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stripedstarsblueflags · 3 months ago

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i didn't win the wheel: episode 4

here we go, episode 4! compared to some of the others, pretty understated, but it's definitely one of my favorites. why? I'LL TELL YOU WHY (that's what i do) (and that's what you're here for) (i think)

Logan: "Whoever can guess the most fake team names–" leans in dramatically and smirks at the camera– "gets to spin that wheel."

Alex: "It's our biggest highlight of the weekend."

okay SO! episode 4, and here we're introducing one of my favorite things about this whole series. i've said it before, i'll say it again; alex thinks this is stupid. he enjoys doing the challenges and messing around with logan (obviously) and i think he enjoys being given an actual reason to do something silly and weird, he just thinks the concept is dumb. but he's starting to become endeared to it, more amused than annoyed. and logan is picking up on this, as he has been the whole time. so far logan has been a little gremlin, knowing when and what and how to annoy alex as he fumbles through this ridiculousness. and something that will become a theme of this show **that starts today** is logan starts his own bit just for alex– the camera gets right in on it too. look at that ridiculous random close-up. he stares right into the lens with the most plastic game-show-host raised eyebrow/smiling eyes ever. he does that stupid thing hosts do when they hype up something so much it literally almost gets freaky, like he's trying to be straight up seductive talking about That Wheel ™, and to alex– underwhelmed, fed-up, "why am i here" alex, this is fucking hilarious. as soon as logan delivers the line he leans back to look at alex because he knows exactly how that joke will land. and he's right. alex goes from just fidgeting on the table and staring at literally nothing to smiling for the first time, shaking his head, and then picking up to continue the bit. and logan's so proud of himself that he's brought this little twist of humor, he looks at alex waiting for the reaction, almost tantalizing himself and of course alex reacts exactly how logan thought he would and his smile goes from playful and mischievous to just genuinely endeared

also, let's talk a little bit about how the game progresses; "real-or-fake" with some bizarre football team names. for the first third, maybe even half of the game, the dynamic is pretty predictable. alex looks confused, doubtful. he does all his thinking out loud, mulling over either option, looking behind the camera at the questioners as if he can trick them into giving something away. logan sits back quietly, thoughtfully, and gives a one-word answer while alex rambles. but as the game goes on, we see logan start to kind of open up. he responds with a little bit more expression, even a tiny bit of emotion in his voice, and eventually he starts thinking out loud just like alex is doing. only while alex is thinking out loud to the staff, waiting for some hint of an answer, logan is thinking out loud to alex. turning his head. not saying a whole lot but only delivering his answer to the crew and then turning around to see how alex will react. they both start to remember it's a competition, alex with "i've got to catch you somehow" (oh do you) and logan "you could've brought it back!" (oh could he). it goes from a challenge to a game.

eh, nothing much to say about this particular moment. just logan leaning into alex waiting on his answer. just alex failing again in the same way (thinking it's too fake to be fake) and logan celebrating his win. just alex tossing his head in logan's direction with a sheepish smile and then logan tilting his head up slowly and gazing at alex and taunting him with his eyes. just logan saying "two up, baby!" while smiling at alex and then alex laughing again and then immediately having to turn away and cast his eyes down. just that i guess.

THIS! okay yes this is a pivotal moment!

we've seen physical contact in grid friendships before. a lot. like a lot a lot (if you're racing with carlos sainz, i mean come on, what are you expecting). it's natural, it's comfortable, it's even expected– so many of these guys have literally grown up racing against each other. formula 1 isn't anyone's first-year orientation, most of them have either known each other or known of each other for years. with some people it's different; oscar isn't super big on physical contact. zhou's level of introversion is like if a cat became a monk (which i admire). with these two in particular, with each other– it's not that they don't like contact or that it just doesn't come naturally, but the concept itself holds a certain level of anxiety. they're complete opposites. even on the same team, their situations and environments are so different, it's like they don't even have that solid ground to share. logan is alone at williams, alex is their golden boy even though everyone (including himself) knows that he's outperforming that car. and they both have to put on a smile and carry their team's image off track because the car can't do it on track. by all means their relationship should be strained, especially in these "hey can you guys pretend to be happy for us" videos, or at the very least hold a professional sort of iciness. so physical affection? why would that even come up? but throughout this series they've both tried leaning into each other, looking a little too close, holding eye contact for maybe a bit longer than expected. and it's not just one person making the move, it's both of them testing the waters at random intervals, hesitant and anxious and double-checking for approval immediately before or after. earlier in the video logan half-raises his arm and almost leans into alex like he's planning to reach out and shies away, thinks better of it. and then alex gets something right and he's so happy about it and still at the point where he's surprised to be getting anything right at all and logan just reaches out and gives him that reassuring pat on the knee. like bros do. except his expression turns totally flat when he does and his voice gets kind of flat too and nonchalant and he's nervous as fuck and trying to hide it because this is like a test. he doesn't know how alex is going to react and he's forcing himself to be as casual as possible to the point where it stands out because now alex has to be as casual as possible and there's no chance to make it weird. except what alex does is yeah he laughs and he's happy that he scored and then he turns and looks at logan and suddenly the happiness intensifies and his smile is so much brighter and that's when logan reaches out and alex is almost surprised at the touch but he's not and it's just sweet and smooth and comfortable

