#ANYWAY. point of todays Sock Stresses post is that It Makes Me So Uncomfortable.

[s0ckh3adstudios]

EVERYWHERE I GO I CAN'T AVOID MARTLET SHIPS. /NEG

[highfivesandgoodtimes]

let me take care of you- mat barzal

hey guys! I know it’s been legit forever since I posted on here but life has just been super exhausting. working full time, going to college, midterms, and finals have all been kicking my ass and I have no extra time to do anything. but I did write this today out of pure selfishness because im in desperate need of some mat barzal love. anyways, hope you guys enjoy it!!

**** not my gif, all credit to the creator******

✰ it had been a long day

✰ a really long and exhausting day

✰ the kind of long day where you come home with your feet aching, your eyes drooping, and your head pounding

✰ you had that kind of day

✰ mat had barely heard from you all day besides your “love you too, super busy at work today” text around lunch time

✰ so he assumed you’d be home a little late and had a feeling you’d be absolutely exhausted

✰ and he was right

✰ you stumbled through the door of your shared apartment about a half hour later than usual, looking miserably tired

✰ mat was waiting on the couch for you to come home and all it took was one look at you for him to spring into action

✰ he greeted your miserable look with a sympathetic smile and wrapped you in his arms right away

✰ he held you close for a moment before backing away and helping you pull off your coat and step out of those god awful shoes

✰ he’d kiss you quick before following you upstairs to get changed, or at least he thought that’s what you were going to do

✰ instead, you flopped face first into your mattress and just laid there with your face stuffed into the pillows

✰ mat left you be for a couple minutes while he slipped into the bathroom and started the shower for you

✰ he grabbed the fluffiest towels you guys had in the closet and pulled out the lavender soap you loved but saved for self care days 

✰ he grabbed some of your favorite pj pants, one of his islanders hoodies that you loved to steal, and some fuzzy socks and tossed them into the dryer so they’d be nice and warm when you got out of the shower

✰ once all of that was done, the shower was at the perfect temperature and mat now had to try at get you out of bed

✰ you were still laying face first in the mattress when he went back into the bedroom and hadn’t moved an inch

✰ mat gentle sat on the edge of the bed and slipped his hand up the back of your shirt to rub his hand up and down your back

✰ “honey, you alive over there?” 

✰ all he got in reply was a muffled huff into the pillows

✰ he moved on of his hands into your hair and combed it out of your face

✰ “c’mon honey, i started you a shower, it’ll probably help you relax”

✰ he did have a point but the thought of standing made you want to cry

✰ mat was able to decipher a “don't wanna” from your mumbling into the pillow

✰ “baby, c’mon you always say it makes you feel better. let’s go wash the day away”

✰ there was silence for a moment and mat heard a soft “will come with me?” which just made his heart melt

✰ “of course i will baby, i’ll even wash your hair for you”

✰ your head lift up off the pillows and you looked at him with an exhausted delight

✰ “really?”

✰ “anything you want baby, let me take care of you.”

✰ and that you did

✰ you let mat pull out of bed and pull the uncomfortable work clothes off your body

✰ the two of you stepped into the warm shower and mat pulled you flush against his chest instantly

✰ he did everything perfectly and gently, he shampooed your hair softly and lightly scratched your scalp to help alleviate your headache and combed the conditioner through your hair to get all the tangles out

✰ you rested against his chest the whole time, trusting your boyfriend to take care of you when you needed it

✰ once you were both all clean, he wrapped you tightly in the fluffy towel and tried to wrap your hair up in a towel but failed miserably 

✰ but his failure made you giggle so he took it as a victory and let you twist your hair in the towel yourself

✰ he grabbed your pjs from the dryer and the warmth of your comfort clothes worked miracles for relieving your stress

✰ he pulled his hoodie over your head and slide the pajama pants up your legs before he quickly got dressed himself

✰ mat was serious about taking care of you, he didn’t even let you brush your own hair

✰ he sprayed in your usual leave in conditioner and brushed your hair into a basic three strain braid before ushering you into bed

✰ he gave you the remote and let you put on whatever you wanted while he ran downstairs

✰ with you tucked away in bed, mat ordered dinner for the two of you and grabbed a water and a couple of gatorades 

✰ he ran back up the steps and slide into bed next to you, passing you both a water and a gatorade, before pulling you to lay between his legs and rest your back against his chest

✰ he dropped a couple kisses to the top of your head and wrapped his arms snuggly around your body

✰ “I ordered pizza for dinner” he mumbled between kisses

✰ he spent the rest of the night caring for your every need and making you feel his love

✰ and you did feel it

✰ you would never admit it but you did need mat to take care of you today

✰ and mat knew that, he knew you like the back of his hand

✰ it was nights like these that made you realize that no matter how awful of a day you had, mat would always make things better

✰ those bad days are all worth it when you have mat to come home to

✰ and the shiny diamond ring hidden in his sock drawer would soon let you know you would always have mat to come home to

[random-mha-thoughts]

Greedy (Shinsou x Reader)

Pairing: Shinsou x Reader

Genre: Fluff/Comfort, College!AU

Summary: You’re an extremely touch-starved college student, so you ask your friend Shinsou to help you out.

Word count: 2,282

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak​

a/n: I may or may not be projecting on this one...

This took way longer to write and it ended up way longer and shittier than I expected.  Not to mention I fell asleep in the middle of writing last night, so I’m sorry this wasn’t up sooner!

I was debating between Shinsou and Todoroki on this one, but I haven’t written for Shinboi in a while, so why not? (If you guys want a Todoroki ver, I’ll write it too!)

I hit 500 followers 2 days ago!  Thank you guys again for liking my posts and my content, I really appreciate it!  I’ll work hard to give you better stuff in the future!

I said in my milestone post that I would start a new tradition of spotlighting other writers/artists in the community that I follow to spread some love around, so I’m promoting @lovingshoto​ once again!  If you want some floofy headcanons and one shots, go check her out!

Alright, I’m done talking, enjoy lovelies~

My friend blinks at me.  He's practically frozen with fear at my proposal.

"Come on, it's not that bad!  Why are you looking at me like I asked you to hide a body for me?" I whine.

"It's not that."  He puts down the drink he almost choked on.  "It's just...very strange."

I'll admit, it's a very unconventional request I asked of Shinsou, but it's very rational, I swear.  "I have scientific evidence to persuade you.  Science agrees that it helps lower depressive symptoms and stress.  And it releases Oxytocin and makes you happier.  Which I really think both of us can benefit from."

My friend sighs.  "It still sounds really weird."

"And it improves sleep."  I give him a pointed look.

For the first time in our conversation, Shinsou finally seems interested.  "Alright, I'm listening."

A grin splits my face in two.  "We can start at twice a week!  That way, it won't interfere with both of our busy schedules too much."

The violet-haired boy crosses his arms over his chest.  "What's so great about cuddling anyway?"

My jaw drops to the floor.  "Shinsou, are you telling me you've never cuddled anyone before?"  When his face turns red in shame, I know his answer.  "You poor, touch-starved boy.  How about tonight we give it a try, and then you can give me your answer?"

Shinsou levels a gaze at me.  I can't read what exactly he's thinking, but I'm hoping I'm pulling him to my side.  Spring is start to hit and I'm feeling both the emotional and physical consequences of so-called cuffing season.  Long, hot showers, wrapping myself in blankets, and clothing myself in hoodies and fuzzy socks to survive winter aren't cutting it for me anymore.  I want to say I'm becoming influenced by the amount of couples I see walking around campus, but it sounds more intelligent for me to say it's a natural instinct of animals.

But I know it's just an emotional thing, I'm lonely and touch-starved myself.

Shinsou rubs the back of his head.  "Where and when is this happening?"

The poor, confused boy stands in front of my bed.  "What am I supposed to do again?"

Huffing, I pull his arm into me.  "Just get in here and hug me.  I'll help you."

I don't blame my awkward friend for being hesitant.  He's not usually one for invading personal space and he's definitely not the hugging type.  Unfortunately for him, I am a hugger and physical touch whore.

"Just lay back like this, arm out."  I position him on his back before laying on my side, using his arm as a pillow and wrapping an arm around his torso, almost like hugging a life-sized teddy bear.  Feeling his warmth radiating from him, I hum in satisfaction.  "Just like that."

Shinsou eyes me, stiff as a board.  It's a cute expression, watching his face tinted in rosy blush.  "W-What now?"

I shrug.  "We just talk.  Or we can just stay here silently."  But he's still panicked about the whole thing, so I decide it might be easier for him to be distracted by conversation.  "How was your bio test yesterday?"

"It was...okay."  His gaze darts back and forth between me and some other object in the room.  "I think I messed up on one of the answers."

His arm under me hasn't relaxed from his tense state.  "Are you having trouble in class in general?"

"Yeah, but the bio department in general is out to get all of us anyway.  Something about narrowing down the huge number of pre-med kids."

I nod slowly, but Shinsou still looks completely nervous.  "Hey, is this making you too uncomfortable?  I don't want to force you to do something you don't like."  Maybe I went about this the wrong way.

He finally looks down at me.  "No, it's not- Damnit.  It's just... I'm not used to it.  I don't really know what I'm supposed to do, and I'm not much of a hugger, and I don't think I'm the best person to do this for you."

My heart melts at his candor, guilt eating at me.  I get up from my position.  "I'm sorry, it was selfish of me.  I didn't even think- I guess it's a little pathetic."

Shinsou sits up and hugs me.  "It's not pathetic, don't think that way."  His large hand strokes the back of my head.

I'm taken back by the sudden gesture.  "Look at you, being all touchy-feely now."

"Shut up, you're obviously trying to make this work, I should put in an effort too."  The tempo of his head pats slows.  "Also, is it...strange that I kind of missed your warmth when you pulled away?"

