#ALSO NOBODY BUT ME REALLY CARES KINDA. i dont mean it like how that sounds btw what i mean is just like

[cherry-shipping]

JESUS. I WANT TO DRAW ME AND SANS. because im out of posts to make about him but i sure as fuck aint out of feelings so thats the only thing i can do to express myself now. except im also out of drawings to make that arent unbearably embarrassing, so………..

[littlemissthunderstorms]

gorgeous

alex turner x fem reader

i don’t really know how to summarize it, so just read and find out!! it’ll be a fun little surprise! (also i quoted a line from better than the movies in here, i just finished that book and i LOVED it so dearly)

i couldn’t choose just one song 😣

late afternoon was dull. rain poured outside and the sky was grey, adding to the melancholy of the day. as you sit on the couch next to your best friend alex, you couldn’t help but stare at the rain pattering against the window, trying to distract yourself from your thoughts. you had just recently broken up with your boyfriend, you realized he wasn’t the one and it made you sad. it was easy to let your thoughts spiral, you wondered if you’d ever find your person, if anyone would ever love you that much. could you be loved? you didn’t want to be lonely forever and then become an old lady living alone with her fifty cats in an old apartment. would you die alone? oh my god and then who would even take care of the cats? would anyone even know you died? what if- “ahem.” you jumped slightly, raising your eyebrows at alex who was looking at you with a funny expression, accompanied by a head tilt.

“soo movie or no?” alex chuckled. “you ruined my train of thought.” you smiled as you kicked him playfully. alex had always been your best friend, you had always been there for eachother and this was no different. he’d been hanging out at your house practically the second your boyfriend had moved out and you didn’t mind at all. alex laughed softly, brown eyes not leaving yours. as you gazed at the boy, your smile faded into a frown, your earlier thoughts returning to haunt you. alex noticed this, furrowing his brows. “you alright?” you hadn’t really allowed yourself to overthink too much since your boyfriend left, and now that you had really thought about being alone, it destroyed you. anxiety plagued you, filling you only with distress and thoughts of loneliness.

“i dunno.” you shifted your gaze to your lap, fiddling with your rings. “you wanna talk about it?” alex shuffled closer to you on the couch. you shrugged, eyes still fixated on your lap, averting his gaze. “is it about him?” you noticed how close alex was, causing your heart to race a little faster. “um- no.” you paused. “well, yes, related. i mean, it’s not exactly about him, like the fact that i miss him or anything. which i dont. not really. that seems kinda mean, but it’s true.”

you looked up at alex nervously to find him looking back at you, silently urging you to continue talking. “its just- i’m nervous i’ll never find anyone. sounds fucking stupid now that i’m saying it aloud but um..” you gulped nervously. alex eyes were soft and caring and the effect he had on you right now was concerning. nevertheless, you continued.“i’m scared to be alone forever, i just want to love someone and be loved. and i’m so scared thats not going to happen and i’m scared nobody will ever find me pretty enough to love me. i dont know.” you weren’t even thinking now, the storm of anxiety that occupied your mind now letting loose. “i’m just nervous i guess. i dunno, its silly.” you sighed “maybe i’m just overthinking.”

you kept your gaze on your lap as you finished your rant, too flustered to look at alex. he was close. really close. why was your stomach all swirly? the thunder outside filled the silence for a few moments. alex grabbed your hand, causing you to meet his eyes. “hey. don’t think like that. you’re gorgeous.” the way alex was talking to you, the way he was looking at you, soft brown eyes shimmering in the candlelight, all smiley and sweet. it was getting hard to breathe. you were so distracted by him that you forgot to respond. “thank you.” you muttered pathetically, making him chuckle softly, hand not leaving yours. the house was quiet besides the muffled sound of thunder and rain from the nasty storm outside that was getting more intense by the minute. candles and lamps emitted a soft glow throughout the room, casting faint shadows on the walls.

the way he was looking at you made your heart flutter. your eyes darted down to his lips for a split second before quickly looking back up at his eyes. shit. don’t look at his lips don’t look at his lips. the tension was so thick you were sure lightning was bound to strike between you two any second. the house was too quiet. was he getting closer? you nervously broke eye contact for a split second, your stomach fluttering as you looked back at him. he didn’t move, eyes still locked on yours. your face heated. “um- so what movie did you wanna wat-“you didn’t even finish your sentence before his lips were all over yours, nose pressed into your cheek and hand cupping your face. he kissed you like it was his job and he wanted a raise. you eagerly kissed him back, squeezing his hand tightly as you brought your other hand up to rest on his shoulder. he leaned over you, gently pressing you against the arm of the couch as he kissed the shit out of you. you brought your free hand to grab ahold of his hair, deepening the kiss which elicited a sigh out of him.

the intensity of the kiss increased as a strike of lightning illuminated the sky for a few moments, a loud boom of thunder following, rumbling the ground. you pushed your hand up his shirt, his skin warm. his tongue slid across yours. his hands were in your hair. your leg was wrapped around his waist as the kiss deepened, teeth colliding and soft sighs filling the air. another rumble of thunder shook the ground and just like that, the lights were out. you broke the kiss, the two of you gasping for air. the room was dark, almost pitch black.

and if it weren’t for the soft light of the streetlamps, the glow of the candle in the other room, or the incandescent moonlight, you might’ve not been able to see alex smiling down at you.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

hope this made you giggle and kick your feet, goodnight!

ps. this is like my third time writing anything ever so if it’s bad don’t come for me

[darlingpassion]

WAIT.

Something just occurred to me that I dont think we've ever talked about. A very terrible one, so- trigger warning for sexual assault (the whole Lottie conception thing).

So Rena fucks black-out-drunk Smartass on a really bad night after a terrible fight with King. She was under the influence of hard drugs, but, still- she was more Aware, then he was. He resembled her husband, and in her fucked-up, drug-addled mind, gravitated towards him. Used him. Left early and got pregnant.

It was a fucked up situation all around but Rena was definitely the instigater and in a bad place head-wise; emotionally erratic and a loose canon.

Well... in the universe where they all know eachother eventually- does Shiny k n o w??? Does Poppy know??? If King found out about Lottie, Rena would definitely tell him the whole story. But I don't think she'd go around telling just anyone (or if she'd even care. Or think about it at all. Getting drunk and fucked up and doing 'fucked up shit' (little baby firefly reference for you to lighten the mood XD ) is an all the time kinda thing for her after all). And I doubt that Smartass would, either. So...

??? What do you think? Maybe King tells them. How do they react? 🤔

(Oh god what of LOTTIE found out. She already doesn't want her mother, now she's about to kick this woman's ass)

This... I knew we had to confront it when we started to ship our OC's together, but I was afraid to 😅😭😅😭

Hooooooooo boy. Ok. Lemme break this down. I've been simmering on this ask for the past couple of days cause I wanna D I S C U S S this-

First off- whether or not Poppy and Shiny know what Rena did.

Hm... I feel like it's kind of yes, kind of no? And Shiny knows more than Pops does. Obviously, they don't know who the mother is, and if Smartass can't remember that night, then he's either blocked the memory out or he was that black out drunk. I don't think the darker side of this would really sink in for Poppy early on because, although she does know creeps exist, she imagines them being more confrontational; she did kind of grow up sheltered, and the only creeps she's encountered in Downtown are those who aren't subtle. So she doesn't think about the consequences of leaving your drink open in a crowded bar, or someone waiting until you're inebriated and not sound of mind to invite you over to their place (i really really really want to write Poppy getting drugged at a bar while hanging out with Greasy or Shiny, and they notice and take care if shit. Kind of like your Jim x Reader drabble). It took her a while to realize that how she and Henry met was also pretty predatory on his part, though.

Remember when I told you I imagine Poppy actually being there the night Lottie was dropped off on their doorstep? I also see her, after getting over the shock of a baby in this mobster house, trying to help Smarty retrace his steps so they can figure out where the baby even came from, "Ok, do you remember where you were nine months ago?" "Who the hell keeps track a'that!?" "Nobody, but in this case, we really need to figure that out-" Whether Smartsss remembers and tells her or not, after thinking it over, I think Poppy would suspect that Smartass was also taken advantage of and is scared and sorry for him. She'll ask him if he's OK and assure him it wasn't his fault, even if he tries to brush it off. As usual, Poppy would go into well-meaning-but-kinda-overbearing mode. She hopes that maybe the mother was also drunk- it's still bad for them both, but it's better than if she soberly saw Smartass in the state he was in and slept with him still. She wouldn't be sure if she should keep Lottie's hope up for her mother in this case since they only know Smartass' side, and will listen if he or Lottie says they aren't interested in the possibility that her mother may come back.

