#AND I KNOW THAT FROLLO WAS A JUDGE AND NOT A PRIEST!! I KNOW!! IT'S JUST FUNNY THIS WAY OKAY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

slashingdisneypasta · 1 year ago

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So... Here's the ask I promised (it's a little rushed, I wanted to send this in before I head into work so you could see it first thing in the morning ^^). Your F/O's as Disney villains... Except for Cruella because she already is XD

Otis B. Driftwood

This one intrigued me the most; imagine like the self-appointed holiness (pfft) of Frollo and the demonic and cruel Horned King (as well as both villains not being what you expect for kids movies). Otis, as well as his adoptive family, are an infamous group of witches and wizards, with Otis being the 'priest' among them. The one in charge. In this land, the greatest fear is being kidnapped by any member of the Driftwood clan, as they all will happily torture and maim you for their satanic rituals.

You, the princess of this land, had your carriage raided (which you were only in because you were on your way to meet a prince your mother arranged for you to marry -_- I can feel your disappointment from here) and were taken along with your dowry. You were intended to be a part of Otis' ritual, however it is quickly noticed by the family just how strange you are for a princess. Almost like a little witch, just like them- well, you're too nice, but there's potential! Otis is a grump about it... But note that he does not protest Mama's proposal that you marry HER son instead 😏

Jim Bickerman

Now, for Jim-balayla, imagine if the correlations between him and the weasels went a little deeper; you're back in 1947, you're living your best life after surviving World War II, and just want to relax... However, ever since that new cruel judge took over, no one has known peace. You constantly read in the papers of innocent people who were convicted, and so much of your town is being bought and destroyed. For what, you don't know... But there is a small light for you here.

Jim Bickerman. Originally a poacher, but now he's been hired by this corrupt judge to be part of his new very questionable law-force. As a man who supposedly only cares about money, this was ideal for the judge; no emotions would get in the way of his job... But, when you get suddenly kidnapped to convince your parents to sell their property, lines seem to get crossed between you and Jim.

Professor Callahan

I... Still don't know Cal as much as you do XD but I'm pretty confident in my assessment that he's basically Jafar. With his talent and viciousness in the courtroom, it was a surprise to no one that Callahan worked his way up to the king's court, becoming the royal advisor for your caring father. Cal, unfortunately(?) Is smart enough to know that he can't just make his own changes; your father isn't stupid, he'll notice if he's being manipulated. But he didn't become a 'prestigious' man of law for nothing, you know. Callahan knows how to twist his words and play the waiting game.

And that especially applies to you, the sweet but very intelligent princess who has already caught onto his act by now. Callahan doesn't just see you as one of the many he's propositioned over the years; you actually give him a challenge... Though not too big of one, as you don't seem to like the idea of him being banished from the palace. You want him to leave your father alone, but you don't seem to mind the subtle flirts thrown your way or his lingering gaze.

I hope you like these! And that they're not too messy 😅 I feel like Jim became more Wayne, but I swear he's killer than that other old bastard! He's just your silly little guy! XD

(*cough* also I've gotten more thoughts on the Slasher AU. With Disney-fying your boys, would you like the slasher-fied weasels too?)

AHHHHHHHH, SARAH!!!!

I love all of these so MUCH!! AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THEM ALL!! Mama Firefly trynna make me marry her scary son??? Possibly getting kidnapped by Toon Patrol!Jim!?? al being my Fathers trusted adviser and flirting with me?? Nasty rotten men... 😏 I am pretty amenable to that, though XD Okay so I originally just had a very long, very detailed mess of headcanons for the Jim one but that was when I thought I was just gonna post that in responce in order to push it out quicker. But then I decided to wait til the weekend and really enjoy these concepts! XD Now I've written actual drabbles for each of them and it was sO FUN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!

Disney-Ified!MultiVillains x Fem!Disney!Reader || Drabbles

CorruptLawEnforcement!Jim Bickerman x Indentured!Reader (x Good Day For It Thugs)- After you made the mistake of trying to cut a deal with Lyle Tyrus you end up indebted to him and stuck working for him, which means you have to see his mean band of thugs, quite a lot. Norman frustratingly never looks you in the eye, Dale's an ass and makes fun of you, Wayne's grabby and Jim's not much better- but who comes to your rescue when a job goes wrong? *Bickerman Twins AU*

Warnings: Sexual references.

WitchPriest!Otis B Driftwood x KidnappedPrincess!Reader- ... you have to marry THAT!?-

Warnings: Sexual references, Otis being grimy.

Jim Bickerman:

Dread develops in you as you realise that that wasn't supposed to happen. Lyle said that the guy, your target, would brush you off. You were just for distraction; all you'd have to do is flirt a little so Dale could get behind him and grab his wallet, and Lyle could use his ID to find his family. The man was not supposed to be reciprocate.

He has a wife. He was not supposed to reciprocate!

But his hands on yours rubbing across your knuckles with his thumb and your stomach's rolling. You try so hard not to wince.

Your eyes shift past his head, a forced smile across your lips, and find Lyle, Norman and Wayne in the corner booth. Lyle and Wayne look all-too-amused, and you know they're going to let this happen. Norman isn't even looking.

Where's Dale gone with the wallet? Where's-

"Hey there, sweetheart, been lookin' for you everywhere." Suddenly Jim's right next to you, and your eyes snap up to him from your barstool with wide eyes that beg him to get you out of this. You're so used to him calling you pet names you don't realise what he's doing at first. "Didja get me my drink then?"

What?? "... I- No, I uh, forgot what you like?"

A dark and sleazy smirk spreads across his face as he leans into you, the brim of his hat brushing against your forehead, making your eyes go even wider searching his for what's going on. "Good," He tells you lowly, heatedly, but definitely loud enough for the target to hear- and promptly drop your hand. In a tone thick with hot suggestion, "because I think we needta leave, hm?"

Jaw dropping, you search for words to respond with but cant find anything. You can just quietly take Jim's arms and let him pull you off the stool and gently to your feet. For a moment, you cant help leaning into Jim, like he's safe. "Um, okay- "

"Sorry about this, fella." Jim flashes the target, who looks very confused and put-out, a good natured smirk. "She likes ta rile me up, flirtin' with other guys. I'm not saying its nice, but it sure works." He flashes a wink and slides a 20 dollar bill across the bench, and you feel mortified at the implication. "Have a drink on me, huh? G'night." With a final tip of his hat, Jim guides you out of the bar in front of him; a hand firmly on your shoulder.

Once you're out, the door falling shut behind you both, you spring away from him; making a distinguishable 'eek!' sound; cupping your hands over your mouth and nose. "What was that! ?"

"I just saved your ass, honey," Jim chuckles darkly, lit up only by a lonely streetlight. "How about some gratitude?"

"Saved me?- "

"Uhuh, thats right. Looks like I'm your knight-in-shining-armour, sweetheart. What? Were ya expecting someone different?"

At that cruel remark, your face falls. Your eyes falls downcast. No, you suppose you weren't. At the start you might've wished for a saviour, someone kind who loves you, but no one's coming to rescue you for real. You're Lyle's for life now, you already know that.

... But then- Settling Jim with a scrutinising look, you tilt your head to the side. "... why did you do that?"

For a moment Jim, while unscrewing the cap on his flask, pauses. He looks Caught, like when Lyle reminds him all the cash he's carrying for him better still be there when Lyle gets it back. He lets out a wry, nervous chuckle and shrugs. "-Well sweetheart I guess I'm just not that kinda bad."

Otis B Driftwood:

"Wonder if she's pure?~ " You hear a voice, southern and sweet as sugar, keen cruelly as you come back to consciousness. "What do you think, Otis??"

"She better be." That voice is southern but buts the opposite of sweet as sugar. Its anything but. It sounds like the devil speaking. When your eyelids finally lift, you see an excited older blonde woman wearing too much lipstick and a terrifying white-haired man looking bored. You gasp, but you barely make a sound- there's rope over your mouth.

It still garners there attentions, though, and the man scowls. But the woman smiles brightly, rushing over to you and peeling the rope off of your mouth. "Well hel-lo, sweetheart! You had quite a long sleep! Thats a good thing; no eyebags for the wedding pictures, hm!?~ "

"W- weddings??" You wonder out loud, breathless. The you remember, head swimming- your prince. The betrothal. Right. But why do you feel so bad, like you hurt yourself?? What is this terrible dirty place?? Why the rope!?

The man's staring at you, and a rotten cruel grin slithers wobbly across his face. "Look, Mama, she's thinkin'. Got a lotta thoughts in there, huh princess? Nothin' addin' up?"

"Oh hush Otis. Don't be mean." 'Mama' scolds, getting a heavy eyeroll and a growl from 'Otis'. Mama cups her hands around your face and gives you a good look over, then smiles. "Ohhh, yes. You'll do perfectly!~ I'm gonna have pretty grandbabies, huh??"

This... this is the Queen Mother? Your eyes shift over her, in her grimy tight clothes and over-the-top make up. Well, to each there own. If you were Queen you'd dress however you like, too. "Your majesty, what- "

"Oh, sweetie, no! I'm not the Queen!" Mama laughs shrilly, turning back to Otis who's grinning and shaking his head. Your eyes stick on him, then, assessing him. You don't like the sight of him one bit, he looks like he wants to hurt you, he looks dangerous. "No, no, no! Don't you remember?? We're the ones that raided your carriage."

The change in tone is so abrupt you almost miss it, your eyes locked on Otis' lanky, dirty form. Then suddenly realisation hits you, and a memory (Otis, dressed in a dark priests robe and horrifying make up, stood in the middle of the road so your coachman had to stop. Being dragged out of your carriage in the middle of the night by your hair; crying out. Otis grimy fingers on your jaw holding you up so he could see you. Your coachman's scream. Otis saying you're perfect). This was definitely not your destination.

As you heartbeat starts to become erratic, Mama gets up and steps away from you, and Otis crouches down in front of you instead. When he grabs your face again, all his gross fingers pinching one side while his thumb rubs against the other, you cant look away or avoid his rank breath. "I wanted to sacrifice you, for the record- it woulda been a mercy. You might even have liked it, a little." The grimy grin on his face is downright vulgar at that part, so you're quite sure you wouldnt've. Though, a part of you heats up in excitement at the thought. You proudly ignore that. "Til the end. But Mama had a, uh, different idea."

