#ALSO IF YOU SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THIS MASS MARKET MOVIE ILL CALL YOU A TERF HAHA!!!

[redrockbutch]

Accusing lesbians of secretly being bi because they "center their lives on men" based on media consumption or whatever is always goofy, but I think it's especially goofy in its refusal to accept that a lot of Women's Media is entirely unrelatable in every way to a lot of lesbians. I can literally count on one hand the number of Classic Women's Media that resonated with me As A Woman™ with most of my fingers left over while the rest make me feel like a space alien for being butch

[umbraja]

Body Hair Positivity: Good or Gross?

It’s been a trend lately to embrace a more diverse image of beauty. Freckles and muffin tops, dark skin and curly hair, scars, tattoos, unusual proportions, crooked teeth, pretty much anything is supposed to be accepted under the banner of Body Positivity. 

But what about body hair?

And I’m not just talking about armpits or legs. I also mean unusual body hair. The kind people don’t talk about. The kind women aren’t “supposed” to have: chest hair, happy trails, beards, back hair. The kind that doctors call hirsutism and is often associated with hormonal imbalances from things like Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Cushing Syndrome, medication side effects, menopause, or even just genetics. It affects somewhere between 5%-10% of women depending on the region surveyed but may be higher as it can often go undiagnosed.

It’s not like we’re taught how healthy body hair should look.

Humans have been removing body hair since before recorded history. Archaeologists have found evidence of early humans using clam shells and shark teeth to remove body hair. Ancient Egyptians are well known for their full body waxes. Ancient Greeks considered it “uncivilized” for a woman to have pubic hair. Roman boys celebrated their entry into manhood with a mandatory first shave. And medieval European Ladies plucked daily to remove all hair from their brows, temples, and neck - some even plucked their eyelashes. The “New World” was no stranger to body hair removal either. Thomas Jefferson, and many others, wrote of some Native Americans’ depilatory obsession.

“With [Native Americans] it is disgraceful to be hairy on the body. They say it likens them to hogs. They therefore pluck the hair as fast as it appears.” - Thomas Jefferson, Notes on the State of Virginia

In the non-native US, body hair removal wasn’t really a big thing until the 20th century when we did a complete 180 on the subject. Before that Puritan values made sure that most body hair was covered by clothing so few bothered to remove it since no one was gonna see what was under all that cloth. Now recent studies say that 93 to 99 percent of American women regularly remove their body hair, making it one of our most widely practiced beauty norms. Girls as young as 10 are pressured into shaving, waxing, plucking, threading, anything to remove errant hairs as soon as they start to sprout. Refusal to do so leaves us open to bullying, both on the playground and in the office. Visible body hair can cost a woman jobs, promotions, and relationships so most of us remove it, no matter the cost. Which one study worked out to be more than $10,000 over the course of her life for the average American woman who shaves. If she waxes instead the bill goes over $23,000.

So what happened?

“Where eighteenth-century naturalists and explorers considered hair-free skin to be the strange obsession of indigenous peoples, Cold War-era commentators blithely described visible body hair on women as evidence of a filthy, ‘foreign’ lack of hygiene.” - Rebecca Herzig, Plucked, a History of Hair Removal

The driving forces behind hair removal in America are the same three that cause most of the nation’s problems: greed, sexism, and racism. Let’s go in chronological order. 

As the “Age of Enlightenment” began to secularize European politics, Imperialists needed a new excuse to justify their expansion into non-European territory. Naturalists like the still famous Charles Darwin handed them pseudoscience. It’s debatable whether or not these naturalists intended their work to be used as the foundation for white supremacist ideology that still plagues us today but there’s no question about how racists interpreted it. They saw evolution as a line that went from ape through colored people and ends at Aryan. Real science tells us that’s not at all correct and if anyone is closer to cave man it’s white people who often have Neanderthal in their DNA. But they didn’t have genetic sequencers back then so they used physical traits to “prove” it instead. Part of this was a gross mischaracterization that body hair could be used to determine a person’s place within the line of human evolution. They claimed people with coarse, dark hair were closer to apes and those with thin, light hair were more evolved. Guess who picked up on that concept in the 20th century.

Darwin further complicated matters in his attempt to explain why some white people were hairier than some indigenous populations by associating hairiness with evolutionary backsliding and mental illness.  

“[Hairiness in Europeans] is due to partial reversion; for characters which have been at some former period long inherited are always apt to return. We have seen that idiots are often very hairy, and they are apt to revert in other characters to a lower animal type.” - Charles Darwin, The Descent of Man

Other scientists and even medical experts of the time ran with this idea and before long the educated elite considered hairiness (along with other non-Aryan traits) to be a symptom of disease, insanity, and criminal violence. The uneducated masses were more familiar with freak show displays of unusually hairy people as “missing links” to our primate ancestors. Both cases considered having body hair to be a very bad thing. They’re also very bad science and not at all true.

Despite these very strong, racist feelings about body hair, it still wasn’t common for American women to remove it beyond the upper lip, neck, jaw, or between the eyebrows. Most women don’t have much hair there and those that did rarely had time or money to invest in removing it. Also they wouldn’t be caught dead admitting they had to so historical records might not be accurate about how many women actually plucked. For the first half of American history peach fuzz and other light hair was seen as normal and clothes covered the rest. But the 20th century not only saw women wearing less cloth and showing more skin it also saw them calling for gender equality. Critics of women’s liberation often accused suffragettes of sexual inversion - aka acting too much like men, which they saw as an abhorrent threat. To really drive this point home they often depicted women’s rights activists as being hairy, thus politicizing our pits. Pair this with the “hygiene” movement’s embrace of already mentioned racist views on body hair and you have a recipe for weaponized shame.

“Self-consciousness brings timidity, restrained action and awkwardness. The use of Del-a-tone relieves the mind from anxious watchfulness of movement.” - 1919 Del-a-tone depilatory advertisement

Enter Capitalism. Producers of hair removal products wanted to up sales so they did the exact same thing that was done with every other beauty product on the market - shame women into buying their stuff. It’s debatable if this was motivated purely by greed, in an attempt to reach an untapped market, or if the resulting gender oppression was intentional but men were spared of this aggressive shaming (until recently at least). Women, on the other hand, were flooded with advertisements for body hair removal products. From the first “razor for women” in 1915 to 21st century laser hair removal ads, women are constantly being reminded of our body hair. It doesn’t take a genius seeing ads that call smooth skin “attractive” or “sanitary” to extrapolate the opposite - that body hair is ugly, and dirty. A series of ads for Del-a-tone depilatory products even called it “necessary” for sleeveless fashion and suggests that not using their product will lead to social anxiety. Pair that with only ever using shaved models in all of fashion advertising and you send a pretty clear message: female body hair is something to be ashamed of. Advertising works. Now most American women actually feel gross if they’ve missed a shave, despite body hair being perfectly natural and not at all dirty. This disgust is so strong it has even bled over into an aversion toward male body hair which has seen a sharp decline in popularity since the shaggy chested disco days. Now men are being inundated with “manscaping” advertisements and expectations of manicured if not completely removed body hair.

So that’s the background but where’s this going?

While female body hair removal is firmly ingrained in western beauty standards, a new generation of women are rebelling against those ideals - body hair included. Recent studies have shown a shift in body hair trends among young women. Only 77% percent of women 16 to 24 reported regularly shaving their pits in 2016 and 85% shaved their legs, down from 95% and 92% respectively just two years prior. Since then we’ve started to see models, celebrities, and everyday women with unshaven pits and hairy legs. Body positivity campaigns have even gotten a few advertisers to include body hair in their ads. Now you can see razors actually shaving hair from women’s bodies instead of inexplicably running over baby smooth skin. 

Women have always told ourselves that hair removal is a choice but we’ve never before been encouraged to choose not doing it. Instead we’ve been brainwashed to think it’s dirty and disgusting and that no one will accept us for being hairy. Today’s young woman is actually presented with a choice, “to shave or not to shave” and a lot of them are choosing not to. Which is great news for people like me who have hirsutism and are sick of being shamed for how nature made us. 

