#AND IS THAT HIS TICKET INTO HERMITCRAFT………

[astronomodome]

Wait this is so cool actually

[salesperson-competition]

ROUND 1 - GOODTIMESWITHSCAR vs XÛR, AGENT OF THE NINE

Would GodTimesWithScar sell Xûr phony crystals, rocket rides, whatever there's a need for, colorful glass under the pretext that it is magic when it is really not, friendship points which are just a number saying how close of friends they are, friendship passes, an extra life, and general scams in return for money, alliances, better armor, diamonds, and not being murdered?

OR would Xûr sell GoodTimesWithScar Exotic types of weapons and armor in exchange for money (or 'whatever they are actually here for'? idk the submission was vague and idk this character, if anyone wants to elaborate further I will edit this)

PROPAGANDA

GOOD TIMES WITH SCAR

"Ladies and gentlemen, Hermitcraft's favorite capitalist! He scams everyone all the time, constantly. Scar will sell anything to anyone almost purely through his own charisma. All of Boatem's diamonds for rocket tickets in season 8, every life series, etc."

"Traffic life is a minecraft series(not scripted) in which the last one standing is the winner, seeing as this is minecraft and everyone knows what's important (like dimonds or armor) you'd think he'd have a harder time selling SIMPLE USELESS GLASS for valuables.

He also manged to convince a group that was about to kill him to buy from him.

He convinced people to give him they're armor in a SORVIVLE game."

XÛR, AGENT OF THE NINE

"This freaky, tentacle-faced guy shows up in random places, mutters something incredibly ominous about his incomprehensible masters, then offers you a sick-ass rocket launcher. His will is not his own, but your vote should be."

[emptyroominthevoid]

URGENT QUESTION!!!

The Paguroideaville Aquarium, Home to the largest collection of Sea monsters this side of Essempi.  Not the kind of place Skizz thought he’d be working, but it was his last chance. If he messed up this interview he’d be screwed. So he took a deep breath and walked in.

The lobby itself wasn’t anything particularly notable, blue walls decorated with fish, a desk for tickets, and a door to the main aquarium, the only special thing was a chart about the different types of sea monsters at the aquarium next to a staff-only door. 

He checked his phone, looking at the email he had gotten from the guy running the aquarium. It said to go into the staff only door and take two lefts until reaching the applications office. 

He walked forward and entered the door, quickly finding himself in a brightly lit corridor. The walls were covered in posters about safety, as well as pictures of various employees with an employee of the month trophy. He took the two lefts and hesitantly opened the door to the applications office, bracing himself for who would be on the other side. This was it, he failed this interview and he was done for.

Extra; Impulse and Tango are sea monsters, Zed is an employee and is specifically in charge of Tango. Those three and Skizz are the only hermits with official roles so far. I might make doc a side character mer? I’m not quite sure yet.

Seriously, if you click other please comment who it is. I can’t read minds. Especially not those of strangers.

[hatopixlriffs]

This week, on CHC:

Flowers, trees, and dragons, Oh My!

Welcome to the CHC recap, my name is Pixlriffs, our writer is ZloyXP, our physical copies printed by Lyarrah. So much has happened in the past week and a half since the last recap, so without further ado:

Let's take a look at all the events and mishaps that occurred on Camp Hermitcraft, this week!

Starting with @gem-the-oracle, who caught a nasty bug, and spent most of the week ill in the Big House. Being the Oracle of Delphi of course, absolutely nothing could go wrong! Besides, it couldn't be weirder than her vision of purple flowers that were quickly identified as Hyacinths, the same kind of flower plaguing every Apollo kid and especially Apollo himself! This spirals into madness as @sungod7-fuckyoupearl starts getting texts from none other than Daphne, known to her account name @notoriginallyatreenypmh and the sun god as "The One Who Got Away". Apollo quickly undergoes the five stages of grief as he realizes this isn't a prank and @boatboynr1- who was turned into a cat by Apollo literally ten minutes prior- berates him with yowls.

Oh, and Apollo's dead boyfriend Hyacinthus seems to have been the one sending all the flowers. How @hyancithus is doing this beats all reason as he is stuck as a Hyacinth flower and can only communicate in 🪻 emojis. Daphne claims he's able to channel energy through her and the phone she stole but refuses to elaborate further. After a minor breakdown, Apollo teleports Daphne and Hya from their temporary prison of Italy to Camp Hermitcraft, where Daphne takes her axe- also stolen- and takes a breather in the camp lake. Apollo's hands are full as he does his best to take care of his dead boyfriend, whom is still stuck as a flower. A similar rescue mission is still ongoing, as @askhermesgrian, @camphermithater, and Joel have left on a quest to go retrieve @pearl-likes-hunting from some myserious woods. All at the request of @shutupapolloplease, of course.

And what do you know, a third retrieval is also ongoing! @hatotangoftek's metal dragon, Fotia, is loose in NYC and he scrambles to get her back before he ends up in more trouble than he already is.

@undead-daughter-of-heb attempts to help Tango, but not before blacking out and waking up hours later, with the Hebe cabin rearranged, nice notes everywhere, and people claiming that Gem had briefly possessed her. The strangeness doesn't end there, as she finds and almost adopts a stray cat in camp, before eventually realizing it was @askxisumachc who'd gotten cursed while shifted and couldn't change back. Cleo takes X to Camp Jupiter, where @lovemushroomsandflowers successfully returns him to human form. Ignoring the purring, cat tail, and cat ears that stayed behind, of course. And according to Scott, Xisuma also seems to have retained cat-like attributes, such as the innate need to chase a laser pointer.

(click for better size- couldn't enlarge it w/o crunchiness) Unluckily for Scott, or maybe luckily for X, @goldenqueenfalse ended up putting him in the hospital before he could test catnip on the acting camp director. This does mean that the fashion show, which most demigods have agreed to simply call "Prom", will be delayed some time, which is fine as some campers have yet to pick out outfits.

Some campers may need to re-choose outfits after ending up back as adults, as Cleo has figured out how to control her powers! Yay for Cleo!

Chaos isn't the only thing going on, as @asktheshreeper and @boatboynr2 spend the week hanging out and even make some shopping plans!

@askscarpjo makes head bead bracelets :)

@hatorendiggitydog also wants head bead bracelets. He then proceeds to dream about Tartarus and acts like thats normal. Etho is not convinced.

@askhatoskizz is not immune to his dad's dead boyfriend and after receiving Hyacinths, decides to do something else. He decides to take @erempulse to a musical and manages to get tickets from Apollo before the whole shrubbery shenanigans (see: above) go down.

@spoonsandmustaches spends his free time playing tech support for @hato-grumbot (ooc- run by the creator of the au himself: @ahllohehn).

@askhatokeralis spends the week running camp in Xisuma's absence. He's doing fantastic.

And finally there's @askluckskall, who's been contemplating his gender identity and is seeking help from Cleo. As of writing this, we have yet to see where this is headed.

