#ALSO imagine having no clue wtf we are talking about and u read this ask

[nerdylizj]

So I decided to reread ✨the fic✨ and ngl Zuko being the one getting his face beat but sokka being lowkey insulted was hilarious as hell. Also Toph telling Aang he broke up a happy couple. The humor found throughout the story is great. It fits what’s going on. I am excited to see more of their bss adventures and for when they both remember more.

But also how dare. I can feel my heart breaking as more of their memories return because they aren’t on the same page and that has to lead to some doubts and even anger. It also has to be weird as hell to learn that your memories are all wrong and hey your family is actually alive and apparently you married and procreated (twice!) with the enemy.

My babies, they suffer but I enjoy reading about it. I like the drama and the pain ngl, makes my chest do that painful squeeze thing, alive and all that.

Also, I saw that you’re also a woman in STEM… Ahhh me too!! I’m reading fanfics instead of finishing up my grad school applications. 🤭

i’m glad that the humor lands well, I wasn’t sure if it would 😭 especially between those two idiots omg. they both think the other is the dumber one between them and they are both wrong

“but also how dare.” KILLED me 😭😭 yeah it’s already a massive offense to be brainwashed and then to realize you (unknowingly) married someone who you’ve fought/chased/loathed… and also share children with.... this is why I had to write this story after reading the fic it’s based on!

what does remembering mean in terms of identity, parenthood, family, love, choice? if we are shaped by our memories, how do you coalesce 3 versions of yourself (before, during, after the brainwashing)? what DO the past five years matter if the good can’t outweigh the bad? and to figure all this out in the middle of a war

another woman in STEM.. LFG!!!!! good luck with ur grad school apps <3

[chrolloctrl]

hello～! can i request for Adultrio who fell in love with fem crime hunter Reader? also have a nice day/evening💘

thank you for the request! i tried my best to make all of these different from each other, but i also tried to stay true to how the characters would sincerely react:) oh and sorry for the late post, school’s been tough :( but yknow it be like that

note(s)/warning(s): some mentions of blood and violence, but other than that nothing you wouldn’t see on hxh though

fandom(s)/character(s): hunter x hunter, adultrio, aka illumi, hisoka, and chrollo

for dialogue purposes, italics are you, and bold is the character :)

i l l u m i

since you’re a crime hunter and he is a literal trained assassin, the relationship is pretty much seemingly doomed for failure

however i imagine that you guys meet in an a very unexpected way

he’s on a mission to kill someone who had stolen from the zoldycks, and you’re on a mission to take out a thief

yeah it’s the same guy you got it

illumi gets there first and gets the job done

much to your dismay

you’re standing right behind him as he’s covered in blood over the body

all you say is “since when does the assassin do something morally correct?”

“when it benefits him.” he responds.

i think he recognizes you before you recognize him

“you’re y/n, right? crime hunter?”

“you could say that.”

“we aren’t so different you know..”

“we are incredibly different. i don’t kill for sport.”

“you still kill, though.”

you’re so pissed off because he kind of has a point

oh and that emotionless stupid little face of his pisses you off even more

it’s all love we know i love illumi

illumi’s bloodlust is out of control at this point, your interaction with him just increased that

“what are you going to do? kill me?”

“no. it doesn’t benefit me now does it?”

“what do you want from me illumi?”

“ a deal.”

somehow he ropes you into helping him on missions as long as it corresponds with your own morals

i think the moment he realizes he’s in love with you is when you explain morality to him

like obviously he has no idea wtf good morals are lmao

you act as his therapist in a way, comforting him about his past and telling him that his bad actions don’t make him a bad person, just a person who used to do bad things

sorry guys i love soft illumi, and i genuinely think he has the capability to be good

one day he breaks down after a mission, and he is so embarrassed that you’re the first person he shows his deep, buried emotions to

you just hold him and comfort him, telling him its not his fault

after that he doesn’t want to talk to you because he’s embarrassed

“i think emotions make you a better assassin.”

“how does that make sense?”

“makes you think twice.”

and now he knows why killua loves gon so much.

h i s o k a

we already know this bitch is obsessed with you

probably keeps tabs on you to see what you’re up to

every headline involving you “taking down another lowlife” catches his attention so fast

he wants a fight so bad

so he creates a plan

commit a crime so terribly that they HAVE to send you to take him out

just another amazing idea from hisoka!

so he figures out who you’re working for, and kills someone close to them, obviously leaving behind a trace so they have somewhat of an idea as to who he is, but still making it a hunt

he probably leaves a star and tear behind, something that only those who knew him would recognize

and so he watches you hunt him while he hunts you

you’re asking anyone and everyone if they recognize the star and tear, most people either having no clue, or recognizing it but keeping quiet about it in fear of what hisoka would do

eventually, someone says they know a person who draws a star and tear on their face — hisoka morrow

once hisoka hears that you know his name he is absolutely ecstatic, he probably reveals himself to you right after

“it has been so fun watching you search for me.”

