#ALSO!!! to all the ppl who became my friend or mutual despite me having literally nothing to say on here most of the time

[putterphubase]

midnight museum is literally the reason i started posting on here i am happy to find others who enjoy it and also other things that i enjoy <333

also this is completed unrelated but the eighth sense has completely rotted my brain every day i wake up and think of it like a yearning lover

Please help this is a cry for help

[mariska]

hello world i am awake and have my first dose of daily medications in my system and thus have a lil bit of energy at the moment to just Type My Thoughts Out Into The Void On Here. so here is my non internet/social media life update for all of u today:

later in the day i am finally gonna be able to meet/hang out with one of my longest exclusively internet-based friends of mine after a little under 10 years of us being friends!! im so happy + excited for it but i still have some chores and last minute cleaning stuff i gotta do before he gets here, hopefully waking up a lot earlier than i usually do will give me whatever time i need to finish my part of the household preparations 😅 but yeah!!! he's a mutual friend of both me and Eli (obviously, would not otherwise just be like. hey Eli this person u dont know or hypothetically arent friends with actively is also staying at the house while ur here get used to it HFSGSHSCGSF) and we've been trying to put together some kind of non-internet hangout trip for years and it just didnt work out until this time around.

right before the first global shutdown covid wave back in early 2020 the three of us had been trying to plan a May hangout together that we called "superbirthday" (cus my birthday is may 6 and my friend Jon's, person who is coming here 2day, has a may 26 birthday, so the 20 days in between both our birthdays is 'superbirthday' celebration time 😌✌️) so im like. beyond excited that we've all actually been able to make it happen for real this time!!

i've met up irl now with quite a few of my good friends who were people i originally met online in some way but it's still so surreal in a happy way whenever that happens again. me and Jon originally became friends through the Gmod server "Gmod Towers" (which doesnt even exist anymore it has its own separate game that both me and Jon actually contributed to the fundraising campaign for the devs to develop yrs ago) in like. fall of 2014, if u never played on it back then, it was a really chill fun virtual hangout server world kinda similar to like....imvu/second life, that kinda thing, but on a much smaller scale than either of those and with most playable characters taken from like, the general Gmod Valve Game Character Model List. it was styled like a resort type hotel with different areas of the map having different activities u could do with friends or anyone else around, there was a mini games section and a big hotel lobby where a lot of people just sat in groups and talked with their mic headsets and a hotel room area that saved whatever interior decor u set up in ur room, u could watch youtube vids on a virtual tv and throw parties for the server to come join and be goofy at....Good Times.

ANYWAYS all of that to say, as awful as the general internet experience can be like all the time forever especially in more modern yrs, im really grateful that in my life i've been able to make such meaningful connections and friendships with people online, sometimes in niche lil corners of the internet with dedicated fan followings like Gmod Tower!! i say it irl all the time to ppl but the internet truly Was Not One Big Mistake despite the increasing chaos of the whole big picture concept, being someone who is disabled and had to drop out of school at 14 to quite literally keep myself alive and keep my body/brain from totally failing on me, i genuinely don't think i would have many friends if any at all if i hadn't been able to connect with people online, especially with my Agoraphobia making it very difficult to like. put myself out there in the world.

....yeah! so. thats what i am up to currently. and yes we WILL all be playing Kirby Air Ride for the Gamecube on my Pink Disney Princess TV as a Superbirthday™️ activity. for ur information.

[scandeniall]

story of us

pairing: suna x reader

the story of ur relationship <3; alternatively (more) dating sunarin headcanons but this time is somewhat of an order and talks good and bad 2K+ worth lol

a/n: i had more planned but half of these have been sitting in my notes for months and its kinda fucking long already bc he lives rent free!!!

warnings: uh the usual aged up (in ur 20s time skip type beat), language, yeah

Meeting

Now when y’all met suna was not looking to love at all. That man was just living his life and so where you. The two of you pretty much meet through komori. You’re a friend and it’s his birthday so him and a few of his friends go out for drinks bc why not. Young hot pretty financially stable v-ball players. Nah no ones there for any type of hookups literally just there celebrating a great guy.

They rent out a section at a relatively nice bar tbh. Not the cheapest and you can actually hear conversation. But also not a super expensive one where the patrons are middle aged with jazz music and the occasional track to relive “youth.” Komori’s a sweetie and will come outside to get you when you text that you’re there. You’ve met washio and ofc sakusa Before so you greet them casually then you turn and there’s Suna and a few others you haven’t met.

That greeting isn’t anything special I promise. Just “hey I’m so and so” and vice versa. It’s one of those meetings where you just think “he’s cute” but it’s such a fleeting thought. Y’all don’t even really talk that first night tbh. At the next practice Suna mentions offhandedly that he didn’t know komori was dating someone and komori is like: huh? Yeah sorry. I love (Y/N) and all but were just friends. Suna just shrugs not really caring to be honest until Komori just asks what did he think of you.

“Don’t really remember much man. Seemed cool though” he didn’t think he’d really see you again. Yeah you were close enough to have been at Komori’s birthday but if that was his first time ever meeting you, he figured you weren’t from around there are present very much. Yeah he was wrong.

Suddenly you were on Komori’s snap story more often, or maybe he’d just been noticing more. Too bad he couldn’t even remember your name 💀. Then it turned into you occasionally popping up where he was. He’d been told your name at least 5 times already but wouldn’t remember it the next day. Whenever he’d see you again he’d get a strained look like: “what is this mf name again” just laugh and tell him again bby.

That changed at some random house party by another mutual friend you two apparently had? You two were the only people just around the fire pit trying to catch some warmth in the chilly night. He’s probably just on his phone head bobbing his head to the muffled music from inside. And you’re just like “remember my name yet?” All jokingly. This sparks the tiniest bit of interest in him and he lets out a low chuckle and just admits “not at all.” I also feel like this is the first time he really looks at you and he’s like 🤨, wait you’re actually kinda cute.

That night y’all just kinda talk and vibe. The conversation comes easy as you two jump back and forth from talking about the music playing to sneakers which he brings up to stuff that you like. He’s actually really easy to talk to. So easy that u can forget about him not remembering your name despite meeting several times. You mention that you’d hung around komori before while they were gaming and that he seemed pretty cool. That leads him to asking “how do you know him anyways?”

“I used to date Sakusa”

Mentally he’s just like— ‘yeah I’m not getting involved in this. Time to go.’ Until you just start laughing.

“I’m kidding. He’s not really my type. We met after being paired together for a project in school.”

The two of you spend quite a bit of time just talking that night until you are joined again by some friends and it’s deadass like y’all weren’t just talking for almost an hour straight.