AND that's about it for this weeks recap, our writer is ZloyXP, and my name is Pixlriff, physical copies printed by Lyarrah. Don't forget to leave a like while you're here, and follow so you don't miss future recaps. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you next week.

[goldenwitherphoenix13]

A long post is under the cut, but I think we, as a fandom, moved on far too quickly from the endings of empires smp season 2.

Almost everyone got a happy ending.

Fwhip resigned from the role of the Goblin king.

Joel accended to true God hood.

Sausage grew old in sanctuary and raised Hermes to be an interdimentional warrior.

Gem finished Dawn and chose to stay in Hermitcraft because it was the best choice.

Katherine cured the curse plaguing her land.

Joey got to go on all sorts of adventures after defeating his arch-nemesis Skeletron.

Pix, while not finishing his work, got to tell the story of the ancient ruins.

Lizzie created a fully functioning city of animals to live as they want.

Shelby became one of the most powerful witches and got that date with Katherine.

Scott went off into the sunset with Owen to discover new lands and treasures to steal.

Heck, even Oli got out of debt, even if he ended up accidentally time travelling.

And while False never uploaded her finale, we can easily infer that she continued to expand her empire and make her name for herself.

Who did I miss?

Sheriff Jimmy.

The sheriff, who all the other emperors abandoned. The sheriff, nearly loosing his own identity to a joke. The sheriff, who lost his town to the fae.

Let's not forget Jimmy never left tumble town willingly. He was booted out when the fae corrupted his lands, spreading it throughout his home. He and the old sheriff, Roswell, made the best of a bad situation. I mean, what else can they do? Fight the fae? Fae are powerful creature. Not to be messed with. Fighting them is a one-way ticket to death if they don't decide to hold you a prisoner in their realm.

Jimmy also never got the chance to say goodbye to anyone. Everyone had already left him behind. Joel had accended without saying goodbye to his supposed best bud. Sausage never thought to check in on tumble town. There was no final passing of words—just a note from Fwhip.

And, let's not forget this big bit of information, the thing that still grinds my gears about empires season 2. He is the only villain of season 2 who got no closure, redemption or apology. Shelby was uncorrupted and saved. Sausage supreme was fused into Sausages soul. Skeletron was killed by Katherine, Joey and Shelby. They all got an end to their villainy, wether through being saved or killed.

Jimmy got nothing.

His ending was, in multiple ways, left unfinished. He was still bitter towards the emperors. He was still lacking any human respect. He wasn't given any apology or forgiveness. He was forced out of his home by powerful creatures, trying his best to make good of the darkness left to him.

But it's not all darkness. This isn't a bad ending. I think this end has an underlying subtext not even Jimmy planned for. Something I've seen almost no one talking about.

The sheriff walked away from a toxic environment.

Now is an excellent time to remind you that this is all about the characters. Not the actual content creators. Got it? Good.

Let's be honest. None of the characters in Empires Season 2 were 100% innocent besides maybe Katherine. Some were thieves. Some were filled with pride, some made dubious choices, and some were even a little corrupt. And Jimmy isn't an exception. He was a lil bit dishonest with power sometimes and a lil bit prideful in his name. But the sheriff wasn't evil at first. He still did things to help people. He helped Katherine arrest Joey for theft. He did his best to follow the rules, and he actively sought to stop those committing crimes and try to understand the issue at hand, like with Shelby. And his reward. Constant teasing and mockery.

Everyone, including his allies, still made fun of him. Even his best bud said things behind his back. And this is what made him snap. Not the jokes, but that no one, not even his allies, seemed to show any human decency to him.

And he never got an apology or a moment to put them in their place to tell them that they have done goofed. The sheriff was barely given a chance to build, hardly a chance to breathe. He knows he probably couldn't take them in a fight, but they didn't even give him a chance to talk. They made him sit there and take it like he had no choice.

The sheriff instead chose to walk away. Everyone had left him behind. And with the threat of the fae above him, he decided that the best course of action was to leave the toxic lands behind. Lands full of pranks and mistakes that would only ever remind him of his negative attributes.

The sheriff stayed with the one person who ever showed him any sliver of true friendship—the old sheriff. The old sheriff helped reverse the effects of the lore potion with an unnamed potion he found at Shelbys. He helped Jimmy defend the town from a raid. He stayed with him through thick and thin. Sure, he isn't the best influence, but he's better than the world around them.

Ultimately, Jimmy's finale wasn't the good ending like everyone else's. Villains rarely ever get those. Instead, it's a bittersweet goodbye from the two sheriffs off to find a new home far away to the lands of one that brought sorrow, even if at least one of them has some anger issues to work through.

[teddybearsandspaceships]

Notes on Cleo´s Hermitcraft stream from 29.9.2024, ft. the tale of the return of Glados and hanging out with Hermits, including the first round of Hermit poker.

Glados is back!! Cleo´s RL cat that has been missing for 11 days but now she´s back! \o/

There´s arms at the bottom of the screen and all you can see of chat is “bomb strapped to your” ^^

Cub comes by to buy powdered snow from Skizz and Cleo guesses that there´s something beneath the lava (and there is: discounted powdered snow.)

No Cleo No Cry

Plan for this stream: find a calico cat and name it Glados

Cleo goes to ask Scar if he has a calico cat, but someone plays Cleowo voice and Cleo refuses to talk to him in that voice, especially since Doc is also there.

Next visit to check out Scar´s cats: Scar and Doc are talking about Scar´s travel drama on a bridge, Cleo watches for a few moments and then leaves again. Scar has zero observational skills.

Cleo goes to visit villages to find a calico cat, but only finds other cats, including several Atlas (orange) cats.

Surprise attack on Scar! Poor Scar is startled and then sounds very scared ^^

Scar is horrified by the story of Cleo losing Glados. He checks but he doesn´t have a calico cat, but immediately tries to sell Cleo other animals. Not the skeleton horse though, he´s kinda security.

Scar shows Cleo the oil paintings he did and put in Minecraft, they are very pretty.

Scar is so excited to show Cleo the armor stand work he did in his caboose! Unfortunately Cleo doesn´t have the 3D bookshelf texture pack but they look on his stream and are delighted. They tell Scar he should bring it up at the meeting so that everybody has that texture pack. Everybody is getting into armor stands now, everybody is going to want that.

Scar reports it takes Etho twenty minutes to send a screenshot.

Cleo doesn´t recognize an ominous potion – or know what it is. Scar knows that it´s what you use to activate raids now. Cleo doesn´t think anyone needs raids.

Cleo is delighted by Scar´s multiverse hat stand. They both mourn that they couldn´t play more on Pirates SMP, Scar because his life was very busy and Cleo because their game kept crashing. Back in season 6 both Scar and Cleo did pirate-related things on Hermitcraft but never together: they were much less social, also because they didn´t have the voice mod back then. Scar will do Star Wars in season eleven, Cleo says they´re down to do pirates together in season twelve. Scar shows off his golden Scarland ticket, Cleo says they never got one and Scar promises to deliver one.

