#AND THEN YESTERDAY THEY WANTED US TO HANG OUT AT THIS THING THE UNI WAS HOLDING like a little thing where we can have hot chocolate

[bamboozled-distress]

.

[anadiasmount]

we’re pretending? - jude bellingham x reader.

quick sum: no date to an upcoming wedding, you use your best friend as last resort. what happens when your best friend isn’t playing pretend anymore and you’re left conflicted with these unusual feelings…

wc: 4.6 k | masterlist | jude’s masterlist

psa 🗣️: i used my og ‘glory box’ fic to get some inspo while writing this fic ngl!! 😣 this was so fun to write not only by the trope but the DRAMAAAA!! like always, hope you enjoy! 🤍

“yes mom, i know. i picked my dress up yesterday, and my flight is booked as well,” you sighed and rolled your eyes knowing she wouldn’t be able to see you through the phone. she knew how important this wedding was but she kept putting the pressure on you. it was the last thing you needed especially after you told her you’d bring someone along.

that someone was now you’re ex-boyfriend. you had less than 48 hours to come up with an excuse or show up alone.

"are you still bringing your plus one?" she asked, the line going silent for a few seconds before she spoke up again. "y/n? are you there?" you should've just lied or said the truth, all you could think of was how happy and super excited she was when you told her you'd met someone and began dating.

"yes mom... we both will be there," you closed your eyes, disappointment in yourself filling the void in your head. you could hear her squeal in the background, telling a voice there with her about the good news. you chewed on your lip anxiously, wanting to cut the call or else you'd break down.

"listen mom, i have t-to go okay? ill call you tomorrow. try not to stress so much," you smiled weakly hearing an "i love you", ending the call after gifting your goodbye. there was no avoiding the mistake you had committed. you wanted to slap some common sense into yourself, because where the hell were you about to find someone?

you clearly remembered the day telling your mom you'd met someone at uni. she was over the moon and wanted to tell everyone but you dismissed the idea, not wanting to rush since you had recently met. you would call her and tell her about him, and she listened so attentively, just like in the movies.

you couldn't bring yourself to tell her when you and max had broken up. your whole life has always been surrounded by being told you needed to be more like your older sister, the pressure of being a golden child laid on you. for once you had something, but that had to get ruined as well.

the scolding, the perfect grades, friends, hell even family. you had to be so careful and live up to their expectations. you loved them, you did, but at times you just felt like moving away was the best idea. and you did just that, the first to move out to a new country, breaking records at uni, and even finding a suitable job.

your boss loved you, and coworkers admired you for the passion and dedication you carried. so why did it have to go all wrong with max? you had an image of him in your head that he was madly in love with you, though you'd later be proven wrong when you found out he was sleeping with his boss. finding them in the act on your 6th month anniversary.

you still can recall the feeling of being unable to breathe, their screams and his pleading going quiet as you could just stare into the room, not once being able to see his eyes. disgust, and rage, but mostly sadness, a heavy heart, and the lump in your throat. he hurt you terribly and you would forever resent that.

after the call, you sat quietly on the couch, hands in your hair as you thought about everything. looking around seeing your bags packed, the blue dress hanging by your room, pictures everywhere. you hated to admit but you were living in a hell, life messy and a disaster. your buzz ringed, seeing through the tiny camera your best friend jude in the frame.

you allowed him in, walking over to the large mirror and wiping away the dry tears, making yourself look more presentable. you looked worn out, eyes droopy and low, lips slightly chapped, and to make matters worse a zit on your chin. you exhaled a breath, keys jiggling as jude came in.

he set his training bag down, took his shoes off, and walked to you, giving you a small hug. "you look terrible," you gave him a warning look, "but lucky you, i brought us food," he spoke cheerfully, the mood inside you going from gloomy to content. "it's raining like crazy, i almost fell coming up. also i brought some packages and your mail," jude continued.

"thank you, i haven't had the time to go down and pick them up! i've been so busy packing and planning last-minute stuff," you groaned, going to the kitchen and washing your hands. "watch, in the next few minutes i'm going to get a call," you theorized. jude pulled out the food and served it into your plates as you grabbed a water for him and a soda for yourself.

"how was training?"

jude shrugged unimpressed, "same old. didn't really have to go in, but they needed me for a small campaign shoot, so i had no choice. also cama and tchou send their hello's."

you and jude spoke amongst yourself. just about each other's days and catching up from the last time you guys were together. you teased him about losing a bet with his little brother, jude whining about how he cheated. new music that came out, and a pop up store that opened lower in downtown.

"so what's got your head in a twist?" jude sipped on his last few ounces of water, leaning his head on his propped-up arm and hand. you awkwardly scratch the back of your neck, pick up the dirty dishes, and walk to the sink. "okay don't make fun of me-"

"you're basically asking me too... also no promises since you just made fun of me for losing against jobe," jude chuckled.

"jude."

"oh it's serious then... what did you do?" he saw the serious look on your face, a small worry constructing in his chest because he rarely saw you like this. you close your eyes, feeling the anxiety build in you once again, "i told my mom i was still bringing max..."

jude scoffed in denial, or trying to cope with the confusion, "y/n, you what?"

"i know! i know! i should've just confessed and coughed up the truth but i- i couldn't! she was so excited jude! i feel terrible for lying believe me i do, but after telling her about him and filling her with hope to break her heart, i just c-c-couldn't," you ramble, dishes clattering as you freaked out.

in your head it didn't seem as bad, but fully saying it out loud to jude, seemed even worse. jude grimaced, knowing you had messed up bad especially since the wedding was right around the corner. "i'm just embarrassed... i know they will start something and just talk down on me if i showed up alone."

jude knew how heavy-handed your family could be, often wanting to resent them because he cared for you so much. he saw how physically and mentally they could rain you even with the smallest sentence. they seemed so worried with their lives instead of the ones they should most value and care for.

jude gave you a concerned face, "what?" chuckling nervously when you gasped out, almost being able to see the lit-up light bulb on top of your head. "jude, I'm a genius!"

"well i beg to differ-"

"shut up," you pat your finger against your chin, a mischievous smile on your lip taunting jude's concern even more. "i don't know why i didn't think of this sooner! why don't you pretend to be my boyfriend? just for the wedding that's it!"

jude shook his head, hands coming up to back out of the idea. it was one thing you lying, but now asking you to play pretend was something totally different. "that's not a good idea y/n..." jude clenched his teeth forcing a smile. "oh cmon why not?"

"well, first of all, that's an even bigger lie to your mom. second, pretending would seem impossible. third, i don't want the first time meeting your parents to be a lie because of what happened," jude defended and stated his case.

"it's a huge favor but you'd save my life jude! one weekend and that's it! you have plenty of suits, you're also off this weekend, and they would never suspect a thing! please jude! i wouldn't be asking if i wasn't so desperate," you begged, seeing the hesitation in his eyes.

"it seems like a bad idea... you don't know what you're asking for y/n... were pretending to be a couple when were not! we have to make it believable even under the pressure of the wedding. a theatrical play, a stunt!" jude exclaimed standing up from his chair.

"jude please, please, please! it might feel weird but it's for the night only! after that, we go back to the good old y/n and jude," you followed him as he paced in your living room thinking of his answer. would it be back to normal even if he continued to feel the same for you? the unknown loving feeling he had for you?

the pretending would be hard when all he could hardly think of was you. how he felt recently and how nervous he got around you. he would do anything for you in a heartbeat, but this would break jude further than now. he couldn't fake pretend holding your hand, or kissing your cheek when he meant and wanted to do that with you currently.

as bad as the idea was, here he was hugging you as you cheerfully yelped when he agreed. time moved slowly for him, the sensation of regret and curiosity as what was yet to come from both of you. all he cared for was to make sure you were happy, and if faking being your boyfriend would help you, he was willing to do it, no matter the consequences.

as jude was fixing his hair, you finished setting your makeup with some powder and setting spray. nerves bubbling in you after the first test you encountered last night after your arrival. you let out a laugh at the tiny bed you had to share with jude. seeing his uneasy face even after he offered to sleep on the couch.

"we're running on schedule," you spoke, finishing clasping your jewelry around your hands and rings. jude came behind you, his shirt unbuttoned and abs in full view, as he finished zipping his pants. best friend or not, there was no denying how incredibly sexy jude was. the name should speak for itself, but with the looks and personality he had, it was too good to be true.

"need some help?" he asked seeing you nod slowly and looking down at your feet. he took the necklace, your skin on fire as his fingertips grazed your skin accidentally, almost jumping on the spot, goosebumps grazing your body. he clasped the necklace, grabbing the pendent and fixing it so it laid in the middle. "perfect," he cockliy smirked.

"thank you."

"are you almost ready?" he looked at you as he buttoned up his shirt, you almost stuttered but regained consciousness, "yes, just need to put my dress and shoes on," you turned back quickly furrowing your brows, wanting to slap yourself for allowing yourself to get carried away, or maybe at the uneasy desire in you when seeing jude.

you went to the bathroom, grabbing the lacy undergarments and the blue dress. the color was to die for, the perfect length even with your heels on, the opened back with the front just showing the perfect amount of cleavage, and the whole dress just accentuating your body even more.

you felt the need to throw some water in your face though you couldn't or else it would ruin your makeup. you settled with fanning yourself with your hand, the tense in your chest getting to you as it was becoming real now. you were just pretending with jude. nothing more right?

you looked in the huge light-up mirror, and suddenly the confidence you had dripped away as you thought of jude in the next room over. why did all of a sudden everything feel like it wasn't before? as in, things changed drastically since the night at your apartment? you've never felt this clumsy or as edgy around him.

when you woke up this morning, with jude on top of you laying peacefully, you couldn't help but feel overjoyed, as if it was a natural state and you've done it before. in your own world where the only thing that mattered was him and you. since then you were slightly freaked out, butterflies in your chest when he left or walk into the room.

jude double taked a look as you walked into the room again. the tiny room that felt like a joke to him after walking in hand to hand last night. his eyes roamed you, lips slightly separated as he admired your beauty, heart hammering in his chest. he watched as you grabbed your cheeks, immediately offering to help.

he leaned down, gently grabbing your foot and placing the white jeweled heel on you. your hands were clamped around the small bench cushions, jude looking up then and there to make sure they felt comfortable. once again, his touch felt like fire, playing with your head even more.

when he finished clasping the heel, he extended his hand helping you up. "you look absolutely gorgeous y/n... this dress was made for you," jude croaked, hearing you laugh shakily. "thank you jude. likewise," jude smiled at your reaction, "i mean as in you look super handsome with the suit, not a dress!" you explained.

"i think i got what you meant..." he joked, his eyes roaming uo and down again at you. "good. good. shall we head out?" you swallowed heavily, grabbing your purse, phone, and other stuff you needed for the night. you were in a rush, wanting to get some fresh air or you would explode in the room with jude inside. "lead the way y/n."

jude helped you in an out of the cab, his hand on your bare back as he guided you to the double doors leading into the reception. "how are you feeling? any nerves?" you spoke quietly to him, looking around as people were taking their seats or had their own conversations.

"some but not too many. like you said, it's just for today," he whispered along your ear, gently giving your shoulder a kiss as his hands went to your hips and walked you forward. your mom and aunt gasped, grabbing their dresses and walking towards you, almost sprinting. "here goes nothing," you say.

"oh my god! so you are real!" your mom yelped, making you give her a glare and eyes pleading not to make a scene. "i was starting to think my sweet y/n was lying to me about this boyfriend she had," you almost choked on your saliva, clearing your throat at her words. "i am y/n's mom, what is your name?"

"i'm jude. it's a pleasure to finally meet you ma'am," jude shook her hand and leaned down to kiss her cheeks in a greeting manner, the same with your aunt. jude's hand interlocked with yours, the happiness in your mother's eyes never leaving, almost tearing up at the sight of you with your "boyfriend."

"i can't believe it! it's a miracle, my daughter finally has her first boyfriend," she clapped her hands making you wretched at her choice of wording. you did everything to have her at least praise you once in life, and all it took was to have a boyfriend? you brushed away the glum feeling, jude kissing your hand, distracting you from the small burn in your eyes.

"oh my! look at them! they make such a beautiful pair," your aunt gleamed. "we do, don't we?" jude teased them, "took her a while to say yes to me, but i'm very fortunate to be here," jude resumed. "we're very pleased to have you here, anything you need don't hesitate to ask."

after saying hello to other family friends and cousins, you sat for the ceremony. jude wiped a small tear away after your old school friend finished her vows, slapping his shoulder when he made a small joke about your mascara running. "its not funny! the vows were so beautiful," you said.

"it's like we are watching me before you again," he said making you gasp. "jude what are talking about? you literally cried with me?" you recalled laughing, jude looking around scared if someone was hearing you. "please don't remind me... in my defense, i didn't see that ending at all."

after the ceremony, you and jude greeted other families, and most importantly congratulated the bride and groom. their faces ushered with happiness, overall content with how their day was turning out. you had to excuse yourself from jude at one point, your mom dragging you away for your help. jude was left behind with your dad.

"since she was little, she always hated getting thrown or dragged around," your father spoke, taking a sip of his whiskey. "seems like nothing had changed?" jude asked carefully with a playful smile. "oh not even close! it's my wife doing," he winked.

"jude right?"

"yes sir," jude nodded, presenting the dad talk coming up. "I'm gonna save the unnecessary talk and get straight to the point. it's so weird to see my baby girl all grown up, with the lusting and loving eyes she gives you. you love her very much and i can see that which is why i'm not worried about you hurting or losing her trust."

hell if jude didn't feel guilty before, he did now. he gripped the glass harder, nodding to your dad who looked upset. "she may have told you some stuff about us, but at the end of the day, she's my daughter and i love her the way she is... please just take good care of her for me... she been through enough as it is..."

"i only have good intentions and i promise you i won't ever break her heart," jude promised to your dad, but also himself. he would never be able to forgive himself if he ever did break your heart or make you lose the trust you had. max did it once and jude would never do it. even if it meant keeping away these long feelings for you.

when you returned you saw them laughing and chatting away, your heart full of emotions at them getting along. jude was so mature for his age, and it didn't come to a surprise when he got along with your dad so fast. his hand would naturally lay on your back or on your hip.

the next few hours were filled with more people dancing or chatting away. jude insisting you sat on his lap for a picture when the photographer passed, smiling wide, looking like a happy couple. it seemed so natural to you, being this close and intimate you were getting scared at how fast everything was being thrown at you.

