#AAAAAH truly so precious

[seiwas]

babe wake new shotorus fic dropped!!! No cuz SEL IM SO EXCITED TO READ IT, I will SOON! I’ve got two more assignments to complete (ugh) n I will check it out I cant wait😭😭😭 It is going to be great as always Yup yup! Col is so dear to me sobsob. Col gojo is even more dear.

How is ur day going on so far btwww😁

zuro anon

omg zuro anon 🥹 you are so sweet 😭😭😭😭😭 AAAAAAHHH there’s no rush no pressure okay!!! the fics will always be here 🥹🫶🏻 you’re too kind zuro anon i’m so touched 😭 thank you thank you wjksnskdn i’m so happy u love col!!! ❣️ col gojo is so babie 😭

my day has gone great so far!! been reading for most of the day in my free time!!! :’) what about you zuro anon?? how has ur day been!! and ur assignments!!

[giggly-squiggily]

Aaaaah sentence starters!! Maybe something like, "Don't be so nervous" with Umemiya and Nirei?? I think an interaction with them would be so cute and floofy :3

Dessie! :D Oh this is precious! I don't write for Ler!Umemiya enough- he's such a delight! I've gotcha covered! :3

“Nirei.” Umemiya’s hand rested gently on his shoulder. The action alone made the younger boy stiffen all over. “You have to breathe.”

“W-W-What?” Was he not breathing? He suddenly couldn’t tell. “I-uh-erm-U-Umemiya s-sir!” He twisted to face him, bowing deeply. “I’m sorry for troubling you!”

“Whoa, whoa- calm down there. You're not troubling anyone!” Laughing a bit sheepishly, Umemiya gently raised his chin, making him stand back up. “I just noticed you seem really nervous lately- I wanted to check in on you. Are you doing okay?”

“Oh, yeah! I’m great!” Nirei nodded rapidly, his nerves worsening at the concerned look Umemiya was giving him. “No, truly! The guys are great, and I feel like I’m learning so much from everyone here- am I talking too fast? I’m not lying, I swear! I wouldn’t lie to you-”

“Nirei.” Umemiya suddenly grabbed his sides, kneading his fingers. The blonde let out a squeal and jumped, high pitched laugher overtaking his rambling. “Don’t be so nervous!”

“EeeEEK! Ehehehahahhaahha! Umehhehemihiihya-sahhahahn!” He cried, dancing in a circle as Umemiya poked and prodded at his sides and belly. He felt like one of those rotisserie chickens at the market. “Whahahahit pleahahhahse!”

“I know you’re not lying; I don’t doubt you when you say the guys are good to you. They’re all kinds of quirky, but they're good men. I’m just here to remind you that you don’t need to panic so much around me!” He laughed at the mouse-like squeaks Nirei let out, pulling his hands back soon after and watching him collapse. “I’m one of the founders, sure- but I’m also just a guy. You don’t need to walk on eggshells around me, okay? I’ll let you know when it’s time to get serious.”

“Hehehe..hehehe..ohohokay..” Nirei nodded, arms around his belly as he peeked up at the older man. “Dihihid you reahheally have to tihihickle me, though?”

“Oh but of course! It's a Bofurin policy!” Umemiya nodded, laughing as Nirei whipped out his notebook. “Walk with me- I’ll tell you all the details while we go hunt down Sakura.”

“O-Okay!”

Send me a sentence starter and I'll write a dabble for you! :D

[lostusagis]

Aaaaah! Is it Shower Dee With Love Day?! Well it IS Munday heheh! *Taps on mic* Ahem. Is this thing on? Can you hear me? Ok so first I'd like to say...

YOU'RE AMAZING!!! 🎤😊

I'm so happy to have met you. I still think about it so tenderly to this day. I'm really really happy to have you not only as my rp partner but also as my precious friend ❤️ You're my favorite person to see on the dash! Anytime you reblog or post something, I can't help but send you my support by giving a like or a comment or both~! You're so fun to write with and super sweet and funny and talented and smart and considerate and patient and supportive and kind and caring and- *BREATHES* I just think ur neat :) SUPER NEAT!!!

You put so many wonderful writing ingredients into all your muses and I want to eat all of them in one big pot of soup... Yes I want to eat them wyd about it? JNHBYUGTCFRTFYVUBHINJ LIKE I REALLY LOVE LEARNING ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR MUSES! It's why I always like to send headcanon asks. Your answers are always so good and interesting and I can't get enough!

You deserve all the support and love and recognition like fr people are MISSING OOOOOOUUUUUUUUT!!! I absolutely adore you and our interactions and I'll never stop expressing that. ALSO PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE POST THOSE DRABBLES I KNOW YOU HAVE THOSE GEMS DRAFTED I KNOW YOU DO DON'T HIDE THEM FROM ME THEY'RE CARRYING DUST OVER THERE THOSE FUCKING GEMS NEED TO BE SEEN I TELL YOU SEEN!!! Haha sorry I just love reading your drabbles like seriously I'm your #1 fan! I love your writing and your ideas a lot! Always the best stuff aaaahhhhh. Ok but srsly no pressure about posting those drabbles if ur not ready, but just letting you know that if you have doubts on them just know that they always come out great in the end ♡ I can tell you put so much thought and detail into writing them. It really does shine through. Actually, it's because of you that I ever wrote drabbles here for the first time! I've done a lot of first times here on this blog because of you, in fact. You inspire me in many ways, Dee! 😊

Haha sorry this got long wow. I could go on and on tbh, but basically you're the best and ily so so so so so soooooooooooo much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

( its 5am and im fucking skdjdjs gonna cry. you really know how to make me emotional huh? I really needed this though thanks. since as of late I've been hating my writing a lot. But man, you're honestly my favorite to see on the dash too. All those feelings are mutual. I LOVE seeing your reactions to my replies or asks, i always look forward to seeing that hahaha. And i definitely always wanna show my support to you too. I like seeing the stuff you rb related to Namida's character, helps me get a better understanding of her y'know? I adore her so much. I want to kiss her on the forehead and hug her tightly and tell her how amazing she is.

You're also super fun to write with, MAN. I still go through old threads and reread. That's how much every interaction was soooo great for me. But you're literally so sweet... So so kind. You're one of the few people I'm confident is interested in my writing & muses. Never had any doubts about that literally. I know I'd literally die for yours. Hmu if you ever write a book I'd buy that shit quick. Every reply, every ask, it's like a dessert. You've truly given me the best rp experience ever. And i wanna do my best to give you a good experience as well because im as invested in your content as you are in mine. You're awesome, amazing, so, so talented and creative. You're also such a great friend, thanks especially for sending me messages currently since it's just been rough haha. Just... Thanks for everything. I've had tough moments on this blog but having you as a mutual is why it still remains :))

But AAAA the ones i havent posted are unfinished, since i keep getting stuck or lose confidence in what I'm writing. I know i started the one i mentioned where the siblings talk about namida recently I'll try focusing on that next. You remain the only reason i still consider posting drabbles ajdjdjsksjd thanks i know i always look forward to your comments on them. But DUDE I'd love to read any other drabbles you'll write. I think so far you wrote the one where Namida got really upset and made a mess in her room & the really smutty one. I really wanna reread the first one so if you have a link pls send i read the most recent one a couple times already jesus. So good. Top tier stuff. Also if i forgot any others you posted please lmk 😩 but also just for u I'll make sure to try finishing more drabbles.

Thanks so much for being such a good friend / rp partner. Sending good vibes to you as well. You made me really happy by sending this sorry if its a jumbled mess ily )

[borathae]

Hi! I just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I adore your writing! Before bed when I'm daydreaming, I always go back to your fluffy Vampire Yoongi fics because they make me feel so loved. I'm asexual so I LOVE fluffy fics and don't get me wrong, the other ones are cool too, but the fluffy ones always makes my heart dance. hahaha lestat! But um thank you so much for the magical world of fluffy Yoongi fics! I want my own Vampire Yoongi bf now. lol! <333333

aaaaah!!! I feel so happy reading this!! Listen. I love my smut, but what's truly precious to me are my fluffy stories <3 so it always makes me especially happy when you besties tell me that you find comfort in them 🥺💜💜 thank you so much for your lovely words and for your support hhehe ilyyy 🥺💜💜

[fukashiin]

Hiiii //waves enthusiastically//

Oh myyy gosh!! Thank you for your kind comment in my recent platonic Jade fic, and your tags are the cutest, my heart was brimming with happiness while reading them♡♡♡

As a writer who just recovered from a five year writer’s block, I’m so happy and also shocked to see ppl enjoying my simple stories

Aaaaah!!! I’m shaking with joy, I didn’t expect to hear from you that my writing is (ethereal & precious). You’re one of my fave Twst writers, so I truly appreciate your comments, thank youuuu sooo much💖💖💖

oh my :(((( YOUDONTKNOW how glad i am to hear that my comments made your day?? PLEASE YOU DESERVE IT SM YOIRBWORKS ARE ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL?????? and five years??????? that mustve been so hard on you omg its amazing that you stood back up and got into writing again!! your works definitely deserve to be seen their amazing?? its so simple but so pretty your user tops it all off <33

[simpxxstan]

oh my god.

op you cannot imagine how happy you've made me by leaving this feedback!!! aaaaah this fic is close to my heart because i worked hard on the character development and ensuring the slow burn is rational and not abrupt. the fact that you have truly validated my efforts is literally the most precious gift i could have asked for. you are the ideal reader for every writer ever. thank you so much for this 💓💓💓

Nobody Else (final: part 2)

pairing: chaebol!wonwoo x chaebol!fem.reader

genre: enemies with benefits to lovers, smut (minors do not interact please), arranged marriage, a lot of angst, and some fluff.

summary: the girl who was proud about making her own destiny, the boy she swore to never interact with. sometimes it takes a lifetime to know someone, even yourself. because who would've seen any of this coming?

chapter word count: 22.8k

warnings: angst warnings: overthinking, anxiety, a lot of it. spiralling, constant worries, mention of insomnia. mention of illnesses and a lung tumour, hospitals, medical treatments, relapse. discussions about death. please do not read if you find these triggering! a lot of arguing and usage of profanities. mention of smoking, drinking, food.

smut warnings: oral sex (m. receiving, f. receiving), usage of sex toys, unprotected sex, overstimulation, dom-sub dynamics, breast play, spanking, use of spit during sex, usage of petnames (darling, babe, sweetheart, princess, baby for female), degradation, usage of sir (for male), sir kink, marriage kink, breeding kink, office sex, elevator sex, sex in a public place.

a/n: OH MY GOD. so many people were waiting for this, i can't even imagine. i've had some really tough months when i could not find time to write at all, so i am very sorry for the delay. well, here you go! i hope it meets your satisfactions! putting the taglist in a reblog because the fanfic itself is massive. please let me know your thoughts!! reblogs, comments and asks are so appreciated <3 thank you for reading!

part 1

You bite your nails nervously. You do this often, it’s a habit you mask well through regular manicures at your home. No one knows about it. No one needs to know. 

You’ve tried it all in these last two days, you swear. You’ve tried every trick on the web- listing the pros and cons of your thoughts on a sheet of paper (on your phone’s notes app), venting to someone (yourself in the mirror), meditation, drinking wine and unwinding in a bathtub, listening to white noise to help you sleep. 

It doesn’t help. Nothing does. Nothing helps to erase the thoughts from your mind, nothing helps to stop the cogs and wheels of the gears turning in your head, nothing helps to drown out the noise of your overthinking. You’ve worried yourself to a fever, and it’s on the fourth day that Jisung caves in and asks you, “Ma’am, are you doing okay?”

You can trust him, you know that. He had, after all, not outed your antics to your mother in spite of her attempts at bribing him with a higher salary. He had remained loyal to you, as he had himself confirmed when you’d brought up the issue with him the day after the fateful lunch invitation. 

But he feels too close, too personal, and yet too distant. He would understand, and yet nothing at all. It feels like a gamble.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” You smile, while popping another paracetamol. At least the fever and its meds help you sleep. 

“You don’t look like yourself. I don’t know if I am in a position to say this, but… is this about the thing your mother discussed with you Ma’am?”

“Are you reading my mind, Jisung-ah? Is that your secret to being the best secretary in the world?” You chuckle drily, staring outside the glass window that makes up a wall in your office. It’s a rainy day, not the stormy kind, but the pestering kind. Where it drizzles light enough that people don’t want to carry umbrellas, but the rain is so insistent, it drenches you right through anyway. 

“I don’t know how appropriate it is for me to ask anything regarding this Ma’am. But I genuinely am curious about how Mr Y/L/N and Mr Jeon agreed to it in the first place.”

On the day you’d spoken to him about the entire affair, you’d told him the truth about your relationship with Wonwoo. His loyalty had earned him at least this much truth, and you were glad to have a confidant. You tried to play it off as coolly as you could, but as soon as you’d spilled the truth, you’d realise what a big weight had been relieved off your chest. It felt like being a teenager again. You had explained to Jisung that it was not romantic in the least, and in fact, you wanted to draw an end to it. You didn’t care to tell him that it was because you were addicted like a drug. 

That was the problem. These last three days wouldn’t have become such a burden for you had you simply called Wonwoo and sought his help. Like a magician, he’d silence the thoughts in your mind and leave you with more clarity than ever, almost like a fresh slate beginning anew. You knew he was the perfect solution, but you had decided to cut it off. There was no point in persisting in this kind of a relationship where you weren’t even friends, not even on talking terms, and yet you needed him to stabilise you. All while he didn’t need you at all. For him, you were just another of his regulars. He’s probably already replaced you by now. 

“My mother can be… very capable when she wants. She has her ways.”

“I’m sure she does. It must not have been an easy feat to swallow pride to agree to the idea of the wedding and take the Jeons out for lunch.”

Words get stuck in your throat. Pride. You’ve never let go of it. Life has been humbling, but you’ve never stopped being proud of who you are and what you’ve been able to achieve. All the dreams you’ve fulfilled. It forms an integral part of who you’ve become, your identity, and the way you perceive yourself. You’ve tried to not let it become arrogance nor vanity, although you have had sufficient reasons. That discipline is also something you pride yourself on. 

“But I guess it’s not a big price for happiness,” Jisung completes his little philosophical speech and busies himself with arranging out letters on your desk that need to be signed, arranged in order of urgency. “I’ll be at my desk Ma’am, should you need any help.” He bows and leaves the room, and you’re still staring out of the window. 

Happiness. 

What an odd word.  What an odd sensation for the billions of people across the world to be chasing all their lives. You had always considered yourself to be above that rat race for gratification and validation. Your successes spoke for itself, and you had no reason to consider yourself unhappy when you were living the dream you’d envisioned since you were a child. 

But are you happy?

_

It’s just for an enjoyable late night drive, you reason with yourself when you find yourself driving on the road that takes you from your office to Wonwoo’s office building. It’s just to see if their coffee has improved, you think, when you step into the building and walk inside. It’s just to see if their employees are forced to work overtime, you figure, when you’re granted a visitor pass by the reception desk even though they’re shocked to see you here. 

“What are you doing here?”

Wonwoo stares at you from the end of the corridor. It’s not lit very brightly and totally empty. 

“Are you busy?”

Wonwoo’s tongue goes into his left cheek, you see it through his skin. He’s wearing a suit in baby blue. You knew he’d look good in blue. 

“Yes. I’m working late as you can see. I don’t enjoy it particularly, so I don’t do it unless I’m really behind on work.”

And why’s that so? Trying to catch up with our closing figures for the financial year? A snarky comment is on the tip of your tongue, but you don’t want to say it. The jibe feels tasteless, even for you. 

No, tonight you’re here in desperation, you finally admit to yourself. You’re here because like any other addict, it’s hard to let go once you get used to the high of happiness you ride when the dopamine kicks in.

“Sorry. I’ll leave.” His rejection is clear. He knows what you’re here for, that’s for sure. You’d never go out of your way to come to his office if it had been for anything else. It’s a good reminder call of reality. 

This is the boy your parents want you to marry. This is the boy you rejected from marrying and from sleeping with. He has every right to turn you down now.

Wonwoo takes a step forward, you take a step backward. It’s a dance. You pause, you don’t even know when you were on the verge of tears. You bite your lips and turn away your face. You walk away quickly, as silently as you arrived. Your thoughts are loud enough to mask the sound of Wonwoo jogging after you, and you only realise when he grabs your arm as soon as you enter the elevator. He enters too, naturally, face a bit flushed from the chase, but before you can ask him what’s up, he pushes you against the mirror on the back of the elevator and kisses you hard. 

It knocks your breath away. In the best way possible. 

You kiss him back. Wildly, passionately. Like lovers, you would think in retrospection, not like rivals who fuck. As if you’d missed each other. Another second of overthinking and you’d delude yourself into believing that he needs you as much as you do. But thankfully, he kisses well enough to wash your thoughts away. 

“Don’t run away from me like that, girl.” He snarls near your ear, his breath making you ticklish, and you whimper when he begins to kiss your neck. He’s going to leave marks again, and frankly, you can’t find it in yourself to reprimand him. Not when your brain is finally drifting away from the anxiety. 

The elevator dings just as he puts his lips back on yours, tongue forcing itself in. You break apart, gasping for air. You haven’t even noticed what a mess you’ve made of his hair. “Wonwoo I… I can leave, really. If you’re busy.” “No, stay.” He doesn’t step away from you even when the elevator door opens, holding you down with his hands, keeping you close to him. The elevator door closes again, and he frantically presses the floor number of his office. “Come with me while I pack up,” he says as an explanation, and you understand. Then he unbuttons your shirt and begins to suck bruises all over the exposed flesh over your collarbones and chest, hands fondling with your breasts. Even over the bra, he instantly finds your nipples and rubs them to perfect hardness, making them so sensitive, that when he lifts you up into his arms and wraps your legs around his waist, your nipples brush against his face and he can feel the nubs poking out. 

“You get turned on like you’re a touch-starved bitch,” he says roughly, making you thrash your arms against his back for the rudeness, before chuckling and thrusting his mouth onto the clothed nipples to suck them while he walks out of the elevator, holding you in his arms still, and seemingly facing no difficulty in walking at all. You become silent again, as you ponder on how strong he really must be, and his bites at your nipples do nothing to prevent the manhandling kink from showing itself. 

“Take me on your desk, Wonwoo.” You beg as he enters his office, but he laughs and puts you down on his chair. Thankfully the entire floor is empty. He begins to arrange papers and turn off his desktop, while you sit silently at his desk. The high slowly wears out as his clearing up takes longer and longer, until you’re no longer turned on anymore and reality strikes. 

He looks at you once all the work is done, staring deep at your soul, making you feel naked. Consciously, you start to button up your shirt and fix your collar.

“I thought we were done with this, Y/N.”

He says it like you’d dumped him while dating, and it’s funny. But you can’t laugh. You did cut him off and now you’re begging him to take you back. It’s a little absurd- inconsistency has never been one of your weaknesses. You’re tempted to dissect it in your brain and understand why it’s happening, but you fall into a spiral of overthinking again.

It’s getting tough to breathe.

You stand up and walk around the room. It’s spacious, with a simple layout, nothing modern like your own office space. You can’t blame it, it definitely screams Wonwoo to you. Instead of huge windows on the walls, he has mahogany shelves stacked with books. Instead of a statement chandelier, he has minimalist lights in focal points of the room. Instead of a charcoal grey settee with everything in cool shades of steel, his office is done in off-white, decorated with rich tones of wood. The room tells you so much about Wonwoo, although you probably know it all already- legacy, tradition and diligence. This is what he’s made of, old money that takes no risks and succeeds without gambles. 

“You know why I had to come back.”

“That doesn’t change anything.” He walks up to you, standing in front of you, as you gaze at the books on his shelves. “Y/N, look at me.” And you do. He looks like Adonis and you want to kiss him. “You said it was getting toxic for you.” He snaps you back to attention, and you sigh. “I can’t… Wonwoo, I tried. But I…” you walk away, unable to continue. Continuing would mean telling him what’s driving you to the brink of anxiety every moment of the day.

“We can talk. If this is about that day, we’re in this together. We may not be friends, but we can be allies in this.” 

The simple way in which he says these words, you don’t think he realises how much more vulnerable he makes you feel. How much more tempted to spill it all to him and be relieved of the burden of this worry. 