Cub shows up and announces himself with several funny horns ft. Scar and Etho. He needs a break from building. Scar understands, and Cleo agrees that when they are bored they come see Scar.

Cleo is tricked into trying out Scar´s dragon shooter, and then admires his telescope, even though it blinks and is unsettling.

Cleo shows Scar and Cub the tiny Joe, Ren, and Scar she put into False´s base. The prize for False finding all of them will be Cleo putting more in her base.

Cleo hasn´t made it across in Frogger yet. Scar offers to pay for their run. Cleo says that´s not necessary. They´ll get there eventually, and they don´t need Scar´s pity. Scar and Cub are probably richer than Cleo but that´s probably it. Scar says he spent a lot of money recently. Yeah, for example in Cleo´s what shop, Cleo says and adds she just restocked it.

Scar immediately flies off to where the entrance to Dodgy Frank´s Hay Deals was blocked off with obsidian. It´s an illegal tunnel!, says Scar, only to admit a few seconds later that he did buy wheat from the impounded shop. But Cleo can´t restock because it´s an illegal shop! Cub says they have to take Cleo down.

Cleo says not right now, they´re going to do a bit first with the tunnel thing and the blowing-up threat. Scar says if the obsidian block is removed Skizz gave him the go-ahead for the TNT, and is then disappointed Cleo didn´t react with the appropriate shock and horror. Cleo obligingly displays appropriate shock and horror. “Oh no, Scar, don´t do this to me, I don´t have any plans for how to get back at you at all! I can´t at all make your shops completely unusable.” Cub points out Cleo is talking to a person with infinite gravel. Cleo: “Yeah but you´re also talking to a person who can just make chests stop working.” Scar: “What?” Cleo: “Oh, you wanna try me Scar? […] You know me, I make very idle threats, I can´t back up anything I say, ever. […] Don´t believe me, Scar, it´ll be fine, there won´t be any consequences.”

Cub is very skeptical. Cleo agrees that Cub has looked through them, nothing is going to happen. Scar is unsure.

Scar shows off Mr Finnegan on his stream. Cleo doesn´t want to aww over another kitty in front of her own, calls Mr Finnegan an adequate boy. Some more cat talk.

Some talk about how cool some of the art is fans make for Hermitcraft, like an interactive Grumbot and a 3D-printed Gem base. They mention their clips that showed up in Minecraft live: Scar is disappointed they didn´t use the one of the Scarland volcano.

Cleo and Scar are both not dog people. Scar is worried dogs want to murder him ever since he´s in a wheelchair. Cleo understands the desire to murder him sometimes.

Etho, who logged in a few minutes ago, appears in the distance. Cub immediately starts shooting him and Cleo encourages him. Scar and Cleo agree that Etho has a tiny head.

Etho says that whenever he comes on the server people are just standing around, and then he comes back and amazing stuff was built, when does this work actually get done? Scar and Cleo wonder what he means, maybe he was surprised by an older building.

Cleo asks Etho about the heads he told her she could have from Frogger and they go visit the game. Etho saw that Cleo tried and didn´t do too badly. Cleo says they did swear at him. Etho giggles.

Scar is about the tenth person saying that if Gem actually tried she´d get a higher score than 4.

Etho says the game will be reset the next day, scores will be reset, it´ll be easier for beginners and harder for those who know the patterns. It´ll still require reaction speed. Cleo says they´re bad at that, Ethos says they can practice while playing the game. Cleo: “I feel like you know me so well and yet so little.”

Bdubs logs on and says he´s going to do a run. Scar asks about a gift shop, Etho says he´d love that but it´s beyond him. Scar asks if he can use the frog coins as a slime shop, Etho asks what the Poe Poe says, Scar asks what the Permit Manager thinks, Cub was distracted.

Like dogs that wag their tails when excited, Bdubs does the wiggle flight when he´s excited.

Etho shows Cleo his secret entrance to where he stores the heads. Cleo: “You´re my favorite. Thank you!” Etho: “Aha. Yip yip.” (So many Jevin heads in there!)

Bdubs and Scar do Frogger runs and explain their techniques.

Docm77 shows up just to watch, he got a DM that they´re all over at Decked, uh, Frogged Out. He doesn´t want to compete with the crazy high scores. Cleo says he can just not care about the score, Doc says he doesn´t understand.

Scar pays for Doc to do a run. Cleo hands out Pina Coladas. Cub suggests averaging the scores by attempts. Etho says either Joel or Pearl would probably win in that case.

Doc: “Cleo I need your help with my gentlemen´s club.” Cleo: “…yes Doc?” Etho: “That sounded really wrong, Doc, I´m just saying. What kinda work do you want her doing there…”  While the others crack up, Doc is confused. He explains he was thinking of a club like the one he visited with Guude in London once, a posh bar with all the gins of the world. Bdubs explains that “it´s got kind of a different connotation as well, something with poles and stuff.” Cleo is wheezing and coughing. Doc: “Poles? What, you mean people from Poland?” Bdubs: “Yes, that´s it.”

Bdubs ask if they can play Doc´s poker game. Doc says in theory yes but he wanted to go to bed soon. Nobody accepts that excuse. Hermits after dark, let´s have some fun! Etho: “Round of mini pizza, let´s keep this night going!”

They go visit Doc´s “laundromat.” Scar asks what this pipe is. Etho, in a throwback to a recent stream where Doc kept saying “if you´d watched Etho´s episode…”, “well if you had watched Docm´s episode…”  Scar: “You guys are the biggest fffangirls of each other I have ever seen in my life.”

Doc says he knows what he´s talking about because on Twitter Notch agreed with him with how lackluster he finds the new mob. Cleo says that´s really embarrassing for him. Doc says he doesn´t want to be dragged into anything Notch-related. Scar asks what happened. Doc: “Okay let´s play Poker.”

Scar says he always misses anything. Cleo says it´s because he has ADHD.

Doc blames the low views on his new video on Gem´s vlog and the new Imp&Skizz episode with multiple episodes. Scar and Etho joke that people will have to keep watching if they want to see season 11.

Cleo doesn´t have what they need to make a sign: “I have haybales and Tango heads but I don´t have wood.”

Doc explains how the game works. Etho at some point yet again: “If you had watched Docm´s episode you´d know…” Cleo: “Etho I don´t even watch your episodes, shut up.” Bdubs: “Oh…”

Cleo, with a pair of sixes: “My chat is telling me to go all in, so… I don´t know what that means.” Cleo is lying. They are good at this, they keep saying “chat´s telling me to do this” and pretending they don´t know how the game works. It´s very convenient to be so rich that you don´t need to worry about losing.

At some point, Bdubs to Cleo, aggravated: “You´re not supposed to show emotions!” ^^

Cleo raises another twenty diamonds. Etho: “Are you walking out of here with pants?”

Cleo ends up narrowly losing to Bdubs and losing a stack of diamonds, but it´s fine. “Yeah of course I was playing with a bad hand, do you know me?” Points out that they bluffed everybody except Bdubs, who knows them too well. They say goodbye and leave, and then spend another twenty minutes or so saying goodbye to chat.

