#ALSO SORRY THAT I JUST DISAPPEAR WITH NO COMMUNICATION WHATSOEVER I KNOW IT'S BAD I HAVE A HABIT OF DOING IT

[iiboronii]

Ladies and gentlemen I'm back

[tabithatwo]

Ella Purnell I'M IN YOUR WALLS..... I WANT THAT MOMENT WHERE SHAUNA GETS HER BACK TO BE IN THE FINALE PLEASE GOD. LET'S MANIFEST IT. YOU'RE SO RIGHT THEY ARE SETTING IT UP. THEY HAVE NOT JUST DROPPED THAT STORYLINE THANK FUCK I WAS SO WORRIED THERE FOR A SEC. JACKIE HAUNTING SHAUNA IS SO UNBELIEVABLY CRUCIAL IT CANNOT LITERALLY JUST DISAPPEAR IT WOULD MAKE NO NARRATIVE SENSE WHATSOEVER!!!! I need to calm down but I do think, even if I dislike the creative choice due to my Jackie Bias, that it does make sense for Shauna to temporarily lose the ability to hallucinate her after cannibalizing her and thus feeling the absence of her physical body. Jackie is inside her now but she can't see her so it's not as easy as projecting that false image of her being alive onto her corpse like she was before. Actually kind of excited to see what will allow Shauna to conjure her up again.... In my mind the Jackie we've seen thus far truly was a hallucination because she was so clearly vocalizing Shauna's subconscious desires BUT I desperately want them to actually communicate. I want Shauna to see Jackie and have a conversation with her and for it to genuinely feel like Jackie's ghost. Need Jackie to be tangible I miss my girl so bad. I know she's got shit to say LET HER SPEAK! I know you might not answer this ask but I'd love your thoughts !!!!

ELLA HAS BEEN TRYING SHE'S BEEN LIKE HEYYYYYYY YELLOWJACKETS LET ME OUT OF MY CAGE I WOULD LIKE TO PLAY JACKIE TAYLOR MORE which is why it is so frustrating to me like DAMN i am in the walls of the showtime execs who didn't wanna pay for her ass and/or showrunners who didn't wanna use her WHATEVER. my biggest fear is the lack of her presence (ella or not!) in 2021 HOWEVER i think that this show is very WILLING to do a thing i don't love but need to get on board with i guess, which is completely reshape the way the adults interact with things based on what we're seeing unfold in 96 (nobody come explain narrative storytelling to me PLEASE i beg you, i've learned to give so many disclaimers that i Understand Things now cause BOY do people want to educate you, i understand pulling focus to a theme i pinky promise!!! i just think that, partly because of all the other characters and storylines they crammed into 21, they shift to a degree that Lacks The Level Of Character Continuity That I Desire, okay it is a personal PREFERENCE, if you don't care about that i am SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!) sorry anon, for the obligatory pls know i understand things aside. NOW 96 jackie. yes yes yes agree!! meat shed jackie that we've had was hallucination, with near 100% certainty. i think that if they're planning on delivering on all the threads they start to unravel in this show (which doesn't always happen in any show so i am cautious in my optimism) they have got to do something with 1x10. the cabin guy presence in the dream realm is really a firm suggestion that there are ghosts happening. laura lee can be written off as a dream they would have, but he is NOT. now i DO think they're putting way too much effort into this dream realm to NOT have it be developed or mean something, and i think that the separation between everyone else in jackie's death dream and cabin guy and laura lee coming in and welcoming her is pretty concrete. there is...whatever the fuck the uncanny valley versions of the yellowjackets are (i think they're "it" playing tricksy games personally) and the Actual Dead (cabin guy, laura lee, jackie). SO ALL THIS TO SAY yeah. i think there is real potential for them to pick up that thread and establish ghost jackie. i think there is also potential for her and shauna to communicate. i think PERSONALLY (no one come to my asks to tell me this is stupid i literally cannot handle you today okay give a girl a break i beg) that there's a very good chance that by the end of the show shauna in the 21 timeline sees/communicates with/(joins?) ghost jackie, whether she gets to see her in 96 tl or not. these are my thoughts they have diverted maybe from your point and if so i am so sorry lol along those lines i have RAGING adhd, so when you say i might not answer i hope it isn't because i haven't responded to an ask you've sent me before but if it is i promise it isn't personal! this goes to anyone else too, like i really have 17 things happening at once at all times and i drop the ball sometimes lol but know that i love to hear people's thoughts <3 <3

[esmorothfallen-a]

Color Finally Explains Why She’s Been Inactive, The Masterpost (and why she’s probably gonna continue to be inactive oops)

//Oh boy. Hi guys, it’s been a bit. I know I kind of vanished off the face of the earth without any prior warning whatsoever, and I’m really sorry about that. Those of you who know me well are probably thinking ‘oh boy Color’s switched main fandoms’ again and... yes? But also no? It’s a little more complicated than that.

Also! In case you’re concerned, no, nothing’s wrong with me. I’m fine! This time it actually has nothing to do with real life stuff at all. So don’t worry about that.

With that being said, details are under the cut. ‘Cause it’s long.

There’s actually several reasons why I’ve been inactive, some of which are specifically tied to this blog, and some of which aren’t. So I’ll just kind of. Go over all of them below. In chronological order of when these problems started cropping up.

#1: Most of y’all are oblivious to this because I’m the dummy who decided to be active on Twitter, but there was a huge blow up in the Infinity Train fandom on there shortly after the art gallery exhibition. I don’t really want to discuss it here, but it was bad, and it kind of killed my drive for participating in the fandom in general.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love Infinity Train. This isn’t actually a case of a full main fandom switch in which I’ve dropped my previous main fandom entirely (which I’ll explain more later) but my motivation to create things for it, especially when it comes to writing (my writing motivation is very fickle anyway and is easily affected by things like this) kind of went out the window.

You’d think that problem would’ve resolved eventually, but it kind of hasn’t? The fandom’s... died, a little bit, since that incident. And with it my hope for getting anymore of Infinity Train went out the window. So... my motivation never really came back.

As a sidenote to this one, the Infinity Train RPC also kind of disappeared off the face of the earth shortly before this happened, and I was already struggling with that because while I do love crossovers, it’s always easier to maintain a blog when I have other canons to bounce off of as well.

#2: I’m gonna be completely honest. Tumblr roleplay has been stressing me out lately. My motivation to write long-form roleplay replies has slowly been trickling out the window for a little bit now, maybe because I’ve been writing the same muse for so long, and it’s made it hard for me to reply quickly except for certain threads that I still had really high muse for.

And that was making me really anxious because I felt bad that I was taking so long to reply to everything else. I also felt like I was dropping too many threads, that people were gonna start getting annoyed with me for all the draft purges I inevitably ended up having to do.

On top of that, I’m also horrible at plotting. There’s no sugarcoating that. Unless you come to me with an idea first, or I had a more general idea beforehand, it’s not gonna work. Which is a problem, because Tumblr roleplay honestly works better with some kind of plot outline.

So, where have I been since I’ve been gone? ‘Cause I haven’t stopped roleplaying. Well, the first answer is Discord. Some similar problems can be encountered there, but like... I’m less anxious about it because the people I write with on Discord are close friends who are used to me being slow, and used to us not always being able to finish roleplays.

The second answer is a little more out there. I’ve been roleplaying on Roblox again. Specifically on a game called Revamp Project, which surprisingly has a lot of decent roleplayers! This is more short-form roleplay because the Roblox chat has a character limit, plus it has a visual aspect which has always been something I liked about roleplaying on Roblox. The community I’ve gotten involved in on Revamp Project is actually really nice, and it is still a form of literate RP, it’s just usually no more than a paragraph per-post and it involves a LOT more improv because you never know who you’re gonna run into.

And tbh, I think that’s the kind of roleplay I prefer.

#3: And here’s the one y’all were expecting! I’ve been bouncing around hyperfixations again! But not quite in the same way as usual. So, like, the thing with Infinity Train happened. THEN, the announcement was made that one of my favorite RPG horror games, and one of my previous main fandoms, is getting a remake. Obviously I then had to replay said game, which resulted in me falling headfirst back into that fandom!

HOWEVER, surprisingly, I did not switch fully. I ended up juggling it with Infinity Train. Which was really nice tbh.

And then Deltarune chapter 2 happened. And I loved it. It didn’t become a main hyperfixation immediately because I didn’t think I had gotten attached to any of the characters in quite the way that makes me switch (keywords being “I didn’t think”), but I started consuming a lot more content for it, and it wormed it’s way up to being at the top of my secondary fandoms.

AND THEN I DISCOVERED THE SNOWGRAVE ROUTE. And all of a sudden I realized that whoops! I might be a little bit attached to Noelle, actually! And also Berdly slightly don’t @ me. SO. Funny story. I’ve actually been writing post-Snowgrave Noelle a whole bunch on Discord and Roblox lately.

But the thing is, I’m still more or less juggling three fandoms. Deltarune has most of my attention at the moment, but I guarantee you if I was to replay Ib again, or rewatch a season of Infinity Train, I’d be right back down those rabbit holes. And considering my issues with Tumblr RP in general, the fact that I’m honestly not confident enough to join the Deltarune RPC, and my inability to juggle blogs very well... my current situation just isn’t working with being active on here atm.

And, that’s pretty much it! Thank you if you actually read all of that. I know it’s a lot, but I felt like it needed to be said. I can’t swear that I’ll come back, but I also can’t swear that I won’t.

As always, if any of my mutuals want to keep in touch with me, you can add me on Discord!! I’m CONSTANTLY SWITCHING FANDOMS™#0154 (yes, in all caps, some of my friends (jokingly) peer pressured me into matching with them HKHDJHGF) and yes Simon is still my icon on there. I still love him, don’t worry.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars CXV (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: I like my book and I’ll write the plot however I want but at the same time I want everyone to like my story pls like my story -Danny

Words: 3,849 

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to: ‘No Goobyes’ -By Dua Lipa

Chapter Thirteen: Dumbledore's Army.

As soon as she sat down next to Ron, a head popped out of the fireplace.

"Sirius!" Ron and Mel exclaimed together.

"Hi," He smiled.

"Hi," They all responded, kneeling around the fire.

"How're things?"

"Not that good," said Harry. "The Ministry's forced through another decree, which means we're not allowed to have Quidditch teams —"

"— or secret Defense Against the Dark Arts groups?" said Sirius.

A second passed.

"How did you know about that?" Harry demanded.

Mel pulled Grey away from the fire while Hermione kept Crookshanks far from it as well.

"Who didn't know about that?" Mel said grumpily.

"You want to choose your meeting places more carefully," said Sirius, his grin only getting wider. "The Hog's Head... How's your Grandad, Mel?"

Ron and Harry, who had no idea of what that meant, turned to look at her with confusion. Mel let out another groan.

"I had to play dumb and pretend I didn't know him," She looked at the boys with a tense expression. "The bartender's my grandad."

"What?!" Ron and Harry asked at the same time.

"Well, it was better than the Three Broomsticks!" said Hermione. "That's always packed with people —"

"— which means you'd have been harder to overhear. You've got a lot to learn, Hermione."

"Who overheard us?" Harry demanded.

"Mundungus, of course," said Sirius laughing. "He was the witch under the veil."

"That was Mundungus?" Harry said. "What was he doing in the Hog's Head?"

"What do you think he was doing?" said Sirius. "Keeping an eye on you, of course."

"I'm still being followed?" asked Harry in outrage.

"Yeah, you are, and just as well, isn't it, if the first thing you're going to do on your weekend off is organize an illegal defence group."

"Why was Dung hiding from us?" asked Ron. "We'd've liked to've seen him."

"He was banned from the Hog's Head twenty years ago, and Mel's gran' got a long memory. We lost Moody's spare Invisibility Cloak when Sturgis was arrested, so Dung's been dressing as a witch a lot lately... Anyway... First of all, Ron — I've sworn to pass on a message from your mother."

"Oh yeah?" said Ron fearfully.

"She says on no account whatsoever are you to take part in an illegal secret Defense Against the Dark Arts group. She says you'll be expelled for sure and your future will be ruined. She says there will be plenty of time to learn how to defend yourself later and that you are too young to be worrying about that right now. She also advises Harry and Hermione not to proceed with the group, though she accepts that she has no authority over either of them and simply begs them to remember that she has their best interests at heart. She would have written all this to you, but if the owl had been intercepted you'd all have been in real trouble, and she can't say it for herself because she's on duty tonight."

"On duty doing what?"

"Never you mind, just stuff for the Order," said Sirius. "So it's fallen to me to be the messenger and make sure you tell her I passed it all on because I don't think she trusts me to."

"What does my mum says about it?"

Sirius smiled again.

"She said 'Why do I even bother?' "

Mel snorted.

"So you want me to say I'm not going to take part in the defence group?" Ron said sadly.

"Me? Certainly not!" said Sirius, raising his eyebrows. "I think it's an excellent idea!"

"You do?" said Harry.

"Shocker," Mel replied sarcastically.

"Of course I do! D'you think your parents and I would've lain down and taken orders from an old hag like Umbridge?"

"But — last term all you did was tell me to be careful and not take risks —"

"Last year all the evidence was that someone inside Hogwarts was trying to kill you, Harry! This year we know that there's someone outside Hogwarts who'd like to kill us all, so I think learning to defend yourselves properly is a very good idea!"

"And if we do get expelled?" Hermione asked.

"Hermione, this whole thing was your idea!" said Harry.

"I know it was... I just wondered what Sirius thought," She shrugged.

"Well, better expelled and able to defend yourselves than sitting safely in school without a clue," said Sirius.

"We won't get expelled," Mel rolled her eyes. "Not as long as my uncle is Headmaster. He won't throw us out knowing we're being hunted. We're safe as long as we learn how to play our cards."

Sirius gave her a funny look.

"You've been practising your skills, little Em?"

Mel winked at him.

"So," said Sirius, "how are you organizing this group? Where are you meeting?"

"Well, that's a bit of a problem now," said Harry. "Dunno where we're going to be able to go..."

"How about the Shrieking Shack?" suggested Sirius.

"Hey, that's an idea!" said Ron excitedly, but Hermione clicked her tongue.

"Well, Sirius, it's just that there were only five of you meeting in the Shrieking Shack when you were at school, and all of you could transform into animals and I suppose you could all have squeezed under a single Invisibility Cloak if you'd wanted to. But there are about thirty of us and none of us is an Animagus, so we wouldn't need so much an Invisibility Cloak as an Invisibility Marquee —"

"Fair point... Well, I'm sure you'll come up with somewhere... There used to be a pretty roomy secret passageway behind that big mirror on the fourth floor, you might have enough space to practice jinxes in there —"

"Fred and George told me it's blocked," said Harry gloomily. "Caved in or something."

"Oh..." Sirius frowned. "Well, I'll have a think and get back to —"

His eyes widened slightly, and he turned his head to the side as if hearing something.

"Sirius?" Harry asked quietly. Sirius' head pulled back abruptly. "Why did he — ?"

A hand had appeared amongst the flames, groping as though to catch hold of something; a stubby, short-fingered hand covered in ugly old-fashioned rings...

The four of them stood up and ran, Mel and Harry both stopped and looked back at Umbridge's hand in the fire. Both frightened, wide-eyed, before disappearing into their rooms.

"Hermione," Mel whispered so Parvati and Lavender wouldn't wake up, closing the door behind her. "I talked to Erick today."

"About what?"

"I think we solved the communication problem," She said, pulling out her watch and handing it to her friend. "But I'll need your help."

"Silencio!" said Hermione hastily, pointing her wand at Harry's frog, which deflated silently before them. "Well, he mustn't do it again, that's all. I just don't know how we're going to let him know. We can't send him an owl."

"I can send one to my mum," Mel objected, silencing her raven with one swift wand movement.

"I don't reckon he'll risk it again," said Ron. "He's not stupid, he knows she nearly got him. Silencio!" Ron's raven only sounded louder. "Silencio! SILENCIO!"

"It's the way you're moving your wand," said Hermione. "You don't want to wave it, it's more a sharp jab."

"Ravens are harder than frogs," said Ron. Mel gave him a look as she held her mute raven.

"Fine, let's swap," said Hermione. "Silencio!"

The raven stopped making a sound.

"Very good, Miss Granger!" said Professor Flitwick. "Now, let me see you try, Mr Weasley!"

Mel snorted, earning a nudge from Hermione.

"Wha — ? Oh — oh, right," said Ron. "Er — Silencio!"

He poked the frog in the eye; it gave a deafening croak and jumped off the desk.

"I already told you I'll help you with charms!" Mel exclaimed, trying to aim to Peeves, who was floating above them and attempting to throw an ink pellet at the students.

It was raining hard outside, so they were left to hang out inside the classrooms with little to do.

"Like you helped me last week?" Ron asked bitterly.

"I said I was sorry, all right?" She rolled her eyes. "Lost track of time..."

"You didn't want to help me," He argued.

"Don't be silly," She retorted. "Watch this..."

She flicked her wand and shot a splash of ice-cold water towards Peeves' butt. The Poltergeist yelped and turned around, but Mel had hidden her wand and was now looking at Ron, pretending to be focused on the conversation. Peeves left the classroom fuming, once gone, they erupted into cackles.

"You shouldn't taunt him, Mel," Hermione warned her. "He can be cruel if he wants to."

"Me too," The girl smirked.

"I've got permission!" Angelina ran into the classroom. "To re-form the Quidditch team!"

"Excellent!" said the boys.

"Yeah, I went to McGonagall and I think she might have appealed to Dumbledore — anyway, Umbridge had to give in. Ha! So I want you down at the pitch at seven o'clock tonight, all right, because we've got to make up time, you realize we're only three weeks away from our first match?"