... you cant respond, you just cough from the smell of his terrible breath clogging up your airways. Choked, you manage to repeat the word 'different' though, confused.

"Mhm... " He grins, fowl.

Mama lays a veil over your head. "Welcome to family, sweetheart!"

Annnnd, I wanted to do Cal too but I have a shelf to build and books to home! I'll do him later though, definitely XD

#very self indulgent stuff here 😅 XD #i love being forced to marry otis XD

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britesparc · 6 days ago

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Weekend Top Ten #867

Top Ten Fictional Catholics

There’s a Billy Connolly line about being raised Catholic which means you’ve done A-Level Guilt. I’m not sure if it’s Catholicism, or just undiagnosed neurodivergence, but I certainly know what he’s on about. There’s something about the C-word that sticks: it’s almost cultural. Even if you shake off any all vestiges of religion, “Catholicism” somehow remains, like a communion wafer on the roof of the mouth. There’s certainly plenty to criticise about the church and how it’s been run over the years; but I find there to be something weirdly comforting about the tenets of Catholicism – the rituals, the buildings, the funny words for stuff – that feels like going home.

Anyway, Catholics have been in the news recently, so I thought I’d write about them.

I think the combination of really pretty old churches, black clothes, red wine, and lashings of angst makes Catholicism a ripe playground for writers. You can have your hero wailing against the railings in the rain, tortured about how he’s going to hell or something. It lends itself to melodrama a lot more than, say, Protestantism, I feel; there’s obviously nothing in it when it comes to actually devout members of either faith, but it’s the trappings of Catholicism that just go that bit extra. It’s hard to picture a Scorsese film starring a conflicted vicar.

And, to a certain extent, that’s what we’ve got in this list. Most of these people just exude an aura of feeling guilty all the bloody time. Some of them even wail outside churches in the rain! At least one of them sings a song about it! And whilst they run the gamut from stupid priest to superhero by way of William Shakespeare, they all have one thing in common: they don’t say the “power and the glory” bit in the Our Father.

But what does such a varied and disparate list reveal about Catholicism? Damned if I know.

President Josiah Bartlet (The West Wing, 1999): described in the first episode as “a deeply religious man” (by someone else) and as “the Lord thy God” (by himself), Catholicism runs through Bartlet like a stick of New Hampshire rock. If they had rock in New Hampshire. Which they probably don’t. Anyway, he’s got a great Kennedy-esque accent, so you know he’s a Catholic; he’s open about prayer and faith, speaking with religious leaders, but he’s also smart and funny and kinda badass. And by Christ he’s feeling guilty a lot. I mean, it’s mainly that time he organised the extra-judicial assassination of a foreign diplomat. He felt guilty about that thing.

Matt Murdock (Daredevil, 2015): Matt spent most of his Netflix years beating the shit out of people and then going to confession about it the next day. His faith is a big deal to him, and he’s pleasantly open about it. Because ultimately if he feels his superheroing is a sin – and let’s be honest, snapping someone’s arm over your shoulder probably will get you a couple of Hail Marys – then he’s going out at night and, in the immortal words of Homer Simpson, making God madder and madder. No wonder he’s so pissed off.

Father Dougal McGuire (Father Ted, 1995): I’m not sure which Catholic stereotypes or tropes are represented by Father Dougal, but there are two things to consider: he’s definitely Catholic; and he’s a glorious idiot in a grand, hilarious comic tradition. Possibly the greatest comic idiot of the twentieth century; it’s either him or Odie, I reckon. Anyway: he doesn’t know if something’s small or far away, he does now know that those women were in the nip, but above all else you mustn’t let him do a funeral.

Judge Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame, 1996): up to now these have all been more-or-less nice Catholics (apart from extra-judicial killings and arm-snappings). But Frollo (and if it’s not clear I’m specifically talking about the Disney version) is a baddie; a guy who weaponises his faith to subjugate a minority. He’s racist, he’s sexist, he’s an authoritarian, but interestingly he’s also aware that he’s risking eternal damnation. It’s specifically his lust for Esmerelda that’s doing him in, and of course being a dickhead he blames her for that. He’s got a hell of a song, though; it goes hard, as they say.

Dana Scully (The X-Files, 1993): there’s a fantastic dynamic here between the atheist who has faith in the unexplained, and the Catholic scientist who’s always seeking a rational explanation. Scully is something of a “trust but verify” believer, accepting the tenets of Catholicism and finding comfort in her faith, but distrustful when (for example) she thinks she’s seen her father’s ghost. And, of course, these many nuances are beautifully played by Gillian Anderson.

Michael Corleone (The Godfather, 1972): over the three films there’s definitely an almost Faustian thing going on with Michael, seduced as it were by the dark side, smart enough to know that the decisions he’s making are damning him but he keeps doing them anyway. The lush trappings of Catholicism, the relationship Michael and his family have with the Church, offer a legitimacy and possibly a shield to the other nefarious goings-on. Can a mass-murdering crime boss be a Good Catholic? I mean, no. No he can’t. It’s not hard.

Jake and Elwood Blues (The Blues Brothers, 1980): Jake and Elwood are, let’s say, lapsed Catholics. But they were raised by nuns in a Chicago orphanage, and despite their many failings – both moral and legal – they do see the light, as it were (albeit in what is almost certainly a Protestant service). As they repeatedly profess, they’re on a mission from God, raising money to save an orphanage; and as such theirs is holy work. Plus, of course, there’s a tremendous sense of brotherly love between the pair. And – and! – they hate the Nazis. Important bit, that.

Reverend Mother (Sister Act, 1992): Sister Act has a load of cool nuns to choose from; from Kathy Najimy’s ebullience to Wendy Makkena’s timidity to the delicious grumpiness of Hollywood vet Mary Wickes. But it’s the clipped diction of the unnamed Reverend Mother who stands out, thanks to the heavenly Maggie Smith. She’s devoted to her faith and her sisters, something of a stickler for tradition and discipline, but the empathy she has leaks through, as does her self-doubt and anxiety, and in the end she proves herself a bit of a badass. And who doesn’t love a badass nun?

Helena Bertinelli (The Huntress, 1989): although Mary Elizabeth Winstead is great as Huntress in Birds of Prey, I’m just sticking with the comic original here (unlike the MCU Daredevil above). Because over multiple issues and years of material, Helena is a great and fascinating character. Sort of part of the wider Bat-Family, she’s an angry, belligerent, vengeful warrior, the daughter of a crime boss who saw her whole family murdered in a hit, and who is herself unafraid to take a life. She’s almost like Gotham’s Punisher, but with better legs and a bit more guilt, mostly due to Batman reminding her that she shouldn’t be killing people. And then she goes on to develop a fantastic chemistry with Oracle and Black Canary in Birds of Prey. The comic, not the film. Anyway: Huntress. Another badass Catholic. But not a nun this time.

Father Laurence (William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet, 1996): yes, I’m specifically picking the Pete Postlethwaite character from the Baz Luhrmann film. That’s because the Franciscan Father from the original play is definitely cool – he’s the only one who gives the central lovers the time of day, listens to them, aids them in their romance, believing that love is the path to peace; and, of course, he’s right, although sadly peace only comes after Roms and Jules have shuffled off this mortal coil. Anyway: interesting character. But Postlethwaite plays him as a sort of hippy botanist with an enormous cross tattooed across his back. See? Badass. All Catholics are badass. Well, maybe not Father Dougal.

Maria from The Sound of Music isn’t on here because she’s a real person. Just in case you spent the whole list wondering. Anyway. Happy Conclave!

#top ten #catholics #the pope #conclave #religion #honestly this whole thing is said with love #in the words of billy connolly #i'm the one that's going to hell you're only watching

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sunny6677 · 8 months ago

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Okayyyy I'm gonna try continuing that one Spooky Month x Disney AU I did a while ago (the one where it's like the different Disney movies are actually their past lives and shit and the characters are in place of the Disney characters for each movie)

So I'm gonna do Hunchback Of Notre Dame! Imma be careful with it though since it's incredibly dark compared to all the other disney movies 😭 It's good. But still. I also kinda know who I want Frollo to be??? So I may not make an exact poll about him.

The main character of this story though is Quasimodo, a twenty year old man who was taken from his mother (who the main villain Judge Frollo killed because of her race—Judge Frollo is so much of an asshole that he despises anyone different than him and sees everyone else as inferior, but specifically people of her race). Frollo ended up taking a glimpse at him after taking him from his mom, only to be repulsed by his appearance and literally try throwing him down a well because he looked like a 'monster', but the Priest stopped him before he could do so. The Priest basically called him out, and said the only way Frollo can make up for it in the eyes of God is to care for the child ob his own. Frollo agrees, but only because Quasimodo may be 'useful' to him one day. For years and years, Frollo manipulated and abused him, keeping him locked away in the bell tower as the bell ringer. But despite all this, Quasimodo is very gentle, loving and lonely—and has a very low image of himself due to Frollo—he also has magical gargoyle friends but it's up to interpretation if they actually exist or if he's imagining things. He does end up escaping from Frollo at the end though.

#spooky month #disney au

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linalilia · 2 years ago

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hi, i made more of these dhdjjsjd. there's a lot of memes with yuu ships this time because they deserve to be loved <3 ALSO YES I CAN POST MORE THAN 10 PICS NOW LET'S GO

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marinerainbow · 2 years ago

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So... I've finally listened to the whole soundtrack of 'Six: the Musical'. And I want to post more of my work here.

So, taking inspiration from @slashingdisneypasta drabble set, here are imagines of the six wives, but with Disney Villains and different Y/N's.

TW warning: If you know anything about the musical or the history, you probably already know the warnings in this. Death, jealousy, infidelity, sexual references, attempted murder, actual murder, and trauma. You have been warned.

Claude Frollo - No Way

(I'm not entirely sure if this is historically accurate, I tried to find more information but couldn't. But we're here to have fun, we aren't in history class, so I'm ignoring it.)

You must agree that, baby, in all the time I've been by your side

I've never lost control, no matter how many times I knew you lied

Have my golden rule gotta keep my cool, yeah, baby

Frollo wasn't a priest, no matter how much he liked to carry himself as one. As such, he, just like everyone else, had to get married. And you, Y/N, had the 'honor' of becoming his spouse years ago.

