BF/N to give him a gift you had gotten him. For the bride to groom gift exchange you had done a little DIY flip book with 45 reasons why you want to marry him, cuffs initialed with C+Y/I and a scrapbook filled with polaroids you had taken while you guys were dating. The hair stylist decided to give you a little break so you can look at your gifts, she decided to do one of your bridesmaids hair while waiting for you to finish, when you were finishing looking at the envelope Y/BF/N comes back in with another gift Christian had sent you. Chris had sent you a shot glass along with a bottle of tequila, so you would take a shot before leaving for Magic Kingdom, and a necklace locket that had both of your initials in it.

You had taken the shot Christian had sent along with two flukes of champagne, right now the hairstylist was finishing your hair while everyone was in awe with how cute you guys were for giving each other little gifts. The stylist had finished and now you were off to make up, your look was more of a natural/nudish color scheme. When the makeup stylist was done, you were off to the bathroom getting ready to slip on your wedding dress.

Your mom and Y/BF/N were helping you put on the dress, putting on the dress just reminded you of how many dresses you had to try on before finding the perfect one. Pnina Tornai in your opinion was the best wedding dress designer, and you loved all her dresses so you had to get one of her gowns. When you walked out to show DeeDee, Kelley, and your bridal party everyone was literally in awe and tears at how gorgeous you looked with the final product. You were ready to be married to the love of your life!

[apparentlynotreallyfinnish]

I’m still trying to get back to some kind of normalcy after my US trip and I’ve been jotting down some of my observations and little tidbits about the trip (a lot about the food, some about general stuff and meeting Mick and V). This is more for me to remember and look back on, I don’t really expect any of y’all to be that interested. So I’ll put it under a read more.

I’ve never been on a plane that big (with three rows of seats, 3-4-3) and surprisingly, the flights (3h and 11h on my way there, 8h and 2,5h when coming back home) went really well! I will definitely visit the US again now that I know I can do it. (In case you didn’t know, I have always had a horrible fear of flying.) 

I stayed at an Airbnb for the first two nights, which turned out to be an excellent idea since I caught a stomach bug from my friend’s baby before the flight and spent the first night in the states sleeping on the bathroom floor and being extremely ill. 

The Airbnb host was lovely.

Simply Lemonade’s Raspberry Lemonade is my favorite drink ever and I’m so very sad they don’t sell it in Finland. Also, apparently, I like Dr. Pepper. 

Floridian strawberries are cheap and tasty (but not as good as Finnish strawberries).

Milk Duds are nothing like I imagined. They were okay though.

I love Sour Patch Kids.

I’ll probably never again eat at Taco Bell, even if I get a chance. (Also, Mexican food, in general, is gonna be on hiatus for a while…) I had a Crunchwrap and it was okay when it went down but pure murder when it came back up the following night.

The Cheesecake Factory was ridiculous. The portion sizes were monstrous and the cheesecake was a bit too much. Also, the eye of Sauron pillars were a strange decor choice.

Portion sizes in other places weren’t as big as I’d expected. But the drinks… Good God. No wonder there’s so much diabetes in America. 

Bojangles was my favorite fast food place and I’m still dreaming about Cajun Filet Biscuit.

All chicken foods I ate were great.

Seeing the calory counts so prominently displayed on menus and commercials was very disconcerting and gave me so much anxiety. 

Why does everything have to come in a huge bag/bottle/package?! I would’ve wanted to try out all kinds of stuff but I’m not gonna buy a 15-pack of drinks to drink one (or a 1 pound bag of candy etc.). 

I expected the food to be cheaper.

I felt weird about someone packing my groceries for me.

I felt weird about waiters and cashiers being so cheery. It freaked me out and always made me mumble something incoherent in response.

My depit/credit combination card was apparently very strange to many cashiers. Don’t you guys have those?

There are SO MANY trucks. And they are intimidatingly big.

I only saw one oversized load which was a tad disappointing but still good. (This will not be understood by anyone else except Mick.)

Road signs were massive.

I’d never seen a skyscraper before so that was cool.

The houses are massive and very American.

So many cars….

The Georgia Aquarium was a heaven on earth and I sat in front of the big tank for 30 minutes and actually cried because I was so overwhelmed and affected. (Yes, I have a weird obsession with aquariums and ocean creatures.) I wanna go back and sit there a whole day. 

Also, I saw puffins and it was everything I hoped it would be. (I obviously bought a puffin plushie for myself. It now sits under my lighthouse print.) 

Also, a middle-aged guy accidentally titty-punched me (at the Aquarium) and I’m not sure which of us was more embarrassed.

It was about 22C/72F on one day and we sat out on the porch and wrote. It was lovely. When I came back home a few days later we had -7C/14F and it was snowing. 

I could move into 2nd and Charles (I LOVE used book stores). It was literally heaven for me and I made Mick and her whole family annoyed at me by staying there way too long.

@mythicalpurgatory is the sweetest person on Earth and gave me the prettiest earrings as a gift. I miss her hugs and I am so sad we forgot to take a pic together.

@sass-and-panache was exactly as I’d imagined her to be. She really is a force to be reckoned with. She’s amazing. The best mom and an all-around awesome person. Meeting her in real life was almost anticlimactic because it all felt so familiar (but only almost, it was actually freaking awesome).

I was very awkward and embarrassed about my accent.

I’ll probably miss Mick’s son more than Mick but only because he snuggled with me. (Also, he’s like super smart and cute as heck.) (This is only like 50% a joke.)

When Mick drove me to the airport we listened to Rhett and Link sing Silver Wings and it was very fitting and slightly hilarious.

On the flight back home, the plane flew over Newfoundland and I’m like 95% sure it also flew over the exact spot I’d decided LMBYL’s lighthouse island is. I was VERY excited.

I almost missed my second flight back home in Paris (because the airport is massive, the staff was unhelpful and I didn’t have enough time between flights). It was very stressful. I almost cried at the security check and the staff member checking my bag was super rude. They called my name on the loudspeaker (last call) and I was on the plane right as they were closing the gate. 

Jet lag was not a problem while I was in the States. Now though… My body has no idea what time it is.

It was a great trip and I’m so glad I did it. That I could do it. That my anxiety didn’t stop me. If you’d told me a year ago that I was doing this I would have laughed and called you crazy. I’ve always dreamed of visiting the US but I was certain I would never do it. Actually going was a huge personal victory.

I will be forever grateful for Rhett and Link because they are the reason I met Mick and did this trip. 

[bookersebastien]

2, 7, 12, 34, 69, 84, 95, & 97?

i love your new url!

2. do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

yes, definitely yes. as a floridian, and a very south floridian at that i enjoy every single day of moderate cold weather we get, plus when its cold here it usually is windy so i love it

7. do you name your plants?

lol yes, i had one named hector but i have two in my room that im currently taking suggestions for. one is snake plant and the other idk exactly, but it has long thin pieces that grow vertically (i cant for the life of me find the name)

12. what’s your favorite planet?

neptune, it’s so pretty and blue, or jupiter

34. tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

it’s a little white rabbit that says ‘my first easter’ so it’s old. her name is noni, and she’s probably what i would call a very light gray, not white anymore but i still have her sitting on my bedside table

69. what are your favorite board games?

oh it’s been a minute since ive played a board game, but i used to love ‘sorry’ and ‘life’ when i was little (until we lost some of the pieces)

84. are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

one hundred percent. i don’t have any right now because im indecisive and my parents hate tattoos so while i live at home im putting it off, and i also don’t have the money for it. but I’d really like to get something with the ocean done and some nature-y or geometric stuff, or the moon

95. what are your plans for this weekend?

lol nothing. my mom is a teacher, so my weekends are usually spent doing errands and chores since she’s working and my sister has classes. well actually, i do plan on going to the beach at least one day this weekend and bring a book and just chill for a few hours

97. myer briggs type, zodiac sign, hogwarts house?

literally had me taking the personality test because i dont remember, so

myer briggs: infp-t (which i guess i agree with, havent’ read the whole thing yet)

zodiac: cancer

[uraniumwriting]

Not a Vacation, Not a Love Story

(Isabelle’s POV)

The intoxicating smell of sugar as I walk through the streets. The characters I grew up watching on TV, basically standing in front of me. The feeling of the warm, Floridian, summer breeze against my skin as I soaked up each moment for what it is meant to be. Total, utter, relaxation.