"i had to see it for myself! y/n bagging a footballer? never saw that coming," your cousin approached you giving you a high as he dabbed up jude. "jude meet my cousin adrian, he's a huge fan of you, and just successfully signed with a small club," you introduced them to each other, with a huge grin on your face.

jude’s hand snuck around your waist, his thumb drawing shapes as his full attention was with your cousin who spoke about sports. you listened then and there, but your feet began to ache, switching your weight back and forth uncomfortably.

jude was quick to notice, leaving down to your level and asking if you were okay. “i’m fine i promise, these shoes are killing me that’s all,” you reassured with a smile, jude nodding before cutting the conversation after a few minutes. “i’m going to get her a chair and drinks for us,” you froze when he kissed your temple, “i’ll see you around later,” jude said his goodbyes dragging you along slowly.

like before, your chest beat faster, if he stared, smiled, even touched or got near you, you’d get nervous immediately. the familiar string of falling for someone filling the empty space left behind inside you. he was super good at pretending and it didn’t feel like that anymore.

it felt real. was he just pretending? or was he actually taking this fake relationship seriously and real?

all you could do was stare at his face, mostly his gorgeous brown eyes as he helped you get seated and served you some water, making sure you were fully okay. he sat next to you, his hand interlocking with his, and placing it on his lap as he paid attention to his surroundings. you become quiet, so into your head and questioning his every move now.

“jude?” you spoke softly, a confused smile on your face as he immediately turned to you with a soften gaze. you inhaled a breath, unable to look away from him, his ínstese state causing you to feel intimidated. “is everything okay?” he asked, leaning slightly over to you, pushing a small string of hair back. “is it supposed to feel like this?”

“what is?” jude shook his head not understanding.

“us? why am i getting the idea we’re no longer pretending…”

jude tore his gaze from yours, the panic growing more intense when he wouldn't reply back. "jude please... don't push me away. are we just pretending or has something changed?" you persisted, your hand gliding against his back to get his attention. jude debated, afraid of losing you right here and now, or having the possibility to maybe hear you feel the same way.

"come with me," jude demanded, helping your and dragging you to the dance floor where no one could really see you besides the other happy couples. his hands circled your waist, as yours went to his shoulders, unable to look away from him. "tell me i'm not the only one who feels it..."

"tell me what you feel y/n... what your head is begging to scream out..."

"i can't, i don't know jude. i'm afraid yet so confused? since we got here yesterday things feel different between us. it happened again when we had breakfast, when you put my necklace on, my heels! all of this is giving me mixed signals jude... i haven't felt this in so long.." you confess, a shaky breath escaping your lips when he pulls you closer and kisses your head.

"like now. i can't if you just did that out of pretending or because it came naturally to you. i've never had to worry about what you think till recently... it feels strange... yet ican't help but get hope that it means real," you rest your forehead on his shoulder blinking away the tears that slowly begin to let out.

jude could see how this was affecting you, holding your lower body with one hand and the other smoothing down your spine, feeling how you immediately let loose and relaxed by his praise and touch. jude could also feel the heavy weight beginning to feel heavier if he kept his true hidden feelings away. it was a sign, and there was no going back.

jude's hand cradled your chin, forcing you to look up at his, his brown eyes gazing over your teary face. he was truly amazed and so in love with you it made his head feel cloudy, almost dizzy, at how perfect and pure you were. his tummy fluttering at his gorgeous girl who was confused at how she felt... but in this moment jude knew you were in deep as well.

"tell me something, when you see me, does it make your heart race, like i'm the only person standing there?" you nod, "does your head tell you one thing but your gut tells you another when you see me?" you nod again, this time blowing the air out of jude's lungs. "my head tells me i shouldn't, but my gut tells me i waited so long that maybe it's now to late for us..."

"why would it be too late y/n...?" you shrug your shoulders. "because i don't you feel the same way i'm feeling." jude smiled weakly, his thumb brushing along your jaw, hearing your hum in delight, "how can you know when you haven't asked me?"

your eyes search his for any sign but you don't find any, "what are you feel in this moment jude?"

"that i'm the luckiest man to be here with you tonight," he says proudly, "that i don't think we've wasted any time, rather i feel we're barely getting started on this new branch of our lives... i can't pretend when i'm with you... because pretending to hide how i feel has been so hard, when all i want is you. all of you y/n..."

"i had to see you go through that idiot max, how he hurt you? when you were hurt i was even more devastated because i couldn't protect you. i'd do anything to make you happy or laugh because it's what i want to do. i want to be the only one who gets to do that. i promised your dad but myself also, ask me what the promise is..." jude insisted.

"what's your promise jude?"

"that i'd never break your heart or give you a reason to doubt me. that from this day forward, i completely will give you my all to care and relish our love once and for all. i'm tired of waiting and holding back of what should've existed and started when i first met you."

"jude-"

"i want to give you my all, to be devoted and in love with you forever. you have no idea what you make me feel, think! i wake up longing for you, at work, at my own home. you're the only girl i want and need in my life y/n," jude confessed, the weight finally lifted of his shoulders, now being able to feel like a free man.

you closed your eyes, breathing out a happy chuckle in relief. you sniffled, "you've ruined me jude, completely ruined me with your words, your confession! look at me, i'm worse than when we finished watching the vow!" you joked, hand nestling on the nape of his next, stroking his soft skin.

"you love me jude?"

"more than what you think."

"i need you to know i'm giving you my all as well. I've always sensed how different what we had was, and come to find out, i was just scared and felt the need to push away because you didn't feel the same way. what i feel for you never happened with who shall not be named..." jude chuckles, closing his eyes and swallowing a heavy gulp like you.

"i'm so hopelessly in love with you jude bellingham... so in love, i want to grow old with you, make every promise we said out loud come true. i knew i loved you as soon as we laid eyes, and you stumbled over your words," jude squinted his eyes, shaking his head embarrassed. "kiss me jude."

jude kissed you exactly how he dreamed. your lips soft and sweet as he imagined, even better. cradling your chin to tilt and pulling the kiss deeper. it felt so right, so amazing, so passionate. he was lost, his tongue entering your parted lips when you let out a small gasp and whimper. there was no more pretending, this was more real than ever.

"could get lost in how you taste. how you feel. i love you so much angel."

[lostonmari]

Double SP Success #4

I told yall earlier about the SP I manifested the third party away from, and like I predicted…….. WEEEE ARE NOW DATINGGGG!!!! Boyfriend #3 added to the rosterrrr!! I'm literally typing this as I watch him stream some shitty game 🙄 (I do not support men having fun [joke]) -- 2nd success below as well + how I manifested it

Now secondly, I always say there's movement even when you don't see it and I will ALWAYS believe that!

I was manifesting for one of my exes to be left heartbroken and shattered by his new gf (not sure if I've ever posted about him before, but some background is he was obsessed with me and then because of ME wavering and mentally "giving up" our relationship he suddenly just wanted to break up)…. but anyway he confided in me yesterday (we've been talking everyday for about 2 weeks now, after he consistently said for 5 months that he'd never talk to me again, so slay) that he's been depressed and cant even do any of his uni work because he has no motivation anymore and told me how he was lonely without me in his life and missed me even when he was with her (he kept all the plushies I bought him too) 😋 I love being a villain

I know there's always someone whos curious about "HoW dId YoU dO iT" but it's literally the same thing I've been telling yall.. I like to affirm and manifest in steps instead of speedrunning to the end goal because doing it step by step makes the most sense in my mind and for me thats what gets me results faster, so thats the "technique" I use.

Like if I wanted to date someone and they're in a relationship, I manifest them being single first. With bf #3 I did that PLUS since he didn't know me at first I manifested us meeting and being friends before I manifested us dating.

my affs for me and bf #3 were just "He messaged me, he wants to hang out with me" and once we started talking & became friends I just switched to "he likes me, he has the biggest crush on me, he's so into me" I robotically affirmed whenever I thought about him, and whenever I was just mentally idling (aka not thinking about anything important)

for my ex my aff was literally just "he's suffering" and I didn't even focus on affirming for this, it was easy for me to just BE in the state of believing/knowing so I'd only affirm for a minute or two whenever the thought came to mind.

[deliciousangelfestival]

My Problematic Girl - Chapter 1

Character: College!Steve Rogers x Rich!Female Reader

Prologue:  Steve has lived being nobody in this prestigious university. He just wants to graduate and get a job to get more money to pay the bills for his mother's surgery. 

But his life turned upside when a new student attended his class. His quiet and dull life became dangerous and full of surprises.

×××

She exhaled the cigarette smoke from her lips. She still doesn’t care even though he told her he has asthma. 

She looked at Steve and said, “Bark for me.”

Steve felt humiliated, and his pride was crushed. But she held his life and secrets. He had to bury his dignity to the ground, and he murmured, 

“Woof.”

******

I would appreciate any comments and feedback you can give me. 

If you want to be tagged in this series, please tell me.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6 , Chapter 7 ,Chapter 8 , Chapter 9,-

Main Masterlist || Buy me Ko-fi

Pine trees, old gates, red bricks, this is the same view Steve saw every day for the past two years at Stark University he attended as an art student. 

He always remembered the moment he got a scholarship and was accepted to this prestigious university. 

It was the first time he felt alive. 

He thought when his problem with tuition had been solved, he could enjoy being a university student compared to high school. 

But it turned out to be the same. Every student here is super rich; they come to uni with their sports car, or their driver drives them to uni. 

They live differently from Steve, who has to work different types of part-time jobs to get more money and pay hospital bills for his mother. 

On the first day of class, the way rich kids look at Steve when they see him walk into the class, they know he doesn’t have the same life standards as them. 

Steve tried to be friendly with them; they were nice at first. But he realised they were using his talents to do their work. They treat him like, ‘It’s a privilege to hang out with us; you should be grateful.’

Since then, Steve decided it was better to be a loner. With only eight months left, he will graduate and no longer have to meet these people. His footsteps stop in front of the class door. 

"Did you watch the game last night?"

"You bet, and guess what? I sat with the club owner."

“Girls, my dad got us the ticket for that concert.”

That’s what Steve heard every day in his class. He couldn’t join the conversation because of his financial status. 

Steve took the headphones from his pockets and put them on his ears. No one even bothered to say Hi when he walked into the classroom. 

That’s good because if one of his classmates greets him, they want Steve to do their work. It’s better to be invisible or a wallflower. 

He went to his table, dropped the old canvas backpack, and took out the sketchbook. 

Since Steve was a kid, drawing was the only way for him to escape from reality. He forgot how his abused father, sick mother and snobby classmates were.

While drawing, Steve heard one of the female students start gossiping. One of the nice perks of being invisible, he could get a lot of gossip in this university.

“My father met the chancellor yesterday and heard a new student will join this class.”

“Before one semester to graduate? That’s unbelievable, but how?”

“I heard she’s close with Tony Stark. I guess one of his young girlfriends?”

“No, euuh.”

All the gossipers start laughing like they are better than anyone. But Steve agreed with one thing, what kind of person could attend a class last semester?

Suddenly the class door opened, and it was Prof. Abraham Erskine; before he walked into the room, he turned back and signalled, ‘Wait’. 

He put his documents on his table and looked at his students. “Guys, you have new friends. Please be nice to her, alright?” 

“Yeah.”

“Perfect.” Prof.Erskine clapped his hands once and waved his hand towards the person behind the door. “Come in.”

The rumour is true; a new student is joining the class. 

Everyone could see her arrogant attitude when she walked into the room. 

But the way she dressed from head to toe took the attention of every female student. 

One of the females who sat in front of Steve whispered to her friend, “Did she wear those shoes to class, and that watch… cost more than this class tuition.”

“Who is she? If she were in the socialite club, I would’ve known.”

“Her name is Y/N L/N; starting today, she will study with us until last semester.” Prof.Erskine looked at Y/N and said, “Please be nice and don’t make trouble in my class.” 

Everyone gasped when they heard their Professor beg this one student. 

“Shit, she’s that bit*h.”

Steve turned to one male student who immediately closed his mouth. 

“Who?”

“Remember that chaotic night at the H club? She kicked one of the guests to the table. She didn’t even apologise and continued her drink.”

“Ohh, I heard a drunk guy won't leave the female guest. She kinda helps the victim.”

"I remember she went to the same school as me. She kicked a teacher to the window and threw the table at him."

"She didn't get in any trouble?"

“Her father is the CEO of a Law Firm."

"Her parents gave her a penthouse, and I heard she always held amazing parties."

"That's cool. We should ask her later to hang out with us."

Steve shook his head; how fast their opinion changed when they knew she had money.  

Prof. Erskine didn’t bother with his students, who kept whispering. He told Y/N, “You could sit near the window with that boy. His name is Steve.”

Y/N nodded and went to the chair where the Professor pointed his finger. Everyone in the class stops talking and watches her whenever she walks. Their eyes are looking in Steve's direction. 

Their gaze made him nervous; today was not his lucky day. He lowered his head and continued sketching. 

Nothing happened when she sat beside him. Steve thought he had to greet and introduce himself. But it’s unnecessary because she grabs a tablet and wireless headphones and starts playing games. 

Everyone widened their eyes; the audacity of her being impolite and arrogant was on another level.

What Steve had in mind, ‘Ah, another rich kid.’

Professor Erskine didn’t even bother; he opened his laptop and set up the projector. “We will continue the study of Leonardo Da Vinci of his … … …”

Steve looked to the front,t but then he glanced at the new student. Before, she played games, and now she reads online comic books.

'Wait, did she read it from that website?'

She looked at him and caught him off guard. Steve nodded his head and looked back to the front. His face felt hot because that was embarrassing.

After the class ended, the first person who stood up after the Professor left was Y/N. A few people tried to approach her, but Y/N replied to them by saying, "Get lost."

Steve was confused; on the first day, Y/N had started to make an enemy. She could quickly join the clique if she wanted to, but it doesn’t seem like she cares.

‘Bzzt.’

Steve opened the message on his phone that said, “New 24 pages. Do you want to take the job?”

He immediately typed, “Yes.” It's an offer for extra money; Steve wouldn't say no. 

