#AND THIS IS *AFTER* THE SEXIEST FIGHT SCENE IN THE GAME

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Resurrect Bracket (Losers Bracket) Side B

ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to [make it to the finals]

Propaganda below ⬇️

Kirei

He fucked up so many people's lives so badly in just one decade (not on purpose) that the universe put him in the summoning pool of all world influencing souls. He doesnt really have any special powers but he does serve as a vessel for rasputin at one point. He's the guy who says "people die when they are killed"

please please please there's literally a type moon character in the gif on the top of this form so it's typemoonphobic if none of them get in but it shouldn't be her it should be kirei bc he's 50x funnier & more iconic than jeanne. funny lil murder priest who's fucking THE gilgamesh (from the epic of) in the church basement and dies in a knife fight w a 17 year old whose dad he wanted to fuck back in '94 before realizing that he was actually kinda lame and he's been bitter abt it ever since. he has an orphan torture factory in his basement but he's also canonically good at being a priest. he's so funny you should def try his mapo tofu i swear it's totally safe for human consumption and not made with any california reapers. did i mention he's a deadbeat dad.

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Priest claims to be Pro Life to make Sakura Matou the most miserable girl on the planet, but he dies anyway.

bro became a catholic because he loves suffering

He’s a priest. Kind of. Not a very good priest obviously. There is something seriously wrong and fucked up with that man. It’s so entertaining.

he's gotta be one of the most insane catholic men ever with a very in-depth and interesting relationship with his religion and his relationship with god also he's the sexiest man ever to be conceptualized in the known universe and all of time

Will never forget the 40+ minute monologue in heavens feel being a thinly veiled metaphor for abortion

he wants to torment churchgoers and make them face their failures and suffering but all he ends up doing is motivate them to improve themselves. cringefail moment for him

he's absolutely insane. the coldhearted mercenary that barely reacts to anything is terrified of kirei. he's super fucked up. his ult in stay night is literally him channeling divine power into something called kyrie eleison. he's the vessel of rasputin (on account of being a priest with a huge....no i shant say) the biblical beast in grand order among other things. he gets drunk with and tops gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh in the church basement after gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh bats his eyes a little too hard at kirei in some of the horniest shot scenes ive ever seen. he also used to be a heretical "fixer" for the church, cleaning up scenes that would expose shit to the public. uhh what else. he holds cool swords between his fingers like a kid pretending to be wolverine but in my favorite route he just squares the hell up with the protagonist and they fight to the death outside planned parenthood

Soap

Religious trauma coded. Popular hc that his family is Catholic.

He's gay and has a funny hair cut. Is that not enough to be Catholic?

he was such a bad bitch they had to kill him off in the third game bc he would've mopped the floor with the main antagonist otherwise. rip soap keep thotting it up in heaven we miss u every day

`!!!6ths -- propaganda by my kitten

[ink-flavored]

💖⛈️🙌🎁 for the sex and kink writers questions :3

thank u! <33 after a long day of airplane i am excited to relax and talk about sex. as you do.

💖 What’s your favorite part about writing sex scenes?

I love how much subtle meaning you can pack into sex scenes and teach your audience about the characters without them even realizing it. I guess you could say this about any kind of writing, but writing sex is fun for me because it's often pulling double- or even triple-duty as eroticism, characterization, and/or a theme of the story. It's sexy on the surface, and you can enjoy it like that and nothing else, but (at least the way I write sex) there's always another layer you can peel back to enjoy it on a deeper (haha) level. It rules. And metaphors make sex even more sexy tbh

⛈️ What’s the most difficult part about writing sex for you?

I always get way too in my head about it. I am always over-thinking the positions, or trying to come up with new ways to say "thrust", or counting how many times I say "cock" or something. It's not a big deal, but I make it a big deal.

Really, it's the "how to describe this repetitive action in a sexy way for the 5th time" that slows me down. I'm working on it by not describing everything so closely, but I am unfortunately in love with describing everything very closely.

🙌 What is, in your opinion, the best sex scene you’ve ever written? Best is subjective here—sexiest, most emotional, well-written, etc. It means anything you want it to mean!

Man, this is a tough one. I feel like every time I write a sex scene I get better at it, but there are definitely ones I like better than others. But also I like them for different reasons. augh why did I add this question

At time of writing, I am going to choose the Body Writing prompt from Kinktober 2023. Not only because I was excited to write it, and I think I did a good job, but because I think the things they write on each other, and how they react, are pretty demonstrative of their relationship. But tbh I could have chosen any of the Kinktober prompts, I really enjoyed doing that challenge. I think it's going to help me when I write the plot-relevant sex in the book.

🎁 If you could give one piece of advice about writing sex and/or kink to your fellow writers, what would it be?

A lot of people, I feel, worry that writing sex is something Different from writing other things, or it requires an Inherent Skill. It isn't and it doesn't. You can just write sex. It's just another kind of scene you can write, like fight scenes or compelling character drama. Sure, your first try won't be as good as people who've been writing sex for 10+ years. Maybe it's hard to get across the hotness in your head into words on the page at first. The only way you can improve that is practice.

And! Bonus advice! You can just write things you think are hot! I know I had a whole rant about how sex scenes can be meaningful and metaphorical, but they don't have to be! Do whatever you want forever!

[try out my sex & kink writing ask game]

[triviareads]

Hi! I hope you’re doing fine :)

I was planning on reading the Bridgerton Chronicles, but I heard there are many books, so here’s my question: in what order should I read them?

Also, are they really that good? How’s the vibe of the books? Is it light and funny or heavy and angsty?

Thank you!

Hi! I do think each book in the Bridgerton series can be read individually and out of order, but it's nice to read them in order I think. The series is overall very light and set among London's high society (with a few exceptions— all mostly in aristocratic country estates and castles). Julia Quinn does good humor and banter (and she does rely on slapstick humor and physical comedy at times... The Viscount Who Loved Me in particular had a lot of this). The romances themselves range from solid to tepid, as do the plots, so here's how I'd rank them:

When He Was Wicked: The sexiest book of the eight, and very emotional because Francesca's husband dies at the beginning and the hero Michael is her husband's cousin and Michael and Francesca were close as well (there was definitely some flirting that occurred before John Stirling's death), so cue all the angst and guilt. Flashforward to when Francesca decides to remarry but freaks out over her feelings for Michael and flees to Scotland where the best seduction scene in the series (that also uses the title of the book) occurs. My favorite thing about this book is when they're basically playing a high-stakes game of "if I get you pregnant we'll have to marry" roulette until they finally get their shit together.

The Viscount Who Loved Me: Look, as much as Anthony is billed as a rake, I really don't think he is. Book!Anthony is a messy, somewhat neurotic man who decides to court Kate's seventeen year-old sister because she's the diamond of the season, but ends up falling for spinster Kate instead. The banter in this one is excellent, as are all these moments of physical comedy ranging from straight-up hilarious (Anthony falling into the river thanks to Newton the dog) to hot (Anthony panic-sucking the bee venom out of Kate's tit and Portia Featherington uttering the greatest line in the series, "Lud, girl, he had his mouth on your bubbies"), to questionable but still hot (Kate biting Anthony's leg from under his desk, and then Anthony basically forcing a first kiss on her). There is an accidental compromise followed by a forced marriage, only after which they fall in love.

It's In His Kiss: Gareth is another rake hero (illegitimate, has daddy issues, which is classic Julia), but the true standout in this book is Hyacinth, who's a spinster but a fun spinster with few qualms about B&E, gives good banter, and has relatively lesser inhibitions compared to the other 6 virgin heroines. The plot, from what I remember is just them repeatedly breaking and entering in order to find treasure hidden by Gareth's grandma(?), with a side of Gareth's daddy issues (that... may have influenced him to compromise and marry Hyacinth). Lady Danbury has a pretty big role in this book.

The Duke And I: This was one of the first historical romances I ever read, and my first impression was that it was really cute with a simple plot: Daphne is in his third season but is worried about her marital prospects because she's seen as One Of The Guys, so she agrees to fake-court her brother's best friend Simon, Duke of Hastings, except they're caught in a compromising position, Simon nearly fights a duel over her, but they marry. The big issue however, is that Simon doesn't inform Daphne that he doesn't want children (as opposed to being unable to have them, and Daphne doesn't know how sex works :/). Ultimately, Daphne sexually assaults Simon (he says no and he's drunk, but she continues anyway) and it's never treated as such nor does she ever repent so.... bear that in mind.

Romancing Mr. Bridgerton: Here's my thing— book!Penelope is a pretty solid heroine and I did enjoy the low-stakes, less-spiteful version of Lady Whistledown, her scandal sheet she secretly publishes. Basically, if you like an underdog heroine, she's not a bad one. What I disliked was how she tragically pined over Colin for over a DECADE, as well as how her weight loss was treated as a condition to her being seen as attractive and finding love (regardless of how many years prior it took place to her getting with Colin, narratively it's gross). Colin, on the other hand, is a relatively childish hero who actually gets jealous of Penelope for having purpose when he doesn't, at one point even grabbing her arm so tightly he knows it's going to bruise.

On The Way To The Wedding: Gregory Bridgerton never quite overcomes his baby-of-the-family status, even in his own romance. He spends a lot of it waffling between two women and Lucy the heroine was just... meh. You'd think a story where the hero kidnaps the heroine (for her safety ostensibly lol) would be more interesting... but it isn't.

An Offer From a Gentleman: Cinderella adaptation but a super dull one, tbh. The way the narrative virtue-signaled with how Sophie repeatedly refused to be Benedict's mistress always irritated me. And on Benedict's end, the man has zero game, keeps hounding Sophie while she's working for his mom, and it has literally the cringiest virginity-loss scene ever.

To Sir Phillip With Love: Genuinely the most horrific of the books which is saying something, considering #4. I despise Phillip for his brand of absentee fatherhood which literally involves turning a blind eye to abuse, he victim-blames his first wife Marina for her depression (and he basically sexually assaults a depressed woman who is unable to consent to having sex and is laying catatonic under him) and subsequent suicide and CONSTANTLY compares Marina to how "happy" and "cheerful" the heroine Eloise is, and he basically sees Eloise as a live-in sex doll and mother figure. Eloise herself is.... fine, as far a heroines go. But Phillips kids? They were horrible. Eloise deserved better.

I used to say this series is a good introduction-to-historical-romance series, but I think you can probably do better. Try Adriana Herrera's Las Leonas series (stunning, gorgeous), or Vivienne Lorret's Mating Habits of Scoundrels series (for that humor and banter), or KJ Charles' Doomsday series (which were marketed as Bridgerton-meets-Poldark).

[autumnslance]

Saving her tags here. The response in Discord was Great, y’all.

#wolcred#<<< you know *exactly* why I'm using this tag#YALL#I DID NOT DO THIS#THIS IS NOT A CRIME TOOLS PRODUCT#THIS IS CERTIFIED CUTSCENE FUEL#'Fuel for what?'#YOU KNOW WHAT#WHAT IS WITH THE *LOOKS* SQUEENIX#I mean hey some could interpret it as platonic#but if you've been run over by the wolcred bus like me#and have been subsidizing off of crumbs#THAT IS NOT A 'OH HEY FRIEND' LOOK#THAT IS NOT A 'GOOD TO SEE YOU BUDDY' LOOK#THAT *LINGERED*#THAT SHIT *LINGERED*#LIKE HEY YOU TWO REMEMBER YOUR OTHER PALS#LIKE YSHTOLA GOT FUCKIN *YEETED*#YALL MAKIN EYES AT EACH OTHER CALM DOWN#NOT ONCE#BUT TWICE#HOW ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME THIS#AND EXPECT MY LITTLE SPROUT BRAIN TO FUNCTION LIKE NORMAL#AND THIS IS *AFTER* THE SEXIEST FIGHT SCENE IN THE GAME#AS THANCRED TRASH I AM FED BUT I AM ALSO *MALFUNCTIONING*#HEEEEEEEELP#(I do feel bad for Yshtola tho)#(that man really just sent her flying xD)

Hey, Squeenix, I have a small question, no big deal, but um WHAT IS THIS

[nethandrake]

i'll wait in line (always).

stevetony. mcu. rated t. blind dates. 8.8k words.

(written for @mkyujji for the 2020 Cap-Iron Man Holiday Exchange event that was hosted by @cap-ironman.)

also on ao3.

*****

“Absolutely not.”

Protesting groans fill the common room.

“Why not?” Clint whines.

Steve scowls, placing his hands on his hips. “What do you mean ‘why not’?”

“I mean, it isn’t going to kill him. It’s harmless.”

“How is that—”

Thor nods solemnly, grabbing a bite from his Pop-Tart. “I dare say, I must agree with Clinton—”

“Please don’t call me Clint—”

“Why not? ‘Tis a fine name!”

“Yeah, but—”

“Aside from that,” Thor continues, changing the subject, “I do not see the harm of—”

“There’s a lot of harm!” Steve insists. “A lot of harm in—”

“Harm to Tony?” Natasha says coolly. She barely spares any of them a glance, taking a long sip from her mug of hot chocolate. “Or harm to you?”

Steve stills, his heart leaping in his chest. “This has nothing to do with me.”

“Uh-huh. Sure it doesn't,” Clint drawls, propping his legs on top of the coffee table. Bruce immediately nudges it off. “Us thinking of setting up the guy you’ve been pining—”

“I’m not—”

“And there’s the denial,” Natasha says dryly at the same time Clint continues, “—for with someone who isn't you doesn’t piss you off.”

“How am I—”

Four pairs of eyes stare right back in blatant judgment.

Finally, Steve lets out the sigh he’s been holding back since they started this meeting.

It’s already bad enough that he was rouse from his sleep at two, three in the morning for this. It’s too early to deal with this. Or well, ever.

“Fine. Bruce and I—”

Bruce has the audacity to flash him a sheepish smile. “Sorry, Cap.”

Steve groans. “Seriously? You too? Am I the only one that thinks this is just—just—”

“Come on, Cap,” Clint says. “We all know Tony needs some pick-me-up. Locking himself up and moping over his last breakup isn’t healthy.”

“He’s not—”

“He was crying last Movie Night. And you know he hardly cries during Movie Night.”

“I mean, if the movie's—”

“We were watching Inception.”

“Inception has—”

“He was crying during the fight scenes. And for half of the movie.”