She left as quickly as she had appeared; Peeves flew back in, his arms carrying a bunch of new ink pellets to throw at them. Mel felt the slightest sting of worry.

"Hope this clears up..." Ron said looking out the window. "What's up with you, Hermione?"

"Just thinking..."

"About Siri... Snuffles?"

"No... not exactly... More... wondering... I suppose we're doing the right thing... I think... aren't we?"

Harry, Mel and Ron looked at each other.

"Well, that clears that up," said Ron. "It would've been really annoying if you hadn't explained yourself properly."

"I was just wondering," She said, clearer this time, "whether we're doing the right thing, starting this Defense Against the Dark Arts group."

"What!" said Harry and Ron together.

"Hermione, it was your idea in the first place!" said Ron.

"I know, but after talking to Snuffles..."

"But he's all for it!" said Harry.

"Yes! Yes, that's what made me think maybe it wasn't a good idea after all..."

Peeves floated above them, all four lifted their bags to cover their heads.

"Let's get this straight," said Harry, once again in a bad mood, "Sirius agrees with us, so you don't think we should do it anymore?"

"Do you honestly trust his judgment?"

"Yes, I do! He's always given us great advice!"

"You don't think he has become... sort of... reckless... since he's been cooped up in Grimmauld Place? You don't think he's... kind of... living through us?"

"What d'you mean, 'living through us'?" Harry retorted.

"Oh, yeah he's definitely doing that," Mel admitted. "But what's wrong about it?"

"I mean... well, I think he'd love to be forming secret defence societies right under the nose of someone from the Ministry... I think he's really frustrated at how little he can do where he is... so I think he's keen to kind of... egg us on."

"So what?" Mel frowned. "It's still the right thing to do, him having no power over his life it's exactly where we are as well. The difference is that we have a chance to do something, and he wants us to take it."

"But there's so much at risk!"

"Sirius is right," Ron said in disbelief, "you do sound just like my mother."

Hermione didn't speak to them after that.

The next day Harry told them all about Dobby's visit in the middle of the night, waking him up after falling asleep in the common room by accident. He told them he'd found a room where to hold their meetings, which was great news, considering the girls had figured out a way to communicate without being too obvious.

The walls were lined with wooden bookcases, and instead of chairs, there were large silk cushions on the floor. A set of shelves at the far end of the room carried a range of instruments such as Sneakoscopes, Secrecy Sensors, and a large cracked Foe-Glass that Harry was sure had hung, the previous year, in the fake Moody's office.

"How wonderful!" Mel walked towards the bookcases.

"These will be good when we're practising Stunning," said Ron, looking at the cushions.

"And just look at these books!" said Hermione standing beside her. "A Compendium of Common Curses and Their Counter-Actions... The Dark Arts Outsmarted... Self-Defensive Spellwork... wow... Harry, this is wonderful, there's everything we need here!"

There was a brief moment where Mel and Harry looked at each other, both with the same excited expression. Harry was about to say something when someone knocked on the door. Ginny, Neville, Lavender, Parvati, and Dean had arrived.

"Whoa," said Dean. "What is this place?"

Harry explained everything to their classmates as more started to arrive. At eight o'clock the place was full, every cushion occupied. Harry closed the door and turned the key. Everyone looked at him and Mel. Hermione set her book aside. Mel got up and stood next to Harry, feeling strangely out of place after all that time away from him.

"Well," He said. "This is the place we've found for practices, and you've — er — obviously found it okay —"

"It's fantastic!" said Cho.

"It's bizarre," said Fred. "We once hid from Filch in here, remember, George? But it was just a broom cupboard then..."

"It changes depending on what you need it to be," Mel shrugged. "It became a toilet room for my uncle once."

Many laughed at her statement.

"Hey, Harry, what's this stuff?" asked Dean.

"Dark Detectors," Harry moved towards some objects. "Basically they all show when Dark wizards or enemies are around, but you don't want to rely on them too much, they can be fooled..."

"Well, only the sneakoscopes, really," Mel added. "The Foe-glass is harder to trick, only if you know your way around technicalities..."

"Well," The boy looked at her carefully, then moved his gaze to the group. "I've been thinking about the sort of stuff we ought to do first and — er —" Hermione raised her hand. "What, Hermione?"

"I think we ought to elect a leader."

"Harry's leader," said Cho at once. Noticing the way some stared at her, she blushed and added. "Mel too, of course!"

"Yes, but I think we ought to vote on it properly," said Hermione. "It makes it formal and it gives them authority. So — everyone who thinks Harry and Mel ought to be our leaders?"

Everybody put up their hands.

"Er — right, thanks," Harry blushed madly. Mel scolded herself for thinking how cute it was. "And — what, Hermione?"

"I also think we ought to have a name! It would promote a feeling of team spirit and unity, don't you think?"

"Can we be the Anti-Umbridge League?" said Angelina.

"Or the Ministry of Magic Are Morons Group?" suggested Fred.

"I was thinking," said Hermione, "more of a name that didn't tell everyone what we were up to, so we can refer to it safely outside meetings."

"The Defense Association?" said Cho. "The D.A. for short, so nobody knows what we're talking about?"

"Yeah, the D.A.'s good," said Ginny. "Only let's make it stand for Dumbledore's Army because that's the Ministry's worst fear, isn't it? And after all," She smirked at Mel. "A Dumbledore is our leader."

Mel grinned, a couple of students laughing along and agreeing with Ginny.

"All in favour of the D.A.?" said Hermione. "That's a majority — motion passed!"

She grabbed the parchment with all of their names on it on a wall and wrote DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY at the top.

"Right," said Harry, then he turned to Mel, "shall we get practising then? I was thinking, the first thing we should do is Expelliarmus, you know, the Disarming Charm. I know it's pretty basic but I've found it really useful —"

"Sure," Mel shrugged. "Could do it in my sleep..."

"Oh please," said Zacharias Smith with annoyance. "I don't think Expelliarmus is exactly going to help us against You-Know-Who, do you?"

"I've used it against him," said Harry sharply. "It saved my life last June. But if you think it's beneath you, you can leave."  

No one left, of course.

"No objections then," Mel continued, "stand up, hope you brought your wands with you, otherwise it'll be a very boring night..."

"Okay," said Harry. "I reckon we should all divide into pairs and practice."

Mel was kind of used to being listened to at that point, after all those weeks being the centre of attention of her new group of friends. Harry was a whole different story, he would usually try to hide and be quiet when he didn't want to be noticed, and she could tell he was having a hard time being the boss. She took the matter into her owns hands and paired everyone up, Neville was the last one standing, so Harry and she took turns with him.

"Right — on the count of three, then — one, two, three —"

Glancing around he thought he had been right to suggest that they practice the basics first; there was a lot of shoddy spellwork going on; many people were not succeeding in disarming their opponents at all, but merely causing them to jump backward a few paces or wince as the feeble spell whooshed over them.

"Merlin..." Mel was divided between shock and amusement.

"Expelliarmus!" Neville yelled without warning and Harry's wand flew out of his hand. "I DID IT! I've never done it before — I DID IT!"

"Good one!" said Harry. "Listen, Neville, can you take it in turns to practice with Ron and Hermione for a couple of minutes so Mel and I can walk around and see how the rest are doing?"

Mel took one side of the room and Harry the other. For a group of beginners, she thought they were doing all right. Harry and Mel met halfway and stopped to watch everyone side by side.

"What are your thoughts on this?" Harry asked her.

"I think you should've let the twins mess with Zacharias Smith a bit longer, he definitely needs to be humbled down..."

"We have weeks to do so," He replied casually.

"Ginny's doing great though, she did it in her first try!"

"I suspect Michael is only pretending to suck."

"If he is, he's doing the wrong thing to impress her," Mel smirked. "Anthony tried to show off when I walked past and he threw his wand directly at Smith's face!"

"Sometimes I want to throw a wand at Smith's face.."

Mel laughed, locking eyes with Harry. Her chest tightened at the sight of his silly old grin, and for a moment she felt like maybe not all hope was lost. Maybe they could find a way to be friends again.

"Er," She cleared her throat. "We should give them new directions now."

"What? Oh, right. Okay. Stop!" Harry shouted a bit clumsily, turning to look at their classmates. "Stop! STOP!"

"There," Mel nudged his arm and pointed to the whistle on the bookcase next to him. Harry took it a blew it.

"That wasn't bad," said Harry once they all stopped, "but there's definite room for improvement. Let's try again..."

As they continued to help around, Mel noticed he was letting her take care of Cho and Marietta. This, of course, reminded her that even though she was still having a hard time getting over him, Harry had long moved on from their... thing. So she avoided the pair until Harry had no choice but to go to them.

"Oh no," Cho blushed furiously as he approached. Mel lingered a few feet away, pretending to examine the Creeveys' techniques. "Expelliarmious! I mean, Expellimellius! I — oh, sorry, Marietta! You made me nervous, I was doing all right before then!"

Mel rolled her eyes at that. It wasn't that Cho was annoying, it wasn't even that Cho deserved to be disliked, but Mel was barely keeping it together every day and now she had to stand there and watch as Harry flirted with his crush twice a week.

"That was quite good," She heard Harry lie, after a second, he corrected. "Well, no, it was lousy, but I know you can do it properly, I was watching from over there..."

Marietta looked at them with exasperation and turned to leave. Mel watched as Cho leaned closer to whisper something to Harry's ear and that's when she decided she'd seen enough. The girl turned around.

"Hey, watch it!" Someone yelled at her.

Mel drew out her wand and stop the projectile before it stabbed her in the eye. She picked up George's wand from the ground and handed it back.

"You guys are doing great," She teased.

"Thanks," Said George. "Fred's enthusiastic."

"Talking about enthusiasm," Fred discretely pointed towards Harry and Cho with his head. "What's that about?"

"I don't care," Mel replied, making a face. "As long as it doesn't distract him from what we're doing here..."

"He looks distracted already," Fred raised a brow. "Want me to bring him back to earth?"

He waved his wand as if to jinx Harry, Mel grabbed his arm and moved it away, giggling.

"I'm afraid you're not allowed to hurt your teacher," She replied humorously.

"If you're done flirting, it's my turn to practice!" George called out.

"We're not, actually," Fred put an arm around her shoulders and pointed to George with his wand. "You're going to have to kill me first!"

"No killing tonight!" Mel laughed, stepping away from Fred's grip. "Stop fooling around, keep practising!"

"Sure thing, Professor!" The twins replied.

Ten minutes later, when Harry and Mel finally called it a night, everyone looked flushed and tired, but happier than they'd looked in months.

"Well, that was pretty good, but we've overrun, we'd better leave it here. Same time, same place next week?"

"Sooner!" said Dean.

"The Quidditch season's about to start, we need team practices too!" Said Angelina.

"Let's say next Wednesday night, then," said Harry, looking at Mel for her approval. She nodded. "And we can decide on additional meetings then... Come on, we'd better get going..."

"You all were brilliant," Mel smiled. "Hope to see you all again next time!"

"That was really, really good, guys," said Hermione when they were finally the only ones left in the hall.

"Yeah, it was!" said Ron. "Did you see me disarm Hermione?"

"Only once! I got you loads more than you got me —"

"I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times —"

"Well, if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand —"

"No bickering tonight, guys!" Mel said brightly. "The whole point is for everyone to learn and be better! I'm really proud of everyone– Neville especially, he looked so sure of himself!"

Mel glanced at Harry and found him staring at the Marauder's Map, his finger hovering over the dot with the tag 'Cho Chang'.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere @t-rexs-world​ @sarcasticallywitty15 @21bruhs

[formerlyrunephoenix6769]

It would seem that the RWBY FNDM is currently gripped in a merchandise controversy, namely the tshirt below.  

The discourse surrounding the T shirt has once again brought up the nature of Blake and Adam’s relationship. 

Some are supportive of Roosterteeth’s decision to pull the merchandise, and others not so much. And it would seem that those who are not in agreement with the company’s decision fall into a number of camps. 

I'm of the opinion that those people who are calling others 'snowflakes' or 'over sensitive' haven't been in an abusive relationship/situation and therefore don't understand why some people are so upset and disappointed with the RWBY Manga Women T Shirt design in the first place. 

I don't think I have ever seen an abusive relationship portrayed seriously in this medium and an abusive relationship portrayed so well, in general.

CRWBY have made it unequivocally known that Blake and Adam's relationship is/was abusive, via out right verbal cues, and abusive rhetoric and behaviours recognisable for those unfortunate people who have been in abusive situations and hopefully eye opening for those who haven’t. 

If this wasn't the case, why would so many people be coming forward and sharing their own stories and how much the Blake and Adam situation felt too real?

People who are going on about "it didn't happen on screen, so it didn't happen," are ignoring the visual and verbal cues that have been peppered throughout the series from the very beginning, starting in the Black trailer.

In a strange way, this lack of perception on the part of members of the audience who refuse to see that Blake and Adam's relationship is abusive is sórt of a meta commentary on Abusive relationships and how they are perceived general.

I'll get back to that point, but first, How Abusive RL can come about,

Often an Abuser will be charming, a pillar of the community, an angel in the streets and a devil behind closed doors. They present themselves as one thing, when, deep down, they are another.

They isolate their victim, with emotional and mental manipulation, guilt tripping,

"I Don't Know What I'd Do Without You?"

"Your Friends Don't Like Me, It's Me or Them!"

All through this stage they will be tender, loving caring, touching the victim in reassurance, reinforcing their falsehoods in an action known as handling and grooming.

"Your Parents Are Snobs, They Just Don't Want Us To Be Together!"

"They Don't Understand Us or How Special We Are"

Lying, gaslighting, and isolation from others who care,  wear down the victim’s self worth and options until they are absolutely reliant on the abuser for everything, emotional, mental and physical well being. At this point the victim is charmed and stripped of their autonomy.

Not long after this arguments will become more frequent and explosive, nasty comments directed at the victim, attacking their insecurities and the victim will have no idea what they have done wrong but they will believe it is their fault as at this point they don't know if they are coming or going.

 Gas Lighting and Guilt Trip groundwork complete.

"You Don't Support Me!"

"You're just like your parents"

The victim will trip over themselves to reassure the abuser that is not the case, going so far as to be physically intimate, handling etc, as the abuser "sulks" or withholds affection... Making the victim work for it.

Then this is usually when the physical abuse starts..

First time, it is an accident, Second time

"I'm Sorry. I Didn't Mean It"

"This Is Your Own Fault!, For Making Me Angry!"

"You Made Me Do This! If You Had Just Done As You Were Told!"

The abuser will blame the victim for all their problems and things that the victim can not possibly control. The abuse will escalate whether that be emotional, mental or physical abuse.  

It takes so much strength for a victim to leave, and no amount of demands to leave from friends will make them. 

This is in no way the victims fault.  Victims are brainwashed at this point, programmed and also absolutely terrified.

 They have been perfectly conditioned to the abuser. Isolated from friends and family, sometimes they have no financial independence whatsoever and in some cases children are involved and the abuser will also threaten their wellbeing. Some abusers may even threaten suicide if a victim ever thinks about leaving.  

This fear isn't something that just goes away or disappears. Leaving an abuser is a difficult and hard decision, depending on the circumstances, might not even be an option at the time, but when they finally do leave, with courage and bravery, it is usually by running, in a moment when their abuser is unable to follow, (some cases it's planned in advance, in others is a bolt as soon as an opportunity presents itself. It can result in changing appearance, identities, hiding in a sanctuary of sorts, and always with the fear that the abuser might find them.)

Is this sounding familiar?

Back to the 'meta commentary', unfortunately we as a society have a nasty habit of blaming the victim.

Remember how I said Abusers are often charming and are pillars of the community?

"Oh, but Person A is such a good person and does such great things, there's no way they could be abusive!"

"They are a Police officer, surely they would never do that. She must be blowing it out of proportion and making stuff up."

"His wife is 5ft nothing. I'm pretty sure he can defend himself against her. Unless he's a total pussy."

"Oh, B, I'm sure it is not all that bad!"

The thing is about abusers, they don't do this stuff in public for all to see, (unless they get really cavalier and comfortable in their control of the victim) .

Their power and control works best when they keep their victim off kilter and have all around them not believing them, so to keep the victim second guessing their own sanity and questioning the nature of the relationship.

Women are beaten to death, stabbed, shot, etc by abusive partners every day, and it is an unfortunate truth that after the fact people make comments such as, 

“I can’t believe he killed her. He always seemed so nice!”

By then it's too late! And maybe people ought to have listened?

This is exactly what the part of the fandom are doing by calling others "snowflakes" or "overly sensitive". They are belittling those members of the fandom who are telling you (often from their own experiences,) that this is an abusive relationship! 

That they recognise all the ques that the audience has been given. And reducing it to merely a lovers quarrel belittles those who have or are experiencing the same things.

"I don't see this relationship as abusive."

Let's have a look at this shall we?

In Adam’s short, he brings up Blake’s parents, calling them cowards, alluding to Blake that she is also a coward. This is something we find out that Blake actually said to her parents back when she was 12/13 (a very vulnerable age). Adam is playing on her insecurities. He also guilt trips her and then reinforces it. 

Adam: I don't know. I'm out there fighting for us, and when you fight, people get hurt. What, do you want me to just abandon our cause? Like your parents?

Blake: (worried) No! I'm not saying that! I... I don't know.

Adam: I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought them up. I just get scared when it feels like you don't believe in me anymore.