Getting Together

The process of getting together is like a cat and mouse game. You two start getting closer than friends and then something happens and you’re not talking for weeks. Whether it be life just getting busy, and then someone ending up on some random tinder date or so be it. Definitely one of those things were somehow someway y’all end up just hanging on one of your couches watching a movie. At some point there’s definitely a hint of sexual tension but neither of y’all act on it (later on you find on his finsta that he used to post several “i wont you 😔” memes  Folks can’t tell if hes joking or not (hes not))

You probably gotta tell that man you like him so if that ain’t you I’m sorry. Y’all not dating 😹. It’s something casual, y’all going to pick up some snacks for a movie night and why this mf keep looking at you out the side of his eyes instead of the road. You def texting the groupchat asking if you should confess. They tell you to boss up and just do it baby.

You literally end up confessing in that parking lot. Like right when he shuts the car off and starts swinging his keys on his finger and you kinda just blurt “I like you. Like like you.” He just kinda nods before his eyes widen. “Wait are you fr?” Like no you’re joking tf. It gets a lil awkward so you just go to get out the car and he’s like “I like like you too.”

I definitely don’t think either of you ever officially asked the other out it’s just at some point the understanding that you two are a couple. Like when you’re hanging out just you two hes more touchy, and then y’all start kissing and holding hands at some point. Then when you’re with friends he almost exclusively sits next to you and your friends notice the whispers in one another’s ears at the loud bar that seem just a hint too intimate for ppl who are just friends. Then y’all start arriving and leaving places together and people just at some point get the message (it’s later confirmed by you tweeting some shit like: I hate Rin why is that mf my boyfriend)

As far as anniversaries y’all draw straws to pick a day in the ballpark of the time y’all both think you became official. That’s the day you stick with even if it’s not true.

Relationship Flaws

A fault in the relationship is sunas kinda poor communication when it comes to things that matter. How he feels. Arguments. Love sure as hell don’t come east with anyone but when your partner won’t let you in? Yeah that’s like hell. That’s something you struggle with. And then on your end, it’s the impatience with him not letting you in. You try to wrongfully rush it.

 There’s definitely been arguments that stem from him just being upset about something unrelated to the relationship then coming to you for comfort without actually telling you what’s wrong. He kinda just wants to lay with his head on his chest but at some point that’s not enough. Y’all are in a relationship and should be able to talk about your bad days too.

You’re not innocent in this issue either because sometimes it comes off too pushy. Yes it’s from a place of care but sometimes that silent comfort is necessary. The walls will break in due time and y’all both know that deep in the back of your minds But then there’s a part that’s like— yeah we can’t let this become the norm

“Rin, can you please talk to me”

He will have literally told you “whatever” and that he “can’t deal with this rn” several times as he just shrugs and is like yeah “I’m gonna just go home. I’ll text you later” with an awkward ass pat on your shoulder if it really ruined his mood. If he’s leaving before he gets super upset and uncomfortable just some half assed kiss in your cheek

Another thing is I feel like he could be passive aggressive and let’s be real other folks doing it causes you to do it to. Y’all probably drag eachother on your finstas where you can both see it lol

But when it comes to making up he cracks first and apologizes when he started it. Or as y’all get more comfy with communication. If it’s not anything major he’ll just hit you with a text like “I’m bored come hang”

More Relationship Things

I feel like he love/hates driving. Likes the ride not always driving though. So if you ever proposed a late night drive he’d be down (if you offer to drive). He does let y’all take his car though. He reclines the seat pretty far back. Alternates between just closing his eyes vibing w/ the music or kinda just looking at you (he the type of bf that makes u nervous no matter how long y’all been together)The way he looks at you makes you nervous cause that man is fine as hell and you can just feel his eyes on you.

He films you on Snapchat and sends the video to you like “you look hot”

If he’s not ‘resting his eyes’ he’s mumbling along to the music because he has the aux. if y’all music tastes are different he occasionally throws in something you really like bc he likes how you perk up at one of your fav songs

Moving on. Y’all dap eachother up after s3x because it’s “modern romance” (boy stfu). You two came up with a sex playlist together and it’s on both of your phones. Sometimes one of you will add a troll song that the other doesn’t know and put it in the lineup. (Stole my heart by 1D has definitely played before and you were practically in tears laughing at his reaction. That was one of those songs he was like ‘yeah alright i think we’re done).

At some point you two develop your own handshake and it’s cute. Whenever either of you have to travel without the other that’s always the last thing you do before you leave eachother. There’s vids of your friends daring y’all to do your elaborate ass handshake drunk and doesn’t matter what’s in your system, you both know it like the back of your hand.

I think he values quality time a lot so there’s so many nights where you’re both just chilling in his room just doing your own things. He could just be at his desk watching some game highlights and you’re just doing hw on his bed with your own earbuds in work all spread out and he’s content. He’s also attentive so if he calculates that you’ve been working too long he’ll just take ur earbud like “hey let’s go get something to eat.”

People definitely think he’s the lazy one in the relationship but it’s 100% not true. Like stated above, he’s very attentive and can pretty much gauge how you’re feeling in the blink of an eye. He knows when you need alone time but won’t go without reassuring you that he’s here whenever you’re ready. When you do just need him he’s there without a second thought. If you’re more touchy he’ll have your head in his lap his arm running up and down your as you tell him what’s wrong. He knows when to joke about a minor inconvenience and over the course of your relationship knows when to cut the jokes and be serious with you.

He’d never admit it but he knows your coffee order by heart (he keeps up his image my asking wtf do you get everytime. Just let him LOL). He the type to peek at what you plan on wearing and ‘accidentally’ color coordinate then pull some shit like “why are you copying me”

Y’all def shit talk together. See someone doing something completely out of pocket in public— straight to ur phones you go (pack it up shade room). To the public it just looks like you aren’t paying any attention to one another on your dates but y’all are. Just over the phone so u don’t piss off ur target 😌

Y’all are very comfy in your relationship that you just say stuff. Y’all don’t even think.

“Rin, what if i crashed us in this car rn 😹”

“Do it. Might be fun”

When you two finally move in together it’s almost like how your relationship starts. Slowly more and more spares of stuff for you end up at his. He does sorta make the move near the end of your lease and is just like “you’re here more than me anyways.” (hes nervous but swears he’s not. Bby you’re literally shaking). Him moving you in is like hell. This mf takes sooooo long to help with boxes. Picks up 1 then sits for like 15 minutes. You ask for help the first few times and he’s just like “I got you” while continuing to scroll his phone.

Sleepy Shoulder kisses in the mornings. Only form a greeting you get but it’s ok

this is like my 100th dating suna hc and im still going this is SICK. it was so hard to not drop old refs bc i still believe in them 100% yes i do!!!!