“I don’t want to talk to you, Wonwoo. I didn’t come here for talking.” You walk back towards him. “Fuck me and make my brain stop thinking, please.” He closes his eyes for a second. The tension is palpable, it’s making your palms sweat. You tilt your head and gently lean in to kiss the edge of his jaw. His stubble grazes against your softer lips and it’s a nice feeling. 

“I can’t say no when you ask like this.”

_

You wake up in the middle of the night, clammy with sweat and naked under the sheets, alone in Wonwoo’s king-sized bed. Your wrists hurt from being tied with his tie for too long, and you’re definitely too sore to move, but the pleasant buzz all over your body is too good a sensation to forgo. But now that you’ve woken up, you feel thirsty and hot all over, so you get out of bed. You notice your underwear neatly kept on the couch, Wonwoo had taken care to not rip them. You quickly wear them before looking for any waterbottle in the room. Seeing none, and not seeing Wonwoo either, you open the bedroom door and slowly tiptoe your way outside. Once past the small corridor, you notice there’s a dim light in the kitchen, and you can see Wonwoo’s shadow from far away. As you step closer, you notice he’s wearing formals, complete with a glazing white shirt and a grey tie, and his hair is brushed back neatly, although his pants are still pyjamas. He’s doing something on his laptop. You wait in the shadows for a few minutes, trying to understand if he’s in a video meeting or something, but you only hear frantic typing noises from the kitchen. After a whole five minutes pass, you step into the kitchen, and Wonwoo looks up at the same time. 

“Oh! You scared me.”

“Are you in a meeting?”

“No, it got over a while back. Why are you up?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“The meeting was with a firm in Canada. They couldn’t adjust timings.”

“And you couldn’t get someone else to do it for you?” You huff, annoyed at how unbothered he is about waking up this ungodly hour and sitting for meetings. You once again thank Jisung for scheduling foreign meetings at suitable timings.

“Do you get someone else to attend your important meetings for you?” 

You both stay in silence for a minute, Wonwoo sitting on his kitchen stool, and you standing awkwardly near the door, staring at each other. It’s only when you start shivering in the cold that you realise what you actually came here for.

“You’re working hard. Too hard. Don’t try to compete with me, Jeon.” You lean down on the island next to him, close enough to hear his breathing but not touching him at all. 

“Go to bed, Y/N.”

“I was thirsty. Where do you keep water in your house?” 

He gets up from his stool and brings a bottle. “Drink, and go to sleep. Or go home.”

You silently sip the cool water, without replying. You can see the dawn slowly coming up from the window in the kitchen, lighting the room up. The circles under Wonwoo’s eyes become prominent to you, and for no reason at all, your heart aches. This is what it’s going to be like, marrying you, Jeon Wonwoo, you think, as you look at him with a careful glance. He’s focusing on his laptop again, typing at light speed, his glasses perched on the edge of his nose. You’re sipping water from his bottle, in his kitchen, wearing nothing but your underwear, and watching the sunrise. Is this what those nights filled with deadlines and insomnia are going to look like if you get married? Is this what staying up together will look like? Is this what watching the dawn together will be like? The sensation tingles your nerves and makes you anxious again. 

“Y/N, if you want to say something, just say it. Or go to sleep, trust me. You’ll need to wake up fresh tomorrow morning.”

The kitchen is warm, cosy, and filled with the familiar scent of Wonwoo’s body. You want to stay wrapped in it, and not say a word. You don’t want to break this moment, although you have no idea why sharing this simple moment is making you so emotional. Perhaps because you’ve never done it before and never imagined you would do it?

“My father is dying, Wonwoo.” 

Wonwoo stops typing and looks up.

“He has a tumour in his lungs.”

“Since when?”

“A few months now. He hadn’t told me. He didn’t want to bother me, my mom said.”

There’s a beat of silence. Again the warmth of the kitchen wraps you up and you both stare out at the slowly brightening sky outside. As a girl, you’d hate watching the sunrise. It would remind you of the nights you’d been unable to sleep and had been forced to stay up all night. But now, you can appreciate its beauty. Its consistency, its reliability. It happens every day. One of the precious few things that happen regularly, you’ve come to realise. 

Wonwoo breaks the silence. “So why now?”

“Huh?”

“Why tell you now, of all times?”

“He wants to see me married before he dies.”

Wonwoo shuts down the lid of his laptop with a smash, knowing fully what’s coming next.

“Y/N. What do you want?” He stands up and comes to stand next to you, leaning against the counter and looking down at you.

There are many things you want to say. I don’t want to throw away my freedom. I don’t want to marry a stranger. I don’t want to dance to my Appa’s whims. I don’t want to lose focus on my career. I don’t want to marry you. “I don’t want to disappoint him, Wonwoo.” It’s the ultimate truth. It’s what has fueled you for years- the desire to become that child for your parents who would take care of them when they need you, to love silently and support unconditionally, to give back everything they’d given to you. 

“I don’t want to lose him.”

“Is this what you were so worried about?” You look up at him, and he tilts your face upwards with his hand on your chin. You want to lean into the warmth of his palm. “Yes. I don’t… I … I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless.”

“What about treatment?”

“Stage 4, practically impossible, that’s what the reports say. My mom showed them to me. She cried so much, and I… I couldn’t do anything. I can’t do anything.” You move away from him, turning your body to the other side. He lets you move away.

“Treatment abroad? In the US?”

“Yes, that’s… that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. I’ve spoken to a few people, but Appa is adamant. He refuses to talk to me about this every time I’ve raised it, these last few days.”

He sighs. Your heart aches again. You don’t even notice when tears begin rolling down your cheeks. You’ve never felt more alone than this, more helpless, more pitiful. What worth were your dreams and successes if life successfully left you unshielded in one stroke?

“Let’s get married. You’ll have more bargaining power to talk to him then.”

He makes it sound so simple. You’ve thought of this a hundred times before, and you still can’t register that he just said that. You turn around slowly, looking up at him through your wet eyelashes. “Don’t joke with me.”

“I’m not.”

“But I don’t want to marry you.”

“Even if it gets your Appa into a good treatment abroad?”

You stomp your foot, and hurt your bare toes on the cold tile. “Why is my Appa so stubborn?”

“Just like you, isn’t he?”

You glare at Wonwoo, but he’s deadly serious. There’s not a hint of a joke on his face, and he genuinely seems to be invested in this idea. “You’re serious.” “I am. I wouldn’t offer marriage to you casually.” You bite your lip, your heart rate begins to slow down. Wave after wave of calm washes over you, suddenly you can breathe well again. “You’re serious,” you say again, not believing it still. “I am. Do you want me to go down on my knees?” “Wonwoo, you’re not thinking about this. Don’t turn your back on me when you regret it later. This isn’t a light thing, it’s a marriage, for fuck’s sake!” “Is your Appa’s life more precious than your ego?” “If it weren’t, I wouldn’t have come begging to you, would I?” “Then you know why I’m agreeing to this.” “Wonwoo, don’t take this on your conscience. I’ll forgive you if you step back right now.” “I won’t forgive myself.” He bends down to your eye level, and takes your chin in his hand again. “It isn’t going to be that bad, is it?”

You let out such a big sigh of relief that you’re sure the air tickles Wonwoo’s palm holding on to your chin. 

_

You don’t fall asleep that night, or rather morning. Wonwoo makes tea, and you sit on the living room couch, an arm’s distance away from each other, chalking out a plan to convince your Appa to go abroad for treatment.

“When did your mother come and tell you all this?”

“The day after the lunch. She called me over.”

You’re our breadwinner now, Y/N. Your father didn’t want to tell you because he doesn’t want to bother you anymore. Your mother’s words echo in your mind. Is this what you’d come down to? Were you that male who couldn’t be bothered with any problems of the household just because you earned an income? Had you become those slimy men you’d hated all your life? Just because you had taken over the company didn’t mean you had stopped being their daughter, for god’s sake. 

“He wants to die in Korea, he says.”

“That doesn’t mean we let him die without treatment.”

We. Wonwoo has started using it so freely, as if he’s truly considering you an ally like he had said before. 

“What are you going to get out of this?” You perch yourself on the kitchen counter, your bare legs dangling next to where Wonwoo sits on his stool. You’re chewing on the granola bar you found in the fridge because you’re suddenly hungry.

Wonwoo looks at you for a second, pensive and thoughtful in the pause before replying. “We don’t have to do forever and always. We can divorce after the treatment is done.” 

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I have my reasons.”

The sunrise is beautiful, another day has begun. Although one tornado in your heart has calmed down, it doesn’t mean you’re completely at peace though. You’re still burning with worry, there are a thousand questions floating in your head. You don’t know the answers to most of them, and you’re scared just like you had been when you had stepped into the adult world on your own footing, for the first time. But unconsciously, you’ve come to realise that you’re not alone this time.

You have Jeon Wonwoo with you.

_

You drive directly to your sister’s house to tell her about your decision. You realise that she has no idea that your mother has spilled the news about your father’s health to you, when you tell her that you’re only agreeing to this marriage on one condition. She tries to deny it at first, but then she realises it’s a useless task against your obstinacy. 

“If you could admit now that you were dating Wonwoo, why didn’t you admit it that day?” she says finally, resignedly. 

“So that you could hide Appa’s illness from me forever?

“It’s nothing like that.”

“Firstly, tell me why you’d been stalking me for so long.”

“Not for so long. Ever since Appa found out, he became obsessed with settling you down. It’s become his last wish, you know, that kind of thing. His last project. His last duty. His last task to complete before he… you know. It was just a happy coincidence that as soon as we prodded your chauffeur he spilled that you and Wonwoo had been spending an awful lot of time together.”

You scoff. 

“Yeah, well, Wonwoo and I needed to talk over things. Commitment and stuff. Anyway, now we’ll give Appa what he wants. Promise me you won’t object to anything I say. Promise me you and Mom will back me up when I take him to the US for treatment.”

Her eyes soften down, tears brimming on the edge.

“He always loved you more, you know? Probably because you’re exactly like him.” “Unnie…” “No! I’m not jealous or anything. It’s natural to have a favourite child. He’s only human, after all. He found his ideal child in you- responsible and independent. He really sees himself in you, that’s why.” 

You hug your sister from the side, as you sit down on the couch. Her belly is quite bulging now, stretched against the fabric of the loose lycra dress.

“If anyone can convince him, it’s you, Y/N-ah. Our maknae. The apple of his eye.” She smiles. There’s something so broken in her eyes, and you hate it. Your Unnie, who you’ve never seen sad. You wonder how much she’s had to hide from you to keep this news a secret. You wonder how long they’d planned to keep it a secret, anyway. 

“Do you trust me, Unnie?”

She kisses your forehead, and smiles again, “Yes of course. Where’s this coming from?”

“It’s just… nothing. I just want to know I’m not alone.”

“You never were, sweetheart.”

_

After that, everything becomes a whirlwind. You barely have time to process things, how fast they happen. Wonwoo informs his parents, there’s another meal shared by the two families. You both still don’t tell anyone the truth about your relationship, and frankly, there’s no need to explain, when both families are so happy with the wedding. Especially your father. His eyes shine, and you stick by his side all evening. 

“My little girl’s all grown up now.” He says to you later. You almost cry at the fondness of his words, affection he rarely shows. There’s no more words spoken. There’s no need for words. You tuck him into bed, and pat him to sleep. You don’t want to leave his side at all.

_

You don’t cross paths with Wonwoo for the week running up to the wedding. There’s a clear division of work- he’s handling the internal logistics, and you’re running the external front. This is nothing but a business project for the two of you. You’ve pushed the worries about the marriage to the back burner, your priority being your father right now. You’ve already booked a treatment plan for him in the US, booked his flight tickets, and sorted everything out. Of course, you haven’t approached the topic with him yet, but you drop hints every day. 

You’ve decided to live with your parents until the wedding. You find it harder to stay away from them these days. Somehow, everything reminds you of them, and you’re brought to tears in the middle of a work meeting one day, when you remember how your father had brought you to the first stakeholder meeting when you were 16 years old, to introduce you to the world of business. You don’t want to leave life upto fate anymore. At least not the bits you can help. 

Part of managing the external front is speaking to the media. There’s countless questions at your latest press conference. Although the conference is to launch a new product, the journalists seem to be more interested in hearing the truth about the rumours currently floating around. You’d expected this, that’s why you’d timed the release of the rumours and the launch of the product at the same time. The public opinion needs to be in favour of your marriage, otherwise the alliance would hurt you both. 

“Y/L/N Y/N-ssi, is it true that you’re soon getting married to Jeon Wonwoo-ssi of Jeon Estates?” 

You blush, again a carefully practised move. You’ve spent many a minute in front of a youtube screen last night, trying to perfect the fake blush.

“Are we really going to discuss personal matters at an official conference like this?” Another measured smile, followed by a general laugh rippling across the audience for the sake of being polite. “But yes, it’s true. I won’t try to hide it anymore.”

At that very moment, a thousand questions pop up from all corners. “Anymore? Y/L/N Y/N-ssi, does that mean that you’ve been together for a long time now?” “Can we expect a merger of Jeon Estates with your company, then?” “Is the marriage a business decision or an affair of love?”

You’re another fake smile away from throwing up right now. Their curiosity gets on your nerves, you know that no matter what you say, they’re going to interpret what they really want to. Thankfully Jisung, who is moderating, carefully steps in and stops the journalists from asking any more questions. “We’ll not be taking any more personal questions. With that we come to the end of the conference. If you have any more questions, please write to us and we shall answer them over mail. Thank you for attending today.”

You exit the conference hall quickly, eyes hurting from the flashlights. It’s going to only get worse, you think. Time to brace for impact.

_

It’s only the night before the wedding that you get the jitters. You’re sitting on the floor of the balcony, looking at the roads of the Seoul night view, stress-eating cotton candy. You can’t believe that this is happening. Would you ever be able to have guessed this is how you’d be getting married? Not that you had ever harboured any ambitions about love or marriage. You’d been happy to see your parents share a loving marriage, and your sister as well. But since a young age, you’d decided that marriage was not for you. Sex? That was necessary. Dating? Perhaps, but casual. Love? Your first relationship in college had convinced you it was not your forte- you’d fallen out of feelings after a few months, and you had never tried to fall in love again. Marriage? Not even on the cards right now. Kids? Probably never. You didn’t think you’d live that long. 

And yet, your wedding invite was sitting idle on your lap. Printed on beautiful handmade paper, intrinsically engraved with orchid petals, and the fonts printed out in a loopy serif font, it was really pretty. Posh and classy, like everybody expected. It had been sent out to a few people only, Wonwoo had asked for a small wedding, and you had happily agreed. Having to deceive your parents and sister was bad enough. Lesser the better. 

The doorbell rings. You’re taken by surprise, not expecting anyone at this hour. Probably Jisung, perhaps he’s come to drop something off. That boy’s working too hard as well, you need to give him a raise after this entire affair is finished. 

But it’s Wonwoo. 

“Are you busy?” He asks before even entering. 

“No?”

“Can I come in?”

He looks over your figure, the long t-shirt you’re wearing with the shorts that are hidden under the t-shirt. You’re getting more confused by the moment. You open the door wider, and he steps in. 

“What’s going on?”

“There are details we need to talk about.”

You take a deep breath, leaning against the wall. Since that conversation at dawn with Wonwoo, you had started guarding yourself against him. Something had changed in your mind- you’d feel more vulnerable next to him, more bared, more naked. Even if he didn’t look at you, you’d feel like you could read your mind all the time. 

“Like what?”

“I made a contract. It’s a… guidebook of sorts.” He sits at the sofa, taking out his phone and placing it on your coffee table. He’s wearing his work clothes, so you’re guessing he’s come directly from work. “What’s it about?” You sit next to him, and he pushes your phone towards you. “Do you have a printer? We could print it out. Or you can-” “I’ll get a print. Do you want something?” He leans back on the sofa, but his posture is still stiff. You’ve not seen him like this. It’s almost like he’s nervous. “No. I need to leave quickly, so it’s best if you can go through this quickly. I don’t have time to waste.” You roll your eyes and stand up, keeping your knee perched on the sofa, terribly close to where his hand is. “What’s this attitude? We’re getting married tomorrow, and this is how you’re going to be?” “Well, what did you expect? Just because I agreed to marry and help you out, doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly be in love with you.” “Help me out? I didn’t fucking need your help, Wonwoo!” “Really? Your desperation told me something else that night.” He’s standing up now too, and it feels like he’s towering over you on purpose to make you feel small. You take a step back, he doesn’t move forward. It’s not push and pull, it’s gravity unwinding. 

“Listen, we can still call this off. I don’t want to be an object of your pity.”

“Pity? I wanted to help you, Y/N. There’s a difference, or is your brain too ego-clouded to understand?”

“Wonwoo, I could marry anyone-”

“And yet, it was me you came to!”

“It was convenient! I couldn’t really marry … say, Jisung, when my parents had proof that we’d been sleeping together!”

“Oh, so it’s Jisung now-”

“It was a damn example!” You’re shouting now, but his voice is still low and hoarse. It creates goosebumps on your skin. 

“If that’s who you want to marry, you can go ahead. You better know that I have no desire to be wedded to you tomorrow!” He takes a step forward, and you step back. “What do you think I am, huh? Your toy? Today you want to fuck, tomorrow you want to end things, the next day you come begging at my door to blow your mind with my dick, and the day after that you want to get fucking married? You don’t think keeping up with your plot twists are stressful for me? Do you think I’m getting off on your mood swings? I am helping you, because you’re in a dire situation. Don’t you dare spin this narrative to anything else, because it is not charity or love for you that’s motivating me to step into this hell of a marriage that I can see coming.” 

With every word he utters, he steps closer and closer, and you keep walking back until your back hits the wall. And then he’s standing right in front of you, close enough that you can see the exact dilation of his pupils even beyond his glasses. “I don’t need your help, Wonwoo. I’m not a damsel in distress.” He closes his eyes for a second, breathing in. When his eyes do open again, they’re different- darker, yet with more clarity, less angry and yet more dangerous. He leans down, and for a second, for a delusional mindless moment, you think he’s going to kiss you. You part your lips, waiting for impact, as he tilts his head ever so slightly, all while staring into your soul.

“I don’t give a fuck about you, Y/N. I don’t care. I’m just repaying an old debt.”

Then he steps back and picks up his phone from the coffee table. “I’ll mail it to you. Don’t be a brat and make sure to read it.”

You’re still stuck against the wall like an insect, too stunned to move. Before he walks out of the door, he says without looking at you, “See you tomorrow, sweetheart.” 

_

The wedding dress is simple, nothing in frills. You see it for the first time when you wear it on the morning of your wedding. As you sit in your dressing room, revising your vows, your sister enters. She’s all but jumping in excitement. “Darling, why so serious?” She grabs your hands and smiles widely at you. “Today’s your big day! Don’t think about Appa’s sickness today, or work stuff, or anything at all. Your wedding day isn’t going to come back, so you make sure to make the most of it!” You wish you could laugh at her face, her words seeming ridiculous to you. You wish she wasn’t so excited, it would only save her the disappointment she’d have to face later. 

So you force a smile. “Is it time? I’m just nervous. What if I forget my vows?” “Then you forget them. You love Wonwoo, Y/N-ie. You can just declare your love freely. You don’t need to stick to a script. Go ahead and curse him if you like!” You do laugh at this, and she joins you too. “There! That’s my girl. Honestly, discovering that you and Wonwoo… together… it was a shock for us. Like, we’d never thought of you both ever liking each other. But then, it made sense. Especially what he had said that night, I remember. That’s the moment I knew, something was definitely up” You gawk, “What night?” She giggles, “That night at the party. You know? Don’t act dumb, cutie.” She wriggles her eyebrows and it dawns on you what exactly she was referring to. Fuck. Of course she had heard, fuck Wonwoo for being so damn loud. 

You got out of your head, when someone called you to the hall, telling you that it’s time. You slowly make your way out of your dressing room, making sure your dress doesn’t get spoiled. Your father waits outside the room, dressed elegantly. 

“Are you ready?”

There’s an odd peace in his eyes, as he smiles at you with pride. 

Fuck it. Thank god you’re getting married early. Otherwise who’d walk you down the aisle… if you got too late?