Later in vol 2 we see Blake running herself ragged, racked with guilt about what the WF are doing, she also admits to her team, 

and she did, 

Often the FNDM has been torn about the exact meaning of Blake’s comment in Mountain Glen and that all boils down to how you perceive the exact nature of their relationship. However, a reminder that abuse can come from many places, family members, spouses, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends and even close friends, abuse takes many forms. At this juncture there is no exact definition as to nature of Blake and Adam’s relationship. 

Yet we move on to vol 3. 

This action in of itself does not leave the Abuse question up for debate. He not only stabs her but then proceeds to threaten everything that Blake holds dear. And as we know he lops off Yang’s arm. (for the sake of argument we shall ignore the under currant of Blake and Yang’s developing relationship at this moment as there is no onscreen indication that Adam is aware of exactly what Yang means to Blake, other than Yang’s reaction and Blake’s terrified look when he says,  “Starting with her!”)

(Often abusers will threaten those nearest and dearest to the victim in a bid to maintain control and keep the victim fearful)

In Vol4 and Vol 5 we begin to see the slow unraveling of the morally grey freedom fighter persona when Adam becomes obsessed with Blake and her family, to the detriment of his mission and the overall WF objective, calling for their assassination with an ulterior motive of retrieving Blake. 

Again, this control is abusive rhetoric 101. And often abusers are on the surface charming, collected and well put together in public, only for that facacde to slip when feeling that their control is waning. 

  Adam becomes almost unhinged to the point that it is commented on by the Albain brothers. That he has lost sight and has other priorities. 

At the end of vol 5 , Blake finally stands up to him, and his peers begin to see him for what he truly is, a coward who was not wholly there for the faunus cause as he not only tries to kill everyone there out of spite, but then flees. Abandoning his fellow WF members. 

And that brings us to Volume 6 where the abuse narrative is further cemented. 

Not only does he stalk her across a continent, which for many abuse survivors is all too real, he tactically picks his opportunity by waiting until Blake is in a vulnerable position, away from her teammates. 

Again, this is a tactic often used by abusers when they track down their victims. It is a very real fear of many survivors. 

Blake is terrified out of her wits. And Adam reems off yets another comments from the Abusers Handbook 101.  He tries to shift the blame for his problems onto her. 

Adam is wholly responsible for his own actions, he is a grown ass adult.  

The fight between the pair is incredibly violent. Adam is out for blood and Blake is fighting for her life. Throughout the fight he continues to taunt, shift blame and play on Blake’s insecurities. Using every tactic of the previous grooming as ‘handling’ and ‘sweet nothings’ will no longer work. This is once again pulling on the groundwork of gas lighting and guilt tripping, trying to get into her head which is a tactic often used by abusers. 

Adam: I wouldn't have to be doing this if you just behaved!

Suddenly, Adam grabs his sword and flings away Blake's cleaver, before knocking her in the side of her head with the hilt of Wilt. Blake gets knocked back several feet.

Adam: But you're selfish!

Adam knocks Blake back again.

Adam: You're a coward!

It is when Yang arrives that the situation shifts and the audience are given confirmation of the nature of what exactly Yang and Blake’s relationship is becoming and so cements and subtly confirms the nature of Adam and Blake’s relationship in the past, or at least how Adam views it. 

Adam gives it to us himself, when he flies into a jealous rage when he sees the way the two girls look at each other, 

Adam: Hit me already!

Yang dodges.

Adam: What does she even see in you?!!

This comment in of itself, and the taunts leading up to this, is not the reaction of a butthurt buddy but implies that something more is going on and  tells the audience that Adam sees Yang as a rival for Blake’s affections, therefore cementing the nature of their relationships, completing the arc that began all the way back in volume 3.   

"But, he was never meant to be like that, It was BAD WRITING!"

If anyone who isn't Miles or Kerry or a member of CRWBY claims they have personal knowledge of Monty’s wishes or intentions for the RWBY narrative as a whole or individual character arcs, can politely bugger off or provide solid evidence. 

But app Adam isn't abusive, even though there is plenty of onscreen evidence to suggest otherwise?

If you still are not willing to accept it, then I don’t know what to tell you other than we obviously are not watching the same show and a small reminder that

Abusers are never what they seem, the public never see it and the victim finds out far too late. This was alluded to in Blake's trailer when she left him, and Yang points this out in Vol 6. 

Adam: You know, she made a promise to me once. That she'd always be at my side. Heh, and look how well she's kept it.

Yang: Did she make that promise to you? Or to the person you were pretending to be?

"But they are fictional characters!"

Yes, but life imitates art and the medium is the message!

And in this day and age representation in media is a thing, Gerald!

And CRWBY could not have made the abuse narrative any more obvious! 

[takerfoxx]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Season 5, Episode 13, “The Heart, Part 2,” First Impressions!

I am going to miss this show, I really am.

Well. Here we are. The final episode of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, an almost three decade later reboot of a show I’ve never seen, which in turn was a spin-off of a show I’ve never seen, and yet somehow became one of my favorite shows of all time.

Now, when this show was first announced, there was a lot of pushback. You had the usual murder’s row of so-called anti-SJW troglodytes who like to swoop in on anything that looks like it wasn’t designed with straight white guys in mind (and speaking as a straight white guy, these guys are just. So. Tiresome!), as well as fans of the original who didn’t care for the new character designs, direction, or lack of connection to Masters of the Universe. Which, okay, I get it, and to be honest the little to no He-Man business still strikes me as weird, but come on guys. It’s been almost thirty years! Times have changed, audiences have changed, and the targeted audience of kids’ shows today are very different from what they were in the eighties. 

But despite all that nontroversy, She-Ra rose above and established itself as a genuinely great show in it’s own right, becoming both a critical and commercial success. Like, okay, it wasn’t Avatar the Last Airbender or Steven Universe-level big, but it definitely established a real niche for itself and gathered a sizeable fanbase. The excellent writing, incredibly on-point comedic timing, superb voice acting, casual diversity, oodles of complex and likeable characters, tight-plotting, mature handling of difficult topics, and immaculate direction made it out to be an amazing children’s show from a decade that has had no shortage of amazing children’s shows, and expectations were insane for the final season, with the climatic final episode being under incredible scrutiny. 

I mean, it makes sense, right? For once, given the huge LGBTQ fanbase the show has, and given how many times the LGBTQ community have been burned at the last second, there is little wonder that they would be wary. And while some shows like the aforementioned Avatar the Last Airbender and Breaking Bad have remained of high quality throughout its run and delivered with an excellent finale (or so I’m told, still working my way through), others like Voltron Legendary Defender and Game of Thrones have become notorious for shitting the bed in their latter halves, and other shows like Steven Universe have had more mixed receptions. So how would She-Ra turn out? Would it end up flopping at the end, or would it stick the landing and enter the pantheon of shows that actually completed their entire story arcs and are fondly remembered?

Yes. Yes, it did. 

The final season was spectacular. It started off all right, but from the third episode on immediately turned into pure brilliance, one that seemed to constantly top itself with wonderful character development, emotional payoffs, scenes of gripping tension, ballsy writing, and fantastic action. And any finale that makes me cry gets a thumb’s up from me.

Now, obviously I have a lot of gushing to do, but before it do, I should point out that I don’t think the finale is 100% perfect. There are things that kind of bugged me, and a few others that I felt really could have done better. Of course none of them were deal breakers, only little flaws that I feel could have stood to either have had more focus or different execution. And I might as well get the negative things out of the way.

And for me, the biggest problem is Shadow Weaver’s exit. 

And to be clear, I don’t have a problem whatsoever with Shadow Weaver dying. I wanted her to die. I’m glad she died. Nor do I have a problem for her dying to save the two girls she’s spent two decades abusing. And nor do I have a problem with them mourning her death, given that they never actually forgave her, and it only made sense that they would have complicated feelings toward her. All of those are fine!

What I have a problem with is how that moment was framed and directed. It was framed like a heroic sacrifice, from the dramatic final stand moment to Shadow Weaver being suddenly acting selfless to her telling Catra how proud she was of her and finally showing her face. 

Everything about that moment was exceptionally well done, yes, but the problem I have is that it doesn’t feel earned. That’s the sort of end you give a morally complex character that has been struggling with their negative qualities throughout a long character arc. And I’m sorry, but while Shadow Weaver is a pretty great and complicated character in her own right, she as never even tried to redeem herself until that moment. With Catra, we still saw how much her actions haunted and tormented her, even when she was at her worst. We saw her wrestling with her ingrained toxic behaviors and her conscience, so that when she finally makes the decision to do something right and, as far as she knew, sacrificed her life to rescue Glimmer and save Adora, it felt all kinds of earned!

But even after defecting to the Princess Rebellion, Shadow Weaver showed no signs of wanting to change. She showed no signs of regretting her mistreatment of Adora and Catra, and still continued to demean, undercut, and gaslight them whenever she was with them, and whenever she was called out on it, she would just brush it off and/or roll her eyes. Even when she was “helping” and “praising” her golden child Adora, she still continued to try to twist her head and mold her into what she wanted Adora would be. And her treatment of Catra didn’t change at all.

So I’m sorry, but that moment just didn’t work for me. Yes, I know Noelle has said that her sacrifice was still selfishly motivated, and I believe it, but it still felt off, especially with her finally telling Catra that she was proud of her, when she was AGAIN demeaning her earlier in that same episode! It carries the unintentional implication that Catra needed Shadow Weaver’s validation in order to move on. I honestly would have preferred that she never got it but realized that she didn’t need it to begin with. And that “You’re welcome,” which is incredibly condescending, was framed as a badass final line. There’s a disconnect between her character arc and its payoff that feels off. I wish something had been handled differently. 

The second issue I had was just how rushed a lot of the character payoffs felt at the end. Yes, I know Noelle said that she doesn’t want to do an epilogue and would like us to decide for ourselves how things turned out, and that’s fine. But one day later wouldn’t hurt. Wrong Hordak was shown a couple times cowering next to Swift Wind in group shots and then straight up disappeared. And given their complicated history together, Scorpia and Catra deserved so much more than just a hi and a hug. Chipped Micah was given more time to harm and demean Glimmer than real Micah was given to love her. The Entrapdak thing got more focus and despite what I said about Hordak needing to either die or lose his memories, I’m not too upset that he didn’t do either, but instead simply broke free and got a happy ending, and Mermista’s line of, “So, are we like okay with this?” was great, but it feels like there should have been more. And I know they never had their own character arc and did all they needed to do last season, but if you’re going to bring Double Trouble back, then give us more than just one episode and a two-second cameo at the end. 

Like, just give us some kind of montage of the rebuilding stage. Show us Wrong Hordak leading his scared and confused brothers in becoming individuals. Have him meet the real Hordak and show us how they would respond to one another! Give us a proper Catra/Scorpia reconciliation! Do more with Double Trouble or don’t bring them back at all. Hell, pair them up with Wrong Hordak partway through the season so they could bounce off each other, because that would be comedy GOLD! And while I’m glad that we at least got to see Lonnie, Kyle, and Rogelio (and they adopted Imp!), it sucks that that was their only scene this season, and it didn’t even have any lines. I’m not so upset about Huntara, because I know her voice actress is hard to get ahold of, so I’m okay with her just getting a wordless scene, but the others kind of bug.

I understand that time was a factor, but surely something could have been done.

All right, now I got all those out my system, let the gushing BEGIN!

Catra and Adora. Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man oh man. Now, I know I said that Catra needs to leave in order for her redemption to work, but even though she didn’t and got pretty much forgiven and accepted by everyone she hurt, I’m still very happy with how her redemption arc went down. Because she made the switch early in the season, showed genuine regret for what she did, made real attempts to apologize to those she hurt without expecting forgiveness, was shown wrestling with her bad traits, sometimes falling back into them, sometimes almost succumbing to bad habits, but was also shown finally making the right decisions and rising above them. She was the best-written character in the show with the most complex character arc, and they fucking NAILED the landing. 

And that is because of her love of Adora. 

Catra and Adora, two white-hot messes of weirdly compatible issues. Catra is so afraid of abandonment that she instinctively pushes those she loves away or runs away herself rather than let them leave her, and Adora only knows how to place others before herself, to be selfless to a fault, take all the blame for everything, and not let herself be the one who’s loved and protected. The two needed each other in order to overcome their issues, to put aside the damage Shadow Weaver instilled in them.

And they finally did.

Catra came back for Adora. She stayed by her side, refused to leave, and refused to let Adora give up. And Adora rose above her feelings of failure, allowed herself to be loved by another, and became whole. 

And then we got it. We finally got the moment we’ve all been waiting for, all been praying for, all wanted so goddamned desperately. 

We got the Big Goddamn Kiss.

The love each other. They’re lovers. They’re soulmates. After everything, how could they be anything else? It’s pure, 100% romantic love, a full, no ambiguity friends-to-rivals-to-enemies-to-allies-to-lovers storyline. Not subtext, no reading between the lines. It’s real, it’s canon, it’s between the two main leaders, and it happened right on the screen and saved the goddamned world.

Catra finally reached out to someone and showed love, and Adora finally allowed herself to be brought up and loved. And it’s that love that overcame Horde Prime’s virus and destroyed the Heart of Etheria. It’s that love that freed the magic, released She-Ra, and allowed her to vanquish Horde Prime once and for all. 

And hey, two girls kissing, turning into a rainbow, and annihilating the influence of a controlling religious cult and the symbol of exploitative colonizers? Hmmm, subtle!

I love it. 

Look, after everyone talking about how much the finale made them cry, and after already sobbing my eyes out when Angella sacrificed herself in season 3, I was worried that I wouldn’t feel the same, that everything had already been spoiled for me so it wouldn’t have the same emotional impact. Hell, the kiss itself had been spoiled for me! So if I knew it was coming, how could it affect me like it did others.

I was wrong. I was so wrong. When Catra screamed at Adora that she loved her and always had, the tears came gushing out. And when they finally did kiss, it made me happier than I had been for a long time. It was such a beautiful moment, and it was so wonderful to see all the magic unleashed, turning Etheria back into the paradise it was meant to be, and the Spire into a giant floating sprig of broccoli!

The Horde was finally defeat, and Horde Prime ripped out of his Wi-Fi network and destroyed once and for all. He will not rise again. His corrupted vision of purity is finally eradicated once and for all, and the galaxy is free again.

It was wonderful.

Other moments I want to highlight! Beginning with Bow! 

Oh Bow. I haven’t talked as much about you as I did at the start of the show, but you really are wonderful. After similar unpowered male goofball sidekicks like Xander and Sokka being big balls of toxic masculinity and ingrained misogyny caused by insecurities that they had to overcome, we get an unpowered male goofball sidekick who is a shining example of positive masculinity, someone who knows who he is and is comfortable with it, someone who more than holds his own in battle, constantly makes himself useful, and stands proud with his superpowered friends. And even then, he still feels like real person, one that gets frustrated, feels down, and gets angry at both himself and his friends, but still continues on, because he’s a soldier and that’s what he does. 

So it was wonderful that he got the Rise Up and Fight speech, because he deserved it, and oh it felt so good, seeing all those instances of people throwing off Horde Prime’s control while his words were playing. Bow really is wonderful.

And Hordak! Look, I know what I said about wanting more from his ending, but my God, that moment when he threw off Horde Prime’s control and shot Horde Prime in the back to save Entrapta and reclaim his identity was so! Fucking! Cool! I was cheering in my car when that happened! So good! 

And hey, give it up for Glimmer for not listening to Chipped Micah and refusing to back down. She overcame a brilliant sorcerer wielding dark magic through the power of sheer stubbornness! Chef kiss, beautiful!

Though I really do think she got most of her stubbornness from her mom. Miss yah, Angie. 

And Scorpia and Perfuma? Why, I think I like that quite a lot! Why yes, give Perfuma a big, strong girlfriend with a huge heart! Give Scorpia tiny, cute hippie girlfriend who will take no shit from anyone. Yes, I like this very much.

So...yeah. This really was wonderful. The world is saved, the Best Friend Squad is about to go on a space romp, and it feels good. And from there? Well, Noelle told us to come with that ourselves, so yeah, I’m sure Etheria was able to fully rebuild following the Horde’s destruction. I’m sure that Wrong Hordak became some kind of benevolent leader to his lost brothers and helped them come to grips with their individuality. I’m sure that Scorpia rebuilt the Scorpion Kingdom from the Fright Zone’s ruins and made it a haven to the lost Horde soldiers. I’m sure that Sea Hawk and Mermista burned down a boat together. I’m sure that Glimmer and Bow were married and became king and queen of Brightmoon and had a long and loving reign with lots of babies. I’m sure that Entrapta was given all the discarded Horde and First Ones tech to crack and find good uses for and remained as happy as a clam, especially considering the Hordak harem she’s built. I’m sure that Adora and Catra continued to build each other up, helped and supported one another to keep themselves from falling into bad habits, and Melog was always there as a faithful therapy magi-cat. I’m sure that Perfuma helped Catra along with meditative exercises and Catra never had the heart to tell her that she was just napping. I’m sure that Frosta grew up to be a strong and powerful queen who also founded her own iceball league. I’m sure that everyone started going to Netossa and Spinnerella’s game nights and just decided to put up with Netossa when she got like...that, because at that point she deserved to. I’m sure that Swift Wind finally did emancipate the horses and taught them to form their own weird society, but still made time to visit Madam Razz. I’m sure that Kyle and Rogelio became proud adopted fathers of little Imp, and one day while chilling at the local pub, Lonnie caught the eye of a big, strong purple woman. 

I’m sure they were all very happy from there on.

I am going to miss this show. It was a wonderful experience, one that’s given me so much. It made me laugh,it made me cry, it made me cheer, it made me shiver, it made me bite my nails, but most of all, it made me happy. 