[seoschangbin]

Hi hi, it’s ya gal Rachel! To start off, this isn't really a follow forever but more of a mushy love fest. I was going to do this back in October when my blog hit 2 years but then with everything that happened... 😞✌ figured it wasn’t the best time! But since it’s the new year, I just wanted to spread some love to start off the decade, especially towards all the lovely people who have made my 2019 a little bit happier ♡ Thank you to everyone for making this such a fun & amazing year; thank you for supporting my gifs & graphics and interacting with me; overall, thank you for making Tumblr fun again! So to all my moots and followers, I’m wishing you all a very happy and wonderful 2020! 

I wanted to take some time as well to write some messages to all my mutuals - seeing you guys on my dash + all your work (if you’re a cc) is such a joy and I admire all of you very very much! Thank you for putting in the time to making gifs/graphics/fic/etc. and I hope you won’t mind if I gush about you a little, even if we’ve never spoken hehe! Under the cut in alphabetic order.. she’s a long one sorry!

@00hj | karen!! angel!! first of all, everything u make is just the cleanest cutest thing ever, i truly want your brain!.. u are such an incredibly talented gfx creator and i get heart palpitations every time i see ur work!! i adore u so much n ur tags are also so full of sweetness n purity and 😞💕 i just want to give u a hug!! + the way u always say hi to ccs in ur tags when u rb their stuff. cute!! pure!! 

@01degree | joanna!! first of all... thank u for filling my dash with so many groups, some of which i almost never get to see 😌💕 ur brain being multi af like me.. chefs kiss! also! you make such clean and nice gifs please don’t ever doubt that laskjd!! 2020 joanna stops saying her gifs suck! idk how u make them so clean but legends only! bls remember to be kind to yourself this year! 💕

@1095 | nicolle!! i haven’t seen you around recently but i hope everything is okay and you’re doing well! i have to say that your graphics are absolutely INSANE i don’t know how you do it!! the colours.. how it all comes together.. amazing! ur career as a graphic designer will be a good one 😌👍 secondly your urls are always so cute nd nice!! and thirdly back to number 1.. i just love everything you make so so much bls come back to us 😖

@3noracha |  falak.. ur the fandom’s gem.. the sharpening on ur gifs takes my breath away everytime + the colouring.. omg chef’s kiss!! i didn’t know you before you came back earlier this year but i’m so so glad you did come back bc u are so full of love 😳💗 you make the cutest graphics as well and are just radiate so much positivity 💞

@bamgchan | henri! still my confident car selfie king!! so glad i found you through sagey.. i love all your content (ur graphics.. always so well put together!) and the way you interact with people is so full of energy and positivity and i adore that! i hope 2020 treats you well 🥰

@banghans | ollie!! all of ur content.. ur gifs! amazing.. wonderful.. iconic thank you for providing so much hq content for the rest of us peasants 😌💕 your love for chan and jisung is also so pure n cute when u rave abt it 💞 bls stop being so hard on yourself and i love reading about how you’re always striving to be better to yourself! i hope 2020 is a good year for you 💖

@binnieseason | emily.. a loss for binnie stans that you’re gone 😔 anyways i hope to see you back sometime because you make such nice gifs + the colouring on them.. so pretty and clean.. how to be you! i hope things are okay with you and that you’ve been well!

@cb-97s | miss li! y/a novel protagonist herself!! li you’re a burst of sunshine in my day and i love chatting w u! your love for chan.. too pure 😭 every time i talk to you i’m like.. dang.. she’s real.. ppl get to see her for real! might force u to meet me irl 🤷‍♀️ also queen of gfx.. always so clean.. 😍 i know it’s been a stressful year for you but i hope 2020 brings you happiness and love 💞 love u! 

@changbeanie | hi ruby! ur graphics are always so intricate n pretty + the colouring on ur gifs.. so pretty 😭💖 thank you for providing like 90% of the changbin content nd keeping me well-fed 🥰 ur always so sweet to ur anons as well and are just a lil ray of sunshine ☀️

@changbinie​ | jo.. what even is there to say abt u.. still can’t believe i got u into skz.. CAN’T!!! thanks for suffering w me and dealin w me wakin u to talk abt middies.. + changbin arms.. i love u a little i think (?) 

@channie | hi fishy! ur one of the very first skz blogs i ever followed back in 2017.. we ancient 😌🤙 i know you’re not too active anymore but all of your gifs have like. the prettiest colouring ever idk how you do it! i hope you’ll come back to us 

@elfminho | min! i love the way u tag skz in your tags.. so cute 😭 star boy!!! cute 😭 ur gifs are also lovely as well 🥰 i think ur one of the first skz blogs i followed when i starting using this blog again n i’m glad i found ur blog bc i adore u 💞

@glowsvt | grace.. my little baby! i wish i could just !! get into ur brain how lovely nd wonderful of a human you are.. have more confidence in yourself! 😣 you make wonderful graphics.. ur style! cute! and you have such a sweet and good heart!! i love when you ramble about things and always appreciate how you take the time to reach out to me despite how busy you are 💕 thank you for being a real-life angel, i hope 2020 is good and kind to you 🙇‍♀️💞

@hanjisungz | britt!!! nerd squad let’s go!! you’re such an angel, the way you treat everyone who talks to you with so much kindness and positivity makes me want to cry!! ur truly just the cutest sunbeam and just such lovely lovely human!! thank u for puttin up with my late replies and how boring i am 😭 i also adore your gifs and icons.. which you know.. but always.. chefs kiss to them!

@huiracha | marie... first of all skz AND ptg? great, amazing, fantastic combination... galaxy brain 💞 secondly, u make such SUCH nice gifs 😭 ur prob one of my fav skz ccs and all ur pretty chan comp sets.. always look forward to them! thank u for also bringing me ptg content i never see enough of them 💕

@hwang-hyunjin | agnes!! ur topaz settings r always insane and they make your gifs look amazing!! + the colouring u do is always so beautiful!! the combo rly makes ur gifs so distinctive nd pretty💞 ur edits too!! just lovely 🥰 also the fact that we’re also moots on our mx blogs.. amazing.. i love a staybebe!! 