On the outside, you two seemed to be an unstoppable pair: the cruel judge, and his cold, unassuming wife. But that couldn't have been more wrong.

No one has the curse of knowing this awful man like you do. Not even Quasimodo, the poor boy who you wish you could grant his dreams, knows of all the atrocities this man thinks up in his narrow-veiwed mind. The gypsies that are hunted down by him know too much, but at least they can voice their own protests.

You, however, must suffer in silence. All for God's will to have the wife subservient to her husband. Frollo loved to throw that one in your face constantly. Even though you read and quote the same damn scriptures he does.

I've put up with your sh- like every single day

But now it's time to shh and listen to what I have to say

Your only friend and ally in all this is the archdeacon. He, like you, is all too aware of Frollo's sins. But, just like you, there is little to nothing he can do about it. All he can do, is tell you when your husband is back on his shit again.

And you, even though you desperately want to knock that old fool off of his pedestal, know you can't. He is the judge, and you are just married to him. He is the one with all the power here, and all you can do is stay humble and loyal, like any good wife should do.

That was, until you heard of a certain woman who caught his eye.

You must think that I'm crazy, you wanna replace me

baby there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

If you think for a moment I'd grant you annulment

Just hold up, there's n-n-n-n-n-n-no way

Even though you two haven't shared a bed in years- yes literal years, you still know that look in your husband's eye when he wants something. And you knew that he didn't want to burn Esmerelda at the stake.

Or maybe he did, since of course he would blame her for his sinful desires. Of course it's not his fault that he not only wants to sleep with the Romanian woman, but wanted to sleep with someone who wasn't wearing his ring.

There were many times, you admit, that you should have tried to intervene. Quasimodo and his mother were one of them. But you were so used to just focusing on your own safety and appearance that you had never gotten involved in his affairs. But the night you overheard Frollo, practically screaming into his fireplace, "Let her be mine, and mine alone!" was when you finally had enough.

You got me down on my knees, please tell me what you think I've done wrong

Been humble, been loyal, I've tried to swallow my pride all along

If you can just explain a single thing I've done to cause you pain, I'll go

All the years you held your tongue, all the years of built up rage had spilled out of your mouth that night like a broken dam. If Frollo was the burning fire, you were the raging storm.

Not only was he going to pursue- if you could call it that- another woman while you have been nothing but loyal to him, but he also carries himself to be even greater than your own cathedral. How he constantly blamed everyone else. Why? Why did he see himself as entitled to all this? What did he ever do that made him above God's will? What did you ever do to him that made him think he could just do what he pleased while you swallowed your own pride?

But fine. If he can give you one reason, just one, where he has the right to drag an innocent woman down with him, and even go so far as to blame God for his own desires, then you'll let him continue his buisness like normal, and you will wait for him at home like you always do.

No? You've got nothing to say?

I'm not going away

You made me a wife, so I'll be queen 'til the end of my life

Of course, you're not surprised when he just gives you the same speech about how everyone was at fault but himself. So, in his own language, he had no reason.

He promises he'll deal with you later, before heading out to go find Esmerelda. Being sure to lock you in the same room so you couldn't warn anybody. And of course, no matter how loud you screamed or pounding on the door, no one came to help you.

You got the front row seat to watching the dancers' trial. You got to watch in horror as Notre Dam threatened to be burnt to the ground, and feel proud of the deformed boy finally standing up to his 'master'. And, hours later, when your good friend the archdeacon finally finds you, you can barely contain the relieved smile on your lips when he informs you of your new status as the corrupt judges widow.

Gaston - Don't Lose Ur Head

(This one gets a double warning since it's a bit... uh... Well... This song made my inner bitch unleash. So this imagine is going to get extra spicy (I'm shocked but also kind of proud of myself, ngl))

He wanted me, obviously, messaging me like everyday

Couldn't be better, then he sent me a letter and who am I kidding

I was prêt-à-manger

When you moved into the little French town, it didn't take long for all the villagers to notice you. Especially the boys. You were the next most beautiful girl in town after some other gal named Belle, so obviously they wanted you. Though quite frankly, you found them all boring, or gross. Haven't these people heard of dentures??

You were starting to lose hope of finding a night of fun in this town... Until you saw him. The one and only hero of this quiet little town, Gaston. You saw him, and you knew that he was going to be this villages saving grace for you.

And you knew damn well he wanted you too. Gaston isn't exactly the kind of guy to hold back.

Ooh, sent a reply

Ooh, just saying hi

Ooh, you're a nice guy

I'll think about it, maybe, X.O baby~

His ego was annoying, yes. How he just expected you to fall in his arms made you roll your eyes, even if you did want him to shove you onto the nearest surface and hike up your skirt. But hey, why not use it as an opportunity to play a game of cat and mouse? After all, he is a hunter; surely, he could recognize a good chase.

Just like any hunter worth his salt, he followed the tracks you left for him, finding all the signs you were close by, but just out of his sight where he had to keep trudging through to find you... Just before you'd slip away. What? Did he really think the new girl was going to make this easy for him?

It's only when you let him come closer, let him stroll into your home like he owns the damn place muttering about how you've "Finally learnt your place~", do you let him touch you... All night... Many times... And a lot of broken furniture.

Needless to say, Gaston decided that you were too good to just be a one and done lay. He was going to come back for you, and you knew it.

I didn't know I would move in with his misses

What? Get a life!

You're living with his wife?

Like, what was I meant to do?

Unfortunately though, this definitely caught the whole towns attention, especially all the ladies. And, in a small town, gossip and rumors spread like wildfire.

Suddenly, you heard people talking about you behind your back. Did they seriously think you were deaf!? And now, you hear that some people are jealous- both of Gaston and you, while others were confused. Wasn't Gaston seeing Belle? Were you some sort of mistress?

Oh, hell no! You don't want to be part of some threesome. You don't want to be the other woman. And after talking to this Belle, you know she has no interest either, in both an open relationship and Gaston himself.

Well, now that Belle filled you in on what was really going on- she's such a sweet gal. Maybe you should invite her over after you buy new furniture- you had no qualms with finding Gaston, in the middle of town, and ripping him a whole new one in front of everyone. And all he could do was stare at you dumbfounded as you did the one thing people in this town should have done a long time ago. It was either Belle- and she wasn't an option since she wanted no part in this- or you. And you weren't going to settle for half.

Uh-Oh! Here we go, your comic went viral

I didn't really mean it but rumours spiral

Wow, Anne Y/N, way to make the country hate you

Mate, what was I meant to do?

And now, everyone thinks you're the bitch. You can see it in their eyes. But you don't care. All you do is huff and turn on your heel to head home. You don't even notice the plotting look in the hunters eyes.

A few days later, Gaston actually comes knocking on your door, dressed in his finest, and asking you to marry him? Is he serious? Glancing out your window, you see nearly the whole town gathered in your front lawn with a band, cake, and pure white decor, complete with some crying bridesmaids.

... Yup. He was serious. Looks like that talking to you gave him really made him finally realize he couldn't have Belle. But you didn't expect to just get married straight away! Though you have to admit, the idea does have some merit. Maybe this town will stop talking about you if they know you two are officially an item.

That and, as much as he is a jackass, he's still one of the best lays you've ever had. You'd never have a dull night again.

So, ignoring the feeling in your gut that this was a bad idea, you go put on your best dress, lock arms with Gaston, and mentally prepare yourself for the wedding day you didn't think you'd have.

Henry's Gaston's out every night on the town

Just sleeping around, like what the hell?

If that's how it's gonna be, maybe I'll flirt with a guy or three

Just to make him jell!

Oh, you knew there was something going on between Gaston and those blonde triplets!

In hindsight, you probably should have realized that marrying Gaston would have a load of problems for yourself... But that doesn't make you any less pissed. Especially since he's still harassing Belle! In front of you! And when confronted, all he claims is that, obviously, why wouldn't he want the two most lovely girls in town?

Obviously, that leaves Belle disgusted even more, and you infuriated. You didn't give up your freedom just for him to keep acting like he owned you and your new friend. You were far too angry to even consider that maybe flirting with some of the guys at the bar in front of your husband wasn't the greatest idea on your part... What!? What were you meant to do!?

And, of course, that just leads to you being tossed into your own home and getting into your first lovers quarrel.

Henry finds out and he goes mental

He screams and shouts, like so judgemental

You damned witch! Mate, just shut up!

I wouldn't be such a bi- if you could get it up

Oh yeah. You said that. And he was not happy. Not. At. All.

The man you call your husband screams and shouts, his temper tantrum able to make the whole house shake from his sheer size alone. You don't back down though, and when he realizes this, all he does is storm back out. No doubt to his tavern. You don't follow though, you choose to just stay at home and take your own frustrations out on one of your pillows.

By the next morning though, the whole village has heard Gaston's exaggerated side of the story. And of course, everyone blames you. After all, Gaston was the hero! How could you betray his trust like this?? No one even considers the fact- or just doesn't care- that he's just as, if not more, guilty as you.

Great. Your life is ruined. All because you wanted to get a head.

Maleficent - Heart of Stone

(I know there are probably other villains who would fit this one better, but Mal is one of my favorites and I love the idea of her getting mad at herself for falling in love so I'm treating myself)

You came my way, and I knew a storm could come too. You'd lift me high, or let me fall

But I took your hand, promised I'd withstand any blaze you blew my way

'Cause something inside, it solidified, and I knew I'd always stay

You were a... Strange mortal, definitely. You were kind and curious, yes, but you had always been drawn to the darker side of the world. It made you the outcast in your village, but you didn't care. It wasn't like you were casting hexes on others, you were just enjoying your interests.

And when you ran into the mistress of all evil herself while on a trek in the forest, you weren't afraid of her. Even when she tried to scare you off, all you did was keep your cool and smile, too intrigued to go away.

You didn't know it then, but it reminded her of herself, centuries ago, before she became the dark fairy she is today. That was enough to let her spare you and just walk the other way instead, her irritation coming back when you just followed her, continuing to ask questions and just being a general nuisance. It got to the point that she just chose to teleport back to her castle, leaving you behind.

You can build me up, you can tear me down

You can try but I'm unbreakable

You can do your best, but I'll stand the test

You'll find that I'm unshakeable

This continued for so long. You were determined to get through Maleficient and her hard shell, and would constantly look for her in the forest. No matter what, you kept strong-willed, even when she would try to test your patience with her trickery and wickedness.

