#AND the story is always ‘ugly girl wants her cheating pig of a boyfriend back’ and I’m like girl NO!! You can do BETTER!!!

[shima-draws]

I’m honestly considering getting ad free tumblr bc they keep showing those Project Makeover ads and they make me SO angry,

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #69

“suicide is painless.”

do you like getting hickeys? yeah, honestly. love bites are some sexy shit. oral, do you like oral? i enjoy receiving it, but i do not like giving it. i don't care how clean you may be, sorry, i don't want your dick in my mouth. because of this, i didn't like receiving it to begin with because i didn't want to receive something i didn't want to give, i wanted to be fair. there were occasions jason just really seemed to want to do it tho so it just happened. he was such a fucking gentleman, he was always concerned about keeping me pleased. if you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? METALLICA OKAY plan on getting drunk or high tonight? i'm drinking right now actually, but i'm only having one. so no, i won't get drunk. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i've had two, but neither really talk to me anymore, sooo. is it okay for people to cheat if it’s only online? uhhh, no? are you interested in anime? yeah, sure. do you have a favorite youtuber or do you not watch much youtube? RHETT!! AND!! LINK!! SLASH!! G!! M!! M!!! have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? no, and i wouldn't because i have an essential tremor. i'd mess it up. have you ever made out in a hot tub? lmao i wish. ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? i'm sure i have in my sleep once because i dreamt of peeing lmao what was the name of the last video game you played? i was trying to play "the last of us," but my ps3 was too far gone. what is your favorite elvis song? "hound dog," probably. what is the last tattoo you got? "ohana" on my right collarbone what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? honestly occasional fantasies about certain things with my ex lmao do you let your pets on your furniture? of course. they live here. do you enjoy your job? if unemployed, are you content being so? i am not content being unemployed, no. it's just debatable whether i'm capable or not, as at my past two jobs, working with so many strangers, i lived in a constant panic attack that came to a head as puking. so now i'm trying to find a job with animals... what is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? whether or not to maintain abstinence. what is your favorite christmas movie? jim carrey's "how the grinch stole christmas" what do you think of your best friend’s ex? not much to think. it was puppy-love. so much so he turned out to be gay. are you biracial? i am not. be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? or are they actually not worthy of your affections? he deserves a goddess would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does? whenever i wear makeup, i'm liable to wear black lipstick. if you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light? and if you wear mascara, what color is it? always black. what was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? mike's hard lemonade, black cherry. that was last night; i got too tired to finish the survey last night. are you any good with kids? not especially, no. i don't know what to do with them. shit you not, there have been multiple occasions where my niece (she's two) has come up to me, looking for a hug, and i almost pet her on the head like an animal. i just. don't know what to do with children, i'm really awkward around them. have you seen the last person you kissed without a shirt on? yes wow very good a+++ do you like watching jerry springer? oh my god, NO. so fucking dramatic. have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? nope. pretty sure one of jason's best friends hates my guts anyway, because i "made him miserable for three years." yeah fucking right. plenty of proof otherwise. have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? yeah. true story, skinny jeans are fucking hard to get off. have you ever deleted your facebook, then brought it back? nope, had no reason to. have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? not at the time when we were dating, no. i knew he smoked weed once in a blue moon, but i made him stop entirely. i wasn't dating anyone involved with drugs. what’s your favorite brand of peanut butter? don't have one, actually. do you have a thing for shy/awkward hot guys? according to my history, no. what’s your favorite lunchables meal? the nachos one! have you ever eaten at golden corral? yeah. it was honestly gross. do you ever decide to just dance crazy to a favorite song? no. another thing i just haven't done since j's been gone. i feel stupid doing it. have you ever watched fireworks with someone you loved? i wish. :( are you good at memorizing phone numbers? not in the slightest. i don't even know mine. do you like men who have a sensitive side? i only like guys with a sensitive side. like damn, you need emotions. have you ever used glitter as one of your makeup items? i've used glittery eyeshadow before, and i've also used glitter in dance classes. do you keep a memo book/agenda? i fucking read that as "meme book" lmao. but no. is there a song in a different language that you can sing? multiple german ones. what was the most expensive thing someone bought you? i'm certain it was my gaming laptop j got me. it's like... a couple ks in price, i think. how do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? hype as fuck, just don't pull a james hetfield. is there anyone on your facebook friends list that you dislike? why do you dislike them? no, because if i dislike you, i wouldn't have you as a friend. there is, however, one friend that annoys me sometimes, but i still care for her. she's just... liberal to a very pushy degree and shares some nasty, sexual shit sometimes. you can't