@hyunjins​ | godleigh???? still one of my fav gifmakers ever!! perfect colouring.. sharpening.. best brain! 💞 rmbr ur skz x prince series... still think abt it sometimes.. wish i could be half as brilliant as u!  i’m so glad we started talking bc u are incredibly funny and fun to talk to and i love witnessing ur breakdowns even though they’re probably way funnier to me than they should be 😭 love that u vibe w me and we can be mean together 😭 thank u for giving me this url 😭 thank u for being my friend, u truly are like. half the reason i enjoy being on this blog 😭 you’re wonderful and i love u a lot! sorry for clowning u sometimes! i hope everything sorts itself out soon bc u deserve some peace nd happiness 😩 and i wish u nothing but the best for this year and hope that the next year will be filled with good things 💖

@ifbin | mikaela.... u know i could talk abt you forever right???? ur graphics.. bro 😭 literally my fav gfx ever on this site.. u have such a vibrant + clean style it’s so sexy 😭 literally am in love with everything u make.. every time i see it i’m like 😳💖 also you’re such a sweetheart in your tags i can’t with you... spare friendship miss 💍

@jeonginz | bri! honestly.. i think you’re my oldest mutual from when we first started our blogs during survival era #ogs? 😳 when i found out you were nctmark... mind blown... anyways all your content is AMAZING even though u dont make as much for skz anymore msdg but ur dedication to all ur sideblogs.. galaxy brain 😌

@jinlix | kelly...!! still gazing at u across the river i love love love u!! how to purchase friendship? ur just the purest snowflake and a wonderful person with the cutest tags... ur love for hyunjin.. CUTE 💞 all your graphics are so pretty and clean as well.. dragonlix gfx never forgotten.. 😳 and you’re rly just a little angel!! 💞

@kim-woojins​ | emma, i know that you’re gone and closed pretty much but if you come back to this! just wanted to let you know that you were my fav woojin cc and i hope you’ll consider coming back someday 💖 your gifs.. always amazing! plus, you’re such a kind person and i hope everything is okay with you and things have settled a bit! sending you lots of love 💕

@kittylixie | moon.. honestly one day i just started seeing ur content everywhere.. ur gifs are so clean and pretty and just! mwah! you’re always so quick to gif as well i don’t know how you to do it! all the stuff you choose to gif as well.. best moments 💖

@kmwoojins | sagey.... still don’t really know how i came to be following you! 😩 but i’m so happy i am because you are so pure and sweet and i adore adore adore you!! 💞 love how welcoming and lovely you are as a human and still laugh every time i think about how shocked you are about jo and i... 😌 anyways i adore your graphics and you, thank you for just being such a lovely human, you were a wonderful part of my year 💖

@leeminho-s | hi lia! i know we only became moots recently but all your gifs.. so pretty 😳 and we never have enough minho content.. thank you for providing 😫 i’m sorry i don’t know much about you yet but i just wanted to say i admire your gifs so much and hope you have a wonderful start to the new year!

@minknows | hi thien! first of all.. your name.. so lovely 😳 secondly.. the colouring on your gifs is always so pretty and good 😭❤ the sharpening too.. 😔 just!! chefs kiss to it all, would take a class on how to gif from you 🙇‍♀️

@nochous | dez!! we haven’t interacted much on this sb of mine but hehe i loved our convo on my sf9 blog.. still always thinkin abt you calling kun daddy 😭 you’re such a fun person to talk to and i hope everything is okay with you since you’ve gone on a semi-hiatus! i hope we’ll have another chance to talk soon, sending you some good energy for 2020 💗

@prodskz | hi neha! i feel like you took a hiatus sometime this year (??) where i didn’t see you on much but i’m happy to see you a little more active on here now!! u provide such nice content + for some reason i rly rly love your icon 😭💗

@realstraykids | miss em.. secret santa FATED us 😔💕 anyways i adore you, we are the core of fantastay culture and this will forever unite us 😌 i’m vibrating at the thought of their comeback 😖 ANYWAYS you are such a friendly and lovely person and i enjoyed getting to talk with u so much over the past couple of weeks 💖 you’re one of my fav gifmakers honestly your mv aesthetics swap.. as i said.. 😭 amazing iconic showstopping! + the colouring on all your gifs.. so pretty 😭

@seungminhos |  to quote you. you are far too funny to be a gifmaker 😣 but then who would provide all the good seungmin content.. 😞 you’re such a force of nature on my dash and i love reading all your thoughts bc you are Funny.. and your love for seungmin + how you always want the best for him is pure!! our sporadic interactions too.. always enjoy them 💕 even though i know you’re stressed about being on here sometimes, i want you to know that you’re wonderful and i appreciate all you do to bring more seungmin on our dashes 💗 pls stop threatening to delete your blog, i would be devastated 😫

@seungminsmile | aurora!! the one time i was about to have a seungmin breakdown and went to you... hehe you’re such a cutie and very grounded person (imo!!) and you make the cutest little graphics.. the little doodles.. how do you do that!! 😳 and now that you’re making gifs.. Queen! i hope your first semester went well! 💕

@seunie | hello nia!! i know we are still new moots but you are such a pure soul.. just ur blog title.. angel! you radiate so much love and sweetness 💞 your gifs are always so vibrant + colourful as well and bring a bit of colour onto my dash just like you! hopefully we can speak in the coming year, i wish you the very best! 🥰

@skzbffie | rayana... all ur gifs... bro.... how to start a rayana religion... amazing 😍 ur gifs are always so clean + i can recognize them by the subtitle font you use.. u always choose the best moments to gif honestly how to be u! honestly ur tags are fun to read too don’t judge me i am just an admirer and fan of u 😭

@skznta | miss sierra! idk how to put it into words but you... goddess of goodness? you truly radiate so much positivity and happiness and it makes me so.. uwu (for lack of better words).. you’re so so cute over all your love for science and i’m glad we got to bond over that! the way you’re always striving to learn more + improve yourself.. u inspire me 😳 you are also an incredible cc and thank you for bringing so much joy into the fandom and my life!! i feel very grateful to have gotten to know you a little this year 💞

@thechanboys | jem.. u are a GEM... 😭 the way i got u for secret santa i’ll never get over it!! you are just such sunshine and so fun to talk to and 😳💞 if u ever wanna abandon bin for me.. 😌 my fav number one chan/bin stan..! i’m so happy you got into skz this year and i’m gonna try my hardest to get you into some other groups hehe 🤧 anyways, you are incredible, lovely, wonderful, amazing i love u jem!! 💖

@tinyjisung | bea! honestly.. we are moots on like 3(?) blogs our multi selves.. galaxy brain...  i know ur more active on ur ateez blog but i wanted to write abt you here anyways because I CAN! 😌 but i love all that good san content you provide + you just seem like a very calm n fun person 💕

@virgolix | nina. you’re such a cute person filled with love and you just spread so much positivity and good energy! you treat everyone with so much kindness and it’s so nice to see 💖 and if i can rave about your gifs for a minute... they are unreal 😫 the sharpening.. colouring.. always so amazingly clean + pretty + vibrant! 