Something flutters inside me as I smile to myself.  "I think I've made you a believer."

"So, how did your presentation go?" Shinsou strokes my hair from behind.

His soft touches coupled with the warmth radiating from his chest on my back is a magic relaxation spell.  My eyes are already closed in bliss.  "Went great, especially since my group stayed up late the night before to practice like 500 times.  I'm just glad it's over."

"You think you did well?"

"Yeah."  I feel myself already drifting off from his hypnotic gesture.

His deep chuckle resounds in my ear.  "If you were a cat, you'd be purring right now."

I snuggle closer into his chest.  "I can't help it, I'm just so tired and you're putting me to sleep."

Shinsou has really warmed up to our twice a week cuddles.  We thought it would be best to have a Friday night cuddle to wind down from the week and a Tuesday night cuddle to energize in the middle of the week.  If either of us end up being busy one of those days, we said we can either postpone it a day or just wait until the next cuddle day, but nothing has every come up yet.  It's settled very nicely into both of our routines.

He seems to enjoy it more than me sometimes, sending me eager texts or showing up early to our cuddle sessions.  It's not uncommon for him to end up sleeping until morning as we embrace.  It warms my heart knowing he's realized the benefits of cuddling.

"Can you turn around?  My arm's about to fall asleep," Shinsou asks, and I lay on my other side, letting him fold that arm near his head and wrap the other around my torso.

Speaking of warmth, I never imagine I would feel a different kind of warmth when I'm near him.  It's not the kind that comes just from the sharing of heat.  It's the kind that sends tingles or goosebumps through you from just under the surface of your skin, makes you a different type of cozy, the feeling of sweetness without the taste.

Our relationship grew deeper than I think we both expected.   Slowly, we've opened up to each other about deeper things we wouldn't have normally talked about.  Late into the night, if we were both still awake, we would open up about out innermost thoughts, secrets, and demons.

Most importantly, I'd say it definitely improved my mood overall.  Not only did it give me something to look forward to, but I feel happier.  Even on nights where Shinsou ends up leaving for his own room, I'm left with an afterglow buzz, sleeping with a smile on my face for the rest of the night.  Thinking about it during the day sends another wave of warmth through me.  It's as if all my stress melts away when we're in each other's presence, basking in each other's scent and low breathing.

Though, there is something about cuddling Shinsou that makes me want more of him.  I don't know if this is a side effect of the warmth, but I understand his eagerness to spend more time interlocked as we do.  All I want to do is snuggle closer to him until there's no more space left.  The afterglow of the cuddle sessions would easily be replaced with a cold emptiness, leading me to crave his touch during the day.  I'm a starving child who's become a greedy glut for nourishment.

Shinsou's scent is stronger now that I'm facing him.  I press my arms into his chest, allowing me to lean in closer to his neck, gradually morphing into a ball against him.  I don't know how I survived without this before.

This week has been absolute shit.  I'm so close to screaming at something, my lungs feel like they're going to burst.  A mix of anger, self-loathing, loneliness, and melancholy bubble underneath the surface.  I failed a test in one of my major science classes,  I have a paper summary due sometime next week, and two written assignments due in two days.  On top of all of that, as part of a pairs assignment in one of my classes, none of the "friends" signed up to be my partner.  And these are the same "friends" continuing on to graduate school with me.  As if that wasn't bad enough, I'd left my umbrella in my dorm and it poured rain today.

Trudging up the stairs of my dorm building, I open my door and slide my bag off my damp shoulders without moving inside.  A familiar tickle in my eyes, heaviness in my chest, and overall loss of warmth in my body almost starts overtaking me.

I don't want to be along right now, I think desperately, closing the door and practically sprinting down the hall, up another flight of stairs, and finding another room.  I don't care if it's not Tuesday or Friday, I can't be alone right now.

I slam the door open, thankful that he never bothers to lock it.  But I turn the bolt closed.

Shinsou jumps up in surprise.  He's sitting at his desk, textbooks and laptop open.  I would feel bad for intruding at a time like this, but I'm too far into my feelings to care about things like shame or decency.

"What's wrong?" he looks up at me as I rush over.

I don't respond, grabbing his arm and harshly yanking him out of his seat only to throw him onto his bed.  His eyes widen as I climb on top of him, one of my knees between his legs.  We haven't used this position, but I just don't care.  Once I collapse my head onto his chest, he audibly breathes out a sigh of relief and relaxes, settling one of his hands on top of my slightly dampened head and the other on my back.  "What happened?"

His warmth and fresh scent that normally calms me right down makes me silently sob into his chest.  I don't hold anything back from him; all my feelings ranging from my past mental health to my childhood quarrels with my parents to the existence of time being a curse for not being enough of it in a day burst from my lips messily.  I probably sound a mix of drunk and deranged.

Shinsou doesn't say a word, only alternating between stroking my wet hair and patting my back gently, even as I make a mess of his shirt.  "It's been a tough week, you deserve to rest before you even try to tackle it.  Those people aren't your friends, you don't owe them anything and you shouldn't expect anything from them either.  They don't deserve how great a person you are.  You're doing great, trust me. You're hardworking, friendly, trustworthy.  Anyone would know you're an absolute gem to be with."

His words evoke a shift in me.  This warmth is different from the emotional bursts I've felt before.  Hearing compliments from him hits differently.

And that's when it hit me.  I'm not just greedy for his cuddles, I want Shinsou as a person.  As my boyfriend.

My eyes snap open and I lift my head up.  I meet his confused stare.  "Do you...mean that?"

One of his eyebrows lift up.  "Of course.  You're amazing, why would I lie about that?"

I feel a slight rush of heat.  "Would you... Do you see me... in some other way?"

He blinks once before a tint of pink coats his cheeks.  "Well...maybe I do?  I didn't want to say anything about it, but since you're asking, I won't hide it from you."  The color saturates more.  "I like these cuddles and everything, but...sometimes I think I want more of you.  It's...we're already doing this whole thing together, it feels like we're already a couple."  His arms constrict around me.  "Sometimes, I want to hold you like this and call you...k-k-"  He coughs, embarrassed of his next word.  "Kitty."

My own face gets infinitely hotter as my stomach tumbles at his term of endearment.

"Y-You already nuzzle into me like one!" he adds defensively.  "It's not weird, I swear!"  I looks cute to see him all flustered like this.

I kiss his nose instinctively and he turns tomato red.  "I think it's really cute," I mumble.  "You can call me that if you want.  I'll be your kitty."

Shinsou seems like he's in a panic, arms frozen as they constrict around me.  "Wow... That sounds better than I thought it would," he mutters incredulously.

I chuckle.  "You said that out loud, Hitoshi."

One of his large hands cups my jaw and I nuzzle against it.  "My precious kitty."  It rolls off his tongue so naturally.  He presses a kiss on my forehead.  "I'll keep you happy with my cuddles."

I smile against his touch.  "Aren't you happy I showed you cuddling?  Aren't they great?"

"They're the best, especially with you, Kitty."

[jawritter]

Broken Me...

Ch. 4

Summery: The Dallas Convention couldn't have come at a worse time for Jensen. His world fell apart earlier that morning, but was expected to just act like everything was normal. You and a friend were at the convention for her birthday. Life hasn't been that great for you either, but a forced meeting on stage changes two worlds. Will you be able to put this broken man back together again...

Series Warings: Cheating, shitty marriage, Danneel is a bitch, I unfortunately have to put that as a warning because some people tend to get turnt up about it if you don’t... Smut, Crying, Suiside Attempt, brief discription of suicide attempt and recovery, depression, hints of self loathing, language. I think that’s it... Suicide Trigger warnings will be placed over each chapter!

Chapter Warnings: Language, sad Jensen, touch starved, angst, fluff if you squint.. I think that’s it for this chapter...

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Word Count: 2265

A/N: BINGE READ TIME!! As always all mistakes are mine! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is gold!! Hope you all enjoy this one!!

Want More? Check out my masterlist!!

****MASTERLIST****

“Jensen?” You hiss, looking up and down the hall, and then back at your sleeping friend before stepping out into the hallway and closing the door behind you..

Jensen stepped back a little in the narrow hallway, not wanting to crowd you, shifting his feet a little uncomfortably before looking back up at you with an almost a shy expression covering his face.. 

"Hey." 

You more than a little dumb founded, of all the people you expected to see standing in outside your motel room door in the middle of the night, Jensen was not one of those people...

You couldn't tell if he was angry or not. Personally you felt like everything was your fault. 

You didn't know why, but there it was... 

He and Danneel had obviously separated before he got here... 

Still you couldn't help the guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach... 

So you stood there examining your feet... Waiting for him to say something else...

"Hey." You echoed him.. Needing desperately to break the silence that had fallen between you. 

"Let's go grab a coffee down stairs, I think I owe you an explanation." He finally said after what felt like forever. 

You still couldn't look up at him for some reason, a strange feeling crossed between shame and confusion from all the drama making you feel more than a little stressed to even be seen with him in public right now..

"I'm a little underdressed." 

You were wearing an oversized, faded black shirt  that had Stewie from a Family Guy holding a bazooka on it that said 'I don't play well with others', and a pair of pink, purple, and black plaid pajama pants and ankle socks.

Jensen laughed slightly. 

"You look fine sweetheart, and besides, I'm not much better off."

Curiosity got the best of you at that point, making you really look at him for the first time since he knocked on your door..

He was wearing a plain white T-shirt, red and black pajama pants, and flip flops. His hair was sticking up at cute random angles, and his face was a little redder than normal, his eyes had an unnatural red tent to them, and looked as if he’d either had a little too much to drink earlier, or he had been crying.. It was hard to tell which...