“if you knew i was looking, why be a coward and hide?”

“there’s no fun if there’s no chase, darling.”

you guys battle it out, i imagine the fight is very close, but evidently you just can’t keep up with him

“you put up a beautiful fight…hmm, perhaps i’ll let you survive if you join me?”

out of breath and on the brink of death, he assumes you’re saying no

right as he goes for the finishing blow, you hold your hands up, and whisper through a mouth full of blood a small “i’ll do it.”

he has a huge grin on his face, so excited to have successfully “corrupted” you

sorry y’all added a little corruption kink in their my b

once he takes you to machi so she can heal you, you both go on ur little killing ppl missions together cos what else does hisoka do lol

he realizes he’s in love once you finish someone off, a crazed look in your eyes, smile on display, covered in blood.

“you’ve never looked as beautiful as you do now.”

you and hisoka’s love is weird. but it’s intense, and it is real. just not...normal.

you guys are crazy killers, but it works

he probably draws a star and tear on you just so u guys can match

after u.. murder people <3

yandere reader vibes sorry

c h r o l l o

for this, we are going to assume that you are the “weakest” link of the crime hunter agency

so they make you the bait

sorry i just want to cover all of our bases

you definitely have a lot of potential, you are just incredibly clumsy, and taking down the phantom troupe is something that requires plenty of people on the job

chrollo already knows you’re a crime hunter when he “runs into you” at a bar, as well as the fact that you aren’t working alone

but he entertains you, just because he’s bored lol

i can already picture you being caught off guard by how handsome chrollo is, because honestly im sorry who wouldn’t be

you kind of even forget you’re there on a job

but, when chrollo asks if you know about nen and what type of nen you use, you quickly remember why you’re there

you smile, “yes, i’m a specialist.”

he asks you to show him, but you decline

“i will lose it if i do.”

chrollo smirks, “smart girl.”

with that, you feel a sharp pain on the side closest to chrollo, and everything goes dark as you tumble into his arms

once you wake up, all the spiders surround you, chrollo in the center

“caught in the web.” you say, as chrollo’s eyes lighten up.

“precisely.”

“is there any way to escape a spider’s web?”

“prove to be worthy.”

there he went again, begging to see your nen so he could steal it

but just because you were thought to be the weakest link, didn’t mean it was true

“i mean, you’re looking at it right now.”

the troupe stares in confusion, and before chrollo can respond, one of the spiders falls to the ground, beheaded. (i can’t pick who so just pretend its ur least favorite <3)

the spiders stand there in shock

there were two of you.

the real you, free and unbounded, makes the clone disappear

“you said you were a specialist, but this seems to be a conjurer technique?”

“the speciality is that you can’t steal it. it isn’t exactly nen.”

this is the first time someone’s caught chrollo off guard, he has no idea what to do, i mean how did he know that this you wasn't a clone?

“now, i’ve heard once a leg is missing, there needs to be a replacement. what does the head think?”

you weren’t just a crime hunter, you were a double agent who wanted in on the phantom troupe

the moment chrollo realized your abilities weren’t nen, i think that’s when he fell in love

hear me out

he knows he’s going to be indebted to you forever

and we all know those books he reads...mf is a hopeless romantic who if in love, pretty much is absolutely obsessed

and boy is he obsessed already

of course, he is unable to steal it from you which is quite a drag

but, with you there, and your undiscovered abilities, the phantom troupe was basically unbeatable

something he wanted so badly

“welcome to the troupe number ___.” (once again i can’t decide who LOL you guys can pick)

you protect him and he protects you. 

if any of the troupe questions you and your decisions, he defends you so fast

eventually the troupe is referred to as “a spider with two heads”

kinda cute, kinda funky fresh name for thieves and murderers<3 at least u guys r passionately in love <3 

i hope this was good!! im kind of rusty so sorry :( im finishing up some other requests, and im thinking of crossposting a fic on here and on ao3, inspired by my dr strange/hxh hcs :) but requests are still open! guidelines right here  (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ thank you to everyone who shows love to my posts!