@wonstal | hi hi! okay.. i adore all your content, you have the cutest colouring ever!! + topaz settings.. so pretty 😖💞 even though we started off as moots on my mx blog, i’m so glad you got into skz and ateez + will be on your sweet merry way to sf9 soon 🤞 i’m glad we’ve just started chatting a bit because you seem super fun and i’m excited to get to know you better! i hope 2020 treats you well darling 💖

@yongbells | iana.. hope everything is okay with you always and sending you lots of love! i miss seeing you on here but i hope you’re taking good care of yourself 💗 also.. gfx queen... 😖 you’re SUCH a ray of sunshine.. the way you always tell people how much you love their creations is so kind and all of your own gfx are some of the most beautiful things ever 💖 we are so blessed to have you in this fandom 😩 

[movedthechangingman]

ok one piece fandom moments but under a cut bc ppl reblog weird stuff from me sometimes and these are just for you guys

responding to anon hate w those like really shittily drawn “vivi pass me that doobie” pics

and related: those horrifying MS paint drawings i did

the weekly tinychats i did which TBF were really fun when ppl came to them

someone else receiving anon hate meant for me

space au which then got ripped off my by ex mutual and a group of ppl from a ship fandom that didnt like me for being an anti

when i was 15 i drew some like ahegao art of luffy by request (questionable choice from me on account of being 15) and a 25 year old vagued me on their private account about how i was an aphobe because oda had that quote that was like “luffy is too stupid to know what sex is” and like ppl were like This is Peak Rep

a long time before he became periodmatsu/his Secret Os*matsu Twitter got exposed he was in my friendgroup/groupchat like i Knew that dude

to be fair this was a red flag already bc it was like me 3 other kids and like 4 or 5 adults and it was primarily nsfw focused groupchat but thats more emotionally damaging than actually funny

this isnt anything involved w me but that one person who drew sanji in like a “CONSENT IS COOL” shirt despite it literally being. sanji

my tumblr+twitter mutual/acquaintance responded to someone on twitter like using my name/url to complain about my AU and i saw it via like searching my url on twitter 😂😭😂

someone 23 or so who like aggressively f/o’d this one character (like posting self insert nsfw art in the main tags.. also like they were 100% a pedophile but #Sly about it) but they would reblog my art of this one character w like super long descriptions of their domestic life together

technically also not directly me but i fueled the fire by doing it also my popular friend like made a mermaid au and other ppl were like omg so fun! we’ll design our own mermaid AUs and like my friend got upset bc “ppl were copying them" despite literally just mermaid aus

the 2nd biggest fandom bigwig was like 24+ and dated another big fandom person who was 16 and they were like hangin out irl and shit and everyone turned a blind eye still thinkin about that one actually

there was definitely more drama than this but i gotta like ponder on this for a minute to remember the worst of it

and a shout out to the twitter/tumblr mutuals i still have from that fandom despite literally none of us sharing fandoms anymore youre all real ones!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!💚

[tertiarykid]

1st I wanted to say sorry you’re going through it. I deleted years ago but still visit some from time to time in the mobile browser. For whatever reason I gravitate back to tumblr because I had a decent time here despite the insanity earlier in the decade. 1. What era did you join tumblr? I joined during the ASAP Yamz/NY Swag era 😅 2. Favorite artist you discovered from tumblr. 3. Thoughts on the New Year. -28th anon

damn I guess its that obvious im hurt lmaooo ive been coming on tumblr to dump my feelings which probably isnt the best thing for me or anyone else tbh but thank you 💙

honestly it was the early meme era is all i can remember. i literally downloaded tumblr because my friend kept showing me hilarious suprised patrick memes in class lol it was probably 2012-2013 era. I somehow never left, even with all the chaos throughout the years its somehow the only consistent form of social media. Nothing shiny or new in the app, theres also less pressure here, just people postin whatever they want. i hope it doesnt change tbh

hmmm so visual artist i found thomas blacksheers work on here, he does these amazing paintings that feel so warm and intense. takashi murakami opened my eyes to a lottt of new styles of art too. And of course artists here on tumblr, theres soo many of them that have either deactivated or moved to instagram or twitter, im glad i kept up with them though its so cool watching them grow in the last decade

but if you meant audio artists i didnt really discover new artists from tumblr, i found more of a community who listened to similar music as i did. Nujabes, Jdilla, Mf Doom, Flying Lotus, etc, and then a lot of 80s and 90s artists. I loved seeing anime videos chopped up on a nujabes beat, some of them are still circulating around too. it was cool feeling like there was a community and i wasnt alone. cause irl no one liked my music lmao

my thoughts on the new year is tough. I feel like many people are trying to make it their year, and then theres also many people who arnt even batting an eye and trying cause the past two years have been shit for most ppl. For myself, im really trying to make it my year. I need it to be or im gonna die trying. 2021 was probably the worst year of my life, and it became very obvious to me that my traumas have me in a chokehold and are preventing me from receiving love and just growing as a person. Its off to a good start tho, ive got 3 phone interviews lined up so im hoping i can finally land a stable job to leave my situation. Im trying not to let myself down but im feeling too ambitious; i have so much planned for this year and if all goes well I could be so well off i would never have to worry about finances.

I feel like a lot of people are going through intense change right now, it could just be the people im directly around but the whole world feels like theres some type of anticipation; its probably a result of covid but i just hope that this year wont hurt too many people

also, if you were a mutual ive messaged before dont be a afraid to hmu! so many of my mutuals have deactivated and i think about them occasionally and hope theyre doing ok ❤️

[got7doubleb]

kaysie’s second follow forever / mutual appreciation

i hit two big milestones recently and the growth of this blog is still mind boggling to me. It’s been a year and a half? now since this blog has came to be and it’s come a long way. The friends ive gotten thru this blog still make me emo bc omg who wouldve thought ppl would wanna be my fren sldfjdlskfjsldkfj

but anyway; i’ve sorted out my fav blogs and lovely mutuals into two sections, which is got7 and nongot7. bare in mind i’m putting a loose label for the blog but everyone posts a lot of things. also please tell me if we are mutuals and i didn’t include you. tumblr is confusing

key - favs |  ily | ilysfdm | 💝 scroll down for your letter 

(almost) only got7 content

@jinandtuanic | @strxctlygotseven | @wildcat-jinyoung | @cutepimook | @floaty-glasses | @the-princejinyoung | @danhoe-mark |  💝  @lemon-amethyst | @ranqueenie | @magiccastles | @junievre-gotchu | @amerithotkongs |  @yugyinplaid |  💝  @m-yien | @j1ny0ung | @jbmygoodboy | @loveisyugyeom | @twojproject | @jinyoungs-hipsdontlie | @jaedaddy | @cyjsgirl | @flawless-7 | @paradisejaebum |@jinyoung-ssi | @gyeomd | @whaaaalep ! @tuanever​ |  @7uv​​

@tuangel | @sarahgase | @pjy  | @gyeom7 | @akasalty | @ehgase | @husbandsjjp | @mark-i-pooh | @okjb  | @park-markjin | @cocoyah | @silent-fangirl | @sugarplumjae | @imjaebeomtrash | @parkjinyoungsbooty | @sky-way | @peachandmark | @yugbamprompt | @wangraps | @doublebam1a | @biasjacksonwang | @wangamama | @ungiis |  💝  @cuddletuan