“Yes, Appa.” You smile back, and loop your arm through his outstretched arm. 

_

The gates of the hall open up, revealing a beautifully decorated banquet, with an announcer standing in the centre, to conduct the ceremony. All the guests turn to look at you, dressed to their nines. But you’ve got eyes on only one person in the room. 

For the first time in your life, you think Wonwoo looks beautiful. Attraction based on looks was barely something you experienced with him, but today you realise why people fell for him like dominos. He looks absolutely regal in his tuxedo- simple, yet that’s what suits him perfectly. You think, you’ve never seen Wonwoo wear anything excessive, always minimalistic, and really he looks best like that. Because he doesn’t need any accessories, his face does enough. 

“Go, sweetheart,” your father leaves you midway the walkway, and you realise you have to walk the rest of the way on your own. You bow a little to Appa, and then look up front again. Your eyes meet Wonwoo’s and your heart races. He looks too pretty to be real, and yet you find yourself walking towards him. The entire audience erupts into applause when Wonwoo takes a few steps forward and extends his hand. You take it, and he accompanies you to your place, dropping your hand only after a slight peck pressed on the back of your hand. The crowd erupts in cheers again, and for the first time in your life, you blush genuinely. 

You stand facing the announcer, not daring to look at the man next to you. You have enough time to look at him anyway. 

_

The rest of the wedding ceremony went off peacefully. After reciting your vows perfectly, hand in Wonwoo’s hand, avoiding his eye contact desperately, and exchanging the rings, the announcer asked you to kiss. Well, that was easy. He didn’t use tongue, thankfully, otherwise you would’ve moaned in public. Even the drinks and dinner arrangement afterwards was easy. Smiling and small talk came like free flow to you after so many years. 

The hard part comes later, when you both sit in your designated limousine, exhausted after the long ceremonies of the day. Your feet hurt in the heels, and using the washroom had been a pain in the dress, so you’d desperately held on to your bladder. You’re counting down the minutes to going home, and all you want is peace.

But Wonwoo, like so many other things, is not on the same page as you. 

“Where are we going?” You ask, noticing that the car’s heading in the opposite direction as your house.

“To my house.”

“Wait, what?”

He looks up from his phone. “Didn’t you read the guide?” 

“Wonwoo, I’m not jobless, you know.”

“I fucking knew it. Right, you’re too busy being a brat.” He mutters under his breath, before opening a can of a fizzy drink from the mini cooler inside the car, and looking outside the window. 

“I haven’t even packed my stuff, Wonwoo. I can shift in once I’ve got my stuff ready.”

“You don’t know how many eyes are following us? What will the media think if we get off at different apartments tonight? It was hard enough stopping my parents from booking us a honeymoon suite.” 

You sigh. He’s right. But he doesn’t stop talking.

“You’ve got time now, read the guidebook.”

“Just tell me what’s in it, Wonwoo. Stop making such a fuss about it. Also what the fuck is a guidebook without my suggestions.”

“If you’d read it, you would have made suggestions, darling. I wasted my time going to your place last night. Anyway, if you need anything urgently from your apartment, I’ll send my secretary to fetch it for you.”

“No thanks. I don’t need anything.”

Thank god you’re familiar with Wonwoo’s apartment, because you immediately lock yourself in the bedroom and take off your dress. Once it’s off, you unlock the room, and find an exasperated Wonwoo standing outside. “Woman, why are you monopolising territory already?”

“Just go change in the guest room, Wonwoo.” You push past him, dressed in underwear, carrying your heavy dress and laying it across the living room sofa to avoid creases from forming. Then you head straight into the bathroom to clean your makeup and take a shower. 30 minutes later you emerge, and Wonwoo’s nowhere to be seen. 

After a few minutes you find him on the small personal rooftop that extends from his apartment through a small flight of stairs. You’d never gone to the roof, but now you see it has a nice bench on it, and is surrounded by lights. 

Wonwoo’s smoking. 

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I didn’t know you were going to hoard my space as soon as you entered my house.”

He doesn’t look at you, still gazing out at the Seoul skyline. 

“You could’ve used the other one.”

“You could’ve used the other one.”

You breathe in once, and then speak again. 

“I’m going to bed. I’m really tired.”

“Wait.” He finally turns around, and you can see his hair is completely messed up and his eyebags are visible under his glasses again. 

“Did you take my clothes?”

“Just a pajama shirt.”

He nods, seeing what you’re wearing. The cool breeze makes your skin tingle, almost making you regret taking off your bra and wearing only panties under the shirt. 

“Goodnight.”

“You’re not coming along?”

He turns away again. Well, fuck it. It’s not like you’re going to butter him up for a response. And yet when you go downstairs again, you make sure to sleep on the left side of the bed, like you’d always done whenever you’d slept together before. You don’t know why you do it, but you go to sleep assuming he’ll eventually come to bed.

_

He doesn’t. The next morning, you wake up to see the other side of the bed absolutely empty and untouched. He’s even taken away his pillow and blanket and you suddenly find yourself shivering. When you’re awake enough, you squint at the clock on the wall and figure out that it’s almost eleven in the morning. Quite late for someone like you. But then, it has been an exhausting day. 

Did Wonwoo not sleep at all?

You put these thoughts away when you stumble into the washroom, nearly slipping because your step is unbalanced. But that minor shock completely jerks you awake at least. 

Once you’ve brushed your teeth (without even realising how your toothbrush had magically appeared in Wonwoo’s bathroom even though you hadn’t packed and brought a thing), you walk out of the room. Again, there’s no sign of Wonwoo. The house is humid, from no windows being open, so you gently open up a few sources of ventilation. As the noise from the outside world begins to float into the house, the silence gets broken and you feel less claustrophobic. Sunshine falls on the simple upholstery and decorations of the house, and it makes everything shine. It’s a hot day, but at least it’s a sunny day. You hate gloomy days. 

You quickly search for Wonwoo in every room. And you eventually notice that the bed in the guest room seems to have been slept in last night. Was that where Wonwoo had slept last night? 

It didn’t make sense. It’s not like you two had not shared a bed earlier. Sure, Wonwoo had never stayed in the same bed with you for longer than an hour after the sex, unless it was a marathon until the morning, and you rarely ever woke up next to his warm body, but it seemed absurd that he’s treating you like a complete stranger. It’s not like the movies, for fucks’ sake. You’re familiar with each other, even if you’re not in love. And sharing a bed isn’t a big deal. 

Exactly Y/N. So why are you making it such a big deal?

There’s a printout of something on the coffee table. You head over and see that it is the ‘guidebook’ he’s kept blabbering about. Why is he insisting that you read it? You have an impulse to go and dump it in the dustbin and push his limits a little further, but then you have pity on him. But it’s not like you wanted to stay with him either. He’s the one who made you come and live with him. So technically, you shouldn’t feel any remorse or pity. So you do dump the prints in the dustbin without a second look at it. 

That’s when you hear your phone ring. “Hello, I’m speaking from ABC Packages. We’re here to shift your packages from your old house to your new residence. We’re waiting outside the door, are you at home?” Huh? “I’m sorry, who asked you to do this? Do you have a name?” “Yes Ms. Y/L/N. The order came from a Jeon Wonwoo-ssi.” No wonder. “Aaah. Okay, just wanted to confirm,” you quickly say to avoid any suspicion. “Yes I’m home. I’ll open the door.” 

And so the next hour is spent in a flurry of bringing in boxes, and when the delivery persons leave, you open them all. There seems to be enough space in Wonwoo’s walk-in closet for your stuff, which isn’t much at all. So you hang up all your formals, which form the majority of your clothing, and stash the rest of it in the shelves. Your shoes are also lesser than Wonwoo’s and you barely have any accessories and makeup apart from essentials. The problem arises with your underwear and … other personal belongings. You’re not sure if Wonwoo would appreciate opening his underwear drawer to find your box of dildos stashed there. But there’s no other space, so he’ll just have to deal with it. 

Thank God you’d taken the day off. Jisung had offered that staying away from work would make the impression of the honeymoon more imminent, and you’d agreed. Although it does seem like Wonwoo had gone to work all the same. And so, you’re left all alone in the house, and while it’s a little odd, you sit at almost every surface of the apartment to get used to it. Sure, you’ve been sat at all of these before, in various positions, as Wonwoo had fucked you, but it feels different now under the sunlight. You’re not surprised to find Wonwoo’s fridge stocked almost completely with ample groceries, so making lunch isn’t a hassle (apart from the fact that you barely know how to cook anything). But all-in-all, it’s not a tedious day, and you’re settling in nicely. 

Until Wonwoo comes home, blazer on his arm and his hair messy. He lets himself in, but you’re sitting on the kitchen counter, checking out what’s kept where. “Oh, you’re here.” You turn around and see him flunking down on the sofa, legs sprawled out. “Are you that tired?” He doesn’t answer at first, just stares at you for a second too long. “I am. It’s been a long day.” “I’m making coffee, do y-” “No. I’m going to the gym now.”

Gym takes longer than you imagine. It’s well past 10 pm when Wonwoo makes his way back, and you’ve already finished your dinner of cup ramen and ice cream. He doesn’t bother to look at you and wordlessly enters the guest bathroom. You consider entering the guest room and waiting for him, and then talking to him about why he slept separately, but then you drop it. You know he won’t answer you properly, and it’ll be a waste of effort. You sigh and make your way to the bedroom, leaving the door unlocked and slightly ajar so that he knows he’s still invited inside.

_

Wonwoo and you arrive last at the little gathering your family has set up to celebrate the one month anniversary of your marriage. Wonwoo’s family is here too, along with Kyungmin Oppa and your sister, and it’s a big group even for the large sprawling, and largely empty house, where you parents reside. You’d think it’s easy to get lost in the crowd, but not when you’re the newly wed couple who’s the focus of the party. 

“I’m so disappointed y’all aren’t going on a honeymoon,” your sister endlessly complains, and she’s completely backed by the two mothers. “Yes!” Your mother joins in. Just like the rest of the family members, she seems to have bought your wedding as 100% real as well, although she should’ve been the first to connect the dots that you’re only doing this sham wedding for the sake of your father’s wishes. “I have itineraries planned for Bali, for Scandinavia, for the Maldives, or even for Japan, if you don’t want to go too far!” She giggles, and the other ladies do too. You don’t understand what’s so funny. Especially when you know how little conversation you’ve shared with your husband over the last month, in spite of not being strangers. 

In fact that makes it worse, you think. Wonwoo’s wearing a dark blue blazer over a white shirt which puts his pecs right in your face. You know what it’d be like to touch them, and bite all over them. The way he has his left hand pressed against the small of your back means he knows what it’d be like to just drop his hand an inch lower and feel your ass against his palm. Andit is worse because even though you know each other intimately, there’s so little emotional connection you feel with him now. Whatever vulnerability had developed around him when he’d first agreed to the wedding had become hardened again under his cold attitude, and you’re back to just who you were when you’d grinded up against him at your sister’s engagement party. You curse yourself for thinking that you could ever feel a nice way about Jeon Wonwoo, because honestly, look at the man. He’s probably never regretted any decision taken after midnight as much as he’s regretted the decision to marry you. 

When you sit down at the dinner table, you notice him not eating any of the seafood. You wonder if he’s just not hungry or rudely ignoring the special grilled fish that is your Appa’s speciality. It’s probably the latter- some testosterone shit. And yet, he’s speaking charmingly smoothly with your Appa, even though Wonwoo’s not much of a talker and you know that. 

When he sits in the corner of the room, smiling and talking to your mother, you wonder what lies he’s spewing. You’ve noticed how easily lies come to him at the wedding itself, when he’d spinned tale upon tale about your ‘love story’. I fell for her, honestly, for the first time, when she’d walked into my class in ninth grade. You had scoffed, remembering the disgusted expression he had worn in reality, when he’d seen you being introduced into the class. Of course, we’ve known each other for a long time now. Naturally, there have been ups and downs. Gosh, this reminds me of the time we’d gone on that date to the amusement park after our last day at school, huh? We’d fought so bitterly after that, you’d think we were enemies. Haha. You’d nearly laughed at that- your school had taken you all out to the amusement park on the last day of classes, and somehow Wonwoo and you’d been seated together on all the damn rides. Fuck him for laughing at you for becoming scared on the roller coaster rides and then pretending to take care of you when you had passed out in his arms at the very peak of the ride. You bet the teachers had cooed at him for being so chivalrous, when in reality it was a smack to your face. 

When he leaves early, and leans in to press a kiss to your lips, you almost cringe away. It feels like you’re kissing a stranger even though his lips and the stubble on his jaw feel so familiar. This is the first time he’s shown you affection in front of others. It’s all a show, you know. You gotta do what’s needed to keep the show running.  “I’ll see you at home, sweetheart,” he says before pulling away and tucking your hair behind your ears. You search in his eyes for honesty, and all you find is a dark abyss. 

_

But it seems like your family buys the facade again. Banking on the fact that they seem pleased with your husband, and on your good choice of marriage, you finally broach the real issue with your father. You’re both sitting at the patio, sipping whisky after everyone’s left and the two of you have some peace after a long day of chattering and feasting.

“Appa, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Yes, Y/N-ah?”

You pause before answering. Finally, you decide to take the blunt route, knowing that there’s no easy way about this. 

“Come with me to the US for your treatment.”

He sighs. It’s a sigh that sounds almost like a cough, and it makes you wonder how much phlegm is stored in his damaged lungs now. You wonder how you didn’t notice it before.

“Who told you?”

“Eomma.”

“Of course she did.” He sighs again, and looks at you. “Are you asking me or commanding me?” 

“Appa, I’m not your boss. I can’t command you.”

“But you’re my daughter. I know how children feel when they think their parents aren’t listening to them.”

You smile. “I’ve always been stubborn, you know. I’ve got it in my genes.”

“Genes I’m proud of. How much has your mother told you? Did she mention I’m in stage 4 and it’s practically incurable?”

“Yes, and no. There are still chances to cure it, Appa, if only you’ll listen to me.”

“Sweetie-”

“Why aren’t you giving this another chance? I didn’t know you to be a person who easily gives up!” You can feel yourself getting angry, tears pooling in your eyes. It’s stupid how he’s arguing against it, illogical, meaningless. Your heart breaks every time you look at his eyes- they’re old, wrinkled, and yet the fire hasn’t gone out. Does he really want to end it all this fast?

“You know, I get where you’re coming from. But… I don't want to prolong suffering, Y/N-ah. It’s time, I can feel it. There’s no point being a vegetable pushed about in a wheelchair and drinking soup for the rest of my life. There’s no point living if I have to just gobble medicines all day and not drink any more port wine. There’s no point living a life which isn’t even a life, it’s just a laboratory experiment.”

You do burst out crying at this. You want to throttle his neck, and shake him, and ask how could he say such things. 

“Aaah, Y/N-ah! Don’t cry-”

“You’re making me cry, Appa! You didn’t even tell me! Were you just planning to sit on it till it’s too late?”

“It is never too late, Y/N-ah. Appa is always here with you, even if I can’t be here physically.”

The tears don’t stop, he pulls you closer, until you’re wailing on his shoulder, and he hugs you with one arm. 

“It’s not fair,” you mumble in between tears, hiccups interspersed in your words. Then he only rubs your back and you gently quieten down. “I don’t care, Appa. Come to the US with me. I’ve spoken to doctors, they’ve said there are chances to improve.” He smiles wistfully, looking at your face, which is childishly covered in snot and wet tears.

“Appa, you have to promise me you’ll try. For me, please. I’m not ready for this.”

“It will be a waste of time and effort. I would rather you pay attention to your career. And also your marriage.” “There’s not much to pay attention to. Wonwoo and I are busy almost all the time,” you try to dismiss him. “But you are young, and in love. I should believe there’s nothing other than your love life you should pay more attention to.” You sigh. It’s sad, just how well you and Wonwoo have deceived them all, even your most observant father. You wonder how it is possible, given how distant the two of you are- emotionally, always, and physically, recently. “There is something called urgency, Appa. There’s an order to how things need to be done.” 

There’s a few long minutes of silence. Your father finishes the drink in his glass and looks at the stars in the sky. You, for one moment, are sure he’ll put up another fight. “You’ve never asked me anything with so much insistence, Y/N-ah.” “You’ve not hidden anything from me before, either.” There’s another pause. The waiting is tiring, and you’re going to cry again. 

“Alright. I’ll do it, Y/N. But on one condition.” You hang on to his words, waiting for him to continue. “One chance. I’m not going back again if there is a relapse. I will not push my fate to a sour ending. You go back to your life, where I want to see you happy. And I will let nature take its due course.” You dare to smile, too afraid he’s going to take back his words. But then he smiles back, and beckons you to lie down on his lap, as he begins talking about something new he;s recently read, and you’re grateful for the distraction. 

That night when you go home, you find Wonwoo playing in his gaming room. It’s a small room, probably meant to be a spare bedroom, or a kid’s bedroom, but he has an elaborate gaming setup there, and he locks himself up in it every weekend. Sometimes you wonder if he’s dead, but then you hear his cocky, hushed whispers of victory when you lean on the door. He’s always been good at games. 

Today the door is slightly open, and you think for a deluded moment, that he perhaps left it open so that he could hear you enter the house. So you lightly knock and he turns around in his gaming chair. You realise he’s wearing a tank top, his hair hidden under a hideous beanie, and for a second, he doesn’t look like the brooding adult you’re married to. 

“I spoke to Appa tonight.”

He looks up at you and takes off his headphones. He nods once, understanding immediately.

“I’m leaving for New York tomorrow, and I don’t want to delay the appointment.” 

He stares at you for a second, then replies, “When is your flight?” 

“Afternoon.”

“And how long are you going to be away?”

“I don’t know. Perhaps a month, perhaps longer. I don’t want to leave until it’s all done. I want to see it to the end.”

He nods again, standing up from his chair. The screen flashes something about the game being paused, and his character awkwardly bounces about in the game field. The character has black hair and wears glasses like Wonwoo. 

“Pack enough, then. I’ll be here when you come back.”

You nod, and he smiles. This is why you got married in the first place, afterall. You bet he’s glad to get the wheels moving as quickly as possible so that this farce can come down before he’s so tired of it that your mere sight repels you.

_

The next three months pass by like a whirlwind, a miracle from heaven. Because not only are the doctors extremely positive about your father’s condition, but also hopeful for complete treatment. A part of you is too wary of everything going too great, too good to be true, and you’re crying every night when you lie sleepless in your hotel bed. There’s not a single second you’re free from anxiety, and there’s literally nothing else in your mind except praying that every minute of the treatment goes well. You’ve never been so nervous, except when you’d been in college and getting your papers approved by your professors and they’d laughed straight up in your face at your ambitiousness. You get periodic calls from your colleagues, the managers and Jisung, most often. But if there’s a perk of being a CEO, it’s that your employees know when to respect your personal space, unless there’s an absolute emergency. Relatives call you, your sister calls you ever so often. You hope she doesn’t go into labour with your father still stuck on the hospital bed, but it’s only a small part of her worries, you’re sure. So you assure her about everything being alright and encourage to focus on her pregnancy being perfectly smooth, although Kyungmin Oppa tells you that her mood swings are more distinct now with more things to worry about. The baby kicks for the first time, and you wish you could be there. You don’t want to miss a lot of firsts, but it’s a small tradeoff you don’t mind making. 

There’s only one person who doesn’t call you, Wonwoo. He probably knows that you don’t want to be disturbed, but sometimes you have thoughts. Thoughts about how different your life was just a few months ago. Thoughts about how your marriage is due to be annulled as soon as this business ends. Thoughts about whether you should have let Wonwoo ever into your life. Thoughts about how he feels about this entire thing. You know how he’d said he had just wanted to help you, but was it a moment of pity or a calculated decision? Was he actually humane enough to want to do this? You’re unsure, just like you’re unsure about how much you even know him. Sure, you’ve known him for your entire damn life, but not really. 