[strychninesss]

ok so i'm normally a hermitcraft/mcyt blog but this is important to me

today i got to meet Colin Baker. I was attending a convention in norwich, england, and i didn't know he was gonna be one of the meet and greet guests because i only got tickets last night. for context, my dad died a few months ago and his doctor growing up was 6, and he'd tell me stories of playing at being different dr who aliens with his little brother. getting to meet the guy was surreal, and he hugged me, and in the moment it felt like i was hugging my dad again one last time. i couldn't find the words to tell him that he was my dad's hero, and i think i was probably really awkward talking to him, but i was holding back tears the entire time.

it felt like a final goodbye from my dad.

[liauditore]

Heya! If you feel like it, you had mentioned in the Gem Scott and Etho minor plot doodles post that people could ask about some characters from your traffic x arcane au, so...

I request a small blurb (or however much you feel like talking about) for 1-3 of the following characters' roles in/from your au:

Skizz, Ren, Cleo, Pearl, any one of the non-lifer hermits.

This can totally come after Joel (or not at all), but figured I'd prompt! It seems like a fun au, and its fun to look at au characters and why they are the way they are.

yessss of course!!

two other ppl asked about pearl right after I posted that so I'll be drawing her next and skipping out on talking about her for now. I think I ended up making her role a little too packed in my head anyway so it might be good for me to think a bit more before I commit to anything.

I have no idea how to content warning this so. The usual arcane themes (gang violence, sex work, drug use, etc) under the cut.

Skizz is an enforcer, inspired by the poe poe thing on Hermitcraft right now lol. He's his usual lovable oaf self, very much the local "Mr Policeman" all the Piltie kids think is fun and cool. However he is still an enforcer and from time to time will do scary stuff, like share work stories where he's injured and killed civilians and laugh the whole way through. Despite his reputation as a meat-head, he's got quite a few friends in academia, including this AU's Tango and Impulse. I imagine that if this was a fic/show we'd see him the most from Jimmy's POV, since this AU's Jimmy is a Zaunite academy student and that would make him and Skizz's relationship. Nuanced, I think, is the word to use.

Ren I'll be honest I initially thought about as a joke but it stuck. He's a failed proto-Warwick who got the wolf features and super strength and so on but is also just some guy. Most people just assume he's Vastayan. He has no memories of his life pre-experimentation but he's also pretty happy with where he is, since he gets a ticket to topside via working for Cleo.

Cleo is the topsider referenced in Scott's post. When she was young, Cleo tried to help a revolutionary group of Zaunites, which lead to the deaths of many Piltovans including her family. Driven by a desperate need to right what she's done, Cleo becomes a councilor with a desire to improve people's lives her way this time. She makes frequent trips down to Zaun and it's on one of these trips when she meets a young Scott, who she sees herself in. Scott's betrayal of his group of friends was very much his own doing, but Cleo definitely made him more comfortable doing it and afterwards provided him with the resources necessary to become a chem-baron. Through him, she believes she's earned some control over Zaun and she wholeheartedly believes Scott's leadership will lead to a better future.

As for the non-lifer hermits, there are a few I've thought about!

Beef is a pretty well-established chem-baron who runs casinos in both Zaun and Piltover. He's originally from Noxus and met Etho during the Noxian-Ionian invasion, despite the rough start the two have since become friends and he's the reason Etho ends up in Zaun in this AU at all. He claims he's retired from his days of battle, but those who have crossed him know he still packs a punch.

Zedaph isn't exactly a chem-baron but a Zaunite menace regardless. Known for his love of puzzles and messing with chemicals other people are too scared to look in the direction of, he plays a similar role to Singed when it comes with supplying Shimmer and gadgets to anyone who pays him enough for it. Despite his shady past (and present) he ends up endearing himself to Impulse, Tango and Skizz and ends up being more or less adopted into their group.

Doc is very similar to Viktor in the pre-Arcane lore. The children of Zaun tell scary stories about him and the bunker he lives in, daring eachother to go in as tests of courage. Doc himself isn't exactly the dangerous sort, though, just very grumpy and dramatic. He has a passion for all things technology and spends the majority of his days making synthetic limbs, weapons and other gadgetry. He hates the chem-barons and their goons can pry his tech from his cold, dead hands if they want a piece. Luckily for Doc, his reputation and Vastayan appearance frighten potential extortioners away.

False is pretty much just ESMP False. The sisters' father was a Piltovan merchant, their mother a Zaunite prostitute. The older False ("our" False, technically), is a retired enforcer now taken over her father's business. She campaigns for peace between the cities, but also further militarization of Piltover in response to increasingly violent attempts at revolution by Zaun and potentially hostile forces like Noxus. The younger False (ESMP False) spends her days stealing her twin sister's identity for various nefarious purposes -- many of which involve her job as a hitman, one of the few in Zaun that can get close to Pilties others can't lay a finger on. The sisters are estranged and the older False denies the younger's mere existence, in fears it would destroy her life if people found out. Both are good friends with Ren and he hasn't figured out that they're two different people yet.

Skizz and Cleo I will definitely explore more in the future, the rest are more or less world building and side plots.

[lectern-fullcauldron]

Season 6 minigames that you may or may not know that I very much enjoyed:

Boombox 2 by Tango - step into his flooded labyrinth arena with a redstone block floor. blow each other up

R.U.N by Iskall (modelled by Keralis) - put a diamond into the machine. RNG will decide if the doors open to a random, high paced game. There's a prize wheel!!

The RollerToaster by Joe Hills - if you make good enough animal sounds, you might survive the rollercoaster and get tickets for the 'fabulous' prizes (don't worry about the lava)

Sahara speedy pines raceway by rendog - formula one ice boat road race track that ren worked on for months. Ignore the doom guy suit debris on the finish line. That's unrelated

Ravager run by cubfan - charge through this ravager infested town to recover wool blocks at high speed

Undying by Xisuma - welcome to his series of rooms. You get a new totem in each room. Use them. Fastest wins

Diamond drop by scar - jump out of a plane and catch falling diamonds. Don't die of floor impact. You've got an elytra for a reason

False's quickdraw (as played by Truesymmetry) - one lives, one dies. Are you the fastest gunslinger on hermitcraft?

Jousting by Stress - ok so you get on a horse and then you get a trident. One of you will die. Try not to kill the horse

Mr Pumpkin by Stress and Iskall - it's a Halloween puzzle game!! Three games in one (in a pumpkin from false). How's your fishing, musicality and sliding? You'll need it

The mushroom casino by doc - put in a diamond to roll the dice. Who knows, you might get lucky? (Or not)

Phantom run by doc - there's phantoms in here. You'd BETTER run. Fastest wins

Guess whom by false - who said you can't build guess who in Minecraft?? Think again #jingled

The elytra course by grian - Ren's train line too slow for your high speed hermitcraft continent tour? Try grian's breakneck elytra course, now featuring extra bamboo courtesy of cub

Tag tower parkour by cub - oh you've been tagged? Unfortunate. Up the tower you go :))

Escape by Cleo - an escape room to earn grandpa's inheritance, from the mind of devious pirate captain Cleo

RGB by zed - he's just learned to launch blocks. It's time for you to learn to catch them!!