But we’ve still got a very long way to go before I can be confident that my neck beard won’t hold me back both socially and professionally. A lot of the women who have publicly displayed body hair in recent years have come under attack by people calling them various shades of “gross” and some have even been sent death threats. It’s one thing for a rich and famous Hollywood movie star to take that kind of risk but for an autistic office worker living in a conservative backwater that’s a whole different game.

Whatever your thoughts and feelings on body hair, America still hasn’t escaped the shame of the last hundred years. Women are still very much judged for being hairy. A lot of people still think it’s gross. I’m not one of them but I’m full of unpopular opinions.

[dbzebra]

☕️ OH YKNOW WHAT AT THAT NOTE? Talk about that dbs broly movie cuz yknow. That’s a hot topic of the ages that folk feel particularly really strongly about

ooooh ive been waiting for this one. We watched this together on discord so you know my general feelings but Im happy i got this ask lol.

putting this under read more cause it gets long 

The new movie that everyone seems to love and adore.... that I dont. It was a pretty middle of the ground, meh overrated af movie. Not bad, just nothing special. I enjoyed watching it sure, but not something I have an inkling to return to anytime soon if ever. It was just ‘there’ for me. 

First, I’ll say the good stuff. The visuals looked really pretty. Nobody was THAT out of character of the existing cast (save for the ending), which i feel weird to have to even mention it as a positive, but nothing really stood out to me as a defining moment for the little cast we had besides Goku’s “youre not a bad guy, i can tell” or w/e. SUPER SAIYAN 1 IS STILL GOAT. It looked soooo good in this movie i wish we couldve kept it the whole time instead of Blue. But i will say, Blue looked much better in this movie than the series. The darker-blue with the lighter blue eyes was a nice change from instead of the ugly bluish-green the series did. Also the aura looked better. Backgrounds like the ice area and even Planet Vegeta were amazing. Action was great too. little Bulla was cute. The OST i liked (the chanting really grew on me) and Blizzard is a banger i love that song. Oh and the aritisic license they took for the fusion scene with the reds and blues spiraling together was great

Anyway thats all the positives I have lmaoo

This film includes Minus and I already went in depth on why I hate Minus with a passion and why it’s the worst thing to come out of modern Dragon so yeah moving on. But the fact that they devoted screentime to Gokus backstory which ultimately served no purpose to the story of the film and couldve been used more valuably elsewhere. 

I said the action was good, and it was, but it almost too good. At times it was so fast to tell that was going on and really lessened the impact for me. Like when they went into the other dimension or whatever, Gogeta went blue and Broly went LSSJ (idc if the name is different name, itll always be legendary SSJ to me lmao) so ast it was a blink and you miss it moment. like what? those moments shouldve been given even a little bit of focus. 

Next the cast. Goku and Vegeta. AGAIN. snorefest. no Gohan, Piccolo is just there to show them the fusion, Goten and Trunks are still kids and look like babies (and Pilaf gang is with them which is another can of worms), no Android 17, who the series established as one of the top 4 fighters on Earth. 

Do we get any of that? Nope. Just the two Blue and Bluer fucking again and again I. dont. care. anymore. Their dynamic is so boring and played out id rather watch paint dry. It was fun in Buu Saga, hell it was even fun in GT, but DBS constantly forcing this dynamic and Vegeta as the second Main Character needs to fucking STOOOP. Toei and Toriyama has no idea how to further Vegeta’s character because theyre stuck in this infinite loop. 

Vegeta doesnt want to help Goku, he mentions Bulma and/or Trunks, Vegeta blushes, and then he decides to help. THAT HAPPENED LIKE SIX TIMES IN DBS ALONE. It happened in Buu saga as well, but it organically worked cause it was the first time but Bulma and Trunks were ALREADY DEAD/ABSORBED. The look on his face wasnt blushy or pouting for a gag, dude was legit shocked. I rag on Vegeta but he had some legit great moments in the early arcs and later parts of Buu Saga. Anyway im off track. They repeat that same exact character moment OVER AND OVER. cant tell you how many times we had “my Bulma, my bulla, my Trunks, my cabba” in the Tournament of Power alone, and this movie is no different.

DO SOMETHING ELSE FFS

Then we have Broly. ohhhhhh boooy Broly. if you can even call this version of him Broly. His backstory is kinda the same as original movie 8/Broly LSSJ, but its more tragic becuase according to most fans, if youre background is a sobstory, that equals better character. NO. sure it could, but that trope was so worn out so long ago I hate it. “waaa his life was bad, hes not a bad guy” bruh i dont care thats not Broly. just make an OC if you wanna do that. but nope. gotta use the marketing! (More on that later)

People like to criticize Z Broly as “he hates Goku cause he cried” or “all he says is Kakarot” which both are false. On the first point, Broly is a psychopath. He was stabbed as an infant and left to die along with Paragus cause he was too powerful. Then that same day Planet Vegeta explodes practically on top of them. The rest of his life hes basically either being controlled or on a rampage. So that one moment of peace is “ruined” by Goku in a sense cause he subconsciously associates that with Goku. On the second point, Broly was already mentally unstable and then nearly dying, getting caught in the explosion of a SECOND PLANET and then being frozen for seven years will fuck anyone up in the head. Z Broly in the original movie was sadistic af and he had a lot of memorable moments and lines that werent just screaming Kakarot, that Second Coming made him infamous for. 

New Broly is legit a man-baby. People talk about old Broly having no personality and this new version having a deep character, but I dont see it. He acts like a child when hes with Cheelai and Lemo and then once the fighting starts he doesnt say a single word but yell. SOUND FAMILIAR?? But he gets a pass because the canon police says so right??? fuck off. New Broly is boring. Im tired of trying to make the Saiyans into ThEyRe noT aLl BaD sEe The SaIyAns ArE AcTuAlLy GoOd!!!11111 ugh i hate it. keep Broly a psycho and keep Bardock a prick. even that guy that went with Buzz Lightyear I mean Paragus was a sweet guy who couldnt fight because of course he was. At least they kept Paragus being a prick when he killed him. Tho his death was lame. 

Cheelai’s overrated af. Shes just green bulma lmao. and the fact that they included the “big soft-spoken man gets mad and saves girl from drunk lowkey-rapey pervert” trope just had me roll my eyes like dude stop. Lemo was fine? Nothing against him but didnt do much for me either.

FUCK. FREEZA. i went over this one before too so ill be quick with this as well. I hate hate hate the fact that they brought him back not once but twice in DBS, but even worse that they left him alive to do whatever tf he wants including going back to mass murdering people and expanding his army again. Goku and Vegeta just LET HIM LIVE. Why tf did they go all out and attack Broly, but not Freeza? when one of them was fighting Broly th other easily could have taken out freeza but nope we need a token villain like Joker or Skeletor cause unoriginality. Even at the end, Gogeta does a full power blast to wipe Broly tf out, but when Freeza tries to kill Cheelai and Lemo (two innocent people, feelings on them aside) Gogeta basically just shakes his finger like nuh-uh! dont do that! and then he flies off. Just let this mfer die already im sick of seeing his ass. FUCK I HATE IT SO MUCH GFGFFGFGFGF

Lastly this movie is legitimately Dragon Ball Fanservice The Movie. 

Gogeta vs Broly, which the games have been doing since fucking 2003, is the main point of this film. Theres no originality whatsoever. Minus is discount Father of Goku special, and then its a mashup of Broly LSSJ and Fusion Reborn (both of which are superior movies imo). This creatively banrkupt shell of a franchise cant think of anything new, so they legit remake an old movie, through in fusions because that sells like hotcakes, and make the animation pretty because thats all that matters.

Imo, this movie, like 99% of Super, is all flash and flair but no substance at all. At least this movie looked nice. unlike the show. 

ok thats all i got lmao

[aprilwritesabook]

I appolgize in advance for this long ass post haha.

Alright, so here's the deal. This post is gonna be part rant, part confessional, and part inspirational speech. So if your following this blog purely for the updates on my books you can skip it haha.

I know a currently published author. I used to kinda be friends with them in highschool, but it was more like a friend of a friend type deal. But I digress. Point is. They recently released there second book on Amazon. And I really wanna be happy and proud of them, and to see it as an inspirational thing, buuuuut I'm almost 100 sure they are actually a fraud?

And that's not me being bitter. I really really really wish this wasn't the case. But I have the evidence to back this theory up.