So thank you Noelle and Molly. Thank you Chuck and Mary Elizabeth. Thank you Sunna and Aaliyah. Thank you Aimee, AJ, Karen, Marcus, Keston, Reshma, Lorraine, Christine, Adam, Genesis, Vella, Merit, Gina, and Jordan. Thank you to all the writers, animators, and directors. Thank you to everyone who worked on this show. Thank you all.

And a very special thank you to @smxmuffinpeddling​ for filling my dash with She-Ra content, which convinced me to check this show out in the first place!

[asgardianthot]

Flesh And Bones - Part 5

Soulmate AU

Series Masterlist

A/N: This one’s a long one to make up for how awfully long it took me to post it :D I’m so sorry I literally suck I don’t deserve your interest BUT it’s also a good one so hopefully you’ll forgive me :D and hopefully I’ll post a LOT more regularly. Enjoy!!

TW: one short mention of suicide

Words: 3557

"Bucky, stop!" Wanda shouted.

She did her best to ignore the flying items of clothing that were being thrown with no specific aiming, and instead was directing her stern look towards Barnes. The soldier’s room was a current mess, with its inhabitant grabbing everything from inside his closet and throwing it out in the most dramatic manner possible, to the floor, to his bed, it didn’t really matter as long as his message was clear: he was packing up. There was an open travel bag over at the corner, waiting to be filled so that the man could flee.

Wanda seemed more concerned than shocked at the news. Sure, finding out those two were soulmates wasn’t anything she had expected to happen anytime soon, but there would be time to digest that later. Right now, Bucky was either making a scene or going mental, or probably both, so she focused on getting him to stop.

"This is insane.” She scolded him, disappointment clear on her tone, “Nat, tell him."

When the Maximoff girl turned to ask for backup from Natasha, the latter showed no real aid whatsoever: she was holding back laughter, still at awe from the reason behind the disturbs, which was Barnes and Wilson were soulmates, and it for some reason was the most ironic, hilarious and tragicomic thing she had ever heard of.

"It-" the redhead tried to support Wanda, but failed as her contained chuckle escaped her lips, and she had to cover her smile with her hand; she quickly nodded, attempting to get rid of the smug look on her face, "It is, it's crazy."

Maximoff looked at her like she was the biggest disappointment in the room at the time. If there was something she didn’t need right now was unhelpfulness.

She turned to the man in question, "What are you trying to accomplish?"

"I'll just move out!” he yelled back, sounding like not even he trusted his own plan, “It'll go away!"

"No it won't, and you know it!" the witch pleaded, growing more and more exasperated.

"No, I don't.” Bucky stopped his actions to shrug dramatically, “You don't know it, nobody really knows how this thing works."

Eventually, Romanoff swallowed her giggles and decided to step in in more seriousness.

"Wanda's right.” She tilted her head, sympathetic, “You're just gonna have to face it."

Barnes didn’t care to dignify the intervention with an answer. He easily shook his head and grabbed the travel bag from the corner. A loud sigh was heard coming from Wanda, who stood there rather defeated and crossing her arms. Looking around, she frowned at the amount of clothes and garbage that lied all over the floor and didn’t seem to bother Bucky in the slightest.

"Have you always been this messy?” she judged him, taking her anger out on that unimportant detail, “You were a fugitive."

Barnes faced her and replied in ridiculous anger, "I got messier, it's one of the perks of not being on the run!"

Wanda went along with their deaf debate and proceeded to scold him about it, so that he would at least stop moving for a few seconds.

"You're running away as we speak!" Maximoff threw her hand in the air.

-

"Don't."

Steve hadn’t produced a single word since Barnes had abandoned the common room, followed by Natasha. The zone had remained static, only disrupted by Sam’s slow walk to the couch, where he slouched with lost eyes. Steve stood in the same spot he had been standing for the last ten minutes, both in absolute silence until Sam phrased the negation.

Rogers raised an eyebrow, "I didn't-"

"You're thinking it." Sam cut him off in annoyance.

The blonde was left to open his mouth only to shut it closed again. Both resumed their processing. Steve, even if not one of the actors of the situation, was finding himself at a mental bifurcation. Both of his best friends, the ones he had attempted to turn best friends to each other and failed multiple times, were bound. And none of them seemed too happy about it.

After minutes of more silence, it appeared as if something clicked inside of Sam’s brain.

“Fuck.” He let out, then stared at the ceiling with a sarcastic smile that was anything but happy.

He shook his head and stood up, headed to his room, and rarely to be seen again.

In fact, he began avoiding the rest of the team quite successfully. He picked up every small, individual mission or debriefing, and made sure to spend as much time away from the kitchen as possible. Tony asked him what was going on at the tower that had everybody so tense, when Sam met him at Stark Industries.

Back at SHIELD headquarters, an unexpected visit surprised him on labor hours. He was dropping some paperwork at an empty office where Maria Hill was supposed to be, and as he turned to the open door, his eyes clashed against a figure standing in his way.

“Look who’s still alive.” Natasha smiled, leaning against the doorframe and crossing her arms.

Sam was left to do less than nod. He merely acknowledged her presence and didn’t deny his disappearance for the last days.

“Just taking some time.” He let out with detachment, “I think I earned it.”

He was referring to the injury he had suffered on the job. Samuel Wilson was never one to cut schedules or skip work; as a matter of fact, he was the first one to openly judge and poke fun at whoever showed themselves lazy when it came to avenging. That whoever being, very often, Bucky. Usually, and he hadn’t failed to prove it, not even getting his ass kicked would be enough for Sam to take any sort of injury leave. However, this time, even with his ribs and shoulder healed, he decided to pretend like he hadn’t been working as much. Of course, he simply had managed to get work done without alerting the nosy –and preoccupied- team members nor Barnes of his whereabouts.

“As long as you need.” Romanoff did her best to support him and let him know he wasn’t being judged nor reprimanded for shutting out. “We just miss you ‘s all.”

A small, appreciative smile popped up on Wilson’s face, which was enough for Natasha. All she wanted was to make sure Sam was alive and well, after all. And to report to Steve that Sam was alive and well. Seconds of awkward silence passed until Natasha uncrossed her arms and took one step forward, in order to attain some sort of intimacy.

“You okay?” she asked endearingly.

“Yep.” Sam popped his lips, failing to sound very convincing.

Another wave of quiet hit the office. Now that Natasha had reached out, perhaps he could get some information from the other side. Asking the former double-agent seemed fitting.

“Is-?” he tried to formulate the question, yet fell short of words.

Noticing his struggling, Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“You’re asking me if James is alright?” she managed to assume, which earned her a hesitant head tilt from her coworker; the redhead couldn’t conceal an amused grin, “I wouldn’t know. You’re so good at avoiding each other, we don’t see any of you anymore.”

However, Wilson didn’t appear as amused. Instead, the spy’s response only made him remember how deeply bad he felt about this whole thing. He wanted to talk to Bucky. He wanted to clear things out, even if Sam himself didn’t know what clear was at that point, but he figured they could decipher it together. For some unknown reason, Sam felt drawn to being in Bucky’s presence. He would often find himself pursuing said presence, without even realizing how willingly. And especially now, he felt the need to confront the man. Maybe he was used to his company, or maybe it was something else. Maybe it had to do with the bond.

“Something on your mind?” Natasha drew him away from his thoughts, yet quickly realized how both oblivious and redundant that sounded, “Besides the obvious.” She tilted her head to the side with sympathy.

Sam thought hard about that one. Yes, there were a million things on his mind at that very second, but he lacked the energy and courage to build an entire therapy session right there and then. The amount of things he could get off his chest would take him hours to go through, probably. Still, there was one specific detail that he considered to be a good start in his process; hopefully, communicating it to someone –with that someone being interested enough to ask– would help.

So he leaned on the desk and sighed, preparing to tell the story as he stared down to his dressing shoes.

"Remember when we were taking down SHIELD... back in the warehouse where they kept Fury." Once he pushed through the opening sentence, he stared up to check on Natasha’s attention.

She nodded, a frown planted on her face, and went back to crossing her arms over her chest. Sam knew she didn’t mean to look unapproachable but was simply attempting to understand him fully. Therefore, he took another breath and continued.

"We had just fought... him."

Sam meant the Winter Soldier. Natasha knew that Sam meant the Winter Soldier. Everyone knew that Sam never referred to the man under brainwash as Bucky, because he knew that that wasn’t Bucky. Bucky was innocent and protective and grumpy and good and Bucky would regret joining the army if it wasn’t for Steve and Bucky had nightmares about everything he did during the war and while under Hydra. The man that all three heroes had fought back in 2014 wasn’t Bucky.

"Yeah." Natasha nodded, allowing him to keep talking.

"Hydra got him at that point, right? And I can't imagine what they did to him, but... back in that warehouse, I started feeling this horrible pain.” He described the scene squinting his eyes, “Like my brain was set on fire."

"You didn't say anything." Romanoff recalled with curiosity.

He shrugged, "You had a gun wound, a headache wasn't exactly a priority to anyone at the moment." He received an understanding look from Natasha, thus agreeing with his better judgement, "Besides, it wasn't the first time."

Another concerning look plastered itself on the woman’s features.

“What do you mean?”

Suddenly, Wilson began regretting opening up in the first place.

“Nothing.” He shook his head, but quickly regained the strength to at least finish the story, “Just… that soulmate bond? I felt it way back. Before Barnes and I met.”

-

Nobody had knocked on Sam’s door all afternoon, and still, there was a piece of paper that had been clearly slid under it. Whoever had dropped it off didn’t want to face him, which gave him an idea of who that was. He sighed, already emotionally drained from his talk with Natasha, one that had become much longer than anticipated, and bent his back to pick it up from the floor.

Once in his hands, he noticed it was a note. And in it, although there was no signature nor name, an apology he easily trailed back to Bucky.

"I'm sorry for coming at you like that.

I don't think you're obsessed with soulmates.

And you're definitely not crazy.

That would be me, actually."

-

The former assassin continued to try and find a way out of the situation, and exclusively, a way out that wouldn’t hurt Sam. That was all he cared about, really: not dragging a good and kind man into his mess.

He often locked himself with distracting activities, but lately, he had become much more proactive in not avoiding reality. First, he had slid an apology note under Sam’s door. Now, he needed to come up with a solution.

Googling about soulmate research and crazy theories, he stumbled upon a website, a help group for people who felt their soulmate's bond when it was too late: people who felt the injury that killed their unknown significant-other-to-be. The first testimony was already dark and unnecessarily informative: a woman narrated the sensation of sliced wrists on her untouched skin.

Bucky felt the mix of sadness and frustration revolting his guts, and he shut the laptop closed with a groan. Not only did the thought of people suffering such unjust fates regarding their love-lives disgust him, but it also killed his hope of an escape. If the whole thing could be so cruel to simple human beings, then maybe his bond to Sam was a sick joke.

He decided to walk up to Wilson’s room complex, and this time, he did knock on the door.

The man’s voice was heard from inside, "Come in."

For some reason, the sound of his voice hit Bucky in the stomach. He hadn’t heard him in a while, which wasn’t usual for them, but still, this wasn’t like the other times they had spent time apart. This time, they knew about this weird, unknown and unspoken bond. It could mean that the other had feelings for them, or it could mean they themselves felt things and didn’t even know it.

It was confusing as it was, and now hearing Sam’s voice made it all much more dizzying.

Nevertheless, Bucky gathered up some strength and opened the door. Sam was sitting on his desk, working on a laptop. It looked like he had been taking a little break, by the look of his relaxed body leaned on the chair and the mug of coffee on his hands.

As soon as Sam recognized the person walking into his room, he stood up and abandoned the mug on top of his desk.

"Did you read my note?" Barnes broke the ice.

Sam nodded, suddenly forgetting what to do with one’s hands.

"Yeah."

Bucky replied with a similar nod. The quiet tension surrounding them was too much to ignore, so Bucky simply slid his hands inside the back pocket of his jeans and shut his eyes, preparing for the conversation they were about to have.

"I don't-“ he sighed, still not opening his eyes, and went straight to the point, “I can't be your soulmate."

Sam raised his eyebrows and pretended the sentence didn’t hurt.

"Gee, thanks." He mocked.

"You know we can't." Bucky reiterated in all seriousness when he met Sam’s gaze.

Unfortunately, both men meant completely different things. On his part, Wilson had processed the bond as something tricky, because they hadn’t been best friends in the past. For some time they even believed to dislike each other.

"Yeah, took me by surprise as well. But I doubt there's much we can do about it." The veteran shrugged, doing his best to conceal how unwanted the chat was making him feel.

Bucky scratched his forehead with nervousness.

"If I just... go away." He began, and before Sam could interrupt the presentation of his dumb idea, he raised his palm in somewhat desperation, "Just, hear me out.” He pleaded, “I leave. For good. And eventually you can find someone else."

"That's not-"

"Not how it works, I've heard that.” Bucky spat with frustration, “But what about people who skip the rules? The ones who never have a soulmate. Or the ones who swear they've had two in a lifetime, that's...” the soldier had to stop and breathe after such a declaration, “…we can skip the rules."

After making sure that Barnes was done explaining his brilliant plan, Sam stepped in.

"Sounds awfully romantic for a plan to avoid romance." He said sarcastically.

Bucky knew that behind the jokes, Sam had actually listened and therefore was considering the offer. He let the thought sit in for a few more minutes, but as Sam failed to say anything, which consequentially meant he wasn’t agreeing, the brunette continued to try and convince him.

"I just... it ain't me.” He shook his head, “That's not fair."

Eventually, Wilson started to follow Bucky’s trail of thought. It suddenly didn’t sound like the problem were Bucky’s feelings for him, but Bucky’s feelings about himself.

He frowned, “What, for me?"

Barnes stared at him like he had expected him to understand that ages ago.

"Yeah, you know...” He said now with less confidence, “I'm Barnes. I'm pretty sure this is the universe punishing you for something."

The former assassin had a rapid intrusive thought about how he didn’t use to believe in bigger purposes, and now that he was part of one, any divine reason behind a soulmate bond could potentially make sense to him.

"Unless you got a dark past we haven't heard about, you don't deserve this." He finally added, making sure they were on the same page.

The total picture finally kicked into Sam’s brain.

"Is that why you think I don't like this situation? Your baggage?"

On his part, Bucky kept thinking that he was in the right, so he figured Sam wouldn’t have the nicest opinion on the matter.

"Just forget it, okay? I'm telling you I can be out here by tomorrow.” He insisted, avoiding the subject of his baggage, “Just don't tell Steve or he'll try to convince-"

"Do you think-“ Sam cut him off, raising his voice, “Do you think I don't want you as my soulmate because you used to be the Winter Soldier?"

By then, it was Bucky who felt a little in the dark.

"I mean..."

"No! It's because you're annoying as hell!” Sam snapped, his disbelief becoming plain anger, “And this is the perfect example. You didn't even let me face you, you jumped- no, sprinted to conclusions, and can't even hold a proper conversation without trash talking over me."

The fact that Sam actually wanted to give the bond a try got through Bucky’s thick skull after weeks of denying the possibility of it. And it should have made him joyful, to know that Sam didn’t view him like some sad obligation or cruel punishment. He wanted to be happy about it, but receiving a scolding from Wilson never failed to offend him. It was sort of their dynamic.

Bucky’s shocked expression turned into a tantrum-like one, "Oh, like you're so amazing yourself!"

"Trust me, I am amazing.” Sam flaunted himself with a big accusatory hint in his tone, “I'm over here trying to discuss things, despite you being emotionally unavailable.”

Barnes wanted to comeback, to interrupt Sam with a winning argument, but there was none. He hadn’t given any situation a try; not talking to Sam when he found out in the first place, not communicating their mindsets, not listening. He found himself at a loss of words, his mouth gaping and closing again. Sam continued to get hyped up in the worse way possible.

“You keep saying how you'll leave the tower forever, meanwhile I'm-"

Bucky’s loss of words turned into a raging wave of bravery. The knot in his stomach made him feel impulsive, and the sensation that just trying would solve everything pushed him to do the unthinkable.

He interrupted not with an insult, but with a kiss. He took two large leaps in order to close the gap between them, grabbed Sam’s face by each side and collided their lips roughly. The messy mouth crashing against his took Sam by surprise, but he easily gave in, which not only allowed Bucky to continue, but also to tidy the contact. They became gentle, their lips mending with each other like fitting puzzle pieces, and instantly moving in synchrony.

The hands that were holding Sam’s face lowered to the back of his neck, which Bucky held sweetly with his flesh thumb running up and down his nape. It only took Sam half a second to react and hold Bucky’s waist, dragging him close until their chests were impossibly together. They could both feel the other’s heartbeats thumping and decreasing their rapid rate as they reacted to each other’s caresses.

Nothing could have prepared them for how right it felt to have their heads spinning, stomach churning, warmth setting a home inside their ribcages.

As soon as one of them ended the contact and their wet lips were feeling cold without the other, both pairs of wide eyes met in shock.

"Oh." Sam let out.

The onomatopoeia not only let Bucky know that Sam wasn’t expecting the chemistry either, but also that the chemistry had been just as explosive for Sam as well. The brunette stepped back, losing his grip on Sam’s shoulders and losing Sam’s grip on his own waist.

"Yeah." He let out with a breath, agreeing.

Sam copied Barnes and stepped back as well, allowing some distance between them while they let what they had just felt sink in.

A frown took over Sam’s eyebrows.

"I still kinda hate you, though."