And so so many more. Honestly check out Hermit jingle land and the other season six attractions

[applepato]

i've been catching up on hermitcraft and scar's ticket getting turned down when him and impulse were testing the turnstiles is so fucking funny

of course scar would possess counterfeit tickets to his own theme park, of course he would

[quaranmine]

6, 12, and 25 for the mcytblr fic author asks?

6. Do you like using the mcyt multiverse as a concept? (all SMPS and MC content exists in the same universe)

Yes!! To the point where it will bother me if I can't make them all fit, lol. Usually I like to keep the Dream SMP, Hermitcraft, Evo and Life Series all within the same universe. I like MCC as an event where people from these servers can intersect. Empires though is a problem to me, as it often contradicts things quite heavily due to the characters' lore. So whether or not Empires (S1 or S2) is canon sort of depends on what I am writing. I also often disregard random one-off SMPs as well--I'm not going to try to figure out how Rats SMP fits into Hermitcraft fits into Empires, it's just a nice little series in its own right.

12.Funniest comment you've ever gotten in a piece of work?

I think the funniest is when I posted a Firewatch AU chapter and @ivi-prism sent me a screenshot of her fake-buying plane tickets to Texas on an actual airline website to come kill me

Also I do find it pretty amusing that I am so loudly fixated on fire lookouts that I am aware of more than one person who have started reading my fanfic without even being familiar with Hermitcraft LOL

25.What works and/or authors in the fandom do you recommend?

Well, I've got to rep some of my friends first! Ivi is the creator of this ask game, and you should definitely check out her works -- Off-world vacations is a sweeping dsmp x hermitcraft crossover that has been in the works for years, great for Fundy fans. chrysalizzm is one of the most talented writers I've ever met, and I've seen firsthand the incredible research and depth and soul he's poured into the wasteland series. another excellent writer is prismartist, who probably has something for everyone since they've written life series, hermitcraft, dream smp, qsmp, and empires.

Really though, I need to get better at actually bookmarking my favorite works. I often kudos and then lose them oops

I have to recc definitelynotshouting's hunger au, although I feel like that's quite well known in the fandom already (for good reason)

sunlight over me no matter what i do by odaigahara is a GREAT oneshot, but mind the gore and body horror (grian cuts off his own wings to get rid of watcher influence)

I'm pretty fond of a specific subset of Watcher!Grian stories where the old Grian died and a Watcher/something else just kind of uhhhh took over his body with his memories? So I must recommend tempering by sixteenthdays, as well as You Say You Feel Hollow (and you know it's 'cause you are) by writing_and_worrying. still slightly similar in concept but not quite the same is the body is an object by ruffboi. And it's probably distinctly different enough that it shouldn't even be grouped here, but I also adore Covet by Oceanbreeze7 for a good Creature-y Watcher!Grian.

I like Enderwoah's Jimmy/Bad Boys fics. The two I have in my bookmarks is i've got problems (not just the ones that are little) and i can see the pattern (but i don't know what i can do)

Finally, I don't always blog about hermitshipping but I do sometimes read it, so I'll leave you with a scarian fic that has killed me like three separate times: Baby, just let me bleed in peace by mossman_mothman

[auriidae]

saw ur tags, please share your list of desert duo coded saint motel songs (if youre willing, if not ignore me lol) 👀

anon i am ALWAYS willing to share my ideas abt desertduo thank u for asking!! i have many thoughts so this is going to be v disjointed but here u go

(i actually made up a whole desertduo-centric au based entirely on the vibes of the songs in the original motion picture soundtrack a whiile ago o_o so almost all the songs from that album are linked with them in my mind,,,, but i won't go into that now haha. here's the list !)

first of all. old soul is the original desertduo song to me. "cause the more i get to know you / well the more i feel i knew you / in a lifetime a long time ago" but it's a post-3l au where everyone forgets except as the winners grian and scar start to remember.... (also i'm a mild watcher grian enjoyer so "i've seen heaven in the moonlight / blow it out / yeah, turn around" has a very clear mental image of, yknow, eyes in the moon and stuff. yeag)

also, make me feel like. there was a whole thing about scar and milkshakes and french fries in earlier hermitcraft that became like cemented in my mind as integral to his character for some reason so the first time i heard the "dipping your shake with the french fries" line the whole song became about him. "it started out like it always ends" oughhh that's such a line. 'there is no other end to this story' and all that. also "there's only so much that my heart can take / i get so close and then i hesitate / i don't want to die alone" and "don't let me down / give the run around / yeah you'll be my ticket to heaven" this is such a soulmate-coded song DO I NEED TO SAY ANYTHING MORE

SLOW DANCE AS WELL. i was listening to it the first time like "hey this is kind of them based just off the vibes" and then it went "i could be your best friend, i could be your centerpiece, i could be your soulmate, i could be your everything" and i lost my mind entirely. i'm not a purely romantic desertduo enjoyer so take that lyrical aspect of the song with a grain of salt but dude ough

a good song never dies is like very scar-coded in my mind it just has his vibes. i've never read the lyrics through but it puts me in mind of some charismatic charlatan and yeah that's him

bullet's "you don't stop a bullet that you set into motion / you don't stop a fire when you light an explosion / so then why are we fighting, already ignited / counting down, down, down, down" they are sooo self-destructive and this song's got that going for it so

and last but not least la2ny!!!!! "trying to get back / back to the place that we were / pure and dangerous / always just us versus the world" <that is literally. that is So double-life-desertduo-remembering-and-regretting-after-third-life core. "i had the damnedest day / you don't hear what i say / your head's up in the clouds" (soulbound to the man in the clouds by gideon anyone?). also "feel the distance, miles apart / in our beds" <me when i'm soulbound to this guy who i used to be closest to more than anyone else in the world but cannot understand why he's emotionally closed off for the life of me. this might be the most them-coded song here actually,, the rest are fun for vibes but this one's got the lyrics on point.

anyways saint motel's songs are the MOST FUN TO MAKE UP STORIES TO EVER and i love their stuff a lot. thank you very much for giving me an excuse to ramble about this ^-^//

[cactuupng]

My favourite headcanon for Mumbo is that he keeps trinkets from previous seasons, some of them appearing in his title/transition cards. The ticket to joining Hermitcraft S2 means the absolute world to me because that implies that even after 10 years, he still has the ticket

Him joining this server meant so much to him that after an actual DECADE he still has it in his possession. Sure maybe its a bit worn and visibly old, but it's still intact. It's still there. It's still a sign that he made it, that he got invited to a place that he can call home - that is his home now and forever

