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honeyopinion · 4 years ago

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20/20 Albums of the Year

Circles by Mac Miller | Hip-Hop, Soul, Funk Released: January 17, 2020

Best Album For... Pouring One Out for Mac

I wrote a few different drafts of this album summary, and none of them felt like they really fit the impossibly large bill of accurately describing the posthumous importance or brilliance of this album. If you are a fan of hip-hop or soul music of any kind, try to give this piece of work a chance. I for one, used to judge Mac based on his early frat rap days in the late 2000s. But a decade later he came to leave the world with one of the most surprising and frankly impressive artistic evolutions that I’ve been able to witness in real time. RIP Mac.

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Start With: “Circles” or “Everybody”

Marigold by Pinegrove | Alternative Country and Folk Rock Released: January 17, 2020

Best Album For… Passing Through a Small Town on a Cloudy Winter Day

Pinegrove was one of the last great concerts I got to experience before the pandemic. And it was my favorite performance of theirs from the last 6 years of seeing them play live. Is this my favorite album of theirs? Honestly, it’s not. But I still find it extremely enjoyable, and the memory of seeing these songs performed live, along with some of their classics, was enough for me to include it on this list. This is an album that marks Pinegrove’s exit from their pop punk roots. It’s still sentimental, but much more country and folk rock focused vs. anything trying to be associated with emo or punk.

Spotify Apple Music YouTube Pandora Start With: “The Alarmist” or “No Drugs”

Watch This Liquid Pour Itself by Okay Kaya | Synth Pop, Art Rock, Folk Released: January 24, 2020

Best Album For… Crywanking at 3am, Bathed in The Dull Light of Your Overheating Laptop

What if Feist and Father John Misty had a secret love child? They might sound something like Okay Kaya. Self proclaimed “Singer ~ Crywanker,” Okay Kaya brings serious BDE to weirdo art pop that she seems like she could be a plant from the mind of Nathan Fielder. Kaya delivers with such deadpan precision as she rolls out line after line of sarcastic joy, staring blankly at our dystopian reality. “Here I am, the whole world is my daddy,” “Netflix and yeast infection,” “Sex with me is mediocre,” “I just want us to do well like Jon Bon Jovi’s Rosê,” and, “My parasite and I are blushing / In the zero interaction ramen bar,” are just a few examples of some of her memorable and biting lyrics. The entire album is both a critique and nihilistic fondness for the absurdity of our lonely technological society, not quite sure how to deal with taboos like repressed female sexuality, depression, and codependency.

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Start With: “Baby Little Tween” or “Asexual Wellbeing”

UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats | Hip-Hop Released: February 7, 2020

Best Album For... Nodding Your Damn Head To, Feeling Cooler Than You Actually Are

I had to double check that this was an album. Clocking in under 20 minutes, this collection of songs feels more like an EP, especially with the track titles that purposefully look like file names and placeholders. But for a short album, Denzel wastes no time, furiously zigging and zagging effortlessly over Kenny Beats’ 90s New York-indebted production (ad libs and all). Kenny pulls out samples of an array of pop culture references made by Denzel (like quotes from movies and weapon sound effects like a lightsaber) — as he rotates his flow between admirable impressions of DMX, Nas, and Joey Bada$$.

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Start With: “So.Incredible.pkg” or “DIET_”

Cardboard City by Zack Villere | Pop, Electronic, R&B Released: February 14, 2020

Best Album For… Pal-ing Around With Your Friends From High School, Maybe Quoting Superbad At The Same Time

The first time I watched a music video from Zack Villere, I noticed the top comment said: “how did frank ocean get trapped in mark zuckerberg.” And while that definitely gets at the heart of how Zack Villere presents himself, he is not a phenomenal singer like Frank Ocean is, nor does he come off as an asshole like Mark Zuckerberg does. I would say that he is just a slightly awkward nerdy white guy who loves hip-hop production and R&B melodies. So the better question is really, “how did drake get trapped in michael cera?” This premise should not work at all, but somehow it does. This is only Villere’s second album, but he shows some serious production and songwriting chops, plus a commitment to his delivery that comes across as genuine, charming, and unique.

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Start With: “Grateful” or “Superhero Strength”

The Slow Rush by Tame Impala | Psych Rock, Synth Pop, Disco Released: February 14, 2020

Best Album For... Throwing a Silent Disco For One

Tame Impala continues on their now 10 year streak of psych rock dominance. Along the way we’ve seen Kevin Parker master and stretch the boundaries of psychedelic production. This has resulted in his music coming as close to sounding like the best aspects of The Beatles, while also expanding into hip hop drums, R&B hooks, plus more and more electronic elements. This is an album that I was not super impressed with when it initially came out, but as we entered the pandemic and were tasked with finding small joys in staying at home all the time, I found myself going back to this album and appreciating the themes of solitude and self reflection that Parker has drawn from throughout his career.

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Start With: “Posthumous Forgiveness” or “One More Hour”

1988 by Knxwledge | Hip-Hop Released: March 27, 2020

Best Album For... Pumping Your Brakes and Driving Slow, Uh *Homie* Although this album is named after a year in the 80s, the sound here is a perfect portal back to 90s golden era hip-hop, with all the gospel, soul samples, and the kind of deep bass you want to feel in your chest. This is the rare, largely instrumental hip-hop album that I find myself going back to, other than works from the legendary J Dilla and MF Doom. Knxwledge is good friends and a frequent collaborator with Anderson .Paak (in the form of NxWorries). Here we get Anderson to grace us with his presence on the track “itkanbe[sonice]”, and of course it sounds just like an authentic vintage soul sample. When I hear this collection of songs it makes me wish I still had a car, so I could inevitably damage my speakers listening to this.

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Start With: “dont be afraid” or “thats allwekando.”

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa | Pop, R&B, Funk, Disco Released: March 27, 2020 Best Album For... Alarming Your Pet With Your Enthusiastic Lip Syncing

This album is a pure sugar rush. Like Bruno Mars with the help of Mark Ronson, or Calvin Harris a few years ago, Dua has harnessed a nostalgia (it’s even in the title, wink) for disco, funk and R&B, and is instantly a sexy, catchy, not-so-guilty pleasure. It’s sad that the majority of these songs are all bonafide club hits that didn’t have a proper home this year … except for my living room. And hopefully yours.

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Start With: “Pretty Please” or “Future Nostalgia”

Hold Space For Me by Orion Sun | Alternative R&B and Hip-Hop Released: March 27, 2020

Best Album For... Wishing Frank Ocean Was Your Dad

“Alternative R&B” is a contentious term, but what else would you call one of a few R&B singers cool enough to make it onto (NYC indie darlings) Mom+Pop Records?? On one hand, she brings the vulnerable and introverted lyrics of an indie singer songwriter like Tracey Chapman, crossed with the raw presence and sweet melodic delivery of a true R&B star like Aaliyah. I’d even go far enough to refer to her as the musical stepchild of Frank Ocean and SZA.

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Start With: “Ne Me Quitte Pass (Don’t Leave Me)” or “Lightning”

You and Your Friends by Peach Pit | Indie Rock and Dream Pop Released: April 3, 2020

Best Album For... Going Back To Your College Town To Crash A Party

Peach Pit seem like they would be cool dudes to hang out with. You have no problem picturing them as the band playing a house show in an indie movie about college kids. And that’s because there’s a familiarity to the scenes that their songs portray, of stumbling through your 20s, either being too dumb or having too much fun to notice. It’s funny to refer to this as “Indie” rock since this is Peach Pit’s major label debut with Columbia Records. But It has all the trappings of Indie; sticky melodies, gentle reverb, an “I’m not trying that hard” vibe, and lyrics that are oddly specific enough to be interesting, but still vague enough to be relatable.

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Start With: “Feelin’ Low (Fuckboy Blues)” or “Shampoo Bottles”

Heaven To a Tortured Mind by Yves Tumor | Psych Rock, Indie Pop, Post-Punk, Alternative R&B, Experimental Electronic Released: April 3, 2020

Best Album For... Tearing Up The Fucking Dance Floor With Your Hot Robot Girlfriend

If Tyler the Creator, Alex G, King Krule, and Blood Orange all got into the studio together and dropped a shit ton of acid on Halloween, their recording session might sound something like Heaven To a Tortured Mind… And even then, you still might have trouble putting your finger on exactly what you’re hearing. “Dream Palette” is a good reference track for Tumor’s most wild and mesmerizing qualities. The biggest styles of the past half century of music have been loaded into this gleefully effective genre blender, with blades of dissonance slicing everything up, creating a surrealist sonic smoothie.

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Start With: “Super Stars” or “Dream Palette”

The New Abnormal by The Strokes | Indie Rock, Dirtbag Disco, Synth Pop Released: April 10, 2020

Best Album For... Mixing Yourself Another Drink This Saturday Night

Back from the dead, The Strokes return with their first album in 7 years to turn some heads and settle back into some old habits. The charming messy haired garage rock of the early 2000s still pops up here and there, but this is really a record where the group is mature enough to show you that they actually are trying, and are unafraid to take joyous swings for the fences. Julian Casablancas pushes his scratchy alley cat yelp of a voice into something more vulnerable, sunny, and sweet, like he asked for a piña colada (you know, with one of those little umbrellas) instead of a double shot of scotch before hopping up on stage… Or maybe he did both. But these days, everyone is looking for some sort of break from our groundhog day lives any way that we can. Sometimes that sounds like selling out, or depending on how you look at it, stepping up. This album is the result of a group of old friends who got together to make music they simply want to make for themselves. Now far removed from the 2000s New York scene where their younger selves were acting too cool and disaffected to care about having fun.

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Start With: “Eternal Summer” or “The Adults Are Talking”

The Loves of Your Life by Hamilton Leithauser | Indie Rock and Alternative Country Released: April 10, 2020

Best Album For... Drinking Down At The Docks, Watching The Sun Set

While I am a fan of The Walkmen, I have no idea what their frontman Hamilton Leithauser looks like or how he dresses. But hearing these songs off of his latest solo, I imagine the following: a member of Mumford and Sons if they were edgy and cooler, giving off a “cowboy rocker meets depression-era dock worker” aesthetic. That’s exactly how his music comes off to me. It’s a convincing blend of blues rock, Americana, and old timey country music. All expertly narrated by dusty country guitars and standup bass, tarnished horns and flutes, and what I imagine to be a restored saloon piano. The Loves of Your Life originally started as a collection of short stories, each about characters based on both people he knew and strangers. Leithauser then wrote the music separately, and finally came to mix and match their parts together in a surprisingly convincing fashion to create the album.

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Start With: “Wack Jack” or “Cross-Sound Ferry (Walk-On Ticket)”

What Kinda Music by Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes | Neo-Soul, Electronic, Hip-Hop

Released: April 24, 2020

Best Album For... Cooking For Someone You’re In Love With

Exactly what kind of music do Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes make? It’s orchestral, it’s jazz-infused, it’s hip-hop beats joined with gentle soul. It’s a little sexy, it’s a little mysterious, and you��re going to want to listen to it a whole lot. That’s it. That’s what kind of music it is! Send tweet.

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Start With: “What Kinda Music” or “Storm Before The Calm”

Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams | Electronic Pop and Art Rock Released: May 8, 2020

Best Album For... Browsing Depop for Your Next 80s Normcore ��Fit

Hayley, Hayley, Hayley. You are too good for this wretched world!! After exploring more adventurous sounds and genre hopping over the last few Paramore records, Hayley decided to go out on her own. This really frees herself from the expectations that come along with being the face and heart of a wildly popular band for the last 15+ years. Thom Yorke fans rejoice, because Hayley Williams has a clear admiration for Radiohead’s haunting indie electronic vibe, while emoting some pain and darkness atop her love for 80s pop and art rock (think Genesis, Devo, The Talking Heads). This is a promising new avenue for Hayley to explore herself and process her pain and desire completely on her own. I see this new project of hers only blooming further from here.

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Start With: “Simmer” or “Sudden Desire”

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately by Perfume Genius | Indie Pop and Art Rock Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Daydreaming That You Were Somewhere Else

For his 5th studio album, Perfume Genius enlists production wizard and guitar god Blake Mills, along with Grammy Award-winning arranger and multi-instrumentalist Rob Moose to create a beautiful swirling mosaic of 80s pastel pop that also packs serious classic rock grandeur. Bass guitar dances between satin smooth lines on one song to churning distorted currents on the next. Sparkling string arrangements and organs bleed together to expose a fading sunset that you’ll want to try and hold in your hands to keep it in sight. Perfume Genius is unafraid to challenge traditional masculinity, packing a 21st century queer machismo into both the quiet moments and jubilant explosions.

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Start With: “Without You” or “Describe”

græ by Moses Sumney | Indie Pop, Art Rock, Neo-Soul, Psychic Folk Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Astral Projection 101

I mean this in the best way possible, but I think that Moses Sumney is a witch. Or maybe a wizard? There’s no other reasonable explanation for the level of creativity and wonder that he summons. This album feels like a private concert by a waterfall (similar to one on the cover), with ethereal pleas, and heavy ideas—like meditating on what lies beyond the constraints of the physical self and reconsidering how well we can actually trust memory and the mind. Sumney layers his voice to create the effect of a ghostly choir, accented by a stark intimidating falsetto that reverberates through the ruins of an abandoned temple where Sumney is the only one in attendance.

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Start With: “Cut Me” or “Polly”

WILL THIS MAKE ME GOOD by Nick Hakim | Psychedelic Neo-Soul Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Playing Pool in a Hazy Dive Bar

Nick Hakim is a silky smooth smokey crooner who paints with warbly piano loops, dreamy reverb-heavy guitar, boom bap beats—not to mention a falsetto that would make Smokey Robinson jealous. Clearly a fan of Motown and 60s jazz, Hakim could be considered a peer of Thunder Cat and Anderson .Paak’s to a degree. I remember seeing him perform at Music Hall of Williamsburg a few years ago. The performance ended with him falling down on stage (presumably from being under the influence of multiple substances). But while the song continued he popped back up and belted an impressive high note like it was nothing, drink in hand. And it’s that kind of messy beauty that also makes this album so engrossing. Like watching the eye of the storm get closer and closer, but unable to look away from the sheer magnetism that nature can wield.

Spotify Apple Music YouTube Pandora Start With: “All THESE CHANGES” or “ALL THESE INSTRUMENTS”

RTJ4 by Run The Jewels | Hip-Hop Released: June 3, 2020

Best Album For... Making Your Next Protest Sign

Run The Jewels’ fourth outing might be the most unapologetically angry rap album in the “fuck this” year of 2020. And it reminded me that I should absolutely still be furious about everything that happened during this groundbreaking yet terrifyingly familiar year: country wide protests over the continued murder of innocent black people at the hands of the police, government drone strikes and detaining kids in cages, the state of our environment worsening—and that’s not even addressing the pandemic or election. Killer Mike and El-P are here to scream from the rooftops that our current system of cutthroat capitalism and white supremacy is killing the planet and its inhabitants, and I’m glad that they’re using their platform to continue to sound the alarm.

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Start With: “out of sight” or “ooh la la”

Your Hero Is Not Dead by Westerman | New Wave Revival and Indie Pop Released: June 5, 2020 Best Album For... Wanting Your Old School MTV

The cover of Westerman’s first proper album is mostly black and white, except for the title, which is scrawled out in lettering which spans the Crayola color spectrum. It’s an album that on the surface is cold and buttoned up, but when these choruses open up, the maximalist 80s power pop bursts like the bulbs of a neon sign. There’s a level of even-keeled cool and confidence in small moments on display here that makes this relatively new artist seem well beyond his years. Having seen him play at Rough Trade a few years ago (opening up for the stellar Puma Blue), the songwriting growth on display on this record is impressive. I’m only sad that there wasn’t an opportunity to have seen him play these new songs live.

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Start With: “Easy Money” or “Confirmation (SSBD)”

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers | Indie Rock and Alternative Country Released: June 18, 2020

Best Album For... Burning Incense and Breaking Out a Ouija Board to Talk to The Ghost of Your Former Self

This is without a doubt, a career defining release for Phoebe. Taking everything she’s learned from writing, performing, and touring with the likes of Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker (in boygenius), and Conor Oberst (in Better Oblivion Community Center), Bridgers levels up to become the truly prolific singer-songwriter she’s been telling us she would always be. Bridgers has explained her personal definition of “a punisher” as a well meaning person who’s, “just talking to you and they don’t realize that your eyes are glazed over and you’re trying to escape.” Vital to understanding this album and its central message is that Phoebe finds herself caught between the contradiction of falling victim to this phenomenon while also doing it herself, especially if she ever met her musical idol, Elliott Smith. Punisher serves as a warning to her audience that if you focus too much on trying to find yourself through other people (via escaping through fandom, drugs, toxic relationships), you’ll always feel lost and dissatisfied, without the proper self awareness to ever quite know why.

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Start With: “Garden Song” or “ICU”

Women In Music Pt. III by HAIM | Rock, Pop, Folk, R&B Released: June 26, 2020

Best Album For... Preparing For A Better 2021, lol

With this album, HAIM skyrocketed to the #1 position of family bands that start with an “H.” Sorry, Hanson! But seriously, HAIM has outdone themselves on this one. If there was one album from this list that I would dub my personal AOTY, this would be it. You might wince at any tracklist longer than 10-12 songs these days (I know I usually do), but almost every song proves itself worthy, pulling at a different thread of my heart until there’s nothing left. Sunshine State Beach Pop? Check. Blues Tinged Dad Rock? Yup! Dive Bar Country? Mmhmm! No, wait, what’s that you say, Glitched-Out R&B? Yes, yes, and yes. You can have it all, sister! ‘Cause when you’re Haim, you’re family! ;) And these three “women in music” continue to prove that they are just about the best Assorted Pop Rocks(™) act in the world right now.

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Start With: “I’ve Been Down” or “Don’t Wanna”

Lianne La Havas by Lianne La Havas | Neo-Soul and Indie Pop Released: July 17, 2020

Best Album For... Sipping Coffee and Journaling on a Weekend Morning

This album exudes a warm vulnerability, like a comforting hug we all needed this year. On her third album, Lianne La Havas makes the risky decision to self title it, a move that artists make when they believe that it is the piece of work that they most want most directly associated with their name. It’s one thing to name your first album after yourself if you can’t think of anything else at the time, but to make a self titled album in the middle of your career, it means that you are sure about having captured who you really are and who you want people to remember you as. “If I love myself, I know I can't be no one else,” La Havas admits on the standout track, “Paper Thin.” She knows that she will meet her destiny and reach self actualization, but only through self love. And finally, I cannot overstate how breathtaking La Havas’s voice comes across on this album. The strength and control on display in her vocal tone and vibrato is quite a spectacle.

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Start With: “Paper Thin” or “Sour Flower”

Limbo by Aminé | Hip-Hop and R&B Released: August 7, 2020

Best Album For... Trying and Get Over Kanye With

On Limbo, Aminé establishes himself as one of the torchbearers of soul-sampling, lyrics-driven hip-hop that still cares about storytelling, skits, and presenting vocals clearly. Kanye West, Drake, and J. Cole all paved the way for someone from the next generation like Aminé to keep the dream alive and avoid succumbing to the “feel good, don’t think” form of passive listening that mumble rap has made the standard for mainstream hip-hop.