[transsexualhamlet]

Sherlock Holmes Reactions As A Flaming Homosexual (part 5 lmao)

Again I will be putting this shit under the cut because it's gonna be So Long and also fair warning for sherlock is in fact a raging drug addict and I have a lot of yknow parts that talk about that so tread with caution but hi i am once again yelling. keep in mind i am deliriously ill while writing this one but i think i sound. just about as insane as usual. maybe it's a bit less organized tho lol

OK FIRST I WILL STATE IT SOMEHOW DID NOT COME TO MY ATTENTION FIRST READING SIGN OF FOUR THAT WATSON APPARENTLY F U C K S

like i think it's so funny that most people will look at those two and definitely think it's the other way around but no. sherlocks a virgin and watson has had sex with every woman ever and probably not limited to women

and another thing I somehow missed the first time around in sign of four. sherlock sherlock please honey this is serious get help

TH

THREE TIMES A GODDAMN DAY???? SHERLOCK I AM BEGGING YOU TO STOP HOW IS THIS MAN ALIVE

Funniest thing is that watson tells him to stop and hes like Watson i Only do drugs when the Newspaper is boring

is the newspaper boring three times a day sherlock. is it really

And at the same time sherlock checks the paper like a goddamn phone notification he'll just run out and get the latest version to see if anything's changed just like on the hour. Wow that man is not neurotypical.

poor watson tbh

why are these men just batshit fucking insane I love them

So yeah back to some random funny bits i got from reading a ton of the short stories

Ok i must say it's quite funny just my experience being either reading something about sherlock and watson and going awww they're in love or just violently yelling S H E R L O C K

Cause i was like reading a bit where watson was talking about how he was on a nice little walk with sherlock, you know, the kind of walk where no one talks but it's really comfortable and you know only people who know each other Very Intimately like him and sherlock are that well together and i was just like aww

And then three seconds later I'm laughing my ass off about "how did you know my name" "IT WAS ON YOUR HAT"

SDHFDHHDFHFDS AND ALSO THAT TIME WHEN SHERLOCK JUST COMPLETELY GODDAMN MISREAD A SITUATION AND MADE UP THIS CONSPIRACY ABOUT LIKE A SECRET HUSBAND WHOS DEATH HAD BEEN FAKED AND THEN IT WAS JUST OH NO MY KID'S BLACK WHATEVER SHALL I DO

AND BECAUSE HE WAS SO EMBARASSED ABOUT IT HES LIKE WATSON IF I EVER MAKE UP SOME DUMB SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN FEEL FREE TO CALL ME A FUCKING IDIOT and wow thats the most humble thing hes ever done

And then he starts saying shit like "i hope your marriage doesn't change anything between us" like damn shawty what is that supposed to mean /homosexual

I also love how bc watson is the only one writing it when sherlock is talking about something that happened to him in the past with quotes and stuff there's just like seven fucking quotation marks around each other im dying

SGBDFSNNDSGNSFNFDSDFS I THOUGHT THE SHOOTING THE WALL THING WAS A YUUMORI SPECIFIC THING NO HE JUST DOES IT FOR FUN AND NOT JUST ONCE LIKE HE MAKES ART OUT OF THE FUCKING BULLET HOLES HE WAS MAKING BULLET HOLE ART OF QUEEN VICTORIA PLEASE IM CRYING AND HUDSON WAS LIKE STOP??? SHOOTING THE WALL??? AND HES LIKE SHAWTY IM ALMOST DONE CALM DOWN

And when they make him clean his goddamn room im losing my mind why does he keep random shit from his old cases "in case it comes in handy" and "to remember that time i solved that thing" i am going to throw marie kondo at you

BASFBGHDFSHGFHFSDHHDSFDS IM NOT EVEN SURPRISED THIS HAPPENED BUT ITS SO FUNNY WHEN HE JUST GOT SO HYPERFIXATED ON A CASE THAT HE JUST FUCKING. WORKED ON IT 15 HRS A DAY FOR TWO MONTHS AND THEN GOT SO EXHAUSTED AND SICK THAT WATSON HAD TO TAKE CARE OF HIM AND TAKE HIM TO THE SEASIDE TO GET BETTER LIKE HE GOT VICTORIAN WOMAN DISEASE AND SOMEONE IMMEDIATELY FUCKING GOT MURDERED RIGHT NEXT DOOR AND WATSONS JUST LIKE. HHHHHHHHHHH FINE I SUPPOSE YOU JUST FUCKING KILL YOURSELF AGAIN ALL THIS IS FOR NOTHING IM TRYING SO GODDAMN HARD

I feel so bad for him, hes just trying so hard to keep this idiot alive and it is Not Working

Ok so like this is something Im still absolutely reeling over because it's like. it doesn't even seem real to me but the fact that Sherlock has multiple times just like gone to watson's house in the middle of the night, climbed up his goddamn wall and into his window, been like "you better not be busy" and started Talking

Like. Man's in his nightgown and just sees this fucker climbing in the window like "WATSON WATSON YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT I FOUND" and not just that. he's like "I only came in because you don't fucking sleep with your wife and it appears that you don't have any men in here either so I thought it was ok" LIKE ONE, WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN SHERLOCK WHY WOULD HE HAVE OTHER MEN IN HIS BEDROOM SEHGIHO:EWOHO:GHE BUT TWO, WHYYY ARE THEY GAY

He didn't even fucking ask or say he was gonna do that no watson just has no clue when hes gonna show up and start remarking upon watson's appearance what even. homosexuals

Sherlock honestly just baffles me sometimes.