"It's like 3 am, nobody is gonna be down there." He said, shifting his feet uncomfortably on the floor, and looking around the hall... 

He was a mess....but he still looked attractive as ever…

He hadn't shaved all day, so he had a nice five o'clock shadow going, and even though he looked like he'd just rolled out of bed after a long night out he still looked beautiful. 

There was a look in his deep green eyes… One you didn’t quite understand that just wouldn’t let you turn him away...

"Fine, let me grab my wallet." 

You turn to open the door to your room, but he quickly stops you as if you go into the room, you will just leave him hanging in the hallway... 

"I'll pay." He said, reaching out and grabbing your hand in his, then quickly letting it go as if he’d crossed some unseen line. 

"Okay." 

You silently followed him to the elevators and watched as he pushed the button to the bottom floor, both of you riding in silence, not saying anything until you both had your coffee ordered from the tired looking girl behind the counter, and found a booth in the very back of the kitchen/ eating area of the hotel..

There was nobody in sight. Just the desk clerk, and the girl working for the coffee shop. The hotel was almost eerie quiet compared to all the cayos and movement of earlier today with fans and vendors working throughout the hotel, now it was all but deserted...

"I'm sorry about what Danneel did." He finally said almost in a whisper, staring at his untouched coffee cup that was sitting in front of him. "You didn't do anything wrong, and you didn't deserve that. She was just pissed, and was attacking me. Still you shouldn't have been caught in the crossfire." 

He looked exhausted when he brought his hands up to his face, rubbing it harshly, and you just wanted to reach out and hug him..

"You can't control what she does Jensen. Don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal." You tell him, not wanting him to feel like he owed you anything.

You definitely didn’t want him to feel like he owed you any sort of apology or pity..

"I read the comments." He said, staring you down now, his eyes are cold and hard, emotionless, and that’s just not like him at all. From what you’ve seen online anyway.

"It is a big deal. She was trying to make me look bad. Like I was the one who did wrong, and I didn't do shit." He said flatly, clenching his fist on the table in front of him. 

"I came home early from Vancouver. I was going to surprise her. When I came through the door I found her fucking a cashier from our brewery in our living room." He said, still staring you down.. 

You didn't realize your mouth was hanging open until he smirked at you.

"Yeah that was pretty much my reaction too." He gave you a hollow laugh under his breath. "I stormed out and drove here. When I got here I called her and in so many words told her it was over. I was filing for divorce." 

He wasn't looking at you anymore, just rambling like he needed to get all this off his chest. 

"She said it was my fault she was cheating on me...... Said she was lonely, and I was never home...." He broke his sentence looking down at his lap taking deep breaths to steady himself. The unshed tears forming in his eyes was enough to make your heart want to stop beating.

Reflexively you reach across the table, and touch his hand, he stiffened, but didn't pull away. 

"None of that is your fault. You didn't do anything to deserve what she did. As far as the post to the internet... You're the one that has to get up there in front of a room full of people to answer their......question." You tell him, but he's still just staring you down coldly…

But he hasn't moved his hand... 

The man was hard as stone... 

You could tell this had cut him deep... 

It's not something he would just get over or be okay with in a month or two, this was going to take him some time to get past everything she’d done to him, and you had a feeling it didn’t start today with the cheating, but he had been manipulating him and using him for awhile now..

"You don't even know me.......why are you being nice to me right now........ Is it because I'm famous.... I have money..... What, what's the reason you didn't tell me to go fuck myself like you rightfully should have? I pulled you on stage. I'm the reason there was even a video for her to post." 

You hadn't noticed until he'd stopped speaking he had laced his fingers in yours. 

It shocked you.....

His words were hard, but it was like he was doing all he could to seek affection and comfort from someone..

"You didn't do anything wrong. She's the bitch that made a post out of a damn cell phone video." You tell him, becoming a little distracted by his thumb making little circles on the back of your hand. 

"I don't care about your money, you can keep it. I don't care about you being famous. If you were a UPS driver or somebody flipping burgers at Burger King you still deserve to have better than what she’s done to you. 'Cause you were gone a lot and they were lonely.' That's the biggest bullshit statement I've ever heard, and definitely not a valid excuse for someone to be unfaithful." 

He was looking down, jaw clenched, so you decided to stop talking. Not knowing if you were pissing him off, or if he was just tired of talking about it because it was still pretty fresh.

"She wasn't the only one that was lonely." He said, one hand spinning his untouched coffee on the table. "She at least had the kids. I had nobody." 

You sit watching as his walls slowly start to come down, walls you didn’t even know were there until they started to crumble.. 

"I came home a little early cause I wanted some time alone with her... You're not human if you don't crave intimacy from someone, and I’m not talking about sex... Just to have someone to hold while you sleep... Someone when you wake up in the middle of the night you can roll over, and wrap up with so you don't feel so alone......so empty...... I just wanted to be able to be in contact with another person... Just for a little while before I had to be alone again." He still had a grip on your hand, but he still wouldn’t look at you, not directly. Like he was a little ashamed of his own confession.

You were pretty pissed at Danneel before you got down here, but now, now you were even more pissed. 

It wasn't fair what she did to him, she didn’t deserve someone like Jensen.... You wished someone would crave you like that, just to be near you… Yet she threw it all away...Then tried to blame him for her fuck up... 

"I wish I didn't feel so alone." He said, taking his hand from yours. You already missed his warm hand wrapped around yours. Your skin is still tingling where he’d been touching you.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just dumped all that on you. Come on I'll walk you back to your room. It's 4:30 in the morning, we both need to get some sleep." He said abruptly, standing and waiting for you to do the same. Walls firmly back in place..

The elevator ride to the 5th floor was a quiet one, and the walk to your room was just as quiet. You both stop in front of the door, facing each other. 

There was a look on his face you didn't recognize, pain, fear, loneliness maybe…

"Well I'd say goodnight, but... It's kinda already morning." You say, putting your hand in the door. 

Without saying anything Jensen pulls you by your waist into his chest, and for a moment you were too shocked to move, until you hear him take a very unsteady breath. The both of you just stood there holding onto each other for the longest. 

Finally, when you looked up at him, his eyes were unfocused, his mind somewhere else. Reaching up in a moment of boldness you touch the side of his face, bringing him back down to reality...

"Where is your room?" You asked, he looks at you confused. 

"Very end of the hall." He said, jerking his head in that direction. 

You break away from him and grab his hand, you lead him that way. He followed alone behind you, quiet and confused.. When you stopped at the last room he unlocked the door, still confused, but he held it open for you to come in.

Stopping just inside the door he turns to face you, his face guilty, and pained. 

"I'm sorry I can't do this." He breathed out, but before he could get too carried away you reached up again touching the side of his face. He leans into your hand without realizing what he was doing.. Or maybe he did… He was a hard person to read when he was acting, and this was no different...

"We're not going to do anything." You tell him, grabbing his hand leading him to the side of the bed. 

"I just couldn't stand the thought of you alone again tonight." 

Understand hit him hard, and the walls around him broke again, this time like a dam, letting loose a flood of tears in their wake. 

Lifting the cover he crawled into the bed. Holding the cover up for you to climb in too..

You climbed in the bed next to him, and he wrapped his arms and legs light around you. Taking another deep shaking breath. 

"Thank you." He finally whispers once he gets control of his emotions some...

"Let's get some sleep. You got a lot of people waiting on you in a few hours." You say, running your fingers through his hair, hoping you weren’t pushing him too far.. He was so hurt.. So broken... 

You don't know what gave you the boldness to do this. 

You just could leave him alone. 

Not like that..

Not that hurt. 

Not that alone. 

He didn't deserve what she did. He deserves to be treated like a damn God as hard as he worked for his family. 

Not to be cheated on and lied to.

After only 10 minutes you felt him relax, and his breaths deepen, finally falling into a deep sleep. You drifting off to your own deep sleep wrapped up in the arms of someone you'd had a crush on for almost 15 years. It wasn't even about that at this point though. You Couldn't stand how broken he looked. 

You just wanted to put him back together.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @thecreatiivecorner​  @aflamboyanceofgays @deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​ @alanegaming @magssteenkamp​ @lemondropirwin​ @squirrelnotsam​ @hobby27​ @spnbaby-67​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @defenderrosetyler​ 

Binge Tag: @sarahbaker2010​

[welcometomybrain818]

Regina Spektor

Regina will always be one of my most favorite artists. I associate each of her albums with a different season of life. I also just love her voice. Silky, gentle, interesting. Her music often doesn't follow convention and I like surprises.

Begin to Hope and Far: Where things started. I remember I was newly in high school when we started to listen to these albums. My family had a CD player and stereo. We would play music in the evenings before, during, and after dinner. It was tradition. It was winter I think. That was a hard winter. But I can remember waltzing around the house singing along to Hotel Song. The lyrics are not particularly appropriate for a 14 year-old, but I never really followed rules like that anyways.

A little bag of cocaine A little bag of cocaine So who's the girl wearing my dress?

I loved to sing her songs. I have a fairly good voice and her songs challenged me. They asked me to move beyond the familiar. And they were fun. The lyrics were dynamic.

I loved Dance Anthem of the 80's

There's a meat market down the street, the boys and the girls watch each other eat when they really wanna just watch each other sleep

I think Soviet Kitsch and What We Saw from the Cheap Seats were enjoyed at around the same time. Soviet Kitsch originated from watching 500 Days of Summer and a friend eventually making me a torrented album for my car.

At that point, I must have been between 16 and 17. I could drive, but I was definitely still in high school. And I remember this because I listened to both albums in the summer and I have a vague association with band camp. Also- my friends talked about Regina as though they were experts. This has always insulted me when I am, to this day, often the originator of a good artist. Particularly Regina. Could they not acknowledge my music taste??