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Start With: “Pressure In My Palms” or “My Reality”

Shore by Fleet Foxes | Folk and Indie Rock Released: September 22, 2020

Best Album For... Running Along The Beach With Your Arms Stretched Out

It was really kind of Robin Pecknold and co. to have released an album this triumphant, calming, and awe-inspiring during the year of our Lorde 2020. On behalf of myself and anyone else who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder, the SAD people of the world really needed this, man. And to anyone who is quick to judge these beard-o’s of being boring, you’re simply not using your ears properly. Yeah, you know those two things on either side of your head? Get the gunk out of them! That way you’ll hear the choir of angels with acoustic guitars who are here to guide us through quarantine and beyond.

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Start With: “Can I Believe You” or “A Long Way Past The Past”

Listen to all of these albums together in our playlist.

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deadcactuswalking · 6 years ago

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BLAST TO THE PAST: 1st July 2001

Hello again and welcome to BLAST TO THE PAST, where we review UK Top 40 charts from decades ago to see what was happening all the way back then. We’re taking a break from the 1980s and zooming past in lightspeed to 2001, specifically the week of 1st-7th July, as Summer had started to kick in. This chart in particular has some classics and some notable events, which we’ll get into right now.

Top 10

Okay, so first, we have a debut – yep, that’s right, it’s not just intense streaming that lands songs at #1 immediately, there were songs that were big enough to sell just that many copies to get to the top at their first week. At number-one, we have “The Way to Your Love” by megastars Hear’Say, who were pretty damn big in the UK, this being their second chart-topping single. Oh, yeah, and they were created by an ITV reality show, because, I mean, of course they were! They’re a British pop group from the 2000s.

Sadly, we don’t see the rise, yet we see the fall of classic cover “Lady Marmalade”, by the all-star cast of Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Lil Kim and Mýa, from the Moulin Rouge! soundtrack, down one spot to number-two.

We have another top five debut, and not the last top 10 debut, with Usher’s “U Remind Me” starting its chart run at number-three.

At number-four, dropping two places from last week, we have “Angel” by Shaggy featuring Rayvon.

Number-five is home to two-spot-dropper “There You’ll Be” by country singer Faith Hill, from the Pearl Harbor soundtrack.

At number-six, we have the debut of Gorillaz’ “19-2000” featuring uncredited vocals from Miho Hatori as well as founding Talking Heads members Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz.

“All I Want” by Alesha Dixon-fronted R&B girl group Mis-Teeq has dropped three spaces to its current spot at number-seven.

Do any of you remember Brandy? Because I sure don’t. Apparently she was huge, but I remember her feature on a Kanye track from Late Registration and that’s pretty much it. It’s somewhat strange that she collaborated with Ray “Hey-Fab-I’mma-kill you” J of all people, but—Wait a second! They’re siblings? And Ray J is Snoop Dogg’s cousin? Wow, he really had connections, huh? Anyway, Brandy and Ray J’s cover of Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise” is down three spots to number-eight.

“Another Lover” by another-rando Dane Bowers debuts at number-nine. If you’re wondering who this Dane fellow is, he was in a boyband called Another Level then he was on “Celebrity” Big Brother. In fact, I don’t think I know who this dude is, and I see no reason to find out.

“Do You Really Like It” by DJ Pied Piper and the Masters of Ceremonies finished off the top 10 with a four-space drop back to the final spot in the ten most popular songs of the country as of July 1st, 2001.

Climbers

Let me tell you now – there weren’t many at all. In fact, other than the number-one, there weren’t any songs climbing the charts, rather a whole lot of new entries and a whole lot of fallers.

Fallers

Where do we start?

“Daydream in Blue” by electronica duo (sharing their name with a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode) I Monster is down 11 spots to #40, “It’s Over Now” by Diddy’s favourite R&B group 112 is down 17 spots to #39 and “Best Friends” by pop group allSTARS* is down eight spots to #38, who had a show on CITV in 2001, and appeared on the Scooby-Doo soundtrack the same year, so I’m assuming they were for kids by kids.

“Close to You” by Wet Wet Wet singer Marti Pellow is down 16 to #37, “No More (Baby I’ma Do it Right)” by three (forgettable) little women known as 3LW is down 10 to #36, “Digital Love” by the best robots in music Daft Punk is down 11 spots to #35, “Out of Reach” by soul singer Gabrielle is down seven spots to #34, “Sing” by alternative rock band Travis is down 10 spots to #33, “Ride wit Me” by Kelly Rowland’s former crush Nelly featuring rapper City Spud is down six spots to #31, “It’s Raining Men” by ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is down 10 to #30, the classic “Papercut” by nu-metal band Linkin Park is down 15 to #29, 1980’s hit “Electric Avenue” by Eddy Grant is here for some reason, but it’s down nine to #28... seriously, why is this here? Apparently it had a “ringbang remix” which landed it into the top five in 2001. Huh, you learn something new and kind of dumb every day.

“Booo!” by lost-in-time musician Sticky (no, not Sticky Fingaz, this Sticky is some nobody without a Wikipedia page) featuring rapper Ms. Dynamite is down 11 to #27, “Here and Now” by the freaking Steps is down nine to #26, “This Time Around” by house music duo Phats & Small is down 15 from #15 to #25, “Thank You” by Dido – best known for Eminem’s excellent use of it as a sample in “Stan” – is down six spots to #24, “Have a Nice Day” by Britpop band Stereophonics is down eight to #20, as is “We Come 1” by electronica group Faithless at #19 as well as “My Way” by walking punchlines Limp Bizkit at #18. “Don’t Stop Movin’” by S Club 7 is down five to #14, as is “All Rise” by boyband Blue at #13. Wow, that was a lot!

Dropouts

Some data in this section may be inaccurate or non-existent, so bear with me as not all drop-outs will be noted in this section, mostly due to the fact that we don’t know a lot of them and I’m just going by what’s there on the UK Singles Chart’s official website.

There weren’t any returning entries this week, so I figured we’d go straight to the drop-outs that we know of, of which there are quite a few of, like “Cold as Ice” by M.O.P. (the Mash-Out Posse) dropping out from #36, “Heard it All Before” by Sunshine Anderson out from #35, “Rock da Funky Beats” by Public Domain featuring Public Enemy Chuck D out from #33, “Video” by India Arie out from #32, “Free” by Mýa out from #39, “Fiesta” by living trash-bag R. Kelly out from #38, “Never Enough” by Boris Dlugosch and Roisin Murphy out from #40, “Musak” by Trisco out from #28, “Jonathan David” by Belle & Sabastian out from #31, “Voodoo” by Warrior out from #37 and, finally, “Let U Go” by ATB out from #34.

NEW ARRIVALS

Now, let’s just jump right into talking about the ELEVEN new arrivals we have this week. I’ll try and keep it brief.

#32 – “Innocente (Falling in Love)” – Delerium featuring Leigh Nash

So, Delerium is an ambient/electronica group known for their hit song “Silence” featuring Sarah McLachlan and Leigh Nash is the lead singer of rock band Sixpence None the Richer, known for their massive hit “Kiss Me”. They would later go on to record a whole album together six years later in 2007, which I don’t really recommend – it’s kind of boring. Is this song a foreshadowing of what to come?

So I’m not the biggest fan of trance at all but I don’t mind this calmer, peaceful trip-hop-influenced stuff from Delerium, in fact I really love the opening guitar riff and the looming instrumentation (and what seem to be bells) before the steady drum beat kicks in and Leigh Nash starts smoothly singing the first verse, all over the instrumentation like she is the main force rather than a jackhammer beat, which is why a lot of EDM doesn’t click with me. However, this is almost not EDM at all. I mean, it’s kind of danceable electronica but, yeah, this is not trance at all, although the strings are definitely reminiscent and it does slowly pick up pace with some uglier synths like trance often does. I don’t know about this, it really drifts along the line between boring and dreamy, much like a lot of songs from Sixpence None the Richer. Did it have to be six minutes? No, but it doesn’t drag on too much in all its peaceful melancholy. I really don’t know why this was listed as a trance song on Wikipedia? Are they talking about the much longer and much worse Tiesto remix? If so, then why did they not specify? Maybe I’m nitpicking about the Wikipedia page more than I should but this song doesn’t really do much for me. If it had some more pop-rock edge from Leigh Nash, maybe I’d like it more, but as it stands, it’s just really weaksauce.

#23 – “Happy People” – Static Revenger

Ah, great, more EDM – lovely. Static Revenger is a Grammy-winning DJ, mostly known for making house and disco. This song in particular went platinum, so you know it’s going to be good, right? Well, if 6ix9ine’s (Platinum-certified!) “GUMMO” told me anything, it’s that sales don’t mean the art or the artists involved are any good... Maybe I should be more open-minded to dance music, I mean, I like a lot of 1990s house so this can’t be much different. I like the R.E.M. song with pretty much the same name, so it’s not like I’m averted to the concept of... happy people. This can’t be too bad.

Oops! I already kind of hate it and love it at the same time. This guitar riff is great but the synths are too static-y for the most part and the build-up feels too drowned out to really be a good build-up until the jackhammer beat starts coming in before the drop, which is a good climax but not entirely satisfying as the simple, repetitive hook stays exactly the same after the drop – I expected some mix-up? The keys introduced after the first drop are a nice change of pace and I appreciate their inclusion, and this is definitely a really fun, exciting and catchy track, however, I think this is just not my thing. It feels soulless and like a bit of a non-presence, which I guess is good for this type of club track? I don’t know, but I guess I just don’t “get” modern EDM still, even though this is barely modern, being early 2000s and all. Maybe I just don’t get EDM at all. Maybe I should learn to have some fun. Probably that last one. Next.

#22 – “Getting Away with It (All Messed Up)” – James

So, James are an indie rock band who have also dabbled in electronica and more experimental rock, including the artsy album WAH WAH. They’re apparently releasing an album next month, which I’ll definitely check out. This single is from their 2001 album Pleased to Meet You, which received mixed reviews by critics at its initial release. Has this song in particular stood the test of time?

Well, yeah, it has. Not in a way that I can be ecstatic about, as it still is somewhat dreary in its constant simplistic guitar strumming, but once the drum beat kicks in, it gets much more exciting and uses the quiet-loud dynamic well, albeit to a lesser extent than other alternative rock bands, as the main increase in volume is the lead singer’s voice, who croons over the oddly funky bassline and the cheap synths as well as the distorted guitar riffs after the first chorus which, yes, are awesome and are pretty nice as a back-up to synth bleeping and different string patterns that add to how intense and urgent the song seems to be, despite its slower tempo. Oh, yeah, and there’s an insane breakdown or solo before the final chorus, where the synths just freak out and that’s pretty damn cool, and the fact that the last chorus continues with the same instrumental makes the song all the more exciting, as it progresses in intensity just to abruptly end. I’m more of a (similarly-named) Travis fan personally, but this song rocks as well.

#21 – “Million Miles Away” – The Offspring

Remember these guys? I don’t know about everyone else, but I used to love these guys. They were one of my favourite bands, and honestly, probably still are as far as rock is concerned. The Offspring are a Californian rock band fronted by Dexter Holland, who always straddled the lines between alternative, pop punk and straight-up punk rock. They have a UK number-one and many other hits (and damn good deep cuts) in their arsenal, so how does this song in particular, from their album Conspiracy of One, fare?

It starts with a rapid and intense guitar riff that isn’t too heavy but fast enough to keep up with the simplistic, mad-cap drumming, creating an instrumental base for Dexter to moan about his break-up over. While I appreciate the instrumental, it is a tad too simple, as is the hook with the “oh, oh, oh” vocalisations and the singing feeling too whiny at times, especially in that chorus. While I love the instrumental to death, I feel Dexter’s sloppily-mixed vocals being all over it ruin it for me. However, there’s enough time where it’s just the backing and the guitar solo also rocks, so yeah, although I’m not a fan of the repetitive lyrics and delivery here, I can dig what’s behind it. Sadly, this is probably the first and only Offspring I’ll get to talk about – trust me, they’ve made much better stuff. My personal favourite of their singles is “Hit That”, if you want to check that absolute romp of a dance-rock track. They’re also releasing a new album this year, so I’m excited for that.

#16 – “Hard to Explain” – The Strokes

The Strokes don’t really need an explanation, right? One of the biggest American rock bands in recent memory, hailing from New York and bringing back garage rock in a huge way that led them to two top 10 UK hits. This is their first ever single, from their debut album Is This It, annoyingly without a question mark. Maybe XXXTENTACION could have lent them one, he seems to have had an extra one left around. That’s beside the point, let’s get into the breakout single from The Strokes.

It starts with a simple drum beat – possibly not from Fabirizio Moretti but rather from a drum machine - before going into one of the most memorable and slick guitar riffs of all time, thanks to guitarists Albert Hammond and Nick Valensi, with a funky bassline provided by Nikolai Fraiture backing not only the guitars up but also the distorted vocals from Julian Casablancas, with a catchy-as-all-hell hook that leads into an abrupt fake-end, before it picks up again for another exciting few minutes of punkish indie rock, with Casablancas’ vocals getting more strained and emotional throughout. I’m actually finding it pretty hard to describe and review this song fairly without insane hyperbole, as Casablancas says, it is pretty hard to explain, as it is one of my favourite hit songs ever, with its perfectly balanced amount of rowdiness and genuine intrigue, and dare I say, a certain classiness to the composition. Fantastic song, fantastic album, and a damn great band.

#15 – “Baddest Ruffest” – Backyard Dog

This is the 2002 FIFA World Cup song, made by big beat producing duo Backyard Dog, consisting of Aniff Akinola and Lloyd Hanley. To my knowledge, they haven’t done anything else, although Akinola here has rapped on other songs, like the mild success “Bounce ‘n’ Boom” and Kirsty MacColl’s top 40 hit “Walking Down Madison”, so it’s debateable if these guys are one-hit wonders, but if one of the most notable things the lead singer has been in was a Vimto advert, it’s safe to say you’ve probably been forgotten in time since. So, how’s Backyard Dog’s seemingly only ever piece of released music (other than their only studio album and the remix EP for this very song) that is documented on the Internet?

Well, it starts with what are assumingly sampled horns in one simple loop before a subtle but effective bass comes in and Akinola starts shouting, adding some ragga influence, but mostly I’d say this is a pretty simple big beat song, with a solid horn hook and even Akinola’s vocals adding a lot of uniqueness to an otherwise not-very-noteworthy track. Hell, I’d like this a lot more if it weren’t for the annoying chicken-like record scratching that makes up most of the song. As it stands, there’s one element that just tears the whole thing apart, which is unfortunate as this is actually a pretty fun and exciting, different song, and I do wish these guys had more material to listen to, because I’m digging their style. It’s pretty intriguing, even if it is just some big beat loops with Caribbean-tinged vocals being yelled over the track by a charismatic performer, who I’ll try and dig up other projects from. I hope these guys reunite to make some more jams.

#12 – “More than That” – Backstreet Boys

Listen, you know who the Backstreet Boys are. I know who the Backstreet Boys are. I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand them. They’re talented men, sure, but it feels a bit too cheesy and sickly sweet for me to really get into. Does that ring true with “More than That”, from their 2000 album Black & Blue?

Yes, of course it does. Why wouldn’t it? It has a pretty interesting albeit typical Latin or tropical guitar riff, but the vocals from the boys here aren’t too great, and everything that surrounds them just feels like purely perfect pop blandness. It’s too perfect – kind of like “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore and “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5 featuring Cardi B, both of which I talked about on REVIEWING THE CHARTS. It’s a good song, definitely, but it feels too manufactured for me to enjoy on repeated listening, as in the end, it is a soulless boyband song. What did you expect, a long, in-depth review that focuses on the vocal range of the boys and how excellently they mesh with the smooth R&B production? No, you’re not getting that, because there are better pop songs and better R&B singers that you could be listening to, even if it’s just the early 2000s. In fact, we’ll be talking about another in just a short while.

#9 – “Another Lover” – Dane

No, this is not who I meant! I meant Usher! I didn’t want this complete nobody to come in! Well, what does Dane have to say?

Nothing. He has nothing to say because he is uninteresting and typical lyrically. That was a dumb question, I don’t think he even wrote this song... but in R&B, it’s more about how you say it, and, damn, does he pull off the smooth, Latin-influenced production well! The Latin riffs are still present in the guitars, and the drums are more prominent than they probably should be, but Dane brings a great presence to the track, even if it doesn’t seem like he can actually sing very well at all, using his falsetto a lot of the time to mixed results, but he is fun and has more charisma than Juice WRLD and Dexter Holland when moaning about issues with a partner. I love the whispering in the penultimate chorus as well, which continues in the outro as some kind of acapella percussion, which I appreciate for its experimentalism if anything. This slick 1990s-resembling production and the man’s charisma make this a great listen, even if it’s not on Spotify and only has 70,000 views on YouTube... Yikes. Now, THIS has been forgotten in time.

#6 – “19-2000” – Gorillaz featuring Miho Hatori and Talking Heads (Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz)

I love Gorillaz. I’ve been a fan for a long while now, and I have grown to love how they blend genres excellently in accessible and catchy yet still experimental and strange pop songs, while still believing that the flow of an album is definitely important... well, they used to do that. Right now, with Humanz and The Now Now, it seems that they care more about the singular songs, which is fair because of streaming being more important now, but like the Avalanches, the flow of the album is seminal in my enjoyment of a Gorillaz album, and that has not been consistent recently, with bloated, boring albums and messes of songs like “Sex Murder Party” and... “Man Research (Clapper)”... from their self-titled 2001 debut album. Okay, so, maybe they’ve never been too great at the whole “making tight compositions” thing. This song is kind of proving as that chaotic structure not working too well. Let me elaborate.

“19-2000” is about the new millennium, as its title suggests, and follows the trends of the bridge between 1999 and 2000 very carefully, with a sampled trip-hop/hip-hop drum beat and catchy boyband-like vocalisations. However, it feels very messy in all its minimalistic joy. You have Miho Hatori’s repetitive lyrics about getting “the cool sunshine”, some reversed and heavily-edited vocal samples, Tina Weymouth and Chris Frantz doing whatever the hell they want in the background with some multi-tracked humming from frontman Damon Albarn, behind careless and slow verses from Albarn. You also have the “we gon’ break out” bridge thing, which is just kind of there? And then you have the various synth noises going on in one specific ear while there’s finger-snapping – could we have saved this for the video, guys? I don’t know, this song is fun and I’m still relatively positive on it, but like “Tranz” and “DARE”, it seems like too much is going on throughout. Also, I don’t know what’s Albarn, what’s Hatori, what’s Weymouth and where the hell Frantz is, so that’s lovely. It just piles into some kind of ball of musical elements, but they don’t mesh. They just keep growing.

#3 – “U Remind Me” – Usher

Usher is one of my favourite artists of all time. His charisma and personality is unmatched in R&B, and he will go down as a legend with some of the best club bangers and powerful and slick R&B ballads in music history. This is US chart-topper “U Remind Me”, from his third album 8701. While I’ve always preferred the Confessions era (my personal favourite Usher track is “Confessions Part II”), I can dig his earlier stuff and this is no exception.