Well… Well.

Steve hadn’t been there for that, having been on a mission for SHIELD. It’s hard for him to figure out whether Clint’s lying, considering everyone else is murmuring in agreement.

He gets Natasha, Thor even. But for Bruce to agree with Clint without any hesitation is just unheard of.

Steve exhales, holding his hands up in surrender. “Fine. You guys do whatever want. It’s not like you planned on even listening—”

“No, we weren’t.”

Steve scowls, Natasha brightening in return.

He’d think that being Captain America and the leader of the Avengers, he’d have some form of respect and authority over them. But no, he’s just a leader to a bunch of stubborn kids. Teenagers.

Sometimes he wonders what he did wrong to land himself in this situation, in this era. Not wholeheartedly because the thought of not meeting Tony is just ab—

“You know he’s going to hate this, right?”

  ***** 

 “I think it’s a great idea.”

Steve does a double-take at that. In fact, everyone’s staring at Tony in puzzlement. Except for Natasha but that's hardly surprising. Nothing fazes her.

What's surprising is Tony's reaction. The Tony in front of them can’t be the same Tony who has to be dragged or hauled out of his workshop for meals or gatherings, let alone galas and big parties. For him to willingly agree to be set up on blind dates by his friends is a huge breakthrough.

A breakthrough Steve hates but a breakthrough nonetheless.

Tony cocks an eyebrow, setting his screwdriver down. “What? Why’re you all staring at me like that? I agreed to it. Isn’t that what you guys want?”

Clint smacks his lips together. “Well, yeah. But—”

“We do not mean to insult your intelligence, my friend,” Thor replies. “We assumed you will not be amenable to our proposition.”

“Well, Winghead wasn’t,” Natasha cuts in.

“Still isn’t,” Clint pipes up.

Steve makes a mental note to double their drills during the next training session.

“I just thought you wouldn’t like it,” he explains when Tony trains his curious gaze on him. “Going on blind dates, I mean.”

“It’ll be a nice distraction,” Tony says after a beat. “It’s pretty overdue, anyway. Probably good for me to get into the dating game again and try to—”

“I don’t know. Isn’t it too soon?”

“It’s never too soon to date,” Tony counters. “Sides’, Pepper and I broke up... What? Seven months ago? I think it’s high time I get back into things. Go out. Have some fun.”

“And being around m—us isn’t fun?”

Once again, all eyes are on him. A snicker fills the awkward pause. Steve makes another note to triple the drills for Clint.

“I think Tony meant a different kind of fun,” Bruce offers.

Tony directs his screwdriver in his direction, grinning. “Right on the money. I’m not saying you guys aren’t fun to be around because you are—”

“We love you too.”

“Sure you do, birdbrain. But yeah. You guys are fun and all but it’ll be nice to go out and have a nice time in a less platonic setting, you know? Have some little flirting going on—”

But I flirt with you all the time, Steve grumbles.

Sure, they always go unnoticed every single goddamn time but it’s flirting all the same. If Tony wants someone to flirt with him, Steve’s his guy. In fact, he could—

“—and maybe fall in love—”

“Fall in love?”

Steve almost claps his hand over his mouth as once again, several pairs of eyes zero in on him, most of them in mirth.

He really, really hates himself sometimes.

Tony raises his eyebrows. “You seem pretty adamant of me staying single for the rest of my life.”

“Yeah, Cap,” Clint adds, smirking. “Why’re you so— Ow!”

Natasha might get her drills halved for that.

“I’m not trying to stop you from—from falling in love,” Steve says, the words heavy on his tongue. “I just— Well, I— You know—”

Tony frowns, his eyes roving around Steve’s face before softening. “Alright, guys,” he says, clapping his hands. “Clear the room. Steve and I are gonna have a lovely chat alone.”

Their friends move to vacate the room, not without protests from Clint. As soon as the door closes shut behind them, Tony shifts his attention to Steve, crossing his arms.

Steve feels like he’s being put on trial.

“It’s been months, Steve.”

“I know—”

“You know I’ve moved on—”

“I know. I just… I just...”

“Is there something you want to tell me?”

God, there are so, so many things he wants to say. All the words and sentences clash in his head, swirling around in a whirlpool of anxiety, hope, and fear.

I think you’re making a mistake in agreeing to this.

I think our friends aren’t thinking things through.

I think you deserve better than blind dates.

I think you should date me.

“No. Nothing at all.”

Steve swears there’s a flicker of disappointment that crosses Tony’s face before it vanishes.

“Don’t you worry that pretty little head of yours,” he says, poking Steve in the ribs. “I’m a big boy. I know how to handle a little date. Nothing I can't handle.”

“Four dates.”

Tony's eyebrows arch. “You’re not giving it a go?”

Steve shakes his head. “Don’t really know anyone who’d be interested,” he lies.

Tony gasps, clutching his heart. “How dare them? I am a catch.”

“Uh-huh. Sure you are.”

“I am, you asshole. FYI, I was voted Sexiest Man Alive thrice.”

“Good for you,” Steve says dryly.

“Asshole,” Tony mutters, spinning on his heel. “Fine. Be like that. Whatever. Good talk. Now shoo. I have—”

“Oh no, you don’t,” Steve interrupts, resting his hand on Tony’s shoulder. Years ago, Tony would’ve shrugged him off. Now, Steve’s glad Tony’s willing to let Steve touch him, let alone hand him things. “We’re having breakfast. Bruce's making breakfast tacos and you are going to join us.”

“But I have—” Tony scowls. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“The puppy dog eyes. You know I hate—” Steve flutters his eyelashes. “Ugh, fuck you, Steven.”

Steve couldn’t help but cackle as Tony storms out, striding to hurry after him.

If he hasn’t been savoring his time with Tony, well, he’s going to savor it so much more now. His borrowed time with Tony might be shortened very soon.

*****

read the rest on ao3.

[superman86to99]

Superman #84 (December 1993)

Superman takes a short Paris vacation! Like, one day short. What's the worst that could happen?

Oh, man.

So, for the past few issues, we've been hearing about children being abducted in Metropolis. Now we see that they're being kept inside a giant toy house by some creepy bald man in Quasimodo clothes who seems to be obsessed with toys -- a "Man of Toys," if you will. Side note: no wonder the children haven't been found... all the articles about them are just gibberish! (See clip below.)

The kidnapper thinks that these kids' parents don't deserve them, and that they're much better off here, in an underground hideout with a man who threatens to starve them if they don't play with him. (And I do mean literally play, with action figures and stuff.) Meanwhile, as these children cry for help, Superman is having the time of his life. While helping move a stranded ship with some huge-ass chains, Superman spots a sunken galleon with a treasure chest inside and fantasizes about keeping the booty...

...before turning it over to the authorities anyway, the big boy scout. Then, he wakes up Lois at 6 AM and tells her they should go to Paris right now, which usually means your significant other is having a mental breakdown, but in this case they can actually do it. And so, after deciding that he deserves to use his powers for fun every once in a while, Superman and Lois drop everything and fly to France with super-speed for the rest of the day/issue.

Anyway: back to the child abduction! Cat Grant and her son Adam attend a Halloween party at Adam's school, but there's a disturbed weirdo in a hideous costume lurking among the crowd. Yes, I'm talking about Jimmy Olsen in his Turtle Boy suit.

Shortly after that, a guy in a dinosaur costume (see, all the creeps are dressed as reptiles) lures Adam out of the party with the promise of "superb video games." What child could resist that? Of course, that turns out to be the kidnapper and Adam ends up in his hideout along with the rest of the missing children and, worst of all, not a single "Lextendo" console.

The kidnapper gets angry at Adam when he refers to the toys at the hideout as "old-fashioned junk" (he was REALLY looking forward to those video games), and even angrier when Adam tries to free the other kids. Adam is brave and puts up a good fight, but...

And those were Adam Morgan's final words. "Uh-oh."

Next, we have a pretty harrowing scene of Detective Turpin letting Cat know Adam’s body was found, and Jimmy and Perry White taking her to the morgue to identify the body (most people probably wouldn't bring their former boss to something like that, but Perry sadly knows more than most about losing a kid). As for Lois and Clark, they were gone so long that the Daily Planet had time to print a headline about the murders. The issue ends when the lovebirds walk into the office smiling like two people who just spent the night fooling around in Paris... only to feel like jackasses when they find out what happened.

To be continued!

Character-Watch:

And that's it for little Adam Morgan who, unlike the also tragically diseased Jerry White, didn't even get any post-death appearances. Adam went from a little kid scared of Superman, to a huge brat, to a character who was approaching likeability as of last week. That's why I hate it when DC kills off young characters like Adam or Liam Harper: in long-form storytelling, children represent potential. Look at how much Wally West or Dick Grayson evolved over the years compared to their mentors! Sure, there's a huge probability that Adam would have ended up disappearing from comics for 25 years anyway, but who knows, maybe we'd now know him as Teen Gangbuster or something. GangbusTEEN.

This issue also represents a turning point for the kidnapper, who is never named or seen clearly in the story itself but I don't think I'm shocking anyone by spoiling the fact that he's Toyman (it's in the cover, for one thing). In his last two appearances before this storyline, Toyman helped Superman save some kids from Sleez and looked genuinely sad to learn about Superman's death, so this is a pretty dramatic change for the character. We'll find out why he went from big softy to child killer in Superman #85 (but don't get your hopes up).

Plotline-Watch:

The most disturbing part of the issue, all things considered, is still the part where Toyman climbs into a giant crib and hugs a huge stuffed bunny. Look at serial killer Tommy Pickles here:

Don Sparrow says:  “Even with the upgrade, Toyman is still just a man in a suit, a common complaint about Superman’s rogues gallery.” Funny you should say that, because I JUST shared an old Wizard interview in our Twitter in which Dan Jurgens talks about how Doomsday came out of his frustration with the fact that most Superman villains are dudes in suits (plus other interesting tidbits from the era, like how it was actually Roger Stern’s idea to bring back Hank Henshaw, so check out that link!).

Don again: “The entire Superman storyline of this issue feels like filler. Diving for buried treasure and soaring off to Paris -- it all feels like wasted time next to the Adam storyline.” I have a theory that the entire ship sequence is there as an excuse to put Superman in those big chains and make that Spawn joke (which I didn’t get until now, since I’ve always read this issue in Spanish).

Superman says that pulling that big ship was "a little easier than expected" -- that's either another hint that there's something going on with Superman's powers since he came back, or a subtle dig at the state of American ship manufacturing.

Another adorable "window tap" scene for the books, and this is the sexiest one so far. Is it me or has Jurgens started copying more than just Teri Hatcher's hairdo from Lois & Clark? (For anyone who thinks Lois has gotten implants, I refer you to this clip.)

While in Paris, Lois asks Clark if he's ever wondered what would happen if his rocket had landed in other countries. Don: “Clark’s conversation with Lois sounds like a bunch of concepts for Elseworlds stories. We eventually would see a Russian Superman, and a British Superman, but not yet the French Superman. (Hire us, DC!)” Yep, got my French Superman pitch ready, Jim Lee. Or just let us do Russian Superman again, since Red Son wasn’t even the first time you published that idea.

Don once more: “Another thing that makes no sense about the ‘new’ Toyman is his resentment of technological toys—when in previous appearances he himself had deadly high-tech toys to vex Superman over the years.” I especially resent his hatred of video game consoles. Incidentally, I wonder what types of games are available for Adam’s beloved Lextendo. Star Lex 64? Mega Man Lex? Sonic the Hedgehog 3 & Knuckles & Lex?

No one is more upset at Lois and Clark for going AWOL than Whit. NO ONE. He's so furious that his usually grey mustache turned black.

Patreon-Watch:

As always, shout out to our patrons, Aaron, Murray Qualie, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Samuel Doran, Bheki Latha, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush and Raphael Fischer! Last month’s exclusive Patreon article was about the recently unearthed sequel to Superman 64 for the PlayStation, featuring Metallo, Parasite, and Lois looking even hotter than in this issue:

Hot damn. Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/superman86to99!

And believe it or not, Don Sparrow has even more to say about this issue. Read his section after the jump:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow​):

I should start off my section with a big caveat:  I flat out hate this issue. There were several weird decisions made in the post-Death-and-Return era (most of them along the same lines of making the Superman titles more grim-and-gritty), and this story was one of the worst of them.  My theory is that, despite the praise and record-breaking sales of the Death and Return storyline, the Superman creative team felt pressure to have more extreme storylines, perhaps in response to the wildly successful Image books coming out at the time.  Between this story, and the upcoming “Spilled Blood” storyline, the Super books take a hard—but temporary--turn into more violent and upsetting storytelling—even though these stories are by the same writers as the previous few years. While death has always been a part of comics, and Superman comics was no exception, there is a jarring glibness and unfeeling toward the way violence is handled in these pages that is quite different from the stories that preceded it.  It’s made all the more jarring by the fact that well-established personalities suddenly veer wildly out of character, Toyman chief among them.  

We start with the cover, and while it is technically well-drawn (by the familiar team of Jurgens and Breeding) it’s also a very upsetting visual.  I think they should have gone with the pieta type pose with Adam and Superman, OR the scary badass bowie-knife Toyman (who apparently has a Cheshire cat smile now) but not both.  But the cover is a good hint at the tonal dissonance of the comic within.

We open with a splash of the now-extreme 90s looking Toyman, with his serial killer shaved head and spooky cloak, ignoring the pleas of hungry kids he has locked up in a tiny jail cell for days at a time (if that sentence doesn’t ring alarm bells for how wrong this is for a Superman story, I don’t know what will). For much of the issue Toyman’s eyes are obscured by glare on his lenses, further de-humanizing a character who was once one of Superman’s more empathetic bad guys.

We cut to Superman tugboating a huge tanker with giant chains and it’s a cool visual (one repeated in the Batman V Superman film).  It feels especially out of place to focus on, given how upsetting this issue is otherwise, but throughout the whole comic, Lois is drawn smoking hot, especially on the two page spread on pages 9-10.

The scenes depicting the actual murder, while still wildly out of place in a Superman comic, are well done, and give a real sense of darkness and menace, which I suppose is the intent.  Perhaps my least favourite visual is the Big Bird stuffie, silently bearing witness to what’s about to occur.