Bucky let a small chuckle escape, "God, this is so stupid." He said before engaging in a penetrant stareoff, which he lost; he glanced at the door and ran one hand down his face, "I'm gonna go. Not walking away from a discussion, just... leaving it at that." He defended himself although he wasn’t being accused of anything.

Still, the second that he stepped out the door and into the hallway, Sam spoke in hopes of being heard by the long gone figure.

"That's the definition of walking out."

[little-red-beret]

I really enjoyed your BSD sickfics!!!! You're such a great writer and pls continue writing!!! btw can I request a sickfic of atsushi and akutagawa if it's OK? Take your time and thanks for writing all these awesome fics!

A/N: This probably isn’t what you meant, but I was a bit confused by the wording of the request. I couldn’t tell whether you wanted Akutagawa or Atsushi to be sick so I decided ‘why not both’. This is like an alternate ending to the cannibalism arc. Basically I fucked around with the plot and this entire thing is a big crackfic. Warning: Kunikida does a swear. Enjoy.

After Fyodor Dostoevsky’s arrest, Dazai noticed Atsushi had stopped communicating with him. He tried the earpiece they had been communicating through, then mobile, but Atsushi never picked up. He even tried reaching out to Akutagawa, who was also unresponsive. Understandably, this made Dazai a little apprehensive. Clearly, something had happened that he hadn’t anticipated. It was probably only something minor, but just in case, Dazai returned to the drop off site of the mission to look for his subordinate. What he found was shocking.

Akutagawa and Atsushi were sitting back to back not far from the exit of the mines, heads resting on each others’ shoulders. Their cheeks were flushed and their faces shone with sweat.

“What happened to you two?” Dazai asked, crouching beside them. Akutagawa slowly opened his eyes, his glassy gaze drifting towards Dazai.

“Dazai-san....” he moaned. “I’m sorry.... I failed....”

“What are you talking about?” Dazai asked calmly. “It was a success.” He placed a hand on Akutagawa’s forehead and frowned at the alarmingly high temperature. Atsushi’s forehead was not any cooler, his silver hair slicked to his face with sweat.

“No, I think I failed....” Akutagawa whimpered, a sob escaping his throat.

Dazai patted Atsushi’s cheek gently. “Atsushi-kun, can you hear me?”

Atsushi produced a barely audible moan as his only sign of life.

“Wow, both of you with a fever at the same time, huh? I guess I should take you two home and treat you!” Dazai grabbed one subordinate under each arm and began the slow process of dragging them to the car.

Before long, Dazai had cleared aside the mess of bandages, books and empty sake bottles in his apartment to make room for two futons, and his two little subordinates were sleeping fitfully side by side. Dazai smiled down at them in adoration. “How pitiful,” he mused. “Atsushi-kun, Akutagawa, are you two hungry?” They both replied with incoherent murmuring.

Dazai prepared three bowls of ice cream, something cool and easy to swallow. “I hope this isn’t too rich for you, Atsushi-kun! Open wide!”

Atsushi did not open his mouth. He was completely disoriented and only half conscious. Dazai tapped the cold teaspoon against Atsushi’s lips, which prompted Atsushi to lick the spoon, desperately craving anything that would cool him down. The process was similar for Akutagawa. Dazai established a great system, one spoon of ice cream to Atsushi, one to Akutagawa, one to himself. It was the most peaceful he had ever seen the two, sluggishly licking ice cream side by side. When they had all finished their ice cream, Dazai stacked the dishes in the sink with the rest of them and brought his ill subordinates some glasses of cold water.

Atsushi and Akutagawa seemed to appreciate the water as much as they were capable of appreciating it. The poor things were so hot to the touch, it must have been such a relief. Nursing Atsushi in his lap to feed him the water, Dazai could feel his shirt was damp with sweat. Clearly it would take more than just cold food to lower their temperatures.

After feeding Akutagawa his glass of water, Dazai set about making them comfortable so they could sleep off their temperatures. He loosened Atsushi’s tie and unbuttoned his collar. He peeled back Akutagawa’s blanket and began removing his coat, but this resulted in panicked stirring.

“Relax, Akutagawa, I’m just helping you cool down. I’ll only take off your coat.” He spoke gently. Akutagawa whimpered and squirmed, but in the end he was too weak to truly be a nuisance. Dazai set Akutagawa’s coat aside and laid him back down. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it? Don’t you feel much better?” Dazai gave Akutagawa a pat on the head and left to fetch some ice packs.

When he returned he was surprised to find his subordinates mumbling at each other.

“You’re the tiger....” Akutagawa murmured.

“You’re just an annoying clump of blackness....” Atsushi mumbled. “Where are we....”

“You’re in my apartment, Atsushi-kun.” Dazai informed him with a smile.

“I want to go home....” Atsushi whimpered. “Your apartment is like an oven....”

“It’s okay, Atsushi-kun, I brought you some ice!” Dazai comforted. “Here!” He gently lifted Atsushi’s head and placed an ice pack under his neck. Atsushi seemed to relax a little, but he still looked incredibly uneasy.

“Huh.... we’re in an oven....?” Akutagawa asked shakily. “Will we die in here....? Dazai-san, I’m sorry....”

“It’s alright, Akutagawa. Take this ice pack and rest.” Dazai soothed, sliding the ice pack under Akutagawa’s neck. Akutagawa shuddered at the coldness. “Don’t tell me you’re getting chills now, Akutagawa...”

Atsushi stirred and whimpered. “Dazai-san, every time I close my eyes I just see lots of bubbles.... they won’t go away....”

“Try thinking about kittens instead!” Dazai suggested brightly. He shifted to the top end of their futons and began stroking Atsushi’s hair.

“Now I just see kittens and bubbles....” Atsushi moaned.

“There, there, Atsushi-kun. I’m right here. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep and the bubbles go away.”

Atsushi whined miserably, turning his damp head from side to side. Akutagawa looked a lot more peaceful right now, but knowing him, he would probably jolt awake screaming from a nightmare at a moment’s notice.

“The trees are dancing....” Atsushi mumbled nervously.

“Shhhh, it’s alright. Go to sleep.” Dazai soothed. “You’ll be okay.” Dazai watched his two subordinates as they drifted into restless slumbers. Truly, how adorable they were sleeping like this, all tuckered out from playing together. It was odd that their fevers had coincided with each other, but they had both been through a very stressful mission. This sleep was well deserved, and Dazai was determined to nurse them back to health.

Meanwhile, aboard the cruise, Kunikida called Dazai again and again, to no avail. Atsushi had never arrived at the party, and Dazai seemed to have disappeared with no warning whatsoever. Fukuzawa would kill him for not keeping Dazai in check. Kunikida explored every corner of the deck, even peering across the sea for a tall, dark haired body bobbing in the water. Upon reaching the highest level of the ship, a small, empty deck, Kunikida glared at the setting sun and whispered angrily. “Dazai, where the fuck are you!?”

[magicalgirlsofshoujo]

Hello Everyone

Hello everyone, after a very long time, this is Fuyu again.

To begin with, some apologies. I am sorry for disappearing without any notice. It was especially unfair to the people I was bringing on to help with the blog. I am sorry for thinking no one would really notice and letting my own self doubt and shame take the wheel.

I am also sorry that I somehow simultaneously missed a Cardcaptor Sakura revival and yet no real new magical girls of shoujo wtf.

Back on a serious note, I have some explanations. In my classic, "definitely could have said this in about half the words and with no proofreading whatsoever."

Oh gosh, this really does make me feel nostalgic.

I don't believe people have to share their personal lives if it harms them. So, don't let anything I say guilt you or your specific circumstance. Escapism is a wonderful part about fandom and the internet. Because the world is doodoo and we're all knee deep in it lately.

However, the fact that I had to run away and hide has as much to do with the nature of feel good escapism and fandom as it does with my own personal issues. What does a person do when the things they enjoy no longer make them happy?

For me the answer was to keep trying for a long time, because I felt robbed of what I love. Also, to some extent I felt I was prioritising trying to regain that feeling over confronting what was going on inside me. I did try a little bit to just take a step back. I reached out for more people to help with the blog when I started feeling the weight on me. But then getting helpers on board ended up becoming an effort in itself and my dwindling social energy just went into negative numbers.

That's why I just stood up and walked away. I had altogether too much to deal with in my brain and saying a proper goodbye somehow felt like another monumental effort.

That's also why feel an explanation of what I went through can be beneficial, because that is far from unknown in an anime fandom where otaku culture and its issues of toxicity are well known.

I do like to think I had a more wholesome attitude about it though. Teehee~

And since I was convinced no one would really care (brains are dumb) and was proven wrong upon my return even after all this time, I feel like an explanation for anyone who wanted one was warranted. Even if it's in classic Fuyu word vomit style.

I know I have always felt better when I've read stories similar to my own struggles. The feeling of, "I'm not alone!" is one that can't be underestimated. In addition, even in small areas like my little corner here, I think normalizing mental illness is a worthy cause. Everyone knows someone suffering whether they know it or not and such.

So, the short explanation is it turns out I've been living with undiagnosed ADHD. This was becoming a problem right around the time of my disappearance. For whatever reason the mechanisms I set up to deal with what I thought was laziness (primarily mainlining caffeine and forcing myself into deadlines to motivate myself) no longer worked and I would stare at computer screens where words would once come easily. This was a problem for the area of study that I loved and enjoyed so much. In my case it was also a big problem for the fandom I loved and enjoyed.

My words are all over this blog and I haven't written anything since I left.

Currently I am still exactly one course away from my undergrad degree, same as when this all started. This is at least partially because I was only diagnosed very recently.

Because I couldn't do these things I panicked and then would become extremely depressed. This was the incredibly visible problem and so when I got help I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. All are definitely true, but now we believe we diagnosed the surface symptoms and missed the underlying cause of adhd.

Instead of my anxiety, panic, and depression cycle coming from nowhere it was usually triggered directly by my lack of focus and motivation. So, years of focusing efforts on my, admittedly unbearable, moods ultimately always came up short because as soon as I felt well enough to try again, I would eventually hit the same wall in my brain and panic all over again.

The main reason I wanted to share this story is because of this difficulty in diagnosing. I don't want to get into the politics and economics of healthcare in the US that affected my care (suffice to say there were large gaps in treatment) because there's an element here that's a little more in my wheelhouse: gender.

I think the idea of gender bias in the medical community is fairly well-known, but essentially women's accounts of their symptoms are discounted by their own doctors.

This can be an issue with women and girls who suffer from ADHD because we do not match the visible checklist. Specificallyn regarding the "hyperactivity" part of ADHD. One explanation behind this, once I subscribe to, is that it's because girls are socialized differently and have different expectations.

Once upon a time, I fit the understood criteria. I would fidget all over my desk and talk to all my classmates instead of doing my work. Generally being a minor nuisance. The fidgeting issue was focused on the fact that I liked to wear skirts and that was unladylike. Going back through old report cards sees me labelled "chatty." I eventually learned to be quiet through social shame.

Honestly the gender bias regarding ADHD can be harmful for boys as well. My brother was tested at a similar age because he was disruptive and had a short temper. Nothing. They didn't acknowledge that boys being boys in the classroom might have been bullying.

I think these problems of both over-diagnosing and under-diagnosing have lowered since the nineties, but I know it hasn't gone away. There are many areas where it might have even gotten worse, especially with opioid epidemics making people suspicious of anyone who might use a medication that can be abused.

Naturally it should be said all of this is just my perspective on an ongoing journey, but I feel it's still a little worth putting out there. It's good to share our stories, because I didn't even realize I might have ADHD until someone else's little anecdote that "coffee calms me down because it makes my brain quieter." And there I was being miserable without caffeine because it's bad for anxiety.

They had even taken away my tea! DX

I feel like ADHD and similar stuff is even less uncommon in our circles too. Fandoms welcome those who feel left out by society and it's the perfect fit for those of us with intense devotion.

I'm still working my way through all this. I've been optimistic before and then fallen back into even worse holes than the one I was in when I left. But every climb out is an experience that makes the next one easier. It's an unfair to have to do at all, but it's worth doing rather than doing nothing.

As for what I'm actually going to do as FuyuMaiden and with this blog now, I don't know. This is the most I've written in a very long time and while it wasn't too difficult it was also very introspective. Stuff I have a lot of practice in dealing with my own mental health.

I'm definitely not going to force myself into anything. Especially since I haven't been keeping up with much. Like I look at cast lists for anime and I'm like "I don't recognize any of these seiyuu anymore!!! Am I old!?" Tentatively reblogging should be back up soon? Hopefully?

I think I'm going to make a discord for Magical Girls of Shoujo. Evey social media platform and phenomena is fragile, so it's good for us to have a backup. Plus I have faith in the stalwart eternity of gaming's need to talk shit. Discord will be around a while.

But I've been out of the loop so if there's any new places where fandom roams that I can also expand my ideals of magical cute stuff let me know.

And again, I am sorry for worry I caused. I love all of you and missed you very much.

[filmfanatic82]

AO3 Link (HERE)

Chapter 10: Before the World Fell at our Feet

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

Trini takes a deep, sobering breath and then clicks the heavy metal button on the receiver. It’s ritualistic. A steady and constant rhythm to her actions for the last hour.

“Billy?” Trini’s voice cuts through the silence of the basement, strong but with a lingering quiver to it. She waits for a response.

Nothing.

1…

2…

3…

“Crazy Girl?” Zack calls out from the top of the basement step.

Fuck.

Trini puts the receiver down and runs her hands over her ponytail, letting out a deep, much-needed sigh in the process. “Down here.”

“Any word from Jase or the B-man?” Zack comes into view as he jogs down the steps and pulls up a random chair next to Trini. Although he sports his standard boyish grin, there’s a newfound tiredness hidden within his eyes. A silent but noticeable plea for any sort of respite whatsoever.

“Nope,” Trini replies. “Nothing but static for the last hour.”

A momentary stillness falls between the two of them as Zack nervously fidgets with a stray thread on his makeshift sling. He avoids making eye contact, a telltale sign that Trini knows all too well. There’s something more. Another reason for his sudden presence.

“So…”

“Tommi?” Trini asks cutting Zack off.

“Huh?”

“She sent you, didn’t she?”

“No,” Zack responds a little to fast.

“Riiiight.” Trini stares Zack down with pure and utter skepticism.

“Maybe?”

“Knew it,” Trini replies.

“T—“

“You’re worse than Bapu.”

“Hey!” Zack recoils pretending to be offended. “I’m nowhere that bad.”

Trini doesn’t even humor Zack with a response. Instead, she simply goes to reach for the receiver again but Zack stops her.

“Trini, please…”

“Zack--”

“No,” Zack says with an unusual forcefulness to his voice. “You heard what Wall Dad said. We won't survive this shit unless our Ranger bond is rock solid.”

“It is.”

“I’m not talking about you and me, Crazy Girl.”

Trini feels her teeth slowly sink into her bottom lip as she lets the silence crash back down igniting every inch of her skin with an all encompassing, insatiable itch. She shifts uncomfortably under the ever patient and understanding gaze of her best friend.

No. Scratch that. Her brother.

Then why is this so freakin’ hard?

“I don’t know if I can do this.” The words come of Trini’s mouth before she can fully realize what she’s saying.

“Maybe you can’t,” Zack replies.

Trini’s head whips around at this comment as a wave of shock hits her dead on. “Seriously? That’s your response? What the fuck, man?”  

“Hear me out.” Zack flashes Trini a reassuring smile and scoots his stool closer. “Maybe you’re right. You can’t do it. And that’s okay. We’ll still figure this out. We always do… But--”

“But, what?”

“But maybe you can. Maybe you’ll find the courage to bite the bullet and confront Kim head on. And it’ll probably be painful and awkward and involve a whole lot of whiskey. But just maybe the outcome will blindside you… in a good ‘makeup sex for months’ sorta way.”

Trini can’t help but let a small laugh of slight amusement slip out and shakes her head, “Makeup sex? Dude, she’s got a fiance.”

“Have you spent time with that guy? He’s one douchey comment away from being Ty Fleming’ed.” Zack playfully leans over and gives Trini a nudge with his shoulder. “And we all know Kimmie’s got one hell of a right hook.”

Trini sighs and leans her head down against Zack’s shoulder, letting the silence in for a third time, but unlike before, it’s slightly less suffocating. Almost tolerable. As if it’s just another randomly honest moment between the two of them.

“Hello?... Is anyone there?” Billy’s voice suddenly crackles through the speaker of the communicator, instantly grabbing the attention of both Trini and Zack.

Trini snatches up the receiver. “Billy?”

“Trini?”

“Yeah. It’s me. And Zack. We’re here. And safe… As safe as we can be. You guys okay?”

“Yes, we’re okay. Still no luck with the teleporters, but at least I’ve figured out what was jamming our comms… Or at least I think I did. Can’t be 100% sure. Think it might be this underlying electrical charge that residing within--”

“Billy.” Trini says cutting Billy off. “That’s great and all. But is there any update on what’s causing the storm? Or why everyone up and vanished?”

“Right. Sorry. That’s why I’m contacting you. Jase and Alpha 5 have been running through the archives and came across something that might be relevant. There’s a vague reference to an ancient artifact called the Epithymía stone, which when activated, seems to be able to trigger similar type anomalies such as severe weather and temporary displacement.”

“Okay,” Trini replies, brows knitting up with a mixture of anxiety and confusion. “So, do we have any ideas on who might’ve activated it? Or where it even is?”

“No… But we’re working on it. There are still two more volumes of the Ranger Chronicles that Jase needs to…,” Billy trails off into silence for a second, leaving both Trini and Zack with nothing but bated breath. Then--

“Trini? You still there?”