Oh, also, I read the one with Mycroft in it, and wow, is the man just as boring as he is in yuumori. That's just hilarious that sherlock is this absolutely insane man and then in contrast his older brother Pays Money to Sit In A Completely Silent Room and Read The Paper

It's so funny how he's like. Straight up even smarter than sherlock but no one gives a shit about him because he just. Is so fucking boring and antisocial

Like, we don't know anything about Sherlock's childhood but like. Part of me wants to think that it must have been absolutely insane and then Mycroft's rebellious stage was to just be fucking boring. Like. I would believe that. Just imagine that

I am going to make the final problem stuff its own post just cause I went absolutely insane over it but yea this was certainly an experience

[ikari-cat]

In the new anime? Sakura and her friend talk about how she hasn’t even seen Sasuke in forever and her friend wonders why Sakura hasn’t left him because Sakura says he doesn’t care about her.

Ah yes, episode 17 of Boredo (which kicks off the gaiden arc) 

At least this is what you’re referring to, I remember seeing that post around and honestly just say you don’t like the characters/series ya know?

I will just start and say that it’s up for you to make your own view on something by actually digging into it, by this ask only it seems you haven’t tackled on the series and just speculated what has been spreaded around (thanks sp) but then again if you’re just curious what is up then by all means continue reading this lol

But if you don’t care for a full view, then I guess the shortest I can put it is this: Sasuke will be deemed a ‘deadbeat father/husband’ due to the fact he’s on a mission, Sakura will be deemed many things but in the case of what you’re asking it’d be a ‘doormat wife who is a single mom at this point’ yet is just being a supportive partner and continues being a doctor while raising their daughter - by themselves alone they are just hated lol

Your ask just reeks the fandom the general, and again I blame the one sided ‘b/w’ thinking people have - which isn’t good for a series like this 

I’m going to have to do a read more since it’s a lot to begin with, just 2 episodes and it counters what the manga had (and this scene you’re referring to is all their doing at this point - I literally read the manga first before getting into a anime because of this studio) 

So let the headache begin :) 

So episode 17 of Boredo has Sakura leaving on a trip and Ino is to accompany her (or at least see her off) thus this scene happens:

Now in the case of both the anime and manga this is something that is kept right: Sasuke has maintain keeping no contact to his family. Now keep in mind these are my views and consider why with Gaiden I don’t have issues with it like what other ss supporters do: then again I got back into the series near the end too. 

Sasuke is sacrificing his life to keep everyone protected, and really this is a lot already for a guy who was deemed a criminal for the series. As the name ‘the Shadow Hokage’ has been placed on him, he’s basically out there in search to stop this ‘threat’ he knows is dangerous. He keeps the hokage informed of anything needed to say - but why can’t he tell his family something. 

In my view, he knows his family is safe, he is out there doing what is needed to keep them safe, so when his daughter (who they haven’t seen each other in years) confronts him about this whole fiasco:

‘What is going on at home’ ah yes Sasuke, your daughter wasn’t going to wonder what’s happening with her dad away (but again, from his view he sees his family being okay) I added this much earlier already but it’s enough to get you thinking. 

(Also as someone who loves kishi’s style they honest to god can’t animate his style, they don’t even know how to draw breasts at this point unless they really want to get their ‘flatchested’ mom agenda still) 

(Ah yes if only Sakura knew what was going on, it’s not like he just left on this mission with no discussions with his partner :)))) 

(Ah yes, if only she knew, like in the manga, what is at stake :))

And then Ino is like ‘oh okay hey remember how you guys had a date here!’ which cause to Sakura just ‘??? I guess? It was like 2 min girl’ and she just left her there on the bench to remember the date lmao (more gloating on the poor wife!?1 how can we make this more sad?11! :))))))) 

Ah yes, Sasuke sure is one to forget things, sure he is - that boy Sasuke :) 

This shouldn’t be included to what you’re asking but it’s clear to me at this point that the writers just don’t get them, it’s like they looked at part 1 of the series (not even part 1 like the first couple chapters for sakura and then sasuke going revenge like is who he is lmao) and just ‘yeah that’s them the whole rest of the series’

So we have: 

1) Sakura being left in the loop of things and just doing what she wants to believe (*insert bandwagon insult*)

2) Sasuke is a cold hearted asshole as usual (cause that was who he was the whole series am I right) 

3) They decided to add this date for????????? Oh right they’re a couple, totally gotta add something that’s them :0 

But see how this, one scene, is enough to invoke people to claim these things? There’s so much more, but this just hits home since gaiden kicks off after; and boy does it counter it badly. 