It's something I haven't seen talked about a lot, at least not in debt or like analyses/lore wise (mostly just "omg the ticket :-(" and thats it) (this happened when I was still mostly a twitter user so yk here it could've been different), so these small characterizations that aren't even fully intended to be seen as a story with lore like other servers is really cool and means a lot to me and PEOPLE NEED TO TALK ABOUT C!MUMBO MORE GOD DAMN IT

my roman empire is Mumbo's first ever Hermitcraft video being titled "Welcome Home" and i think we should talk about it more

[grugspro]

ive always been confused about why people dont understand how (social media) algorithms work. pretty much ever platform out there that has "for you" feeds has priority 1 to be continuing engagement; the longer a user spends interacting and viewing other users' posts, the more chance the platform has to push advertisers to the users, and interactions that spark other interactions are a key component to it.

knowing this, you can deduce that algorithms will primarily push content that will cause a reaction from the viewer to engage, with a high bias for some sort of reply or shared link than a like or privately saved list. replies are probably the most important feature as they give the original poster a chance to jump back into the system and have a conversation, doubling the platforms' active users.

some of the most reactionary things an algorithm can push are topics on politic, religion, gender, sexuality, and other "hot-ticket" debates as users are much more likely to argue with each other over their beliefs, as it doesn't matter whether the users are enjoying their time on the platform, just that they are spending it there.

now if users are only pushed these hot ticket topics, they will end up exhausted of the platform and dread being there. in order to prevent the userbase shrinking, the algorithm will try to push content similar to what the user has interacted with in the past and liked, as well as content that users with similar interact patterns have liked, while also taking steps back to broaden its' search for similar interests and randomly mix them in with a decrease in quantity as it broadens.

best example i can think of is say you are a fan of ethoslab, once the algorithm recommends a certain amount of his videos, you might start to get hermitcraft members and redstone tutorials in recommended feeds, then some other minecraft youtubers, then any minecraft video, then any open world, voxel, survival, or sandbox games, and then video games in general, then any kind of game, then toys and technology, finally the content with the most current interactions. smaller videos that align with certain interaction categories are also pushed before higher interaction ones (think random 3 view video that pops up) but is infrequent unless the user consistently interacts with those types of recommendations.

the best way to cultivate an algorithm to fit your personal taste (which i'd recommend trying to view content from as little as possible and instead seek out content on your own [reverse chronological following feeds, individual users' pages, personal recommendations from friends, etc.]) is to heavily interact with content you want and block content that you don't want. someone arguing against basic human rights and is not willing to change their mind? block them. arguing with the person will feed their post to the feeds of other people like you, who will join in on arguing and make it a massive cycle. if you are not using your block button liberally you are using the internet wrong. do not give the online nazis and terfs and bigots and racists of this world the time of day, interacting with them will only give you stress and them a wider audience. and this still goes in cases where the person isn't necessarily doing anything worng. some random user post too much about a fandom you hate? mute the tags of the fandom and block the person if that doesn't work. is a friend reacting to the vile posts in an attempt to sway the stubborn op? ask them to stop or you'll block their account to stop seeing those posts, you still view them as a friend but the posts popping up is taking a toll on your health.

post idea brought to you from me halfway through this technology connection video

[frog-writes-for-fun]

hey hey— i loved the angsty c!grian x reader fic (the newest one you uploaded, i mean), and was wondering if you'd do a sequel for it? not forced, obviously

as for a plot, that's entirely up to you!! i don't have any ideas atm so feel free to write whatever you want ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

thanks in advance if you do this !! /gen

Hi there! Thanks for the request! I had a bit of inspiration strike, so I hope you enjoy! The anon's talking about this fic!

Regrets Are Sweet (But My Heart is Stronger)

c!Grian x gn!Reader (one-sided)

Summary: You’ve moved on, but he doesn’t know.

Notes: Angsty, unrequited love (but reversed this time :3), could be read as mild yandere. The server that the reader has moved to is left up to you, pick your favorite! 

This place is peaceful. You’ve carved out a nice little life for yourself on this server, made new friends and found a place for yourself among them. Here, you can walk around without seeing his builds, talk to people without hearing his voice, and live without a remnant of him in your mind. It’s been months since he’s crossed your thoughts.

“Thanks for the help!” You wave as the others strap on their elytras, waving back and blasting off with rockets to return to their homes. Turning, you smile. Your newest build stands proudly near your house, and despite the vast number of cows held inside, only a fraction of their “moo”s can be heard from where you are. The barn started as a personal project, but when your friends saw the skeleton of a build, they insisted on pitching in- and it’s all the better for it.

Sighing contentedly, you began to make your way back to the entrance of your home, stopping short when there’s a buzz on your communicator. Pulling it out of your pack, your eyes widen when you see the message in the general chat.

<Grian has joined the game.>

Why was he here? You stayed in place, frozen for a moment, unable to peel your attention from the message. Greetings came from your servermates, a couple questioning who he was, and he responded happily, unaware of your predicament.

Soon, another message came through:

<Grian whispered to you: Y/N! Where are you?>

It took a moment to register. Thinking for a heartbeat, you tapped out a response.

<You whispered to Grian: Don’t come to me. I’ll meet you at spawn.>

His next message was an enthusiastic acknowledgement. Stiffly, you packed a few essentials for traveling anywhere away from home, delaying as long as you thought was reasonable before setting out. Why had Grian come after you after so long, and after you left so abruptly?

When you landed at spawn, Grian was pacing at the top of a nearby hill. Upon seeing you, he grinned.

“Y/N! There you are!” He rushed forward, wings spread so he could make large leaps to clear the distance between you. Before he could hug you, though, you stepped to the side, and he pouted dramatically. “Is that any way to treat your ticket home?”

You stayed still, only tilting your head slightly. “What do you mean?”

He holds out a hand. “You can come home! Don’t you want to come back to Hermitcraft with me?”

“I am home.” Your expression remained blank. “I have friends here- family, even. You were the only one I was close to there, and that tie was severed long ago.”

Grian frowns slightly, gesturing pleadingly as he spoke. “Y/N, that tie isn’t severed. Look, I’m here! I want you to come home- I care a lot about you!”

Shaking your head, you stared at him. “I already told you. I’m staying here. I’m happy here, without you.”

“But I’m not!” He was speaking far too loudly, almost shouting in his earnestness. “Y/N, I love you!”

“You shattered my heart.” There was a chill to your voice that had never been directed at Grian before, and he stepped back. “There’s no room left there for you. I am happier and stronger without you.”

Turning, you began to leave.

“Y/N, wait!” He called out behind you. You heard the flutter of wings as he rushed forward, and you turned for a moment to glare at him. Grian shrunk back, but didn’t back down. “I’ve searched every server to find you. Please! Just give me a chance?”

You laughed. “You had every chance. You chose Mumbo and Scar, remember? I’m sure they’re waiting for you at home. Just leave, Grian.”

His head dropped, and he looked so sad you almost pitied him. “They’re… We’re not together anymore. They were never my first choice. It was always you, Y/N.”