Shiny on the other hand, she's encountered nearly every type of fucker you could think of, especially now that she works in the adult entertainment industry. She's even fallen victim to some of them in the past. It's part of why she's so ready to square up and gouge someone's eye out if they give her the wrong vibe- hell, when she's out with her gals, especially Poppy, she's sniffing out for creeps while having fun. It's just second nature to her at this point. So when she was told about baby Lottie and heard that Smartass had no memory of that night, her alarm bells were already ringing in her head. Even if she annoys Smartass, she does see him as kind of like a little brother... A little brother who's a little asshole and got little man issues, but a little brother all the same (yes, that means she sees Stu as her little brother too. And he's a whole lot nicer than her other adopted brother XD), so she's also got that protective streak in her despite constantly teasing him.

She wants to find the bitch who took advantage of him, and tells him they should go find the mother- not for Lotties sake, but for his. Shiny is headstrong, so it'd take a lot for the guys to convince her to don't bother if Smarty doesn't want to go through all that trouble. Shiny wouldn't approve if Poppy tried to encourage Lottoe to be hopeful about her mother. Even if she wasn't such a monster like Shiny is imagining her to be, she still left her daughter. In Shiny's eyes, that's inexcusable. But maybe this is why Shiny hates Rena so much; she got the vibes from that woman without even finding out she was Lotties mother.

So even though Poppy and Shiny don't know the whole story, they both do end up suspecting and worried for him. Shiny would have no issues against telling Lottie that her mother is a bad person, and Poppy is trying to figure out what to tell Lottie when she asks (honestly they'd probably sit down together and go back and forth, especially if this is after Lottie asked Poppy if shes her mother and Poppy needs advice). If either of them met Rena after this?? And found out what she did???? Hoooooo boy.

Shiny is gonna start swinging, regardless if they've fucked or not. Enough said. Rena is a weapons expert, but Shiny inherited her dad's honey badger crack-head determination. It's anyone's fight at that rate.

Poppy? Ohhhhh ho ho ho, it depends on their relationship. If she just remained uncomfortable around Rena (which would happen in the Pocho, or any weasel ship, timeline. I don't care how alluring Rena turns it up, Poppy ain't cheating on her S/O), then this gives her more incentive to stay away from her. I can see her confronting Rena, even if it has been years at this rate. How could she have gone after a drunken man?! Even if she was having a bad day!? Don't even get me started on Poppy's thoughts about Rena only coming back into Lottie's life when she wants something. The mama bear in her would really rear to the surface if that happened.

If she and Rena started a relationship though??? Oh... Oh hell no. This is so much worse than Rena dropping Poppy for Henry. Poppy also confronts Rena here, but she's so much more angry and disgusted than she was with the topic of Henry. If Rena doesn't show some kind of remose for what she did, Poppy will break up with her... She might break up with Rena anyway- which is pretty big in and of itself because, as I'm sure you've noticed, Poppy has never been the breaker in a relationship. How do you think Rena would respond to that?

Now granted, Rena was also under the influence. But as you said, she was more aware. I think maybe this might make Poppy hesitate? She doesn't indulge in drugs (except that one time Wheezy got her high on weed by accident *cough*) and she prefers to drink on specific times, so she's not so in-tune with how inebriated someone can get and how in control they can be. Shiny, however, she is a hard drinker and smokes (she sticks to Marijuana herself, but she has had a few friends who indulged in more serious drugs. Her slasher self, though, indulges in them greatly), so she does know that there are various levels of sobriety and intoxication. And she's pretty sure Rena wasn't black out drunk like Smartass, especially since she actually remembers that night.

Poppy, conflicted and unsure: Shouldn't we... Aren't we supposed to take her condition that night into consideration, too??

Shiny: that's actually a good point, Pops.

Shiny: *turns to Rena* do you remember what happened that night?

Rena: Yeah-

Shiny: Then kindly go fuck yourself with a sandpaper wrapped cactus that's tipped with E. Coli.

Now as for King... Poppy would have mixed feelings. It's obvious he's not like Rena and doesn't agree with what she does, but why are they still together?? Yes, he loves her, but... *looks at Rena and her cheating hoe-ass* yeah... Meanwhile, Shiny is suspicious of him if he's still with Rena afterall this. What kind of skeletons does he have in his closet?? Other than the obvious. She would try to keep Poppy away from King if this happened in the Kingpop timeline.

As for Lottie. Poppy wants to protect her, so she'll try to stop her from kicking Rena's ass. Yes, she's got training from the navy, but she won't let her little neice get hurt! Let her take care of this, sweetie. You and your father need to get away from this woman. Shiny would jump into the fight first... But she'd let Lottie get her kicks in too. And they can go get a drink at the bar afterwards and either sit in silence or talk about it, whatever Lottie would want.

So, tldr, Poppy and Shiny may not be told all the details, but they would start to suspect on their own. And Riny and Renpop would be nonexistent in this AU.

Fuuuuuuucccckkkk this hurt my heart so bad, especially the part of me that loves the Rena ships despite how dysfunctional they'd be. But we needed this too. What do you think?

[39472034658449305249465224devils]

i am not often very happy with like adoptable culture and stuff but it's not because im opposed to the idea. i like making adopts a lo, because i like to design but.. i dont really like to draw the designs. like, im not gonna use them. im not very creative at making up stories on my own anymore, and i just do not have the time to draw all my characters already, and im the type who really does want the designs i have to get used. so id rather trade them off to people who will use them. it feels very win-win to me. i also struggle a lot to connect to designs i make myself, im sure many others feel similarly. i know that i prefer adoptables to commissioning custom designs too. i feel like customs are just SUCH a gamble that i just do not risk taking anymore.

"if you like to design but dont want to keep them, why dont you just give them out for free"

first of all i dont... think that the idea of charging for my services is wrong. an adoptable is just an artistic freedom commission done before the buyer knows, in a sense. adopts are not some kind of unique evil, i really dont believe that.

but second of all, i have. in fact i used to a lot more. the truth is, a lot of the people who pick up free adopts dont actually use them, theyre impulse 'claims' from people who get really twitchy over the idea of owning something so nobody else can first. there's no way to garentee anyone who homes any design by me is gonna use it- and like 90% of the time, they dont. heartbreaking, but its easier to forget if i got something in return.

"why is it your business if they use it or not? who cares." i dont entirely disagree, but i think i have a right to be a little put-out by it. my standard for adoptables is that "if i am not tempted to keep it, it's not good enough yet." so the majority of adopts i design are ones i let go of telling myself "theyll use it more than you would." it makes me a bit sad when my ocs go into literal collection folders who just get named numbers or something by someone who doesnt intend to ever draw or write anything regarding them. like, yeah we dont always upload the art of our ocs or write what we have in our heads about them, but there is a tier separate from that which is people who genuinely just. do not ever intend to do anything besides, yes, hoard the design. ive seen people who i wont name directly who for a time, at least this specific person (who i think doesnt anymore) would literally just buy basically any sparkledog so nobody else could have them. pages upon pages upon pages of characters. never intended to be used. enjoy characters in your own way but... idk. it just ends up feeling kinda wasteful or manic or gluttonous or something.

these days i really try to focus on what characters i will use, and trying to draw at least 1 picture of a character i obtain. it means a lot as an artist to see your design get loved.

on the same topic, sure, im not entitled to it, but youre not entitled to applause after your concert either, but if every time you bore your heart on stage you were met with silence, you'd probably quit doing it. i think that is whats lost when people complain about how artists 'arent entitled to reblogs at all' and how writers shouldnt be sad when nobody reads their works. like, yeah, blame people for being sad other people get more compliments than they do, explain it in a faux wise way like "you should create and share it for yourself, not for others. you feeling sad is a sign that you're a bad person." or whatever. but it makes you sound like a jackass who does not understand the situation at all. this is like, a basic human response. when other people get something nice but we're left out, it makes the human sad. do i think banners and such are overdoing it? sure. but getting pissy about people venting that they feel like not making artworks because people silently stare at it and walk away in a sense is just. like really rude and stupid? get off your high horse.

[doegirldaydreamer]

Diary entry #4 - 23/01/25-26/01/25

Sooo girls to be so real w u rn this is just gonna be one biiiig yap session bc honestly i dont usually do much over the weekends.. except for this one apparently i totally cooked omg.