Boredo is very clear not Kishi’s work, if you already having to rework a timeline to fit into your anime timeline then really who am I gonna believe? 

The ‘no contact’ thing was a issue with both works yes, but the manga made it clear on why Sasuke is on this mission and who knows about it; yet here we are.  

So let’s go off: Why is Sasuke away exactly? Why isn’t he contacting his family? Why does it matter, why are we having fans showing the manga to the studio writers and telling them what happen - and why are the writers being entitled to say that that’s kishimoto’s point of view of his own damn series.  

Here we have Sasuke presenting to the kages (along with Sakura) a possible threat that could be even more dangerous than Kaguya - and that is scary. 

So judging by this possibility, it’s clear Sasuke is the only one who can do it, and seeing how he’s made amends with everyone at this point it’s clear he’s now in a stable lifestyle in Kohona. But the possiblity of a threat to go against this - your family, your home, ‘a bright future’ - you are not going to push this threat away. Especially if you’re the only one to do be able to do this. 

Now here’s the thing: this is, at the time, a mere hypothesis; it was up to him to reject it or not. As he suggested, keeping the mission in secret, was the best choice. The mere thought of it would cause the public to be anxious, and the ‘peace’ they have now built will be broken - the public will want answers and with a hypothesis like this there was no way it was going to be given. 

Add the fact, what if this wasn’t as serious as he thought, which leads to believe there was no estimated time to say how long he’d be gone. Leaving it a private case would cause no havoc in the end since it wasn’t as serious as he assumed: but of course it was and in the end it’s estimated he left when Sarada was at least 4 years old (the whole one night stand/doesn’t love her bullshit is just like That is not Sasuke nor Sakura - and a whole new post in general) 

Now Sakura being present pretty much settles everything, she knows why he’s out there, she knows what’s at stake, and as her reaction shows, she’s shocked to imagine a threat like this is possibly out there; she was there after all. 

To come home to see their young daughter, the ‘bright’ future of the Uchiha Clan, that is at stake. Considering how Sasuke is the head now, there will come a day were he will have to tell Sarada the whole history of the Clan; his past is already too much to begin with. But let’s see what the anime did with this meeting :) The reason Naruto feels at fault after all for this case as well. 

‘We will have another episode containing the kages and Sak-’ But for what reason? They have this meeting to discuss all together what Sasuke believes is out there - you can’t counter the series for the anime timeline like jesus

So you mean to tell me Sasuke still feels after around a decade that he stills need to travel to see ‘a new light’? The kages being not there just wants to shove this idea down more because yes I get that he won’t be accepted by everyone - but like they already agree with him on taking this mission already so really - Sasuke still needs to go off and find himself? Really. R E A L L Y

Sure wish we saw them :) 

Obviously not screenshoted but yes they decided to add Naruto telling him to stop by his house before going but he refuses; which bascially proves they left out Sakura so she’d have no clue why he left for this mission and thus have her ‘believe’ what is going on - god they really need to see why fans would be furious. 

And it j u s t s 

Secrets indeed.

.

Like yes it’s wrong to assume on my part that the couple dicussed what could be said or not to their daugther - but it’s just logical to assume. And as I mentioned way before, Sasuke will be the one to tell Sarada the clan’s history; his past is a lot to handle already. Let’s add m o re: 

They know what they thought was best at the time was not going to work 100% through, but they like - all parents  - aren’t perfect. 

And really just the pair themselves face enough already, but it’s mainly due to the fact people have such a ‘b/w’ ideology to a ninja series and like this studio - can’t even realize that these two did grow up and change as characters do. 

I’ma have to stop now since you get what I’m going at as well as it’s starting glitch up now but final thoughts: 

I can easily say Kishimoto shouldn’t had made Sasuke be on this mission, I could be like the studio and claim what’s right etc. At the end of the day however I’m just bitter at the fact people look at these two and claim things about them that the manga goes against it; the studio has made it clear they have no interest in these two and will somehow find a way to ‘drag’ them for who they really are. 

But again, it’s your view, if you find me liking these two is a wtf complex in general you can just unfollow me; it’s clear these two are my faves in the series. By all means I hope I didn’t mean to offend you in any way, it’s just you can tell I’m just tired of this fandom my dude. 

I honestly don’t think I fully explained things for you, but i could of easily said ‘nah it ain’t true’ and ended it there too so here we are lol

In a nutshell: don’t believe everything ya hear without checking it out ya self, ya gotta form your own views my dude :^) 

[fengreyfront]

‘Touch’ Reflections - p.1

Hello. Here’s the commentary as stated in the author’s note in the final part of Touch. If you have not yet read the update, please do so first before reading this because there are spoilers - and please do leave a review on your way out as well, if it’s not too much trouble. [FF.net | AO3] 

There’s a lot here that my brain needed to vomit out because I’ve thought of this fic every single damn day since I started it (11 months almost), so it’s very much on my mind, still. I needed a place to explain stuff, and to get these final thoughts out, and honestly, to vent, before I jump ship. So, I’ve split it into two posts, because it’s kind of long and I’m sure some people don’t care too much to read about what’s in part 2 (it’ll be writing tips, and venting).