The edges of the panels on get more slashy and off-kilter (to me, looking very much like the layouts more typically seen in Image comics of the day) and I suppose I appreciate the restraint of how little Dan Jurgens shows of the death of a child, showing only a bloody slash on a black background.  This is still a pretty baroque image for a Superman comic, but certainly less violent than it could be, given what is happening.

Cat Grant’s silent horror is well staged, and powerful in its way.   Lastly, Clark Kent bending in sorrow and regret is a powerful image.

While this issue is handled marginally better, and more maturely than other comics on the shelf at this time, I still believe it is one of the biggest mistakes of the era.  Giving a long-established character an unceremonious death for shock value is gross on its own, but making it a child definitely crosses a line for me.  Making it worse is that, while the Toyman is a criminal and a killer, he has shown in past issues (a similar kidnapping storyline involving Sleez) that he genuinely cares for the well-being of children.  So for a long-time reader, this also felt like a betrayal of a long-established, fully developed character.   Adding to the ugliness of this is that Adam dies heroically, trying to free the children who have been caged, unfed, for days, but even in that regard, he fails.  The headline at the end of the issue confirms all the children are dead.  Adam’s death did not buy the other kids enough time to get away. It was all for nothing. Had Adam died, but the other children lived, maybe this issue wouldn’t leave quite as bad a taste. [Max: It’s weird because it’s all told in a way where it’s told in a way where it would make sense, narratively and within the story universe, that the other kids survived, but then it’s almost casually revealed that nope, they died too. A scene of one of the kids relaying Adam’s heroism to Cat in a future issue would have gone a long way.]

Superman doesn’t come off well in these pages, either.  It’s honestly the type of story they should just stay away from, because the more you think about all the calamity that is going on around the clock, the less defensible the whole Clark Kent persona becomes. Superman carving out time to romance his fiancée directly led to the preventable deaths of innocent children—how do you come back from that?

STRAY OBSERVATIONS:

I’m always looking for hints that perhaps Jimmy or Perry know Superman’s secret identity deep down, and Jimmy’s anger at Lois and Clark on their return to the Daily Planet offices would seem to give that theory some credence, as he’s as angry at them as if he knew Clark really were Superman.  Either that, or he’s ticked that it fell to him, and none of them to escort Cat into the morgue. [Max: Has this issue finally converted you to the “Jimmy is terrible” side now, Don?]

I don’t think I’m the only one who disliked the new Toyman—SPOILERS BE HERE: years later, in Action Comics #865, Geoff Johns retconned this whole story, reverting Schott into the criminal who over-relates to kids, rather than the child-killer of this story.  Apparently the infantile Schott, who speaks to “Mother” a la Norman Bates, is a robot so lifelike it fools even Superman, and the “Mother” he’s constantly replying to was the real Winslow Schott trying to recall the malfunctioning robot. [Max: That’s one Geoff Johns retcon I really didn’t mind, even if it felt kind of derivative of his similar “all the Brainiacs are robots made by the real Brainiac” reveal.]

[adam-dumortains]

Heaven In Secret - MC x Bryce | Chapter 3

Book/Pairing(s): MC x Bryce

Song: With You - Sum 41

Previous chapters can be found here.

Word Count: Part III - 1389 words

Rating: 16+

Summary: This fanfic is based on the imagined scenes after Bryce asks MC to leave separately in the latest open heart: Third Year Chapter. I know that Bryce has been MIA so thought I’d give people some cute Bryce content 🥰

Category: Mini series

Warnings / Trope: no warnings needed

*gifs are not mine

tags: @ladylahela @lahellacute - if you wanna be tagged, let me know!

Casey lay on Bryce’s chest, watching his chest slowly rise and fall as she could hear his heartbeat. She sighed contently as Bryce’s fingers delicately traced circles on her back.

“I love you, Casey.”

“I love you too, Bryce.”

“I’ve waited so long to hear you say that.”

“How long?” Casey raised an eyebrow. “You’re telling me the great Bryce Lahela who isn’t scared of anything has been keeping his feelings a secret for a while?”

“Ha ha,” Bryce laughed mockingly, pulling Casey closer to him. “You wanna know when I first started to fall for you, huh?”

“Well. Obviously. Dumbass.” Casey grinned as Bryce threw his head back in laugher.

“Well, I guess you always took my breath away. I had a thing for your sense of humour too. The way you didn’t just giggle around me like a most girls do. The way you were able to put me in my place. Like the darts game at the bar. But I think the first time I started to see you are more than a hot piece of ass, especially after the showe- Ow!” Bryce held his ribs, laughing to himself as Casey gently elbowed him in the ribs, cause Bryce to hold his hands up in mock defence.

“Fine... the first time I remember feeling differently about you was when I came over that night to help you and the guys with the Mrs Martinez case. You stayed up all night. Not for yourself, but for someone else. I could see the determination in your eyes, the fight the next day when you repeated to me, ‘I’m going to fight, a different way’. It’s when I really realised you were a force to be reckoned with, and I knew you were going to do great things then and I do now.” He smiled softly, replaying the memory in his head before taking his fingers to move the hair that had fallen on Casey’s face. Casey lifted herself up to press a gentle kiss to Bryce’s nose. “Your turn, by the way.”

“Hey. I told you before when I fell in love with you.” Casey frowned gently.

“I know. And I haven’t stopped replaying it in my head. But, I mean, when did you realise that things had changed? That your feelings went past platonic?” Bryce watched her thoughtfully. He’d never thought he’d be having conversations about his feelings with anybody, nevermind, a girl he met at work.

“Hm. I guess it just happened. Naturally. I just found myself excited to see that I would be on the same shift as you because I knew we’d bump into each other eventually. Or when I’d work into the bar with the other interns and see you sat there with your surgeon friends. With that stupid smirk on your face. But I think once you kissed me and dropped those fries, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.” Casey smiled as she placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

“I am pretty irresistible,” Bryce smirked, winking at Casey. His winking alongside his smirk made Casey weak at the knees. “What do you want to do now, then? We could head back to the party. It’s not that late.”

“Nah. My make up is basically ruined anyway.”

“Well, let’s do something. Anything you want.”

“You mentioned takeout before. I’m pretty hungry after what we just did.”

“Of course you are.” Casey rolled her eyes, grinning.

“Sh. Let’s order food and just chill.”

“Fine by me. What are you in the mood for?”

“I heard there’s a great Hawaiian takeout nearby. We could order there.”

Bryce grinned at the mention of Hawaiian food, the thought of Casey making an effort to make him happy made his heart swell. “A woman after my own heart. Have you ever tried it?”

“No. So you can order for me. Surprise me.”

“Ooh, a challenge. I like that.” Bryce grinned as he took the phone to order the food, Casey watching him, smiling to herself. She couldn’t believe someone as perfect as Bryce Lahela was stood in her kitchen, and was all hers. It felt like she was on cloud nine. “Food will be here soon. So, what should we do whilst wait?”

“21 questions!”

“Are you 12, Case?”

“Ha ha, very funny. I just want to get to know you better.”

“Fine. I’ll start. How sexy am I?”

“Bryce, that isn’t a question I was looking for.”

“Still a question.”

Casey rolled her eyes. “Fine. You’re the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.”

“Knew it,” Bryce smirked, placing a hand on her leg.

“My turn. What’s something you couldn’t live without? And I don’t mean it as in family, or me...” Casey winked.

“If we aren’t talking about family or you, it’s my scalpel. It’s my baby. Or my Hawaiian shirt.”

“The one that’s on my floor?”

“That exact one. It reminds me of home. And my body looks fucking fantastic in it. But you already knew that.” Bryce winked as he made a gesture towards his abs.

“Idiot. Your turn.”

“Tell me your guilty pleasure. Something you do on the down low.”

“..No. You’ll make fun of me.”

“I’m offended you think so low of me, Valentine.” Bryce mockingly put his hand on his heart, acting offended. “I would never.”

“Fine.. my guilty pleasure is listening to nineties boy bands. N-Sync is a top contender.” Casey covered her face, laughing in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry, I like them too!” Bryce said, in a matter-of-fact tone.

“Really?” Casey’s eyebrows shot up, surprised at this revelation. She couldn’t believe her ears.

“Yeah. You could say we’re n-sync. Haha! Get it? Like in sync?” Bryce said, laughing at his own joke.

“Get out of my house.” Casey rolled her eyes, pushing his shoulder playfully.

A small smile crept onto Bryce’s lips as he watched Casey throw her head back, putting her hand on his thigh. The sound of her laugh was mesmerising to him and he couldn’t take her eyes off her. She’s so beautiful, he thought to himself. At that moment, he knew where he was meant to be. And that’s wherever Casey was. And the surgery room.

[milesmentis]

8 & 9. Preferred class overall? Do you tend to play male or female characters most? | 40. A moment/action you regret in-game? | 44. One Canonical romance you just can’t stand/doesn’t make sense/etc? | 48. Worst antagonist in the series?

Preferred Class over all: Definitely sword and shield warrior. It's the easiest Class mechanically so it's always my first playthrough in any new game. I also love being able to barrel into combat and I don't like managing health potions. Also, the combat animation for "Assault" in DAO is empirically the sexiest thing in the whole series and I am including Dorians booty-shot

Do you tend to play Male or Female characters more: Surprisingly, in Dragon Age I have a pretty even split ... maybe because the pre-established Origins give me a starting point, so it's easier for me to make a wider variety of characters. (Bioware games are also the only ones where I tend to think of the characters being separate from me, the player)

A moment or action you regret in game: Leaving Alistair in the Fade. This is the only in game choice that has ever made me cry, not during, but after the fact. I planned on it, make a specific worldstate for it, did it with a certain amount of glee in the moment. But three days later, I was sitting on the couch crying because I knew he was gone. I'm glad I did it, I would never change it, but it hurt Daren (and me personally) in a way I legitimately did not expect

One Canonical romance you just can't stand/doesn't make sense: Cole/Maryden. I get that's its ... cute, but I dunno. It comes out of nowhere, and I don't really like the implications behind becoming "more human" making him romantically inclined. I also just prefer Krem/Maryden, and would have rather had Cole's personal scene been helping set them up or just something that just focused on his own growth, not pairing him up with someone.

Worst Antagonist in the Series: It's boring but it's true - Coryphyus. I am a ho for religion, so all the religious and philosophical content in Inquisition is my catnip, but the fact that his final fight is so disappointing really kills his potential as a villain. Did love snapping into the Fade, tho. That was satisfying, even if he didn't get a proper villain monologue or boss fight beforehand.

[tempportal]

repost with the rules, answer the 11 random questions left for you, and leave 11 more for the people you tag

Were you an Egyptology kid or a Greek mythology kid? (AKA, what was your Weirdly Specific Phase as a kid?) Bold of you to assume I only ever had one (1) Weirdly Specific Phase as a kid!! I had many more than that - Egyptology and Greek mythology are both definitely somewhere on the list, but Norse mythology, Celtic mythology, medieval Europe, ancient Greece, and the Aztec Empire were also my shit. i had so many weird, obscure interests from kindergarten to seventh grade and i personally think that was very sexy of me ✨

Describe your favorite accessory! a perfect replica of the one ring from LotR!! I wear it everywhere 

If you could have one mythical creature as a pet, what would it be and why? The very existence of this question implies that the answer isn’t always inevitably “a dragon” and honestly how fucking dare you

Tell me about one of your favorite threads! all of them 🥺 this blog will be one (1) year old in April and i STILL cannot believe actual human beings deadass want to write with my talentless ass

Do you believe in ghosts? (Bonus if you can talk about any ghostly encounters!) okay, first off, my house is straight-up haunted, so jot that down!! but when I was a little kid, I stayed out in the country with my dad sometimes - like in the deep DEEP country, where it was all farmland and forests as far as the eye can see, with the occasional church thrown in for Spice - and the farm my dad always used to take me out to had this big old barn where a very old man lived, and he told me that he was the farmhand for the last family who lived in the farmhouse. he was a lonely old man, quiet, bad leg, mostly just kept to himself, but every now and then I’d stay out too long in the woods and it would get dark and the old man would come out to find me and bring me back home. i can literally still describe his face, his voice, his clothes, in absolutely perfect detail. fast-forward MANY years, i’m seventeen or eighteen at that point, don’t see my dad at all anymore (because he’s an asshole, but whose dad isnt) and i casually mention the old man in the barn to my sister, and she deadass asked me, “what old man in the barn???” i describe the man for my sister. she does not remember him at all. now that i think back about it, i realize my sisters and my dad never mentioned the old man even once. i never mentioned the old man because i thought we were all just politely ignoring the fact that he continued to live on property that wasn’t his, and little six year old me ain’t no snitch. nope. old man in the barn was a ghost or some shit. i have never been back there since i was a kid and i am DESPERATELY curious to know if the old man is still there.       

What would your muse’s TUA fight song be? What would your TUA fight song be? i would very much like to see Five murder people to Holding Out For A Hero!! and Take On Me. and Manic Monday. and Have You Ever Seen The Rain. but for a more modern flavor, GJan’s Now You and Fleurie’s Soldier would be VERY sexy choices for a Five murder scene. and for me, i think Ruelle’s Game of Survival would be a fun and badass song to fight people to!! 

Who’s the first artist/band you want to see in concert whenever it’s safe? No concerts for me, thanks! Too much noise 😬

What’s one quote that lives in your head rent free? “we (forgive us) lived happily during the war” from the Ilya Kaminsky poem and “when all is said and done, you’ll believe god is a woman” from the Ariana Grande song

What’s your favorite meal to cook? casseroles and stir-frys!! it’s all about cutting and sautéing vegetables which is the sexiest kitchen task

If you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life, what would it be? I literally wear jeans and a T-shirt (or a sweater in the autumn/winter months) every single day of my life so jeans and a T-shirt and/or sweater lmao

What would be the title of your autobiography? The Scary Mysterious Creature In The Bog Who Writes One (1) Reply Every 2 Months 😂

MY QUESTIONS: 

What’s the closest thing to real magic you’ve ever seen? 

What’s the wildest thing you’ve ever gotten away with?

What’s a quote that describes your muse really well?

How do you cheer yourself up after a hard day?

Tell me a skill you had to work really hard to get good at! How long did it take to master it?   

Is there a piece of media (book, film, television show, etc.) that will always stick with you/that you just can’t forget? Why?

