#AND THE FREAKING INSTRUMENTAL WHATEVER THEY PLAY IN THAT SONG IS JUST REPEATING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AHEJQKNDNAIWIIWJDBSJSUSJ TURN IT OFF

[trashg0blin37]

Me, incredibly exhausted and trying desperately to get some rest:

My brain: “🎶🎶WASTING AWAY AGAIN IN MARGARITAVILLE, SEARCHING FOR MY LOST SHAKER OF SALTTT🎶🎶”

[taste-in-music]

taste-in-music’s top 30 songs of 2022

Hello everyone! Welcome back to my annual countdown of my 30 favorite songs of the year. 2022 had a lot of great music releases, and I’m so excited to recount the songs I replayed throughout the year. Now, on with the list!

This year was so jam-packed I have ten honorable mentions to share before we get to the list proper: tears in the club by FKA Twigs ft. The Weeknd, Destination l’amour by Pi Ja Ma, Little Freak by Harry Styles, Fast Times by Sabrina Carpenter, EMPATHY 4 BETHANY by Saya Gray, Be Cool by Maggie Rogers, This Hell by Rina Sawayama, Heavy Heart by Bartees Strange, Karma by Taylor Swift, and Shotgun by Soccer Mommy

F2F by SZA: “F2F” was a fast favorite that came late in the year, mostly for how pleasantly surprising it was. The 2000s pop-punk revival has been percolating for the past few years, and SZA’s entry into the genre suits her frighteningly well. She’s written on the complications of revenge sex and missing an ex before, but the area-ready bombast of the guitar-driven instrumental elevates it to the next level. It may have looked to the past for sonic inspiration, but it feels fresh.

君に夢中 (Kimini Muchuu) by Hikaru Utada: I didn’t know what to expect when I clicked play on J-pop icon Hikaru Utada’s new album on a whim, but when I heard “君に夢中,” which translates to “crazy about you” in English, I was immediately struck by a feeling of familiarity. It may be because the opening synth riff reminds me of “Boys Of Summer,” it may be Utada’s impassioned delivery, it may be the rattling hi-hats that instate an undeniable groove on the song’s back end. Whatever it is, Utada managed to capture something ethereal on this track, and I can’t wait to explore more of her catalogue in the future.  

Flower (In Full Bloom) by Luna Li ft. Dreamer Isioma: Romantic angst never sounded so damn dreamy. On “Flower (In Full Bloom),” Luna Li pleads with a lover that refuses to put in the effort in a relationship, while Dreamer Isioma provides the opposing perspective speaking about how the spark has already died. As the song progresses, the cushy soundscape of twinkling keys escalates to a bitching guitar solo that makes for one hell of a final moment.

Kissing Lessons by Lucy Dacus: If nothing else, “Kissing Lessons” is a marvel of concision. Each detail Dacus compiles, bracelet charms, hair tosses, dreams of buying a three-story house, all come together to form a rich vignette about a young girl’s budding sexuality and growing inculcation into gender roles in just under two minutes. Place those details over a rollicking rock instrumental and you’ve got on special sucker punch of a song that gives you just enough to want to know more. The only choice, then, is to hit repeat.

It’s Raining by Superorganism ft. Dylan Cartlidge and Stephen Malkmus: For Superorganism, there is no sample too silly, no instrumental flourish too strange to throw into their melting pot. Describing “It’s Raining” from their sophomore album World Wide Pop means describing the barrage of baffling moments it throws at warp speed. Frontwoman Orono Noguchi sings about a “cyborg grilled-cheese-sandwich machine” over thunderclaps. English rapper Dylan Cartlidge spits bars about Elon Musk over a backing chorus of what sounds like demented Muppets. Pavement frontman Stephen Malkmus’s lyrics about riding a horse-drawn carriage are ushered in with clip-clopping hooves and a sample of a neigh. These moments come together to form a loopy, loping confection that’s as absurd as it is addictive.

Superfan by Chelsea Jade: On “Superfan,” Chelsea Jade navigates the blurred lines of talking to a crush, a situation where you’re trading adversarial jabs and confrontational quips and you can never tell if you’re flirting or fighting. Ultimately, Jade reveals the obsession lying beneath the surface, identifying herself as a “superfan” trying to play it cool. Driving home the playful awkwardness is Jade’s use of vocal samples throughout, whether they’re narrating along to her conversation or splicing through the chorus with hiccup-y clips of harmonization. It’s a song that cuts through the guise to reveal the vulnerability at its core.

Holding Back by BANKS: In the years since her debut, BANKS has become my go-to artist for electropop bangers that conjure emotional vulnerability and goddess-level confidence alike. “Holding Back” may be an outpouring of memories in the wake of a doomed relationship, but the hard-hitting electronic groove and boosted bass breathe new life into a familiar concept. As BANKS switches between vulnerable coos and full-chested belts, she unleashes the innermost desire for her care to be reciprocated. “I wrote you a melody,” she sings in the chorus, “can’t you see that?”

Whatever Fits Together by Skullcrusher: Skullcrusher has perfected the art of weaving immersive tapestries from whispy sonic fragments, a strummed guitar here, a gossamer synthesizer there, a lyrical fragment about leaving home to tie it all into a single package. “Whatever Fits Together” pulls disparate pieces from their distinct places in the ether to form something transient and melancholy, the mournful tone of Helen Ballentine’s voice balanced by a sunny tambourine. It’s ephemeral, it’s beautiful, it all fits together perfectly.

Another Man’s Jeans by Ashe: Ashe may have broken onto the pop scene with brokenhearted ballads, but there’s always been a confidence and cleverness to her delivery that’s made her stand out. On her comeback single “Another Man’s Jeans,” she douses her witty songwriting with pure funk concentrate and struts through a kiss-off to a situationship with more swagger than she’s ever showcased on tape before. It makes for one of the most fun party jams of the year.

girlfriend by hemlocke springs: I first encountered hemlocke springs via an Instagram Reel where she posted a video propositioning “do u wanna hear the weirdest bridge you’ll ever hear in ur entire life?” The subsequent bridge shows springs hurling her voice up and down the scale with reckless abandon over a spritely synth groove, and wile it might not be the “weirdest bridge” I’ve ever heard, it certainly was one of the most memorable the year had to offer. The rest of the song, a blasé kiss-off to a potential suitor, pulls of the rare achievement for a viral song and lives up to the catchiness of the initial clip.

Spitting Off the Edge of the World by Yeah Yeah Yeahs ft. Perfume Genius: “Spitting Off The Edge of the World” is awesome in the archaic sense, encapsulating the simultaneous awe and terror that comes from facing something so much bigger than yourself. It’s a song that earns it galactic sense of scope from the quiet moments it provides to contrast it, as Karen O and Perfume Genius trade demure, flitting verses before the chorus kicks in on the heels of a larger-than-life barrage synths and guitars. It’s titanic, it’s triumphant, it’s just awesome, (in that it’s also just damn great.)

The Loneliest Time by Carly Rae Jepsen ft. Rufus Wainwright: I remember when this song was released just ahead of The Loneliest Time album and questioning how this collaboration could possibly work. As soon as I heard it, the answer was clear: never question Carly Rae Jepsen. At this point, Jepsen has boiled pop music down to a science, but that doesn’t mean it’s sterile or forced. The string-adorned, disco-inflected groove on “The Loneliest Time” is the perfect landscape for Jepsen and Wainwright to trade verses about giving an old flame a second chance. It all culminates in that excellent bridge where Jepsen enthusiastically declares “I’m coming back for you baby / I’m coming back for you!” I, too, will continue coming back to this song, and Jepsen’s catalogue as a whole, when I need a pick up from my own personal loneliest times.  

fairy song by beabadoobee: Throughout her second album Beatopia, beabadoobee’s jaunty melodies and sugar-sweet vocals just barely cover a greater desperation for care and connection percolating beneath the surface. The best demonstration of this is “fairy song,” where a running list of self-care tasks atop perky pianos slowly cracks apart until it fully breaks into a buzzy whirlwind of distortion and beabadoobee’ screams just barely audible in the background. Then, just as the pandemonium reaches its peak, the song pulls itself back together and returns to the chipper atmosphere it began with. Ignoring one’s distress will only take you so far before the weight becomes too much to bear. Sometimes, drinking water and going outside isn’t enough. Letting the mess fly free every so often might just be the key to moving forward.

Cardigan by Sophie Cates: “Cardigan” is my silly pop song of the year, the track I turned to when I needed an instant sugar rush of endorphins. Sure, Sophie Cates rhymes “again” with “again” with “cardigan” with “again” again on the hook, but when it's set against the most instantly catchy melody of 2022, I hardly even notice. That’s not a slight against Cates’s writing though, the other choice details she employs throughout the song paint a vivid picture of a romance that’s lost its sparkle, and the wistful desire for the magic to return. It’s that undercurrent of longing that elevates “Cardigan” from being just a silly pop song to a great silly pop song, one that sticks around long after the initial rush has passed. 

Bump by Dora Jar: Dora Jar’s music captures the dark whimsy of a fairy tale, but the real fairy tales where the pixie dust and glass slippers come with a hungry wolf or vengeful witch lurking in the shadows. It’s a musical world that’s a little spooky, rife with curiosity, and lit up with a flicker of excitement. “Bump” is one of the best demonstrations of this quality, with Dora Jar describing the wonder of a chance encounter that may escalate into something more. The song is accented with astonished gaps, a swampy chorus of backing vocals, and an air-tight beat. It’s sweet and wondrous and a little claustrophobic, sonically capturing that tight-throated, heart-hammering anticipation to see what comes next.

In The Eyes Of Our Love by Yumi Zouma: “In The Eyes Of Our Love” is good in a way that just feels obvious, providing a breezy yet danceable energy that’s poised to play out the romantic climax of a teen movie from the 90s. Beneath its cheery surface, though, is a tremor of anxiety. Lead vocalist Christie Simpson signs of crumbling walls, splitting lips, and looming storms, worries that accelerate and melt away over the song's duration. Every great pop song grows all the greater with a sense of urgency, and “In The Eyes Of Our Love” threads that needle effortlessly while still being danceable as hell. What more could you want?

Part Of The Band by The 1975: Over the past few years, The 1975 have twisted the anthemic pop-rock that put them on the map to reveal the absurdity and anxiety at the heart of modern life. On “Part Of The Band,” the band’s first single off their 2022 album Being Funny In A Foreign Language, frontman Matty Healy’s musings on social upheaval are equal parts hilarious and insightful. After stuffing the song full of dizzying rhymes, (“vaccinista tote bag-chic baristas” with “communista keisters” especially comes to mind,) Healy finishes on a searing moment of self-reflection: “am I just some post-coke, average, skinny bloke / calling his ego imagination?” With a twitchily elegant backdrop crafted from plucky string swells, chopped-up vocal samples, and quivering synths, it’s a song whose catchiness, cleverness, and creativity lives up to the critiques on display.

ALIEN SUPERSTAR by Beyoncé: It was difficult to pick a favorite track from RENAISSANCE, an album so consistently excellent in its delivery of dancefloor euphoria. In the end, I had to go with the self-love celebration “ALIEN SUPERSTAR.” Every element of this song oozes self-assurance, from the spacy disco instrumental to Beyoncé’s vocals, which switch from sensual cooing to a British accent-inflected declarations to braggadocious belting at the drop of a hat. The result is a track poised to dominate dancefloors across the galaxy for years to come, and who’s surprised? She’s one of one. She’s number one. She’s the only one.

Nothing Gives Me Pleasure by Girlpool: I clicked play on Girlpool’s fifth album Forgiveness without any clear expectations. I certainly wasn’t expecting to be blasted with a wave of distorted synths followed by the most memorable opening line of the year: “Do you even want me if I even have to ask? / Break it to me gently with your fingers up my ass.” It’s an unforgettable one-two punch that immediately establishes the core themes of the album, trying to reconcile the desire for emotional and physical intimacy, and how those desires often conflict with and contradict one another. “Nothing Gives Me Pleasure” walks the power balance in a relationship built on mismatched expectations, trying to sate yourself with sex and coming up short. The soundscape skitters and heaves, the distortion ratcheting up as Harmony Tividad reiterates the title line over and over: “Nothing gives me pleasure like the words I know you won’t say.” 

cool by Uffie: Uffie made a name for herself in the bloghouse scene of the early 2010s, a musical moment defined by glitchy earworms, a punkish dedication to keeping the party going as long as possible, and lots and lots of glitter. For her 2021 comeback single with Company Records, “cool,” Uffie evolves the quirky maximalism of her past into something slick, modern, and effortlessly, well, cool. On “cool,” Uffie digs for gold in moments of stillness amidst chaos, chronicling moments of reprieve during a night out: sleepy Uber rides, poolside kisses, eating cereal with her partner. The best demonstration of this comes when, at the precipice of each chorus, all the music cuts out for a moment before Uffie ushers in the razor-sharp groove with a simple utterance of the song’s title, delivered with a blasé surety of someone who’s seen it all. As she sings in the song’s third verse, she’s “got nothing left to prove.” 

HENTAI by ROSALÍA: Amidst the raucous genreclash that makes up the rest of the MOTOMAMI tracklist, the gentle pianos of “HENTAI” may initially feel a bit out of place. But if you listen closely, there’s much to discover beneath its deceptively simple surface. First off, the lyrics are filthy as hell, (I know, big surprise for a song literally called “HENTAI,”) but the cheeky references to bike riding and tape making are balanced out by a tender backdrop that knows when to up the bombast. Whether it be the barely-there string flourishes, fluttering vocal runs, or the skittering blast of drums that drives the song’s closing moments home, “HENTAI” provides just enough off-kilter details that make the song transcend from mere sexy piano ballad into only “La ROSALÍA” could provide.

Simulation Swarm by Big Thief: Despite Big Thief’s fifth album Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You dropping all the way back in February, I found “Simulation Swarm” shamefully late in the year. But as soon as I heard it, I knew it would be on this list, and pretty high up too. Adrianne Lenker crafts songs that are immediately familiar, like I must have been listening to them from childhood. The details she employs throughout "Simulation Swarm” balance beauty and malice, painting the dark fairy tale and casual terror of modern life “crystal blood like a dream true,” “swallows in the windless field,” “river of light who I love / That I sing to in the belly of the empty night.” Set against a locomotive folk instrumental, “Simulation Swarm” feels like a gentle hug from the abyss, voicing the ability to face danger and walk forward with hope. 

Till We Run Out Of Air by Hatchie: I thought I knew what to expect going into Hatchie’s sophomore album Giving The World Away. Early singles like “Quicksand” and “This Enchanted” delivered another helping of the joyful shoegaze pop she’s been delivering for years. It’s a sound I’m always willing to gobble up, but there was an echo of something greater hovering right beneath the surface. With the final song on the album, Hatchie delivered a falcon punch of a finale that transforms that spark into a fireworks show. With its susurrus of swirling, watery synths and arena-ready chorus, “Till We Run Out Of Air” plows right through me with each repeated spin. It’s a song enraptured in the fine line between destruction and exhilaration, tracing the final moments in a romance with larger-than-life bombast. Perhaps the best encapsulation of this euphoria comes at the precipice of the chorus. “Open the curtains and let in the light,” Hatchie sings, before a glowing blossom of synths barrels the listener right into the song’s most anthemic refrain. It’s like the light at the end of the tunnel finally breaking through the darkness at just the right moment.

doomsday by Lizzie McAlpine: On her second album five seconds flat, Lizzy McAlpine elevated her personal songwriting with a cinematic scope. This approach is immediately introduced on the album’s opening “doomsday,” a slow-burning ballad chronicling a breakup though the lens of hindsight. McAlpine circles through deathly metaphors throughout the song: pulling the plug, violent ends, her partner as a “murderer” initiating their split on Halloween, the sample of a bone being split in half. This ghoulish gravitas of is backed up by an orchestral swell that makes the melodrama feel earned. These compounding elements build up the song’s momentum until McAlpine’s final revelation slams into you at full force: “I would’ve married you / If you’d stuck around / I feel more free than I have in years / Six feet in the ground.” The relationship may be dead and gone, but McAlpine makes it clear that she’s only getting started.

Lullabye by Grace Ives: Throughout Janky Star, Grace Ives concocts idea-stuffed soundscapes that vacillate between the anxieties and thrills of young adulthood. The earworms come so casually that they even materialize in the album’s moments of brevity. “Lullabye” is a perfect example of this. As the album’s closer, it shows the chaos winding down, giving way to moments of reflection. Ives’s breathily narrates the “lovely mess” of her life: watching movies on repeat, casually attempting gymnastics moves in the kitchen, and swapping confessions with a loved one late into the night. Set against gauzy landscape of synths, skittering drums, and chirpy backing vocals, I turned to the casual wisdom of “Lullabye” all the times this year when life got overwhelming. “No it’s nothing to be sad about,” Ives sings in the song’s closing moments, “It’s just something I’ve been thinking about.” It’s a welcome reminder of the power ruminating on small joys can hold.

Say It by SASAMI: On her latest album Squeeze, SASAMI took to flipping white male-dominated genres like punk and metal to articulate her own rage. One of the best examples of this is “Say It,” an unapologetic frenzy of glitchy rock scuzz. In an Apple Music interview, SASAMI stated that the song was “about the pain of someone not communicating with you,” carried out as she trades places with a bassy, distorted mirror of her own voice. Situated atop a strutting groove concocted of squealing guitars, grumbling bass, and booming drums, it all comes together to form something equal parts cathartic and terrifying. “Say It” might be one of the best rock songs the year had to offer, but amidst the ruckus, it’s first and foremost a call to throw your repentance to the wind and speak your mind. 

Yuck by Charli XCX: If you’ve been on TikTok for the past year or so, odds are you’ve come across the idea of “the ick,” the moment in a romantic relationship where something as simple as watching your beau chase a ping-pong ball across the floor flips your feelings of adoration into disgust. It only makes sense that one of pop’s most forward–thinking artists would capture this cultural phenomenon with masterful specificity and simplicity. Over a bouncy synth-heavy beat, Charli XCX lays out the moment when her love interest’s gooey romantic devotion starts to drive her away. Throughout “Yuck,” she takes romantic tropes like puppy dog eyes and bouquets of roses and flips them on their head. The result is the definitive song to throw on when the candy hearts get cloying. After spending the last few years of her career pushing pop to its very limits, her latest album Crash was a welcome reminder that even without all the hyperpop flourishes, she can still write damn good and effortless catchy bangers like this.

Free by Florence + The Machine: How do you persevere in the face of suffering? seems to be the question Florence Welch fixates on most throughout her projects with Florence + The Machine. She’s turned to several places in the past: making a break for freedom on her breakout hit “Dog Days Are Over,” self-destructive love on rock bangers like “Ship To Wreck” and “Shake It Out,” and reconciliation on her previous album, High As Hope. While the definite answer for such a question may never materialize, Welch has recognized how music can be one of the most potent salves for such woes. Her 2022 album Dance Fever provides several welcome additions to Welch’s growing catalog of musical catharsis, but it was “Free,” a free-spirited banger co-written by Jack Antonoff, that ended up hitting me the hardest. “Free” taps into something primal yet graceful, a raucous recognition that sometimes, the most inspiring feelings of freedom come hand in hand with singing at the top of your lungs. “For a moment, when I'm dancing,” Welch declares with titanic vocals over a propulsive drum beat and glittering keys, “I am free.” This relief may be temporary, but for the moment, it’s nothing short of magical.

American Teenager by Ethel Cain: On her debut album Preacher’s Daughter, Ethel Cain chronicles a journey of adolescent ennui and religious turmoil through sprawling, atmospheric ballads. Before she gets into all that, she also proves that she can write a teen pop anthem for the ages. “American Teenager” is the first official song on the album, and while it may be shorter and more immediate than its predecessors, it’s no less deftly crafted. Cain harnesses the larger-than-life, anthemic synth pop of the 80s, accenting the soundscape with shining synths, booming drums, and a bright saxophone solo. While the song relishes in altruistic Americana imagery of crying on the bleachers and whiskey-fueled rebellion, Cain also acknowledges the darkness lurking beneath the jubilation on the surface. The opening verse describes her neighbor’s brother being shipped home in a coffin, “another red heart taken by the American dream.” Still, despite this darkness, there’s a hope at the core of “American Teenager” that catapults it into the stratosphere, that suggests that maybe someday, those promises might come to fruition.

touch tank by quinine: I first came across “touch tank” as a fragment on TikTok, a looping clip of quinnie lip synching along to the first few lines of the chorus: “He’s so pretty / when he goes down on me.” And what an attention-grabbing set of lines they are, it’s not everyday that you stumble across a sweet, unassuming bedroom pop song explicitly discussing cunnilingus. But it isn’t just the refreshingly matter-of-fact  references to sex that make “touch tank” stick in the memory, it’s the atmosphere of intimacy quinnie builds around those lines. In its final form, “touch tank” builds an aqueous wonderland of small yet palpably intimate moments, freshly laundered t-shirts, discovering new tattoos, choosing to be gentle. “touch tank” is a tribute to those early stages in a relationship where you’re poking and prodding with care, trying to reach tender places without drawing blood. Rounded out with warm guitars, cooing flutes, and just a twinge of vocal distortion, it’s a song that feels lived in, welcoming, drawing you deeper into its depths with each repeated spin. 

What were your favorite songs from this year? Did I miss anything? Leave a comment or tag some in the reblogs and let me know.

This year has been an absolute whirlwind, and I hope you all have some good memories from it. Here’s to a safe, healthy 2023! 

[yannadere]

Songbird Soliloquy

daryl dixon x afab!reader who's a musician

summary: y/n is an underground alt musician who uses their music to lure hordes away from the group.

tags: mild songfic, musician!reader, jealousy, pining, cuddles, fluff, injuries, hurt/comfort

((based off of jazmin beans's worldwide torture))

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

you sit patiently, tuning your guitar and giving it an experimental strum. the sound of your loud instrument alarms most people in the camp, and you smile sheepishly, turning down the built in amp. "y/n-." shane starts, but you cut him off. "relax, it's fine. it was barely loud compared to how loud this baby can get." you grin, continuing your tuning. "okay, just please don't alert every walker for miles to our location." he sighs, and you roll your eyes. "dude, relax. it was barely a strum." you giggle, noticing carl's curious gaze.

"hey, little man. wanna learn one day?" you ask with a smile, and he looks up at lori. "maybe when we're somewhere safer." she nods, smiling. "cool!" carl bounces slightly, clearly excited. "alright, the plan is to move out of atlanta..." rick states, and you nod as the group starts listening. "we're heading to fort benning, georgia. should be safer." rick informs, and the group seem to agree.

"alright, we're heading out asap." rick nods, walking away, lori following. daryl huffs, slumping down onto a chair next to you. "you ever gonna ditch that thing?" he asks, and you shake your head. "never. she's my baby." you grin, sticking your tongue out at him. daryl rolls his eyes and carl beams. "can you play something?" he asks, eyes staring at your guitar. "ahh- i don't think that would be smart..." lori butts in but you give carl a few chords to keep him happy. "not too loud." shane scolds, and you roll your eyes. "c'mon, we've gotta move." rick sighs, closing a car door. "alright. let's go."

the rv comes to a wheezing stop, and you open the door to step out, observing the broken down vehicle next to you. daryl's motorbike passes you and you grin at him as he glances at you. everyone gets out, observing the engine with disappointment. glenn chews his nails anxiously, and you nudge him as you approach him. "relax, dale can fix it." you grin, slinging an arm around his shoulders. "i don't know... it's more duct tape than hose... and i'm out of duct tape." dale huffs, shrugging before crossing his arms in thought.

"surely we could scavenge from these cars..?" you suggest, gesturing to the mass of dead cars down the road. "we can get supplies too..!" glenn nods, but lori doesn't seem happy. "this is a graveyard..." she points out, and you sigh. "lori, we need the stuff in this graveyard to survive." you say, walking away to gather some items. daryl follows you, seemingly agreeing to your statement.

you open a car door, peering inside. "ooh! jackpot!" a toothy grin covers your face as you pull out an unopened bottle of whiskey. daryl smirks at the sight, popping the trunk to check for anything useful. you shrug your backpack off to put the whiskey away when a noise catches your attention. a walker gurgles, trying to crawl towards you. you roll your eyes, grumbling about the 'ankle biter' before stomping on it's head with your heavy platform boots.

"they do some good damage?" daryl passes by you, moving on to another car near where t-dog was scavenging gas. "of course they do. i'm the one wearing them." you reply cheekily, adjusting your guitar strap idly. daryl huffs out a laugh, already searching through another car. "don't blow your ego up." he teases, and you chuckle, bumping him when you pass. another zombie catches your gaze in the distance, sluggishly trudging between cars. rick seems to spot it too, aiming but freezing as more seem to pop up. "daryl, look at this shit." you hiss, grabbing his vest roughly to point him in the direction of the approaching horde.

"holy shit..." daryl moves on quickly, going to pull you with him. "hold on, i can lead them away." you say, grabbing your guitar strap. "are you crazy?!" he snaps, going to grab your wrist. "absolutely." you grin, running towards the horde. you couldn't let anyone get hurt, there were kids in this camp. you had already witnessed so much death, feeling useless as you normally held no weapons other than your pocket knife. "this time, i'm gonna be the hero." you nod, ignoring everyone warning you as you vault over the barrier to sneak past.

you had your target, clambering upon the truck and turning up your guitar to max. you give the strings a harsh strum, happy with the tuning. slowly, the undead turn to you, and you grin. "come on, come get some." you whisper under your breath, starting up gently with a few notes. as the crowd slowly turns to you. eventually, as they start approaching you, you turn up your theme, playing your song adeptly. everyone comes out of hiding one by one to watch you, clearly shocked by your confidence.

carl seems to light up as you play your song, having to yell your lyrics so it would be heard over your guitar's loudness. shane and rick quickly gather the group, moving them back so no one would get hurt if a stray zombie wandered off, yet it seemed they all wanted you. the truck rocks slightly as they bang and press on it, yet you keep your balance.

"i'll be chewing on your face and knocking down your door-" you regain balance as the truck wobbles dangerously, glancing around for another safe car. a van was your best bet in case the truck went, but you had to wait for the rest of the horde to catch up. "a pure violation of god's great creation! it's an infestation, it's world domination-!" you belt out, the truck fully swaying by now. you glance up, everyone's staring at you anxiously. you had to come out on top for them.

thinking fast, you jump from the truck, landing on the van and almost slipping. the crowd slowly moves around the truck as it's rocking ceases, and you realise just how dangerous your new pedestal is. you have to keep moving to avoid getting grabbed, jumping across the cars and ignoring how your guitar doesn't hit every note perfectly.

"i never come second place, always been a big disgrace- shit." you dodge a walker quickly, clambering up onto another car. "smell the fear, i know you see- high achiever." you manage to get back on top of a high truck, watching two of the walkers approaching sophia who was at the side of the group. you strum aggressively, yelling your lyrics as far as your diaphragm would allow. "killing so i stay on top but i could never do any wrong! c'mon you freaks! i'm right here!" as sophia scrambles to carol's open arms, the zombies turn to you slowly and you grin.