Those introductory strings are damn beautiful, and then the piano and the synths come in, to assist Usher in all his glory, with his smooth delivery and scratched backing gang vocals. Sure, the lyrics can be seen as pretty corny or selfish and close-minded, but Usher pulls them off with his immense amounts of swagger, with a guitar coming in to match his charisma in the second verse. Oh, yeah, the song’s about a girl he can’t date because they remind him too much of an ex... for a song about what seems to be a first-world problem, Usher’s melodramatics may seem unnecessary, but they’re really not. The catchy hook and his many ad-libs really help rather than hinder, as it becomes pretty beautiful considering its potentially silly subject matter by the end. Maybe it’s too long, maybe it’s too overdramatic, but I don’t care. Usher pulls it off like no-one else ever could.

#1 – “The Way to Your Love” – Hear’Say

Okay, can I get a “get out of review” free card? Come on, it’s the eleventh new arrival and it’s the most anti-climactic, blandest-as-possible pop song, orchestrated by a trash talent show, with talented yet uninteresting and charmless singers, as well as cliché production – although the drums here are pretty cool albeit unfitting, I will admit – including the cheapest strings I’ve heard this side of Soundcloud rap, which I feel I’ve made too many comparisons to in a blog about 2000s pop music. Ah, well. What’s this song got to say, do or try and get across? Nothing. Nothing at all. This is so cheesy that I feel the milk being heated already... yet it’s not even funny. It’s just boring. It’s just a slog. Just an uninteresting, undeserving #1. At least it’s not “Freaky Friday”.

Conclusion

Best of the Week goes to “Hard to Explain” by The Strokes, no competition, although “U Remind Me” is an Honourable Mention and deservedly so. Worst of the Week? Although I have the most bile for our #1 here, yeah, it’s going to “Innocente (Falling in Love)” by Delerium for just being insanely boring, with Dishonourable Mention going to “The Way to Your Love”, I suppose. Nothing here is outright bad, just very uninteresting. See you tomorrow for REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

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roseisread · 7 years ago

Audio

You Make Me Not Wanna Die: The return of the Pop Menagerie playlist! It’s been way too long since I posted anything on this blog. My only excuse is that I’ve had a crazy year in my personal life and sometimes internet things take a back seat to self care. But right now, I think my best form of self care is listening to and sharing my pop culture faves so I’m back to do just that. I’m starting off with a playlist that contains songs I love to sing along to, cry along to, dance along to, write along to, and think along to. Almost all of these songs are from albums released in 2017, although there may be an exception here or there for songs released earlier that I only discovered recently. In any case, here you go. Enjoy! 1. Allie X - That’s So Us If you love Carly Rae Jepsen, you should love Allie X. This song makes me so happy, and also it makes me cry sometimes because it reminds me of those people that you really can be yourself around and they love you anyway. Those people are rare and wonderful, and if you are one of them for me, then thank you. “You make me not wanna die,” as the song says. I love that line so much I used it to title this playlist. 2. The Drums - Shoot the Sun Down Remember these guys? Kind of sunny indie pop, hit it big with “I Don’t Know How To Love” off of their album Portamento back in 2012? Yeah. They are still here, still awesome, and the album this came from just gives me shivers it’s so freaking great. Also, I joke that this song is dedicated to my cat when she tries to bite and scratch me at night, because of that repeating line, “I put a blanket over my face.” Nena, this one’s for you. 3. Knuckle Puck - Conduit I have such a goddamn soft spot for emo-leaning pop punk, you guys. I can’t even lie. As a bonus, they’re from the Chicago area so technically I can claim them as a local band. This song reminds me of the best of Blink 182, early Jimmy Eat World, and maybe even a little Brand New. I also love the lyrics, with their references to grinding teeth and lucid dreams. Definitely relatable for me. 4. MUNA - End of Desire You might be familiar with MUNA if you love Tegan and Sara, because this band appears on The Con: X covering Relief Next To Me. I love the way their voices blend, and I love the vulnerability of the lyrics. This song is open to interpretation, but it seems to allude to having feelings for another person that you didn’t ask for but can’t get rid of. Who hasn’t been there? 5. Kiasmos - Jarred The Icelandic duo is back with more incredible, chilly electronic tunes that almost sound like icicles forming or frost creeping up the inside of your window pane in the night. This song definitely makes me want to hop the next plane to Reykjavik and spend a week sipping dark liquor in some poorly lit club that only the locals know about. 6. MUTEMATH - War You know about my love of MUTEMATH by now. Their latest album goes in so many different directions musically--not just from one song to the next but within the space of a single track. This one is a banger live, and one of my favorites on the album. Lyrically, it reminds me of my own not so great tendency to get heated as I try to convince someone they’re wrong and I’m right. A good debate is healthy sometimes, but not everything needs to be a battle for the ages. “War’s in my nature,” all right. But I’m trying to find a way toward peace. 7. Cat Dealers/Groove Delight - Calabria This is just a sick dance track. I can’t claim to know all that much about Cat Dealers, although I know they hail from Rio de Janeiro and that this song makes me want to tear it up on the dancefloor or the living room or the driver’s seat of my car. Groove Delight is Brazilian as well, making me think I probably need to go to Brazil sooner rather than later to discover what other booty shaking gems I’ve been missing. 8. Converge - A Single Tear Can you believe these guys have been around for 27 years? This song encapsulates so many things I love about them, from their always insane percussion to the insistent guitar melodies to the impassioned vocals of Jacob Bannon. The lyrics (which allude to “holding you for the first time,” presumably about becoming a parent) are so sweet, a word that doesn’t probably come up in a lot of reviews of metal and hardcore songs but still, I stand by it. 9. Luna Shadows - Jesus Christ (Brand New cover) I have always loved this song, and it’s awesome to hear a young up and coming artist take it on. She really puts her own spin on this classic of the emo genre, and I look forward to hearing more original tunes from her. 10. ROMES - Someone I just saw these guys open for MUTEMATH and they have so much energy live! Canadian by way of Ireland, they bring out anthemic indie pop tunes that are just irresistible. I’m reminded a little bit of Peter Gabriel and a little bit of Bastille, but not in a derivative way. 11. Fever Ray - Red Trails Ahhhhh! Fever Ray is back!!!! It’s been way too long since we’ve heard from her, but the album that she just released online helps make up for the absence because it just kills. She still has that haunting, hypnotic voice layered on top of unexpected instrumentation and arrhythmic beats. The lyrics are mysterious and dark. There’s something sexy about it but not in a Britney Spears way. She sounds kind of dangerous but you can’t help but want to follow her wherever she’s going. 12. ABRA - Bounty Speaking of hypnotic and sexy, ABRA is definitely both. Based in Atlanta, she sounds like she’s based in another planet altogether. Her off kilter brand of R&B does not fit any category--she has this supple voice that leads us along across breathy beats and frantic counter melodies. It’s unsettling and gorgeous at the same time. 13. Tove Lo - Disco Tits Tove Lo is my ride or die. She’s unabashedly herself in all her nympho trashy glory, and I adore her for it. I promise I’m not into club drugs, but Euro pop songs about them sure are fun. I put this song on the car radio when I’m driving to work just to wake myself up and then have to make sure my phone volume is on mute before I walk into the office because “nipples are hard ready to go” is probably not appropriate lyrical content for the workplace. 14. Golden Features - Funeral Tom Stell, aka Golden Features, has sold out tours in his native country of Australia but it won’t belong before he’s selling out everywhere. This track makes me want to see him in an underground dance club at 4am. It’s fire. 15. Jessie Ware - Stay Awake, Wait For Me Another one of my faves is back! I love her upbeat songs but this is one of those instant classic pop ballads, and I had to find a spot for it on this list. It’s intimate and romantic and sexy in a grown up way. Don’t put this song on if you’re trying to be celibate, is all I’m saying. 16. Hundred Waters - Particle If you miss Imogen Heap/Frou Frou, you should most definitely be listening to Hundred Waters. Nicole Miglis has that hushed tone in her voice that belies intense feeling, and the skittering electronic elements fill the spaces in between as a sort of musical representation of anxiety and uncertainty. This song, about a romantic coupling that seems lopsided. “I’m only a particle, a drop in you, forever dissolving,” she sings. Damn.

17. The Tuts- Dump Your Boyfriend What’s not to love about this UK based garage girl group? This song describes the kind of toxic relationship that it’s easy to criticize from the outside but harder to shake when you’re the one who’s in love with an asshole. 18. Fellwarden - Sun of an Ending This kind of moody, atmospheric black metal is so soothing to me. It feels ancient and primal, like the old gods are still roaming the land slaying dragons and protecting those that live in their realm. If you’re a black metal fan, you may recognize the vocals as those of Fen frontman The Watcher. 19. Palehound - Silver Toaster On Boston-based Palehound’s second album, the writing sounds more self-assured and the songs even more personal than those on the debut. Frontwoman Ellen Kempner attributes this in part to being more comfortable in her own skin as a queer-identifying woman, and in part to being in her first healthy adult relationship. This song is short and simple, but I love the unexpected turns of phrase and imagery, like the line, “hack off my split ends.” There are plenty of bands doing the whole DIY stripped down aesthetic, but this one rises above the rest. If you were into artists like Kimya Dawson and Mary Lou Lord, you should definitely be paying attention to Palehound.

20. Kelsea Ballerini - Miss Me More Nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy earlier this year, Kelsea Ballerini hits the ground running on her latest release. She’s been writing songs since she was 12 years old and listening to Britney, Christina, and N Sync. Something about the fact that she considers Shania her biggest influence really charms me. I am obsessed with this song, which I can relate to on a very personal level. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you’ve compromised yourself for another person until you don’t have them in your life anymore and suddenly the real you starts to re-emerge. 21. The Maharajas - Too Late To Repent If you hear this song and think it must be a re-release of some little known 1960s garage rock/British Invasion group, I don’t blame you. I wondered that myself. But it turns out these Swedish dudes have only been active since the 90s, and they are still recording music that sounds like it’s from a bygone era. A little Kinks, a little Beatles, a little surf rock--it’s all here and it’s all great. 22. Margo Price - Don’t Say It This Illinois native was signed by Jack White to Third Man Records, and she recorded her debut album at Sun Studios in Memphis. Both of those things make sense upon hearing her traditional country sound. She has one of those clear, classic voices that really do harken back to the Lorettas and Patsys and Tammys. Her second album even features a duet with Willie Nelson, proving that she’s definitely earned her classic country bonafides. 23. Peaness - Skin Surfing OK, yes, initially I was drawn to this 3-piece English band because of their silly name. But once I heard the first guitar strums and vocal harmonies, I was truly done for. Formed in 2014, they have songs about everything from wasting food just because it doesn’t look aesthetically pleasing (”Ugly Veg”) to George Osborne of Brexit fame (”Oh George”). This song is very seductive while staying playful and affirming consent. I dig the occasional Veruca Salt vibes it dips into as well. 24. Dori Freeman - Ern & Zorry’s Sneakin’ Bitin’ Dog I guess an acapella song about a mean neighbor dog might be an odd choice for a playlist but it’s so adorable I couldn’t leave it out. Dori Freeman, who cites Peggy Lee and Rufus Wainwright as her major influences, hails from Virginia and her songs have an Appalachian flavor. I predict a T-Bone Burnett collaboration in her future. 25. The Blow - Summer It’s hard to believe The Blow has existed in some form for going on 20 years, but it’s true. The K Records vets continue to release hypnotic, electronic indie pop with a lo-fi feel, and this song has been stuck in my head from the first listen. It’s a simple melody but good luck escaping that hook. 26. Austra - Beyond a Mortal The Canadian dark wave is back with their third album, this time recorded in Mexico. For this particular track, singer Katie Stelmanis says she recorded the vocals over 100 times to achieve the hushed, whispery effect. The rest of the album, titled Future Politics, is a meditation on the state of the world as it is now and what we all wish it could become. 27. MGMT - Little Dark Age Finally! It’s been 5 years since MGMT’s last album, and even longer since the world sat up and took notice of them. This lead single off their upcoming album makes me think that they’re poised to re-take the synth pop throne. This song has elements of their earliest work, but it also incorporates bits of industrial and even krautrock. I listen and think Depeche Mode! Kraftwerk! Skinny Puppy! So many of my musical faves somehow distilled into a single track. I can only hope that the rest of the album lives up to this single. 28. Charlotte Gainsbourg - Ring-a-Ring O’Roses To me, there’s always been an otherworldly quality to Charlotte Gainsbourg’s voice. She took some time off from music to do some acting, notably in Lars Von Trier’s Nymphomaniac volume 1 and volume 2 and Melancholia. Those films required heavy lifting and emotional degradation, which perhaps allowed her to tap into a deeper place when recording the songs for this album, her first in seven years. The video for this song features Gainsbourg’s son, carrying on the family tradition started by Charlotte and her father Serge Gainsbourg. 29. Sun Glitters - Where the End Begins If there’s one thing I love, it’s shimmery electronic music. And Sun Glitters, who hails from Luxembourg, produces just that. Rarely does an artist’s name so aptly describe their sound, but this is one such perfect marriage. If you enjoy the likes of Gold Panda, Boards of Canada, Fennesz, Teen Daze, or Blackbird Blackbird, you will definitely dig this sound.

#playlist #2017 music #mgmt #charlotte gainsbourg #sun glitters #austra #mutemath #the drums #allie x #tove lo #fever ray #romes #the tuts

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs, week thirty-eight

takin’ some time to think��‘bout the songs what all debuted on billboard between on 27 september 1997, 29 september 2007, and 30 september 2017

spoiler this is extra salty, hoo boy pop music is bad and no one should like it

9.27.1997

2) "4 Seasons of Loneliness," by Boyz II Men

Yep. Yep, this is a '90s R&B slo jamz. Just a bunch of dudes singing gently about how epic and powerful some feeling is -- in this case, loneliness, which, if you were not aware, is the opposite of love. See, what makes loneliness so fascinating is, when you're in love, you're a two, right? But when you're an alone, you're a one. And if you're a one for long enough, you will eventually be alone through all four of the seasons -- winter, spring, summer, and of course, faultumln. What a brilliant job Boyz II Men do of portraying what it would be like to be single for a year.

29) "Everything," by Mary J. Blige

This is like a '90s R&B dude song from the female song. "You are my trusted friend/On you I can depend." First off, way not to end the lyric with a preposition, but also, I think I've heard that "friend/depend" from 1997 R&B dudes at least 20 times. "It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face/I would fall so deep in love, that your love can't be replaced." Face/Replace sounds new? But I wouldn't be surprised if it popped up here and there across '90s R&B. This is a bit bouncier and more upbeat than the R&B dude fare -- it's not overdramatic, it's Mary J. Blige revelling in love, so at least it has that going for it. It just doesn't feel like its own thing.

79) "Don't Go," by Le Click ft./Kayo

How come people who make dance music are so shitty at making hot dance tracks? Like, every EDM song in 2017 sounds like the apocalypse, and every dance song from 1997 is the saddest goddamned thing I've ever heard. "Don't go, my feeling can't be wrong." Now urrbody in the club gettin' desperate. Like what even is this, why are we putting this song in front of that "I'm Too Sexy" beat I can't stop hearing because Tay Tay ruined everything, why, why.

88) "Off the Books," by The Beatnuts ft./Big Punisher & Cuban Link

You know what, I didn't mind them. Everyone rapped well, and I appreciated a look at a life of crime that wasn't about drugs. You can also evade taxes, or launder money! Those are less fun crimes to commit than drugs, but they do the trick if you're out of drugs. I don't know how much of this song actually invovled money laundering, I just know the hook was "ain't nothin' but crooks in here/gettin' mad money off the books in here," and the song wasn't really worth paying attention to, so I'm just sort of hoping it was about the intricacies of money laundering.

90) "Love Is Alive," by 3rd Party

So OK this is just basic Euro stupidity CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING AMAZON AD. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE FUCKING AMAZON AD WHERE THE DOG WISHES IT COULD TALK TO THE HUMAN. What even is the song they use in that ad? How did they find it? Like did they commission a song specifically for that ad? That song had to be written for the ad. They filmed and edited the ad, went to a coffee shop three blocks from the office, and asked people to take two minutes to write a song about a dog that wishes it could talk to humans. It's the worst goddamn song in the world and I have to hear it 20 times a week until the ad campaign is over because of this stupid fucking thing I'm doing. That's not fair. That's not fair! Why would you increase the degree of difficulty? I know it's late in the game, it's not supposed to be easy, but you're supposed to let me win. "I wish I could ask you how was your day." YOU'RE A DOG. YOU WISH FOR MEATS, AND THE DAY YOU DIE WILL BE THE HAPPIEST BECAUSE THAT IS THE DAY YOU GET TO HAVE A CHOCOLATE SOMETHING.

9.29.2007

14) "Good Life," Kanye West ft./T-Pain

This song is ridiculous because Kanye eventually is inspired by T-Pain to use Auto-tune on himself and makes three miserable masterpieces that affect pop/hip-hop for a decade, and this song is like the bounciest most triumphant thing off Graduation. Like you can trace a direct line from this song, with its jubilant T-Pain line and that delightful "more ass than the models" drop, to Lil Uzi Vert, who makes boring songs about how dark his mind is.

61) "1, 2, 3, 4," Feist

For some reason the top YouTube search result for this song is not this song, but rather the Plain White T's song. I hate that this is my algorithm. Also we talked about lineages, and we talked about the Amazon ad, and you can draw a direct line from this song's surprising rise to popularity to that goddamned Amazon ad. We made a folksy indie artist popular, and a decade later, we have a folksy indie-sounding song about a dog staring at a human and saying "UNDERSTAND ME! WHY?????" Like I'm listening to this song, and I'm no longer hearing the Apple ad, I'm hearing Linda from corporate's ringtone, because Linda from corporate downloaded the song from the Amazon ad. "It makes me so happy when the puppy talks to the baby!" Guys I'm not well.

86) "Inconsolable," Backstreet Boys

I feel like I'm on the precipice of an amazing joke or insight but all my brain is doing is staring at the words "Twenty years of not understanding why they keep giving AJ solos." Hey you wanna hear something bonkers? Two of the Backstreet Boys hadn't turned 30 when this song had been released. How the fuck are you gonna be in your late 20s and making adult contemporary jams. How is your life this over before you're at least 32. Also one of the Backstreet Boys was 36 in 2007. Sir, you are a Backstreet Man. I don't know what your problems are, but I can see you have several.

88) "Do It," Nelly Furtado

I mean, it exists. Like it just sort of starts, and then it doesn't stop. I felt like I was listening to this song for 1000 years because it just kept saying "do it like you do it to me." Except like I'd imagine this person is doing it to Nelly Furtado, so I guess I just don't understand why she wouldn't just urge him to keep doin' it? But then the song just faded out, and I'm just here like, did I actually listen to something? Was I supposed to hear a story, is this, is this a rough draft? Did they intend on polishing this before the release? "So you released the album before you finished the last track! Big deal! Everyone makes mistakes, everyone has those days, as we are fond of saying in 2007! But we will be releasing this as a single so the whole world can hear what a bad job you did."