disagree with her. have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? i'm sure i did as a baby...? and lmao i actually ate an orange-flavored guinea pig yogurt treat once. shit wasn't that bad. ;3; have you ever thought about what you might call your children? or, if you already have children, what are their names? my future daughter WILL be alessandra quinn and my husband will fucking like it lol. i can't pick between severin, vincent, and luther for a boy... where is the person you would most like to see, or most like to be with? hm. monday morning. guessing school or work, or he may even still be in bed. find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. who are these people, and how did you meet them? kelly: friend from art class in high school; katie: half-sister, we don't talk much, but we're very alike; katelynn: jason's friend jacob's ex-girlfriend, very sweet girl; katherine: i'm pretty sure we met via youtube through a shared love of meerkats; kathleen: high school friend whom i shared various classes with, i miss her soooo much. is there a person that you can go to in sweats, and still feel comfy? lmao. everyone. do you think the last person you kissed is nice? i wouldn't have dated him otherwise. how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? none... or maybe one. how far away is the last person you kissed? if he's at work? literally like two minutes. we passed by his work yesterday, and i checked for his car. it was there. took a while to get over that, just knowing i was in the same place as him... have you ever had a teacher that was like a second mom to you? definitely mrs. worthington, who i just call miss tobey. she was my high school physical science teacher, and the class she had was HORRID. i was the one and only student who would stand up to the class and demand they give her respect. after i did that once, we just... clicked. i was going through a tough time accepting my parents' divorce, and she was always there for me. we got so close that now, even out of school, she visits sometimes. she even takes me out to eat sometimes. she is a wonderful lady, i love her. have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? no, but my best friend has. i smiled watching her sing and dance a little bit. (: was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? neither, really. it was more like the only thing to do. i was reading "the maze runner" at the hospital. would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in his house? either, honestly. both are fun. (: do you enjoy long car rides? yes! so long i can sit in the front and blare my music honestly, lmao. do you ever wish you could live on a farm? not particularly. i wouldn't like all the maintenance. do you know how to play poker? i used to. have you ever had an ear infection? i had them so frequently as a kid i had to get tubes put in my ears. never had one since. what color is your favorite bra? baby pink what was the name of your first boyfriend? if you wanna count the first person who ever had the title, aaron. have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? for less than a day. have you ever dated someone a year younger than you? aaron was younger than me, yes. have you ever dated someone of another race? again, for less than 24 hours. do you enjoy eating veggies? lmao i'm a pure-blooded american, fam. are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? no. i see him as a brother. what do you think of country music? it's just not my cup of tea. i don't like the sound of it, too twangy. do you think pigs are cute or ugly? SO CUTE!!! did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? if so, did you feel pressured to do the same? i'm sure some have, but that's not my business? and i mean maybe very mildly, but not really. what kind of home would you like? i'm very open to possibilities, honestly. i don't really have a "dream home," but i guess i can say i'd like a wooden home in the woods near a stream, a lot like my uncle's house. did you ever build furniture forts as a child? sure as hell did! what kind of dog is your favorite? i really like akita inus, beagles, chow-chows, pit bulls... have you ever considered dropping acid? nahhh. describe your music style: just gimme some heavy metal, babe. \m/ are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? not particularly. have you ever had a seizure? thank christ no. do you plan on losing weight any time soon? i'm trying to now. i'm eating a lot less. what was your gpa in high school? above 4.00, that's all i know. it was pretty darn high. dunno what happened lmao if you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? ehhh i have a couple i consider favorites. fullmetal alchemist: probably envy. supernatural: dean. american horror story: tate. sherlock: the man himself, i assume. what is your favorite book series, if you have one? "warriors," but i haven't read it in years. have you ever had a parasite before? no. i'd fucking die. they're just so gross. do you enjoy listening to older music? sure. a good portion of what i listen to is from my parents' childhood/teen years. have you been to disney world before? yes! c: have you ever met someone who was really racist before? lmao welcome to the south. if you could be a disney character for a day, who would you be? hmmm. kinda hard to pick when you don't know how their happily ever after is. i assume snow white with how close she is to animals. would you ever want to swim with sharks? honestly, no. like i think i'm pretty educated about sharks and know attacks are VERY rare, but i could be that statistic, y'know? what was the last thing that made you laugh?  probably something chelsea said/did. ever used a bow and arrow?  i haven't. occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?  archaeologist, veterinarian, writer, artist, movie director tea or coffee? both are gross. opinions on sex before marriage?  