"sour to the bone marrow, horrid to the core- all you've got is not enough, stupid! i just want more!" you yell, ignoring how the truck starts swaying. "and i'll throw another punch! yes, i'll get the highest score!" you land on the road, almost falling over before hopping over the barrier and leading them away. you had no plan, truly, only knowing that you had to lead the geeks away from the group.

as the music fades into the distance, the crowd of zombies following, the group almost relax. "what the hell are they thinking?!" dale snaps, peeking down from the top of the rv. "whatever they're thinking it worked." daryl huffs, crossing his arms and putting up a hard front to hide his anxiety. "are they gonna be okay?!" carol stresses, smoothing sophia's hair. "that was a LOT of walkers." lori adds on, holding carl close. "they'll be fine." daryl sighs gruffly. "let's wait for them to come back." he shrugs, walking off. "how are they gonna lose that many geeks?" glenn asks, and rick sighs. "let's just hope they do..." shane decides to add onto his friend's sentence. "and that they do it far from here."

night time approaches fast and the group's worry is increasing. carol notes how daryl anxiously scans the tree line for any sign of you. "daryl, come sit down." she sighs, gently touching his back. "nah, ain't that dark yet..." he sighs, perking up as a repeated clicking sounds through the woods. "you guys know y/n?" a woman asks, her horse jumping the barrier with ease. "yeah.. who're you?" daryl tenses.

"they're at my family's farm." the woman neglects his question, "they're hurt pretty bad." she adds, and daryl swears under his breath. "where's your farm?" he asks, approaching the woman. "i'll take you there. it's southeast from here, can't miss it. it's safe. we killed off the horde that was with them." she nods in the direction as daryl straddles the back of her horse before riding off with him.

"damn... they got away." t-dog says in amazement. "but they're injured. c'mon, we'll get ready to head there in the morning." rick nods, and everyone settles for a long night.

daryl dismounts the stranger's horse, running into the house where an old man stood. "they're-" "where are they?!" he snaps, pushing past. "they're resting." the old man replies calmly, leading him to a bed where you lay, a bloody bandage around your arm. "are they bit?" daryl tenses, observing you. you didn't look sick, but daryl couldn't tell in the poor lighting. "no. they got lucky." the man sighs. "i'm hershel greene. the woman who brought you here is my daughter maggie."

"there anyone else?" he asks, and hershel nods. "my other daughter beth and her boyfriend jimmy, my wife as well as otis who is out hunting and his wife patricia. you'll meet them in the morning." the old man nods, leaving daryl be. "you idiot..." he whispers, combing some hair out of your face. "you could've gotten killed." he adds, and you smirk slightly. "at least i helped... are they okay?" you ask, your voice raspy as your eyes peel open.

"everyone's fine, just worried." he shrugs, trying to seem like he doesn't care. "were you worried?" you tease, taking his hand in yours. "nah. but it's rather impressive how you managed to lead them away." he shrugs. "i passed out on these people's front door, i've got no idea how they dealt with those walkers." you cough, resting your hand on your dizzy head. "relax, don't overuse your brain. it ain't used to that much action." daryl smirks, nudging your arm.

"haha, very funny." you roll your eyes, swatting his elbow away. daryl lets out a breath of laughter, looking at you. "once i'm out this bed, i'm gonna try and figure out where the walkers went." you sit up, but daryl grabs you. "naw, you're resting tonight. you need it." he protests, pulling you back into the bed. as daryl goes to get up, you tug him back as well. "same goes to you, cowboy. come rest." you grin, pulling him onto the bed next to you.

daryl lands on his elbow to avoid landing on you. "before you protest, i could use the company right now. got a lot on my mind." you sigh as daryl hesitates before settling down. "wanna talk about it? 'm a good listener." he prompts, but you shake your head. "i'll manage... just need a familiar face right now." you sigh, resting your head on daryl's shoulder. "i get that.. i didn't have much but merle, and he helped me in his own way." daryl nods.

the two of you sit in silence, grieving over both of your losses before the topic changed. "what's wit' your song anyhow?" daryl asks, and you hum in question, looking at your guitar that was neatly leaned against the wall, your blood staining the strap. "dunno. was the first song that came to my head 'suppose." you yawn, voice sleepy. "had to have a loud song for my plan to work." you add, eyes fluttering closed.

daryl shuffles so his chest presses into yours, arm stiffly draping over you. "what if your plan didn't work? i saw that truck wobbling like it was about to tip over." daryl points out, and you shrug. "if it did, i would be dead, or at least bit." you sigh, opening your eyes once more. "you are an idiot." daryl scolds, and you chuckle. "mhm. but it worked. saved your ass anyway." you fall quiet before asking what's nagging your mind.

"is sophia okay?" you mumble, and daryl furrows his brows. "sophia? she's a bit shaken but yeah, she's doin' alright." daryl confirms and you let out a breath. "thank god." you chuckle as daryl shakes his head with a smile. "saw two of them going for her, too far to see if she got grabbed or not." you explain, and daryl hums. "well, she's not bit, carol would be hysterical if she was." daryl notes, and you nod, happy with his answer as you slowly doze off.

you wake up with daryl wrapped up around you tightly. he's normally the first one awake, so you guessed he had a late night. "dixon, c'mon. get up." you shake him gently, ignoring how he groans in protest. "daryl, c'mon! i wanna snoop around!" you whisper yell, jumping as hershel walks in abruptly. "ah, i see you're awake. lemme check your arm." the new presence wakes daryl immediately as he groggily blinks and grips the handle of his knife.

you sit up, letting hershel peel back the bandages with a yucky noise. you wince, letting out a pained noise as he pokes the flesh around your gash. "there's still bark in there from where that stick stabbed you." he notes with a sigh. "bark?" daryl sits up, watching hershel slowly press the bandages back onto the wound. "careful!" your friend snaps as you let out a strangled noise. "don't worry, they'll be fine." hershel replies, nonchalantly.

you pat your arm gently as if to soothe it as daryl broods, leaning over you protectively. "let's clean it up and get some fresh bandages on it." hershel gathers some material and his tools as well as calling to his wife to bring a bowl of water.

soon enough, you're say with an arrow in your mouth as hershel pulls the last piece of bark out of your arm, dropping it onto a tray where it clutters uselessly onto the metal. "right, let's clean it." he mumbles, mainly to himself as he wets a small cotton ball in water with a pair of tongs. with every gentle dab against your gash, you whimper, teeth clutching the metal of the arrow.

your free hand grabs the nearest thing to you which happened to be daryl's hand, squeezing tightly for reassurance as your eyes flutter closed. "do y'think it'll need stitches?" patricia asks, to which you shake your head. "i'm not having stitches." you protest, words muffled by the object you're biting. "unfortunately, you may need them..." hershel sighs, and you shake your head as he puts the tongs down. spitting out the arrow, you glare at hershel. "i'm not having them." you declare, barely being able to raise your arm to look at the wound crossing your bicep.

"i'm afraid you might have to. it's deeper than i thought." hershel nods, looking for his needle and thread that patricia hands to him. "i'm not having them!" you panic, scrambling back from the man and almost falling off the bed. daryl catches you, steadying you and glares at hershel. "y/n..." hershel tries but daryl snaps. "if they don't want 'em they ain't havin' them!" he snarls, and hershel backs down.

"fine. i can't force you." hershel sighs, putting the needle and thread down as you calm your breathing. daryl rubs your back soothingly, helping you unwind faster as maggie barges in. "daddy! the others are here." she informs, before leaving. hershel nods, gesturing for you to come over to him with some bandages. "i'll do it. patched up a fair amount of people in my time." daryl extends his hand to hershel who hands them over. "alright, but if you get it wrong i'll redo them."

with hershel gone and patricia following, you relax slightly as daryl readies your arm before gently wrapping the bandages around your bicep. "why don't you want stitches?" he asks, and you shudder. "i don't want a needle going through my arm!" your spine shivers at the thought. "naw, i get that.." he mumbles, carefully pinning the bandages into place with a safety pin. "done, c'mon. let's go see the others." he nods to the door, helping you up.

glenn smiles brightly at you, wrapping you up in a hug. "ow- careful- careful!" you hiss as he accidentally presses into your wound. "sorry!" he stumbles back, and carl bounds up to you. "y/n! you're alright!" he smiles brightly, and you smile awkwardly. "yeah..! i'm alright." you tense as he hugs you tightly, awkwardly patting his head and looking at lori for help. his mother laughs, beckoning him over. "you were so cool! the way they all looked at you and you didn't even get scared!" the boy beamed, practically vibrating.

"carl, c'mon!" sophia beams, gesturing to a swing nearby. "stay in sight of me or carol!" lori reminds and they nod. "glad to see you're alright." shane nods to your arm, and you grin. "i'm tough. had plenty of bottles to the head or thrown at me. i'll live." you cross your arms, glancing at daryl. "what happened anyway?" dale asked as hershel guided everyone to the house away from the tree line. "stray branch stabbed me. nothing awful." you shrug, peering to the barn curiously.

"daryl, i'm gonna go walk around, stretch my legs. you coming?" you smile, and daryl nods. "sure." you grab his hand to pull him away, but hershel stops you. "don't go too far and don't go in the barn. nothing in there but old rusty tools anyway and the last thing i need is another injury." he warns, and you sigh. "fine fine, no barn concert then." you grin, pulling daryl away from the group.

"you're going in anyway, aren't you?" daryl smirks, following you closely. "of course. are you saying you wouldn't?" you giggle before hearing carol yelp. "sophia?!" the two of you turn to see the mother searching the area around the swing desperately. "shit..! another time then." you run back to the group with daryl hot on your tail.

"carl said they were gonna play hide and seek so he doesn't know... i'm sure she didn't go far." rick sighs, adjusting his hat to keep the sun out of his eyes as he scans the tree line. "hershel, any idea of where she could hide around here?" shane asks, but hershel shakes his head. "nothing around here but open field..." he gestures around, and carol hiccups a sonb as lori tries to comfort her.

you look at daryl before glancing to the barn. "is she behind the barn?" you ask, and hershel falls quiet. "could be... but there's no way in other than the doors and we would of seen her go in." he shrugs. "me and daryl can scan around there, see what we can find." you nod, and daryl heads off in that direction. "don't go in!" hershel reminds you, and you feel your spine tickle with suspicion. "what a weirdo..." you roll your eyes and daryl hums.

you walk around the barn, gently calling out for sophia. "nothing..." you sigh, looking around. "hey, see that?" daryl asks, and you turn to where he points. "an open window..." you grin. "gimme a lift, i'm gonna take a peek." daryl crouches behind you, grabbing your hips and hoisting you up so you can grab the windowsill.

"see anything?" he asks, but you shake your head, squinting harshly to try and see. "nah, it's too dark." you gesture for the flashlight daryl carries, and he hands it to you carefully to ensure he wouldn't drop you.

the light flickers, slowly blinking to life and you gasp, almost falling backwards. "holy shit!" you yelp, and daryl panics, pulling you back down. "what, what's in there?" he asks as you recover from the sight. "we need to go! there's a LOT of walkers in there!" you gasp, running back to the group.

[hwrryscherry]

The one where Y/N slides through Harry's DM

May 12th, 2017

You'd be extremaly excited about Harry Styles 1st album releasing today. Of course you were a fan of One Direction and was sad about their split, but also knew that this is a new era for all of them and wanted to see what they are going to share with the world from their own personal perspective. And the fact that it was your 20th birthday today just made the entire day a lot more exciting.

When you woke up today at 8am on your newly bought Manhattan apartment opening your tired eyes after a game night with your best friends -whose some came all the way up of Los Angeles- untill 2am, there were passing clounds in the sky, looking like it was going to rain a little bit. You absolutly love rain, and this is one of the things you love about NYC. The weather in here is so different from your home country but it maked you feel so great.

You felt the heavy white blankets over your thin half-naked figure as you slept with only a oversized shirt and underwear on as you shifted in bed to grab your phone that was setted by the nightstand. You put your messy morning hair away from your face as you unlocked your phone to see a lot of birthday posts and messages notifications from fans, family and friends. You went to instagram first and had your heart meltead by your fans posts. You always feel grateful whenever this day comes, of course you feel grateful everyday but the feeling gets bigger on this day. It's a date that you can reflect on what happend on the past year of your life and how much you grew and learned. This year is totally different from last one. Last year on you 19th birthday you had a boyfriend that you absolutly loved, but time passed and you two grew apart from each other. Gladly, you both ended in very good terms.

You tried to like, repost and comment on the majority of posts you saw but there were so many that you just couldn't. Right after, you stand up from your cozy and warm bed regretting it fully but hungry as hell.

Leaving your bedroom, you walked all your way through the living room to your dream kitchen. It had a beautiful and big white counter that allowed you to try big and crazy recipes whenever you were into it. You stare to your kitchen for a little time before deciding you would make yourself your marvelous pancakes, of course you have to follow a diet on your dailsy basis but today it's your day and you're allowed to eat whatever you want.

Growing up as a brazilian, your normal breakfast has always been more like a bread with butter or cereal, so you never actually had the tradition of eating pancakes on breakfast and that's the reason why you still have to look for the recipe you saved on your phone a few months ago. But as you go through your phone searching for it, you find yourself lost through Instagram feed. AGAIN. And that's when you see it. Harry posted the cover of his first album saying it was already out. You definitly had a moment, while you stand up of your counter in shock, almost screaming going to spotify as fast as you could almost letting your phone slip off your hand. You selected the album to play and put your middle lengh hair up with a hair tie in a ponytail while the melody of Meet me in the Hallway started.

You were surprised by the melody, I guess with Sign of the times, you believed that he was going more into the rock sound and not a very calm and clean vibe, but you loved it. It made you feel very calm and relaxed. And let's not even start talking about how heavenly his voice sounds, the lyrics, the instrumental, everything was marvelous.

As you listened to the songs that surprised you in a very different way, you decided to start your pancakes. You took a bowl stored in the upper frame on the right side of your kitchen that was right on top of the oven. You also picked up your other ingredients before putting them all on the counter. You are probably the person in the world who loves "Home Edit" the most, but you can't seem to keep it as organized as in your posts.

By the time you ended your pancakes, it still hasn't rained outside, there was still 3 more songs to be played, maybe 4. You put all your pancakes on your plate, grabbed your phone by the counter and left your kitchen walking in direction to the varanda of your apartment. You opened those bigs glass doors feeling the cold air sharp through your body as you walked outside sitting on the small couch there was by the corner of the balcony. You sat there while "Ever Since New York" was playing, making you, once more, feel nothing more than gratitude. Being there now, in this beautiful expensive apartment at 20, doing what you love for living and seeing this beautiful view of NYC while enjoying some good music is something to be grateful for. As you listen to Harry's albums you pay attention to the lyrics, feeling that all those words had a real meaning for him. He was expressing experiences he went through in his life, you're trying to absorve. Absorve good music, maybe learnings, you still don't know. You're 20, you're a young adult that even though it's extremally mature for you're age you still are trying to realize who you actually are and who you are trying to be. And then on the edge of your deep thoughts, Kiwi started. Bringing you to a completly shock state of how fricking good this song is, it carries an entire vibe with it. You have to admit it that of all songs, you danced with this one. It was just impossible to keep you sit down. And actually you think about who this song could be of because the girl he was talking about is a complete baddass, whose you'd probably love to be around.

And then there was Woman, who carried a whole different vibe. Woman seemed more like a more mature girl, probably someone he liked a lot and is probably extremally jelous of. And then From the Dining table, which is definitly one of your favorites. Actually, all of them is one of your favorites, you can't decide on one.

And when you're finished listening to the album and it's already on repeat. You go through your phone texts seeing a text from Bella, yes, Bella Hadid, your best friend.

B: Heyy, i saw you're awake.. Happy Birthday again baby🥰🥰 get ready because I wanna take you out through NYC, and then maybe a lunch?

Y/N: Morning!! Of course, but you have to give me some 2 hours 'cause I take a LOT of time to get ready🙃

B: LOL don't worry! It's all about you today, love you💗

You finish your conversation with Bella and goes back to wondering about the album. You loved it so much, in some way you felt connected which it's crazy, but you did.

You went back to Instagram and searched Harry's account going right into his DM. Of course there was nothing on it. You didn't know him and never spoke to him, but you loved the album so much and considers yourself kind of a fan so maybe it won't be too weird if you send him a text.

Y/N: Hey Harry! I just listened to your album and I have to say how much I loved it! You did such a good job and I'm sure it's going to be as succesfull as it should. I hope you have a nice day and congratulations again♡.

You sent it. You immediatly felt weird, maybe it was too casual and you don't even know him. What if he thinks you're a crazy stalker? But you probably will never see him personally so there's no problem.

And you go get ready to lunch with your friends. You have such a nice time visiting the places in NYC that none of you have ever been to, because even though you live here for a while now, NYC is such a big city. By the time you're already lunching with your friends you receive a notification from instagram. You could not believe it. Harry Styles fucking answered your dm! You thought he didn't even know who you are, and probably he doesn't, he's just a very kind person, right?

Harry Styles just followed you.

HS: Hello pretty! Thank you so much! I really appreciate that you liked the album as much as I did. Thank you for your kind wishes too, and happy birthday! Have a Nice day!.

You went crazy. Your friends got a little worried about what was the reason of your freaked out moment, probably just you fan girling over him. But the fact that he actually wished you a happy birthday and followed you melted the directioner inside of you. If only you knew that was just the first of the many interactions you would have.

[knives-out20]

The Impact Of The Intergalactic - David Bowie Opinion Essay - by Beck S.

This is an essay I wrote about the span of David Bowie's career. I wrote it for a summer school course I took last year (August 2021) for a course called History of Rock & Roll.

My teacher gave nice feedback after he marked it, talking about how it was an "Excellent paper. It charts Bowie's progress throughout his career well, and includes significant detail. I could really feel the passion you have about him throughout. In fact, there is *too much* detail! The paper was supposed to be 3 pages max, double-spaced. Still, this is a good problem to have; better too much than too little."

So...enjoy!!

From his early works like Hunky Dory, to Black Tie White Noise in the 1990’s and stretching over to Blackstar as his final album, David Bowie has rarely had a bad album or song- in my opinion. His career has had ups and downs, his musical creations ranging in the way he would pitch his voice and what instruments he would use, the people he would produce with, and the wild things he would say. Charting David Bowie’s development over time is in fact an interesting journey.

Early on in his dreamy career, Bowie would have done nearly anything- or in fact, anyone- to grow in the music world. Hopping from band to band (like The Velvet Underground), producer to producer, doing whatever he could do to get ‘in’ in the industry. His early albums weren’t taken very highly in their times- especially with the ‘man-dress’ he wore on the British release of his The Man Who Sold The World album. Although, this dress was only the start of the androgynous appearance he would soon be known for, over the course of his 5-decade-spanning career.

The 1970’s were strange, to say the least. He married Angela Bowie at the start of the decade, then welcomed their son Duncan Zowie Haywood Jones a year later. Bowie went on to be hopped up on cocaine. David donned the look of one of his famous personas, The Thin White Duke. The same persona with slicked-back ginger hair, a white button-up under a black waistcoat and paired with black dress pants. The same Duke who called Adolf Hitler one of the first ‘rock stars’ and gave off a lot of faschist energy. He said many statements he’d later apologize for and grow as a better man from, which is good- it’s better than standing by then, or even backing himself up and supporting them. David Bowie called that period the darkest days of his life, and blamed the crazy statements on his horrid addiction and deteriorating mental state. The late 1970’s were more favorable, seeing as it gave the world what was dubbed the Berlin Trilogy alongside Brian Eno and David’s personal friend, Iggy Pop. Made up of three of his albums: Low and Heroes (both in 1977) and Lodger (1978). He moved from Los Angeles to Switzerland, then to Berlin as a further decision to escape his addiction (the reason he moved away from LA in the first place). It was in Berlin, of course, where he wrote his famous song Heroes, about two lovers, one from East Berlin and one from West.

Speaking of Berlin, David Bowie performed near the west of the Berlin Wall in 1987; he played so loud that crowds gathered on the east to listen. At this time, Bowie had no idea he would be the beginning of the city’s soon-coming unifying. After his death in 2016, the German government thanked him for bringing the wall down and unifying a divided Germany.

Music isn’t all he is known for, though it is a majority. He also starred in movies from time to time. Being the titular man in The Man Who Fell To Earth in 1976, Jareth the moody goblin king in Jim Henson’s 1986 Labyrinth film (what is most likely his most famous role), Monte the barman in the 1991 movie The Linguini Incident, cameoing as himself in Zoolander (2001), Nikola Tesla in the 2006 movie The Prestige, and even Lord Royal Highness in Spongebob Squarepants’ Atlantis Squarepantis in 2007, among a few others. David Bowie dabbled in the art of acting, and was not that bad at it. He was good enough to gain a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, too. Sometimes it bends my mind that my first introduction to my all-time favourite musician was in a Spongebob Squarepants movie, back before I knew who he was, but David Bowie was never one to shy away from foreshadowing. At least one song from many of his albums would hint at the direction he’d go in for his next release. For example, his track Queen Bitch on Hunky Dory foreshadowed his soon-coming Ziggy Stardust. And the Diamond Dogs track 1984 actually hinted at the Philadelphian soul of Young Americans, which is a more famous song of his, which he went on to perform on The Cher Show with its host.

The 1990’s were certainly an experimental time for David Bowie. But to my knowledge, I think the 1990’s was a time for everyone. He married supermodel Iman some days after performing at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, and released the album I named earlier, Black Tie White Noise. It is known to have had a prominent use of electronic instruments, as was his other 1990’s album, Earthling. The early 1990’s greeted David’s first real band since the Spiders From Mars, dubbed Tin Machine. They recorded three guitar-driven albums which received mixed reviews from the masses, but Bowie looks back at this period- as do I- with a certain fondness; “a glorious disaster” he called it, when talking to journalist Mick Brown. Tin Machine is a period I don’t listen to often, compared to his solo stuff, but I don’t press the skip button when it comes on.

Alas, the starman’s career drew to a close as the 2000s rolled in. David Bowie greeted the 2000’s with the birth of his and Iman’s daughter, the beautiful Alexandria Zahra Jones. After suffering a- strange, as it were- heart attack symptoms mid-song during a concert in 2004, he took a hiatus from his career. I say strange because given what I know, he was trying his best to stay healthy at the time. According to my special Rolling Stone edition magazine about David Bowie (released at the start of this year), he was on tour and performing in a really hot arena. But Bowie was sober, and had quit smoking. He was taking medication to lower his cholesterol, and worked out with a trainer. Bowie looked great, and yet he felt a pain in his shoulder and chest, along with a shortness for breath. A bodyguard rushed onstage to usher Bowie off of it, cutting the concert short. He only performed live once or twice after that point, but was set on never going live ever again. And he kept his word on that, unfortunately but also fortunately. Unfortunately, because David Bowie live would have been quite the experience- I wouldn’t know, personally. But fortunately, because I do not believe anyone needs a repeat of the 2004 Reality scare.

I am actually not too fond of speaking of his final years. Nobody really likes to speak of the last years of their idols’ life before their death, so it’s no surprise. Blackstar was David Bowie’s 25th and final album, recorded entirely in secret in New York alongside his long-time producer, Tony Visconti. The album's central theme lyrically is mortality, and seeing as Bowie was undergoing chemotherapy for his cancer at the time, I see it as his way of coping with his incoming death. His producer Tony Visconti called him a ‘canny bastard’, when he realized Bowie was essentially writing a farewell album. Every song on the album is what is considered a swan song, a swan song in question being a phrase for a final gesture of some sort before retirement or death. In this case, death. Over the course of recording the album, David Bowie’s chemotherapy had actually been working and he had an eerie optimism while recording. But by the time they shot the two music videos Blackstar and Lazarus, where he showed off the definite passage of time and cruelty of chemotherapy through sparse and gray hair with sagging skin, he knew his condition was terminal and that this would be a battle he would lose. Blackstar wasn’t the first album to have been made by a musician succumbing to a fatal illness, but in my opinion it is in fact the most beautiful. It’s jazzy, and elegant, showing how at peace he had become with dying.

Blackstar the album was released on January 8th, 2016. Also known as David Bowie’s 69th birthday. Two days later, David Bowie died at his Lafayette Street home on January 10th after living with liver cancer for up to 18 months. Beforehand, he had let it be known he did not want a funeral nor a burial, but rather that his body be cremated and the ashes to be scattered in Bali by his loved ones. His wish was received, and planet Earth was very much bluer and quieter without his colour and wonderful noise.

As I said earlier on, David Bowie’s career came with ups and downs. His mysteriously close relationship with Mick Jagger, his cross with famous underage groupie Lori Maddox, the births of his two talented children, his faschist bender in the 70’s, and final bang of Blackstar in his final year on earth. Through the highs and lows, his career and his music meant a lot to the quote-unquote misfits and freaks of the world, myself included. David Bowie turned and faced the strange, shouted “you’re not alone!” To those who felt the loneliest, he surely spent his career helping those who needed to be themselves, feel more freer and braver in doing so, no matter what they may be when they are themselves. He never went boring, he never went stale, he sang what he wanted and dressed how he pleased, and kept to his word on how much more to life there is when you’re just that; yourself. A year after David Bowie’s untimely passing, his son Duncan Jones accepted an award for British album of the year that was won by Blackstar at the 37th annual Brit Awards. When he accepted it, he made a speech about his father that I will leave here, and never forget. Seeing as it perfectly encapsulates David Bowie’ legacy, and the true meaning of his extraordinary career.

“I lost my dad last year, but I also became a dad. And, uhm, I was spending a lot of time- after getting over the shock- of trying to work out what would I want my son to know about his granddad? And I think it would be the same thing that most of my dad's fans have taken over the last 50 years. That he’s always been there supporting people who think they’re a little bit weird or a little bit strange, a little bit different, and he’s always been there for them. So...this award is for all the kooks, and all the people who make the kooks. Thanks, Brits, and thanks to his fans.” - Duncan Z. H. Jones (February 22 2017, at The O2 Arena in London.)

[romance-geek]

sleep my long, unbroken sleep (niragi x oc)

warnings: violence, blood

author’s note: heyy guys! so this chapter is mostly about chiyori's parents and how they came to the borderlands. like the summary says, she was born in the borderlands so she's like a native of this "country" - i wanted to explore such a concept. the next chapter will be more chiyori-centric. let me know what you guys think! (also the tech from her parents' era are a bit diff so instead of smartphones and such, i had to change it a little)

summary: Kuroba Chiyori may be born in the Borderlands, but no way in hell does she want to die in it.

AO3 LINK

20 YEARS AGO ; SEASIDE PARADISE RESORT

  I just want to stay like this forever, without the boring routine of life.

The sun begins its slow descent towards the horizon, painting the sky in oranges and pinks and purples. Children screaming in delight, splashing each other with pool water. Couples lathering each other up with sunscreen. Lifeguards diligently looking over everyone.

All her life, everyone praises her wit and loads her with expectations. So, so many expectations that weigh heavily on her shoulders.

Expectations that she wants to meet.

But you can’t exactly please everyone, can you? Or maybe you can, but at the expense of your health.

Being with Kuroba Asuma is a breath of fresh air. He never expects anything too much from her, content with what she has and who she is. She first met him at a crime scene, which isn’t exactly how most love stories go but she didn’t mind because after he took her witness statement he stopped by at the library everyday for lunch. He courted her for almost a year before he asked - quite nervously, might I add - if she could be his girlfriend.

(Of course she said yes. In fact, what she said was: “Wasn’t I already your girlfriend?”)

Fast forward through the happiest years of her life and now she’s here at the Seaside Paradise Resort, a thoughtful surprise from Asuma. It’s the week of their first wedding anniversary, can you believe that? How time flies when you’re with the person you love.

A smile forms on Kuroba Kaname’s face as her husband helps her rise from the pool. Her hand automatically rests on her bulging stomach while Asuma wraps a towel around her.

Like her, he can’t help but caress her stomach, knowing that in just about a month there would be a new addition to their little family. A daughter…

“Let’s get you dried off now, dear.” He brushes off the water droplets on her face, sneaking in a quick kiss.