@cchoiyoungjae | @leaderbum | @ahgamark | @bamslegs | @kimyugy | @signjaes | @angeljaebum | @kissmyars | @underratedbambam | @noirahgase | @wangjsn | @pastelbam |  💝  @got7-markjinson | @ramenjae | @melaninbam | @mooncyj | @jajajaebum | @mochimork | @bambamedaf | @iheartyugyeom | @blndjcksn | @jacksonwangblog | @mart-art | @nyeongwi

@jinyoungslover | @teenagermp3 @teenymark | @bamsonnie | @tuanisanangel | @saltygot7 | @wanderingingot7wonderland | @artuan | @cyjarsvita | @lomlmark | @jeh-beom |  @markeu-poo | @97youngnrich | 💝  @katbeom | @jj-prxject | @stellarcollision-arsvita | @shelovesjinyoung | @honeybambam | @aomgot7 |  💝  @peachypinkjackson | @icarusjjp | @youngjaesloudlaugh | @makeu-ssi | @youre-my-uranus | @markiepoohismysunshine | @darlingjbum | @defbald | @cuddly2jae | @hoodiejaebum | @real-got7mark​ | @babyboychoi​

AHGABLOGS THAT MAKE ME AHGAHAPPY (blogs that arent necessarily mutuals but imma mention you anyway)

fanart blogs - @m-melted | @ask7dorks | @yinglalada | @koyangii-art | @ask-got7-yugbamjae | @sabyarts | @askpepi-jy |  💝  @sevencolourseason | @white-alien-with-a-rose​ | @chibicookie | 

misc blogs -@got7fakesubs | @incorrectgot7quotes​ | @got7ficrec | @got7rarepair | @ahgahappy | @ahgapositive | @secretahgase | @gotstyle | @markjinficfest | @lowqgot7 | @got7-memes | @marktuanjournal | @got7fakequotes | @lq-got7 |

member/ship centric blogs -  💝  @bamspeach |  💝  @redgyeomie | 💝 @demongyeom | @onlymarkjin | @markjinology | @kissbbom | @imarkson |  @yugyeompire | @yourmajestyqueenchelseachels | @choiyoungjae | @jinyoungied | @2jaekisses | @pepilovesgyeom

content creators (gifs/gfx) - @umma-jy | @jinyoungot7 | @tuanpumpkins | @jack777 | @editsgot7 | @holyfuckmark | @got7europe | @gotchicken​ | @got7ish | @got7gifs | @got7official | @defwang | @defsouldanik | @jwxngs | @got7-out | @markticseas | @jackseunie | @ahgasedits | @little-jyp | @astrayjinyoung | @jingogi | @shiningmark | @jbssi |  💝  @nyeongificent | @pinkhoodiemark​ |  💝  @marksseunie | @gsvnrewind |  💝 @morkjin​ | 💝 @mochabam | @1kayee |  💝  @bamethyst​

fy blogs/networks - @fybam | @got7-updates | @fynyeong | @19970502 | @19940106 | @fyars | @fuckyeahchoiyoungjae |

networks - @bambamnetwork | @got7creators | @7ornevernet | @ahgasenet | @got7maknaelinenetwork | @nyeongnet | @got7jinyoungnet 

multifandoms

@imeightout​ | @yubgam​ | @kwon-yulra​ | @wlwobama​ | @yoonwang​ | @yeoseong​ | @amerikaikong​ |@jyum​ | @god10tion​ | @elizabethgracew​ | @leedongshae​ |   @artificialskyway​ | @seungriholic​ | @hobsbf​ | @honeyjoonn​ |  💝  @ljhsgf​ | @knockknocksoosthere​ | @lovebtob​ | @jaehxlic​ | @clairtea​ | @hypetae​ | @softtaemins​ | @flowrcafe​ | @guksuu​ | @whaaattheflower​ |  💝  @imjadebeom​

@sunbeamjinhappybirthday​ |  💝  @sparklybammie​ | @kpopfanfictrash​ | @bangtanhoseok​ | @adoresoo​ | @dimpledjaehyun​ | @blndrgn​ | @kkangdaniel​ | @jongbeer​ | @evkabibi​ | @chanisblackgf​ | 💝 @straybams​ | @babybyuny​ | @flymansae​ | @kvths​ | @withnosuchgrace​ | @gotday6​ | @confessed-nafsiya​ 

girl group favs - @withfx​ | @periwin5les​ | @wheeinyoo​ |   @bubblejoy​ |

💝 letters for my precious

@sevencolourseason​ - The angel in the holy trinity. The original momTM and the bambam to the ultimate trio jinbamgyeom. Thank you for being amazing and nothing but nice to me (and laura since yknow, same person). i don’t know what ive done in my past life to be blessed with crossing paths with you but i’ll do it all over again <3

@redgyeomie​ - THE YUGYEOM TO MY 97 YOUNG AND RICH LINE. KATY i cant even start to form words without slfjsdlfkjdskjfh. thank you for being there when I need someone to talk to and knowing the exact words to bury me in my grave. your love for yugyeom always makes tumblr a better place to be in. thank you for sticking around with me even tho im undeserving 💝

@demongyeom​ - we don’t talk as much as i would like but just seeing you on my dash always always brightens my day! i hope we talk more in the future!  💝

@nyeongificent​ - hello gabby! i love your blog and you’ve been nothing but a star ! i hope we become better friends in the future! thank you for that time you were my secret ahgase!  💝

@marksseunie​ - C A M ! we’ve become mutuals on tumblr (and i guess twitter too) for quite a bit now! thank you for sticking around despite my horrible excuse of a blog and creating that A+ got7 content! you’re a star  💝

@morkjin​ - omg ron.... it took me so long to look for you. i was half panicking. but i love this markjin trash url. it suits you and im lowkey jealous. lol. thank you for being a good friend (yes i think we’re friends, we are arent we, we also are the same age so like chingu? lmao) and for blessing us with your blog  💝

@mochabam​ - omg where do i even start with this JEM !!!! bambam’s softest (softy-est soft) gf. I stand by my word im still jealous about how cute your urls are and also of how cute you are esp when it comes to bambam. bambam doesnt even deserve you (you are too good for him!). thank you for your soft edits it’s soft bambam hours whenever u post them  💝  

@lemon-amethyst​ - hello  💝 we haven’t talked for quite a long time but you’re still precious to me! thank you for sticking around and blessing us with your presence <3

@m-yien​ - Rey! i feel like you are one of the first mutuals i have when i first started this blog. it’s been a long time since then but you’re still here and i’m still here! thank you for sticking around and being so sweet! it means a lot to me  💝

@cuddletuan​ - where do i even begin this jeng? thank you for supporting me in the things i do and being a literal angel. i don’t know what i’ve done in this life that was so good that i deserved to cross paths with you. thank you thank you! i love you i hope your healthy and happy  💝