Firstly thursday whihc i only have one thing to say abt bc it was ages ago and erm.. it sucks.. its alr the day im writing this is a good one so i get to yap abt that in a sec.

Anyways basically i got out early and i was waiting for my friend by the gate and this girl i know was walking by and i thought she waved at me so ofc i waved back. But then she was acc waving at her bf behind me and she and the girl she was with (who doesnt like me) started like leaning over and giggling and shit. Now firstly i hadnt had any interactions at all w that girl in months and honestly she started talking more in lessons n stuff and honestly i like.. this is gonna be super weird to say but i thought she was changing. And as weird as it sounds i was honestly kinda disappointed. Like ofc it was embarrassing but also.. damn i thought u were becoming a better person but alright.. also i thought i was kinda friends w the girl she was talking to be she used to be so sweet and just.. damn. Like i used to have a little crush on her for a while bc she was rlly sweet and i didnt get why people didnt like her and called her two faced but erm. Yeah i get that now. And its so weird bc shes sorta used to be friends w my friends so sometimes she comes up and she still talks to me and its like.. yeah no thanks. Like idk why i would want to talk to u when ik ur friend hates me and u dont either a) tell me or b) shut it down or at least c) dont laugh damn.

Also another weird thing it made me realise that i kinda base beauty on how ppl treat me yk? Like i used to think she was really pretty but after that i just sorta dont. And ik it sounds bad but like.. i think its just bc my opinion on ppl changes based on how they treat me ofc. Also it was kinda relieving bc mentally ive always kinda valued looks over personality when dating bc if im not attracted to u i really dont wanna waste ur time w it yk? Bc beauty is subjective and js because your beauty isnt my version of it doesnt mean that should be your problem. But also i like find it hard to find even ‘ugly’ people not pretty and its nice to know im not like absolutely evil for caring abt how ppl look and its kinda sorta me just evaluating how they treat me yk?? Or maybe im an arsehole idk tbh..

Anywaysyyss onto fridayyy! So i acc didnt go to school that day.. and this was before my anxiety kicked in btw it was just there was a storm w really strong winds and neither me or mum wanted to go out in it (bc respectfully we would acc both get blown over the winds were that bad). Sooo yum i got that day off! Buut icl i just put on a chill fit and bedrotted. I dont even remember shit from friday except telling my mum like ‘yeah tbh i dont think ill have another day off this year’ GIRL. Thats why i never say shit like that ik i didnt but it feels like i jinxed it.. thats why im so scared of saying shit like that omgmgmg i have horrible timing.

Anyways then erm.. there was saturday which was! Not a good day at first! So basically when i got up in the morning the bathroom floor was wet and nobody told me so the clothes i brought to change into got wet and i had to put on a diff outfit. And bc my hair was greasy i decided to try and proper braid it bc i got close before and it would make me feel better. Spoiler it didnt bc i literally couldnt and i got soososo upset and frustrated over it. And then my stupid arse decided to look in a mirror after and (bc i was having a bad day) i thought i was gross and ugly aaannddd i cried over it. And ofc that spiralled into me ranting abt how dirty my house makes me feel sometimes and how fucking gross i felt and how it felt like nobody would ever like me which.. girl stfu giggle. Lordy typing this is depressing me anyways after that little episode i was like ‘ykw dont be a bitch if u dont like sumet do sumet about it’ so i started cleaning my room and guess what i fkn found. A like dirty old drawing id made when i was really little of my family. So ofc i bawled my eyes out over that. Literally like on and off crying for a solid hour icel that shit HIIT.

But then ofc the post breakdown urges kicked in and i was like fuck it and started completely clearing out my room. Like literally everywhere but under my bed and a set of drawers was completely cleaned out and i now have a bag of stuff to get rid of in my room. Also tiny side rant this is totally first world spoilt bitch problems but whenever my mum washes my clothes for me she piles them on top of that bag like. Two days ago i was weeping about how digusting my room was idec if you just shove it in my wardrobe just PLS let me LIIIVVEE </3

Okay anyways bitching over i spent like the entire of saturday clearing out and thank fuck i acc completely finished it. Like theres still some mess but tbh fuck that shit rn wait until my next breakdown pls.

Andnnd guess what i did on sundayy.. actually i was gonna say bedrotted but i kinda didnt? Like icel my hair was so fucking greasy that it basically slicked itself back so obvi i couldnt be seen in public but when i got up i acc like didnt go on my phone and i meditated and i did a fkn workout. It was like a 10min dance workout but girl thats better than like.. ever idk giggle. And even tho i barely did shit other than play pokemon it was acc kinda a good day. Tbh a win to mee!!

Andd.. okay maybe that was a bit less rambly than i expected bc i barely did anything but overall the weekend was sorta a winn!

Rue, signing out 𓂃۶ৎ

[freebooter4ever]

What do you miss most about Pittsburgh?

Oh gosh, that's a question! I mean aside from the obvious answer of my old dance buddy lettia or naeem.

I miss pittsburgh's community, specifically the very music and art oriented one i was in. There's community here in LA but its all about fame, and money, and celebrity, and how you can use other people to get ahead. Just the other day i saw an influencer i actually kinda admired brag about meeting someone who out of respect for them + their privacy i have never never mentioned because i met them as a friend first. And it felt so weird seeing this person i know be used as click bait for the influencer's hits/likes/subscriptions. It kind of jolted some reality into me about how this city operates even in the smaller circles i run in. Its like the vibes in LA are all about 'being someone' and self importance. If someone is only going to respect me for my money (or disrespect me for my lack of money), or who i know, or credits to my name, i dont think i want their respect anyway.

Pittsburgh though - nobody was anybody in pittsburgh so we didnt fucking care, lol. It was a lot easier to go to things, to feel connected. There was an emphasis on diy, where it didnt matter who you were or who you knew if you had a good idea there was a chance it could happen. There were things like Art All Night and the various music festivals in the different neighborhoods. I was most connected to the music scene so i miss the casual afternoon concerts in someone's tiny apartment with everyone crowded around the band. The basement parties, the dancing. Ted's rowhouse was on fisk street so when i lived there with friends i really enjoyed how much of a community space it was - people were always coming and going off of butler street, movie nights, human chess parties. It definitely could feel too small sometimes - literally everybody knew everyone and everybody dated everyone. The year i left two of my ex boyfriends were living in the same house and i cant tell you the number of 'male harem' jokes i got about that one. Or the number of times a dude wanted to date me and when i said 'no' i immediately got excluded from an entire friend group. But no matter how frustrating the smallness got, i still was also aware of how special it was. Its also mostly over - a lot of my friends from that time have since dispersed to other cities. I think moments like that are fleeting, but thats what makes them unique.

But even with all that said, you know what my favorite thing to do in pittsburgh was?

Driving

and ok ok that probably sounds stupid. And it probably does not help that im in LA where driving is now the second level of hell. But even compared to seattle or nyc or other places i lived, driving in pittsburgh was just so much fun and you cant recreate that anywhere else. I once saw a data visualization of the main cities of the US and places like LA and even NYC were nicely laid out squares but pittsburgh was just this insane clusterfuck pencil scribble, and thats truly it. Cause not only do you have over 100 bridges and lots of one way roads that will funnel you onto a bridge you absolutely dont want to go over but whoops guess you're going anyway, but this city was also built on a cluster of hills. Thats what makes up the various neighborhoods - and the roads that connect these hills through hollows and over forests - are the most confusing rat maze you can imagine. For every one way to go there's also probably a dozen other options and mentally calculating which route will be fastest taking into account traffic and distance and 'speed limit' is a skill only acquired after years of living in the city. And if you have a tiny car and nasc*ar level driving skills thanks to the multiple generations of engineers in your family....driving up and down those hills is just a joy. It also, uh, helped that I made my own hours so worked from 11am - 3am most days and avoided all traffic. And in the city proper the pigs arent allowed to r*adar so as long as you knew where the speed traps were you could...uhhh... Be lenient. I only ever got pulled over once and that was because one time in the spring of 2016 i went home from work early one night and these asshole hockey fans were taking up the entire street around the rink that would get me onto bigelow and connect me to lawrenceville. And since i couldnt go down that one street, becaues its pittsburgh, i had to go in the complete opposite direction to find another route home which took like an extra fifteen minutes. And yeah i got pulled over, started crying and explaining i was just trying to get home from work, and they let me go. But damn those hockey fans. :P (but also had i realized you could go hangout outside and watch the hockey game on giant screens with a huge crowd of fellow broke but dedicated weirdos, i totally would have loved that. Thats what pittsburgh is all about lmao)

Anyway one of my old friends moved from pitt to LA, and then he moved from LA to shanghai. And i once asked him would he move back to LA and his response was that he couldn't imagine living in LA again after living in a Proper City like shanghai. And he made it clear that he saw being able to 'make it' in larger and larger cities as like...a mark of his personal progress. But me? Im a small town girl unfortunately. I still dream about the day i can fuck off to live in a cabin in the woods somewhere.