1- they claimed that there first book sold out multiple times. And to be fair this one might be at least partially true. Its rated pretty high on amazon, But then again they only have 4 people rate it and three of those people are the editor formattor and artist for the book. Soooo. Yeah I sure hope they rated it well.

2- they are constantly posting stories to there social media that are far fetched at best. They work in a bookstore. And almost every other week its a slightly diffrent story about a customer who "didn't even know" he was the author who would "burst into tears" the second he told them what the book was about because they were just Soooo touched by the message that they wept to a total stranger??? If that had happened even once it would have been an odd occurance. And this is something that apparently happens alllll the time to them. (I hate to drudge up old memes like this, but)

3- this person has recently made a tick tock and a youtube channel. And like, the content isssss questionable? And that's not necessarily a crime or anything. But they give updates about it on social media as if they are speaking to a mass of adoring fans and like...you can see how many subs and views a person has. We know he dosn't have a big fan base. And I know that sounds harsh. But like, some more gullible people have asked him for advise on how to be "successful" and "gain a following", and he answers them with authority. Like he has the answers even though he clearly dosn't? And that feels really... disingenuous at best?

4- along the same vein as 3. They recently made a post on twitter about how they are "overwhelmed by the amount of love and support they have found on the site" and how they get "some many heartfelt messages." Annnd again. I clicked the account. They literally have 5 followers. And not a SINGLE person has EVER liked, retweeted, or commented on a SINGLE tweet of theirs. Not one. Soooo like not only are you pretending to have a huge fan base that dosn't exist your also making up there engagement with you? Which this alone I feel brings validate to my doubts about the other things. Clearly they arn't above blatant lying and extreme over exaggeration. And also they either don't realize we can all seeeee these facts. Or they don't think anyone will actually check and call them on it ?????

Now there's a lot of other examples I could give. But my point isn't to put this ONE person on blast. I'm not trying to start beef or cause damage to their reputation or anything. Which is why I won't say their name or what there books are. The only way you'd know who I'm talking is if you also knew them in real life. In which case you either already know all this, or you should, so you don't fall victim to their lies.

The reason I'm saying any of this at all is because I think I know why they are doing it. And why so many indie authors or would be media mogels feel the need to do this.

The issue with trying to "build an audience" and "self market" yourself, is that you really only have 2 ways of guaranteed sucess.

You either need to have a pre established audience based on success you've already had in the past. (IE youtubers and movie stars writing successful books cause there fans will buy anything of there's reguardless.)

Or you need to buy your way in. Be it by quitting your day job to make social media your full time job, buying ads, hiring a social media person,or hiring a team of people with their own audiences (audio book narrators, cover artists, managers, ect)

And if you don't ALREADY have an audience, and you don't have the funds to BUY your way in, then your just gonna have to get real lucky.

You can be lucky for knowing somebody with an "in". They work in publishing, or advertising, or they're your rich uncle. Just someone who you can go to to get that boost one way or another to get one of the first two methods going for you.

You can get lucky by commenting the right thing on the right post and gaining followers that way. Or by being in the right place at the right time to meet somebody important.

You can be lucky by having lots of supportive friends and family who will promote you and your work FOR you.

Or lastly (and this is in the realm of being a one in a million case here. So it basically never happens without one of the other things I mentioned also being true.)

You can be lucky by working REALLY hard, and being REALLY talented, and having the world actually NOTICE YOU somehow? Just one person with influence who can find you in your dark hole of insignificance and shine a light on you so now the world can actually seee you.

And that sucks.

You could write the greatest book in the whole world. Truly a masterpiece. But if nobody buys it or reads it because they don't know who you are??? Then it dosen't matter does it?

It sucks Soooo hard.

Because untill you get those people with influence to shine a light on you, theres nothing you can do. And the market is soooooo drenched in new indie authors that the odds of the right people finding and liking your book are slim to none.

Its super unfair.

The people who have the influence arn't gonna buy a book with 0 reviews and no social media following.

Why? Because THEIR brand depends on only recommending the good shit. And they need to find that good shit NOW. If they read every book written by nobody's online, they'd have to wade through ALOT of garbage. wasting all their valuable time and money till they found something worthy. And honestly, from a business stand point, you cant really fault them for that

This is where the lies come from.

So basically no matter how you look at it, or what your strategy is, In order to get fans, you need to ALREADY HAVE THEM.

When your just starting out. And I mean truly at square one. It really feels like the only way to "make it" is to "fake it"

If you PRETEND to have a big following. And you PRETEND your books are selling really well already. And you PRETEND that people care deeply about you and your work... Then there is a chance that nobody will do the homework to find out its all a lie.

And if they think your successful already, then it sends a message to the consumers brains of "well they must be good. Everybody loves it/them".

It sucks that so many people who have found real success did so with lies, cash, and being already well connected.

And then they buy it, and they follow you, and the confirmation bias sets in, and eventually you'll dupe enough people into liking you that you don't HAVE to lie anymore.

Those of us with no cash and too high a conscious to lie our way to the top are left with virtually no chance of succeeding no matter how hard we work or how good our content is.

And I'm not claiming to be "better than" or "more worthy" than anyone else. I wanna make it clear that of your in the portion of having it fake it so you can follow your dreams then more power to you. Its a valid strategy. I hate that it works and I hate that its the only option sometimes. But I don't hate the people as creators for "doing what it takes." I get it. Really I do.

And it suckks major ass that so many people feel like this is the only way.

My whole point here. Is that we have slowly built a system where this is our reality. And honestly? End of the day? There's not a damn thing we can do to change it at this point.

In a perfect world made of unicorns and puppies. I could say "hey lets all go ready books by completely unknown authors. Be the change you wanna see in the world." But at the end of the day, especially in the unfiltered world of self publishing, It would be a complete shot in the dark to spend your resources on something completely unknown. We rely on word of mouth, and "best sellers" and high following to do the work of filtering out the bad stuff for us and it would be unrealistic if not impossible to go back on it now. Even if we wanted to there algorithms and shit built into the code. You'll never find the books that Amazon dosnt want you to find unless you search for it directly.

Now comes the confession/inspirational bit

I know all of the above to be true...But I'm choosing not to care

I'm not gonna lie my way to the top. I'm not gonna hide my struggles out of fear of seeming inferior. So here goes

I struggle a lot with depression and anxiety. I've been working on it, and I've gotten so much better in recent years. But there are always gonna be times when I slip up and my mental illnesses take over

When I was writing my first book I felt really empowered and good about myself for finally getting past all my own barriers and following my dreams.

And then once I was done writting and editing and I was ready to show the world and get feedback. I flopped.

I couldn't find anyone willing to beta read. Those who said they would do it (even people who claimed they "couldn't wait") ghosted me after I actually sent it to them

I was hoping to get 20 people. I really wanted it to be the best it could be. Only 11 actully signed up. Of that 11, 5 people actually read it: My spouse, my brother, my best friend, and 2 others. Those two others read the first bit I sent them, took a few weeks to get back to me, said they loved it, but then Neeeeeeeeever got back to me when I sent them the next chunk.

Now you can look at all that and come to the conclusion that it sucks. I know I sure did.

The struggles at each step made me doubt myself more and more to the point that I almost gave up writing all together.

And I didn't want to take about it or how it was making me feel, even though it was having a serious impact on me. I wanted to bottle it all up and let it consume me. Allllll because I didn't want people online to write me off as a failure before even giving me the chance.

I wasn't lying about being successful. I was just trying to hide the fact that I wasn't.

And that's almost as bad. Because then all the new authors just feel worse about themselves and their journey because they think they are the only ones.

Your not alone.

Everyone is struggling.

We just aren't talking about it.

I haven't written a word in over a week because I've been so afraid my second book will be dead on arrival like my first.

And I KNOW somewhere out there is someone just like me whose thinking of giving up.

Don't.

Just keep going.

Do your best. And then come find another struggling writer and share with each other. The world outside might not understand your struggle. But another author might.

We can't change the market. We can't change the way social media works, or how people decide if they will buy things

But what we CAN change, is whether those of us within the community want to be honest about our struggles and frustrations. Or if we want to hide them away and lie about them for the sake of making more sales

I think by being honest with one another we can create a better network.