It tore at your heart, the way your former friend looked back up at you. Grian reached out a hand again, tears plainly welling in his eyes. “Please, Y/N. I need you.”

And yet you set me to the side, every time. The words echoed in your brain, though you couldn’t bring yourself to say them out loud. “I’m not leaving my home. Goodbye, Grian.”

Turning once again, you didn’t hear any further pleads he may have made. Pulling out your communicator, you tabbed over to the map and began to return home.

[hccn-overseer]

Issue 4, 5/10/2023 - The Overseer

Issue Masterpost About the Overseer

This week’s news is once again accompanied by a PDF version of your latest news brought to us once again by the lovely Cheer! Pick it up right here for your viewing pleasure!

The Incident and What it Means for You

By Virtual

News of The Incident has been making its rounds around the Hermitcraft server this week, and citizens have been left wondering what carnage will be wrought as a result. 

To those concerned about a second (third if you count the Mycelium resistance) civil war, rest easy. It is likely that the two perpetrators will be the only ones Doc targets. For those not affiliated with Grian or Scar, congratulations! You have free tickets to the show of a century. To those unlucky citizens affiliated with the troublemakers, it is likely The Horrors will be unrelenting. The last time Grian touched DocM77’s redstone, the Hermitcraft server experienced a civil war unlike any it had ever known. Since then, Doc has acquired new weaponry and game-breaking mechanics. The serverwide anvil launcher, goat mech, and living, breathing ender dragon have the potential to make any coming wars very bad for Grian and Scar specifically.

Sources from within the Perimeter say that Doc’s strategies will be psychological until he prepares his heavy weaponry for launch. Efforts currently seem to be focused on Grian, making his base a very dangerous place to be. The charged creeper launcher is once again an active threat, and citizens can expect everything to start breaking in ways that defy physics, reality, and all common sense. Those working for or living near the affected area may want to take shelter within Grumbot for the time being. Though Scarland is yet to be targeted, workers are already beginning to post evacuation routes and vacate the theme park, demonstrating a collective survival instinct far greater than that of their boss. This is an advisable course of action. 

All citizens will be watching the events following The Incident with rapt attention. Though the consequences coming towards Grian and Scar will be fun and games, citizens should still be on the lookout to keep themselves safe. To those citizens who want to avoid all possibility of being caught in the crossfire, the safest option will be to change your identity and begin working for Joe Hills.

Now onto other news below the cut!

Astrology Corner

By Winter

Have you been feeling without guidance? Do you look at your birthday and look up your star sign and wonder, “Will the market fall, and due to my investments, I will become broke????” “Am I the capitalist?” Don’t worry, here at The Overseer, we can help you.*

Aries: Do not invest in the button, it may blow up in your face.

Taurus: I wager that you will need to invest in your local newspaper.

Gemini: Due to the rise of Etho heads across the market, you will be paid in Etho heads this week. Make room on your counter.

Cancer: Due to the rise in your boss's anger, you will take out a loan.

Leo: Your life insurance just went up due to your affiliation with GTWS/Grian.

Virgo: You will cash out on the prediction on how the TCG matches worked out. 

Libra: You should invest in Redstone as it will increase rather soon. 

Scorpio: You will start to see a decline in profits. Pray to the button. 

Sagittarius: It will become profitable to become a ghost hunting agency. 

Capricorn: You will be tipped a diamond to convince your boss to take part in the war. 

Aquarius: You are advised to invest in a protection shield. 

Pisces: No one will notice if you sit in front of the button all day. 

All star signs: Don’t worry, you are not being watched… yet. 

*Ignore how blatantly specific these are. Nothing bad will happen to you.

From the Sidelines

By StarryFelix Scar, Grian, Bdubs and Doc affiliates+

The last week on the server was chaotic to say the least. With the recent happenings on the server, several of the affiliate guilds are either in shambles or laughing about the shenanigans of their employers. Bdubs’ guild is wondering if dearest Scar’s comment section will ever recover.

The Stress affiliates are happy that she has finally returned to the Hermitcraft server, and Iskall is welcomed back with massive warmth as well. Beside some of the chaos there are most definitely some good and heartwarming moments.

Now… Grian and Scar’s little accident, which I assume people have written about already, is making the citizens in Scarland question the extent of their safety. While they are celebrating all the beautiful new visitors throughout the park (courtesy of Cleo’s amazing armour stand work) and the rising of the absolutely stunning castle, the tensions are visible. 

After the intervention for Grian and the back of his base, the people in the area are questioning whether he will even get to finish it. The affiliates do not seem to be too concerned about their own safety, but this might be mainly because so many of them live underground, close to The Rift. Perhaps they’re more used to dangerous situations? The ever unexpectedly weird Grumbot might have influenced their way of looking at the world, and we may never know if this is the truth. This is, for the most part, speculation.

Generally, there still seems to be peace. The question is for how long because last time, “It all started when Grian touched my redstone,” so we don’t know what will happen. The citizens are following all of the events, the rise of tensions, the Tweets, and Youtube Comments of their affiliated Hermits on foot to partially ensure their own safety. 

On a happier note, the Beef affiliates are happy that there is finally a solid base instead of just the TCG area or the starter base. It has been both a busy and calm week, and it seems that soon there might be more interesting stuff happening to report about.

For now, it seems most citizens are waiting in anticipation for what might happen next. The speculations of war are ever more present than they usually are on the Hermitcraft server… many affairs and mishaps this week. 

I will be heading off and will be keeping an eye on how the citizens take all the sudden commotion that is going on. For now, this was From the Sidelines and I hope to see you in the next column!

Museum Opening!

By Ilea

This week on Hermitcraft we were able to witness an opening of a museum. Of course all of the artifacts in it were ethically sourced and through some serious convincing (and sneaking into it through the back door) we managed to prepare a short guide to it.

Starting with none other than the TCG cards, that have been taking the server by storm. The exhibit was of course donated by VintageBeef himself and we absolutely want to shine more light on it as the TCG tournament is coming to an end.

Then we can see quite a collection of artifacts that are connected to the King's Rules on the server, which includes things like the infamous "No No No No" disc and an invite to the party at which it was played. From the same collection we may find heads of both evil and good King Ren as well as multiple King's Banners and even a shield with it. Probably our favorite artifact from this collection is the "You speak when spoken to!" horn, that over the months has brought a lot of joy and earplugs to many of us.

In a carefully secured glass box we can see the "Begin?" button that opened the Rift and had us connect with the Empires. Right next to it positioned is "King Sausages Diamond of Peace" to remind us about our Empires friends. For now the button is unclickable and we can safely say that this is an actual Grianproof casing.

What is not Grianproofed are Mumbo's vaults and right next to the button we see the first vault key of the season. We are sure that he is not using it anymore, but if anyone would ever feel like trying to get into it, then copying this exhibit should work.