[neutrallyobsessed]

EPISODE 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY'RE BACK!!!!!

there in school again and Jesús hates it lol speaking of, everyone hates Joan~ lolol

AHHH THE BLEACHERS CREATURES NOTE!! Oh shit- its funnier than i expected heh, reminds me of Mikitaka honestly~~

Wait, so this guy isn't Malcom X? Then who tf is he? fr i didnt catch a word he said when he said his name..... I guess i'll be calling him Malcom X for the rest of this liveblog and when i finish ill check what his name really is lol, i really dont wanna spoil myself on this!

POINT! attention whore confucius my beloved~~, but let's see what this professor is all about...

Abe and JFK friendship! That sounds lovely and I sure don't care! But wish the best for them shippers! I'm also crossing my fingers! Teehee :3c

INTRO!! IT'S THE SAME AS BEFORE!! eh okay, kinda wanted it to change to reflect the current relationships but the only thing that should change is the parts with Joan, JFK and Abe so.... yeah its ok...

And Candide is the sole member of the board, yeah that makes sense lol, she also took vacation, haha "tanned"

GANDHI!!!!!! SXTREAM BLU!!! BEST DUDES 4EVER!!!! KNORK!!!! G-SPOT!!!!!! RAISINS!!!!!!! wait the retainers are actually Joan's...

THE EAR PIERCING!!!!!!!!!!!

they were right, they really are teasing our cocks with gandhi what the fuck

HE'S HERE!!

YEAH GIRL INTERRUPT THAT MUSICAL, NOBODY LIKES THAT SHIT HELL YEAH!!! and there are better people out there that can explain why Jackie is epic yoo

I just want more points jsksjksjksjsjsks

yeah "well funded" but............. oh cool a rocket! so it is true that theyll send them clone to space? :D

Wow Harriet being non-conformist by being conformist thats punk as hell man!

wait book burning? lmao- NOOOOO NOT THE FUCKING MAGNETS PRESENTATION AAAA BUT THE POINTSSSS NOW WE WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DO THEY WORK!!!!

oh but harriet/not malcom x apperantly? thats looking good so far ey

Hmm i still buy the theory that Exclamation! is in Nebraska

OH umm Mr B had a very smooth animation right there.....and yeah this whole scene is funny lolol glass ceiling

JFK being a jerk ass bully!!! Hell yeah!!!! :DDD

omg this is so funny cause like JUST THIS WEDNEDSDAY! JimmyHere did his ylyl vid of the week and in that vid he went to fact check about what happens if you eat a magnet! The answer being well yeah it wont kill you but ahahahha DONT DO IT MMMMM :))))

OH MOTHERFUCKER- QUE CONCHA DE SU MADRE JJAJAJJAJA me cae chistoso este profe, con que se la andara?

OYO THE TENSION! THAT YOUTUBE SOUND EFFECT!!

I LOVE IT!!!

HE'S BACK!!

I mean yeah, it makes sense that you choose a good color when you paint a wall, specially for vandalism purposes but ey look! a canon couple passed by when Joan and Topher were in close proximity to each other! that MUST mean something right?!

MOPED!! That's SO cool! they're going Downtown babey ;3 with- the massive helmet eheh WOAH THATS TIGHT ALRIGHTTT

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE LIEEEEE JSKSJSKJSKSSKSJKS ES EXCELENTE

NADA QUE VER BOLUDAAAA NDEAAAAHHHH JSKSJKJSKSJKJS

AH BUENO EYE SEX REAL issss is this something the big mouth writers put on? ahahahhahhhhhh i want a word with them-

but does your eye got a boyfriend? WELL YEAH..........

.........

... eye got a boyfriend :v

sooo y'all just spray paint a wall? hmm ok, expecting future mischief to be more lethal next time~~

Oh so she call the feds first? hehehehhe

OHIO MENTIONED! IT HURTS TO BE THIS HIP

OOOHHHH ACCUSATIONS OF AFFAIRS~~

i love intentional animation inconsistencies uwu

OH NO ITS NOT SUNDAY OR HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

funny pose, and she's default posing lol, its kinda like the t-pose of flash/vector/2D animaion ;v

and the idea of having the idiot clone killed by their own idiocy is brilliant! BUt... his moment is over! a self contained story, what will happen next~?

oh so the sachel bleeds huh..... yknow itd be a lot funnier if humans didnt bleed but inanimate objects did, a bit of absurdist humor~~

lol suspect

Yaayyy Joan is part of the group and has friends and one of them is Topher, super important :D!

Rating: an aight start ^^/10!

Topher Bus has appeared on screen for 1:23 minutes (I'm not counting recaps or the intro)

[georgette-mademoiselle]

Sekido: you irritate me!

Georgette: and yet you havent left my room

Sekido: MY ROOM! YOUR JUST A GUEST STAYING OVER FOR GOD KNOWS WHEN YOU'LL LEAVE!

georgette: well when you put it that way now im not leaving!

Sekido: w-what!? And why the hell not!

Georgette: because my sweet, the more you shout the more youll only strain your throat the more you shout the more you yell your just increasing anxiety within you and most of all...your hearts health can barley take it.

Sekido: why do you care about my well bieng so much!? God your nurtuting instincts is INFURIATING! im a demon! None of these things matter to us anymore! So why do you insist on doing so!?

Georgette: *sigh* perhaps that's true, but still...i deeply worry that youll over do it to the point it gets in the way of your next coming battles or worse your shouting can distract the others from what there doing your a good leader ill give you that but your patience and self control needs work

Sekido: woman i am the embodiment of anger itself! It is in my nature to do so! Stop coddling me with your lecture!

Georgette: and like i said previous your still in my room.

Sekido: DONT YOU TALK BACK TO ME Y-

georgette *she puts her finger onto his lips*

Shhh...you find comfort in bieng around me right?

Sekido: i-i...

Georgette: its hard for you to be kind i get it but know that the fee instances that youve shown me ive treasured it in my memories...the rose garden...the hair admiration ...and of course *wrapping her arms around his neck* when you insisted in stayin by my side when the voices became to much to bear...your kindess has not been overshadowed my love....

Sekido: i remember...*he almost felt warmth in his heart, despite who he was there was some form of softness in him that many dont see and in rare occasions when he did it was because he deeply cared about you in a way* and despite all the foulness that comes out of my mouth you favor me out of everyone here...why?

Georgette: do i have to say it?

Sekido: .....

Georgette: because your special sekido, not only because you harber a deep softness despite your intense emotion but your also the most mature one here plus really intelligent *taps his forhead* and...*blushing almost looking away* y-your beautiful...the color red captivates me so much that i cant take my eyes of you...

Sekido: Georgie...

Georgette: long ago i knew someone with the exact hair color as mine and your eyes...he was the sweetest person ever, sometimes your frustration and stress reminds me of him whenever he couldnt figure out a spell or because his past would crept behind him

And now hes gone...but despite that...theres hope...and that hope is you bieng my next chapter.

Sekido: *all these positive words where things he wasn't used to hearing nobody dared love somone like him yet here she was completely drawn to him* i see...so im your crimson haired beauty in demon form hm?

Georgette: *bashful* hahaha kinda!

Sekido: Kinda!? Tck! What is he more beautiful than me!? Hes lucky that hes no longer with us or else i would marched in his home with the audacity! *Oops maybe he shouldnt have said that last line*

Georgette: *as horrible as that sounded she laughed* awww your jealous! Its ok sekido you and him have a very completely different beauty that makes each and both of you stand out.

Sekido: whatever! Trying to save my pride by saying hes different from me pathetic!

Georgette: ahh sekido...that was the past this is now, this new chapter is all about you and the rest of this houshold. And while im here i do mean it i want to help you control yourself i understand you cant help it at times and i cant blame you bieng a personification of an emotion must be the hardest thing ever

Sekido: oh you have no idea...