if you follow my surveys regularly, you know my opinion on this has been changing. basically, if you know you love that person and you know your body is ready, do it. just be safe doing it. who was the hottest teacher you ever had? LAAAAAWD YAAAAAA'LL WHO WAS THAT ONE BAND TEACHER. i think his name was mr. serena, but regardless, he was hot as FUCK. have you ever walked on a beach at night? i have. (: mom didn't know where we were tho and called the police... whoops lmao. when was the last time you baked something? did it turn out good?   brownies i assume, like a month back, and they were fine. do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless?   yes.  fuck common core. why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back?   i remember learning this in high school...  some president, can't remember which, did it for eco-friendly reasons. what song really gets to your heart and inspires you?   "life won't wait" by ozzy osbourne, probs.  i love that song. do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did?   we do! what commercial do you wish they kept playing? why do you like it?   the one about contacts omg where the dude goes "MY BRAND" and it's all over-dramatic and shit. what current commercial is your favorite?   "I SAWED THIS BOAT IN HALF!" fucks me up omg if you could of played in any movie, what movie would it be?   ohhh "alice in wonderland!" did you used to do easter egg hunts when you were a child?   omg yaaaas what would you rather live by: highway, train tracks or airport?   train tracks.  i did as a child, so it's nostalgic for me. do you believe that ‘hate’ really is a strong word?   duh. if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things?   lmao when facebook was new-ish, i went on a fanning spree from friends' pages, ha... as a kid, did you love playing on neopets?   heeeell yeah, boi!  loved neopets!  i always wanted a plushy of the dragon neopet. do you often get bitten by mosquitoes, or rarely ever?   rarely ever.  meanwhile, my sister gets DEVOURED.  i've heard it relates to your blood type? what’s your opinion on plastic surgery? ever thought about getting it?   i honestly think it's quite the waste of money, like... you lived until adulthood with whatever the problem area is, why can't you live longer and spend your money elsewhere?  i haven't thought of getting it, but i don't judge people who do.  i honestly do understand what it's like to have a part of you you don't like. do you own any feathers?   blue jay feathers, yes. do you have a skype?   i do, but i like.  never use it.  only ever to talk to sam. the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”?   i'd start crying, say i forgive you, hug him, kiss him, just honestly lose it, but in a good way. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?   i couldn't tell you, but probably olive garden or ruby tuesday's. do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex?   i don't have a current bf, but when i was with jason, i could imagine me getting mad if he talked too much about rachel, yeah.  like if he randomly brought up something with her, i wouldn't wanna hear it.  now if we were talking about something that simply related to an ex, that's fine. do you know anybody who was abused?   i do. do you start feeling really gross if you don’t shower after one day?   no?  it's just one day. do you pee a lot more after you’ve drank a caffeinated beverage?   doesn't everyone? waiting for something?   yes, actually.  jason got my letter this morning; mom stamped it and put it in his mailbox.  the letter included my contact information "just in case," and i'm, y'know, hoping for a phone call, facebook friend request... something. who is your last received call from?   an unknown number, so i didn't answer.  honestly worried it was jason. how do you pronounce the name Sean when you come across it in text… “shawn” “sheen” or “shane”?   "shawn" wouldn’t it be EXTREMELY weird if someone fell in love with you after reading your answers to this survey?   i don't believe you can fall in love that easily. who is the next person you’ll hold hands with?   my mom. have you ever pole danced before?   what is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?   ummmm.  i'm not sure. do you believe your dreams have any real meaning?   not really.  usually. what do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet?   i mean i'd prefer to be asked in person, but i have no real opinion.  if you're too shy to do it face-to-face, i understand. do you drink more apple or orange juice?   orange do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex?   yep, 5th grade.  i was very confused lol. do you find extreme body builders’ bodies to be attractive?   extreme?  no. does it bug you when people go ‘mhm’ all the time when you’re talking?   no, i do that.  it's to indicate i'm following what you're saying. are your parents religious?   they're both catholic what is your favorite hostess/little debbie snack?   devil cakes, i think. do you find it rude when you offer someone something and they decline?   no? do you think benedict cumberbatch is hot?   i find him relatively attractive favorite disney princess?   maybe jasmine.  my fave was ariel when i was a kid. does your sibling have a significant other?   tiffany: no clue.  katie: no clue.  misty: yes.  bobby: no clue.  ashley: yes, married.  nicole: yes, and i hate him. do you have any american girl dolls in your house?   probably not anymore, but maybe?  nicole and i had our own when we were younger. have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes?   OKAY.  OKAY.  STORY TIME.  no, i never wore anything "revealing."  however, i once wore a cami beneath a see-through, floral mesh black shirt that had sleeves, so my arms were covered, as demanded.  however, this random-ass staff member LOST her SHIT one day when i wore it??  despite NO ONE ever mentioning anything the maaaany times i'd worn it before??? are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment?   i have two books that're actually jason's, but i guess i'm not exactly "borrowing" them anymore. have your parents ever questioned your virginity?   