#ALSO HI SORRY IK I HAVENT POSTED HERE IN A WHILE Im kind of on hiatus ig hHJSKKHJDVGSDVGHSD

[namuneulbo]

week eighty-six

i was so busy on sunday so i couldnt post in time. sorry!! ill write and post this now at 1 am on monday. it was a good sunday though, cute person at the till but i got so flustered i forgot to look at their last name when i ided them so i just know his first name and middle name loool. went to the bar after work w c, l and s. we then went for food and ate in the school cafeteria. a cute security guard came after a while and asking for us to show our keys to prove we could be there lol.

ive been listening to loooots of saosin. im so in love w their stuff. so the sotw is obvious hehe.

okay now ill go through the week in order lol.

monday i dont really remember. just work.

i had a shorter shift on tuesday, only four hours! afterwards i met up w e and e and we walked around town and then had some food and then went to some shops. it was fun and time went by so fast.

on wednesday i thought id have to rawdog the music quiz and just go alone and hope id find someone ik there to play w BUT c came home just in time so she joined me along w d, e and s. s left before the results and d and e left right after the results. we did HORRIBLY!!! we came like,, 9th ??? out of 14 probably?

s joined us afterwards and m also joined in after a bit. i thought it was a lot of fun but apparently ive now gotten the news that s is... a bit weird. idk, i always thought my friends were kind of,,, making him seem worse than he is but ig im starting to understand what they find so odd ab him and back on wednesday i still enjoyed his company. after talking for a while, m left to go to another table and c and i were left w s. h joined us at one point and omg i was so excited ab it, i think hes so cool and cute and sweet and i kind of fangirled internally. like truly its not like a crush or anything, hes just so sweet and funny so i was so excited to talk to him. THEN..... D JOINED??? idk if ive talked ab him too much on here but basically hes just this bassist dude whos so fucking cool to me and ive never spoken to him and before this i hadnt even sat at the same table as him or stood within the same circle as him. ig this experience was quite humbling though lol i think i made him up to be more talkative and louder than he actually is. nothing bad ab that i just realized ive probably made him way cooler in my mind than he is irl. hes just human lol. hes still cool to me though but i need to mention that its funny that c had literally said to me like “girl, ur hyping him up way too much. hes just a man.” and now i was indeed proved right. he is just a guy lol. its kind of become an inside joke by now though and i like that ive created that correlation to him now so itll always be in the back of esp c and ls minds. i did fangirl a lot when he sat down at our table out of nowhere though and it was so funny bc c kept giving me a look.

d left quite quickly to go to talk to others and after a while me, c, h and ss convo turned into a film bro convo bc apparently all three of them r film bros and i havent seen like,, any movies so they started listing movies from every era and of every genre that i had to watch and it was so funny. after they had been listing stuff for a good 15 minutes they finally said dead poets society and i could finally be like “IVE SEEN THAT ONE”. i then watched interstellar the next day... no reason why i specifically watched that one...

after watching interstellar on thursday, i got so inspired to go learn cornfield chase on piano so i ran to school at 12 am but obviously it was closed. i knew it would be but sometimes the gates might still be open or something so there r loopholes but yeah, not this time. i checked every door lol. i still havent gone to practice it. i practiced a little bit at home on the keyboard but it sounds so bad and its so hard to play, mainly ergonomically.

friday! played sims all day and then went for a drink w t. we then went for a walk and then got some food to end the evening. i love them sm <3

saturday was work again but it was a five hour shift that went by pretty fast and it was such a weird shift lol. theres this guy that comes in every now and then and weve always had this little tension between us, like a pretty obvious romantic tension. i remember all the times hes been at the till while i was working. one time he was also just in the store while i was fixing some shelves, i think i was specifically organizing cat food? anyways, first time, i actually cant remember fully if it was him but im pretty sure?? idk, like i said, i get flustered when i see pretty ppl so i just remember a BIG tension and his hand shaking a bit when holding his card to the card reader. second time he bought cigarettes and i ided him and TURNS OUT ITS A GUY I WENT TO ELEMENTARY W LOLLLL. hes two years older than me and all i remember of him is that he used to show me gore on the computer at the after school thingy we were at. honestly shaped me a lot as a child probably. i wonder if he remembers me from that as well. anyways. he bought food some other time too and i remember just really feeling the tension still. like its sm fun??? like how u can feel that we both find each other so attractive yet no one says anything apart from just smiling and doing like a specific type of eye contact and just like idk... speaking in a certain tone ig??? its sm fun. hes so hotttttt. anyways on saturday he came in twice, once w his friend (who i also know and hes not a great guy sooooooo) and that time his friend was just buying cigarettes but he stayed away for some reason and like fully turned his back to me lol idk what that was ab but then after an hour or so he came in alone to buy some quick meal and the tension was back. i think he mightve genuinely just avoided me the first time bc he didnt want his friend to know??? or am i being totally delusional rn?

later that shift d shows up. THE d. we were both as surpised lol i just looked up from my phone when i heard someone start piling up stuff on the conveyor belt and then i meet eyes w him and his eyes widen just as much as mine and hes like “hi!” and im like “hi!”. we dont say anything else but it was just so funny and i keep smiling lol. hes so iconic to me. maybe a little hot too but like mostly iconic. i think. he is QUITE hot though... like to be fucking fair....