I had never been to Disney before, as the oldest of three children with enough problems to fill an entire novel. So, when my parents surprised us after the last day of school with a packed car and the promise of a long drive, I couldn’t help but woefully wonder if the city of Orlando was going to be our destination.

Instead, what I got was a crowded, vomit-filled car ride from our comfortable, New Jersey home, to relatives I never even knew existed in the heart of South Dakota’s corn country. A two and a half day trip.

And what’s the first thing I do when I get to their farm, just wanting to lay in an actual bed? Trip over the first rock I see, scrape up my knee, and meet my “Prince Charming”.

Don’t worry, he hates the title too.

“For Pete’s sake are you kidding me?” I reached down for my knee, not caring much for my volume, or the fact that my jeans were now ripped. I was more focusing on not cursing the first moment I meet my long lost relatives, since my parents had begged the three of us to act like “normal, proper children for once”. I tried to get up from my sprawled position, but I had been too bold and decided to try and carry fifty pounds of luggage out of the car, those fifty pounds stopping me from being able to get up while not looking like an alien.

“Oh holy fucki- I mean, uh--” Those were the first words that I heard from the boy, whose arms I felt pulling me up before I even got to see him. He dragged me to my feet as best as he possibly could, making me drop some of my extra weight in the process. It was after I was on my own two feet that I could actually get a glimpse of him, though it was hard to focus on anything as blood was flowing between my jeans and my skin.

The first thing I noticed was his hair. It was dirty blond, with an emphasis on the dirty. It was half-plastered onto his forehead for the moment, the glue likely being the amount of sweat that was pouring off of him from the mid-summer heat. The second thing I noticed was the smell.

“So you sme- I mean, thank you.” I gave the most forced smile I could to the boy before turning back to the now scattered luggage, making sure I got a couple of steps away from the stench before I took a full breath.

“Oh, Isabelle, dear!” I heard the voice of the person who was apparently a distant aunt of my come up from behind me, taking me by the shoulders and making a huge fuss over my scraped knee. “Leave the luggage here, Oliver will take care of it. First, we need to patch up that knee of yours.” She forced the rest of whatever luggage I still had out of my hands, before pulling me up to the house.

Inside of the very stereotypical farmhouse, things only seemed to get worse for me. Apparently, the “Oliver” boy that my aunt had mentioned happened to be the very same stink bomb that helped me get up after my fall, a summer worker on the farm that one of my cousins went to school with. My aunt and eldest cousin both swore it was true love. I swore that it was, in fact, not.

And, my muscles decided that they wanted to join the party of misery, and begin to harmoniously scream.

“Can I just please lay down? My knee is fine, I just need to sleep for years right now.” I was sprawled out between five chairs next to the kitchen table, my cousin pouring chemical after home remedy after chemical onto the scrape.

“Well, if you sleep for years, then you won’t get to see Oliver,” My cousin said, finishing off the “Oliver” in a singsong tone. She then went back to work on my knee. “Can’t let it get infected” was all that she said when I questioned her about it.

“Well, if I hang out with Oliver, I’ll probably pass out from the stench!” I mocked my cousin’s tone, wishing that I wasn’t having this conversation. But, I knew that my excuse to get out of it could end up in much worse conversations.

“It’s called being on a farm, sweetie, everything smells here to you city folk.” My aunt placed her hand on my shoulder, scaring me. I had no clue she was standing behind me.

“Yeah, that’s fine. That makes sense. But I still don’t see why I shouldn’t assume the fetal position in a bed right now and hope I’m not dying.” I threw my hands up in the air as I spoke, but then I realized my fault in my argument. These people don’t know about the issues of the McClain trio of children, and especially not my Fibromyalgia. So, they actually thought I was trying to avoid Oliver. Not that it actually felt like my hair was hurting.

“Just get ready for dinner, okay?” My aunt and cousin, the latter finally being done with her chemical experiment on my knee, walked over to the kitchen, leaving me to get up and awkwardly hobble over to the bedroom I was sharing with my two siblings.

In the bedroom, my brother and sister had already claimed their beds. My brother, Joseph, was reading some large book (likely poetry), and was sprawled out quite ungracefully across his bed. My sister Diana’s bed had all of her belongings laid out on it, though Diana herself was standing in front of the lone mirror in the center of the wall, creepily facing the last unoccupied bed.

I took the bed with gratitude.

“Seriously, what were mom and dad thinking?” Diana yelled out after I had assumed my fetal position. “If my braces break during this stupid vacation, I’m going to be stuck with bleeding gums for weeks! And they didn’t even pack my goddamn Waterpik.” She leaned towards the mirror, examining some of the extensive hardware in her mouth.

“Speaking of your braces, don’t you have to tighten your expander-thingy in a couple of days?” I asked, gesturing my right arm wildly so I could convey what I meant with as little movement as possible.

“Don’t remind me about that. I heard they were going to give us the “true farm experience” and make us work. There’s no way I’m doing that when I can’t even eat anything properly.” Diana stormed to her bed, letting out a normal obnoxious, teenage groan as she did so. Even though she was only thirteen, she had picked up on the culture pretty quickly.

“So that’s why mom and dad actually brought the three of us here. To kill us off, and then go to Disney without us,” Joseph called from his poetry-reading position, acting as if he just discovered a great government cover-up.

“No, it’s to try and get that kid Oliver a date.” I sat up, unable to stop myself from laughing as I thought about the very, very slim chances that I would date the kid. Not that he was a horrible human being or anything. They were just, slim.

“Well, mom wants us to wear something nice to dinner tonight, so if farm people are fine with three year age gaps, I vote we dress like trash, fancy Joseph up, and sacrifice him.” Diana grabbed a dress from her bed, which did actually have some of my clothing on it, and flung it at me. “It’ll be easy for you, since they packed this hideous thing from your closet.”

“Well, I might convince mom to, wait no,” I took a good look at the dress, “they packed the one dress that’s too small on me! That’s it, I’m taking a nap.”

And with that, I flopped down on my bed. And fell asleep. I never got to fully sleep on the way there, so my body was thankful to finally get some rest.

Until somebody had to ruin the peace for me. Somebody with dirty blond hair, who was apparently a desperate single, and smelled like rotten cheese.

You guess right, it was Mr. Prince Charming himself, Oliver.

“Hey.” I heard his voice as I woke up, though he sounded a lot farther away than I knew he had to be, since his hand was on my shoulder. “Sorry to, um, wake you up, but I’m supposed to come and bring you food? And make sure you’re not dead, I think?”

“Well, I wish,” I mumbled under my breath, my eyes only half opening. I was bit surprised that I wasn’t immediately hit by the stench, but when I actually looked at him, I realized that his hair was wet. He probably had taken a shower. “Why didn’t they send one of the two fae children?”

“What? Oh wait, I’m guessing that’s your siblings.” He sat on the edge of my bed, leaning his elbow on his knee. “I don’t know, your aunt sent me, then seemed to get weirdly excited over it.”

“So they weren’t annoying you like they annoyed me before?” I sat up, feeling my stomach growl as I shifted. My head was already screaming for me to lay back down, but my stomach was at a louder volume at the moment, both figuratively and literally.

“Um, first, here’s your food.” He cracked a smile, which meant that he had heard my stomach being obnoxious. “And, they weren’t annoying me about anything, though Dylan kept saying that he worked harder than me today, which everyone already knew wasn’t true.”

“Well, might as well tell you this, they think the two of us were meant to be, or some shit like that. Like, you’re my Prince Charming, since apparently helping somebody get their belongings together is just like murdering a dragon and saving that person from prison.” I took a bite of the mashed potatoes, which took up half of the plate. Joseph totally made that plate for me.

“No, no, no, no. Not again.” Oliver got up, starting to pace the room. “They always do this! Right before my crush happens to visit the farm, they suddenly go crazy and start playing matchmaker for me.”