What’s your favorite outdoor activity?

If you could spend the day with your muse, what would you do?

What’s your favorite family and/or holiday tradition?

What’s your desktop and phone background?

Pick a city that fits your muse’s Aesthetique ~

tagged by: @theseancekid 

tagging: @rumorsabound @immortalled @nvmbcrtwo @shestrong @conjuredead @mstinteresting @nirgama​ @tragicend​ and anyone else who wants to do it!!  

[maxfusex]

Sex With My Sleeping Sister

Sex With My Sleeping Sister Hi this is Vish once again and y parents got divorced 15 years ago. I and my sister I got separated mom and her moved to Monaco. The divorce was heavy on the family my parents really hated each other as a result and I rarely see my sister. The years passed on and I grew fast and lost my virginity at young age and I’m 6′ 2 with a beautiful body that I keep tone by swimming.

I’m definitely not as tall as some of my European friends, but I do have the sexiest and most toned shoulders, chest and ass in terms of length, my cock is average; about 6.5 inches. It is incredibly fat though. I have torn many a tight cunt there was a time when I did a lot of drugs mostly LSD slept with many women and was quite aimless. Dad made sure I could live a dream.

The cars, bikes, homes it was his way of playing mind games with mom in a way and I filled that void of a mom with the lifestyle recently, they decided to be constructive and its awesome all you divorced people with kids, BE constructive and allow us sis and me to spend more time with each other with the hope that we would look out for each other in the future.

I will now describe my older sister 22. She has an athletic body with the sexiest Indian skin ever and the most beautiful eyes with long eyelashes. Her body is very petite and shaped curved poised something like Adriana Lima but with a little more flesh. This new living arrangement started after 5 years of absolutely no connection between us. I went to meet her at the airport it was incredibly awkward the instant.

We met because we both realized we were looking at good looking strangers. The moment passed in an instant and we went to the aww bro aww sis. I missed you simultaneously hugs and We went home and she got settled in; slept for aaages; spent almost a month lying in bed flitting between the bed pool and the salon. I had bigger fish to fry. My girlfriend and I had been fighting forever it was too demanding and I really needed my space.

So we took a break and it was excellent and I finally understood how unproductive our union was. A few of the best memories we had as kids were sitting by the televion, munching on microwave popcorn and nutella with rice crispiest one helluva combo. We carried on that tradition and always wound up glued to my giant plasma telly. It became a habit and she almost always dozed off on my bed. In the early mornings and she would sleep walk to her bed.

We often spoke about our personal lives and got really fond of our conversation as normal people do, I got horny at times. I often spend time glued to the screen watching xxx movies big everything during the movies, Id stroke my cock for what seemed like eternity and my balls drenched in pre cum. Now, I’m going to tell you her real name because I know she’d love to see this online.

Sonali would often fall asleep snuggled up curled into my side with the movie still playing. The first time our incestuous relationship began and we were watching an erotic movie called 9 songs. I was wearing these incredibly thin light blue boxers as the movie progressed and I became very aroused. It was evident from the rock hard erection and the tiny puddles of pre cum in the folds of my sac. She dozed off with an arm resting on my chest.

It’s very rare in guys, but I have an incredible visual capacity. I close my eyes and fantasize often when I do this and I can send surges of blood into my cock. It feels great and milks clear sticky liquid from the tip there and I am eyes closed palms flat on the bed fantasizing about a scene in the movie pulses of pleasure juicing my tower of meat suddenly and I feel a hand grab my cock and squeeze it at the same time.

I hear her moan and mumble something under her breath and looked like she was having a wet dream and that moment felt like gold. I can’t explain how sexual that feeling was. She rubbed it and then stopped without thinking and I took her hand and slipped it into the slit in my shorts. She almost instantly grabbed on jacked my foreskin up and down a few times before her hand came to rest on the pre cum mess floating on my balls.

The wet feeling must have brought her to reality. She hesitated a while before cupping my balls. She rolled them lightly squeezing them all the while every now and then and her sexy nails would do a finger walk down my balls and poke my anus. That drove me crazy after ten minutes, she abruptly stopped it and then turned over while letting out little giggle. It irritated me a bit and I began to masturbate.

She could hear me and was snickering just as I was about to cum and I turned her body towards me and blew a generous load onto her eyes and mouth. I could hear her gasping. She was stunned for a second and then grabbed me and munched on my scrotum. She found every curve on my cock smooched and sucked it with her pouty lips.

We turned the lights on and kissed like lovers. I felt so much passion that all I could think about was drenching her insides with hot cum. She got on all fours and shone her fleshy camel toe on my cock. I just had to taste it and I licked it a few times and then buried my lips in her juicy cunt clamped on my nose and cheeks. I got up and probed my cock at the entrance. You could see that gorgeous fleshy pussy expand to accommodate my crown.

A few probes here and there and she began to cum. I could feel the cascade of stickiness down my balls at that moment, her slimy cunt swallowed my whole cock and she let out this painful moan like when yu swallow something really big and it hurts your throat aw bro! ram me break me rip my cunt! Sis moan and I love you and I keep pumping her just before I’m about to cum and I pull my cock out and spew gobs of sticky Mansap on the entrance of her pussy.

Her hand reaches from below and rubs it in. She’s moaning all the while. She ass cheeks have a glisten of sweat on them and her pussy has entrails of sticky cum dangling she collapsed with her face and arms buried in the bed and ass still sticking in the air. I felt beside dazed, drained and eyes glazed staring at that tight curvy tush eventually, we proceeded to cuddle up and crash out this is just the beginning.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

ANGST KAZUMAJI ANON AND WOOF. FUCK. GOTTA LISTEN TO THOSE SONGS AFTER WORK. EXCITED. Your idea though OW. I haven't seen Y6 yet (I watch playthroughs don't have the console and my computer laughs at me trying to run the games) the streamer thats playing it finally got to Y6 and I am Refusing To Watch It. My heart can't take even starting the VOD.

You’re welcome for the music cc: 

A LOT of people haven’t seen 6 yet, so I did my best to get through that without spoilers ^^; Hope I haven’t ruined anything for you. And I feel that, my laptop and I have constant arguments and I’m not a good gamer anyway ^^; I should try Kiwami 1 someday though... I have it, I'm just Nervous about Being Bad ^^; 

Nice, following one streamer, well done c: I just hopped around to different playthroughs on youtube ^^; My wife and I binged all 7 games in I think 2 months, max. ^^; She crazy tho and a bad influence on me xp She likes to just sit and binge things and I am, understandably, weak for my wife <3 

6 isn’t so bad, I promise. You can do it c: It’s very pretty, you get to stare at Kiryu’s juicy ass the entire game, there’s lots of cute minigames of Kiryu with a baby, uh... *running out of nice things to say about 6* ...did I mention it’s very pretty? Fuck... Listen, I have... Feelings about game 6, but I don’t want to ruin it for anyone ^^; Everyone’s allowed to experience things in their own time and form their own opinions and I don’t want to deprive anyone of that. Please watch it and when you see it, feel free to come tell me about it c: 

And as a reward for all that, another angsty idea: 

The Nishikiyama Opera! 

So I composed the entire thing on a car ride with my wife last week and it’s WILD. Y’all ever see opera? If you’ve never seen an opera you SHOULD, they’re fucking Great. Operas are all about being The Most, comedy or tragedy, they’re all horny as shit and everyone is extra as fuck. If you living for the drama, you HAVE to get your ass to an opera. I’m lucky enough to live somewhere with a relatively robust opera community. And anyway, my point is, The Nishikiyama story? RIPE for an opera adaptation! 

First, you gotta know some of the opera tropes. There are two categories of opera, comedies which are kinda rare and tragedies which is... constantly. And operas are pretty good at telling you almost immediately which one they will be. There’s also a lot of meta about the voice parts themselves: 

Soprano - heroine, ingenue, beautiful. Will win if this is a comedy, will die if this is a tragedy. 

Alto - mothers & witches. Not the heroine. Will probably die regardless of comedy or tragedy. Unless she’s the villain, then she lives in a tragedy. 

Tenor - hero. Given the sexiest parts to sing. Sometimes unbearable. Everything is about Him. 

Baritone/Bass - fathers & villains. Gorgeous voice, never utilized properly. 

Knowing the vocal parts and what they classically represent is key to knowing who will win and who will die in the opera. For example, in Carmen, Carmen is actually an alto, not a soprano, and Don Jose is a tenor. This immediately tells you that shit’s fucked. Tenors are supposed to fall in love with sopranos, never altos. So this story can only end in tragedy because he’s interested in the wrong kind of voice part. There’s even a counterpoint of a soprano who is madly in love with him, and the baritone toreador for Carmen. They’re given their proper voice partners, but Don Jose still pursues Carmen which is a ginormous mistake by operatic tropes. 

So, opera education over, picture this: 

ACT I  Kiryu (soprano) is the loveliest yakuza in all the land! He’s just delightful. The Chorus sings his praises and he demonstrates his impeccable fighting ability. (Forgot to mention, any opera worth its salt has a Chorus and I will die on this hill.) The Audience is assured of his might and grace. 

Kiryu, obviously, does not want for admirers, but has not chosen to court anyone formally. 

Here enters Kiryu’s brother, Nishiki (bass). The Chorus explains that Nishiki is second to his brother in strength, but is formidable in his own right. Nishiki explains to the audience how he longs for Kiryu, how he covets him, his strength, his beauty. How after a lifetime together, affection has turned to love. Nishiki must have him. 

Kiryu hears none of this. Nishiki approaches to make his case when Majima (tenor) sweeps onto the scene. Majima is brazen and glib. The Chorus tells us to beware his charming smile, he is as dangerous as he is flirtatious. Majima has heard of Kiryu’s reputation and calls him into the street to defend his title. Kiryu responds and they do battle. 

In the midst of the battle, Majima finds himself won over by Kiryu’s skill and grace, his kindness and strength. Majima is bursting with love and there and then makes a proposal to Kiryu, offering his whole heart. 

Kiryu is stunned. Majima is not a weak fighter, he is not a braggadocio, despite appearances. He was a real challenge and Kiryu was not expecting the fight to take this turn. He is so surprised he cannot make an answer and politely, but quickly, leaves. 

Nishiki has been watching the entire time and finds his heart gripped by jealousy. He plots to claim Kiryu for himself and hates Majima bitterly, despite the fact that Kiryu has given no answer. Nishiki believes he knows his brother too well not to know that Kiryu returns his affections even if he won’t say. Nishiki leaves, concocting a plan. 

We find Kiryu at his balcony, lamenting his situation. Majima may have been exciting, but Kiryu’s no fool. He has no proof that Majima’s feelings will not waver in time. Majima steals into the garden beneath Kiryu’s balcony and professes his love once more. 

Kiryu is startled and makes to flee, but Majima sings so sweetly, entreats so gently, that Kiryu is compelled to stay. Majima doesn’t even ask again, just sings of his feelings. Kiryu, in his heart, is wooed by this. He may have been ready to answer when Nishiki interrupts. Majima quickly hides in the foliage. 

Nishiki counters with his own confession, his own proposal. Kiryu is shocked and saddened. He begins to sadly tell his brother that he cannot accept. Nishiki flies into a rage, demanding if there is someone else, someone else Kiryu prefers. Kiryu hesitates, but answers honestly that he has always seen Nishiki as a brother, regardless of any other feelings. He cannot accept Nishiki on the grounds of their previous relationship. 

Nishiki was expecting this. He reveals a vial of poison and threatens to drink it unless Kiryu will marry him. Majima gasps. Kiryu pleads with Nishiki not to be rash, but Nishiki only demands his answer, the vial nearly at his lips. 

Kiryu swallows back tears and collapses to his knees. Sorrowfully, he agrees, unable to bear the responsibility of his brother’s death, and the act finishes to the sound of clamoring wedding bells. 

ACT II The lights come up on Kiryu and Nishiki in their home. Nishiki is pacing the floor and making increasingly outlandish suggestions for things to do. Kiryu says yes to all of them, gently and politely. Nishiki’s frustration and annoyance increases with every yes. Eventually he snaps at Kiryu, demanding why he won’t fight him, demanding why he will give no more reaction than a placid yes. Kiryu shrugs helplessly and tries to soothe his brother, but Nishiki won’t be soothed. 

They have been married less than a year and it has been like this the entire time, getting worse by the day. Nishiki can see the pain he’s causing his brother, but can’t stop himself. He loves him too greedily to stop. He departs, hoping to take his mind off things. 

Kiryu is left alone in the house and sings a longer, sadder version of his lament from the balcony. Distantly, we hear strains of Majima’s love song, now broken and echoing. 

The scene changes and we see Kiryu sat down in a busy cafe. At first we assume he’s alone, but people move and we can see he is sitting across from Majima. They do not touch. Their careful, polite space around each other is conspicuous. 

Kiryu is tired, he looks wan, almost sick. Majima sings heartbrokenly, telling Kiryu he needs to take care of himself. He is desperate to take Kiryu away from all this, and asks several times, but Kiryu always sighs and shakes his head no. Majima knows Kiryu will not break his word once given, he is too good and honorable for that. But he cannot help singing for him all the same. He cannot touch, he will not permit himself to touch, but he can sing. 

Kiryu eventually cannot take the heartache anymore and departs sorrowfully. Majima looks after him, just as sad. Nishiki is revealed to have been spying on them the entire time. He confronts Majima, furious and accusatory. He insists that he and Kiryu have been having an affair. Majima simply looks at him and shrugs. Nishiki screams for Majima to admit it, to admit that Kiryu loves him, has always loved him, this whole time. Majima only says that Nishiki knows Kiryu best. He will not confirm or deny anything Nishiki says. Shaken and stymied, Nishiki flees. 

We return to Kiryu’s balcony, where he sits, silent and pale. Nishiki storms in and begins to berate Kiryu with his accusations. He is half-mad now, not seeming to hear Kiryu’s denials. Kiryu professes over and over that only Nishiki is his husband, that he loves only Nishiki. Nishiki cannot accept this as true. Nishiki screams that Kiryu ought to ask him for a divorce. Kiryu cannot claim to want a divorce. He gave his word. Nishiki reveals that he had been watching them in the cafe, that he knows all, the secret contents of Kiryu’s heart. Kiryu manages some resistance at last and asks Nishiki for proof. What proof of his indiscretions? What proof of adultery? What has Kiryu done that has angered his husband-brother so? 