That way the next time you feel like garbage for not being an "instant celebrity" like everyone else. you can look at the community and realize that you were never the problem

If we just keep making new writing friends our collective reach will eventually take hold in the outside world. Don't wait for a random influencer to notice you. Just make one friend at a time. Be known amongst your peers and maybe the rest will follow

And if your a writer desperate for feedback, or just a friend to share your troubles with. Hit me up. My inbox is always open.

[hanzi83]

Probably the Longest Blog You Will Ever Read.. fuck it. Very Necessary Tho

Since I have not been constantly writing down my thoughts other than the occasional blog, that never seems to get any type of feedback, probably because no one is paying attention other than a few dedicated trolls, who I presume have been sent to fuck with my mental health, even if it is not true, the illusion of trying to implement some kind of devastating fear, and every time I decide to write a blog that expresses what is transpiring in my mind, it is met with no acknowledgement, and when it is acknowledged, it is the cult like trolls who will convert it to audio, so people will not bother to give me a click on where it is posted. I don’t know where this blog will particularly go since I never plan these out, and just write from the heart, and my will has not been into jotting down my thoughts, I still have point form notes on my phone dating back to last June about experiences and topics that have transpired, but for the most part it has mainly been me explaining how I think it is organized and wondering where it is all leading because it has meaning symbolically and how the seeds are planted, it has become clear since I stopped writing stuff down daily to get the frustration out of my system, that I have become exhausted mentally and can barely retain anything, whether it is reciting why capitalism is bad or if it means memorizing a movie or television show reference, mixed with how now to watch this entertainment that I have to read on the discourse about something not being woke enough, or if it something seems woke, then it just people pushing agendas, and then lesser known people expressing the fake wokeness that exists, and I just realize I am too stupid for this world so I just remain in the wrestling bubble, just like I began last decade.

I need to set this up because I am trying to think rationally as I write but I know in the middle of this blog, it will probably fall apart but it is a good thing that most people don’t take me serious, and I am not really on the masses radar, even though important people are constantly on the lookout for me, that is why my broadcasts on periscope are interrupted, my social media posts are practically shadow banned, my facebook lives are not giving out people notifications, so clearly they are trying to censor me, and it shows this is real censorship, not the marketing tool censorship where the masses are aware of the censorship at hand.

I have been writing blogs on a certain person on youtube, who has become completely unhinged, and then a group of people on the application periscope, that I feel have felt they did not get all of their use from me, so now are trying to align with people who have been waiting for anyone to have a mutual distaste, and what is weird is that I am this irrational and irrelevant mentally ill person they dismiss as just some delusional caller but these same people need to try to destroy any good that I try to create and try to bring me down so badly that I lash out with irrational anger that makes me want to go back to my ignorant ways after years of trying to deprogram myself since I was dumbed down majority of my life and fell for the ignorance, and because mental illness to the mainstream is just described as someone being sad, and not the fact that there are darker elements in mental illness people will not want to discuss, but rather they ignore it so when someone else is having a legit mental breakdown, they will pile on them all the while maintaining the “woke” points for addressing the stigma of mental illness, even if it means it is presented in such a limited way,

My trolls also realize that I have not been writing lately so they figure it will be easier for me to snap since they know I am not getting my thoughts out and the plan is for me to be piled on mentally so much, in such a pseudo intellectual way, that I will just snap and lose my mind and then the people paid to harass me can take the audio of me losing my mind and saying some hurtful shit to people encouraging a mentally ill person to go kill himself, and constantly hint that I will be targeted. It feels this aggressive trolling has begun on periscope when I was discussing these Howard Stern leaks, and it feels like we are at the precipice of Howard finally getting canceled because his past will come back to haunt him, so the person that will be of interest to people in the media might be me, and before that could happen these people need me out of the way. If my theories are correct, then these people could probably be sacrificed when they strike down on Howard’s image.

One of the other problems was that when I initially broadcasted on periscope, I would not really follow anyone and just broadcast while promoting it on twitter. Last summer, I got suspended on facebook and twitter and I decided to browse the app and see what kind of people are there. There were plethora of characters etc that existed and I have tried to become friendly with people, a lot of sex workers, musicians, gimmick personalities etc. It seems friendly but also if you browse by the random broadcasts you will see thumbnails of people I perceive to be young and I have to report because I feel people running periscope allow some type of exploitation on there that is truly disgusting,  but overall it has been kind of a positive experience, and I am so full of low self esteem I have to constantly name drop I was part of an institution to present myself to stand out but also interview different walks of life and get some good discussions going on, and also because I feel Howard has a stake in periscope, again it is my theory I name drop to see if people who are there are kind of answer to him since I feel the elite use these apps to sell people, but I could be wrong but if I am wrong at least I make a friend out of it. It feels like people also get sent to me, and since I don’t have the resources to do background checks on people, I always wonder if the system is sending people who are not good people to be associated with me, so it damages my reputation further. Even when I talk to people on there, I have to ask their age because if they are not over 18 I have to dismiss them from talking to them because I don’t like talking about the content I talk about in front of people who are not of age, even though I can control who comes into my broadcasts and don’t interact.

 So before I get accused of setting a narrative and speaking out like it is fact, I have to preface this by saying whatever I have written on here has been just my opinion, when I do my videos, I express my opinions and I might vent out of frustration because if I  don’t express myself I will probably end up harming myself and I don’t want to do that and since I do feel bad and get to reflect when I say some evil shit when being pushed by people, others just want to cross the line and then pretend they never did anything negative while pointing out all my flaws. So I don’t know where to go with this because I am not intelligent enough to deal with the nuances of good storytelling, or maybe I am just underselling it.

This lady came to my scope last summer after people who have been trying to troll me for years were in there and immediately I did not take her seriously because she was presenting herself as an alien and she would full of mystery all while having this soothing voice. I always have my guard up and I do want good content, as long as the people in my periscope are willing to come up and talk etc. I am creating content, and hopefully I can try to move on to a podcast, but there are a lot of people who somehow have some investment in me without knowing and if I don’t move on their watch, they will then start showing their true selves eventually. I entertained this lady’s presence for a while but then when someone from her past came onto my panel when they called into my periscope, that alien schtick went down the tube and I laughed because as a wrestling fan it would be like if the Undertaker was confronted by someone in real life and then him immediately dropping the Dead Man character and freaked out. I was not aware of the drama scopers on this app, because apparently a lot of doxing goes on and organized harassment, basically what I have predicted in my own life, but I am kind of watching it play out to others and it is just completely fucked up.

There was another nice man I met on scope who I gelled well with when discussing stuff and even though we did not agree, he clearly has some resources and his full of encouragement when people want to go for their dreams and if he is cool with you he will help you out but because I was suspect of this alien lady who would not ever address any of my questions for her, and I did not want to talk to her in private because apparently she belongs to some former patriot groups, and when I hear that I can only imagine these can’t be good. It is one thing to have a conversation with someone who might not be politically correct, but I have learned some people who lean right are not as bad and are anti imperialistic, while others are just defensive of anything criticizing Trump. I feel with these conversations I am able to at least talk to someone who I don’t agree with politically and get them to deprogram themselves from the ignorant propaganda, the same shit I used to kind of fall for. This woman does not seem like a Trump supporter but she is an enigma because she will play the Jewish card but still associate with people who have been fucking with me and bothering me to join their podcast network, and these people are insanely racist and bigoted. This lady puts it all on me when she comes into my scopes, and her supposed harassers come in, and because some of them seem like they could be dangerous, I try not to rock the boat with more enemies, but as far as I know they have been nice to me, but then again my trolls do the same thing where they endear themselves to people I try to make friends with and when I flip out they will claim I am the one bothering them. I just kind of wish she would have stayed out of my lives, I even blocked her because she was becoming a disturbance in my sessions, but the nice guy I became friends with would always kind of vouch for her and I did not understand why. The only thing I could come up with, is the typical “Are these 2 fucking?” because I don’t understand how you could just know someone for a month or so and suddenly just become these great friends, I did eventually unblock her and tolerated her but she would kind of want me to have conviction in protecting her when I don’t even know her like that because she has not presented any proof of this happening

The fucked up thing is she claims to be someone that just observes but she is following all the trolls who have been following me nonstop, and these people have become extra aggressive since making new friends on this app, like they are lashing out about me not paying attention to them and having people of color on my panel since I did not know that there were so many black and brown people on the app. They then start saying I am so anti white because I rail against a white supremacist system and then they discredit me with rumors of me beating up a gay couple, or beating my mother. They create accounts where they take pictures of me and blacken it because they think I want to be black. They are doing deep fakes of me talking, and then leaving suspicious messages instilling fear about me being kidnapped and killed. They have a sub reddit dedicated to me, and then when I become rational enough to analyze their mental illness, because if I am so irrelevant and useless and such a drain on society, then why wouldn’t you do something better with their lives? The answer is they can’t, because as useless as I have been, these people are even more useless for the last several years and clearly need to latch onto me to exist, and because people end up having problems with me they all connect because of their mutual hatred for me, but the truth is none of them are interesting without me and they lack creativity.