“They’ve done this before?” I tried to stifle my laughter, since it is seen as rude to laugh at other’s misery.

“Yes. With a girl from a neighboring farm. And then again with the daughter of a family friend.” Oliver kicked the wall, then grabbed his foot and looked like he regretted it. “And it’s always before whatever girl I have a crush on shows up.”

“Well, I could stop this before it begins, if you want.”

“How?”

“You know I have a life in New Jersey, right?” I took another bite of mashed potatoes. “I also have a girlfriend.”

“The clumsy Sleeping Beauty has a girlfriend?” Oliver burst out laughing, kneeling down where he was. “Okay okay, that is a good excuse, I guess. One problem, though. If they’re so dense that they can’t realize I don’t need help getting a date, do you really think they know gay couples exist?”

“I think they know gay couples exist. After all, gay marriage was just legalized a couple of years ago, you’d have to bet they would hear it from there, at least.” I leaned my head against the wall, raising my eyebrow at Oliver’s laughter. Like, I know I may not look like much, but there are things about me that people can appreciate, and allow me to get a date. Better than he was doing.

“Here’s one for you. There are, at least, three gay couples in town.” Oliver scrambled back up, trying to suppress his laughter. “Every single one goes over their heads, trust me on it.”

“Well, for that little predicament, maybe Prince Charming can figure it out, so Sleeping Beauty can go back to sleep after she finishes her mashed potatoes.” I could feel my head still pounding, and I wanted to get some sleep in before I had to take my meds.

“Just, as long as you don’t call me that in front of my crush.”

“No promises, Prince Charming.”  

[emmysrandomthoughts]

Florida scares the hell out me. I went on my first vacation to Disney when I was 14 and we got stuck at magic kingdom in a giant storm. My mom got lost in the rain because she was looking for a bathroom. Our hotel restaurant was flooded and part of the roof came off but it was just a tropical storm like wtf that’s a hurricane to me 😆😆😆

That’s just a Tuesday to seasoned Floridians lol.

My house is literally on the beach, and all homes along the sea coast have to be built by law to the utmost hurricane protection.

I’ve been through so many storms since living here, it doesn’t even phase me. I don’t look up for anything below a Cat 3 lol.

The only Hurricane that scared me was Irma. It was a Cat 5 headed straight for me, the only storm I evacuated for. Did damage to the outside of my house, but I was able to get it fixed through homeowner insurance.

If you really want to scare me or other Floridians, tell us the temp will drop to 20*. That will cause a mass panic like nothing you’ve ever seen 😂.

[missunderstood555]

Luh summary bout my self. So I'm from Miami, FL. I be the baby of the bunch. I have 2 older brothers, and a total of 11 older sisters. 2 of my sisters passed away.. 1 from being a crack baby, and the other recently dying from Alcohol abuse. Grew up really all over the state, but parents "raised" me in a small town in literally the middle of no where in the state of Georgia. SO Floridian mentality, migrated to another state. Not to sound narcissistic, but I've been basically a genius since I came out the womb. I could lift and turn my neck my first 10 minutes on earth. I pretty much remember my entire existence.. even before I could walk. I was always doing shit on my own at such a young age. I remember walking my dog on a leash by myself at only 2 years old. I still did mischievous bad kid shit.. but overall i was pretty smart for an infant. like a black Stewie from Family Guy... or wouldn't that basically be Rollo from the Cleveland show?.... I also have undiagnosed ADHD. I say undiagnosed becuz I've never went to the doctor and got checked, but i know wtf ADHD looks like... it's not brain surgery. Im creative as fuck. I used to draw pretty well for a toddler. Thought about being an animator at one point.. but ya know.. the future ... shit happens.. Growing up i never really knew what i wanted to do with my life. I mean being 9 years old, why should i be worrying about it, but I'm not an ordinary child. SURPRISE i actually grew up with a mother AND FATHER. (black ppl humor). My dad did an amazing job raising me, and teaching me to be a man. Its incredible the job he's done since he himself grew up without a dependable father figure in his life. My dad is like a God to me..i really admire my father..he was never really a good shoulder to cry on tho.. especially my mother. Growing up with both parents, from THEIR pov, of course i was "spoiled", and they got me almost anything i wanted, and i grew up very sheltered. REALITY CHECK... me, and all my siblings hated each other. My parents barely loved each other anymore. the house was falling apart. I Have probably the most dysfunctional family tree you'd ever seen. so yah...aint shit exactly been all peaches n cream. by the time i was 9 i really had started raising myself. I was shitty in school.. got a lot of privileges and most of my childhood taken from me for simply being bad at school subjects, instead of getting me help :). They tried paying for a tutoring center but that shit aint help.. I slowly started to resent my parents for trying to feed me a lifestyle that wasn't for me, and clearly was never really meant for ANY of us. My dad is a semi-successful comedian/entertainer. i say "Semi" becuz he's not exactly a "marketable" character and resulted in getting himself basically black balled in the entertainment industry. And my mom was a Pharmacist at Walgreens. We were what you'd call "Ghetto Fabulous"... shop for Jordans and jewelry at the Flea Market, then go out to eat at Benihanas or sum shit like that...Fake it till you make it, at its fucking finest. My older sister had introduced me to a tv show on adult swim called "Loiter Squad" and if you've seen it id say it was by far very... interesting. I then slowly started to find myself, after looking into Tyler the Creator and Odd Future albums. As my father tried to forbid me from listening, I would sneak and listen at school or when he wasn't home, and grasp every word of this strange ass kids albums. I swear to you, i could've been an Illegitimate member of O.F.. They're music taught me you don't have to grow up and be "mature" and be a people pleaser, to do whatever the fuck makes you happy in life, Question authority, and BE YOURSELF, becuz in the end.. whos there... You. Im 19 yearsold now. To this day i still listen to those albums and they continue to shape me into the Radical, Militant nigga I am.

[hgfstreamchats]

Vivo

thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 9:58 PM Hello! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 9:58 PM Hello there! How's life? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:01 PM Well, I can't complain How are things with you? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:02 PM Hectic. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:02 PM nodnods highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:02 PM But I can't complain. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:04 PM Shall we use watchparty again, or should I fire up the discord app and hope? highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:04 PM No harm in hoping. If not, watchparty exists. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:05 PM Honestly, these problems have been going on since at least The Terror; they'd just gotten worse recently. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:06 PM That's...bizarre. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:08 PM I assume it's some update/updates, or something to do with it being routed through different servers, or something Mimic — Yesterday at 10:09 PM Hello! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:09 PM Hello! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:09 PM Once, trying to play Jackbox, it was so bad that it would literally never load the host's screen, just stay stuck on the loading thing. Mimic — Yesterday at 10:10 PM Also sometimes a security update just breaks shit and they have to fix it, slowing the whole thing down to uselessness. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:10 PM Here, uh... it sort of works, in that I only have to click "stop watching" and then click the stream again when it freezes... every minute or two. Wazkalia — Yesterday at 10:17 PM Hello! I'd join, but uhhh...I got hard mode college work to finish up tonight. Enjoy your movie night!! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:14 PM Oooooo, this looks cool highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:15 PM Breakdown got very emotional over this.

thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:16 PM It's extremely good highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:18 PM This is going to be one of those "I have absolutely zero knowledge of whether this is good" nights. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:19 PM Those can be fun! We'll just have to see. :slight_smile: First question: can the humans understand the monkey highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:21 PM This would be beyond intolerable if it were anyone else voicing the kinkajou. Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:22 PM Yeah he has mild boss baby vibes Mimic — Yesterday at 10:23 PM This feels like a Madagascar spinoff that couldn’t get the rights to the name through legal nonsense thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:24 PM ...Maybe. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:27 PM The monkey has a foul little personality and I don't like it. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:27 PM I'm a little weirded out by the jealousy vibe highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:28 PM "We fell in love due to our shared trait of having tiny, tiny faces." thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:28 PM I wasn't going to say anything But yes. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:29 PM "Marta can't compare to what my monkey hands can do!" thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:29 PM nooooooooo Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:29 PM Why have you said this thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:29 PM I still can't tell if he can understand the monkey.  Like, that could have been a conversation, or the guy could have been doing the "talking to a pet" thing.  It's bugging me highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:30 PM It did say earlier that their only shared language is music. Possibly a little bestiality. Mostly music. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:30 PM You stop that. Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:31 PM Ech Music is very good highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:31 PM I've said my piece. Now we can all spend the rest of the movie thinking about it. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:31 PM Or we could spend the rest of the movie NOT thinking about it And now it has him making little monkey noises. Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:32 PM Why is the monkey like this highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:32 PM "No, I take an uncomfortable amount of issue with this!" Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:33 PM Monkey...... How much have I missed? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:34 PM Hi, Smokescreen!  This dude is going to travel to see an old musical partner and sing with her, and his pet trained monkey partner is very against it For uh reasons ...Oh no. Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:35 PM OH Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:35 PM I didn't know humans could train monkeys yet! Mimic — Yesterday at 10:35 PM Long standing practice. Normally can’t make them sing tho thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:35 PM The monkey is a funny talking animal but the human characters don't seem to understand him. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:36 PM

Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:37 PM wheeze Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:37 PM That That's the most positive way I've EVER heard someone talk about Florida I think! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:37 PM :frowning: highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:41 PM He gets to Florida and immediately regrets it. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:41 PM He goes to Florida, sings a musical number, and immediately leaves Mimic — Yesterday at 10:44 PM when anyone gets to florida, they either regret it, or become floridian. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:45 PM "let" her have the hairstyle she wants on her own head, how "generous" highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:46 PM The monkey's had no shots but it's Florida so it's fine. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:47 PM ...wow Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:47 PM Petting zoo............................................ thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:47 PM I really dislike that mom The kid is kind of annoying but she's also like 10 Hopolites — Yesterday at 10:49 PM I think the monkey lives between dimensions and thats why he reacts to all the songs like theyre really happening Smokescreen — Yesterday at 10:49 PM Wait, she's even younger than Raf? She really is a newspark!! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:51 PM Rude. Mimic — Yesterday at 10:52 PM also this is florida. how is a well-behaved monkey the weirdest thing tehy've seen on a bus thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:53 PM ewwwwwww Pfff highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:56 PM All of these characters are unpleasant. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:56 PM Gee, I wonder why she doesn't want to be in their troop Personal space! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 10:57 PM Again. Florida. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 10:57 PM "Oh yeah I'm on the way to the vet right now" that's all you have to say ...they don't even know where he was going well. I mean, it wasn't the weight, there was just something sharp that punctured the lifeboat :wave: highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:03 PM At least when she gets hopelessly lost in the middle of the Everglades she'll have plenty of monkey to eat. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:03 PM What if the monkey eats first Mimic — Yesterday at 11:03 PM and so will the alligators thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:03 PM This is why you lock your computer when you leave .... highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:05 PM "My dad used to say that immediately before he was eaten by alligators." You hated her four minutes ago. Mimic — Yesterday at 11:06 PM musical numbers fix everything thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:06 PM They're bonding over this very dangerous situation! pffffffff Lady it's a bus, it's gonna stop sometime highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:11 PM Unless the monkey interfaces with the bird I fail to see how this character is needed. Mimic — Yesterday at 11:11 PM so this is what's happening now thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:11 PM wow Mimic — Yesterday at 11:12 PM was that a fuckin' pun highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:13 PM Well, that was pointless! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:13 PM Hey, I'm sure they'll be back sometime Feels a little weird that she set this up and advertised it on the assumption he'd come highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:14 PM It would be hilarious if they didn't. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:14 PM Okay how the fuck did they find her in the middle of the everglades How did they get that >how big is the everglades 7,800 mi² Do any snakes anywhere have teeth like that Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:18 PM Hey, I'm afraid I can't drop in tonight (or maybe any night from now on... got a new job), but what's the movie? Mimic — Yesterday at 11:18 PM Vivo, on Netflix Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:18 PM And why is Lin-Manuel Miranda a kinkajou WHY IS A KINKAJOU IN FLORIDA Mimic — Yesterday at 11:18 PM because for some reason he took the contract with netflix Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:18 PM Fair. Mimic — Yesterday at 11:18 PM and that's the plot of the movie! Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:19 PM Oh, ok! Fish out of water thing. highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:21 PM His singing voice is the only good thing about the movie. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:22 PM "they're weak to that type!" Sharpwing — Yesterday at 11:22 PM I'll have to take a look at The Disaster later XD Mimic — Yesterday at 11:23 PM and there's some Lin Manuel Miranda flow. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:23 PM Hehehehehe yesss. Mimic — Yesterday at 11:23 PM ONLY THE BEST LESSONS IN THIS MOVIE thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:24 PM aw nooooo highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:24 PM None of this would have happened if you hadn't gone through the Everglades. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:24 PM very true. They could have caught a later bus.  Missed the show, maybe, but they could have found her after Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:25 PM Whoa, that goose looks weird thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:26 PM Prediction: Gabby remembers the lyrics, at least Mimic — Yesterday at 11:26 PM it's a spoonbill. basically, it's a flamingo-goose hybrid that is designed to look a lot stupider. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:27 PM Ohhhh. How big ARE they? Like. They look like they could gnaw on my whole head. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:28 PM awww ...they had NO plan just slip it under the door highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:32 PM All of this could have been prevented by showing her mother the paper with the song her dead uncle wrote for this specific person. thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:33 PM To be fair her mom hasn't exactly been a "listener" highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:34 PM Not to her daughter. To an old dead man, maybe. "We could have spent our entire lives together...oh well!" thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:37 PM ...she asked YOU to take her highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:38 PM Who needs tickets? thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:38 PM I'm SURE there were some seats left in this farewell concert for a very famous and popular singer! highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:38 PM And no one guarding the doors! Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:39 PM The true fantasy is getting everyone to learn the song in like, an hour highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:39 PM Was there any reason why he couldn't have just...gone with her? And is that the name of the venue they're plugging into this very poignant song? Oh no you don't! Well! That was stupid. Mimic — Yesterday at 11:44 PM extremely so thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:44 PM Good songs.  Dubious everything else. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:45 PM this video is basically my thoughts on that movie! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AeSBvMdJF6U YouTube Fargield Monkey kung fu panda

Mimic — Yesterday at 11:45 PM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5kUWn3HqXw also I've been holding onto this. YouTube Screen Rant Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Pitch Meeting

highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:46 PM Glorious. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:46 PM Woojit, you have shown me monkey highglossfinish — Yesterday at 11:47 PM I do like how they're charming in real life, but no, disgusting little monkey.

thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:48 PM Nice. Smokescreen — Yesterday at 11:50 PM Aw, they are cute! thenightetc2 — Yesterday at 11:50 PM Well then. And this doesn't cause... problems. Well! :smile: Amazing. thenightetc2 — Today at 12:02 AM I love the logic here. Oh my god highglossfinish — Today at 12:06 AM Dear Unicron. thenightetc2 — Today at 12:06 AM There's no way for me to check that! Mimic — Today at 12:07 AM it's just not possible thenightetc2 — Today at 12:08 AM What is it with Decepticons and trying to harvest the sun. highglossfinish — Today at 12:09 AM It's not even a good sun. thenightetc2 — Today at 12:09 AM There are lots of suns!  Galaxy's full of 'em!  Just take one nobody's living near. Memorable's one word for it! Mimic — Today at 12:11 AM right??? thenightetc2 — Today at 12:12 AM ..."Venom pitch meeting" highglossfinish — Today at 12:12 AM There are some words for it and that sure is one of them. thenightetc2 — Today at 12:12 AM I mean, it is certainly a thing that people remember. highglossfinish — Today at 12:13 AM Rom-com. thenightetc2 — Today at 12:13 AM And other times a romance! One of the best rom-coms I've ever seen! He's Elon Musk; THAT'S his deal. Excellent. highglossfinish — Today at 12:17 AM Well, that was more fun than Vivo! Mimic — Today at 12:18 AM to be fair, it's a little easy to clear that bar thenightetc2 — Today at 12:18 AM Fewer musical numbers, and yet Well.  That was fun!  Thank you for the stream. highglossfinish — Today at 12:19 AM Thank you for being here! Mimic — Today at 12:19 AM thanks again! highglossfinish — Today at 12:20 AM Of course! Good night! thenightetc2 — Today at 12:20 AM Goodnight! Mimic — Today at 12:20 AM good night! thenightetc2 — Today at 12:24 AM Vivo like, "You know what's stupid and annoying?  When people care about the environment and think you shouldn't import exotic animals and set them loose in sensitive ecosystems!  And you know what's the WORST?  When people like peace and quiet!  They probably want to murder you" Hopolites — Today at 12:25 AM Florida's ecosystem is already fucked, it doesnt need a monkey Mimic — Today at 12:26 AM Agreed. but clearly, we're sympathizing too hard with the... weak excuses for antagonists thenightetc2 — Today at 12:32 AM But I have to admit I'm genuinely glad that apparently her mom let her quit the troop. highglossfinish — Today at 12:45 AM "You know what's especially fun? Not paying for tickets to things." thenightetc2 — Today at 12:53 AM And really, why should you.