93) "I'm So Hood," DJ Khaled ft./T-Pain, Trick Daddy, Rick Ross & Piles

Oh, DJ Khaled group cuts, at least you're never awful. You might only whelm, and I might think Piles is just an absolute zero of a person, but it's typically pleasant to hear you when you appear. DJ Khaled: not the worst since 2007.

94) "Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill)," Wyclef Jean ft./Akon, Lil' Wayne & Niia

This would be a really touching song if it sounded like anyone on this track had spent time thinking about what it means to be a sex worker. Like I'm not tryna get all tumblr here, it's just, there's so many societal forces which combine to force someone into stripping, and these dudes are just like, "She used to be so nice! Such a shame she's doing this thing. Stupid money!" Like no there's so much more to it than that. But I'm also not sure Lil Wayn is in tune with the day's social issues. Also, heck is Lil Wayn doing on this song? It kind of feels like Lil Wayn was 100% on board with strip clubs for most of his career. This song is an outlier. I don't think Lil Wayne really think it's a tragedy when someone turns to stripping.

95) "My Drink n' My 2 Step," Cassidy ft./Swizz Beatz

This song is surprisingly good and I'm actually angry that the song I think of when I think of Cassidy is "Hotel" and not this jam. Cassidy's pretty much a one-hit wonder, but this should've been the hit.

96) "Firecracker," Josh Turner

This is a cute song and Josh Turner hits some gonzo low notes, but mostly I'm now obsessed with this idea of some country dude at some point calling his dick a firecracker. Like, I think it's nice he's calling his girl a firecracker, but there's gotta be a country dude somewhere making a joke about "don't get hurt holdin' my firecracker!" right? Or maybe we could use the Southern man's propensity for getting himself injured playing with firecrackers as a euphemism for masturbation. I dunno. I'm ready to move on, but if anyone wants to start making a bro country album with me, I am willing to chase this dog.

99) "Me Enamora," Juanes

This kind of sounds like the fun Latin song on a 2016 Backstreet Boys album. Like, it just doesn't sound as fun or as exotic as the Latin pop explosion of 2017. I think I'm just reacting to the presence of a dude playing guitar in the video. Like, that's how you remove mystique from a person, is just strap a guitar around them. That tells you he's the sort of person who walks around telling people he's a "storyteller" and Bob stop now before you just 100% rip off "guitar guy at the party."

100) "Kiss Kiss," Chris Brown ft./T-Pain

hey guess what nope

30 September 2017

5) "Too Good at Goodbyes," by Sam Smith

at first i thought "i have sang this song before" in the first verse and i was all "hey, thanks for writing my review buddy!" 'cuz like no shit he's sang this song before, this is the only song sam smith has ever song, the only emotion sam smith has ever felt in all his life is "melancholy" and his songs are bland and without flavor as a result, they're just pointlessly sad, also i said fuck you at my computer when the choir kicked in, like seriously of goddamn course a choir, titanic was less predictable

44) "Dusk Till Dawn," by ZAYN ft./Sia

You know what kinda ticked me off about this song that I'm not sure should tick me off but whatever? The chorus, where Zayn goes "I'll be waiting for right he-e-e-e-eeee-ee-e-e-e-eeeeee-e heeee-e-e-e-e-eeee-e-eeeere?" Like what are you trying to do with that long note if you have to take a breath during the middle of it? That rest doesn't add any tension, it only serves to take people out of the song and say, "Why'd you stop singing, dude? It sounded like you were just gonna keep singing for a few seconds. You lack breath control? Is that it? Zero technical skill, ZAYN?" But it's entirely possible I'm the only person annoyed by that. And it's also possible I just wanted to be annoyed at something in particular, rather than just pointing at this song and shouting "BAD" like I did in the first draft. Because hoo boy, this ain't a hot one!

62) "Love So Soft," by Kelly Clarkson

OH GOD YES KELLY IS ON THE HORN BANDWAGON. I WAS SO READY FOR THOSE HORNS, I KNOW HOW POP MUSIC'S BEEN TRENDING THIS YEAR, I WAS WORRIED THIS WOULD JUST BE A BALLAD FROM THE TITLE, BUT THERE IS LIGHT HORNAGE and also this is the best Kelly song in years. The thing her voice does when she sings "it sure gonna cost YOU" is pure and it also does a million other things because it just flies around this song, Kelly Clarkson is flexing on all these young women who've got a vocal range of "whispering." The last few weeks, we've seen a good Kesha song, a good Demi song, and this Kelly Clarkson masterpiece, and I never wanna hear from goddamn Fifth Harmony ever again, not when the standard has been set.

73) "I'll Name the Dogs," by Blake Shelton

one of my favorite tweets of all time said, "would you like some traditional gender rolls? my wife made them while i was at work," and that is all i can think of most days, but also especially while listening to this song. "you find the spot and i'll find the money/you be the pretty and i be the funny." i am too logged on to ever accept this song.

80) "Found You," by Kane Brown

i would like to rescind my interest in kane brown for the time being. "what ifs" was intense, but this is knock-off sam hunt, which is itself akin to store-brand wheat thins. whatever about kane brown's vocal work on "what ifs" has completely vanished, he sort of rotates between three notes, and the lyrics are completely devoid of character, it's just, "it would have been sad if we never dated" over The Electric Drum Beat. i expected better, sir, but i hope you can be better.

81) "Gucci Gang," by Lil Pump

...Well, at least I only had to waste two minutes of my life listening to The Trap Song. At some point, these songs will be four measures long and instead of lyrics they'll just make the fun trill noises. Honestly, the trill noises? Very good. I love dudes are just going "brr!" and rolling their rs.

85) "No Limit," by G-Eazy ft./A$AP Rocky & Cardi B

You know what I like about Cardi B? This is G-Eazy's song, but Cardi B comes on the track to say, "Put a white boy on a song, I might turn G-Eazy out." In Cardi B's mind, this is her song, and while this is not Kendrick on "Control," given how awful G-Eazy's verse and how cringey Rocky's hook is, I'm willing to believe it. Still, I'm really excited for Cardi B as she increases in power and becomes more and more able to take songs from the main artist. But not this one, I don't wanna listen to this song again, it's super bad.

98) "Pills and Automobiles," by Chris Brown ft./Yo Gotti, A Boogie Wit da Hoodie & Kodak Black

Yeah, I'm all good on hearing about the things Chris Brown does in cars.

99) "Let Me Go," by Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso ft./Florida Georgia Line & watt

We've given the song from the Amazon ad about a dog that wishes it could interact with the baby a lot of guff, but at least I had a reaction to it, which is more than I can say for this song. Why are there so many people on this track? How did Florida Georgia Line even get here? What did they add to this song that literally any other male singer couldn't? A second, even more useless voice? Who is watt? Am I supposed to know who watt is already? This song is dumb. I'm going to listen to "Love So Soft" fifty times.

Who won the week?

I mean. No one? 1997 was all boring, 2007 had a very good song and an ok song (Cassidy made the third-best song I heard this week. Cassidy), and 2017 has an incredible song, and then I listened to things that weren’t good for an hour. I think 2017′s gonna get it because “Love So Soft” is a lock for the top ten, whereas “Good Life” probably doesn’t make the Top 20, jubilant and lovely as it is. So basically “Love So Soft” is Kevin Garnett on the Timberwolves, just dragging a bunch of scrublords into the playoffs.

1993: 13 2007: 12 2017: 13

Next week, 1997 presents us with Aaliyah, Fiona Apple, and everyone’s favorite way to fulfill the Rule of Three: The Kinleys! 2007 responds with James Blunt, so, y’know, that’s gonna be something we have to spend time thinking about. And 2017 will give us a sassy young woman belting over horns, a tropical beat from a DJ of note, a trap song with a thousand trills, Latin pop IF WE’RE LUCKY, a song by a member of One Direction, and content from a shitheel.

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15th September 2019

This is a pretty damn busy week all things considered, especially in comparison to the last few weeks which have been incredibly dry, by that I mean “No new arrivals” dry, so without further ado, let’s review the charts.

Top 10

Now I’m puzzled, why hasn’t “Take Me Back to London” by Ed Sheeran featuring Stormzy, remixed by Sir Spyro with additional verses from Jaykae and Aitch (Yes, I’m saying that whole thing every time) been dethroned yet? It’s its third week at #1, and I understand that it’s Ed Sheeran making watered-down white-washed grime music which follows somewhat of a UK hip hop trend with pop sensibilities and riding off the waves of a late 2000s grime/UK garage nostalgia phase, it’s essentially the perfect #1 for late Summer-early Autumn 2019 in Britain, but come on, this isn’t a great song and it’s been so close to stepping down from this spot in the past three weeks, in fact...

Aitch may as well have dethroned himself by technicality this week, since the release of his AitcH20 mixtape (I don’t like the dude’s music but I respect the pun) has propelled his lead single “Taste (Make it Shake)” up a spot to number-two, which is a new peak but not the #1 spot as I very much expected, and dreaded, this week.

Potential #1 “Higher Love” by Kygo and the late Whitney Houston is down a spot to number-three thanks to Aitch’s impact, which fortunately, isn’t notable enough for an Album Bomb feature; neither is Post Malone’s Hollywood’s Bleeding but we will see some of that later on.

“Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is staying still at number-four.

Meanwhile, we have a humorous blunder on the BBC’s part, who said that Post Malone’s “Circles”, at number-five this week, is “down 6”, implying that Post Malone reached the impossible: A #0 spot on the UK Singles Chart. Pretty impressive. This song has grown on me, especially in album context, but I’m not bothered about it all too much still and I do think “Goodbyes” with Young Thug is miles better.

Joel Corry’s “Love Island anthem”, “Sorry” featuring uncredited vocals from Hayley May, is at number-six this week, which isn’t a change at all from last chart.

Unfortunately missing its chance of #1 now is “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike, down two spots to number-seven. I predict Fike’ll be a one-hit wonder because of his general apathy for promotion and performing live, especially since none of his other singles seem to have matched the success of his breakout song, but that debut album will be what decides it, I suppose.

Lil Tecca is down one space to number-eight with “RAN$OM”, which still isn’t plummeting fast enough – I did a UK Top 40 ranking on my Twitter @cactusinthebank and this just barely missed the bottom of that list, so if you wanted any insight on how I feel about that track, there you go.

Young T & Bugsey ride off the Aitch feature as “Strike a Pose” is up another chart position to number-nine.

Finally, we have a gain I’m ecstatic about, as “Goodbyes” by Post Malone featuring Young Thug gains a second wind, up four spaces to #10 thanks to the album release. More on that later, but I’m glad this returned to the top 10, it is a near-perfect pop song.

Climbers

I’m ecstatic about this gain too as Regard’s Jay Sean remix, “Ride It”, is up 10 spaces (or “down 10” – thanks, BBC) off the debut to #15, becoming Regard’s first ever UK Top 20. Congratulations, but man, who cares? Jay Sean has another hit. It’s his ninth UK Top 20 hit overall and first ever since 2010, I hope this guy makes a comeback. Speaking of people getting their first UK Top 20 hits, “Dance Monkey” by Tones and I had an unexpected boost 12 spaces up to #19, becoming her first ever as well. There are no other climbers but there are a ton of fallers, so...

Fallers

I think I need for the first time in months to separate these fallers by genre, so...

In reverse order of how high up these songs are on the chart unless noted, and starting with pop, EDM and rock(?), “bad guy” by Billie Eilish (Featuring Justin Bieber, kind of) is down six spaces to #37 as this one’s definitely on its way out. Skipping two songs for the sake of the writing to flow, “Ritual” by Tiesto, Jonas Blue and Rita Ora is down four to #28, “Someone You Love” by Lewis Capaldi is down six to #27, “Castles” by Freya Ridings is down six as well to #26, “Beautiful People” by Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid is down five to #24 and “boyfriend” by Social House featuring Ariana Grande is down five to #22.

Our second genre is Taylor Swift, as “You Need to Calm Down” has an end to its second wind thanks to the Lover album release, down eight spots to #36 (It’ll be out pretty soon), and the title track (That’s “Lover”) is down nine positions to #31.

Our third and final genre category worth noting is hip hop and R&B, starting with MIST and Fredo dropping a whopping 26 spaces to #35 with “So High”, just as I start to actually like this song, thanks to what are probably streaming cuts... and that’s actually all for that genre. Huh. Maybe I shouldn’t have split this in the first place.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Our drop outs seem to all be songs from the last stretch of the charts, in fact all of last week’s #36-#40 have been replaced this week, mostly some songs barely holding onto the UK Top 40, specifically in the realm of hip-hop seemingly, with “I Spy” by Krept & Konan, K-Trap and Headie One dropping out from #39 and “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy out from #40, as well as “Wish You Well” by Sigala featuring Becky Hill from #38, while some recent debuts are also out of the chart. “The Man” by Taylor Swift is out from #36 but won’t be back and is probably the result of a combination of a busy week and Lover hype dying off, while “Lalala” by Y2K and bbno$ is out from #37 off of the debut, but will re-enter next week at even possibly a higher position actually. It’s just because it’s a busy week and it happened to break in late, it’s not losing in performance.

There are no returning entries so let’s get into the most EPIC part of the show:

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Slide Away” – Miley Cyrus

Produced by Andrew Wyatt and Mike WiLL Made-It – Peaked at #11 in Slovakia and #47 in the US

You’d be hard-pressed to find a Miley Cyrus song I enjoy, even in eras people seem to praise like Bangerz and... well, just Bangerz. I don’t think I’ll ever be a fan of Cyrus to be honest, I’m definitely not a fan of the slight country twang she has in her voice and I never think her production is any good or even worthwhile, usually provided by Mike WiLL. It’s either completely misguided and cringeworthy like SHE IS COMING or to an even worse extent, Miley Cyrus and Her Dead Petz, or generic, country-influenced pop slush like her Disney efforts and once again to an even worse extent, Younger Now. I did see a lot of buzz about this track in particular that seemed pretty positive, and I’ve got to say, it took her 16 UK Top 40 hits and a music video being released recently, but she’s finally got a charting song that I like, in fact, I might love this. Those slick guitar riffs that start the song off as well as soulful pitch-shifted vocals set a really sombre atmosphere, propelled by the trap percussion with 808s that really dig into the centre of the mix, and an odd scatting and incoherent vocal sample, which is actually an interesting addition and probably Mike WiLL’s contribution. The chorus here is insanely powerful, with Cyrus’ country twang being more subtle and overall, her performance here is a lot more bearable than normal. The swell the airy synths have here especially in the hook is less non-descript than most modern pop and doesn’t present any grandiosity like you’d expect, especially backed by the strings. It sounds more like acceptance, which is incredibly fitting for the subject matter, which as a result from Cyrus’ split with one of the Hemsworths, is focused on how she wants to safely move on rather than focusing on the past as it’s pretty unhealthy especially as she’s now a grown woman (Which she points out in the pre-chorus), with the fully instrumental and surprisingly lengthy outro (Really love the subtle touches there as well, as the vocal sample comes back briefly as well) full of vocodered synth brass and strings flailing out and going nowhere... much like her marriage. Was that on purpose? Probably not, actually, I doubt Mike WiLL really cares, he was probably there to programme some trap drums that sounded a tad sombre and then move on to giving Rae Sremmurd a reason to be making music. Yeah, this is pretty great, although I’d prefer the writing to be a little less undercooked, with a variation on the verse rather than a simple reprise, but I’m not complaining about how it is now really, considering this is a massive improvement on... pretty much everything else. Check it out if you haven’t already.

#38 – “Liar” – Camila Cabello

Produced by watt, The Monsters and the Strangerz and Jon Bellion – Peaked at #13 in Singapore and #56 in the US

I love how history repeats itself. In 2017, Camila Cabello released a double A-side single of sorts, with a trendy pop song following what was popular at the time and a slightly left-field Latin-tinged R&B cut. The trendy pop song, “OMG” with Quavo, underperformed, although the Latin-tinged R&B cut with the incoherent Young Thug guest verse was “Havana”, a #1 hit and one of the most popular songs of the decade, later ending up on the album. Similarly, the “dark pop” Billie Eilish rip-off that is “Shameless” was given the obvious label push but fans seem to really prefer the Latin one, “Liar”, which shows they should probably stop marketing Cabello as a pop star, but we’ll see how that goes in a few months when the album releases. For now, however, we’ve got “Liar”... wait, why the hell does Lionel Richie have a writing credit?

Okay, so I’ve covered 1994’s Year-End list for a Top 5 Best and Worst Hit Songs feature, and I’ve listened to the 1984 list as well for a Top 10 Best Hit Songs feature for that one, and as I guess is a gift of fate, one of the best songs from the 1994 list and one of the worst from the 1984 list are both sampled and/or interpolated in this Camila Cabello song, and trust me, once you hear both of them, you can’t un-hear them, and I heard them immediately. It’s not subtle, but it doesn’t necessarily need to be, the song can still be a catchy pop ditty with the blatant sample... but no amount of Melodyne and vocal manipulation can help Cabello from her rubbery and squeaky, slightly off-key(?) falsetto cooing. It’s not sensual or “Broken”, it just sounds awful. Oh, yeah, and the ska beat is mediocre, with hilariously plastic horns, especially in comparison with “Havana”... Honestly, replacing Pharrell with Jon Bellion and removing Young Thug entirely is probably the worst decision the label made. Nothing here is enticing except an admittedly tight bassline, but what’s the point? Just listen to “All That She Wants” by Ace of Base, download some extra FL Studio saxophone sound effects (Even though the cheap horns in the original are dated, they sound a lot better than the recreation here), and you’ve got a somewhat better version of this song. It’s a weak effort, but my expectations weren’t high in the first place. Still better than “All Night Long (All Night)” though, but that’s a pretty difficult feat.

#21 – “Buss Down” – Aitch featuring ZieZie

Produced by Mojam

Remember ZieZie? I wrote paragraphs on paragraphs about that “Fine Girl” song he had but it really was an enigma to me at the time and still kind of is. Anyway, this is the instant grat single and breakout song from Aitch’s second mixtape, AitcH20 (There are layers to that pun and I respect it). I don’t care about Aitch all that much, he just seems to be a safer alternative and pretty accessible guest rapper, like your grandmother’s favourite British trap artist. This is his fifth UK Top 40 single and ZieZie’s second (I never thought I’d say those two words in my life)... but first of all, I commented on this when I talked about “Fine Girl” but the dude’s released more singles so it’s even more jarring now – why is his pre-fame single “Low Life” still listed on Spotify as “ZieZie- “Low Life”” in both the album and track title? He’s signed to a major label, he’s on one of the biggest UK rappers’ promo single, how has no-one fixed this? Sigh, well, the song’s okay. It’s very much not a trap cut, it takes some influence from the Afroswing that people like MoStack make, especially with the piano riff that’s used as the main synth melody, as well as some cute 808s and an admittedly great hook from ZieZie... but the beat doesn’t change and Aitch is existent. The chorus is four lines, all of which sung twice in one chorus, which happens four times in the song. It’s mostly Aitch with corny lyrics and a really sloppy flow on the verses, with a third verse from ZieZie that is absolutely dreadful, pushes this song to mediocre for me. Not only is it incoherent enough for there to be some [?]s on Genius still, but it’s about taking your girl... but letting ZieZie’s friend have sex with your girl, although apparently your girl likes it when her and ZieZie have rough sex, even though your girl is having sex with ZieZie’s friend instead and your girl loves how caring ZieZie is... Huh?