Kaname presses her fingers together, batting her eyelashes. He immediately catches on to what she wants and rolls his eyes. “What’s the little one craving for now?”

“Congee, some mango, aaand,” she hums for a second, “a chicken sandwich with lots of mayo!”

Asuma sighs resignedly. “I’ll order room service while you wash off.”

They walk into the elevator - or in Kaname’s case, she waddles - and press the button for the third floor. The elevator lifts up smoothly, but Kaname sways in her spot. “Woah!” She presses a hand to her head. “I feel a bit li-ligh—um, what was that word?”

“Light-headed?” Asuma asks softly, putting one of his wife’s arms over his shoulder so that he could carry her weight lest she fall down and potentially harm the baby. “I think you’ve had enough fun for today.”

The elevator dings open and they step out, Asuma nearly bumping into a man who seems almost like he’s sleepwalking. Kaname keeps her gaze on him out of curiosity even as her husband leads them to their room.

“Doesn’t that guy seem strange to you?”

Asuma throws a nonchalant glance over his shoulder. He shrugs and unlocks their room. “Probably had too much to drink. It is Paradise, after all.” Wagging his eyebrows as he says that last sentence, he gathers a giggling Kaname into his arms and closes the door behind them.

“I wish we can stay here forever,” Kaname says.

“Me too, dear.” Asuma kisses her forehead softly. “Now, let me prepare a bath for y—”

Darkness.

Drenched in heavy, silent darkness.

Silence except for the thudding of their heart, their heavy breathing as they try to understand what the hell is going on. 

“D-dear, what’s going on?” Kaname trembles against him. He could see the whites of her eyes even in the dim room, eyes searching for an answer.

Asuma runs to the window and peeks behind the curtains. He freezes, then pulls them apart completely. Kaname trails after him in confusion, asking again, “What’s happening?”

“Gone,” Asuma whispers.

“What?!” Kaname gasps. “Wh-But—How can that be?”

He turns to her with a serious look on his face, repeating, “Everyone’s gone.”

Kaname’s brows crease in a mixture of worry and trepidation, biting her lip as she rubs her belly. “That’s impossible. How can everybody disappear in a blink of an eye? Did we miss a fire alarm or something? An earthquake drill?”

“I don’t think so.” Asume grabs his phone from the nightstand and flips it open. He presses the home button to turn it on, but the screen doesn’t light up. “That’s weird.”

Again, he presses it, this time longer.

The black screen stares at him, almost mockingly.

“I was just charging this,” he says to Kaname, scratching his head. “Let me see your phone.”

Kaname’s phone yields the same results.

“Maybe our phones overheated?” Asuma suggests.

Kaname shakes her head. “It’s barely hot out. Let’s just put some clothes on and ask around. If we take too long, we might not be able to catch up to everyone.”

They dress up in a hurry, question after question popping up in their heads. (Asuma discretely takes out a gun from his bags as well as its holster.) They take the stairs when it seems evident that the electricity is out in the whole resort. Their trip is longer than it should have been, mainly due to Kaname’s state.

“You’d think a resort would have backup generators,” Asuma mumbles to her. It didn’t feel right to talk louder than a whisper, like someone may be watching them. The thought unsettles him.

Finally, they exit the resort building.

They are greeted by even more silence and darkness, with only the pale moon as their source of light.

Asuma pulls his wife close to him. “You know, I pride myself in being completely unflappable at whatever the world throws at me, but this is a little too much. The only reason I’m not freaking out right now is because you’re here with me and I don’t want to seem like a wimp.”

This prompts a giggle out of Kaname. “My goofy knight in shining cargo pants.”

“It’s so creepy,” she says after a beat. “Did we black out or something during an evacuation?”

“We’re the picture of health, dear, I don’t think we’d black out. Especially not at the same time.”

She nods. “Yeah, you’re right. Let’s just walk until we see someone or something that could tell us what is going on.”

“Don’t worry, babe.” Asuma flexes his biceps, shooting her a charming smile. “I didn’t get a job at the police force because of my exceedingly handsome good looks, you know. I’ll protect you.”

Kaname rolls her eyes, placing a hand on his still-flexing bicep. “Whatever you say, dear.”

They continue walking in a vaguely uncomfortable silence further out of the resort’s grounds. It takes them almost an hour before something bright pops up in the distance.

“Hey, there’s some light over there!”

They quicken their feet, eager to get out of the darkness. What greets them is a LED TV inside an otherwise dark electronic store that says…

𝐖 𝐄 𝐋 𝐂 𝐎 𝐌 𝐄、 𝐏 𝐋 𝐀 𝐘 𝐄 𝐑 𝐒

𝐓 𝐇 𝐄

【 𝙶 𝙰 𝙼 𝙴 】 

𝐖 𝐈 𝐋 𝐋   𝐂 𝐎 𝐌 𝐌 𝐄 𝐍 𝐂 𝐄

𝐈 𝐍   ��   𝐌 𝐎 𝐌 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓

“Game?” Kaname whispers. “What the hell?”

“Is this some kind of government experiment type of deal?” Asuma asks rhetorically.

The text on the screen changes.

𝐓 𝐇 𝐈 𝐒   𝐖 𝐀 𝐘   𝐓 𝐎  

𝐓 𝐇 𝐄   𝐆 𝐀 𝐌 𝐄   𝐀 𝐑 𝐄 𝐍 𝐀

⬅

“Should we go? I mean, there might be people there?” She rubs her belly, as if to comfort her daughter even though it looks like she’s the one who needs comforting.

He thinks for a moment, then nods. “Well, it’s not like there’s anything else to do or anywhere else to go.”

Asuma leads the way, hand clasped tight on Kaname’s as they near what looks like a karaoke bar complete with a blinking GAME sign in neon pink and the background instrumentals of a pop song. When they cross the threshold, what feels like the sense of imminent danger falls over them. Inside is a small group of people, the majority of which glance at the husband and wife pair. All of their eyes trail down to Kaname’s protruding stomach. They give her looks that are a mixture of a grimace and a pitying look.

“Are we playing a singing game?” Kaname chirps into the awkward silence. Asuma now has his arm around her shoulder protectively. “I’m not a bad singer, but if we’re going based on scores I’m definitely gonna fail.”

Silence.

“Tough crowd,” Asuma remarks. He notices a small sign that says 𝐒 𝐂 𝐀 𝐍   𝐇 𝐄 𝐑 𝐄 and below it what looks like a fingerprint scanner. Above those two is a TV screen. “Are we supposed to scan ourselves?”

“Yes.” Surprisingly, one blank-faced man with sleeves rolled up to his elbow replies.

Asuma waits for an explanation, but the man doesn’t say anything else. “Ooookay, then.” He pulls Kaname closer as he presses his thumb to the biometric device.

𝐅 𝐈 𝐍 𝐆 𝐄 𝐑 𝐏 𝐑 𝐈 𝐍 𝐓   𝐑 𝐄 𝐂 𝐎 𝐆 𝐍 𝐈 𝐓 𝐈 𝐎 𝐍   𝐈 𝐍   𝐏 𝐑 𝐎 𝐂 𝐄 𝐒 𝐒

𝐏 𝐋 𝐄 𝐀 𝐒 𝐄   𝐖 𝐀 𝐈 𝐓   𝐀   𝐌 𝐎 𝐌 𝐄 𝐍 𝐓

“Please wait for the game to commence.” A robotic feminine voice says, the TV suddenly turning on. A timer appears on the screen. 00:59… 58… 57… “One minute until registration closes. There are currently eleven participants.”

They wait another minute through the stifling silence, but no one else seems to come. Finally, the speakers emit a tone. “Registration has closed. The game will now commence. Game: ‘Singing Contest.’ Difficulty: Ace of Hearts.” At the announcement of the difficulty level, most of the group seems to sag in relief although some still seem tense. Kaname feels a bemused smile slide over her face. So it really is a singing game? And yet, everyone looks so serious.

“Rule: Each player has thirty seconds of singing time. After each player, everyone else has to vote whether that person is a good singer or a bad singer. Condition: Guess the majority vote correctly within one minute.”

A door to one of the karaoke rooms creaks open.

Asuma and Kaname exchange a look as they follow everyone into the room. All this fuss for a simple singing game?

Someone, a young college student, clears her throat to gain the attention of everyone. “How should we decide the order?”

“Whoever wants to go, goes,” replies a gruff voice. It comes from a man whose biceps are nearly as big as his head, with eyes that scrutinize every person in the room. Asuma doesn’t feel as intimidated as he is probably expected to be because he knows that he has a trump card hidden under his jacket. He hopes he doesn’t have to resort to using it.

Everyone stands there in silence for a moment, eyeing each other with suspicion and anxiety. Asuma can feel his patience beginning to wear thin, so he lets go of Kaname’s hand and grabs the microphone in the room. “I’ll go,” he says, flipping through the songbook and inputting the numbers for the song he wants.

When the music starts up, Kaname cheers him on. Everyone else remains silent as he sings for the required thirty seconds, even incorporating silly dance moves that make the rest of the group look at him weirdly. When he finishes, the TV flashes again, text appearing on the screen as the voice dictates. “The voting period has begun. Singer, next to the songbook is a notepad and two pens - take one piece of paper and one pen. You may place your guess inside or outside, but it is required for you to wait outside while the audience submits their votes. Audience, write down your vote and fold it. You may not discuss your vote, nor can you persuade others. Once everyone has voted within one minute, the singer can return to the room. The audience will one by one reveal their votes, and afterward the singer will reveal their guess.”

“Fun.” Asuma tears out one page and takes a pen. It didn’t matter whether he actually sang well, because no one in the room is obligated to write down their actual opinion. He sweeps a quick glance around the others, but he isn’t a mind reader. What he can gather is that they are too solemn for what seems to be a trivial game, therefore there is more than meets the eye. There is also still the question of the city-wide blackout, as well as the disappearance of hundreds-maybe thousands-of people almost in a blink of an eye. So you can’t blame him for feeling nervous as he writes down his guess.

He leaves the room, flashing a smile to his wife as he does so.

“We only have one minute to vote, so let’s vote now,” Kaname says once the door shuts. One by one, they each tear out a piece of paper and write down their votes. When Kaname’s turn comes, she keeps a poker face on while tearing at the notepad. 

She bends to write down ‘GOOD.’

Soon enough, the voting period has ended and Asuma returns to the room.

“Audience, you may now reveal your votes.”

Kaname feels her heart pounding as the votes are being said, her hand holding tightly onto Asuma’s. It’s neck to neck. Tears gather at the corners of her eyes ( Why is she being so emotional? It’s just a stupid game. Stupid hormones! ) when she is the last to reveal her vote. “Good,” she croaks out. But it doesn’t matter.

Because there are 6 votes for BAD and 4 votes for GOOD.

Asuma pats her hand reassuringly as he holds up his paper, which says BAD. “Lucky guess, huh?”

She feels the tension in her body leave and a slightly teary giggle erupts from her throat. 

"I think I'll wait a while before my turn," she says.

The next two singers successfully guess correctly, and it's during the fourth round when something happens. The guy with muscles drops down like a sack of potatoes as a red laser comes for him, prompting shocked gasps all around.

Asuma immediately kneels down and takes his pulse, but… Nothing. "He's dead," he announces, but it looks like everyone except his wife already knew that. "Alright, can anybody tell us what the fuck is going on?!" 

"He didn't follow the rules," says the man with rolled-up sleeves. He was the second singer. His glasses glint in the neon light as he points with his chin to the muscled guy's hand, which clutches two pieces of paper. "The rules stipulate that singers may only take one piece of paper."

Kaname gapes at this.

Almost as if setting the tone for the rest of the game, nearly every singer up next guesses incorrectly and meets the same fate as the muscled guy. Not before long, she is the only singer left. Aside from the first three singers, only one other person had guessed correctly, so four people would be voting. 

She starts to move, but Asuma holds her back by the wrist and pulls her in to kiss her, hoping it wasn’t their last. Not wanting to prolong it any more than it has to be, she quickly takes a piece of paper and brings it outside. 

Asuma stares at his paper for a while before he scribbles down 'BAD.' He didn't know how he could cement her guess as the majority vote. Eyes burning, he kicks himself inwardly for not fulfilling his promise of protecting her.

Kaname returns with two clenched fists, a determined look in her eyes. 

"Audience, you may now reveal your votes." 

"Good.”

"Bad.”

"Good.”

What?

Asuma stares at his folded vote, then slowly opens it to show everyone. “Bad.”

The young college girl, who survived, reels back in surprise. “It’s a tie? Does that mean whatever her answer is, she’ll live?”

“No,” interrupts the man with rolled-up sleeves. “The rules say—”

“Enough with your fucking rules, man!” Asuma barks.

The other survivor is quiet. She almost looks like she could blend in the shadows with all the dark colors she’s wearing as well as the shades she has on.

Asuma wraps his arm around Kaname to comfort her when her shoulders start shaking. “Don’t cry, dear,” he says, but his assumption is wrong when she suddenly bursts out laughing.

Kaname holds up not one, but two pieces of paper.

GOOD.

BAD.

“I guessed correctly after all.”

  9 YEARS AGO ; TOKYO METROPOLITAN CENTRAL LIBRARY

Eleven-year-old Kuroba Chiyori strikes a match and a tiny little flame appears.

She guides this flame to a tall candle on her favorite bronze candle holder. In the Borderlands, electricity is reserved for the game arenas, which her parents forbid her from entering until she is at least 18 years of age. She hasn’t been able to witness a single game yet, but she knows it’s only a matter of time before her parents let her.

Because if she doesn’t know what to expect, how can she emerge a victor?

Chiyori shifts her focus back to the book on the table. Her mother, Kuroba Kaname, said that she used to work as a librarian in this very library, before she and Chiyori’s father, Kuroba Asuma, became citizens of the Borderlands. It’s her goal to read every single book in the library before she turns 18, but Kaname says that she needs to be realistic. Her mother is right, of course. The Tokyo Metropolitan Central Library has literally thousands of books, so how could Chiyori possibly read every book?

Nice to have a goal though, she muses as she flips to another page. It’s not like there’s anything else to do in here, not while her parents are gone probably watching over tonight’s games.

It wasn’t always like this. When she was younger, her parents weren’t the Queen of Diamonds or the King of Spades yet. But then two years ago, the face card representatives were finally killed off by that cycle’s players, and the positions were up for grabs. There were only a handful of citizens in the Borderlands, victors from certain cycles that chose to stay after conquering all the cards from Ace to King. Her parents decided just that almost eight years ago.

It mustn’t have been easy for them, her mother especially. She was due to give birth to Chiyori in a mere two months when they became players. Perhaps this was a good thing though, as it gave them the drive to not die. For her. For Chiyori.

As far as Chiyori knows, she’s the only person to have ever been born in the Borderlands. But there isn’t really anyone to ask, or to give her answers.

Her first memory is of her father returning home, looking as if he took a quick swim in a pool of blood. Chiyori’s fingers clutching at her mother’s clothes as she drank her milk, eyes wide as her father dropped down on one knee to ruffle her then-short hair.

Now that she’s a bit older, her parents started leaving her alone at night, in this quiet library. These books are her only friends as she wasn’t yet allowed to make her presence known to the players.

Sometimes there are game arenas close by and she watches through the windows as numbers of players enter and only a few come back out. None of the players she has seen are anywhere near her age.

Maybe that’s why she wants to join the games when she turns 18. Loneliness.

The books she’s read tell her of companionship, adventure, friendship… love. What interesting concepts. Would she ever experience such a thing?

She startles when the light from her candle burns out. Pouting, she places a bookmark on her book and closes it. That’s her last candle.

As if on cue, flashes of red catch her eye. Outside the window, lasers from the sky come down, and some people scream when they do.

There’s someone standing outside the library.

He looks young, almost as young as Chiyori. Maybe a highschooler? He locks eyes with Chiyori just as a laser comes for him.

She doesn’t move as his body sprawls on the pavement.

Books tell her that she should feel sad when people die. How can she feel sad for this stranger? At least he has experienced life before death. At least he’s out there, while she’s in here almost longing to exchange places with him.

… Well, she may be young, but so is the night.

Chiyori sprints to her closet, which is really a display cabinet that used to house heavy encyclopedias. She tugs off her pajamas in a rush and grabs a clean teal t-shirt along with cream-colored cargo shorts. Her feet are already clad in socks, so she just pushes them into her ratty sneakers.

Most games usually last until midnight, there are some that last until sunrise, and a select few can last for days. It usually depends on the difficulty of the game itself, not just the game levels.

The gamemasters and dealers use the Takebashi Station in Chiyoda City, Tokyo as their headquarters, so the distance from there to here would be… She visualizes a map of Tokyo for a moment. Around 8 to 9 kilometers! It’s far enough to watch one game and get back before midnight.

She giggles when she realizes it’s almost like that Cinderella fairy tale she read as a child.

.

 .

 .

 .

 .

 .

 .

 .

  TWO HOURS LATER

 She comes home drenched in blood.

[purplesurveys]

1317

survey by mickey-mouse

Do you like shopping alone? I never really go shopping since I’m not too big on clothes; the few recent times I happened to buy shirts or shoes or whatever I was always with a friend or two.

Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don't? Yes, Angela is great at anything artsy; Andi can play a few instruments, sing, host events, and write poetry.

Have you ever written a song? Not my forte.

Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? This year one of my aunts did, but this isn’t a general occurrence from anyone in my life. I don’t ask for anything for my birthday either; anyone giving me anything is appreciated.

Do you own any shirts that have a year on it? Probably.

What do you think about mullets? I don’t have an opinion.

Would you rather date an actor or an athlete? Athlete; I think being sporty and stuff can be pretty attractive.

Who is your shortest friend? Me HAHA but I’m about the same height as Reena so I should probably say her.

Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? ‘Scratches’ is being too kind to my phone. I have a million cracks and LCD problems on my screen lmaaaooo. I used to feel embarrassed whenever I had to whip it out but all my friends think it’s absolutely hilarious so they’ve been super helpful in making me stop giving a shit.

What grade would you never want to repeat? I was depressed in Grade 6; not the most fun time and I’ve blocked 98% of that year out of my head.

When was the last time you blushed? I dunno; I honestly can’t tell when I blush. I wanna say yesterday at lunch? when my co-workers were cracking jokes and all of a sudden Janine asked why I was quiet and if I was okay. All the attention was then on me and I guess I blushed just a little bit since I wasn’t used to being cornered.

Who is one person you met and automatically didnt like? OMGGGGGGGGG one of our media contacts. So one of the clients we handle recently opened their biggest store yet - so it was a big deal and all, fancy launch, huge guest list, the works - and as PR one of our tasks was to tour all our media guests around and essentially give them a walkthrough. One of them was the biggest fucking Karen I’ve ever met and kept pointing out things she and only she thought were lacking, or things we simply did not have control over because we’re a fucking PR agency and not actually under the damn brand. I could not understand it at all and the whole time I was like does she not get tired of pointing out things? does she not know how pretentious she sounds?? anyway I was so relieved when she finally got tired of acting like a know-it-all for stuff my team genuinely did not have the answers for and left; and I definitely did not hide my discontentment with my bosses right after.

Do you know anybody who has a birthday in November? Yeah, a cousin. I’m sure there’s more but I’m just blanking out.

Is there anything you need to buy at the store right now? New vape pods since my last and current one is about to run out.

Do you have any video game systems in your room? Which one(s)? No, none here. I used to have the PS3 but I never used it so eventually my parents just moved it to the living room for anyone to play.

Is it true that you hurt the ones you love the most? Well yes, since the relationship and connection is there. I would hardly be bothered by a stranger trying to mess with me.

What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? I don’t believe in ~monsters~ but I imagine I’d be freaked out over anything that hung out in my closet other than my clothes.

Did you do anything productive today? No. It’s a Saturday, so today is my throw all responsibilities out the window day.

How do you usually wear your hair? It’s usually down but when I get busy or start feeling hot, I’ll put it in a pony.

What movie coming out do you really want to see? I’m honestly not really into superhero movies but I do wanna check out that new Eternals movie just for the BTS OST inclusion HAHA go producer Jimin!!!!!!! But who knows, I might end up enjoying too once I get to see it :)

Is your skin tone lighter or darker than your Moms? It’s slightly lighter, since my dad’s skin is quite light. But I definitely got the tan genes from her.

What is the best thing about the beach? Just the utter peace and simplicity of it all.

Have you ever done another person’s make-up? Oh god, never. Don’t trust me with makeup; I can hardly put it on myself.

Do you get snow days off of school/work? We don’t have snow but in our case, yeah schools suspend classes for the day - usually from August to September - since that’s when thunderstorms and flooding happen most often. We’ve had work suspended once or twice because of the weather as well.

Have you ever spied on your neighbor? LOL just as a kid whenever I heard them fighting. I was literally like, 5, though, so I never did it for malicious purposes or to gossip. I was genuinely just curious and got over it like ten minutes later.

Do you think they’ve ever spied on you? Our neighbors seem to mind their own business 24/7 so I don’t think they have. Whenever I do feel paranoid I just pull my blinds down - problem solved.

What color eyes does the last person you kissed have? Dark brown.

When was the last time it rained? I think it’s drizzling right now.

Honestly, do you double dip? Only with family and extremely close friends. I’d be more mindful with anyone else.

What color is your birthstone? It’s clear.

Do you save your old school work? No, I get rid of them as soon as I graduate from that level.

What is one thing you don’t like sharing? I don’t like lending money. If someone I know is in need of money I just give it to them, as long as I find them deserving. I don’t like waiting lol, nor do I like putting the pressure on them to pay it back.

Where on your body would you NEVER get a piercing? At this point, anywhere. I don’t have plans to get any new piercing.

Do you dress to impress? Eh, sometimes. Sometimes I go for comfort.

Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I only like one of them, which is 50 First Dates.

Who was one of your first celebrity crushes? Ashley Tisdale.

Did your parents ever read stories to you before bed? No. I used to feel sad about it but realizing they were both working hard at the time to keep me and my siblings comfortable makes it easier to accept.

Would you be considered more of a teacher’s pet or a class clown? Neither. Not the biggest fan of attention.

Do you have any family members who are mean to you for no reason? No.

Have you disappointed anybody recently? Hmm, I don’t think so.

Have you ever been hit on through text message? Nope.

What color are your nails painted right now? They aren’t painted.

Do you have to do any yard work? Nopes.

What’s worse, ignorance or stupidity? Ignorance.

When was the last time you had ice cream? What kind was it? Around two weeks ago, I wanna say? I had chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

[nuttyjellyfishlover]

One Piece Anime Wano Arc Episodes 890

One Piece Anime: Wano Arc, Episodes 890 This honestly is less going to be a review and more of a commentary as I watch through the anime's rendition of the Wano arc. I've honestly never really watched too much of the One Pieceanime, mostly just looking up the highlights of the arcs I read in the manga. I did watch the filler episodes and most of the movies, as I've talked about at length recently. And everyone tells me that the anime has some rather terrible pacing, particularly around the time of Dressrossa, which is apparently pretty padded out. But then I heard the absolute opposite for Wano, where the anime has received a new art-style and one hell of a fancy makeover. And I thought... hey, I'm on a One Piece kick this year, clearly, so yeah, I think I'm going to give this a shot.

The Wano arc, I think, is one that works a lot better because it has the reverse problem of a lot of One Piece arcs -- there are a lot of moments in Act One of the manga's version of the story that the writer clearly purposefully threw in a couple of off-screened moments that the anime could expand into full action scenes. I already know that Sanji versus Page One is fully animated in the anime, and scenes like Big Mom vs. Kaido or Zoro vs. Basil Hawkins are extended a lot more than the couple of panels we had in the manga. And Wano's got a lot of supporting characters, some of which actually get swept under the rug when I first read through the manga chapters weekly. So yeah, having bright colours and voices and music is going to make this a much more fun experience!

Anyway, here goes my collection of random notes and commentary. Be aware that there will be MANGA SPOILERS, as I will point out a couple of things here and there about stuff I notice that's foreshadowing or whatever:

* Marco's blue-and-yellow phoenix form looks so, so much more vibrant and pops out compared to anything else in the series in colour, huh? I think out of any other character, Marco is extra-memorable in animated format. * That said, basically half this episode is just a recap of the Paramount War. I mean, I haven't seen the Paramount War in full animated format, so it's nice to hear Whitebeard and Ace and Marco speak some of their more famous lines there. But on the other hand, it's also it's kind of one of the more-criticized parts of the One Piece anime that any time they could pad out an episode with scenes from a previously-produced episode, they will. * We actually get to see the Grudge/Payback War in the anime! I think this is less of a showcase of events that actually happened and more of a symbolic one, but hey, we get to see Blackbeard doing some sky-quakes and black holes and Marco turning phoenix. It just shows the Whitebeard division commanders getting sucked into a giant Dragon-Ball-esque spirit bomb Black Hole. Actually pretty neat! * Jozu has both arms in that vision. Whether it's an error or a spoiler or if he has a prosthetic a la Akainu in Film: Z, we'll see eventually.

* This episode also has a bit of a recap of the revelations about Wano from the Zou arc, but it's a lot shorter and feels a lot more relevant to the upcoming arc. * Brook actually expresses some interest on Vivi, apparently having heard of her from the others. I've always liked this from the filler episodes, of the newer Straw Hats slowly learning about prior adventures. Brook being Brook, of course, a panty joke was tossed in. * The Japanese-art style water waves look so pretty when animated! * The random octopus that makes Japanese kabuki theater (?) sounds is another thing that works so much better in the anime. I've always thought it felt a bit forced and random in the manga version. * The high-tempo music when the Sunny sails into the koi waves is very, very fun! * Ah, yes, the very first chapter of Wano in the manga shows off a bunch of carps jumping up a waterfall. You know, considering the whole legend that a carp that jumps over the waterfall transforms into a dragon... i.e., a fish that is also a dragon...

* The first one that's properly and almost fully drawn in the new Wano art style! And it looks gorgeous. * Also a new theme song! I've never paid that much attention to theme songs in anime, but I definitely like "One Dream One Wish" more than "We're the Super Powers". Shame that, as with most anime, the opening sort of spoils, like, half of the things that happens in the arc. * Speaking of great background music... the tempo of that opening instrumental that Komurasaki plays on shamisen is pretty catchy, especially with that octopus going iyooo~ in the background. It also makes for very fun background music for Zoro's rampage at the end of the episode. * Anime Wano is so freaking colourful. The rooftops, the kimonos, the hair... I think I remembered reading that Oda made it a point to subvert the fact that everyone in feudal Japan had black hair by explicitly doing the opposite -- black hair is the exception rather than the norm in Wano. Fun! * The frog on Usopp's hat is a real frog! I always thought it was just a hat! It's adorable! The wiki tells me it's called Gama Pyonnosuke. It's an adorable friend! Forget Carrot or Kin'emon or Yamato, Gama Pyonnosuke for next Straw Hat! * The biggest expansion here is that we actually follow Zoro around as he wanders around the city until he gets arrested by the corrupt magistrate. And Zoro actually bumps into the man-slayer and corrupt magistrate, actually explaining why he recognizes the specific scent of blood during the whole seppuku court. * And then we get around a minute of Zoro fighting the magistrate guards with the seppuku knife and good ol' fisticuffs, something that I didn't think I needed, but is certainly very fun to watch! * This new animation studio loves the angled zoom-in into eyes, and I highly approve. I think we had that like at least three times when Zoro decides to get dangerous.

