#ANYWAY AAAANGST

[zebarius]

Now that Scar's won, it's that time when everyone comes together to choose the winner's motif/symbol.

Grian is the Sun, Scott the Stars, Pearl the Moon, and Martyn is Mars.

Now what of Scar?

I definitely like the idea of Scar being the Earth, as many people have proposed.

I've also have seen some people propose Pluto.

However, I'm not a big fan of this one.

My reason for not agreeing with this option is pretty simple. Pluto, while sharing some similarities with Scar (like loneliness and being an outcast), doesn't really have enough meaningful connections or parallels for it to be used as a motif.

I think that since Scar's theme is so full of flowers this season-- Sunflowers, Poppies, and Lilacs-- this naturally connects back to the Earth, which also ties to a lot of other symbolisms as well, making it the better option out of the two.

So I've decided to throw my vote in for the Earth as Scar's symbol.

I think it just fits, in the end.

The Sun and Moon are both in close relation to Scar, with Pearl and Scar being each other's foil, and the Sun being vital to the Earth (desert duo aaaangst!!!). And the fact that all three are stuck in each other's orbits is perfect.

And on top of all this, is that the Earth is lonely. Just like Scar was this entire season.

The Earth is the only planet we know with such an overflow of life. The only one in this solar system that is covered in plants and animals and people. There is no other planet like it. It is alone in its uniqueness. And just like the Earth is alone in the solar system, Scar was alone in the game.

I think that loneliness, paired with Scar's flower themes, and the relation to the Sun and the Moon, is what makes the Earth such a perfect symbol for Scar.

I feel like any other symbol would leave out important aspects of his character and his story.

Anyways, what are your opinions on the matter? I'm curious to hear your thoughts. Don't hesitate to mercilessly poke holes in my argument. It builds character.

[kilistina]

hiii just wanted to say i love ur posts so much. ur so good at writing pls never stop😫 i just finished reading punk 57 and the whole “tell me something true” line has me in a CHOKEHOLD. pls pls pls write about assholery being cold and distant with y/n out of nowhere even though they’re friends. can the reader be fem and have bunny as a nickname too? it’s been on my miiind and i just know you’ll write it to perfection <33

i fucking ADORE this suggestion sm. whoever you are, message me pls bc i wanna rack your brain for more lmao

lmk if you wanna be tagged in part 2 when—if—it comes out <3 i hope y’all enjoy this part though bc it’s truly one of my favourites so far.

i recommend listening to these two songs while reading: wet dream - wetleg, desire - meg myers

•••

dirty dancing. pt1

word count: 4.4k-ish

disc. nsfw content ahead. mdni. brief coke mention—in passing, includes fem! reader n harry styles, bold ass language, kinda slow burn but not really, some sexy dancing ig n aaaangst. enjoy my whores <3

•••

Things have been weird with Harry for a while now. You’re not exactly sure how or why the rift even started, but it did. And it’s only been getting worse.

You’ve been friends for what—two years now? Never too close, but close enough to be able to communicate about any issues you’ve had with each other. You and Harry don’t really argue, he’s not the confrontational type. Not with you, anyway. And not when he’s sober.

You aren’t the biggest fan of confrontation either. When things get too heated or overwhelming, you cry. It embarrasses you—being unable to handle your emotions. You know that you’re only human, and you’d never judge someone else for crying in the middle of an argument, but because it’s you, because you know yourself so well, you judge yourself over it. Weird pattern, but hey, it’s real.

Right now, you’re out at a bar with your friends—the same group you’ve been hanging around since high school. Mitch and Sarah have been highschool sweethearts for as long as you can remember, they’re like the parents of the group. The cool parents. The parents everyone secretly wishes they could have. Niall and Lewis are attached at the hip, too—platonically. Been best friends since the day they met.

You’re the closest with Niall since you’ve been living with him through college, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You have other girlfriends but they’re not as close to you as Niall and Sarah are. Sarah’s like a diamond you’ve always loved. They all are. They’ve always been by your side when you needed them—Harry included. You got lucky, sure. Not everybody has the luxury of picking the good ones before college and life gets in the way.

The bar is slowly coming to life. People who came for a meal are leaving, and people in the mood for a night of drinking and dancing are all piling in. You’re excited. It’s been way too long since you’ve let loose. You’ve been too stumped with work and college lately, you’ve barely had any time to breathe without someone breathing right there with you. And of course, you enjoy the company of others. But when you have to be sober for it all? Eh.

Harry’s similar to you in that sense. He loves socialising. Absolutely adores it. He’s an extrovert. But after weeks of constant company, he gets burnt out. The only thing that helps toughen the blow is alcohol. Or coke, but he’s stopped that for a while now.

You prop your elbows up on the edge of the bar and lean against it, looking around for the bartender. He has his back to you, mixing someone else’s drink. You clear your throat and he turns his head to the side, catching sight of you and nodding his head to let you know he’ll be a moment. You nod back and wait, turning to face your friends.

“Anyone wanna shot with me?” You arch a brow at your five friends, and they all smirk and nod their heads. Harry included. “We all good for a vodka?”

Everyone nods a second time in response, and you turn back to face the bartender.

“What can I do for you, gorgeous?” He shoots you a warm smile.

“Five shots of vodka, please.” You smile back at him and he nods.

“Straight?”

“No, gay,” You murmur a witty reply and he laughs, beginning to fill five shot glasses for you. You swear you can hear Harry coughing back a laugh from behind you too, but you don’t pay him any attention.

You double tap your phone’s off switch, activating the apple pay, and you hold it up to pay for your drinks.

“No need, beautiful,” The bartender holds his hand up, “This round’s on me.”

You shrug, exhaling dramatically, “I won’t try and convince you to let me pay.”

“I wouldn’t let you try.” The attractive bartender plays along, smirking at you.

You mouth a quick thank you to him and he gives you one final wink before turning his attention to the small group of girls next to you, catering to them now. You grab the shot glasses off the counter and hand them out to everyone, and you all hold them up and clink them together before downing them in seconds.

“Fuck,” Sarah sticks her tongue out as if that’s going to help the taste in her mouth, “Never gets easier does it?”

“Doesn’t need to,” Niall grins proudly, setting his shot glass down on the counter, “You’re just weak.”

“Yeah we fuckin’ get it, you’re an Irish heavyweight. We should all bow down at your feet, you’re a king and we’re peasants who can’t handle a measly shot.” Lewis rolls his eyes and pretends to worship him.

Niall frowns in confusion, “Who you calling a heavyweight?”

Harry snorts at the two men bickering. They’re like two peas in a pod, and typically, people who are so close tend to argue every now and then.

The group has that dynamic. Sarah and Mitch, Niall and Lewis, you and Harry? You’re not sure if you and Harry count. You’re not as close as the others. You wouldn’t call him a best friend. A friend, yes. A good friend? That’s pushing it, but still, yes. A best friend? No.

It’s not that you wouldn’t like to be closer. You’ve just never really been given the chance. Harry’s always kept a safe distance from you. You’ve hardly ever spent time alone, always speaking and engaging with each other the most when others are around to witness it. Sure, a part of you wishes that Harry would pay you more attention, but the other part of you doesn’t think he deserves it. If he wanted to, he would, right?

“And aren’t you Irish too?” Niall questions Lewis, continuing on with their unserious bickering.

“Yeah like a third,” Lewis shrugs, “From my dad’s side, but you already knew th—stop deflecting. Y/N, tell him to stop deflecting from how much of a cock he is.” He points towards you and tries to get you involved.

You giggle and shrug your shoulders, “You are a bit of a cock sometimes, Ni.”

“Both of you can suck me, honestly. I’m fuckin’ great.” Niall flicks his hair dramatically and you and Lewis snicker.

“I’m with Niall,” Harry lightly nudges Niall’s chest with his elbow, joining in on the joke, “Both of you can suck him.”

“You fucking weirdos,” Mitch shakes his head at the lot of you, not surprised in the slightest by your antics, “Miss Jones and I are gonna go dance, you lot can either keep bickering or come join us. Choice is yours.”

With that, they both head for the dance floor together, holding their hands in the air and laughing.

“I’m joining those twats,” Lewis gestures to them, looking at the rest of you, “You three game?”

Niall nods, “Course. Harry, Y/N?”

“I’ll be there in a bit,” You nod towards the bar, “I feel like some more drinks.”

Everyone’s attention shifts to Harry. He clears his throat as he thinks for a moment, “Yeah, me too. Be there in a bit.”

Lewis and Niall both nod at Harry and beeline for the dance floor, already beginning to bicker again on the way. You giggle at the sight of them and shake your head, turning to face the bar again. Harry joins you, standing by your side. Neither of you look at each other, you keep your eyes in front of you at the neat array of liquor set along the counter.

“Nice night, don’t you think?” You break the awkward silence threatening to form between the two of you.

You catch sight of Harry nodding his head, “Always a nice night with this lot.”

Dry as fuck. You might not be close with Harry, but you aren’t stupid. You know the way he speaks to people, you’ve seen it. Harry could have an hour long conversation with a tree. But with you, it seems like a fucking chore.

You want to scoff. You want to scoff at how fucking childish Harry’s acting with you. Why can’t he look at you or have a normal conversation with you?

You sigh, not wanting to overreact over such a minor reply and ruin the night for yourself. Although Harry seems to be doing a decent job of that himself.

“Can’t argue with that.” You murmur.

“Mhm.” Harry murmurs and you wait a beat for him to say something else, anything else.

He doesn’t.

That’s it.

“I feel like I don’t know you.” Your words spill out before you can stop them.

Harry’s taken by surprise. He turns to face you. Now he’s looking, at least. “Sorry?”

“I feel like I don’t know you.” You sigh, repeating yourself.

“What is there to know?” He furrows his eyebrows at you, gesturing to the bartender that he wants a glass of something.

“You tell me, Harry Styles.”

He sighs, running a hand through his curly hair, “Y/N, what are you trying to get at here?”

You shrug, “I dunno, I feel like I click with everyone else. I’ve got a connection with everyone, H. Everyone but you.” Your words come out harsher than you intended. You’d feel a little guilty if they weren’t true. But they are.

“That was unnecessary.” Harry murmurs so quietly that you almost don’t hear him.

“You asked me a question and I answered it.” You stand your ground, sick of Harry’s half-assed efforts to conversing with you. You’re a catch, your friendship is amazing, and you’re great to talk to. What the hell is Harry’s problem?

He laughs, scoffing at you in disbelief, “Fuck, you’re such a bitch sometimes.”

You almost choke on your own saliva, “Excuse me?”

“You fuckin’ heard me, Y/N. I called you a bitch. Because that’s what you are half the time when shit doesn’t go your way.” Harry doesn’t know where this is all coming from, but it’s coming.

He doesn’t mean it, obviously. He’d never mean that. He doesn’t think you’re a bitch. Again, never. But he’s angry. He’s angry and you’re angry and you’re both speaking without thinking it through properly and you’re both making an absolute mess of the situation and each other—

“What the fuck?” You stare at Harry in shock, your eyes wide with disgust.

He’s confused by your offended reaction, “What, are you surprised or something? Come on, Bunny. You know better than that.”

“You don’t have to be such an ass,” You scold him, “We used to get along. We used to be closer. We’ve never been as close as the others but at least we used to speak. At least I was able to walk into a room knowing you were there and look forward to it.”

His face relaxes at your words. He knows you mean well. You’ve both been hotheaded for a moment but now you seem to be calming down. You’re bringing your point across well and he can’t fault you for it.

“But what now? What fuckin’ now, H? You never speak to me when we’re alone, and then when you finally do, it’s this. It’s an attack on my character. Does this shit get you off or something?”

Never mind.

Harry scoffs at your sudden change in tone, feeling agitated again, “Fuck you.”

You slam your hand on the counter, “Fuck you, Harry!”

He glares at you as you continue scolding him, “What the hell are we even doing here? Go spend time with your actual friends.”

“Hey, wait a second. What?” He leans his head to the side in confusion, not knowing what you mean, “We’ve known each other for years, Bunny.”

“I don’t know a single thing about you.” You point out, making him roll his eyes. “Don’t roll your—“

“Where’s my favourite place to eat?” Harry cuts you off with a question. A question that you know the answer to.


“That’s not—”

“Where do I go when I’m upset?” Again, another question you can answer.

“Harry—”

“How did I get the scar on my chin?” That’s a special question. You gave it to him the day you met.

You sigh, knowing where he’s going with this. He’s not understanding what you’re trying to tell him and it infuriates you.

You tap the tips of your fingers on the countertop, feeling anxious, “That’s not what I—”

“You do know me, Y/N. we don’t need to speak every two seconds or braid each other’s hair to know each other well.”

Your eyes begin to prick with tears. That isn’t what you meant and he knows that.

“That’s not what I meant.” You lower your voice as it threatens to crack.

“Then what did you mean, Bunny?” He crosses his arms and stares at you, waiting on an explanation.

You groan, throwing your head in your hands.

The truth is, you can explain. You can explain everything you’re feeling well. But is that going to get you anywhere right now? Maybe. Maybe not. You have a better idea.

“Do you consider me a friend?”

Harry’s face drops. You can tell that he’s upset and borderline offended that you’re even asking that question.

Of course you’re friends. You’ve been friends for years. He adores you. Why can’t you see that he adores you?

“Bunny..” He takes a step towards you, and you take one back.

“Do you?” You insist on getting a solid answer.

“Of course I consider you a fr—”

“Don’t lie.” You cross your arms over your chest.

“I’m not—”

“Tell me something real, Harry. Please. God, please just tell me something that isn’t base level for once,” You beg, “Tell me something true.”

He raises his eyebrows slightly. He’s taken back. He wasn’t expecting that from you at all.

He stays silent.

“You can’t, can you?” You scoff at him, not knowing why you expected anything to come from this conversation. You should’ve known better than to be hopeful about how things were going to go with Harry..because it’s Harry, “I don’t know why I thought you’d—“

“I still smoke cigarettes.” Harry cuts you off, blurting out an admission. He tenses his jaw in realisation—he’s just as shocked as you are.

Oh.