#20 – “Sounds of the Skeng” – Stormzy

Produced by Sir Spyro

Now, THIS is some good British hip hop. This is Stormzy’s 17th UK Top 40 hit and tenth UK Top 20 single, and it’s pretty great. I understand why it didn’t have a Top 5 debut like the sweet gospel-pop number “Crown” or addictive bop that is “Vossi Bop”, because this is just straight-up grime. It’s not UK garage, there aren’t any pop beats or Jorja Smith vocal samples, it doesn’t go soft, it goes hard. It’s produced by Sir Spyro, it has three rapidly-flowing verses, and it’s an absolute banger. You can barely even hear Stormzy under the dramatic synths and bursts of brass, but you can tell he’s just going and going and going. The only sense of melody we get in this bass-rattling single really, other than the synths and smooth jazz horns in the left channel, is the producer tag that plays briefly in the chorus and never again. There are several moments here I just love, not even necessarily lyrical moments although those are usually on point here, but Stormzy’s wild inflections throughout. Most verses start with a simple, Westernised modern flow and then go into a more speedy and aggressive delivery that barely doesn’t clip in the mix. The first verse is comparatively relaxed, with a pretty lazy cadence, making a pretty obscure Kendrick Lamar reference for whatever reason, with the “Perfect!” sample from Street Fighter perfectly implemented. I like how the first verse seems more like a threat while the second verse and third verse are right into the action, as he asks “old Mike” not to resurface, and in the chorus, even mentions old persona Wicked Skengman or Mr. Skeng. The title of the song has a lot of thought into it as well, being a reference to The Sound of Music juxtaposed with grimey London slang term “Skeng” and the Sir Spyro producer tag, “Sounds of the Sir”. Stormzy starts dissing British rappers who use too much Americanised slang and beat selection in the second verse, with lazy, dismissive ad-libs almost mocking trap-rappers overseas like Migos, and then he reaches the peak of the song. The second verse, personally my favourite, is where he has a machine gun flow enraged outburst, and it is insane, mentioning his two BRIT Award wins while also keeping an impressive delivery that is pretty much just really quick yelling, it’s really intense, but he sounds focused and determined. The third verse is the cooldown, paying tribute to So Solid Crew and their flow and ad-libs, as well as some pretty clever wordplay regarding other rappers Flipz and MIST, as well as Giggs, whose song “Whippin’ Excursion” is rhymed with a brag about how tall he is. He’s 6’5’’, which is towering above me. All three verses here have their own unique flow and cadence, as well as theme seemingly, but that’s not all that clear right now. I’m excited for this one in album context, but this is great already. Check it out.

#11 – “Hollywood’s Bleeding” – Post Malone

Produced by Louis Bell and Brian Lee

Really? The title track? I mean, understandable, it’s the first song on the album and it’s not a bad song at all, but there are so many better and more interesting songs on the album that you’d figue would debut high. “Saint-Tropez”, the “Wow.”-type banger? “Enemies” with DaBaby? The awesome alt-rock banger “Allergic”? Kanye West-produced “Internet”? Future and Halsey pretty much saving the ballad “Die for Me”? Hell, I figured the record-breaking “Take What You Want” with Travis Scott and the legendary Ozzy Osbourne of Black Sabbath would be the obvious choice to chart in the UK, it has Ozzy on it for goodness’ sake! Thanks to UK chart rules, this is the only track from the #1 album allowed though, and it’s not a bad song at all, far from it. It’s just a good more than half of the album, which admittedly is pretty great especially for a Post Malone album, is better than it, most by far. Regardless, it’s Post’s twelth UK Top 40 hit and 11th UK Top 20 hit, and it’s a pretty good introductory song. I should note though, that Post’s last album, beerbongs & Bentleys, also had its non-single intro track with no features, “Paranoid”, also co-produced by Louis Bell, debut and peak at #11, just more than a year ago. What a coincidence. Anyway, the song (And album may I add) starts with some sombre vocals from Post complaining about Hollywood and he sounds pretty great, with less strained vocals than usual and a slight warble which I’m actually a fan of, which is well integrated into the chorus, but when that trap beat hits, it knocks. It’s a great drop. Otherwise, eh, I love Post’s performance here, with a lot of flow shifts throughout both verses, but it’s a pretty standard beat until that one note Post holds into a beat switch, with a very glitchy rock beat with oddly mixed 808s, and it sounds pretty great... until it’s gone in like less than 10 seconds. Good song, but nowhere close to his best.

Conclusion

All things considered, this is a pretty great week. I’d probably give Best of the Week to Stormzy for “Sounds of the Skeng” with tied Honourable Mention going to Miley Cyrus and Post Malone for “Slide Away” and “Hollywood’s Bleeding”. Worst of the Week is going to Camila Cabello for just plain mediocrity in “Liar”, so Aitch is scot-free (Although ZieZie is both the best and worst part of that song). Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for, to be honest, SpongeBob memes and very infrequent musical commentary and ramblings, and I’ll see you next week!

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 11th August 2019

Top 10

For what I believe is its fifth non-consecutive week, Shawn Mendes’ new single with Camila Cabello, “Senorita”, is the powerhouse at #1, continuing a reign that has no sign of stopping at least in the foreseeable future.

And as we have had in the past four or so weeks, we have two consecutive Ed Sheeran songs, specifically from the No. 6 Collaborations Project album, as “Beautiful People” featuring Khalid leads the pack not moving at number-two.

Also standing still to my surprise and dismay is “I Don’t Care” also by Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber because I thought this was going to drop off pretty soon and pretty easily, but this seems not to be the case, unfortunately, since this song is incredibly dull and honestly its longevity has been exhausting.

Now we have our first real shake-up here in the top 10 with our new arrival at number-four, “boyfriend” by Social House featuring Ariana Grande (or Ariana Grande with Social House), which should be noted as it’s Social House’s first ever charting song as a credited artist. They’ve appeared in charts before as producers and songwriters for the pop princess but have never lead their vocals on a track until now and considering that, a #4 debut for their career is impressive, but it’s definitely Ariana pushing this to any actual traction, racking up a 22nd UK Top 40 hit and 14th top 10. We’ll talk more about this later but honestly it’s not much to discuss.

Thanks to the Ariana Grande debut, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey is down a spot to number-five.

“3 Nights” by Dominic Fike, on the other hand, is up two positions to number-six.

Down two spaces after the hype of the Bieber remix and such dies down is “bad guy” by Billie Eilish at number-seven.

Interestingly, after building hype with a lot of features recently, both of which have charted in the top 20, it’s no surprise what seems to be Aitch’s debut major-label single has debuted high, but I really didn’t expect it to hit number-eight on its first week. “Taste (Make it Shake)” is enough of a smash to mean it’s his third UK Top 40 hit and first ever top 10 song, and I have my theories as to why but we’ll leave that and talk about this song a bit later.

“Higher Love” by Kygo and Whitney Houston continues its eventual rise to the top up a space to number-nine.

Finally, to round off the top 10 at #10, we have “Hold Me While You Wait” moving down four spaces this week, which isn’t quick enough for me personally, the sooner this song dies the better.

Climbers

Outside of the top 10 and a couple new arrivals, this really is a pretty slow week that adds to how the charts have been stalling lately in the Summer, despite a lot of genuine quality. The most notable story here despite a climb less than five positions is probably Joel Corry and Hayley May gaining their first UK Top 20 hit with Love Island theme song “Sorry” at #18, because of course it is. I won’t complain too much though, it’s a relatively decent song. The only other big story this week is Krept & Konan’s “I Spy” featuring Headie One and K-Trap zooming up 15 spaces to #22 thanks to a remix featuring Abra Cadabra, Bugzy Malone and more, but that’s all we have for notable climbers.

Fallers

There are a LOT more of these this week, including some surprises. Starting with #40, we have JAY1’s “Mocking It” down five spaces this week, I’m confused to why it’s not already off the chart. Then we have “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift continuing its underwhelming performance down nine spaces to #37, “Vossi Bop” by Stormzy pretty much in freefall now down seven to #34, “SOS” by Avicci featuring Aloe Blacc slowly falls out of fashion down five to #30, “Crown” by Stormzy seems to have started a premature fall down seven to #27 – if this is any indication on how the album will end up doing, I’m a bit concerned. Also, “No Guidance” by Chris Brown featuring Drake is down six to #23, and that’s all we have here.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

The highest drop-out from the chart this week is at #7, as “Cross Me” by Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock, which probably would have just fell this week anyway, but since it fell enough for other Ed Sheeran songs to overtake it, it dropped out entirely to be replaced with “Take Me Back to London” featuring Stormzy at #14. This type of exchange has happened before with Lewis Capaldi a few weeks back and this really won’t be the last time it occurs on the charts as long as this rule is in effect.

Other drop-outs are pretty much what you’d expect, songs that were definitely on their way out and have a chance to return in a really slow week, like “One Touch” by Jax Jones featuring Jess Glynne out from #36 without even making the top 10 which surprised me, “Summer Days” by Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy falling out from #38 once again without peaking as high as I thought it would, “Bounce Back” by Little Mix once again exiting from #39 and finally, “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys, which is still a pretty decent song by the way, ending its pretty moderate-length run peacefully from #40, and honestly I’m just surprised to see a legitimate smash hit song from two nobodies actually let them burst onto the scene and have a really normal chart run, it’s seldom-seen especially in the streaming era where we have an equal amount of overly long and incredibly brief runs.

NEW ARRIVALS

I’m surprised nothing from Drake’s “new” compilation album Care Package has appeared in the top 40 but while that hasn’t, we do have four new arrivals to review, so let’s start with...

#39 – “Outnumbered” – Dermot Kennedy featuring uncredited vocals from Todd Clark

Produced by Koz – Peaked at #2

...Okay, who? I don’t even know who the producer is on this one, and I’m not going to claim much ignorance here since this seems to be Kennedy’s first crossover hit to break out outside of his home country of Ireland. After doing some research, I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s a singer-songwriter in the same lane as the English Ed Sheeran and the Scottish Lewis Capaldi, so it’s pretty expected an Irish one would pop up at some point. Let’s hope the Welsh option has a lot more talent, but we’ll see about that. Apparently Dermot Kennedy has more of a rock edge but I heard that about Capaldi as well. Regardless of his sub-par contemporaries, it’s his and Clark’s first ever UK Top 40 single, and it’s pretty okay, reminding me of Dean Blunt more than anything. I love this dude’s raspy yet still clearly immature and almost slurring voice, it sounds like drunken Irish rambling, especially with the faux-rapping in the first verse, but that’s what works about a lot of his other material, I feel, as a love song about how Kennedy’s girlfriend is just as beautiful as other women but she’s being... “outnumbered”? Yeah, I don’t think Kennedy’s delivery works that much here, but the acoustic folksy guitar is worth something until it’s drowned out by an emotionless trap beat that kicks in for the chorus and the more the song continues the more it sounds like it could be remade pretty damn quickly. The outro’s attempt at making a choir out of the distant backing vocals falls flat on its face, and while the song isn’t bad it definitely does sound like a novice’s attempt at a game that’s already flooded by incompetent hacks.

#36 – “Harder” – Jax Jones featuring Bebe Rexha

Produced by Jax Jones and Steve Mac – Peaked at #16 in Scotland

Jax Jones, house DJ, has recently re-released his Snacks EP in preparation for the Snacks (Supersize) debut album, adding a track featuring singer Bebe Rexha (Who also met headlines recently when she posted an understandably volatile response to an executive attempting to force a change upon her image due to her being “too old to be sexy” at not even 30 years old) called “Harder”, and it’s pretty bad because of course it is, it’s just derivative house-pop that Jax Jones has been doing for a while, except his brand of EDM typically has a lot more focus on bass and infectiously catchy hooks, except even that has been dwindling since his first few singles. It’s Jones’ ninth UK Top 40 hit and Bebe Rexha’s eighth, and yeah, as I said before, it’s not great. It starts with some admittedly pretty-sounding synth-strings which Bebe Rexha sings well enough against but that’s immediately undercut by Jax Jones’ obnoxious producer tag, which transitions abruptly into a minimal, bassline-lead finger-snap beat where Rexha’s vocals are manipulated to an aggravating screech for the lead melody, and I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be the chorus? Admittedly, there is some artificial groove in the funky slap guitar but other than that, man, this is a dry waste of time, especially when the drop doesn’t consist of any notable vocaloid drops and instead just Bebe Rexha humming in an Auto-Tuned drone. It’s a Summer-ready dance-tune, but that’s not exactly a compliment.

#8 – “Taste (Make it Shake)” – Aitch

Produced by WhYJay

We know how Aitch is, by now, unfortunately. He’s a British rapper who is only any interesting because he is white in a largely black genre (And he very much sounds like a fish out of water when he’s rapping) and is otherwise completely void of personality. Hopefully his debut major-label lead single is showing of some kind of character since the three other features I’ve heard bring down the song’s quality pretty dramatically; “Kilos” by Bugzy Malone would be an incredible trap banger without his verse, and “Strike a Pose” with Young T & Bugsey would be a lot smoother than it is now with Aitch’s bluntly-delivered milquetoast verse. Aitch is just watered-down clichés of modern British trap, rolled into a shape of a human wearing a Bape hoodie, then painted white, and it’s somewhat disappointing as from his brief appearance in the “Keisha & Becky” remix I saw some potential but not nearly enough for his later efforts to be forgivable. Is this any good? No, of course it isn’t, it’s lowest common denominator gutter trash that’s more boring and forgettable than it is frustrating, and it’s really not worth my time or anyone else’s. To be fair, Aitch’s flow in the chorus isn’t awful and this beat is kind of cool, the catchy pitch-shifted vocal sample behind the 808s is kind of cool, but it otherwise sounds pretty cheap. Also, Aitch’s delivery is really unlikeable, with a smug charisma that doesn’t show any self-awareness in his annoying cadences. Oh, and it’s way too long – why is there a third verse and why is the chorus rapped eight times, with very little flow switches in the verses to differentiate themselves. The flute in the outro is putrid as well. Skip it.

#4 – “boyfriend” – Social House featuring Ariana Grande

Produced by TBHits, Mr. Franks and Edgar Barrera – Peaked at #8 in the US

While we’re skipping songs can we get rid of this one too? Usually, I’d be interested at least in a new single from Ariana but after the disappointing thank u, next album directed mainly by Social House in tandem with Victoria Monet, I am definitely not over the moon about a new collaboration between the three, especially if Social House are on board as vocalists. Now, as someone who likes a lot more of the grandiosity of older Grande records and even Sweetener more laidback synthpop-R&B with her cooing softly against trap beats would naturally turn me off, but it didn’t need to because there is something here. The hypnotic pitch-shifted vocal sample could be really interesting if it wasn’t pushed back in the mix, and to be honest I like the groove, albeit stilted. Thankfully, in a surprising move for a song with three lead singers, the song is pretty short and is mostly lead by Ariana, with the other guys from Social House being talentless hacks. Jesus Christ, the first guy is like Khalid with an earbud up his nose and the second guy is infuriating, so much so that his NAV-tinged Weeknd mock-up had to be covered up by ad-libs from Ari, which sometimes are louder than him in the mix. The chorus is pretty simple and catchy, and demonstrates the song’s story, about how the sex is so good that despite them not being in a relationship, they don’t want each other seeing anyone else, and alright, sure, but how much can you actually get out of that? Potentially, the three singers could play a love triangle, but the third guy is just kind of playing the same role as Ari, which is, “I want to be in a relationship because I can’t commit since I’m mentally a trainwreck”, which is actually an intriguing angle... but she’s tapped on it before in songs like “get well soon” and “NASA” and they are so much better than this. Sorry, guys, but this isn’t any good.

Conclusion

The Worst of the Week is definitely going to Aitch for “Taste (Make it Shake)”, and the Dishonourable Mention is a four-way tie between Jax Jones and Bebe Rexha, and Ariana Grande and Social House for “Harder” and “boyfriend” respectively, which means that the Best of the Week has to go to Dermot Kennedy for “Outnumbered” by default, and I wouldn’t even give that song a 5/10. Yeah, this week kind of sucked but at least I had anything to review this time.

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 2nd June 2019

Top 10

So Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber are still at #1 for a third week after debuting at the spot last month, and there’s another Ed Sheeran single from his upcoming collaborations project coming in the top 10 later on. It’s safe to say Sheeran’s made a comeback but he’s definitely not as massive as he was in the Divide era, it’s not like he’s inescapable now, but he probably has a bigger era coming and this is some pointless side project.

Lil Nas X’s “Old Town Road” featuring Billy Ray Cyrus is also holding at the runner-up spot.

Also not moving at all since last week is the entire top four. Yup, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi is still at number-three.

Stormzy’s “Vossi Bop” is still at number-four, as well. The top four have all gone to #1 for several weeks, may I add, so I guess that’s cool.

Moving up a single space to number-five is Billie Eilish’s “bad guy”.

She seems to have moved past “Piece of Your Heart” by MEDUZA and Goodboys still gaining one space to number-six but not enough to overtake her.

Capaldi’s “Hold Me While You Wait” understandably drops off two spaces to number-seven after the album boost fades.

The late Avicii’s “SOS” featuring Aloe Blacc is at standstill at number-eight.

Oh, and we have our highest debut this week and the only one in the top 10, “Cross Me” by Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock – yes, I was confused as well – premiering on the charts at number-nine. This is Sheeran’s 23rd (!) Top 10 hit in the UK, Chance’s fourth (All of which have been features) and obviously PNB Rock’s first, but also his first ever charting song in the UK. Ed Sheeran really can make careers I suppose... except this is PNB Rock’s second charting song by technicality, as his vocals in XXXTENTACION’s “changes” were left uncredited.

Finally, “If I Can’t Have You” by Shawn Mendes has re-entered the top 10 after a three space boost to #10.

Climbers

In terms of climbers, there’s not much of note here, in fact, there is one singular song that had any notable gain this week, and that’s “3 Nights” by Dominic Fike up six spaces to #33. Come on, let’s get this into the top 20 at least. It deserves it.

Fallers

We have a lot of these, on the other hand, a pretty large amount for a cooler week. In reverse order, Lil Dicky and Friends’ “Earth” is slowly making its way out of the charts as it goes down nine spaces to #40, “Motorola” by Da Beatfreakz, Dappy, Deno and Swarmz is down six spots to #38 as most of the UK rap songs fade out pretty quickly if they don’t debut high, “Just You and I” by Tom Walker continues its losses down seven spots to #36, “No Diet” by Digga D loses all its buzz down seven positions as well to #32, “Fashion Week” by Steel Banglez, AJ Tracey and MoStack surprisingly sticks in the top 30 as it dips down five spots to #28, while “So Am I” by Ava Max also has continued losses down six to #25, “EARFQUAKE” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Playboi Carti unfortunately collapses down seven positions to #24 off of the debut, and finally, the album boost dies off for “Grace” by Lewis Capaldi down five spots to #14.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

I am not surprised at all when it comes to these drop-outs, as most of them are pretty obviously not going to succeed past their high debuts last week, such as “Nightmare” by Halsey out from #26, “I THINK” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Solange from #30 and “Jealous” by DJ Khaled featuring Chris Brown, Lil Wayne and Big Sean out from #37, or already extended chart runs like “Walk Me Home” by P!nk from #27 after 14 weeks. Songs that never properly bloomed or peaked at the levels of popularity they could have in their prematurely cut chart run, such as “Homicide” by Logic featuring Eminem out from #38 and “Don’t Worry Bout Me” by Zara Larsson out from #40, as well as “Greaze Mode” by Skepta featuring Nafe Smallz from #35, although due to the album this will rebound next week.