Fortunately, somehow, you won her heart. Even Maleficient was confused and honestly quite furious that you managed to break through her. Her. She wasn't a sweet little fairy who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved, and she could very easily break you... But she didn't.

When the fire's burnt, when the wind has blown

When the water's dried, you'll still find stone

My heart of stone

It wasn't long before Maleficent 'brought' you from your village to live with her. It'd be more accurate to say she whisked you away, but you don't mind. You didn't want to stay in the village anyway.

It was definitely an odd time of adjustment for her. She was used to only having Diablo for company- unless you count her army of goblins and imps- and she was perfectly fine with that. But now, she has to find a way to actually take care of her little mortal.

No matter what though, Maleficient kept you 'hidden away' so to speak. You weren't imprisoned, obviously, but she just preferred to keep her life with you separate from the rest. At least for now, while she was still getting the hang of this 'love' thing.

You were fine with that, even if you did want to know more about her magic and schemes. You're just happy to have won over your dark beloved. It was like a dream come true for you; living in a magical place, with the most beautiful and dangerous woman by your side... Though you had to admit, there was one more wish you had.

You say we're perfect, a perfect family

You hold us close, for the world to see

And when I say you're the only one I've ever loved, I mean those words truthfully

Eventually, when you told her you wanted a child, she was skeptical. She's already pushing herself with a lover, but a family? Especially a mortal family who will just pass while she lives on? Absolutely not. Not in her castle. You may be her lover, but she's still the queen of this castle.

But, she does love you. You're the only person she actually wants to see happy. It took a long time, but you were able to get her to see the appeal of starting a family. After all, if you can sneak your way into this fairy's heart, anything is possible.

But you are absolutely not letting her kidnap a child and replacing it with a changeling. You want kids, but you didn't want to rip them away from their own family. She knows a thing or two about magic. Surely there's some way you two could have your own child? Maleficent at first scoffed at the notion; she's never heard of anything like that, and she's an expert in this sort of thing. But fine, she'll investigate, just so she can rub it in your face how right she is.

Her smug aura practically vanishes, and is replaced with your own, when she finds out that yes! There is indeed a spell that allows you two to have a baby together magically... "Alright, Y/N, wipe that smile off of your face, we have a youngling to create. Come on."

Soon I'll have to go

I'll never see him grow

But I hope my son will know he'll never be alone

She insisted though that you would be the child's vessel until it was ready to be born. Or, to translate, you'll be the one pregnant. What? Did you really expect her to take this job?

You are nervous about it, though, especially as the due date nears. You just can't shake this terrible feeling. Though Maleficient always quells your worries. She's a master of her craft, no spell has yet to have failed on her. Yes, this is new to her too, but what could go wrong? All you are doing is carrying a magical child inside you for nine or so months.

All the times she's brushed your worries aside, all the times she's dismissed your 'visions', Maleficent comes to regret all of it, when on the day of your child's birth, your heart beat comes to a stop.

'Cause like a river runs dry and leaves it's scars behind

I'll be by your side

'Cause my love is set in stone

She did all she could, using whatever enchantment she knew to bring your soul back to your body as your son wailed in a basket for one of his mothers. Even she was almost worked into tears when she finally realized she had lost you for good. And she had no one to blame but herself.

Maleficent though, doesn't mourn for long. She has a new life to care for, the last bit of you there is in this world. There's no time for her heart to crumble. And so, the dark fairy takes on the task of raising your child alone.

Jafar - Get Down

(For the sake of argument, let's just say Jafar won in the universe of this imagine)

Sittin' here all alone, on a throne

In a palace that I happen to own

When the sorcerer finally took his rightful place on the throne, his first act of business was to get rid of Jasmine and the former sultan permanently. To ensure no one could take away what he worked so hard to gain. And he kept Razoul, along with some new, more competent soldiers, to ensure that street rat wouldn't be able to take one step into the palace if he somehow survived the Arctic.

In every sense of the word, Jafar had won. And now, he could get started on shaping Agrabah as he deemed fit. But, first things first, he needed a wife. And he knew exactly who had in mind.

Bring me some pheasant keep it on the bone

Fill my goblet up to the brim

Sippin' on mead and I spill it on my dress with the gold lace trim

Not very prim and proper, can't make me stop

Y/N. The queen of a kingdom far away. Jafar had seen your portrait years ago during his travels, and had heard so much about you. You were considered the most beautiful in your land, and had riches and power beyond anyones wildest imagination. And of course, the ambitious sorcerer wanted you for himself.

He had tried to convince the Sultan to form an alliance with you, claiming it was for the benefit of the whole kingdom, but really, it was just for his own lustful gain. But that old fool decided his toys were more important, and the former vizier had been left fantazing about the queen, swearing to himself once he was the ruler, Y/N would be his first act of buisness.

Well, no better time then the present, yes?

I wanna go hunting, any takers?

I'm not fake 'cause I've got acres and acres, paid for with my own riches

Where my hounds at? Release the bitches

Woof

And so, you received a letter, detailing an invitation to Agrabah from the new Sultan, making it clear he was looking for his own Sultana and wanted you. You yourself had heard of the kingdom, but never held enough interest to venture out there, especially when you heard of the childish king. But now, this Jafar is enough to pique your interest. How he somehow gained the throne without having to marry or be of royal blood was definitely impressive. Not to mention he wasn't exactly bad looking in the picture he sent.

After some discussion with your royal advisor, you decided to at least check it out. If you chose to marry him, great. If not, at least you get a good vacation. So you sent a reply to him, promising to be there within a weeks time.

Head back for a round of croquet, yeah

'Cause I'm a player

And tomorrow, I'll hit replay

Jafar had been quite pleased. It seems like everything was falling in place for him. Of course, he made sure to prepare for your arrival, making sure the servants set up your lavish chambers perfectly and even going out of his way to buy ingredients for dishes from your own kingdom. He was going to make sure you at least agreed to an alliance.

Neither of you once thought that this could have been too good to be true. And you could tell he thought this exactly when he first set eyes on you in the flesh.

You, you said that I tricked ya

'Cause I, I didn't look like my profile picture?

Too, too bad I don't agree, so I'm gonna hang it up for everyone to see

And you can't stop me 'cause

"... Quite humorous. Now, where is the real Queen?" Was the very first words that came out of his mouth when he saw you. And your servants already knew where this was going.

Oh no he did not just say that to you!

Even though you kept your royal air and dignity about you, the cold look in your eyes told everyone that you were not taking this insult lightly. You were gifted with a silver tongue yourself; you always knew how to cut into someone deep, and you were not afraid of a man who could shoot sparks from his silly little staff.

I'm the queen of the castle!

Get down, you dirty rascal!

Of course, Jafar didn't like what you said about him, even if it was the truth. The servants of both royals were terrified as they watched them practically try to murder the other with their glares, hoping not to get caught in the crossfire.

However, he too knew how to keep his cool when it was necessary. He's had to have done it for years under his former employment. The last thing he needed right now was to start a war all because little Y/N lost her own cool. Yes, he could easily win it with his powers, but his main objective was to form a treaty with you, not lose what could benefit his own kingdom greatly.

So, he manages to stop himself from summoning his powers. Though he makes it clear that marriage was no longer on the table at this point. You traveled this far though, so he'll generously let you and your entourage stay to refresh yourselves, and he'll still discuss business with you, but there would be no pleasure.

which, at this rate, was perfectly fine with you.

Let me explain

I'm a Wienerschnitzel, not an English flower

No one tells me I need a rich man

Doin' my thing in my palace in Richmond!

It's not that you were insecure. You knew you were beautiful. You knew that you were the one in charge. It was how this man invited you into his home and had the gall to say that to you. This man who had to claw his way to the throne felt like he had the right to insult you? You weren't going to let that go.

Fortunately, for him, though, he was able to convince you to at least consider an allegiance. You didn't like his attitude at all, but the idea did seem to have potential. Besides, you didn't want to risk some deranged magician trying to take over your kingdom.

So, you agreed to be his ally, and then set off for home after fine tuning the agreement, making sure he wouldn't be able to take advantage of any loopholes.

You were still an unmarried woman by the end of the day, but hey, you like it that way anyway.

Evil Queen Grimhilda - All You Wanna Do

I think we can all agree, I'm the ten amongst these threes

And ever since I was a child, I made the boys go wild

I was young, it's true, but even then I knew

The only thing you wanna do is...

You always seemed to lure in the wrong kind of attention. You were 'gifted' with beauty, as your own mother put it, and as such, you had countless suitors over the years.

Though none of them treated you right. None of them cared for the woman behind the pretty face. They all seemed to think they had a right to your body, whether they'd try to force themselves on you or try to buy your affections.

And, unfortunately, you had to learn it the hard way.

Made me a lady in waiting

Hurled me and my family up in the world

Gave me duties in court, and he she swears it's true, that without me, he she doesn't know what he'd she'd do

It was shortly after the Kings mysterious passing did you meet the new Queen. She was looking for a new handmaid, and your family insisted you apply, despite the fact that it was clear that Grimhilda wasn't exactly pure of heart.

Miraculously, she doesn't get envious of your beauty and chooses to hire you instead of the countless other women who applied. She kept you close by her side, you helped her in every way she needed and then some. You didn't question her, unlike the majority of her court, and you did exactly as she asked you to.

It was mostly because you didn't want to put a target on your back, but still.

You were a hard worker, and it definitely didn't hurt that you were quite beautiful- not as beautiful as her, obviously, and that just made it even better to the queen.

You say I'm what you need

All you want, we both agree

This is the place for me

I'm finally where I'm meant to be

Even though you had been reluctant at first, you now knew you made the right choice. Yes, you had questioned your morality many times, but this was the best place you could be; on the good graces of the evil Queen, and on your own. You didn't have to worry about anyone trying to hurt you here.

Then he she starts saying all this stuff

He She cares so much, he she calls me love

He She says we have this connection

I guess it's not so different...

Though of course, tranquility can't last forever. You realized this when Grimhilda had called you to her throne room and gave you an offer you couldn't really refuse.

She truly was a snake. She knew how to lure you in with the promises of love and care. Something you imagine she must have done with the previous king.