Your eyes widen at his confesion. Harry’s been gloating to everyone about how he so easily quit smoking three months ago. You’re all so proud of him, considering how difficult it is to quit something cold turkey the way he did. The rest of you haven’t been able to shake the bad habit. Apparently, neither has he.

“You do?” You question.

He nods, “Less. But I do.”

“Why?”

He almost smiles at your question, “Why do I smoke?”

“Why did you lie about it?”

He sighs, looking down as he answers you, “Everyone’s got something, right? Sarah and Mitch have their relationship, Niall has his singing, Lewis has his stand-up every Friday, you have your double degree. I just wanted something that everyone could be proud of. Felt like something small like that would’ve been manageable to keep hidden from everyone.”

You frown, “Harry..”

“No,” He shakes his head, refusing to let you feel sorry for him, “No. Seriously, no. We’re not about to do pity. That���s not what we do with each other.”

“Okay,” You clear your throat and agree to let it go, grabbing a now filled shot glass and handing it over to him, “Drink?”

He smirks at you, silently thanking you as he reaches forward and takes the shot glass from you.

“Sorry for calling you a bitch.” He murmurs, offering you a small, sincere smile.

You give him one back, “Sorry for being one.”

His small smile turns into a grin.

“To the truth.” You hold your glass up to cheers his with.

“To the fuckin’ truth.”

You both down your shots and tap them down on the counter to gesture for the bartender to refill them. He complies and neither of you waste a second to down the next ones. Over and over, shot after shot, you continue to drink until you’re buzzed.

You’re both good at handling your liquor, and you know how much you can take. By the time you’re done with your shots, you’re over the moon. Buzzed and aware. Aware of what you feel, aware of where you are, aware of who you’re with. Aware.

Harry leans down, his face dangerously close to yours. He’s never been this close, you don’t think. You’ve never seen his face so clearly, you’ve never seen his chest tattoos so well, his necklace dangling, his—

“Should we go dance with the others now, you think?” He speaks into your ear and you feel your stomach beginning to erupt with nerves.

“Yeah,” You inhale sharply, nodding, “Sure.”

Harry grabs your hand and leads you through the crowd, keeping a hold of you even when you reach where your friends are. The contact is strange but you welcome it, liking the new barrier that’s being broken between the two of you.

Over the years, you’ve noticed how touchy he can get when he’s under the influence, so you have an idea of what you’re getting into. You like being on the receiving end for once. You could get used to this side of Harry. You like being his friend. His real friend.

Once you get to where the others are, you quickly gauge what they’re all doing. Mitch and Sarah are in their own little world as usual, dancing together as if it’s their wedding night. Niall’s dancing with a random girl he’s probably going home with later tonight and Lewis is making a fool of himself in the middle of them. Ah, friendship. You love to see it.

“Nice song, yeah?” Harry leans over to your ear, speaking over the music. The song playing is one of your all time favourites—Wet Dream by WetLeg.

Anyone who knows you, knows the way you feel about this song. It’s become tradition to play it everytime you carpool. A fine tradition, you think.

“Oh, the best.” You start bopping your head to the beat of the song, singing along with the lyrics you know and love.

“I was in your wet dream driving in my caaar, saw you at the side of the road, there’s no one else around you’re touching yourself, touching yourself—“ You start yelling out the words along with everyone else on the dance floor, shaking your head side to side and dramatising every word. Harry watches you and smirks, letting you have your moment.

“You said—“

You’re about to keep singing the next part when he beats you to it, “Baby do you want to come home with me? I got Buffalo ‘66 on dvd!”

You let out a surprised laugh at the fact that Harry even knows the words to the song, loving that you’re seeing this side to him. You’d never expect to have something as simple as loving a song like this in common, but here you are.

Beam me up—beam me up!

Count me in—count me in!

Three, two, one—three, two, one!

Let's begin!

The song continues and you realise that you’ve both been staring at each other for a good ten seconds in silence, just taking in the sight of each other. Harry really is beautiful. The way his hair hangs perfectly below his shoulders. The way his dimples show at the smallest hint of a smile. The way his eyes burn into yours. You never want to see anything else. Just him. Just Harry.

“I was in your wet dream, driving in my caaaar!” Harry’s voice breaks you out of your daydream, and you laugh as he grabs your hands, dancing with you to the beat of the song.

“What makes you think you're good enough to think about me when you're touching yourself?” You continue the song and he pretends to be shocked, acting out the song with you.

“You climb onto the bonnet and you’re licking the windscreen! I’ve never seen anything so obscene!” You both sing the next part together, leaning in close to each other’s faces and practically screaming with the biggest smiles on your faces, “It’s enough! To make a girl blush! It’s enough! It’s enough to make a girl blush!”

The rest of the song plays and you both continue to scream out every word, making the most of the moment you’re having and hoping it never ends. Neither of you are sure what’s going on but neither of you are complaining. You’re both witnessing a new side to each other and you’re enjoying it. Perhaps you were made to be best friends like the others. Maybe it was meant to happen like this.

The song eventually comes to an end and you both let out a deep sigh, catching your breath for a moment as another random song plays.

Harry looks down at you with parted lips, “Nice singing, Bunny.”

“Could say the same to you, H.” You smile and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you. The move is natural and you don’t put too much thought into it. Neither does Harry.

His hands find their way to your waist and you both sway in time with the music, singing the lyrics into each other’s faces and having the time of your lives.

“I haven’t had sex in 5 months!” His voice is just loud enough for you to hear over the music.

Your eyebrows furrow, “What?”

He leans closer to your face, “I said—I said I haven’t had—”

“No I—I heard you H,” You chuckle, “I’m just a little—”

“Surprised? Yeah me too.” He grins at you, suddenly seeming to be completely comfortable with you in a way you never expected, “I stole that chocolate bar from you last week by the way, it wasn’t Niall.”

You laugh for a moment at his strange confessions until you process what he just told you, “Wait that was you?”


“Loud ‘n proud, bunny.” He grins proudly.

“You—you fucker!” You gasp, playfully hitting his chest with one of your hands, keeping the other where it was around his neck.


He chuckles, playing along, “Did you forget what I just—”

“Shut up!”

You both laugh, continuing to move your bodies together.

“What about you? Tell me something true.”

You purse your lips together, trying to come up with something to tell Harry. There’s a million things you could tell him, but you want to catch him off guard. You want to see an honest, raw reaction from him.

“I think you’re really pretty.” You finally say, shrugging your shoulders.

Harry raises his eyebrows at you, unsure if you’re being serious. “Pretty?”

You nod.

He tilts his head for a moment, “Weird choice of words.”

“I don’t think so,” You smile at him, “You’re a pretty boy.”

He smiles back, “You’re a pretty bunny.”

“We’re pretty.”

“We are.”

You both smile at each other and share a brief moment. A moment of what—you’re not sure. Two friends being supportive of each other? Two friends suddenly becoming closer and making the most of it? Two friends two friends two friends—

The next song begins playing and your heart begins to pace more. Desire, Meg Myers.

The two of you exchange a look, knowing that you won’t move together to this song the same way you have been for the others.

You know that you won’t be singing along with this one. You’d rather feel it. Feel Harry.

You move your hands away from around Harry’s neck, and he keeps his on your waist, holding you close. You move your hands down and place them over his, feeling electric all of a sudden.

Baby, I wanna fuck you

I wanna feel you in my bones

The song is loud and the coloured lights are flashing red. The atmosphere has changed—not only in the bar and on the dance floor, but between you and Harry. The way he’s looking at you is different. The way you’re looking at him is different. The way he’s touching you is different. The way you’re touching him is different.

I’m gonna tear into your soul

You begin to sway your hips to the beat of the song, holding your eyes over Harry’s. Neither of you dare to look away. You wouldn’t dream of it.

How do you want me?

How do you want me?

You begin to turn your body in time with the music, turning your back to Harry. He leans his head down, resting his head on your shoulder and keeping his hands by your waist as you continue to move against each other. You feel a surge of confidence—you’re not sure if it’s the song, if it’s the alcohol, if it’s Harry’s random confessions, if it’s the feelings you’ve been suppressing from him for years—but it’s here. It’s here and you’re about to make the most of it.

Yeah I gotta hurt you, I gotta hear it from your mouth

Boy, I wanna taste you, I wanna skin you with my tongue

I’m gonna kill you

You lean your ass back, moving it against Harry’s crotch. He sucks in a breath, and the only way you know it is because you feel his teeth graze the skin of your bare shoulder. Your eyes close at the feeling and you grow bolder, moving the same way a second time.

He tightens his grip on your waist. You can feel the bulge of his cock against your ass and you can only imagine how much it’s straining against the band of his jenas. You almost pity him. Almost.

I wanna feel you

I want it all

I wanna feel you

I want it all

You continue moving against Harry, enjoying his little reactions to your touch. To the way you feel. He begins trailing kisses down your neck, applying pressure and sucking on your skin. You still. You can’t focus on anything but the way his lips feel against you.

What’s going on between you both? What the fuck is happening? Why the fuck has it taken so long? Why couldn’t it happen sooner?

So many questions.

“Bunny,” Harry groans against your shoulder, placing one last kiss to your neck before moving his mouth to your ear, “Tell me something true.”

You know exactly what you want to say. Again, there’s so much you want to tell him. You want to tell him how good he feels against you, how much you love the way he moves his body against yours. You want to tell him that you feel the connection now. You want to tell him that you know he can feel it too. There’s so much to say, but you settle for the most simple thing. The most important one.

“I want you.”

•••

aaahhhh!!! i’m sososo proud of this one. idk why but this shot has a special place in my heart. the smut will be included in the second part. and believe me, it’s gonna be SMUT. i’m such a whore for angst n this friendship trope is just chef’s kiss.

anyway enough chat. i hope y'all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it <3 if you liked what you read then please reblog n comment. feel free to suggest ideas for new posts too.

have a good day or night wherever you are n stay safe, always <3

- k

[nailbatss]

"Lie to Me"

This is another entry for @harringrovesummerbingo !!

Square & Prompt: A3 - “Lie to Me”

Rating: Angsty

Word Count: 3.1k

Major Tags: Harringrove (obviously), angst, like the most hurtful piece I’ve probably written, blood, mentions of wounds, confession of feelings, aaaangst, character death

Summary: When things go wrong in the Starcourt Mall, who’s going to be there for you when things all go wrong? Billy doesn’t have anyone, or so he thinks. That is, until things go wrong for him to find out.

Who can you count on when things go south? Who’s going to be there for you to patch your wounds when you get in a huge fight?

If you were to ask Steve, he would easily say this group of weirdos that he pulled together last minute.

If you ask Billy, he’d answer nobody. He couldn’t count on his friends back in California, they’ve probably long forgotten him. Tommy H and Carol weren’t even his close friends either. They were groupies looking for the next hottest commodity, him. 

What happens when you lose that fight?

Steve would answer he gets drugged by the Russians and forced to tell the truth about something he doesn’t even want to spill out. He was pretty sure his head would be raging about that one. It was already bad enough he got the shit beaten out of him by Hargrove and he hated him for that, but he understood his panic about Max. That part he could forgive, now his comment about Lucas? Absolutely not.

That was his kid. He wasn’t going to play around when it came to his kids. Hell, Billy couldn’t blame him for protecting his little sister. In fact, nobody could actually. He realized he lost his connection to her the moment she decided to drug him and knock him out in that abandoned house.

He lost everything.

Billy wasn’t the type to sulk about, in fact, he was going to do the exact opposite. He was going to pretend like none of this shit bothered him.

That’s why he almost had a thing with Mrs. Wheeler. Yeah, he doesn’t like to think about that. It was only for show anyway since he felt sick the moment she started to reciprocate and pretend to think about leaving her husband to be with him.

God, what was he thinking?

That night when he was driving to the motel, he was actually going to break it off. He wasn’t going to continue flirting with her since someone else had caught his eye. He had it bad for Harrington; that he wasn’t proud to admit, but it was something.

He’d stopped flirting with girls, stopped trying to pick them up, and instead, he started to lay it thick on the brunette boy. Though he was older, Billy took that as a challenge to keep doing it. He liked pushing the envelope and seeing how much he could get away with.

Crash. Squealing of brakes. Smashing of glass.

After he had wrecked by the old mill, Billy pulled himself out of his car for now to investigate what the hell had happened. Rubbing the back of his head, his sharp blue eyes scanned the area, searching for any sign of what could have made him crash. Raising his brow, Billy knew it was better not to ask who was there in the darkness. Huffing to himself, he shook his head and turned around to return to his car. 

Fwoop. Snatch!

“What the hell?!” He exclaimed as something wrapped around his ankles, pulling him back towards that abandoned factory. “Hey! What the fuck, let go of me!” He roared as he tried to kick whatever had its hold on him off of him. “LET! GO!”

His heart was racing with something he was very familiar with, fear. His screams were contained within the walls of the steelworks, his hands gripping everything in his path to try and hold himself off. His cries of anguish weren’t heard by anyone and he was sure this was how he died. Someone had him and they weren’t going to let go anytime soon.

A single tear slid down his cheek as he whispered an apology into the darkness.

“I’m sorry Steve… I’m sorry Max…”

That was all before he was dragged into the darkness.

~*~

“What are you doing out here, amigo?” He confidently strides up to Steve, playing coy for a moment. He noticed a figure in the window as soon as they started talking. Now wasn’t the time to draw attention there yet.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Steve retorts and puts his hands on his hips. Bitchy, he liked that in the man.

“My thirteen year old sister goes missing, all day. Then I find her out here with you, in a stranger’s house, and you lie to me about it.” Billy’s face contorts with an almost angered expression.

“She’s not with me, man.” Steve scoffed.

Suddenly, Billy gestures with his lit cigarette towards a window, seeing a familiar figure in the dim lighting of the house.

“Then who’s that?”

“Oh shit.”

The air was knocked out of Steve’s lungs as he hit the ground. Billy tossed his finished cigarette into the woods somewhere and he exhaled the smoke.

“I told you to plant your feet, pretty boy.” 

Then he swaggered on into the house, the door closing behind him.