When I think of Soviet Kitsch I think of sitting in my car on a hot summer night outside of my ex-best friend's house. I love listening to music in the car and singing along. It feels like this beautifully contained space just for you. Sure, people can see you, but can they really? I think it's easier to tune all of the rest out when you're just doing your thing and immersed in a song. I sometimes feel music with my whole body. Especially when I'm singing. It's like I absorb the emotion.

I really love this album. Ode to Divorce was sad and made me think about my family.

Just break me to small parts, Let go in small doses

Us was happy and made me think about love because I loved 500 days so much at the time.

We're living in a den of thieves, Rummaging for answers in the pages, We're living in a den of thieves, And it's contagious...

But my two favorites from that album have to be Carbon Monoxide and Chemo Limo. They are both just genius. The way Regina uses her voice is so fun to sing along.

Carbon monoxide, Soon I'll go to sleep, If I don't got my socks on right, They slide right off of my feet, As I walk walk walk walk walk walk

You know I plan to retire some day, And I'm gonna go out in style, Go out in style, This shit it's making me tired

For Cheap Seats I loved Patron Saint and Small Town Moon

She'll break her own heart, and you'll know, she'll break your heart too, so daddy let go of her hand

I must have left a thousand times, but there's a small town in my mind... How can I leave without hurting everyone that made me? Today we're younger than we're ever gonna be

These lyrics really hit when I was applying for college and considering leaving my hometown. I have also always resonated with lyrics that remind me I'm only as young as today.

Remember Us to Life

This album came out my junior year of college. I remember being in my cell-like dorm room with white painted brick. This album reminds me of fall and a time where I didn't feel my best. I was so stressed that I was having stomach spasms and my skin wasn't great. But I was only going to be on campus for a semester because then I was off to study abroad again. So I was uncomfortable, but of course music always gave me comfort. Regardless of my condition, music will always give me what I need.

I loved Tornadoland because it made me feel seen as somebody who felt quite lost in her body and uncertain about the future

The mind runs fast, your thoughts are louder than your words... it starts to hurt but you wanna be heard.. everybody's time has come it's everybody's moment except yours.. before the light goes out why don't you close your eyes?

I didn't particularly enjoy much about Trapper and the Furrier except for the chorus. I got my mother this album for Christmas and she hated this song. I think it was too dark for her.

What a strange strange world we live in, where the good are damned and the wicked forgiven. What a strange, strange, world we live in, those who don't have lose, those who've got, get given, more, more, more, more!

Regina's Singles deserve an entire post of their own.

[lnarizakis]

hi, first time asking (i hate being shy) but fluff 18 with osamu (or anyone else really, i just saw it and thought it was kinda made for osamu) please 👉👈🥺

pairing: miya osamu x fem!reader

foreword: ofc ofc!!!!!! is okay being shy, theres always a first time for everything hehe. thank u for requesting! (&thank u for requesting osamu i love him sm; sorrie this took such a long time to post, school rlly sux and im constantly tired bc of school😓but thank u for being patient!

look out for: slight manga spoilers, aged up! characters, slight drinking, fluff

—

Today was, for lack of a better word, a crappy day. You woke up on the wrong side of bed, were so late to your job that you were reprimanded by your boss, and, to make matters worse, left your umbrella at home when you knew it was going to rain later today. Onigiri sounded really good for you right now, but stopping by your favorite Onigiri Miya’s tiny shop sounded impossible for someone without a car, as it was several miles from where you resided.

And so now you were stuck at home, sitting on the floor of the kitchen in your apartment, still not completely dried off from the heavy rain pouring outside. It also probably didn’t help that the sound of your stomach grumbling filled the empty silence every couple of minutes, along with the mindless noise that came from whatever you were doing on your phone. Some fifteen minutes ago you had texted the better twin Osamu Miya (you’d call him your boyfriend, but that’d be pushing it a little much; he and you were sort of teetering between the “talking phase” and the “dating phase”) about your troubles, but didn’t press the topic. At the time you had texted him, Osamu was responding back during his work hours, as he’d probably slipped out the door at the back of the kitchen despite it being the slow hour of the day.

Having nothing else to stare at the dim screen of your phone, you reviewed your conversation with him again:

y/n

>> :(((

>> i’m in the mood for onigiri!!!

>> but i only want ur onigiri

>> & ur v far from where i am

osamu miya

>> do u want me to do anything about it?

y/n

>> yes duh,

>> steal sum onigiri from yo kitchen!

osamu miya

>> no????

>> theyre for my customers???

y/n

>> am i not a customer??gimme

osamu miya

>> cant i just getchu sum pizza

>> Attachment: 1 Image

You opened up the image Osamu sent you and it was an extremely distorted image of his brother Atsumu holding a box of pizza. You stifled a laugh, then let it all out. You laughed, despite several tears escaping your eyes. Sure, you’ve had your share of bad days in the past, and this one could definitely compare to many, but the build-up of stress that led up to this day can really bring you down sometimes. You groaned, bringing your knees to your chest. There was no doubt that stress was one day going to be the end of you.

You stayed in that position for what felt like an hour, and it seemed to you that you had fallen asleep around twenty minutes into that hour, for you had woken up due to a startling knock that came from the door of your apartment. You paid some attention to it at first, thinking that it was most likely due to post-nap hallucination; however, a second knock, then a third knock came in. Getting up in fear, you speed-walked your way towards the door and looked through the peephole that would provide the fish-eye image of the figure who interrupted your nap. It was a sopping-wet Osamu, still clad in his attire from work, looking down at the puddle he was creating at the doorstep. You opened the door, and he looked into your eyes with a smirk that rested lazily on his face, holding up a plastic bag with his left hand. There was another in his right hand.

“Pizza?”

Selfishly, you whined out loud, “I wanted onigiri.”

“I didn’t get soaked wet through walking to your house for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too. I know you’re sad, so let me in,” Osamu explained.

As you began to raise a hand to protest his explanation, Osamu held up the other bag, saying, “I also have onigiri. So now ya gotta let me in.”

Flustered from defeat, you stepped out of the way and opened the door wider for Osamu to walk in. He took off his soaked shoes, so he was standing in uncomfortably wet socks. You allowed him to take off his socks as well if it made him slightly more comfortable. You took the two plastic bags from him, and set them and yourself on the kitchen floor, where you previously were. Beckoning the man to come sit with you on the floor, the two of you sat in silence as you began eating.

“You know,” with food stuffed in his mouth, Osamu began, “they say that silence while eating means that the food’s really good.”

Finishing your first onigiri, you scoffed. “Nah, that’s probably wrong. That jus’ means everyone’s eating and they’re bein’ polite. Who ever said that?”

“I did,” Osamu stated. You smacked him on the arm as you rolled your eyes, and he chuckled at your aggression. “Anyways,” he continued, “tell me how your day went. I can tell you were pretty sad.”

You hummed, before taking a sip of your beer. Setting the can down, you explained how for the past several days you had been building up a lot of stress and that this day was your “breaking point.” Osamu listened on without interruption, though he nodded occasionally to show he’s listening. Once you’ve finished explaining, or, at this point, ranting, Osamu placed a hand over yours that’s resting on your thigh. You glanced at him, and he’s got his usual blank expression on his face.

“At least I got you your onigiri.”

Maybe it was the beer, or the fact that you’ve come to terms with the feelings you’ve begun to harbor for him, but the warmth in your cheeks started to show itself. Lacing your fingers between his, your other hand found its way to your can of beer, which you raised. Osamu raised his own, and the two of you clinked your cans together. Laughter rang in the air, as it would for several hours more that evening.

[pcygoldenchild]

Coming over

🍓summary: Baekhyun lived next door to you for years. You were pretty much best friends. But this red haired rebel found some things that he shouldn’t have and didn’t hide his curiosity.

🍓genre: adult themes and sexual content//voyeurism

🍓a/n : The long overdue birthday post for Baek. Sorry for the wait I literally just didn’t write it. Happy late late late bday to my precious bub!

Coming home everyday was always something you dreaded. You lived there for 5 years and more often than not there was something wrong when you got home. Whether it was a leaky pipe or a faulty outlet, there was always something. And you’d gained a pretty good handy man skill because of it but there were things you couldn’t fix. Coming home was supposed to be the relaxing part of your day but it seemed to be just an ongoing stress.

You entered your humble abode and kicked off your painful shoes and coat before going to turn on the heat. It was way too cold and luckily it worked. Next, you’d go change out of those trecherous work clothes and into something more simple, your favorite Day6 tee-shirt and some fuzzy socks with your hair up in a messy bun. So far so good. Making your way into the kitchen you didn’t notice the person sitting in your living room. You didn’t even feel his presence. You went into the kitchen and started preparing some ramen because, if we’re being honest, you were not cooking.

“Ramen for two?” a voice said making you nearly fall. You jumped and turned to see your neighbor and best friend, Baekhyun, standing at your kitchen doorway. He was in a black and red stripped shirt and black sweats. His hair was messy and bright red which really brought out the tattoos on his neck.

“What the hell Baek? How did you get in here? I didn’t even hear the door. And I could have fell and died you asshole.” you said glaring at him. But he cared not one bit at your angry state. He shrugged and walked over to your fridge grabbing two waters and throwing one at you.

“I was already in here before you got in. And you wouldn’t have died or fallen. I wouldn’t have let that happen.” he said leaning against the counter. You rolled your eyes. He wouldn’t let that happen. Well he was right about that. Any dangers or help you needed he was there. But that wasn’t the point.

“That’s not the point Baek. Why were you here if you knew I wasn’t?” you asked taking another bowl of ramen out for him. He smiled once he saw you doing as you always did which was whatever he asked.