Nishiki has none. Kiryu has not done anything wrong, not in word, not in act. Whatever thoughts he might accuse Kiryu of having are ephemeral and will never be real. Still... Nishiki saw how they looked together and his heart was sore. He knows he has stolen Kiryu from what was rightfully his. Moved to regret, Nishiki withdraws the vial of poison again. 

Kiryu gasps and tries to prevent his brother. 

Nishiki swallows the poison quickly, insisting this will set things right, this will free his brother. He says he did it for love. He falls. 

Kiryu collapses next to him, sobbing. 

The final scene is Nishiki’s funeral. Kiryu kneels next to his brother’s grave, all in black. He sings of his regrets, of his sorrow. Majima stands close by, but still not touching. He does not look at the grave, only at Kiryu. His broken love song is the last thing we hear. 

The End. 

...this opera was a tragedy ^^; 

[letterboxd]

The Package.

As the bonkers genre thrill-ride Shadow in the Cloud blasts into the new year, writer and director Roseanne Liang unpacks her love of Terminator 2, watching Chloë Grace Moretz’s face for hours, and the life lesson she learned from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Cheng Pei-Pei.

Roseanne Liang’s TIFF Midnight Madness winner Shadow in the Cloud landed with a blast of fresh genre energy on VOD platforms on New Year’s Day. It’s A-class action in a B-grade body, cramming plenty into its taut 83 minutes, including: a top-secret package, a freakish gremlin, a hostile bunch of Air Force dudes, outrageous stunts, dogfights and a fake wartime PSA that feels remarkably real.

Throughout, the camera is focused mostly on one face—Chloë Grace Moretz’s, playing British flight officer Maude Garrett—as she tackles all of the above from a claustrophobic ball turret hanging under a B-17 Flying Fortress, on a classified mission over the Pacific Ocean during World War II.

While the film’s tonal swings are confusing to some, schlock enthusiasts and genre lovers on Letterboxd have embraced the film’s intentionally outlandish sensibility, which “makes excellent use of its genre mash to create an unpredictable, guilty pleasure,” says Mirza. Fajar writes that “it felt like the people involved in this project knew how ridiculous it is and gave a hundred and ten percent to make it work. Someday, it will become a cult classic.” Mawbey agrees: “It really goes off the rails in all the best ways during the final third, and the last couple of shots are just perfect.”

Chloë Grace Moretz and her top-secret package in ‘Shadow in the Cloud’.

To most of the world, Liang is a so-called “emerging” director, when in fact, the mother-of-two, born in New Zealand to Chinese parents, has been at this game for the past two decades. She has helmed a documentary and a romantic drama, both based on her own marriage; a 2008 short called Take 3, which preceded Hollywood’s current conversation about representation and harassment; and Do No Harm, the splatter-tastic 2017 short in which her technical chops and fluid feel for action were on full display, and, as recorded in multiple Letterboxd reviews, established her as one to watch.

Do No Harm scored Liang valuable Hollywood representation, whereupon producer Brian Kavanaugh-Jones brought Shadow in the Cloud to her, thinking she might connect with the material. “It did connect with me on a level that is very personal,” Liang tells me. “As a woman of color, as a mother who juggles a lot.” She says Kavanaugh-Jones then went through the process of removing original writer Max Landis from the project. “He felt that Max was not a good fit for this project, or for how we like to run things. We like to be respectful and courteous and kind to each other…”

In several interviews, Liang has said she’s comfortable with film lovers choosing not to watch Shadow in the Cloud based on Landis’s early involvement. What she’s not comfortable with is her own contribution—and that of her cast and crew—being erased. While WGA rules have his name attached firmly to the project, the credit belies the reality: his thin script, reportedly stretched out to 70 pages by using a larger-than-usual font, was expanded and deepened by Liang and her collaborators.

Writer-director Roseanne Liang. / Photo by Dean O’Gorman

That team includes editor Tom Eagles, Oscar nominated for Jojo Rabbit, actor Nick Robinson (the titular Simon in Love, Simon) and Beulah Koale, a star of the Hawaii Five-Oh series. The opening newsreel was created by award-winning New Zealand animation studio Mukpuddy, after a small test audience got weirded out by the sight of a gremlin in a war film, despite well-documented WWI and WWII gremlin mythology. It’s an unnecessary but happy addition. The cartoon style was inspired by Private Snafu, a series of WWII educational cartoons scripted by none other than Dr. Seuss and directed by Looney Tunes legend Chuck Jones.

But the film ultimately hangs on Chloë Grace Moretz, who overcame cabin fever to drive home an adrenaline rush of screen craft, in which the very limits of what’s humanly possible in mid-air are tested (in ways, it must be said, that wouldn’t be questioned if it were Tom Cruise in the role). Liang would often send directions to Moretz’s ball turret via text, while her cast members delivered live dialogue from an off-set shipping container rigged with microphones. “I just never got sick of Chloë’s face and I’ve watched her hundreds, if not thousands of times. You feel her, you are her, she just engages you in a way that a huge fighting scene might not, if it’s not designed well. Giant empty spectacle is less interesting than one person in one spot, sometimes.”

Ambitious and nerdy about film in equal measure, it’s clear there’s much more to come from Liang, and I’m interested in what her most valuable lesson has been so far. Turns out, it’s a great story involving Chinese veteran Cheng Pei-Pei (Come Drink With Me’s Golden Swallow, and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Jade Fox), whose film training includes a tradition of remaining on set throughout filming.

Roseanne Liang on the set of ‘Shadow in the Cloud’.

That meant that, during filming of Liang’s My Wedding and Other Secrets, Cheng would stay on set when she wasn’t required. “In New Zealand, trailers are a luxury,” Liang explains. “I said ‘Don’t you want to go to the trailer that we arranged for you?’ ‘No, I just want to sit and watch.’ ‘Why do you want to watch it, you’ve seen it hundreds of times!’ And she said ‘I learn something new every time’. To Pei-Pei, the secret of life is constant education and curiosity and learning. Movies are her work and her craft and her life, and she never gets bored. If I can be like her, that’s the life, right?”

Speaking of which, it’s time we put Liang through our Life in Film interrogation.

What’s the film that made you want to become a filmmaker? Terminator 2: Judgment Day is the movie that is at the top of the mountain that I’m climbing. To me it’s the perfect blend of spectacle, action design, smarts and heart. It poses the theory that if a robot can learn the value of humanity then maybe there’s hope for the ships that are us. That’s perennial, and possibly even more pertinent today. It holds a very special place in my heart, along with Aliens, Mad Max: Fury Road, Die Hard, La Femme Nikita and Léon: The Professional.

What’s your earliest memory of watching a film? I have a cassette tape that my dad made for my grandma in 1981 (he’d send tapes back to his mother in Hong Kong). I was three years old and he had just taken us to see The Empire Strikes Back in the cinema. And he can’t talk to my grandma because I’m just going on and on about R2-D2. I will not shut up about R2-D2 and he’s like, “Yes, yes I’m trying to talk to your grandmother,” and I’m like, “But Dad! Dad! R2-D2!” So it’s actually an archive, but it’s become my memory.

What’s the most romantic film you’ve ever seen? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It’s not the sexiest, but it’s the most romantic. That last scene, those last words where she goes “But you’re gonna be like this forever and I’m gonna be like this forever…” and he just goes “okay”. That to me is one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen. It is a perfect movie.

And the scariest? If it’s a horror movie, the most scared I’ve been is The Ring. I was watching it on a VHS and I was lying on a beanbag on the floor and I was paralyzed with fear. I couldn’t move, because I felt that if I moved she’d see me! Also, American Psycho just came to me this year. I caught the twentieth anniversary of that movie, which is a terrifying film, and again, possibly more relevant now than when it was made. The scariest film that’s not a horror is Joker. It scared me how much I liked it. When I came out of the movie, I was like, “I’m scared because I kind of love it, but it’s horrible. It’s so irresponsible. I don’t wanna like this movie but goddamn, I feel it.” Like, I wanted to go on the streets and rage. In a way we’re all the Joker, we’re all the Batman. That duality, that yin and yang, is inside everyone of us. It’s universal.

What is the film that slays you every time, leaving you in a heap of tears? This is a classic one, the opening sequence of Up. The first ten minutes of Up just destroy me every time. I also saw Soul a couple of days ago and I was with the whole family and I, just, if I wasn’t with the whole family I would have been ugly-sobbing. I had a real ache in my throat after the movie because I was trying to stop [myself] from sobbing.

Tell me your favorite coming-of-age film, the film that first gave you ‘teenage feelings’? Pump Up the Volume. Christian Slater! Off the back of Pump Up the Volume, I fancied myself as a prophet and wrote a theater piece called Lemmings. Obviously the main character was a person who could see through the façade, and everyone else was following norms. “No one understands me, I’m a prophet!” So clearly I have this shitty, Joker-style megalomaniac inside of me. It was the worst play, and I don’t know why my teachers agreed for us to do a staging of it!

Christian Slater and Samantha Mathis in ‘Pump Up the Volume’ (1990).

Is there a film that you and your family love to rewatch? We’ve tried to impose our taste on our children, but they’re too young. We showed them The Princess Bride—they didn’t get it. We literally showed our babies Star Wars in their cribs. That’s how obsessive Star Wars fans we were.

Name a director and/or writer that you deeply admire for their use of the artform. I have a slightly weird answer for this. Can I just give love to Every Frame a Painting by Tony Zhou and Taylor Ramos? They are my film school. I was thinking of my love of Edgar Wright, but then I thought of their video essay on Edgar Wright and how to film comedy, and his essay on Jackie Chan and the rhythm of action and then their essay on the Coen Brothers and Shot Reverse Shot. I must have watched that 30 times ahead of the TV show that I’m making now. I started out in editorial and Tony Zhou is an editor and he talks about when to make the cut: it’s an instinct, it’s a feeling, it’s a rhythm. I realized the one thing in common that I could mention about all the films I’ve loved is Every Frame a Painting. It’s their love of movies that comes bubbling out of every single essay that they made that I just wanna shout out at this part of my career.

Were there any crucial films that you turned to in your development for Shadow in the Cloud? Indiana Jones was something that Chloë brought up—she likes the spiffiness and the humor of Indiana Jones. Sarah Connor was our touchstone for the female character. For one-person-in-one-space type stories, I watched Locke quite a lot, to figure out how they shaped tension and story and [kept] us on the edge of our seats when it’s only one person in one space. In terms of superheroes, I came back to Aliens. Not Alien. Aliens. You know, there are two types of people in this world—people who prefer Alien over Aliens, and people who prefer Aliens over Alien. But actually I think I vacillate for different reasons.

Can there be a third type of person, who thinks they’re both great, but Alien³, just, no? Maybe that’s the best group to be in. We don’t need to fight about this, we can love both of them! I was having an argument with James Wan’s company about this, because there’s a rift inside the company of people who prefer Alien over Aliens.

Okay, program a triple feature with your film as one of the three. I don’t know. Ask Ant Timpson!

I’ll ask Ant Timpson. [We did, and he replied: “Well, one has to be the Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner: Nightmare at 20,000 Feet. And then either Life (2017) or Altitude (2010).”]

Thank you Ant! I used to go to his all-nighters as a university student. He is the king of programming things.

Jake Gyllenhaal in ‘Life’ (2017).

It’s strange that we never met at one of his events! Ant would make me dress up in strange outfits and do weird skits between films. (For those who don’t know, Timpson ran the Incredibly Strange Film Festival for many years—now part of the New Zealand International Film Festival—and still runs an annual 24-Hour Movie Marathon.) So what’s a film from those events that sticks in your head as the perfect genre experience with a crowd? It was a movie about a man protecting a woman who was the girlfriend of a mafia boss: A Bittersweet Life. Not only does it have one of the sexiest Korean actors, sorry, not to objectify, but also I actually screenshot a lot of that film for pitch documents. And, do you remember a crazy Japanese movie where someone’s sitting on the floor with a clear umbrella and a woman is lactating milk? Visitor Q by Takashi Miike. I remember just how fucking crazy that was.

Finally, what was the best film you saw in 2020? I haven’t seen Nomadland yet, so keep in mind that I haven’t seen all the films this year. I have three: The Invisible Man, which I thought was just amazing. I thought [writer-director] Leigh Whannell did such a great job. The Half of It by Alice Wu, a quiet movie that I simply just adored. And then the last movie I saw at the cinema was Promising Young Woman. The hype is real.

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‘Shadow in the Cloud’ is available in select theaters and on video on demand now.

[vei-saretti]

Part one of my "Let's roast Attack of the Clones".

I still don't understand how we got The Clone Wars, arguably one of the best Star Wars television media, out of this steaming pile of bad dialogue and awkward romance. I just... How.

This movie starts out with a bang, doesn't it? :D (Sorry, Cordé)

Speaking of Clone Wars, I love how now because of that show, I actually have genuine feelings for the once nameless Jedi that show up in the background, like Plo Koon and Luminara.

Haydennnn! I'm a firm believer that, like little Jake Lloyd, Hayden Christensen also did nothing wrong, he was just a bit less experienced than the other actors and was given shitty dialogue on top of that. The kid did his best. And I love him for it. But also why does he sometimes sound like a Brit trying to pass off a shitty American accent lol. Dude's American already. I read somewhere that the reason he speaks the way he does might be because he was trying to replicate the speech patterns Vader has in the OT, and just the general way he talks, which, if true, is I guess commendable, but he sounds like an idiot half the time.

Hayden and Ewan had great chemistry considering the awful script. I hate when people say they didn't. It's the dialogue that's awkward and clunky, not the actors' chemistry.

UGH ANAKIN STOP TRYING TO SOUND SMOOTH YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT. And he acts like an emo from 2005 in this movie and it's so fuckin' cringyyyy.

I can't wait for them to bring Temuera back. I miss his voice. He's such a badass as Jango.

Anakin, sounding like a teenage girl: sHe'S nOt LiKe ThE oThEr GiRlZ, mAsTeR.

These worm things are probably why centipedes make me wanna die when they get in my house.

"The Chancellor isn't corrupt." LMAO ANAKIN YOU DUMB HIMBO.