Stars danced on the edge of Steve’s vision as he was once again knocked down. He couldn’t lose. Not this time.

So he pushed himself to his feet and chased after him.

~*~

Dark. Everything was so dark. Billy began to wonder what happened as he recalled that sudden memory. Was this all Steve’s plan? Did his little group of freaks crash his car and do this to him?

No, they weren’t smart enough for that.

Well, maybe the curly-haired one, that kid was freakishly smart from what Max told him.

Either way, he didn’t like this.

“Hello?” He called out as he stumbled through the dark, attempting to find a light source, anything like that.

“This isn’t funny.”

“You mean you do not like this game?” A growling voice questioned him.

There was a chill in his bones. Something didn’t feel right here.

“What the fuck? No, I don’t like this! Let me go!”

“Oh, but we cannot. We have work to do, William.” 

Yeah, Billy most definitely did not like that.

“What do you mean?” His heart rate picked up, obviously frightened by the voice and how it knew his name. His real name. Not the nickname he went by.

“You and I have work to do. These people, this place, it did not give you anything. I will make things right, you will see. Everything will be perfect.”

“Stop speaking in fucking riddles! Tell me what you want from me!”

A deep chuckle rang out, making the ends of his hair stick up on his neck. Something was deeply wrong here and he didn’t know how to go about fixing it.

“We will start by fixing your relationships with your family. Your sister will thank you for this.” 

“Leave Max out of this!”

He was met by silence, then suddenly, he was left alone it felt like.

The darkness quickly gave way to a window opening, which he seemed to realize was his body. He watched as his hands lifted up, his ring glinting in the pale sunlight as it crept through the boarded up windows.

“Oh shit.”

That wasn’t him moving anything. 

That thing was moving him.

And he had no idea where it was headed.

~*~

Hissing, the creature hated the fireworks as they hit his body, and Billy stood still, watching it all happen from inside. He was screaming for himself to wake up, to not harm anyone else. He was tired of seeing the destruction that befell his hands. He had already sacrificed Heather and her family to this thing. Now, he had to watch as it was after that girl Max was friends with.El, he seemed to recall. 

Before he knew it, his body was turning, heading towards the girl as she was on the ground. He was wrestling with her in an attempt to pick her up. Her leg was damaged and she was a prime target for that creature who was made up of their townspeople, the people who had lived in this town and he had made fun of. Soon, the monster slammed him away from the window, his body slamming into the floor. He picked himself up and he decided to sit on the nearest surface, a perfect mockup of his bed. 

He hoisted himself up, sitting down on the not so plush surface to wait. Tears were falling down his face at this point. Nobody could save him, not even himself. This creature had caused mass destruction and the town was fearful. He didn’t know if anyone was left. Or if anything was left for that matter. All there seemed to be was this stupid mall. 

Billy balled himself up and he let the tears flow, apologies flowing from his lips.

~*~

Basketball. He was good at that.

His father had found out that he wasn’t actually into girls. He screamed at him and berated his son, throwing punches left and right, beating the hell out of him to “teach him a lesson”. Blood poured from his nose, bruises were blossoming underneath his t-shirt. Neil wasn’t stupid enough to leave marks were people could see them.

That’s what made getting away with it so easy. Neil didn’t have to worry about Billy snitching to anyone because that would mean he loses the roof over his head, he loses the food that’s on the table, and he loses access to the one person who treated him like a son. 

He took beatings for Max too. She was too young to go through that.

He wasn’t going to lay a finger on her.

This one was particularly bad. He sat on his bed and wiped his nose, wheezing from the beating he took. Hearing a soft knock at the door, he didn’t even move. He knew that was Max from the pattern of her knocks. He didn’t have the strength to tell her to piss off. He could actually use the company.

“‘Min.” He muttered.

Max must have understood, or she was coming in anyway, that was a choice too. Lifting his head, Billy acknowledged her with a nod. A soft gasp escaped her as she took in the sight before her. Neil hadn’t been so careful this time and really let Billy have it. His nose was busted, his lip was too, and his eye was swelling shut. There was no way he could write that off as an accident.

The red-haired girl approached him with a first aid kit. It broke his heart knowing she had to know how to fix him up. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, Max opened the kit and immediately began tending to his wounds.

“How d’ya know how to-”

“Fix you? I’ve bandaged you up a few times.. You know, Mom showed me how to do this.” She answered with a soft scoff. “He beat the hell out of you, huh?”

“I’ll fuckin say.” Billy muttered and winced as she put a cotton ball on his forehead. It was soaked with hydrogen peroxide to clean out the wound. Damn, she’d be a good nurse if she wanted to be.

“You shouldn’t have to do this.” He said quietly, so quietly that Max almost didn’t hear him.

“What kind of sister would I be if I didn’t? After all, you took that one for me, didn’t you?”

“No… I deserved it.”

“Why?” Max questioned as she paused wiping the wound to bandage it.

“He found out I don’t play for the same team.” Billy answered somberly.

“What does that-” Max paused to process what he said, “Oh…”

“Yeah, oh.”

“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.” Max whispered.

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do this to me.”

“Because you didn’t deserve it.” 

Billy’s bottom lip nearly trembled from hearing how heartbroken she sounded. After she closed the kit and stood to leave, his arms snaked around her and pulled her in for a hug. Leaning his forehead against her stomach, he swear he didn’t feel the tears start racing until she hugged him back.

One day they’d get out of there. One day he wouldn’t have to hide who he is.

~*~

“You ever think about what it would be like to get out of here?” Billy questioned one night. 

He and Steve were at the Harrington residence and smoking outside by the pool. It was a warm enough night and the pool had been cleaned since Barb’s death. He wasn’t about to let some bad juju come back while he was trying to have a good night.

Steve exhaled his smoke. “I do, yeah… Other times, I feel-” He paused to think of the word he was looking for.

“Trapped?” Billy finished.

“Yeah, yeah, trapped. That’s it.” He took another drag from his cigarette.

“You never did tell me why you called so suddenly. And what happened to you?” Steve asked as he turned his attention towards the blonde.

“My dad found out something I was hiding from him and he didn’t take it too well.”

“Shit, dude, I’m sorry.” Steve’s expression softened and his brows furrowed in worry. “Don’t hit me for this. But why did he hurt you? Like what exactly did he find out?”

Billy chuckled softly, ironically even.

“Neil Hargrove doesn’t like the fact that his son likes dick, not pussy.”

“O-Oh.” Steve coughed and he tried to recover from what he had just heard.

“Right on, good for you dude.” Steve flushed with a brilliant shade of red. “How’d you find that out?”

“I tried sleeping around, nothing ever felt… right. Not until I met someone.” He shrugged. “Not like I’m going to pursue anything with him though.”

“Why’s that?”

“I think he plays for the opposite team. He likes chicks too much.” Billy shrugs.

“Well, how do you know?” Steve questioned, sitting shoulder to shoulder with him now.

Billy took that moment to look at him. “I don’t know, Harrington, do you like dudes?”

Steve’s eyebrows furrowed inquisitively. “I- why are you asking m- oh.”

It was silent between the two of them for a while until Billy stood up. “That was stupid, forget it.” 

Before the blonde could completely walk away, Steve stood up quickly and caught his wrist.

“Hey, I never said I didn’t like dudes.” Steve smiled softly.

“You also didn’t answer my question. Just let me go, we’ll forget about it.” Billy tried to yank his hand away.

But that was before Steve caught his jaw, pulling him in for a searing kiss. 

His eyes widened before he melted into the kiss. The boys pulled away for air a moment or so later. Their eyes met; blue met brown in a clash of colors, all their feelings being unsaid, but lingering in the air. It was obvious they had a connection.

One that Billy wasn’t going to let go now that he had it.

"Be mine?"

"Fuck yeah, pretty boy. M'all yours."

~*~

The next time Billy lifted his head, he saw her standing there. That weird girl, El, her name was. He could see the 011 tattooed on her wrist. How she had one so young, he’d never know, but she was a badass in his eyes for it.

“It is time to go now.”

“Go? Go where?” He questioned. “And how are you here?”

“Go home.” El smiled. “I came to find you.”

“You mean?”

“Yes, out of here.” She extended her hand, wanting him to take it, so she could bring him home. “Back to the others, to Max, to Steve.” 

A blush creeped along his cheeks. Yeah, he wanted to go home, back to Steve, and where he felt the most comfortable. 

“Okay.” He placed his hand in hers, standing to his feet, “Take me home.”

Whoosh!

After opening his eyes, Billy’s met those concerned brown ones all over again. He was laying on top of her and keeping her pinned beneath his body. Suddenly, he felt sick, so he stood up and faced towards the loud screeching noise. The Mindflayer was extending its tentacles towards the two of them. He figured since he had been sacrificing her to it, that’s why it was creeping so slowly.

He grit his teeth together and reached out, basically pushing the tentacle’s arm away. He screamed, “Don’t touch her!”

Steve watched on with agony as Billy was doing that. “Billy stop!” His heart was pounding. Robin grabbed his hand and pulled him back. “Stop! You’re only going to get yourself killed!”

“He’s going to get himself killed! Rob let go!” He panicked and he looked at her. “Please.”

“No, Steve, I’m sorry. I can’t lose you.” Robin pleaded.

He managed to turn back, only to watch as that other tentacle impaled Billy right through the stomach. His scream erupted through the mall as he shoved the thing away from him, obviously taking back his authority.

“Fuck you! I’m not letting anyone else run my life for me!” He growled, desperately trying not to choke on his own blood. 

The next tentacle went right through his chest, making him fall to his knees. Before he could completely collapse, he felt someone cradle his head and pull him into their lap.

Cloudy blue eyes met those deep pools of chocolate.

His smile was tinted with blood, his own blood. “H-Hey pretty boy. F-fancy meeting you here.” He coughed.

“You promised me… You promised!” Steve sobbed softly.

“I-I know I did.” Billy wheezed again, staring up at him. Picking up his hand, he gently placed it on Steve’s cheek.

“Need you to do me f-favor.”

“A-Anything! I’ll do anything!” Steve sniffled.

“Lie to me, pretty boy.”

“W-What?” Steve was confused.

“Lie to me. Tell me we-we’re going to make it. T-Tell me about our lives after this.” Billy requested softly and his gaze seemed slightly far off.

“We’re going to get the hell out of here. A-And we’re, we’re going to get married. I don’t give a shit if it’s legal or not.” Steve sniffled. “I-I want a house on the beach with you. I-I want about two or three kids.” He wiped his tears away. “We’ll get a dog.”

“W-What kind of dog?” Billy wheezed.

“A golden retriever, o-or a lab. And you’ll be a mechanic to fix cars, I’ll be a teacher. We’ll just be happy, I don’t give a damn how, but we will.” Steve sniffled.

“S-Sounds good. M’tired, p-pretty boy.” Billy’s eyes were slowly shutting.

Steve knew he was losing this battle. He wasn’t going to be able to fight anymore. After all, he spent his whole life fighting. Billy had been through it all.

“Go ahead, baby, you go ahead and rest, okay?” Steve choked out.

“M’kay. L-Love you, S-Steve.”

“I-I love you too, Billy.” He stroked his cheek, getting the curls out of his face.

The gesture made Billy smile slightly before his eyes fully shut, slipping off into that peaceful warmth that he felt. His hand fell into Steve’s waiting one and a sob rang out from Steve’s chest. 

His beautiful California boy was gone. With him, Steve’s heart.

[strawberry-cowmilk]

I know requests r closed but omg I must share a thought after the mammon fic. Imagine if he didn't go after mc cus he's still defending his own honor against his brothers and MC ends up going to Lucifer after a while with that angry cry that happens n these kind of scenarios and he just ... Quiet rage. Like he will let them vent to get all the information he needs and reassure them as best possible, but the boiling blood in his is only just barely hidden enough to not worry MC.

Aaaangst

hi anon! I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply

that would be a whole drama please 😭😭 imagine mc notices lucifer is angry or something omg. plus lucifer might confront mammon about it in the kitchen or something and they start fighting while somebody is trying to use the microwave, honestly I don't know how I would end the fic if I was making a part 2 of the original one. maybe one of the worst possible endings to achieve the most angst would be mammon still not being able to admit he loves mc, which causes mc to move to the human world or something. and then both of them just kind of forget about each other over time (unlikely scenario for mammon maybe but I feel like the forgetting/ moving on would be more painful to read) maybe they even meet new people

anyways, thank you for your message! have a nice day

[eurofox]

The latest emilie autumn drama has prompted return for me. Like say what you will but she really hit the spot for teenage aaaangst.

Really thought she was the shit when I was a 14 year old and Opheliac, alongside Lungs, was my first album. I had an obsession with Victorian England at the time (was also watching black butler) and she even inspired me to get a violin. Which I played once and my family slagged me so much for being shit I put it away to never touch again.

Her forum, again alongside Florence's, was were I spent most of my time online before Tumblr. I never actually got to see her live as I don't think she ever toured Ireland and I didn't know anyone else who liked her (despite trying to force her on people)

Listening to Opheliac now, it definitely comes across a bit cringe and tryhard edgy but it's still fun. And she was pretty much doing her own thing, maybe Rasputina would be closest but they focused more on America and has cellos instead of violin. I also really wanted her book but grew out of that desire by the time I could afford it.

I only liked bits and pieces of enchant. And I would buy tracks separately off of the EPS when I had an itunes giftcard to spend.

Fight like a girl was a letdown, it felt rushed and I only liked a handful of tracks. The more theatrical stuff didn't appeal to me at all. And was a bad sign as she shortly after stopped touring to spend the rest of her life writing a Broadway musical that no one wants anymore since she seems determined to drive away what fans she has left with this latest AI nonsense.

Some personal EA moments:

Getting the violin

Having to do a song analysis for school and choosing Gothic Lolita, which raised a lot of eyebrows. (So cringe)

The 'Fucking patronising Fucking ' catchphrase in the forum. Immortalised after she went apeshit at a fan.