i know mom has, no idea about dad. roleplaying is super lame, agreed?   no??  it's very imaginative and freeing, honestly.  i've been a forum rper since like... 2007, but i've never done it and am not interested in doing it in real life.  irl, i'd be waaaay too fucking awkward. how're you feeling right now?   i'm feeling nostalgic and stressed.  worried.  as i said earlier in the survey, jason should've gotten his letter by now.  i doubt he's read it yet as he's probs at school or work, but when he gets it... i just wish i was a fly on the wall seeing what he's going to do.  tear it up and throw it out, or read it.  i've just never felt so close to having him back... y'know?  this is my last-ditch effort, and i just pray, i pray, it'll pay off.  no one knows just how much i love him, and how far i'd go for him.  just... damn, i'd do it all.  i just want him back. does/did either of your parents serve in the military?   no. is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to?   jason are you prone to illness?   not at all. are you on birth control?   only for period cramps.  mine were murderous beforehand. how bad are heartbreaks?   the worst things in the world. has a song ever given you an orgasm?   LMAOOOOOOO that's possible? have you ever made out in your room? last time?   plenty of times... but i don't remember the last... if the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say?   i'd be too busy crying to talk. do you like your eyes?   i wish they were bigger. are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with?   physically?  yeah.  emotionally?  obviously. do you have a big butt?   not at all.  it's p flat honestly. would you be a good salesperson?   NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO do you like hot sauce? if yes, what do you usually put it on?   YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS.  mainly hot wings, obv. can you do the 'emo hair flip'?   I WISH do you know anyone that has dimples?   me! would you ever make out in front of your best friend?   probably mildly, tbh.  like i can imagine french kissing in front of her, but no more than that. anything physically wrong right now?   yeah.  my stomach hurts, i'm twitching a lot, and my heartbeat is hectic.  my anxiety's high as fuck right now.  i feel like sobbing. ever had sex under water?   welp, that's on my bucket list now. the last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them?   if he left ashley, sure.  i'd believe him. you're having twins. what's your first reaction?   i'd honestly probably just say something like "well damn" or likewise... i don't want to have to carry more than one child at once, really.  i'd go through with it of course, but w/e. did your first love love you back?   i hope... do you have scars on your wrists?   no.  they faded long ago. do you like fedoras?   lmao okay imma get so much shit for this.  but yes.  jason wore one sometimes, and shit it was sexy.  and no, i do not like fedoras just because i associate them with my ex; i actually liked them before i knew him. have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything?   i have.  and i did. is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist?   i personally think dave mustaine from megadeth is the prime example.  his voice is horrid, yet simultaneously, enjoyable?  like i wouldn't want another vocalist for the band. is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway?   rammstein.  they've got some pretty whacky songs. does your optimism sometimes hurt you?   lmao what optimism? have you ever painted a piece of furniture?   yes.  i helped jason paint his desk and dresser. do you believe the fortunes in fortune cookies?   no. what do you prefer more: waffles or pancakes?   pancakes.  they're softer. did you love playing hide and seek as a kid?   i did. got plans after you finish this?   honestly crying rn so probably keep crying. did you ever dream that you had a baby?   multiple times. have you ever been in a beauty pageant?   ha ha fuck that. did you sleep alone?   lmao when don't i? does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed?   she fucking hates him. where is the last person you kissed at this moment?   boy, wouldn't i like to know. describe your dream girl/guy?   jason.  there's your fucking description. been arrested? for what?   nope. tell us the story of your first kiss?   go read an old survey.  told it before.  just know i want to kiss him again.  for hours. do you sleep with stuffed animals?   no... but i honestly think i'm going to grab rebel (meerkat from j) tonight.  i need him, and i guess the closest i can get to him is something from him. how many stuffed animals do you think you have?   honestly, probably over 100.  they're stuffed in a closet, lol. favorite character from finding nemo?   dory was my babe. how long does it typically take you to get over people?   apparently, i never do. are you stressed out?   i'm fucking hyperventilating on tears and can't see what i type, what do you think??? so tell me one interesting thing about yourself.   i can somehow obsess over a man who doesn't want me to the point of ruining my life.  cool, right? do you own a trenchcoat?   fam i wish. have you ever owned a tire swing?   no. do you have a nervous twitch?   i do. are you currently listening to music?   "numb" by linkin park.  i'm having a classics binge. is it easy to get a job where you live?   we have the highest unemployment rate in the state.  so.  guess. is your signature legible?   it is. when was the last time you cried because you were angry?   i'm crying on and off right now and part of it is from anger, so... is there an animal that scares you?   WHALE SHARKS LIKE FUCK THAT are you any good at video games?   i'd like to think so. has a jehovah’s witness ever showed up on your doorstep?   omg yeah. do you have a step parent?   yes, but i don't refer to her as "mom."