THEN omg. this was so fucking funny and i laughed ab it for the rest of my shift. this guy came in to buy alcohol and he was young so he showed id before i even got to asking him for it and his name is literally the same as w, my crush. FIRST AND LAST NAME WERE THE SAME??? what a fucking coincidence??????? it was so funny and i had to keep myself from bursting out in laughter in front of him it was so fucking weird. i didnt think w had THAT common of a name. like yeah first name sure, one of the more common ones for his age but like first and last name??? woah.

anyways, thats a fucking wrap.

sotw: saosin - racing toward a red light

[cloverpurr]

WAIT WHAT IF THEY WERE LESBIANS

WHAT IF SINCE BOTH HEATHERHEART AND MISTYLEAF'S MATES ARE YKNO KINDA DEAD (well heatherheart's mate isnt dead YET but he uhhhhhh isnt. around. in thunderclan/dawnclan. so. technically dead) MAYBE MISTYLEAF AND HEATHERHEART BECOME MATES AND THEY RAISE THEIR KITS TOGETHER (and by that i mean heatherheart has her kits and soon mistyleaf has her kits and then they become mates and raise their kits as siblings)

BUT ANYWAYSSSSS WHAT IF THEY WERE FUCKINGGGGGG LESBIABNS

so i just came up with um. An Idea. but i am not sure if i want to go through with it or not

it involves um. my oc’s. obviously. but like idk if i wanna actually make this idea a reality or what BHJDBSDH

basically my idea was that what if sedgepelt and mistyleaf’s kits (darkfeather, stormheart, and hawkeyes) were actually darkwing and heatherheart’s kits

i feel like it would not only make more sense but it would also be like. a very very important event in the story ig????? i do not know how to word this at all and i am very sorry

i just feel like. yknow. after the whole secret is revealed that darkwing is actually a Very Bad Person everyone in dawnclan would be like >:( and then when heatherheart’s kits are born its revealed that darkwing is the father which then makes everyone dislike heatherheart and her kits

ALSO it would make heatherheart, a former background character with no personality whatsoever besides the fact that she has this major fucking crush on darkwing, actually an important character to the story

and maybe perhaps when mistyleaf and the others recieve the prophecy abt the kits she’s like “oh this has to be my kits right :)” but then heatherheart’s kits are born and mistyleaf is like “O. OH?” and its juts this whole fuckin. thing

and YES mistyleaf will still have kits but i do not know what their names will be. but like. ykno. i think this would not only make more sense but it would be a very very important event to the story as a whole

it would probably come as a surprise to most cats too, but mostly because darkwing didnt seem like the type of cat to like. have a mate. or even WANT a mate. i mean he and heatherheart seemed into each other but like……………….damn no one was expecting this huh

BUT ANYWAYS I MIGHT NOT ACTUALLY CHANGE THE STORY LIKE THIS cause this is um. kind of a very. drastic change. but STILL its something 2 think about i suppose

[ursoself-satisfying]

do you think eugene is maybe scared of long boat trips? i was thinking about it the other day, maybe he plans on going on holiday with his s/o and the only way to go abroad would be on a boat right? but maybe he would get a little (a lot? im not an expert on this) ptsd while being on the boat and his s/o supporting him but not fully understanding because lets be honest, no-one apart from the soldiers fully understand this sort of stuff, and maybe there's another veteran on-board who helps him?

Before we get into it I wanna say I totally agree n that unless u actually have experienced that ur rly not gonna understand what the person is going thru n this applies to all kinds of trauma but just bc u dont understand doesnt mean u cant do ur best to or that u cant still love support n help them handle it n it doesnt mean they're not gr8tful for ur involvement even if u dont understand,, writing for post war eugene is always tricky cus I dont wanna assume ik how any of this goes or the extent of what it entails i havent done this I've barely done any research its heartbreaking tho n unfair n I just wanted to say all that before u get into this cus it's a combo of both asks but also more of a touchy subject than I feel like I've addressed here so that's just a heads up but enjoy!!

Omg eugene my bby

I def think hes still afraid of boats big time,, so when the two of u decide to go abroad for ur honeymoon it's a big decision for u two to make one w lots of beforehand discussions n considering all ur other options but in the end the push of ur families n the pull of the convenience of a boat eases u both into the decision, even tho nothing about it u kno is going to be easy,, Eugene is p nervous cus I mean the nightmares have lessened n u both have been learning how to handle his flashbacks n the like but u had never tried anything like this yet so on one hand it could be a good time to test the waters but on the other hand neither of u have any idea how itll actually go

Even just in the car on the way there he starts to get shakey n then on the dock it gets a bit worse but ur hands r on him somehow the whole time either locked in his or on his leg or arm or stuck in his pocket n that comforts him, ur touch anchors him n keeps him from drifting to worse thoughts it keeps him thinking about u instead,, its till hard tho just thinking about it being back on that boat forcing himself to remember hes going to France n it's not occupied n hes not alone n hes going to get to see the sights w his wonderful wife n thoroughly enjoy those bright French mornings n that it's going to be quiet, no more bombs or raids or alarms just u n him under thin sheets hot n sticky n just together n safe