“Yes, of course. What’s going--”

“There’s an unusual charge of energy that just appeared on the heatmap. It’s two blocks or so away from the Krispy Kreme and looks to be doubling in size by the minute.”

“Shit,” Zack swears under his breath.

“We’re on it,” Trini responds without a second thought. “Keep working on getting the teleporter back online and we’ll go check out the Krispy Kreme, okay?”

“Right… Okay. Sounds good. But please, be safe. We don’t know what we’re dealing with yet.”

“We will. Promise,” Trini says with an eerily calmness to her voice. She places the receiver back down and lets out a heavy sigh. “Looks like it’s time for me to bite that bullet.”

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“No fuckin’ way,” Tommi exclaims with an extra level of annoyance to her voice. She plops herself down on the sofa in the living room, firmly crossing her arms as she does. It’s a clear cut sign that Tommi is anything but amused.

“Tommi…” Trini responds. She runs her hands over her ponytail, attempting to dissipate her ever growing frustration.

“Don’t ‘Tommi’ me, Small Fry. You’re not going. Not by yourself.”

“Told ya she wouldn’t go for it,” Zack chimes in from the other side of the living room, making sure to stay far out of the physical striking distance of Tommi. He knows better.

“Then what’s your plan? Huh? We just sit here on our asses and do nothing?” Trini fires back.

“I’ll go.”

“And what happens when the communicator goes down again? Who’s gonna fix it?”

“Zack can handle it.”

“Zack?” Trini openly scoffs only adding to Tommi’s aggravation. “Two words. Alpha 5.”

“Hey! That was so not my fault. I had no clue Alpha was behind the control panel when I connected those wires,” Zack pipes up.

“It took Billy over a month to reattach his head.”

“Fine. You’ll fix it. Or hell… Let the rugrat take a crack at it. I don’t care. But your ass is staying put. End of story,” Tommi replies raising the volume of her voice with each and every word. She locks eyes with Trini and suddenly--

Trini sees it.

Fuck.

That look.

Trini’s only seen that look on Tommi’s face a handful of times in the course of their friendship. A subtle look that somehow manages to speak volumes.

It’s the same look that Tommi had upon her face when she showed up at Trini’s apartment the morning after Kimberly first up and disappeared.

Trini makes her way across the living room and sits down next to Tommi on the couch. “I’ll be okay.”

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“Neither can you,” Trini responds with a hint of a smile. “But that’s just part of the job, right?”

Tommi’s hard fast scowl slowly transforms into a matching smile and gives a small but comforting shake of her head, sending her wild mane of sun-kissed curls bouncing in every direction. “You kill me, Small Fry.”

“What were you guys arguing about?” Kim asks as she makes her way down the stairs. Trini’s eyes instantly gravitate towards the raven-haired woman and hone in one simple but jarring detail.

Yellow flannel.

Kimberly’s wearing Trini’s yellow flannel shirt. The one she’s had since she was 15 years old and mysteriously used to find its way into Kimberly’s dresser drawers every few months or so.  

It’s the shirt Trini wore for almost two months straight after Kimberly left because it still smelled like…

Stop it, Gomez.

“Trini’s trying to convince Tommi that it’s a good idea for her to go by herself to the Krispy Kreme to check out some strange ass energy that Billy picked up on. And Tommi’s ready to go all Annie Wilkes on her to prevent her from leaving,” Zack answers instantly drawing death-like stares from both Tommi and Trini.

“Wait. You heard from Billy?” Kim slides herself down in an open armchair and tugging the edges of the worn yellow flannel around her body as she does. “What did he say?”

“Nothing too much. They think they’ve found a lead… Something called the Epithymía stone… but need to do more research,” Trini replies still unable to pull her eyes off of Kim. “We got cut off by the map lighting up.”

“Just around the Krispy Kreme?”

Trini gives a slight nod in response. “Yeah, and it appears to be growing in size. Or at least that’s what Billy said.”

Kim takes a moment, mulling over the information while her fingers absentmindedly play with the sleeve of the flannel, and then--

“I’ll go with you.”

“What?!” Both Trini and Tommi blurt out in unison.

“Oh this is gonna be good,” Zack snickers under his breath, causing Tommi to chuck a throw pillow straight at his head.

“No,” Trini replies as her body visibly stiffens at the mere thought of the idea settles in.

“Why not?” Kim asks.

Why not?

Why not?

Trini can think of a million and one reasons why not.

Kimberly is the last person on the face of the earth she wants to venture out into the heart of the storm and face unknown danger with.

But…

But, if Trini digs a little deeper, down into her buried well of emotions, she knows that Kimberly is also the only person on the face of the earth she wants by her side… Especially now.

“For starters, how about your rugrat? You’re just gonna up and leave him?” Tommi replies, ripping Trini right out of her train of thought.

“He just passed out upstairs and given how exhausted he is, he probably won’t be up for at least a good three hours or so. More than enough time for Trini and I to get down to Krispy Kreme, check things out, and get back,” Kim says with an underlying finality to her voice that screams there is no room for negotiation. Her mind is already made up.

“And if he wakes up?”

“I’m sure between the two of you, you can keep him alive until we get back... Right?” Kim shoots a look over to Zack, silently signaling for him to weigh in.

“Sure thing. We’ve totally got Mad Max covered,” Zack says.

“Mad Max?” Kim questions.

“Yeah. He needed a nickname, so I gave him one,” Zack responds with a simple shrug.

“Of course you did.” A warm smile slides across Kim’s face for a moment or two before she turns her attention back to Tommi. “So what else?”

“I’ve got nothing,” Tommi says with a sigh of resignation. “Small Fry?”

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

The itch to run, hits Trini like a freight train. It’s intense and unrelenting. Push its way from the depths of her brains down towards her legs, willing them to move.

No. Not again.

The words of Zack start to play, like a soft constant echo within the confine of her head.

‘But maybe you can’

‘But maybe you can’

‘But maybe you…

“Works for me.” Trini quietly replies.

“Good. It’s settled. Trini and I will go check out what’s going on with the Krispy Kreme and you guys will keep monitoring the comms.” Kim pries herself off of the couch and locks eyes with Trini. “Meet down here in five?”

“Yeah. In five.” Trini gives a nod in response, never once taking her eyes off of the woman she once called her home.

Just maybe she can.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Trini’s hands grip the steering wheel of Jason’s pickup truck for dear life, knuckles almost solid white from the sheer pressure. She’s fighting tooth and nail against the invisible but deadly force buried within the gale-like winds and sheets of rain that’s attempting to push the truck right off the side of the road. It’s like nothing Trini has ever experienced before… and that’s saying a lot given the last decade of her life.  

“T?” Kim’s voice cuts through the steady drumbeat of the storm against the cabin of the truck like a lifeline just waiting to be taken.

“What?” Trini responds through gritted teeth, too terrified to budge an inch, let alone take her eyes off of the windshield.

“I can drive, if you want me to.”

“I told you already. I’m good. Just not used to driving a truck. That’s all.”

“All the more reason to pull over and let me drive. F-150s can be insanely temperamental even in the best of weather.”

“How would you know?” Trini questions.

“Cause I drive one,” Kim responds without missing a beat.

“Richard drives a truck?”

“Oh god no. He’d never be caught dead behind the wheel of a truck.” Kim lets a light chuckle slip through as she tucks a loosen strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s mine.”

Kimberly Hart drives a truck?

A pick-up truck?

Never in a million years would Trini ever assume--

“I know. It’s not the most orthodox car choice but it was the the only thing I could afford after I had to get rid of my Harley. Can’t really fit a carseat on a motorcycle,” Kim continues to ramble on as Trini’s grip on the steering wheel naturally relaxes.

A motorcycle?

Kimberly freakin’ Hart on a motorcycle.

God, that’s…

No, stop it, Gomez.

“Yeah. Guess you can’t,” Trini responds, trying desperately to maintain her cool, I-don’t-give-a-fuck drawl.

“Rich wants me to get rid of it. He calls it a death trap. But I just can’t bring myself to. It’s kinda just grown on me, ya know? Like I can’t imagine driving anything else.”

The steady sound of splattering of rain and wind settles back between them as Trini finds her mind speeding down a path that she’s managed to avoid for the longest time.

Why now?

Why is it so easy to fall back into old habits?

Why can’t she find the courage to say what needs to be said?

Why...

“Why are you with him?” The words tumble out of Trini’s mouth crashing their way through the silence of the car like a sudden slap to the face. A instant look of gut-churning shock sweeps across her face as the horrific realization hits that she has just said that last question out loud. “Shit. I didn’t--”

“No, it’s okay. It’s a valid question,” Kim responds.

“I didn’t mean to say it. I just…” Trini trails off. Her mind scrambles, desperate for something -- anything -- to help pry her foot out of her mouth.

“T... Honestly, don’t apologize.” Kim lets out a deep sigh as an underlying hint of sadness appears within her chocolate brown eyes. “There’s a lot we need to talk about… A whole lot. And I know I owe you an explanation.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” Trini says in nothing more than a whisper. She feels every inch of her body shrinking upon itself. Skin crawling with the growing anxiety of what’s about to come.

“No, I do… I really do… It was my plan all along… Before this… Before--”

Trini, though, fails to hear Kim’s last words as suddenly a rouge mailbox smashes through the windshield causing her to lose control of the truck. The last thing she registers before darkness fully takes hold is the familiar sensation of a hand wrapping itself around her own, tightly interlocking their fingers together and giving a reassuring squeeze in the process. It’s a move that Trini has only experienced once before in her life. In Billy’s minivan, on the infamous  night they found their coins. Seconds before the train up and smashed into them. The same exact hand reached out and firmly took hold of hers.

Kimberly Hart’s hand.

[horriblehime]

I recently watched the Mukbang video on AmazingPhil's Channel and dan said sth about not having a personality and this thought was already in my mind for a good few weeks because I was thinking about what if i don't have a real personality but I just pick up behaviours from other people, series, fictional characters etc

and i started noticing that I don't or rarely say idiot anymore, instead I mimick Bobby from supernatural and say idjit

another thing would be (besides the huge amount of different slang (e. g. mate or australian, british, american accents etc) and insults I have learned from books, movies, series, memes) that I appreciate my asian features more since I started liking BTS. when i was in primary school i absolutely hated my apparence, that my mouth is so small, that my nose is literally non existent, that i am so short and the most feature I hated were my eyes. they were already small, surprise asian eyes but when I would laugh, they would disappear into nothing (a bit like jimin). this is why i would try to avoid laughing or wide smiling (another reason were my bunny teeth but I kinda arranged myself with them). But ever since I started appreciating asian culture (not only BTS but japanese stuff too) I don't think my non existant nose is bad or that I don't have a double lid or my eyes. So you can kinda say that the environment influences people and how they see themselves

but this was actually about not having a personality and not about me whining and analyzing why i suddenly don't hate my appearence anymore (BTS and japanese fashion mainly)

so as i said in the beginning (nobody remembers this anymore cuz i blab too much about myself. i am sorry) I thought about picking up behaviours from other people. There was this example with supernatural which was only a small thing but I dived further into the void which is my mind and noticed that I not only pick up small things like idjits but also complete attitudes

when I start liking a certain band, a fictional character or whatsoever I slowly start copying their attitude, like when I started listening to My Chemical Romance, SWS, BMTH, FOB etc etc (the list is endless) I started wanting to dress like them, I wanted to be like them because I thought they were so cool (I still think that, and wow this sounds like i am some old granny trying to educate her non existant grandchildren but they are not here bcs they don't want to hear her rambling)

and now I kinda get the point why parents say oh nooo, they are such a bad influence (is this me, gRowInG uP?!) because if you only see the point i mentioned (wanting to be like em etc) you really start worrying wether your kid will cut itself or whatever (i don't know whatever is, self harm was the only thing that came into my poor mind)

oh no i divigate again, anyway, copying attitude and appearence

I personally did this with the so called Emo Community and I thought it would never change, I would still be a slut for black ripped jeans, black hair with an emo fringe and piercings (I still am, therefore nothing changed) but I also started watching breedingunicorn and princessofpizzas videos and that's when i started taking interest in the Lolita fashion

at first i was slightly taken aback by the humongous amount of pastel pink and other kawaii stuff but slowly i started reading and learning more about japan (aka watching more breedingunicorns videos and reading wikipedia articles) and my style changed from jeez i don't give a fuck about anything just gimme something black to i still do like black but I also absolutely adore pastel blue, pastel pink, big bows and cute skirts and dresses. My character or personality (i feel very hypocrite writing this) however changed only a bit. i still do sarcastic remarks and laugh about stupid memes (a habit i got from dan) I still have the I don't give a shit about things I don't care (a great example are my grades) which i have from listening to rock and punk (though i don't want to blame them for being stupid and sucking at school, i just started to care less bcs of their music (which is considered as rebellious)) but i noticed that I care much more about my appearance, wether my clothes fit together and the aesthetic ever since I, yea i dunno. It probably started with me liking lolita and then discovering aesthetic tumblr.

another, maybe more extreme but also more short living, example is the book BUBBLEGUM on wattpad (great great book about Phan being insane and on a killing spree, 10/10 would read again) I always got the feeling of being delirious and crazy after I read some chapters (to strengthen the effect, listen to songs by Billie Eilish or Melanie martinez (mainly from her pre Cry Baby time, Dead to Me is A+). sometimes I even acted like i was a bit insane

(another short somewhat unimportant example. My love for oversized jumpers (and the word jumper) started after reading an unhealthy amount of Pastel!Dan and Punk!Phil fanfictions)

and my thoughts are kinda tangled with each other now but what i think my intention of this huge ass monologue nobody will ever read was analyzing wether I am just a fucked up person who has no identity and personality at all so I just copy my (current) Idols (this could turn into another huge ass monologue about influencing people and blah blah blah, and why I wanna copy them (is it because they are popular and secretely I just wanna be popular too)) or am I picking up different habits from different persons (e. g. your parents and later on celebrities) and this creates my own personality

to make a metaphor, is my personality a mirror and reflects a (changing) character i want to become or is it a blank canvas and all the different behaviours I imitate are like little colour specks which eventually create a picture which is in the end my personality

[talklokitome]

Chapter 4: Introductions

A little later then I wanted, but I was traveling! Here is the 4th installment of my LokixOFC fic. You can read the whole thing on AO3: Playing with Fire.

Please let me know what you think so far!

---

The whole team was gathered and Loki was back in his seat by the window watching as the young woman, led by Natasha, entered the conference room. Her dark black hair was pulled into a single long braid down her back. She hadn’t dressed up for the occasion, which Loki liked for some reason, imagining it might offend Stark’s ego on some level, and she wore simple Midgardian clothes: flat black boots, jeans, and a dark sweater with a leather jacket. She glanced around the room only once before sitting, her face expressionless, something Loki noted as odd, considering that the other two candidates had been nauseatingly eager to be in such company.

Stark wasted no time getting started. “Seraphina, it’s great to meet you. Thanks for coming--”

“It’s Sera.”

“I’m sorry, Sarah?”

“No. Sera. Like error, but with an S and an A.”

“Uh, right, okay then. SEH-RA, thanks for coming in. As you probably know, I’m Tony Stark, and these are--”

“I know who you are,” she said, cutting him off for a second time. “I see the news like everyone else.”

Loki smirked. This was going to be good.

“Right,” Tony said, giving her an overly friendly and not at all convincing smile. “Then you also know our job is to protect the world from major threats. We called you in because we think maybe you can help us.”

Sera didn’t respond but continued to stare politely at Tony, waiting for him to continue.

“You know, because of your abilities,” he added.

Her eyebrows raised only slightly at this. “My abilities?”

Loki looked at Sera more closely. Something odd was going on. She was clearly trying to play it cool, and doing pretty well...from the shoulders up. Underneath the table, however, was a different story. While her face remained impassive, her feet tapped incessantly, her hands fidgeting and twisting the end of her sweater.

“Okay, let’s just dive right in shall we?” said Stark with a sigh, opening a folder in front of him. “Seraphina Martinez, nurse at Hudson City Hospital. Graduate of Fordham University, daughter of George and Melody Martinez, sister of Mary and Gabriel, the latter recently deceased. Volunteer at the Women’s Center. Suspected inhuman with the nickname, “El.”

Loki noticed that Sera had stopped moving completely, the only tell she gave that any of this pronouncement had affected her.

After a pause in which Stark looked unreservedly smug, she said, “I see you did your research.”

“Always do. How long have you had your Inhuman powers?”

“About 5 years.”

“And how did you get them?”

She gave a small sideways smile at this. “Terragenesis,” she said as though to a child.

“Well, obviously. But how?”

“That’s a story for another time.”

Surprisingly, Tony didn’t push this point. “So why don’t you tell us more about your abilities?”

“Why don’t you tell me, since you probably already know?”

Steve chuckled, giving Tony a “she’s-got-you-pegged” look.

“Nature or organic matter manipulation? We’ve heard some rumors and seen some footage of you manipulating water and trees.”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

“Do you do any training or practice? I understand it can be a challenge for Inhumans to stabilize and gain control of their powers at first.”

“I do...work on it,” she said with some hesitation.

“Is that where you disappeared to last night?”

For the first time, Loki saw some emotion flicker across her face. She didn’t respond.

Steve was frowning at this and looking at Banner, some wordless communication happening between them.

Tony continued, “because you know, we’re professionals. We can offer you training and resources that would totally blow any back-alley street fighting out of the water.”

“Back-alley street fighting?”

“Or whatever it is--whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t matter. What I’m trying to say is...we are looking to add talented, enhanced individuals to the roster here. We want to make sure we are prepared next time.”

“Next time?”