@got7-markjinson​ - Nelyn  💝 !  we don’t speak to each other nearly as enough as we should but im so glad our paths crossed. I love seeing you on my dash and in the network chats (even tho im like come and go like a ghost lol). Thank you for being so nice to me! i hope you have a good day everyday <3 

@katbeom​ - KAT  💝 hello! i cant even remember when we became mutuals but i know we shared a lot of funny interactions which are still very precious to me. thank you for sticking around my trash blog. You are a star ! take care of yourself <3 

@sparklybammie - Jinju! the literal angel. thank you for always messaging me it always brightens my day. you are literally the nicest person and im so glad we have become friends. i hope your healthy and always take care of your health <3

@peachypinkjackson​ - so before making this i realized that you were number 3 in my tumblr crush list and we have never? actually talked to each other and i was like omg this is a sign that we should be friends. that must be it. (im delirious i know). but anyway, thank you for your quality blog which i cant resist to reblog from! i hope you get to talk more in the future <3

@ljhsgf​ - FEL hello ! ever since the start of got7maknaelinetwork i feel like we have been close.  thank you for sticking around with the mess that is my blog! i treasure all our interactions and hope we become closer in the future! take care of yourself <3

@imjadebeom​ - syd! the got7 tumblr community owes you so much for all you manage! thank you for lending your support on the projects i do and just being a real nice friend. you’re a treasure yknow that! take care of yourself <3

@bamethyst​ - noora, you sweet muchkin !!!!! your creativity in creating content never ceases to amaze me. thank you for the support you lent in creating bamloween. it means so much to me. You are a star <3

@straybams​ -  hui !!!!!! how do i begin to express the adoration i have for the support you have for bambamnetwork. i dont even know where to start. just like thank you i love you. please take care of yourslef i hope your happy wherever you are and want to be! 

@bamspeach​ - ugh this is going to take forever for me to write this letter. ive been agonizing how to put into words how much you mean to me and i cant even because its all just like soieyrfsijdfhksjdf in my head. thank you for putting up with my rants, no matter how ludicrous or frantic or dramatic they all are. im sorry i laugh at almost anything and probably frustrate you to no end with my ways of teasing (i am after all yugyeom in this jingyeom dynamic) but i guess you know by now that it’s all just how i express my fondness. im shit i know. did i start this blog thinking i would find a precious friend like you? no. but i did anyway and im eternally grateful for our inside jokes and sudden bouts of deep conversations. i must have save the world in my past life to able to share not only my ahgafeels but every other stupid part of my horrid life with you. i mean really how do i even function without the jinyoung to my yugyeom. u really deserve everything in this world and more. ugh now its soft lausie hours. i might as well write a 1k word essay at this point. i love you. thank you. stop crying.

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

[yashirosukes]

i can't believe you added nalu-natic to your stupid ass hall of shame tag. all she did was headcanon natsu as demi because she is demisexual. She didn't say anything remotely "acephobic" nor supported any acephobic posts. The only problematic behavior is your kiss ass anons reading her UNTAGGED posts and gossiping to you. And yes I am on your blog because some things need to be said. i have interest coming on here otherwise. Fuck off and your anons.

i can’t believe you added nalu-natic to your stupid ass hall of shame tag. all she did was headcanon natsu as demi because she is demisexual. She didn’t say anything remotely “acephobic” nor supported any acephobic posts.

i never said she had acephobic posts, that was a jab at the nalu fandom as a whole because another user DID go into a frenzy trying to debunk ace!natsu (i literally linked the post and added screenshots and it wasnt even on her blog so uh) while dehumanizing us and the notes they got for their “rebuttal” were abundant. thats also why i went on to say “they’re [the nalu fandom/i rly shouldnt need to add this in a bracket] ok with a demi head canon bc it emphasizes nalu’s strong bond and doesnt remove nalu sex or natsu’s sexual attraction to lucy from the equation but will write paragraphs about how its impossible for natsu to be asexual cause mashima makes his characters “healthy and normal” (i.e. throwing ace ppl under the bus)  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯” so thats that. what i did say about this user specifically was this:

they could head canon natsu as a pangender autochorissexual and i wouldnt bat an eye. now, if in the process of explaining why they see natsu as such they end up referencing something that isnt actually pangender or autochorissexual, that is when you look sketchy af. even more so when someone who actually knows about those IDs tells you you have the wrong idea and you bash them. you pretty much give away the fact you dont actually give a fuck about those IDs or representation and are only interested in propping your ship up.

my problem aint their head canon dear anon, it’s the fact that when they elaborated on it they ended up describing demiromantic instead of demisexual (just as i mentioned in the post where i respond to their ginormous tantrum) and they refuse to correct themselves. it’s pretty obvious they dont actually care about demisexual or demiromantic representation, or any aspec identities. they just want to use demisexual as fodder for nalu without respect for what it actually means to be demisexual vs being demiromantic.

now’s not the time to act like you cant read. i used bold and italics and even made the font bigger to emphasize key points.

The only problematic behavior is your kiss ass anons reading her UNTAGGED posts and gossiping to you.

isnt that what her followers are doing as well? i’ve just now looked at this person’s blog and my name does not come up anywhere so how would anyone even know who she is talking about or what i’ve said without already being a stalker? how did YOU know where to go without having already stalked my blog and seen my posts? my anti nalu tag on my posts is no excuse (i didnt even tag anti nalu on the post archived in the hall of shame). for one you shouldnt be in the anti tag, and secondly i’ve made numerous posts tagged anti nalu so even if it showed up in the search you should’ve blocked me long ago unless you’re actually interested in what i post next. if you are her friend or mutual, then shame on you for sending anon hate in her name. i’m pleased to say my “problematic” anons have not sent any hate her way, at least not to my knowledge. and its not like nalu fans havent been gossiping about my posts since the beginning whether i talk about someone specific or not. after all, the most well known nali/anti nalu fan on this site is me. so almost every pro post “schooling” antis, or ask about “antis/nali fan said this”, or anything trying to debunk nali is ultimately something they’ve heard from me whether yall wanna admit it or not. the others have for the most part recycled my rhetoric. hell, yall are still trying to debunk my arguments (while shading me and the nali fandom as a whole) about nali being the original endgame (no longer relevant btw) and nalu being fanservice. its not like its a common anti argument thats always been around, thats something i said that other people agreed with. that said, are you saying your side is just as problematic?

And yes I am on your blog because some things need to be said. i have interest coming on here otherwise.

how did YOU know where to go without having already stalked my blog and seen my posts? my anti nalu tag on my posts is no excuse. for one you shouldnt be in the anti tag, and secondly i’ve made numerous posts tagged anti nalu so even if it showed up in the search you should’ve blocked me long ago unless you’re actually interested in what i post next. if you are her friend or mutual, then shame on you for sending anon hate in her name.  you also just said you HAVE interest coming on here otherwise, so….