“Falling Like the Stars” by James Arthur has returned to #35 for whatever Godforsaken reason, but otherwise, there are no returning entries, so let’s get straight to the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#39 – “Wish You Well” – Sigala and Becky Hill

Produced by Sigala and Jarly – Peaked at #9 in Scotland

I hate the plastic house music that gets on the charts pretty much each and every week. Dance music is art, of course, it is, all music is, but this type of plastic, slick house music made by some producer featuring a singer who’s either a complete no-name or established pop princess, both bringing equally bland performances, has no personality and little artistic merit. I don’t hate pop music inherently, of course, I don’t, I love reviewing it but listening to these songs each week is painful because I know for a fact everyone involved didn’t care and just want it to bang in the clubs, but you know what, that’s not a bad thing. Maybe it infuriates me so much because I love house music and this stuff just reeks of soullessness, or maybe it’s just oversaturation, but nevertheless, this is Sigala’s eighth UK Top 40 hit and The Voice UK contestant Becky Hill’s sixth (fifth as a credited artist), and, well, did you expect it to be any good? Of course not, it has pretty dry keys that back up the reverb-drenched vocals from Becky Hill, who really doesn’t match up with the joyful instrumental as she has a lower tone with a lot more bite, fitting the song’s content pretty well considering it’s a sarcastic good luck and good riddance to an old lover. The house instrumental, however, loses that memo entirely, because Sigala doesn’t care, it’s probably a song written by Hill and her songwriters as a ballad or pop rock jam that got completely ruined by Sigala remixing it into a banger for the clubs and radio fodder. There’s something here, for sure, but Sigala misses the point as he does most of the time. Oh, and the mixing is shoddy in the chorus, but I expected that out of the janky chorus because that’s what Siggy does, I guess. God, this is dull.

#31 – “One Touch” – Jess Glynne and Jax Jones

Produced by Jax Jones and Mark Ralph – Peaked at #8 in Scotland

...There’s ANOTHER one? Okay, well, this one happens to be Jess Glynne’s lead single, as she’s getting top billing whilst Jax Jones is second – I can tell also because of how the single cover isn’t a Jax Jones-branded confectionary. Jones, by the way, is actually one of these house dudes I can kind of understand the hype for, the hooks he writes are infectious and I loved “Breathe” featuring Ina Wroldsen in retrospect. This has debuted pretty low for a Jess Glynne lead single, though, but knowing her ability to have insane longevity in this country’s charts, I know she’ll be fine, especially as this is her 13th UK Top 40 single and Jones’ eighth, but this isn’t great either. I feel like I’ve hear d it before, in 2015, from Jess Glynne’s first album, because this is somewhat dated, I feel, it’s very much of the vein of mid-2010s EDM that was massive back then. Glynne sounds pretty great here, but again her performance directly takes from her older work, and the chorus’ melody and its multi-tracked delivery sounds alarmingly similar to her previous hits “Hold My Hand” and maybe even “My Love”, both songs that I absolutely love. The drop is pretty weak, but it works well enough, once again, however, this is generic and derivative, but what did I expect? If this is Glynne’s lead single, yikes. If it’s Jones’, yeah, I figured.

#29 – “Easier” – 5 Seconds of Summer

Produced by watt, Louis Bell and Charlie Puth? – Peaked at #13 in Belgium and #48 in the US

There are two songs in the UK Top 40 now that sample Nine Inch Nails and make absolutely no sense doing so, but “Old Town Road” is different than this new 5 Seconds of Summer track. First of all, “Old Town Road” is actually good. Second of all, it uses an acoustic guitar sample from one of their darker ambient tracks and interprets it into a country-trap fusion which is innovative, it doesn’t attempt to interpolate any of the industrial rock efforts into a lazy boy band jam the Jonas Brothers wouldn’t accept. While I like “Youngblood” still to this day, this is a very disappointing follow-up and it’s clearly trying for the same vibe, except instead of a pumping bassline to make the chorus feel punchier, you’ve got the flattened Nine Inch Nails sample. I’m pretty sure there’s one second of Summer actually singing here, but the insanely Auto-Tuned vocals would make it hard to distinguish anyway. I actually kind of like the chorus somewhat, since the vocal effects sound pretty interesting at least with the electro-industrial tinges from the Nine Inch Nails sample making it feel quite stiff, which works sonically but doesn’t work with a toxic relationship song, well, does it? He’s stuck in this relationship that he’s struggling with, so surely an intimate, cluttered mess would be fitting, but the only reason he’s stuck is because she’s attractive so the dull trudge of the beat definitely detracts from the content, since he can get out at any point if he gets over his own hormonal urges, so maybe it should have more bounce, more energy, maybe a groove, but it’s not there. This is the band’s tenth UK Top 40 single, and it sucks pretty bad.

#18 – “The London” – Young Thug, J. Cole and Travis Scott

Produced by T-Minus – Peaked at #6 in Canada and #12 in the US

Now, I’ve been waiting to talk about this one, because I love Young Thug, or at least I love the concept of Young Thug – an unorthodox constantly switching flow, a voice hitting frequencies only dogs can hear and nonsensical lyrics about nutting on fishes on sofas crooned off-key with an insane amount of Auto-Tune that only makes it more engaging... over average trap beats. This is a genius formula to me, but often the production doesn’t really help Thugger at all, in fact, I’m let down by a lot of the beats he has especially on earlier mixtapes and the YSL compilation project. He kills most features, can easily develop a narrative in a verse, is a crazy performer with funny lyrics, yet most of his songs don’t slap as much as they could because while Thugger’s got everything, he has to commit to the limitations of the beat and often that slows him down and dampens him. I liked his newest EP, and that got me thinking about his new project and where it was going... then I found out it was called GOLFMOUFDOG (Probably) and that J. Cole was executive producing it. Well, lookie here, we have Cole and Travis Scott, which probably propelled it a lot further to become his highest-charting song as the lead artist in both countries. I like all these artists to some capacity, but once again they all have to fit on the same beat, with entirely different flows, deliveries and approaches. This is going to be a bad idea and a complete trainwreck. This is Thugger’s third UK Top 40 hit, Cole’s seventh (sixth as a credited artist) and Travis’ seventh as well, and it’s surprisingly very refined and kind of restrained. The piano-based beat from T-Minus doesn’t catch up, pretty simply, and it works for Cole but not Thugger, while Travis Scott’s hook (He doesn’t have a verse) is actually pretty great. Cole’s verse is also pretty great, ripping a flow from Thugger and drowning himself in Auto-Tune in order to flub some multi-tracked rhymes with some funny lines like Cole posting pictures on a sonogram. Thugger makes this, though, and I see a lot of people saying he doesn’t fit, and of course, he doesn’t, he’s off-beat as hell, and he’s borderline screeching, where he takes about, paraphrasing here, your broad in a garage eating semen, with oddly emotional delivery. It’s hilarious when he takes a break from ogling at her thighs to say that he “sees the pain in shorty’s light brown eyes”. What? Also, there’s kind of a bridge which is not funny at all but it sounds hilarious, where he has a rapid flow, stops and then lets the beat be so empty for a while, before muttering a slight “Yeah”. He does this twice, and the second one gets me every time. Also, he’s reciting the fire escape procedure because of course he is, before ending his verse with a delightful “GRAH GRAH”. Man, this is the Thugger I want, the Thugger that doesn’t work on the beat at all, and doesn’t constrain himself. I want more screeching. Oh, and Cole, Travis, you’re alright, lads, I especially like their vocal riffing on the intro and outro, but come on, Thugger really steals the show.

#17 – “OT Bop” – NSG

Produced by 4PLAY

Remember these guys from “Options” with Tion Wayne? Yeah, this is their second UK Top 40 hit and I’m surprised it debuted so high but I really liked these guys last time with their melodic, synth-heavy take on faux-grime-dancehall that everyone else can’t make interesting if they tried. I figured NSG would come back with something much less unique and quite a bit generic... they’ve thrown me for a loop, because this is actually kind of weird. Instead of a cloudy synth pattern, we’ve got a really eerie, hypnotic vocal sample and an unconventional beat, with pitch-shifted repetitions of the chorus running through the left and right channels abruptly. There’s some fun ad-libs and sometimes the beat just skips, which is somewhat incompetent and really odd on first-listen, but it grew on me and is actually really fun afterwards. The charisma of each rapper is infectious, especially the dudes from about 30 seconds to 1 minute and 20 seconds, he’s really fun (No, I’m not memorising their names), and you can tell they’re laughing while recording. The signature blunt British delivery makes his first bars really memorable as well.

Meant to go to uni... sold drugs / Got a bag... oh f***

The random string accentuations added are really unnecessary and jarring, but they work and they continue to build up throughout the whole song, while the rappers get quieter the beat just continues to develop and become much more bouncy and exciting, with several buzzing synths that distort in a brief spoken word bridge. Not to mention it’s really catchy, and, yeah, I can see this growing on me.

#9 – “Cross Me” – Ed Sheeran featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock

Produced by Fred Gibson – Peaked at #6 in Australia and #34 in the US

Uh... sure. Let’s get this done quickly because, no, I don’t care about a new Ed Sheeran album and the less I talk about him the less I feel the need to listen to it. This is the second single, and it samples an XXL freestyle from PNB Rock, taking his lyrics about his daughter out of context and re-appropriating it to be a macho posturing 90s R&B jam about how if you want to cross Ed’s girl, you have to cross him. PNB Rock said “She’s my seed”, though, Ed, you sick f—

It’s not like he can’t ride the gliding synths, bouncy beat and plunging 808s but it all seems really not thought out at all, and it really isn’t a PNB Rock sample if you just loop his sample. Chance the Rapper’s verse is... great. He doesn’t work as well as he could on this beat, but his charismatic verse about defending his girl with a blade because she’s the queen, while over-protective, works because everyone involved knows it’s really silly and hyperbolic, and the delivery shows that. The chorus is catchy enough so it’s fine. It sure is fine. I don’t want to hear it ever again.

Conclusion

Uhhhhh nothing here is amazing except “The London” so Young Thug, J. Cole and Travis get Best of the Week for that, while Honourable Mention probably goes to NSG for “OT Bop”. It’s a fun track. Otherwise, well, “Easier” is kind of awful so 5 Seconds of Summer get Dishonourable Mention because Jess Glynne and Jax Jones painfully ripping themselves off in “One Touch” is much more painful to listen to. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more musical ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

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deadcactuswalking · 5 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 21/02/2020

Top 10

We have a slightly different type of “big week” this week, because whilst there aren’t that many new arrivals, we have a couple of massive new arrivals. The big story this week is the #1, as “No Time to Die”, the theme song for the constantly delayed James Bond film of the same title, by Billie Eilish, debuts at the top spot. It’s Eilish’s sixth UK Top 40 hit, only her fourth top 10 and her first ever #1 on the UK Singles Chart. Congratulations; we’ll talk more about it later.

Of course, because of this, a lot of our top 10 are down a couple spots this week. First of all, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd is down a spot to number-two but it could easily regain the #1 next week.

“The Box” is Roddy Ricch is also down one space to number-three.

As is “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi at number-four.

Oh, as well as “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa at number-five.

“Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi, on the other hand, is up a spot to number-six, possibly due to the BRITs and their muted impact this week, which I didn’t expect to be so minimal, but it’s probably because it’s shared with next week.

At number-seven, also up one space, is “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek. I checked out some of this dude’s other songs and I much prefer them to the original “Roses”, especially one which I can’t mention in polite company, so I’ll just call it “Swoosh”. It’s a good song, check it out.

Interestingly, despite a remix with DaBaby being released, “Life is Good” by Drake, then Future – which I can’t really call it anymore since the remix just makes it Future featuring Drake and DaBaby – is down two spaces to number-eight. Also, I found an unauthorised lo-fi hip hop remix of this song on Spotify and it’s kind of cool, albeit uninspired.

At number-nine, steady from last week, is “everything i wanted” by Billie Eilish.

Finally, “Intentions” by Justin Bieber featuring Quavo reaches the top 10 off of the debut last week thanks to the album release of Changes, which has had an impact not even worthy of an album bomb section, which again is pretty pathetic of Bieber. God knows how many top 10s Bieber has (19 including “Despacito”), but it’s Quavo’s fourth.

Climbers

There literally are none. Well, there are SOME, but none notable enough to make it to this section.

Fallers

On the contrast, there were a handful of pretty notable fallers this week, but nothing that big or unexpected. “Godzilla” by Eminem featuring the late Juice WRLD is down six to #11 and slowly making its way out, “Physical” by Dua Lipa disappointingly falters down five spots to #16, “Lose You to Love Me” by Selena Gomez is back down six spaces to #27, “Play Play” by J Hus featuring Burna Boy phases out down eight to #28, “Ei8ht Mile” by DigDat featuring Aitch is down seven (So close) to #33, and finally, “Wake Up Call” by KSI featuring Trippie Redd flops down 10 spaces to #38.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Well, there are actually two returning entries due to two different national events: The BRITs live performance and wins for whatever category propelled “Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel back up to #34. It had previously peaked at #3. My BRITs 2020 coverage is somewhere on this blog, so check that out if you want. “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran is also back at #36 after peaking at #1, because of Valentine’s Day, probably. This song’s been on the charts for like 96 weeks though so, like, stop being in love, please. I’ve already reviewed both of these songs in 2018 AND 2019, “Perfect” made my best list for last year, so no need to re-review them here.

We also have six drop-outs, the first of which is “React” by the Pussycat Dolls, out from #29. Not only can they not grasp the top 20 even, but they can’t even hold onto their lowest lead single’s charting entry for more than seven days. Geez. Otherwise, we have debuts from last week like “London” by M24 and Tion Wayne out from #32 (Which is a good song) and “Suicidal” by YNW Melly out from #37 (Which isn’t). Out from #35 is the last dregs of the album bomb for J Hus, as “Repeat” featuring Koffee exits the chart. Finally, at #39 we have “Memories” fading for Maroon 5, and unfortunately, the poetic “Pee Pee” by M Huncho out from #40.

Outside the top 40 and inside the top 75 are songs that I can see entering the top 40 (or re-entering the top 40) in the foreseeable future, the coming weeks, or perhaps just next week. Not all of them are good. Not all of them are bad. We have “Dior” by the late Pop Smoke at #73, “Death Bed” by Powfu and beabadoobee at #68, “Blueberry Faygo” by Lil Mosey at #65, “City of Angels” by 24kgoldn at #64, “Flex” by JAY1 and Jo Scofield at #60, “Breathe Deeper” by Tame Impala at #59, “Numbers” by A Boogie wit da Hoodie featuring Roddy Ricch, Gunna and London on tha Track at #53, “Stop this Flame” by BRIT Award winner Celeste at #47, and finally, “Falling” by Harry Styles returning to #41 after an emotional (and boring) performance at the BRIT Awards. Now, let’s talk about the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#35 – “WINE” – B Young

Produced by Baby Got Beatz

Hey, remember this guy? God, B Young is a flashback to our first year on this show, where I actually did a full review mocking his song “Jumanji”, which to this day is still ridiculous, but after hearing so much Afroswing that sounds exactly the same, it almost doesn’t process to me when listening to it how bad it sounded in 2018. This is his third UK Top 40 hit and first since that year, and I don’t think anyone can beat the charming inflections and nonsensical lyrics from that classic, to be honest. I’m looking through the lyrics and I don’t see any fling-flinging of the pantieeeeeeeeees oh, so I’m immensely disappointed. He seemingly took a year off of music last year, only releasing one song, “Gucci Demon”, which missed the UK Top 40 (And is pretty decent actually, albeit awfully mixed), so maybe he’s taken a break to hone his craft. Yeah, I’m kidding, but his singing has gotten better... yeah, no, this is just boring, with a generic, non-descript guitar beat and lyrics just as inoffensive... wait, hold on, maybe not as inoffensive as I thought. In one of the verses he says he will film he and his girlfriend having sex on a GoPro, and then in another he says he’ll dry her in sheepskin after a shower and then “Just Eat” her. God, this is just trashy and pathetically so. It’s not even funny this time, so what value does this have at all?

#29 – “Forever” – Justin Bieber featuring Post Malone and Clever

Produced by Poo Bear and HARV

Last year, I believe it was March, the late Juice WRLD released his sophomore album, Death Race for Love, and somehow, in an album that consisted of songs containing lyrics such as “baby, lookie-lookie, I’mma eat you like some studio cookies”, “I don’t give a shit, I don’t give a Hoover Dam”, “now I’m running from your love, I’m not fast so I’m making it worse” (Amazing song, by the way), and my personal favourite, “I took a piss in your dead homie grave, let’s get it”, the most embarrassing performance was probably from Clever, an unknown and untalented emo-rap singer who appeared on “Ring Ring” with one of many unlistenable moments on that album. I figured this was just one of Juice’s friends and I’d never see or hear from him again. Now this gnarly dude has his first UK Top 40 hit and a feature on massive global popstar Justin Bieber’s album, alongside also one of the most famous men of the past ten years, Post Malone, who is arguably just as big as Bieber right now, and also increasingly more talented than both of these guys. Post and Bieber have had a couple songs together, one of which leaked and had Kanye in it, and was actually good, and the other was “Deja Vu”, and that one is actually pretty good as well. Somehow, this one misses the mark, probably because Clever makes me want to stab innocent civilians and Bieber has been increasingly uninteresting during this album cycle. Post Malone exists. I wish the one with Lil Dicky charted, then I could talk about an interesting news story without actually reviewing the song, as I’ve tried to do for all of the other Bieber songs this year. Let’s just to put it this way: If I were to make Changes for my wife, and publicise that fact, I would end up having to explain “Yummy (Country Remix feat. Florida Georgia Line)” to a marriage counsellor... and I’ve already had to explain that to my therapist.

Oh, yeah, and if you want another lyric from that Juice WRLD record: “I can change anything, got them Obama eyes”. What?

#20 – “To Die For” – Sam Smith

Produced by Stargate and Jimmy Napes

It’s a Sam Smith piano ballad. Next.