Obi-Wan: Be mindful of your thoughts, Anakin. Don't rush into things, Anakin.

Also Obi-Wan: Dives headfirst out a window after a fucking droid.

What even is the whole droid/speeder chase though? It's like George just decided that anything goes and the audience will just take his shit (spoiler alert: We did).

How much do you wanna bet Jango was following this whole chase just like "Smfh, do I have to do everything myself?"

Obi-Wan saying he hates it when Anakin jumps off high things when Obi-Wan didn't just do that himself 5 minutes ago would be me as a parent.

Idk why, but "She went into the club, Master!" is a way more funny line to me than it should be.

Yeah, Death Sticks dude is hilarious, but can we talk about the pink Twi'lek that looks like she fell in love when Anakin waves at her table lmao. Like honestly same, girl, same.

Ooh Anthony Daniels cameo.

And here we see Padmé turning over her power to the most powerful Sith in the-- Oh, whoops, I mean Jar Jar Binks. Silly me.

How does Padmé see Anakin bitch out like a child and still wanna fuck him? I don't get it. Like he's cute and all but his personality is uglyyyy. To be fair though, Obi-Wan seems like he can be a dick sometimes. Very helicopter parent seeming.

EW STOP WITH THAT CREEPY EXPRESSION YOU LOOK LIKE A SERIAL KILLER. And didn't Anakin learn anything from Obi-Wan's constant flirting with anything with legs? Why is he so bad at pick up lines?

Padmé talking down Anakin as a Jedi in front of the Naboo dignitaries is incredibly awkward and just downright rude, honestly. I hate how that scene feels and I really wish they had taken it out or just not had it in the first place. What purpose did it serve? We're trying to root for their romance, not pit them against each other, damn...

I love the look of the Kaminoans. Creepy as hell but fun to look at. Their history is very interesting as well.

THE LAKE DRESS MY GOD THE LAKE DRESS. I love it so much, but also is she trying to tempt poor Anakin? It practically goes down to her ass in the back...

"We keep him here", like Jango is a pet dog or something lol.

I just love how the Jedi Order essentially ordered Anakin to go on a romantic getaway with a very attractive young female senator like that wasn't the worst fucking decision in the history of ever. "Oh yes, this horny 20 year old Padawan with an authority problem would never do anything behind our backs."

Oh look, it's my Mandalorian husband (sorry, actual husband :* love you). But really though, I'm so sad that this and the video game Bounty Hunter are the most Temuera ever got to play Jango, other than the occasional one line part. Jango is who made me fall in love with Mandalorian culture and we were robbed, man. Can't believe it took 18 years to bring Tem back to Star Wars. Disgraceful. The guy is amazing. And the way he speaks Mando'a? Ugh, perfection.

Why is Padmé insisting on wearing the sexiest outfits she owns? Like what is this slinky black corset number? It's like she's trying to torment him.

Also Hayden delivers these awful fucking lines better than most would in his situation... Even Natalie is struggling. But Hayden's speech at the beginning of the fireside scene is just sooooo cringy, no one could save that. Not even Leonardo DiCaprio could make that sound romantic.

This Obi-Wan vs. Jango fight is AMAZING. I'm pretty sure this is the first time we ever saw a Mandalorian really fight. Now we have a whole TV show. Oh, how the times change.

The seismic charges are hands down the most satisfying sounding weapon in all of Star Wars. I have it as my text ringtone. Scares the shit out of me whenever I get a text. 10/10.

[bogfanfic]

Bog fiction request : "America's Got talent" type of competition where different celebrities compete and the losers are sucked into the bog for a battle for their lives.

Bog Games

Harry Styles and William Shatner were setting up their mics on opposite sides of the peat stage. Harry Styles was wearing loafers, which kept getting stuck in the peat. William Shatner saw this and chuckled. He came prepared in his thigh high waders. You and Jimmy Kimmel sat behind the judges booth, ready to judge. 

“Who do you think will win Y/n?” asked Jimmy. 

“I’m not sure,” you said. “I know they’re both very talented.”

Harry Styles was going to perform first. His music began playing, a song you didn't recognize. Could it be that he was singing an unreleased song? He began singing and his voice was beautiful. Harry Styles has always been quite the performer. 

After his song, William Shatner cleared his throat and sat down on the stool behind the mic. Much to your surprise, the same song began playing, and William Shatner sang a spoken word version of Harry’s song. You couldn’t believe it. At first, you thought it wouldn’t be as good as the original, but it was even better. William Shatner spoke with such emotion that it brought tears to your eyes. You looked over at Jimmy Kimmel and noticed that he was tearing up as well. When the song was over, you and Jimmy clapped. You could hear the croaking of the frog audience behind you as well. Just based on audience reaction, the winner was clear, but you also felt it in your heart. 

“Jimmy, I think-”

“William Shatner is the winner!” Jimmy Kimmel said. The frogs croaked their approval. 

“What?! This isn’t fair!” Harry Styles shouted. “He stole my song! That’s not even allowed.”

Harry continued to yell as the alligator body guards dragged him off the stage with their teeth. They pulled Harry into the stagnant moldy water. His body sunk into the mud, his face slipping under the moss never to be seen again. 

“William Shatner moves onto the next round!” you announced.

Next round was debate, which you were interested in seeing. Especially because Kim Namjoon, aka RM, was in the debate. He was your crush and you hoped he didn’t lose and become a bog body. In fact, you kind of hoped he won the games overall because of the prize…

Kellyanne Conway stood behind her podium on the peat stage. Her heels were sinking into the peat and there was moss in her hair. She had actually been living in the bog for quite a while, so she was right at home here. RM was also sinking into the peat, not used to this environment. When he moved to get closer to his podium, the mud suctioned his shoes right off, lost to the bog forever. 

Once they were both in their places, you stood up and announced the topic of the debate. 

“Is a hotdog a sandwich?” you said. It was a simple, yet complex question that has been in debate for years. You were looking forward to the two contestants coming to a conclusion. 

“No, a hotdog is not a sandwich because a hot dog bun isn’t two separate pieces of bread,” Kellyanne began. 

“But a sub is considered a sandwich, as are pitas and empanadas. If those are considered sandwiches, then a hotdog more than falls into that category,” said RM.

“But by societal laws, a hotdog is not considered a sandwich,” said Kellyanne.

“What society? American society? The hotdog is fundamentally american, but sandwiches are universal. Many people around the world would look at a hotdog and consider it a sandwich. Many Americans even would maybe consider it a sandwich, so saying that it’s societal law is too loose of a criteria. By the definition of a sandwich, which is food held together by bread, it is a sandwich,” said RM. The frogs croaked in consideration and approval. 

“But it's a hotdog,” said Kellyanne. “It can’t be a sandwich.”

“That is not a valid argument,” Jimmy Kimmel interrupted. Jimmy looked over at you. You were filling out your logic maps, trying to figure out whose argument was the best. So far, RM was winning. 

“Do you have anything else to say?” you asked, looking at Kellyanne. She shook her head. “Then RM is the winner!”

Kellyanne hung her head and walked into the water, her legs sinking in the mud and her body going under. 

Y/N and Jimmy Kimmel set up the boxing ring, their feet sinking into the peat. Jimmy put on his sexiest outfit, ready to announce the rounds. He was wearing thigh-high, high heeled leather waders and a moss green bikini.  You put on your striped referee shirt and your overall waders. 

In one corner, stood Michelle Obama, with her coach, Barack. In the other corner was Lucy Liu with her coach, Uma Thurman. Barack was rubbing Michelle’s shoulders, giving her a pep talk before the big fight. Lucy was warming up with Uma, her boxing-glove clad hands hitting Uma’s padded hands.

“Laaaaaaaadies and gentlemen!” you say into the microphone. “The fight is about to begin!”

Uma and Barack exited the ring, leaving Lucy and Michelle in their corners. They each shed their robes, revealing their skin-tight wrestling outfits. Michelle’s was red, white, and blue American flag patterned. Lucy’s was bog green and camo patterned. 

The women came forward and shook each other’s hands, then went back into their corners. Jimmy Fallon walked across the stage, a Round 1 banner held above his head. He exited the ring, and the bell rang.

“Begin!” yelled Y/N.

The women wasted no time running toward each other, Lucy going high and Michelle low. Michelle wrapped her arms around Lucy and knocked her to the ground. Lucy, not one to stay down long, scrambled out of Michelle’s hold and got back to her feet. Michelle stood and the women started circling each other, daring each other to make the first move. Lucy struck, grabbing her opponent and throwing her into the railing. Michelle used the momentum to throw herself at Lucy, yelling her battle cry. She once again grabbed Lucy and threw her to the ground, pinning her down. Lucy tried to throw Michelle off, but was unable to. Y/N ran into the scene and counted down: “3, 2, 1, Michelle wins!”

The women retreated to their corners. Barack high fived his wife and gave her some water. Uma appeared to be giving Lucy a pep talk. The frog audience shivered in anticipation.

Jimmy walked across the ring once again, Round 2 held above his head. The bell rang, and you yelled, “Begin!”

Lucy wasn’t holding anything back this time. She ran toward Michelle, ducking as Michelle tried to grab her. She bounced off the ring, and flew toward Michelle, knocking the First Lady to the ground, face first. Michelle flipped over, wiping the mud from her eyes. She sat up, just to be knocked down by Lucy again. Michelle flipped them over, so Lucy was laying down in the mud and she was on top. Lucy threw Michelle off her and stood. Michelle did the same.

You held your breath as the fighters circled each other, once again. This time, Michelle made the first move. Lucy stepped to the side as Michelle ran past her. She turned around, anticipating Michelle’s next move. Lucy knelt down and reached into the bog, pulling out a metal folding chair, the bog making a slurping sound as it released it. She let Michelle run past her again, then hit her in the back with the chair. Lucy pinned a dazed Michelle to the ground.

“Round 2 goes to Lucy!” you announced.

The frog audience croaked with pleasure. Things were really heating up now.

“There can only be one winner!” You said into the microphone.

Jimmy presented the Round 3 sign.

“Round three begins, now!” you said as the bell rang again.

Michelle was dazed but certainly not confused. She knew she had to take Lucy down, or become a bog body. Last time, she made the first move, but that hadn’t ended well. She waited for Lucy to make the first move. As Lucy ran toward her, Michelle flipped through the air, landing on Lucy’s shoulders. She used her momentum to pull Lucy backward, both of them landing on the ground. Both scrambled, grabbing at one another, trying to pin each other down. Michelle grabbed Lucy’s arm and managed to pin her down. After you count to three, the bog raised up to swallow Lucy. Michelle backed away, watching as her opponent scrambled, trying to escape the bog. Her head went under the water, and her screams went with it.

Jimmy Fallon climbed into the ring and grabbed Michelle’s hand, raising it up, declaring her the winner. The frogs went wild. Michelle would move on. 

Colin Creevy and Violet Baudelaire took the stage where Harry and Willy Shatz had completed earlier. You took your seat next to Jimmy, who was still dressed in his sexy outfit. This round would be a rap battle. Colin stepped up to the mic. His wavy black hair was thick with pomade. He wore nothing but swimming trunks.

“Jimmy!” he said, pointing at the man. “Give me a beat.”

Jimmy obliged, giving Colin one of the sickest beats you had ever heard.

“Name’s Colin, last name Creevy,

Women have told me I’m a bit skeevy,

I’m the hottest member of the Lake Huron Surf Club

After this, baby, let’s go down to the pub,” he rapped, winking at you.

“Find me in the water on my surfboard,

Hitting the waves, I win all the awards,

Back off Violet, I’ll see you later

At surfing and rapping, there ain’t no one greater.”

Colin took a bow, as the frogs went wild. Violet took a deep breath and walked up onto the stage. Colin’s rap wasn’t very good, but she wondered if she would be able to beat it still. Freestyle rapping was hard, she knew. Violet pulled her ribbon from her pocket and tied up her hair to get it out of her face. Now that she was free from distraction, she could think more clearly, and started noticing all the little things Colin Creevy could be insecure about and thought about how she could rap about them. 

“Colin Creevy, look out, your time here is done,

My rhymes are so fresh that I’ve already won.

You talk a big game, that much is correct,

Now stand back, you’re about to get wrecked.

You hide behind your looks, and your lil’ surfboard,

Knowing your rhymes weren’t enough to win the reward.

My life may be a series of unfortunate events.

But watch out, Creevy, or your life is next.”

The frogs began to scream. They had never heard a better rap than Violets. It was clear who the winner was. Colin fought as the crocodiles carried him away, throwing him to the mercy of the bog.

The next challenge was the dance off between Oprah Winfrey and Seth Rogan. Neither of them were dancers, but it seemed Seth had some surprises up his sleeve. Jimmy Kimmel plugged in his phone and put on his favorite song, Wasabi, by Little Mix. Seth Rogan stepped up onto the peat stage and broke it down. His moves were sexy and sassy, going with the song perfectly. Oprah pushed him out of the way and began her freestyle. She flipped her hair and rolled on the ground sexily. She got up and popped her hips, finishing her solo with one last spin. Seth stepped up and began his sexy routine. He flipped his hair and shook his ass, wowing the crowd. His dance was building until finally, he did it. The triple tiger sashay. The hardest dance move of all time. The frog audience croaked their shock and awe. 

It was obvious, Seth Rogan was the winner and would be moving onto the next round. 

“Alright! Is everyone ready for some Extreme Bog Basketball?” Jimmy Kimmel shouted into the echoing microphone. (EBBB). The frog audience and the final contestants cheered. Seth, Violet Baudelaire, Michelle Obama, Kim Namjoon, and William Shatner stood on the starting platform. 

You stood from your judge’s booth and went to face the cameras. The cameraman handed you a microphone as he went down the line of finalists. 

“Good evening listeners! I know you are all dying to hear about the final round of tonight’s Bog Games! Our finalists, competing in the EBBB game, are ready to fight! First we have Seth Rogan, writer, director and...comedian? Next we have Violet Baudelaire, eldest sibling and inventor. Michelle Obama, former First Lady and future president of the United States. Kim Namjoon, composer, writer, rapper, and leader of boyband, BTS. And last but not least, William Shatner, actor, singer, and original captain of the USS Enterprise,” you announced. “Now, you all know the rules of EBBB. There are two baskets on either side of the 100 yard b-ball court. The court today will take place in the business district and both nets are at the top of the tallest two office buildings. Each basket is worth two points. At the end of the 48 minute timer, without quarterly stops, whoever has the most points, wins. Otherwise, there are no rules. It is every man for himself.”