* I never quite realized that if Luffy hadn't been interrupted by the octopus and washed up next to the Thousand Sunny, the poor ship would be literally left to its own devices. You'd think after losing Merry, the Straw Hats would be more careful with their ships... * Zoro gets to slash the magistrates up even more! It's a single Tatsu Maki, but god damn what a pretty Tatsu Maki. The shot of his feet kicking and breaking the wooden floor, the black aura around his blades, the way that the dragon aura appears behind him, the demonic red eyes as Zoro slams down from the sky, and the shots of the surrounding terrain being cut up into cubes... pretty awesome! * Luffy dodging the bullet from the random Beast Pirate goon with Observation Haki and the gomu-gomu-long-range-bitchslap has always been cool in the manga, and this episode makes it even cooler. Those glowing eyes! This is going to be the whole commentary, isn't it? Just me commenting on the scenes I find to be really cool? * Luffy's Conqueror Haki against the giant baboon is another very cool one. From the expression to the delivery of the line to the sound effect... Luffy's expression is actually pretty cool and borderline scary as he beats up the second goon. No wonder Tama went straight into "This is the I surrender pose!" * Also added in the anime is a vignette of Franky, Robin and Usopp seeing the news of Zorojuro becoming a wanted criminal. Again, not entirely necessary to know the story, but actually scenes that I don't mind being shown to us. Particularly that scene of Usopp utterly bullshitting an officer. * Luffy pets Komachiyo with his rubber arms. Komachiyo is a good boy. This is the most important scene.

* Did the manga show Luffy hiding the Sunny and letting it anchor in a cave? I don't remember it. I know that before the flashback and the raid we see the Sunny there, but it's nice to actually show Luffy not being so callous with the Sunny. * They got a pretty good voice actress for Tama that really makes her pretty adorable! So many times these kid guest star characters end up being annoying if they don't get a good voice, but between the voice-acting and the expressions, she's pretty fun! * Also, I think this is going to be something I repeat a couple of times, but both Tama and Tenguyama are so much more visually interesting with their full colour palettes. * Oh, right, Drake was the one that ransacked Tama's village. Wonder if that'll actually come up later on in the story... * Okay, thanks to the anime, it's really going to drill to me that it's pronounced 'Diez Drake' and not 'Eks Drake'. * I'm pretty sure everyone noticed it, but Ace learned to weave hats in Wano! That's how he became buddies with Oars Junior! I didn't notice it until just now!

* (Episode is the Cidre Guild filler arc that ties in to Stampede.) * What is Tenguyama waiting for? It's probably Oden or his retainers, but I don't think he's part of the samurai that was recruited by Kin'emon's group. Maybe he just missed the big recruitment drive, but that's weird. I wonder what role he's going to play in the arc... * There is a random metal guitar riff when Luffy sees the Nidai Kitetsu. And a glow of Observation Haki on Luffy's eyes. That's a small detail, but very cool! He also uses Observation when Hawkins arrives later on. I love the little trail of glowing red that streams out of his pupils when he activates it. * Tenguyama's sword has a very cool leaf-based handguard! Never noticed that. * Speaking of cool Observation Haki effects, Zoro's apparently activates when he senses sake. Appropriate! * I know it's me repeating this over and over, and we'll get so many cooler scenes later on, but Zoro casually launching that Phoenix Cannon to blow up the two random raptor-riders when he saves Tsuru? Such a simple scene but still so cool. Also very cool is the very brief slo-mo as Zoro re-angles the pathway of his slice when cutting down the second random goon. * Unlike most of the other things, I've always noticed that Basil Hawkins has a very cool Koma-deer mount. It looks even cooler in motion!

* This is perhaps one of the more extended scenes, since it features... fight scenes! In the manga, I think this lasted... maybe half a chapter? Less? A couple of page spreads? It's not just the Hawkins fight, either, Luffy's 'swordfighting' with Nidai Kitetsu also gets extended. Luffy's a bit more successful in using the sword to block and parry here. * Luffy's voice actor really makes the 'de gozaru' sound really funny. * I 100% missed Tsuru the first time I read through this chapter since we only see part of her in a single panel before her full-body debut after the Hawkins fight, and it's a lot less likely that you'll make that mistake in the anime. * Some 'elite' goons show up here, including a guy that uses his ponytail as a whip against Zoro, and a dude that makes fissures with a hammer that fights Luffy. Probably feels a bit more filler-y compared to the rest of the action scenes, but that's honestly nitpicking. * Zoro launching a Phoenix Cannon that slashes Hawkins's face is very cool. * Hawkins' little straw dolls gets an extended scene of it crawling out of his arm. It's so creepy, I love it. * Hawkins' giant straw demon StandBankaigets an very cool summoning animation and it's so creepy. The skies darkens and everything. Most importantly, it makes noises! Again, I love it.

* Luffy and Zoro vs. Hawkins! It's extended beyond just the simple 'dodge, then one-shot-slash' that it was in the manga. I really like Hawkins and his creepy-ass Straw Stand, so I am a huge fan of this. We get a couple of nice juxtaposition shots of Hawkins and the straw monster. Also Zoro goes shirtless in the fight. That's an important detail! * I really, really love how Zoro is having a gritted-teeth expression as he fights the giant straw demon; the straw demon is going gakakakakakakaka like a lunatic... then we cut to Hawkins who has a deadpan, bored expression as he swings his sword in the distance. * The animators really like to let the straw monster use the nails entwined to the tips of its fingers. That's fun! Zoro backhand-blocking the nails from hitting Luffy and Tama? That's cool! * Zoro does Ichi-Gorilla-Ni-Gorilla at one point, and totally slices and 'kills' Hawkins a bunch of times. * Also, speaking of pretty, glowing-eyes motion shots, Zoro using Nigiri: Toro Samon? Yeah. The cut itself is cool, but the zoom-in on Zoro's eyes as he does so? I'm sorry, I have a weakness for that kind of shot, it appears. * To extend the fight so that it's not just a single exchange of blows, Komachiyo gets knocked to the ground so that Zoro and the straw demon can actually fight for a bit. * Also shots I have a weakness to? DBZ-style 'aftermath of a powerful move'. This one isn't too over-the-top, but the slash extending into the sky and the shockwave rippling out from where Zoro slices the strawman thing is cool. * We actually see the scene of Okiku being harassed by Urashima in chronological order, and Urashima scares off a customer. Also, the implied scene of Zoro scaring off Urashima is actually shown here.

* This episode kind of extends the scenes in Tsuru's shop a bit more. Not the most exciting thing, but it does really help to build up Tama, Tsuru and Kiku. * ...wait, Tsuru's shop just displays the Kozuki crest very, very evidently on its door awning. If simply speaking the Kozuki name alone is a punishable crime, how did they get away with that? * Zoro trying to get Luffy to adopt a Wano-ized name is extra-funny in the anime! * Speaking of extended fight scenes, Batman gets to shoot alotmore arrows at Luffy and Zoro. It's kind of over-the-top on Batman's part, if we're being honest, even if Zoro and Luffy very easily dispatches of them.

* The anime does give Batman the ability to control his arrows via sonic waves or something, but he lasted for a much, much longer time than he really should have. * Batman fucking blocks Luffy's Busoshoku-empowered punch! He most definitely doesn't do it in the manga, and sure, knocking Luffy down with sonic waves? I buy that. Blocking Luffy and causing a small explosion in the air? ...I'm pretty sure just some random Gifter isn't supposed to be able to do that. Unless they're thinking of the other Batman? * They make the initial shot of Holdem answering the phone with the lion face pretty intimidating! * Holdem's lion beating their shared balls is still one of the weirdest jokes in the manga. * Some really nice face shots in this one, from Tama to Holdem to the lion to Luffy's group.

* A pretty obvious extended filler is Urashima bullying other sumo wrestlers. Urashima is kind of a dipshit, so it's not a particularly enjoyable filler for me. * Zoro gets to sumo-wrestle with one of Urashima's goons! This one, on the other hand, is pretty fun. We also get a little added bit where Zoro smirks after remembering Kiku's earlier insistence that she's a samurai, so it's less of a 'he doesn't give a shit' and more 'he wants to see what Kiku's skill is' or something.

* Luffy vs. Urashima is prolonged a bit in here, obviously. Not as entertaining as fighting Hawkins or even Batman, but okay, sure. Lots of grunting and growling in this one. Urashima cheats a bit more, Luffy has to use Armament Haki at one point... really don't think Urashima's someone that you should bother using hardening on, Luffy. * The kabuki-style delivery of "I'm going to be the king of pirates" is very well done. * Poor Tama! Holdem's a jackass. * We actually get to see Urashima crashing into Holdem's house, in yet another obvious 'hey, anime team, this is something for you to animate' scene from the manga. * Law gets an extended scene with seeing the sick Bepo, including a Room/Scan showcase and Bepo looking cute and Law being unable to keep being angry at him.

* The fight against the pirates and samurai in Bakura Town gets extended a fair bit in this episode. Luffy throws Nidai Kitetsu's scabbard around again, repeating the thing he did before. * This episode noticeably has a bunch of brief flashbacks to previous episodes. Anime episodes do this all the time to easily eat up like, ten or fifteen seconds of runtime. But I felt this one was particularly noticeable since it's to the previous episode which we already had a recap segment of before the episode begun. * Ball-de-boo!

* We get an adorable crayon drawing memory when Luffy remembers Zunisha one-shotting Jack's fleet. * Luffy and Zoro's synchronized neck-crick is pretty fun. Also fun is their super-speed when they simultaneously rescue Tama and steal the food barge. The question is, where is this super-speed when they were bamboozled by Batman and Gazelleman? * Unlike the anime, Holdem is able to turn his sword into a flaming segmented sword. It's like Zabimaru from Bleach, but on fire! * We get an extra scene of a random goon holding Kiku hostage and Zoro locking eyes with her and saying "I'm not going to help you", knowing full well she's pretending to be a damsel in distress. * Speed also gets to do something here! She gets to shoot Armament Haki'd arrows at Zoro and Kiku! In the manga she doesn't do anything while this is happening. * REDDO HAAAAAWK! * God damn that's a very satisfying Red Hawk. Such a pretty-looking one! This was the scene that a friend showed me that got me excited to sit down and watch the Wano arc in anime format. From Holdem shooting a lion's fire (how does that work?) and engulfing Luffy, to Tama's yelling, to the zoom-in to Luffy's angry eyes, to the orb of flame dissipating, the zoom-in to Luffy's angry face, the impact, the music... it's just Luffy beating up Holdem, who means jack-all in the grand scheme of things, but what a badass Red Hawk.

And I think that's a neat place to stop off, with the initial Hawkins-Urashima-Holdem opening prologue to Wano done with. I'm not sure how often I'll update this little watch-along series, but I certainly am enjoying myself!

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1978

Under the cut.

Player – “Baby Come Back” -- January 14, 1978

Apparently I'm positively disposed to what's called "yacht rock"? I'd have called it 30-something dinner party rock. Anyway, apparently this is an example. Like all of that genre, this doesn't feel deeply emotional even when the words are. "I was wrong, and I just can't live without you." It's basically calm, and I'd even call it kinda groovy. It's not slow though. It's not going to change the world, but it's good background music for a party among people who have to get home before the babysitter needs to leave.

The Bee Gees – “Stayin’ Alive” -- February 4, 1978

I don't like the movie Saturday Night Fever at all. And I don't like its biggest breakout song either. The lyrics -- who cares, the lyrics are an excuse for Barry Gibb's falsetto to pierce your brain. I was going to clubs during the short disco revival of the 90s and I don't remember this song being played much.

Andy Gibb – “(Love Is) Thicker Than Water” -- March 4, 1978

This guy was a teen idol. I didn't understand the popularity of the teen idols when I was a teenager either. To me, they almost always have the sex appeal of a potato. As for this song, musically it sounds like a TV theme, and the lyric "love is thicker than water" gives me the giggles.

The Bee Gees -- "Night Fever" -- March 18, 1978

Barry Gibb's falsetto. Nope. The lyrics make this technically a love song, but they don't matter, this song exists to be danced to. Badly.

Yvonne Elliman -- "If I Can't Have You" -- May 13, 1978

This was written by Barry Gibb. Obviously I don't like it, though thankfully Yvonne Elliman's voice is fine. It's about how if she can't have you, she doesn't want anybody else. She sings in a kind of weird breathy way. And, as it's a Barry Gibb song, the second half of the song consists of the chorus repeating 50 times with some boring instrumental stuff.

Wings -- "With A Little Luck" -- May 20, 1978

That's quite the synth blast. Some of the lyrics are nice: "There's no end to what we can do together." But others are terrible: "The willow turns his back on inclement weather" and "with a little luck" repeated at least two dozen times. The message seems to be that you should pretend difficulties aren't there and just chant a bunch or something. But willows don't turn their "backs" on the wind. They bend with it, and that's how they avoid breaking. So this song's message makes no sense and it is musically boring except for the first couple bars.

Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams -- "Too Much, Too Little, Too Late" -- June 3, 1978

Musically this sounds like a parody of the late 70s. It's weirdly peppy and sounds like a commercial jingle, but it's about breaking up. My brain keeps trying to mash these things together and returning a divide by zero error. These two paired up again later to sing the "Family Ties" theme, which is actually a better song, and I'm not saying the "Family Ties" theme is great.

John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John -- "You're the One That I Want" -- June 10, 1978

I confess: I like Grease. The musical, not the substance. Yes, it's nostalgia-bait, and it's goofy as hell in many ways. And yet I can't resist it. I also like this song. It's been picked over and analyzed to death, about how Sandy's changing for Danny how awful blah blah blah. Well, he was wandering around in a letter sweater before this song, planning to become a square for her. Then Sandy sings at him "You'd better shape up," and he ends up following her around in public on his knees. Sandy wouldn't have wanted Danny in the first place, and become friends with the Pink Ladies, if there weren't a "bad girl" in her screaming to get out. What can I say -- I identify. Also this song is catchy and fun, Olivia Newton-John is excellent at acting a song, John Travolta was excellent at cheese, and they had great chemistry.

Andy Gibb -- "Shadow Dancing" -- June 17, 1978

Andy Gibb died young because massive amounts of cocaine and alcohol wrecked his heart, so I feel bad about disliking all his songs. But feeling bad about his short life doesn't mean I feel good about his music. This was written by Barry Gibb, so of course I want nothing to do with it. Also Andy Gibb's voice is incredibly weak. The lyrics are about sex, whatever, I don't care because musically this song is pretty appalling to me.

The Rolling Stones -- "Miss You" -- August 5, 1978

It's interesting hearing Mick Jagger try to weaken his voice to sound like other male singers of the time. This is disco. With a rock edge, because it's the Stones, but still... disco. Specifically, Bee Gees-inspired disco. Including the falsetto interludes. Nope nope nope, I do not accept this from The Rolling Stones.

The Commodores -- "Three Times A Lady" -- August 12, 1978

I can't hear this song without hearing Buckwheat. So um. Lionel Richie is the lead singer here, and I don't like any Lionel Richie song I have ever heard, and this is a Lionel Richie song. Eddie Murphy's version as Buckwheat is better.

Franki Valli -- "Grease" -- August 26, 1978

Grease, the musical, is a not-really-guilty pleasure of mine. "Grease", the song, isn't. It's the worst song on the track. It's about nothing, it sounds 70s and not even 70s pretending to be 50s, and it's Franki Valli. Thankfully he doesn't do falsetto, but I still find his voice unpleasant. Also the song has almost nothing to do with the musical.

A Taste of Honey -- "Boogie Oogie Oogie" -- September 9, 1978

Disco, but disco with actual oomph, unlike anything that came anywhere near Barry Gibb. It's one of those dance songs commanding you to dance, and it works. It's got an interesting, and existent, bassline. Hazel Payne's voice is good. The song changes up a bit musically throughout. It's excellent, even if "boogie" sounds a little silly these days.

The Exiles -- "Kiss You All Over" -- September 30, 1978

I said "ew" when I saw this song on the list and I stand by that. There's a lot worse, certainly. I can't even pinpoint exactly why I feel "ew" about this song. The sentiment is fine. The music is fine. It's not a song where the guy demands something of the woman he's singing to without thinking of her feelings. I dunno. It's probably fine. Maybe it's the whole "fine" thing that makes me feel somewhat creeped out. It should be a sexy song and it's just not.

Nick Gilder -- "Hot Child in the City" -- October 28, 1978

This guy looks like Tom Petty. But he's no Tom Petty. The song's about a teenage sex worker, so uh, there's that. The singer doesn't sound too upset about it, but he doesn't sound too anything about it. This song should have some kind of grit one way or another, but it doesn't. It's nothing. And that's particularly bad when it's such a heavy topic.

Anne Murray -- "You Needed Me" -- November 4, 1978

Anne Murray has a beautiful voice. This song is about having been at the absolute bottom, then someone comes along and loves you, which is a great sentiment. But it should soar and never does. It lacks a chorus, and it needs a big blowout of a chorus. As-is, it feels unfinished and unsatisfying.

Donna Summer -- "MacArthur Park" -- November 11, 1978

Donna Summer is an amazing singer. But wtf is this. "Someone left the cake out in the rain" sung with incredible sorrow is just odd. And then it goes disco, because of course, but -- what? Show me someone's master's thesis on this and maybe I'll understand the song. As it is I am simply confused.

Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond -- "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" -- December 2, 1978

One singer whose singing I despise, and another singer whom I forget exists when I'm not reminded of him. Looking up the lyrics after trying to listen to the song for about 20 seconds, they're lamenting about a failing relationship. With the reasons apparently being "you don't bring me flowers/ you don't sing me love songs." Yeah, uh, if you want the same exact kind of romantic effort put into a long-term relationship as was there in the beginning, you will be disappointed. She doesn't bring you flowers, but what about that dinner she cooked? He doesn't sing you love songs, but how about the fact that he does the dishes and puts the kids to bed? No wonder divorce rates were so high in the 70s. Yep, I hate it.

Chic -- "Le Freak" -- December 9, 1978

This one was played a lot at the clubs I went to in the 90s. It's a good funky dance song with a memorable bassline.

BEST OF 1978: "Boogie Oogie Oogie" by A Taste of Honey. WORST OF 1978: "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond, but also anything with Barry Gibb's fingerprints on it.

[thetriggeredhappy]

Youre stories are realy good! If it's not to much to ask could I get one with 51"i cant breath"? Somthing with scout and whoever you think would be could with it please. Maybe also somthing to do with panic attacks if I'm not asking to much. Please and thank!

welcome to Dad!Spy hours featuring spy being a good dad just this one time. (warnings for what’s included in the prompt, and claustrophobia. tag this as ship and i’ll straight up end you.)

51.) “I can’t breathe.”

The team had a whole host of jokes about the cave systems. They’d all been joking around for years that there’d be a cave-in one day. “Better hope we get stuck with Soldier and his shovel,” Demo often joked. In return, Soldier would say the same thing about Demo and his explosives.

Ironically, it was the enemy Soldier and Demo that got them into this situation there at the end of the humiliation round, right near the end of the day, a few pre-emptive rockets fizzing their way into the opening of the cavern, a grenade bouncing itself exactly wrong, two support beams being cracked and practically shattering, bringing the tunnel down on their heads.

Spy caught sight of the horrified stares of his surviving teammates up towards the ceiling, and then he himself looked up, and everything went black.

Not with him being knocked unconscious. The lights had been knocked out, and while Spy was feeling rather battered and bruised by the various rocks and beam chunks that fell down, he was fairly certain he’d remained awake the whole time.

The sound of collapse faded away, and the ringing in his ears followed. He slowly stood from his place in a defensive crouch on the ground, blinking rapidly, trying to let his eyes adjust to the darkness.

It was no good. He couldn’t see even the smallest pinprick of light. No access to the sun, then. Hopefully that didn’t mean there was no airflow.

He fished through his pocket for his matches, lighting one, looking around his immediate area.

That gave him some slight bearing on his location, seeing one of the medical lockers in what little light he had available. He was roughly the same place he’d been in when the lights went out, and was therefore trapped in the section of the tunnel between the Respawn room and the exit. It was possible that other members of the team had dove to safety in the Respawn room, which he’d been rather far from regardless, and if not they were likely simply crushed beneath rubble. Regardless, he imagined that he’d be able to handle being alone for however long it took to—

His eyes landed on a particularly red rock and a flash of white near the bottom of the medical locker, and he realized, no, wait, he wasn’t alone at all.

He bristled, lighting the next match in his case as the first reached the end of its lifespan, stepping over the rocks scattered on the ground, and went to inspect Scout.

He was limp, unmoving, unresisting to being rolled over onto his back. Spy picked up his arm, thumb over the inside of his wrist. He was bleeding sluggishly from a wound just above his eyebrow, and was clearly knocked out cold, but he wasn’t dead. The sight of Scout so battered, to Spy’s dismay, had yet to stop causing him to feel discomfort. Inconvenient.

Spy began to do some mental math. He was aware (through means he was not at liberty to discuss) that the average human could survive roughly an hour when struggling to escape from an airtight space roughly the size of a coffin before falling unconscious. The space they were in was significantly larger than a coffin—a good three meters in diameter, a good two and a half meters tall, uneven. But it was also considerably dusty, and Spy’s lungs were quite frankly terrible, and that idea didn’t factor in for conversation or a fire-based light source. He guessed they could both perhaps live for two hours.

He went about pulling pieces of beam from off the ground, getting rubbing alcohol and some of the excessive amounts of gauze from the cabinet and quickly improvising a small, contained fire. With a light source solidified, he spotted Scout’s headset on the ground a few feet away from him, and picked it up, holding it up to his ear and fiddling with the little radio attachment. No noise, not even static, came through, and he deemed it broken, tossing t aside, deciding that avenue to get help was a lost cause. He managed to locate some ammonia tablets in the cabinet, snapping one open and holding it beneath Scout’s nose.

The young man shook awake, disoriented, visibly freaked out. The moment he had what he clearly assumed was reasonable control over his motor functions, he jolted backwards, scrambling away, and slammed his head against the cabinet behind him.

An inhale, then Scout started swearing a blue streak that Spy knew he only could’ve inherited from his mother’s side of the family.

Spy slapped him on the arm, stopping him from reaching up to touch the various bumps on his head. “Don’t do that,” he snapped. “Sit up.”

Scout blinked up at him with reflexively watering eyes, still wincing. “Spy, what the fuck?” he asked, confused.

“Sit up. I need to bandage your wound,” Spy commanded.

Scout was still disoriented enough to actually listen to him for once (possibly a concussion), and Spy began to set to work wrapping up his head before he could get any further grime into his bloodstream. “What the fuck?” he repeated after a second, blinking rapidly, looking out the corner of his eye at the scene around them. “Tunnel collapsed.”

“Would you like to use an article in that sentence, or are you strictly set on nouns, verbs, and phrases that involve swearing?” Spy snarked, unimpressed. “Yes, the tunnel collapsed. And I am currently unsure if the Respawn room is more or less horrible than here, so I would prefer you sit still while I try and do this.”

Scout obliged, even if he was gradually beginning to fidget in a way that Spy knew meant the disorientation was fading fast. “We can’t get to Respawn? And where are the guys?”

“No, and presumably that is where the rest of the team is.”

Scout took a second to process that. “But… how much of the tunnels collapsed?” Scout asked slowly. “How do we know that Respawn didn’t collapse too?”

Spy, tying off the gauze, stopped for a moment, considering.

“Or… the lights went out, right?” Scout asked, eyes locking on one of the shattered lightbulbs, sat dormant not far away. “How do we know the electricity isn’t down? How do we know that… that any of the guys even lived?”

It took Spy a second to think of a good response to that. “Well, I do not see any gore in our vicinity,” he replied flatly. “If Respawn was down, it would not have picked up their corpses. They are all most likely alive.”

He finished dressing Scout’s wound and sat back. Scout felt at it with his fingertips. Spy batted his hand away again. “Uh, so what’s the plan?” Scout asked. “We gonna just… start digging, or…?”

Spy gave him a deadpan look.

Scout rubbed at his arms, brushing away what dirt was still sticking to him. “Okay, sheesh. Well, what, then we’re just gonna be stuck here?”

“I can assume the rest of the team will try to excavate out shortly. Assuming their attempts to do so do not bring the tunnel down on top of us, we may be able to use one of the Laborer’s teleporters to get out,” Spy reasoned aloud. God, he wished he could smoke a cigarette, but already the place was starting to feel a bit stuffy from the smell of the little fire.

Scout shifted slightly, sitting up a bit more. He seemed unsettled. “So the plan is just to hang tight, then?” he asked.

“Yes. And while I understand that remaining in one place and not bouncing off the walls tends to be an issue for you, understand that I have absolutely no qualms sending you to go bicker and argue with the rest of the team in the Respawn room,” Spy said bitterly.

Scout didn’t need to know that that wasn’t true.

So Scout promptly went, as Spy liked to think of it, on his “best behavior”. That is to say he curled up to sit cross-legged and shut his mouth, starting to fiddle with and pull something apart—this time it was a small chunk of wood that was sitting nearby, leaving a small pile of splinters just in front of him.

And to Spy’s mild confusion, Scout then bent his head forward, closing his eyes tightly as if in concentration.

Usually, Scout being on his “best behavior” lasted roughly as long as it took for him to take apart whatever he was fiddling with, an average of three to four minutes, less if he snagged a pocket knife off of someone in the vicinity.

But at some point, Scout stopped fiddling altogether, just frowning harder. Five minutes had passed of silence from Scout, and admittedly, Spy was starting to get… not antsy, absolutely not, he was an adult, a professional agent of espionage, he didn’t get antsy. Suspicious might be the better word.

“What are you doing?” Spy asked, putting in the minimum effort to keep from sounding too immediately accusatory.

Scout puffed out an annoyed breath, apparently having been holding it for a few moments. “Nothin’,” he said. “Fiddlin’,” he amended, returning to messing with the block of wood between tightly-taped hands.

Spy bit back a positively pedestrian joke about not realizing Scout could play music, and further not realizing that he had access to a string instrument just then, to instead glare in preparation for Scout perhaps looking at him. “You’re being quiet.”

“You literally just told me to,” Scout groused, brow furrowing further, the look of such features far too familiar, too much like looking in a mirror.

“What are you planning?” Spy pressed.

“I’m not planning anything,” Scout argued. “I’m just… thinkin’.”

That was dangerous for the both of them. “What about?”

“If I tell you, will you shut up?” Scout asked, sighing heavily.

“Of course.”

Scout’s fiddling stalled for only a second. “I’m just, tryin’ to remember songs and stuff. Run through the lyrics in my head. Keepin’ distracted.”

A short pause. “That’s ridiculous.”

“You said you’d shut up!” Scout groaned, opening his eyes briefly to glare up at the ceiling, then promptly returning to his hunched position.

Spy bit back a patronizing comment about how sitting like that would ruin Scout’s back. “Why do you need to distract yourself, exactly? Is it that difficult to keep your mouth shut for longer than ten minutes?”

Scout dropped the piece of wood into his lap, scrubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Look, I don’t wanna talk about it,” Scout snapped.

“You realize I will continue asking regardless.”

Another heavy sigh, scrubbing harder. When he dropped his hands, there was a bit of grime smeared across Scout’s cheeks from the dirt. They were closed tightly. “I’ve just got a thing about bein’ stuck in small spaces, okay?” he snapped, less confidently. “And maybe it’s…” He sighed again. “Maybe I’m just a little freaked out.”

Spy understood immediately. Unfortunately, his hard-won instinct to keep Scout at a safe emotional distance with harshness and bite leapt up before he could say anything comforting. “Don’t be ridiculous. Why are you getting so worked up?” he asked.

Another sharp huff. “You already said this place’ll probably come down on our heads any minute, here,” Scout pointed out, squeezing his eyes shut harder. “And I’m tryin’ not to think about it. So I’m just runnin’ through song lyrics and stuff. Baseball stats. Whatever doesn’t involve,” another huff of air, “thinkin’ about just fuckin’, suffocating and dying under a metric shit-ton of rocks and dirt.”