“Nothing much. Got bored in my place so I figured I’d snoop around in yours.” he said smirking at you. He walked over to you and kissed the side of your head before walking past you and grabbing the table set for the dining room.

“And what did you find?” you asked out of curiosity. You didn’t think he’d find anything really. You didn’t have anything to hide or be ashamed of. But if he snooped around he’d find anything that interested him.

“Well, a few things. I found your high school yearbook that I asked to see and you said it was destroyed. But it looked perfectly fine to me and so did you with your cute little glasses and braces.” he said poking your side teasing you. You rolled your eyes and the redness in your cheeks told all that you were embarrassed he found it. He walked to the other side of you.

“I also found several of my clothing items that I have been missing for months that you denied ever seeing.” he said inquisitively. You shrugged and acted indifferent but you knew every item he had at your place because you wore them proudly. He rolled his eyes and settled behind you leaning on the other counter as you prepared the ramen.

“I also found a little box in your closet with a couple items.” he said. And you froze. Because his tone alone and the only box in your closet that had a couple items in it was not something he was supposed to find.

“You know what was in that box?” he asked and wanted to avoid it as much as possible. You were embarrassed enough that he saw it.

“Yes it’s my house and my things. I think I’d know where things are.” you said still preparing the noodles just to distract you from freezing or trembling. Anything to calm you down because the embarrassment was immense.

“Well I’m going to tell you anyway. There were a number of self pleasure items in that box. Some rather large toys and some small ones. Ones that vibrated and ones that felt like flesh, the flesh of a human dick to be exact. There were these clip things which I’m going to assume are for your little nipples. And there was a cock ring. I don’t know who you’d be using that for but I’m guessing you haven’t yet given the fresh pack of unopened magnums in there. I was lucky to see some polaroids at the bottom too and...I thought I’d ask to have them before just taking them. Seemed like the right thing to do.” he said. And you could have sworn your soul left your body to leave you to deal with the shame and immense embarrassment. He was right behind you. He got closer and the more he spoke about your toy box the closer he got. He was whispering in your ear by the time he was at his last words. You could feel his body heat on your back. But you were at a loss of words.

“Here’s your food.” is all you said before taking your bowl and moving fast to sit at the dining room table. Your palms were sweaty and your hands shook. This was a literal nightmare. You avoided looking at him as he appeared in the dining room and sat directly across from you and the now too small table. You could feel him penetrating your skull.

“So?” he said after eating a bit of his noodles. You took a deep breath and stuffed your mouth full. Then, after eating it slow enough to calm your breathing, you looked up at him.

“So what?” you said. Your annoyance clear in your voice and sluggish form. He just smiled at you.

“So can I have the pictures?” he asked. And you scoffed before rolling your eyes at him.

“No Baekhyun.” you said before going back to eating. The idea wasn’t crazy. You knew he had a couple feelings about you but he was your best friend and there was no chance of it. Even if you did too.

“Why not?” he asked not letting you get the chop sticks into your mouth. You slammed them back down into the bowl and glared at him.

“Because I said so. What is wrong with you?” you scoffed again. Seemed like you’d scoff in disgust at everything he’d say today.

“What’s wrong with me? I’m not the one with dicks in my closet and pictures of my pussy soaking wet and spread out.” he said a little bit defensive but still as nonchalant as his attitude came. But nonetheless the words made you shiver. He said them so calmly but hearing such words from him was...effective.

“Baekhyun can we stop talking about it? It’s embarrassing enough.” you sighed. You were just tired of it. Great he found it. Now it’s time to move on and forget about it.

“Well we could. But I really want to know how this cock ring thing works.” he said sitting back in the chair. You rolled your eyes and continued eating.

“Because right now, it’s just really uncomfortable.” he continued and you stopped eating peeking up at him. No he didn’t.

“Please tell me you don’t have it on now.” you said full of hope that he was just shitting you and didn’t have it on. But you were always hopeful that he didn’t do things that he actually did.

“I don’t understand why people wear these things. They are cold and how am I supposed to use this?” he said standing up and unbuttoning his pants.

“Baekhyun! I believe you! You don’t have to show me!” you said shielding your eyes from whatever he was about to pull out of his pants. You never understood why he was so eager to do these things.

“Well how are you supposed to help me if you don’t look? I feel like I’m using it wrong because this is extremely uncomfortable.” he said looking down at whatever was now in front of him. Part of you really wanted to look but part of you really didn’t.

“Well I’m not going to be the one to tell you how to use it so please put it away.” you said looking away now. You were getting red again. He was just standing there with his cock out and a ring on it and you really wanted to look.

“Well it’s yours so you should be the one to tell me.” he said in a snarky tone.

“It’s not mine anymore. You can have it. Please, put it away.” you said in a sigh. He was the most stubborn person.

“I can’t.” he said.

“Why not?” you huffed.

“I’m....it’s stuck.” he said.

“Baekhyun it’s not stuck. The same way you put it on is the same way you take it off.” you said. You were having this conversation while looking in the opposite direction of him, frustrated at this point.

“Not going to work.” he said. And you got annoyed. You turned around fast and saw the one thing you’d never wanted to see but also needed to see at the same time.

He was stood across from you with his pants down a bit and his surprisingly impressive dick standing at attention. On the table there were your polaroids; the ones you told him he couldn’t have. You were speechless and you couldn’t stop staring even though you tried.

“Well?” he said crossing his arms. You looked up at him and stood up trying to snap out of whatever thoughts you were having about the idiot who somehow put a cock ring on but couldn’t take it off.

“Well...you’re using it right.” is all you said. He raised an eyebrow at you and looked down at himself. You did the same and looked back up before he could catch you. He was so veiny and...large. Nothing of what you expected.

“Ok so what’s the point of it?” he asked. He was very calm to have his cock out just chilling.

“It’s....it’s supposed to make a stronger erection or make the erection last longer.” you said completely dumbofounded that you were having this conversation.

“Ok so how do you know I’m using it right?” he asked. Always so curious.

“I don’t know. You look...very erect.” you said. The more this conversation went on the more you wanted it to end.

“Let’s find out if it works.” He said walking over to you and taking your hand. He pulled you to the living room but you were hesitant and completely confused.

“What? What are you doing?” you asked trying to laugh it off and pull away.

“We’re going to see if I last longer than I usually do. Because I feel like this is just a terrible dick trap and you’re lying to me.” he said letting you go and flopping down on your couch. His cock bounced as he did and he made himself comfortable pulling his pants down a bit more. You looked at him like he had two heads.

“Come on chop chop. I’m highly uncomfortable in this thing.” he said snapping his fingers at you. His arms rested on the back of the couch. He looked absolutely relaxed other than the snake in his lap twitching.

“You can do this by yourself. Why do you think I’m lying to you about this? Look it up.” you said. But you stood there still looking at his unabashed form.

“It’s yours. I found it and I want you to help me. You are the one that made me this hard.” he said staring at you. You actually shivered. You hoped he didn’t see it but he wasn’t blind.

“Umm...I didn’t do anything. And what am I supposed to do to...help you with that?” you said. It was absurd that he blamed you for something he literally did to himself.

“Those pictures are to blame which are all of you so it’s your fault. And play with yourself or something. You can’t tell me you don’t because the evidence is in your closet.” he said. His cock was twitching a lot; he was excited about the idea even if he seemed nonchalant about it.

“Are you serious?” you scoffed, again. But in all honesty, you would do it. You wouldn’t say you didn’t mind it. But it would be fun to watch him get so hard that he couldn’t take the sight of you pleasing yourself.

“Yes. Can’t you tell? This thing is suffocating me.” he whined. You rolled your eyes and sat in front of him on your coffee table. It was made of a big block of impression marble so it could hold you. You took a deep breath and pulled the tee-shirt off. You only had underwear on because who leaves their bra on after they come home.

“Close your mouth. It’s nothing you haven’t seen now that you’ve seen my pictures that were for my eyes only.” you said at the gawking Baekhyun sitting in front of you. It was cute you would admit.

“You would show them to someone eventually. That’s why you took them in the first place. Best that I have them. Who knows, you probably took them with me in mind.” said the overly confident Baekhyun. As if he wasn’t sitting with an insanely hard cock being suffocated.

“Don’t be so full of yourself Baek. You were the last person on my mind.” you said pulling your panties off and throwing them on the floor. The realization that you were now naked in front of your best friend and next door neighbor making you red.

“At least I was on your mind.” he said lowly. He was eyeing your closed legs waiting for you to part them. And his dumb comment made you want to make him squirm.

You opened your legs and rested them on either side of him on the couch. His eyes glistened just like you were sure to have been between your legs. Somehow you got so worked up at the sight of him you didn’t even realize you were wet.

“Someone is just as excited as I am.” he said a little breathless. If he wanted to come out of this alive, he’d have to try harder than that.

“You sound a little out of breath. You ok Baek?” you teased. You ran your hand down your stomach as you leaned back on your other hand. His eyes followed and his breath hitched as you got closer to your wet cunt.

“Don’t tease.” he basically growled at you. He moved his right arm down to grab himself but that wasn’t how this went.

“No no Baek. No touching. You just watch.” you said as your fingers outlined your folds. You were so wet you already saw the string of slick coming from your folds on your finger.

“You’re joking. How the hell am I supposed to do that?” he whined putting his arm back on the couch. His cock twitching at the thought of not being able to touch himself.

“Self control. Just watch me and we’ll see if it really works.” you said seductively as you got into the feeling. It was hot to see him reacting so well to you. You brought your fingers up your slit collecting more of your wetness. You continued doing so, loving how he stared at your core. You brought your slick fingers and rubbed your clit a little in small circles. You enjoyed this way more than you usually did. Maybe because of the way his cock twitched in time with your fingers. You let out a whimper as you rubbed your sensitive clit and he liked that. He let out his own groan and it made your hole clench, which was on full display to him. You rubbed your clit more letting out more sounds. The sound of your wetness being heard from your folds.