Fuck off and your anons.

i will do as i please and people can “gossip” to me about whatever since yall have been doing that with me ever since i became active.

also @nalu-natic (your name has been off my blog until someone ratted you out) sorry to disappoint but fictional ships are not enough to unsettle me while looking at a blog (unless it’s like incest or abuse or smth), i dont lose my cool as easily as you do despite being 5 years younger. i close with 16 isnt an insult nor an argument, its ad hominem, and post all the nalu fluff or smut you want because i dont care. i already follow people who ship nalu.

[sagemoderocklee]

ugh, i'm on my phone and can't comment on the post. what about jkr writing about draco on pottermore? i stopped digging into the site when it became more buzzfeed-like.

lol it’s probably for the best like i tend to ignore Pottermore too because it just…some of it is great, but some of it is just rlly annoying. 

Like JKR just has this very obvious hate of Draco and the fact that ppl like him/sympathize with him. Like some of what she says is right. Like he was horrible and of course there were ppl who liked him for the wrong reasons… 

but she basically comes across as being determined to undermine every possible fan who might consider that he’s capable of being more than what his father was. 

She goes over his history briefly and does all she can to basically paint him as the most awful, irredeemable person, despite writing him sympathetically in HBP/DH. For instance: 

“It was, therefore, in the knowledge that he was doing nothing of which his father would disapprove, and in the hope that he might be able to relay some interesting news home, that Draco Malfoy offered Harry Potter his hand when he realised who he was on the Hogwarts Express. Harry’s refusal of Draco’s friendly overtures, and the fact that he had already formed allegiance to Ron Weasley, whose family is anathema to the Malfoys, turns Malfoy against him at once. Draco realised, correctly, that the wild hopes of the ex-Death Eaters – that Harry Potter was another, and better, Voldemort – are completely unfounded, and their mutual enmity is assured from that point.” 

So, we’re supposed to believe that a child has laid out this careful plan to befriend Harry Potter–famous Harry Potter–because he might become the next Dark Lord. Now, I don’t doubt that Draco has his own ideas about this situation, hoping to befriend a famous wizard would be sooooo cool. and Harry’s probably got such strong magic and cool stories and all of these things. like eleven year old Draco Malfoy may have been a brat and a bully and awful, but he was still a fucking child who always probably wanted to be the famous Harry Potter’s friend just like every kid growing up in the Wizarding world probably did. 

She goes on about him envying Harry, being excited by Voldemort’s return–because he has literally no concept of what the reality of the situation is, but i digress–and then we get this: 

“Although Draco had still not rid himself of the hope of returning the family to their former high position, his inconveniently awakened conscience led him to try - half-heartedly, perhaps, but arguably as best he could in the circumstances - to save Harry from Voldemort when the former was captured and dragged to Malfoy Manor.” 

He has a conscience and we are given clear indications of this. This was intentional. He absolutely was trying to save Harry in his own roundabout way. But for some reason, he still feels like he’s got the chance to bring his family back to their former position and for someone who is incredibly intelligent it seems so… wrong? Like he’s just stagnant. He’s experiencing something so horribly traumatic, but his priority is still to bring his family back to their former state. Even if we could say that’s a reasonable thing for Draco to want, which it is, though I feel she’s just being heavy-handed with it, I think it’s ridiculous to suggest he wants anything to do with Voldemort at this point or this view of the world that Voldemort and his father have instilled in him. 

Then: 

During the final battle at Hogwarts however, Malfoy made yet another attempt to capture Harry and thereby save his parents’ prestige, and possibly their lives. Whether he could have brought himself to actually hand over Harry is a moot point; I suspect that, as with his attempted murder of Dumbledore, he would again have found the reality of bringing about another person’s death much more difficult in practice than in theory.

I’ve always had a complicated relationship with the scene in the Room of Hidden Things when the trio are looking for what they think is the final Horcrux and are faced against Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. I think Malfoy has that desire to of self-preservation, but again this feels very contrary to what he’s been going through for the last two years. I believe that yes he could absolutely convince himself that all he has to do is bring Harry to Voldemort, but I feel like there’s this unwillingness to let him grow as a character, like he has to be completely irredeemable or else. 

The idea that it would be moot if he was actually capable of handing Harry over is just ridiculous. It’s not a moot point. It’s crucial. It’s so important to who he is and what he values and how he’s changed. He wasn’t capable of killing Dumbledore, an old man who he had very little interaction with. So yes, it’s important for us to see that he’d be incapable of handing over someone he has serious history with. How would he feel about any of this??? It’s important dammit, not moot. 

And of course she goes on: 

After the events of the second wizarding war, Lucius found his son as affectionate as ever, but refusing to follow the same old pure-blood line.

That’s great! That makes sense! Although, tbh I think Draco would probably resent Lucius a lot for the shit he put them through. and tbh i think he’d take a long hard look at what led him down that path because if he really wanted to bring the malfoy name honor again he would need to look at himself and see that the way he was raised was beyond fucked up and i think he’d be furious with his parents for that, more so Lucius since he clearly idolized him so much and when the people you idolize disappoint you, fail you, hurt you–it is a deeply personal hurt. 

She ends the whole thing on this note: 

His Christian name comes from a constellation - the dragon - and yet his wand core is of unicorn.

This was symbolic. There is, after all - and at the risk of re-kindling unhealthy fantasies - some unextinguished good at the heart of Draco.

And to me, her tone is what makes me so mad here. 

Unextinguished good. There is good in him and yet she says

that Draco was not concealing a heart of gold under all that sneering and prejudice and that no, he and Harry were not destined to end up best friends.

And all of this is so very contrary and frustrating to me. It is not that I expect him to ever have a ‘heart of gold’ nor for him and Harry to be best friends but her inability to see this potential is what frustrates me. It frustrates me that she is so sure he would continue to collect Dark artifacts and such, say that he is all these things but also has a duality to him that perhaps means he wishes to be a better man–but then never allows him to be that. 

She gave us a cruel, privileged, prejudiced child who grew up to be much more complicated, but she continues to trap him and refuses to accept that maybe fans see more in him because she made him more. 

Authors, for all that they are great and skilled and the ruler of their world, need to listen to fans more often because their fans are also creative and spend so much time imagining the possibilities that the authors themselves are honestly too often incapable of seeing for themselves because of how close they are to the work. She has these feelings, these strong feelings, and I don’t doubt that some part of her really hates the popularity of HarryxDraco for instance because there is no way she could not know about it. But I think she is wrong and i think the way she talks about him is soooo frustrating. 

Draco is not perfect. His actions as a child were sooooo cruel. And fans do forget this. smh i had someone comment on the fic i just wrote acting like Draco had been wronged more so than he’d wronged the trio, and it was wild to read this person’s comments. 

But Draco is not his father. He is capable of being more. Fans see that. She doesn’t.