The alien chick and the supposed innocent dude would be in these scopes with these people witnessing my meltdowns on the Stern Show and apparently questioning them is a big no-no so I assume they get the advice of these trolls who study me that if they are nice enough and I don’t fall for it, it can be easily pushed against me that this is what happens and this is why I was kicked off the Howard Stern Show. They try to be like Howard and Robin and try to dismantle your psyche. I did not trust this lady and I felt like the dude I was cool with was just going to take her side regardless and because I feel like she is hanging out with my trolls, and I figured she was recruiting me for some kind of cult or wanted to capitalize of any value I have so they could get some clout, even though I barely have it on the surface. I am going all over the map and kind of leaving some details out but overall these people she claims were bothering her came into my scope, but according to this innocent nice dude, these are legit gripes, and I am supposed to have some kind of conviction, but not them because they are associating with people who have made my life hell, and they dismiss my claims even though there is a legit thread I have made on twitter on my pinned tweets where you can see the supposed threats made to me.

So the innocent dude eventually blocks me because I had the gall to get mad that I was not trusting him because he was in this dude’s scope who is harassing me, I got tired of periscope so I started doing facebook lives, and then the cult of trolls would fuck with that too by people not getting notifications and there would not be many there and I was so set out on doing it with low views for the principal, because I know when you are supposed to be popping, you will have a plethora of views, and when they punish you they dumb them down, but either way it is all organized. I eventually go back to periscope in December, and the alien lady has choice words for me because that innocent dude had “helped” me and he did but there was something they weren’t telling me, like there was some hidden investment with me, and it set their plans back by me leaving periscope for a bit. She would give me more attitude, and honestly I would have preferred to speak to the dude, instead of this chick who I feel has brainwashed this dude. That is the way I see it, they will probably read this and get mad that I am presenting it as fact, but a lot of the videos are on my facebook public page and there have been a lot of witnesses who can attest that I am presenting the events truthfully mixed with me presenting my theories, whether they are valid to you or not, depending on how low the totem pole I am in social media.  

(Blog continued 2 days after)

Now I have been out of practice from writing since I used to do it consistently in my life since 2007, and felt I had to make up for the anger I had years before, and I had a lot of deprogramming to do, it went from writing in notebooks and barely understanding what I was writing, or that I would have to write on my computer so I could read it back and maybe sustain some material for it so I could write a book of my irrational thoughts, but I scare myself with the anger I had and how my opinions would differ often and barely being able to retain shit, so sometimes I felt I would guess people were watching me and monitoring my computer so I would suspect different people and write things to test anyone and see what would prompt them to move my mouse so I know their presence is lurking digitally in some hacker like way.

Anyways, writing a blog has even drained me and I felt I was not aligning the stories well because I have been used to just talking more often on my platform than writing. I had to take a break from it and since the developments are breaking every single day I had to hold off and debate if I wanted to write a blog because it will seen as some act of social media war that will further encourage more harassment, that most people who have power and set the narratives can use to their advantage to further make me feel like a useless piece of shit, more so than already. If I vent, I am supposedly doing the woe is me gimmick, and constantly feeling sorry for myself, because I don’t want to hold in my irrational feelings or I will snap and maybe that is the wave right now.

So I did not bother to know where I left out because I am too lazy to read it so I will try to pick it up from where I left off and there is a good chance that I might repeat the same shit but at least if you are going to read this, I at least came up with an interesting angle of how to write a shitty blog that people will pretend does not exist, or maybe they just don’t know and I have to act like I am this important person being spied on.

I think it was from the time that I got blocked by this one guy from periscope, while he defends the alien lady. I know I should present names but if you been following it you already know the names, but I need to express this and I don’t want to be accused of putting their name out there and seeing as lying on their names, when I have explained ad nauseam that these are my theories, and no one ever listens to what I say and by people being scared people might believe me, it will contradict the whole thing of me being irrelevant and that maybe beneath the surface more people care about what I think.

I just feel when I took a break from periscope because I did not want to deal with more betrayal, at least from my perspective, do these trolls actually wish me harm or are they just testing me and toughening me up mentally and putting me through some shit, or these people are aligning with trolls who have tried to drive me insane by spreading rumors of me hitting my mother, or beating up a gay couple etc, and they put out misleading titles of what my periscope is about so when people do search my name, they will get these negative and untruthful shit at the top of google etc. That was my beef with these new people who wanted to be friends with me, but it seems like I am only supposed to take their safety seriously yet they will be following my trolls who have constantly pushed me to the brink of insanity and make me want to say some irrational shit that I will regret, because the system is so against me, if I irrationally talk shit and tell someone to do something horrible to themselves, they will suspend me. They push me to that so they can twist it into me being seen as threatening

I don’t know if the trolls have been aligned with these people from the beginning or do people approach anyone I make friends with and when I try to create some content with interesting discussion. The trolls hate me for not acknowledging them as much and because I have different people of different races/ethnicities/nationalities on and they spread this shit of me hating white people even though I talk about the systemic corruption and the grander white supremacy that exists on a pseudo intellectual type of way.

I took a month away from periscope, so my facebook lives would suffer when I would do decent numbers prior and suddenly I would be lucky if I would get 5 people in there but out of principle I would still do it and it would anger the trolls even more, because even though I was not broadcasting I was still being a guest on people’s periscope. They got it banned and I had to write a repeal on it and they gave it back. So it was like a test. I don’t know who helped do this but I eventually came back, and this time instead of dealing with the constant disturbance I would just block these trolls and not unblock them, because when I did, they would say I want the drama and want them to come in so when I become strict with it I then angered them even more and they will keep leaving cryptic messages on different troll accounts about them going to execute MK Ultra on me, or that they will kidnap me and that they are continuously watching me and monitoring me and showing so by knowing when I have therapy appointments etc.

It felt like this dude I met on periscope who really helped me for a bit, and this alien lady really wanted to teach me a lesson and maybe fuck with my head but overtly finding all the trolls, when there are people I roll with who have discussions with people who might seem more conservative, and I will have discussions and not budge from my point of view while still having the discussion, and some people I can get through but some have their minds made up on believing Trump is actually anti establishment and I can’t deal with it. So there was these 2 black dudes I have conversations with and enjoy their scopes, but they are constantly getting harassed by a lot of white people or people with Zionist leaning ideals and harass black people for not wanting to give them the time of day and think they are entitled to these people’s time. So when one of the guys lost account after account for defending himself, he had a enough and I shared his scope, because when he comes back with a new account I share it so more people can see it but the guy had a periscope saying “Jew Jokes’ not the best title, but he was trying to get at these Zionists fucking with him, and he even cleared it up that he is just doing that for that purpose, because he was pissed, the other guy, who loses account after account, wanted to troll with someone black in Nazi fatigue, and I expressed concern with it and he was just so pissed about being banned and I had to approach him privately and explain that even though I know what he is doing it is wrong to do it because it feels like you are cosigning some white supremacist shit, and it that people try to discredit black people a lot, that it gives the Zionist more ammo because ultimately it won’t matter if they did racist shit first, it will be all put on the black dudes. So this alien lady, who often tells me that the people harassing her are anti Semites, and I don’t hang around them enough to know, they only come in when the alien lady comes on my scope, and I am expected to just block them, when she won’t even unfollow  the trolls harassing me. She starts this campaign that I am hanging out with anti Semites and she seems to dismiss what others are going through, while she is hanging out with anti Muslim type of people who also say anti Semitic shit and actual real generalizations. That is why I hate generalizations and specify Zionism, even though they are starting to say that Zionism and Jewish is the same. The guy I talked to privately was thankful for my advice, because he was so irrationally angry he wanted to do something to upset them, because he is constantly being called the N word and having money taken off his table by getting his broadcasts suspended and making people rebuild.