“It’s so much wetter in person.” he moaned and you smirked. Him watching you was setting your body on fire. You took two fingers and slowly pushed them inside yourself. The sound of them going in and coming out was similar to the sound of stirring macaroni. You were well aware of how loud your hole was and so was he even over his heavy breathing. You fucked yourself with your fingers and it felt better than before. But you wanted the red frustrated cock in front of you. And you were sure he wanted your very wet cunt.

“I need to take this off.” he said. And you were moaning but you heard him.

“No Baek. I’m not done.” you moaned with a stern tone. You felt powerful. Your fingers sped up. His cock was moist at the top, glistening. The veins were bold and the twitching was uncontrollable.

“Fuck. I can’t hold it.” he groaned. His hand came to sit at the base of his cock but he wasn’t touch it.

“Shh just watch me.” you said as you fucked yourself harder. You were torturing him. He growled in annoyance and you knew he was going to cum soon out of the sheer fact that you wouldn’t let him. And you were cumming because he wanted to be inside you but you had all the power. Your fingers stuttered inside you. You were moaning and trying to keep your legs opened.

“I’m cumming Baek!” you moaned out. His name coming from your mouth like it has countless times before but he didn’t know that.

“Oh God.” he groaned. And you came all over your fingers. Your legs trembled a bit at the sensitivity as you rubbed your clit slowly to calm yourself down. And the poor boy in front of you made a mess on himself. His cum slowly erupting from his cock as he groaned in what sounded like ecstasy and agony. You both watched at his cock milked itself of every ounce of cum he had. His breath of relief as the last bit trickled down the veins. You smiled at your work. You made him cum without touching him. You licked your fingers as he watched you wordless for a couple mintues before you sat up.

“So did it work?” you teased as you looked down at his cum covered cock and lap.

“Sometimes I think you do these things on purpose.” he said suddenly.

“Oh yea because I definitely told you to go snooping around my apartment.” you defended.

“Why did you buy this anyway? Who would you have used it on?” he asked incredulously like you really only bought it to trick him into using it.

“Oh Baek. I bought it for you. I planned this entire thing out.” you teased. He was about to say something smart but you cut him off.

“Baek go clean yourself off. You’ve made a mess and I made my point.” you said standing up and taking your shirt and putting it back on. You smiled as you walked to your room. You didn’t plan any of it. Butyou’d be lying if you said you didn’t hope he’d be the one to use it.

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

Get to know me uncomfortably well: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100

jesus christ

put under a cut because i want to make absolutely sure nobody reads this massive amount of information and also did you ask for EVERY NUMBER EXCEPT 69

1. What is you middle name?

marie

2. How old are you?

28

3. When is your birthday?

november 9 and i bet you didn’t even get me a present, you absolute monster

4. What is your zodiac sign?

scorpio

5. What is your favorite color?

i like jewel tones in general, my fave right now is dark green

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don’t really have one, tbh

7. Do you have any pets?

i do not, unfortunately. i hope to at some point soonish but a lot of that is gonna depend on how my situation shakes out

8. Where are you from?

st. john’s, newfoundland

9. How tall are you?

5′4″

10. What shoe size are you?

9

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i’m not getting up but like 7? i need to get a new pair for working in and i will be getting rid of the ones i don’t wear so that number is in flux

already answered 12

13. What talents do you have?

none, really. but i’m alright at knitting and generally, like, figuring out how physical objects work and go together. my friends also tens to enjoy the games i run so that’s nice.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

bitch read my mind and find out

15. Favorite song?

i cannot express how impossible it is for me to pick ONE FUCKING SONG that’s my favorite. here’s 5 i always go back to, though!

my tyrant- felix hagan and the family

northbound- grace petrie

staring at the sun- mika

too much- carly rae jepsen

vampire money- my chemical romance

already answered 16

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

well there’s the mushy option in which i name names, but i resolutely refuse to do that since i’ve been informed nobody cares about how queer i am. but generally, i tend towards people i can feel comfortable around. despite me being a huge slut for interacting with people, there’s very few that project the kind of atmosphere that lets me really just chill and start thinking about trusting them.

18. Do you want children?

jesus no don’t put me in charge of a child

19. Do you want a church wedding?

jesus no, even the wedding part of that sounds less than ideal

20. Are you religious?

lmao nah

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yeah, a few times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

well i have a background check going through right now that’ll answer that for me but i think i have not ever been caught for my many crimes

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

a few- i met russell crowe on a set once, and there’s a good few smaller time canadians i’ve met just, like, around

24. Baths or showers?

i usually go for showers because i am living in a place with an insufficient bathtub setup, but i have been known to enjoy a nice bath now and again

25. What color socks are you wearing?

bold of you to assume i put on socks when i’m not going out

26. Have you ever been famous?

bitch i’m famous now everyone else just doesn’t know it yet

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

probably not, i like the act of grocery shopping and going to shitty bars and disappearing, and i couldn’t do that if i was a proper celebrity

28. What type of music do you like?

loud and i can imagine myself being in a cool music video when i walk places listening to it

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

well yeah obv

already answered 30

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

usually on my side curled up around something, either a person if i’m lucky or a pillow

32. How big is your house?

the apartment is not big enough atm

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i don’t usually eat breakfast at all tbh

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

no but i have held one once

35. Have you ever tried archery?

once in high school gym class. i did...... bad

36. Favorite clean word?

i like words that describe the way dragonfly wings look. diaphenous and iridescent and things.

37. Favorite swear word?

i’ve always been a fan of a good solid fuck, and you can quote me on that

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

two days, i think?

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

yeah but they were prolly goofing

41. Are you a good liar?

not under most circumstances

42. Are you a good judge of character?

no, but not in the usual way. i tend to assume people have a lot more hidden motives than they do. like, obviously you don’t want to be FRIENDS with me, you just are PRETENDING for SOME REASON

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, as a matter of fact, i can do them ALL AT ONCE

44. Do you have a strong accent?

most of the time no, but when i’m talking to people with a strong accent from back home mine slips back

already answered 45

46. What is your personality type?

while i rarely get consistent answers, i just took the myers-briggs again and got enfp so there’s something

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i don’t own much that’s super expensive tbh, i’m broke as shit. my boots cost like 60 bucks and i stressed about that for ages

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah, i can do a lot with it

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie

50. Left or right handed?

right

51. Are you scared of spiders?

nah

52. Favorite food?

there’s so much food i love! i do have dumplings i am excited to eat tho

53. Favorite foreign food?

again, there’s so much! i am really craving a good currry today i guess?

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

a bit messy, especially with stuff that isn’t, like, a hygenic risk. if things are just out of place i don’t tend to register that as the same level of unclean as, like, food messes

55. Most used phrased?56. Most used word?

these two are ones my friends could probably answer more reliably than me. i do say i’m not a doctor tho

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

not long, unless i’ve decided it’s a makeup day and i want to do something dumb and fancy

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i talk a big game, but not really, i’m pretty down on myself a lot

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

succ

60. Do you talk to yourself?

mmhmm- specifically, rehearsing conversations that will never happen

61. Do you sing to yourself?

sometimes, when i’m in a good mood

62. Are you a good singer?

absolutely not

63. Biggest Fear?

there’s a few, but i’d say the biggest one i’ve had the longest is a loss of identity of some sort. like, just not recognizing the people around me, that sort of thing. it’s gotten a bit intense recently due to events but yeah

64. Are you a gossip?

not really- like, i will gladly listen to your drama but i only really talk about it to other people if it actually affects me

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

oof jesus, i tend to watch more shitty horror movies than anything else bc i’m hot trash

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both are fine on other people, but short hair is way better for me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

just did a quiz and only got 40. i didn’t even remember all the ones i had been to so that’s cool. you guys have too many states anyway

68. Favorite school subject?

i was your standard weird queer kid who imprinted on my english teachers

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nah

71. What makes you nervous?

so many things tbh

72. Are you scared of the dark?

nope

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the person and the mistake, really.

74. Are you ticklish?

fuck off

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

i don’t think so?

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

i’m a dungeon master, does that counts

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeop

78. Have you ever done drugs?

yeop

79. Who was your first real crush?

my best friend in elementary school. i wanted her and i to get married to brothers so that we could live next door to each other and have sleepovers every night because i really liked sleeping next to her and doing her hair

hoo boy baby bobbie (i even knew lesbians as a kid! i grew up in such an accepting family! i have no excuse for being so repressed)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just one ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

not competently

82. How fast can you type?

pretty fast- i did take a test recently that came back at 68 wpm so my goal is now to get one word faster

83. How fast can you run?

fuck running

84. What color is your hair?

black with green bits, i post a lot of selfies, you know that

85. What color is your eyes?

grayish blue

86. What are you allergic to?

nothing that i know of. undefeated

87. Do you keep a journal?

i post on tumblr a lot

88. What do your parents do?

my mom works in communications- she used to work in politics but now she works for a non-profit because the staff of the party she worked for was, in her words, a “sack of vipers”

my dad was a journalist and a photographer. he was the editor for the paper back home for a long time, and then after that he did a lot of advocacy work for MS. he ran for office a few times. you know, like you do.