“What are you doing?” Spy asked, brows furrowed.

“Fuckin’ what?” Scout snapped.

“Your breathing. Why are you doing that?” Spy asked, noting the way that Scout’s chest rose and fell in sharp bursts, all wrong.

Scout paused, considered himself, then his eyes snapped open and he swore another blue streak, leaping up and moving to the medical locker.

“Mother fucker,” he enunciated, practically throwing things out onto the ground. “Really?! This is gonna happen now?!”

Spy dodged a roll of medical tape. “What are you talking about?!” he snapped.

“Fuckin’—oh, sorry, I thought you’re the—“ A huff of air. “—I thought you’re the guy who knows everything, huh? Didn’t know?”

Spy, who was admittedly flicking through what information he had about Scout, glared. “If you tell me what’s wrong, have you considered that I might be able to help?” he said, a bit huffy himself now.

“Like you’d even help me,” Scout scoffed, then coughed, narrowly avoiding knocking out a whole box of gauze. “Fuckin’—damn it!”

“Just tell me!” Spy insisted.

“When I was—a kid,” Scout managed, breathing labored, using one of the bottom shelves as a foothold so he could look up towards the top shelves, “I was—my Ma had all these kids, and, fuck, I dunno, I just—I guess somethin’ was, was wrong, and—and I got born too early or somethin’, and was all sick and, fucked up for a long time—“

Spy’s heart caught in his throat. He knew this part well. It was the part he’d been present for. He set his jaw, fighting back whatever expression was trying to surface.

“—and then I, I started to get better, when I was, startin’ to learn to talk an’ stuff, and movin’ around, and we thought I was just better,” Scout managed to gasp. “But my lungs were still all fucked up until I, I was maybe fifteen, and the Doc said when I got here that, that I’d probably had asthma, that if I’d just gone to a doctor over it, maybe somethin’ could’ve, been—“

Scout swayed, only barely catching himself, stepping down, gripping the shelves hard, other hand dragging up through his hair.

“—he said I wouldn’t get these no more, that my lungs were, all better now, but, showed me what to do any, ways, just in case, and I think all the dust and the, the fire smell and, the—“ Scout swayed again, resting his forehead against the cool metal of the door of the shelving unit. “I, fuck. I can’t breathe. Fuck.”

Spy was already on his feet. He took hold of Scout’s shoulder, turning him around, guiding him to sit down. “Stop talking, focus,” he instructed, not as sharp as he would’ve wanted. He fished through his own jacket pockets, and finally handed Scout a small plastic device. “Here.”

Scout took it in shaking hands, and managed to look it over. His eyes widened, and he glanced up at Spy. “You’ve—why do you—have—“ he tried.

Spy tugged on Scout’s arm, and finally Scout shut up, moving to take a controlled puff off of the inhaler, eyes falling closed.

A few beats of pause, Scout visibly trying to control his breathing, hand shaking severely. No visible change. “Sit up straight. Head back a bit. Try again,” Spy instructed, guiding him to do so as he spoke. “Breathe in slowly. It should take a few moments to begin to set in.”

Scout followed his instructions despite the tremors wracking him. Twenty seconds passed, still no change. “Why do you have—an inhaler?” Scout asked, breath a wheeze.

“Try again.” A series of conflicting emotions passed through Spy. “The Doctor gave one to me to deal with my weakened lungs. I’ve been smoking heavily for decades, and it has revealed previous problems with my lungs.”

Scout nodded absently, head tipping forward. He started to curl up in towards himself. “I don’t think—it’s working,” Scout managed, panic rising in his voice.

A lightbulb went off in Spy’s head, followed by a stab of pain in his chest as realization sunk in.

He went to try and take the inhaler from Scout, but it was held tight in his grip, only the firmness of the plastic casing making sure he didn’t crush the device and it’s contents. He gave up on that, instead sitting down next to Scout, shoulder-to-shoulder.

“Scout, you are not having an asthma attack,” he said, unable to help the patience in his tone. “You are having a panic attack.”

Scout’s brow furrowed further, knees curling up closer to himself. “No I’m—not,” he protested.

Spy went through the internal argument on his next move, his survival instinct telling him to just move to the other side of the room and pretend he didn’t care at all, to let Scout hyperventilate himself unconscious, his paternal instinct telling him to pull Scout close to his chest and rock him until the fear went away, the same way he did when Scout was just a sickly infant struggling for his next breath between helpless sobbing. He split the difference, putting a hand on Scout’s shoulder. “Yes you are. You’re scared because we are trapped in a small space, and you are deeply claustrophobic, and the situation is dangerous, and we do not know if the team is safe,” he said, voice calm, patient.

Scout shook his head in denial, a hand moving to pick at the gauze on his head. Spy pulled it away again carefully with his free hand before he could open the wound again, squeezing Scout’s wrist.

“Those are all completely reasonable things to be scared of,” Spy said softly. “I’m also quite nervous. But I need for you to calm down.”

“Easy for—you to—“ Scout tried to gasp, but gave up, voice falling to a whine, nearly a sob, hand moving to grip at Spy’s tightly enough to almost hurt.

“I know. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying you’ll be able to do this quickly. But this will pass, and you can help speed it along.” Scout didn’t reply. “I’m going to start counting aloud. If you cannot start making your breathing slow down, you can at least begin to even it out and make it regular. Understand?”

Scout managed a motion that might’ve been a nod.

Spy counted calmly—not too quickly, not too slowly—from one to ten. Then he did so again. And again. To help himself keep time, he tried to think of a song in his mind to count along to. He remembered some tune he’d picked up when he first attempted to learn to play piano.

By the time he’d gone through the song once, counting along steadily, Scout was at least following a steady rhythm in his breathing. Inhaling for one-two, pausing, exhaling for four-five-six. Spy started counting on an eight rhythm, and soon Scout had shifted to follow it, inhaling one-two-three, pause, exhaling five-six-seven-eight. Spy carefully slowed his tempo, a bit too slowly for Scout to likely notice in his state.

He stopped counting, and Scout’s breathing, while still shaky, was at least fairly regular and normal. “Do you feel better?” Spy asked after giving Scout a moment to just exist.

Scout squeezed his hand again, making the leather of Spy’s glove creak. “A little,” he answered, voice weak in a way that made Spy’s heart creak. A pause, Scout trying to figure out his words. “Just the. Breathing part,” he elaborated, unsteady.

Spy looked at him, then towards the fire as it sputtered suddenly. “Would talking help?” he asked. “I know that tends to be a crutch for you.”

Scout looked over at him, visibly confused, presumably by the lack of insult in Spy’s tone when he said that. He looked away again after a second. “No,” he finally said. “I just wanna… keep breathing.”

“Would me talking help?” Spy asked next.

Scout considered the question. He shrugged, aimless. “I-I dunno,” he managed.

Spy hummed. He thought for a moment, then began telling the first story that came to mind—another time he’d been trapped in a cave, albeit for different reasons. He spoke in French only, aware that this story contained details that were a bit embarrassing, and conflicted with a more self-aggrandizing version of it that he’d already told to the team at some meal in the past. Admittedly, outright lying to Scout just then felt excessively cruel, even by Spy’s standards, but he didn’t feel quite right telling the full, honest truth. Speaking honestly in a language Scout didn’t understand felt like a safe middle ground.

By the end of that story, then another one, then another one, Scout had relaxed again, sagging, visibly exhausted from his ordeal. Spy couldn’t see his watch, but he estimated that perhaps an hour had passed. The air felt thick, but not chokingly so, and warm from the heat of the fire having nowhere to go. There was still fear in the back of Spy’s mind, but it had turned to a non-present sort of fear, waiting to be called back rather than lingering in the center of his attention.

“Hey,” Scout said suddenly. “How did you know how to do that?”

“How to do what?” Spy asked.

“Calm someone down.”

Spy considered the array of answers he could give to that, and went, both despite himself and through great effort, with the honest one. “I don’t, not really,” Spy shrugged. “I simply did what I thought would help.”

“Why?” Scout asked, voice either very tired or simply sad. “You don’t even like me. You barely put up with me.”

Spy’s chest constricted. “I’m not cruel, Scout,” he chided.

Scout sagged. A pause. “What happened to my hat?”

“What?”

“My hat. My hat’s gone,” Scout said. “What happened to it?”

Spy hummed, then disconnected all points of contact with Scout—first releasing his hand, then taking his hand from his shoulder, then leaning away so there was no contact between their torsos. He then stood, moving across the room to the area he’d thrown Scout’s headset to pick it back up, pulling his hat from beneath the rock he’d found the headset beside. He handed both to Scout.

Scout’s eyes lit up. “Wait, holy shit, we still have my radio?” he asked, taking it and starting to fiddle with it.

Spy pulled the hat onto Scout’s head, snorting at how strangely it sat on him with the bulk of the gauze there as well. “Yes, but it’s broken,” Spy said.

Scout reached inside the earpiece, flicking some switch. The radio buzzed to life, humming the sound of static and white noise faintly from it. “Uh, no it’s not,” Scout said, raising an eyebrow at him briefly. “It was just turned off to save the battery between rounds.”

Spy blinked, watching as Scout flicked the dial in practiced, precise motions. “…Oh,” he said, feeling extremely stupid.

“Yeah. Hold on, I’ve got this,” Scout said simply, pulling the headset on and flicking the mic down, still fiddling with the dial even as he pressed the talk button. “This is Scout, rotating through all radio channels, does anyone copy? We’re still alive down here, we need some help. Anyone there? Repeat, this is Scout, rotating broadcast, anyone listening?”

Scout repeated himself a few times, flicking the dial every few rounds of sentences. He stopped suddenly on one, perking up. Spy perked up as well, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, yeah, copy that!” he chirped, excited. “Only just now found comms. Where’s everyone else? Over.”

Silence for a few moments, and Scout ticked off on his fingers as he listened, coming up at seven.

“Yeah, I’ve got Spy with me right here. We’re fine, just, uh, some bruising. Over.”

“I believe Scout has a concussion,” Spy added, leaning forward and raising his voice to speak through Scout’s mic.

Scout rolled his eyes, still holding the talk button. “You gotta say ‘over’, man. C’mon. Uh, anyways. Nothing real bad. Our only issue might be air pretty soon, we’ve got a fire to see but it doesn’t look like we’ve got any way out. Is Respawn up? Over.”

Silence. Scout went pale as he listened for a few moments. Spy could only faintly make out what sounded like the Engineer’s drawling cadence, muffled.

“Oh god. Okay. Uh, so should we start digging to find surface? Over?”

Silence again for a long few moments. Spy resisted the urge to tap his foot. Scout frowned suddenly, shifting.

“You’re crackling, you cut out for a second. Repeat last?”

Silence for a few beats.

“Copy that. We’ll just hang tight. I’ll keep comms on. Tell us if we get power back up. Over.”

Silence. A short burst of speech.

“Copy. Over and out.”

Scout pulled his hand down, looking over at Spy. “So, uh, power’s down. They’ve got light, and radios up, but the machines are down. No Respawn.”

Spy’s blood went cold. “Ah. I see.”

Scout shifted on his feet. “Uh. Yeah. Everyone’s fine, it managed to spit out what people got picked up before the tunnel collapsed, and Soldier and Heavy got knocked out, but Medic’s got everyone on their feet. They’re workin’ to dig us out, and they’ve made headway. Shouldn’t be long, they said. Apparently the Doc and Engie are on some James Bond improv shit tryin’ to get power back, and Soldier woke up and just started goin’ apeshit with the shovel.”

“Hm. Hopefully our Demoman doesn’t allow him to bring down more rubble,” Spy said dryly.

“Heh. Yeah. He was in the background yelling.”

Quiet for a moment.

“Anyways.” Scout handed over the inhaler that Spy had outright forgotten about. “Got anything else hidden in that Jacket of Holding?”

Spy hummed, tucking the inhaler back away and fishing for a moment. “Currently? I have three knives and two guns, my disguise kit, matches, a sapper, a pocket watch, a flask—ah, my apologies, four knives including the Swiss Army knife—and two things which I will not be telling you about.”

Scout fished in his own pockets. “I’ve got like, gum and pocket change and some string.”

“Why string?”

“For tyin’.”

…Fair.

Spy fished once more, suddenly remembering one pocket he didn’t check. “Ah. I do have—“ He pulled the item forth. “A deck of cards. No jokers, however.”

“Why no jokers?”

Spy shrugged. “They were gone when I stole them.”

Scout took the box, drawing the deck and starting to shuffle it. “Well, at least we’ve got somethin’ to do besides freakin’ out,” he said. Spy noticed that Scout still wasn’t prepared to look at the ceiling or walls around them, but he decided that was fair.

“Indeed.”

Scout finished shuffling, looking up at Spy with his characteristic grin right back in place as he took a seat on the ground. “You know how to play crazy eights?”

Spy raised an eyebrow. “Is that not the game you got in a fistfight over with Soldier because you cheated?”

“Damn right.”

Spy hummed, sitting across from him. “Very well. Let us play.”

[blainethelonghorn]

imposter syndrome

- WHO: Rachel Berry and Blaine Anderson

- WHEN: Evening of May 23rd

- WHERE: Music Building at UT Austin

- WHAT: Blaine is trying to write his final project for music composition. Rachel helps calm his worries. 

Blaine

On some level, Blaine knew that the amount he was stressing out about this final was irrational. Of course the thing wasn't going to be perfect, he was a barely 21 year old kid whose song writing repertoire only consistent of ton of half-baked, never finished ideas. Every time he ever started a song, he'd get to the same place he was at now - convinced with every play through that it was awful and needed to be entirely reworked. This time, though, he had an actual consequence to his actions. He'd have to hand something in on Monday. He’d gone into room 205 at about 8PM on Friday and there he was Saturday afternoon, still playing and replaying the tracks he’d laid down, occasionally rerecording something or trying a different mix. At this point, he hadn’t slept since a nap midday on Friday and all he’d eaten was some snacks he’d brought along in his bag and the three cups of coffee he’d gone out to buy when he felt like he needed to get out of that room. He didn’t feel tired at all, though. All he was feeling was incredibly anxious and frustrated that at the end of all this, he was going to have to hand in this piece and have everyone realize that he actually had no clue what he was doing. He didn’t actually know if there was anything Rachel could do to make him feel better at this point, but at least she would be some company and a source of some sort of comfort. He trusted her more than anyone, really, not to sugar coat anything.

Rachel

Rachel was very glad to be done with finals. Everyone was freaking out, and she was cool as a cucumber, not that she should gloat about it. She had it easy, for her it came naturally to perform and she hadn't exactly had to write or do anything on her own. Blaine however, was in charge of it all. He was creating his own music and she couldn't imagine how terrifying that could be. Well she could, she'd been writing lyrics for a long time, but she didn't have to share them if she didn't want to. Blaine was getting graded on his. She had decided to help him in anyway he would let her, though she was sure that it wouldn't hurt if she helped more than he thought she could. But she had grabbed her bag and car keys and headed for campus and the music room. She stopped to grab a couple coffees and snacks, figuring he'd have not gotten out of there for a while. She headed for the room he had told her, saying hi to some friends as they had passed before getting to him. She opened the door and looked at him.  "Blaine..." she murmured, feeling sorry for him as she looked at the way he had spread out across the room.  "How's it going?" she asked, handing him the coffee.

Blaine

Blaine heard the door opened and turned his head to make sure it was Rachel and not someone looking for a practice room. He was sitting basically in the middle of the floor, looking over his handwritten sheet music. His acoustic lay on the floor next to him - the only instrument of his own he'd been able to bring to campus. Remnants of his day were all around the room. Looking at him, you could tell he was strungout - his hair was disheveled only in the way that majorly gelled curls can after not being fixed up in over 36 hours. He didn't even smile as she came in, just giving her a wave. "Hi, thanks for coming," he replied - even at his most stressed, Blaine was ever polite. "Ugh, it's going, I guess. How was your day?" he asked, picking the guitar back up and starting to tune it.

Rachel

Rachel shook her head and went to sit on the floor across from him, putting her bag to the side. “My day was whatever...tell me what you need, how can I help you?” She asked picking up a stray piece of sheet music, and looking over it.

Blaine

He nodded towards the music in her hands. "That's just the melody for the main vocal part. There's a harmony line, too. And the guitar. And then a piano and drums. Just basics. Um..." He shuffled through some papers. "I think it's all there but then when I play it back on the recording...something's off." He got the guitar tuned and plucked out the intro. "I can play you the guitar part?"

Rachel

Rachel looked between all of the sheets and nodded as she did so. “Okay yea...play me what you have,” she said looking over at him.

Blaine

Blaine sighed, moved his legs so he was sitting with them crossed, and restarted the song. He sang along even though the lyrics really didn't matter for this class. He just wanted her to have a sense of the vocal melody, too. He played through the whole thing, finishing the last chord before looking up at her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPaBXxA_k-g

Rachel

Rachel nodded, leaning back so her back was against the wall as she placed the sheet next to her. She listened to him, her foot starting to tap along to the beat as he went. It was a good song. It was a really good song and the lyrics we're great. When he finished she clapped for him.  "It's really good!"

Blaine

Blaine chuckled, embarrassed, as she clapped. "Thanks, Rach. Can you look at the piano line and see if you think it works...?" He didn't actually hate the melody itself, but he felt like it just wasn't good enough.

Rachel

She nodded and grabbed the sheet and stood, walking over to the piano. She lifted the cover and tinkering for a moment before focusing and playing out the melody for him. “Have you been able to hear all of it at one time yet?”

Blaine

Blaine nodded. "I recorded all the parts and did a mix. Just all together...I'm not sure what works."

Rachel

“Well why don’t we play together?”

Blaine

Blaine smiled a little at the suggestion. "Okay, we can do that," he nodded, starting the intro again. Maybe it would help to hear it live.

Rachel

Rachel smiled at him and started playing alongside him.

Blaine

Blaine played through, not singing this time, just listening to how the two instruments sounded together. Maybe it wasn't so bad.

Rachel

Rachel nodded along, bitting her lip as they got to the end. "Play it one more time," she said grabbing a pencil, her tongue peaking out from behind her lips as they went once more, as she changed a couple notes back to notes she had seen erased on the paper before adding a couple of different ones.

Blaine

Blaine nodded. "Uh, okay," he replied, starting to pick out the notes again. He scrunched his lips, jaw clenching, as she started writing on the paper. So it was bad.

Rachel

"That's it Blaine..." she said showing him the paper. "It's all the notes you had had on here once before and then just repeated here at the end where you would have if you had kept them. This is all you being a genius and second guessing it!"

Blaine

Blaine finished that play through and looked down at the paper. His eyes scanned over the 'changes' she'd made. She was right, they were just what he'd written and rewritten and rewritten. He looked up and met her eyes. "I don't know if I'd say genius, but thank you..." he said, offering a smile. "Seriously, thank you."

Rachel

Rachel smiled and shook her head. “You didn’t. I did. And I mean it. It’s a great song Blaine. Absolutely A worthy”

Blaine

Blaine blushed shaking his head. “Thanks, Rach. Your opinion means a lot to me.”

Rachel

Rachel smiled brightly. It always made her happy when people appreciated her musical talent.  “I’m more than happy to help anytime!”

Blaine

Blaine rubbed his face. He was starting to get stubbly. “Well, now I have to re-record some of this.”

Rachel

“Do you want me to help?”

Blaine

"You're welcome to stay, but I've gotta play all of it. Hopefully it won't take long. In all honesty, I really want to go home at some point," he chuckled.

Rachel

Rachel nodded. “I could hit record and everything so that way you can go quicker”

Blaine

Blaine nodded, finally getting up and stretching. "Sounds good to me, thanks."

Rachel

“What are friends for?”May 28, 2020

Blaine

Blaine smiled, starting to get everything set up and feeling very grateful he had friends like Rachel.

@longhornrachel

[zhydoesart]

Liberal Alcohol and Loosened Tongues

Summary: Roman comes home late, incredibly drunk, and confesses a few things about and to his housemates he doesn’t quite mean to.

Warnings: mentioned alcohol, intoxication, kissing

Ships: romantic LAMP, in particular Logince and Royality and Analogical

AO3

A/N: I blame Thomas, I can’t stop writing the Sides. EDIT: I’m probably writing more in this universe, so taglist is open y'all :P

Logan sighed, glancing at his watch once more as he shut his book. “It’s almost half past ten. Where is he?” Their housemate Roman had a habit of staying out late, attending various parties, but he typically arrived back home before 9:45.

Patton lifted his head and opened his eyes. “He’s not back yet?” He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. He’d been napping on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest.

“That’s concerning,” muttered Virgil, looking up from his phone.

Just then, the door opened, and Roman entered, stumbling a little. He wandered over to Logan, and the darker-haired man was nonplussed when Roman leaned back against him.

Logan, usually so intelligent and eloquent, was at a loss. Neither his mind nor his thoughts would form intelligible words, far too distracted by the weight of Roman on his chest.

“Hey guys,” slurred Roman, but something about the way he spoke didn’t sound right.

Logan narrowed his eyes, regaining some control over his thoughts. “Are you drunk?”

“I mean… yeah?” chuckled Roman lazily. “Mayyybe I had too much to drink at that party, and maybe I’m kinda drunk, so what?” He leaned further back against Logan, unsteady on his feet as he wrapped his arms loosely around Logan’s neck. “You know what? I love you guys so much, I love you, and not just like as friends. I mean, you’re great friends but…” He giggled hysterically.

Logan was having some difficulty processing what he’d heard. He looked up and his eyes met Patton’s, who looked equally as shocked, and then Virgil’s, who appeared quite stunned. Nonchalantly, he wrapped his arms around Roman’s waist, hoping the others wouldn’t notice. He told himself it was just to make sure that Roman didn’t fall over, but deep down he knew that wasn’t why.

“It’s late, and you’re drunk. We should get you to bed,” reasoned Logan, “or you’ll be even crankier when you wake up. We can talk about this in the morning.”

“I am not cranky,” mumbled Roman.

“I’m gonna go to sleep,” said Virgil. “Night, guys.” He turned and walked up the stairs to his room, half in a daze as his mind worked overtime.

“Goodnight, Virgil,” slurred Roman, waving shakily.

Logan looked to Patton. “If I carry his torso, will you help with his legs?”

“Of course!” answered Patton.

Together they carried Roman up the stairs. The drunk man was complacent as they laid him on his bed.

Patton pulled up the covers, but as he turned to go, Roman’s fingers grabbed his wrist. “Nooo, stay, wanna cuddle with both o’ you.”

Patton exchanged a look with Logan. “Well, it couldn’t hurt, right?” Patton had already given in due to the pleading way Roman looked at him and the way he currently reminded Patton of a child.

Logan sighed. “Why not?” Logan gave in because it was far simpler to just agree with whatever Roman demanded, and as it was late, he didn’t possess the patience to deal with his whining.

Patton crawled over Roman’s legs to lay on his far side, and Logan climbed onto the closest edge of the bed. He stiffened as Roman wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in the small of Logan’s back.

“Patton, your glasses?” Logan asked, attempting to regain his composure as he held a hand out. Patton handed him his glasses, and Logan placed the two pairs on the bedside table. He loosened then removed his tie, Patton untying his hoodie in turn. Logan tugged on Roman’s jacket until he understood he should take it off, and then helped to pull it off.

—–

Roman woke with no recollection of the previous night and, luckily, not much of a hangover. He realized he was holding someone in his arms as said person stirred, and then realized it was Logan—what had happened last night? Why couldn’t he remember? He did his best not to freak out. After all, it was probably nothing, Roman! (But if it was just nothing, why couldn’t he remember?)

Roman observed his sleeping nerd. He was even cuter without glasses, and asleep, he seemed so peaceful. He wasn’t frowning for once, which seemed so odd, as it was such a common expression for Logan.

Wait… his nerd? That wouldn’t do at all. …he’d fix that problem later; for now, he’d rather continue to watch Logan.

Gray eyes opened, and Logan gazed blearily around, recalling last night and where he was. He turned his head and was surprised to be met with Roman’s green eyes so close to his own.

“Roman, you’re awake,” he said, flustered as he pulled Roman’s arms off him. “Well, I’m going to go get Virgil, and we can discuss last night.”

Logan put on his glasses and went to wake Virgil, and Roman blinked. “Wait, what happened last night??” Suffice it to say, Logan ignored him.

—–

To say Virgil was grumpy to be woken up would be an understatement. He’d hissed when Logan shook him, for heaven’s sake.

“Virgil, please. Roman’s awake, and we need to discuss last night.” Virgil’s eyes opened wider, and he yawned.

“Alright, fine, let’s go. Coffee can wait, I guess.”

When they returned to Roman’s room, both men were awake. They were still cuddling, but they had sat up. As Logan watched, Roman laid a kiss to the top of Patton’s curls, and the shorter man giggled.

Logan cleared his throat. “Now that we’re all here—”

“Hey, did you guys cuddle last night without me?” interrupted Virgil, mildly pissed as he recognized the clues (such as Logan’s tie on the nightstand), and Logan sighed once more.

“We did. It was Roman’s suggestion, and you’d already gone to bed. We didn’t want to wake you.”

“Oh.” Virgil deflated, shoulders becoming less hunched as his irritation waned.

Roman frowned. His idea?

“How much of last night do you remember, Roman?” The other three all watched him as he attempted to form an answer.

“I— none, why, what happened last night?” demanded Roman, baffled.

“You came home late, drunk,” began Logan, pushing his glasses back up his nose with a demeanor that screamed, ‘angry mother.’ “You leaned against me, wrapped your arms around my neck, and told us you loved us all as more than just friends. Patton and I carried you to bed, and you asked us to snuggle.”

Roman blinked. “I did what?” he asked nervously. Did Logan say he’d told them he loved him? That wasn’t how he wanted it to go. That certainly wasn’t how he’d planned to tell them, and he certainly had planned it; an awful lot, in fact.

“You said you loved us,” repeated Patton, playing with the ends of Roman’s hair. “You seemed to mean it last night, but what about now?”

Roman thought hard, eyes wandering. Certain things could make him happy every time without fail, like Patton’s laugh, and Virgil’s teasing looks, and Logan’s expression when he was confused. Whenever Patton made one of his godforsaken puns, and Virgil’s look of utter contentment when he was listening to his music, and the way Logan lit up when he was ranting about the beauty of the universe and his love for the stars; all of those things gave him the inexplicable urge to kiss them.

“I do, I do mean that. I love you guys.” He smiled warmly in response to his recollection and the memories that made him happiest.

“I do too,” Patton admitted with a touch of timidity, kissing Roman’s cheek. “You’re my fam-I-L-Y, I love you.”

Logan took a deep breath before speaking. “I’m not the most articulate when it comes to emotions, but I need you all to know that I feel much the same.” The corners of his lips curled up at the sight of Roman and Patton so affectionate.

They tried not to stare at Virgil, but the anticipation was strong. The emo bit his lip, and Logan, sensing he needed support or encouragement via physical contact, softly gripped his hand. Virgil nodded gratefully in his direction.

Finally, he blurted, “Okay, yeah, I really like you guys too.” His face was pink. “There, I said it, happy?”

Patton squealed. “So it’s completely mutual?!” he beamed. “This is wonderful!”

Roman’s eyes sparkled, and he stood, pulling Patton up by the hands to join him. “Wanna go sing some Disney duets with me? Dance a little?”

Patton practically glowed, he was so exhilarated. “I’d love that!” The enthusiastic duo ran off towards Roman’s room.