Here in part 1, I explain my mentality when writing the characters to give some context, and also in the hopes that it might be able to help other writers to begin to think in such a way, if they seek to characterize similarly. I also just give you a run down of the epilogue I was going to write (which I will not be writing).

So, let’s discuss:

Eremika Character Study in Touch (Characterization decisions, and stuff about Teh Sex, you pervs)

Epilogue Summary

Follow Up One-Shot Summary 

Eremika Character Study in Touch

Eren:

Wasn’t easy getting into Eren’s head from a romantic perspective, because we have no data/experiences canonically to go off of. So, I built this fic around wanting to delve into how he might actually handle this kind of situation.

I’d like to bring up this review here that sort of disagreed with my interpretation of him, to point out why I wrote him how I did:

I agree wholeheartedly that Eren is brash and doesn’t think things through before acting. But, the entire focus of the fic is to show how he is forced to veer from that way of thinking. It’s about him discovering a new side of himself, and having to go through complicated “uncharted territory”. The uncharted territory is really everything that is new to him in this fic - the situation with Mikasa, him having to discover what he wants after everything is over (I’m pretending chapter 88 never happened, or an antidote has been discovered, ssshh), him experiencing completely new feelings, etc.

I believe that Eren acts without thinking things through because he instantly makes a snap decision about them, and then acts on that initial reaction. That’s why in part 1, he pushed and pushed and pushed Mikasa into spitting out a confession-because he didn’t think beyond the shallow goal of ‘I want her to say what she’s hiding because she looks upset and I feel bad’.  

But after she kisses him, Eren does not have a clear cut “YES/NO” initial reaction, and therefore has nothing to act in response to. He was confused. He didn’t have an immediate response, yet his body told him he wanted to kiss her more; he wants to focus solely on his mission, yet he keeps dreaming about having a future with her. It’s not easy stuff to grapple with. 

I think it’s also important to note that, it is easy to act without thinking when anger is your driving force. For example, the sole goal he has built his life around is driven by this anger. A titan killed his mom. Titans impede humanity’s freedom. Titans = bad. He is angry about these things. Therefore, titans must be destroyed. Pretty straightforward.

But here, we have Mikasa, someone he cares deeply about - someone who is his family, someone who has stood by him through thick and thin, and someone who almost died for him, in the context of this fic. Their connection is special. What he has with her, he has with no one else.

Naturally, when someone you care this deeply about essentially tells you they’re in love with you, and you’ve never ONCE had thought that way about them, or even had a clue they felt that way about you… things can get complicated. For the first time, he finds himself in a situation where he can’t necessarily act without thinking, because he actually cares about her, and his answer will affect their relationship in the long term. It’s delicate.

So, his personality trait of acting on a snap decision collides with his caring for Mikasa, which collides with his confusion about thinking of her in more than platonic ways, which collides with him not wanting to ruin things, which collides with him wanting to focus on titans, which collides with his inability to work properly, etc. There’s just a lot of internal conflict going on for Eren, and that is why he acts the way he does in this fic. He is stumped, until he isn’t.

Mikasa

I wrote her as selfless as I believe her to be, canonically. She places her love for Eren, and her relationship with him - even if platonic - above all else, which is why she is so quick to descend into self-loathing at revealing her feelings. She fears she has lost him, so she is okay with swallowing her pride and shoving away her dreams of marital bliss with him, and is almost desperate to revert to how things were. But, goodness, even she is human, and having the person you’re in love with be so fickle, and ignore you, then give you attention, then be unable to give you a straight answer when you simply ask “yo is it cool if we stay in each other’s lives like before ‘cuz you’re important to me?” Well. I imagine that gets to a person.

During part 4, we see her selflessness come into play for the first half pre-sexytime. She kind of just lets all that tension go because he seems cray cray, so she puts him first. And then I thought, it’s kind of a relief to her that he’s alright with going to her for such things. She starts to think things are getting back to normal - that he’s alright with touching her and changing her bandages, and confiding in her, like old times.

And then he shows his guilt, which she hates, because she blames herself for everything of course, and suddenly he’s going “yea well sorry I can’t forget about that thing u did and things actually can’t go back to normal >:|”, so of course she gets confused and insecure because the dude seems totally off his rocker.

