#AND also new social situations AGAIN and being forcibly befriended with people that in hindsight i didnt actually like very much
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anyways i was speaking to a friend the other day (yesterday????) and have come to the realization that the year before graduation curse has struck me again
#i. in ALL my school years. have mever had a good hear before graduation#fourth grade? terrible. i got forcibly introduced to social situations i had to navigate that i didnt understand nor care abt#AND had the worst teacher in my life who genuienly hated me personally#seventh grade? crash course into bullying and also learning to Be A Person#would not recommend#eleventh grade? gun to my head i could not tell you anything meaningful that happened to me that year beyond having a breakdown in the girls#bathroom bc there was something incredibly wrong with me and school was no longer easy (adhd my beloved)#AND also new social situations AGAIN and being forcibly befriended with people that in hindsight i didnt actually like very much#AND the stress of college and sats and ap tests and acts and everything and trying to figure out what kind of future i envisioned for myself#when i had literally never thought abt my future beyond what classes i take next school year#this year? i dont know what the fuck is happening but it is perhaps a combination of the covid lockdowns and having like. zero friends. and#also again trying to figure out what future i envision myself that is Not working a retail job for the rest of my life bc i kind of#cant care less#now i am not naive enough to believe medicine would fix me#however i think adhd meds would in fact fix me#i dont think im experiencing shrimp emotions#i think im experiencing like. amoeba emotions#or like. the ant that for one brief second understood what it is like to be a human#and then is forever left with the haunting feeling of wrongness#otherwise known as cosmic horror. or like worm emotions idk#michi tag#anyways. its five am god help me
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