“Steve, I have to talk about your final project.” Professor. Erskine asked him. For their final, every student has to make an exhibition. Usually, universities will provide a warehouse for students. 

But now their curriculum has changed; the uni wants the students to find the place for their exhibition independently. 

Almost all the students have no problem with this except Steve. He couldn't even afford his rent. How can he get money to rent a place just for one day? 

That's why Prof. Erskine asked Steve about a sponsor. 

“Have you found the sponsor?" 

"Not yet, sir."

Steve gulped, he wanted to ask, but he didn't know anyone willing to give their money to sponsor an art student.

Prof. Erskine sighed. "I hope you will find a sponsor during the winter break, Steve. I know you will." He carried all his stuff and left the classroom. 

Steve sighed heavily; he wished he knew one person with money. 

Then he saw the new student, Y/N, looking at his sketchbook. He grabbed the book from her hand. 

“Ah, sorry.” He wanted to scold her, but Steve didn’t expect her to apologise. He put the sketchbook into his bag and gathered all his stuff to leave. 

“Wait.”

Steve's body stopped when he heard that. Then he saw Y/N grabbed her wallet and took an old photo. She shows it to him. It's a small photo in black and white colour, the paper also being crumpled or folded many times. When he saw it, he noticed the woman in the photo looked like Y/N. 

“Could you draw her to be 40 years old? In this photo, she’s 25 years old. I saw your drawing. The way you do the shadow and wrinkles is nice.”

Steve doesn't know how to feel since he never got a compliment from his classmates. 

“You won’t do it for free, of course. I will pay for it. Please?”

Steve takes a good look at her face. When she talks like this, it doesn’t seem like the same person from the class. And she asked nicely, and she was willing to pay. 

“Ok.”

“Great, I will give you the deposit first.” She took $200 hundred from her pocket and handed it to Steve's hands. 

His hands tremble because his drawing would only cost around $75. This money is enough to pay for groceries for a month. 

"Uhm, it's too much." Steve felt guilty if he took the money. He handed back the money to her. 

His act made Y/N quiet for a while; he thought she was mad at him, and she probably felt offended, but instead, she said, "No, for her, it's worth it."

When she said those words, Steve could feel the sadness in her voice. He doesn't know the meaning behind the story, but he will do his best to draw the photo. 

"I will finish this in 3 days."

"That fast?"

Her question made him curious, is she an art student? 

"Are you-?" 

"Y/N!!!"

Before Steve asks her, someone yells her name. He turned back and saw the chancellor of Stark University, Tony Stark. 

It's difficult to meet him, even though there are only two places to find him: the engineering lab or a nightclub. He's a famous playboy but also a genius. 

So, to make him come by to this building is fantastic. And he's here for Y/N. 

Is the rumour true that she's Tony's side chick?

"Nice to meet you, Steve. See you tomorrow."  Y/N smiled at Steve and went to Tony. 

He saw both of them walking together. Perhaps the rumour may be true. 

Steve shook his head; it was not even his business. He should go home quickly and start drawing since he got two jobs today. 

When he gets home, he turns on his old PC, grabs his drawing tablet and opens the storyboard he received. 

Steve clicked his tongue; as a freelance artist, he can't say no to his client, but his morals get tested every time he gets a new storyboard from the client. 

His work is drawing for Hentai comics. Some people see this as disgusting, but some people will like it. And Steve works with the people who are willing to pay. He will receive any request from the website called www.readwithme.com

This is the biggest secret he kept if anyone from the university knew his work. He could get dropped out. He even kept it from his best friend, Bucky. 

He carefully picks a secret name and uses another email so no one will figure him out. His ID is VioletDust18. 

Many people have read his works and subscribed to the story. He doesn't get paid much, but it's enough to pay the bills and rent...

He already got the rough sketch and opened the reference to start drawing. Steve didn't feel aroused when he looked at the photo or storyboard.

When the clock showed 9.00 p.m, Steve finished three pages. He stopped when he felt hungry. He opened up his wallet and saw $200. Today he will order a food delivery to treat himself, and tomorrow, he will buy groceries. 

Suddenly Y/N appeared in his mind. He is grateful that she pays more than enough. But one thing that worries him is that she opens the website with Steve’s artwork. 

She seems like not an art student. She probably wouldn't notice. 

Yeah, it's better if she didn't notice, and after he's done with her request, she will ignore him.

Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

If you have any feedbacks or want to join the tagged list, you can tell me.

I will always be grateful for those who reblog. Thank you so much.

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5 , Chapter 6, Chapter 7 ,Chapter 8 , Chapter 9,-

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[joysmercer]

okay I’m so curious about the short fic you posted yesterday

can I ask how in this universe nina dies? And does eddie too?

(it’s mask of anubis on main btw)

ooh fun questions!! i was hoping someone would ask cuz i couldn't figure out how to work it in. also i added way too much info that you didnt ask for so now it's under the cut :D

first of all, this au is a much darker take on how i think nina's life "actually" played out – I think she'll always have random spirits coming up to her etc, but in this au, it's pretty constant and can get very dangerous very quickly. on the flip side, she sees a lot more fame for her "irl" work than she does "in canon" (see below).

somewhat ironically (given how guarded nina becomes from the constant barrage of gods forcing her to do things), she makes her living off of writing movies about her experiences. i think she does this in canon too, but here she really throws herself into it, almost like a form of therapy since there isn't really any professional she can process things with, you know? she eats, sleeps, breathes her craft – whenever she has downtime, she's writing, editing, networking to get her words out there. she's so fast and so talented with it that she graduates university in three years with honors, by which time the chosen one (season 1) has already been picked up by a major company and has started filming; she wins her first oscar two years later, and the next two each year after that.

(actually, all four scripts got picked up at the same time, which is why the turnaround was so quick – but they didn't announce the sequels until after the oscars because at that point she was a relatively unknown person)

(also i know this isn't how these things work irl but just work with me here. maybe she called in a favor from a random god and had things sped along idk)

anyway, the point im trying to make is that she spends her whole life balancing what she wants to do (her work) with what she has to do (paragon shit) and has a weird sense of self-worth as a result (she knows she's good at what she does, but wants to hide it from the world at the same time (out of fear). she hates that she needs others to keep her safe and refuses to believe they're doing it out of kindness, even though she also knows that they genuinely love her. it's weird) (also she and fabian make up sometime during their uni years so all is good there)

anyway, they (amber + KT) set up a rota of all ex-sibuna members (+ willow as she learns about it pretty quickly post-grad) to spend time in the states for a couple months out of the year each. this essentially made sure there was always 1 other person on the mission with her and 2 people nearby who knew where they were going, should things go wrong and they need rescuing or something. but for small/random tasks, nina would just do those alone.

her last mission (that fabian alludes to) had taken months to complete: three formerly-benign ghosts had been "turned" by a magician up in canada, released from the underworld, and, driven mad by the magic (and confusion of being back in the real world), had started a series of freak thunderstorms across the american midwest. together with jerome, she had to figure out how they got released, stop the magician, construct the device necessary to trap the spirits and send them back, and use said device to stop the storms. the effort had completely exhausted her (so much so that she – making headlines – decided to take a step back on touchstone production, instead of hanging out on set like she did for the other three)

(that's why tor is the way it is. with her dropping off of the face of the earth, someone decided – while she couldn't argue against it – to absolutely slash the budget, which lead to a mess of a story (screenplay is the only oscar it wins)

nina's death (as alluded to in the article) really seemed out-of-the-blue. basically, she was on a mission – alone – that suddenly and very unexpectedly turned dangerous. but when she was found (by KT and amber together) it looked like she just collapsed at home – there was no indication of any foul play or anything, really, of how she died.

also alluded to in the article, but a lot (but not all) of KT's "investigative journaling" was her covering up the consequences of nina's missions with theories that would make sense to the general public. nina's last request of her was to halt any investigation into her death prematurely as she knew things would unravel pretty quickly otherwise

joy's role in nina's life was mainly to book her for enough public-facing events/etc so that people wouldn't question where she was when she "disappeared" for a month or two, as well as act as her social media manager/"source close to her" to tabloids during extended absences so people continue to think she's okay. this was especially important given nina's monumental rise to fame (and as a screenplay writer, at that! usually it's the actors/directors who get most of it!) and her relatively young age, which meant she got herself a fandom very quickly…and we all know what the rumor-spreading capabilities of stan twitter are like. there were quite a few times nina came back from a mission to find several "new" pics on her instagram or that shes going viral for something she doesn't "remember" saying lskdjf

amber's role was to media-train the hell out of nina so she never gives any indication that a) there's an element of truth in her work; b) she lives a double life; and c) weird things keep happening in the cities she happens to frequent (eg random buildings falling, artifacts disappearing, etc). we all know this girl can't lie to save her life…amber is nothing but a miracle-worker in that regard lol

as for eddie – his death is basically the reason things are so awful, now. he actually dies at the end of tor, and not only does osiris himself blame nina for it (using "logic" that can rival senkhara's in s2), but it also leaves nina terrified since she no longer has a protector – something all the other gods/spirits quickly take advantage of (threats/blackmail/etc) for the first few years, by which time word of her willingness to do anything spreads and she can't get rid of the constant requests. it doesn't help that his death also proved to them that nina (like her counterpart) can, and will, sacrifice herself to save the world, if it came down to it, making her the perfect pawn in a lot of schemes.

[canirove]

In The Name of Love | Chapter 20

Author's note: Sorry to everyone who got mad at Val (and me 😅) after reading the previous chapter 🫣 But you have to read this one and what is coming! This story is 35 chapters long (34+epilogue), and we still have good and cute things happening, and maybe another drama 🫣 But it will be worth it, I promise! 🤞🏻 I also struggled a lot writing this chapter and I've edited many times these past few months and even yesterday because I wasn't happy with it, so I hope it doesn't disappoint 🫣

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Masterlist

He is kissing me. Ferran is kissing me again, and I'm not freaking out or stopping him. I'm letting myself go, I'm…

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" a woman says after bumping against us. "Are you ok?"

"I'm… I…" I say, looking from Ferran to her and back at him. "I need to get out of here" I blurt out.

"Val, wait" he says, trying to hold my hand.

"I… I have to go" I say, taking a step back and not letting him touch me. 

"Val…"

"Please, Ferran. Let me go."

"At least tell me where you are going."

"Outside. I feel too hot and a bit dizzy, I need some fresh air."

"If you aren't feeling well I am going with you."

"No!" I say, raising my voice and making some of the people around us look at me. "I want to be alone. I need to be alone."

"Val, I'm sorry. I just… I…"

But I don't hear anything else he says. I'm already walking away, bumping into people who are dancing, pushing them while trying to find one of the doors, the music getting louder and louder, my heart beating faster and faster. I can't believe I let Ferran kiss me again. That I… that I…

"Valeria, stop!" 

"Marc?" I say when I look up at the owner of the hand that is grabbing my arm.

"I've been calling after you. What happened?"

"I need to get out of here."

"Valeria, are you ok? You look…"

"Now!"

"Ok, ok. Come with me."

"I want to be alone, Marc. Why can't you understand it?" I cry, freeing myself from his grip and starting to walk away. Though I don't know where I am going.

"Valeria, this way."

"Don't touch me!"

"I won't touch you" Marc says, lifting his hands. "But let me walk you outside."

"And then you will leave me alone" I say, wiping away my tears.

"And then I will leave you alone" he repeats. "Now come with me."

"Finally" I whisper when we make it outside, taking deep breaths as I stand in the middle of the garden. It is a chilly night and I could definitely use a jacket, but I don't care. 

"Valeria, are you going to tell me what happened?" Marc asks me.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone."

"I saw you arguing with Ferran. Is everything ok? Did he do something?"

"Marc, I want to be alone."

"I can't do that when you are like this, Valeria."

"Yes, you can!" I say, turning around to look at him. "And stop calling me Valeria!"

"But… but that is your name" he says with a confused look.

"And I don't like people calling me like that! It's Val! Val! Only my teachers and my mum call me Valeria. Them and you for whatever the reason." 

"I… I didn't know you didn't like it."

"Of course you didn't!" I say, raising my voice. "Because you knew nothing about me and still don't!"

"Valeria… I mean, Val. Calm down, please."

"I don't want to calm down!"

"You are making a scene, Valeria. And this is my wedding."

"And this is my wedding" I say, making fun of him. "It is always you, Marc. You, you, you."

"What… what are you talking about?"

"You don't care about anyone but you! We were together for a fucking decade and you never gave a shit about me!"

"Valeria…"

"It was always let's hang out with your friends from uni, let's go on holidays to the places you like, let's watch the movies you enjoy, let's move to the flat you prefer… You never asked me what I wanted to do, what I liked, what I needed, how I felt! You probably don't know my favourite colour or my favourite food" I laugh.

"Pink and… pasta?" he says.

"Pink and pasta? Are you fucking kidding me, Marc?"

"I… I don't know."

"Exactly, you don't know! Because you only care about yourself! You are a selfish prick!"

"Valeria, there is no need to insult me."

"Don't call me Valeria!" I yell. 

"I'm sorry, I…”

"I am so glad I broke up with you, Marc. So glad! Getting rid of you has been the best decision of my life, because it finally made me free! Free to be who I really am and to meet someone who truly sees me. Someone who listens to me when I'm  rambling about something I like but also when I'm feeling vulnerable, who makes me feel like I can trust him and open up to him. Someone who makes me laugh, who comforts me when I'm feeling down and gives me the push I need to keep improving and do better, to not give up, to follow my dreams. Someone who makes me feel things I thought impossible  because he has bothered to learn how a woman's body works, who cares about me in a way no one has ever done before. Someone who actually loves me for who I am."

"Someone like Ferran" Marc says.

"Ferran? I’m not talking about Ferran" I snort.

"What? Then who are you talking about?"

"I… I…" I've fucked up. The alcohol in my system has made me talk too much. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

"She's talking about the guy she's leaving me for."

"Ferran" I gasp when I see him standing behind Marc.

"What… You… I'm lost."

"Val and I broke up this summer because she met someone else. Because she fell in love with someone else, the person she was talking about" Ferran explains.

"Then why are you here together?" Marc asks him, looking more and more confused by the second.