But then he tries to make out with her?! Like wtf Eren. And of course she’s been in love with him for a decade now, so she can’t help herself, because the love of her life essentially just served himself to her on a silver platter - but she backs away and kind of catches herself and rejects it because she believes that it’s too good to be true T____T. She believes he’s acting purely out of guilt and obligation, because despite being a loudmouth, Eren is extremely pure of heart. She believes he’s confusing his general caring for her with that guilt, and wanting to make up for it by just telling her what she wants to hear - which he of course shuts down by showing her that he desires her. Through the touchings.

Aaaand, that’s a nice segue - let’s delve a little more into my character study of them with our favorite topic, because let’s face it, you’re all pervs :)

Teh Sex. (some crass talk here...)

[...] touch conveyed all that he could not say. Touch was the language they both understood best, ‘I want you’, ‘I need you’, ‘I trust you’, and ‘this is for you, only you’, told in kisses and skin on skin and shared, drunken gazes.

This is the point of this fic. This is why they haves the sex.

You see, it’s easy to write sex between two people. It’s a pretty straightforward biological process - you can read a lot of erotica, watch some porn to get a visual idea of it, and then practice writing until you write sexy sex, and it’ll probably come out nice.

But, just writing sexy sex was not my goal here, as I just stated. I wanted this to be Eremika-specifc sex. I wanted the way they led into/have sex to demonstrate their personalities as well.

Before blocking out how they were going to do it, I knew I wanted to have this moment right before it, and this was very important to me - I wanted Eren to realize he was in love with her, right after she almost ripped his dick off.

Because it says, so much on both ends - and I think I was explicit about this in the fic. It shows Mikasa’s personality - well-meaning, yet sometimes takes things a little too far. It show’s Eren’s personality - acting out immediately, then getting tripped up when faced with a deluge of feelings, yet again.

And then it also shows the extent of his love for her. He does not love being physical with just anyone, he loves the act because he loves the person he is with, so much that he appreciates near-dismemberment because it’s such a her-specific thing to have happen.

Fear of having your dick ripped off during sex isn’t a normal thing - nor is realizing you’re in love with the person that nearly initiated the ripping off of said dick. This moment is extremely unique to them.

Here are some other moments where I wanted their personalities to shine - pardon my crass and graphic manner of speech for the next few bullet points:

Eren, being incapable of verbalizing his feels, communicates them to her by kissing her to death (which ends up being quite persuasive, as we later see)

Mikasa being an extremely quick learner, and a natural. In… everything. After Eren schools her in, “Oh. This is what happens to a penis when X, Y and Z occurs,” she brushes off the nerves and dives head first, and applies this knowledge right away, expertly. This, plus her general eagerness to please Eren, is why she begins to dry hump him, why she is always reaching for his dick after the fact, how she is able to learn how to ride him like a pro very quickly.

When Mikasa tries to grab Eren’s dick after they dry hump, he kind of bats her away and takes the lead. It’s him trying to be alpha, for once - but not out of insecurity. Rather, he wants to show his gratitude in a big way, so he goes down on her. AAAYYYY! THANK YOU EREN. LORD KNOWS MIKASA ACKERMAN DESERVES THIS. AND HE MADE HER ORGASM. SHE DESERVES IT FOR EVERYTHING SHE HAS DONE FOR THIS DWEEB. GET. IT. GURL. In this moment, and when they are actually having sex, you see Eren’s ego and pride showing every time he does something right, and it makes him want to impress and show off and please more. Though he is heavily invested in pleasing her because he loves her, her positive reactions are also kind of a compliment. Every moan is like a, “Yo, nice job! Keep up the good work!”, and being able to give her an orgasm is like someone threw him a congratulations party because dudes typically cannot do that LOL - especially right off the bat (I was going to reference that he heard this through bunker talk, but wound up not doing so). It’s also a testament to how good he is at reading her, and how well he knows her, too, since he listens keenly and observes her reactions and learns from those.

Mikasa ended up on top, because, duh. She’s Mikasa. While Eren initiated, she was the one to lead the way and push - she is the one that escalated things further each time. She took the initiative to do so. And Eren - having grown from his smol “ROAR I WANNA BE THE LEADER” phase, and being in love with this woman - is more than okay with her taking the lead. Acceptance is such a huge theme in this fic, and everything in this part is basically him being like, “I’m gonna show my woman how amazing I think she is,” and, “Yeah. My woman is amazing and outshines me in every way. I’m just gonna go on ahead and let her be amazing.”

I remember quite fondly that an anon once asked “when Mikasa would ride Eren into the sunset.” Well, she did, my friend. She did. Which is why I put in details that probably went unnoticed - that the force of her hips when she was in control was basically so powerful that the mattress was curving under him with each thrust (almost like she was trying to imprint his ass into the mattress), and the bed frame was arockin’ with how hard she was riding him.

And you know. Eren taking control at the end and her being okay with it and just going along with it. They’re just super in sync and communicative without saying anything.