So this is when I was like I had enough of this shit because it hurt me to know this dude I met on periscope who became friends with will defend this chick for some reason. Why does she get to follow all these people who are often anti Black and anti Muslim? I don’t even know where this is going but if these people are aligning with my trolls, and they are actually trying to do harm to me, because they want me on their playing field where all my trolls are, and think I am using them for entertainment on my platform, which is what the app is for, but when something organic is to be discussed I don’t mind that, but they wanted me in their platform because it supposedly was not for entertainment while all these people in there are guilty of putting fear and severe paranoia in me.

The trolls will constantly try to pretend they turned a new leaf and that they are done harassing me but will still have sub reddits trying to dox me, or mislead with the titles to paint me in a bad light, and the stuff they claim I am saying that is fucked up when I am angry is what made them fans of me on the Stern Show, while probably being associated with people like that dude Jimmernam, who has probably been behind the attacks as well.

Jimmernam has become much more unhinged and he has started to fucking with the True Crime community because everything else has fallen apart and since he pissed off his old crew so much and has done so much fucking damage in people’s lives, wherever he goes to endear himself and then destroy it because that is what he does, he has done it to some poor woman named Limonade. I was done after the summer where I wrote the blog and believing that there are lies about him being a child groomer, and how he has changed from the old guy, but he has that venom in him and he is still full of lies. He hates me for not cosigning his show the first time and not believing his sob story and how he tried to use Wendy to gain sympathy, and then people expected that she was taking her donations to give to him, and he would play dumb about giving it back and change the topic. He even caused a beef with me and that Ross Dawg guy, because he knew I was protective of Wendy so he would get her to say different people are bothering her so I would be insanely angry about it, and it almost started something ugly because even though I don’t like the general way Stern has trained the public to talk to Wendy, I have to understand she is used to that and she gravitates towards that kind of thing and I don’t want to feel she can’t have fun and joke like normal with people etc. So when he fucked with this Limonade chick, I really felt for it and it was like a united front with people who I did not see eye to eye with, to help this woman against Jimmer, who turned her friends against her, constantly doxing her, and her family, and putting out threats within 12 hour streams, all while taking over her community of True Crime and wanting to be the number one guy in town. And the sycophants have become a lot worse, I don’t know how he has convinced these many people to help him and be completely blinded by his tactics, and the ones who are standing up for themselves as doing dirty tactics, when it is not nearly on the same level, and it is being done out of self defense. I don’t agree with everything people say on the panel, but I have enjoyed discussion I have had with certain people because without being this preachy SJW, I try to teach people that the shock jock type of humor is not really the edgiest and it doesn’t mean it can’t be funny but I would rather have people agree with me with systemic shit, and let them do their shock jock style of humor, but Jimmernam’s crew will take stuff and make videos to discredit any type of criticism towards him and create false narratives about him. It feels like what he pretends he is going through, he actually does it to me, so it sounds like me and him are kind of the same, but this guy copies everything, Howard Stern’s personality, Bill Burr generic whit woman voice,  NBA commentators closing tags and even channels Chris Jericho by calling himself Le Champion. When he sees that this woman has backup, he will try to get in on the Stream Yard link and claim he wants to talk when he just wants to insult her and project things on to her and questioning her parenting and her divorce, when he is the guy who can’t see his kids because of the shit he is doing. He will send his teenage audience into this woman’s streams and then make videos of how she is grooming him, when he is the one who has had a kid audience and played adult content for them and constantly bringing up how people are calling him a pedophile because he let a kid in his discord in 2018 and it had porn in it, and he will claim the videos of him are being edited, when it is not and that is him. He lost his mind when he lost that reddit money, so now he has just become a lot bitterer and he is threatening me and others.

He did not like that I was on her panel and making new alliances and friendships, especially with people I didn’t think I liked before because I assumed they were just doing ignorant shock jock humor when they are a lot more deeper about their discussions. Now Jimmer did not like that and it gave me confidence to stand up to him seeing how this Limonade chick was standing up to him, even though she has been getting a lot of shit on her from her former friends, one of which is a gay guy who seems so scared he just hangs out with Jimmer, and Jimmer has constantly been kind of homophobic and does not regret any of the hurtful things he has said to people, It feels like that Kitty chick, who he doxxed when she did not have his back, is back with him time to time, even though she is good at hiding her role in doing any dirt,  so as far as I know she has nothing to do with this, but it feels like if they want to make money in a field and continuously create drama, they will. I could be wrong though. It felt for a while that he was going to get caught for what he is doing, but he just comes back more confident and making some threats and dedicating streams to putting out private information, and it seems youtube does not want to do anything. He does not like that I aligned with this woman to give her support about what he has been doing, and I did it because maybe if people in that community did not believe the others who are informing these people about the past of this guy and to watch out for him, I would have more credibility since I am a former celebrity essentially and since we in society value someone who seems to have greater value unfortunately because of how “famous’ they are, I thought I would put it for good use, and now Jimmernam aka Misery Box has threatened to come after me, which is aligning with the original trolls who are now constantly bothering me and sending people to my scopes, and maybe get shady people to befriend me so I will be associated with someone I don’t know well. I don’t have the resources to do background checks, I kind of assume if this person is just roaming around I want to believe they are not all scumbags, even if they put on a false bravado of being anti PC, they are buying into ignorance,

So this all ties into the alien lady because she followed me when one of the guys who has power with the app came into my scope, and since I blocked her he and the trolls have become a lot more aggressive, but I also know that these people are associated with Jimmernam, and these people seem hella racist, and bigoted, and this alien lady keeps making it seem like I am the one rolling with racists, while she is claiming to be someone with special powers who can put people into rehabilitation, so maybe she is someone special and I don’t realize it. I am having a hard time understanding what is going on because there is another guy involved who she calls my producer, who started out as a troll, but he and I have gotten a long, but sometimes I wonder since he had a friendship with her and that other dude I met on scope, he has kind of seem iffy by wanting me in their clique and to believe them, but when I don’t give in, he will be on my side, but then the lady will tell me he is the one that is stirring all of this up.

I realize by not giving specific names, I may be confusing people, but keep in mind that no one gives a fuck about these stupid blogs but I did an outlet to write about it and the more I write, I just fucking shake my head how I am so bad at explaining all of this and what makes it worse is that you can’t keep up with people who I am referring to other than a few people. The trolls will be so much more outward aggressively with admitting they want me to kill myself and encourage me to take pills, and what hurts about this, what if I am not the only one these people do it to, and how many people who have killed themselves have dealt with targeted harassment. So while I am tougher mentally than a lot of others, I can take it, even though it hurts my fucking soul, because these people can be protected and say the worst shit and do the worst shit and me standing up for myself is what is magnified because I am supposed to be the better person, even though people want to pile on me and making me a miserable person.

When I separated with the dude and the lady, I figured they would get mad at the fact I am moving forward so they have to try and show up in different scopes I am in and maybe tell people to come and be spies for them. So sometimes when I am hurt about how my friendship with this dude was from the summer, I might be irrational and talk shit and I do this knowing he will hear about it, and he will act like I am talking shit about him, and he will say he does not want part of drama, but he is still monitoring me, and because I am not giving in, this is all I suspect in a theory not fact, that they need to start with me but look like the rationalized ones. I was willing to make peace but because they dismiss what I am going through and claim that I am endangering this lady because she insists on observing my scopes, but hates that her followers are there, like it is my problem, I don’t encourage hatred toward her and continued harassment. I might talk shit about her when she makes my broadcast about her, but she will claim she finds it funny or whatever, but when it is convenient she will then use it as a prime example of why I am an asshole.