Dying my hair as red as I dared get away with

My mum listening to liar and after some thought coming out with ' you'd probably make more friends if you listened to something normal instead of this shite'

Reading arguments on the forum about her made up personal life, like the infamous fire and the nonsense of being related to Alice Liddel. I personally thought she did to create a persona but weird she kept it up.

Joining the Reform forum to see what was going on.

The way the forum had one of those weird 'resident trolls'. Who'd come out with weird shit and nazi jokes but everyone seemed to like them anyway.

There's my history with her. God it all feels so long ago now I'm nearly 30. If she ever did get her shit together and release another album instead of overpriced tat I'd buy it.

[thebloggerbloggerfun]

Watched

AO3

Dean was being watched. 

That was impossible, of course, because Sam and Eileen were out for the night on a date, Castiel was on his weekly therapeutic grocery shopping trip, and Dean was by himself in the bunker’s laundry room. 

And yet -

He paused after tossing a ball of wadded up flannel into the washer and looked over his shoulder into the empty space around him. 

Dean huffed out a breath and shook his head.

He was just getting paranoid. 

-

It was two in the morning and Dean was humming to himself in his boxers and robe as he cooked a spontaneous omelette that his stomach had demanded - he was but a servant to its nightly whims. 

And then he felt it again. 

Something was watching him.

Dean froze when the sensation washed over him, familiar in a foreign way but not familiar enough to bring him any kind of comfort. 

In one smooth motion that years of hunting had ingrained in him, Dean grabbed a knife from his fancy knife block that he’d splurged on during a different late night and whipped around, only catching a glimpse of a tan trench coat as it left the door frame. 

Letting out a relieved breath, Dean poked his head out the door and frowned when the only thing that greeted him was a dark hallway. 

“Cas?” He called, lowering his knife. 

The hallway didn’t answer. 

-

“So, are you doing like a voyeurism thing now, or what?”

Castiel looked up from the fantasy novel he’d been reading, glanced both to his left and right like there was a possibility that Dean could possibly be talking to someone else in the middle of the bunker’s library where only the two of them had been for the past couple of hours. 

“What?” 

“You heard me,” Dean gestured towards him with a book in one hand, “It’s fucking creepy, dude. You have my full permission to stare longingly at this mug whenever you want but you’re gonna get another knife in the chest if you keep up trying to be sneaky about it. I’ve got hunter instincts, man.” 

Castiel blinked. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said after a moment’s pause. 

“I’ve seen you.” Dean said with an eye-roll. “The jig is up.”

“Dean, I genuinely don’t know what you’re referring to.” Castiel said with a frown. “I’ve never spied on you.”

Castiel seemed to take a moment to reevaluate something. 

“In recent years.” He amended.

“Ha!”

“Dean -”

“Alright, well, if it’s not you, who is it?”

Castiel shrugged his shoulders once. 

“I haven’t detected anyone entering the bunker that isn’t supposed to be here.” Castiel said, his eyes flicking back down to his reading. “Maybe you have a ghost.” 

Dean squinted at Castiel, looking for any sign that he was being messed with, and sat back down in his chair.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

-

The cashiers in the liquor store nearest to the bunker knew Dean by name - in fact they’d picked it up easily in the first month he and Sam had moved in. 

Dean gestured towards the empty row of booze that held his favorite whiskey as he groaned loudly and dramatically.

“Nathalie! Who cleaned you out?”

His favorite of the cashiers leaned over from the next aisle and raised an eyebrow. 

“You did, Dean. Like four days ago. We only restock once a week.” 

Dean made another loud groaning sound. 

“I’m my own worst enemy.”

Nathalie began to blow a large bubble with gum the same bright color of her hair and stared at him as it popped. 

“Aren’t we all.”

She ducked back down into the aisle. 

Dean grumbled some more as he grabbed some of his less-than-favorable second choices of whiskey and set the last bottle into his cart just as the hair on the back of his neck began to stand on end. 

Again. 

He didn’t move, just stared down at the final bottle as he tried to focus on the corners of his vision. 

Tan coat, dark hair, blue tie. 

Dean let out a breath and turned to confront him, but the figure had ducked back out of view. 

Shopping cart abandoned, Dean strode forward quickly, looking down the aisle, ready to catch him red-handed, but only saw Nathalie taking stock. 

“Hey, did you see - uh -”

“That guy you’re with sometimes?” Nathalie, jerked a thumb behind herself. “Yeah, he went -” 

She frowned as she glanced in the direction she’d pointed out. 

“Well he was there.” 

And now there was nothing. 

-

“Dean, I am telling you. I don’t know what it is you’re seeing but it’s not me.” Castiel set the bags down on the kitchen table as he began putting the food he’d just purchased into the fridge. 

“Look, if you’re trying to get me back for beating you at Uno this is a really fucking weird way -”

“It’s not me. I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

Dean threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.  

“Then what’s fucking happening? Am I going nuts in my old age?”

“You’re in your forties.”

“In hunter-years I’m decrepit.”

Castiel set the milk on the table with a little bit more force than Dean thought was necessary. 

“Dean. Listen to me. I have no need to spy on you. I get to look at you all I want, whenever I want, and I also gain the benefit of having you look back.” For a moment, Castiel almost looked fond. “I’m very lucky to have that in life, and it’s something I don’t take for granted. So, whatever is happening to you, it’s not -”

Castiel stopped mid-sentence and Dean felt Castiel’s gaze go slack, like he was no longer staring at him, but somehow staring through him. 

“What?” Dean asked. 

“Uh,” Castiel shook his head, coming back to himself, “Nothing. I just… had a thought.”

Dean waited. 

“Care to share with the class?”

“You should. . .  try talking. . . to whatever it is.” Castiel said finally, turning to place the milk in the fridge. “You never know.”

“Talking to it.”

Castiel nodded.

“I swear to god, if this some sort of prank -” 

Castiel turned around, and Dean shut up.

That wasn’t a look he saw on Castiel often. 

“Come on. Help me put everything else away.”

-

The feeling came again at night. 

Dean rubbed at his eyes as he walked down the hallway, his bladder now blissfully emptier than it had been when he’d been woken up by it. 

The hair on his neck began to prickle as he shuffled past doorways and connecting halls in his slippers and robe, and out of the corner of one eye he saw the figure. 

Standing in the hallway to his right. 

Dean stopped. 

“Don’t go.” He said, not daring to turn his head yet. 

The figure shifted ever so slightly, but didn’t completely disappear.

“I know you’ve been watching me.” Dean’s voice was just above a whisper. “You’ve been doing it a lot. What do you want?” 

The figure didn’t move. 

Dean took a risk, turned his head, and there, in the middle of the hallway, was Castiel. 

“You said -” Dean started, then stopped himself as he looked at the figure in front of him. 

It wasn’t Castiel. 

Not really. 

He had the same clothes, the same vessel, the same everything - but this was not a Castiel that Dean was familiar with. He held himself like he was either being weighed down by the weight of the sky or was slowly being coaxed towards whatever lay beneath the surface of the earth. Maybe both. 

His eyes were the most off-putting. 

They were sunken and dark, staring back at him with equal parts joy and misery all tied up together in a neat little bow of fear. 

It was Castiel, but it wasn’t Castiel. 

It reminded him of a Castiel he’d seen only once before.

“Dean.” 

The voice cracked - like a dam that was on the verge of collapse.

“Cas -” Dean swallowed, trying to put this all together in his head. 

The Castiel in front of him sagged visibly, and half a sob caught in his throat as he took a step backward. 

“I’m sorry -” Castiel stammered, “I shouldn’t have come -”

“Wait.” Dean took a step forward to make up what he’d lost. “Cas.”

Castiel stood miserably still. 

“. . . When are you from?” 

Castiel said nothing for a long few moments, just stood silently and stared down at the floor. 

When he looked up again, he’d managed to regain a small semblance of composure.

“Two thousand and ninety four.” He said softly.

Dean let out a breath that was half out of disbelief. 

“Wow.” He scratched at the back of his head. “And uh... how is it?”

More silence. 

“I miss you.” Castiel whispered, and whatever composure he’d managed to regain was lost again as the dam finally broke. “I miss you so much, Dean. I can’t - I’m sorry, I can’t do this -” 

“Hey, hey,” Dean stepped forward when Castiel started to hyperventilate - something he hadn’t been aware could even happen to an angel - “Cas. Hey, I’m here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes, you are.” Castiel managed, and Dean’s suspicions were confirmed. 

Of course they were - he’d probably been long dead.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I know I promised, but I miss you. I had to - I had to see you again -”

“Cas. . .” Dean said, his heart wrenching at the sight of him like this. “Look, don’t - don’t fucking do this to yourself. Please. Time jumps take so much out of you and you’ve been doing this a lot. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“I know.” Castiel reached a hand out slowly, eyes on Dean’s own hand. “I know.”

It took everything Dean had to pull back. 

“What’s dead should stay dead.” Dean said, trying to sound firm. “You know that.”

Castiel turned his gaze back up to Dean - and for the first time - he looked soft.

“You and I were always an exception to the rule.” 

Dean couldn’t argue that, instead, he ignored the alarms blaring in his head as he stepped forward and pulled Castiel into a hug, and Castiel clung to him like a lifeline, breathing into his neck and gripping at his robe. 

“I love you,” Dean said, and felt Castiel’s grip tighten, “But you’ve gotta stop doing this to yourself. If Sam and I. . . if we aren’t around, then humanity needs you, man. You’ve gotta be there for them.”

He felt Castiel nod into his neck and his grip began to weaken. 

He let go. 

“Alright.” Castiel said, voice lower and huskier than usual. “Thank you... Dean. For indulging my selfishness.”

“S’not selfish.” Dean swallowed. “And I’m - I’m so sorry. For what it’s worth I - he - never wanted to leave you. Never in a million years.”

Castiel’s hand lingered in Dean’s, and then it fell away. 

“I know. I know all of this. I didn’t see anything that I didn’t already know I just -” Castiel swallowed. “I just missed you.”

Castiel took a breath and wiped at his eyes, like he was already distancing himself from the Dean in front of him. 

“I won’t bother you anymore.”

“Cas -” 

Castiel looked up. 

“. . . Get a cat.” Dean said with a shrug. “Smelly, dirty, bitey, knocks things over - it’ll be basically the same thing. And you’ll have a cat.” 

A small smile twitched at the corner of Castiel’s mouth. 

“Hold him tight for me.” Castiel said.

And the hallway was empty again. 

-

Dean stepped back into the bedroom and climbed into bed, curling himself around Castiel and pressed his forehead against his neck.

“A long bathroom break.” Castiel murmured, entwining his fingers with Dean’s. “Everything alright?”

Dean only hummed in affirmation, and inhaled deeply. 

“You know. . . maybe we should get a cat.”

Castiel shifted to crane his neck at Dean. 

“A cat?”

“Yeah.”

“That must have been quite a visit to the bathroom.”

“Yeah.” 

Dean held him tight. 

[dragonagethistle]

Me: ok so I am very much monogamous

My characters that wrote themselves: well, we wanna be poly.

Me: well, shit... Alright, I've got poly friends. I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Technically there's like, none of me in your characters so I think I can write that.

My self insert: hey, what if I had a three/some that started as my love interest saying he wanted to watch me with someone else

Me: the fuck??????

[ibringthepoptothecinema]

pleasssse angst with sinclair!reader and eddie?? AAAANGST LOL

HELLO! Okay, so, this is my first ever prompt! It’s not super long and I don’t know if this is the type of thing you wanted. But, I enjoyed writing it so much. Thank you for the idea. I know it’s not super serious angst but it could probably lead into it more. Please let me know what you think!

Don’t think there are any triggers!

If you read this, please feel free to message more prompts!

What the HELL is Hellfire?

“Lucas, wait in the car for like…10 minutes, I want to go and talk to this Eddie guy.” You groaned, running a hand down your face. Lucas mumbled a reluctance to your big sister duties. “No, it’s 11.30 at night Lucas. You were meant to be finished an hour ago at least. You have school tomorrow, you have a game the next day!”

You knew what you had to do. Lucas was spending too much of his time as this ‘Hellfire Club’. He needed to focus on his studies. He was your little brother, you had to look out for him some how, right? What even was DND anyway?

Getting out the car, you headed to the school, straight to the drama room. That’s where the club was always held, you knew Munson would be there. He was always there a while after the club finished.

Knocking on the door, you heard a sing song voice say:

“The score was fair and square, man, we aren���t doing another game.” The voice sounded cocky, almost like someone was putting on an act, trying to sound a lot more confident than they actually were.

Deciding that that was a good an invitation as any, you walked into the room. Greeted with a large table, dice everywhere, a large banner with ‘Hellfire’ on with a small devil underneath, you stood at the door way.

“Eddie? Eddie Munson right?” You asked quietly, slightly intimidated by the man sat in the large chair at the head of the table.

“Tis I! You’re Sinclairs sister, right? Take a seat upon this fine upholstery.” He quipped.

You did as he said, sat down opposite him and took a breath.

“Right, I don’t know you. You seem to know me though?” You smiled. You couldn’t hide it. Lucas and Erica were your world. Of course, their best interests came first. Even though you were angry, you couldn’t help but feel slightly elated that Lucas must have spoken about you to Eddie before.

“I mean, he always mentions that you’re picking him up. He didn’t mention you, ya know, you were so…” Eddie didn’t finish his sentence, he just looked down into his lap and played with the large silver rings on his hand. He wanted to say you were pretty, or something like that. But absolutely could not find the right words to do so without feeling like the ground would swallow him up. You didn’t know this. You thought this was just an absolute terrible attempt at flirting, to smooth things over. In a way, it was. Munson had no idea of the storm heading his way any second.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re trying here with me but…now isn’t the time. I need to talk to you about how late you’re keeping my brother, it’s not good for him. All of this.” You explained, gesturing around the table at all the memorabilia on it. Eddie watched you closely, his eyes not leaving yours for one second. “Eddie, you’ve kept him an hour late. For what? To play some dumb board game? He has school. He has his basketball games. I know you don’t care about school, how long have you been kept back now?” You spat spitefully. There was something about this Munson boy you couldn’t figure out. Did you dislike him? Did you find him intimidating? You couldn’t tell.

