#ANXIETY LEVELS ARE THROUGH THE FUCKING GODDAMN SHITTING FRINGES OF THE KNOWN UNIVERSE

[rivvetgunn]

hi im a little stressed out over things that probably wouldnt stress out normal people this badly

this trip has been forcing me to do just about everything i’m horrendously uncomfortable with doing and im so ready for it to be over

i hate being in charge of decisions for like. where to get food, where to sightsee. i do not make good decisions. i’m horrible at gauging interest, relating to people, figuring out what might be to people’s liking

hell the faculty work with the students more closely than I do but do u think they would lift a damn finger to help out lmao

nope too busy being Charmingly Irascible and Pretending Not To Know Us and NOT HAVING A GODDAMN CELLPHONE SO I HAVE TO KEEP CALLING YOUR HOTEL TO GET TRANSFERRED TO YOUR ROOM LIKE YOU’RE SOME KIND OF SECRET AGENT WORRIED ABOUT HAVING HIS COMMUNICATIONS OVERHEARD BY THE FUCKIGN GOVERNMENT

im not an events planner

im not a people wrangler

guess what ive been for the last three damn days l m a o

cutting the rest because im probably gonna get ranty

i got figuring out stops for a night tour and a day tour dropped in my lap after we got here, despite the fact that my boss BY HER OWN ADMISSION apparently loves doing this kind of program-plan-y stuff. she just tossed it into the agenda with no plan for what the fuck the tours would be to

and now i have to go back, do research, make calls, plan routes, actually DO THE THING SHE SHOULDA DONE after we’re already here because she;s in meetings all day (something i also didnt know til we were on the bus down)

for an idea that i don’t think really had any merit since we didn’t have time to do any research beforehand, but when has she listened to a single word i ever say

day tour is a little easier because like. The alamo. ok. people actually mentioned wanting to see that. but then like what else. i dont know this city at all. pretty much everything else has like.... admission fees and shit, which i doubt she wants to get into

i just haaaaaate hate hate hate feeling like i’m forcing people to do things they don’t want to do. i don’t want everyone following where i lead rolling their eyes behind my back. doing things to humor me because “oh she’s doing her best she doesnt know any better well just pretend to have a good time to make her feel like she did good” fucking no just don’t put me in charge to start with oh my gooooddddd

take roll on the way down so we dont leave anyone behind on the stops, whatever. check people in and off the bus in the morning and in the evening, fine. send out texts about events the students should maybe think about going to, cool. im even ok with coordinating with the slightly crabby bus driver since we keep changing the itinerary every single day

figure out these tours because i didnt and now we have to do them because they’re on the itinerary, fuck the fuck right fucking off

i highly highly HIGHLY resent being given extra responsibilities at the last fucking minute when they’re things i KNOW i’m no good at and feel extremely uncomfortable with but what the fuck ever who cares about me and my sanity

just gotta hang in there til June. gonna remind her that im still leaving when we get back because :)