"Because they aren't ready to be official yet and she didn't want to come alone. Because she didn't want your wife to make fun of her and bully her like she's been doing for years."

"Isabel isn't like that."

"She is a bitch, Marc. She's always been" I say. "But you've never noticed because, again, you never gave a shit about me."

"I loved you, Valeria."

"You have no idea about how truly loving someone feels like, Marc."

"And you do?" he chuckles. "With this guy you are dating now?"

"I do."

"Then why were you kissing your ex, uh? If you love him so much, why were you kissing Ferran?"

"That’s my fault" he says. "You saw us arguing because I kissed her without her consent. Because I still have feelings for her, because I still love her, because I wish it was me the one her heart belonged to" Ferran says, his eyes fixed on me while saying all that. 

"Oh, Marc, there you are!" Isabel says, walking towards us. "What is going on? Why are you three out here? And why are you crying?"

"Oh, I'm not crying" I say, quickly wiping away a tear. "I drank more than I'm used to and… well, you know. I'm not the biggest fan of puking."

"You are disgusting, Valeria."

"Likewise" I smile.

"Marc! She just insulted me!" Isabel cries.

"And so did you, Isabel" he says.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Let's go inside."

"What? She insulted me! Aren't you going to do anything?"

"Yes, go inside. It is our wedding day, remember? Let's go" Marc says, grabbing Isabel by the arm and dragging her back into the party while she keeps protesting.

"Looks like he finally grew some balls" Ferran chuckles.

"Better late than never" I sigh. "Ferran, I…" I say after a few seconds in the most awkward silence ever. "What you said…"

"What I said is what I feel, yes. I've fallen in love with you, Val. But I didn't mean to, I promise."

"I don't think that's how falling in love works. Meaning to do it and it happening, you know?"

"Yeah, true" he says with a sad smile. "What I wanted to say is that… It just happened. When Pedri first showed me photos of you and then introduced us, I thought you were really hot, but just that. And then as I got to know you… you know" he shrugs. "But I promise you I've never wanted anything bad to happen between you and him. When I've kissed you it's been because I've lost control, because I'm weak. Not because I want to start drama and make you break up. That's never been my intention. Ever. You two love each other, and I love you both, and even if sometimes seeing you together hurts… I want you to be happy."

"We have to tell Pedri, tho. I can't lie to him, I have to tell him what happened tonight. What I.. us did."

"He… he knows."

"What?"

"Not about today's kiss, of course. But he knows about my feelings for you."

"He knows?"

"Yes."

"Since when?" I ask, raising my voice more and more with each question.

"He always suspected something was going on, and after kissing you at the school I told him everything."

"He's known since then? I can't fucking believe it!" I laugh. 

"We thought that not telling you was the best" Ferran shrugs.

"Well, you thought wrong."

"Val… Val, hey, where are you going?"

"To bed" I say as I walk away. "My head is killing me."

"Do you want me to accompany you?"

"I want to be alone."

"Val…"

"Alone, Ferran. Can't you men understand that word today or what?" 

"I'm sorry, I just… Ok. Good night" he says after I give him my most murderous look, my head literally feeling like it is about to explode. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"To your place?"

"Yes."

Those are the only words Ferran and I share during our drive back home. And before that, the few more we shared weren't the friendliest.

The moment I got back into my room after our argument I went straight to bed. I just wanted to sleep and forget about everything that had happened. About what I had done, about Pedri lying to me.  

And I managed to do it, because when I woke up, Ferran was snoring next to me and I didn't remember hearing him walk in.

After getting changed I left the room to have breakfast. Some of the other guests gave me pitiful looks, probably because they knew my footballer boyfriend and I had had an argument during my ex boyfriend's wedding. But I didn't care. I just wanted to be alone, and I managed to do it since everyone else I knew was still sleeping.

On my way back to my room I got a few more pitiful looks, but no one bothered me. 

"Val."

"Ferran" I say, closing the room's door behind me.

"I thought you had left."

"Without my things?"

"Yeah… You are right" he says, running a hand through his wet hair. He had just come out from the shower and was only wearing a towel around his hips.

"Can you please put some clothes on? I want to leave, and the sooner the better."

"Yes, of course. But I would like to eat something first if that's ok."

"Yeah, yeah. Just be quick, please. I need to get out of this place."

"I will be, I promise" he says before running into the bathroom.

Once he left to have breakfast and I was alone again, I broke down. 

I can't remember the last time I cried like that, my whole body shaking with each sob, my throat hurting that much. But I needed to let it all out. My anger, my guilt... Everything.

When Ferran came back I was a human ball laying in our bed, too tired to move or do anything else.

"Val! Val, are you ok? Val, what happened? Please talk to me! Val!" 

"I want to go home" I murmur.

"Val, you can't go anywhere like this."

"Home" I repeat.

"If they see you like this…"

"I don't give a fuck about them! I just want to go home!" I say, starting to cry again.

"Ok, fine… Let me finish packing everything and take it to the car. It will give you some time to wash your face and… you know."

"Whatever" I reply.

And now here we are. Parking in front of my place while I try not to cry again, surprised that I still have some tears left. 

"Val…" Ferran says, stopping the car. "I'm sorry."

But I ignore him. I just open the door and move to the boot to pick up my things.

"Val, are you seriously going to give me the silent treatment? Ok, fine" he chuckles when I don't reply. "I'm gonna tell Pedri about everything that has happened. So don't get mad at me if he texts you before you say something to him like the last time. And you aren't talking to me. Got it" he sighs. "Just take care, Val."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Val… He's here. Again. And he says he isn't going anywhere until you talk to him."

"Then I hope he's waiting in a comfortable chair."

"Val…" Silvia sighs, closing the door of my room and sitting in the bed next to me. "Don't be like this. You need to talk about what happened and fix things." 

"What if this can't be fixed? What if talking only makes things worse? Just look at the way I snapped at you, Silvia."

"Everything can be fixed. It won't be nice, but it can. So c'mon, Val" she says, grabbing my arm and lifting me up. "Time to make up with your boyfriend."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Hello, Val" Pedri says.

"Hi."

"Don't you want to sit down?"

"No" I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Is this gonna be your attitude?" he asks after a few seconds in silence.

"I don't know what you mean" I shrug.

"It's been days since the wedding, Val. Days I've spent calling you and texting you, you always ignoring me. And now that I'm here to talk in person and fix things, this is how you behave?"

"What did you expect, that I would jump into your arms as if nothing had happened?"

"No, but…"

"Pedri, I'm angry at me and with you. This is me being angry. Because in case you've forgotten, I kissed your best friend and you've been lying to me for months! Months!"

"I know."

"Do you? Really?"

"Yes, I do, Val" he says, meeting my eyes again. "But we thought it was the right thing to do. We thought that if we didn't tell you anything, it wouldn't make things awkward between the three of us and that it would be easier for Ferran to move on. We thought that if we acted normal and as if nothing wasn't happening, it would just go away. And then I…"

“Then you what?”

“I didn’t want you to know because I was afraid you would leave me.”

“What? I laugh.

“When I first told Ferran about you, he asked me if he could hit on you if things didn’t work out between us. He was just teasing me and being annoying, but after he met you in person I saw the way he looked at you and I knew… I knew he liked you.”

“And that’s why you always were so uncomfortable when he was around.”

“Yeah…” he sighs. “And then, when the accident at the Camp Nou happened and everyone thought you were dating, I got so insecure… Because everyone was saying that you looked perfect together. Fans were supporting your relationship since the beginning, something we both know won’t happen to us the day we make it official. And your mum was desperate to meet him, already planning the wedding in her head. Then he kissed you, he told me that he had fallen in love with you and I… I feared that you would see everything that people were talking about and realize that being with me wasn't worth it, that it was too much and that with him things would be easier. I thought that after the kiss, if you found out he had feelings for you, you would realize he was better than me and break up with me to be with him.”

“So you didn’t tell me because you were insecure about my feelings for you? Really, Pedro?”

“Yes” he sighs again. “I know it is stupid, but… I don’t know. I thought it was the right thing to do.”

"Well, you thought wrong, because it only made things worse. If you had told me about how you felt since the beginning, the three of us could have talked about it and avoided going through all this mess. But you didn’t, and that only made Ferran fall harder for me, making him find the guts to kiss me. And then, when I noticed that something was different with him, it made things awkward between us because I didn't know how to behave around him, hurting our friendship. And all that led us to him kissing me again, to me letting him do it and kissing him back. I kissed him, Pedri."

"Yes, you did. But I know it meant nothing to you, that you were drunk and instantly regretted it."

"But it still happened!" I say, not being able to contain my tears anymore. "Didn't it bother you? Like, at all? You just told me you felt insecure because of him!”

“When Ferran told me I did get angry and we argued, but I'm not insecure anymore. Because I know that you love me, Val. That you want to be with me and have no feelings for him, that the kiss was just a mistake.”

“A mistake, yes. One I can't forgive myself for. One that makes me be angry at myself for doing it and at you for not telling me about Ferran's feelings. A mistake that is hurting him, and us, and everything is wrong, and a mess and…"

"Val, hey…"

"No! Don't touch me!" I say, taking a step back when he tries to hug me. 

"Val…"

"I… I need time."

"What?"

"I need time, Pedri. Time to let go of this anger and forgive myself and you too."

"Are you… Are you breaking up with me?"

"I just need time."

"You didn't answer me, Val."

"I… No, I'm not breaking up with you. I love you. And because I do, I need to fix this. But on my own."

"Ok" he whispers.

"Pedri, listen" I say, closing the space between us and cupping his face to make him look at me, his sad eyes breaking my heart. "I love you."

"I love you too. I do, Val. And I'm sorry I fucked up, I just… I didn't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you."

"And you won't" I say, wiping away a tear from his cheek. "But right now we need some time on our own to focus on ourselves. Both of us. You are about to start the new season and I the new year at the school. That's what matters now. And when we are ready, we will see each other again."

"I hope so."

"We will, Pedri. I promise you."

"I love you, Val" he whispers, resting his forehead on mine.

"I love you too" I whisper back, hoping this is the right choice and that I am not making the biggest mistake of my life.

[heavenisaplaceonearth-with-you]

yesterday there was a memorial service lunch thing just for alumni and teachers and it was very nice. it made us all feel a lot better. K said unlike the funeral, it felt like we were setting her soul free rather than burying it. i saw some old friends and we're meeting up for dinner tonight. K and I went out for coffee after - more details on that later. i hope we keep hanging out.

rn i'm in a place where i'm terrified of losing people like i keep checking K's last online on instagram because if my 53 year old history teacher died in her sleep no one's safe. and it didn't help that my foster mom started convincing me that this is a 'normal' thing. LIKE NO TELL ME IT'S NOT NORMAL TELL ME IT HAPPENS ONCE IN A HUNDRED YEARS.

i was talking to my history teacher's husband (pe coach - opposites attract ig) at the lunch and he admitted that he's worried he can't take care of the kids on his own and he was like: i know this is a weird time to ask this but would you be cool babysitting? K told me you're really good with kids

me (on the outside): oh, yeah, sure, just give me a call.

me (on the inside): *losing my mind*

on a separate note i think i want to be a teacher guys. idk if this is the K effect but if i were a high school math teacher i think i'd be happy. like the relationships you build with students and other teachers - it's such a family. i really felt that at the lunch like we were all some kind of strange family and i loved that. like that's the kind of environment i want to work in. and math really is probably the only thing i'm good at so.

i'm majoring in math and physics in uni so we'll see where that goes. i kinda want to go further and get a doctorate and teach in a university but teaching in school seems to be a more relaxed kind of job and i think i really want that.

[big-parma]

The Absolute State of Maths Education rn

Yo so the bigwigs at VCAA (the guys who write the curriculum for all education in Victoria, Australia) have been coming out with new study designs for almost all VCE classes that’ll be implemented at different points over the next 3 years. The VCE is considered relatively prestigious-ish in the sense there’s a fair few people in other countries who send their kids to Victoria to do it (Australia’s biggest export is education after all) so it’s a big deal when major changes happen to how important courses run. Context = understood.

So I’m a maths (…and science) teacher now and the major changes to the three maths streams since I graduated in 2012 can be summed up like this:

Spesh (the highest tier of maths, scales up the most out of any course except stuff like Latin) - Kinematics are less of a thing but they added in Proofs and hypothesis tests(?!) instead

Methods (still high scaling, but more like uni engineering maths instead of theoretical crazy hard stuff) - Stats removed, some more “calculus but if you can’t do calculus to that particular thing” included instead

Further Maths (General maths, scales down(?!) and is the “ya got a mortgage here’s a maths problem” class that a commerce degree at uni usually means by saying you need at least one maths background to get in) - the stats from methods is here now and they call it General Maths to stop the confusion with it and methods

and there’s also now a fourth tier of maths called foundation

I’m assuming foundation is the barebones “pay your bills with x income And do your taxes” class your relatives keep saying they should’ve been taught how to do in school

So that’s all the changes across a decade of education. When they announced “big changes are coming to the way things will work across VCE maths” I think I’m safe to say most of us took it as the usual reordering and in/out for content as described above. Since I’m a good boy (read “I wanted to put on a good front to make sure I got my contract extension” - I’m permanent now dw) I attended the online seminars (lmao webex) that they presented as information sessions on the changes.

First one was Spesh. No biggie, exactly what you’d expect, some stuff’s swapped again, hang on Pseudocode is in..? But that’s just any code that could do any maths?! And they’re mentioning that it’s in methods too??? The chat at this point’s asking a lot of questions, mostly “how can we know what’s examinable so we can actually teach this??” But thankfully they have an example that should satisfy you:

This is not even a half step above “hello world” and it’s in the hardest maths course? How hard does this get? What do they consider legit? Is there an example exam question that they have as a reference? How will they be able to write textbooks on this if that’s all they have?

No answer. Oh well methods is the next day maybe that will elaborate on it.

Methods opens with the same spiel on things, negligible changes imo on actual content… and he acknowledges some confusion from yesterday on Pseudocode! Has he got an answer? What’s the example this time…

Oh. And it’s definitely examinable and we might elaborate on that later but for now that’s all we got.

That was all 2022. Recently (2023) they did the same thing for “revisions” which was for FurtherGeneral Maths’ course (all of these are being phased in kinda since changing a year 12 course when year 11s are running on the old one makes no sense). Guess what showed up in the General Maths study design!