Logan shot a knowing glance at Virgil, who returned it. “Let’s go get our coffee.”

“Finally,” agreed Virgil. “I could use it; not having it this morning certainly didn’t help my nerves.” The more subdued duo headed off to the kitchen.

—–

Roman set up the karaoke machine. This karaoke machine, however, had solely Disney songs, because that was just the kind of person Roman was. He looked pleadingly at Patton.

“I know I said duets, but Mulan first?” Patton sighed playfully, only mildly exasperated.

“All right.”

Roman launched into an energetic rendition of I’ll Make a Man Out of You, and Patton fondly watched his… boyfriend?… sing along at the top of his lungs. When that song was over, Roman put on A Whole New World. Patton sang for Jasmine, and Roman sang for Aladdin, and they were both overly dramatic in their rendition.

Beauty and the Beast’s instrumental track came on not long after, and Roman held a hand out to Patton.

“Dance with me?”

Delighted, Patton took his hand. “Of course!”

It was kind of a funny sight: Roman, the tallest of the group, dancing with Patton, the shortest. Despite the height difference, the two still looked right together, somehow. Maybe it was the love in their eyes.

Not only was Roman slow dancing perfectly, not missing a single step, but he also sang along to the instrumental. His voice was like silk, deep and smooth, like chocolate for Patton’s ears. As they danced, they were unaware that they drew closer together until their foreheads touched. Roman sang the last line, and Patton suddenly felt the atmosphere in the room change.

Roman ran his thumb down the line of Patton’s jaw, gazing with his beautiful leafy green eyes into Patton’s ocean blues. His line of sight flicked down to Patton’s lips, and then back up to his eyes, and Patton understood. He gave a small nod and a quiet smile, and Roman grinned back.

Gently, he pulled Patton’s face to his, guiding him forward until their lips met. Patton’s hand went to Roman’s neck, the short hairs there tickling his fingers, his other hand gripping Roman’s arm, while Roman’s hand was on Patton’s waist as he drew him closer.

It reminded them of sitting in an armchair by a warm fire, the coziness of the armchair due caused by Patton’s soft enthusiasm, while the warmth and intensity of the fire were because of the amount of pure passion Roman was channeling. Their lips brushed together again and again, sometimes soft and gentle and other times ardent and eager.

They pulled away, breathless. Patton was in bliss. This was the best day ever, he could hardly believe it was happening to him. He’d just kissed Roman freaking Woods, and they were together? Maybe? The only thing that could make this day better is if he got to spend time with Virgil and Logan too, but the day was long and they’d have plenty of time for that later.

For now, Patton gazed happily at Roman, taking in his now slightly ruffled appearance, and Roman gazed back at him, eyes filled with tenderness for the smaller man in his arms.

—–

Logan tried to focus on his book, but all he could think about was the delicious smell of Virgil’s coffee. They both had coffee in the mornings, but they preferred different brands, and while Logan usually didn’t stray from his brand, he was curious about Virgil’s. He lowered his book.

“I must admit, the scent of your coffee does intrigue me,” Logan remarked. “May I have a taste?”

“Yeah, alright,” said Virgil, but, in an uncommon rush of confidence and a surge of adrenaline, and instead of simply handing Logan his mug as Logan had expected, leaned over and kissed him.

The interaction only lasted what must’ve been 3 seconds, but Logan was dumbfounded. He touched his lips absentmindedly, but then a mischievous smirk appeared on his face. Logan slid one arm underneath Virgil, between his legs and the armchair, and one around his back, and, ignoring Virgil’s many protests, picked up and then set the emo down in his lap so that Virgil sat sideways across Logan’s thighs.

“Wh-what?” muttered Virgil, terribly aware of Logan’s arm around his back. He could still feel the phantom warmth of Logan’s other arm under his legs, and his face flushed the color of a strawberry.

“Shhh,” murmured Logan into Virgil’s hair, definitely not taking great pleasure in Virgil’s embarrassment and the way that simple sound covered Virgil’s skin in goosebumps. His face got closer to Virgil’s, and their noses bumped. “Close your eyes,” he whispered, and Virgil did, and then they were kissing.

It was like a wave crashing forcefully down upon a rocky shore, but Virgil didn’t know who was who. Logan’s fingertips trailed across his skin, leaving tingles wherever they touched. He was lost in the movement of their lips, his fingers curled in Logan’s hair, eyes closed. They only pulled apart when Virgil’s lungs began to burn from lack of oxygen.

“That… was intense,” he said, trying to catch his breath. He didn’t even notice that his fingers were clutching at Logan’s polo for dear life.

“It was,” replied Logan quietly. He thought he’d never get used to the lack of control associated with kissing, a thing he both enjoyed for its rarity and loathed as the control freak he knew he was.

Someone wolf-whistled from the hallway, and Logan knew who it was even before he looked. Roman stood on the other side of the open doorway, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Roman, with all due respect,” stated Logan, “fuck off.”

Roman did that exaggerated scoffing noise he made when “offended,” but left all the same.

Logan turned back to Virgil, who now had a sufficient amount of oxygen back in circulation in his lungs. “Want to do that again?” he offered, voice low and almost husky in a way that made shivers run down Virgil’s spine, and he shuddered at the tone. Even so, the shorter man nodded eagerly (perhaps a little too much so), and they both leaned in again.

—–

general taglist:

@moxiety-my-love

[linernotesandseasons]

My 19 Favorite Albums of 2019

       2019 is coming to a close. The entire decade is coming to a close. This list has been an increasingly comforting exercise the last few years. I guess this will be the eighth annual version of the linernotesandseasons favorite albums of the year list! Crazy how time passes. So here are the collections of songs that I used to mark my personal time & space this year. The lyrics that I learned by heart & sang out in dark & dirty rock clubs. I also made a spotify playlist with two songs from each album if you’re interested in listening along as you read. 

This year most of my writing focuses on when & why I fell in love with a specific album. Sometimes the history is important, building a base or connecting some threads, so when relevant, I have also included my history with when I fell in love with a specific artist. And finally, as has become more important to my music chasing brain in the last few years, why this artist or album is important to music right now. What they’re doing to leave a mark on the world, in whatever small space or way.

So without any further ado, here it is, in no particular order (unless you’re particularly knowledgable or fond of the english alphabet) my 19 (well actually 20 cuz freaking Big Thief put out two!) favorite albums of 2019. It’s been a pleasure.

BETTER OBLIVION COMMUNITY CENTER   /   Better Oblivion Community Center

    Spring 2019 in Denver was cold & breezy, sunny & exciting. I had spun the Phoebe Bridgers/Conor Oberst match-made-in-indie-emo-sad-folk-heaven record once through, but in late March I made a game time (like I bought a day-of ticket off stubhub at 6pm!) decision to drive down from work and see their show at the Gothic on South Broadway. I’d been up since 7am the night (morning?) before, watching opening day baseball live from Japan (on March 20th?!). Ichiro’s final game and I was feeling maybe a little emotionally fragile already. But anyway… Better Oblivion Community Center’s live show (they call them meetings) has all the potential to come off as cheesy or contrived. A recorded voice welcomes you, self-help-cult style, and invites you to “celebrate sound & light” & “travel the well worn pathways,” because “we are one.” A mystical backdrop gives a hint of what you’re in for (I didn’t know what I was in for...) with letters at the top reading “It will end in tears.” The band is brilliant, loose, & fun. They play all the songs. They play “Lua,” “Bad Blood,” & “Easy/Lucky/Free” from the endlessly varied Bright Eyes catalog. They turn Phoebe’s “Funeral” into a punk blast. They cover The Replacements! They wear shades and sing a song from lawn chairs! The show feels effortlessly cool and I feel like I’m part of something special again. Music has a way of doing that.

The record is perfectly equal parts Phoebe & Conor. From the opening lines, where Phoebe takes control with “my telephone it doesn’t have a camera” sounding for all the world like a gloriously mopey “Smoke Signals Vol. 2″ to the way Oberst sings the first lines of ethereal closer “Dominoes” sounding 100% like Cassadaga-era Bright Eyes. If you know & love either, you should know the other now. Phoebe carries a torch from early 2000′s emo with a sad-at-heart, genius songwriting style that emphasizes pinpoint autobiographical lyrics, a cutting, (even humorous at times) wit, and a teenage, feminist, internet, millennial heart. Oberst for his part has kept up a steady output since Bright Eyes, and (at least lyrically) doesn’t seemed to have cheered up much. Better Oblivion Community Center’s self titled debut feels fresh & catchy. While there is definitely an aching sadness in the duo’s songwriting, light hearted moments abound, and the writing often points to getting older, all hard work & growth. There is the bouncing outro to “Sleepwalkin’” where their voices rise in unison singing “Acting insane, playing it safe, I wasn’t sold on that plan anyways. Feeling afraid of making a change.” Or in the bright, rolling verses of “My City” where they go looking for “little moments of purpose.” But the one song I kept going back to; the one I recorded to cassette tape and played on almost every drive home from work at 4am through April & May, is the bittersweet closer “Dominoes.” Ironically, this one is a Taylor Hollingsworth cover (I think that’s him adding the random, spooky voice overs) but Conor takes the lead on vocals, singing a mostly lonely, hopeless tale, until the last verse when Phoebe cuts in. She’s “carpooling to kingdom come, into the wild purgatory.” Encouraging us to “Experience a magic rainbow, all you gotta’ do is follow. & if you’re not feeling ready… There’s always tomorrow.”

    “The world will not remember when we’re old & tired / We’ll be blowing on the embers of a little fire…”

BIG THIEF   /   U.F.O.F. & Two Hands

       2019 was the year that I finally finally got really really into Big Thief. A band’s band known for their live show (I still have yet to see them live) their following seems equal parts cult-y and universal. How a band that sounds the way they do, made it almost to the top of the indie-rock world is an exciting & inviting mystery.

This year, for me, the catalyst was “Cattails.” Released at the beginning of April, this song struck me and stuck with me, making its way onto almost every mix I made last Spring, Summer, & Fall (including this one for my Mom!) A real song of the year contender (& my #1 most listened to song of 2019 on spotify!), “Cattails” is a melodic, driving, beautiful tune, that finds singer & front person Adrienne Lenker marking Time (”riding that train in late June”) & Space (”going back home to the great lakes”) with grace & depth. There is a sacredness & mysticism tied up in a lot of Lenker’s writing and she refers to her writing experience with “Cattails” saying…

“It was one of those electric, multicolored waves of connectivity just sweeping through my body. I stayed up late finishing the song and the next morning was stomping around playing it over & over again. We thought why not just record it … & when James and I were playing it felt like a little portal in the fabric had opened and we were just flying. Listening back to it makes me cry sometimes.”

In truth, U.F.O.F. (the last f stands for “friend,” a way of humanizing the foreign) is a gorgeous record. Soft & gentle, full of songs about the constant tussle between things known & unknown. A real headphones-on-an-airplane record. And then, out of nowhere, Big Thief announced that they had a second (!) record on the way in the Fall. A dirt & earth twin for U.F.O.F., a special surprise gift for their burgeoning fan base. They announced Two Hands with the vicious single “Not,” a song very unlike “Cattails.” A brooding, ravenous rock song that made me remember why I love unhinged, well-written, unafraid rock & roll music. Another song of the year contender. If you’ve followed this blog the last few months, my well thought out comments to “Not” were “ohhhhhhhhhhhhh shit” & “oh my holy shit.” to the live version! But it was actually the second track on Two Hands that solidified Big Thief’s greatness for me. “Forgotten Eyes” is sonically similar to “Cattails” and rides the same effortless rhythm, driven by Lenker’s repeating guitar riff and James Krivchenia’s consistently impressive drumming. The riff seems to fall in & out magically, and the writing bookends “Cattails” with lyrics that speak to both a great pain & a great universal truth. While she wanders through homelessness & death, Lenker reflects beautifully on the life cycle we (& our planet, & maybe everything?) are all going through.

    “Forgotten dance is the one left at birth / Forgotten plants in the fossils of earth / & they’ve long passed but they are no less the dirt / Of the common soil keeping us dry & warm / The wound has no direction / Everybody needs a home & deserves protection…”

BLACK BELT EAGLE SCOUT   /   At the Party With My Brown Friends

    After finding Black Belt Eagle Scout’s debut album late last year, I soundtracked many a dusk, dawn, or midnight drive with her swirling vocals & entrancing guitar, usually in the cold & dark, through the early part of 2019. It made my 2018 favorites list, and her Larimer Lounge show in May was a highlight. I guess it makes sense then, that I didn’t truly fall for her sophomore album At the Party With My Brown Friends (released in August) until it got cold in November and I was able to take it out for some dark, snowy drives. Moody & serious at times, Black Belt Eagle Scout sounds every bit like the gray Pacific Northwest where front person Katherine Paul (KP) hails from. The lyrics are simple, repeating phrases, full of deep, important ideas. Family & friends. People & land. There are bursts of guitar coming out of rewarding slow builds, shredd-y, rhythmic, & melodic. Also, all the instruments on ATPWMBF are played by KP, and the drumming is fucking fantastic.

I have some sort of longer form writing building somewhere in the back of my mind about listening to music in cars, and both Black Belt Eagle Scout albums are perfect examples for that. I have always loved the feeling of having roads (highways or simply long straight dirt back roads) & music to listen to. In high school, we would sometimes get in the car simply to drive & listen to music (small town life ya know?) and I still relish any chance I get to take new (or old & long loved) songs & albums on road trips or just commutes around town. The time to sit with the songs, to focus on nothing but the words & melodies, instruments & voices, & the pull of the road, mystical & magical. Black Belt Eagle Scout’s songs have been a calming companion on a lot of drives over the last year, and I recommend you taking them out on a spin of your own. Drive to that coffee shop that’s 30 minutes away that you’ve been wanting to go to, drive out of town just to drive, alone with your thoughts & the road. You just might learn something about yourself.

    “& I wake up / I love you / Screaming loudly / Screaming softly too / Am I here? / My heart dreams…”

BON IVER   /   i,i

    Bon Iver is a long time favorite and if you’ve followed this blog at all, you know how much I love his albums and how much Justin Vernon’s Eaux Claires festival has helped shaped my musical timeline. Seeing 22, A Million (the record that precedes i,i) live in Wisconsin by the river for the first time, was something special. That record made my 2016 favorites list, but until this year, until i,i, my story of the music felt very insular. Special & secret for me, confined to very specific times & places. Only to make me feel certain things. It’s why I was hesitant to buy a ticket to see the Red Rocks show last September. Or why I questioned streaming the album early while I was on vacation in Holden Beach, North Carolina. I thought the songs were only meant to carry me back to the river, back to Wisconsin, back to the Summer. Back to a very specific, special place in my heart. But thanks to the wonders of spotify, and the Bon Iver crew just up and releasing the album a week early under the simple & generous guise of “wanting folks to have the album & learn the songs before the tour!!” I obliged and… YESSSS that’s how you do an album release in 2019! I had the album in my headphones as I ran and sweated on the beach in North Carolina, letting brand new songs transport me thousands of miles away.

i,i is a gloriously weird, perfected mess of a hit indie record. It’s everything I wanted the next chapter of the Bon Iver story to be. It feels personal & widescreen. Little moments stretched out and shared with family & friends. Lyrics about growth & hard work & life (& a few WTFs, it’s Bon Iver after all!) The gang’s all here again (the massive crew that worked on the album are all pictured on the record’s gloriously, weird inside gatefold!) recorded from Vernon’s home (April) base in Wisconsin, to Sonic Ranch in west Texas (also pictured in the liner notes) walking distance from our southern border. The sounds are all here again too. There are hints of For Emma’s Winter falsetto folk in the gorgeous acoustic guitar of “Marion.” There are the industrial swells & stomps, bleeps & bloops of bi, bi’s Spring in the warbling, green grass, warmth of “Holyfields.” Then there is the distortion, the choppy samples of 22, in the jigsaw glory of “iMi,” the way it starts & stops, all choruses & voices, real & programmed. Threads of new songs tied up with threads from long, long ago. There is a fullness to i,i, a generosity, a true front to back album, with hits & new favorites sprinkled everywhere. The second half blooms with the charging folk of “Salem” & “Faith” and the contentedness of closer “RABi.” These are songs that I will love for years to come. These songs make me happy. They make me think. They make me want to share them with friends. They make me want to work on relationships. Songs about life. Songs about true, unconditional friendship. As Justin said way back in 2015, when my journey with the Bon Iver story began “The story is history, nothing more. Only the music can rise anew. & it is gone as soon as it is sung. & so we sing again…” I am soo soo happy to sing again, with songs anew.

    “Living in a lonesome way / Had me looking other ways / Cuz I am lost here again / But on a bright Fall morning I’m with it / I stood a little within it…”

EARTHGANG   /   Mirrorland

      EARTHGANG’s major label debut Mirrorland comes in hot & dancing, a hip hop duo with a true tribute to Southern culture, and a whole world encapsulated in 14 tracks. My personal introduction to the EARTHGANG universe, came courtesy of a dusk till dark dance fest at Denver’s Underground Music Showcase on South Broadway back in sweaty July. Their energy was infectious, their stories hilarious, & their songs stuck in my head. Specifically the Young Thug featuring “Proud Of U,” a song that carries enthusiasm & positivity through to the end. Other standouts include colorful, bouncing opener “LaLa Challenge,” & the squealing horns of Atlanta hot spot, name dropping “Wings.” A concept album of sorts Mirrorland references “The Wiz” as a jumping off point saying,

“We thought about how, if we’re going to make a project sonically to rival The Wiz, we got to create another world for people to imagine & go to. You know when Dorothy got swept away and she met the Munchkins? That was such a beautiful thing. You could see Quincy Jones on the piano, just playing away. It’s really colorful. It’s really dangerous. It’s really trippy. It’s literally Freaknik Atlanta in the summertime—folks riding around in cars with big rims with paint on their faces.”

EARTHGANG was formed in 2008 by high school buddies Johnny Venus & Doctur Doc in Atlanta, GA.  It’s impossible to ignore Outkast comparisons and for their part, EARTHGANG does their best to keep up the Southern hip hop tradition. Mixing in bits of soul, blues, & jazz, Mirrorland plays like an homage, a soundtrack to the South. A real reminder that the album is not dead. These songs sound best played together. Also, that the hip hop group, or duo, is not dead. And finally, that touring and playing live shows is most definitely not dead. I probably still wouldn’t have heard about EARTHGANG if it wasn’t for their primo UMS slot (at the same Import Mechanics stage where Leikeli47 & Kiltro played!) and infectiously positive live show. Speaking of their live show, see y’all at Cervantes on February 3!

      “One time, one time for your baby moms / Two time for the hand in the candy jar / Holy Ghost showed up in my favorite thong / Three times in the car for the way we are / Another white man scared, another black man dead / Another rich man war, another red man bled / I been writing this album down way too long / When I drop my shit, pray it hit the toilet like lala, lalalalala...”

FRUIT BATS   /   Gold Past Life

    In the Autumn of 2013, my coworker Cassandra Disney at Mile High Organics played me “When You Love Somebody” by Fruit Bats (had that song already been out for 10 years in 2013?!) on one of her early morning work mixes, and I immediately put it on one of my favorite (if embarrassingly bro-folk heavy) mixes I have ever made myself. Discovering a weird/cool indie band in the vein of all my other loves (Band of Horses, The Shins, Modest Mouse, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, etc…) but more underground (!) was hipster heaven. I subsequently forgot about Fruit Bats for awhile, but was reminded with their graceful “comeback” album Absolute Loser in 2016. Although that one missed my favorites list, it gradually became a constant road trip companion; from the mountains of Colorado, through the great American Southwest, and even on some epic Mexican back roads. All alt-country, lost 70′s AM radio classics, and wistful, witty, & wise writing about highways and scenery. A true classic.  

I was therefore super excited for Gold Past Life (Fruit Bats’s seventh album?!) to drop on Merge Records this Summer, and fell in love pretty quickly on a late afternoon drive across the high road between Taos and Santa Fe, New Mexico back in late June. Swirling guitar, bouncy piano. and Eric D. Johnson’s piercing, clear, impassioned vocals. Fruit Bats sound timeless & effervescent. Upbeat guitar rock with some weird twists, and Johnson’s consistently bittersweet, humorous, & big hearted lyrics. Growing up, growing older, & grinning a wry smile at a golden world. After catching back to back beautiful Fruit Bats shows in Fort Collins & here in Denver at the Bluebird this September, these folks are the real deal. Long live touring bands, long live seventh albums, long live music marking time & space! Here’s to many more Fruit Bats albums, Gold Past Life will be car stereo classic for awhile.

    “Still waiting around for some mystical shift in the winds / So honey please, don’t go just yet / Cigarette fingers, a shake in the knees / A bit blue, kind of tired, but not broken… Anticipating a magical bend in the road / So hang on, take it slow / Your go bag is packed & your hangover gone / Another dawn at the edge of the known world…”

HISS GOLDEN MESSENGER   /   Terms of Surrender

    Durham, North Carolina’s Hiss Golden Messenger (folklorist, family man, & singer-songwriter MC Taylor & revolving crew) have become something of a mainstay on this music blog & in my car’s cd player over the last five years. I picked up a used (!), advance (!) copy of Lateness of Dancers in the $1 bin at a record store in Seattle, Washington. after having been passed a burned copy of his 2010 solo album Bad Debt by an old coworker. Lateness ended up on my 2014 favorites list. Two years later, Heart Like A Levee made my 2016 list, and the next year, Hallelujah Anyhow was one of my favorites of 2017! I referred to the songs on Hallelujah as Hiss “building a repertoire, creating a legacy.” This may seem like quite a bit of superfluous backstory, but believe me, it is essential to the story, a journal of the journey. Geographic art for a topographic heart if you will. But anyway, Terms of Surrender…

The title is cryptic, referencing (as Taylor puts it “what we are prepared to sacrifice in order to live the lives that we think we want”) and the songs are deep (& growing deeper) & timeless. Not so much timeless in the way Yola’s songs sound timeless (skip down a few albums on this list to read about Yola!) but timeless in the way the songs seem to seep their way into my bones and stay for years. Terms burst on the scene with the release of the first single “I Need a Teacher” back in stormy June. With bright, rolling guitar stabs courtesy of The National’s Aaron Dessner (whose upstate New York recording studio was home for the Terms recording sessions), “Teacher” is about “the search for infallible guidance in an ever-changing universe.” but it is also about everyday work. Dedicated every night of the tour to all the teachers in the room, a political statement wrapped up in the seemingly obvious sentiment of “Defend Public Schools.” See what I mean? Timeless songs written for the here & now. “Bright Direction” & “My Wing” are reminiscent of Hallelujah’s “Jenny” & “Darkness.” a 1-2 punch of driving, drifting major key numbers, written from a hillside in Virginia, high on mushrooms. They contain multitudes. With a murky middle (Brad Cook gets funky on “Old Enough to Wonder Why” & “Cat’s Eye Blue”) & the already canonical Hiss’ live fav “Happy Birthday Baby,” the back half of Terms spreads out the Hiss’ sound in new ways. New live favorite, the nostalgic “Down at the Uptown,” had me googling maps of San Francisco to find the mythical Uptown bar where Taylor first heard Patti Smith’s Horses.

In late October, Hiss played an absolutely glorious three night run at little Globe Hall over in Globeville, just Southeast of where Interstate 70 meets Interstate 25. I went to all three shows. The shows were special & career spanning; from “Jesus Shot Me in the Head,” to Dead covers (& a Jesus & Mary Chain cover!) to all the Terms songs.  I spent the Saturday afternoon before show #2, walking around the disappearing & rapidly gentrifying neighborhood in & around Globeville (& drifting across the highway into Sunnyside) listening to Terms of Surrender on my headphones. Thinking about the things I’m willing to sacrifice, thinking about the life I want, what are my Terms? After all, “It’s a real live world & I wanna live in it.”

    “Something drove me crazy / Love had me lazy / Backwards won’t get me to my destination / Move me in some bright direction / Looking to be captured, looking for my freedom / Oh, dreams will come to get you / So careful what you’re wishing / Your family might correct you / Your heart might take a pounding / Make sure you take a picture…”

JUNE JONES   /   Diana

    I can’t remember where I first heard of June Jones, but I’d like to think it was from one of my many Australian music friends (thanks Camp Cope, Julia Jacklin, Middle Kids, Courtney Barnett, Gang of Youths etc…!) The music community is a wonderful thing. June’s songs can be hard to explain, but Diana is an epic album that burns with a steady, stately drama. Most of the songs ride swelling synths and measured, 80’s sounding drums and center around June’s unique, emotive voice and head turning lyrics. Jones had fronted the Australian rock band Two Steps on the Water and written songs on the guitar for many years, but it’s pretty clear from listening to the writing and sound on Diana that these songs were meant for piano, synth, and a solo album. Her own writing. Her own words.

The album begins with the brooding “Rome From Afar” and the opening line “I got drunk again last night & I fell down outside the bathroom at my little sister’s party.” It then follows a dancing bass line into an apocalyptic nightmare of a world ending. “Meryl” is a gorgeous, autobiographical (?) song, an ode to “complicated” hard working women everywhere. There are parts of Diana that nod to it being a break up album, like in the gorgeously melancholic “Boulder Falling Slow” (”I am a boulder falling slow / You’re a magnificent spiderweb”) but I have been viewing it as just a complex, everyday life album. Jones lets her magnificent voice trail slowly over seemingly uncomfortable or awkward topics that she strives to make… not so. Sorry Alex Cameron, your “eating your ass like an oyster” line in “Miami Memory” is only the second best “eating ass” line this year after Jones’ “Look at You Go!” Her voice often belies the emotion in her lyrics, she works it up & down, and lets it stretch out over words, like in lonely closer “Sixteen Horses,” but she also sounds almost matter of fact at times. There is a moment in the piano led “Thorn” where she glibly throws “Have you seen the moon tonight? No, me neither, who cares about the moon when everything is dying?” over an understated horn trill. Everything is dying after all, but I want June Jones to sing it to me like an Australian Lana Del Rey or Matt Berninger. Trust me, you’ll be hearing more about June Jones in the coming years. Watch out.

    “I haven’t thought too much about family / Ain’t got no husband or a couple of kids / I’ve spent 26 years in this office / I said goodbye to my relationships a long time ago / What does the mayor of a small town heart do after she retires?”

JUSTIN PETER KINKEL-SCHUSTER   /   Take Heart, Take Care

     My long time music friend Adam over at songsfortheday had been trying to tell me about Justin Peter Kinkel-Schuster for quite a few mixes with songs I loved from his 2016 release Constant Stranger. But it somehow wasn’t until I needed Take Heart, Take Care, that Schuster’s work hit me right. It didn’t feel like a light at the end of the tunnel, but more like a light in the tunnel, something lasting, a collection of songs lifting up & out towards a light. As Schuster wrote upon it’s release…

     “Here, I’ve fumbled my way, as always, and of necessity, into a collection of songs that hold a light to the joys & comforts of life not given up on, those that appear over time as we are looking elsewhere, to surprise & delight us when we need them most. Sure, it’s me, so there are glimpses of and nods to the dark, but the dark is not winning anymore. I simply mean to acknowledge its presence. To me, that’s the most fundamental job of songs, of stories, of all art — to be allies, friends, companions, when we need them most and it’s my hope that these songs can do that work in a world that seems to need it. If you are lucky enough to have something good to say, say it. Please. We’ll thank each other, now & later.”