“Hey now! I’m graduating anytime now, just you wait. I’m gonna walk on that stage, take what I’m owed and get the hell out of there as fast as I fucking can!” Eddie said in defence.

You were getting irritated now. He wasn’t getting the point. This wasn’t about him.

“Yeah, right. Lucas said you’ve been saying that for the last two years.” You mumbled back, venom in your voice. “This isn’t even about you Eddie! I’ve come here to say that either you quit keeping the kids here so long or I’m pulling Lucas out. Now is an important time for him, more important than make believe or whatever this is.”

That seemed to ignite something in Eddie. Anger flashed across his large, brown doe eyes. He stood up out of his chair and paced the room, nervously. Absolutely full of nervous energy. Mixed with anger.

“Look, I know you don’t get all of this but, life is hard out there, Sinclair, I can call you that right? I mean I’m going to anyway.” Eddie babbled. He was going to drive you absolutely insane.

“Sometimes, a lot of the time, this is all we have. A few hours to take us away from all the shit that goes on out there. They call us freaks you know? They call us all freaks for being into this stuff. Your brother, too. He’s been called a freak, I’ve seen it, I’ve heard it.”

You leaned back in your chair. Lucas hadn’t told you this. Why wouldn’t he tell you?

“Eddie…I…that’s…that’s not the point. The point is…” You couldn’t find the words, you were trying so hard. Eddie could see the change in your expression and he pulled a seat out next to you.

“Look, I know you’re just looking out for the kid. And he’s a good kid, brilliant, the scores he rolls? Sweeet!” Eddie grinned, sitting down and showing genuine pride. “I promise next time I’ll try and round the game off an hour earlier, deal?” He reached out a ring clad hand towards yours.

What were you to do? You reached out and took it, shaking it firmly, before you stood up and turned towards the door.

“Ugh, I came here to absolutely chew you out…but look, just look after him, yeah? But for the love of god, please work on your time management.”

Eddie gave you a huge Cheshire cat grin and led you to the door, opening it for you. “After you.” He said softly. “I can see where Lucas and Erica get their fire from, good job.” He seemed to think this went better than it did.

“You’re not off the hook Munson, one more late night and that’s it!” You called seriously as you walked out the door, back towards the car.

It’s decided. You personally disliked him, you think, anyway, at least that was your first impression. For now.

____________________________________________

Thank you for reading! If you liked it, I’m willing to do any sort of prompt you wanna send. 18+ look at the pinned post on my blog for more detail 🦇

[lilfunnyquotes]

Angst!

Side note - Steven Universe and Encanto seem to have a bit more in relation than I previously believed...but anyways while I continue zoning out of class, here’s “What’s the Use of Feeling, Blue?” but it’s Pepa singing to Julieta about Bruno’s disappearance. See the bottom of this for more!

Isabela and Dolores:

Aah haa haa, aah haa haa

Aah ha aah ha, aah haa haa

Aah haa haa, aah haa haa

Aah haa haa haa haa haa haa haa haaaaa...

Pepa, forming a cloud:

Why would you want to be here? (in Bruno’s room)

What do you ever see here (Sand?)

That doesn't make you feel worse than you do?

And tell me, what's the use of feeling blue?

Why would you want to explore these

structures that destroyed him? (shooing her clouds away)

Why constantly enter his room

And drown in the sand of time that fills you too?

Pepa, pacing back and forth:

Luisa has her strength she can go and fight a war. (aaaaah, ah ah ah ah)

(gestures to Isa) Then there’s Isa with her roses and her flowery decor. (aaaaaaah, ah ah ah ah)

Your husband busts his ass, your youngest daughter sows. (aaa, aaa, ah)

Then their mother’s drowning in her woes (aaaaaaaa!)

Your grief falters your strength, it shows! (aaaaaaaaaa!!)

Yes, of course, we still love him

And we're always thinking of him

But now there's nothing we can do

So tell me,

Pepa, and a concerned Isa and Dolores:

What's the use of crying?

What's the use of reeling?

What's the use of feeling blue?

Pepa, now holding both girls on her shoulders:

Ohh

How can you stand to be here with it all?

Isabela and Dolores: Here with it all?

Pepa, Isa, and Dolores:

Drowning in all this regret

Wouldn't you rather forget him?

Ohh (Pepa puts the girls down)

Pepa:

Won't it be grand to be rid of it all?

Isa and Dolores, both worried: ...Rid of it all?

Pepa: Let's get some nails and some tacks!

Just board up his room and stop looking back!

(Julieta gasps, but before she can protest, Pepa grabs her shoulders)

Pepa: Ohh

Yes, of course, we still love him

And we're always thinking of him

Don't you know I miss him too? (And the cloud grows)

...

But tell me...

What's the use of crying?

What's the use of reeling?

What's the use of feeling-!? (Pepa moved away and collapsed on a nearby pillar, hiding her forming tears even though the rain was betraying her)

Hmm hmm hmm, hmm hmm hmm

Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm hmmmmm...

(Julieta moves over and comforts her, while Isa and Dolores look on in sadness and concern)

I imagine that in the first couple of years of Bruno’s disappearance, Julieta would go into his room. At least twice a day, she would leave food in there, and would always come back to see it uneaten. She stops doing this a few months into the first year, and instead goes into his room and sits at the bottom - because she wasn’t making it up all of those stairs. She would cry to herself, and would often have to be dragged out by Pepa.

Agustín never stopped her because he knew that’s how she was processing it, but he would come get her if she was still in there after an hour. Pepa, on the other hand, hated seeing her do it and under both her free will and Abuela’s command, she would fetch her from there.

Whenever she would get her out, Juli would be crying and talking to herself as if she were talking to him. After two years, she stopped doing this and just cried herself to sleep instead. At the time, Isa and Dolores are both about 13.

Aaaangst. :(

[yellow-faerie]

12, feanerd, aaaangst

Oooh, absolutely!

From this prompt list.

12 - “It wasn’t like that. I...I loved him.”

There is a knock on Nerdanel’s door.

She ignores it, hoping that whoever it is takes the clue and leaves so she can focus on her project.

Her plan lasts all of five minutes, at which point she begins to hear the tell tale signs of a lock being picked and decides that someone breaking might be more important than her work.

She grabs a particularly sharp chisel on her way out.

She gets to the entranceway at the same time as her great-grandson manages to finish with the lock and opens the door triumphantly.

His face drops as he sees Nerdanel standing there but Nerdanel merely gives him a tight smile as she drops her tool in her front pocket.

“That’s the fourth quickest lock-picking I’ve been witness to in this house.”

“Only the fourth?” Elladan asks as Nerdanel gestures for him to step inside and shuts the door, checking the lock to see if any damage had been done to it.

“Yes but you managed to keep the mechanism working so I’ll give you extra points for that.”

“Thanks, I think.”

“It was a compliment. But what brings you to my humble abode?”

She begins to make her way back to her studio, if only to clear up before turning her whole attention to her guest, and Elladan has to run a bit to keep up with her.

“Nana wanted to ask if you had any of Haru Maglor’s old music. She thought it might cheer Atta up.”

Nerdanel snorts a laugh. “Not likely. Maglor’s earliest music was a bit strange or too…exuberant and that’s all he left here. If you want his best stuff is either decomposing in the ruins of Formenos or drowned with the rest of Beleriand.”

She kneels down to lock her tools in their box, trying not to think of a little boy with gaps in his teeth from fighting with his brothers, proudly handing her a scribbled mess of notes and words.

“I could take it anyway? Nana might be able to do something with it.”

“No.” Nerdanel straightens up. “Tell your mother that if she wants to cheer her husband up, she shouldn’t bring up ghosts of the past.”

She drags a sheet over her half-finished statue and ties it down to the rings on the floor.

Elladan shuffles his feet, tapping the toe of his boot against the stone in the same way Ambarussa used to do while his brother attempted to lie their way out of a punishment.

“I’ll get going then?”

“Of course not,” Nerdanel says sharply. “You’ve come all the way from the sea to see me, the least I could do is provide you with supper and a bed for the night.”

She turns around, untying her apron and throwing it onto its hook.

“Come along dear great-grandson,” she says, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “I think I have some bread in the cupboard and I probably still have some sprinkles somewhere - we can make some fairy bread.”

“Fairy bread?”

“Bread and sprinkles. It’s surprisingly nice. Náro…Náro used to make it.”

+

Elladan looks a little sceptically at his plate. “Are you sure this is safe to eat?”

“No,” Nerdanel says through an incredibly sweet mouthful. “It will probably give you heart failure.”

“You said Fëanor…you said Atatto made this a lot?” Elladan worries at his lip.

“You don’t need to pretend to be interested just because we’re family.”

“I’m not! Pretending that is. I just…I can’t imagine the Fëanor I grew up hearing about making and eating…this.” He gestures at his plate of barely eaten bread.

Nerdanel laughs, something between a snort and cough. “Oh the Fëanáro of the history books wouldn’t. But history books don’t tend to mention someone’s idiosyncrasies nor how they were…before history came into the equation.”

She sighs and takes another bite.

“How they were before history?”

She waves a hand vaguely. “You know, people are so different to how they’re portrayed in history books. History books try to make neat narratives tied in a bow but the world doesn’t work like that. Feelings don’t work like that.”

“So…” Elladan trails off, swallowing nervously. “When Fëanor was banished…?”

“It wasn’t like that.” She sighs again, letting her bread drop from her hand onto her plate and spinning a lock of loose hair around her finger. “I…I loved him, back then. We loved each other.”

They had argued, she can remember screaming at him and him screaming back, because they loved each other too much and were too stubborn for their own good.

“I still do, despite everything.”

She doesn’t really notice when Elladan takes another nibble of his bread.

[masterjedilenawrites]

The Sniper and The Medic: Chapter 8

Starring: Crosshair, OC Joan Vo, Tech, Hunter, Wrecker, OC clones

Chapter Warnings: Aaaangst, one tiny innuendo

Taglist: @proadhog @skippyhopperwisdom

AO3 Link (In case you like it better over there, it’s okay, no judgement)

< Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter >

Chapter 8: Keep the Doctor Away

Crosshair practically skipped down the hallways. Or, at least he felt like he was skipping. Anyone else who saw him wouldn't have suspected he felt anything other than his usual apathy.

He'd started the day with Hunter, getting tattoos. Technically cadets weren't allowed to, but they were only ten days out from deployment, and the Kaminoans had basically stopped caring what they were doing anyway. Tech managed to reprogram an old medical droid to do them. Hunter had been really ambitious with his, sounding just a little insane as he explained his idea for some half-face skull thing. Crosshair went with something much more simple, but he loved the way it turned out.

And he couldn't wait to show Joan.

He'd convinced himself overnight that she was into him. She hadn't asked the others to do things with her outside of their check-ups like she had with him. She always smiled when she saw him. And she'd even said she was flattered that he blushed around her. It just made sense.

And today, after he'd show off his tattoo and let her check on how well his ribs had healed, he planned to ask her to deploy with them. That way he wouldn't have to worry about saying good-bye. He hadn't cleared it with Hunter or any of the others yet, but they wouldn't mind. They all loved Joan.

He came upon the last corner before her office with equal parts eagerness and determination. But just as he turned it, he heard the indistinguishable sound of her laughter... hers, and a few others'.

Regs.

On instinct, he jumped back, crouching low and peering ever so slightly around the corner. He could still clearly see, and hear, the scene that was happening down the corridor.

"No you didn't!" Joan was saying through her giggles. She was standing just in front of her office door along with two clone cadets in their blue uniforms.

"Yeah, that definitely didn't happen," one of them said, looking amusedly at his identical brother with one cocked eyebrow.

"Yes it did!" the other insisted. "I caught the entire tray, with one hand, and not a single drop of food spilled." 

His brother rolled his eyes, but Joan just smiled. "Well then, Mickey, I'm impressed. Who knew you had such quick reflexes."

The clone visibly puffed out his chest and grinned. "Oh I'm quick alright. Probably more than anyone here, honestly."

"Maybe you should've been called Quickie, then," the other said, causing Joan to bend over in more laughter.

Crosshair couldn't watch any more. He pushed away from the wall and stormed back the way he'd came. Jaw clenched, blood boiling...  It'd been a while since he felt this angry. In about as much time as he had decided Joan liked him, he now determined she most definitely did not.

How could he have been so stupid? So full of himself? She smiled for everyone, not just him. And clearly she flirted with all the clones, too. She even had the audacity to call them her brothers. He should've trusted his first impression of her, all those weeks ago in that cold, sterile examination room, when she'd disregarded all formality and protocol, when she'd claimed to have him figured out with her stupid, hand-written list. 

Detached from emotions, she had written. Well, the joke was on her, because he most certainly was not detached from any emotion right now, thanks to her.

By the time he made his way back to the hangar, however, he had managed to calm himself down a little. At least enough to put back on his usual front of cold indifference, so his brothers would be none the wiser. He only barely paid attention to Hunter as he explained they'd do a quick sim run before putting on the finishes touches to the Havoc Marauder that evening. 

They filed out toward the training room, but Hunter stopped him in the doorway. The tattooed half of his face was still covered in a healing patch, but his expression was clear. No one could hide from Hunter.

"What's wrong?" he asked, and then motioned to his abdomen. "Did Joan not clear you?"

"No," Crosshair huffed. "I'm fine."

He tried to shoulder his way past but Hunter held him back with a hand on his shoulder. There was a pause as Hunter's eyes scanned over his face, searching for the answers his brother wouldn't give up so easily. When he couldn't find any, his features softened in defeat.

"Look, Cross..." He let go of his shoulder and instead ran his fingers through his hair. "I... I don't know what's going on with you and Joan. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm just being paranoid. But... if I'm not, if there is something... I need it to stop."

Crosshair blinked.

"We can't afford to be distracted, not now." Hunter stopped hesitating with his words, squaring his shoulders and slipping into his leader voice. "I like Joan. She's great. I get it. But we have a mission and she's not part of it. I don't want you to lose focus. And I definitely don't want you to get hurt... your heart, or your ribs."