And side note - Um. I know there was that whole debacle with Grisha’s diq and Eren’s potentially inherited “endowment”, but idk man. Perhaps length wise he’s not a stunner, but in my mind, and in this fic, he’s a girth guy, hence why Mikasa struggled bit. Okay, listen, don’t judge me, one inevitably thinks of such details when trying to figure out a sex scene over the span of several months you don’t know how much I’ve thought of everything good lord

Anyways - coming back out of this vulgar talk, I know I upped the fluff factor there towards the end. Because I honestly think that’s how they could be, once the ice was broken - once they realized that there was a more pleasant and light dimension to being open and honest with one another, and being able to experience something so special with one another.

I was weary about the ending being too cute - nervous about making Mikasa smile or laugh, but the more I thought of it, the more okay I was with the idea, because, dude she just had sex with Eren Jaeger, guy she has loved since she was a wee little lass, and he is giving her affection and attention and also an orgasm!!!! Of course she’d be over the moon. If there was anything that would be able to make that girl who is normally deadpan begin to tell jokes and smile, it is certainly these things.

Epilogue Summary

I will not be writing it, so here is the summary:

The next day, Eren and Mikasa are having breakfast with Armin, who is giving both of them the eye. They act normal and are essentially back to their old selves, though they both look super sleep deprived. Armin of course throws in a clever line of questioning that makes them both sweat. Even though they evade his questions, Armin passes this specific mug of tea over to Mikasa and tells her to drink it, and Eren asks what it is. Armin doesn’t give a straight answer- gives a shitty excuse and says it’s just to celebrate them making up, specifying it’s for Mikasa only, and Eren asks why he can’t have any, and Armin doesn’t explain, and they get into a cute back and forth (Armin basically telling Eren he was a bitch to Mikasa - in different words of course), but then Eren tries to drink some anyways and Armin’s like “NOOO” and all panicky, then Eren’s like “wtf”. And Armin gets really, really serious and just firmly insists Mikasa drink it.

So, Eren and Mikasa get silent, and Mikasa obeys. While she is drinking, Armin finally says something very quietly, along the lines of, “Mikasa should take it because I’m not ready to be an uncle yet”, causing her to choke on her drink, and causing Eren to shit himself (not literally). Armin implies that the tea is essentially plan b (an idea borrowed from a z.utara fic-“The Sparrowkeet Series” if you’re a fan of the ship, it’s highly recommended-where some sort of tea had this effect), at which Eren and Mikasa turn red and die forever about because 1) Armin knows; 2) they wonder who else knows; 3) Oh my god Armin knows. He mentions that Sasha had told him about them. Armin had actually assumed they were fighting/talking things over/nothing sexy was going down, though Sasha implied there were sexy things happening. Armin did not believe it, so he came by to check on them, and heard moaning, and immediately turned away.

There was going to be more to it, but I never finished thinking it over, since I decided just not to add it on. But there ya go.

Did you really think I would let them have unprotected sex (who knows how many more times after she got him some bread) without thinking of the consequences? Of course I had to think about these things - Mikasa can’t go off getting preg when there’s so much at stake.

Follow Up One-Shot Summary

A reader expressed disappointment that Eren did not say “I love you.”

I wrote this fic knowing that I did not want him to utter the words “I love you”. The entire point of the fic was to show that these words could be communicated through action, and would be understood by both without having to be said. Again - my whole take on Eren is that he has to do this whole new mushy feelings thing in baby steps. Being able to admit these things to himself and show them is huge. He’s an action guy, more than a flowery words guy.

That being said, I originally had planned to write an off-shoot one-shot to follow up the fic. It was going to be super smutty (and knowing me, probably ridiculously long). The plot was centered around Eren finally saying “I love you”, and the weird way it happens. Per above, he’s an action dude. So him SAYING sappy stuff is HUGE. I thought exploring why he felt compelled to say the words, how/why it happened, and making that situation believable, would be interesting to write about. I also wanted to try my hand at writing some lighter stuff, so it was gonna be more comical than dramatic (though I am the number one lover of angst, do not get me wrong).

However, I won’t be writing this anymore, so here is the summary (somewhat M-rated) - He and Mikasa are basically at it like bunnies all the time (typically what happens when you’re freshly in a relationship with the love of your life) and he finds himself distracted because he can’t stop wanting to do stuff with her. So he avoids her for a while, but doesn’t want to talk about it. Then, tired of the same old shit again, Mikasa confronts him about it by dragging him into a closet and pulling his pants down and giving him some amazing head (first time she will have done that, but obvs she’s brilliant at it because she’s Mikasa). Post-BJ, while she is awkwardly drinking water and still sort of annoyed with him for being distant, he stares at her and has this drawn out thought process and suddenly blurts it.

And then more stuff happens. I didn’t get that far in my thought process.

And yeah. That’s it. Part 2 will be up next week.