Still though, even if you didn't want her, she wanted you. And when the evil Queen says it's you, than it's you.

You two were eloped shortly after. No wedding, though. Two women marrying would have caused an uproar. So in the publics eye, you were still her handmaid. No one knew of the way the Queen held you close at night, or how you would get down on your knees for her, "As any spouse of mine should."

With Henry Hilda, it isn't easy

His her temper's short, and his her mates are sleazy

Except for this one courtier

He's a really nice guy, just so sincere

It didn't take long though for this relationship to wear you out. Grimhilda was still as cold as ice, and the people she conducts business with aren't exactly the most upstanding of people. Just because you became her consort, didn't mean that she was going to suddenly become selfless and compassionate. You knew it, but... Still.

You did find one friend, though. The Queen's own huntsman, in fact. You had seen him before, you don't quite know how long he's been under Grimhilda's 'employment'. But one evening, while your wife was in her laboratory, you decided to make conversation with him. And that was the beginning of your first genuine friendship.

This guy finally

Is what I want, the friend I need

Just mates, no chemistry, I get him and he gets me

And there's nothing more to it

He just cares so much, he's devoted

You two practically became two peas in a pod. Whenever you two weren't carrying out her evil deeds or entertaining her, you both could be found together, chatting away about your previous and current lives in the halls or gardens. He even taught you how to use a dagger so you could defend yourself if need be.

Now, this is what you needed. All you ever wanted was just a nice friend you could lean on. You didn't need a marriage, you didn't need a lover, you just needed someone who truly cared.

But then... When the two of you are alone...

He says we have a connection...

No... No no no no! Why!? He knew you were married, it didn't matter if it was ultimately loveless! He knew your troubles with men before! Why would he even say this!?

I thought this time was different!

Why did I think he'd be different?

But it's never, ever different!

The huntsman seemed to realize his mistake when he saw the tears fill your eyes. He tries to comfort you, even when you tried pushing you away. Even after what he said, the two of you were still friends, and he reassures you he would go if you really wanted him to.

You should have ordered him to leave. You should have stormed away. You should have done anything else. But when you saw the true care in his eyes, and how he was willing to set his own desires aside for you, all you could do is break down and cry in his arms. Both because you still had your friend, and the fact that regardless of the choice you'd make, your relationship was going to change forever.

How tragic it was that the Queen just so happened to walk down that very hall, as you and the huntsman embraced each other. Now you got to witness first hand her wrath and jealousy as she ordered her guards to drag you two away.

Playtime's over...

Playtime's over!

You and the Huntsman were executed. Grimhilda was never one to show mercy. The Huntsman was simply beheaded, but you had your heart carved out of your chest and given to the Queen. The only way she could have your heart to herself.

Hades - I don't need Your Love

(I'll admit, i had a lot of trouble with this one. I'm still not sure of how this came out, but I didn't know how else to write this)

You know I love you, boy, in every single way

Though I love you, boy, I'll miss you every day

You were a brilliant woman of your time. You were a writer, a philosopher, bringing light to the great myths of the very gods. Of course, many were true, as shown with the mortal son of Zeus, but others were exaggerated or simply not true. You treasured the life you had built for yourself, and you couldn't even imagine exchanging it for anything more or less.

Anyone like you would have grabbed the gods' attention. You had caused an uproar in Olympus, so much so that even the Underworld heard about you, especially one God in particular.

It wasn't long before Hades had heard about you and decided to look into this new mortal. Usually, it didn't take much to make the other gods angry, so he wasn't expecting much.

And even though this feels so right

I'm holding back the tears tonight

Though he found himself both intrigued and entertained by you. Finally, someone who didn't just blindly worship the other gods! And you didn't even feel afraid of incurring the wrath of the gods. You were also pretty cute, that was a plus.

And then, that's when he gets an idea. It wasn't exactly a secret he was mocked on Olympus for many things, one of them was that he still didn't have a spouse. He mostly ignored them about that particular jab. How could he take offense from people whose relationships were already fifty shades of fucked? Still though, he can already see the smug looks on their faces being wiped away after seeing him stride in the room with the very mortal who made the others question them.

Honestly, he just wanted them to shut up about his personal life, and he thought this was the best way to accomplish that. Especially after the whole 'unleashing the titans' fiasco, this was another, more subtle, way to get back at them.

That I don't need your love, no, no

I don't need your love, no, no

You were certainly surprised to see the God of death at your door. At first, you thought maybe he was offended by what you had been writing, but he surprised you even more when he... Asked you out? He even worded it like a business deal, too, and flirting with you a bit, though you're not sure if he was being genuine or just trying to charm you into accepting his deal.

Honestly, you wanted to decline. You weren't stupid, you could tell this was just Hades wanting to annoy the other gods. Everyone knew well enough by now that you didn't want to get on a deities bad side, and you were already pushing your luck. You knew this, he had to know this too, and you were certain if you accepted just this one date, your whole life wouldn't be the same.

You wanted to reject him. You really did... Until he sweetened the deal. He would ensure your safety and even help you with your writing - apparently, he genuinely liked your literature - if you did this for him.

How could you deny that? Safety to continue doing what you love, in exchange for being part of some scheme to tick the rest of the gods off?

So I sent that letter to my love

Got married to the king

Became the one who survived

So, writing away your old life, you agree to Hades' deal.

And, as you predicted, one date became a second date. And then a third... And a fourth... It got to the point that you would expect to see Hades at least once a week.

Obviously, this attracted all kinds of attention. Both from your neighbors and the other gods. You're pretty certain that all those thunderstorms conveniently over your house weren't exactly coincidence. And your fellow mortals would try asking you about you and your, supposed, lover. What was he like? Did he bribe or kidnap you? Were you carrying his child yet? That question you supposed you couldn't blame them considering Zeus' reputation. And, the one you heard most of all, when would you two get married?

You were no longer you. You were now known as the death gods lover. As any artist would know, no matter what kind of art they pursued, fading away was possibly one of the worst fates you could have.

There's was more to you than just being a deity's consort. There was more to you than your newfound status. Why was it that people recognized it before, but now they seemed to have forgotten it?

I've told you about my life; the final wife

But why should that story be the one I have to sing about?

That's not my story!

There's so much more!

Still though, you didn't throw yourself a pity party and let it stop you from creating and bringing the same light you always had before. You were now more determined than ever to reclaim the voice you had lost. And now that you had all the resources and security you needed thanks to Hades, your works were now better than ever.

It actually impressed him, even though he knew he had inadvertently caused this for you. Hades didn't think you were trying to outshine him at all, he was just reminded why he became attracted to you initially.

You were once more surprised that he became your biggest supporter outside of your initial agreement. He would brag about you to all the other gods, but not for his own gain, because he was proud of you. And if someone saw you and just referred to you as 'his consort' while he was around, Hades would immediately step in with, "Oh yeah, she's an absolute ball of fire, but have you read her scriptures? Trust me, Athena wishes she could be as good as her."

And you had started to actually genuinely like Hades. He had a pretty good sense of humor, was actually easy to get along with outside of his temper, and you could see the appeal in the guy. You had even spoken up against the other gods whenever you'd hear them talking about your date. That didn't win you any points with Olympus, but it's not like you cared what they thought of you anyway.

You didn't see it coming, but your relationship had started to turn more into just a show. You two had started to genuinely care about each other. It may not have been true love just yet, but you two were definitely good friends. You supported each other, even if you didn't entirely agree with everything he did, and that was all you two needed.

During your last visit in the underworld, when you were passing the hall while being escorted by Pain and Panic, you could have sworn you heard the three fates looking into yours and Hades' lives together... What was that they said about him proposing in a few years?

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pianostarinwonderland · 2 years ago

Note

saw that rollo catholicism post n i never knew that one day, being roman catholic will ever be relevant in anything, in something disney related no less 💀💀 but here we are hahahah for me, i interpreted rollo as catholic because of well, frollo, and the school itself is based on the notre dame which is a roman catholic cathedral!

anyway, i think i understand what you were getting at with the handkerchief bit: but i need to mention first that i am just one catholic, and not all catholics necessarily experienced the same thing as i have, having grown up in france and SEAsia compared to perhaps other ppl who grew up in, say, the US - so everything i say below is no way a generalisation and just personal experience

also i will say "we" alot, but i am not like this, there's a reason why i'm non-practicing lksdfjlskfjskd

alright so let's see if i got it right: i notice that in catholicism, there's this prevalent feeling of superiority? in a sense. that our way is the true way. the way we act and conduct ourselves, the way we pray and worship, etc. which naturally leads to a lot of judgement and even (hidden) disgust, even a lot of looking down to, towards others who do not lead a life similar to ours (a life of "virtue" by devoting oneself to only help and work in the service of others, by refusing help as it's a personal problem to be sorted between you and god, etc.) and do not practice the same religion ("worshipping the wrong god").

and evidently, when we come across people who inevitably are different than us, there's this sense of "oh they're lost little lambs who have strayed from god" kneejerk sentiment. that obviously we don't want to express aloud because it's not up to us to judge but up to god, so we just stay quiet and go along with it and smile and nod. it's all just:

and this whole thing can absolutely come off as patronising. where you just know there's silent and strong disapproval, and the fact that we're not saying it aloud makes it really uncomfortable and worse than if we had just said it out loud. and if we do say something, it's very… passive-aggressive.

p.s. i know we joke about catholic guilt all the time, but in my experience, there isn't a lot of conversations surrounding guilt. we place a lot more importance on repentance and contrition. dunno just wanted to added hahahahaha

[Reply to here!]

You managed to express what I was trying to say in a much better way than I could have XD it's that moral superiority!!! The silent judgment and disapproval, the desire to "correct" them, it's so fucking familiar

Want to talk about the p.s. part because it is pretty important XD it's true that most importance is on repentance and contrition, but that's what makes Catholic guilt so yummy (and shitty to experience). You're always told to say sorry, but nobody ever talks about the guilt you feel about committing a sin :')) and the way the culture of Catholicism is built, you can't really talk about that guilt??? Because you're then going to be told to go to a priest and tell him your sins. But you can't.. process that guilt properly, you know what I mean?

#ask

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medea10 · 2 years ago

Text

My Review of Ascendance of a Bookworm

Okay, time to hit up another isekai. After watching a heart-wrenching anime like 86, I need something light-hearted to watch. No…I’m not reviewing 86. Sorry. Okay, let’s get to it!