Georgette: oh i do ive been here for a couple of weeks now and trust me it feels like im in an asylum *laughs*

Sekido: *ah how true* then welcome to our insane asylum i hope you contenue enjoying your stay my crimson rose *very slightly smiles and pats her head*

Sekido: now come join us downstairs to feast.

Dividers by @/elryisia

[raysletters]

Fanfic Friday!

Rules: share a fic you wrote (or fan art or gif) that you are proud of! Moodboard optional!

Oh would you look at that? nobody actually tagged me, but im really proud of this fic and will forever be my precious baby and my first non canon compliant or canon adjacent fic.

peace by raysletters

"give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you"

4 times Henry gives himself away, and the 1 time Alex shows him how much there is of him.

lightly inspired in it's nice to have a friend and peace by taylor swift

(alternatively called: the superhero au)

this was written thanks to a prompt from @inexplicablymine for @thebrownstone anniversary exchange and ive never had so much fun writing something ever. it was in the middle of a writers block and i spent SO long thinking about it (mainly bc i cant stand the movie or a certain actress on it) before i remembered my aforementioned hyperfixations on both the bright sessions and the flash (at some point i hope somebody makes a tbs x rwrb fic before i end up caving in and do it myself, even though it would be very similar to this fic, now that i think about it).

(break where i give little information about this bc the research was long and incredibly fun)

after all of that, it was so long that i spent on a google rabbit hole of researching superpowers and thinking how would it fit each person (i KNEW before anything else that i was going to give bea music powers, and after that the rest followed) so it is funny how all of their powers correlate between family and stuff and i need everyone to know about this bc i really spent so long thinking of it.

you have the mountchristen line, that has the "mind powers", starting with mary (psyren) that has the powers to manipulate minds, but it is more like suggestions, so that's why alex and bea could shrug it off and how henry would be able to after fighting his usual response of like going along whatever mary said; then you have catherine (vis) that has telekinesis, aka manipulation of objects through her mind (dont ask me about the name this one was very much just thrown out there when i looked it up suggestions on google). thats where arthur (foxglove) comes in with his ecokinesis (this is more like controlling plants but not really with his mind but like hes in TUNE with the planet and nature ala poison ivy kinda thing(?) (also yes ofc i found out there is a PLANT called FOX-GLOVE and gave it as a name for arthur. that is something he 100% would do and i dont receive criticism for it) and starts the fox-mountchristen line with philip (no i didnt think of his superhero name bc even though he is a bit redeemed here, he doesnt deserve it) and his MANIPULATION OF THE LIGHT WITH HIS MIND. and yes its cool and all, but i just want to emphasize that i wanted them to be able to MANIPULATE PARTS OF NATURE WITH THEIR MINDS BC ITS A MIX OF BOTH CATH AND ARTHUR (sjfnakdjfkahdmfhansbfmahdm im sorry i thought of it while still blocked and thought it was absolutely genius 💀💀). then there comes beautiful gorgeous bea who doesnt have a pseudonym bc she's actually part of the agency trying to control that superheroes dont do crazy stuff (yes bc of mary) and shes a badass agent and also has a band on the side bc she CAN MANIPULATE SOUND AHFNSJHSSJDJABHSNSHAJS. and lastly theres henry with his empathy and this is something not implied but more like a nod to tbs bc henry's actual powers are the manipulation of emotions which MEANS HENRY IS BASICALLY INCREDIBLY FUCKING POWERFUL but since he really doesnt like all that superhero shit, he doesnt care about it. at some point in time, he might discover hes even able to push emotions into other people, but again, since that was a nod to tbs, thats just something for them to discover in the future and thats it.

on the other hand, you have the claremont-díaz line that is messy as fuck, because in this universe, ellen enlisted in the army like her father and she ended up becoming a super soldier, along the lines of captain america, and was called "lometa longshot" bc yes ofc i had to. so you see how she doesnt have actual powers but instead she just has everything ENHANCED????; then you have oscar, who has the ability to fly, (which, fun fact, was actually the last power i thought of bc the idea of it is that oscar had some power of MOVEMENT), and bc you have impossible movement and enhancement, you get beautiful june with her powers of teletransportation that allow her to be a badass reporter and always get exclusives bc of how fast she can get somewhere; and you get alex with his undiagnosed adhd and the fire under his ass for no good reason and then there was absolutely no other choice but to give him super speed (and has nothing to do with the fact that he, like barry allen, is a very intelligent but very chaotic bisexual with undiagnosed adhd).

nora is there vibing, being a tecnopath and having actual numbers on her brain while also planning to conquer the world and also become kind of an iron-woman(? in that she makes gadgets for superheroes and for herself. pez is also vibing and being so cool they even have two powers, being able to shapeshift AND mimic the powers of ppl near them. hes the actual threat in that if they wanted, they could absolutely conquer the world.

ANOTHER FUN FACT: this is fairly obvious but in the us the school is called sky high and in uk the school is called wonder school bc i couldnt think of anything else and my reference for names of schools in the uk is that wizardry school from that horrible book so like,,,,, yeah.

LAST FUN FACT I SWEAR: theres a list of classes and their kind of equivalents that showed up after i decided alex would absolutely never stand this hero/sidekick bullshit shsksjsksjsksjsksjsksjs it was fun even though im yet to grasp the concept of american education(????? (listen im dumb so like if you were expecting too much from me, thats on you)

Math → Strategy

Language Arts → Heroism (morality and stuff)

Science → Mad Science

Social Studies → World History

Foreign Language → Technology (Hacking and entering 💀)

Physical Education → Combat

Electives → Save the citizen, Enhancement (like practice your own powers and stuff), Origins (of superheroes and superpowers), Teamwork (something both Alex and Henry definitely didn't take 💀), Alter-ego Management

(im not kidding when i say i pasted it verbatim to what i had in my docs, bc theres nothing more chaotic than my outlines and ramblings on any of my gdocs)

im not tagging anyone bc i just noticed it is decidedly not friday anymore but i got too excited talking about this fic akdbdksjsksjAbssjakajsncjbsksdhdjsj anyway, go and read it if you havent shkssjkssjsksjsksjs

[liopleurodean]

Season 10, Episode 17: Inside Man

Huh.

Bobby?

Ooh, that's an interesting idea

Is Dean okay?

Oh no... Dean...

You've gotta wake him up, Sam

Or maybe not

Riiight

Sounds like fun

What kind of movie?

What.

Dad mode

That was weird

I mean, I know what Sam is doing, but. Weird.

I mean, yeah, but I also think he's actually doing better than he was before the demon thing. Like, it reset him or something.

Alright then

Weird

Yikes

Rowena, don't be coy

This is a trainwreck of a conversation

Huh.

Dean...

Dean. That's nasty

That's a bold-faced lie

This entire episode is a trainwreck, actually

I should've known by the weird looks on their faces

And maybe with Sam not there

Cas, not again

Cas.

This is great

No, he's got an idea

THE BLATANT CAMERA VIEW ON THE SURFACE LOGO 😭 how much did Microsoft pay them for that 😭😭😭

(not to diss the Surface, I'm watching on one right now)

I'm so confused

Eugh he's using Windows 8, I can't watch

Close enough for her

He knows the bartender by name. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing

Oh, Dean

I don't like him

Oh, Dean's gonna have fun

This'll be great

So then what happened?

Mm...

Cas, no

Spooky

So I looked up this guy's IMDb because I thought I recognized his face (I do not) and it turns out he was the donkey guy on My Little Pony. Weird.

An Angel of the Lord

IM AN ATHEIST

Fair

This is so whack

HE CALLED METATRON A HOBBIT

Bad idea, dudes

Yikes

I can't wait for the payoff

Oh, they're gonna crash and burn

Dean, don't be mean

And there he goes. That was kinda terrifying to watch the switch

Aw, his hat!

This is familiar

He took the jacket off 😂 this is so much fun to watch

Aw, Dean, don't take the watch

Oh great

Dean...

Maybe he shouldn't wear that shirt anymore (though it kills me to say it)

Yeah, I bet

You could say that

Uh...

That's a tall order

I remember that

Great question

Yeah. Classics

1. There's nobody better and b. You're in heaven. There's gotta be a way around that

Um.

Uh oh

Fair

Ouch

Probably that same spell as last time

Oh, Dean...