It’s ya boi 21st century life skills!

I’ll be honest, I was a little suss on this from the Meth/Spesh presentations but I think this confirms what I was thinking: this is some boomers pulling the “kids need to learn how to computer” card isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, kids do need to learn to computer, but lol as if they’ve got this as their only example to show off across all three variety of maths!

But wait, there’s more!

They’ve got a page about it now! Yay! There’s some more examples - harder ones now - but there’s still no actual information on how this topic can be presented on the actual end of year exams. What do i teach them? What constitutes legit Pseudocode vs nonsense pretend code? Is this basic computer science 101 or are the kids going to be presented with a max level spesh question through the lenses of a guy saying “yeah but make it code”

eh I’ll just teach them excel :)

[critterofthenight]

i've always been the type of person who burries their head in the sand, but now i realized that clearing the air really does help.

yesterday i had a conversation with my crush about why her and our other friends are being so distant to me and what have i done wrong. (over text, otherwise i would have cried in front of her and that wouldn't have helped the situation at all.) she told me that i'm too negative and rude and i always play the victim, like i don't even wanna get better. she said she can't relate to this and wants to surround herself with more positive energy.

ofc, first i was really angry and sad, because it's not like i chose to be this way, and i do wanna change. i just don't know how to, but i do know that people caring about me would probably help. how am i supposed to get better when noone believes that i'm able to?

but i thought about it more and i realized that i'm calmer thinking about this than i've ever been since november. the combination of suspicion and heartbreak and hope made me physically sick, but now it's time to cut my losses.

yes, she'll never love me, not as a friend and not as a lover. but... i have time. it sure feels like that the last 3 years of my life went to waste, but i know that there are many people out there who feel the same. i'm still young. i'm gonna grow up, and 10 years later none of this will matter.

i only have half a year left from high school. i will spend it with studying, so the final exams will be the thing that i finally don't half-ass. i will hang out with my friends still, but i won't push for more. i think that seeing them being closer to each other won't feel that bad anymore. i will work on myself, so by the time i go to uni, maybe i won't be so unlovable. i will talk to other people. i will text my former best friend - things between us ended really weirdly, but maybe now we're mature enough to sort everything out. what i thought was one of the worst things possible have already happened, and it somehow gave me motivation. who knows what the future holds?

[girlcatullus]

good morning beloved mutuals. once again i am using tumblr as my personal dumping grounds for dreams, knick-knacks, obsessive thoughts et cetera. *kissy face*

this time is mostly because i want to remember these dreams so i can give the occasional bone to pick to my therapist (who is really keen on hearing what i dream and walks away disappointed most times because i tend to be unable to remember my dreams. lmao)… also because these dreams have been pretty weird and left me well, not unsettled or uncomfortable but they made me think. (keeping this as short as possible because i have things to do this morning THAT i am forfeiting in favor of writing a tumblr post about Weird Dreams)

okay so! basically. yesterday night i had this dream i only remember one scene of: i was in a park (in my German Erasmus City) and i was cuddling with this guy on a picnic blanket. this guy is a Very Real person some stuff happened with and for whom i ended up getting a fucked up crush on at my lowest in february-march and whose thought made me panicky and sad and want to self-isolate to hell and back. this same guy i ended up seeing during my holiday stint in sicily and the atmosphere between us was GLACIAL… my friends told me he’s got like. super pissed at me because i didn’t come out to say hi before we were leaving German Erasmus City. like we hung out just the two of us a couple times when the others had gone away already and i was always somewhat uncomfortable because the conversation was awkward and i genuinely did not understand why he kept hanging out with me and if he liked my company at all… back then i felt he didn’t behave all that correctly towards me and i still maintain that.

but i’m sorry he was disappointed by the fact i didn’t come out to say goodbye in march. i mean i was probably pissed at him and very depressed and hiding in my room but i’m sorry and i’ve been ruminating ever since my friends told me this… like. text him and tell him. it’s just not my style though. and i don’t think he would take it super well? i wouldn’t even know what to say except i didn’t know it made him feel like it and i’m sorry for it. and so many months have passed and i should just leave it be.

and i dreamt about him yesterday. and my ex boyfriend is coming to town in a matter of days and i am thinking about it, and him, all the time, wondering if i should text him at least to wish him good luck on his phd admission test. which i would gladly do if i wasn’t so afraid of upsetting him by showing up. and i thought that maybe i could just pop by the uni and wish him good luck in person. but then again i wouldn’t want to spring on him like that. and if i don’t text him at all i am going to feel bad anyway because it’s been ages since the last time i saw him and the mere thought makes me want to cry.

tonight i dreamt about the other guy again. last night’s dream surprised me because it was so sweet and tender and i didn’t expect to want that so much - intimacy and silence and being held. and my brain, my subconscious decided to assign him that part? like… i have my ex on my mind most of the time nowadays and he’s like the most plausible pick for tenderness but no. it seems like i can’t even bring myself to face him in the dreamscape. back then, right before everything happened, i used to dream about him all the time.

and in tonight’s dream i was somewhere, in a house with a terrace/garden (like my friend’s sicilian villa) with my friends. he gets there, and instead of acting cold like it actually happened in reality, he takes me by the hand without saying a word and he drags me to the end of the terrace and we just kiss. and there was desire (if you huh. know what i mean. it feels cringe writing it but basically he was… making me feel it) but mostly tenderness.

and then the dream kind of degenerated into a complicated storyline like… buses to take in my city… the same guy, or perhaps another person, transitioning (and i conjured this very articulated monologue by this trans woman who at this point was a different person entirely who still had ties with my erasmus friends… she was talking about freedom of expression and how freeing it was to go to the cinema before the rise of the internet??)… also this party on the beach with my erasmus friend that ended like. really late at night. and i went home, somehow had nicolas maupas there of all people, my parents coming home in the middle of the night and having to shoo him out… also missing a plane to valle d’aosta because i had booked a flight for that same night but with the party and all i forgot, and having these thoughts about when to reschedule the flight… it was all pretty weird.

well. this turned out longer than anticipated but i had fun procrastinating revising catullus 68. i hope you had fun reading about my dreams and real life drama lmao. kissies to all of you mutuals

[choco-strawberry-vanilla]

So, life Update: June 2023

I'll soon be 25 and still haven't managed to finish uni due to extenuating financial reasons my family put me into before I was 18 haha.

Grandma died in early 2021 and yea, took me abt a year to be able to laugh out loud again and I still struggle with smiling on pictures n stuff. Planning on getting a Monarch Butterfly tattoo in her honour bc we were gonna get one together before she died and then she chickened out.

Was supposed to get a job permit (I'm a foreigner living in another country) over a year ago and GUES THE FUCK WHAT??? the legal assistant I paid to a year ago told me just yesterday that his mentor (the one giving his legal power for everything, will explain if needed) PLAYED DEAD AND MADE A PUBLIC POST ABOUT HIS FUNERAL AND THE AUTHORITIES SAW THAT AND DELETED MY CASE FROM THE WORK MINISTRY. The bastard didn't tell me anything for the year he was supposedly processing everything and I had to chew him out over the phone until he told me everything.

*he now re-submitted everything, and I'm supposed to get it in abt 5 months*

ONTO GOOD NEWS

I have been in a relationship with C since Oct. 2018, been living together for more than a year now, and we're getting a house together (under their name bc I'm hillariously inellegible for ANY sort of loans or mortgages). We're expecting news from the real estate agency so we can sign the final docs and get our keys.

Along with that, we've been in a poly relationship with a wonderful guy from the UK, J, for almost 2 years. He's come to visit us once (for a whole month) and we spent Christmas and New Year's together at his place.

While at his place, I got a daith piercing (very pretty) and C got their ears pierced (looks very cute with them hehe). Sadly, I had to get my daith out bc I had to take and emergency CATscan and the piercing was too fresh to replace jewelery for a silicone one (and it was 3am when I got the scan, too lmao).

No worries abt the scan tho. Been having chronic, debilitating migraines since I was 19. Never paid them much attention bc no drs would take them seriously. CAT came out normal and neurologist put me on some new treatment to help prevent them (not working tho haha)

Good news is: if they put me under disability, I'll get 25% plane ticket discounts and meds, so I guess that's good reward from life, considering I really cannot even keep a job for more than 2 months bc of the migraines.

ANYWHO

Once C and I get all the pertaining docs for the house, we can move in right away and abt a month after that, I'll go stay with J for 6 months (stayed 3 last time).

My cats (Alcaparra and Oliva) are now 3 and 4 years old, respectively. They are super pampered, and I plan on taking them with me once we move to the UK with J EVENTUALLY.

I'm very excited abt having our own place, where I can use a drill at 3am or whenever I want nyehehehehe.

Since I'm not working (for legal and medical reasons), I mostly do lil housewife chores like cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, feeding the cats, doing dishes, meal-prepping, and running errands.

Things are still far from perfect, and I'm struggling a lot with my self-value without a job. I'm very lucky to have kind and understanding partners who are willing to take care of me and let me take care of them in return. Talking with friends also helps a lot, even if I have lacked the social energy to be able to consistently hang out with them for more than 3 years.

That's it for the almost-quarter-of-century life update!

[squishyfruitloop]

Buckle up, bitches. Because I'm about to tell you a story.

I've known I was queer since high school, but due to some DEEPLY INGRAINED homophobic opinions (🖕you, traditional Christianity) I refused to admit it until YEARS later. Like after uni later. The way it kind of came out to my mum and sister (the only ones in the family to know) wasn't the best way to tell them (bundled up in an argument and some revelations about some traumatic ass shit that happened--s****l a*****t). I had my first real girlfriend after that. Younger than me, but not by too much. Her mum and I worked at the video store together, and we'd hang out as a group and watch new films (mum was way older). Almost a year later, we broke up. Oh well...

As an adult, I've embraced who I am. I'm not out to my family because of the whole BURN IN HELL YOU SINNER bullshit that they practice (not you know "love your neighbor" and Jesus said "STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE"). My students take one look at me and go, yep. QUEER SCHOOL MUM! They know they're safe to talk to me. About 3.5 years ago... maybe a little longer... I started to realize I was also poly. Now, I'd met and become engaged to my husband at that point (three year anniversary yesterday, boy buddy--got married on the 13th). But that's how I felt. It took a while for me to tell him.

Since then, I've had a couple relationships. My now wife--yeah, my wife--is my other best friend. We met because of Tumblr. Because of one of my Young Bucks fan fics on my writing blog ("I sat bolt upright in bed and realized THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE A KID NAMED RJ"). We bonded over our love of wrestling and Fozzy and classic rock. We wrote a whole thing over Tumblr message that is basically the reason we're together (Jericho really IS the cupid of rock). She is EVERYTHING I could ever have asked for and more. Yeah, she's hot and sexy and fine AF. Yeah, she's funny and makes me laugh and reminds me that being my unique self is amazing. Yeah, she is an amazing mum in her own right and loves and cares for everyone around her. Yeah, she's like me and a little slutty (a lot slutty) for Daddy Jericho. But the best thing about being with my wife? The absolutely best thing?

Every single day, she makes me be a better version of myself. She shows me kindness and grace and respect and sacrifice. She sees me, hears me, tells me hard truths when I need to hear them. She allows me to be vulnerable and trusts me to be supportive of her vulnerability. She holds up a mirror that reflects who I WANT to be.

And that means being honest. It means facing my doubts and my jealousy and being able to recognize that yes, I have a mental health disorder that makes my emotions hard to regulate in personal relationships. But no, that isn't an excuse for not taking ownership of how my emotions affect my behaviors and then affect others.

She gives me courage. Courage to fly 3,000 miles to a country where I knew no one but her where I stayed for a week. She makes sacrifices for me and our relationship just as I do, too. She fights for us. WE fight for US. Our Family.

In short, my wife is my person. She is the place I feel safest letting down my walls and showing who I am. (Husband too, of course, but this ain't about you,boy buddy, so stop being so diva). @spaghetti-hoop, I love you with all my heart. Forever and ever. Amen.

P.S. Also, who gives a fuck if baldy saw the end of Schitt's Creek? He doesn't get to wear gorgeous headbands like Alexis and definitely wouldn't know how to respond to...

[jillslife]

Having a rest day was a good idea - Jill feels better already when she wakes up the next morning.

She decides to plant the mysterious berry she fished up a few days ago... and wonders what will grow. Is there such a thing as hornberries?

On her usual forage run the birdies gift her another fish to sell - every simoleon counts!

On her way into town she runs into Rahul.... running? Rahul: "Hey, nice to see you!" Jill: "Hey Rahul! What are you doing here?"

Rahul: "I have the weekend off so I slept in today and did my morning run a little late..." Jill: "Oh, you do this every day?" Rahul: "Yeah. It's important to stay fit! Eat healthy, do some workouts... it does wonders for the mind, too." Jill: "So are you feeling better than yesterday?"

Rahul: "Lots. This was actually what I was fighting about with my mother.... she wants me to go into politics at university but I'd rather do something with fitness or nutrition...." Jill: "So she wants you to follow in her footsteps, take on the role of Mayor?"

Rahul: "Probably, but it's my life. And with the money I make with the deliveries, I can even pay for it on my own. That's what I told her yesterday. There's still some time to think about what I want, but I'm pretty sure by now." Jill: "When are you starting Uni?" Rahul: "If I get accepted to Foxbury for the Health and Fitness Science classes, I will start some time next year... I still need to save up some money."

Jill: "Well, it's good to know that you feel better today... I'm really sorry by the way, I haven't been around much... trying to save up that money for the lot." Rahul: "I understand. It's just... nevermind. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?" Jill: "Nothing much, probably the same as the last few days... fishing, foraging, selling stuff..."

Rahul: "It's Flower Fest tomorrow... how about you take the day off and come by, we could hang out."

Jill: "Oh, I almost forgot.... I love Flower Fest! I used to bake so many cookies with my mom when she was still at home..." Rahul: "We could do that if you want." Jill: "I would love that. I'll be around at noon, is that okay? Still need to take care of the plants..." Rahul: "Sounds perfect. See you tomorrow?" Jill: "Sure! Have a nice run"

Rahul [laughing]: "Thanks!"