[willrunfordisney]

Part III of Planning Session is FLOWERS! 💐 The Disney floral team is incredibly talented. With so many sources of inspiration on the Disney Weddings website, the Disney Fairytale Weddings series, Pinterest, it can be overwhelming. Luckily you get a PDF of options and prices from your wedding planner to get started. • During your planning session you meet with a member of the team and they put together your order for the entire series of events. I knew I preferred a more organic look, like an English garden, and chose ivory, pinks, a pop of red and greens. I was also very specific about my budget. Disney delivered. Literally! On the day of your wedding your flowers are hand delivered to you and your bridal party. With hidden mickeys (swipe right!) and a precious tag. 💕 Some tips: 🔹 What is your entire floral budget and how will you allocate? 🔹 What season is your wedding? Certain florals may not be available 🔹 Now is the time to get creative with your theme if you have one! 🔹 Will you have flowers at your ceremony? Candelabra? 🔹 Centerpieces for your reception? They can get pretty $$$, tea lights, candles, decorate floral on your cake, etc. 🔹 Floral for wedding party: bridal bouquet (can also be $$$- and heavy!), bridesmaid bouquets, boutonnières for grooms, groomsmen and dads, corsages for moms and grandmas) 🔹 Do you want a petal toss or bubbles exit? 🔹The floral team does not show you ahead of time what they put together so be as specific as you can but also trust their artistic license. They’re the experts! (at Disney's Grand Floridian Resort & Spa) https://www.instagram.com/p/CK9oGWPD0Ff/?igshid=1pczpntaldw3t

[abbydraper]

Who Will Pop Colton’s Cherry?

The Bachelor bio’s have been published and I couldn’t help myself. Sadly, the bio’s are not what they once were (a rambling of responses to at least 8 of the questions asked during the audition process) and I’ve been forced to make judgements based on one or two terrible sentences. I have stayed true to only going off of what ABC gives me and haven’t stalked these women on IG yet but, alas -- here is this season’s Bachelor bio breakdown.  

ALEX B.

it is really hard to decide what feature on her face is the most shockingly large so I’m not sure what her bio even says. Tough start. 

ALEX D. 

A female Boston sports fan that talks fast is my actual worst nightmare. It also says she’s a “sloth” and that must be a new term for 23-year-olds because it doesn’t make sense. 

ANGELIQUE

If Angelique is 28, I’m Kendall Jenner.

ANNIE

Annie is going to have a thick southern accent and I don’t know which is more difficult to listen to -- a thick southern accent or a fast paced Boston accent. 

BRI

Bri is a “model from SoCal”, so what her bio actually means is: Her Instagram feed contains countless pictures of her probably in a bikini, pouting; she “hikes” Runyon for the perfect photo to filter and she expects to be taken to Big Bear. Aspen for the holidays. But, she’s totally down to earth because she admits she farts. 

CAELYNN

Why is her name spelled this way? A former beauty queen who they claim isn’t your typical beauty queen because she flew to Japan for a first date. Not sure having a sugar daddy makes you any different than other beauty queens, but what do I know? 

CAITLIN

There are a lot of women from Canada this season. Her bio is as boring as that observation.  

CASSIE

She’s blonde, lives at the beach and surfs. Such a rare find, I’d be wiling to bet she posts motivational quotes to the Internet on the reg. 

CATHERINE

When I first saw her photo, I thought, “What in the actual fuck?” and then I read she’s from Florida and it all made sense. Real estate agent by day, aspiring DJ by night. Could she be any more Floridian? With a face like that, the answer is no. 

COURTNEY

According to her bio, she creates healthy meal plans for athletes in Atlanta. I’m guessing this translates into her pushing a vegan delivery service on her separate “foodie” Instagram account while working a day job in sporting event ticket sales. 

DEMI

She is absolutely one of those girls who is very proud to claim, over and over, that she has more male friends than female friends because she, “gets along better with guys”.

 DEVIN

Devin looks like she really over annunciates her words. Especially those that start with “S”. 

ELYSE

She says that she enjoys good food and good wine and I can’t tell if she’s the kind of girl that knows what good food and wine is or if she makes reservations at Logan’s Steakhouse three weeks ahead and proudly orders a bottle of house Riesling. 

ERIKA

“Erika boasts that one of her talents is to eat whatever she wants without gaining weight.” Hey Erika... Fuck off. 

ERIN

Erin loves pumpkin spiced lattes so much that she felt the need to include it in her Bachelor bio. Enough said. 

HANNAH

Hannah looks like the main character in a Lifetime movie where she plays the mom of a high school cheerleader in Texas that kidnaps her daughters arch nemesis right before a big competition and locks her in the basement. 

HANNAH G. 

She is both the photographer and the model for her burgeoning social media business. So, she is a self-proclaimed Instagram model who is here for the inevitable “Fab, Fit, Fun” contract when she leaves the show. She also looks like she could be the other Hannah’s daughter in the Lifetime cheerleader movie.  

HEATHER

She’s 22, never kissed a boy and wears a cross necklace. Colton’s a virgin. Their conversations are sure to be the reason all viewers want to have sex immediately after watching.  

ADRIANNE “JANE”

I’m confused as to what this woman's name is. 

KATIE

Katie lives in the Valley and enjoys yoga and sushi. The only two things to do in the Valley. 

KIRPA

I’m sorry, what? Also, did you ever watch “Second Wives Club”? This girl looks like Shawna, the wife of Lorenzo Lamas whose daughter Shayne “won” the twelfth season of The Bachelor. I’m kind of convinced this is all a set up. 

LAURA

What does the term, “girl next door” even mean? I don’t think it works for women with enormous fake boobs, but it looks like ABC disagrees. 

NICOLE

“Coordinator” basically means glorified intern and she lives at home with her mama. Is she old enough for this ride? 

NINA

Well, we know who will have the strangest sob story this season. Good God. 

ONYEKA

She is the contestant that will over share about her parents being engaged after two weeks because it “means” that she believes in the process of The Bachelor.

REVIAN

She absolutely changed her name when she became an esthetician in LA to sound like she’s really up-to-date on high end beauty products when actually she passes out brochures on the promenade for a free first time facial.  

SYDNEY

She’s a professional NBA dancer that is going on national TV to fall in love. Maybe my stereotypes are off but that doesn’t seem legit.

TAHZJUAN

She quite literally, (correct definition of the word) has a tattoo that says, “I love bad ideas” so we know she’s honest... she is on The Bachelor. 

TAYSHIA

These women have to fill out pages upon pages of questionnaires to be selected for this show and the most exciting and original thing they could come up with is that she’s a woman in her twenties that enjoys wine tasting. 

TRACY

She moved from New York to be a celebrity stylist. Is she here for love or for a gig at E! when this is over? 

Alright. There it is. Who do we think “wins” if that’s what you call it. Not sure I can watch another season about a virgin looking for love but you never know.  

[travelightlivelight]

8.

Me again!

For the past few years, I’ve been taking every opportunity to travel that I could. Most notably, obviously, I was required by my major (Global Studies) to study abroad, and chose to spend five months in Costa Rica. Before this, I was saying yes to every travel opportunity in front of me, and doing my best to make every one of them happen. It’s been a blast, and I don’t regret a single penny spent. But that’s the thing— it wasn’t really all that many pennies.