#1 – “No Time to Die” – Billie Eilish

Produced by FINNEAS (her brother) and Stephen Lipson

With every James Bond film comes a James Bond song, this one being performed by the youngest ever Bond singer, with Eilish obviously being eighteen. The Bond song always performs pretty well as the film is a blockbuster spy action thriller whatever the hell, and the song accompanies the movie to drive up some hype. I don’t care about James Bond as a franchise at all, and I haven’t even tried to watch one in full, so I apologise if I don’t get a part of this song, even though most Bond themes are actually completely unrelated to their respective film, even if this one is named after No Time to Die which is out this Spring. Eilish’s collaboration with Hans Zimmer is the 22nd Bond theme to get to the UK Top 40, the 14th to reach the top 10, and the second to peak at #1, after 2015’s “Writing on the Wall” by Sam Smith from Spectre reached the top spot. Bond themes have been recorded by people like Adele, Jack White, Madonna, Duran Duran, Paul McCartney, Tom Jones, Tina Turner, the list goes on, but will Eilish’s single compete with the best?

Well, yeah, since it’s the first one I’ve liked since 2002 (that was Madonna’s “Die Another Day”, by the way). It’s also possibly the first Bond theme I’ve loved, as this is actually a pretty incredible song, with an eerie piano melody that looms above the mix, which is near perfect by the way, and Eilish’s brilliant performance, with vocals that are somewhat understated and subtle at first, at some times even drowned out slightly by the bursts of horns and strings. The chorus, especially when that first guitar riff hits, is just so cathartic, and Eilish, although she does reflect consistent themes of Bond songs (“Fool me once, fool me twice”), isn’t as melodramatic as “Skyfall” or even trying to soundtrack a spy film, instead this is a bitter, bitter heartbreak that reflects how sick she is of the manipulation she has had to endure during the relationship, and the crashing cymbals, Hans Zimmer’s fantastically conducted orchestra, the borderline belting in the final chorus reflecting a climax of angst before the outro, where she practically whispers over some cute chords, to demonstrate how she has just given up at this point. There are so many subtleties in this production it would be increasingly difficult to list everything I adore about FINNEAS’ contributions here, including the spy guitar, airy flutes, and my personal favourite addition, the guitar licks from Johnny Marr of the Smiths, which just sound great. Just listen to the song if you somehow haven’t; it’s the best song I’ve seen chart in weeks if not months, just overwhelmingly great.

Conclusion

Yeah, Best of the Week is obviously going to Billie Eilish’s “No Time to Die”, with Worst of the Week going to the Biebs, Post Malone and Clever for whatever “Forever” is. Follow me on Twitter, I suppose, and bye.

REVUEIWRHFRIQEUHFGFIJRE 2020

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deadcactuswalking · 7 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22nd April 2018 - Nicki Minaj and David Guetta Edition

Let’s just get on with it.

Top 10

Alright, so we do have a new number-one, with “One Kiss” by Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa jumping up two spots to claim its throne only a week after its debut. I mean, I’d rather it be this than what it was two weeks ago, but this isn’t really that much of an improvement over what is now at the runner-up spot.

Yes, that’s right, Drake’s “Nice for What” has fell off of its debut – which is something I didn’t really expect to happen. I think it will regain its position sometime, however, and you can quote me on that.

At number-three, going down a single spot from its runner-up position last time, we have a song.

“Paradise” by George Ezra creeps up a spot to number-four.

“These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and Macklemore continues its slow descent to number-five, which is okay – it had a good run.

“Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie still won’t budge at number-six.

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith has strangely moved up two spaces to number-seven.

“Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man, similarly to “Friends”, won’t move out of the number-eight position.

“Psycho” by Post Malone featuring Ty Dolla $ign has moved up a spot to number-nine, probably because of the next spot’s absolute freefall.

At number-ten, we have “This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble barely holding on after a three-spot tumble.

Climbers

So, the top 10 is pretty stable, but is anything shifting up in the 30 less popular songs? I mean, not really anything that notable. Off the debuts, we have “Answerphone” by Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane moving up seven spaces into the top 20 at #18, as well as “Mad Love” by Sean Paul featuring Becky G and David Guetta up 14 spaces to #25. The big story here, however, is definitely Cardi B’s swift 17-space uptake for “I Like It” with Bad Bunny and J Balvin, now at #23. I can see this becoming a big hit.

Fallers

There were a lot of earlier 2018 and even late 2017 hits that fell this week, but none of them all that big. We had “Breathe” by Jax Jones featuring Ina Wroldsen down five spaces to #27, “IDGAF” by Dua Lipa down seven spaces to #28, “SAD!” by XXXYIKES down five spaces to #29, “A Million Dreams” by Ziv Zaifman, Hugh Jackman and Michelle Williams down seven spaces to #33, “Sanctify” by Years & Years down six spaces to #35, “Never Enough” by Loren Allred down eight spaces to #36 and “All the Stars” by Kendrick Lamar and SZA down five spaces to #39. It should also be noted that “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran is now being credited as the duet version with Beyoncé as it goes down five spaces to #38. The BBC and Charts Company are very inconsistent about that.

Dropouts and Returning Entries

Now, we are gathered here today to mourn the losses of “Dreams” by Ruti from #14, “Wasted Times” by The Weeknd from #30, “Pray for Me” by The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar from #32, “Fine Line” by Mabel featuring Not3s from #35, “I See You Shining” by Nines from #37, and finally, “Dancing” by Kylie Minogue from #39. Nothing terribly tragic or even important here, and no returning entries, so I think we should get straight into the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “Like I Do” – David Guetta, Martin Garrix and Brooks

Two David Guetta tracks debuted this week and I’m going to assume right off the bat that they’re just bland EDM or electro house tracks with a pitch-shifted hook and a tropical tinge.

What? Did you expect it not be exactly what I expected from David “I Made One Good Song, Let’s Do It Another 72 Times” Guetta? No, but I am somewhat surprised by how punchy these house synths are in the drop, with some alarm sounds for good measure and pounding percussion, as well as that throbbing bassline. The pitch-shifted vocals are repetitious and assumingly a sample, but they fit in the synth noise that is the verse’s instrumental, which also has some subtle... tambourines? Damn, Guetta, you really went all out for this. Yeah, I’m sad to say this about a track I was so downbeat about, and to an extent, three artists I don’t care for, but, yeah, this is pretty damn good. Exciting and straight-to-the-point dance music, with all artists having a damn good jab at it.

#37 – “Flames” – David Guetta and Sia

Now, this is more what I expected. A flat melody with some extra tropical synths and Sia being completely wasted. Sounds like David Guetta, right? Well, not really. It’s got a chugging guitar melody to back it up, a steady drum pattern and Sia is underused but still kills it as always. I especially love the chorus, where it goes into a burst of celebratory, triumphant electro-pop, as Sia sees how many ways she can mispronounce “flames”. It’s not amazing, and neither is “Like I Do” for that matter, but man, I’m surprised by how much I like this, considering my distaste for Guetta’s music in the past. I hope Sia has a new album out soon, by the way. I’ve missed her.

#31 – “Barbie Tingz” – Nicki Minaj

You do not know how hyped I have been to listen to these two new Nicki Minaj tracks. I don’t tend to bother with pre-album singles, but since I kind of have to for this show, I gave these two a shot to see if my expectations are met. Honestly, this production is somewhat underwhelming. Tribal drums would usually be an immediate appeal for me, but it’s drowned out in reverb and a weak droning circus-synth that they call a bassline. I like the constant ad-libs, though, they add some flavour - and Nicki’s still great on the mic as always, with some decent rhymes as well as the fantastic flows and unique delivery we all know her for. I wanted to like this so much more, but sadly, Nicki’s new producer can’t keep up with the woman herself. I’m still excited for her new album, of course – I love Nicki’s personality and skill as an MC enough that I could probably listen to a whole project of disappointing tracks and give it a positive score.

#30 – “German” – EO

Andalé, andalé, EO, EO, uh-oh! What’s popping tonight?

I have no idea who this EO dude is, but like Nines from last week, the dude sure has a joke-bank of names. Seriously, these British faux-reggae rappers need to start working on their stage name game. Oh, yeah, the music – well, I’ve talked about this song before. At least, I think so. I’ve heard this autotuned croon with some mediocre lyricism, weak reverb-addict dancehall production and steel pan/trap snare combination for the percussion a few times before. Hmm... Let’s just say that if I wanted to listen to German music, I’d go for Kraftwerk.

This isn’t even in German, it’s just about foreign jewellery, foreign cars and foreign women. I mean, why German? It’s not stereotypically a luxurious country or anything; you’d expect a rapper to say that their cars and their girls are from like France, right? Is that just me? I don’t care – skip this trash.

#26 – “Chun-Li” – Nicki Minaj

Is that a man singing with an incredibly nasal nose or a bee buzzing for that synth? I can’t tell. Either way, Nicki is steps ahead from her served production as with “Barbie Tingz”, with intimidating, albeit melodramatic, spoken interludes and catchy fire bars, some of it being pretty impressively freestyled... which you can tell with the “Call me 2 Chainz, name go ding-dong” line. Yeah, that’s pretty questionable, but otherwise, yeah, with some less underwhelming production, this would have been a certified banger. As it is, it’s just some dude blowing his nose over an otherwise bland trap-rap track. Nicki, get some better dudes behind the keys next time, because this newly-hired guy isn’t doing too well.

#20 – “Let Me” – ZAYN

Oh, my God! It’s the lead single from former One Direction member turned R&B bad boy Zany Milk’s sophomore album... even though he released two singles prior but let’s just presume those were for buzz. This is the real thing! It’s going to be amazing! It’s going to be ground-breaking! It’s going to be a trap banger with production that is breathtaking and not watered down! It’s going to have meaningful, conscious lyrics that do not mention vanilla ice cream! It’s not going to have Zayn’s skin-crawlingly weak falsetto! It’s not going to have a jumbled mess of a chorus! It’s going to be a powerful, triumphant “stick-it-to-the-man” anthem with experimental instrumentation and a rebellious attitude to the lyrics! It’s not going to be the lazily trend-hopping BS that Zayn otherwise decides to sing on! It’s going to be new, fresh and exciting! Yeah...

Nope.

Conclusion

Nothing here knocked my socks off, but nothing here forced to me to put shoes on and go out for a walk. Best of the Week goes for “Like I Do” by David Guetta and co., with his other single with Sia, “Flames” getting the Honourable Mention. Worst of the Week is pretty obviously “German” by EO, with Dishonourable Mention going to “Let Me” by ZAYN. Nicki Minaj doesn’t take anything, which is sad because I thought she’d bring home Best of the Week. We’ll see how that album is, though, in a few weeks. For now, see ya next time!

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deadcactuswalking · 7 years ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 15th April 2018 -- Extended Super Deluxe Version 3 & Knuckles

Holy busy week on the charts-ioli! There are nine new arrivals this week – two of which sample the exact same Lauryn Hill song - so let’s just get on with it, shall we?

Top 10

Drake... Thank you. Thank you for being such a streaming Cookie Monster that your new track, “Nice for What”, debuted at the top. Please stay. I don’t want the dreck one space below it to even see another week in the top ten, let alone at the top of the charts.

What is that dreck, you ask? Well, unfortunately to you and fortunately to me, I shall refuse to repeat its name until it exits the top 40. Google it! I won’t waste any more space in my show to talk about this trash.

At number-three, we have our second new arrival in the top five, “One Kiss” by infuriatingly hit-and-miss producer Calvin Harris and the latest of many of his pop girls that he can just grab out of a bucket for a quick smash (hit, for all you people with minds in the gutter), Dua Lipa.

Sadly, that means that “These Days” by Rudimental featuring Jess Glynne, Dan Caplen and the return of the Macklemore, has dipped down two spaces to number-four.

“Paradise” by George Ezra also took a small one-position hit to number-five, but if you care about that song’s existence, you’re a terrible liar.

“Friends” by Marshmello and Anne-Marie won’t budge at number-six. Good for them, I suppose.

“This is Me” by Keala Settle and The Greatest Showman Ensemble streams down (no pun intended) four spaces to number-seven.

“Feel it Still” by Portugal. The Man, the most unlikely sleeper hit of this year – and that’s only because it was a hit LAST year in the US – has been taken down a notch or two... or three, to number-eight at its thirty-seventh week in the chart.

“Lullaby” by Sigala featuring Paloma Faith at number-nine won’t go away!

Although the saddest drop here is Post Malone’s “Psycho” featuring Ty Dolla $ign, dropping two spaces to number-ten. Am I the only one who wanted this to hit the top, especially after it got a video and noticeably an increase in radio play? No? Well, let’s just get on with the climbers.

Climbers

“Love Lies” by Khalid and Normani grows on both me and the charts, where it took a five-space jump to #18... but that’s it in terms of anything notable. I could talk about Bebe Rexha and B Young possibly getting a top ten hit as they creep up into the top 15, but they’re not really having immense leaps so I’ll decline.

Fallers

She says, “do you love me?” I tell her, “only partly. This forced meme couldn’t give my song boosts while it’s charting.”

Talking about forced memes, I apologise for possibly the cringiest passage I’ve written on this show thus far, but the content still rings true, as Drake’s “God’s Plan” just kind of cannonballs from its

number-one spot it had just two weeks ago, dropping five spaces to #16. The Weeknd sees some falls too, as “Call Out My Name” drops ten spaces to #17, and “Wasted Times” takes a 12-space drop to #30. The biggest story here, however, is Mabel’s “Fine Line” featuring Not3s, just nosediving 20 spots to #35. Damn, these new arrivals really shook the charts, huh? Talking about losing songs too soon...

Dropouts and Returning Entries

We have a whole lot to mourn here, with some damn good songs like “Havana” by Camila Cabello featuring Young Thug, “Tip Toe” by Jason Derulo featuring French Montana, “Blinded by Your Grace, Pt. 2” by Stormzy featuring MNEK as well as “Mine” by Bazzi (which still might rebound next week due to the album) all dropping out from #34, #40, #39 and #27 respectively. We also have the not-as-sad losses of “Never be the Same” by Camila Cabello from #20, “New Rules” by Dua Lipa from #37, “Let Me Go” by Hailee Steinfeld and Alesso featuring Florida Georgia Line and Watt from #38, and “Strangers” by Sigrid from #35. We also have some absolute collapses for “Try Me” by The Weeknd from #17 and “Check” by Kojo Funds and RAYE from #32, both of which are not even in the top 75 anymore. Rest in peace to all of you, but good riddance to some.

“Pray for Me” by The Weeknd and Kendrick Lamar also returned to #32. I don’t know why but I really don’t care – this song doesn’t really deserve the attention.

NEW ARRIVALS

#40 – “I Like It” – Cardi B featuring Bad Bunny and J Balvin

People who follow me on Twitter know that I listened to Cardi B’s album, Invasion of Privacy, and wasn’t too big of a fan. This track, however, was definitely one of my favourites out of the bunch. Some part of me just absolutely loves that delicious Pete Rodriguez sample, providing Cardi with a Latin-infused trap beat that matches her bombast and simple yet effective flow. Those horns are just beautiful, and I love how the vocal samples play into Cardi’s hook and her “woo!” ad-libs that are just injected with fun. Bad Bunny’s deeper growl is entirely different from his sadboi moaning on his last single, “Amorfoda”, but damn, if it doesn’t still impress, with a melodic flow and Daddy Yankee inflections. Oh, yeah, J Balvin is here with some Lady Gaga references, but his autotuned bounce is completely drowned out by this crazy instrumental. Cardi, don’t do anything else. I like it like this.

#39 – “Mad Love” – Sean Paul featuring Becky G and David Guetta

Why does David Guetta get a featuring credit? Sure, he produced the track but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t give you free range to a feature, especially when producers usually (should) get credited for their work anyway. Well, is the song any good? No. I can tell you that. The watery synths that introduce the track are just kind of... pathetic? As are Becky’s attempts at Jamaican inflections, and Sean Paul’s as-always infuriatingly mediocre bars, coupled with his hilariously careless “singing” on the pre-chorus. Don’t give me “Fake Love” flashbacks. All that, however, can’t really distract me from the fact that maybe Guetta deserves his featuring credit, as his dancehall-influenced beat has some buzzing synths and clattering drums on the chorus that just make everything so much more exciting and... “mad”. Despite by enjoyment of Guetta’s instrumental, I can’t dig Becky or Paul here, so I think I’ll give it a skip if you can’t look past the vocals.

#38 – “Dancing” – Kylie Minogue

Man, it’s hard to believe that Kylie Minogue of all people has a song that takes ages to get to the top 40 after bubbling under for weeks on end, but yeah, I can understand why, because this track has an identity crisis. Is it country? Is it just some of what Minogue does best, bubblegum dance-pop? Who knows? Who cares? Well, Minogue does, obviously, as she tries to pull off a country twang and a melody that I don’t think she can really handle anymore on the chorus. The instrumental is the least notable thing here, especially with that weak drop – well, that is, if you ignore the pop-by-the-numbers writing. That one line as the hook – “when I go out, I want to go out dancing”. Yeah, maybe, you should stay home tonight, Minogue, as if you’ve lost your touch on making damn good pop jams, you’re probably not too great on the floor, either. Sorry.

#37 – “I See You Shining” – Nines

I feel like Patrick Star when I see these nobodies creep into the top 40 on this show sometimes. Who are you people? This one bothers me especially, mostly because of how terrible the name of this act is. Nines? What, are there bands called Sevens and Eights that just couldn’t blow up? Are you going all Timberlake on us and being dressed up the nines? Actually, looking at this dude, I don’t exactly think he is – no shade and he doesn’t look bad, particularly, but the dude’s not wearing a suit and tie or anything. Apparently, he also goes by Nina with the Nina. I see... Well, since I’m supposed to be talking about the song here, I suppose I should mention how it sucks. It’s just some more generic braggadocios faux-reggae faux-grime nonsense with a nice vocal sample, if anything. Nines has very little of a presence. It reminds me of the trap-rap you poor Yankees get oversaturated with, but with a bit more energy and more cluttered instrumentals. I’m just getting sick of this new brand of bore-hop, with the stale reggaeton drum patterns and the uninterested MCs.

#27 – “Be Careful” – Cardi B

Yo, Cardi, why’d you have to be so brutal on Offset? What did he do except be somewhat homophobic, possibly a cheating jerk and a terrible liar...? Yeah, maybe, I get why she had to go in on this dude, and I can buy her aggression with the Wii Shopping Channel synths and the occasional reverb-soaked shrieks of some person saying “yeah”, which I assume is a twisted sample of the classic “yeah! Woo!” break, but I’m not entirely sure. Cardi’s singing doesn’t totally impress, but it does its job at making elevator music somehow threatening (despite her insisting that it’s NOT a threat) and pretty awesome, which it really shouldn’t be. Sure, it does feel monotonous, but it’s a pretty nice love-on-the-rocks track, with a catchy hook to boot. However, it’s not the best song to sample Lauryn Hill’s “X-Factor” that debuted this week.

Fun fact: Lauryn Hill’s song also samples a Wu-Tang Clan song which samples a Barbra Streisand song, so I imagine Marvin Hamlisch and his team, writers of “The Way We Were”, is getting royalties upon royalties for the decades of use his song had. That also means that “Be Careful” has like seventeen credited writers, but that’s besides the point. The song’s decent.

#25 – “Answerphone” – Banx & Ranx and Ella Eyre featuring Yxng Bane

I’ve heard of these artists before several times in passing, mostly because Ella Eyre is one of UK’s favourite feature-pop girls, Yxng Bane has charted last week and Banx & Ranx did a few Gorillaz remixes last year. I didn’t really know how they’d mesh, but I did know what to expect – a boring dancehall track with some autotuned rapping from Bane and serviceable vocals from Ella Eyre.