[causenessus]

hi my loveliness!! GOOD MORNING AFTERNOON OR EVENING!! i’m so sorry i’m sending this late my love i had a terrible terrible work shift (7-11 and 1-5:30) IDK WHY MY WORK HATES ME LIKE WHAT ARE THESE SPLIT SHIFTS </3 i hope you’ve eaten and taken care of yourself I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE I MISS MISS MISS YOU WHEN I GOT THE NOTIF YOU POSTED I LITERALLY JUMPED AT MY PHONE i miss you so much im so happy to hear from you again and hear that you’re doing well TELL ME ABOUT UR DAY I WANNA HEAR ALL ABT IT!! also ur literally the cutest i wanna bite ur cheek (LOVINGLY) everytime i read ur responses i always go “ness is so cute omg i love her” LIKE SOME THINGS U SAY IM LIKE omg she’s so cute like I DO THE SAME !! everytime i have like something go on i’m like oh my god i need to tell ness this bcuz WORK IS CRAZY!

don’t worry about answering ur asks so late! i’m so so sorry i sent this one late i had such a busy day and i was gonna write one last night but i was so tired </3 IDK WHATS IN THE AIR LATELY BUT IM JUST SOOO TIRED(its work) and you know what’s so very very silly? i was totally gonna like tell my manager that im quitting like yesterday right BUT THEN MY STORE MANAGER QUIT?? so i don’t know i was like ohhhhh….. (i’m not sure if im gonna quit for uni)(i WANT to but im not sure if i should?)(im kind of motivated by you to keep working IDK YET WE’LL SEE) AND DONT WORRY IM HOLDING YOUR HAND ILL FOLLOW !! i will piece together ur jumbled mind so do not worry ur pretty little head and DONT WORRY ABOUT ANSWERING THESE LATE !! REALLY !! u don’t have to worry at all my love

OMG AND I WILL QUIT LIKE I REALLY WANT TO id rather work on cutesy little frames with ness like im literally gonna pack my bags and get a us citizenship and work with you !! also im gonna put in my little work stories here now so prepare for yapping so so so this was on wednesday right (my other 9-5) (idk why they can never give me 4 hour shifts i hate full shifts AHHH) oh my god ness it was the worse shift ever like no seriously i was like ON THE VERGE OF CRYING !! but i did have one sweet lady like come up to me right and she was like “was that ur voice on the intercom?” (i think she knew because i was in the fitting room right and that’s where you answer the phone) and i was like yup! and she’s like you have the sweetest voice ever i hope you know that and IDK IT WAS SO SWEET LIKE i remmeber being so touched because i literally had the worse customer interactions that day like IM NOT SURE WHAT WAS IN THE AIR BUT EVERYONE WAS SO SASSY LIKE it’s back to school season at work so everyone is like …. shopping right? GOD I HATE MEN AT FITTING ROOMS BECAUSE they give me back their clothes all inside out with no hangers and they just leave it on the table… and they’re like “thanks”’and just leave and i literally hate it so so so so much like no it’s the fact that the clothes are INSIDE OUT and just messy and everything that mainly bothers me because like i’m not expecting the clothes back perfectly on the hangers but IM NOT EXPECTING THIS EITHER? and it’s worse when it’s like 10 items and im like oh this is great… this is great… and actually like i HAVE to get the customers to hang up the items like (sorry im just gonna yap and go on a tangent)(this is not proofread) so i can make sure they aren’t stealing right like I HAVE A CAMERA RIGHT ABOVE US but the customers are always like “it’s ur job to do this!!” LIKE YES BUT IM GONNA GET FIRED OR WRITTEN UP IF I DONT ASK YOU TO HANG IT UP LIKE it doesn’t have to be perfect and WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME (fortunately it’s not a common thing because most people are respectful enough to hang it up)(but i do sometimes get that customer that’s like erm isn’t that ur job…)(NO MY JOB ISNT TO ASK GROWN PEOPLE TO HANG UP THEIR CLOTHES??? I JUST DONT WANNA GET FIRED) and oh my i had the WORSE CUSTOMER COME UP TO ME AT CASH LIKE they had so so so many items right?? but then when i told them their total they decided they didn’t want half of their items anymore so i had to void them all and like i i remember hearing her be like “she’s so slow”(to her friend) and like “they need faster workers” LIKE IM SORRY I HAVE TO LOOK ON MY LITTLE SCREEN AND FIND YOUR DUMB ITEMS TO VOID THEM LIKE MAYBE !! I DONT KNOW !! DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU DONT WANT BEFORE COMING UP HERE?? and i literally wanted to cry because im like i was already so stressed and having a bad day and HUNGRY so after that customer i was like i’m going to the bathroom but instead i went to our warehouse and ranted to a coworker, NEARLY CRIED and left so yeah to that customer i hope your kids give you a hard time because there was no need for all that drama !! IM JUST A GIRL !!

OH AND I TRIED THE POKE BOWL BUT THERE WAS NO IMITATION CRAB ONE THERE WAS JUST A SALMON ONE and i was really really like hesitant to try it right because i was like hmm raw supermarket fish…and like to be honest it wasn’t THAT BAD like i will admit i didn’t eat a lot of the salmon but i ate everything else! and the raw fish wasn’t so bad when i mixed it with the avocado and everything else, and i was like omg i can’t wait to tell ness i FINALLY TRIED IT!! i really wanna try the imitation crab one so like i can actually finish it but it wasn’t bad!! ill give her a 7/10 and literally it’s only the salmon part like I WAS SCARED and the salmon wasn’t that good either but what can i expect out of a supermarket plus it was only like $8 i think or $11 i actually don’t remember BUT CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER SOUNDS SO GOOD?? it was so funny because i was literally looking for almond butter but i didn’t find any unfortunately and i totally get the peanut butter thing! i don’t like peanut butter much either but also i don’t eat it that much LOL i think its the texture and like the TASTE IDK im really picky in general im very basic foods or safe foods you know also omg me in your schedule<3333333333333333333333333333333333 IM GONNA CRY (/POS) and IM SO SAD IM ANSWERING THIS LATE STILL LIKE WORK ruinS MY SCHEDULE it just nudges its way in and ruins it like </33 but when i got off work i just got right into writing back because i miss you so very much like I DONT KNOW LIKE YOUVE LITERALLY BECAME THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY DAY NOW SO IM ALWAYS LIKE omg i need to tell ness it’s always a thought that comes to mind now

ALSO IM SO HONOURED YOU WANTED TO REPLY TO ME LIKE STOP <333333333333333 twin flame?? soulmate???? the love of my life??? LIKE STOP i was literally kicking my feet reading that like i read your response last night and im like gigging in my room like a maniac LOVLINESS IS SO YOU !!! like omg call me a genius because i literally was like OHHHHH IM COOKING WITH THIS when i thought of it like i typed out “hi lovely ness!” and i was like hold on… LOVLINESS?? then i went to google and was like let me just make sure im not crazy then i read the definition and i was like yup that’s staying THATSSSS STAYING it’s my own little nickname for you now and forever <3333333333333333333333

ALSO I DO THE SAME THING !! LIKE i switch from tumblr to my notes app to write out my message because i wanna make sure i read and acknowledge and reply to every single thing you say! WE ARE SO CONNECTED BECAUSE THERES NO WAY like someone do a star reading on us(my birthday is in november and i don’t know what rising star means but ill search it up and do it)(like im gonna hire a witch from etsy to do some consultation on us or something)YES OFC ACTUALLY ILL TELL YOU ABOUT MY DAYS OKAY SO wednesday i had work and those terrible customer interactions and i don’t remember what i ate? i think i had OH i had just rice and chicken with broccoli AND I HAD MANGO ICE CREAM LOL I WAS EATING IT and i was like …. is this cannibalism? and it’s so very funny because my family actually doesn’t really like mangos like ITS JUST ME LOL which is okay because it means everything mango is dedicated for ME ITS FOR ME !!! and then at night i played some phasnophobia with my friends because i love ghost hunting at night!! on thursday i didn’t have work but i was organizing and preparing all my uni stuff because i know if i don’t do it early it won’t get done until last minute so i paid my tuition set up my schedule my notion and YEAH!! i also had mac and cheese (AND I THOUGHT OF LOVE NOTES!!!)(I MISS LOVE NOTES SO MUCH) and i also had rice and beef with green pepper!! (i actually don’t like green pepper that much…)(ACTUALLY I LIED) like i like the taste but i don’t like eating it? IDK ITS SO WEIRD I LIKE THE TASTE BUT NOT THE TEXTURE?? but yeah so i had THAT then today!! before work i just had toast and butter and i IM SORRY i haven’t eaten anything yet because i wanna write this out first but i think my mom made bun rieu downstairs so IM SUPER EXCITED TO EAT THAT LATER!!! so my days have been very very boring, back to working and DREADING IT but i always love hearing from you like it’s the best part of my day AND STOP I CONSIDER YOU A GOOD FRIEND TOO LIKE LITERALLY I WAS KICKING MY FEET WHEN YOU SAID THAT BCUZ IM LIKE OMG ME TOO !! AND I DO THE SAME THING AS YOU WHERE LIKE i read then when i feel like i need to add something i YAP YAP YAP then i continue reading the paragraph like WHY ARE WE SO TWIN FLAME SOULMATES?? i just wanna make sure i reply to everything and like i just put in my own little yap thoughts and then suddenly the ask gets longer and longer LOL (also i love sap yap season do not worry) (SAPPY YAPPERS <3) I LOVE YOU NESS UR THE SWEETEST PERSON EVERY LIKE I WILL LITERALLY BITE UR CHEEK IN THE MOST LOVING WAY POSSIBLE!!

THE CHEF THING IS SO WEIRDDDDD LIKE be normal challenge pls !! also working with your mom is so cute but i feel like it’s so weird that the chefs still like STARE AT YOU WHILE YOUR MOM IS THERE?? like do they not find that weird… THATS WEIRD TO ME I DONT KNOW next time they do something weird just say you’ll unleash your mango anon on them and i’ll come out your phone like a pokémon and protect you against them <333333333333333333

YES EXACTLY !! THE MALE MANAGER IN A FEMALE BASED CLOTHING SHOP?? what are you doing here!! no disrespect(actually full disrespect because sometimes he’s mean)like one time he kind of scolded me because i didn’t come in early for my shift to check if the fitting room was clean? like ? YOU WANT ME TO COME IN EARLY TO MAKE SURE THE FITTING ROOM IS CLEAN LIKE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE i was literally like oh okay. (i never did it) and unfortunately the creepy men is a problem like my other coworker has a very like rare name like its very rare where her instragram username is literally just her name so she was wearing a name tag and some weirdo came up to her and showed her instagram and asked her if this was her and that was CRAZY like the manager was called and my coworker was crying and i felt sooo so so bad :( because that’s such a terrible thing to happen to you so now her name tag just had her nickname on to because it’s so bad like please go back to your families and stop being weird to literal children !! (she’s also 18 so she has the minor sticker on too) and YEAH SAYING PEOPLES NAMES AT WORK IS WEIRD !! like maybe its different for others but for me its just off putting like i personally really really don’t like it because it makes me so uncomfy when they just say my name and i’m like okayyyyy…. im gonna just ….. keep doing my job!!

AND YES!! LITERALLY LIKE i’m very much convinced that the props people just wanted to be on stage and running in and stuff or hiding in the wings because they were kind of slow i can’t lie and it was very mildy infuriating </333 AND DONT WORRY I THINK I UNDERSTAND YOUR DESCRIPTION? like my mind is slowly filling out the image when you said it so hopefully i have the right idea?? ALSO FOUR LEVELS IS CRAZY OH MY GOD and we had a sliding window too for the lights! but like we never really used them and we just had to shut them whenever we were done so people couldn’t like crawl in it guess i don’t know LOL because the big window(?) had like a glass window while the other two were open for the lights and yea(hopefully that makes sense)THE CONDOMS ON THE FLOOR I LITERALLY LIKE SPAT OUT MY DRINK(i didn’t actually but i imagined myself doing it) NO THATS SO FUNNY YOU USING IT AS FINGER GLOVES?? i actually can’t wrap my head around the condom thing LIKE ITS SO UNSERIOUS BUT FOR SOME REASON IT FITS??? like tech is so unserious and such a toxic environment it’s crazy like i remember in high school we were doing a play and one of our leads quit because her boyfriend broke up with her right and he was also on the play so SHE QUIT then her two other friends quit??? and this was literally i think 2 weeks before the show and my director was SOOOOO MAD(rightfully so!) like thankfully it wasn’t huge roles so we had some paying playing two parts which kind of sucked for them because the costume changing plus having to learn all those lines in 2 weeks(yeah it was terrible)AND YES THE AUDITORIUM CHAIRS WE HAD THOSE TOO!! and THE HOTBOX IS SO TRUE BECAUSE ME TOO !!! (soulmates i tell you) like everyone would vape in the little booth like it was so bad that if you looked up you would see the vape juice(?) build up and it was so gross like everytime i walked in i literally got whiplashed by the smell of like watermelon or blue raspberry or SOME FLAVOR OF VAPE I DONT KNOW BUT THE MOLD???? I WOULD CRY no like actually let me tell you at my high school there was A MICE IN THE FOODS CLASSROOM LIKE no that place is not clean ill tell you, im so thankful everyday that i made it pass highschool because that place was definitely not sanitary !!

teaching tech is so so real because like at my high school at least there was a tech theatre class where you did learn how to do stuff THEN you could participate in shows right so tell me why there were people who DIDNT KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING??? LIKE WHY AM I TEACHING YOU WHEN YOURE SUPPOSED TO LEARN?? and idk if i’m impatient but i literally get so mad when they don’t get it after i’ve explained it more than once like i cannot be gentle parenting this and having positive reinforcements i’m afraid like i fear you guys are on your own AND YES LIGHTS AND SOUND IS VERY VERY INTIMATING BECAUSE OF THAT!! like if you make a mistake EVERYONE knows and then everyone has to wait for you to do it properly before continuing on and it’s so humiliating like because everyone looks at the booth when it’s the wrong setup and i’m like oh my god i’m gonna sweat my balls off like i’m so so sorry AND THE DIRECTOR CALL OUT !! NESS I GET IT !! like ur the only one who would get my tech stories because none of my friends did tech and how do i explain my rage when THEY DONT GET IT BUT I GET YOU AND YOU GET ME LIKE(the deep rooted tech rage is so real)(but i can’t help but miss tech because there WERE good moments and i did like my role) I GET THE FIRST WEEK THING OH MY GOD because like i need to see the scenes too right like and it’s just messy trying to work around everyone and like recognize the scenes???(if that makes sense)like i need to see the play and see where to do everything first before doing it and it’s so so stressful the first week so i totally get it!