So i guess it’s that second part that I have found solace in through my 20′s and into my 30′s. That songs (and stories & all art, but songs & albums seem to be my thing) can be allies, friends, & companions, and that sometimes (like Hanif Abdurraqib wrote in his brilliant collection of essays “They Can’t Kill Us Until They Kill Us”)…

     “If you believe, as I do, that a blessing is a brief breath to take in that doesn’t taste of whatever is holding you under: say I Speak To God In Public and mean more than just in his house, or mean more than just next to people who might also speak to God in public, or say God and mean whatever has kept you alive when so many other things have failed to.“

Take Heart, Take Care is a straightforward, well written, indie rock album. The songs ring true with light & darkness, an uplifting take on growing older and finding “Plenty Wonder” still to be found in the world. Schuster played the Hi-Dive on South Broadway in November, the last show on the Take Heart tour. A show I had bought tickets for months in advance, and I found myself in a crowd of maybe 15 people, celebrating the songs of Take Heart, Take Care. Listening to a writer with something good to say. Trying all in our own way to hold our own. I have a feeling I’ll keep these songs with me for awhile.

     “Time is the mender / Whose strange mechanics yet untold / Bid us rise entwined together / So take heart, take care / Be true but beware / & honey we need not be scared…”

KARA JACKSON   /   A Song for Every Chamber of the Heart

      In only 10 minutes & 42 seconds, Kara Jackson creates an intimate, magical world with just her voice and a guitar on her debut EP A Song for Every Chamber of the Heart.  Four intricate & intentional songs, none longer than three minutes, finger picked slowly & methodically, Jackson balances a poetic, whimsical wandering with a steely focus on the craft of songwriting. These are the bones of songs, played honest & upfront, with no adornment. There is room for Jackson’s lyrics to really shine, all aching & wistful, yet practical. Like the way she balances “I have a crush, I have an ache” with “I know that love’s just a pain in the ass” in the bittersweet “Crush.” Her songs buzz with a youthful energy & teen angst. Wise beyond their years, finding their way in the world. As a songwriter and a poet, Jackson writes about race, activism, social justice, self, bodies, & humanity.

At 20 (!) years old, Chicago’s Jackson is... oh also a poet. The 2019 National Youth Poet Laureate (!) in fact, and it was her absolutely breathtaking writing about being a teenager that first caught my attention. She quotes Gwendolyn Brooks (pulitzer prize winning American poet) in her Ted Talk saying “write what’s under your nose.” She says that Brooks took the mundane and put it on a pedestal. That she understood there are “poems in train cars, poems on front lawns, & poems in microwaves & tea kettles.” An almost obligation to celebrate the ordinary. Ordinary folks celebrating similar ordinary folks. It’s the way that John Darnielle howls on The Mountain Goats song “Werewolf Gimmick” (track nine on 2015′s Beat the Champ) about “nameless bodies in unremembered rooms.” In his prerelease essay for Merge Records, music writer Joseph Fink wrote that the entire career of The Mountain Goats has been about “giving names to nameless bodies and remembering unremembered rooms.” and what a worthy cause that is. That thought has stuck with me for years and I have always loved the specificity of it. Whether it is Darnielle resurrecting historical characters real or fictional, or the way Lady Lamb (keep reading a few more albums down!) celebrates the specifics of her friends & family, in all the messy details. Written in song, remembered forever. It is also essential that all cultures have artists who look like them and think like them, as the ones doing the remembering.  It’s why it’s so important that Kara Jackson is the one doing the remembering for young black girls. The same way Eve Ewing did for her, and Gwendolyn Brooks did before that. I can appreciate the magic of the remembering, but I need to let them be the ones to tell the stories. Oh, speaking of appreciating, I bugged Jackson enough on social media and got a handmade PHYSICAL copy of the EP that I’m hanging onto forever cuz it’s probably gonna be like the next original pressing of Bon Iver’s For Emma! Thanks Kara!

      “Don’t take my pillowcase, that's my place to be alone / Don’t take my lamp from me, it helps me read about places I don’t know / Don’t take a lot for me to be on my own...”

KILTRO   /   Creatures of Habit

      My end of the year albums list usually has at least one local Denver band. The Lumineers way back in 2012, Gregory Alan Isakov & Covenhoven in 2013, Nathaniel Rateliff, Covenhoven (again!), & The Yawpers in 2015, Nina de Freitas in 2017 (hey Nina & the Hold Tight, new album in 2020 please?!), and Izcalli last year. Kiltro is a part Coloradan, part Chilean folk band that have been putting on one of my favorite live shows around town this year. The brainchild of Chris Bowers-Castillo, a native Coloradan who spent time growing up in Valparaiso, Chile, Kiltro is named after the Spanish word “Quiltro” meaning a mixed breed dog. A dog that Kiltro has taken for their logo. In their own way, Kiltro is a mix breed; both in the way they mix the sounds of South America with the folk music of North America, and also the way they mix organic, acoustic instrumentation, with electronic, looping sounds and effects pedals. Their live show is a masterclass in layers, with Bowers-Castillo adding loops of guitar rhythms (sometimes simply bare hands slapping beats on the top of the guitar) to steady bass & drums, until the songs swell & build into dramatic crescendos and almost EDM-influenced drops. The extended intros & outros are my favorite parts of their songs and the live versions (from their sweaty 2pm UMS dance party, to Lulu’s Downstairs in Manitou Springs) have stirred hearts & feet alike with dancing not usually found in the Colorado “indie-hipster” scene. Keep an eye on these guys and maybe come out to Larimer Lounge in January and witness the dance party for yourself!

      “Somewhere down the bank where the dogs go / Por la calle que te lleva a Curicó / & down the beach, where no others can find / Ni por agua, piso, coche, ni avión...”

LADY LAMB   /   Even in the Tremor

      As I have been writing this year’s favorites list, I’m realizing that so many of the albums I loved & learned, came hand in hand with experiencing the artist, and specifically that new album, live. Lady Lamb released Even in the Tremor, her masterful & moving third album, way back in April, and I had a Spring-y three weeks to learn all her intricate, visceral lyrics to sing back at her Larimer Lounge stop in Denver on the Deep Love tour. Maine by way of Brooklyn’s (by way of a bunch of other places) Aly Spaltro has always written songs for Lady Lamb like her hair’s on fire. Wailing & gasping about blood & guts & death over spiraling electric guitar, there is a realness to her writing that reminds me of the east coast emo I grew up on. But for all the blood red gore & messy heartbreak that colors much of the Lady Lamb discography, there is a light hearted tenderness as well. Tremor has songs written for & about friends, lovers, parents, & god. Quirky opener “Little Flaws” is a first-dance-worthy love song, while personal favorites “Strange Maneuvers” & “Emily” are odes to platonic friendships, mental health, & growing up. In the same way I wrote about Kara Jackson celebrating the ordinary, Lady Lamb has always celebrated specifics of people, time & space. Tremor’s characters are Spaltro’s real life people (Emily, Shervin, Kurt (Kurtie Bear), Isaac, & her Mom), and the places (the diner, the batting cage, Templehof Park, Midtown, Berlin, Montreal, Madrid, a fast food joint, the stage of a church, someplace upstate, Lavanderia & Graham Ave) are specific, varied, & globe spanning. Her stories are autobiographical and rewarding and the music is stirring, singer-songwriter rock & roll with some punch behind it. She is one of my favorite modern writers for her ability to not just tell a story, but to find wonder in the small things and to celebrate the ordinary. Like she tells Shervin, minutes before “Emily” closes the album on a gorgeous, uplifting high note, “No photographic artifact, but here is something better than that.”

      “There’s a picture that I found, my first car in the falling snow / Seems like yesterday I drove down into low tide / & Isaac snapped a polaroid of me pretending I was sinking, pressed against the glass pleading / I misplaced it but I’m looking... / When we are young, if only we could see beyond our fears where we are free / When we are lonely if only we could know that in our stillness we are growing... / All the portraits we collected, while we were running around in the desert / We were trying to seem fulfilled to rewrite our New York City narratives / But Emily we were utterly dejected / We took turns crying on the passenger side of America / Too clouded to be empowered by towering Redwoods... / When did we lose the ancient truths? / Is it what we’re born bending our bodies toward?...”

LIZZO   /   Cuz I Love You

      For much of 2019, Lizzo could be heard playing everywhere. The 31 year old Minnesotan’s third full length album Cuz I Love You, came out in April, after a busy three years of huge singles, consistent touring, & building a repertoire of songs capable of headlining arenas. When Lizzo finally exploded these last few years, it has been fun watching the whole world embrace her uptempo, bold, self-love anthems, and hearing them blaring from open Subaru windows in Cap HIll, from balconies & rooftops in uptown, and on the lips of countless joggers & bikers, loving themselves in the Denver Summer sun. I know for my part, I took Lizzo with me to the beaches of North Carolina & through the Southern mountains of Colorado, dancing, singing, & gleefully giggling along. Bottom line, the songs on Cuz I Love You are FUN! You try not to crack a smile as Lizzo romps through “Never been in love before, what the fuck are fucking feelings yo?” on the bouncing, brassy, vocal led, track one title track MOMENT. Or the way she makes up the word “accessorary” on the spot (“my ass is not an accessorary”) and then fires back with “Yeah, I said it, accessorary!” Lizzo has been an outspoken supporter of our generation’s version of the self-love, body positivity movement, and has put her money (and body) where her mouth is, inspiring legions of teens & twenty somethings to do the same. “Soulmate” is a loner anthem that finds Lizzo belting “True love ain’t something you can buy yourself / True love finally happens when you’re by yourself / So if you by yourself, then go and buy yourself another round from the bottle on the higher shelf.” The soulful slowdown “Jerome” is about being the bigger person and ending a relationship that isn’t working. Lizzo manages to actually address her own issues, focus on the work she needs to do (“I’m trying to be patient & patience takes practice.”) and still absolutely belt a singalong chorus that rhymes Jerome with “take your ass home.” Also, the deluxe version of Cuz I Love You tacks on three previous Lizzo singles that hadn’t found an album home. Those singles? “Boys,” “Truth Hurts,” & “Water Me.” Three songs totaling almost 555 MILLION plays on Spotify. With apologies to Ariana Grande & Billie Eilish (Billie see ya in a few months at the Pepsi Center!) Lizzo is the biggest superstar that I want on this list. And she 100% deserves every bit of it.

      “If I’m shinin’ everybody gonna’ shine...”

ORVILLE PECK   /   pony

      There is an appealing, theatrical quality to the dramatic country songs on Orville Peck’s debut record Pony. I spent my high school years growing up in small town Western Colorado so country music has been embedded in my brain since I was 11. I’ve gone through so many phases of loving it, hating it, loving it ironically, nostalgically, hating it for it’s sound, cheesiness, backwards politics, etc... But with Pony; these are true country songs written by a gay, masked cowboy anti-hero from.. Toronto? Maybe? Who is Orville Peck?!?! It’s like all the best parts of “country” music came together. And the mask? The fringe? All the packaging & theatrics? It makes it fun. Part Bowie, part Coheed & Cambria, part Grace Jones, part Ghost, part Brandon Flowers. Hollywood meets Vegas meets Carson City.

When I listen to Orville Peck’s songs it brings together so many feelings from my youth. From country radio & boxes of old country cds, to the dramatic side of theatre, play acting on a stage, dress-up, halloween, cowboys, loneliness, & the open road. From the tumbleweed roll & mournfully powerful coyote howl of opener “Dead of Night,” to the shoegaze rumble, autumn ride of “Winds Change.” Peck’s lyrics are honest & heartfelt, drawing on sweeping, western imagery, & idolizing the classic country ideal... the cowboy. Music marks time & place and Peck makes sure to reference the cities along his highway songs. Salt Lake City, Las Vegas, Carson City, Kansas, a veritable Rand McNally road map of the American West. In the same manner as both Black Belt Eagle Scout albums, Fruit Bats, & Caroline Rose from last year, it wasn’t until a highway drive that I truly fell in love with Pony. It was a brilliant November sunset & still warm, but windy & changing, and we knew we had to hustle to beat the snow back to Denver. Highway 159 from the Southern Colorado border through Costilla County, on the way towards Fort Garland & then Walsenburg. Purple & Orange out the window to my left, Winter on it’s way. Peck’s songs sang with a heartache... a loss. a rhinestone loneliness that country finds a way to revel in. When “Kansas (Remembers Me Now)” statics out like a long lost FM radio. When “Hope to Die” fake ends at 3:30 and instead key change pivots like a washed-up Broadway starlet, shooting her shot on a dusty jukebox. When “Nothing Fades Like the Light” draws its last, peaceful breath, closing Pony like the last light of that November sunset. Thanks Orville, this one’s a classic.

      “Fell in love with a rider / Dirt king, black crown / Six months on a knucklehead hog / I like him best when he's not around / He gets me high, oh, big sky... Fell in love with a boxer / Stayed awake all year / Heartbreak is a warm sensation / When the only feeling that you know is fear / I don't know why, oh, big sky...”

RAPSODY   /   Eve

      Rapsody’s third album Eve is a masterclass on rap music, and the Snow Hill, North Carolina rapper sounds relaxed & loose, while still staying focused & on topic with an album that reads as, as Rapsody herself puts it “a love letter to all black women including myself.” She is at the top of her game right now, and these songs cement Rapsody as one of the premier rappers in an exciting field of rap talent both young & old.  

Each track on the album is dedicated to one of Rapsody’s personal heroes, and I am going to focus these words & my research for Eve (besides listening to it nonstop, which I’m currently doing now!) on those black women. Track one is for Nina Simone (”without Nina there’s no Lauryn Hill, & without Lauryn Hill there’s no Rapsody.”) and features critically important verses about black heritage & culture over Nina’s terrifying & sobering classic “Strange Fruit.” Rapsody is recognizing her legacy and the importance of heritage, but she is clearly claiming her spot in that bloodline. “Cleo” preaches standing up for yourself over a Phil Collins sample (between Cleo & Lucy Dacus, “In the Air Tonight” is getting some serious love this year!) and is named after Queen Latifah’s character in the 1996 movie “Set it Off.” From there Rapsody recognizes artists (Aaliyah), philanthropists (Oprah & Michelle Obama), actresses (Whoopi), athletes (Serena Williams & Ibtihaj Muhammed), writers (Maya Angelou & Reyna Biddy), models (Iman & Tyra Banks), and historical figures & activists (Hatshepsut, Myrlie Evers-Williams, Sojourner Truth, & Afeni Shakur). Bottom line, ALL of these women are essential google material (you’re reading this on your phone or laptop, google and give yourself a five minute refresher if there’s anyone you don’t already know!) While you’re at it, google the lyrics for Eve (and Jamila Woods’ equally incredible, equally name dropping LEGACY! LEGACY!) and listen along. This is an important time capsule document for Rapsody and it’s just a damn good rap album.

      “I am Nina & Roberta, the one you love but ain't heard of / Got my middle finger up like Pac after attempted murder / Failed to kill me, it's still me, woke up singing Shirley Murdock / As we lay these edges down, brown women, we so perfect...”      

SABA LOU   /   Novum Ovum

      When I listen to Saba Lou’s intoxicating sophomore album Novum Ovum, I am transported to somewhere magical & different. Maybe older, maybe out of place & time. Everything about Novum feels… classic. From the dusty, record-store-bin-find look of the out of focus cover photo, to the laidback natural way Saba Lou seems to dance along on top of a rollicking house band lifted from the 70’s. There are elements of surf rock, shoegaze, late night soul, and classic rock & roll on Ovum, but it is all driven by the singular writing & vocals of Saba Lou. In the liner notes of the record, a note can be found, claiming that this album is meant to be from the future. 2286 to be exact! Is a concept album?! Is it actually from the future & delivered to us by a time traveling band of Germans?!! Does it have songs about Star Trek??!! Maybe, mayyyybeee... & YES!

Yet to turn 20 (!), Saba Lou is a German born singer songwriter who has been making & releasing music since she was literally six years old! Novum Ovum is Latin for “the new egg” and features a hot four piece full band, and wonderfully fleshed out songs that bounce and swing with palpable energy. The lyrics span an awesomely wide spectrum from endometriosis pain (the title track obv) to a Star Trek mindmeld tune sung from the perspective of Gracie the pregnant whale (closer “Humpback in Time”)!! All in all, Saba Lou is an absolutely electric songwriter and her youthfulness & fervor are contagious. It’s the reason I love making this list every year, and what makes discovering new music so exciting. Can’t wait for the next one!

      “A brick wall around your placenta / Cut them all off from her mother blood / The hounds call for appassionata / A phoenetic paste for the fetal bud...”

SHARON VAN ETTEN   /   Remind Me Tomorrow

      Over the last few years I started the practice of making a draft favorite albums list in January and adding albums throughout the year, as I fall in love with them. This way I don’t forget the ones I loved in January & February, the ones that got me through the backend of the Winter. I’m able to track my year in music as it develops, a sort of captain’s log. A living, personal journal using music to mark time & space as I sprint my way through another increasingly faster, increasingly chaotic year. Sometimes, scrolling through the list acts as a comfort. “That album only came out this year?! OK, this year isn’t moving too fast, that feels like forevvverrrr ago!” Sometimes it helps to show me how much I’ve grown, how much an album has meant, or has helped with my mental & emotional growth. This year, the very first album I added to that list, the very first album that I fell hard & holy hell in love with... was Sharon Van Etten’s Remind Me Tomorrow.

A blast of energy. A weird synthy, pulsing red & blue darkness. Simultaneously club-y & indie rock vibey. Van Etten’s fifth album is supposedly written from a place of contentment. A marriage, a child, a life & happiness discovered. Less desperation, more introspection. I hear in her voice & words, how taking care of yourself, how striving to be your best self, can bring out the most powerful, most emotional art. She also isn’t afraid to let her voice go and I think her vocal performances are what truly take Tomorrow to another level. “Memorial Day” rides a haunting vocal loop & tumbles in nearly wordless, glimmering vowels, all ethereal magnificence. The chorus of the brooding “Jupiter 4″ spirals upwards & then rollercoasters, a late night drunken banger. But at the heart of Remind Me Tomorrow sits one of my songs of the year, one of my songs of the decade, “Seventeen.” I had heard it first live, way back in October 2018 in the rain in the mountains at Red Rocks. I got tipsy & wrote about it the day it came out, January 8, 2019, after a long, cold stretch working the night shift. This album & especially this song will stay with me for a long time. Sharon has taught me to keep working on myself. To look back in fondness. To think about how, with hard work, how much joy & peace & comfort await in my coming years. But she also taught me to lean into emotions. To embrace the ache of memories and the bittersweetness of growing up. Thanks for making this album Sharon.

      “Downtown hotspot, halfway up the street / I used to be free, I used to be 17 / Follow my shadow around your corner / I used to be 17, now you're just like me / Down beneath the ashes & stone / Sure of what I've lived and have known / I see you so uncomfortably alone / I wish I could show you how much you've grown...”

TIM BAKER   /   Forever Overhead

      I have a special feeling tied to the collection of intimate, swirling songs Tim Baker released this year from Canada. Forever Overhead carries a certain small town holiness, recognizable to those who grew up in small towns , but specific to his own personal, north-north-eastern-eastern “small” town, St Johns, in Newfoundland & Labrador, Canada. Growing up on the farthest coast of the Atlantic on the tippy, tippy point of Canada (seriously google it!), Baker fronted emo band Hey Rosetta! for four albums until striking out this Spring on his own with Arts & Crafts Records. There is a very Springsteen-esque bent to the way he writes about growing up somewhere (as someone) small & wanting to be somewhere very big and exciting. He captures the bittersweetness of growing up so perfectly. From the teenage romantic feelings in swaying opener “Dance” & the rousing “Mirrors,” to the friends & bars & singing found in the melancholic “Spirit” and the absolute hit “All Hands.” The latter is the core of the album, a bright, rhythmic guitar number that builds & swells with voices & instrumentation to a few huge, singalong choruses. A real song of the year contender. Baker isn’t afraid to let the songs go on journeys on Forever Overhead and they rarely finish where they begin. Horns & handclaps burst in at points, celebratory & fearless. The sexual tension of “Strange River” is lightened with a false start and a “sorry. In ‘D’” followed by a belly laugh, before restarting. The light & dark are present throughout Overhead and listening to these songs remind me of growing up. I feel like I’m being given a secret glance into Baker’s youth and the parts that mirror mine make me want to lift my voice in unison with those that understand. Sometimes small collections of well written & well played songs can do that, and to me... it’s sacred. Hopefully I get a chance to visit St Johns someday, and if I do, these songs will be playing as my soundtrack.

      “A boy in bed, all the windows wide / You can hear the hot rods running from the light / From the light, into the dark / That's all I wanted in my cousin's car / To listen to the wind & to the lead guitars / & feel the reckless running of your heart / Now is that gone or does that all remain? / Can I go back and have it all again? / Well now I know it, where I'm going / I'm going back behind the river / I'm going back behind the rain / Cuz no matter where you're heading / You end up where you’ve been...”

YOLA   /   Walk Through Fire

     It’s clear from the first minute & 30 seconds of Yola’s debut full-length Walk Through Fire, that this album is destined to be an all-time classic. She comes in slow & wistful with “wish I knew what you were wishing for...” over a soft wash of cymbals and mournful country-soul guitar. Then one minute in, her voice swells to gigantic proportions, seeming to lift the song right off the page, carried into another stratosphere, timeless & magnetic. That “Faraway Look” in your eyes.

From there, Yola (36 year old Yolanda Quartey from Bristol, England) takes her commanding voice through bluesy, fiddle-led country (”It Ain’t Easier” & the title track), and laid back soul (”Shady Grove” & “Deep Blue Dream”). Personal fav “Ride Out In The Country” became a backroads, summer anthem for me this year on multiple trips through Southern & Western Colorado. Through it all, her voice booms, whispers, & rocks gently, propelling the songs forward with warmth & light. Her lyrics are full of both dreamy memories & work-a-day stories about the challenges of life. It was fun this year to have different friends & family members get into Yola at different times, getting texts like “have you heard of YOLA??!!” Sharing songs, & collections of songs (like the ones on Walk Through Fire) is what makes making this list every year so fun, and I’m always excited to see what new, life-long favorites I will discover. See you in a couple months at the Bluebird Theater on Colfax here in Denver Yola!! Can’t wait!

      “A little shady grove / A memory long ago / A tale too old to know the ending / I gave it all away / It takes my breath away...”

[cobaincreates]

where does a song lead?

warnings: just this not being long enough wowowow

count: 1k+

— — —

wincing at the warm liquid moving down your throat, you tapped the surface of the wooden table in front of your sister, your rings making a higher pitch, and motioned towards the bar. she went with you as you squeezed past other women and men in the crowded bar. they hollered for the next person to get up on the stage for karaoke and you looked past your sister’s shoulder to see who would take the microphone. you looked back at the bartender and ordered a cold beer to replace your warm one. you walked back to your table and your sister sat across from you again, curling into her boyfriend’s side. the music came through the speakers around the humid room, the beginning notes of hotel california playing and the man up there waiting for his cue.

you flinched when a hand landed on your shoulder and you looked behind yourself, turning in your chair, to find your other sister there. “holy shit!” you gasped and hopped out of your seat to hug her tightly. “what the hell are you doing here? i thought you weren’t coming for another few weeks?”

she laughed as you pulled away to look at her, still with your arms behind her back. “i wanted to surprise you guys.”

you hugged her once more then moved out of the way so your other sister could get in a hug. her boyfriend watched from his seat, smiling at them as you took your seat. they sat down and you leaned in close to ask a million questions. she had been gone for too long.

the room erupted with claps and the next person that wanted to go up was called. your head snapped to your right when your sister placed her hand on your arm. “get up there!” she shouted.

you groaned and looked across the table as the other two joined in. “yes! please! please!” you hid your face when their arms shot up and said that you’d be next. they stood and dragged you up to the stage. you shook them off, fighting the smile forming. you bit your lips shut as you stepped into the spotlight, squinting slightly as people clapped for you. you sighed and looked out at the crowd, seeing their wonder, and took the mic from where it was on the stand.

“hello,” you took a deep breath in as you moved onto your other foot, your free hand pulling at the loose strings on your jeans. they all looked at you expectantly and your eyes found your sisters as they shouted and hollered for you. “i hate you guys.” the room erupted in soft chuckles and you turned to your left where the person controlling the karaoke stood. you stepped out of the light and told them what song you wanted to do then you took your original spot.

your stomach rolled as the song began and you calmed myself as everyone waited. you looked away from them and towards the bar, tapping your foot to keep with the tempo. you smiled when the crowd cheered at the song choice.

“listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise,” you sang softly, not really finding it in you to belt out the lyrics like your sisters knew you would. you sang this song so many times growing up and they always said they loved hearing you sing it. your head started to bob and you grabbed the mic stand, hanging onto it like you needed support. you weren’t drunk enough to do this willingly. “running in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies.”

“woo!” the crowd cheered, but you mostly heard your sisters in the back.

you grinned to yourself and closed your eyes, stomping your foot on the wooden stage. “and if you don’t love me now, you will never love me again. i can still hear you saying you would never break the chain.” you repeated the chorus with an even bigger grin, finally getting the courage to look out into the crowd. you didn’t need the tv behind you or the smaller one for the words.

as the next verse came, your eyes landed on a guy jogging through the crowd to the stage. you watched him curiously while singing the words, sometimes not remembering what they were with your distraction. he grabbed an extra mic from the person sitting off to the side and you looked at both of them nervously, wondering what was happening. the guy stepped onto the stage with you and your eyes nearly popped out of your head as you heard louder cheers. you couldn’t take your eyes off of the very familiar face standing in front of me and you didn’t know how to take it or what the hell you were even doing up there. you looked at your sisters where they sat and saw their shock too at harry freaking styles next to you. your eyes found his as you both were in the spotlight and you gripped the microphone anxiously, your voice shaking a little.

harry was grinning as he sang. “break the silence, damn the dark, damn the light.”

you were completely stunned, but you still managed to sing, and very lowly. harry nodded at you before the chorus and you quickly found your voice, putting the mic in the stand as he did the same beside you. you didn’t want to look away from him in fear that he would disappear and you would realize you were either dreaming or hallucinating. if this was real, then what the hell was he doing here? how did harry styles get on stage to sing the chain with you? why did he do that too?

your eyes slipped shut and he disappeared, but his voice still rang in your ears as you sang the chorus. you had to be dreaming. the was insane. there was no way harry was next to you, singing karaoke with you in a bar in seattle in the dead of winter. there was just no way that it could be true and you didn’t want to believe it. when you opened your eyes while still singing the words, camera flashes shined in your eyes. you looked over and found harry still there, his hands wrapped around the mic and his eyes closed. your stomach flipped when he looked over at you as you finished the repeated choruses and the instrumental started. you couldn’t help but laugh away from the mic, covering your mouth. he clapped with the beat and your boot tapped the floor as you started to focus on the music again. you closed your eyes and let it seep into your ears as your body swayed, your hand dropping from your mouth and joining in the motion of your body. you listened to the guitar solo and opened your eyes, seeing harry move back to the mic, still clapping his hands and getting the crowd to join in.

you sang the last lines with grins and it was overwhelming the response you got after the song finished. you kept hearing “encore”, but you were too nervous to do another song. harry held his hand up to high five you after you hopped off the stage and your skin smacked as he leaned in to say something.

“you were amazing!”

your jaw slacked as phones flashed towards you. “thank you. that’s very nice of you to say.”

“i mean it.” he nodded and held out his hand for you to shake. “what’s your name?”

“y/n.”

“i’m harry,” he shouted back over the new song playing now with someone else on the stage. you were less nervous now that the spotlight was off of you, except for some cell phone cameras.

“i know who you are.” you laughed, looking up at him. he was much taller than you thought or maybe you were just really short.