This is not good

That sounds like something related to Gaelic

The Mark has many benefits

Dean, be careful

Oh right, they don't know that part

Unfortunately

She's really annoying

Huh. It's like a lever

Death can't stop the Winchesters from spreading their crap

Spooky

Uh oh, you better run

That did not go well for her

Oh, she did not

I mean. Crowley would know that if someone was trying to kill Dean Winchester, they'd be lucky to walk out alive. So obviously something is fishy here

Hehehe

By what?

Huh. Uneasy ally

Of course he does

See? Crowley knows what's up

Uh huh...

What makes you think he isn't?

Oh boy

If anyone can, it's Bobby

Hah! Good idea

Heaven revolt

This is interesting

THE BOBBYS ARE FIGHTING BACK

THE BOBBYS ARE SURLY

The answer to the question of life the universe and everything!!!!!!! I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

Run Forrest, run!

Hi, Cas

He's in Lebanon

Yup

Exactly

I'm sorry. I know that it makes sense, but the fact that Crowley is more willing to listen to Dean than Rowena speaks volumes.

Ouch

But there's hope

The little pitchfork in the drink 😂

She's not wrong

Now it's just a domestic disagreement

Me neither

He's not even 40 😂

Then again, Bobby died at 62... and just must've been somewhere around the same age, if younger. And we know Dean dies at forty... so I guess he's not entirely wrong

FAMILY DONT END IN BLOOD, BUT IT DOESNT START THERE EITHER

Speaking of Bobby...

And Dean's family is doing exactly that right now

I wanna punch that smirk off his face

Lame

That can be arranged

Fun times

Oh, please

Rgh, he gets on every single one of my nerves

Absolutely not

Oh. That's a bold move

Yes!

I love them so much

Death-level

That sounds like him

Hmm.

Hehehe

Surprisingly

Probably not

HES BACK

Alright then

Yeah...

Yeah, I bet

The toothbrush 😭

Huh

Yeah...

Dean's done the same before

Good advice

Aww

Awww

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 45: One Princess to Another Season 1, Episode 46: The Mighty Space Mouse

Episode 45: One Princess to Another

Starting today's episode on Pollux I see where the hell is Romelle and why are the guards only talking to Bandor when he's A BABY

Never mind she ran off with Sven to stop doom from rebuilding their army and attacking their planet again At least she left a note that he could follow

I love how Lotor and the other people behind him gasp when Zarkon says he's gonna make himself the best king to have ever ruled with that plan Like guys, he's said crazier things than that

Also, with the way Zarkon spoke about him conquering the universe it sounded like Arus was the only stronghold left that he hasn't conquered which a bit weird to me

"I think the robeasts are having some kind of contest" "Yes they're trying to figure out which one is the ugliest!" "That's not funny Sven" YES IT IS ROMELLE

why does the winning robeast have such a cherry red colored head compared to literally the rest of its green colored body

God Romelle's outfit looks SO GOOD ugh I need to find someone who I can pay to make it for me, such a vibe Or y'know I can make it myself, but I'm lazy

Oh woah we only just now got to see Arus and even then nobody spoke but Sven when he called in, that never happens

SVEN WHERE DID YOU GET THE ROBEAST COSTUME Now I just imagine him making it in the middle of the night before this whole plan was made

Amazing we finally get some dialogue from the lion team, not for long though 'cause it's back to Sven

"Why didn't I think of this fantastic plan before my father did" Because you're a fucking idiot Lotor, get with the program

Not Sven bitch slapping a guard, go king you can do no wrong

Sven yelled at enough people in the cockpit to convince them to go to the engine room he just blew up, but I guess the producers either forgot or thought nobody would notice if they just,,,, pretended those guards were new ones as they were running out so they could "catch" Sven being there

Sven: (guns down the entire room to destroy all the controls and then does it AGAIN when he's just about to leave) Uhh, A bit trigger-happy huh Sven

Late episode launch sequence means business

I was gonna say, is it really a robeast if it's just a ship that outmaneuvering the team, but it really is one in the form of a spider

that robeast just stood there as voltron pierced through it,,, not much of a fight

SVEMELLE MY BELOVED THEY'RE SO CUTE

man this episode had nothing to do with both princesses, just Romelle, but I will never complain about seeing more screen time of her

/episode end

Episode 46: The Mighty Space Mouse

We open with Pidge bitching about the Garrison not doing their jobs by refusing to send reinforcements to Arus, I love this episode already #fucktheGG2k24

I dont think the mice have ever bothered me, it's obvious they're comedic relief but they're training to help fight against enemies so they're kinda useful! Also they found a sleeping Kova (Koba?) and Cheesy immediately stabbed him with a tooth pick and when that didn't work HE FUCKING STONED THE CAT SO IT'D STAB THE TOOTH PICK FURTHER INTO HIS TAIL, RUTHLESS

christ does that cat have no neck?? it was FAT

cheesy is just braving this cat along man, where are his wife and kids?? BEHIND ROCKS THAT'S WHERE unappreciated 😤

Nanny putting Hunk on a diet is foul, like I know it's a fat joke, and that man is NOT fat but I do agree maybe a diet is good because all we've seen on him is that as long as it's food he doesn't care what he's shoving in his mouth

ah the other mice went to get help from the team since Cheesy was getting cornered by Kova, HOWEVER HE DOESNT NEED HELP HE FUCKING STABBED THE CAT IN THE EYE AND CHASED HIM OFF HIMSELF EVEN THOUGH HE WAS AFRAID I LOVE HIM HE'S SO COOL

Keith giving Cheesy praise is so wholesome, i love this keith he's a sweetheart through and through

"let [lotor] stand by and watch a job done right!" get his ass zarkon, i want to see lotor verbally abused MORE

Allura and Pidge were arguing about what the mice should do, allura is on the other three's side where they're too distracted to train while pidge agreed with cheesy that they need to be ready for kova

The transition to them agreed was weird because allura was finally like "train to stand up to kova first!" as if she wasn't the one arguing against that sdoivns

omg everyone is so supportive of the mice training, keith was there first giving them moral support and now hunk and lance are watching them do cardio i love this team they're having so much fun just being themselves

PIDGE BUILT THEM A MOUSE SHIP THATS ADORABLE I know in future comics and tv shows (and in the next season prob) they made pidge the genius but he just seems to like to tinker instead of being the defacto smarty pants and i love that a lot

DID LANCE HELP PIDGE BUILD IT, HE KNEW THE NAME (X-47) AND SAID IT WAS STABLE AND FOOL PROOF lance is forever pidge's big brother in this goddamn show nobody can tell me fuckin OTHERWISE

test flight 1 failed but they're still tryin

oh great,,, coran's here, at least he has plot relevant quake information yay launch sequence!

i love when the show reuses scenes, we just saw the team land on this open fault line and then immediately after hunk races out of inside it as it was closing in on him we see the same scene again LMAO i get it's so save money but it's so silly to me and very fun

"from down under! you can feel it!" pidge was that a down Under by Men At Work reference?

of course keith is the only one who doesnt get caught by chains also he's cutting the team loose with the ion knives but you can very obviously tell its just his one and the rest are color coded for the other lions lMAO

voltron formation time, we're at like maybe 1/4 more than halfway of the episode though? i wonder what makes the fight take so long

Voltron is tied up and trapped but what's this?? THE MICE COME IN WITH THEIR SHIP AND FIRE A CANON BALL AT HAGGAR AND BREAK HER CRYSTAL BALL HOLY SHIT

alright excitement short lived because cheesy is having a mufasa moment at the edge of a cliff with kova as scar

is voltron being tied up and cut apart fucking redone in voltron force?? you've gotta be kidding me this is the third goddamn time it's happened

THE MOUSE SHIP FLIES AND CHEESY IS SAVED AFTER SLIPPING OFF THE CLIFF

im sorry since when did "magnum energy fusion" exist?? they just melted off the goddamn chains like that! obvs voltron always wins and is overpowered as hell but I NEED THE WEAPONS LIST WHERE IS MY 30TH ANNIVERSARY BOOK

oh that is a SICK design for a robeast, very very cool, it looks like a mutated scorpion that has extra legs underneath

robeast defeated, haggar thought that bringing up the surprise attack from the mice would make zarkon soften up but he just got on her ass more LMAOO

/episode end

[pastanest]

this was all happening the week of my first exam. the first exam in the year im retaking. i.e. i wanna do good. at my uni, you can only fail the same year once. if i fail again i get kicked out.

so stress levels thru the roof. and sometimes, when the vibes are off, my throat does this thing where it kinda shuts down lol. it closes off completely and i cant swallow. usually it lasts from a couple hours to maybe a day or two. its not very painful most of the time, just makes eating a bit difficult. usually i can manage a few bites and liquids.

