#ADULT LIFE IS FIGURING OUT THAT NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TRANSACTIONIONAL
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Kindness being shown to me from someone outside a select group of like. 2 people is the most horrific thing because it’s built in to me to refuse but also to be polite but also I crave human connection on a meaningful level but I also had it drilled into me I never deserved it [inhale]
#last night was pretty bad too#someone I know saw that I was distressed and helped remove me from the situation without actually bringing attention to it#you don’t understand#stuff like that will have me begging to caulk your walls regrout your floors#fix your plumbing do your chores and errands#ADULT LIFE IS FIGURING OUT THAT NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE TRANSACTIONIONAL#SOME PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO THINGS BECAUSE THEY ARE NICE#and you don’t ‘owe’ anyone if they choose to do something kind#ITS A REALLY HARD LESSON TO LEARN#I’ve actually spent the last 8 hours in a special kind of hell#someone asked if I wanted something they’d made#I think I’m going to leap from a building#‘I just want to live for myself and have friends and be happy!’#someone: *shows me unexpected kindness*#’I AM UNDESERVING IM SO SORRY’#which low-key is insulting to the person doing the kindness which makes not saying sorry extra hard omfg#I live with someone who couldn’t care if I dropped died and if given the chance would help the process speed up#and I’ve lived with a separate person who was exactly the same#so now I’m just#AAAAAAAAAAHH#wolves are being reintroduced to Yellowstone much to the shock of the wolves
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