“may i get you a drink?”

your beer was probably still cold and there was no point having him waste money on another. “i have one already at my table. would you like to come join me?”

he nodded and you went to the bar so he could get himself a drink first then you led him over to your table where your sisters were. less eyes were on you now and it made you feel better knowing that and knowing that harry wasn’t swarmed. you couldn’t imagine having all of that attention. you introduced him to your sisters and they stared at first when harry and you sat at the end of the table away from them, but you kept giving them looks as the two of you talked. you ended up sitting there for most of the night and you asked him why he was in seattle and what brought him to the bar and anything you could in whatever amount of time you had with him. you told him very minor things about yourself when he asked and you started to feel comfortable with him. it started to feel as though he wasn’t a huge celebrity, but instead just a normal guy you meet at any bar in any city. it was nice and you hoped you made him feel that way too.

harry leaned across the table toward you with your beers in front of you and talked into your ear over the loud music. “i really enjoyed our conversation, y/n. i’m glad i got on that stage and sang with you. unfortunately, i have an early start tomorrow so i have to go.”

you nodded, understanding completely. you weren’t sure what time it was anyways. you hoped you didn’t keep him there for too long. “it was very nice meeting you, harry.” you held your hand out to him to shake again.

“thank you for singing with me, y/n.” you shook hands and watched as he got up from the table, giving your sisters at the other end a small wave. you grinned to yourself, instantly knowing that you’d hold this night very close to your heart. you weren’t sure if you would ever be able to tell anyone about it. you stood from your seat and went to join the other end. your eyes met your sister’s and she was laughing at you, but then her expression changed and her eyes widened. She motioned with her head to look behind you and turning, you found harry making his way back over to the table.

he stopped across from you and laughed at himself before speaking. “i was wondering if maybe you’d like to have a coffee sometime. with me, particularly.”

how was this happening? “i’d love to, harry.”

[musesby-rach]

So the other day (4/30) I presented a senior recital that allowed me to present some songs I’ve created over my senior year (and other years) as a music/mprt major here at ccc. Under the cut is a full breakdown of the songs, along with the recordings I made. I recorded most of the instruments you’ll hear in the recordings by myself...with the exception of some previous piano works and obviously the drums. The piano was my bandmate Sadie Temple and the drums were my brother, Abel. As a forwarning, there are some songs in here with ah...darker subjects, including references to drxg use and wars. Those are marked with a star. I promise you they’re not bad at all. Feel free to pick up a CD on the way out which are the fully produced songs! 

1. Boring https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4QL8_3zP7Q

“I decided to open up my recital with Boring. This song was created in response to a sort of...need to have a song that summed up my existence as a kid growing up in the 2000s. It’s inspired from old music by the Strokes and those sort of outro songs you hear from some of the early 2000s movies. I had released this track on my txmblr maybe a month or so before this recital started and this is one track that’s kind of changed the most over the semester. You won’t hear it immediately...but, heh, I’ll let you get through the recital before I say anymore.” 

2. Better Than Me https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFDT5HWYVKA 

“I was very tempted to open my recital with this song but it lacked the same lazy energy Boring did. This song is a laughable attempt at making my self loathing humor a bit more palatable. I wrote the riff lyrics “everyone is better than me” years ago in a notebook and this came from a weird place of self loathing. I just thought...jeez I kinda need to lighen up a bit -- what better way to make this a bit lighter than to make fun of myself a bit and throw in some random theatrics. This song features my bandmate Sadie Temple on piano, hope you like it. 

-- This is also the first instance of me making up names to fit in rhymes before anyone asks who Nathan is. I don’t know any Nathans, thanks.” 

3. Visitation of a Ghost * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arFK8InsFkk

* = drug use

“This next song really is a bit of a wild card. I intended it to be a halloween song that I released, but something in production just got wacky and I never got around to doing it. I can’t exactly tell you what this song was inspired by, I just know the majority of these songs were me playing around noises before coming up with a crazy idea. At the end of it, I just sort of ended up with a murder mystery that I had no idea what to do with. I hope you get a weird vibe from it, when I sent this track to my brother he said it freaked him out a bit.  

-- also, I swear I’m not on any drugs I just needed to set the scene for things to go wrong so that line pertaining to drugs is right at the beginning. I promise I’m fine.”

4. Creep You Out https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCyRY8jqpkw

“So this song is in a notably different style than the rest of the songs you’ll hear on this recital. For one, I changed my style of voice from the style that I normally use to a bit more of a nasaly tone. Additionally, this song in itself was a big experimentation I had with different synth and keyboard noises. The song essentially started with two ideas: the main keyboard riff in ostinato (continually repeating) and the bass line underneath that. I wrote this song mostly because I was sick of playing songs where the bassline was boring. So I wanted to make a bassline that was as interesting as possible and had the ability to (sort of) support this weird whispy keyboard melody I created. The drums were also a very interesting portion of this song, mostly ‘cause I didn’t really write them? I let Abel do whatever he wanted when I gave him the backing track and my vocals. He just kind of came up with something that fit, and then I tweaked it a little bit just so they didn’t overpower some moving lines that I wanted to hear... The vocals were a bit of an oddity, mostly ‘cause you can’t quite tell what I’m on about until the bridge of the song. This was my weird drunk rambling about wearing my girlfriend’s clothes...her name isn’t Sarah, I just have weird issues with putting girlfriend’s names in songs for some reason. Anyway, this is Creep You Out” 

5. Why I Don’t Smile https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBFeNV3P9FU

“So the title is purposefully misleading. It sounds like it’s supposed to be sad when in reality it’s a bit of a joke...That seems to be the running theme of tonight’s recital: Oliver Elliot is a bit of a joke. Anyway, I wrote this song maybe a couple years ago in response to this sort of weird comment I always got “why don’t I smile.” For anyone that’s known me for a long time, they know that I’ve been through a lot -- I’m a lot better now, really, I am. But sometimes I don’t seem all that happy. But it turns out...it’s just kinda my face, I’m not sad, I’m not down, everything fine. I just don’t need to smile 100 times a day to prove that I’m alright. This song kind of is an attempt to make fun of that a bit.” 

6. I Will, Tonight * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-_KISB159M * = topics of war 

“So I put the warning in this song for the vaguest of reasons. This song was inspired by the wave of songs that were released about this...horrid fear of nuclear fallout? About a year ago my favorite band at the time released a song that kind of candidly talked about it, and needless to say it freaked me out a bit. So I took a bit of a happier spin on the topic and made that feeling a little more palatable for me to deal with. This song features solos from my bandmate Sadie Temple on piano because Lord knows I can’t play piano as well as she can. It features a solo from Axel Spader, my brother in law on rhythm guitar. It also features a nice bass solo from Acadia Elliot, my sister in law.”

7. Bike Ride  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ar15s2I2vdM

“This is a song I wrote awhile ago. I can’t even remember where the inspiration for this came from. The only major change to it is the fact that it’s no longer acoustic or slow. It’s a bit dancy and it’s a nice way to sort of end the fast pace part of the recital. Hope you like it.”

8. Le Veilo Pour Deux https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HD0iZilkDFQ

“So this is a bit of a sappy song, ha. For those of you who don’t know...I’m planning to propose to my girlfriend one of these days. She knows it’s coming one day, I know it’s coming one day. So I wrote this song around the time I knew I was gonna marry this girl. This song is dedicated to Iris.” 

9. Boring (Slow) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rU_-TPBQtO0

“So remember in the beginning of the recital where I said that Boring had a big rework? Or at least hinted at it? Well the moment has finally arrived. Here’s my last song of the recital. I promise you this isn’t the same song you heard at the beginning. This song was kind of inspired from a bunch of assignments I was given in the last month of school. I was instructed to take a song and reproduce it for a different effect, this kind of served as a final project that I would include in my recital. I was also tasked with a bunch of different things: one obviously was to finish school unscathed, and the other was to figure out how the heck to play piano to pass another class I was taking. So I decided to challenge myself and write a song that heavily featured piano...but as something that I could play. Boring was a song that I felt really strongly about, and I knew I could easily rework it to fit my skills. This resulted in...well this version, a much slower ballad. This also allowed me a bunch of different orchestration opportunities such as arranging a small string section (played by Acadia and Axel). I hope you like this reworked version, it took a lot to get it done.” 

(Encore) Die Alone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EChs3eKvTKs

“This is literally the best song I’ve ever written, and it’d be a dang shame if I didn’t play this as an encore piece. Thanks for coming to listen to me play, thank you to my friends for supporting me once again! Please pick up a CD your way out. This is Die Alone.” 

[callunavulgari]

“In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away”

Heather’s Top 25 50 Songs of 2018!

guts — alex winston // sweet dreams — mark hadley // africa — toto // go to war — nothing more // smallest light — ingrid michaelson // my friends — oh wonder // knocking on heaven’s door — raign // rememberance — balmorhea // hazy shade of winter — hidden citizens // time after time — joseph william morgan // live in the moment — portugal. the man // killmonger — ludwig goransson // daddy issues — the neighbourhood // no roots — alice merton // run for your life — k.flay // play with fire — sam tinnesz // the sailor song — autoheart // warrior — steve james // IV. sweatpants — childish gambino // hello — via audio // daddy — emeli sande // paradise valley — honey and the sting // attila the king — nick glennie-smith // foolish — lauren shippen // experience — ludovico einaudi // singing in the rain — through juniper vale //  hello stranger — barbara lewis // end credits suite — nicholas britell // ahead by a century — the tragically hip // achilles come down — gang of youths // without you — leslie odom jr. // natural — imagine dragons // sky full of song — florence & the machine // broken people — logic & rag’n’bone man // flesh and bone — black math // nina cried power— hozier // kol nidrey — the yuval ron ensemble //  stronger — the score // rise like a phoenix — conchita wurst // heroes — mans zelmerlow // cut to the feeling — carly rae jepson // the greatest show — hugh jackman // the plains/bitter dancer — fleet foxes // always starting over — idina menzel // if i could turn back time — cher // new rules — dua lipa // fernando — cher // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // movement — hozier // seasons of love — rent cast

short version | long version

so, fun fact. if you start a playlist in january and add a song every time you really love it or find yourself listening to it a lot, by december you find yourself with... a very, very large playlist. 261 songs, 17 hours and 17 minutes large to be precise. which hey, last year the mix was 262 so that’s a pretty spot on average.

i sort of prefer the long one, but i mean, hey. there’s large playlists, and then there’s listing all 261 songs. so i broke it down into a moderately more digestible abridged version with only 50 songs. if you want the original playlist, the link is there. have fun. til then though, here’s my 50 most played.

i. guts || alex winston i know you're a liar, throw me into the fire man i should have known, i should have known god damn you're a liar, threw me into the fire

This song is one of those where the catchy jingle sort of hides that the meat of it is relatively dark. It’s a gorgeous song, one that I listened to for most of January, and off and on throughout the rest of the year. Alex Winston’s voice is like a dream. ii. sweet dreams || mark hadley ft. dresage Hold your head up Keep your head up, movin' on

This song I actually listened to a lot at the tale end of 2017, because it was released as part of the Wrinkle In Time trailer and it was absolutely gorgeous. This year, I found it on a Stranger Things fanvid and it’s been on my Stranger Things mix ever since.

iii. africa || toto I hear the drums echoing tonight But she hears only whispers of some quiet conversation She's coming in, 12:30 flight The moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me towards salvation

Speaking of songs that are on my Stranger Things playlist... I’m kind of at a loss as to why this got so freaking popular this year. I mean, it is a truly dope song and I’m super fond of it but like. Was it Stranger Things? Did it just become that anthem of the year? For me, it was that I wrote fanfiction to it and also we played it on loop while we were playing beer liquor pong on vacation. It was... super surreal. iv. go to war || nothing more Hush, my baby, make no sound Maybe we can wait each other out It's a cold war Let's go to war So, this song I actually heard driving home from my friend Alex’s after marathoning a few episodes of The Flash and it just hit me super hard. I mean, it’s a great song for my kind of ships, but also, it’s just a great song. v. smallest light || ingrid michaelson Just because you don't see us Doesn't mean that we don't exist Sometimes the smallest light Shines so bright I think I originally found this song on the Watercast playlist on spotify? And I really liked it, because I like most of the songs on that playlist, but like. I was driving to work one day and like, just got hit with the biggest plot bunny for Will and El as siblings. And like, I just had that bunny and this song percolating in my head for the rest of the day, and the song just kind of stuck with me. This song is Will and El’s anthem. vi. my friends || oh wonder Can I beat within your heart? Can I bleed within your love? Oh my friends

Okay, so like show of hands- who here has read We Were Liars? This is a mostly hypothetical question because I’m not sure anyone actually pays attention to these anymore but I like them, so fuck it. Point is, I was listening to the watercast playlist a lot while reading that book and this song was playing when we made certain discoveries that most of us had already guessed, and it made me cry. vii. knocking on heaven’s door || raign It's gettin' dark, too dark to see I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door

This fanvid happened around the time I was writing that Will and El as siblings fic and I basically played it and the video that inspired the next song on the list on repeat until I finished. This cover is lovely and haunting and just, such a freaking earworm.

viii. remembrance || balmorhea instrumental Yeah, this is the video. I actually used this song in a fanvid of my own a couple years ago, when I got to make a fanvid for @iki-teru​‘s fantastic Yuffie-centric fic All Through the Circling Years which... I can no longer find, so maybe it was taken down? Either way, I loved the song immensely before, but that fanvid with Hopper is so fucking tragic and beautiful. ix. hazy shade of winter || hidden citizens Seasons change with the scenery Weaving time in a tapestry Won't you stop and remember me

There... are a lot of songs on here that are also on my Stranger Things playlist. And I’m a sucker for haunting covers. x. time after time || joseph william morgan If you fall I will catch you, I will be waiting Time after time This is the last of the Stranger Things songs. Well, at least the last of the ones that aren’t Harringrove related. Another fanvid that caught me off guard, because just. Damn. There are so many beautiful fanvids for this fandom, it kills me dead. xi. live in the moment || portugal. the man Come back Sunday morning With that soul to sell When you're gone Goodbye, so long, farewell Not 100% sure where I first heard this one, but it stayed with me for a good portion of the spring and summer. I discovered their song feel it still around this time last year too, so clearly they’re just a real good jam for when you want to feel the sun on your back. xii. killmonger || ludwig goransson instrumental

There are a couple songs from the Black Panther soundtrack on the longer version of this mix, three from the score and one, maybe two from the credits. I freaking loved that movie so damn much, but it’s soundtrack blew my goddamn mind. It is literally all I listened to for weeks, and this song in particular fucked me right the hell up. Just listen to the flutes and the bass. Just, damn. Killmonger, you’ve got the best theme in the entire movie. xiii. daddy issues || the neighbourhood I'd do whatever I could do I'd run away and hide with you I love that you got daddy issues And I do too And heeeere it is. This was the first song that I associated with Harringrove for uh, very obvious reasons. Definitely had this and a few others on repeat whenever I had to write sexy scenes for the boys. xiv. no roots || alice merton I like digging holes and hiding things inside them When I'll grow old, I hope I won't forget to find them 'Cause I've got memories and travel like gypsies in the night

This song hits the same part of me that fell absolutely in love with Guts when I first heard it. Alice Merton’s voice is just fantastic. xv. run for your life || k.flay Bite off the venomous head Follow the chemical scent Look for the hole in the fence Take everything you demand

I got to see K.Flay in concert sometime late last year, and even though I didn’t know her very well (I told my friend that I’d see K.Flay with him if he saw Glass Animals with me) her music was sweet enough that I could appreciate the concert even knowing none of the songs. Let me tell you though, I fucking wish she’d played this song then because holy fuck. xvi. play with fire || sam tinnesz Insane, inside the danger gets me high Can't help myself got secrets I can't tell I love the smell of gasoline I light the match to taste the heat Kuroshitsuji is something I haven’t really thought about in like half a decade. And then I ended up seeing this vid while I was waiting for my connecting plane to arrive so I could go see my family. I only saw the damn thing because it was made by the same person who did this one, which I hunted down because I was reading Yuri On Ice fic on the plane and the point is: pingvi is amazing and all of their vids are a goddamn delight. xvii. the sailor song || autoheart I was your sailor, your demon Your lover, your overbearing best friend Hoping for some attention

So, while I was down visiting my family sometime during the spring, I had a brief dizzying spiral where I fell head over face into the Pacific Rim fandom, because Uprising quite emphatically fucked me up. Anyway, because of this I spent the night after I saw it scrolling through fanart and reading half a decade old fanfiction while my brother was trying to make me pay attention to him. And yeah, that’s how I found this art and listened to this song for like the rest of the fucking year. xviii. warrior || steve james I got my head high, my chest out, my eyes open wide I got no fear, got no doubt and, god, I feel alive I'm not stopping for ya, I'm a fucking warrior

My brother showed me a bunch of fanvids on my first day down there, but my favorite was this one, because I’d recently watched Little Witch Academia and this was so freaking cute and all kinds of lovely. xix. iv. sweatpants || childish gambino Rich kid, asshole: paint me as a villain

Another thing that happened to me that week was the discovery of lipgallagher’s fantastic harringrove fic (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out. Which is all kinds of great and lead me to this song and the realization that Donald Glover does music? xx. hello || via audio How could it be Someone could find me Too scary to say hello to This was one of the songs on Damien’s fanmix from The Bright Sessions. And because The Bright Sessions suckerpunched me with feelings, I spent like a month straight listening to that mix and getting into that garbage man’s headspace. It was wonderful. xxi. daddy || emeli sande He's out your system yeah it took you a while You got your family back and you got your smile And you promised your sister that you'd never go back again I spent the better half of this year shipping Harringrove and Mark/Damien, which are both ships that are... well, not exactly the healthiest of relationships. Mark/Damien fucking ruined me. Listening to the last bit of The Bright Sessions was basically physically painful because like, okay. Logically I know that Damien is a garbage person. But also, he’s got a shitty power that would lead to some pretty interesting moral dilemmas even if you were a normal nice person (cough cough Mark), and like. They’re both so fucked up and Damien is so in love with Mark even if he’s not entirely sure how to be a fucking person and I have never had a pairing come after me as hard as this one did. Like it really came after me. Anyway, this was my true Damien/Mark anthem, because it’s fucking perfect and awful and fantastic and I just want them back in my life, guys.

xxii. paradise valley || honey and the sting In the past I lay out on the land Stretched my legs felt my chest expand If we could flow together someday Then we will float away

This here is my most played track of 2018. I first heard it during the special two hour episode of Wolf 359 and the whole end of that episode just blew my mind. So I immediately went to spotify, found it, and have basically listened to it all year since then. It helps that Nick loves it too, so every once in a while he’ll be playing it, which reminds me why I love it and just. It’s so soulful and beautiful.

xxiii. attila the king || nick glennie-smith instrumental

Yeah, I literally have no idea how this made it to the top 50 much less the top five, but apparently it did. It is really good writing music, but still.

xxiv. foolish || lauren shippen The impossible happens every day No matter what you do it won’t go away Don’t ask for more But then what are you waiting for

This was my year for podcasts - in one year I fell in love with Wolf 359, The Bright Sessions, and EOS 10 all over again when it came back for its third season. Near the end of the series though, The Bright Sessions did a musical episode! I listened to it in my car on my way to work and basically spent the entire freaking time smiling like an idiot. Truly my favorite episode. xxv. experience || ludovico einaudi instrumental

The Sense8 finale came out in June and it was absolutely wonderful. This song was playing during the last scene of the series and I fucking cried my eyes out. The song itself is fucking gorgeous, but what’s more is it made that last scene so much more than it would have been if they’d chosen any other song. It truly was, and forgive the corniness, a fucking experience. xxvi. singing in the rain || through juniper I'm singin' in the rain Just singin' in the rain What a glorious feeling I'm happy again I went through a phase in June-July where I checked out a bunch of old movies from the library. The first one was Philadelphia, because it was mentioned in the musical episode of The Bright Sessions and I just really wanted to watch it? But I also picked up Singing In The Rain, because I’d never seen it before and just, damn. I watched it before work and it was raining that day and the drive to work was the most fun because I just listened to different covers of the song and sang my heart out, and I was just so damn happy. It was dumb, and nice, and it probably going to be one of my happiest memories that I take with me into the new year. xxvii. hello stranger || barbara lewis Hello, stranger (ooh) It seems so good to see you back again How long has it been? (ooh, seems like a mighty long time)

I also watched Moonlight sometime in late June. It was one of those quiet nights where nothing really seems good enough, where you feel just a little bit empty inside and nothing is helping. So I watched the movie and read @notbecauseofvictories​‘s A Cornstalk Fiddle on my back porch afterwards and the movie combined with the fic and the music turned that quiet empty night into something just as quiet, but a million times more full. Another good memory from 2018 that’ll stay with me for awhile.

xxviii. end credits suite | nicholas britell instrumental From the end credits of Moonlight - I played both this and Hello Stranger on repeat while I finished up the fic I mentioned above.

xxix. ahead by a century | the tragically hip No dress rehearsal This is our life

I watched Anne With An E. I was sad a lot at the time, and got to a part early on in the second season that kind of lead me into an uncomfortable headspace so I actually still haven’t finished it? But it was really nice for awhile, and I hope to go back and finish it sometime.

xxx. achilles come down | gang of youths Just humour us, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won’t you get up off, get up off the roof?

I’m not 100% sure where I found this song either? My gut reaction is that it was a song I found while I was reading either The Cruel Prince or The Goblin Emperor, but I’m not sure. Good song, though.

xxxi. without you | leslie odom jr. The earth turns The sun burns But I die Without you

Oh man, I found this cover one night while I was reading, and like, I was reading, so at first I didn’t really process what I was hearing, just that it was familiar and that I liked it. And then my brain connected the dots and I looked up and saw that it was a cover by Leslie Odom Jr and immediately restarted the song and just listened.

xxxii. natural | imagine dragons Deep inside me, I'm fading to black, I'm fading Took an oath by the blood of my hand, won't break it I can taste it, the end is upon us, I swear Yeah. I like Imagine Dragons. Honestly though - this one might not have made the cut if I hadn’t heard it a few months later on an EOS 10 playlist.

xxxiii. sky full of song | florence & the machine Grab me by my ankles I've been flying for too long I couldn't hide from the thunder In the sky full of song So, a while back there was that video going around where Florence literally sang this song while a storm started up around her, and like, that was the first time I heard this song? That was the first I heard that she even came out with a new album, so I basically sat down and listened to the whole thing, but this one was still my favorite.

xxxiv. broken people | logic & rag’n’bone man Broken we ain't beaten There's no glory in defeat We won't fall into the cracks between our streets

I uh, may have watched a couple fanvids after Infinity War. This was one of them.

xxxv. flesh and bone | black math Break the truth inside of me Climbed down to hell on the devil’s tree I clutched a branch of soot and flame The thought that rose, to scorch my feet

I walk alone Beside myself Nowhere to go

This was another.

xxxvi. nina cried power | hozier It's not the song, it is the singin' It's the heaven of the human spirit ringin' It is the bringin' of the line It is the bearin' of the lie It's not the wakin', it's the risin'

So last year Take Me To Church made it to my Top 38 or whatever I had it narrowed down to, mostly because I went through a Les Mis phase. But I kind of joked on that post last year about Hozier releasing an album next year and how unlikely it was, and lo, here we have it. Maybe not a full length album, but five new beautiful songs.

xxxvii. kol nidrey | the yuval ron ensemble Nidrana lo nidrei, V'essarana lo essarei Ush'vuatana lo shevuot. Maggie Stiefvater posted this song to her blog a couple months ago and I was really fond of it. It’s incredibly beautiful.

xxxviii. stronger | the score I do this with conviction I write truths and never fiction My disease is what you fed I can't stop with my ambition

Oh look, another Marvel fanvid.

xxxix. rise like a phoenix || conchita wurst I rise up to the sky You threw me down but I'm gonna fly So honestly, basically the rest of the mix are songs from Ryan’s OR mix which is an official EOS 10 playlist. It’s phenomenal, and I basically spent all of October and some of November getting stuck on various songs in the mix. xl. heroes || mars zelmerlow Don't tell the gods I left a mess I can't undo what has been done Let's run for cover

Yup. Giving me feels and also super catchy.

xli. cut to the feeling | carly rae jepson Ah, I wanna cut through the clouds, break the ceiling I wanna dance on the roof, you and me alone I wanna cut to the feeling, oh yeah Okay, but like - why did nobody tell me that Carly Rae Jepson had other songs and they were super fucking catchy? I spent the last few days of being a waitress driving to work blaring this and the last two songs and it did fucking wonders for my mood.

xlii. the greatest show | hugh jackman Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for (woah) Been searching in the dark, your sweat soaking through the floor (woah) And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore Taking your breath, stealing your mind And all that was real is left behind

Breaking news, The Greatest Showman was amazing and I cried. I fucking missed hearing Hugh Jackman sing, and like the fucking lead up, of starting the movie with this song and then ENDING it with this song, with that performance, with those fucking lines (this is the moment you’ve waited for) - was so goddamn energizing. I just could not fucking deal.

xliii. the plains/bitter dancer | fleet foxes I should have known one day you would come All of us walk so blind in the sun Midnight feeder, beggar pleader

Okay, okay. So there's this playlist called Wet Black Leaves that I listened to a lot when I started my new job, throughout rainy October and November, everything was just a little too wet and a little too cold, and this whole mix is so atmospheric and gorgeous. I absolutely adore it.

xliv. always starting over | idina menzel Am I always Starting over? In a brand new story Am I always Back at one After all I've done?

The finale of Wolf 359 fucked everyone up, right? Yeah, obviously. Okay, well the final episode of season 3 of EOS 10 also fucked me right the hell up. Like we’re talking messy crying in the car on the way to your like second or third day at the new job. Anyway, I kind of spiraled and then I went back and listened to Ryan’s mix and found this song and just wanted to kick my heart around for awhile.

xlv. if i could turn back time | cher If I could reach the stars I'd give 'em all to you Then you'd love me, love me, like you used to do If I could turn back time MESSY CRYING. But like, I also really like this song. So MESSY CRYING and also screaming all these words as loudly as I can within the relatively safe confines of my car. I guarantee you that people next to me at stop lights thought that I’d gone through a messy breakup.

xlvi. new rules | dua lipa Three: Don't be his friend You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him Okay, but also some of the Ryan songs were catchy in a not heart breaking way, unless you think about the untold story of what exactly went on between Ryan and Akmazian and fill in the blanks and break your own heart.

xlvii. fernando | cher There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando They were shining there for you and me

Cher did an entire cover album of Abba songs in like, late October, I think? And like, my little gay heart fucking exploded and I listened to Cher singing ABBA songs for like three whole weeks and it was fucking fantastic. This... was actually not my favorite of the bunch until I went into a Barnes and Noble to pick up a copy of The Wise Man’s Fear and had a completely transformative experience when I heard it playing softly over the stacks.

xlviii. it’s quiet uptown | kelly clarkson If I could spare his life If I could trade his life for mine He’d be standing here right now And you would smile, and that would be enough

And after a brief detour into delightful cher/abba combinations we’re back to tragic EOS 10 songs. Additionally, I’m sick of Hamilton songs fucking me up. I get to see it in person in 2019 and I’m going to make a fool of myself when I cry my eyes out in front of Nick and our friends.

xlix. movement | hozier So move me, baby Shake like the bough of a willow tree You do it naturally

And just when I thought we were just going to get the four songs out of Hozier in 2018, we got this gem, which I think I like more than all the others.

l. seasons of love | rent cast Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes How do you measure the life Of a woman or a man?

I will never be over this song. I will never be over this musical. Merry Christmas, guys.