THIS TIME it was absolutely excruciating. was in so much pain, literally tried to eat a SINGLE GRAIN OF RICE. dying. water?? like lava. nothing went down.

i didnt wanna make a fuss cuz i was like almost definitely psychosomatic and will probs go down after my exam. i usually get it exam season and it goes away after. exam comes and goes. pain does not. i mention it to my mom. we go to the doctor. they give me, i kid u not, a shopping bag of loose pills.

I CANNOT SWALLOW?????

dont get me wrong super grateful for our health care system it is free and relatively easy to navigate but man do doctors hate women.

at this point, im on maybe two days of no food or water. we go to an emergency room. the doctor, in front of my face, turns to my mom and says. “you know how girls are, so dramatic”

🫠

thankfully my mom knew what was up and gave him a stern talking to. they gave just same basic muscle relaxers, which i ngl thought woild work.

still nada.

at this point i kinda wasnt thinking about all the girls but i had missed two days of uni and we usually hang out even tho i no longer share classes with them.

- 🍌

HAHAHAHAHA HOOOOO BOY ON THE “doctors hate women” FELT THAT !!!!!! 😀

yeah the free healthcare system is a blessing but also a curse bc appaz that means nobody’s allowed to complain about anything 😍

I’m abt to smite the doctor who prescribed you and said girls are dramatic if you give me a name I WILL write an essay complaint and send it to the hospital I’m so serious that’s so fucking foul what I am SO SORRY ????????? that sounds so scary and difficult to get through, I really hope you’re better now!!

[florencicle]

reallu long rant below tw for talkimg ab sex in general

i love my best friend to death. i do. i genuinely love her so much but today she just absolutely pressed my last button and i snapped and i feel bad about it but like. basically for context my best friend was like super popular in hs and ms and then there was always Me. like it was (let's call her L) it was "omg there's L!!" and then me trailing behind her. the only reason i wasn't a complete loser in high school was because she stood up for me to everyone who even dared talk shit or be mean to me. and like not to say that this was one of those really horrible friendships in the movies where the popular girl is always mean to her best friend - that's not the case at all. this girl is genuinely my platonic soulmate and she has saved my life on multiple occasions and she is the reason i am still here. i love her to death. but her popularity really just . bothers me ?? i guess. that sounds super like gross and jealous but i'm not jealous. i like my solitude. but she's always got people in her dms who want to date her and shes always in the talking stage with someone or like she's always getting hit on. she's talking to this guy who she REALLY likes and this other guy who she's kinda just like leading on and like it's so frustrating. even though i told her like hey man as someone who was JUST in that situation it kinda sucks you really shouldn't lead that boy on and she's like but it's just hard to open up to (original boy she likes) and it's ez to open up to this guy and so i want to keep him around as an option. and the boy has like no problem with this bcus ik him personally and like he's also talking to other girls at the same time so it's not really the whole like leading him on thing that bothers me. it's just like. idk it makes me feel kinda outcasted and insecure hwen it comes to talking about our romantic lives because she's always talking to someone she really likes and i'm either recuperating from a bad situation or i'm in a bad situation. i have never had a romantic relationship that has ever treated me like a human being. /srs. i think that's why i'm still caught up on this whole thing that just happened bcus for once in my life i felt like someone actually cared about me and actually liked me for me and treated me like i fucking mattered. it just is so alienating to me whenever she talks about it because i don't understand how she opens herself up for love so easily after rejections and bad situations. it's so so so hard for me to open up to friends, let alone someone i'm romantically interested in, and so i can just never relate to her. and i hate opening up, i do, zone wohld know, they've asked countless times for me to talk about my feelings and i just. Can't. so for her to just be like yeah i'll keep this guy around as an option u know just to be safe it's so ??? and upsetting bcus i don't get options. i get one person who i think i like and then i hesitantly open up and then boom. they do something shitty or they leave me and i'm left to pick up the pieces and there goes any chance of me opening up to anyone for the next 700 years. after i broke up with my ex last august it took me literally an entire year to let myself even think about the idea of a romantic relationship. my friend can just rebound so easily and i don't get it. i dont connect to people the way she does and whenever i connect to people there's just something so horribly wrong about me that makes them want to leave or that makes them treat me like garbage. and it's just. i'm almost 20 and ive never been on a real date and im still the v word and im so so so behind on everything. i cannot connect to people easily and it's even harder for me to make them stay and it's just. i wonder how she can do it and i can't and it's like. there's gotta be something wrong with me. i've done everything. i've changed my hair i got piercings i changed my style i put effort into my appearance and still nobody wants me (mitski ref) and the people who do want me end up hurting me. i just cannot for the LIFE of me understsnd what is so wrong about me.

oh my god i hit the maximum for a text block i didn't even know that was a thing. anyways. i've spent the last couple of days rotting in my room trying to figure out why i can't be a normal teenage girl and go on dates. i have to LIKE LIKE the person to even consider a date with them. i have to be practically in love to even consider having sex with them. i kissed a guy in july. we are good friends, we went to see lovejoy together like. that's my homie fr. we kissed and it wasn't a bad kiss but i wasn't attracted to him. i was sick to my stomach for weeks /srs. i genuinely was nauseous and ill and i felt gross for weeks because i just wasn't attracted to him. and it's like. my friends r out having sex and going on dates and i can't even consider sex with someone i don't like like. and they're like oh sex isn't even that such a big deal like once u have ur first time it's genuinely not special you don't need to give ur v card to a special person and it's like. it's not that. i could care less about sex and your first time being some sacred important thing or whatever, i just don't feel comfortable having sex with a total stranger. i was so opposed to the idea of even having sex with my ex because i wasn't attracted to him anymore towards the end and i just .. to me sex is such an intimate thing and it's so vulnerable and i hate being vulnerable that i would rather die a virgin than have sex with someone i met on tinder. and i don't get it. why can't i be normal?? why can't i just be normal and go on dates and let people in so easily?? i just genuinely want to be Normal and be okay with the idea of talking romantically to multiple people at once. i just want to be able to talk about my many different options wjth my friends instead of me sitting there like a fucking dweeb who's recovering from another hesrtbreak. like i don't understand how they can give themselves to multiple people at once because when i like someone i give them everything i have. i give every bit of effort that i have to make it work andnit just doesn't and i am always left heartbroken because i just can't be normal and be happy with the idea of talking to someone romantically and not expecting a relationship. why r we talking romantically if there's going to be no relationship. i don't get it. that doesn't make any sense to me. one time my best friend called me a serial monogamist and i think that's 1. really fucking funny and 2. it's just true. i don't see the point in fooling around and it's what's gotten me heartbroken so many times bcus im just seen as something to fool around with. a fun summer fling or someone to get them through the winter. i just . it's hard to believe that this has happened to me three fucking times already but it's because i keep putting myself in those situations. i keep putting myself in the position to be heartbroken because i can't be normal and want to have a fling. i dunno. it's all so stupid and i wish hookup culture didn't fucking exist and people weren't so shitty and i wish that i was actually loveable and capable of being given love. i deserve it. i do i know i do. i may be a bitch and a cunt but i've never done anytning Bad in my life. i deserve to be loved the way everyone else is being loved. i deserve it and yet i cant fuckimg receive it

[lostacelonnie]

Definitely understandable i easily lose the energy to talk with people when i have to interact with family. So you're good. Ah yes the dont worry about it approach my favorite. Especially when what you do in regards to you is your business. Well between last message & now i forgot so thats a good indicator of how thats goin. Beaches over here are hit & miss but the closer ones to me arent as popular thankfully. Hm. What is a2 knowledge & how is it getting worse? I adore colder climates heat is not kind to me at all. Tents are. Well. Some are decently priced depending on how big of one you get. Oh i definitely recommend going with friends its a lot of fun. Ive been slacking a bit on the game but so far clara is workin for me. Probably wont have enough for kafka. Oooh good luck to you with all your pulls. Story spoilers aren't a major thing for me because the how is always still fun. Definitely understand some just dont want em at all. Every time i try minecraft im like. Never sure what i want to do. So kudos to you for stickin with the game & having fun. Smaller cities are nice love having close stuff without being in like. A big city. Ah dang i hope you find that dye again in the future. Makeup is hard it should be easier for those who wanna wear it. Ive been so busy i missed. So many events whoops. Problem of bein stuck level gaining to continue story. Motivation is hard to come by. I busy myself reading or looking up new science discoveries when i dont wanna leave my room.