okay sorry this is shorter than usual but honestly i’m a wreck right now and need to go sob with my mom.

[michellesaddictedlife-blog]

Senior Year

The summer before my senior year I turned 17. I got my first job working as a cashier at one of the only stores Blythe had; Kmart. I was so excited. I didn’t have to ask my mom for gas money anymore, I could buy what I wanted, when I wanted, I had my own money and that felt good.

The rest of the summer I worked, went to the river, partied and drove around the city. My mom’s boyfriend’s mom, had a house right on the river so we went there a lot and went swimming. He had a thing where he liked to go night fishing so we went on canal banks late at night to go fishing.

That summer, Matt took me to a hip-hop concert called “Rock the Bells.” I was so excited. I had a countdown on my phone to remind me how many days were left until the day came. There were so many artists there that I loved and I was so stoked. I made sure to wash my car and get it ready to head out of town. The day finally came and we headed off to San Bernardino, CA. We checked into our hotel that day, made sure we had enough weed to hold us over and went shopping for outfits. The next day we woke up and went straight to the concert. It was so much fun, the concerts that I’ve been too before were different than this one. The vibe was totally different. The other concerts were upbeat and everyone was so high on ecstasy that they didn’t stop moving. But this concert was more mellow, don’t get me wrong everyone was upbeat and most likely on ecstasy, but the music wasn’t techno and it was just chill. I saw all my favorite artists and even caught some of Tyga’s dollar bills he threw out in the crowd.

I started hanging out with my friend Alicia. Alicia and I knew each other from when we used to play softball in elementary school but never really got close. I remember a time in my Junior year that Heather, Daniel and I went to a Halloween party. Heather was a lion, Daniel wore all black with a white mask and I was a rave peacock. I work a bright blue tutu and a black corset with peacock feather wings. While everyone was in the party, I ended up in a room full of guys doing cocaine. Alicia was in there as well, so it was just us two in there with all these guys. That’s kind of how our friendship started.

A little while into the school year, my mom’s boyfriend cheated on her, again. She had enough and moved us into a cute 2 story apartment on the other side of town. It was just us again; my little sister, my mom and me. We had Thanksgiving in that little apartment and Daniel came as well. We had a miniature turkey since it was only the 4 of us and we drank mimosas. At the time, I was smoking weed, drinking and doing cocaine.

My junior year was the last year that I did Dance Team. I don’t exactly know why I quit, I had just become captain and it was my Senior year. Who would quit? Me. However, I still raised a pig in FFA. That year my pigs name was Trippy.

December came around and I started hanging out with Alicia more often. One night she came over and we were sitting in my car listening to music. I was drinking an Apple Smirnoff drink when she pulled out a baggy full of meth. I knew that she had done meth before but I always told myself that I would never do it, meth is such an ugly word. I wanted to do some. I was so nervous. My heart was pounding, my fingers were shaking while holding the rolled-up dollar bill. But I did it, and instantly fell in love. The burning sensation that I got when the drug went up my nostrils was something that I’ve never felt before. I was in the middle of my Senior year in high school, doing meth.