Firstly, there’s the matter of the wedding. The fact that Wonwoo didn’t actually need to be roped in to convince your dad is a surprising issue. You hadn’t expected Appa to be so pliant to your words and your tears, when he had supposedly protested so much in front of Unnie and Eomma. Well, there perhaps was something called a favourite child. Secondly, there’s the concern of what happens now. It’s already been four months since your wedding, and it’s almost mid-December now. You’re 100% sure that Wonwoo will not be interested to drag on this farce for longer than necessary, so you mentally take notes to draft up divorce letters and take them to him as soon as you return to Seoul. Your PR team’s done a fairly good job in hiding the fact that you and Wonwoo have barely spent any time together since the wedding. So it’s not going to take much to silence the media if they raise eyebrows at such a quick divorce. Family will be easy to convince, as well. We just don’t have enough time for a full-on relationship now. We’re focused on our careers, that’s where our priorities lie. Honestly, this was why we were so hesitant about marriage in the first place. See, we told you, we weren't made for this relationship business. If only you hadn’t practically stalked us into it, we wouldn’t have to disappoint you all like this. 

And what happens after that? 

Do you remain exes who smile at each other at social gatherings? Do you remain fuckbuddies, forgetting about your trash past altogether? Do you become strangers who don’t even bother to remember birthdays? 

You’re feeling dizzy, so you pass out on the couch in your hotel room. 

_

It’s New Years’ Eve when you return to Seoul, and nobody can stop the smile on your face from breaking out every three seconds. Your father’s body may still be weak from chemotherapy, and he may have to visit the hospital every other week to get follow-ups on his treatment, but he’s alive and the spark in his eyes haven’t been snuffed out. There’s hope, infinite hope, and you feel whole again. There’s incredible joy blooming in your heart, even if all the trees are barren and all the world is grey. The doctors say that it is a godsent gift, and there can be a relapse, but the chances are low enough to be confident that there’s going to be at least five more years of happy life for your father. For someone who was praying for five more minutes, it’s a harvest too bountiful, and you feel like a person born again. 

The happiness lasts the entire journey back home, back into the wide waiting arms of your mother who had never gone to the US because she was too scared of being there. You can see how the stress has taken a toll on her, as her figure seems frailer than before, and there’s no longer than glow radiating off her face. And yet, this gift is more than she, or you could ever have asked for, so you take what you can get. Your father’s organs haven’t failed yet, and he can eat better things than soup, so your mother’s cooked specially for him, although she hasn’t entered the kitchen in years. It’s softly cooked galbi and prawn pajeon, and he devours the meal after months of hospital food. You stay the night at your parent’s home, as your sister comes over along with her husband. It’s a great family reunion, and you feel like you could die in this happiness.

Except reality strikes when you wake up the next morning and realise that you should go to your actual home now. You wonder if he’s going to be at home or not, given that it’s the New Year and he may have plans with others. 

But there he is, as you let yourself in through the main door, and he locks eyes with you sitting on the couch, wearing shorts and no shirt, his hair quite wet. Apart from the fact that this is the first time you’ve seen him wear shorts, nothing’s changed. He’s still exactly the same. It’s cold outside, and the journey here has frozen your limbs, but the house is warm as fuck, just how Wonwoo’s always liked it. 

You can’t stop yourself. You don’t stop yourself when you run halfway across the living room and hug him without waiting for him to say anything. 

To his credit, he doesn’t say anything. He simply hugs you back. His body is so warm in spite of being shirtless, and you can smell the fresh soap clinging to his body. He rubs one hand on your spine and for a second you feel tears threatening to flow down your face. Did you miss him?

“How’s your father?” 

“Much better. There is hope.”

You can feel his hands moving more insistently on your back, stretching through all your muscles. It feels comforting in a way you’ve never received from Wonwoo. He doesn’t ask anything else, and you don’t mind. 

“Welcome home, Y/N.”

_

You’re bent over on the floor, unpacking your suitcase in your own room when he casually saunters into his walk-in and you don’t pay heed. It’s only when he walks out wearing a black leather jacket, a turtleneck, a light gold chain dangling on his neck, and fancy sunglasses perched on his nose that you turn around to look at him. You’re shocked at seeing him like this- you realise you haven’t seen him in casuals in so long. You haven’t seen him in so long. 

“You’re going out?”

“Yeah, it is the New Year. I have a party with my friends.”

You’re too busy ogling him, so he asks, “Don’t you have plans?” 

“Yeah, I’m going to unpack my stuff.”

“You could do that tomorrow. Going out with friends on New Years’ will not happen tomorrow.”

You roll your eyes. You assume I have friends. It shouldn’t be news to him, you’ve told him this before. And yet, you feel embarrassed again. You didn’t know Wonwoo had friends, but it’s wrong of you to think every workaholic has no life like you. 

“No. It’s been a tiring few months… I’d rather just sleep in.”

Wonwoo, surprisingly, sits down on your bed, facing you, and removes his sunglasses. You can see his pretty eyes from up close, and you realise that he’s never really sat on this bed since you’ve come to his house. “Do you want to come with me? They’ve been asking about you for quite some time now.” You look at him silently, “Nah, I don’t… don’t want to barge in.” “You won’t be.” “You’ll get late if you wait for me now.” “It’s not a big deal, most of them will be late anyway.” “Are you going to a nightclub?” “No, we’re going to a barbecue party.” 

Small, private, cosy. You’ll definitely be barging in.

“No Wonwoo, I don’t want to go somewhere where I’m not welcome. And anyway, I’m cool with whatever you’ve told your friends about us.” “I haven’t said anything in particular.” “Well, then you’re good at avoiding things.” “I am. You must’ve been away too long if you’ve forgotten about this.” 

You want to run away. He’s surely talking about avoiding being your husband- and he’s proud about it as well. 

“Then you might avoid it further. There’s no need for me to make a public appearance.”

Wonwoo stares at you for a second too long. His jaw hardens, and you can see his tongue in his cheek. Then he gently pulls your hand into his own, and carefully touches your fingers, purposely avoiding the bit around your wedding ring. The way your fingers seem much smaller compared to his makes you feel a certain way. You pull your hand back, but he doesn’t let go. He ends up pulling you up to stand, so that he’s still sitting on the edge of the bed and you’re standing right in front of him. His fingers are still laced around your own, and you feel sparks at the touch after months. 

“I’m going to show my wife off to my friends. And your excuses are pathetic, darling. You know you want me to show you off as well.” His fingers tighten their grip against your wrist, and you feel the vein in your wrist throbbing around his touch. “So get dressed nicely. I know you clean up well.”

It takes you a solid ten minutes to find something good to wear. Sure, you’re not big on fashion, but you like to look fit for the occasion. Especially if Wonwoo’s dressed up all fancily like that. But when you finally step out of the closet, you’re wearing a beige corset top with a black skirt, and a long black coat with tiny gold details. You find Wonwoo still sitting on your bed, scrolling through his phone. “How do I look?” you ask at the same time as he raises his head to look at you. After checking you out twice from top to toe, he nods slowly, but before you can exhale in relief, he says, “Will you feel cold in that skirt?” “No. And before you ask, I’m not wearing stockings. The coat will be enough.” “Don’t complain if you get cold later. Come down in five.” 

_

When you’re finally in the car, you ask him if you should buy something for the host, since it is New Years’ afterall. “If we bought something for him, the others will be mad at us for not buying something for them too.” You laugh it off, wondering how that could be possible, and proceed to stop at a nearby store to buy one of the trendy perfumes that’s popular amongst men these days. 

You find, not even half an hour later, that it is possible. 

“Wonwoongi! You only brought presents for Mingoo? None for hyung? How will hyung survive without your generosity?” A lanky, beautiful man immediately latches himself onto Wonwoo’s arm as soon as you both enter Mingyu’s house. It’s a pretty bungalow situated a little far from the city, and decorated extravagantly with lights. It’s only after Wonwoo makes it through the first few people crowding near the entryway that everybody notices you. 

There’s a collective gasp going around when everyone turns around and looks at you, smiles galore. And then they all start speaking together, and you get overwhelmed. Wonwoo shushes them all in an uncharacteristically loud voice, and announces, “Since y’all wanted to meet her, this is Y/L/N Y/N, my wife,” and you bow deeply to everyone as everyone greets you back. When you stand upright again, you stumble a bit, not having noticed the thick carpet, and Wonwoo’s quick to grab your hand. He casually interlocks his fingers with yours, and you both make your way into the apartment. 

The first man you meet is Mingyu, the host. You’re shocked to see him, not expecting to see him as the host. So he’s the host. He’s become taller than Wonwoo now, his face still identical to what you remember from high school. It sparks an annoyance in you, as scenes from each sports day of your high school years flashes by. There wasn’t a single time when you hadn’t defeated Mingyu in tennis, badminton and squash. You really loved playing racket sports, and it seemed that so did Mingyu. But not just that- Mingyu’s arrogance was even more childish than that of Wonwoo because he was insanely arrogant about his looks and the number of girls (and boys) thirsting over him every day. Although you hardly met him outside school because he didn’t belong to a chaebol family, you’d actively glare at each other every time you met in school. You wonder what version of these same memories flashed in his mind as you stand in front of him now. 

“It’s been a long time, Y/N-ah. Didn’t imagine that you and Wonwoo would end up married.” It’s a genuine smile, and for a moment, you wonder if you’d had the wrong impression about him all along. “We didn’t imagine it either, trust me.” Wonwoo smiles, and it breaks you out of your reverie. You hand Mingyu the gift, and say, “Thank you for extending your invitation to me.” “There’s no need to be so formal, Y/N-ah. But what’s the need for the gift?” “Since I’m visiting you for the first time… as Mrs. Jeon, I felt I shouldn’t come empty-handed.” Mingyu giggles and nudges Wonwoo’s arm, “Mrs Jeon, hmm? Feels like a Hollywood movie. Thanks Y/N, I’ll use it well!”

Then Wonwoo introduces you to the rest of his friend group one by one. You meet Seungcheol, who you remember all too well. “How the tables have turned, huh?” He chuckles, before handing you a glass of wine. There’s a familiarity in his mysterious smile, that twinkling look in his eyes, that elite tilt of his chin, as if he owned the world, which used to annoy the hell out of you, because to you, he seemed to be the stereotype of the worthless chaebol heirs who’d do nothing in their lives except eat out of their parents’ money. And yet, he’s made it big on his own, if news reports are correct, and perhaps you can find some respect for him now. “I hope we get along better this time, Seungcheol Oppa.” He’s the only man from Wonwoo’s high school group who you would call Oppa, and that was only to tease him because he’d been voted as the Sexiest Oppa of the Year at the end of the high school year. Seungcheol seems to remember that too, because he laughs, and you realise it’s a fond memory, no matter how much annoyance it had sparked in you back then. 

Then there’s Jeonghan, who’d been that beautiful man who’d spoken to Wonwoo earlier with that aegyo nickname of Wonwoongie. who disarms you instantly with his jokes. Joshua, who’s introduced as the gentleman, but you can see the mischief in his doe-like eyes, much too good-looking for his own good. There’s Soonyoung and Seokmin, who are already playing beer pong, laughing and spilling a lot of the beer on the table (and the carpet, but they implore you to not tell Mingyu that). Seungkwan referees them, while he’s wrapped around his boyfriend, who’s extremely charming and interesting. Vernon and you speak for a good two minutes before Seungkwan interrupts you both and takes you to meet Jun. Jun is sitting on the other side of the room, with his girlfriend, Lihua. She’s also Chinese but speaks fluent Korean, as she’s a teacher in Seoul, as she explains.You find out that Jun is an actor in both Korean and Chinese tv shows, and his visuals explain a lot of it, for sure. Then there’s Minghao, who’s busy discussing Met Gala looks over the years with two women, Soyeon (Jihoon’s fiance) and Aeri (Chan’s girlfriend). Chan and Jihoon themselves are missing, but soon you find them in the kitchen, helping Mingyu and his fiance, Hayi, to make cocktails. 

And when the introductions finally end, Wonwoo and you flop down on a couch in one corner, both tired from all that smiling and small talk. 

“Are you sighing so loudly because they’re not nice?” He teases you, as he place an arm around the head of the sofa, successfully cradling you without even touching your body. “Wonwoo. I didn’t know you were still close to Seungcheol and Mingyu.” “Hmm… should I have warned you before bringing you here?” You turn your face away from him, “A warning would have been nice. I wasn’t really ready to see Mingyu’s annoying smile again after all those years of his delinquency.” Wonwoo laughs, and you continue, “But I’m curious. What did you tell them about me that they’re welcoming me with open arms? Did you tell them that I’ve completely changed or something?” “No. They had their reservations too, but it’s not like they could do anything. I told them only a day before we got married.” You open your mouth to refute, but quickly become silent. Not for the first time, you wonder, how had Wonwoo adapted into the marriage so quickly in spite of having nothing to gain and everything to lose. It reminds you of the divorce papers you had asked Jisung to prepare, so you don’t say anything.

Jeonghan comes and sits on your other side too. “Oh, we have another person joining our lazy line, I see.” He giggles as you look confused. “Wonwoo, Hao and I are the lazy line. We run out of battery first. We can’t keep up with the other over-energetic boy.” “But the absolute first is Wonwoo, of course. There’s no end to group photos where he’s yawning in all the shots.” Minghao strolls in, grabs Wonwoo by the arm, calling him to the other room where they’re all playing billiards, and then it’s just you and Jeonghan on the sofa. 

“So, Y/N, I hear that you and Wonwoo have been friends since school?” You laugh, because he can’t have heard that. You know Jeonghan knows you both have never really been friends. He laughs too, and you realise how easily he’s prodded right into the truth. “It’s complicated,” you say safely, as you get a feeling you can’t hide from this man. “And yet I think you’re perfectly fit to be Mrs Jeon, from what I hear.” You laugh again, because genuinely it is a funny statement. You think he’s making a joke- probably about how you both hated each other’s guts in school, or had an equal temper. But no, he’s all serious and he repeats his statement with more sincerity. You twist your lips in confusion, and ask him, “How can you say that?” “Because I know Wonwoo very well. That’s it.” He then laughs a bit and continues, “They call me the Eomma of the group for a reason, you know. They’re all my kids. Even Cheol and Shua.”

And then Wonwoo calls you both to the barbecue which had begun on the outdoor patio. 

_

The party may have begun awkwardly for you but it soon becomes quite exciting. The temperature continues to fall as it becomes darker in the night sky, but everyone’s gathered around the barbecue grill outside so you don’t want to move. The girls are mostly sitting together, sitting cocktails that Mingyu prepares for you, winking every way until he reaches his fiance who exaggeratedly winks back. You sit sandwiched between Aeri and Wonwoo, and while Wonwoo is busy discussing games with Seungcheol, Aeri doesn’t let you feel isolated. You’re included into the group surprisingly quickly, and soon you’re playing drinking games with them. Games you’ve never played before, so you’re obviously totally incapable at defeating them. They seem to play these every other weekend, while you’ve never even heard of these game rules. The reality sends pangs to your heart because it hits harder than ever that you’ve never had a friend group with who you could drink with. Not even a casual drink. Not even a girls’ night out. Not even a pole dance at a strip club. 

“Okay! Let’s play the hongsam game,” Seungkwan shouts out and immediately everyone cheers in agreement. You must be looking confused as hell, because Jihoon quietly leans in to explain the rules simply. Seungkwan and Jihoon show you a small demo, and you nod. You may not have understood fully but you don’t want to hold up others in the game. And so the game goes on for nineteen rounds, and you lose ten of them. You somehow miss the timing every time, or maybe you just don’t know their names well enough. Even Joshua, who messed up the first three times, seems to have caught on, but you’re just stuck. Although they make you feel better about it, laughing with you instead of at you, and reassuring you that it’s okay to make mistakes, you feel embarrassed. It’s not a tough game, just requires hand-eye-brain coordination that you’re sure you’re not lacking in, but perhaps some part of you wants to do better because it’s Wonwoo’s friends you’re playing with, and performing poorly here would mean… well, you don’t know what it would mean, but it doesn’t sit right with you. So you try to be more competitive, and although you keep losing, as the shots go in, it feels less stressful and more fun. You become more familiar with the games, and the S.coups game you’re actually good at, although you have no idea why it’s called the S.coups game and Seungcheol personally makes it a point to threaten anyone who’s about to tell you why it’s called the S.coups game. 

And so, as the night goes by, you become more comfortable. Even if it is still a little awkward, it’s not altogether bad. Mingyu and Seungcheol are being nice to you, although a bit wary. The others have positively welcomed you with open arms. And Wonwoo, well, he’s being a little odd. He’s having a hell lot of fun, being much louder than you’ve ever seen him. He seems more reserved than his friends, but then, his friends are too hyper. And while he doesn’t make direct efforts to talk to you, he’s becoming more touchy by the minute. The first few shots in, he was just putting an arm around your shoulders. Next few shots in, his hands are properly rubbing all over your bare arms as he makes you open the coat when you say your body’s getting warm with all the soju. When you feel the buzz of alcohol getting more serious by the second, his right hand, the same one which had held your hand earlier that day, places itself on your thigh and refuses to move. It’s splayed all over your thigh, nearly covering from end to end, and there’s not much skin showing anyway, but with his hand, it feels like you should’ve worn a shorter skirt. 

Wonwoo’s favourite game is the mafia one. The game app somehow generates him to be mafia three out of four times, and he has way too much fun killing the innocent citizens who seem to be completely deceived by him. Wonwoo’s too good at lying, you realise, when you’re taken aback each time on finding out he’s the mafia although you’re sitting right next to him. The fifth round, you both are mafias, and after the penultimate round of guessing, when you two are the only mafias left alive and you lock eyes to decide who to kill, you giggle at the way he’s staring you down. 

“I say, Soyeon. She’s the closest to guessing me out.” You say seriously, but his eyes aren’t even on your eyes. They’re fixed lower, at your lips, but you panic and shift away from him. Now his eyes look up at yours, confused, but you’re guessing he’s just drunk. He would never behave like this if he were sober. 

“I say let’s get out of here. While their eyes are still closed.” He smirks, whispering hotly in front of your face, and you feel red all over. 

“Wonwoo! They’re your friends.” “So what? They love you already. They wouldn’t be mad at you for leaving, if that’s what you’re thinking.” “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re having so much fun, why would you want to leave?” “Because I know I could have more fun with you with my face under that skirt of yours.” You’re blushing again. “You don’t want to know the number of times I’ve left fun gatherings like this to fuck you in my car, sweetheart. This time, at least, they’ll understand better.” You blush even harder, with the way he’s speaking. It’s making your heart beat too loudly. You know it’s because you both are drunk, but you’ve never been able to resist it when he talks dirty to you. And now his hand starts squeezing your thigh, so you’re left wondering what it would feel like if his face was under your sk-

“Oh for fucks sake! I know it’s Wonwoo and Y/N with all this whispering, I’m sitting next to y’all, guys!” Aeri whines from next to you, and the moment is broken. Everyone opens their eyes and Wonwoo’s hand stop squeezing, although it’s still on your thigh. “If you’re going to undress each other, just go home!” Chan says, and you laugh. “I’m not leaving the party even if Wonwoo does, just so you know. I’m having way too much fun.” Aeri and Hayi hug you from one end, pulling you away from Wonwoo. “Yes,” says Hayi, “we’re not letting you go either. Boring mafia men can leave if they like.” So they pull you away from Wonwoo and you end up sitting somewhere far away from him, between Joshua and Minghao, and it’s nice to be around people who aren’t game aces either and you can have a lot more fun because they’re not as serious as Wonwoo.

A few seconds later, your phone buzzes in your pocket, so you take it out. There’s a text from Wonwoo. 

I wasn’t kidding, Y/N. I really want to get out of here with you.

_

Twenty minutes later, you’ve bid the last round of goodbyes, hugging Jeonghan and exchanging numbers with most of them, while they whine about why Wonwoo gatekept you for so long. Even Seungcheol and Mingyu joke around you, showing that they’ve become more comfortable around you. Perhaps growing up has taken away some of their jerk attitude from them. 

Wonwoo’s already leaning against his car when you walk out of the house. You know he’s drunk with the way his eyes check you out without any filter, and you’re also drunk and out of your inhibitions. You try not to get into your head as he opens the door for you, and you get inside the warm car. Wonwoo joins you in the backseat, and the chauffeur drives you out slowly. 

But somehow, being in the car now, away from the dopamine of the party, and the general excitement from having a surprisingly fun evening with strangers, the overthinking does kick in. Wonwoo doesn’t say a word, but his hand has returned on your thigh, and you let it be there. But you can’t help but think, is he finding you attractive only because he’s under the influence? 