89. Do you like your age?

it’s alright. like, i got troubles but i accept that none of that is because i’m 28 and mostly just because i got myself into a dumb situation

90. What makes you angry?

mostly when people don’t seem to care about how their actions affect others. like, i can almost accept malice easier than a profit motive

91. Do you like your own name?

it’s not bad, and i haven’t really hit on any that i like more than bobbie

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

lmao nope

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i want the child to be born to someone who is not me

94. What are you strengths?

not very many tbh i kinda suck as a human person. i am pretty good at compartmentalizing and staying kinda functional when shit goes down

95. What are your weaknesses?

all of them. specifically, i’m hard to motivate and i got depression

96. How did you get your name?

i was named after my grandmother

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i know at least one was a criminal. i do have a kickass family crest and tartan tho

98. Do you have any scars?

they haven’t faded since i answered question 39

99. Color of your bedspread?

there’s a gray one and i have a blue weighted blanket i use sometimes

100. Color of your room?

the whole apartment is beige

[gettingvetted]

I am stressed the h*ck out.

Facebook drama is the worst. I’m about to just leave a group and re-join with my sock account so I can’t get into any more trouble. Like, if you want to call me immature for a post in a closed, secret group that involved a lot of discussion and education, just because it doesn’t display your organization in a perfect light, then how much more immature is it of you to complain publicly about it on your page and call me a troll? Mostly I’m worried about them finding my riding instructor (it’s horse-related) and telling him, so then he may or may not ban me from riding with him or they may not allow him to bring students to this facility anymore (even though he agreed with my opinion on the facility). All of my location, education, etc details are friends-only on my FB page, and when we signed waivers at the facility we didn’t have to write the name of our stables on them, so it would be really hard for them to find out, but I’m still panicking. The simplest solution would be to delete my post in the group, but that’s strictly against group rules and if they found out I would be blocked from the group. But at this point my mental health is more important than that, especially if my sock can get in, so I messaged the page that was calling me a troll and said that I would delete if they did.

Plus I started this morning off by waking up with the worst IBS I’ve had in ages. I couldn’t get off the toilet long enough to go to my morning classes. Luckily I only had two this morning (normally there’s 4 but a couple professors were sick) so it won’t be hard to catch up, but it’s a huge annoyance and my stomach hasn’t felt right all day.

Also, I saw a guy for the third time last night and it didn’t go well. Turns out he’s a homophobe *and* he lied to me about his reason for not wanting to have sex. Not that *I* wanted to have sex anyway, but he waited until I’d gone home to tell me his real reason, and that makes me kind of mad and kind of uncomfortable. Sex has to be completely open and honest or else it doesn’t work and someone’s going to get hurt.

Ugh. I have so many swirling thoughts right now. I want to focus and do some chores and studying but I’m really struggling. On the plus side, I did complete my first anastomosis of a bowel today, and a friend is coming over to study with me in about an hour. It should be easier to focus with someone else here who is also working.

[wishingfornever]

12/9/17 – No Contact:  Chaos Through Hopefully

I was late for work today.  Phone stopped charging and died in the middle of the night.  I woke up at 8, right on the dot.  I was supposed to be at work at 8.  I was 11 minutes late.  Work was rough but also kind.  It’s hard to explain.  A lot of pressure, a lot of stress, but also mercy.

I was offered a job at Pets Mart.  I was surprised and I’ll apply for it in a bit.  This is the second job I needed.  I was also given a $5 tip.  I was surprised.  People like to see me smile.  Not sure why. They see me laughing and think nothing of it.  If they knew what I was thinking… they’d think I were mad.  I’m not mad, though. Just upset.

Still, crazy will always be the word they use.  It’s a simple term with a broad enough meaning to expedite trivial matters with any potential threat.  Everything reminded me of Esther today.  Everything.  Saw a young girl, probably still in high school.  Had Esther’s body and her hair.  And no, I didn’t think of her sexually so fuck off.  I was just reminded of Esther .  Had her outline at least.  Of course, this girl was African-American.  Sort of like that porn star from a long while back.  But this girl was obviously clothed.  Had glasses, too.

And of course, Pets Mart… the place I couldn’t even stand in.  They offered me a job.  They offered me a job THERE.  Why?  Why couldn’t I get a job offer from anywhere else? It’s a gift horse. I’m staring it right in the mouth.  I really shouldn’t.

On the way back, I almost stepped on a lizard.  I had to force myself to step over it.  After today, I think I’ve earned some karma points. Hopefully, I’ll use it to get Ariel here.  We’ll see.

Oh, and at work?  Before I left.  I forgot my hat and had to go back.  A dumb Santa hat.  Everyone thinks I’m festive because I wear it, but no.  I couldn’t take a shower today so rather than deal with bed hair, I decided to just wear the fucking hat.  Of course, it adds color to the dark, empty void that is the Dollar General Uniform.  At least I have some say in what I wear.  Still, has to be black.  A splash of color is what’s needed most.

I guess I’m growing to like my hat.  It’s red, so that’s nice.  I prefer blue.  Esther does too, but she likes black a lot.  And she isn’t fond of Pets Mart but she wanted to work there.  Do good to the animals.  She’s kind like that.

I wish she decided to come here instead.  I’d get a job and then I’d do everything I could to get her a job there.  She’d be so happy. She deserves to be happy.

Oh, I just remembered.  I was super dehydrated today.  My lips cracked and everything.  Before I left, I decided to quell my thirst with coffee and pringles.  Bad idea.  It meant I had to walk 20 minutes even MORE dehydrated and I needed to poop.  Lel.

Just finished watching a playthrough of Doki Doki Literature Club.  It was… intense.  But also touching.  The music at the end.  A sort of melancholy feeling.  What happened between Esther and myself, I couldn’t help but relate the characters with either her or myself. Eh… I really shouldn’t.  It’s bad that I can relate, after all. The intensity and extremist nature of Yuri in the end and the blind devotion of Monika.  Even after everything fails, still devoted. Pretty unhealthy, yet I see myself in both their shoes.  If Esther saw them or played, she’d perhaps see me too. She’d be horrified by the game whereas I sit here, empathizing. Perhaps I’m as ugly as I appear to Esther.  A truly wicked soul.  My intentions are selfish, my emotions are extreme.

So… uncomfortable bringing this up, but I went to the bathroom and… well, it feels like the life has drained from me.  It was unusual. Solid at first then when I thought I was done it was like I had dysentery only a few minutes later.  All I had to eat today was those pringles.  What I had to drink?  Coffee, SUPER sweet tea, and two glasses of water.  Maybe I should eat something.  I still have two apples.

Why did I grab them?  Why did I think I’d need them?  Because they’re quick and easy?  Yeah, that’s no longer enough.  I’m not sure I like apples anymore.  Ariel doesn’t like apples either, unless with cinnamon.

That was a pain in the ass.  Applied for a second job.  I don’t know my manager’s last name.  I just know his first.  I’m not going to reveal it but it’s super surprising.  For his protection.  Thing is, I’ve been considering going back and changing all the names. If I do, I’d let the tumblr know in a later post of what’s been changed.  Maybe saying “Stephen” is dumbass.  That’d be my name for the obvious reasons. Of course, the current “Calming Tides and Raging Storms” Tumblr that I tried to get Esther to see… it has her and my picture as the avatar.  If I do go for the whole total identification protection thing, I’d have to blur out the image.  And her nationstate’s flag is the background.  So… hrm… Fuck.  I’ll figure it out.  If you go to the Calming Tides and Raging Storms, you’ll know Esther’s real name.  I mean… I’ll change the password if I remember.  If you can’t get in then the name was changed but the password wasn’t.  And you’ll know everything has been blurred.  Oh, I’d have to edit the Tumblr posts there, too.

That’s a lot to do.  Eh…  I’ll message her once more.  See how she feels about it.  That’d be next year, so maybe she’ll calm the fuck down and learn some FUCKING manners and give me just a few minutes.

Oh, I just remembered.  I was wondering how it’d work if I joined the military.  I mean… how would I be able to upload posts?  I’ll have to outsource to someone.  Maybe my sister?  I’d rather not have Ariel see this, so she’s out of the question.  Esther wouldn’t fucking do it if Marx himself came down to ordained it as necessary, proclaiming she’d be the only one to do it.  Because of course not. I don’t think I’d want Adela to do it, either.  She’d realize I’ve been fucking crazy.  She knows I’ve started this journal.  I told her.  She doesn’t know what I write in here, but I’d rather her not think I’m a shitty person, too. I doubt she would, but I can’t be certain about anything anymore.  My life is chaos, embodied by the futility of catching ash and embers in the wind as I attempt to prevent further fires from spreading.  I’m overwhelmed and I can’t slow life down.  I can’t prevent life.  I can only watch.

I might go to bed early.  That way, I can take a shower in the morning.

I like the idea of having two jobs.  Eventually, I’ll quite one. Probably the worst one.  I’ll eventually quit the other, of course. In the meantime, I’ll get OUTFITS!!!  YAAAAAAY!!! Fuck you if you think I’m gay.  Yes, I do enjoy fashion.  No, I don’t like sucking dick.  Fuck you for thinking that.  Of course, considering this will be in fucking Tumblr, no one will be thinking that.  In fact, they’ll probably berate me for assuming gay people like fashion for some reason.

Ignoring my somewhat inflammatory comments, these outfits aren’t street clothes.  They’d be for Airsoft.  That’s one thing, I really like military uniforms.  I prefer the earlier uniforms with color rather than drab, mind you.  The outfits consist of two pants, five shirts, and three pairs of socks.  I think I mentioned it.  They consist of tan, olive drab, and navy blue.  I’m excited for the navy blue.  Of course, I’ll be getting COMBAT shirts which are basically polos with zippers.  I wasn’t going to get them, but I wanted to do the MN thing as I’m sure I mentioned but then I realized something. Shmedium.  This was the word I heard back in Amarillo.  A good coworker of mine.  I wish we stayed in contact, but I was really depressed then and I failed to meet up with anyone. Just became more introverted.  Regardless, I wore a shirt that was too small and it made me look buff.  I’m naturally an Extra Large, even without this MASSIVE weight gain that I’ve acquired within the last few years, and this shirt was a large.  Then I weighed a bit more than my current goal, which is 200 if you remember.  I think I weighed like 220?  I looked REALLY muscular, though, because I have an impressive outline.  Not to brag or anything.  Didn’t have abs though… was still a bit pudgy, you see.  Still, I looked far better and that smaller shirt helped.