A lot of people want to know how I’ve been doing it. Most of my student friends in their early twenties are absolutely perplexed at how I can just get up and go when I decide to. I will say that I’m very lucky to have friends and family who readily agree to watch my dog for free (shout out to my mom and dad, who are putting up with her for five entire months in their apartment right now), but other than that, I am very much the typical college student, with typical college student expenses. The past four and a half years of college have been supported by student loans, and my seasonal position at a zip line course in Boone does not, in fact, pay me tens of thousands of dollars to answer phones and ask Floridians to please stop yelling at me. 

Still, acquaintances are impressed. “I wish I could travel that much, your life looks so cool,” they say. First of all, you only think my life looks “so cool” because you only follow me on instagram & facebook. That’s a whole other post for a whole other day. My life is super regular, with a lot of time spent watching Netflix and painting my nails. Second of all, to me, my life is so cool. But that’s not because of luck, and not because I’m amazing at saving money, and not because I have a secret wealthy great-aunt paying my way. It’s because I’m realistic about what I can and cannot afford to do at my age, and because I’m careful about how I do things. So I’ve put together a very comprehensive guide to traveling on a budget, specifically when you’re young, broke, and adventurous.

So, without further ado, here are my favorite ways to travel, in a buzzfeed-friendly list format for your convenience.

1. Don’t expect luxury— 

     You’re a twenty-something college student or recent grad living with three roommates and  friends who roll their own cigarettes because “it’s cheaper.” You buy your groceries at Walmart, get paid hourly, and have called your landlord six times because your closet door falls on your head every time you open it. Nothing about your life is incredibly luxurious, so you shouldn’t expect your vacations to be either. Save that for a time in your life when your job comes with benefits and your house comes with doors that close all the way. You will, under no circumstances, be able to take yourself on vacations of the same caliber as that trip to Italy with your parents in 2005. Lower your expectations!! Life is more fun with a little adventure to it. Go with the flow for now, and wait your turn to be fancy.

2. Planes aren’t the only way to travel— 

     Get off of Delta’s website for a minute and take a deep breath. Remember that other forms of transportation exist. Buses are generally the cheapest, then trains, then planes. Trains and busses are just like slower airplanes, but they’re stupid easy to use (even in other countries), you don’t have to pay for the gas, and trains have bar cars with cheaper liquor than planes. So basically, your ride will feel about the same. You’ll run into the same problems as you do with planes, but if you’re traveling on a budget, give it some consideration. If you are traveling overseas or somewhere that’s just too far to take a bus or a train, there are some really cheap airlines (Southwest, Virgin, Spirit domestically, WOW to Europe, Ryanair within Europe) that are worth taking a look at. There are also tons of websites that offer airfare comparisons to help you find the cheapest possible flight. Don’t be afraid of layovers either-- flying direct can be a lot more expensive than just getting off of one plane and onto a different one.

     If you don’t have a specific destination in mind, choose one based on the price of transportation. This also goes for travel dates. If you don’t have to travel the week of Christmas, don’t. Ticket prices change based on how heavy travel traffic usually is on those particular dates. You can use apps/websites like Hopper, Wanderu, and Moovit to find the best prices for everything. 

     My favorite is Wanderu, because if you don’t have specifics in mind, you can click “Explore” and Wanderu will choose them for you based on what’s fastest and cheapest. All you have to do is specify where you’re traveling from. For example, just now I put in Raleigh, and Wanderu told me I could take a Greyhound bus to New York City tonight for $40, go by Amtrak train for $100 (which I have done before), or take the bus to DC for $29 in a couple of weeks. Wanderu rocks. Hopper tells you when the best time is to book a specific flight, as flight prices are constantly fluctuating, and Moovit will help you out a lot with local transit, wherever you are.

      While trains and busses aren’t the most luxurious, neither are planes. Trains generally have a lot more legroom, and busses are generally incredibly inexpensive. Both also often have WiFi. Make yourself a good playlist and suck it up! Or just steal one of mine here.

**Make sure you get your bus tickets ahead of time, especially if you’re traveling in a foreign country. In Costa Rica, they will continue to sell bus tickets even when the seats are full, so if you wait too long and have to get a ticket without a seat, you’ll end up either standing or spending six hours sitting on the steps by the back door, like I did. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but if you can avoid it, do.

3. When it comes to sleeping arrangements, be creative— 

     In your twenties, you can literally stay anywhere. You don’t have kids (probably) that you need certain accommodations for, you can still function if you’re up a little late, and your joints won’t be thrown all out of whack if your mattress isn’t made of angel dust and storm clouds. Take advantage of this. Just like planes aren’t your only option, neither are hotels. Hotels can get really pricey and the ones that aren’t can be really skeevy. This is probably the best and most important advice I could give any young person who wants to travel frugally: Try something more geared toward your age group before you rent a scary ass room in a paid-by-the-hour motel.

If you want privacy, rent an Airbnb. You can find some for really cheap, depending on where you want to stay, and you can decide whether you want to share it with others, stay with the host, or have the whole place to yourself. I’ve never had any bad experiences with other people staying in the same Airbnb (honestly, I have done nothing but meet some really cool people this way), and the hosts and hostesses are probably renting out their spare rooms because they want you there. They are generally very cool people. Some even allow pets if you’re traveling with a furry friend! 

     Keep in mind that your Airbnb will be a little more expensive than the list price once the cleaning fee is factored in, but not by much.

My current favorite way to spend nights away from home is in hostels. The last hostel I stayed in cost $17 for two nights, and the management moved us to our own room when they realized we were two girls that were about to stay in a 10 bed dorm with 8 guys we’d never met. People who own and manage hostels are used to young travelers being their main clientele, so they pretty much know what to expect, and can also point you in the direction of some age (and budget)-appropriate things to do nearby.

     A lot of hostels also have a common area with a kitchen that you can use (for when you have a pasta-with-butter budget instead of a this-cool-sushi-spot-I-heard-about budget), along with big dorm rooms, smaller dorm rooms, and private rooms. The less beds in the room, the more expensive your reservation will be. I’ve found some super cheap and really cool hostels with Hostelworld. Keep in mind, though, if you’re staying in a city, the closer to downtown you are, the easier it will be to get around. Don’t settle for something super cheap but far away from where you need to be just to save money, because you’ll probably just spend it on public transportation instead. Finding sleeping accommodations is all about balance between price, safety (!!!), and accessibility. Read reviews of the hostel itself and of the surrounding area before you make a commitment.

     Some of the most interesting people I have ever met, I’ve met in hostels. Generally speaking, the people you’ll meet in hostels are in pretty much the same situation as you— young, adventurous, and on a budget. They know just as few people in town as you do, and are always willing to swap travel stories, hang out, and even explore the town or city with you. At the last hostel I stayed at in Jacó, Puntarenas, Costa Rica, we met people from all over Europe and Canada, hung out and swam with them at the hostel, and went out drinking and dancing with them that night. We got really lucky, because they were cool enough to watch out for us and make sure we got back okay, but don’t ever plan to be stood up for. Definitely meet new people and get the word out that not all of us Americans are terrible and obnoxious (a surprising thing for a lot of international travelers to learn), but make sure you know where your friend is. Remember, meeting new people is cool; leaving your friends or going off with strangers is not. But do be adventurous, meet new people, and learn all you can from them. Travel can be some of the best education, and the people you meet while traveling can be the best teachers.

Last but not least, don’t be afraid to camp! The US has KOAs (Kampgrounds of America) ALL over the place. KOA is a campground chain with mini cabins that already have beds/sinks/kitchens/bathrooms (depending on which one you rent), sections for parking RVs and campers, and regular tent-camping sites with electricity plug-ins, grills, and  fire pits. The KOA is super affordable, and I once lived at the one in my college town, in my tent, with my best friend and my dog while we were between leases. The KOA has clean bathrooms and clean showers, and a little store from which you can get basic groceries, toiletries, and camping supplies. The KOA is pet friendly as well, and the staff has been really kind and accommodating at the KOAs I’ve been to. Of course, you can also camp at regular campgrounds, but I can’t say anything specific about these as they’re all different. Keep in mind, though, you can’t just camp anywhere! It’s usually illegal just to set up a campground wherever you feel like, and you can literally never know whether you’re on someone’s property. KOAs tend to be well lit, and in my experience, fairly safe, so I’ll stick to recommending this one. If you don’t have to look like the Queen of England every day of your trip, definitely consider a campsite like the KOA. 