So you ask him that, when you both get out of the car and he opens the door to the apartment. Drunk, dishevelled Wonwoo looks glorious in the night light, his dark hair falling over his eyes, which are hooded in desire as plain as day. “Are you fucking serious, woman?” That’s all he says, before he pushes you against the back of the same entry door, and puts his hand under your skirt. He finds you panties as an obstruction so he pushes them aside before kissing you and entering one finger inside your cunt simultaneously. You immediately melt under his touch, not just because it’s been months since Wonwoo’s touched you, but also because you’re feeling so relieved he’s still attracted to you. At least the farce hasn’t repelled him away this far. 

So you don’t speak any words. You both stay silent except the sounds he forces out of you. You come embarrassingly fast with just two fingers up your vagina, and his mouth creating hickeys all over your neck. “Fuck, Wonwoo, I-” “Shit you’re still coming- your whore pussy’s thanking Sir for taking care of her after so long?” You moan his name harder, your entire body writhing under his touch as he drags out your climax under his touch. “Yes, Sir.” “And what to good girls say in gratitude?” You can barely form the words but you say it, “Thank- thank you, Sir!”

“Where do you wanna take it, hmm? To my bedroom which you’ve taken over? Or my bedroom where you’ve exiled me to?” He picks you up and shrugs off your coat, and you wrap your legs around him, stretching the skirt. “It doesn’t matter.”

So he takes you to the bedroom where he’s sleeping these days. He flunks you on the bed, and you tumble to fall on your face. The sheets smell like him, and you breathe in his scent. You don’t want to sleep anywhere else after this- only next to him, if this is what his bed smells like. 

He leans in from behind you, and unhooks your top and skirt, leaving you in your underwear. Your panties are ruined, so he makes quick work of removing them. But he keeps the bra on, and gently slides in under you until your pussy is on his face as he prepares to eat you out from behind. His hands are splayed over your ass, and as soon as his tongue makes contact with your already abused vagina, you scream out his name. But he doesn’t stop- he continues, his tongue harshly fucking your cunt. When he’s done making you orgasm again like that, and you’re done screaming his name into his pillow, he finally moves away from you. You fall limp on the bed, as you hear him take off his clothes. Eventually he cages you from behind, and slowly fills you up from behind, one hand on your neck and the other rubbing your nipple over your bra. 

So he fucks you like that, his cold chain makes sparks every time it brushes against your spine. “Sir, please! Faster, please-” Wonwoo doesn’t reply to any of your begging, but he responds physically to everything you say, by doing the exact opposite and dragging out your misery. His hands don’t leave your nipples as he leisurely fucks you. “Fuck, Y/N, not even four months, and you’re tight like a virgin again.” Your hands slip and weakly try to clutch at the bedsheets, but you feel useless, like a toy, and he feels every inch of skin which he’s missed out on all this time. You don’t know what he’s looking like now, but his hand presses your head down on the pillow softly, and his grunts and moans are soft enough to be enveloped by your own louder moans and pants.

“Please, I’m begging you, please- pl- faster- Sir!” And the second he lifts his body away from yours, thrusting into you faster, you spasm and orgasm right there, and it triggers his orgasm too. The warmth of his cum flowing inside you stays there as he gently falls down on your body, panting. When he begins to pull out, you whine, unable to say anything but he gets the message. He lies down next to you softly, without pulling out for a few minutes. When your body finally comes down from the high, you go limp around his body, and Wonwoo gently pulls out. 

“I’ll clean you up.” “I’m sleepy…” “Yeah, then sleep.” And then you pass out.

_

When you wake up the next morning, Wonwoo is, unsurprisingly, not next to you, although his side of the bed is not cold. It feels like an upgrade, and you take what you can get. For the first time since you’ve gotten married, you’ve slept together and the thought of it makes you pleased for some reason. 

“Morning,” he walks in, before you can properly wake up. He’s wearing a peach-coloured hoodie with sweatpants, a cup of coffee in his hand. “Is that for me?” “No, I didn’t know if you were up.” “Okay, I’ll go and get my own.”

So you do. You brush your teeth and make your coffee and return to the bedroom, and Wonwoo’s still sitting there, his back leaning against the headboard. For a second, you feel like you’re stepping into someone else’s married life, but then you realise it’s yours. It makes you giddy. You don’t understand why- it’s not like you’ve ever craved for Wonwoo, or anyone, in this way. But somehow, you’ve warmed up well to the idea of having him as your … partner. There’s nobody who could be an equal match to you, to be honest. Either they’d be seriously less intelligent and you would be able to hold no conversation with them, or they’d be arrogant as fuck if they were smarter than you, and they’d make it a point to make you feel lesser, always. So Wonwoo is the perfect match for you. 

Although, Wonwoo could surely find someone better. Jeonghan’s words float in your brain once again, and you fight the urge to contradict him. Mrs Jeon could definitely be someone else- someone who’s less distant from Wonwoo, someone he could love truly deeper than just skin-level attraction, someone who would want to be with him for real feelings and not just a facade.

“There’s something I want to talk to you about, Wonwoo.” 

“Yeah, me too.” You both sit against the headboard, bodies far apart, as if repelled again by magnetic force, no matter how close you were last night. 

“Okay, you go first then.”

So he says, “Last night was… a mistake. I know it sounds cliche, but it’s true. I don’t… want to do this with you.”

Oh fuck. You did not see that coming. Sure, the relationship could have been a mistake. Getting married without him getting anything out of it could have been a mistake. Continuing this marriage after your dad’s treatment was successful could have been a mistake. But last night? Last night had felt so right to you. There was no one who knew your body like Wonwoo did, and you knew it went the other way round too. Then how could he say that?

He continues, “I don’t want to be fuckbuddies with you like this, Y/N. We got married for a goal, and now that goal’s been fulfilled and…”

“And you want a divorce. I get it.” 

He looks at you with confusion, his eyes wide and his eyebrows furrowed. “No, that’s not what I said.” 

“That’s what you meant. I’m an adult, Wonwoo, don’t teach me nuances.” You get off the bed and walk away. 

“Y/N, you’ve got to hear me out when I’m saying something.”

“Wonwoo, I already know what you’re trying to say.” 

“Fuck you, Y/N. This is why it’s not possible to have a proper conversation with you.”

“You’ll get what you want, Wonwoo. Don’t worry. Thanks for telling me, I needed to know.”

_

It feels good to get back to work after so long. The familiar sound of people typing away on their laptops and the busy movement of people everywhere, it brings peace to your heart. There are people hovering around you, hoping to speak to you, but Jisung somehow brings you to your office without you having to say anything more than good morning and happy new year to anyone. 

It’s only when you enter the office and you see the pending paperwork that you realise just how much you’ve missed. There’s a deal with Lee Corp. that’s sitting on your desk, and Jisung presents it to you with a proud smile. “We got it done, Ma’am. Every detail you wanted, to the t.” You don’t know how to respond, because it’s unbelievable. “But how?” This is your dream- signing a contract with Lee Corp., the leading organisation for facilitating stools for robotic surgery in Korea. Although your technology has always been more modern, they’ve retained their large market share because of simply how long they’ve sustained in the business- after all, when it comes to health, trust comes before modernity for customers. 

“Jeon Wonwoo-ssi set up the deal for us. The Deputy CEO and myself attended the meeting, I can share the minutes with-”

“Wait, stop. Wonwoo, you said?” 

“Yes Ma’am, I… did he not tell you? He told me he’d tell you.” Jisung looks genuinely confused, so you know it’s futile to investigate him further. 

“Well, as you can see, it’s news to me.”

“There is a meeting today, at noon, Ma’am, I need to brief you about the details before you-” 

“I’ll get the details directly from Wonwoo, thanks Jisung. Ask my chauffeur to get my car ready please. I’ll be back before the meeting.”

_

Wonwoo’s office building is bustling with the same energy as your own, and you face no trouble finding his office. So you walk right in. 

“What’s this I’m hearing?” He’s standing next to a shorter man showing him something on a tablet, but he immediately leaves when he sees you, bowing quickly. “I was busy, Y/N, you can’t just walk in like that as if you own the place.” He walks up to you, and gently closes the door, before leaning against it and asking you, in that fucking relaxed expression he always has, “What’s the matter?” 

“You fixed a deal with Lee Corp. for my company?” 

“What about it?” 

“And you didn’t bother to tell me?”

“I thought it was best not to disturb you when you were busy with your father.”

Your eyes widen in disbelief. “Wonwoo, this is literally the most important event that can turn my career around forever, and you choose not to tell me-”

“So you’d rather I invade your privacy for this? I’d arranged it so that it would be closed only after your return anyway, so it’s not like-”

“It’s exactly like you were making deals behind my back! God knows what subscript you’ve mentioned in the clauses with the Lees- yeah, step one: get into a trusting contract with Y/N, step two: slowly overtake all her market power, step three: make the company so weak that Jeon Estates can easily take over.” 

You’ve taken a step closer with every word, and now you’re standing at a hair’s distance from Wonwoo, who’s just staring at you. “For god’s sake, Jeon Wonwoo, say something!” 

And then, he fucking laughs. It’s a bitter laugh, one with no mirth, and it makes goosebumps rise on your flesh. 

“You’re mad, Y/N. You’re paranoid, stupid, ungrateful, selfish little bitch, and I can’t even be mad at you because I knew this is how you’ve been all along and yet, I can’t fucking stop myself from falling in love with you every damn day!” 

It’s your turn to go speechless. The documents in your hands fall limply to the floor, as your jaw opens and you stay rooted in one spot, stunned beyond belief. “You… what?”

“You were so fucking right every time you called me a dumbass, Y/N. Because I am one.” He laughs again, taking off his glasses with one hand, and rubbing his eyes with another. Then he stops laughing and when he wears his glasses again, his face looks twenty years older. 

“Wonwoo… I’m not understanding.”

“You will never understand. Because you don’t have a fucking heart. One would think I have a masochism kink- the way you kick me out every day and I come back to you like a dog. Have you ever thought that maybe I don’t want to take over your company? I’ve told you before- I have enough ways and means to bring you down already had I really wanted to. For fucks’ sake, it’d take a minute for me to destroy your reputation by spreading a rumour about how you wanted to bang me just because you thought it was a great way to get your dad to get into treatment.”

“You still could-”

“I’ve never taken advantage of you- never. I’ve respected you, with as much as I could. When you’ve been petty, when you’ve been oversmart, when you’ve been angry. And you think I’m really interested in destroying you? No, Y/N, if there’s anything I feel towards you and your professional career, it’s admiration. And respect.”

“Don’t lie to my face, Jeon.”

He laughs again, and kneels down so that he’s looking away from you, down at the floor, his body no longer held up in his usual manly stature. 

“I’m so tired of running around and playing these games with you, Y/N. I’ve admired you since you’d been promoted two classes at once in ninth grade.”

“That is a lie. You’d gone right after that class to bitch about me, very loudly, to your friends, about how I’d been promoted only because my dad’s business was flourishing.” 

“It was a front, because all of my friends, and mind you, I don’t mean Mingyu and Seungcheol, had become pissed at you for it. I had to… I don’t know… be popular? I couldn’t be any more of a loser than I already was. I’d lost a year as it is for breaking my leg and not being able to attend classes, and then… owning up that your intelligence and intellect amazed me and got me on my fucking knees would mean I’d no longer be the cool boy in class who everybody wanted to be with.” 

You kneel down next to him, imploring him to look into your eyes. But he steadfastly avoids eye contact- and you feel the floor slip away from your feet. Things you’d believed for years… hearing them become untrue… hearing them being simple misunderstandings… it was too frightening and too overwhelming to be believable. 

“But there’s not been a moment these last dozen years when I’ve not had my heart beat fast whenever I think about you… see you. I’d accepted your harsh words and your cold attitude as the norm because… I knew it was because I’d not behaved very nicely with you either, and I was to be blamed for it after all. But I took what I could get. A beggar cannot be a chooser, you know?” 

And he finally looks at you. 

And finally you can read Jeon Wonwoo. Every expression is as clear as day on his face. His eyes clouded with betrayal and pain, his lips twitching, seconds away from breaking down, his hands pale and trembling. You want to walk away, be a coward again, run away and escape to your bubble of yourself and only yourself. But you also want to take his hand, and feel the truth he’s speaking coursing through his veins buzz out into your own skin.

So you do that. 

For once in twenty six years, you do the brave thing. 

You sit down completely on the floor, and you lean forward to face him, and touch the tips of his fingers. You’re surrounded by the flurry of papers you’d brought to him, but in this moment, when the current of his touch matches the voltage running in your mind, you forget what they were. He looks away, and says, “Everything about you was so electrifying. You were the first woman who had never pedestalized me for my money and my position in society. The first woman who’d made me feel like just another human being. The first woman who I’d been unable to seduce with just a casual look. The first woman who threw a challenge at me with not just her attitude but also her smartness. And boy, you know how competitive I can be.”

“I was okay with being fuckbuddies too, you know. This way, I didn’t have to pine over you from a corner of the room at social gatherings and wonder how you smelt. I didn’t have to look at you from the other side of the cafeteria at school and imagine how it would feel to kiss the cream off the corner of your lips. And I fucking loved it. I loved being able to hold you close, make you mine. I- well… the first night you’d hooked up with me? If you’d not come back to me yourself, I would have begged you and confessed that very night. I would have cried at your feet to let me be your lover.”

There’s a single tear falling off his cheek and onto the point where your fingers touch. He doesn’t look at you. The sky outside darkens with the impending rain, making the room infinitely darker than it was earlier. 

“And then… when you’d asked me to stop… the world had broken down on me. I’d given up on making you want to like me- but,” and he laughs again, that broken, mirthless laugh, “a man can dream, can he not?”

“Wonwoo, I’m sorry.” you whisper. You know it’s pointless, but you still want to say it.

“For what Y/N? You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve just shown me my place.”

“For hurting you. I didn’t know…”

“No you… you didn’t even know you were hurting me. You were just being you.”

“And it’s sick that I hurt you so much when I was just being myself.” 

There’s a long minute of silence, as he looks up at you. Lightning cracks on the horizon outside, your body shivering with the sudden sound of thunder, and his hands withdraw from your own.

“Y/N, I don’t want to interfere in your life any longer. I’ve lived happily this last year, being so close to you, even when I knew it wasn’t in the way I wanted. But last night…”

“Wonwoo. I-”

“It was a mistake because I can’t do this so casually anymore, Y/N. I don’t want to wake up next to you just like that, Y/N. I don’t want to be married to you on paper, Y/N. I don’t want to pretend in front of my friends and not make you mine in public. Seungcheol and Mingyu accepted you fully… because they knew just how smitten I’ve been with you forever.” The edge of his lips tilt upward in a lopsided, winsome smile, as he continues, “That day in the amusement park? You’d been so mad at me for no fault of mine at all, but you’d been so cute when you’d lolled all over my shoulder and clutched onto my clothes for your dear life. That time you’d made your first speech as your father’s heir to the company, I swear I could’ve run to you and kissed you right there, you’d been so hot up on stage, in the spotlight, right where you belong.”

He starts standing up, looking away from you. He begins picking up the first paper next to him. 

“Oh, you bought the divorce papers.” 

You spring up to attention at once, and snatch it away from him. “Wonwoo, I-”

“No, thanks for bringing them. Thank you for putting me out of my misery of this awful mirage called hope.”

“No, please, I-”

“I see you’ve already signed-” 

“Wonwoo! Just please listen to me?”

He finally pauses in his tracks and looks at you. “You’ve said enough, Y/N-ah. You’ll get the divorce you so want. And if you like, I’ll ask Jihoon to put in a word to take away the deal as well. If you feel so threatened-”

“Wonwoo, hold up. Jihoon?”

“Yeah? You didn’t know? His cousin is the CEO of Lee Corp. currently.”

He picks up a pen to sign, and you literally lunge yourself on his body. It’s cinematic, a little unreal, but you do it out of desperation. It results in you being draped all over his body, as he falls back on his desk. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Shut up. Let me talk,” and you clamp a hand on his mouth before he can say another word. You take a deep breath, as his eyes widen for a second, but then he stabilises himself on his desk and waits for you to continue. 

“I’ll admit it, I’ve been an awful person. I’ve been mean, selfish, and paranoid- and yes, while I may have been justified to some extent, I … should’ve trusted you. It’s absurd though- had I not trusted you at all, how could I ever submit to you even in sex? How could I trust you with my body at my weakest, most out-of-control moments? Perhaps, deep down, I knew that, no matter how much we sparred with our words and our eyes, we… you would never harm me. And I think you know I wouldn’t have harmed you either, really. Because you’ve been nothing if not my twin spirit. You’ve been the only person competitive enough to challenge me. You’ve been the only man who hasn’t given me up even when I threw tantrums. And I want to stop talking in the past tense. Even in the future, I see… I see you as the only man who’d ever really understand me. If I tell you I need a week to just cut off from the world and focus on my work, you’d understand me. If I tell you, Wonwoo, I… well fuck it, I didn’t even need to tell you that I don’t like being lonely every New Years’ Eve, did I? You agreed to be my ally when our families turned against us. You agreed to be my husband when I hadn’t even asked you about it. You’ve… you’ve shown me that a world beyond me exists, you’ve shown me that I’m not the only person in this world I can care about, and you’ve shown me that you don’t need to be loud and obvious when you want to do things for others. And I haven’t even shown gratitude for it. So you’re right when you call me a paranoid, stupid, ungrateful, selfish little bitch.” He shakes his head, but you only laugh a little. “No you’re right. You are. Wonwoo, I… these last few weeks. When I was away, with my dad? I didn’t think it was love but… I did think it was longing. I didn’t even know when I’d gotten used to not living alone at home. I didn’t even know when I’d developed the habit of waiting till 10 pm to see you enter the house after working out, sweaty and your muscles bulging. I’d told you I had become dependent on you as a way to relieve my stress? Well, turns out now I’ve become dependent on you for attention, for affection, for a way to cure my loneliness. I am a paranoid, stupid, ungrateful, selfish little bitch because I’ve been so lonely for years. Apart from my parents and my sister, I… I’ve never had anyone else. And I thought it was  a strength of mine … until I grew up and realised just how lonely I had become. And then… I found you, I guess? Even when we just had sex, it was better than spending all those nights alone, drinking on my own. Even when you’d tie me up to your bedpost for hours on that stupid yellow vibrator of yours, it was more intimate than anything else, and simply because… you even read my face and understood when I was reaching my boundaries. And I’m having all these epiphanies right now, and I feel like a fool for priding myself on my smartness, because truly, what have I gained if I’ve lost you?”

And then, he wrings his hands free and leans over you, and kisses you. Kisses you with his mouth open, his eyes on yours as he gauges your expressions turn from surprise, to wonder, to thrill. When he’s finally kissed you out of breath, you pull away from him to breathe in and feel alive again, only to find that the roles have switched and he’s got you pinned against his desk now. 

“Baby, if only… if only I’d known, that your pretty mind was having so many epiphanies, I’d have not left you on the bed alone in the morning. Tell me you don’t really want the divorce, tell me what you said right now was not a joke?”

“It’s not… I don’t want a divorce, please Wonwoo. I had only got them prepared because I thought you’d want them- but…” 

“Well, I deserve to be treated like a shithead for not making you feel just how badly I want to hold on to this marriage. Because even if it is fake…”

“Wonwoo, shh… it’s not fake if I love you, right?” You say, experimentally, hoping you’re doing the right thing now by being brave, and when he doesn’t reply for a second, your brain goes on a spiral again, but then he must know it because he kisses you again. “Say that again, princess.” So you do. He asks you three more times, and each time, he punctuates his sentences with kisses on your face, and you blush harder each time you admit that yes, you have fallen in love with Jeon Wonwoo. The last person you’d expect to fall for… but it’s true, and it’s real, and it’s warm and novel with how it’s coursing through your veins. 

“I love you too, Y/N, if you’ll really have me.” So you kiss him back, your tongues lazily sliding against each other, the sensation making you numb. It feels good to kiss Wonwoo, but it feels even better to kiss your lover Wonwoo, you realise, and you go back for a million more kisses, before the grandfather’s clock in his room rings out and reminds you that it is noon. 