He called it a Shmedium.  I intend to get BELOW that weight and these combat shirts are supposed to be a bit tight.  A comment suggested get a size smaller so I will.  If it’s too small, I’ll return them and get a larger one.  I’ll have to pay shipping and handling again, but it’d be worth it.

I actually got Esther a uniform.  Also for airsoft.  I think I told this story.  I loved it.

She tells me her waist is a certain size.  I check the chart, she qualifies as a small.  I assume nothing of it because her top that I ordered was a small as well.  However, the pants?  Well, I discovered waist sizes to men is different to the sizes for women.  They measure different parts.  These small pants couldn’t get over her ass.

Esther has… an AMAZING ass.  Like, my god.  It’s a piece of art.  Her trying to put the pants on, pushing her buttcheeks up while making no gains… I couldn’t think.  It’s a persistent memory.  I just think of her trying to pull it up and saying through frustrated laughter, “It doesn’t fit!” and I just remembered… how attracted to her I was.  I wanted to just bite her, to play with her butt a bit.  I wanted to fuck SO badly.  But, I kept my calm.  I contacted the site and set up a return.

God, she has such a beautiful ass.  Just amazing.  Like BAM and it’s perfect.  I wrote a playful letter saying my gf at the time uses different sizes.  I thought it was funny and they’d laugh, but I wonder now if she thought I was insulting her just to insult her.

This was a good memory… I don’t want to ruin it with that.  I had a lot of good memories of her.  I wish she had them of me, too.  :/

Anyways… I don’t mean to just… I guess objectify her.  There was a lot to her to love.  She was very kind.  Very compassionate.  Very hopeful. It felt like she could brighten the world.  She was quirky and clever.  I just wish I had more time with her.

It feels like everything at work reminds me of her.  I’m going to get the job at Pets Mart.  Or… Petsmart?  I don’t know, I just know I’ll get a job there because life has it’s own sense of humor.  A place that I felt as if I were going to just break down and cry will hire me.  I will work there.  I will work there with a smile.  The customers and my coworkers will never know that I feel like I’m dying inside.  Not because I hate my job but because I’m reminded of my greatest failures.

There is no redemption for what I’ve done.  And I have to just… live with that.

I decided to take my mind off this.  I took a long list of people whom I feel comfortable enough to share this information with without fear that they’ll be hurt by what’s said and isn’t too close. Family was excluded, Ariel was excluded, and others.  Unfortunately, the friends that were left weren’t close enough.  Except for maybe one.

She knew about my depression back when I worked with her.  I tried to hide it but she knew.  She understood.  She was a coworker from Dunkin Donuts.  She was great fun to work with, perhaps my favorite coworker there.  That may sound like me kissing ass because SHE MIGHT read this, but the coworkers I remembered either stole from the register or fucked in the freezer.  Of course, not all of them did that but enough did.

One manager told me that I was going to be short because he was going to take money from MY register.  I, however, didn’t want that to happen so I cheerfully informed him I’d normally be fine with it (I wouldn’t be) but I was short earlier this week and the BIG manager gave me a warning.  He was kind enough to not take my money.

Honestly… he wasn’t that bad.  I mean, he was a thief and I think he did a lot of drugs, but he was kind enough to consider my problems.  What I told him was the truth, but of course I didn’t like the idea of him taking money from the register so it was sufficient enough to screen my distaste as an excuse.

I had another manager who was a fucking dick.  I thought he and I were getting a bit better and I tried to overlook his assholish nature but… I couldn’t.  He was just too much, even for me.  I like trolling, too.  However, I dislike using POWER for trolling.  When I give someone a hard time, they either have equal footing or an advantage.  I give a Nazi some shit on the internet, it’s usually in a comment section filled with other Nazis jacking each other off. If I comment on a Facebook page’s post, I don’t harass the page but I work towards the page realizing they’re stupid before blocking me in anger and disgust.

Of course, lately I haven’t been trolling so much.  The last few pages who blocked me tended to block me over the LITTLEST of things.  Like, really?  Fuck those guys.  I wasn’t even starting shit and that set you off? Power corrupts.  I believe in debate over the definite.  I ran a Facebook page that had a rather large following for a little while.  I never banned anyone.  NEVER.  In fact, I unbanned a lot of people because this Brazilian guy posted a picture of a naked lady and it triggered everyone.   Ariel was one of those people.

I believe everyone is capable of reason and civility.  They can be spoken with, they can be calmed down, they can understand, they can propose.  Not everything must be this or that.  Ariel was proof of reason and civility.  She was banned because she was angry and yelling at my Brazilian colleague.  Rather than hear her out, he blocked her making her more pissed.

I read what she wrote, unblocked her, and spoke with her about it.  I did this with others.

People aren’t that complicated.  They just want to be heard out, most of the time.  I could reason with a Trump voter easy.  I, as a Communist, can engage a Capitalist through intellectual debate.  I have, actually.  A friend I respect quite dearly has treated me fairly and I have treated him fairly.  We agree on nothing yet respect each other anyways.  Not that hard.

Well, what about Nazis? Fuck Nazis, alright?  I know, it sounds hypocritical but their entire stance opposes what I just said.  The extermination of Jews and Communists isn’t something to try to reason with.  Oh, what’s that?  They also hated Capitalism, too? They did.  Fascists hated Capitalism.  It was Francisco Franco’s brand of Fascism that embraced the idea of Fascism working side by side with Capitalists.  Spain eventually joined NATO under his leadership.  Go figure.

Everyone can be reasoned with.  Everyone can be spoken to.  But the thing is, they have to first want to be reasoned with.  They have to want to be spoken to.  The Fascists, they do not want to discuss or debate. Instead, they demand.  In their demands includes the destruction of everything that isn’t them.  They push for a singular idea and will abuse the system until it is achieved.

Of course, the same could be said about Communism.  So, what makes the Communist different from the Fascist? The Anti-Communist as well as the Fascist will state, “Nothing separates the two” as the Anti-Communist doesn’t care and the Fascist recognizes their own shortcomings by allowing Communism to be compared to their vile ideology.  But, to those who aren’t so biased will note that Communism doesn’t demand the extermination of entire populations. It can, but it’s not required.  It intends to abolish the classist systems that rule.  Communism upsets the status quo.

Communism is preventable.  Close the wage gap, provide for your workers.  The bullshit in the United States?  This is what will lead to a Communist Revolution.  The people are being oppressed, so they will inevitably seek justice, be it through peaceful means or by force.  Fascism requires only might.  Giving the Fascist even a bit of strength will lead to them finding more strength.  Then more.  Then even more; more until they’ve achieved total control.

Communism may only be stopped through kindness.  Fascism may only be stopped through strength.  That’s the difference.

Oh, I just got an Email from PetSmart.  I don’t meet their requirements?  Really?  I guess I won’t work there after all.  What the hell were they looking for?  That’s dumb.  >:C

Whatever. I’ll apply for the HEB.  And Walgreens.

And done.  Walgreens is dumb.  I put in my password, wouldn’t take. Had to wait a bit because it locked me out.  After I was done waiting, I reset my password.  Tried setting it to a password that was the same as my old password.  That didn’t take, of course.

I REALLY want a second job.  Rather, I need it.  I need to have enough money for Ariel and me.  I want to get my $200 worth of clothing as well, but I NEED to be prepared for Ariel .  Need is greater than want. Of course, my need is subjective.  More a strong want right now, but not the point.  I will have enough money to take Ariel places.  I probably won’t drive much, which she really likes driving… but not the point.  Haven’t brought her up with Adela, yet.  Probably won’t happen till April.

Anyways, I just got Adela a Christmas present.  $50 from Amazon, a fake fur coat thing.  It’ll look like one I got my mom.  She’ll love it. I was concerned because I didn’t want to spend until I knew I had enough money in the bank or that the job finally paid me, but whatever. I have 120 in my account.  Rather, I had 120. Now it’s more like 70.  I want to try to keep at least 300 in my account at all times once I reach it.  It’ll slow down with the rent and me purchasing food, but I should be fine.  There were other things I was hoping to purchase before Christmas but if I don’t have enough, then that’s fine.  It can wait.

I think I mentioned this, but there is this airsoft gear.  I want to get it.  It’s from this little Russian shop called “The Grey Shop.”  And this gear is from a company called… Ariel!  Yes, I know.  It’s supposed to be all caps so it’s more ARIEL!!!  So, Ariel and ARIEL!!!  Gear from ARIEL!!! will be great to get because it’s Russian so it’s immediately non-NATO gear so it would work with my intent to use it for MN and that photoshoot.  I also think getting ARIEL!!! gear would be hilarious if I ever airsoft with Ariel .  Think about it!  I’d be airsofting with Ariel in ARIEL!!! Sounds hot.  ;) Anyways, yeah…  I actually like their gear, too.  Their tan is just dark enough to not be boring.  Of course, it’s kind of expensive being from Russia but it’d definitely be worth it.  And I think it will cover my stomach.  I have an abnormally long torso, so if I get a tactical vest it’ll look small on me.  I’ll adjust it so it doesn’t look too bad on me.

Of course, I’ll have to get pouches for it.  That’s the hard part. My ambition holds me back on that.

Whatever. Right now, I need to do dishes and then go to bed.  I have to wake up and go to work tomorrow.  I’d rather start the day with a shower.  Good night.  :D