thankies ahdhfjfj!!! and, once again, apologies for the late reply. my grandma fortunately left a while ago but i was feeling Cranky and didnt wanna sound Annoyed With Existing ahdjfh. still kinda dying inside since i return to school in 2 weeks but fuck it we ball we stay silly etc. COMING BACK. yeah like "nobodys gonna know-" "theyre gonna know." "how would they know". and understandable sjdkfgjk consider this your reminder then. and ahh fair i live pretty far away from the sea so i dont really know good Spots i guess. BUT i do like lake beaches since theyre way more quiet most of the time. and basically im not exactly sure in how many countries it applies, im thinking most of europe? but essentially language knowledge here is divided by levels, a1 -> a2 -> b1 -> b2 -> c1 -> c2 with c2 being the highest. and well i guess theres also a0 but thats just when you start. a2 is just speaking Basic English, so like enough to survive if you go to an english speaking country but not much more. for reference, by tests ive done, my level is like between b2 and c1 so very decent but i dont know most of the "fancier" and more specific words. and with it "getting worse" i mean that [at least from what our teacher told us] the textbooks are getting easier and easier so people are leaving school not actually knowing almost anything. yeah SAME its been so hot here recently so ive been Suffering. and yeah i know but me and my mother dont really know if its a good idea to buy one since we dont really go camping anyway. but maybe when im an adult im gonna get more into it, esp if i have ppl to do it with. and ah thats nice to hear!!! i DID manage to get kafka and her lightcone so ive been having fun with her recently. actually overpowered. tho i heard shes quite f2p friendly. and oh understandable!! i unfortunately used to be on tiktok where they spoil EVERYTHING and its impossible to avoid so ever since then ive been extra careful. tho i kinda feel that way ab fontaine rn [cos i ended up actually being kinda interested] since i cant download it rn but still am excited 4 the story despite knowing little unconnected bits. and fair, minecraft def isnt for everyone but its very good for chilling out at least to me. rn im procrastinating on beating the ender dragon so im just maxxing out my gear rn. and yeah but im still gonna see whether or not i wanna live a long way from my family. oh well i still have time. also thanks!!! i have not been successful yet but i bought another dye so im gonna keep you updated on that. and ahhhh understandable, ive been Grinding so i didnt have that problem sjfkg i should build my sampo but. ah. i hate grinding artifacts. pretty excited for the 1.3 simulated universe update tho!!! esp since im really curious about the aeons so seeing more of the propagation is sth im looking forward to. but good luck!!! and VERY real i like doing wikipedia deep dives esp about marine animals. im a fishpilled oceancel but i unfortunately suffer from Not Remembering Anything Ive Read Ever.

[alterouslyinlove]

hehe okay ill do this bc im feeling silly (under the cut bc its REALLY REALLY long. my bad LOL)

so he (The Boy TM that i post about aka my qpp) was in only one of my classes last year and at first we didn’t talk much bc i was super awkward and lonely and usually stuck to talking to one person. but then this one person who was friends with him who’s super outgoing randomly befriended me so then we got closer. and also one of my closest friends who is like a sibling to me introduced me to him bc they used to date (romantically, then my bf had to break up with them after realizing that hes aro. its complicated). and i mean we didn’t talk the most but i thought he was so cool and i really enjoyed talking with him honestly the most out of all of my friends. then he made a discord server for our friend group and we got closer through there bc im more open online yk. and just man i felt this weird feeling like he just understood. i didn’t know what it was for like honestly a year later. then also when my sibling (gonna call them that now but we aren’t actually related; its just so this doesn’t get confusing) would talk about him all the time bc they liked him for like ever and i felt this weird like? jealously? i think? it wasn’t that much but it was faint and it was there. 

then this year we (me and my now qpp) got a lot closer. like really close. i felt like i could tell him anything. he really just Got me yk? and he listened to me talk about my interests and never ever made fun of me—even teasingly—like a lot of my other friends did. and. it was nice. also after months of convincing he started listening to my fav band (mcr) just because he knew how much it means to me and like nobody has ever done that for me and idk. just to think he cared that much? gave me more feelings which we love here ahah… 

but then like around february of this year my sibling was like “yo dude you won’t believe it. [name] ACTUALLY likes someone. like a real person from our school.” and like, i acted like i didn’t care. but i was SO curious. and obviously considering their past my sib was speculating who it was and was like “haha me thinking ‘what if its me’” and like.. from all the details they gave i had in the back of my mind like… hm that person sounds REALLY familiar. (plot twist it was me but i digress). and then they specifically told me one of the ppl they thought it could be was me. and i was so like shocked. nobody has ever liked me (that i know of) before and. at first i felt weird about it bc he’s arospec (was using the label aroflux at the time) and im strictly aromantic so i felt weird about it in a romantic context and i didn’t know about alterous attraction. but then i started thinking… “hm i mean i don’t really mind. if anything if it was me id be like… kinda happy”. 

so of course i panicked and went back into researching labels bc i thought i was actually greyromantic or something. then i stumbled across the term alterous. and it all made sense. also i had already known about queerplatonic relationships beforehand but i didn’t think id ever want to be in one; i was at a point where i was totally chill with being non-partnering for like the rest of my life. (and truly thats why i think the saying “you cant love until you love yourself” is so true. like when you are confident in yourself people will notice. and if you want a relationship you can find one. and if you dont thats epic as hell bro!!!!) but then i started thinking of him more in that way and i really liked the idea of it. but like i had NO idea if he actually did like me in the same way. and it was so frustrating. like i had that in the back of my mind but i still had doubts because we were so like comfortable around each other and i couldn’t like see any signs (also bc autism im TERRIBLE at telling social cues lol). so ofc i went down the psych2go video rabbit hole LMAO and i would watch those and like all of the signs of someone liking you showed up in him and like. after a while i said fuck it and i told him!! shout out to somebody on tumblr i forgot their username but i posted about wanting to tell him and being nervous and they really gave me that push. and yeah we’ve been together ever since ❤️

SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND EEEE

do any of you have wholesome alterous / aro / queer platonic stories that you would like to share? :3 i wanna feel soft and mushy tonight

[rrxnjun]

YESSSS thats what everybody has been saying about uni and it's just makes me so nervous cuz if i do not have like clear instructions and things on how to do things i just crumble so i'm really scared about it🥲🥲🥲 i don't think im that smart tbh but thank u for thinking that🤣 and i feel like u have to be smart as well tho to learn psychology!!! like psychology sounds so much harder/smarter to me than international businesses

getting mad at ur art is just so😭😭but very relatable tbh i do the same thing with it as well ig🥲

SO TRUE WALKING IS JUST SO AMAZING!!! i'm an avid walk enjoyer and i feel like most people just under appreciate it!!! like i have been going on daily walks for a while now and nobody gets why i love it so much🫡 (kinda funny how excited i am to talk about walking but i just love it somuchhhh🤣)

wahhh i'm so glad it made u happy!!! 💕tbh i was just very scared that it's rude to ask this kind of question and i just didn't want to make u feel bad that u didn't post anything about it ;-; and i care so much about that fic like i'm not even kidding after i read it it was in the back of my head 24/7 for at least a week or something i loved it so much ngl 🥹🥹 like that was what i was looking for in books tbh🤣 and thank u for not thinking i'm not annoying;-; like this just made me feel so much better about sending these asks💕 AND I ALSO THANK U VERY MUCH FOR BEING KIND AS WELL!!!!💓💞💘💖 (liebestraum anon💕)

THATS SO ME i need instructions for eveRYTHING in life i cant possibly do things alone AHAHA. you are smart tho and i stand by this. i mean,, psych is hard so i do think i am quite intelligent tbh but thank you for saying so as well!! but we dont have to compare ourselves to others, there are many kinds of smart and while i am psych smart you are international businesses smart and neither is more than the other.

WALKS ROCK BRO its my fav hobby. i walk to and back from uni every day and it takes 30 mins to go there and sometimes i have to go there twice so im really getting those walks in. its so great u just put in your earphones and listen to your music and its so fun istg

why would it be rude!!!! i posted it for everyone to see so its totally okay for u to ask about it and its totally valid to ask questions abt something that interested you. it didnt make me feel bad, bc i know i dont owe anyone anything and i write for myself ahaha <3 but this did make me really happy and that it was something you were looking for hhh <3

also,, im once again really sorry for replying so late. life got hectic and my mental health wasnt doing really well hhh