Alicia lived down the street from me with her not so functional father. She would always throw pebbles at my window early in the morning to wake me up so she could come and get ready at my house. Since my mom left early in the morning she was never home when we were getting ready for school. One day Alicia and her father got into an argument and she moved out. She moved out of her father’s house and moved in with me. She was a year younger than me and I had senioritis really bad. I never went to school and since I never went to school neither did Alicia. I remember staying up all night and having to “fake sleep” when 4/5am came around because that’s when my mom got up and went to work. She would always check on us before she left for work. We both worked at Kmart and we always got paid on Fridays. So, every Friday we would wait until my mom left for work, go to McDonald’s to get breakfast, which we never really ate, and we would go get our drugs. It had become my routine. Whenever we did go to school, we would leave early or just go to our car in the parking lot to do a line.

It got bad. I wouldn’t feed my pig for days, people had to clean his pin for me, he didn’t weigh enough for me to sell him when fair time came around. I had to find a buyer for him instead of having him auctioned off. I pretty much stopped going to school. We had a police officer at our school that would make sure fights get stopped and what not. Well my mom had called him one day to tell him she thought something was going on with me. He pulled me into the office and asked me why I was losing so much weight. (I normally weigh around 145-150, I was 115.) I told him I was taking my mom’s Adderall which she wasn’t even prescribed anymore. I was on the verge of not graduating. I had to take classes at the continuation school and sign up for counseling. My mom asked me what was going on but I couldn’t tell her. So, I wrote her a letter one day in counseling, and I told her that I had been doing meth. She knew, but she couldn’t stop me.

Me at 115 pounds.

Around March is when things started to slow down, Alicia got pregnant and after she got pregnant she didn’t do meth anymore. I wasn’t doing it by myself so I stopped as well. I didn’t want Alicia to have the baby, because I didn’t want to stop doing drugs. But I accepted it later on down the road.

Alicia was talking to a guy that hung out with Matt named Cristian. So, Alicia, Matt, Cristian and I would all hang out together. We would drink at my house and since Alicia was pregnant she didn’t do much but we did. Right after I stopped doing meth, I started taking pills again. I wanted to feel out of self. Matt and I discovered a pill that we could smoke. It was Alicia, Matt, Cristian and a few other friends. Alicia was pretty much our driver. It was me and the guys one night and we bought some Roxicodone 30mg pills. They showed me how to smoke it on foil and after the first hit, I threw up. My body rejected it, but they said that was normal. So, my turn came around again, and I inhaled the smoke and everything disappeared. My body felt as if it were floating. I was in love.

That year I also went to prom with two of my friends from my class. I remember buying my prom dress when I was doing meth so I was pretty skinny. But when prom came around I had stopped doing so much meth, and I was nervous that my prom dress wasn’t going to fit. Prom night came and everyone looked so beautiful. My mom payed all this money for the dress, my afterparty outfit, the party bus and the ticket to get into prom. I didn’t even go into prom. I stayed on the party bus, danced on the stripper pole and had the bus drive around the city. I came home like an hour after I left so I could change into my after party dress. My mom was so upset, she payed all that money for my beautiful prom dress that I wore for hardly an hour and I didn’t even care.

The end of school was coming and I was graduating. I worked really hard after everything happened to make sure I would be walking across the stage to get my diploma. My mom threw a graduation/birthday party at one of her friend’s house. I made it. I actually graduated, after having senioritis my whole 4 years in high school, I DID IT.

One day, Matt and I were hanging out and he said he had to tell me something. What he had to tell me was that him and Alicia had sex. The girl that I considered my best friend, and my boyfriend of almost 2 years. That was the end for both Matt and I, and Alicia and I. Alicia moved in with her mom and I dumped Matt. A few days after that I ended up hanging out with Cristian, the guy that Alicia was with. We hit it off and ended up dating. Cristian moved to San Diego right after we started dating, so he would come down every weekend to stay with me at my mom’s house. We were smoking pills together, except when the weekend would end, he would stop and I would not. The weekends turned into 3 day weekends, 4 day weekends, 5 day weekends. When finally, Cristian just moved back to Blythe and moved in with me. The pills were getting expensive and one day we couldn’t get any. Someone told us that they could get us something better and way cheaper, heroin.