Hunter gave him a knowing look, which made Crosshair want to strangle him with his bandana. But he held back, mostly because he wasn't sure what to feel anymore. He wanted to take offense and snap at his brother for thinking he would ever prioritize his feelings over their mission. He wanted to panic over the fact that Hunter would not be okay with Joan joining the team like he'd thought. And he wanted to wallow because his brother was right, there was something going on, even if it was just him acting like a silly fool over someone who didn't like him back.

Hunter must have sensed his turmoil, as he didn't continue to lecture or press for some kind of response. He did give a gentle pat on his shoulder before finally stepping aside. Crosshair gladly took the out, trying to regain his composure again as they made their way to join the others in the training room.

* * *

That evening, the four of them shed their armor back in the hangar, tired and sore, but not as overwhelmed as they used to be from their trainings. They had a good rhythm now and had learned to balance action with rest. The training itself had been satisfying, too. Crosshair, especially, was grateful to have had something else to focus on. He had ignored all his previous thoughts and feelings from the day and threw himself into the mission. For a few hours, it was just him and his brothers and his gun. And he almost started feeling just a little better.

But then came Joan.

He was cleaning his rifle on the other side of the ship when he heard Wrecker practically shout out her name. And suddenly, all the emotions from before came surging back, making him sick to his stomach.

"Hey Wrecker," she greeted in return, though it was not in her usual, cheerful tone. "Is Crosshair around?"

"Yep, just over there...."

Crosshair panicked. He did not want to see her. Even if Hunter hadn't warned him to back off, he still didn't feel like engaging. Not now. Maybe not ever. He looked around and saw one of the cargo hatches was open on the ship. He abandoned his gun and quickly slipped inside, leaving the hatch just slightly askew so he could peer through it.

She came around and looked over his equipment but didn't say anything. She looked tired, worn out. He could see the puffiness of her eyes, the almost defeated slouch of her shoulders. A part of him wanted to be concerned, but the rest of him pushed that urge down and stayed hidden.

"He's in the ship," came Hunter's voice, just outside his view. "Went to bed early."

"Is he okay? He was supposed to meet me earlier and didn't show up." She sounded concerned for him. He couldn’t decide if he was touched or annoyed by it.

"He's just been busy," Hunter replied. "Focusing on his training. We don't have much longer."

"Yeah...." Her voice was distant and she chewed her lip in thought. "Well, when he has a free second, can you tell him to come see me? I need to make sure he's healed, sign off and everything."

"Of course."

She started walking away and then paused, giving Hunter a half-hearted smile. "Can't wait to see your new ink."

Hunter chuckled and followed her out, leaving Crosshair to brood in the darkness of the cargo hold alone. He'd end up staying there for most of the night, trying to convince himself to stop caring about her.

She hadn't come because she was worried about him, he told himself. She only wanted to check his wound. She was just doing her job. She had only ever been doing her job. Anything else she might have said, any of the times she'd seemed interested or impressed, didn't mean anything. She didn't seem him any differently than she saw the regs.

So he wasn't going to, either.

[pyreneese]

Searching (Lawlightweek2020) Day 3: Kami/Ghost

Rated: T-M (nothing graphic but aaaangst)

The kiss stole L's breath, making his chest squeeze. Light groaned into his mouth, their blood boiling. L closed his eyes, trying to make himself forget that Light was Kira. But of course Kira wouldn't let him forget.

"Call me Kami," Light whispered.

L didn't respond right away. He knew deep in his bones that soon he'd die. It was the strangest thing, he wasn't scared of dying. He knew Mello and Near would take the mantle. No. He was devastated that he'd lost Light. The kind, sweet teen who had no memories of being Kira. That's why L's eyes were closed. Every time he looked into Kira's, he knew Light was dead. A part of him wondered if there was a trace of Light there, a ghost of his former self.

Light kissed the top of L's forehead, his lips cold and cruel.

"Open your eyes," he rasped.

L didn't want to obey, but he needed to know. Needed to search for Light's ghost.

He slowly cracked his eyelids, meeting harsh amber.

Kira.

Kira lightly touched L's chin, his lips twitching. The darkness surrounded them, making it look as if the man's eyes were glowing maroon.

"We both know you're going to die soon," he murmured, a spark of glee igniting on his face as he pressed their bodies closer together, "admit defeat."

His voice was smooth like velvet. L squirmed at the sound, hating how it affected him. This thing that had taken over Light's body... it was dark and terrifying, yet it somehow made L's blood run hot.

"So you confess to being Kira," L choked out a laugh, knowing it was just a desperate grasp.

He smirked, fiddling with a lock of L's wild hair.

"I never said I was Kira, just that I'm your Kami but you're too stubborn to admit defeat."

L stared up at that vicious face, his mind failing him. He couldn't see any footprints of Light, almost as if the young man never existed in the first place. It was a last ditch attempt, a final strike that L hoped would bring back the person he'd grown to love... he kissed him. Not the fiery, needy and dangerous kisses he'd shared with Kira. Something more passionate and gentle. L admitting his feelings in a deeper, more intimate way than he had ever done with any of his former lovers.

Come back to me.

There was a time when Light's lips and mouth had a very distinct taste that L imagined was what Sakura blossoms tasted like. He searched for that taste, pleading with his mouth to find it. To find Light. The blood roared in his ears and for just a second, Kira's tongue moved in a way that reminded L of Light. It was so subtle and faint but it sent L's chest twisting. 

L could almost fool himself into believing that when the kiss was broken, Light would be back and everything would be okay.

When their mouths parted, L's heart fell. No. Just a mirage. Kira's lips curled, attaching to L's neck and uncaringly nipping at the skin. L stared at the ceiling, his stomach roiling painfully. His eyes misted, knowing on a deeper part that Light was dead. There was no ghost or fleeting flicker. L shuddered, his own resolve crumbling. Maybe he could pretend? What did it matter? L would be dying soon anyway.

He sighed, pressing into Kira's mouth.

"Kami," he moaned.

[fantastic-bby]

Serpent Tamer

Pairing: Seonghwa X Reader

Word count: 5.8k

Warning: Snakes 

Genre: uhh aaaangst? 

Summary: Reader has a special gift which leads her to meeting a man who is strangely enchanted by her presence.

You looked at the king cobra, it’s head followed the movement of your hand. You extend your hand and it lowered its head onto your hand, a sign of submission. 

“Impressive.” The man spoke up from behind you, “You can do that to all snakes?” He asked, crouching beside you as he watched the way you handled the creature. You nodded, guiding the snake towards the rattan basket. It followed your hand, slithering into the basket and lowered its head as your covered it. 

“Every snake is different. Some are harder than others.” You stood up and extended your hand towards the man. The man nodded, placing a brown pouch in your hand, the sound of metal clanking against each other as it dropped into your palm. You opened the pouch and counted the silvers inside, 

“You’re short on one silver.” You gave him an annoyed look as he reached into his boot to pull out another pouch with a sigh. 

“Not even the slightest bit flexible, aren’t you.” He pulled out the silver coin and dropped it into the pouch you held open. 

“You’re a wealthy man, 30 silvers shouldn’t be too much for you.” You spoke as you pull on the strings of the pouch, tucking it under the waistband of your chima. You heard him chuckle as you left his house. This was normal for you. You had a gift that was somewhat secret, almost like a black market secret. People who looked in the right places would know where to find you and those who were new to it would struggle in trying. But you weren’t ashamed of your gift, you just worried for how those snakes would end up being treated. 

You stalked through the streets of Jeonju holding a shawl over your head to prevent any eyes from recognising you. You reached your home safely, closing the door behind you and locking it with the wooden latch of your front gate. You slipped your slippers off at the steps of your house and made your way inside. You tossed the shawl onto the ground and took off your jeogori to place on top of your dresser. Your work didn’t seem like much but it was tiring. You had to have complete concentrating on the snake you were working with and you needed to make sure the snake could feel your energy.

You could only tame these snakes if you were calm. A frantic energy would make the snake feel frantic and that would lead to a hostile snake. They could read your energy and if they felt like you were in danger they would immediately turn hostile. They seem to trust you for some weird reason. They trusted your energy, they would follow your movements if you told them to and they let you guide them. But you worried for their futures and hoped that these people would treat them right.

You noticed a pile of letters sitting on your futon, silently thanking your servant for taking care of things while you spent a long time out of your home. You skimmed through the letters, finding one particular letter that stood out. It was in a crimson red envelope. You ripped it open and pulled out the letter. It was another job. The address was written at the end of the letter, it was a palace in the Sangju province, which was quite far away from the province you lived in but it was a handsome pay. But one keyword made your stomach twist. 

Serpent

That word put a whole different view on the job. Serpents were not snakes. They were huge snake-like creatures. 

Half human

You were put even more on edge. A half human serpent? Could you even tame something that was not only massive but also part human? You’ve never done more than snakes, but something always told you that maybe knowing how to handle a serpent would come in handy. You read until the end of the letter and it explained that if you weren’t brave enough it wouldn’t be necessary for you to come all the way to Sangju. You shakily folded the letter and put it back on your dresser, you really needed time to think about this before completely rejecting it. 

You let yourself collapse onto your futon, not even bothering to turn off the lights as you fell asleep the moment your head hit the pillow.

~

“Asshi.” You woke up to the face of your servant looking at you. You groaned, turning over to your side. 

“Yeon, let me sleep longer.” But Yeon had none of it. She grabbed your wrist to try and force you to sit up, 

“Asshi, there’s someone at the door for you.” She said, slapping your butt until she was able to sit you up. 

“Who? I don’t get visitors. I have no friends.” You grumbled as she handed you a more presentable garment. She shrugged and helped you into your garment before letting you leave your sleeping chamber to leave out into the garden. You spotted a nobleman standing in your garden, his arms behind his back. He turned around when he heard your footsteps on the wood of your porch. 

“So sorry for coming here so early, my lady. But I needed to speak with you.” He gave you a sorry smile as you slipped on your slippers. 

“And you are?” You questioned as you stood in front of him. 

“Ah, I’m being rude. My apologies. I’m Park Seonghwa.” He gave a small bow, “I saw you out last night and you dropped this,” He raised a brown pouch. Your eyes widened as you immediately ran back into your room. The man watched as you disappeared for a moment and came out after a while, 

“Aish,” You grumbled as you stood in front of him again, “I can’t believe I’m clumsy enough to drop my money like that. Thank you.” He handed it to you before taking a step back. You counted the silvers before pulling the strings and making sure they were in your hands this time. “How did you find me?” You questioned, feeling slightly uneasy. 

“I saw you drop the pouch and wanted to hand it to you but you were already heading into your home. I decided to wait until morning to try and avoid alarming you since it was already quite late. You also looked as if you were in a rush. I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable or uneasy in anyway.” He apologised once again. 

“No, it’s okay. At least you gave it back to me.” You nodded. You looked at his face and realised you’ve never seen him in your town before and his clothes were quite expensive looking. A nobleman from a different province maybe? You knew most of the noblemen in your province since you lived not too far from the palace and also because many of them reached out to you for your gift. You must’ve been staring for a quite a while because he cleared his throat. A blush hit your cheeks and you lowered your head quickly, your face being covered with your hair. 

“Uhm, I’m sorry for disturbing you so early in the morning. I’ll get going now.” He turned around to leave but you stopped him, 

“No wait!” He turned around to face you, a small hint of confusion in his face, “Are you from out of town? I’ve never seen you here before.” You questioned. 

“Ah, I’m in town for a small meeting with the king. I’m a nobleman from Silla, I was requested by the king for a small issue with the Muju province.” He explained. “I arrived yesterday evening, actually. I couldn’t sleep last night so I decided to take a walk. That was when I saw you.” He flashed you a smile. You had to admit he was very handsome and quite young for a nobleman. His skin was not too pale, his hair was black and his eyes had an amber hue to them. His garments were dark blue colour with black sleeves, a red baji tied around his waist and a wooden block with his rank carved into it was tied to his baji. 

“Uh, would you like to eat somewhere nearby? You probably don’t know this area well and I can help bring you around and make sure you don’t get lost if you ever feel like walking around on your own.” You offered. He took a moment to think about it before nodding,

“I have some time before the meeting so sure.” His smile was so entrancing. 

“Alright, I’ll go change into something else and I’ll be out not too long. If you need anything just as my maid, Yeon.” You said before rushing into your home, making sure to tell Yeon to keep her ears open just in case the nobleman needed something. You tried to make sure you didn’t keep him waiting for too long and you were out quicker than you ever had. Yeon eyed you up and down as you walked out of your compound with Seonghwa. 

You had a surprisingly lovely day out with Seonghwa. He was a gentleman, making sure he didn’t step any boundaries when you were together and was sure to make you feel comfortable with him. You learned he was a nobleman from Sangju, the province with the serpent issue. He became a nobleman a few years before when he was 19 because his father trusted him and wanted him to learn from a younger age than most. You also noticed that he had the most beautiful laughter and when he was genuinely smiling, he was glowing. 

What you didn’t notice was that he was strangely enchanted by you. He knew he had never felt this way before but he couldn’t help but want to trust you. He felt comfortable with you, he felt safe and he didn’t want to leave your company. He felt this strange urge to want to do everything for you. He felt as though if you were to ask him to jump off of a bridge he would do it because he just trusted your every move.

Seonghwa walked you home before having to leave for the palace. 

“So, this is it.” He said as you stood outside the gate of your house. 

“Yea, today was lovely. Thank you for making my day a little bit brighter.” You smiled at him. 

“No need to thank me. I should be thanking you for taking me around the town. You made the idea of going to this meeting a bit more bearable.” He joked as he looked down at his hands, fiddling with his thumbs for a moment. You noticed how nervous he was getting and felt a sudden wave of courage wash over you. You took a slight step closer and stood on your tiptoes to press a quick kiss to his cheek. His face turned red as his eyes widened in shock. 

“I hope I get to see you soon, Seonghwa oppa.” You smiled as he held his cheek with his right hand, your lipstick starting to blend with the colour of his face with how red he was turning. 

“W-Wait, I-I never g-g-got your name.” He stuttered out as he stopped you from opening your gate. Your mouth formed an ‘o’ and you realised the topic of your name seemed to hover between you two. 