“Wonwoo… Fuck! I’d forgotten,” you whisper as he kisses you down your neck, lavishing every inch of your skin. “The meeting with the Lees!” “Oh.” He looks up at you. “I’ll call Jihoon and ask him to reschedule. Can’t let work get in the way of pleasure, right now, Mrs. Jeon. Not when I can finally make love to you like you’re mine.” You giggle at his words, unimaginably corny. But you can’t deny how good it makes you feel. “Wait, who said I’m yours?” “Fuck, don’t mess with me, woman. You- you just said!” “I am, relax! It’s a joke, Mr. Jeon. I see your cheesiness has changed now… but your sense of humour is just as poor as before.” He snarls against your lips, although it’s sexy in a way. “I’ll not let you go for comments like that, you know?”

_

So he doesn’t. He calls Jihoon and reschedules the meeting, and then he drives you home, in his car. He’s sitting in the driver’s seat, his hand wrapped in yours, as he pauses at every red light to kiss you. “I still can't believe it.” “You’ve got me here, Jeon. I’m not going away.” You can see the way his hands tremble, but you hold on tight. You’re telling him as much as you’re telling yourself, you’re never going away. 

It’s still raining outside, but he covers your head with his blazer as he picks you up and carries you all the way upstairs to his apartment, doesn’t even lower you in the elevator. Thankfully there’s only an ahjumma inside the elevator, who doesn’t seem to mind, only giggles when you apologise. “It’s okay. I know how lovesick men can be,” she says, before she gets down at her designated floor. 

And then he doesn’t stop kissing you. He doesn’t leave your mouth even when the elevator door opens and you both walk out into your apartment. He doesn’t leave your mouth when you shrug off your heels and he takes off his own shoes. He doesn’t leave your mouth when he directly takes you all the way to the master bedroom, and just plops you down on the bed, you nearly springing up with the impact. 

“Wonwoo?” You ask when he turns away and walks into the closet, only to return with a box that’s too familiar to you. It has all your toys in it. “Do you know, Mrs. Jeon, just how cruel you’ve been by forcing me to see these every time I open the drawer to take out my underwear? He opens it slowly, showing you the three dildos inside, and the bullet vibrator Wonwoo himself had bought for you. “Every time I see them, it feels like you’re cheating on me, because fuck, how can anything give you pleasure when I literally exist?” His words are cheesy again, but in that dirty way which is so on brand for him. You’re leaking under the suit pants already, you know that. 

“Wonwoo… I… you know I don’t use them when you’re around.”

“And you shouldn’t have to use them ever. Not when I’m here to fuck you good like you deserve, like the cumslut you are, hmm?” He presses a finger under your chin, taking in a good look at you from above, before he orders, “Strip.”

So you do. He takes his sweet time watching you strip, while taking out one dildo from your box and his favourite ties. When you’re down to your underwear, he pauses you and extends a hand waiting for something. You know what’s coming, so you just extend your hands to him and let him tie you up. He smirks at your gesture, so he ties you up the poles of the bed. He also uses another tie to wrap around your eyes, and then he gently peels off your panties. “God, fuck. You smell heavenly.” Did he just sniff your underwear? “Wonwoo! Don’t!” There’s a sharp spank on your pussy, exposed to him in its wet glory, and you crumble instantly. “Little baby girls don’t tell Sir what to do and what not to do, hmm? They just take it as they’re given.” So he spanks you again, and it sends shivers through your body. Just the thought of fucking in the broad daylight seems like a sin, but then… isn’t this what married couples do?

You realise that Wonwoo’s seated himself next to you, and he’s gently taken your head into his lap. His hand is already playing with your clit, and you feel something cold and liquidy being rubbed over your pussy flesh. Lube? He’s still fully dressed, and you can feel the cold metal of his watch graze against your sensitive thigh, making you hiss in pleasure. 

“It’s been far too long since you’ve been taught a lesson, darling. Seems like getting married has made you feel like you’re beyond Sir’s control. But that’s not how it goes, is it?” You whisper out, “No… No Sir.” “Good girl. If you want to be treated like you’re married, then you’ve gotta earn it, yes? Now. Can you take one finger?” He inserts his finger gently, which is coated in the cold substance you’re assuming is lube. It isn’t really necessary, given how wet you are already, but it feels hotter when the lube is so cold inside you. 

You nod. “Words.” “Yes, I can.” So he slowly pumps it in, before saying, “Can you take two fingers?” You whimper as he stretches you by putting in two fingers. “Yes Sir.” “That’s a good girl.” The praise is making your head spin.

“And can you take-” he puts in another damn finger, “three fingers?” Now it’s a real burn. It’s in till his knuckles all too quickly but you can’t say no because you want to please. “Quick, princess. Don’t keep me waiting. Yes or n-” “Yes! I can. I will. I’m a good girl, Sir?” He pumps all three fingers deep until it hits your spot, and you scream out his name. “Such a good girl. Now fuck yourself on those fingers thinking that’s Sir’s cock.” 

You push up your hips, and he thrusts in, meeting your halfway. And then he sets the pace, as he fucks into you relentlessly, his other hand gently wrapping around your jaw and you take out your tongue, almost drooling, until he puts a finger inside your mouth too. You just know he’s smirking right now, with you being desperate for something in your mouth too, but you can’t care less. 

Your orgasm hits you as soon as he orders gently, “Cum for me, pretty baby.” But when you come down from your high, he doesn’t take his fingers out. He gently pumps in your cum into your system again, and you writhe with sensitivity. But he uses his other hand to stop you, as he takes it out of your mouth. “Now, can you take a dildo along with these fingers?” You gasp, because it’s not imaginable. “No, I… it’s too much, Sir.” “Is it? I don’t think it’s bigger than your husband’s dick, is it?” And fuck, you can’t stop yourself from clenching at that. It’s crazy how hot he makes it sound, but it feels amazing when he calls himself your husband. And he must feel your cunt clenching around his fingers as well, because he whispers near your ear, “Oh Mrs Jeon likes that, huh? Too bad she can’t take her husband’s cock then, because it’s too much-” “No I can take it! I can- I can fit in my husband’s cock.” You can hear the way Wonwoo grunts, as he plunges his fingers deeper into your cunt. “But first, I’ve got to train you, yes? You’ve become too unruly. You want to be the perfect wife, don’t you?” “Fuck!” you can’t form words as you clench around his fingers hopelessly, overstimulation forgotten, and buck up your hips to help him reach your spot. He just laughs and begins fucking you again, all three of his thick fingers snugly fit inside you till the knuckles. 

“Can you feel my wedding ring inside, baby?” He whispers again, and you cry out his name continuously as he drives you to a new high, so familiar, and yet so new. He’s your husband now, fuck. It’s a revelation that hits harder in the middle of sex, and you come instantly, coating his fingers with your essence. 

“Oh, my cockslut’s eager to please her husband, is she? So eager to be the perfect wife, is she?” 

“Yes, yes! Please- pl- I just want-”

“Want?”

“Please fuck me Wonwoo!”

He immediately removes his fingers from your pussy and you scream out as you feel empty. “Aaah! Please!” 

“I’m not making any girl who’s forgotten rules in the bedroom, feel good.” He takes off the tie that was wrapped around your eyes, and you notice that he’s not leaning down at you, his glasses still on, but his eyes dark with hunger. God, he’s hot.

“I’m sorry Sir.”

There’s a sharp spank to your clit, and you jump. It’s too much, but in the best way possible. 

“I’ll ask you again. Can you take three fingers and one of those dildos you love so much that you torture your husband with its sight every day?” He doesn’t break eye contact, and you whimper in front of him, pathetic and desperate. 

“Yes, Sir. I can.”

“Open your mouth.” 

Wordlessly, you do, and he spits into your mouth. Then he puts in the dildo. As you see the purple dildo, which is considerably slimmer than Wonwoo’s dick, but about the same length, enter your pussy, you notice how much Wonwoo’s gaze has hardened. Is he really jealous of that damn toy? It’s funny, so you buck your hips up to meet the way he’s slowly fucking you with the plastic dildo, and his eyes become more dangerous. 

“Are you that desperate for it, darling?”

“I want to feel full, Sir.” 

And then something in Wonwoo snaps. He wraps three fingers around the head of the dildo and along with the fingers, he plunges the dildo into you, stretching you out much more than before. The burn eases out after a second, but he fucks you at an incredibly slow pace, which only makes you eager for more. “Faster, please!” “You want me to fuck you with this plastic toy how I fuck you with my cock?” “Yes! I d- I do! I just want to feel full!” Then his other hand finds its way to your tits and twists a nipple hard enough to make it painful. “You’re such a whore, Y/N. Just a pretty whore. You’d take any cock just to keep your holes filled?” “No! I … I only like it when Sir does it for me.” “Liar. Just now you’re so happy to take this dildo, huh?” You can’t even think straight with the pace he’s torturing you at, but you do reply, “That’s- aah! Only- only because Sir’s fucking me with it. Because I can feel your wedding ring inside me, Sir!” 

“Fuck!” There’s another sharp pinch at your nipple before Wonwoo begins fucking you faster, and it only takes you a minute before he’s bringing you to yet another high which leaves you dizzy. 

“God, you’re left speechless. Does Mr Jeon fuck you that good?” He leans it to kiss you, his wet fingers now wrapped around your breasts. You can feel the way your cum still sticks on his fingers, but it feels too good to be gross. You kiss him back, arching your back off the bed, until he pulls away. 

He stands up from the bed, and languidly takes off his clothes. “So pretty like this, princess. Legs all spread out for who?”

“You, Wonwoo. My husband.” 

He stops his movements and stares at you for a second. It seems like calling him husband has the same effect on him as the effect on you when he calls you wife. “Yes, you’re right. Your husband.” He sits next to you to kiss you again and this time, you try to sit upright, in spite of your hands still being tied. When he breaks off, he says, “So let me train you to be my wife, hmm? I want to fuck you so good that your pussy shapes itself around me. That you won’t even need prep when I want to fuck you because it’ll be so used to me.” Oh, no wonder for that size training. “Why? Does your cock get bigger now that you’re my husband?” He smirks, eyes cruel because you’re talking back to him. “No, because I need to fit in perfectly to ensure none of my seed leaves you when I’m breeding you.” And then he attacks your neck, and you’re moaning even before his lips hit skin because his words flip some switches in you that you’ve never even known. Sure, Wonwoo’s always fucked you raw because you’ve been on pills for years, but the idea of him breeding a child into you? Fuck. You’d never even thought about having a child, but this idea turns you on remarkably insanely. 

Soon his shirt is off and he unties your hands. “Take off my pants for me, baby.” And you do. You tease him a bit, but that’s only fair with how hard he’s sucking your breasts, as if he’s born to do this. Before taking off his boxers, you notice the precum that’s leaking out so much that it’s made the fabric quite wet. So you lick his dick clean while it’s still inside his boxers, and you’ve got him hissing and grunting like never before. “Fuck, Y/N, don’t,” he pulls your head away. “Why?” He must notice the way his precum is still sticking on your lips, because he groans again. “I want to cum inside you. Breed you full, baby.” That puts a shy smile on your face as he takes off his underwear, and you finally see his cock upright, leaking and bright red. And perhaps you’re delusional after all those orgasms, but it does seem bigger than before. 

“Please, Mr Jeon, take me.” And he responds to your begging. He kisses you softly, as he lines himself up with you, his left hand still pulling your hands up above your head, and your right hand clutching your hips in an iron grip that will leave marks. And then he just enters, without warning, till the hilt, and you both moan out at the sensation. You don’t know why it feels different, but with how he’s kissing you, almost softly and gently, like he’s a gentleman, while fucking you ruthlessly like he’s in rut, you’re in heaven for sure. 

It’s also the first time Wonwoo is so audible during sex. He’s panting and moaning, although much softer than you, but his sounds spur you on even harder. He can’t stop whispering your name and other pet names in your ears, while you keep moaning his name loud even to burst his eardrums. He doesn’t care. He responds to every word you utter, every little request you beg, and he fucks you fast and hard, until he can’t hold on any further and his entire body is trembling with the incoming orgasm. “Mrs Jeon, can you cum with me?” “Yes, please, Sir.” And so you do, releasing into each other while still making out with each other. It feels like you’ve entered a different dimension of pleasure, and Wonwoo is here with you. It’s a safe feeling beyond description, and you pass out right there.

_

When you do wake up, you find Wonwoo sitting next to you with a cloth in his hands, wiping gently at your legs. 

“How long have I been out?” 

“About ten minutes?”

He doesn’t answer smoothly. You can see the way his hands move softly, almost worshipping. 

“I love you, Wonwoo.”

Then he looks up at you, and you see the way his eyes are quivering. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” “Nothing.” “No, tell me.” “Nothing just-” You sit up, and take his hands in your own. Then you nod at him, gently urging him on. 

“Was it too much?”

“Huh?”

“Did I push you too much?”

“No. I would’ve used my safeword if you did.”

“But what if you forgot the safeword in the middle of it all- what if you got too pushed by me-”

“I wasn’t, and that’s what matters. I remember it all the time, Wonwoo, you… the traffic lights aren’t really easy to forget. I would tap out somehow if I felt like too much. But it wasn’t, so where’s this coming from?”

“Nothing… I… I hope you’re not just taking it from me because I’m your husband now.”

And at that, you laugh. “Hell, nah, Wonwoo. You know I wouldn’t take it from you even if you were god. You’ve really got me all wrong, then.”

He smiles weakly, and you know it’s still on his mind. So you move over to sit gently on his lap. “Wonwoo, when I said earlier that you know my limits. I wasn’t lying, you know. You do. You don’t push me too much.”

“But if I ever do-”

“If you ever do, you should know that I’ll tap out at once and never forgive you. You always make me feel safe, Wonwoo.” And you hug him, and the fact that you’re both naked makes your hug even warmer and softer as you feel Wonwoo’s hands wrap around your back as well. 

“I love you too, Y/N. I promise I’ll always keep you safe.” And then he kisses your forehead, and you snuggle your face right into the crook of his neck. He smells… like Wonwoo, and it feels like home. 

“Now, how about some lunch, baby?”

“You’re hungry when I had to do all the work?” You gasp while still tucked into his neck, and he giggles with the way your breath tickles his neck. 

“So what does my pretty wife want?”

“She just wants to cuddle you and sleep.” 

“And my wife’s wishes are my commands.”

So he lays down, with you still on top of him like a koala, and pulls the blankets over you both, wrapping you into one tiny ball. You look at him with a fond smile, and you see your expression mirrored in his. “I love you so much, Y/N-ah.”

“And I love you, Wonwoo. I could love nobody else apart from you.”

[satorhime]

hello!! i have recently stumbled upon your blog and i can say that i absolutely adore your writing and stories. thank you so much for everything you’ve written so far. i hope we’ll all get to read more <3 i truly wish only good things come your way

- much love, a new supporter.

ps. im not sure if im allowed to write a message like this here but- i just wanted to express my appreciation. sorry if it was for questions/on topic things only.

HI HI HI <333 welcome to lollypop’s sweet shop AHA omg i’m so :((( aaaaah thank u so much for this super sweet message !!!! it’s super motivating and makes me so happy when people send messages like this. i’m really happy that u enjoyed my lil stories. i may only have a few compared to others but they’re super precious pieces so it always makes me happy when other people voice to me how much they enjoy my writing !!!! i am a slow writer but i hope u stick around w me forever bc ure so sweet !!!

[inkykeiji]

Touya-nii takes his baby on a vacation and they’re gone for a week. But the day they’re supposed to go home, they end up getting needy and staying for an extra day to “christen” the room a bit more. When they do get home, their apartment has been broken into. It’s obvious the people were supposed to break in while Touya and reader were home but they just so happened to end up staying a day longer

Touya gets a bit paranoid about leaving you home alone now but he also can’t do his business infront of you so he buys a guard dog, I’m think a cane corso or like a Tibetan mastiff, regardless it’s a big bitch.

So he buys this dog, this fierce ass dog, to protect his baby and one night he comes home to his guard dog tucked into a big fluffy dog bed with a fluffy blanket and a little pillow with one of those little clip on fans blowing on him so he doesn’t get too warm during three night and a sheepish reader watching as he internally deals with the fact that his baby took this huge aggressive looking dog and just turned it into a cuddly baby.

Now, he’s got reader begging him for another dog because her puppy gets lonely sometimes and he says no constantly because he’s had to replace the door 3times because when he locks the dog out to get busy with reader, dog eats through the door to get to her since he hears her whines.. he’s eaten through metal bars to get to her and Touya swears they don’t need another dog as he walks in holding another set of food bowls as reader happily walks their new puppy up to the apartment.

-fluffy anon (not quite as horny as I said I’d be but idk, I was playing with my dog and I thought of this so I decided to share 🙃)

fluffy anon your asks never fail to amaze me, seriously, thank u for wanting to share ur ideas with me/with the rest of us!!! <33

first off, i know this is like the tiniest lil detail in your ask but holy fuck lemme just ramble about how much i LOVE the idea of touya + reader STAYING AN EXTRA DAY BECAUSE THEY’RE NEEDY ughhhh ugh ugh ugh like okay i think this is already evident in my work ahaha but in case anyone couldn’t tell, i love love love that trope. like the whole ‘omg no i need you and i need you now!!’ type thing??? just too horny n passionate to wait even a second longer. so that detail in and of itself has my whole mind just whirring ahahaha i loooove it

i am a cat person through n through so i had to google both those breeds lmao but YES, i also really love the idea of a great dane??? idk how good they are protection wise but when you said big that’s what my mind immediately thought ehehe

either way OH MY GOD ahahaha i love this idea so much!!! i also love the idea of reader calling this fully grown, massive dog her ‘puppy’ and touya being ???? that’s a PUPPY to you???

BUT i think that, regardless of how much of a lil pampered baby reader has turned this menacing dog into, (if i’m interpreting your ask correctly) it is still extremely protective over her and i think, regardless of how unbelievably annoyed touya is over this door situation, deep down that really comforts him and makes him feel like she truly is safe with this dog around, or at least safer. i’m in love with the idea of this dog being soft n cuddly ONLY TOWARDS THE READER and then being mean to everyone else and mostly indifferent to touya, except when he steals away their owner n they get a lil jealous/protective >.> 

i think that would play a major part in the reader convincing touya to buy the second puppy ehehe because what’s safer than having one guard dog??? having two!! alright, so he’s gotta replace the door every fucking week now and it’s driving him up the mf wall, and he’s positive their apartment is too small for two dogs of this size thus is seriously considering moving because of it, but at least he knows the most important thing in his life is extra extra safe now <3

in a way, then, this dog kind of mimics touya, because reader’s the only one who he’s this soft towards, who he cares this much about, who he’s this protective and possessive over <33 i’m also v clearly such a sucker for like, reader being able to get her way because of this (i love that trope so much, the whole i hate everyone but you trope or like im extremely dangerous to everyone except you) :(( like she really is his fucking baby <333

[i-did-not-mean-to]

For the fotfics August writing prompts, can we see "Berry Picking" with Ori and any other characters of your choice? I think he would be super fun and sweet to take berry picking.

Aaaaah, my dear Razzy...

Well, well, well...of course, Ori is always worth a tiny ficlet...A very tiny one!

Berry happy

Words: 1k

Characters: Ori x OC

“We’re here to pick them,” she laughed, “not to sketch them, my love.”

It was a beautiful morning in the little forest bordering on their secluded hut, nestled against the slopes of the Mountain that stood like a silent sentinel, overlooking the wild, rough landscape.

Her eyes narrowed in burgeoning annoyance when her companion failed to react, so she strode over, picking one of the ripest berries in her stash to lure him into paying attention to both her and their shared task.

Ori looked up from his notebook distractedly, hands smudged with coal, but willingly closed his lips around the tart berry held against their sensitive skin by loving fingers.

In the pale morning light, his hair shone with the demure charm of strawberries yet to fully ripen, and his mouth held the acidulated sweetness of those first raspberries bleeding into a silken handkerchief at the bottom of her basket; yes, Ori was by far the most wondrous berry she had ever harvested.

A single – slightly late – fruit, having grown so little and yet so sugary in the shadow of his brothers – thorn and leaf –, that was the epitome of delicacy in her humble opinion.