Yep, I was right. Eyre has a slightly smoky voice here, which can sound croaky and unfitting against the bouncy dancehall production and looping melodies on the keys, along with an ugly synth tone and a stale but notably somewhat garage-influenced drum pattern that speeds the song up enough for it to not become boring. Yxng Bane has like 20 seconds of the song, and I’m glad, because he’s not very interesting here at all, and I wouldn’t want this song to be longer than the three minutes and eleven seconds that it is, otherwise it’d be pretty gratingly snooze-worthy. If you have insomnia, I recommend this instead of ASMR or whatever you find on the Internet, because this will definitely send you to sleep.

Well, now we have our three big ‘uns, starting with...

#14 – “Dreams” – Ruti

Who? What? Where? When? How? Let me repeat that first one, who? That’s the problem with these reality shows – they have much more of an effect on the UK charts and honestly, I couldn’t care less for who wins; I just watch the auditions. Ruti here is the winner of The Voice UK this year, and on her debut single, she covers a Cranberries song that I hadn’t heard prior, “Dreams”. Hence, after listening to this decent enough albeit bland piano-lead rendition with a shaky vocal performance from Ruti, I listened to the original version and realised that I really could have gone without knowing Syco put their turn-songs-to-snoozefests hands on it.

#3 – “One Kiss” – Calvin Harris and Dua Lipa

Calvin and Hobbes bring us some by-the-numbers slightly tropically-tinged EDM-infused electropop, with a decent synth melody and some interesting vocal samples, as well as experimentation on the drop that is just kind of all over the place and balls to the wall, with its deep samples of Dua singing “one”, brief blips of a horn riff, a reversed percussion pattern and a whole lot of pointless synth noise.

That’s really all I can say about this. For the first time from Dua Lipa and the seventy-eighth time from Calvin Harris, all I can say is that it exists and I’m entirely indifferent on it. Sorry.

#1 – “Nice For What” – Drake

So, this is the biggest debut, because of course, it’s Drake, and, yeah, guys, as much as I hate this dude’s lack of charisma and overall just boring flow, writing and even beat choice, he’s won me over on this one. Big Freedia starts the track with a few drum fills and distorted shouting, before the pitched-up Lauryn Hill sample (I told you it’d come back) enters like a Kanye track from 2004, and the percussion hits heavy as with nearly all of Drake’s singles. Then Drake starts spitting with delivery I’ve never heard from him before – a Kanye-like melodic hook as well as a repetitive but effective flow in the verses as he talks about this girl that ��hits them motherf***ing angles”. Big Freedia then comes back to break it down into the chopped sample hook as Drake chops his own verse up, creating a weirdly jerky experience. If she hits them angles, you’re hitting the gym because this is the strongest single I’ve heard from Drake in years. Congratulations, my man, you deserve this number-one! It’s probably the best I’ve heard for a long time.

Conclusion

Damn, Drake really takes the cake with “Nice for What” running with Best of the Week, with tied Honourable Mentions for both of Cardi B’s debuts. Worst of the Week... I can’t really say anything here is outright bad, but I suppose Kylie Minogue takes it with “Dancing” while Dishonourable Mention goes to “Dreams” by Ruti for taking all of the excitement out of an excellent song. See ya next week!

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs: week thirty-five

brief reviews of the songs which debuted on the billboard hot 100 the weeks of 6 september 1997, 8 september 2007, and 9 september 2017

9.6.1997

7) "Barbie Girl," by Aqua

I don't have anything constructive or novel to say about this song. It's the same Europe dance garbage we've been listening to this whole time, but now it's tuggin' at the ol' nostalgia what with how it references a beloved childhood toy. I do love how uniquely German the line, "Come on in, bimbo friend!" is, but that's about the only good thing in this song. Otherwise, it's a horrible song that has been bad to listen to for 20 years.

18) "Building a Mystery," by Sarah McLachlan

This goes several orders of magnitude harder than I ever remembered. I mean, we're adjusting to Sarah McLachlan's scale, this is still gentle for most people, but this almost has an edge. That's an electric guitar in this song, and I didn't know Sarah McLachlan was capable of saying the f-word! I like what this song was able to do even if it remained solely in the adult-alternative confines in which Sarah McLachlan typically keeps herself. I'd say the revisit ended up being worth it, even if it wasn't a revisit I would've made were I not doing this.

27) "I Miss My Homies," by Master P ft./Pimp C & The Shocker

...Do I suddenly appreciate the production value of "I'll Be Missing You." Is this how bad this song is. That it has me looking back fondly on "I'll Be Missing You." First of all, Master P is garbage on this track. His flow in his verse is "drunk dude trying to do an improv rap," and he keeps going "unnnnh" throughout the song, because as sad as we are at our friends dying, you need to keep brand engagement going. Like, Pimp C and Slikk don't change history, but they do things with their voices that aren't easily replicated. Master P seems to equate "being sad" with "talking slowly." Plus, like, as dumb as the "Every Breath You Take" sample is, that imbues "I'll Be Missing You" with far more energy and passion than this generic synth-strings and drum-beat track does. This beat sounds like a dude playing a Casio in his basement. This song that was probably written from a place of real emotion is the absolute pits.

43) "You Should Be Mine (Don't Waste Your Time)," by Brian McKnight ft./Mase

Ma$e was ahead of his time, in a way. Obviously, he's an incredibly basic rapper, so he's not ahead of his time in that particular sense. When you think of today's rappers, though, or at least those rappers which are popular on Billboard, and how they sort of passionlessly mushmouth for a few minutes at a time, you can't help but think that Mase would clean the hell up in this era. This song is a really fun if slight R&B jam, and Mase just sort of shows up and goes "enh," and in 2017 this is the hottest feature of the year.

77) "Need Your Love," by Big Bub ft./Queen Latifah & Heavy D

I fuckin' love this. This dude's voice has this insane quality I'm not anywhere near qualified enough to try to describe, it, I dunno, it's like this shovel digging a hole to my heart? And I love how simple this track is, pretty much just a guitar and drums with the occasional bass note, the traditional '90s strings only kicking in near the end. This is the sort of song I'd just put on repeat and let take me away if I ever found myself in the middle of a bad day, it's this intensely chill and uncomplicated thing, and sometimes, uncomplicated can be great.

88) "We Can Get Down," by Myron

i also could do crystal meth, but then i think... nah, better not "I'll be there for you physically, mentally" okay don't fucking lie to the girl just because it fits the rhyme scheme. You are solely here for the physical. This song is called "We Can Get Down," not "We Can Debate the Meaning of Our Favorite Poems Whilst Enjoying Some Sliced Fruit." Mentally. Man, no one listening to this song is thinking, "Just wanna get inside that big ol' thinker of his! What does this man repeatedly informing us that getting down is an option have to say about the important issues in politics and culture?"

89) "Butta Love," by Next

Given that these dudes are eventually going to make a song about wanting a girl to dance further away from them because they're getting an erection, it's disappointing that this is just a standard '90s R&B slow jamz that only mentions butter in passing, or isn't secretly about buttsex. There is a line in the song, "Just hit me on my hip baby," that I had to stare at for five minutes to figure out what that might mean before I realized that was a sexy reference to pagers, and that made me smile, and I guess getting hard is a recurring theme in Next's work with how they sing "You've got those sexy eyes/Enticing thighs/You make me rise" so that's fun to find out, but this was a disappointingly staid song about wanting to fuck a hot woman.

90) "In a Dream," by Rockell

And 1997 ends where it begins: awful dance music I never want to think about ever fucking again. Very impressive storytelling, you always want the end to call back to the start just to reinforce the themes.

9.8.2007

76) "Fabulous," Ashley Tisdale & Lucas Grabeel

It is so perfect that this song had to appear on the Hot 100 on a week that no other HSM2 song debuted. Also it ends with a "not" joke. Thank you for this.

85) "I Get Money," 50 Cent

One of the things I didn't understand about Super Smash Bros. Melee was what the point of secret characters was if they would just be copies of a different character that moved slightly differently. Like, if Ganondorf had the same moveset as Captain Falcon but just moved slower, was Ganondorf really his own character? I sort of get the same feeling listening to "I Get Money" after "Fabulous." This is just "Fabulous" in a hoodie. Fiddy wants fabulous, that is his simple request, and Ashley Tisdale wants money. Man, I can't believe this album didn't manage to outsell Graduation, wonder what 50 Cent could have done better, aside from making songs that weren't shitty versions of HSM2 songs?

9.9.2017

20) "Friends," by Justin Bieber + BloodPop

I dunno, I guess this is okay. This is a Joey of a song -- I'm having fun with it as something that's happening while I'm trying to do something I'm interested in, but I wouldn't want to have like a whole thing of this. Justin Bieber does his usual thing where he doesn't get in the way but doesn't add anything unique or distinct or... anything, he doesn't do anything on this song, one day we're going to figure out the day we stopped asking our singers to be able to hit notes. Y'all are asking me to evaluate Justin Bieber the same week I evaluated Big Bub. Nah, man. Every single dude R&B singer is a better vocalist than the best male vocalist in 2017. I mean, I know we're coming to these songs for vibes and drops and not for technical vocal proficiency, we made this choice when we made Tay Tay a pop star, but how are Justin Bieber and Bryson Tiller the only vocalists we're asking to carry pop songs in 2017? They're boring!

34) "I Get the Bag," by Gucci Mane ft./Migos

What a delightful song with a dazzling array of lyrical twists with a distinct song quite unlike anything either artist has put out to this point! What a treat, to he -- I am being informed I decided to listen to "Need Your Love" again. Fine. Fine. ...The only reason this song exists is if you hear a Migos song you're really into and want to listen to again but are too far away from your Device to hit the repeat button.

77) "Look What You Made Me Do," by Tay Tay

Because of the way YAS is set up, and also because I’ve been taking an extra day to write YAS for reasons that are not completely “gets too distracted by link to the past randos” but are pretty much just “gets too distracted by link to the past randos,” everything that can be said about this song has been said, and Tay Tay’s public perception has gone from legit pop queen to Nazi Idol, which is a hell of a fall. And you’d think that this was just the media waiting to pile on Tay Tay because she’s had positive coverage for so long and it’s Her Turn as it was for all pop stars before her, except this song is legitimately terrible. It’s indefensibly bad. It’s either about a feud she already won, a response song to “Swish, Swish” being completely unnecessary when you already had “Bad Blood,” or it’s about a feud in which she was so clearly and incredibly in the wrong! This song is just unnecessary, especially since it doesn’t actually do anything. The verses sound kinda cool, they have this sparse production I’m sort of into, but they build into Tay Tay saying, “Look what you made me do” and nothing more. And hey. Tay Tay? Never a compelling vocalist! Can’t pull off the spoken word, to no one’s surprise! It sounds less like a deposed Maleficent crashing the christening and taking the kingdom and more like a teen who’s sort of miffed that their parents wouldn’t let them buy Maleficent-branded merchandise at the mall Hot Topic. This song isn’t failing, but my gosh, does it ever deserve to. If there were any justice, Tay Tay would have announced her country comeback an hour ago, but because of this era where brand loyalty rules the day in pop music (you come up with a better reason why DJ Khaled is a legit pop star), Tay Tay’ll be fine.

79) "Younger Now," by Miley Cyrus

Again, it's really cool that Miley Cyrus, an unfathomably rich person, has found inner peace. I am very invested in the journey of this sympathetic character. You don't see good things happen to rich people that often. So happy for Miley. What an emotional journey, going from a rich child to a rich person who did drugs to a rich person who used to do drugs.

80) "It's Every Night Sis," by RiceGum ft./Alissa Violet

...I can't claim to say I never wanted YouTubers to rap. I own two Starbomb albums. Clearly, I wanted this to happen. But I just, I take back the bad things I've said about Master P, trap rap, and mumble rap in this and these posts, because my god, listening to these children is honestly the worst. I hate this.

53) "Roll in Peace," by Kodak Black ft./XXXTentacion 82) "Transportin'," by Kodak Black 90) "Questions," by Chris Brown

Wow! Over already? Well, that time just flew right on by! Good post, y'all! I feel like we accomplished a lot today, and now we're ready to find out...

Who won the week?

It is 1997 because 1997 is the only year that gave me a song I immediately loved.

2017: 12 1997: 12 2007: 11

Next week, 1997 gives us Mariah Carey, Beck, Chumbawumba, and Shaquille O’Neal. 1997 is complicated.

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theworstbob · 7 years ago

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yellin’ at songs, week 27

capsule reviews of the songs which debuted on the 14 July 2007 and 15 July 2017 editions of the billboard hot 100

7.14.2007

25) "Life's What You Make It," Hannah Montana 91) "G.N.O. (Girl's Night Out)," Miley Cyrus 92) "Make Some Noise," Hannah Montana 99) "True Friend," Hannah Montana

It might seem weird that I'm lumping in a Miley Cyrus song with all these Hannah Montana tracks, but I have some theories about Hannah Montana I think you might wanna hear! These are all impeccably crafted pop songs that I should not have listened to. You have to respect the craft, at least. A cadre of pop music professionals opened up a book of things that make listenable pop songs, and they managed to find the right voice to deliver these to teens, and all those people got to live in mansions and send their kids to college in Mustangs. These songs are the biggest pile of sonic trash since 2006, but it's not like the makers just shoved out junk, nah, this is precision engineering. These songs had a job to do, and now multiple people have chandeliers in their home. I get how 11-year-olds would like this, is what I'm trying to say.

52) "Because of You," Reba McEntire & Kelly Clarkson

I don't know how to explain this one. It's a cover of a sad song (albeit one with a nice tempo!) by a legend of country music and the original artist be... cause... it's... emotional? The original dealt with the effects of abuse, and Reba McEntire she decided it could be just a tad more ham-fisted? Most things don't need to exist, but this really didn't need to exist.

77) "Potential Breakup Song," Aly & AJ

This is a fine song, a nice piece of pop sweetness I knew I'd tasted before, but not quite so quality as to make the top 20, which means, via the transitive property, that "Lip Gloss" is better than every Beatles song combined. I hope that young tumblr user is still defending the virtues of this song, as there are many. Like, how do you write about a song when the definitive piece on it has already been written, y'know? What more can I add that the one tumblr user didn't already say? This song goes.

96) "Easy," Paula DeAnda ft./Bow Wow

"Just because I'm a teen, it don't mean that I'm slow" ...I just. I'm so tired. I didn't want to have to deal with a statutory rape banger. It's Independence Day. The sun's out, someone near me prolly got burgs and dogs on the grill, they're about to run some Pokemon at GDQ, I didn't want to have to deal with any of this. She was on The Voice. I wanted to talk about the single-most lopsided battle I ever saw on that show. This is unacceptable. Like, that line is out of context, I get it, Paula DeAnda is singing about how she wraps men around her fingers, that line is still a thing which exists within a song! This was awful.

98) "Until the End of Time," Justin Timberlake

apparently there's a version of this song with beyonce, and i just, i don't understand how to solo version charted. this was fine. j. timbies and timbaland calmed the hell for a second and made a fine slow jam, and it was a nice refreshing thing to hear after "easy," but. but beyonce! i wanted for to listen to the duet, with the music hero! why would you make me listen to this. why couldn't you have waited. what a disappointment, 2007. you have all collectively failed aly & aj. this is a confirmed breakup song, now, how dare you

nothing new in the top 20, but one more time for “potential breakup song”

7.15.2017

36) "Signs," by Drake

oh thank the lord a slow-ass song where drake tunelessly murmurs about how sad his extravagant life is. it had been a few weeks, i was worried he had found happiness. Like, can I take a minute to explain to you why Hannah Montana has more artistic validity than Drake? Those four songs were all bad, but they were all bad in ways that were distinct from one another. They were about rolling with the punches and acctepting things don't go your way, going out and having a fun time with the girls, being who you are and being so loudly and proudly, and how friendship was nice. You at least got thematic differences between Hannah Montana songs, I can tell them apart from one another. How is this song any different from any other Drake song? This is a point I've made in the past, but if Drake can put out the same song and be a millionaire, I feel I should be allowed to make the same critique so I can do the things I want to do with my life.

68) "Don't Quit," by DJ Khaled & Calvin Harris ft./Travis Scott & Jeremih

I don't want to do this with my life. OK, Calvin Harris, I get it, yoiu're the king of breezy summer jams. This might be the first time Travis Scott has ever been happy, and I appreciate that, but like... Ugh, I can't believe I'm gonna complain about this after complaining about another never-ending Drake slog, it's gonna sound inconsistent, but like I feel if anyone releases the same song five times in a row then they're purveyors of bullshit and we should expect better. Not a single cut off the Lorde album dropped, y'know. It's an adventurous album by a young woman who knows where she can take her voice, and nothing off that album charted, but this shallow-ass tool-assisted pop song like "You're an attractive woman, still!" is gonna be a top ten hit. (Worth noting: one woman in the top ten this week, and it's Rihanna, and technically she's a featured artist on her song.) You gotta give me something, man.

71) "No Complaints," by Metro Boomin ft./Offset & Drake

oh cool we also get trap drake, too. we get both drakes. what a treat. he's not even doing anything on this track. like he just says things over a beat. (it's a decent beat, metro boomin's good at this, the theme for 2017 is "known commodities doing everything they said they would do.") good lord, we don't even expect these people to try nowadays. just put your name on this track and say things with your voice and that is enough.

88) "On Everything," by DJ Khaled ft./Travis Scott, Rick Ross & Big Sean

I'll say this for DJ Khaled: he's hitting that happy medium, where there's enough variety in his songs that I don't automatically cringe when I see his name appear on the chart. Like, this is a completely different song from "I'm the One," and that's different from "Wild Thoughts," and while I don't always enjoy these songs, I can appreciate that it sounds like DJ Khaled actually made every song and didn't just copypasta something that sounded good for the next three or four singles. Like, I'm OK for not dinging him for "Don't Quit," it's not his fault that's what Calvin Harris decided all songs should sound like.

94) "Crew," by GoldLink ft./Brent Faiyaz & Shy Glizzy

oh thank CHRIST it’s another kid from the south mumbling into a microphone. the charts have so far been bereft of this sort of music, i was worried it might not find representation this year, really really cool that dudes mumbling is a genre of music we’ve all decided is an acceptable thing to listen to, i just, ok, i think, just, let’s just, ok, let’s, let’s do, get to, let’s just say who won and just, just

Who won the week?

2007 and 2007 also won last week because fuck 2017.

2007: 14 2017: 13

I think I’m gonna take a break from reviewing the new pop songs next week because I’m just so tired of 2017′s shit. Also, in two weeks, 2007 only has two new entrants, and while I am sure that the tag-team dream of Three Days Grace and Soulja Boy Tell’em can take on all comers, I’m not going to make a full post about two 2007 classics and a thousand Future songs. Like, I have had this list of all the songs which debuted in 1997 waiting for a moment like this, so next week: The 1997 Catch-Up. Because cripes, I’m sick of 2017 music. 2007 had maybe the grossest song I’ve heard in this project so far (despite two Piles songs!), and I’m still completely over 2017.

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