Last weekend we had a blow up where I was on her scope with the trolls, who are aligned with Jimmernam, and the dude I was friends with who does good community work, who seems to have conviction, because he did end his friendship with people who treated Wendy like shit, which is admirable but all I did was bring up is that he is careful of his image but he is hanging out and following trolls who might be aligned with someone who might be grooming children, I did not say that he is the one who is a child predator or anything but I can understand why he is mad, but I am making a point that I am getting hated on for people I don’t want to fuck with and get doxxed by, because I let them in my periscope but not following them while he and this alien lady are following someone like this account Gorilla Bacon, who will restream my shit and play my worst calls. Sometimes I don’t know if these people are actual fans and they are just toughening me up or if these people are punishing me and becoming more aggressive because it is their job to get me out of the way before Howard ends up getting canceled when his past and his potential corruption might be brought to light.

These trolls don’t realize that the only reason people are aligning with them is because they all have mutual hatred for me. It could be anyone, it could be this dude on periscope, the alien lady, the trolls, Jimmernam and his kid army, or maybe people in my life who probably hate me. Either way their lives are all better than me and yet they need to make me feel like shit and rub it in my face I am on welfare, like this was not the plan from the system, because there are different rules in this world, and they blacklist me from making a living anywhere else so they can say I am not trying to monetize anything because I am not doing it on their time.

Any chance for anything embarrassing they will run with. Here is an example, if I say something that might be about agendas by the upper echelon of the LGBTQ, they will say homophobia but then if I say that I would consider having sex with a post op Trans woman, then they will mock me for it like they are homophobic. They will say the most racist shit against Muslim women or black people, and then a story comes out from someone as a joke about how I asked a Muslim woman out because we both live in Toronto, and she is a cool chick who has a good sense of humor, she asks me how much I will pay for her and where I will take her and I am willing to pay for something small on  first date because it is about getting to know each other but I believe if we should pay our own shit on the first date, but she jokingly said I need to spend more money and I said “I will spend 50 bucks at most” and when I was given the option of over 100, I said “For that kind of money I better be getting laid” but I did not mean it literally because it was my way of conveying that it is ridiculous to expect a man to pay so much on a first date to get to know each other,  just like it is ridiculous for me to expect sex on the first night. But the trolls ran with it and said that I am harassing a woman so it becomes a top google search when you look me up. It feels they are amplifying it because if Stern does get exposed, and I am someone who has been a prime target for calling him out, then when the general public looks me up, they will see these false narratives about me, and that is why it hurts to see these people who I thought were good, to align with these trolls who are doing it, and because they are not getting the shit they wanted out of me, they will have no issues to act like I am this dangerous human being who is lying and causing all this pain, and that won’t work. You will not point out at me and discredit me, because I am such an easy target who has no backup.

No media outlet even gives a fuck and it is sickens me because it will continue and it feels like they will only care until something horrible happens to me so then they can pretend they give a fuck about the situation, kind of like they are what they claim the MSM is and maybe someone is investigating and I am wrong but it feels like the worst possible shit has to happen in order for it to be exposed. You know how fucked up that is? It is like no matter what people have to profit off the pain and it shows that all these things are predetermined and will have solutions after the fact. It does not matter and I wrote this in 2 parts and made it this long because I hope if you are reading this, I hope you got a headache from reading all this convoluted mess of an explanation. I know most of you will not get through it all so you might as well put it on vocaroo to so you can get through it easier. Make sure you set it on some stereotypical accent.

I wrote this part with the fact that lately it has been more peaceful but when I was given the choice of not wanting this lady in my scope or wanting her out of my life, they did not take it kindly because if I gave in then I wanted her in my life, but by saying no because she has fucked with me too much and changed the narrative on me to paint me as the bad guy because she couldn’t make me fall for her spell, like she seems to have on other people, she is now coming into scopes of other people I have met and is kind of trying to poach them from partaking in my lives, and now she is coming back to my scope and pretends she is just automatically being put there and that the whole ambush on me on her scope was just comedy, Now that I let her back on, she will twist that, and say I forced her to be put on.

I don’t know what the fuck is going on anymore. I will close with this, that if you are someone of importance and power, you need to check in on this Misery Box guy and what kind of fucked up shit he has convinced his people to do. He has ensured that I will not go on that Limonade chick’s panel because he has threatened me and encouraged me to kill myself, and tell me how my parents don’t love me because I am such a disappointment, even threats of doxing them when people are not well, and I have tried to document this, if you go to my twitter page and look at the pinned tweet where I show old audio of Howard in 97 jokingly threatening the media if they fucked with him he would have dossiers on them to ruin their lives, and in that thread I have documented some of the cryptic videos, and threats of something happening to me, and it just does not matter anymore. I don’t know if the alien lady has anything to do with him but she is allowing some of the people she is associated with.

By the way on a scope where this bigoted guy who I hate was threatening to kill myself because his periscope girl friend cheated on him. Even though I hate the guy for how fucked up he is and feels no remorse I don’t like seeing anyone lose their mind, but he was one of the guys who I used as an example of the alien lady being friends with, who constantly says racist shit when she would point out because I shared the scope of the black atheist dude who was being harassed by Zionists, and now being labeled an anti Semite. So I called into the guy’s scope to see if he was for real and if he was fine, and if this situation was so real, that alien lady chose the time where he was threatening to kill himself and people, to come and tell me it was my fault and that I don’t care. She has no problem with just blaming me flat out and just making up lies, and then act like she is a victim afterwards if I point out her bullshit. It has become such a fucking mess. I don’t even know what this blog will accomplish. I am trying to move forward and it feels these trolls will not allow me, and they have me in a constant state of fear and paranoia, and when I explain myself they will even make more of a mockery because of it. It is so fucking gross and sick.

[emeraldnebula]

Thoughts on the comic book industry, Part 2

One of the biggest gripes about comic books is one that’s gotten a lot of traction since the end of the big 1990s comic book boom. And it’s only become a much bigger, much more unavoidable issue since then:

American comics are inaccessible to the general public, largely inappropriate and/or incomprehensible for all-ages audiences and newcomers, and are prohibitively expensive for anyone who isn’t already a die-hard collector.

Let me put it this way: For about $5 to $7, you can buy at your drug store or supermarket a 300-page paperback novel that tells a complete story. For $4 or $5 bucks at minimum, your money will get you a 22-page comic book that more often than not is part of a prolonged story arc that even upon completion probably won’t be a complete story. And you won’t be able to find said comic anywhere but a comic book store, so you have to put out the extra effort to see if there even is a store in your area. Which is the better value for your money? The complete story that’s easily accessible and reasonably priced, or the 22-page booklet that won’t be a complete story, will likely be impossible to understand unless you’re already a fan, and will be much harder to come by?

Obviously, the devolution of American comics from something easily available and accessible to all to the impenetrable mess they are today is the result of the industry switching over to the direct market system exclusively. In the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, comics started abandoning newsstands, grocery stores, and drug stores in favor of comic book stores. That transition bled a lot of readers over time, and gradually led to comics catering almost exclusively to an audience of aging die-hards. Dick Giordano commented around the time of John Byrne’s Man of Steel that they were playing to “a much smaller and much more demanding audience” than had existed before. So there was no more incentive to make comics reader-friendly for potential newcomers or to bother with wide distribution. Just play to your captive audience and call it a day.

The consequences of this have been playing out for the last 32 years. Since 1986, when Alan Moore and Frank Miller made their names by shaking up the public perception of comics (for good and ill), the major publishers have adopted soap opera-style storytelling as the default model, a nihilistic and mean-spirited overall tone, lots of graphic violence and shock value gimmicks, and the default assumption that their readers are the same people who’ve been with them all along. Little to no effort is made in publicizing their wares to appeal to a larger audience; any publicity that’s done is purely to pimp the latest bad idea the editors are stuck on at any given moment to their existing readership. (This is even more baffling when you remember DC and Marvel are both owned by major studios, and could have used those resources at any time.)

And by not even bothering to make themselves available on a mass scale, comics have abandoned any notion of being reader-friendly, relying on convoluted, incomprehensible “continuity” and seldom bothering to open issues with even a brief recap of previous events to get new readers up to speed. The assumption is that anyone who’s reading today’s comics has already been doing so for years, is already an adult, and is more than likely somebody who gets off on material that can best be described as malicious. The high price of modern comics is even more of a problem when you have franchises with multiple books to their name, as crossover events either within said franchises or within the publisher’s entire line force readers to buy multiple books just to follow one storyline. And God help you if there’s a book or even just a creative team you don’t like, because you’ll be faced with the choice of buying stuff you don’t like or not buying anything at all. At $4 or $5 a pop for 22 pages at a time, that’s not an investment worth making.