“Sera,” Steve said before Tony could continue. “I’m sorry this is all very abrupt. We have reason to believe that what happened in NY might not be the last situation like that. When we see someone with potential to help save more lives, to protect more people, we have to at least explore that option.”

He had said the right thing. Sera’s shoulders relaxed slightly at these words and she nodded. “I understand. I’m sure I would do the same thing. So what are you asking me, exactly?”

Natasha stepped in now, once again speaking before Tony had the chance. Loki grinned. “Just a trial period. Train with us. Let us learn from each other. Show us what you can do.”

“I could...consider that,” she said.

“Okay great,” Tony said, unable to contain himself. “What about other Inhumans? Do you have any pals that could--”

“No,” she said sharply, giving Tony a piercing look. “Inhumans aren’t popular in the public eye right now. Most want to lay low. I will not be part of this if it is your mission to hunt them down or smoke them out of hiding.”

There was no compromise in her voice whatsoever. What with that and the way she kept interrupting Stark, Loki decided he liked this woman.

“Okay, okay, point taken,” Tony said with his hands up after an additional glare from Steve. “But I did want to ask one other thing. You said you got your powers 5 years ago. Was that before or after you were in that dormitory fire?”

Sera stood up abruptly, knocking her chair out from behind her. It fell with a crash, startling Clint out of his afternoon nap with a jolt. Loki noticed that Sera’s hands flexed once before balling into fists at the same time the papers on the table fluttered and his hair blew back from his face.

“I’m not discussing that. I was told you had information about my brother’s death. That doesn’t seem to be the case. I think it’s best if I leave. Thank you for your time,” she said, even though they had been the ones to ask her here. She started walking toward the door.

“Your brother was killed in an area of the city known for illegal trade in alien tech left-over from the Battle of New York,” Natasha said.

Sera stopped and stood facing the door and Loki leaned forward, his interest peaked. This was news to him. Leftover Chituri tech? Illegal trade? Well...leave it to humans to profit off of anything. But he was curious…

“That’s not...that doesn’t make any sense,” she said, turning back to the table.

“Do you know any reason why he might have been involved in that kind of trade?” Tony asked.

“No,” she said, with complete sincerity. “After NY...he was different. He wanted to help people, but…” she trailed off and her eyes drifted to Loki for the first time. He was waiting for the outburst, the accusations, the demands for answers. They didn’t come. He realized she had recognized him right away, knew who he was the whole time. It occurred to him that she was actually waiting for him to speak, to say something. What, to apologize? Explain?

The rest of the room noticed this odd stare-down too, Sera’s silence confusing them as they stared between the two, also waiting for an outburst that never came.

“I should go,” she said.

“But you will still do the trial? Go through training?” Tony called, standing up to follow her out the door.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea”

Surprisingly, Tony switched tactics, giving a strange look to Natasha who disappeared. “Okay well then let me at least walk you out.”

Loki, Thor, Bruce, Steve, and Clint all looked at one another, puzzled by this odd behavior. All at once they got up to follow Tony.

***

“I’ve arranged to have one of my cars take you home,” Tony said as they reached the garage level.

“That’s really not necessary.”

“It’s the least I could do. A small thank-you for taking the time to come talk with us today. We just have to go down to the parking garage. It’s below the main level.”

Sera turned to look behind her to see Loki and the rest of the team a few paces back.

“Wow, you guys really do everything together, huh?”

“Um, not exactly everything.”

Stark opened the door and beckoned Sera through, then let Clint pass, before stepping back inside the hall. He stopped the others. “Hold up guys. If you could just step over here for a second?” he said, gesturing to the small chauffeur's office.

“What’s going on?”

“Just a sec, Cap. I thought about what you said. About the last two that didn’t turn out so well. So I devised a little test, just a small one, to make sure she’s got what we’re looking for. Nat and Clint are just helping out.”

“Hang on...these aren’t your cars,” Steve said, looking through the two-way glass into the parking area, where half a dozen cars stood shining under the fluorescent lights.

“Please,” Tony said with an eye-roll.

The sound of gunfire ripped through the air, and Loki felt Banner jump beside him. Stepping away slightly, Loki watched Natasha pull out her gun and begin firing across the deck at a few men in black combat gear. But something wasn’t right. Natasha’s shots were way off, clearly hitting the cement walls behind them, as were the men’s bullets on her side. She gestured for Sera to duck behind the nearest car, which they did together.

Clint had taken cover behind a different car and was lazily shooting arrows into a cement column at the back of the garage.

It’s a ruse, Loki thought, meant to make this Sera woman think they are under fire. He watched as the momentary panic of her surprise faded from her eyes, a look of determination replacing it. She knelt behind the car and pressed her palms into the cement and closed her eyes.

The building began to shake.

“Stark,” Steve said in warning.

“Just wait. Give it a sec.”

Columns of asphalt and earth broke through the cement floor of the garage, twisting into a wall to form a shield around the car Sera and Natasha hid behind.

Natasha turned to Sera. “That’s you?”

She nodded.

“Not bad.” With that, she ducked around the car behind the newly formed wall to get better “aim” at the attackers. And though Loki was sure that no bullet hit her, she suddenly fell back, grasping her shoulder as blood leaked through her fingers.

Tony spoke before Steve could say anything. “It’s fake. We need to see how she handles a crisis.”

“We already know she’s an ER nurse. She wrecked your garage and for all we know she could take the building down. That’s enough.”

Out in the garage, Sera had crawled over to Natasha, feeling her head with her palm. Still crouching over her, she gave Natasha a puzzled look.

“You aren’t hurt.” She pulled at Natasha’s sleeve with her other hand and the fake blood packet was exposed. “What’s going on here?”

“It’s nothing. Just a test. We do this for everyone.”

“And now you’re lying. This is really--”

But before she could finish her sentence, one of the bullets clearly aiming for anything but human targets, found another mark. The gas tank of the car Clint was crouching behind erupted in flames.

Sera froze and Loki watched transfixed as she closed her eyes, for one second a look of utter fear and agony crossing her face, before her body rolled in unmistakable pleasure. As she stood the fire from the car exploded into the air, soaring over her head to find the next car. Her arms waved and the fire danced again, leaping from car to car like she was a ringmaster directing her circus animals to do tricks for a crowd.

When she turned her attention toward the window, Loki was the first to duck, pulling Thor down with him. The fireball exploded above him, shattered glass falling around them like an icy rain as the desk caught fire.

“Tony!” Steve yelled, though they were both running out into the garage now.

They called to Sera, but she seemed beyond hearing them. He wasn’t sure why, but some intuition was telling Loki that Sera wasn’t really in control, despite the evidence to the contrary. This gave him an idea.

Projecting an image of himself into the garage, he cast an illusion, erasing the fire from her vision. Startled by the sensory change, Sera stumbled and locked eyes with him. There was a moment of clarity in her vision as she saw him, and she took her chance. “Get rid of the fire!” But then her eyes rolled and she sent fire shooting at where his illusion stood. Whether she could see the fire or not, she could feel it.

“Why aren’t the fire sprinklers going off?” Bruce yelled over the noise as he put out the fire on the desk with a small fire extinguisher.

At this moment two of Tony suits flew in through the exit ramp and began shooting white smoke onto the scene, putting out the fire. It only took a few moments, but as soon as the last flame was extinguished, Sera collapsed onto the ground, her head in one hand, shaking.

“Uh, what the hell was that?” Tony asked.

“I’m really sorry about this, Sera,” said Steve. “This should not” he looked at Tony, “have been sprung on you like this.”

“No, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about the damage. I...this is something I can’t practice at home. Too dangerous.”

“Dangerous and bad-ass! You can control fire?” Tony asked.

“I can call it but not very well, as you can see.”

“Sera. Come back inside, into the lab. Let’s talk this over and see about setting up some proper training for you” Tony said.

She looked up at him hesitantly, and her eyes darted over to Loki before looking back at Tony.

“Come on. What if there’s a fire at the hospital? We can help you get control.”

She nodded and stood, following Tony back inside, where they were joined by Natasha, Clint, and Bruce, the latter of which started asking her questions right away.

Steve waylaid Thor before he and Loki could leave. “Did you know about this?”

“I did not. But it seems like it went very well! Um, or...not?” Thor said, faltering with the look Steve gave him.

“This was completely unethical. She’s just a civilian and she could have gotten hurt, or actually hurt someone else. Tony’s taking this too far.”

“He just wants to help. His methods may be a bit...creative but--”

“If you’ll excuse me,” Loki interrupted, not wanting to hear anymore of this argument. He quickly made his way back to his room and replayed everything he had seen in his mind.

Laying back on his bed, he closed his eyes and replayed everything since Sera entered the conference room. Her excellent poker face contrasting with her fidgeting hands and feet. Her polite words in opposition with her tempered actions. And especially, especially the look on her face when the fire blossomed into the air. The split second of fear, a look of bracing herself before a complete and utter surrender, the look of ecstasy on her face. He played that moment over and over again in his mind, a smile slowly spreading across his face.

[enigmaincrimson-personal]

On a small side note... considering current circumstances.

(I’ll be honest here about some drama going around as of late...)

(While I can admit that I am a socially inept mess of a person who can be a bit overwhelming at times, but the whole situation isn’t my fault in this case.)

(I'm not sure how to put this simply, but I did ask those very same partners that are accusing me of various things if my response was okay... since I wasn’t comfortable with it either and they told me it was fine.)

(Then they immediately ghost, tell everyone that they were “uncomfortable” with me being there, and have me kicked from the group.)

(Of course, I can’t prove this since they likely would have emptied the IM by now, but at that point... Is it like we even met at all?)

(I’m really getting tired of getting this kind of shit from people... and honestly... How would they feel if their other partners did it to them?)

(In the end, I’m being punished because I had partners that refused to communicate and decided that discussion was godmodding, so I had to go.)

(Also, to that total asshole that decided that I have “enough partners”, you do not know what sort of circumstances the other people is going through and you do not have the right to dictate what is “enough” for other people.)

(Everyone has their own lives outside of Tumblr, their own schedules, and times they can be online. A such, you could have thousands of partners, but only ever maybe see like five random individuals over the span of a few weeks before they disappear again for months.)

(Partners might leave because of personal reasons... or the typical unnecessary drama that tends to happen here on a frequent basis. People not even affiliated with the situation also tend to leave in droves)

(Having many partners isn’t really that much of a problem, but expecting them to be there for you on a 24/7 basis for you is definitely one.)

(Another thing, activity on here is definitely sparse considering how things have been on here for years... and I’m sorry that I tend to get excited to find someone that’s actually willing to give me the time of day.)

(Female OCs tend to get treated poorly on here, fandomless ones even more... ones with very complicated backgrounds tend to treated like absolute garbage.)

(On top of all that, people can get weirdly competitive on here over really stupid things and tend to be rather eager to get rid of anyone they feel is a threat to them getting attention, even if the person bears them no ill will whatsoever.)

(I’ve been kicked, beaten, forced to eat dirt, shunned, and even accused of things I didn’t commit. People have tried to murder me in many different ways... people I thought I trusted, people I didn’t even know... and in spite of all that, I have not given up.)

(I really doubt anyone that sees this cares about what I am going through, but I keep wondering what it is about me that drives everyone around me to such madness.)

(Do I talk to much? Is it how I smell, or how I speak? Do they not like what I am wearing or did they just decide one day that they didn’t like my face?)

(On the blog, I keep fretting over how everything is organized, how intuitive everything might be... can they find anything? How can I solve the “too long didn’t read” issue? What am I going to do with everyone’s obsession with needing custom art and themes for everything?)

(It just goes on and on... and It’s ridiculous.)

(Seriously though, how would you feel if people decided that you were the most “evil” person on Tumblr just because you wouldn’t let some crazy godmodding tyrant rape your muse and lord themselves over you with it?)

(I told them no, I showed them the rules, refused to budge even a little, and well... It’s just one of many bad experiences I’ve had.)

(Of course, despite being the victim of the situation, I’m treated like the abuser... and I end up sitting here in the silence and the dark watching people go by and wondering if it’s even safe to say hello since they might be friends with the creeps that put me in this situation in the first place.)

(Because, in the end... the only real “crime” I’ve made was trying to communicate, do what I can do, and give people space if they need it.)

(Not that I can prove anything considering how twisted around things have gotten at this point.)

[paradoxcoronum]

ParadoxbyCoronum Twitter 9/3/2020

ParadoxbyCoronum: :(

Rose: Why the sad face? Are you okay? What's up?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Lynn’s angry...

Rose: I'm sorry. That might be my fault. I panicked and immediately went to Lynn

ParadoxbyCoronum: It’s

ParadoxbyCoronum: Fine! I guess I deserve it

Rose: No. You don't deserve it. There was a lack of communication, a fear, and a bot who's name we can't say got involved and it became a mess.

Rose: Can I ask why you went to the office with Lynn if you were going to disappear without telling her?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I... forgot to tell her.

ParadoxbyCoronum: I thought I had, i did! And it’s closer to the park from the office than from home.

Rose: Makes sense.

Rose: I'm sorry I panicked. And I'm sorry that the thing we were piloting startled you.

ParadoxbyCoronum: I just wasn’t expecting it. It’s fine.

To be fair, I don't think any of us were expecting it.

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess that’s true...

Rose: Did we talk to you about anything? We had no control over any speech whatsoever, only the actions via mass votes.

ParadoxbyCoronum: No. It was quiet the entire time.

Rose: I'm glad. There was a monster we charged earlier and I was worried it'd end up finding you

ParadoxbyCoronum: Well I didn’t see anything, so whatever you did worked!

Rose: I'm so glad you ended up being safe.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Thank you.

Rose: I'll apologize to Lynn for getting her all worked up. I kind of jumped to conclusions. She should have ignored me

ParadoxbyCoronum: It’s fine! Really.

Rose: If you say so.

Rose: I know someone is trying to inform you of the current events, or they were. Not sure if they still are.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Someone did, and... it’s a lot

Rose: I'm sorry. I'm willing to try and explain things based on the information I know.

Rose: But I also hope you know that I'm here for you. You and Lynn, and Saretsky. I'm hoping I can help and protect you all.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Thank you!!

ParadoxbyCoronum: If you don’t mind, I’d... like a bit of help understanding.

Rose: Of course!

Rose: Where would you like me to start?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Wherever you feel comfortable I guess!

Rose: There's so much. What about what you were told?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Uhh

ParadoxbyCoronum: I was given a sock by a robot?

Rose: Ah yeah, the publicly controlled robot. We wanted you to have your fuzzy sock back, so that's what we chose.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh... well, thank you!!

Rose: You're welcome. We were all yelling at each other about it all. Trying to get a bunch of people to coordinate on actions and votes quick enough to have control, while not making a bad decision in a panic is like herding cats.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Heh...

ParadoxbyCoronum: I like cats

Rose: I'm sadly allergic.

ParadoxbyCoronum: Aww...

Rose: It's very disappointing. I can't even be in a room where a cat once was without my body getting all mad at me. So I hope you get to enjoy all the cats.

ParadoxbyCoronum: My dad’s allergic to cats, so I’ve never really been near one...

Rose: That's a bummer. I'm sure we can easily fix this though, and let you experience being near a cat.

ParadoxbyCoronum: I guess!

Rose: So the only thing you were confused on was the fact a robot Robot face gave you your sick back?

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh, I’m confused about A LOT

ParadoxbyCoronum: That’s just the most mundane

Rose: Lol fair

Rose: Do you remember when we first started talking and I asked about what Paradox is and what the plan was?

ParadoxbyCoronum: I think so, yeah!

Rose: I think my comment about how companies like that have a nefarious purpose was far more on the nose than we realized.

Rose: Also have this ferocious predator

Rose: *gif of kitten trying to pounce on a chick*

ParadoxbyCoronum: oH MY GOD

ParadoxbyCoronum: RUN LITTLE CHICKY RUN

ParadoxbyCoronum: BUT ALSO YOU GET HIM YOU FEROCIOUS LION YOU

Rose: SO FEROCIOUS

ParadoxbyCoronum: HE’S GONNA BE THE LEADER OF HIS PRIDE

Rose: SO STRONG AND INTIMIDATING

ParadoxbyCoronum: HE’S GONNA RULE THE WORLD (fire reaction image)

Rose: YES HE WILL

Rose: That was supposed to be a confetti thing, not fire (fire reaction image)

ParadoxbyCoronum: Oh

ParadoxbyCoronum: Well that works too!!

[mavrisfanfics]

[Request] - Bucky x Reader - You really missed me...

Ask:

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes  x Reader

Words: 1762

Warnings: None, I think.

Notes: I was sooooo tempted to make this one before WWII, but then I decided like, nah, let's keep that for another time.

I had no ideas for this, I really didn’t. Lately it seems I’ve been more tired than usual, as if all the tiredness I didn’t feel in the past few months finally caught up to me. I decided to say “fuck this” and just write it. In short, I don’t know if it’s any good...?

(Also I completely didn’t base the sick mom (in my case it was my grandma) and wildfires in stuff happening in my life recently)

Anyway, off to the fic...

(Also, Bucky and reader already have an established relationship. Oh, and I'm taking the usual "Bucky is part of the Avengers and they all live in Avenger's Tower" route, because dead/tired brain = unoriginal setting.)

When Bucky fell asleep the night before, he knew his girlfriend was with him. The two had settled on his bed after dinner, just talking and watching movies on her laptop until they were both too tired to stay awake. He had offered her to stay with him so that she didn't need to walk to her room, which she gladly accepted.

He knew something was wrong because it was incredibly early and she never woke up at a time like that. Her laptop was gone and his bathroom was empty, so he was sure she had already left.