All the players wore basketball shorts and jerseys. Namjoon’s thighs looked great in his shorts, but you couldn’t let yourself get distracted. You had to pay attention to the game. When the horn sounded, the players rushed off into the business district of the bog. Seth Rogan had the ball and everyone else was hot on his trail. They weaved through the mossy buildings, dodging beavers and herons in business suits. Michelle body slammed Seth Rogan and stole the ball, darting off into a muddy alleyway. 

Violet thought fast and broke off from the chase, running right to the building where she could see the basketball net on the roof. She ran into the lobby and took the stairs all the way up. She had to run through several offices filled with frogs and turtles in cubicles, but she finally found a way to the roof. She half expected security guards to stop her, but then she remembered that bog game intervention was illegal in the bog. Once she got to the roof, she crouched behind an air vent and waited. While she waited for the other players to bring the ball, she pulled out her ribbon and tied her hair up, thinking. She was a lot smaller than the other players, so she won’t stand a chance fighting them for the ball. She would have to outsmart them. A convenient pile of metal and tools sat to her left. She got to work inventing her most prestigious device to date. 

Meanwhile, Michelle still had the ball, and Seth was hot on her heels. RM and Willy Shatz were close behind. Michelle turned to go down an alley, but her foot got stuck in the peat, the basketball flying out of her hands as she hit the ground. Seth saw his opening and picked up the ball. RM, not having seen Michelle fall, tripped over the first lady. Willy Shatz catapulted over them and ran down the alley after Seth. 

Seth found himself in a dead end, Willy approaching fast. He clutched the ball to his chest.

“Give it here Seth,” said William. “There’s nowhere to go.”

Seth Rogan, the inventor of comedy himself, refused to fall prey to a man who made his living doing sci-fi. Seth thought of that as a lesser genre. He was a master of comedy, and thus could make the world around him into a comedy.

Suddenly, a lever appeared to his left. Seth smirked, and pulled it. A trap door appeared beneath Wiliam, and he fell through.

Seth ran past, jumped over RM and Michelle, who had sunk partially into the peat and were still trying to get out, and made his way toward the front doors of the building. He raced through the building, toward the elevator. A fatal mistake.

As the doors opened at the top floor of the building, some sort of flying device with a grabber snatched the basketball from Seth. Above the elevator, Violet cut the safety lines, and the elevator plummeted back to the first floor, Seth still inside.

Violet grabbed the ball, ran out to the roof, and dunked it through the hoop. The first two points were hers.

Below, RM had managed to untangle himself from Michelle. He watched as Violet made the first basket. He waited below, and the ball fell right into his waiting arms.

RM ran toward the other building, hoping that would give him an advantage, as everyone else was in the first building. He took the stairs two at a time, racing to the roof of the building. He burst through the door, and was blocked by Violet’s flying arm machine. The arm went to grab the ball, and RM ducked, running under the machine. He threw the basketball as hard as he could at the machine, breaking one of the propellers. The machine went down. 

RM grabbed the ball as Michelle burst onto the roof. But they had been too slow. RM had made a basket.

Below, Violet was waiting for her machine to bring her the ball. She watched as RM made a basket. As the ball fell to the earth, she ran to meet it, but she was too slow. William Shatner had reappeared, and he got to the ball first. He turned and ran into the building. Violet watched in disbelief. There was no way he was going to get past Michelle and RM. She decided to wait for the ball to come back down.

Michelle was ahead of RM coming down the stairs. She practically ran into William Shatner as he came up the stairs with the ball. Before Michelle could do anything to stop him, he opened a door and ran out of the stairwell. Michelle and RM followed closely behind. 

William desperately looked for a door to another stairwell, but there didn’t appear to be one. He ran into a conference room, where the frogs seemed to be discussing something very important, and locked the door. The conference room, however, had glass walls, so RM and Michelle found him quite quickly.

“Give me the ball!” said RM, pounding on the door.

“No, he’s already scored, give me the ball!” said Michelle.

William stared out the glass. He would need a diversion so he could get out of here. He began to sing his hit song, Bohemian Rhapsody. 

“Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeee!”

As he hit the high note, the glass shattered, spraying Michelle and RM.

“My eyes!” Michelle screamed.

Willy jumped through the window and made his way back to the stairwell, RM close behind. Willy lost RM in the maze of the office and ran up the stairs, breathless from his beautiful solo.

Willy got to the roof, but he wasn’t alone. RM was faster and beat him there, and Violet had come up at some point while Willy had been trapped. They blocked his path to the basket.

In your judge’s box, you watched the scene unfold with baited breath, noticing that there was only five minutes left. This would be the final basket.

Violet had got her machine working again. It flew near Willy.

“Give the ball here,” she said. “You can’t win, there’s not enough time. Help me defeat RM.”

“No,” he said. “If I can’t win Y/N’s heart, no one can.”

William threw the ball over RM and Violet's heads, praying it would land in the basket.

Violet sent her machine toward the ball and RM jumped into the air, both reaching for the ball. RM snatched it out of the air and turned toward the basket. With a flick of his wrist, it went in, nothing but net. RM scored the final point of the game.

The frogs in the audience, and everywhere in the bog, cheered as the buzzer wet off, ending the game. You stood up and covered your mouth. You couldn’t believe it. RM had won! 

The surviving three players came down to stand on the peat stage. Jimmy Kimmel handed you the gold medal. 

“You can do the honor,” he said with a wink. He knew about your crush on RM. You went to the stage and walked past Willy Shatz and Violet, who were hanging their heads in defeat. RM watched you with a smoldering gaze as you put the gold medal around his neck. 

“RM is the winner of this year’s Bog Games!’ Jimmy Kimmel announced. The alligator guards grabbed Willy and Violet and dragged them into the mud. Jimmy Kimmel approached, holding the microphone out to RM. “How does it feel being the winner of the Bog Games?”

“The most important thing I won today, Jimmy, is the heart of Y/n,” said RM, not breaking eye contact with you. You blushed. 

Later that evening, after your date at the finest restaurant in the bog, you walked with RM along the firefly-lit trails. 

“Where will you go after this?” you asked, knowing that RM was a world famous idol who no doubt had other band related duties to attend to.

“Well, I was hoping to stay a bit longer here with you, but then I’ll have to go back to Korea and prepare for our comeback,” said RM. 

“Oh,” you said, looking down. 

RM placed a gentle finger under your chin, tilting your head up to face him. 

“Don’t worry Y/n, you’ll of course get a backstage pass to all of our concerts so that I can see you every day on our tour,” he said. You blushed as he leaned in, kissing you under the clear, starry sky of the bog. 

[honeylemoncrushimagines]

#1 - Balcony Love

Characters needed:

Y/N – your name                  

C/N – crush name

BF/N – best friend’s name

F/N2 – friend name 2

F/N3 – friend name 3

F/N4 – friend name 4

E/C – eye color

You also need a lake name ;)

AN:

So I kind of planned for F/n3 and 4 to be the opposite genders of Y/N, but um yeah, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. ;) Also I feel like this is kinda cliché and cringe worthy but it might different for you guys, so ya.  Anyways, enjoy my first crush imagine I guess? :)

also sorry in advance for whatever grammar mistakes are in there, i was kind of rushing to write this for you guys ;)

P.S. there are quite a few time skips because I was too lazy to fill in the time between each scene :/

word count: 2336 words

warnings: none

A few weeks ago

“My mom said I could only invite a few people with me to our holiday lodge for my birthday party so you can’t tell the others I invited you, okay?” BF/N whispered to me as we walked down the road towards the bus stop after school. So far, today had been a pretty good day for a school day. It was Friday; your crush C/N had smiled at you in class, and now your best friend was inviting you along to a trip for her birthday.

“Who’s going?” I ask, grinning excitedly at her.

“Oh, just you and a few guys.” At this, she winks conspiratorially at me.

“Who, Who?? Tell meeeee please BF/N!” I beg, trying to make puppy dog eyes at her.

“Hmm let’s see.” Tapping her finger against her chin, she looks upwards. “F/N2, you, course, F/N3, F/N4 and… C/N.”

“OH MY GOODNESS BF/N YOU DIDN’T!!” I squeal at her and grab both of her shoulders towards me in a hug. “I can’t believe you! Thank you, thank you, thank you sooo much!”

She grins. “Haha, no problem. After all, you are my best friend, aren’t you?”

 Today

“Arghh I’m going to be so late,” I screeched, frantically rifling through my drawers looking for a spare hair tie. Finally finding one, I ran out of my room and grabbed my bags, stuffing my feet into my sandals. Outside of my house, BF/N and everyone else were waiting for me to get in.

“Honey, are you sure you’ll be ok?” My mom asked, taking a bag from my hand.

“Yeah, of course mom! Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. It’s only the weekend, anyway.” Finally having accomplished my task of slipping on my shoes, I raced outside, opened the boot to the minivan and stacked my bags inside.

“Bye mom, I’ll see you in two days!” I shouted behind me as I slammed the boot door shut.

“Bye honey. Keep safe okay? I love you.”

“Love you too!” At that, I jumped into the car, strapped on my seat belt, and then we were gone.

Inside the car, it turned out that I was sitting next to C/N at the back, which was also where all the snacks were. “Hey Y/N.” He smiled his heart stopping smile at me, putting one arm behind my chair.

“Oh um, hi C/N,” I grin back at him, flustered as hair falls in front of my face.

 BF/N’s voice fills the small interior of the minivan. “So guys in case you didn’t know or forgot, we are going to my family’s private lodge at lake lake/name. Since it’s about 3 hours away, we’ll swap drivers and rotate every hour.”

“Yes Ma’am!” We all chorus, laughing at each other.

“Also, feel free to pass around the snacks we brought. Don’t just hog it for yourselves!” At this, she mock glares at C/N and me.

“Why would I, BF/N?” I joke. I put up my hands defensively. ”I’m an angel!”

F/N3 snickers. “Yeah right you are.”

F/N4 pipes in. “More like the devil.”

“Hey not funny guys!” I pretend to get shot in the chest and collapse onto the ground as we all laugh.

At the lodge

“Guys!” BF/N yells. “Come on in!” Lugging our bags behind us, we all follow after BF/N into her family’s huge lodge. “So I’ve decided that after we’ve settled in, we should go down to the lake for a swim.” We all cheer. “But before that, first things first. For rooms, all the girls will be sleeping together, the same as the boys. Both rooms are upstairs and have ensuites connected to them.” After you’ve unpacked your stuff, don’t forget to change into swimsuits so that we can swim!”

“Yes, sergeant,” I shout, bringing my hand up to my head in attention. Everyone else just laughs.

As I lug my heavy bag up the stairs to my room, something grabs onto the handle of the suitcase and stops me in my tracks, startling me. “Huh?”

“Just me.” C/N smiles, his straight, ebony white teeth almost glowing. “Can I help with this?”

Fighting off an oncoming blush, I quickly look away from his searching eyes and hand over my bag. “Sure… thanks.” My brain going into overdrive, I scan the walls beside me, hoping that they will give me some pointer tips on how to talk to a crush. Unfortunately to my dismay, they don’t. “So… How did BF/N convince you to come us this trip?” I ask him, my face glowing like hot coals. I have to at least try to make a conversation if I want him. It’s too awkward otherwise. I tell myself, trying to cool down the furnace in the body.

C/N laughs an embarrassed laugh. “You don’t want to know.”

“Come on, tell me please! You’ve got me interested so now you can’t leave me hanging!”

“Ah, well…” He rubs the back of his head, showing off his muscular arm. I’m practically drooling at the sight of him. “BF/N told me you were coming on this trip.” At this, two bright spots appear on his cheeks.

Wait what??? Did he just say he only came because of me? No way. Not possible. No one likes me. He’s probably just trying to be friendly so he can get Isabel or someone.

“Wait what?” confused I turn to face him. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m definitely serious.” Now he’s grinning

“You better not be joking with me, C/N.”

“I never would. Not about this at least.” I gasp in surprise.

“You suck up!” I say playfully. Inside my head, cogs are spinning and wheels are turning, trying to figure what he means and if he’s actually for real. Could he possibly like me as much as I like him? We stop in front of my door and he puts down my bag. “Well here’s your stop. See you lake.” Smiling softly I say thanks and then close the door and find the sexiest, most revealing swimwear I packed. Just to show off to C/N, of course.

Time skip to the lake

“Okay, kids!” BF/N shouts. “And love birds.” At this, she winks at me and I look away, pretending not to notice. “Today,” she continues, “We’ll be playing hide and seek!” At this, we all groan.  F/N4 whisper yells to BF/N.

“Can’t we play something else? Pretty please?”

“Nope!” She grins her devil’s grin. “We’re going to stick with this. And for this game, someone’s gotta be in, and as the person who’s house you guys are staying in, I think that I should be the one to pick who’s going to be in, so… F/N3! You’re it!” giggling at F/N3′s sigh of dismay and halfhearted protesting, we all swim away, and everyone goes off in two’s except for me. Lucky me. Always the odd one out. Scanning the area, I try to find a good hiding place. In a lake there aren’t that many places to hide except around the edges. Aha! There’s one! I spot a rock jutting out of the water’s edge, and quickly swim over to hide behind it. Not daring to peek out for fear of being found, I stay hidden, unaware of time. How long are they gonna take to find me? They must have forgotten about me. Spinning around, I gasp as I feel soft, warm hands slide around my waist and I find myself pressed up against a hard, muscular wall of some sort. “You’re beautiful, you know that right?” A low, purring voice interrupts my thinking and liquid heat rises up inside my core. C/N.

“What are you doing?” I hiss, embarrassed. “We’re supposed to be playing hide and seek with the others!”

Abruptly, he lets go of me, leaving my skin cold and wet. I shiver and hug my arms to myself as goose bumps rise up on my skin.

“Well they asked me to come find you, since the game finished 3 minutes ago.”

“Oh… right. Thanks” I mumble, unsure of how to actually talk to my crush.

“You look cold. Shall we head back in?” His blue eyes search mine as I avoid his gaze.

“Yeah, let’s. The others are probably getting bored waiting for us anyway.”