This is Myne. But not really! You see, Myne was once a librarian named Urano Motosu with a love for reading books. But an earthquake struck and she was crushed by a mountain of books. With her last breath, she wished she could be reincarnated again and read more books with her new life. Now she is reborn in a frail five-year old named Myne. Myne is in a new world, new time, and with a new family. Only thing is, she cannot obtain a single book. Books are hard to come by, especially if you aren’t a noble. And in Myne’s case, she’s at peasant level. Even materials for writing are hard to obtain.

Before one can walk, one must crawl. Myne will go through a lot in order to preserve stories on the printed page. Will this bookworm survive without reading?

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: This one strictly belonged to Crunchyroll and the dub was filled with a lot of people I don’t think I ever heard from before this. So, hearing many of these folks is kinda a new experience for me since I decided to watch the entire thing dubbed. My experience with it was okay until I hit season three. I felt a little thrown off with the pronunciation of one of the characters. Myne’s mother Effa. We clearly hear her name being pronounced as “Eva” in the first 2 seasons. Now all of a sudden, they’re changing her name’s pronunciation. Okay, sure. Why not?! Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Myne is played by Yuka Iguchi (known for Crusch on Re:Zero, Tsukihi on Monogatari, Mine on Fruits Basket 2019, Mea on To Love Ru, Yuu on Sakura Trick, and Index on Railgun/Index)

*Lutz is played by Mutsumi Tamura (known for Kobayashi on Miss Kobayashi, Kanamori on Eizouken, Ermes on Jojo’s Pt. 6, Young Jintan on Anohana, and Young Ali Baba on Magi)

*Ferdinand is played by Show Hayami (known for Juan on Pokemon AG, Aizen on Bleach, Wolfwood on Trigun, Azami on Food Wars, Gakuhou on Assassination Classroom, and Ichiya on Fairy Tail)

ENGLISH CAST: *Myne is played by Reba Buhr (known for Nikaido on Dorohedoro, Cattleya on Violet Evergarden, Aoi on Demon Slayer, and LLENN on SAO: GGO)

*Lutz is played by Jeannie Tirado (known for Norman on The Promised Neverland, Riko on Love Live Sunshine, Fana on Black Clover, Kanae on Tokyo Ghoul :re, and Zera on Fairy Tail)

*Ferdinand is played by Armen Taylor

DISLIKED CHARACTER: I think it goes without saying that I hate that high priest with a holy passion. After his unsavory debut in the first season, I wished he could have died from his injuries when Myne’s mana went haywire. Sadly, he’s still around. And whenever he shows up, nothing good can come from it. He’s the reason why Myne wound up with disrespectful retainers when she started her apprenticeship at the church. I know the high priest is the go-to punching bag for most people. I am inclined to agree. It’s mostly a bias I have against certain individuals that claim to be a servant to the lord and do shady-ass shit. Yeah, he’s right up there with the Catholic Church, Mike Pence, and Judge Claude Frollo. He’s that bad!

I would have let certain things slide in season two like giving Myne unruly retainers or petty vandalism in the library. But then season three happened and there’s just no forgiveness for what this fat fuck did. I’m just happy he’s finally going to get some much-needed comeuppance.

SHIPPING: Myne x Lutz.

*sigh* I know it’ll never happen for many, many spoilery reasons. And I know it wasn’t canon or official or anything like that. I just want to enjoy their moments in season one and somehow ignore what happens at the end of season three.

AN ANNOYANCE: At the end of each episode, there’s like a chibi/4-panel style short that airs. I wouldn’t call it a preview for the next episode as there is never any mention of what happens next. It’s just random fluff. That doesn’t bother me all that much. Yes, I realize the first season had Ferdinand shown in those moments and we were never properly introduced to this character until like 10 episodes in. What bothered me the most came during the third season. There was one of these segments where Gunther and Myne were talking and he brings up that Myne’s mother had several miscarriages prior to having Tuuli and Myne. Okay, I feel like this sort of thing could have been said during the episode and not put in the passing fancy with the end of the episode LOL fluff. That’s my take on that matter.

END OF SEASON ONE: Throughout this season, Myne has been creating certain items and catching the eye of several key people. Semi-nobles like Frieda and her family have caught wind of Myne’s hair accessories. And a gentleman by the name of Mr. Benno decides to give Myne a chance with items she creates (for the right price). Unfortunately, there’s only so much Myne can do in so much time. Myne has been sick from day one and when really sick, she’ll spend days or even weeks in bed. Mr. Benno seems to think that she has mana (that is only reserved for nobles) and it’s eating her from the inside until she dies. It’s called “the devouring”. Meanwhile, Lutz has been becoming suspicious of Myne. It’s been bugging him for quite a while, but he finally confronted her. Without letting him know about her past life, she does reveal to him that she’s not really Myne and was only Myne for over a year now. Thankfully, Lutz accepted this fact and continues to help Myne pursue her dream and current ambitions.

Myne has been revolutionizing the world she’s living in with products she was able to easily make like hair shampoo, cute hair accessories, and even sweet treats. She did sell those invention ideas, but was able to keep some for her own. On top of which, she’s inching closer and closer to getting her paper goods to be successful. It’s just that her sickness (the devouring) is getting worse and worse. Her friend Frieda was able to suppress one of her attacks one night with the use of a magical item. It’s temporary, but it helped prevent something tragic from happening this time. There’s no guarantee for next time though.

With the way things are, Myne only has one year at most to live. It was a lucky break that Myne was able to get an item because her friend is semi-royal. Unfortunately, all Frieda gets are knock-offs because she isn’t really a noble. But that can all change once her coming of age ceremony comes and becomes a concubine for a noble. Myne’s coming of age ceremony is coming up and being married off to a noble might be her one solution to surviving the devouring. For now, Myne just wants to stay with her parents and if there’s time, set up her paper-making studio with Lutz and Mr. Benno.

The day finally came for Myne to have her coming of age ceremony. At the church, Myne got intrigued by all of the ancient books, scrolls, etc. We also meet Ferdinand outside of the preview setting. He is the head priest of this church. Myne was ready to jump ship and join the church just because they had many books. Let’s just say nearly everyone in Myne’s inner circle objected to that tenfold. Her employer Mr. Benno hates to lose Myne to anyone, especially to the church. And Myne’s parents worry that being in the church can be detrimental to her health since she couldn’t live at home anymore and won’t get a steady income since only nobles in blue robes obtain that and everyone else is just a gray orphan.

Things get a little more complicated when the church learned of Myne’s devouring disease and wanted her even more. Myne is full of overflowing mana and this is something the church wants. This could work to Myne’s advantage if she gets the church to agree to her own terms. Mr. Benno told her to prioritize letting her continue with her studio works, live with her parents, and help with her health. Meeting the high priest of the church went really bad. He didn’t like the fact that Myne’s parents were not of nobility and threatened to take Myne from them by force. This led to Myne’s father beating up church guards. And then Myne went demon-possessed on them all!

Throughout this season, there were moments when Myne’s eyes would go rainbow and has this anger aura surrounding her. This would usually occur when she would get really upset or angry, like in the early episodes and she would try to make clay tablets and they got destroyed. This of course is because of the devouring. Her mana is overflowing and controlling her body. This time, this power affected the high priest by almost killing him. Ferdinand helped calm Myne down and de-escalated the situation that just went down. He agreed to all of Myne’s terms and agreements. In return, Myne will become an apprentice priestess at the cathedral. She will dawn the blue robes meant only for nobles and when she’s not doing that, she will continue to help Mr. Benno. And best of all, she could stay with her family.

Ferdinand will be there quite a bit to keep Myne in check at every moment. Especially, when she gets angry and her mana goes berserk. Because if she harms any higher-up like when she attacked the high priest, dire consequences will be passed down to Myne. But that’ll be a matter for another section of this review.

SIDE STORY: There were two short stories that were aired a month before the second season’s debut. One story was revolved around one of Ferdinand’s men from the church to spy and learn about Myne from the townspeople. The other was Myne, her sister Tulli and mother Eva visiting the fabric maker Corinna.

SEASON TWO: Myne is officially an apprentice priestess. Unfortunately, things in the church might serve to be difficult for her. The high priest has it out for her and is willing to make her life a living hell. This includes giving her retainers (Delia and Gil) that give her nothing but grief. Not just him, but everyone (excluding Ferdinand) hating on Myne because she’s not a noble, but is wearing noble clothing. Let’s just say they’re not fond that a little girl like her got to surpass many of them.

On the positive, part of her job is to read over the royal scripture. A book is a book, I guess. At least Myne made it to a point where she got her hands on the printed word, no matter what it is. Myne does get the idea to make children books during this season. Because her mother is going to have a baby in the coming months, Myne wanted to make children books with the paper goods she’s been making.

END OF SEASON TWO: Myne has to step up her game at the church to prove that she is truly worthy to wear the blue robes despite being a peasant. For starters, she has to prepare for some upcoming events that’ll require her attendance and assistance. Unfortunately, that means Myne will have to stay at the church during the duration of the winter season. That does cause a bit of a hiccup as Myne’s father is fully against it and Myne kinda wanted to stay at home a little more to help out her pregnant mother.

Myne ends up assisting Ferdinand with a mission against some out of control trombe. As demonstrated in earlier episodes, trombe can be dangerous if not controlled and cut down. Such a dangerous entity, but useful in Myne’s mission to making paper goods. This trombe however caused more trouble than normal for Myne. This time it wasn’t her fault in a sense. One of the guards Ferdinand assigned to keep Myne safe was a real shit-head and put Myne’s life in danger and lied about it. This guy put the fact that Myne’s a peasant over Ferdinand’s order. Yeah, he’s in trouble. And then Myne showed him up with the amount of mana she possesses for someone like her. After all of that, we kind of get this scene that I wondered about since I started this series.

This scene was the very first scene from the first episode of the series. Myne with something on her head and Ferdinand going to find out things once and for all. And that’s exactly it, they’re linking minds with magical items so that Ferdinand can lay his worries and fears about Myne to rest. Ferdinand got a first-hand look at what a library looks like in modern-day Japan. Myne got to see her old adult self before she died. And also, Myne almost had a breakdown after seeing her mother and wanting to say goodbye but never got the chance. That scene was pretty rough to watch, along with her hugging Ferdinand. That’s why Myne decides now to say how thankful she is for this family. Gunther, Eva, and Tuuli aren’t the family she knew back before Myne came to this world, but she’s happy for them.