He got up and headed to her room, just to check if she had returned to her room in the middle of the night, but she wasn't there. He saw her phone on top of her bedside table, meaning she was around the Tower, so he decided to go and find her.

Training rooms? Only Natasha was there, who spared him a "good morning". Kitchen? Empty. Pool? Only living thing there were birds. Library? Nope!

He returned to her room, expecting her to be there, but he found no one again. Bucky, against his better judgement, started to check the room for clues, and as soon as he entered her bathroom, his heart constricted.

Most of her products were gone, and after checking her closet, he noticed it was incredibly empty. Her laptop was gone too, along with the book she had been reading, but her cellphone remained untouched. The travel bag she kept at a corner, ready for a mission or a spontaneous vacation was missing as well. Immediately he slashed "kidnapping" out of his options, much to his relief.

He asked the other Avengers if they knew something, but the only thing he found was that she left the Tower in the middle of the night in a big hurry, according to JARVIS. After Steve suggested she might have been called into an undercover mission by SHIELD, Bucky asked Natasha, Clint and even tried to get in contact with Director Fury. It took him almost the whole day to find that no, she wasn't in any sort of mission.

His head started to form the worst possible scenarios, after she remained missing for a whole day. The scenario that hit him the most was the idea that she could have left /him/. He knew he wasn't the best person to be with, considering all the blood on his hands, how broken his mind still was and that because of that he really wasn't that much of a romantic guy. Sure, they had dates and their own little moments, but there were many days when his past weighted on him and he shut her out completely. Affection could be a bigger part of the relationship if Bucky wasn't so still so broken.

So, he believed that she could leave him at any time. In fact, he always told her that she should, but now that she did, he realized it hurt.

Steve had to be the one to force him to see that, no, it wasn't (Y/n)'s style to just leave someone without saying anything and that the fact didn't match with that. After reassuring Bucky the two, along the Avengers and SHIELD, set up a surveillance network to find her.

Eventually, a day turned into a weak and then almost a month. There were no signs, whatsoever, of (Y/n), and Bucky was freaking out. Of course, he didn't show it, but Steve could see every little sign come out of him, form the old ones he had since before the war, to the ones he acquired over the past two years or so.

The way he trained harder, never giving a rest to the punching bag nor the sparring partner, the way he would constantly look at the closest door waiting for her to enter, the way he had the "I think my phone vibrated" syndrome, or even how he would wake up earlier and sleep later, shown by the constantly growing bags under his eyes, all were signs of his raising worry, even if he rarely expressed it directly.

He wasn't the only one though. All the Avengers were on high alert and SHIELD tightened their surveillance, believing someone had captured her.

Eventually, news arrived. Or more like, she arrived.

Bucky woke up in the middle of the night, startled, feeling the presence of someone. His instinct was to punch the intruder, which he did, but the other person blocked perfectly.

"Woah! Bucky, it's me!"

It took him a couple of seconds to process. The room was mostly dark, barely illuminated by the lamp on his bedside table. She was sitting on the bed, next to him, tilted back so she could have space to escape his attack if needed. She smiled weakly at him, and he could see, even in the dim light, that she looked tired and thinner, as if she had gone to hell and back in the past month.

"Sorry to wake you... I just wanted to give you a hello kiss." Bucky realized he still had his arm outstretched towards her, his first stuck in her hands. He set down his arm as he looked for words to speak.

"Wait, what?" He asked, an angry edge lying underneath. She looked at him surprised, which made him grow angrier. "You disappear for one month without a word, and that's all you have to offer?! How about an explanation?! Everyone was looking for you! We didn't know if you were well or not! As far as everyone knew, you could have been caught by Hydra or something and held captive somewhere, or worst!"

"Y-you didn't receive my letter?"

"What?! No! What letter?" Realizing her mistake, she started freaking out herself.

"You didn't! Oh, Bucky, I'm so sorry! I received a call from my (sibling) that my mom was sick and I had to leave urgently without saying anything! I was going to call you on my way to the airport but I left my phone here and I had no time to retrieve it! And then when I got home, I had to..."

She continued her rant of misfortunes that left her unable to communicate, from her laptop breaking to the thunderstorm that started a wildfire near her hometown and affected both cellphone towers and landlines. She seemed to be hit by a wave of bad luck while she was away from the Tower.

"So, I sent a letter, but I guess mail can't be trusted these days. I thought that after all this time you would have received it." She finished her explanation with a sigh, and Bucky saw as energy seemed to leave her completely. "I... I'm sorry. It's been hell lately, with all this happening. My mom was sick, I couldn't contact anyone, then the fire... I'm so, so sorry..."

Bucky wanted to be mad at her, mostly as a way to release all the frustration he had been through in the past month, but when she fell into him, hugging his waist, he felt his frustration melt away.

"I'm so tired..." She mumbled into his shoulder. She felt Bucky hug her against him, which immediately pulled a smile from her. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, what makes you think that?"

"The way you reacted earlier."

"You know how I react if I wake up and there's someo-"

"Not that, I get that. You just sounded a bit angry earlier. Well, a lot. But you do have a reason, I guess..."

"I wasn't. I get it, it's not your fault." He reassured her, petting her hair and hugging her back. He felt her smirk against his shoulder.

"Were you worried, at least?"  

Usually Bucky wasn't explicit about his thoughts, and people had to read his actions and reactions to guess it, which she did perfectly, so he knew the question was just to force him to say it. He would have denied it, if he didn't feel the need to let her know, because the fear that she might have left him made him realize that, at least, he should show he cared for her.

"You left without saying a thing, of course I was worried." She was surprised, he could tell, bu she didn't say a thing.

The two remained like that for a while, until she finally had the courage to break the hug.

"I should get back to my room, I need to sleep." She pecked his lips, but before she could retreat Bucky held her face and deepened the kiss. When they broke off, she stared at him, surprised. She could feel something within the kiss, something different than usual. Was it... longing? Yes, with a hint of something else...

"You seem really tired. Why don't you stay here tonight?" Looking at his expression, she finally understood. He missed her, yes, but he was also relieved, not just that she was back safe and sound, but also relieved that she didn't leave him. She could see that fear hidden behind all other feelings, he was, after all, an open book to her. She smiled at his suggestion before jumping off the bed.

"Well, if you don't mind me using your bathroom... I really need a shower." He nodded at her and he smiled at the speed with which she ran to the bathroom, after removing some clothes from the travel bag she had set near his door (he realized she had come to his room before going to her own, which made his heart swell).

He laid in bed, listening to her shower. He swore he heard her humming at some point, but the noise of the water drowned it and he was left wondering.

She exited his bathroom dressed only in a big T-shirt and her underwear. She threw the damp towels across the room towards her bag before jumping into bed. Immediately she curled herself on the sheets, and Bucky held her close, spooning her. The two remained silent for a while until Bucky heard a giggle.

"You really missed me, didn't you?" She asked.

"What makes you say that?"

"You're holding me tighter than usual." She pointed out. Bucky was about to release his hold but she interrupted him. "I like it."

Bucky kissed her hair, not being able to resist the groggily, cute way she said that. Another giggle was heard, but then silence fell over them again. The two fell asleep like that, content in each other's arms and happy to be together again.

---___---___---___---___---___---___---

PS: It’s a good thing I edited this ‘cause it’s slightly better than it was.

[scripturienss]

Interstellar

Title: Interstellar on FF.net Rating: G Genre: Drama/Sci-fi Prompt: Fantasy & Sci-fi AU because two is better than one, or so goes the old adagio. Word Count: 2,201

You're so down to earth and I'm up in the stars, So show me the sea and I'll take you to Mars.

CS1: OK. The fuel is go; about 1 ½ g's; cabin pressure is just coming off the peg; the O2 is go; we have 26 amps.

CS2: Roger. Pitch 88, the trajectory is good.

CS3: Roger, looks good here.

CS1: OK, there. We're starting to pick up a little bit of the noise and vibration; not bad, though, at all. 50 secs., more vibration.

CS2: Whenever you're ready, de-pressurize the cabin and exit the vehicle. Your trajectory is marked, you only need to find the probe and change its solar panel.

MW0: Roger. Readings are good, pressure is OK. I'm making my way to the Rover.

CS3: I'm picking up some static on my line.

CS2: Roger. Mine too. Ishida, do you copy us?

MW0: Barely. You're breaking up a little - check the transmission engine and long range receptors.

CS1: It could have something to do with recent solar flares - the magnetic fields mess up reception sometime.

CS3: Roger. We're re-starting the system, don't be alarmed for a few minutes silence and don't lose visual.

MW0: Roger.

There's static on his line and suddenly, there's only silence. It has been 163 days since Ishida Yamato arrived at the International Space Station, roughly at the same time the H-II Transfer Vehicle Kōnotori, and this is his first time walking the moon's surface.

CS1: Ishida, I reconnected to check in on you. It'll be half an hour at least before we can make contact again.

CS1: Do you copy?

MW0: Roger. I'm sorry, the view ... it's really something else.

CS1: [chuckles] Roger. Don't stray from course, you're doing fine.

Space is terrifying. It's vast, unimaginably so, and darker than anything Yamato has ever seen. Working outside the station is always a humbling and terrifying experience, being tethered to something solid only through a limited band, but walking over the moon is an entirely different sort of scary. He can see the maria in the distance, the tides preserved by what was once volcanic lava. His breath hitches and it sounds incredibly loud in his over-sensitized ears.

It's dark, his path illuminated only by the hi-tech lantern on his helmet, the Rover he occupies and the stars above.

Yamato speaks into his recorder:

"Ishida Yamato, hour 14:06 Earth-time. I'm on my way South of the Earth's moon. I have been assigned to recharge and repair the Moon Impact Probe. We anticipate SELENE's Kaguya will orbit around the same time and have arranged for a possible check-up. Communication with the Space Station is down. The silence is ... " A twinkle catches his eye and he pauses, blinking fast. "Overwhelming."

.

.

15:22 Earth-time.

"It's been little under an hour and a half and Command hasn't checked in. Transmission is grainy at best, interference is impossible to deal with. Mission's course remains true."

He can hear himself talk, like a recorder, and it feels like a caricature of sorts. The technical details of his expedition are important but so is the overwhelming terror of being utterly alone. He can hear himself breathe, clear and loud and when he's thinking about this, he is deafened by the sound of his own pulse. Rationally, he understands that this is routinary and that many others have done it before him; the risks are too low to be considered a real liability. Fear isn't rational though, and Yamato has to pause for a moment before continuing his slow trek.

.

.

17:49 Earth-time.

"It has been three hours and forty-three minutes since Command's last communication. I arrived safely at Lunar Station 00, data is downloading for revision on the ISS and reparations for the solar panels should be done in little over an hour. It's grown darker but there are sporadic bursts of bright light. I suspect solar flare activity is picking up and remain wary of exposure. Must've been what damaged the panels..."

He turns off the microphone and looks outside the window. The Lunar Station 00 is a small laboratory facility installed upon the moon's surface as a safe-house for astronauts on repair or reconnaissance missions. It also collects all data pertaining lunar activity and is continuously feeding both the International Space Station and several other international agencies back on Earth. It is not a manned post and as such, it is not equipped to harbour guests for more than a few hours of hard work. There are emergency supplies, batteries, oxygen tanks and a special command button that can only be accessed through individual codes in case of a red alert. Yamato needs only to plug in his coordinates and update the travel log. He's almost done when he sees it.

In the horizon, a sharp beam of light flashes and then disappears. He stands abruptly and immediately takes his equipment, double-checks the seals on his suits and the vaccum entry and emerges into the inhospitable surface once more. The low gravity is tenuous at best and moving as easily as he did on Earth is difficult but Yamato is very quick. As he steps in behind a boulder and in front of the source, blinking fast, he holds up one hand and on the other, a laser heat gun.

"What the..."

The thing shines brightly, contained in unspecific, ever-changing shapes but he cannot determine an exact source. There hasn't been anything like this in any of the logs, nothing indicating any sort of sentient activity. Yamato stops, riled at the invasive thought of sentient life. He takes a deep breath, willing his heart-rate down because he can't hear anything and there's a strange sort of ringing in his ears, like wind-chimes in a spring breeze. Yamato's teeth are grinding hard and his jaw feels sore and tense.

The ringing in his ears intensifies and it sounds like—,

—laughter.

.

.

18:25 Earth-time.

"I'm going to approach the object for samples."

The sounds are jarring at times, like an out-of-tune old radio transmitter and the source of light appears to be solid and then liquid. When he steps outside the boulder, the ringing stops and he swears he hears a gasp. He approaches the source of light slowly but firmly and when he's close enough, the sight stuns him.

It's a woman, or something that looks vaguely like one. Yamato's voice fails him and he can only gape, mute, as the creature rises from the crater-like surface with surprising ease. Her body is made of what appears to be pure light, shimmery and insubstantial. There is no depth to its proportions, he can see right through it as it—she, approaches.

He thinks, this is how I die, but his body reacts quicker than his mind.

"State your purpose and origin," he hears himself say, despite the absolute improbability of the situation. The light that comes from within this being burns bright enough to force his eyes shut and when he opens them, it is already gone.

There is no evidence whatsoever of what he believes he saw. The camera shows nothing but blank space and dust and his microphone picks up no signal but his own voice. He knows he can't delay his return to the station and so he returns to the base and finishes the work he was sent to do. He flexes his fingers consciously in an effort to will some warmth back into them.

"It's the silence," he reasons. "It's driving me crazy."

The trek back is quiet, as quick as he dares to move away from this lonely, inhospitable place. He can see already the ship and releases a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

.

.

There is a crack in the static and the light turns green.

CS1: Commander Ishida, do you copy? I repeat, Commander Ishida, do you copy?

MW0: Roger. This is Commander Ishida.

CS1: Oh, thank fuck. Sorry there, MS Young.

CS2: Mind your language, MS Hughes. Commander, what's your status?

MW0: Stable, on route back to the capsule. I should be back at the space station within two hours.

CS1: Roger. Any novelty at the base?

MW0: [pause]

MW0: Nothing to report, sir.

CS2: We'll fill you in on your way back, Commander. Good job.

MW0: Roger, I look forward to it.

CS1: Roger. We'll see you soon, lucky dog.

Yamato wonders at that expression as he listlessly follows the procedure and way back into the ship that will take him to the station. His colleagues are at a loss for an explanation on why the devices failed and so all exploratory missions are halted until they reach a satisfactory answer.

Lucky, he thinks.

.

.

Some nights, he dreams about a being made of light with eyes as fierce as the sun. Some nights he comes to her in his dreams, so close he can touch her shimmery hair and bathe in the tinkling sound of her laughter. Once, he swore their lips touched. Most nights though, he only watches her from afar and when the song is over, he shakes his head and in the nanoseconds it takes him to realize he wants to see her up close, she has already disappeared.

Tonight is one of such nights, at least until his eyes fly open and he is met with a look of pure, molten gold.

"What are you doing here?"

You were calling for me.

"I was?"

In your sleep.

Yamato shifts, sitting on his bed with his arm dangling just off his knee. He peers curiously at her, wary as his hand darts out to touch her.

"Just what are you?"

She is proud, he learns, and a little vain. Up close she looks more like a woman than ever, or an echo of one with gleaming, translucent skin. The light she casts is paler now, hurts less to see her and he wonders briefly if this is for his sake. But she moves swiftly, just out of his fingers' reach and her laughter is all around him once again.

What am I? I am ... light. Stardust and cosmic energy.

.

.

Yamato isn't an unreasonable person. He knows he needs to address the issue of his hallucinations sooner rather than later and briefly considers looking for counseling when he goes back home. He is almost at the end of his mission and the thought of returning to Earth looms dauntingly in the back of his mind.

He lies on the floor, the cold material against his over-heated, over-sensitized skin keeps him grounded. She hovers above him, a mirror of his position though her expression seems to be amused and teasing. His eyes travel involuntarily (or perhaps less so) down her translucent body, lower than her waist where ribbons of light form what he can only think of as a long gown or a fish's tail.

"What is your name?"

Men have called me many things before. It's all the same to me.

He has never been a particularly keen conversationalist and his approach is objective and precise. She answers both freely and lavishly and seems to be more curious of his questions rather than him, as she so very rarely asks.

"Do you know my name?"

I have glimpsed it.

"Can you say it?"

Here, she hesitates.

I don't know how.

It seems only natural to kiss her. He reaches towards her, supporting himself on his forearms and elbows and she doesn't react at first, so he continues until his lips touch hers. He had expected everything but the soft sensation of lips, something warm and wet and soft. Yamato feels his chest swell and when he draws back, her eyes, clearer now, are wide open.

"It's Yamato," he says.

And for the first time, like a song dispelled, she murmurs, "Yamato."

.

.

He wakes up on his own bed, alone. His memory of last night's dream is blurry, too bright in some places and completely dark in others. He shifts as he prepares for his last day on this mission. He will be boarding the Soyuz within hours with two other colleagues and within four orbits, will land somewhere in the grassy plains of Kazakhstan. It'll be a few more days before he's cleared to leave to Japan, too.

Instinctively, he touches his lips and isn't entirely surprised when his fingers are coated by a thin film of fine, glittery dust. On Earth, she will be an old, blurry memory, a cold lump of rock that once carried the secrets of stars.

"Wait for me, Mimi-san."

Notes: I was a little stuck and then got very busy, but I have every intention of finishing this small collection. A few things to consider about this one:

1. The dialogue is actually at least partially faithful. I was inspired after reading some transcripts for the Apollo Mission disasters.

2. Did you know there aren't very many stories about space mermaids? It was the original concept.

3. I'm tempted to actually write this story but for the purposes of this collection, this was a good place to stop.