We wade through the water around rock. My teeth begin to chatter as we come out into the open. C/N gently touches my shoulders and the molten lava inside me flares up again. We grab our towels off the sand, and with surprising grace, he wraps my towel snugly around my body and then smiles down at me. I smile back, trying to fight off the redness flooding my face.

 Time skip to later that night after dinner

As I’m walking down the hallway to the bathroom to take a shower, C/N comes bounding towards me. “Hey, Y/N!” he looks uncharacteristically nervous, and I smile to myself. “Umm… I was just wondering, do you want to go onto the balcony later tonight with me?” Whattt. That was definitely not what I was expecting.

“S-s-sure.” I stutter out. “I’d love to.” I smile up at him, looking into his E/C colored eyes.

“Great… okay, thanks. See you on the balcony at 11pm?” he blushes, and two tiny red patches appear beneath his eyes.

“Sounds good. See you then.” I curse myself under my breath as I prepare to shower. Did I really have to sound like a recorded phone answering machine? I face palm myself, and my back cringes as I replay that scene in my head. Why couldn’t I just be a little more flirtatious like BF/N or good at speaking with boys like F/N2? Honestly, the only good thing that came out it was that I got asked to go on a date! Oh… wait. It hits me. C/N JUST ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE!!!!!! ahhhhhh!! I scream internally and my brain starts imagining a ton of scenarios.

But first things first, Y/N. I tell myself sternly. You need to actually shower and smell good before you go and meet him.

Time skip to the balcony

I cautiously step onto the balcony, half expecting to not see C/N there. “C/N?” I step out further, and look to the corner of the balcony, breathing the smoky flavor of the night sky into my lungs. There he is! Aww that’s so cute. Before me is a sight to behold. There, I see C/N setting up fluffy blankets on the hard wood of the balcony.

“Y/N! You came!” he stands up and beams at me, gesturing for me to come and sit down. Gingerly, I bend down to my knees and admire his handiwork.

“Wow. This is beautiful, C/N.” I whisper. No one’s ever done this for me before. In front of me is a little wooden table with glowing candles sitting on it. Purple and pink flowers line the edges of the table, their velvet soft petals illuminated by the gentle flickering of the candles. Beside me is what seems like the fluffiest blankets in the world, and I giggle as C/N sits down beside me and tucks the fuzzy blankets around my body, wrapping me up like a burrito.

C/N begins to speak. “So, in case it’s not obvious enough to you, although I doubt it is, Y/N… I like you.” At that, C/N exhales and runs his hand through his hair and my mouth falls open.

“C/N… are you serious?”

“Y/N, I am completely dead serious. I like you… hell, I think I even love you. I’ve liked you for what seems like years, except I’ve been too scared to do anything about. Until now, that is.” C/N looks at me in the eyes.

“C/N…” I whisper, “I’ve liked you ever since I first laid my eyes on you. I’m pretty sure I love you.”

“Y/N, are you sure?”

“Hell yes, I’m sure.” I reply confidently.

In a heartbeat, he grabs my body and gently lays me on the ground, the cool of the hard wooden deck soaking up my warmth, and that combined with his heated kisses on my neck and jaw makes me shudder in delight. I breathe his scent in, swallowing up all his kisses like a fish desperate for water as I groan in ecstasy. I grip his head and thread my fingers through his hair, reveling in the softness. We kiss until we’re drunk on it, filling up the never ending well of passion. Slowly, we shorten our kisses until we’re finished, gulping down deep breaths of air and I stare into his eyes. He traces his rough finger pad around the swell of my kiss swollen lips then whispers, “You are so, so beautiful.”

I blush, ducking out of his touch. “So are you,” I retort. At that, he laughs, a low sexy growling sound that makes my insides quiver. He reaches out for a blanket beside him and wraps it around the two of us, making a little cocoon of safety and warmth just for us. “So Y/N, yes or no? Will you go out with me and be my girlfriend?” C/N asks.

I lie down and burrow my head into the hollow of his neck and smile into his soft skin. “A complete and utter yes.” I whisper.

 AN:

Hope you guys enjoyed my first imagine!! Feel free to submit ideas and stuff you want me to write about.

Ciao ;)

honeylemoncrushimagines

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect Initiation thoughts

In short: this book is actually really good, N.K. Jemisin is, as we all know, an excellent writer! It’s the story of how Cora met Alec Ryder and joined the Initiative, and it has SO much good good SAM content and I am full of emotions. 

- poor cora is so continually out of her depth, I want to give her a hug. the points made about her in the main game are true though -- she is not ready for leadership yet. (and that’s fine! she does much better with something or someone to belong to and that is so Valid. she’s an honorable Loyal Knight!!! one of the sexiest things to be, as we all know)

I think I’ll actually like her a lot more on this new playthrough now -- she must have been quite hard to write compellingly in the game because at the end of the day she’s really very straightforward and honest and loyal, it’s quite hard to uh ‘hide’ things in her character  

- alec ryder deadass installed an unspeakably illegal (and did I mention experimental?) AI in cora’s head with no informed consent whatsoever. d A D 

(when cora is like ‘are you actually going to another galaxy because they don’t have laws to stop you from committing fully to your craziness in public’ and alec is like *...maybe so meme* fadsfhkj he does literally say ‘this is why I’m going to another galaxy’ out loud at a later point of the book)

- this book is giving me the good good SAM content ;________; I love SAM so much, the scene where cora thinks she’s dying and SAM talks to her? when cora asks SAM if he’s okay being connected to her because if he’s sentient that matters to her (cora is a Good)? SAM explicitly having inherited alec ryder’s sense of humour and sarcasm and alec a) doesn’t know how it happened, b) distantly thinks he should probably track that process down and turn it off (and never does) and c) regrets all his life choices when his robot kid mercilessly snarks at him and questions his life choices? please bioware give me an me:a sequel with more of this stuff I’ll eat it up with a spoon

- body diverse asari! HUGE BUFF ASARI! Short stocky beautiful matriarch asari with one krogan and one turian trophy husband fast asleep in her bed in the background of a vidcall fkdjshfkjsdlhfkjsdah god I love mass effect with my entire heart

- OLD LADY INFORMATION BROKER VOLUS WORKING OUT OF ILLIUM!!!! this is not a drill what the fUCK this is the coolest shit 

- fasdklhfsjkdalfhsdjk okay in Alec Ryder POV: “I don’t think [Cora] likes me very much.” Which probably meant she had good judgement. AFLSKJDHGJSDKF ALEC 

he has a weird flip-flopping sense of self -- he is uncompromisingly (one might even say... astoundingly arrogantly) secure in his own intellectual superiority and that most other people are idiots not to be trusted and that he needs to do things himself because others would mess it up, and yet there’s this clear seam of self loathing around basically everything else about himself too. (You know who he reminds me of, in a more military and less visibly anxious way? Rodney McKay. Alec Ryder is like a slightly unfortunate outcome for a McShep lovechild. I think we just figured out why I have sort of a soft spot for him even though he’s a certifiable dick lol) 

- this book really makes it hit home that cora grew up incredibly isolated and dirt poor. I’ve seen some people say her backstory is all sunshine and daisies compared to kaidan and especially jack’s, but honestly her background is complicated and fucked up enough that I’m just like ‘shit baby :(’ all the time

- well I have successfully solved the puzzle about whether alec ryder is an idealist or not; he absolutely is. a grouchy, bad-tempered one with no people skills, but an idealist nonetheless. alec ryder is in fact a storm of 150000 emotions in a trenchcoat, barely held in check by a thin fragile outer shell of iron lol, SAM was absolutely right to say that he was mostly governed by his feelings. (and I mean if anyone would know it’d be SAM I guess). I found some of it sort of sweet actually: he reflects in passing that one of the biggest reliefs of no longer being in the alliance is that he’ll never have to risk other people’s lives again. he fundamentally wants to build something good to help people live and be happy instead of destroying things. (he also is quite bad at predicting how other people could corrupt and use his innovations precisely to be destructive b/c he doesn’t think that’s the ~*logical*~ thing to do, so... y’know haha, maybe it’s good he went to another galaxy, the milky way could not contain his chaos) 

also he thinks a lot about his wife, even though she’s been dead for years at this point. o u c h (she truly does seem to have been a tether for him in so many ways though -- like a tie to the real world/normalcy/possibly sanity, and that’s a bit how he still evokes her)

additionally: alec ryder did fistfight at the very least one dude in the line of bureaucratic duty, and perhaps more, enough for SAM to have a list of warning signs ready and at hand jdfsklfhasdjf. he did, very much, throw a dude through a table. (at least it’s implied said dude was an asshole) I LOVE that alec’s SAM is  the snarkiest iteration we’ve seen and that he’s perfectly willing to call the old man out on his bullshit (alec stresses that SAM is supposed to do what he says at the end of the day, but his SAM is also less subservient and more willing to argue and discuss things than any other we get to see -- and this is of course the SAM Ryder inherits, but I don’t think SAM is as confident in being able to read the PC correctly until a bit further into the game and the twin is of course a different person who’ll respond to different things so he’s not quite as... blunt? I guess? in confronting them about things. (the whole concept is just! so! interesting!!) anyway I feel like all of this says something about alec’s parenting style, for better or for worse haha. he sort of tries to be authoritarian but his children (well canonically at least Sara, she references having yelled at him a lot over the years) aren’t afraid to fight back or scared of the consequences of disagreeing, so I get the distinct feeling his temper never flared violently like that with his family at all, I think he’s more prone to just pulling away in disapproval.) 

- I enjoy how casually diverse this book is  -- Jemisin has done such a good job making sure especially the human characters are from different backgrounds and places, as they would be lore-wise in the Mass Effect universe, though the games often skew unfortunately white. (andromeda much less so than the trilogy, though)   

- my heart. is so so soft for the fact that a huge reason for cora to join the initiative is how much she bonds with SAM-E. and I am so sad for her because she just wants someone or something who’ll stay, something that won’t disappear on her without closure like her parents; she’s so insecure and scared under her competence (and WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE BE holy shit her parents just. weren’t there one day after she left home so she wouldn’t accidentally crush their ship with her untrained biotics and kill them all). and she chooses alec and his dream. and then alec goes and FUCKING DIES at the first opportunity Y____________Y alternate universe alec please drink your victor sullivan juice and survive, all these dumb children need you  

- I am so surprised about how much fond respect alec seems to have for cora and how quickly he developed it. I suppose he has a harder time with his own children because it’s closer to home? he is a complicated man lol, this last part of the book where he shows her the ark and everything is weirdly sweet. again I think he has the potential to be a good dad somewhere in there and that just makes it so much worse that he wasn’t. (also he staunchly considers himself still a married man. god help me) 

they’ve both grown to honestly love their sams T________T fml. (well alec has sort of bound up all of himself, the things he loves and their future in SAM, so it’s a bit more complicated but my point still stands) alec advocating for a consensual synthesis is very heartfelt and convincing; you really want to believe him.

cora seen through someone else’s eyes is also SO AMAZING!!! after this whole book in her head and she feels so flailing and uncertain and adrift and other people naturally view her completely differently. I especially like alec picking up on her not talking a lot. (I think this is why she responds so well to SAM, who’ll be there always and can be in her head. I wish this part of cora was more evident in the game, the fact that she has this sibling-like connection to SAM seems very important. sequel where both SAM and Ryder grow closer to becoming her actual family? please? I keep begging for ME:A2 into an empty aching void haha) 

- alec ‘I don’t have time to die’ ryder still talking about everyone else being idiots as he’s slowly catching fire while saving SAM fhdjfhsdlfhasdhlfsjd he is an asshole but it is hard not to stan 

- nO SAM-E D:D:D: oh well at least he’s still alive within SAM, in a way?

- hey. hey you know what’s fun. alec tries to use his last words and last thoughts to ask cora to tell the kids about ellen being alive this time too. haha. ha. fuck

he consistently goes out thinking of his family despite all his bullshit and I’m not okay

- CORA IS A PERFECT BODYGUARD/SECOND IN COMMAND AND I’M EMOTIONAL 

- alec is. surprisingly afraid to hurt people emotionally? he keeps putting off telling cora the bad news about SAM-E, to SAM’s stated disapproval lol (I must repeat again: I love SAM so so much). this supports my thesis that in his personal life he’s avoidant rather than confrontational/aggressive. (professionally... again, he did very much throw a man through a table) 

- man I hope we some day get SAM being this comfortably close and sarcastic with Ryder too. thinking about SAM-E and the small differences between him and uh SAM ‘prime’ it really must have been a huge thing for him too to become someone else, especially after the last person died like that. and he kind of has no choice but to experience that loss and death intimately. (now that I think about it that’s. fucked up, man. he literally felt alec go like it happened to himself.) 

If I were to summarize the differences between the SAMs we have seen, cora’s SAM-E seems younger, more exuberant, shyer and more -- what’s a non-shitty word for needy haha? it’s very firmly established that cora longs to feel needed, so this makes perfect sense. alec’s SAM is blunter, snarkier and more prone to questioning things, and hilariously is sort of alec’s emotional intelligence. (probably serves a similar role to what ellen used to, actually. ow) scott/sara’s SAM feels more worried/focused -- which also makes sense; he’s just experienced losing his person/pathfinder, in a real way he’s also recently orphaned and must be Extremely aware that he now has an enormous responsibility, not only what he was built for but for what remains of alec’s family. ...poor SAM 

(come to think of it I guess one vibe I get from in-game SAM is a little bit of ’harried and anxious yet loving and responsible uncle’ hahaha)

- so at this point alec knew cora could never be pathfinder after him, and he never told her. *accumulation of asshole points continues, though I suspect this might have come from a place of not wanting to hurt her again (b/c he’s the only one who has a right to know these important things amirite)* but I’m also strangely touched that the reason he’s hesitant to involve his children in the whole thing isn’t that he doesn’t have faith in them, it’s that he doesn’t want to burden their lives with something so heavy, a burden he created. can you just imagine... if this man had managed to take the time to explain himself, his motivations and his feelings to his children just once. just one fUCKING time. am I laughing am I crying I honestly don’t know

- this book makes me ache all over for the potential of Andromeda. and I don’t think it’s too late to salvage it either. I know a sequel probably won’t happen, at least not any time soon, but... *sits by rainy window like a wife wistfully wondering if her husband will return from sea*