ALSO YES LETS QUIT OUR JOBS AND START A PODCAST LIKE i will namedrop these people so hard like “oh my to that one actor that quit mid production i hope YAP YAP YAP YAP” and the shameless plug like “oh !!! if any theatre needs a light and sound duo please send in an email!!! we would love to !!!!!”

AND I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR ALL YOUR TECH STORIES SO DONT WORRY!! ALSO??? the director calling YOU IN TO BE STAGE MANAGER OH MY GOD YOURE HOLDING THE FORT!!! the sketchy theatre department is so real AND YOU SUBBING FOR A CLASS?? LIKE?? DID YOU GET PAID THATS CRAZY!! just a bunch of uncoordinated high school kids in a tech department and you have to watch over them??? THATS CRAZY LIKE INSTEAD OF HAVING AN ACTUAL SUB YOUR DIRECTOR BEING LIKE “actually!! let’s get ness here!!” (it’s because you were such a good tech member he had to bring you back to show them how it was done) THATS SO CRAZY THOUGH?? no but if i had someone as amazing as you i would do the same <3333333333333 bring in the professional !!! but if my director did that i think i would cry because i cannot handle high schoolers like me fresh out of high school saying this but i CANT RUN A PLACE LIKE THAT MAN you are a brave brave soul and you’re gonna do so well managing those kids !!BUT MY JAW DROPPED. LIKE. HE WAS PULLING THR PLUG ON HIS— HIS FATHER IN LAW????? NO BCUZ MY JAW DROPPED LIKE I HAD TO REREAD THAT??? also signing away your life is literally real because when i was in tech i was literally in the theatre more than i was at work at that point like i was getting home at 9pm most days BECAUSE OF TECH ALSO DONT WORRY ABOUT BEING TIRED LOVELY LIKE PLEASE PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OVER ANYTHING!! also the gossiping and complaining in the car for hours is SO SO REAL I DO THAT WITH MY FRIENDS TOO!! like a little debrief because they’ll drive me home right and park outside of my house and we’ll bring up the most niche things about a person and full on investigate it or like talk about just one person for HOURS RIGHT then i check the time and it’s like 9pm and i’m like oh maybe i should go home BUT THE REGINA GEORGE KIN OH MY GOD??? no because that’s crazy like ness one day i will kidnap you(consensually) in my car and we will yap for hours about tech and literally men in general because the men in your life (no offence) SOUND TERRIBLE??? LIKE DOWNRIGHT SCARY TERRIBLE LIKE OH MY GOD i’m still waiting on skater boy lore (NO PRESSURE) but like my experience with men hasn’t been so bad… most are short lived because i found the weirdest things to have icks about but like HEARING WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY IM LIKE.. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT TRULY!! i will hardcore namedrop people though because as a wise person once told me, if these men are reading haikyuu x fem reader fan fiction than they have BIGGER issues to worry about

TRUST ISSUES ARE SO REAL LIKE IDK IF SHIFTING WAS EVER REAL ? like i get lucid dreaming because sometimes that happens but SHIFTING IS CRAZY i remember being on tiktok and this one girl said she shifted during her test and got her answers like that?? I DONT KNOW i have major trust issues when it comes to shifting like i just can’t wrap my head around it AND THE JESUS CHRIST THING I LAUGHED SO HARD LIKE you can’t do it. HELLO??? typo or not that’s the funniest thing ever like ALSO IS HAVING A GOD A DISCORD THING BECAUSE I HAD A “god” IN MY SERVER TOO LIKE it wasn’t jesus but he would pop in every now and then and like make his stance then leave for 6 months and i was just like okay buddy whatever you say

ALSO MY HEART IS URS NESS UR THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER LIKE <333333333333333 also please please make sure you eat and take care of yourself !! im glad your headache is better now but make sure you eat full proper meals! ALSO U COULD FLY TO ME !!! OR ME TO U!!! i’ve actualy never been in the us so ITLL BE AN EXPERIENCE!! no but if i ever meet you i think i would be like those “meeting my long distance best friend” videos where i just tackle you to the floor and hug you for 10 whole minutes while people walk around us (and i would be shameless about it) but my life is yours my heart is yours I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND ITS SO GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN !! IM SO SORRY THIS WAS LATE TOO AHHH I TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE THIS ONE BECAUSE I WANTED TO MAKE SURE I UPDATED YOU ON MY LIFE !! but ness u are everything to me i love you very much please eat and take care of yourself!!! xoxoxoxoxo

MANGO ANON!!! HELLO HELLO <3 DO NOT WORRY AT ALL ABOUT SENDING THIS LATE!! good morning or good evening to you <3 and i'm so sorry to hear about your terrible day!! that work split sounds HORRIBLE AND SO DO YOUR CUSTOMERS!! </3 (this time i also read through your ask a little bit earlier today while i was cooking dinner before i responded!!! <3333) AAA I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ALSO LIKE THINK TO TELL ME THINGS AS WELL!!! I LOVE THESE ASKS SO SO MUCH I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU <33 AND WE CAN BITE EACH OTHERS CHEEKS LOVINGLY!!! 🥰🥰🥰 THAT'S OUR FORM OF AFFECTION <33

and def don't be sorry for sending this late again!! and if you're busy definitely do not stress abount sending anything at all!! as long as you're taking care of yourself i'm happy <33 BUT I'VE ALSO BEEN SO TIRED LATELY!! (it's work + school) and in MY humble opinion the way they're scheduling you for these whack/full shifts instead of four hours sounds like it could be a lot to handle on top of uni!! and ofc you can ask for like less hours or whatever or....u could quit and come work with me!! or ofc you can look into other jobs that you might enjoy more/be easier and such <3 YOUR STORE MANAGER QUITTING IS CRAZY?? LIKE THE TIMING ON THAT AND ALSO THE FACT THAT IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY DIDN'T YK...TELL YOU GUYS??? ALTHOUGH I FEEL LIKE THAT'S SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO TELL YOUR WORKERS???? you said store manager so like i'm guessing it's not your singular male manager BUT I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF HIM AFTER WE TALKED ABOUT HIM LAST NIGHT LMAO (maybe he saw u dissing him on a cutesy hq x fem reader smau blog and was like "UGH U GUYS ARE RIGHT WHAT AM I DOING IN THIS PROMINENTLY FEMALE CLOTHING STORE THERE IS MORE TO MY LIFE THAN JUST THIS" and quit!! :D) BUT LIKE DEF DON'T BE MOTIVATED BY ME LMAO i feel like a skeleton rn 😭😭 ik i've probably like said this before but like i was supposed to be done with this second hostess job in august BUT IT'S BEEN PROLONGED ANOTHER MONTH SO I'M JUST SO TIRED UGHEGHOERNK </333 I AM HOPING THE BEST FOR YOU THOUGH!!! AND I WILL SUPPORT YOU THROUGH ANY DECISION <3 KEEP ME UPDATED ON WHAT U DECIDE TO DO IF UR COMFORTABLE WITH IT!!!

AND AA YOUR SHIFT SOUNDS SO STRESSFUL I'M SORRY ONCE AGAIN LOVE :( (lmk if u have any requests yk!!! u will always take top/first priority over everything <3 if you're ever wanting a comfort fic for a certain character i will write it for you!!! all you have to do is say the word my love <3) AND THE SWEET LADY SOUNDS SO NICE :(( I'M GLAD SHE SAID THAT TO YOU BUT LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH MEN???? I GENUINELY CANNOT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY'RE FUNCTIONING MEMBERS OF SOCIETY AND WHY IN THE WORLD SOCIETY THINKS THEIR BETTER THAN WOMEN BC LIKE 😭😭😭 THEY'RE ALL SO PRIVILEGED AND BRAINLESS THEY CAN'T DO ANYTHING!! PLEASE!!! WE NEED TO TEACH MEN HOW TO BE HUMANS bc like no matter what!! it's definitely just a courtesy NOT to leave places a mess!! and like if these men are here trying on clothes or buying some or whatever THEY DEFINITELY HAVE JOBS SO LIKE THEY SHOULD KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE TO CLEAN UP SOMEONE'S MESS!! so i'm so sorry they were so insensitive and stupid!!! you do not deserve that disrespect at all </3 ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IT MAKES YOUR JOB MORE DIFFICULT!!! THEY NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU EPECIALLY ESPECIALLY IF YOU ASK THEM TO DO SOMETHING!! like you're the one who works there and like,,, IT IS 2024!!! WE NEED TO LEARN TO RESPECT WORKERS PLS!!!! (i am also very passionate about this bc i've also had my fair share of bad customers </33 AND YOU LITERALLY DESERVE ALL THE CARE AND NICE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!! NOT A SINGLE MEAN PERSON LIKE TO THE PERSON WHO CANCELLED HALF THEIR ORDER AND THEN SAID YOU WERE SLOW THIS ONE IS ESPECIALLY FOR YOU: I WILL NOT LOVING BITE UR CHEEKS AND CHOMP ON UR HAIR AND TEAR IT OFF!!)(i'm glad you were able to rant to a coworker and i hope you felt a little better afterwards!! you definitely deserved a break after that <3 AND MAKE SURE TO REST AND REPLENISH YOUR BODY AFTER YOU WORK!!!)

AND AA YOU'RE SO BRAVE!! my store also sells a salmon poke bowl but i CANNOT bring myself to try it 😭😭 like i do not like raw fish that much and i just cannot imagine eating...CHUNKS OF IT YK??? SORRY FOR THE WORD CHOICE BUT LIKE IDK HOW TO SAY IT BUT I JUST CAN'T 😭I'M ALSO VERY PICKY AND I LOVE MY THREE SAFE FOODS I EAT ON REPEAT <33 BUT YES CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER IS LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS EVER!! i used to buy this one brand but then they stopped making cinnamon almond butter 😭😭 BUT JUST RECENTLY ANOTHER GROCCERY STORE STARTED SELLING THEIR OWN BRAND OF CINNAMON ALMOND BUTTER AND I'VE BEEN SUPER HAPPY!!! IT'S DEF HARD TO FIND THOUGH I'M HONORED YOU EVEN LOOKED FOR IT!! AND MANGO ANON I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO ME AA <33 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! YOU HAVE DEFINITELY BECOME A PART OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE AND I'M SO SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!! I LOVE ANSWERING YOUR ASKS EVERY NIGHT AND I LOVE HAVINGS THOUGHTS ABOUT WANTING TO TELLL YOU THINGS!! YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME <33

AND I'M STILL SO OBSESSED WITH THE NICKNAME YOU GAVE ME AAAA I'M SO HONORED I'M SMILING LIKE AN IDIOT RN KICKING MY FEET!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR IT AA YOU'RE TOO SWEET <33

ANDDD OMG?????????? NOVEMBER BIRTHDAY????? FIRST OF ALL THAT'S COMING UP SOON YAY!! AND ALSO I HAVE NO IDEA ANYTHING ABOUT LIKE RISING MOONS AND SUNS AND BLAH BLAH BLAH 😭 i just know that based on the day i was born i'm a cancer!! AND I THINK YOU'RE MAYBE A SCORPIO?? MAYBE?? IDK WHAT DAY YOUR BIRTHDAY IS A U DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME I WAS JUST GOOGLING LIKE NOVEMBER ZODIAC AND IT'S SCORPIO 1-22 AND AND SAGITTARIUS FROM NOV. 23RD-THE REST!! but either way AAA YES WE ARE SO CONNECTED!!! (i love etsy witches <33 literally the best people ever <33)

AND HELP THE MANGO ICE CREAM CANNABILISM LMAOO 😭😭😭 I HOPE IT WAS GOOD!!! there's a song i've been listening to and there's a part about mangos and it always make me think of you!! but for some reason i cannot remember it rn 😭 i think it's a big thief or adrianne lenker song but i will def write it down next time i hear it so i can tell you what it is!!! AND YES!!! MANGO'S ARE DEDICATED TO U!! UR MY MANGO ANON <333 YOU ARE LIKE THE QUEEN OF MANGOS OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE!!! <3 AND AAA PHASMOPHOBIA LOOKS LIKE SO MUCH FUN!! (although i could never play it bc unfortunately i'm scared of horror games and such 😭😭) BUT I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS!! AND THURSDAY SOUNDS SO FUN AND CHILL!! FROM THE SETTING UP YOUR NOTION AND GETTING READY FOR UNI <33 best of luck!! and it sounds like you're super prepared!! <3

AAAA I MISS LOVE NOTES TOO!!! BUT MAC N CHEESE YAY <33 maybe i should make mac n cheese soon </33 BUT I NEED ATSUMU TO MAKE IT FOR ME </33 I REFUSE TO MAKE MYSELF MAC N CHEESE!! mango anon we need to meet up for a mac n cheese and (tech theatre trauma) gossip night like atsumu and love notes yn <333 MEETUP WHEN?? I'M FREE THE ENTIRE NEXT WEEK <33 BUT YES I HOPE YOU ATE AFTER WRITING THIS!! AND THAT YOUR FOOD WAS GOOD!!! BUN RIEU SOUNDS SUPER GOOD!! AND AA I THIKN YOU'RE THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER!!! I LOVE <3 HOW CONNECTED WE ARE!!! WE ARE LITERAL TWIN FLAMES AND WE BURN THE BRIGHTEST!!! WE'RE JUST SO COOL!! <33

AND NO FR like the fact that they have no shame to stare at me or whatever WHILE MY MOM IS THERE is APPALLING to me!! i'm glad you think so too bc i def agree with you 😭😭 they have most certainly failed the be normal challenge!!