Oh, and we get a scene of Ferdinand and Karstedt discussing Myne and planning to have her be adopted by a noble. Okay, that’ll be a story for season three.

SEASON THREE: Things take a bit of a violent turn in the first episode. In the previous season, Myne was seen asking about alternate inks for the book she wanted to make. The ink guild saw the book and got serious. They came to Benno’s shop and were very scary. And then, these ruffians assaulted Lutz in the street. It is now best that Myne have her winter stay at the church happen now. Meanwhile, it looks as though one of her own retainers can’t be trusted…AGAIN! It’s Delia. Of course, it’s Delia. Gil’s on Team Myne and its going to stay that way. Delia on the other hand is an informant for the high priest.

Myne’s life is about to get a little worrisome. Ferdinand told her that he thinks that Karstedt should adopt her and it was met with harsh rejection from Myne. Ferdinand decided it is best that at age 10 she be adopted by a noble. And at that age if she isn’t under the care of a noble, she will be at risk due to her amount of mana and everything she’s done up to this point.

ENDING: This season we’ve seen the good and the bad. I’ll start with the good. The book that Myne came up with was finally done. She had a lot of help from her retainers, the children from the orphanage, and other allies in the church. Myne was able to spend some quality time with her family as this may be the last years she can be with them. Along with that, the birth of her baby brother Kamil was worth celebrating. But then we delve into the seriousness here when an orphaned baby comes to the church and has the devouring disease like Myne, things take quite the turn for the worst. The high priest is at it again really causing trouble for Myne and just being an all-around fat dick. The high priest invited a noble man to take the baby and use him as a servant. Then, force Myne into a contract.

This plan led to Myne almost being kidnapped, Tulli almost being killed, Delia being deceived, Gunther and Fran injured, and an all-around magic showdown at the church. Myne went into berserk mode when her friends and father were injured by the high priest and this dick-head noble that wants to use Myne’s mana for his selfish wants. It wasn’t until Ferdinand came in the room that things settled. Unfortunately, Myne assaulted the high priest and a noble. They overlooked that crime at the end of season one when her mana caused her to go berserk. This time, Myne, Gunther, Fran, and the rest were to receive punishment for this. But a twist arose.

During this season, Myne met a man named Sylvester. He’s a bit eccentric and can be a bit of a headache. But he gave Myne a charm to form a blood seal if she were to come into trouble. What she didn’t know was that this blood seal was to form a contract with Sylvester. This means instead of being adopted by Karstedt in two years, Myne is to be adopted by Sylvester right now. If this happens, Myne and everyone else will avoid punishment because her status as Sylvester’s daughter will surpass that of the high priest and dick-head noble. Myne agrees. Add to the surprises, Sylvester is the lord of the land, the nephew to the high priest, and half-brother to Ferdinand. Sylvester laid down some much-needed punishment here as that shady noble was to be incarcerated and the high priest got the death sentence for harming Myne.

Sylvester made it official, but with some unfortunate terms. Myne is to be adopted by Sylvester. She will be a noble officially. However, she is to give up her name and her family. She will no longer be known as Myne and the commoner known as Myne will be legally dead. She may never again be with her father, mother, sister, and brother again. If they were to see Myne, they must treat her like a noble and not like a part of the family. Myne’s company and work will continue as paper goods and books are necessary. Myne will now and forever be known as Rozemyne. Rozemyne swears that she will protect those she loves and gives them a special blessing before bidding them goodbye.

This is the end of Myne’s tale as you see with her tombstone. But Rozemyne’s story is just beginning.

We just don’t know because nothing has been green-lit as of yet. But we got a “To Be Continued” at the end. That’s hopeful!

Oh, I loved this anime. I think this was one of my favorite Isekais to come as of recent. Probably up there with Mushoku Tensei and Re:Zero.

I’m going to go off a bit on something I was pondering about for a long time and how I feel about it. This mostly has to do with the story itself and not the anime at all. During season two, I got curious and read some spoilers. Once I finished season two, I really got upset that Myne was to be adopted by nobles and have all communication from her family cut off. The reason behind me being so upset is because at the end of season two, we got that sad scene where Myne is back in her modern world in her original body and her wanting to say something to her mother before she dies. So, learning about Myne’s separation from Gunther and Effa made me really upset. Myne was distraught remembering her mother in the previous life and swore to always say that she loved Effa. But now that I sat through season three, am I still upset by the circumstances? Hell yeah. But I understand that there really was no happy outcome where all parties could be satisfied. Myne was still going to be adopted whether now or in two years like originally planned.

Never mind me prattling on about this crap about adoption. This has been a fun watch and an educational one too. Isekais can get creative with new languages, items, and customs. I always enjoy learning about new worlds in anime. But not just that, I learn something new when Myne brings up something invented in her original world. We learn something new every day. By the looks of things, the light novel is still in publication, so I expect to see more content with Rozemyne and her continuing ambitions surrounding the printed word. Anyways, full recommendation from me!

If you would like to watch Ascendance of a Bookworm, Crunchyroll has every episode (along with the side stories and recaps) available to stream.

Man, I hate to think what I’m going to watch next. The anime following this one must be fucking bullshit.

It is.

*gasps* FINALLY! I GET TO WATCH IT!!!

*This stupidity aside, Medea is really enjoying Carole and Tuesday*

#anime review #ascendance of a bookworm #myne #lutz #ferdinand #honzuki no gekokujou #benno #frieda #gunther #sylvester #bezevance

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seraphicstrings-a · 3 years ago

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Okay, *cracks knuckles*. Time to explain how Quinn is actually Lawful Good.

“Let’s talk this out. Just you and me.”

When you think of Lawful Good, you think of people who uphold the sense of right and wrong, you think of people who enact just and moral causes, you think of people who defend people who can’t defend themselves. You think of paladins, you think of clerics. You think of righteous healers, you think of priests, you think of the papacy. People who will always do what they know is right, and punish the wicked, and make sure things will fall into place, and things will be okay in the end.

But you want to know someone who was also classified as Lawful Good?

Judge Claude Frollo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame.

In all seriousness, we KNOW he was an awful character. He abused people, he neglected the person he was raising, and he saw people who didn’t help him as beneath him. But at the end of the day, he was still doing what he felt was right and just. He still was following his code of conduct, he was still following his faith, he was still believing to the death in what he BELIEVED was good and just, no matter what Esmerelda or anyone else tried to tell him. When he was in love with Esmerelda, he believed he was sinning, because it went against his faith and judgement, which was above all else in his life. And he built up who helped him rise up alongside him, higher and higher, like a burning pyre, like a fortress of flames and steel. Lawful and Good. Even if you don’t agree with his actions, he was still a Lawful Good character by definition.

Now as for Quinn.

“See, that’s the difference between you and I: you get a hero’s welcome. I get a knife in the back. If the tables turned one day... would you be able to walk even two steps in my shoes without bleeding out?”

You and I both know he has done terrible things, and is not afraid of doing more. Tricking people into deals that they think they love until they die, shaking hands with gods and devils with a presence so dizzying yet soothing that they don’t realize the power that they’re giving him, a silence in a room so weighted that you don’t realize you haven’t taken a breath until you nearly pass out. However, he is not someone who can’t be reasoned with. He is not someone who can’t be talked to. He is not someone who can’t hold a normal, nonbusiness conversation. Ask someone who knows him personally. Ask Fenix, ask Neff, ask Delun, ask Annabelle. He can be normal, he can be sane, he can be silly, he can be sad, he can be HUMAN.

But the thing is, he has a very clear definition of right and wrong. Of just and disgusting. Of what should be punished, what could be dismissed, and what should be congratulated. Of who is an idiot, who is an ally, and who is a friend. Such clear lines in star and steel so that the tides cannot wash them away like sand. He plays around and sleeps around, but he is ultimately loyal and just and morally sound and sane, even if you do not see where his morals may lay.

If a hero tried to claim themselves above him. He would laugh.

Between you and me, where is the difference? You murder. I deal in death. You are given gifts in exchange for deals. I make deals in exchange for favors. You wear armor and shield to keep away the ghosts. I have armor and shield to keep away thieves. Please. Tell me. Between you and me. What is the difference? Ah I know. You are named Hero. I am named Villain.

“Welcome to the side of reason. You’re actually thinking now.”

Quinn is Lawful Good not because he does good things, but because he is following that same path that everyone else does like him. Right, just, morally sound, defending the weak, building up the fortress, giving back what was stolen, restoring faith. How he does it doesn’t matter to him.

After all, he is a GOD.

He can do anything.

#important. listen up.#canon. use what information you can get.#gif tw

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hannahmcne · 4 years ago

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Reflection excerpt - Whatever I'm Worth

“So, you like church,” Mal whispered as she sat down in a pew beside Belle, with Ben on her other side. In a notch in the bench in front of her was a bible and a hymnbook with a reflective plate on the front. She picked up the bible and flipped through it. “I’ve never read one of these in my life.”

“I lowkey swear by the bible,” Ben murmured. He took the book from her hands and balanced it on his fingertips to open it. “I have favorite verses and everything.”

Mal nodded. “Cool,” she whispered. “I think I once used the bible against Judge Frollo on the Isle, but I’ve never picked it up and flipped through it. I might have to, if you like it so much.”

Ben shrugged. “You know you don’t have to be here, right?” he asked. “I just come because I like it. You don’t have to like it for me.”

“It is beautiful.” Mal looked up at the giant stained windows of the church and hummed at the pictures she recognized. They were near the back, on the edge, staring up at the podium and the giant pictures of the bloody Christ on either side of the microphone. The sun was casting gorgeous colors all over the room. It was a pretty glorious place to be.

“So what do you like about church?” Mal asked as she picked up the hymnbook and began peering through it.

Ben laughed nervously. “It helps me feel like I’m doing something right, you know?”

“No.”

His smile fell slack. “Well, when I’m here, I like to imagine all the bad things that I have to deal with going away and I just get to think about, you know, what it’s like to get a second chance at something.”

“It feels pretty good,” Mal said. “Getting a second chance, I mean. Thank you for inviting us.”