Right opposite we can see a mysterious creeper that had us run away scared not to break something, but then we read the label. As it turned out this was Scar's prized creeper costume that managed to scare the life out of many people. We are really glad that it is safe in the museum now and no longer in his hands.

Speaking of Scar, in this museum we can look at the Scarland VIP pass, which we all can only dream about. What lies close to it is a Zedvancement trophy that had us wondering about what it was for and an old stream day torch, that quite honestly is a blast from the past.

Upstairs we firstly can see the giant dragon head of a Dragonbro that was given to Cubfan by Bdubs. Through the great Hermit Vine we have managed to find out that it was a prize for Cub completing a quest and later used by him as his Royal Magician attire.

After that we are greeted with an array of heads, starting with the ultra rare Baldubs(Bald Bdubs) head from his head shop. Quite honestly upon seeing this we were too stunned to speak. Right next to it there is an awful lot of hair provided by a dwarven beard. We absolutely love the style of it, the braids on this thing are incredibly intricate, but we do not recommend making pictures with it.

Lastly there hangs a sad proof of how washed up our old, but still beloved Etho is. Once again we give our condolences to his pvp skill and wish him a swift recovery.

That is all of the exhibits that we managed to find, hopefully it will grow over the next months, and who knows, maybe we will have a chance to visit it again.

Lost and Found

By Virtual

The following items were collected from across the server over the past week. If you would like to report an item missing, or if you recognize any of the below items as your own, please contact us at lostandfound@thehermitnews.org* *not a real email address

Item 1: A green shulker box, found on top of Zedaph’s netherite beacon. Though Zedaph seemed reluctant to give up the box, one of his affiliates delivered it to the Overseer offices last week. When opened, the box contained twelve anvils, a pair of green leather trousers, and three goat horns, all renamed to some variation of DocM77’s username. The purpose of these items is unknown, and their existence raises some concerning implications. If this box belongs to you, collect it at the Overseer offices as soon as possible.

Item 2: A nether portal without corners, found in the lagoons below Scarland Castle. The nether portal was found completely submerged yet still functioning. The portal was originally suspected to belong to DocM77; However, the goat has denied responsibility for it. When swam through, the portal dropped citizens into a strange, dark corner of the nether disconnected from any visible nether hub, despite its proximity to Scar’s portal. If this anomaly belongs to you, consider relocating the portal or putting up a sign.

Item 3: An unusable ender pearl, found in Cub’s TCG arena. When thrown, this ender pearl will not teleport the player. Instead, it returns to the user’s inventory in the same hand it was thrown from, regardless if a player is already holding something different. The ender pearl also puts out a constant stream of End ambiance no matter what biome it is in. If this item belongs to you, pick it up before next Friday. Cub has plans to begin experimenting on it.

Ask the Seers

By Seers Jester, S, Vi, and Nes

Has your favourite little guy been put into a situation they can’t get out of? Do you have questions about how a mountain appeared on top of your house last night? Question no more, for The Seers are here to help! Questions can be submitted through the ask box and are collected throughout the week.

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Dear Seers, Today, I was just doing my usual shift at Scarland, and then BOOM!! I got Hotguyed!! And also died!! This is a near daily occurrence. My back is killing me from all the repeated injuries. Send help/advice, please. I can’t keep doing this! - Porcupine of a Popcorn Vendor

While I'm aware of a pamphlet of advice produced by the associated Scarland staff, I presume you're needing more than that. While it's not exactly feasible to never be Hotguy'd again, there are some tricks that could make things easier for you.

Option number one, actually, is to complain to your boss. While OSHA doesn't really apply here vis-a-vis entitlement to a safe working environment, he'd probably be willing to move you to a position working indoors if this is really affecting you. I heard once that he was actually able to pull some strings and ask Hotguy himself to stop bothering a particular staff member after they mentioned all the sharpness arrows were, respawn or no, making their chronic back pain flare up really bad.

Another option, if you wouldn't like to talk to your boss about it (understandable), is to get your hands on a mascot suit. Hotguy has never shot someone in a Jellie costume (I suspect some sort of deal with Scar?) and you can use that to your advantage. I'm at least ninety percent sure all employees of Scarland are entitled to wear a Jellie fursuit if they can stand it in this weather, but policies could have changed, I don't know. Maybe enough merch would be close enough?

Final option - desperate option - is to try and wear camouflage with your environment. This means being out of uniform, but also not being an obvious target for aerial attacks (or at least less obvious than someone else). This might mean breaking dress code a bit, but… Well, if someone talks to you about it you get the opportunity to explain yourself and how the Hotguy attacks have been a genuine problem for you lately, which routes back to "complain to your boss" option, minus the part where you start the confrontation. If no one bothers you about being out of uniform/in a dyed-light-maroon uniform, you're now less of a target for random velocitay attacks.

Best of luck! If this advice can't help you avoid Hotguy attacks entirely, I hope it at least lessens them!

- The Seers

_______________________________

Dear Seers,  Back at it again, I used your advice on the shriekers! But I kept the TNT a bit, tested it out, and your advice worked! Now I have a tiny problem. I got a Warden chasing me around and I don't wanna kill him. I've grown attached to Bobby the Warden.. but he scares my cats and I don't have any place to keep him. Any suggestions? - Crazier Than The Beast Wranglers 

Hello, Crazier Than The Beast Wranglers!

So glad our previous advice helped. Hopefully the receiver of your prank appreciated it as much as you did!

As for Bobby, I suggest asking your local beast wrangler about appropriate care tips for a Warden of his size and age. You can typically find them in or around Decked Out 2! They can also provide you with advice on housing, or you can refer to how other citizens and Hermits are housing their Wardens - such as Scars pet Warden in the tower.

The cats are an entirely different issue. You could try desensitizing them to Bobby by having them in rooms next to one another, sort of like how you’d introduce a new cat by having the new one and one room and the old cat can smell them and get used to their scent before meeting them. 

Side note: keep Bobby away from fishing rods

- The Seers

ADVERTISEMENTS

By Jamie

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Come by Tango's Citadel today to get some of the best baked goods on the server! Fellow Citizen, Azelea, has opened up a bakery and shall be catering the Hermitcitizen Masquerade Ball later this year. Don't miss the first week’s sale!

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Watcher issues? Hello, there! I have experience avoiding Watchers and having them not be able to actually convert me. If any researchers, scientists, or people struggling with the Watchers want to come by, please do! I'll try my best to pass along what makes me unable to be converted. Location: The small house in the birch forest near Grian's base Owner: Fleur

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Calling out to all book lovers! This Friday we shall be meeting at Bdubs’ Moss Cafe to discuss our favourite books and give out any and all recommendations! Personally, I’m looking forward to ‘The Secret Life of Sunflowers’.

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Fun and Games

This week's fun and games are brought to you by Snuffy!

Crossword

Brain Teasers

In this game, there are four images of some sort and you need to figure out what each Brain Teaser is trying to say! For example, a brain teaser could be the word READ with lines above and below, and it would mean ‘read between the lines’. Have fun!

And that’s all for this issue folks! Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful week!