There could never be a bounty sweeter or more precious than the tentative, slightly vague smile he displayed now; his eyes seemed to collect the sunshine like hollows in the rock gathered the purest rainwater and – for a single moment – she was herself distracted by the familiar view that never failed to make her heart skip a beat.

He was – despite her painfully obvious and deep affection, she had to admit this much – also the very worst colleague on this berry-picking expedition, mainly because his contribution amounted to little more than to either snack or get lost in thought. 

This far, his own basket contained but a few leaves and three perfect specimens of different flower blossoms that he wanted to take back home to first draw and then dry to preserve them; if their plan of baking a juicy pie for their dear friend Razzy, who was invited to tea this very afternoon, was to succeed, she would need more help from the scatter-brained scribe by her side though, so she gave him a hearty shove.

Unfortunately, Ori was not in the least prepared for the sudden attack and tumbled backwards into the brambles.

He gave a mighty shout and then was out of sight.

“Love,” she screamed, letting her basket fall to the ground and leaping after him, carefully dodging the thorns and spiky branches as she fished her beloved out of the clutches of the treacherous thicket again.

Accidents such as this one were woefully common between them what with him being so dreamy and her being criminally impulsive more often than they cared to admit; nevertheless, they loved each other truly and would not have swapped places even with the king of Erebor.

“Ouch,” he whined dramatically as he started plucking broken off foliage off his cardigan, “you could have simply toldme to be more productive.”

She knew that, of course, but how was she supposed to tell someone that they were not listening to her without wasting her breath?

“I am so sorry, my darling,” she purred, lending him a hand in frantically digging spikes and bristles out of his clothes and skin, “I did not mean to push you that hard.”

At first, Ori tried his best to give her a punitive stare but – as he saw her wide, wet eyes shimmering treacherously – his heart soon mellowed and the warm smile returned to his lips as he bent forwards to offer solace to the person who had, at least theoretically, done him wrong.

His lips were pressed soothingly against her thrumming temples and his dirty hand cupped her cheek gently as he assured her that he didn’t resent her for her rather brusque intervention.

“I should have been of more assistance,” he admitted, his warm eyes scanning the vicinity in search of ripe berries that he could retrieve to bolster his lover’s already impressive stash, “Razzy is my friend too and I know how much you have been looking forward to her visit. I solemnly swear not to get side-tracked again before we accomplish our mission. Also…I want cake too.”

His boyish smile sent a shockwave through her system, setting her stomach alight with need, and she pulled him into another deep and passionate kiss.

“If we find enough,” she smiled, “I might even make a bit of ice-cream.”

“For the kids?” His face very clearly expressed his dismay at the thought of having to share the treat with the many pebbles running around and begging for snacks at every door they found unlocked.

“Hmmm, no,” she grinned, tapping a tender finger to his nose, “for my own darling boy.”

“I love you,” he whispered, pulling her closer and lavishing his own slew of kisses – still sour-sweet from the berries he had snacked on – across her lips that were stretched out in a wide smile still.

“And I love you,” she replied earnestly, counting the hours left to her, “and if you promise to help me for real after…this…we might take a little break from our arduous task?”

His eyebrows rose and his gaze flitted back to the dwarf-shaped and decently sized hole in the solid wall of bushes.

“I will pick berries like a hobbit the day before a birthday feast,” he swore fervently, his hands – nimble despite their deplorable state - already pulling at the laces of her dress, “I will be the best little assistant anyone has ever had.”

“I am counting on that,” she cheered as she pulled him along towards the happy accident of their own making.

So, that's berry picking for the first week as well...

I hope this made you smile a little lol

Lots of love from me ❤️

[kingdomhearts-and-soriku-trash]

Take my KH 3 nonsense dump. I was playing and this is all what came out (no proofreading):

Pete telling Sora that he’s weaker than he was before and how they should just finish him here…oh boy…that’s gotta hurt.

AND THEN HIS SAD SIGH WHEN PETE AND MALEFICENT LEAVE??? YALL??? Sora baby😭

“It’s fine. I can take it.” Oh gosh….Sora it’s alright to not be okay. And then when Goofy asks him if what Pete said bothered him, he said, “It’s fine! I can take it.” He’s insisting it and his voice is louder, which means he’s sort of yelling it. He’s deflecting and not answering the actual question. AND THEN!! When Goofy and Donald said that he’s gonna get stronger, he said, “Dont say that!”

I’m not sure what he meant at this moment, but it’s clear that any mention about his strength being lost and if he’s “okay”, it bothers him and he keeps deflecting.

Then the woman that they saved said, “Keep training and maybe one day you’ll be like Hercules,” or somewhere along those lines. Sora looks at himself and says, “Is it that obvious?” And Donald gives him a little snark. “Just for you.” And Ik Donald doesn’t mean anything by it. He’s literally that concerned father that is protective and so is Goofy. I just think Donald has sass and he likes to do it with Sora and everyone around him! And Sora has his own sass, but I wonder if this actually hurt him? Maybe not as much as before with Pete and Maleficent, but it’s still gotta hurt, right?

Ooh Xigbar showed up and said that hearts are powerful when they’re connected and then, “But if you put too much of that power in one place, some of those hearts might end up breaking.” Hmm…I just keep thinking of Sora. How he has so much hope and power from his friends in his heart, but it’s so much and maybe his own heart will break at some point because he’s protecting others. I love every KH quote-

OR it could be how everyone else’s heart broke when Sora didn’t come back. So much power was put into Sora, but in the end he didn’t come home. So much to think about-

And when Xigbar leaves, Sora, once again looks so sad. It could be a thinking face, but it honestly looks like a puppy look. It looks like he’s truly sad and maybe sad mixed with confused. He did ask “wHoS hearts?” So he is confused, but I think he’s sad bc now he thinks he can’t stop it from happening. Which is something he wants to do! He wants this power to protect others, so hearing that he can’t do it and that maybe him even getting the power will make it happen must be a huge drag. And when Hercules is cheering him up, he looks up at him with that puppy look and takes a moment to put on a smile.

I keep wondering if any of these smiles are true. Like yh I believe Sora does get happy and believes in himself sometimes, but I wonder if some of these smiles are fake-

After the battle of the Titans, Sora says, “I’ll find my strength the same way you found yours.” And like…Hercules found his strength because Meg was in trouble, someone he loved the most. So…will he find his strength in the end of all of this when his precious person is in trouble? When Riku is in trouble? And didn’t he technically do that in the end of KH 3 when he’s chasing Riku’s heart? Because he was like using all of his power, using the power of old keyblade users to save his friends, and was worried for Riku the most. He tried to chase his heart (that was GOLD may I remind you. At least I think it was-) but remembered he had to save his friends. His precious person was in trouble first which led to him getting his strength back???

Or maybe he’ll get it again in the next game. He was lost, so imagine him finding Riku, almost losing him AGAIN, and gaining his strength back one more time to save him and make it home. Ik I’m making no sense but my mind is wandering.

“I remember my first time here. I was so scared.” Riku says. Idk of his first time was when he and Sora shut the door, but if it was then that’s so sad. He said goodbye to his best friend and then felt fear immediately and was so scared for his life AAAAAH. BUT THEN HE SAYS, “But now, my doubts and fears are gone. If anything, I feel exhilarated,” and then some more words about how it isn’t just the darkness in him but something different. And he’s like “Maybe it’s because you’re here with me this time.” And as if Mickey knew everything, he shakes his head and he jumps in with our favorite thing.

“It’s not me. I think it’s because you’ve finally found inside you that special strength to protect what matters. Sometimes you care so much for somebody that other feelings disappear. And then, there’s no room for fear or doubt.” AND LIKE YEAH IT COULD BE FOR AQUA SINCE RIKU WANTS TO SAVE HER BUT LIKE….

There’s no way he cares for her that deeply. He doesn’t even know her (I think). He knows what SHES done and how he needs to save her, but he doesn’t know her. But he knows Sora. He finally understands what he feels towards Sora, even if he is still a little confused, and uses that love to make it through this world. Sora’s belief in him (which was shown in KH 2 ending AND DDD) made him realize his strength and made him love him (as in Sora) even more!! And it made him stronger AAAAAH!!

AND THEN HE SAYS, “The strength to protect what matters. It reminds me of a promise I made.” And like yh it’s to Terra bc Riku makes it obvious but like AH. Imagine if he was referencing the promise he gave to Sora?? The one where he would protect him if any meteors came down??? Idk if that was a fic I read or something that actually happened BUT STILL!! AAAAH-

“But the closer I get, the hazier our connection feels,” is what Mickey said in relation to Aqua and like…hnnnng Sora and Rikuuuu….Sora kept getting closer to Riku in KH 1 and finding him and making him come to his senses, but it only made their connection more strained and hurt and AAAAH-

HE’S BACK AT THE BEACH HE WAS WITH SORAAAA!! AND UH OH HERES THE TORNADO OF HEARTLESS. Also, playing as Riku is so cool lkke yes go my boy. Use that darkness in you with the light and be amazing like you always are meant to be.

LIKE HE MOVES?? IN A BLUR OF PURPLE LIGHT WHEN YOU PRESS SQUARE?? LIKE YES RIKU!!!

And also I love how when you beat the heartless tornado, you still didn’t technically beat it and I find it hilarious. And how they swallowed Riku lol.

“But Aqua… Shes like Sora.” AND RIKU JUST FREAKS OUT LIKE “EXCUSE ME??” BUT ALSO!! When Mickey corrects himself and is like “Strong like Sora!” Riku is relieved to understand and he actually looks happy. He knows how strong Sora is and believes in that strength aAAAAH!!! He really believes Sora can do anything, so he believes Aqua can too.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [Track 4]

Original title: ただ、一緒に

Source: Diabolik Lovers Zero Vol. 12 Azusa Mukami [CD not owned by me]

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Kishio Daisuke

Translator’s note: ーー And once again, the power of true love prevails!! The plot of the Zero CDs is a perfect combination between angst, suspense and fluff, which is why it is one of my favorites. I felt like the ‘enemy’ they were fighting this time was not as extreme compared to some of the other CDs and I genuinely got some ~~feels~~ in the end. ;w;

Track 1 ll Track 2 ll Track 3 ll Track 4 ll Track 5

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

Track 4: Simply, Together

The two of you walk through the hallway of the museum.

“Oh...The hallway is...different from earlier...It used to be full of twists and turns, but now it’s just...one straight path...If this building is alive...I suppose it would easily be able to...change its interior...?”

You ask how much longer you’ll have to walk. 

“Mmh...I wonder how much longer this path goes on for...? I’m pretty sure...the museum is guiding us towards a place though...”

Azusa comes to a halt.

“Ah. ...A door. ...Let’s go! We have no...other choice.”

*Creaaaaak*

“...H-Huh...? We’ve returned here again...? The room filled with...art supplies...”

You seem confused. 

“Mmh...I wonder why? Is there something...important here? ...Oh! Wait.”

He looks around, suddenly spotting his doppelganger.

( Say, what’s wrong? Ah...You’re hungry, aren’ you? I’m sorry! I’ll prepare your meal in no time! )

“It’s his...voice...I can hear it from right up ahead...We should probably turn around, huh?”

You shake your head. 

“Ah...Right...It’s a one-way path...So we can’t go anywhere else...Ugh...In that case...Let’s quietly...sneak closer. There might be something in the back after all...”

You slowly step closer.

( Hey...Cheer up? Do you hate me now? )

*Ba-dump*

“Eh...? W-What’s...that!?”

( ...Oh? Ah...You’ve come here. )

“...!”

( Haah...How troublesome. I went through so much trouble to tie you both up too. )

“...!! Stay by my side...!”

Azusa protects you.

“We can’t die here...! We have to go back...no matter what!”

( Can’t do~ Just look at how grumpy she is. I’m sure it’s because she’s hungry. Therefore, I need you two to become her food. ...Say, you want to hurry up and eat too, right? )

*Rumble*

( Oh...What’s wrong...Why won’t you rejoice...? )

“Ah...S-Say! The thing you’re...talking to...it’s shaped like a person but is it...a work of art?”

( ...Right. I made this. It’s the heart of the museum. )

“Oh...! Of the museum...?”

( Fufu~ Isn’t it pretty? I attached these tubes as well. All of the nutrients absorbed through the food come flowing in here. Because of this system, she can stay alive, even when reduced to just her heart. )

“What do you...mean...?”

( My precious someone...was killed a long time ago. Even though she was...so very, very important to me... )

“Are you perhaps talking...about the woman on those sketches?”

( ...Exactly. The one person who accepted me. Without her, I would lose even my reason to exist! Yet...! She almost took her last breath right in front of my own eyes! If she were to pass away I just...I wouldn’t know what to do! ...But you know, I realized! That I could simply move her still-beating heart... )

“Oh...Don’t tell me...That heart is inside...?”

*Ba-dump*

“You transplanted the heart and...turned the person you loved into that thing? Is that why this museum is alive?”

( Yes. Right now...She is this building. )

“Say...Who are you? You’re not an ordinary painting...”

(  I’m a Vampire just like you. I just so happened to be well-versed in this department. (1) ...I was simply living a happy life painting pictures, accompanied by the person I loved. ) 

“Together with...the person you loved?”

( However, as you can see, I died too, staying by her side as a spirit to ensure she would not grow lonely. As a painting who hunts for her prey. ...To make sure she stays alive. )

*Cling*

“...!! What are you...going to do...?”

( What do you mean? I have to restrain you two with pins to make sure the food doesn’t run away? )

The fake Azusa uses his magic to make the pins float in the air.

( Hm~ I’m glad I brought a bunch of these large pins with me. ...I’ll turn you both in skewers, okay? )

*CLANG*

“...!! Step back!! ...Ugh!”

*CLANG*

“Aaargh...!! Uu...Ugh...”

( Ahaha~ My live specimen is complete~ We’ll do this in order, so you’ll have to wait till later. ...First up, we’ll start with the more delicious-looking one~ )

He approaches you.

( Woah there...~ Struggle all you want, but you can’t run. ...The sheer white canvas over there, that’s the museum’s mouth. Once you get thrown inside, you will melt away and become nutrients. ...You seem to have a thing for pain, so I’ll make sure you dissolve slowly, okay? Fufu~ )

The painting demon starts dragging you towards the canvas.

*Rustle rustle* 

“You...can’t...Let...go of her...!”

*Rumble*

( Ah...! )

“...The museum is...crying...again...Perhaps...S-Say...! Couldn’t your...girlfriend be weeping because...she wants you to...stop this already...?”

( ...Hah? )

“When you...fed off her or...even when I did it...Every time...there was the scent of blood...the museum cried...Even when you tried to get her eaten...as if she’s...begging you not to do this...”

( ...You’re wrong. That can’t be. )

“But...!”

( She would never disagree with what I do...! I love her this much! It’d definitely make her happy! ...Ugh. She has simply grown impatient because I’m such a slowpoke. Come on! Get inside the painting...!! )

He pushes you against the canvas.

“...Eve!”

( It’ll be all over once she sinks into the canvas. I’m sure she’ll feel better once she has had her meal~ )

“...Eve...Kuh...You can’t...I won’t let you go...!! I definitely...won’t let you go all by yourself...!”

*Cling*

( Eh...!? There’s just no way he could stand up right now!? )

“Ugh...Kuh...To me...She is my special someone...She is the only one I have...! I definitely don’t want her...to go...!!!!”

Azusa frees himself.

*Cling clang*

“...Eve!!”

He rushes over to you, trying to pull you out of the canvas.

“I won’t let you go...Never...! Argh...!!”

The two of you get absorbed by the painting.

“...Aaah!”

*Thud*

“...Where are we...? I can’t see...anything...? Haah, haah...Am I...inside the painting?”

You call out for Azusa.

“...! Eve...!? Are you there...!?”

You call for him again and Azusa runs to you. 

“Ugh...Haah, haah...! You’re here...”

He grabs hold of your hand.

“...Why are you apologizing...? I didn’t want to leave your side...so that’s why I followed you. I don’t want us to be separated...”

You ask if you will get eaten now. 

“Mmh...It’s all over once you...get absorbed by the painting...We might get...consumed. But you know, this is way better...than losing just you...Neither of us...should have to be lonely. We always have to be together...Right?”

You nod.

“Yeah. ...That’s why...I don’t regret anything. Let’s be together in life and death.”

*Rumble rumble*

“Oh...Eh!? It’s...shaking?”

*Rumble rumble*

“...Ah! I’m being...pulled in...! ...Eve! ...Hang on tight...! Don’t...leave me...!! Aaaaah...!!!”

The two of you get sucked out of the canvas again. 

*THUD*

“Ugh...Ow...A-Are you...okay?”

You nod.

“Thank god...Give me your hand. Can you stand?”

Azusa helps you get up.

“...Where are we...?”

*Rustle*

“...We made it...out of the canvas...!?”

( ...Why!? How come!? How did you get out!? This has never happened before...!? )

“Oh...I see. She let us out...The museum let us...go...”

( ...!! N-No way...No...I don’t believe this. She is always happy with my work! There is no way she would get in my way! )

“That might be true...I’m sure she really does love you...But couldn’t that be...why she’s sad now?”

( ...Eh? )

“You see...I saddened the person important to me in the past as well. Time after time...”

You frown.

“That girl was a...kind person so...she was worried about me and hurt herself too...That’s why I sort of understand...I’m sure your girlfriend is worried about you...Since you’ve taken many lives for her sake. ...I’m sure she doesn’t want you...to continue this...So don’t you think that could be why...she’s crying?”

( ...! ...Say...Is he right...? Are you crying because of me...? )

*Rumble rumble*

( ...!! I-I see...I was wrong... )

He drops to his knees.

( I’m sorry...I...I’m so sorry...! I never meant to make you suffer...! I just...I didn’t want to let you die! I thought that...You’d be happy if I did this...! But...I was wrong, huh? I had forgotten. That you were always the type of person who would worry about me, instead of about yourself. I made you worry a lot, didn’t I? ...I’ll no longer repeat the same mistake. I’ll stop doing this. So please...! Will you stay by my side? )

*Rumble*

( Aah...I see...Mmh. Thank you. )

He stands up again.

( I have a...request to make. Could you please...burn me down together with this museum. )

You seem shocked.

“W-Why...!?”

( She wants things to end. Because she can’t become happy, even if she were to remain alive. However, I can’t let her go alone, so I will perish alongside her. No matter where it takes us, I don’t want to leave her side. )

“I...see. ...Mmh. Understood.”

You tell Azusa not to do it.

“I...can’t stop them. The two of them...seem happy after all. That’s why...Eve...”

You nod.

“Mmh. Let’s go...outside. If we stay here...We’ll get swallowed by the flames...after all...”

( ...Hey! Can I ask one last thing? )

“...Eh?”

( What would you do...If she were to die on you? )

“I would...”

You look up at Azusa.

“i cannot...fantom that...But! However...I might have just done...the exact same thing you did...”

*TIMESKIP*

“...Oh. It has stopped raining. The nearby greenery is still wet, so the fire probably won’t spread...”

You ask him if this is truly the right thing to do.

“Mmh. They wished for this themselves...So I think this was for the best. Besides...I’m sure that nobody can decide...whether this is good or bad...This is the path they have chosen for themselves after all...Nobody should interfere with that...”

He turns his head towards you.

“It’s the same for us, right...? No matter what happens...We don’t want anyone to get in our way...We’d want to be together forever...Don’t we?”

You agree.

“Mmh...I pray (2) that as they meet their end, and even after that...they will never be torn apart...Farewell.”

Azusa sets the museum on fire.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes 

(1) This sentence is quite vague, but I suppose he refers to having the necessary knowledge to know that if he preserved his lover’s heart and put it into something else, he could keep her alive that way. 

(2) He ends his sentence with ように or ‘you ni’ which implies that he is making some sort of wish. 