4. Choose & book excursions wisely— 

     Don’t fall victim to showy advertising. Just about every tour everywhere claims to be the “best way to see” this, that, and the other. Make sure you check out Tripadvisor or something similar before you commit to spending your money on something you could have done for way cheaper, or even for free. TripAdvisor not only offers reviews on popular tourism spots, but also has general forums about pretty much every destination under the sun. Use it!!

     Tourist traps exist everywhere so make sure you do your best to identify them. A lot of national parks offer private tours, when you could take yourself around and see just as much if you know where to look. Don’t pay the extra $30 for the photos unless it was the best experience of your life. If you can, ask locals what the best way is to experience or see a certain thing. They will almost never point you in the direction of the most expensive, english-named, tour company, but instead tell you the actual best and cheapest way of doing something.

     Some things are just, unavoidably, tourist things to do. I took an ATV tour through the jungle last week that I’m sure no local would have suggested to me, but I looked through Viator for an hour or so first to find the most affordable and highest rated one. Chances are, if you see an ad for something cool, there are fifteen more companies selling the exact same experience. The first one you come across is usually the most expensive! Check reviews, prices, and what is and isn’t included before you book. 

     Also, it’s almost always cheaper to book directly through the company offering the service. While it’s easier to book online, or through something like Viator, it’s usually best to call the company directly to book your excursion. Booking websites and platforms charge a convenience fee, which is how they make their money and why they allow these companies to be advertised on their website. My old job booked through a platform called Fareharbor, which, while easy and quick to do online, charged the customer a convenience fee each time it was used. There’s nothing wrong with this, but it’s good to know.

     These four things (not expecting luxury, utilizing different forms of transportation, being creative when it comes to accommodations, and choosing/booking excursions wisely) are the four biggest tips for traveling frugally. My last weekend trip cost me $10 in transportation, $17 for sleeping arrangements, and $65 for an awesome excursion (But I could have just as easily gone without it, only spending $27 on a weekend at the beach). These are the big money savers, but there are a few smaller things you can do to save even more money during your travels:

-Resist hawkers— whatever they’re selling can come from a local grocery store or literally anywhere else for so much cheaper than they’re trying to sell it to you. They’ll try every trick in the book to get you to forget this.

-Don’t buy yourself things from souvenir shops— these shops are designed specifically for tourists, meaning they are way more expensive than they need to be. A souvenir from Madrid doesn’t have to say Madrid on it— you’ll remember where you got whatever it is, especially if you found something really cool in an out-of-the-way marketplace you happened upon in your travels. You wouldn’t spend all your money in a Wings Plus at the beach, would you?

-Look for the locals— if there aren’t any eating in that restaurant, or shopping in that store, skip it. Locals have to eat and shop somewhere, so find out where this goes on, and go there. This is the best way to avoid tourist traps, and also the best way to experience culture like a local.

-Talk to people— Aside from the people trying to sell you things and strangers catcalling you on the street, talk to people! They can tell you where to go and what to do without wasting your money. Whether you talk to other travelers (pick someone without jorts and keens on for best results) or locals, everyone has something to say. Everyone wants to give you a bit of sage advice, so break your mom’s rules and talk to strangers. Just don’t go anywhere with them.

     So there you have it. My expert guide to travel! I’m very lucky to be in a place where travel is so cheap and where I speak the language, and I’m lucky to have friends all over the US reminding me of their open invitations for me to come visit. Travel definitely does involve a little bit of luck, but with my handy little guide, hopefully you’ll be able to make some luck of your own. If I forgot anything, or if you know some tips I don’t, feel free to shoot me a message on literally any platform (Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram), or my submit box here on Tumblr. 

Happy traveling!

Other than that, there’s no bananas.

----V

[theforgottenfirelight-blog]

I live in a pretty magical place. Florida gets a bum rap for being the redheaded stepchild of the South. We are like flypaper to crazy people (my friends from Up North regularly refer me to this gem: Florida Man), old people (Heaven’s Waiting Room), and people who are itching to get drunk and sunburned (I can’t believe this place is still around).

My little corner of Florida, however, is actually special. Though Señor Frogs is a bit of a hike, the freshwater marsh that occupies our backyard, or ‘savannas,’ stretch more than 10 miles from Ft. Pierce to Jensen Beach. This preserve is the largest and most intact remnant of Florida’s east coast savannas. From the Florida State Parks site (FSP): “During the Second Seminole War (1835-1842), Lt. Colonel Benjamin Pierce first used the term ‘savannah’ to describe a series of ponds and marshes found here. In 1879, Captain Thomas Richards planted the first pineapples, grown from cuttings he transported from Key West. The plants thrived in the sandy, well-drained soils and dozens of plantations appeared along the Atlantic Ridge. From 1895 to 1920, Jensen Beach was known as the ‘Pineapple Capital of the World.’ The park encompasses more than 6,000 acres and joined the Florida Park Service in 1977.” Pretty awesome, no? There are those sneaky pineapples cropping up once again!

We have all sorts of amazing flora and fauna (literally) in our backyard. As a native Floridian, the sight of palm trees, pine trees and your “greatest hits” plantings of the planned communities are familiar. I grew up on a farm, my mom loves trees, but until I had my own little patch of dirt, gardening had never really called to me. My son was very little when I started to see the need to fence in our yard (part of the Savannas charm is that you are on nature’s doorstep, but that also means alligators are, at times, your neighbors. Nicer than some other neighbors, I might add!), but I didn’t want to obscure our beautiful view with a white picket situation. Our house is architecturally inspired by Frank Lloyd Wright, so in that vein, I wanted something that would blend in with our surroundings, as well as keep out the majority of the critters.

(Thunbergia grandiflora is an evergreen vine in the family Acanthaceae.[2] Common names include Bengal clockvine, Bengal trumpet, blue skyflower, blue thunbergia, blue trumpetvine, clockvine, skyflower and skyvine.)

On the farm growing up, we would use diamond wire to fence in the colts to keep them from slipping through the three board horse fence that surrounded our property. This fencing is strung together by round posts at three foot intervals and is, in my mind, the perfect setup for a natural trellis. As the fence began to take shape, the overall picture of my landscaping started to grow in my mind. Summers of trips to the Abacos must have made an impression because all I could think about was giant trellises of bougainvillea. I would go to Home Depot, with my little people in tow, and buy 5 gallon pots of bougainvillea when the price was right. It did not take me long to become obsessed. I delved further into the world of native Floridian plants: Native Plant Society. There is a lot to learn! I have a rather large area to fill, so I started off my landscaping plan with the idea of making a giant butterfly garden.

Butterflies love to land on our bougainvillea trellis

If you have small children or are a nature lover (or like me, fall under both umbrellas), incorporating larval and host plants to attract butterflies (and other pollinators) to your yard is a labor of love that will pay big dividends for years to come. In addition to having “floating flowers”, as my daughter so poetically describes butterflies, dancing around your yard, you will also be doing your part to prevent monoculture and improve the overall tableau of flora that will help our pollinators thrive. Here is a great resource for starting your garden of native plants: Gardeners Play A Role In Creating Wildlife Corridors.

(Lantana comes in many colors and pollinators LOVE IT!)

The biggest boon to my butterfly project has definitely been interspersing milkweed plants throughout my existing landscaping. Now! Milkweed is a fascinating plant with over 140 known species (Milkweed: The Most Interesting Plant IN THE WORLD). I’ve primarily planted yellow and red varietals, which continue to surprise me! They get to be really leggy, can get to be at least 3′-4′ tall, and they are incredibly prolific- which means once you plant a few and they go to seed- WATCH OUT- you will have milkweed popping up all over your yard (if you like a more manicured look, they are easy to transplant). I found a fun varietal called “Globe” that gets really tall and sprouts these giant alien egg-sac looking seed pods that burst open when they ready. SO COOL.