AND SO HAVE THE PEOPLE THAT COME TO YOUR WORK!! BC LIKE WHO SEARCHES UP AN EMPLOYEE'S INSTAGRAM?? MOST OF ALL IF THEY'RE A MINOR???? AND THEN ALSO GOES UP TO THE PERSON TO ASK IF THIS IS THEIR INSTAGRAM?? THAT IS SO WEIRD AND UNCOMFORTABLE </33 I HOPE IF UR MALE MANAGER IS MEAN IT'S AT LEAST GOOD FOR FIGHTING OFF WEIRD CUSTOMERS!! AND I'M SORRY YOU'VE HAD/WITNESSED SO MANY BAD INTERACTIONS THAT'S HORRIBLE </33 (ALSO SIDE NOTE BUT I'M SORRY IF THINGS STOP MAKING SENSE AROUND NOW OR EVEN EARLIER IDK WHY BUT LIKE U SAID THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE AIR AND I'M SUPER TIRED AND I'M LITERALLY HALF ASLEEP RN BUT I'M TRYING TO FINISH RESPONDING TO THIS ALL!! <3)

AND OMG THE WAY EVERYONES THEATRE IS ACTUALLY SO SIMILAR IS CRAZY 😭😭 like two of our four booth windows could also lock as well!! but most of the time we don't keep them fully locked so that if the both door was locked we could grab a chair and jump up and climb through the booth window LMAOO IT'S NOT PRETTY 😭 ALTHOUGH I GUESS THE BLACK MOLD WAS A MY SCHOOL ONLY THING </33 BUT YES THERE WAS THAT AND THE CONDOM ON MY HAND 😭😭 I'M GUESSING HAVING A PLETHORA OF CONDOMS IS ALSO AN ONLY MY SCHOOL THING LMAOO BUT HELP YOUR LEAD QUITTING BC SHE BROKE UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND?? my freshman year we did this one play that i guess was like so boring or hard for our actors we lost like quiet a few of them and so we ended up having maybe like six people 😭 who all had to play multiple rolls and had a lot of quick changes it was crazy!!! but that was probably still one of my favorite shows i ever did <3 (one again not proofreading and slowly falling asleep so sorry for any typos/mistakes!!!)

BUT THAT'S SO INTERESTING THAT YOU HAVE TO TAKE A TECH CLASS BEOFRE PARTICIPATING IN SHOWS!! like that's actually such a good ide a but also i don't think i'd have the patient to deal with so many actors in my type of setting if that makes snese. yk?? AND NO I DIDN'T GET PAID FOR HELPING OUT 😭 THERE WAS AN ACTUAL SUB THERE TO LIKE ACTUALLY BE RESPONSIBLE IF SOMETHING HAPPENED BUT I WAS THERE TO ACTUALLY LEAD THE CLASS UGHGHHHHH </3 but!! it was worth it tbh bc i've adopted a really sweet sophomore, she's so so kind and like her and her group partner were too scared to actual drill or use a table saw and they're literally my favorites so i was like "ik technically i shouldn't be doing everything for u guys but....if ur not comfortabel doing this u can just watch me again!! and then practice later <3) BC I ALSO HATE HAVING TO SHOW/EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE HOW TO DO SOMETHIG MULTIPLE TIMES like,,, this regina george guy i was talking about...idk how much you know about lights but i was trying SO hard to explain "parking the lights" to him and IDK for me it makes a ton of sense like IT'S PURPOSE/ACTION IS IN THE NAME BUT THIS MAN COULD NOT UNDERSTAND IT AND IT DROVE ME CRAZY!!) but lmao it's funny u bring up gentle parenting bc while i was talking to this kid i adopted <3 i was talking to her and trying to convert her into a lights kid (from PROPS AND RUN BARF!!!! I'M SAVING HER LIFE RN <3) and i was like "if you're interested in learning lights!! it'd be best to do it now like especially during this upcoming musical when i'll be around bc the kid that's taken over for me (that one that tried to steal my job) can be a little mean </3 but for me not to sound egotistic or anything but i'm definitely more of a gentle parenter <3" and this girl was like "yeah i can tell" LMAOOO WHICH WAS DEFINITELY A ???????? SHOTS FIRED?????????? HELLO???????? NESS CANNOT GET UP SHE IS DOWN FOR THE COUNT!! moment BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY TOO LMAO I LOVE HER I LOVE THIS KID I ADOPTED <33 and she makes it worth it!! i'll probably lurk around and help if i can for that class bc i love her and want to teach her <3 and i don't mind not getting paid bc it is lowk fun!! like i'm doing all the fun parts about tech but don't have to deal with the drama of actual shows and everything <333 so we'll see how it goes!!! i finally understand the person i took lights over from bc she also always like visited the theatre after she graduated and would help me out sometimes and i get it now,, bc like i want to come back for this kid i adopted <33 SO IDK I GUESS THAT'S WHERE I AM NOW!! AND THAT WAS MAINLY MY ENTIRE DAY <3 NOT MUCH MORE HAPPENED!! I WAS JUST WORKING ON TONICS THE WHOLE DAY <3

BUT I LOVED YOUR LITTLE PODCAST DIALOGUE LMAOO "to the actor that quit mid production..." I'M FOLLOWING THAT UP WITH "to the dear run and props head of my old theatre who relates to regina george.....I HOPE YOU YAP YAP YAP!!"

AND AAA OMG PLEASE (sorry just realized i think i went a lil out of order bc i talked about me teaching these high schoolers BEFORE talking about the podcast but i think me mentioning this will make it more confusing so NVM!!! BUT JUST KNOW LMAOO I HEARD SOME LIKE JUNIOR OR SENIOR THIS YEAR WAS GETTING BULLIED BY THE FRESHMEN DURING ONE OF THE TECH CLASS PERIODS BC ALL THE FRESHMEN WERE LIKE "are you okay??" and this junior would be like "....yes..? why???" and they were like "your eyebags are REALLY bad" WHICH IS FOUL WHY WOULD THEY SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT THEY'RE SO MEAN 😭😭😭) BUT ANYWAY YES PLEASE KIDNAP ME!! I GIVE YOU FULL CONSENT AT ANY TIME OF THE DAY TO ANYWHERE WHATEVER U WANT FOREVER MANGO ANON <33 MY LIFE AND EVERYTHING I OWN IS YOURS!! <33 AND PLS I WAS THINKING ABOUT THAT HORRIBLE SKATER BOY TRAUMA TODAY I WILL DEF TELL YOU!! I THINK NEXT TIME BC I FEEL BAD I'M HALF ASLEEP AND HAVE HAD TO FIX SO MANY TYPOS ALREADY SO I WILL TELL U TOMORROW WHEN I AM MORE AWAKE IF THAT'S OKAY!!! but yes i've had such bad experiences with men in my life 😭😭 i'm not sure why they all suck so much !!!! but!!!! they do!!!! </3 where is my irl sunarin!!!! BUT I'M GLAD THE BEING IN A CAR GOSSIPING FOR HOURS IS A UNIVERSAL EXPERIENCE FOR YOU TOO!!! IT'S JUST OUR SIGN THAT WE SHOULD BE DOING THAT TOGETHER!!!!

SOMEONE SHIFTED DURING THEIR TEST AND GOT ANSWERS??????? BRO THAT CANNOT BE REAL 😭😭😭😭 i remember sometimes i'd see comments that would ruin the magic and they'd clarify "i'm talking as if i've shifted before to manifest and believe in it!" if that makes sense and so it made me have serious trust issues that like maybe everyone was just basically manifesting what they wanted to happen so they were just gaslighting everyone BUT IDK 😭 THAT SHIFTING DISCORD SERVER I WAS IN WAS CRAZY LIKE I THINK WE HAD MULTIPLE "god"s pop in i remember this one time we had this person come in and we were ALL fighting them on their very wrong opinions and I HAVE A SCREENSHOT OF IT SOMEWHERE AND I'M GOING TO "NAMEDROP" USERS BC I THINK IT'S OKAY BUT LIKE HERE WE GO I'M WRITING IT AS DIALOGUE:

person acting like god or whatever: there, i pulled sleepy out of this reality and they shifted

sleepy: nah i'm still here

I REMEMBER THAT SO CLEARLY BC IT WAS SO FUNNY TO ME LMAOO SO LIKE I THINK THIS GOD PERSON WAS CLAIMING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE PEOPLE SHIFT BUT THIS USER NAMED SLEEPY FULLY JUST WAS NOT HAVING IT LMAOO and i'm still on the server and just looked in the general chat and let's just say... it's mainly dead and the only people left who talk there....are interesting....

BUT AAA MANGO ANON MY LIFE IS YOURS!!! WE'D BOTH RUN TO EACH OTHER AND TACKLE EACH OTHER AND IDK HOW PHYSICS OR GRAVITY WORKS SO IDK WHO WOULD ACTUALLY FALL ON TOP OF WHO BUT JUST KNOW I'D BE RUNNING TOWARDS U WITH JUST AS MUCH EXCITEMENT AND LOVE!!!! I WOULD ALSO LOVE TO COME FLY TO U <3 AND I CAN BE UR SCARY GUARD DOG AT WORK!!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON <3 MY HEART IS YOURS!!! HAVE A LOVELY LOVELY DAY AND DO NOT WORRY!! i'm hoping to actually make a dinner on probably monday or so!! bc i didn't get scheduled for work like the entire weekday of next week 😭 so i'll try and take advantage of the time off and finally get my life together!! I WILL UPDATE YOU ON HOW THAT GOES AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS CHECKING IN AND MOTIVATING ME TO EAT AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!! PLEASE DO THE SAME OR I'LL HAVE TO COME FLY THERE RN THIS INSTANCE TO TAKE CARE OF YOU FOR YOU AND BE YOUR HOUSEWIFE!!! (which would be soooooo bad!! like i totally do not!!!!!! want to do that!! nope!! not at all!!! totally not!! i'm obviously sarcastic rn!!) BUT I AM DEFINITELY HIGH OFF MY HALF ASLEEP MELATONIN BRAIN RN SO I WILL BE GOING TO BED!! I'M SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING OR GRAMMAR MISTAKES I FELL ASLEEP TWICE WRITING THIS UNFORTUNATELY 😭 SO I'M ALSO SORRY IF I SKIPPED EVERYTHING BUT I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH MANGO ANON!! IT WAS SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU AND PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!! ILY ILY ILY <3 GOODNIGHT!!!

[starjxsung]

Hello my lovely, lovely Star 💕 I am sorry for disappearing for like two weeks - I was working full time the past two weeks at my speech arts academy (done work for the summer now though!!!)

I'm so glad you're boss has been supportive!!! I hope you've been able to get some rest... work sounds so busy and tiring for you... HOW'S ATEEZ!??!?! I HOPE IT'S AMAZING AND EVERYTHING YOU COULD'VE DREAMED OFFF IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU AND ALL THE CONCERTS I HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING TIMEEE rahhhh I hope you're doing SO GOOD 💖 pls tell me how ur doing I hope you've been taking care 🫶 Life Update: I'm so excited for Europe hehehe I fly out in two daysss ALSO I got my uni courses all figured out now after many days of stress :') As for south africa guy... okay so like we talked about being in something more comitted and stuff (he brought it up) and it was like a good healthy talk and he was super mature about it and bringing it up and making sure I feel comfy and stuff and letting me know like I shouldn't feel any pressure to say or do anything I don't want to and like we've been taking it "slow" cause I expressed uncertainty around it (for various reasons I won't get into) but I was willing to give it a try ... anyways so like we hung out this past weekend and everything was great we texted for the couple days after that but then like four days ago he just... stopped texting. And he hasn't read my messages either ;-; like I know he takes breaks from his phone/being online pretty regularly for like two days at a time so I didn't really worry too much at first tho I was kinda miffed cause I've told him before to let me know if he was gonna go mia but now it's been like four (five?) days and I'm like worried but also upset and like rethinking this whole thing and like idk I know he left for a trip yesterday so now he probably won't get back to be until he's back but why did he just stop texting like three days before his trip??? Like mid convo too... MAN IDK IM SO UPSET BUT ALSO WORRIED ABOUT HIM AHHH anyways, I love you always <3 thank you for being you Star 💖🫶💕 🌱

MY ANGELLLLLLL I hope work was good !!! I can’t believe it’s already done for the summer! Time’s really flying 😦

ATEEZ WAS AMAZINGGGGG my twin sister wasn’t able to make it but I did meet up w my older sister briefly for the LA show and she loved it !!!!!!! I stayed in merch line for 5 hours and I am sunburnt so badly my arms physically sting 😀 worth it for a Seonghwa jersey ofc

I CANT BELIEVE YOU’RE GOING TO EUROPEEEE OH MY GOD THAT’S SO EXCITINGGGG I can’t wait to hear all about it !!!! And I’m glad uni courses are all sorted! Figuring out uni courses is always so stressful I hated it so much in college lmao

Also :((( I get that people can have their reasons for ghosting like that but imo it is SO fucked that people do that after communicating about where the relationship stands. Is he looking for something committed? Or have you both agreed for just something more casual? My ex boyfriend did that after our second date and it felt terrible bc for like 2 days after we had sex he just….. disappeared. And then came back and said he was drinking and sorta off the grid and missing classes and stuff. But I think I cried for 2 days bc I just felt so used. People should just communicate !!! Why they’re ghosting !!!! Instead of leaving their partners to guess :( I’m so sorry he did that and I hope it’s just bc he’s busy or has a genuine excuse. But to leave you hanging like that is just so fucked up imo :(

Keep me posted what happens & I hope you have so much fun in EUROPE in the meanwhile!!!! Try not to stress about him during ur trip, he’s not worth wasting a good trip on if he isn’t a member of skz. I love you so so much !!!! Be safe my angel !! 👼🤞💓💕♥️💜💖💞

[counterspellthisyoucasual]

My friend asked me yesterday if I wanted to hang out cause all our uni friends have gone home for summer and we’re the last two in town.

Now usually, the only things we can figure out to do is sit around and drink, watch whatever is in the cinema or hang out in someone else’s house playing video games. Neither of us had the money for a drinking night, nothing interesting was on at the cinema and we have no friends left here so I went looking for events and found a really cheap comedian performing in the upstairs of a bar.

We decided to take a gamble, turns out, the guy was really interesting and it was a fucking funny night, I cannot lie, sometimes you have to step outside of those routines man, sometimes you just take a risk and go “sure, I’ll watch this random comedian, even if they’re shit it will be an experience” and you might find new things, it was great, thoroughly recommend