“It’s (Y/n).” You smiled as he nodded, he swallowed thickly as he watched you disappear into your house. 

~

You looked at the letter in your hands before lifting your head to see the gates of the palace. You trotted your horse towards the gates and showed the guards the letter when you dismount your horse. The guard read the letter for a moment, eyeing you before nodding and letting you through. You walked into the compound of the palace with a court lady following behind you as you walked towards the king’s chambers. A court lady announced your presence before the door opened and you were guided in. The king looked at you, then the letter in your hand, 

“The serpent tamer? I didn’t expect you to look like this.” He muttered. You flinched at the harshness of his words and he quickly shook his head, “No, no, sorry. I don’t wish to sound rude but I imagined an old lady.” He gestured for me to sit across from him in which I did, not forgetting to bow. He poured tea into a metal cup sitting in front of you, “Enlighten me on exactly how this may go.” 

“Well, I’ve never tamed a serpent before, I typically work with snakes. But I’ve worked with some of the largest snakes in Joseon.” You said as you picked up the small, metal cup, sipping the tea for a moment. "If you in anyway make me feel uncomfortable or in danger, the snake will become aggressive and may attack anyone around me."

"It won't attack you?" He furrowed his brows.

"They might, but snakes have this strange need to protect me which is why they listen to me. Almost as if I somehow make them feel safe and they trust my choices. If they sense that I feel like I'm in danger, they won't hesitate to protect me. I advise you watch the way you treat me, I can turn them against anyone." You didn't mean for it to turn into a threat but he was a man of immense power. He had to understand that you were not one to be played with. “They’ll only attack me if they don’t connect themselves with me.”

"I understand if you feel as though I abuse my power, but I try my best not to mistreat anyway. I reached out to you because I'm worried for my people." He placed his own metal cup down onto the table and turned his head to a court lady who scurried over to hand him a rolled up map. He rolled it open on the floor and pointed to a cave that was far outside the village, "It may seem like it's quite far away but it's close enough to cause harm to my people. If you can convince it to leave or convince it not to hurt my people then that will be enough. I don't wish to hurt it." You could sense the truth in his voice and you nodded.

"I hope that this will go okay. I'm not sure how the serpent will react, since it's half human it may be more difficult." You stood up, bowing towards the king.

"I’ll have a court lady wake you up for your journey in the morning. I’m sorry for asking you to do this so early, but please be ready to leave at the break of dawn. For now, a court lady will take you to the royal villas. Please rest well." He nodded and gestured for the court lady to escort you. The court lady was walking in front of you as you followed her to the villas. 

“I hope you don’t think of this as too much of a hassle.” She bowed her head when she stopped in front of your room. “Our king started to worry after villagers started disappearing whenever they’d leave the village. He doesn’t want them to feel scared.” She said as she looked at you. You simply nodded, 

“I understand. It’s his duty to keep his citizens safe. I don’t think of this as much of a hassle, this is my job. I get paid quite well for it which is why I am able to live my life with comfort.” You opened the sliding door to the villa and stepped in, “Thank you for bringing me here.” You said to the court lady before closing the door.

“Wait! Asshi, this is for you,” The court lady held your door open to hand you a wooden block, “If anyone tries to stop you you must show them this to let them know you have permission from the king.” You took the wooden block and thanked her again before closing the door. You placed your bag on the ground and sat on the futon. You were in Sangja for the serpent mission and you were hoping you’d bump into Seonghwa while you were in the streets but you were disappointed when you reached the gates of the palace without seeing him at all. You hadn’t seen him since that time he was in Jeonju two months ago and you were hoping that you could meet him once again to get to know him better.

You changed out of your clothes into something more humble and decided to walk around the town. The sun still hadn’t set and you had a few more hours before you needed to sleep. You made sure to have the wooden block tied to your chima to make sure you would have it on you at all times. You headed out of the palace and out into the streets. The markets were still open and you could walk around to browse through. 

“(Y/n)?” You heard a familiar voice speak up from behind you. You turned around to see Seonghwa looking at you with confusion. 

“Ah! Seonghwa oppa!” You smiled and bowed to greet him. He smiled as he took a step closer to you, 

“What are you doing in Sangju? How long are you here for?” He asked. 

“I have some business here. I’ll probably leave in two days.” You answered, letting him walk with you as you both browsed what the market had to offer. 

“Ah,” He nodded, not wanting to pester what the business was about. “Do you want me to walk around with you? It’ll be like I’m repaying you for taking me around Jeonju that time.” You accepted his offer and ended up spending the rest of the day with him. You both walked through the market and he let you take your time if you saw something you liked. When he saw you stop to look at tassels, he couldn’t help but admire the way your eyes lit up and the variety of tassels. The feeling of comfort took over him once again and he couldn’t help but want to admire your beauty. 

“Seonghwa oppa?” You waved your hand in front of his face. He snapped out of his trance, a blush spreading on his cheeks as he cleared his throat,

“Sorry, I was, uh, thinking about something.” He turned away from you to hide his blush but you could see it clear as day. Once he saw your smirk, he tried turning your attention to something else, “Ah! Norigae! Look, (Y/n),  there’s so many!” He grabbed your hand and brought you over to the merchant as you laughed. The hours you spent together was as pleasant as the last time you were together. He walked you back to the palace before the sun was completely down and you both sat on the wooden porch of the villa, spending whatever time you had left together. 

You both weren’t sure when was the next time you’d be able to see each other but you were starting to like him and he was pretty much whipped for you already. 

“I have something for you, (Y/n)-ie.” He pulled out a folded daenggi, a hair ribbon, and placed it in your palm. You unfolded the ribbon, feeling warmth spread inside you as you blushed lightly, 

“You didn’t have to get me this, oppa.” You purse your lips but he shook his head, 

“I like you a lot, (Y/n)-ie. I want you to remember me because I know we’ll end up meeting again. I’ll make sure of it. Until then, I want you to have this ribbon so you don’t forget me.” The blush on his cheeks were starting to spread to his ears and soon his whole face was red. So was yours. 

“Okay. I’ll keep it close to me.” You smiled as you folded it back up. Seonghwa looked at the sky and noticed the sun starting to set, his eyes seemed to flicker with an emotion you didn’t recognise and he cleared his throat,

“I should leave you to rest. You must be tired.” He stood up, holding your hand in his he kissed your knuckles, “I hope to see you again soon, (Y/n).” He smiled before heading out of the palace. You watched him leave and felt your hand clutch the daenggi for a moment. You looked down at the baby blue ribbon and smiled as you made your way into your room. 

~

“It’s in there?” You questioned, looking at the king. He nodded, 

“If at all you feel like you need to back out, please don’t hesitate. I’m not going to force you to do this.” He spoke gently. You were surrounded with palace guards which had their spears aimed towards the entrance of the cave. 

“It’s okay, I can do this. But I need to go in alone. Too many people will make me and the serpent anxious.” You warned. The guards nodded, 

“If you need any help just call for us.” The king said as he watched you disappear into the cave. The cave was dark and wet. You could smell the vague scent of moss as you stepped further into the cave. You turned around to see how far you had actually walked in and you realised this cave was way deeper than you expected. The further you went in, the more you could see what seemed like rays of light bouncing around the walls of the cave. Your jaw dropped when you saw the full size of the cave. The ceiling of the cave suddenly raised up higher than the entrance, stalagmites were hanging from the cave ceiling like icicles, pillars of limestone grew tall. 

You looked around in awe as you noticed a few openings in the ceiling of the cave. The light that shone in was being reflected my various crystals that decorated the cave, causing the light to prism and shine in every direction. It was like one of those magical crystal caves you’d hear about in fairytales or cartoons. You were snapped out of your trance when you heard the sound of something dragging across the ground of the cave. You watched as a shadow loomed over you, your hood still covering your head. The shadow was long and stood tall but you didn’t turn around yet. 

“What are you doing in my cave?” The voice was deep, and it let out a hiss at the end of it’s sentence. You turned around to see the giant serpent slithering around the massive floor of the cave. It stood upright at least 30 feet tall and looked down at you, the light from the crystals shining on its golden scales. It’s head lowered to look you in the eye with it’s amber eye, a large black slit staring at you as it examined you. 

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here to warn you about the humans.” You said as gently as you could. 

“I know about the humans. What is it?” It questioned, it’s snake tongue flicking out of its mouth and flicking against your face. You shuddered at the contact of its tongue but managed to maintain your composure, 

“The king wants you to leave this province or move further out into the wilderness so you don’t disturb the kingdom.” You looked up at the creature, having to crane your neck to look at it when it stood upright once again. It looked at you for a moment before slithering around the cave, 

“This is my home, why should I be the one to leave. I was in this land way before you humans showed up.” It hissed. You could feel the hurt in its tone. It was right. Why should it be the one to leave. 

“It may seem unfair, but it’s either you leave or the king kills you and I would rather you not get killed.” You had to speak louder so that it could hear you as it continued to move around inside it’s home. It moved closer to you once again and lowered its head one more time to look you in the eye.

“Am I not familiar at all to you, (Y/n)-ie?” It asked, it’s amber eye staring straight at you. You felt your heartbeat quicken when it mentioned your name. “I told you we were bound to meet again soon.” You watched as it’s body started to shrink. You stumbled backwards and watched as he stood tall in front of you. 

“S-Seonghwa?” You stared in disbelief as you fell to the ground. He stood in front of you, wearing only a pair of black pants and his body still speckled with scales. 

“The daenggi looks nice in your hair.” He pointed out as he stepped closer to you. Your hand instinctively flew to the ribbon that was tied on your hair and you brought it over your shoulder. “You’re the famous snake tamer.” He spoke as he crouched in front of you and extended his hand to help you up. 

“Yea, I am.” You stood up with his held, still in disbelief at the sight of this man in front of you. His eyes were more vibrant than usual. 

“Then that’s why I felt so safe around you.” He ran a hand through his hair and for a moment you caught his tongue flicking out of his mouth like a snake would. “I had this strange… urge you protect you every time we were together. I felt comfortable around you and I wanted to be with you always. But I was scared of you finding out about this,” He gestured to his scaly body, “I assure you I’m not evil, (Y/n). I’m not the one eating the humans.” He tried to explain. “My brother is.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he watched you try and process everything. 

“So you’re half serpent.”

“Mhm.”

“You’re not evil?”

“No.”

“You’re not the one that’s been eating the villagers but your brother is?”

“Mhm.”

“So I’m supposed to be convincing your brother to stop then.” You said as you looked around the cave. 

“That might be difficult. He doesn’t speak or understand korean.” He held your wrist, “(Y/n), he might eat you.” He said, his voice filled with worry. “I was the only one who wanted to stay human when our father passed away. He’s not kind to humans.”

“No, I need to do this. I technically tamed you, didn’t I?” You turned to him and he just stared at you, fear was etched in his face. 

“My brother is different. He’s aggressive and he eats everyone who wanders alone in the forest.” His eyes were pleading you to leave, but you knew you needed do this. 

“Seonghwa oppa, I’ll be fine.” You placed a hand on his cheek, “Let me go to him. Where is he?” You asked. Seonghwa bit his lip before taking your hand and walking you down one of the paths, pulling you further into the cave. You were both slowly engulfed in darkness and the scent of decaying bodies filled your nose. You covered your nose with a cloth but the reek of death still managed to fill your senses. Seonghwa stopped walking, 

“I need to change into a serpent. If he tries to attack you, I’ll need to fight for you.” He let go of your hand and you heard him release hisses and grunts before you felt his slipper body nudge you, “Climb onto my back.” His voice change back into it’s deep, raspy tone. You managed to hold onto his back as he slithered further into the cave. You saw light at the end of the cave and when Seonghwa slithered into the light you another, much bigger serpent resting towards the back wall of the cave. “Be careful.” Seonghwa lowered his head to whisper in your ear as you climbed off his back and carefully made your way to the copper coloured serpent. 

You heard Seonghwa let out a hiss and the serpent started to move. It turned around and raised its head above you. You could feel fear starting to fill your stomach but you forced it down. It lowered its head right in front of you to look at you with its eye. You stood in your place, holding your hand out right in front of its face as you put your full attention onto it. You started to feel that familiar feeling of a connection being made with the serpent and it’s head started to follow the swaying movement of your hand. 

You lowered your hand to the ground and as it lowered its head with its eyes closed, ready to submit, its eyes snapped open and lunged towards you. You were quick to jump backwards and watched as its eyes were full of no traces of submission. 

“It didn’t work.” You said out loud, Seonghwa quickly slid in front of you in a defensive stance, ready to fight his own brother. “I need to try again.” Seonghwa glanced behind at you, 

“You’re going to get hurt.” He hissed at you. But you ignored his comment and slowly made your way back in between the two serpents, your hand extending in front of you towards Seonghwa’s brother. 

“You don’t need to understand my words, but if you don’t submit to me you will die.” You spoke out loud as you moved towards the snake, your body ready at any moment to jump away if it were to attack again. The serpent lowered its head to look at you and its tongue flickered onto your face like Seonghwa did before. But this time your body didn’t shudder, your attention was on this serpent only. Your energy didn’t falter for one second as you stared at the serpent. It’s eyes seem to soften and it once again copied the movement of your hand. But it still didn’t work. It lunged at you once again and it thrusted it’s head at you, throwing you backwards at full force. You were lucky Seonghwa managed to catch you before you hit the spiky wall of the cave.

You did this a total of 6 times, continuously trying again and again. Your legs were tired from having to jump all over the place to avoid the attacks and at one point Seonghwa was forced to use his body to block the attack from his brother because your legs were giving in. You composed yourself one last time and stood up, your eyes glaring straight at the serpent. You extended your hand, both your mind, body and heart were trying to force a connection with the serpent. It followed your movements once again and finally, you trail your hand down to the ground and it seemed to hesitate for a moment before completely putting its head in your palm. 

“Submission.” Seonghwa muttered out in awe as he watched you gently caress the head of his brother. They both started to communicate with each other before his brother lifted his head. “He agreed to try and stop eating humans. He’ll try to switch to animals.” He translated for his brother. You nodded, looking at his brother. You ushered for him to follow you. 