This all assumes, of course, that there’s even a comic book store anywhere near you. In the last 18 years or so, comic book stores have been gradually dying out with the emergence of digital media. (In my neck of the woods alone, at least four stores have bitten the dust.) Again, availability is a major issue. And since the overall idea behind crossover stories is essentially double-dipping – profit off both the individual issues and the eventual trade collection – missing out on the individual issues automatically means having to wait for the trade. But by that time, any potential new reader is likely to lose interest and move on to something else. So again, the industry is still playing to the same aging, ever-shrinking audience.

Another failing of the direct market system and the overall inaccessibility of comics is that new readers more often than not won’t have any idea what all is really out there and how much variety there is. In the olden days where comics were available everywhere, it wasn’t just DC and Marvel running the show. You had stuff like war comics, funny animal comics, crime comics, horror comics, romance comics, comedy comics...anything and everything you could imagine was available on the newsstand. And while there is still some variety in the comic book industry from the smaller publishers, it doesn’t get nearly the exposure it should because DC and Marvel both stand to benefit from the limited availability of comics in general. If all you’re aware of is those two companies, you won’t know to seek out anything else. And if you find those companies’ output to be absolute shit (and it is), you’re not going to want to bother looking for anything else. So again, the other, smaller publishers end up suffering for it.

And let’s be honest, there’s really no reason for the comic book industry to be so exclusive and inaccessible in the age of social media. With Facebook and Twitter alone, promoting and bringing awareness to comics should be a snap. It’s even less excusable when you remember we live in a time where digital downloads for books and music are the standard, and movies and TV are gradually following suit. But since the industry by and large doesn’t want to be accessible to a bigger audience and doesn’t care about appealing to anyone outside the tiny clique it already has, a golden opportunity to bring in new fans is being wasted. Then again, as gruesome and nihilistic as DC and Marvel have become, would parents even want their kids reading this stuff? Would kids really want to see the heroes they watch on TV and in the movies making deals with the devil, being humiliated/torn down/killed off and replaced with alternate universe impostors, being dismembered and having loved ones killed off needlessly, having their romantic relationships destroyed out of the blue on a whim, turned into glorified villains in heroes’ clothing, or changed beyond the point of recognition?

(Yes, I’m fully aware that there are still kid-friendly comics in existence. But those books don’t get nearly the publicity and the attention as the event-gimmick crap I just mentioned, and tend to fall by the wayside. Again, another opportunity to get new readers on board is being largely wasted.

And yes, I also know that as of this time of writing, DC’s planning a series of 100-page digest comics for distribution with Wal-Mart. But since it’s just going to be more of the same shit they’ve been doing and failing miserably with in the direct market, I’m not holding my breath on it.)

The biggest sin with the current setup of the industry? Everybody who’s currently in the fandom was a newcomer at first. They all, in one way or another, benefited from the industry at one time being accessible and easy for a newbie to understand. By making comics so impenetrable, hard to find, unappealing to anyone who isn’t maladjusted, and expensive, the industry has effectively cut itself off from the people who could, in theory, keep it alive for years to come. You can’t expect comics to stay in business when you’ve made them too costly, too unpleasant and confusing, too far under the radar for anyone not already in the know to be aware of them, and too hard to come by. And by clinging to a dying brick-and-mortar system in a digital age...well, we all know how that sort of thing ends.

It’s not rocket science. The 22-page pamphlet format of comics is obsolete. In the age of digital, it’s not worth the inflated price tag and doesn’t give you any real value for your money. Digital comics made widely available thru a variety of distributors AND complete paperback graphic novels on sale at retail stores and/or newsstands would be a far better bet. Greater convenience, more satisfying formats than the old model, more value for your money, and a cool-looking graphic novel available for a decent price at your grocery store or drug store would be an enticing impulse buy for kids (provided, of course, the content wasn’t nihilistic garbage). But that would require looking beyond the ever-shrinking core audience of entitled fanbrats the major publishers cater to, so thus we’re not seeing anything like that happening. They won’t take advantage of digital media (if they do digital comics at all, it’s in the most half-assed way possible), and they do not want in any way, shape, or form to reach a wider audience. This goes beyond leaving money on the table; this is the industry saying they don’t want to make money at all if it means actually putting forth anything resembling effort. Forget long-term business sense, this is idiotic even in the short term. And it’s ignoring the most basic truth of the comic book industry: Without new fans, without another generation to carry it along, the industry will die.

But as we’ll be discussing soon enough, neither the major players of the industry or its ever-shrinking core audience of aging, lunatic fringe fanboys and fangirls see anything wrong with that at all.

[tigerliliesinthebathtub]

Let’s talk about Tony Stark’s PTSD

So here’s the deal - we all know Tony Stark is a POW with like seven layers of PTSD right? Because based on some of the posts on here I feel like some of ya’ll truly hate this man who is obviously suffering from a severe mental illness that he can’t properly deal with because every fuck boi in charge of making each Marvel movie won’t give the screen time for Tony to get the proper care. Let’s break this down

1.) Tony get’s captured, becomes a POW, watches as the man who helped keep him alive commits suicide so he can be with his family. The irony? Tony’s family is also dead. That my friends is called survivors guilt - he should have died in that cave, and before that he should have died in that car with his parents -  but he didn’t.

And how does he cope with his ensuing PTSD? He builds a robot that can protect people from what he went through. Yes, his iron man suit is his coping mechanism - we will come back to it.

2.) The man he considered his family turned out to be a mass murderer. yes we’re still in movie one. His business partner, his friend, tried to kill him for money. That’s fucking traumatizing - although many of you might have glossed over this because its a movie and this all seems normal to us now

3.) He spends quite a bit of time trying NOT to die by ways of a horrible illness caused by the only thing keeping him alive (the whole plot of Iron Man 2). More trauma for ya

4.) He tries to commit suicide when he flings himself into space to save the planet. Oh didn’t consider this a suicide attempt? Suppose its just coincidental that the POW and man with PTSD is the one to choose to go through the hole. Oh but Cap can’t fly you say? bs we all know that if the Marvel bros wanted to he could have been the one - they just wanted to add another layer of trauma to Tony’s character so they can market it for Iron Man 3

5.) A terrorist claims that its his fault that he is now hurting other people. Literally his worst nightmare. Also in the meantime how did he deal with the trauma of almost dying in space? Oh yeah he creates like a billion Iron Man suits. Welp if you can’t receive medical attention for your PTSD what better way to deal than to just keep making more coping mechanisms. Of course until you need to blow them all up because thats... not telling....

6.) By Civil War he feels guilty for every single death that has occurred since the dawn of super heroes that he instigated simply by trying to dismantle the war machine industry. Now mothers are telling him he killed their child, and he tries to do the right thing by getting some 3rd party oversight and Caps’ all like “I don’t think that’s a good idea” and of course he’s right but not because its actually not a good idea (it is) but because it needs to be a bad idea so that Cap can stay morally in the right as it needs to be in the Marvel movie franchise for him to be relevant

7.) He discovers that this attempt to right his wrongs only causes more chaos (still Civil war) and Cap has been keeping the secret that he knew his parent’s murderer and has been keeping him safe the whole time. 

8.) (oh did I say seven layers? my bad) his best friend gets paralyzed because of a fight that was only started because he was trying to set the world right

9.) His own goddam child dies in his arms on a different planet light years away from the woman he loves who is probably dead too if the Marvel bros have anything to say about it because GODDAM does a traumatized Tony Stark sell this franchise

Consequently imma need all Cap people who’ve been crapping on Tony to pay me like $2,000,000 in restitution because let’s be honest you love Cap over Tony not because he’s more wholesome but because his gay bromance with Bucky is fodder for your slash fanfiction. And imma be honest they have great chemistry, but your slash fantasy does not void that fact that Tony Start is a POW suffering from severe trauma that we will never see treated as it should be (by medical professionals) because Marvel bros would rather gay bait us to the ends of the Earth than put mental health into their movie past one or two panic attacks a couple of movies ago that got magically healed by blowing up some robots.

this has been a PSA