Butterflies and pollinators alike love coneflowers and vibrantly colored flowers; so this is a lovely dual purpose aspect of planting with pollinators in mind. Adding color to an otherwise rather green landscape is so much fun, especially when you know what you are planting will only augment the overall health of your ecosystem.

(You keenly-eyed people might notice the milkweed planted next to the red pentas and next to the coneflowers! I’ve done this all over our yard- the bushy, red flowers attract the butterflies and pollinators, and the milkweed is where they lay their eggs and food for the baby caterpillars.)

Vibrantly colored, delicious smelling popcorn cassia (Senna didymobotrya) are super tropical and interesting set piece to add visual interest in your yard. I’ve got mine planted next to some huge dark purple crinum lillies and also in another area, close to some coral honeysuckle that has been grafted from a vine to a small ornamental tree.

There are truly so many larval and host plants to attract butterflies and pollinators; it can be somewhat overwhelming to a neophyte gardener. This landscaping project has taken me years and continues to take shape as my plants begin to mature. I’ve added a lot of fun climbing vines to my trellis/fence because the bougainvillea has established itself (it likes dry roots, but we can have a lot of water, depending on the time of year) and the climbers will attach to anything! Below are photos of my four different varietals of passion vines (the red- passiflora miniata, the purple- passiflora incarnata, the third is the Lady Margaret- Passifloraceae, and the corky stem- Passiflora suberosa) and a visual of just how prolific they are! They use the little curly vines to grab on to things and pull themselves outward:

  My advice is try not to get too overwhelmed; there are so many plants to choose from and once you start seeing the butterflies, it’s pretty satisfying. Get started with a couple of milkweed plants and go from there. One of our local nurseries has classes that help gardeners and non-gardeners alike get started with their pollinator gardens (Pinder’s Nursery). This handy table is from their website:

FLORIDA NECTAR PLANTS “Butterfly Attractors”

Plant 3/4 to 2/3 of your garden with nectar plants

Common Name Botanical Name

Key

Annuals/Perrenials

Yellow butter cup Turnera umifolia Cigar plant Cuphea ignea (Sp) (HB) Dianthus Dianthus spp. (Sp) Gaillardia Gaillardia spp (N) (Y) Guara Guara lindheimeri (Y) Bulbine Bulbine fructens (Y) Heliotrope Heliotropium amplexicaule (Sp) Hummingbird Mexican mint Agastache rupestris (HB) Lavendar Lavendola (Sp) Lemon shrub marigold Tagetes lemmonii (Sp) Mexican or False heather Cuphea hyssopifolia (Y) Mexican or Scarlett milkweed Asclepias curassavica (Y) Pentas Pentas lanceolata (shade) (Y) Porterweed Stachytarpheta spp (Sp,F) (HB) Bush Daisy Euryops pectinatus (Y) Tickseed Coreopsis leavenworthii (N) (Sp,Su) Bog sage Salvia uliginosa (Sp-F) Hot Lips sage Salvia Microphylla (Y) Hummingbird sage Salvia coccinea, Salvia spathacea (Y) (HB) Indigo spires Salvia farinanea (Y) Mexican sage Salvia leucartha (Sp,F) Red shrimp Justicia brandegeana (Y) Lantana Lantana camara (sterile form) (Sp,F) Purple Weeping Lantana Lantana montevidensis (Y)

Vines

Honeysuckle lonceri app (Sp, Su) Florida flame Pyrostegia venusta (Sp)

Shrubs and Trees

Butterfly bush Buddleia davidii (Sp, Su) Dwarf powder puff Calliandra emarginata Firespike Odontonema strictum (Shade) (N) (HB) (F,W) Firebush Hamelia patens (partial shade) (N) (HB) Golden dewdrop Duranta repens (Sp-F) Plumbago Plumbago auriculata (sun to partial shade) (Y) Wild coffee Psychotria nervosa (prefers shade) (N) (Sp)

Key: N=Native, HB=Hummingbird, Sp=Spring blooming, Su=Summer blooming,          F=Fall blooming, W=Winter blooming Y=Year round blooming

  Just get started. The butterflies will thank you!

Butterfly Post I live in a pretty magical place. Florida gets a bum rap for being the redheaded stepchild of the South.

[miamibeerscene]

Brewery Visit – 3 Keys Brewing @3keysbrewing

Because of an innocent joke that snowballed just a bit too much, my wife and I have a thing for keys. Long before you saw them everywhere, we kinda had them as our little thing between us. They featured in our wedding, there are keys all over our home, and my wife even has a key inked on her. It’s gorgeous artwork on a beautiful woman. 

Recently we, naturally accompanied by our beautiful daughter, vacationed on the Gulf Coast. We will go to a few breweries, but those breweries are always better when they operate more like brewpubs, and everyone can also get lunch/dinner while mom and dad enjoy a few. Once we saw that Bradenton had one such locale named 3 Keys, it was a foregone conclusion we had to go. 

3 Keys is, without a doubt, the most unapologetically family friendly brewpub we’d ever seen. There is literally a kids section of the seating area, stacked to the brim with books, games, and cartoons running constantly. 

Seating is ample, most tabletops are actually laquered front doors, and many of the regulars had their kids just doing their thing while the adults chatted and drank. 

Looking at the background of 3 Keys, the emphasis on family is pretty obvious. It was started by two Army vets that met in Kentucky and moved to Sarasota in the mid-90’s. They and their three kids (also Armed Services vets themselves) took a massive road trip cross-country in 2014, ending I early when they realized their dream of opening a brewpub couldn’t wait any longer. Meet them below, and special props to their brewmaster son Scott for his Lightning mug.

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What they’re not mentioning is that they’re basically living saints, fostering almost 100 special needs children and adopting 3 of those into their family. It’s frankly incredible. 

Food-wise, really good stuff. It centers a lot on waffle sandwiches, with things like pulled pork and spicy chicken piled with cole slaw on their special beer batter waffles. They even have kids menus, which I found pretty good for our little one. They even gave me her juice box on the same board as my beer flight (I adore the little touches like that).

Apparently their beers do a lot of changing around, so I can’t guarantee what is going to be on tap at any given moment. That being said, here is what we were able to try when we weren’t chasing my daughter around their outdoor stage:

Sara’s (Not) Blonde (Blonde Ale, 5.2% ABV, 18 IBU) – Apparently Sara’s not a blonde. As a blonde ale, however, she’s nice and crisp, with just a light touch of citrus hops.

Double Nickel (Stout, 6.7% ABV, 45 IBU) – A strong, flavorful stout with a thick and hearty malt bill. Just the right amount of flavor and somehow manages to not  to be excessively heavy. 

Kolsch Me Ousside (Kolsch, 5.2% ABV, 26 IBU) – As much as I hate the fact that it was named for one of the worst Floridians I’ve ever had the misfortune to see, this Kolsch is a light, slightly fruity, incredibly drinkable beer that is incredibly approachable.  

Sir Mixon-A-Lot (Cream Ale, 5.6% ABV, 18 IBU) – The name makes sense when you realize the oranges came from nearby Mixon Farms in Bradenton. That sort of local freshness is very evident in the flavor, so much so you can practically taste the juice still inside. 

Porter? I Hardly Know Her (Porter, 5.8% ABV, 30 IBU) – A true-to-style English porter with a slightly earthy Northern Brewer hop character on top of more English yeast. Simple and approachable. 

Trust Issues (Brown Ale, 5.9% ABV, 34 IBU) – An interestingly complex brew with lots of oats, cinnamon, and raisin giving the surprisingly heady beer a thick, dessert-y feel. 

It’s worth a shot to peruse their website; they are goofy and have no reason to apologize for any of it. Of course, the good food and good beer help a lot too. It’s a shame they’re so far away, though. It would be a great place for  simple lunch on a regular basis, great beer notwithstanding. 

I can’t promise I wouldn’t take off with some of the key décor, though. 

Drink Florida Craft, 

Dave

@floridabeerblog

floridabeerblog@gmail.com

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