But first,, the boat

On the boat? It was rough,, every bit of turbulence n every odd sway made him anxious n as much as u tried to entice him to enjoy more of the boats activities like a cabaret show or even just playing some chess out on the deck n tho u could get him out a few times n he did enjoy himself,, he spent most of his time in the cabin trying to ignore the fact he was on a boat at all,, the rest of his time not being coaxed out by u he spent napping in a deck chair w u often lounging beside him n watching over his sleep carefully, also making sure he didnt burn n lathering her exposed skin in sunblock as much as u could as he slept

U two kept busy in the cabin tho I mean it was ur honeymoon after all ;;;))) so he ravaged u as often as he could bc not only were u a comfort but also a distraction,, u did other things as well tho like laying n listening to ur favourite radio shows or playing guitar to him or sketching him or dancing together or once even doing a silly little fashion show where he def tripped after putting on ur heels

He did have a few attacks tho but u had prepared as best u could n even if some of ur cabin took a beating in an outburst u had always managed to talk him down n he spent a lot of time in ur arms

His breakdowns btw would come suddenly when something would trigger him like a sudden movement or a splash against ur window n then he would get angry n scared n become protective of u until his aggression bubbled over into hot tears drowned out by ur soft words of confirmation trying to tell him u were on a modest cruise liner n u were going to Europe n that the guns n the bombs n the tropical climate were all far away n u would pull him into a cold shower w u n he would often (fuck u hard first then) just cling to u n cry until he could calm down n fall asleep n if he stirred in his sleep u would repeat the process until he could sleep soundly

He was gr8tful to finally be off the boat n back on land tho n once in Paris the two of u could rly enjoy ur honeymoon beginning w breaking in ur hotel bed ;;;)))

But then the two of u got to see the Eiffel Tower n the Seine n the Louvre n Notre dame n it was all so amazing!!!! U spent half the time w ur head in ur sketchbook n he spent all his time taking photos of u w ur head in ur sketchbook lol

The photos were brilliant n sweet n excessive n there were def a few of u bare n freshly fucked (pardon my french) w the Parisian skyline out the window behind u, the morning like shining thru ur messy hair like a halo,, but there were also many of him from the perspective of u kneeling over him n many more of both of u playfully holding up the tower or picnicking in front of a cathedral w u plucking at ur guitar or him w a bottle of wine at his lips

It was all v picturesque n romantic n perfect n u thought he deserved nothing less n he thought the same for u ::""))

U spent about 4 weeks there together n he had throughly used his time to fuck u in every way possible n use every toy u brought with but then it was suddenly time to go home n u were concerned about eugene being back on the boat but he seemed less nervous when u got on n he admitted to feeling a lot better after the first trip n this time he actually went out w u n u played board games w other passengers n danced in the halls n sang w the cabaret n he still sunbathed n napped n made love to u n wrecked ur cabin n u still listened to all ur radio shows n drew n sang but ur lives felt more full somehow after this experience

Oh n u def showed off everything u had bought is Paris n as much as he loved that silk dress on u he loved peeling it off u even more ;;;)))

He rly did feel better when u were finally home to ur little cottage for the first time together as a globetrotting married couple ::"")) he felt better that he hadnt handled it nearly as bad as hed expected n urs n his trip abroad left u feeling loved n cultured n more experienced in life plus u both had taken a huge chance n now u were better for it n felt more capable n confident that he was getting better n it was an affirmation that u would take care of him n that u would always be there for him, just as u had said in ur vows ::""))

He was happy to consummate ur new marriage in ur own bed for the first time tho lol n on top of that gr8 feeling it was just gr8 that he felt less held back w u there w him especially after the boat experience

So yeah a quick note I rly do think he would be terrified of ever stepping foot on a boat again n would refuse it n be vvv adamant about not doing it again for a vvv long time but I think he could be worn down n would EVENTUALLY be ok w it but maybe not this fast n tho I dont feel like I go into much detail here he def has a hard time on the boat as well like hes just agitated the whole time n probably was prescribed some medication for it if just some motion or sea sickness meds n maybe anxiety but i would say it prolly makes him drowsy so hes kinda out of it which keeps him calm but doesnt stop certain flashbacks n maybe he lashes out n hurts someone once in a while cus it's incredibly traumatic returning to that environment but anyway yeah he would be v fidgety n not like it but in this scenario hes willing to take a chance given how well hes been recovering n how much he trusts u n how much u have helped him n the option had pull so that's why but rly I dont think irl he would have gone back on a boat anywhere near that soon but this is romantic fiction so ::))

Also I have a v specific image of who eugene is w if u cant tell lol so I'm sorry for that specificity but I'm so whipped for him n his gal I lov sm I hope u enjoy n guys I'm so motivated to finally write out the storyline I have for him I'm gonna finally get out his fic ok I promise