“We need to tell the king. He’s waiting outside the cave.” You told Seonghwa and he nodded. 

~

You knocked on the gate door and waited for it to open. The door opened to reveal a very happy Seonghwa. 

“(Y/n)! Jagiya!” He smiled and pulled you into a hug. You were surprised at his sudden hug but hugged him back anyway. “How was your trip?” He asked as he pulled you into your home, sitting you down on the porch. 

“It was fine. I earned another 80 silvers from just one job which is fun.” You pulled out the brown pouch and handed it to Seonghwa. He looked at the pouch for a moment before setting it down on the wood. He looked up at the sky. You followed his gaze towards the bright, full moon, the moonlight shining down on both of you. 

“Jagiya, how long have we been together?” He questioned without turning his eyes away from the moon. 

“Hmmm, 3 years?” You hummed out as you leaned your head on his shoulder. 

“You tamed me so well all those years ago.” He smiled as he looked down at you, “I never expected myself to fall in love with a human after meeting her only once.” He pressed a kiss to your blushing cheeks as you tried hiding your face with your hands. He pulled your hands away and made you look into his glowing eyes, “I’m glad you dropped that pouch of money that night.” He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. You smiled into the kiss.

“Well,” You pulled away, “I’m glad I accepted the serpent job. If I denied it, I would’ve never seen you again. But it’s not like you needed any taming. You were a good boy.” He smiled at you, 

“I may not have been hostile, but you managed to stop me and my brother from being killed. I thank you for that.” He hummed as he turned to pull you into a hug. “I love you.” He hummed. 

“I love you too.” 

[hannah-deactivated20220725]

A Surprise Visit

This is the alcohol poisoning scene I was telling you about.

Words: 692

Characters: Kyle & Aria

Universe: alternate

Genre: aaaangst af

Situation: Aria is an elf, which means she isn’t supposed to have human (or any other creature other than elf) alcohol... however, she was adopted as a baby and wasn’t aware of what she was... anyway, she had taken some shots and wound up in the hospital (I also wrote her best friend finding her if you guys would want to read that as well). Um... yeah, she did not wind up in good condition at ALL.

Warnings: near-death experience, alcohol and suuuuper emotional scene.

Tags: @sunlight-and-starskies

“Sir, you can’t be back here.” The look Kyle shot the nurse that tried to force him out of his daughter’s room made her take a step back in surprise.

“I am her father,” he snarled at her, eyes looking ready to rip the woman to shreds. “Don’t tell me I can’t see my princess.” He gave her one last fleeting look, but when he realized she wasn’t going to fight him on it, he stepped into the room.

The first thing that came to his mind after seeing her in the bed was my little girl… then who the fuck did this?

Everyone that knew Aria knew she was against alcohol. It wasn’t that she was against being around others that drank. After all, she grew up with fathers that drank all of the time, but she would never drink… never. And now, seeing her hooked up to a machine that was pumping her stomach… he was confused. Why had she drank in the first place, letalone enough to make her stomach have to be pumped?

He walked to her side and took her hand into his own, waking her from her sleep.

“Daddy.” Her voice was so weak. His heart ached painfully.

“My little girl,” he murmured, sitting at the edge of the bed. Her wince made him start to stand again but she squeezed his hand, begging for him not to. He slowly, cautiously lowered himself back on the bed and took her hand tighter into his own. “What happened?” He asked softly. Her face was so pale. She was hooked up to IVs like she was dehydrated, which was probably caused by how much she had vomited. Marc had described the scene he’d walked into… and it sounded like a nightmare. He’d hugged Marcus for a good hour before the young man had decided that he needed to do something to occupy his mind… and that brought Kyle here.

He stared down at his daughter with a frown of worry.

“My sweet, sweet angel… who did this to you? Did someone force liquor down your throat? They said they found whiskey-”

“It was me,” she said simply, voice raspy from dehydration and weak and sounding like she was struggling to get words out. He took in a sharp breath.

“But why?” he asked quietly, voice tight. He was fighting his urge to cry. He was the daddy. He couldn’t show how helpless he felt, seeing her like this. He couldn’t-

“Daddy,” she said again, weakly squeezing his hand. He lost it at that, shaking the bed with his tears.

“Baby… I want you to come home… please, where we can nurse you back to health.”

“Marc-”

“Marc needs a break, baby. He’s the one that found you. He’s… not in a great state of mind right now.” She looked pained at that and his heart hurt him to see her looking like that.

“Losing them,” she said quietly, sobbing softly. He squeezed her hand.

“You could never lose them. Those boys love you,” he said quietly. “But… you need to come home. At least for a little while, til you’re feeling better…” he paused. “Please.” She opened her eyes just enough to gaze up at him and see how much pain he was in and it made her own heart hurt.

“Love you,” she said quietly.

“I love you too, princess.” He paused, staring at her exhausted face. “Get some rest. Think about what I said.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead as she slowly nodded, eyes closing. Her body overtaken by exhaustion, she fell asleep what felt like immediately. And as soon as she’d fallen asleep, he let a wracking sob break free. What happened? Why was she here, like this… so weak and so frail? She looked like the smallest thing could make her just… disappear.

He squeezed her hand again before sobbing once more and then pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Please come home,” he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. She made a soft sound in her throat. He squeezed her hand one more time and disappeared to go talk to Jarred.

[skyhopedango]

random thoughts on Sirius episode 5

Because why not. It’s either this or gritting my teeth about that certain canon doubling down on the shiptease for a certain ship, which is killing the fandom for the small ships I like... and well, I’ll probably step on fewer toes with this. Ha.

Anyway, hey, whoa, something happens in this episode! Also, why is Sakurai Takahiro so good. It’s unfair. Also, I kind of respect him for not sleepwalking through this role, I mean it’s about as exciting as watching re-runs of Sazae-san for the fifth time, but he’s still bringing it.

I liked this transition, which says a lot I guess because man, the visuals in this show are definitely not as moody and cool and edgy as they probably think they are. Even with some nicely animated fight scenes, these shots with Mikhail’s eyes were the most visually interesting parts of the episode as far as I’m concerned. 

The scene itself is like... I mean, at this point I think even people who don’t speak Japanese could watch the show and guess correctly what’s happening in any given scene. Oh no, Mikhail is a vampire now. Oh no, Yuliy is a hunter. Oh no, they’re enemies destined to fight to the death. But Yuliy doesn’t want to kill his brother. Aaaangst. Also, blah blah McGuffin box.

OYAKATA-SAMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! ...oops, wrong show.

Obviously filler clowns do their clownery that only exists to move the plot along. Then they die. 

We finally see the vampires’ Huge Secret that I think everyone’s known since episode three: the undead/reanimated Frankenstein’s monster. And again I have a problem with the show’s visuals, because the monster is obviously supposed to be scary but it’s... not. I mean...

As I noted above, this show is trying hard to project a sort of edgy, moody, dark image, but it’s just not working because well, it’s a PA Works show through and through. It looks so clean and safe, with mostly unimaginative direction. When we have an episode with a vampire brother reveal, an undead Frankenstein’s monster on a rampage, and a huge action setpiece on a train, and the only visuals that make me go “hey, that was nice!” are Mikhail’s eyes, well... 

Speaking of forgettable, hey, these guys are also in the story I guess:

They did stuff. 

With this pacing I guess this is going to be a one-cour show, which is disappointing because it means there will be no ensemble cast, and these poor characters are forever stuck in “stock characters to do plot stuff sometimes” status.

“Oh no, I killed a person!” “Lol it’s OK, it wasn’t a person, it was a vampire.” [insert Vampire Lives Matter joke here]

Also, that girl. Sorry girl, you’re the single most annoying thing in this show, the perfect example of a shoehorned-in heroine and love interest, that exists because the story is checking off items on a list of tropes. 

Back to the only storyline that the writers seem to care about, the brother angst. I do wonder what Mikhail meant here - if he’ll ever be like... the Frankenstein’s monster he just killed? Why would he, though? Are turned vampires prone to losing their minds? Do they eventually die and get reanimated? 

They keep name-dropping the box, too. What’s in the box, man?!

Also, when are we going to see Yuliy and/or Mihail do their werewolf thing? Can Mikhail even do a werewolf thing? (I mean, they are actual werewolves, right? Come on show, I’m here for the werewolves, don’t disappoint me.)

So anyway, despite myself I keep enjoying this show for some reason. It might not be all that, but it looks decent, it has Sakurai Takahiro, and even though it’s incredibly unoriginal and predicatable it has enough hooks to keep me coming back. I just wish the visuals were better...

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

Dear Patton (2/?)

Letter 1

Summary: Virgil writes letters to Patton who is in a treatment center.

Word Count: 1,237

Characters: Virgil, mentions of Patton, Logan, and Roman

Warnings: cancer, cancer mentions, more aaaangst, grief-like behavior, hints at cussing

Tags:  @jordan6803 @helloisthisusernametaken @sanders-side-blog

Dear Patton, I’m so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO incredibly stupidly insanely absolutely fu freaking sorry that it’s been so long since I wrote you. Especially since you were so excited to get the first letter. (Thanks for calling and letting me know you got it. It was great to hear your voice. I miss it so freaking much.) Life has been overwhelming busy lately, and I just haven’t really found the time or peace of mind to sit down and write until now. TFISB (thank god its spring break), right? Except I have 2 papers and 3 projects due next week. Teachers suck as butt like that.

So...I know you said you don’t want me to see you the way you probably look now, but...I don’t care if you’re missing some of your hair or if you’re strapped up to a bunch of machines. I don’t care if you’ve lost or gained a bunch of weight or if your face is pale and sunken. It’s still you in there, Pat, and you’re who I want to see.

I know it’s selfish, but I really want to see you. I need to. It’ll probably upset me, I’ll be honest, but it’s not like just seeing you will throw me into an attack. I need to see you and hear your voice. In person. I don’t care if any of it’s different. I miss you so much; I can’t stand it anymore. You know I’m not high maintenance. We don’t have to do anything at all. We can just talk, or if you’re too tired, we can just watch TV or you can even just sleep if you want. I don’t mind. I can even hold your hand or massage your scalp like I know you like. Just as long as I can see you. I miss your presence. You know I don’t really believe in auras and stuff like that, but if I did...I dunno, yours is probably really yellow, like sunshine. That’s probably wrong, though, because obviously I don’t know anything about auras. But whatever the really sweet, bright, happy, generally wonderful aura would be, that’s yours. I always feel...peaceful and content when I’m around you. I haven’t felt like that since you left. I know this sounds so selfish, like I only want you around because of what you can do for me, but I promise that’s not true. You’re my best friend, Pat, and I need you a lot more than I thought I did. I’m so sorry I took our fore granted when you were here. When you come home, I’ll make sure I never do that again. You’ll always know how much I love you. Anyway, I’m still going to that therapist. I actually like Rachel, I think. She keeps it real and honest. She’s a lot like you, actually; sweet but doesn’t put up with any of my bulls nonsense. When I put myself down, she doesn’t tell me to shut up (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Sometimes I need to get off my bullsh- nonsense.); she asks me why I feel that way about myself and makes me really reflect on my conception of myself and how I got here. She makes me really think about what scares me and why, and she makes me list out the good things until there’s more good than bad. She’s gotten me into cognitive behavioral therapy, and I think it’s actually helped. School doesn’t seem as overwhelming anymore. Thanks for making- pushing me to come. It’s honestly been good. The other two are as themselves as ever. Logan’s been doing alright. Well, as far as I can tell. You know he’s not super expressive with emotions, and his words are just as Logan-y as ever. He talked himself into a frenzy the other night, though, looking up treatments to try to follow along with what you’re going through. I know he doesn't often act like it, but he cares about you a lot. I guess obsessing like his is how he shows his affection or something. He talked my ear off about chemo the other night, listing all of the benefits but focusing more on the side effects. He got really wrapped up in those. Maybe it’s how he prepares himself, you know? Mentally bracing himself for any and all possibilities so nothing catches him by surprise. As if any of us can control the future. Don’t worry, though, I sat there and listened just like you would; I just let him talk through it all for himself. It was rough; I won’t lie. I almost got worked up a couple of times, but at least Roman wasn’t home. He would’ve gotten really upset. He was okay, in the end, though he almost cried a couple times. I know: wild. Our little (not) robot is letting himself feel. I guess that could be one good thing to come out of all of this. I guess. He’s okay now, though. Just needed to get it out of his system. Roman’s been spending a ton of time at the theater. I guess it’s because he got the lead. Did he tell you that? I told him he should call you and tell you since you encouraged him so much, but I’m not sure if he did. He’s forgetful...and I think it all still hurts him too much. Realistically, we both know there was nothing he could’ve done. Getting to the hospital before you passed out wouldn’t have made you not sick or anything, but I guess...I don’t know, really. I don’t know how that hero complex brain of his works because, of course, he’s repressing everything like he always does. Lo and I can say your name, now, but Ro won’t say anything related to the “c” word, as Logan and I have dubbed it. He and Lo are like opposites of themselves right now: Lo is a faucet and Ro is a vault. It’s weird, and I’m still getting used to it, but, as I’m sure you’d say, all vaults have a way to get in. We’ll help him along eventually, just in his own time. I hope my patience makes you proud, Dad. I have a surprise for you from your student teaching students- “kiddos.” I’ll bring it to you when I visit this week. I mean, this will all happen before this letter even gets to you, but...I dunno, this could be a reminder, I guess. They love you so much. I went to talk to your overseeing teacher, and she said your students ask about you every day. She said a few of them cried or got really upset when she told them. You’ve really made a difference in that classroom, Pat; they’re so lucky to have you, no matter what. You’re gonna love the letters they wrote you; I don’t know what’s in them, of course, but I know they’re all going to be really nice. How could they not be? Anyway, time to go work on those papers and projects and...everything. It’ll be worth it if it means I can spend time with you without worrying. I can’t wait to see you, Pat. As always, I love you a ton, and I know you’ll get through this. Love Your Best Friend, Virgil

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