Ben smiled softly. “Of course,” he whispered.

A man in a white robe holding a cross got up to the podium and began to speak. “Galatians 2:20,” he said. “I am crucified with Christ; Nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me.” Ben began flipping to the place as the man spoke.

Mal squinted up to see the numbers in the holder on the left that told which song number was going to be sung. She opened the hymnbook and began flipping through as Ben found the verse being read and finished it alongside the priest.

As she tilted the cover, something looked odd. She paused, but couldn’t find it again. Looked behind her – there was nothing there. So she flipped to the hymn and then closed the book partially to examine it again.

Nothing strange was on the book. No rips or tears or funny stains. She squinted closer to see if there was maybe a dent on the reflective plate, and then it occurred to her that she was seeing the wall even though she was sitting next to Ben.

She angled the book more, trying to find his reflection, and instead found the bible he was holding appeared to be floating instead.

Ben had no reflection.

He glanced at her and upon realizing his situation, his arm launched out and he snatched the cover of the book, covering the plate without squishing her fingers. He turned, wild and anxious and panicking, and put his hand on her arm. “Please don’t freak out!” he whispered.

“What the heck, Ben? I’m not freaking out.” She pulled the hymnbook out from under his grasp, shut it most of the way, and held it up to see herself and him next to her. Like she was taking a selfie with the hymnbook. There she was, golden and reflected and with nothing else beside her. She turned the other way. Belle and Adam had stopped listening and were staring at her. Both their reflections appeared in the metal. Mal hummed and set the book down.

“Let’s talk about this later,” she whispered and patted his arm. He looked terrified out of his wits.

Mal had two parents who’d raised her on tales of magic and magical creatures. She wasn’t an idiot or a superstitious person and was reasoning out in her head whether or not this really changed things.

Has Ben given you any reason to think he might hurt you? Absolutely not. The way he was behaving now gave further evidence to suggest he was opposed to that idea. Good enough for her.

She looped her arm through his and stumbled along with the words.

#descendants #disney descendants #mal #mal bertha #ben x mal #ben #king ben #ben deserves better #ben beaufort #ben descendants #benjamin beaufort #benjamin florian #benjamin florian beaufort #reflective #fanfic #Source:WhateverI'mWorthbyWanderlustandFreedom

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theunvanquishedzims · 5 years ago

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Disney, a Little to the Left pt.1

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

The Archdeacon thought he had inspired a true come-to-God moment in the Judge, but the man’s fear lasted only long enough to hear the consequences of his actions. “Saddled with this misshapen creature” was a telling enough reaction. Immediately abandoning the child to the church’s custody could be the act of a busy old man with no childcare experience, but demanding the infant be locked away where no one else could see it was not the action of a man truly intending to raise a child. The way he called it a foul creature and said it may someday be of use to him was the final nail in the coffin of the Archdeacon’s trust.

The cruel name he tried to give the boy rang in the Archdeacon’s ears as he carried the infant inside, louder than any bell. He snorted to himself. “The bell tower indeed,” he muttered. A good place to drown out the cries of an unwanted child, not a soothing place to help a newborn sleep. The boy would be deaf in a month if he lived there.

“I tried,” he sighed as he lit a candle for the soul of the mother, her body still cooling on the front steps. He would need to rouse the gravedigger. “Jesus, Mary and all the saints as my witnesses, I tried to help him atone.” So saying, he prayed a quiet curse upon the Judge, and a plea for forgiveness for his own actions that night. Following the gravedigger to the cemetery, he prayed as many blessings as he could think of over the child. The church at least would guarantee him a pious life full of light and music, scriptures and psalms surrounding him every day of his life...but not safety. The Judge was a murderer, and appealing to his piety had failed. It was naive of him to try, but one must be a little naive to have faith, the Archdeacon mused as he left the gravedigger to his work. He would return to preside over her rites, but for now...

“At least you will have some miracles in your life, little one,” he whispered as he pressed in a stone on the mausoleum and descended the stairs into the crypts. It wasn’t long before he was accosted by the gypsies, but his garb afforded him certain protections. “One of yours,” he said, holding out the quietly snuffling bundle. “The mother is upstairs, soon to be downstairs.” He tried to smile as he tacked on “And soon after, hopefully, further upstairs.”

The masked man chuckled, causing the others surrounding the pair to laugh as well. A little gallows humor was always well received in the catacombs, and in such grim times even a priest’s poor attempt at a joke was cause for mirth. He prayed another silent prayer of forgiveness for the mother’s soul, as though he could deliver her to the gates of Heaven by will alone. Dying to protect her child was surely enough blood to cover even the most egregious of sins. The Virgin Mother would understand, he believed. A strange gulping noise drew him back to the moment.

The jester’s face below the mask was stretched out in a rictus of a grin, frozen for just a moment as he gazed into the bundle. The Archdeacon stopped himself from snatching the child away from the uncertain reception, and for the second time that night, trusted.

“Ah yes, I recognize him immediately!” the jester burst out, and the Archdeacon relaxed. There was some good in humanity after all. “Why this is my nephew...!” The Archdeacon shrugged at the split-second glance. He would not repeat the insult the Judge tried to saddle the boy with. “...Ruskin! Who could forget him, with such lovely red hair!”

“He doesn’t look like any of your nephews,” said a skinny boy with straight black hair, clad in an outfit to match the jester’s, peering around his father’s side to frown at the infant.

“Fool!” shrieked a puppet that manifested above his head, bringing down a small wooden mallet upon said head. “He is obviously the son of our great-aunt’s father’s third cousin’s best friend’s brother’s niece-in-law!” “Be nice to your cousin,” added the jester in his normal voice as the boy whimpered and rubbed his head, handing the bundle down and shooing the children away into the darkness.

The Archdeacon could pass no further than this, he knew. The tentative peace between the gypsies and the church only stretched so far. Still, he watched until the child’s shadow melted away in the flickering light of the torches, knowing this could well be the last time he saw the boy. The jester coughed and raised an eyebrow at him, and the Archdeacon flushed. So many sins to atone for tonight, he thought guiltily as he pulled a candelabra from under his cloak. There were muted exclamations from the men around him as the gold glinted in the firelight. The jester’s eyes sharpened, gaze going calculating and wary, but face still smiling.

“To cover the cost of his upbringing,” the archdeacon said, heading off any questions and doing his best to anticipate potential arguments. This was the most dangerous thing he had ever done, and he felt it in his bones. One wrong step and his skeleton would join the piles around them. “The donor recently passed away, it will not be missed,” he said carefully, feeling for the right words and trying to instill them with authority. “I give it freely, under my authority as archdeacon, to match your generosity in caring for the poor orphan left on our doorstep.”

“Whyever would I need such a gift, for caring for my dear darling nephew, my own flesh and blood?” the jester chirped back at him. The archdeacon steadied his breath and willed his outstretched hand equally steady, feeling the strain, both the weight of the candle holder and the gazes of the thieves surrounding him. He had not been cut down yet, he reminded himself, and that was as good as invitation. He chose his words with even greater care.

“Flesh and blood needs food and drink to sustain it, and the boy may not be able to earn his keep.” The outside as twisted as it is, there is no telling what ailments lay inside. “And being born in such a cold season, it may prove...unhealthy for the child to be upstairs.” It’s not safe for him in Paris proper. “Such a pale child needs sunlight to blossom, though. You may find, when he gets older, that he requires a warmer climate to survive.” Living in the catacombs forever is not an option for a growing boy, but better to pack him into a southbound caravan than risk sending him out to be discovered by the Judge.

The jester pinned him with another long stare, but then the weight in his hand was gone and the candelabra was a glinting, golden spiral as the jester twirled it, cackling madly. The tension in the air was also gone in a rush, laughter and whoops filling the silence. At least two sharp points were suddenly absent from his back, the Archdeacon realized belatedly. He hadn’t even noticed they were there. Hopefully he would not have spots of blood on his clothes to account for later.

“Such a generous gift, but alas, we have no use for candleholders, being torch people ourselves,” the jester said with a grand wave of his arm and a wink. You’ll never see this again, it will be broken and melted by the end of the night. The Archdeacon could read between the lines too. He nodded his head, relief almost turning the dip into a half-bow, and tried not to gasp as the torches all went out at once.

Not even the sound of splashed could be heard and the gypsies abandoned him in the dark, and he was left to grope his way back to the stairs by touch alone. Unpleasant enough in a stone church, but surrounded by the dead, with not even a whisper of moonlight to guide him, it was the stuff of nightmares. He mentally subtracted ten Hail Marys from his running total for the night. Twelve, he thought with a shudder as his fingers caught in an eye socket, feet stumbling upon the stone steps that lead him back up to the safety of the graveyard.

How could anyone call it dark or frightening, he wondered as he climbed out of the grave and scurried a little faster than dignified back to where he left the gravedigger. It was positively bright with silver moonlight and friendly with familiar headstones, the layer of snow casting a heavenly white blanket over the scene. He reached the side of the gravedigger, who quirked a look at him but otherwise kept his mouth shut. An admirable trait in any man, the Archdeacon thought gratefully as he launched into the most heartfelt rites he’d given that year, prayers and blessings pouring over the woman’s shroud as they lowered her to her final rest, the Archdeacon a bit more carefully than the gravedigger.

“-forever and ever, amen. I’ll have a warm meal for you when you’re finished,” he promised the gravedigger. The man merely grunted and picked up his shovel, cold soil cascading back into the hole as he returned to work. The Archdeacon returned to his own work, numb feet carrying him back to the church. First wash the blood from the steps, lest it offend the eyes of the Holy. Then the meal, and perhaps a hot drink for both of them. And then...penance. For this night, and the day that would surely come, when the Judge returned to see his creature. Alas, the poor blighted thing did not survive, its ailments too great, only the love of its mother sustaining it outside the womb for so long. The lie was already fixed firmly in the Archdeacon’s mind, and though he hoped it would bring the Judge even a shred of guilt, he knew in his heart that it would not.

The Archdeacon would waste no more prayers on the man after this night. Judge Claude Frollo was bound for Hell.

#writing #fic rec #disney #the hunchback of notre dame #AUs are still my favorite thing #this is going to be a series #not necessarily happy endings #just how things might have gone differently #a little to the left #I know practically nothing about Catholicism #feel free to correct me on any major mistakes

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