YES OKAY HERE WE GO! so logan is an overthinker by nature and definitely so after that one knee pat (he's totally thinking in circles about this). he still glances at alex *a lot* but suddenly now his glances are fleeting, at one point he's in the process of turning his head and he literally interrupts his own movements to turn around and look back to the questioner. and up to this point he doesn't reach out again at all. BUT alex is actually catching up with the game and he finally gets the question that ties their score and then he reaches out? and literally makes the most awkward noise possible it's like "heeEeeuh" because he's trying to laugh and he's trying to say like hey look at that i beat you but now he's ALSO overthinking. because he's nervous and trying to read the right signals but he knows he's excited and he knows that logan's set a tone and he's making the same move with the same amount of apprehension. it almost looks forced because they don't do this they don't know how to do this but they're figuring it out and they're comfortable and they're realizing that maybe this doesn't have to be scary and maybe they can just be this with each other!!

UH YEAH WHAT DID I SAYYY! alex is getting more excited as he starts finally getting ahead in the game. the names are just as weird, he and logan both put as much thought (probably too much) into figuring out if they're real or not, but the reactions just get more and more intense on the answers. as they find out who's correct. and logan's happier and he's getting bolder and he's both shocked and elated like "this worked?? this is okay now??" and now compared to his usual somewhat sedate mannerisms he's like all over alex. it doesn't look like something that comes naturally to him, it looks awkward, it looks too thought-out... because it is. because he's waiting for someone to tell him to stop. he's waiting to feel like he's doing the wrong thing because good things can never last. but alex isn't pushing him away or moving his chair away or giving any sort of sign that he wants this tone to change. instead he's like letting logan move him, kind of like either relaxing or melting into him to the point where he's letting logan push him around and he keeps doing that smiling/eyes light up/suddenly too much/look away combo that we know is just teasing logan at this point. and they both look nervous and uncertain and so much less sure but so much more energized than anything this series has brought us before.

[prize wheel lands on Alex mini helmet]

Logan: "It's signed, too."

Alex (turning to Logan, absolute 😯 oh no! 😯 moment): "It is?"

[they both burst out laughing]

oh no, how could they do this to me? code ultramarine blue because this has officially killed me. "it's signed, too" logan doing his little game-show host bit that made alex laugh earlier?? alex having zoned out already, being completely lost and then turning to logan with the most sorrowful confused expression (instead of, i don't know, the TEAM WHO ARE FACILITATING THIS EVENT) and asking in that stupid sorrowful confused voice "it is?" so quietly that the mics literally do not pick it up??? and logan meeting his gaze and realizing that yes alex is indeed completely lost about his own signature on his own merch and he just fucking cracks up and as soon as his face lights up and he smiles that big alex turns to the camera like ?? and then he bursts out laughing and logan just straight up pushes him because WE HAVE ENTERED THE REALM OF PHYSICAL CONTACT and at first alex is just laughing at the camera/in general but then as soon as logan's hand is on him and after he's just absolute heart eyes for logan and guys please it's not even that funny but they're in each other's company and in each other's presence and that makes everything exponentially better and

and you know what? i think this could've been something. i think this moment, these few moments between them, could have actually meant something to them as individuals and to their relationship as a whole because they're trying new things, neither of them are 100% comfortable with the other but they want to be. "i know this is silly and i know we have to look and act a certain way right now but i want you to know that i'm having fun because i'm with you. and i don't want this to be just another front that we have to put on because there's something about this that makes me wish it was different. that we could be just us and we could just have fun without the cameras, without a bribe, without some motivation for some other things. i want to be this comfortable with you and i like playing this role for you and i like who you are to me when we're like this, and i wish it was real i wish it can be real"

i think it could've been something if the rest of the season hadn't just been a torturous, meticulous, agonizing campaign to break logan down. the self-confidence, humor, affection, boldness in this video? this is at a time when something like that could still happen at least a little bit off camera. unorchestrated. in general. and then we arrive at a point where logan has fallen so deep in these shadows that bringing out this kind of energy takes so much work and time and so much alex that it's not something that can be taken for granted and it's not something that will ever indicate anything else outside of whatever particular video and that–

that's not fair

episode 5

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