[kodzumie-archived]

Kirigiricandy is a smutty mastermind but can we talk about big sis Alexis?! She's the queen of fluff! Both of them are absolutely impeccable and their thoughts and headcanons are just marvelous

Kirigiricandy is a GODDESS at smut, like I am seriously in awe at the pure masterpieces they send—AAAH THEY’RE AMAZING!! THEY MAKE ME LOVE CHARACTERS I DIDN’T CARE FOR PREVIOUSLY AND THAT’S TRUE POWER RIGHT THERE!!! (they made me a whore for Rantaro and I adore them for that)

bUT BIG SIS ALEXIS. I WILL ALWAYS, AND I MEAN ALWAYS, BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT THEIR IDEAS AND WRITING CAUSE AJDHEJEN

THEIR FLUFF IS EXQUISITE!!! IT MELTS MY HEART EVERY TIME JUST BY THE IDEA ITSELF BUT YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME FALL IN LOVE WITH IT EVEN MORE?? THE WAY THEY ARTICULATE THEIR IDEAS AND WRITE IT OUT WITH SUCH SKILL AJDHEJE—

THEY SERIOUSLY HAVE SUCH INCREDIBLE WRITING I GENUINELY STRIVE TO BE LIKE THEM CAUSE WAAAH!! IT’S SO GOOD!! THEY ARE SO, SO FLUENT WITH THE FLOW OF THEIR IDEAS AND IT CONVEYS SUCH ELEGANCE IN EACH WORD I AM IN AWE EACH AND EVERY TIME

If they ever decide to post any writings, I would go support each and every work in a heartbeat cause they are phenomenal.

HONESTLY SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SENT IN IDEAS THAT MAKE ME JUST—

“Take my blog. TAKE IT!!” THEY ARE ALL SO INCREDIBLE AND JUST SO TALENTED AND IMMACULATE LIKE UUUUGHH I LOVE EVERYONE SO MUCH

🤠 anon, Kirigiricandy, and 👀 anon are the LEADERS of smut. LIKE THEY REIGN OVER SMUT AS THE UNHOLY TRINITY SJDHEK AAAAHH I LOVE THEM SM WAAAH

🤠 ANON CAME OVER HERE AND LITERALLY BROUGHT OUT THE INNER PREY IN ME WITH THEIR PREDATOR NAGITO!! LIKE AAAAHH IT WAS SO HOT, I NEVER THOUGHT I’D BE INTO FEAR PLAY BUT IFHEHDIDJ YES YES YES!!!

👀 ANON OMFG I NEED TO LET THIS OUT BUT THEIR SCENARIOS ARE THE REASON I BREATHE CAUSE WAAAAH!!! EACH OF THEM HIT THE MARK THEY’RE SO GOOD!! I KID YOU NOT I LEAP IN JOY EVERY TIME I NOTICE AN ASK FROM THEM SIEGEID THEY’RE SO TALENTED AND THEIR MIND IS TRULY IMMACULATE

AND @/KOMAEDABRAINROT TOO CAUSE THEIR PREDATOR NAGITO IS SO SO WAAAH IT’S LITERALLY SO IN SYNC WITH HIS CHARACTER AND DESCRIBED WITH SUCH DETAIL I LITERALLY LOVE THEIR MIND AND BRAINROTS SO MUCH!!!

AND AND MASTERMIND NAGITO ANON WITH THE PODIUM SMUT IDEA WAAAAHHH I LOST MY MIND WITH THAT ASK IT WAS SO HOT AHDHEJ!!!

And @/Oop-Komaeda’s adorable domesticity idea; doing facemasks with Nagito!! 🥺 AND THEY JUST SENT IN A SEXC IDEA AAAAA I LOVE THEIR MIND!!!

AND 🍞 ANON WITH DRAGON ANON MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH KOKICHI MORE AND MORE!!! THEIR SHARED POWER OF KOKICHI FLUFF MAKES ME SOB IT’S SO PRECIOUS!!!

🍩 ANON AND THEIR ADORABLE IDEAS ARE JUST- AAAAHH!! AND I’M PRETTY SURE THEY WERE THE ONE THAT STARTED THE SHIFTING DISCUSSION ON THIS BLOG WHICH I LOVE THEM FOR!! AND AAAHH I REALLY WOULD LOVE TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY SHIFTED CAUSE AAAH DID THEY GET MARRIED WITH NAGITO?!

🍧 PIGGY BACK RIDING WITH NAGITO WAS A CONCEPT I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED UNTIL YOU BROUGHT IT UP AND YOUR MIND IS LITERALLY *CHEFS KISS* THAT SCENARIO IS SO ADORABLE AND MY HEART BECAME A PUDDLE FROM HOW CUTE IT WAS!!

🛼 ANON, SELFISH NAGITO GIVES ME LIFE!! GAAAH I LOVE THE IDEA OF HIM JUST SNAPPING AND TAKING WHAT HE WANTS, AND WHEN YOU SENT YOUR ASK IN OF THAT IDEA I SWEAR I WAS LIGHTHEADED BY HOW HOT IT WAS CAUSE AAAAAH!! IT WAS SO GOOD!!

🍨 ANON!! REMEMBER WHEN YOU SENT IN SHUICHI WITH AN S/O THAT CARRIES A STUFFED TOY WITH THEM?? I NEVER STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THAT!! IT LITERALLY IS THE CUTEST HEADCANON AND I FEEL SO HAPPY TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WITNESS SUCH AN ADORABLE IMAGERY!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

THOSE ARE ALL THE PEOPLE OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD BUT THEY ARE ALL SO BIG-BRAINED AND I LOVE EVERYTHING THEY’VE EVER SAID CAUSE WAAAHH THEY’RE SO INCREDIBLE!!

[lonewolflupe]

It's still Tuesday in my timezone!

THIS

This is so wholesome! Oh my heart 🥺❤️ Tech is so loving and considerate here and look at his face and aaaaah how he takes care of precious Nem <3

I think this is stunning and I love it very much! Please take care of yourself and I truly hope better times are waiting for you!

Also I should totally learn to read Aurebesh, like for real

Tech Tuesday art but it's already Wednesday hehe goddammit.

Tech and oc Nem. It's self-indulgent, but I suppose I wanted to share it anyway.

The world overloaded Nem, and Tech helped them by closing out the world. He looked for recordings to calm them down.

They're listening to underwater sounds and wind chimes.

I've had a fuuuuucking rough month and a half so it'd be nice to be able to listen to Tech's recordings. 🥹

Art is not up to the standards I have for myself but I haven't drawn anything half decent in over a week and this was the first acceptable work since... fucking i don't know, halloween boop picture i guess.

[gg-astrology]

Hello! ❤️ I was wondering if you could please do Pisces-Pisces for your Sun-Moon catalogue? Thank you 💕

Hey there!! ❤️❤️ Oof yes I can!! ❤️❤️ I’ve been waiting for this! ❤️❤️ Thank you for sending it in!! ❤️

[Below Cut: Pisces Sun - Pisces Moon 🐽]

First of all you’re the babiest of babies 

Even when you’re older than other people, those around you will Still Want to Protecc you 

There’s just something so nurturing about how Pisces/Pisces is? They nurture but at the same time, they deserve to be nurtured by others 

(you are So Valid literally the Only Valid person on this earth and you deserve so much more than you get honestly but God are you So Dumb Sometimes)

Laws of Attraction in a way– people intuitively Get into the habit/idea that they have to take care of you, the same way you do to them. 

You make people respond to you without trying, even the densest of dense, the isolated of isolationists, finds themselves subconsciously responding to your sensitive nature. 

It’s amazing….like magic. You’re the living breathing proof that good things DO come to people if they give to others, that a person’s small effort/action can influence those around them by a whole lot (ripple in the pond) 

Even when you’re doing nothing, you have an aura of someone who’s just so kind y know? All the shit about sympathetic/compassionate nature isn’t bull at all. It’s just that you’re kinda….dense…to your own wonderfulness sometimes

Most likely, because of your sensitive nature you tend to absorb energy of your environment/those around you as well. You break your own self because you consciously go after those who are different from you (ugh jupiterians) you try to appease or ‘help’ others so much– always optimistic, think ‘theres a way to save/help them if i just give a little but more time/chance’ that you end up right where you started. Having to pick yourself up again.

With strong Neptunian/Jupiterian energy you do sometimes tend to go overboard– especially in giving to others, promising things you can’t keep (and then skrrt away from it all bc..Pisces) 

You believe/have faith in the future, in yourself in things you can do. Yet at the same time you’re your own worst enemy as well. 

Learn to have a few Capricorn friends with you — or Scorpios/Taurus can be nice too. You need your own cliche/support group. People who can keep your environmentally receptive nature in check and ‘create’ an shield around you, help you ‘do it yourself’ with your own self-nurturing (doesn’t intrude/try to do it for you). People that will stop you from– y know– going into your downward spiral whenever you do (thats why having these thicc intimidating sometimes emotionally dense people around you CAN be good— Aquarius can be good too, but sometimes they can feed your Pisces/enables it paranoia more than keep it away, so just….watch out for yourself and who you keep around you, they are so good and valid just make sure you’re both not hurting each other!)

You’re vulnerable and often highly sensitive– Pisces/Pisces have great sense of perception and analytical ability. Usually for things that others don’t even pick up on, you inspire and aspire at the same time. 

A big learner and thinker, a giver and a merciful person. Your only downfall is your self-sabotage– which I think you know you do this because you just can’t help caring and sacrificing too much of your time/energy into other people. 

Paranoia– when it comes to second-guessing yourself, because your intuition is too strong, you can tend to doubt whether you’re over-stepping boundaries or not (especially through texts like… ‘what does this mean? should I say this? are things going well? I suddenly can’t read people’ ksdnfksjdng pLEASE you’re such a mariah carey sometimes) 

Make sure you’re not Jared, 19. When you get too frantic you deduce/discredit yourself of ALL the good positive traits you have because you doubt everything about you. Try to keep a list of 3 things you know for SURE that you have and others can’t take away from you. 3 things even YOU can’t take away from yourself. 3 Positive Attributes to you. 

Knowing when to have self-affirmation, get second opinions on things can help (though ideally you’ll learn how to do it for you).

Learn how to grow strong/stable in your friend groups too, and not invest so much in those who– truly doesn’t treat you the way you should be treated is crucial for you (friends who are strongly supportive, knows you’re emotional and still encouraging/positive to be around. People who don’t mind helping out, but can affirm you aren’t taking anything away from their time/effort– that you aren’t a burden y know)

I think you know this but you often delude yourself into thinking ‘its ok its normal’  when it’s not?? learning how you treat others, be more aware of what you’re losing —what others gain from you (and NOT be ok with that, you can sometimes be too complacent in what you’ve lost like ‘its ok it happened’— try to take accountability/make sure others know your worth too, if you don’t demand it for yourself then who will?)  

What you’re worth (and using that to add to your own self-confidence/self-worth) will allow you to break free of certain toxic chains. 

Self-esteem is key, and that’s independent of whether or not you’re valuable to others. Make sure you’re most valuable to you– put yourself first, learn how to trust your instinct to say no, and actually say it ( try not to let it drag on for so long– learn how to be more decisive and seek affirmations from those who are actually good for you/can help you manifest your own self-worth)

You’re prone to self-examining, a deep and layered thinker. And can sometimes close yourself off (even when you’re being sympathetic to others) guarding yourself is your defense mechanism– whether you just go whooosh into your own world or if it’s in material comfort/security. 

You don’t realize this type of ‘guarding’ is just less practical/more detrimental to you and doesn’t actually solve the issue of… y know…giving yourself up to other people emotionally/spiritually so completely that you lose yourself anyways? 

The real question is: after knowing all this already, ‘What the hell are you going to do about it?’ 

Self-discipline, right? Because you can sometimes lose focus when you’re supposed to be concentrating on something too (imaginative/vivid) 

I think the best analogy for this is like….if you keep eating what you wanna eat (chocolate etc.) then you’re never going to get the nutrients you need.  

Learn how to foster a healthy balanced diet. How to foster your own self-worth/esteem/healthy independence (let your friends help shield/guide you). 

Don’t eat the things you hate (god please don’t push yourself to do that) – just eat it in moderation. Learn how to moderate, and see yourself grow stronger/more healthy as time goes on.

Keeping yourself on a good healthy diet for your own emotional/mental/physical well-being is important, let yourself feel proud and get affirmation—from yourself or from others. You just gotta be proud of you. Keep track, try journalling little lists of affirmations and positive things you did for yourself daily. Make that your crutch instead of giving away things to people. Lists of things you did for yourself, or you’ve seen and enjoy without expending any of your own energy towards.

And also: make sure you’re forgiving of yourself, that you can make mistakes and not think yourself as a failure just bc of one blip (yoyo diet) 

Keeping a healthy mind-set is the hardest part with the pisces mutable. Don’t be so dragged down or beat yourself up emotionally, you should look to finding a few ‘key phrases’ to stop yourself from hurting your own being. 

Things like ‘you can do this’ or ‘I forgive you’ is the most important when you can say that to yourself (self-love).

Learn how to love yourself, because that’s your end-goal in the end right? 

Ok i think that’s all I have to say for now? ❤️❤️❤️ Aaaaah precious dumbo babies I hope you have the best of everything and take care of yourself!! ❤️❤️❤️Don’t forget to drink water today!! ❤️

[summerseachild]

Summersea’s GoT Season 6 Tumblr Spoiled First Time Watch 2019: Part 1

So I was going to rename this a “hatewatch” now that I’ve gotten to a whole season I hadn’t seen before, but let’s be honest. If you’ve seen me reblogging things from later seasons, it was never going to be that. There are things that I knew I was going to enjoy VERY MUCH, and I wasn’t wrong. There were also things that, if I let them, would have had me frothing a the mouth in rage. 

But then I reminded myself that I’m vacationing in Castle Not Giving a Shit while I watch the back half of the show, and things were much better after that. I’ve mostly left my in the moment reaction except where I’d had too much wine to be coherent.

Season 6

Hot on the heels of season 5 i still have a third of a bottle of Chardonnay left let’s DO THIS

6x01

1. Lol it’s still in the credits so they continue to pretend like they care about Dorne????

2. Ghost howling 😢😢😢

3. So Davos went straight from staning one dour person to another... he has a type.

4. Some dude in the night’s watch re Melisandre: who’s she? Davos: oh just some lady Who spat a shadow out of her vag once LETS TRUST HER

5. Wow Olly aged a lot over the past five minutes since he killed Jon!

6. Edd please don’t die here. I don’t remember how you go but don’t let it be here

7. Boo hoo poor little psychopath lost his gf. No one cares, Ramsay. Myranda deserved what she got AND SO WILL YOU

8. My soul left my body like three times during that chase scene where Theon and Sansa are running from the Bolton men. POOR COLD BBS

9. That hug where they’re just CLINGING TO EACH OTHER THIS SHOULD NOT MAKE ME SHIP IT BUT HERE WE ARE

10. THEON SHOWING HIMSELF TO TRY TO KEEP HER SAFE I CANNOT HE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS IF THEY CATCH HIM AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY SO SHE MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE 

11. IT’S BRIENNE OF MF-ING TARTH OMG YAY

12. Also go Theon killing that dude

13. UGH THE SWEARING FEALTY SCENE WITH SANSA AND BRIENNE AND ALL OF THEIR FACES AND SANSA LOOKING TO THEON BEFORE ACCEPTING AND POD REMINDING HER OF THE WORDS IT IS PERFECT 

14. Give me the AU where Theon lives and stays at Winterfell because he wants to be near her and they understand each other and Brienne is in her Queensgiard I AM NOT ASKING MUCH

15. Meanwhile in other trauma hi Cersei

16. UGH LOOK HOW SHE RUNS ACROSS THE COURTYARD TO SEE HER DAUGHTER

17. So... that scene with Jaime and Cersei where they talked about seeing Joanna’s dead body and she... Doesn’t blame him??? For Myrcella? Like I thought she would??? And she tells him about the prophecy??? And they hug??? Yeah that’s in contention for my fav Lannister twin scene ever? Top five at the very least. (And another member of the “Jaime writes his siblings’ dialogue” club.)

18. For all of his false kindness and gentleness the High Sparrow is just as bad as any of them, and When I’m not seething with anger I can appreciate how nuanced Jonathan Pryce’s performance is.

19. Wtf Ellaria and Tyene murdering Doran.

20. OMG TRYSTANE and I call Sand Snake Character Assassination here they are just SO BITCHY and without honor and the Dorneish are SO HONOR OBSESSED ugh why I hate it Also was that Myrcellas ship? Are there two bitchy Sand snakes just chilling in king’s landing now?? 

21. Tyrion and Varys among the people is kind of fascinating. Also what’s up with that Red Priest? Another who thinks the lord of light chose Dany?

22. Oh no the ships... Varys and Tyrion running TOWARD trouble says a lot about them.

23. Did the showrunners... forget Jorah would know the word Khalasar? Why would he say horde?

24. At least the Khals believe Dany is Drogo’s widow?

25. Ok so the waif is fascinating and her movements are just so... Succinct. A++ physical acting or whatever the word is.

26. Whoa that’s Melisandre without the necklace?? Cool story bro but why did she choose then to take it off? What does that tell us about her as a character or her powers? Just wanted to show some crone boobs? IDEK that was a weird ending.

6x02

1. The trailer reminds us that BRAN IS IN THIS SHOW

2. Remember this kid? He’s a Stark! He’s VERY IMPORTANT! He’s GONNA BE KING, but he wasn’t in all of season 5. He matters WE PROMISE.

3. The older generation of Starklings!!! I would be lying if I didn’t say seeing Lyanna and Brandon and Ned and Benejen And Nan and bb Hodor didn’t give me a LOT of feelings. (Also Bloodraven is the Worst Ghost of Christmas Past Ever.)

4. Cross fandom wish: I want to see Hodor, Groot, and Rocket have a conversation where everyone understands every word.

5. So... Meera and Summer have been hunting so that they all stay alive, right?? Otherwise WHAT ARE THEY EATING

6. Ok I take back what I said about them only having the Children once, but that was WEAK. “Help Bran, Meera. Because I said so and I’m a creepy magical person whose motivations are unclear”

7. YEAAAAAH WUN WUN SMASH THOSE TRAITORS. Good on you too Edd for taking charge.

8. Ugh every bar has one like that asshole talking about Cersei. And I don’t think he’s long for this world

9. I LOVE BEING RIGHT HI GREGOR

10. Why would Tommen keep Cersei away from Myrcella’s funeral. OH GODS HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HER.

11. Ugh Jaime is tired of keeping vigil over his dead family members GIVE HIM A BREAK

12. Also Jaime promising never to let Cersei be in a cell again while he’s there AAAAHHH YES 🦁 ❤️

13. There’s nothing more dangerous than a fanatic who fears nothing, Jaime. But him threatening the High Sparrow was made of sex.

14. SEVEN HELLS did Tommen just give Cersei the idea to blow up the sept

15. Dany’s council meeting in absentia is kind of neat. I was wondering how those crazy kids were doing. 

16. Lol I drink and I know things is ABOUT TYRION KNOWING ABOUT DRAGONS 🐉 I DID NOT KNOW THAT AND I LOVE IT

17. Tyrion being like “please DO NOT EAT THE ALLIES (me)” to Viserion and Rhaegal is amazing

18. Viserion is all ME TOO LET ME GO HERE’S THE CHAIN SMALL HUMAN when he shows Tyrion his neck.

19. That was a rough test Jaqen

20. Yes Ramsay please march North I dare you

21. Roose KNOWS what Ramsay is and tries to steer him out of it but I don’t think he truly understands how deep the crazy goes

22. HOLY SHIT RAMSAY JUST STABBED HIS DAD and everyone either is too scared of Ramsay to do anything about it or was in on it. LOOKING AT YOU KARSTARK ASSHOLE

23. Oh Walda you sweet trusting soul he is going to feed you and your baby to those dogs isn’t he. I DON’T like being right. Have I mentioned that?

24. Brienne recognizing Sansa’s choices were hard ❤️❤️

25. Ugh Theon talking about all the things he’s done and Sansa hugging him anyway aaaaah my soul

26. It’s hard to hear someone else say they forgive you you when you don’t think you deserve forgiveness, and he’s definitely not ready to hear it from Jon. (But he’s ready to hear it from Sansa because of what they’ve been through together? I like that explanation and I’m sticking to it.)

27. Oh right Pyke exists the show doesn’t remember that unless it’s convenient.

28. HOW DARE YOU REFERENCE THAT PINECONES LINE SHOW YOU HAVE NOT EARNED THAT

29. Ok at least Yara cares about her people and we get to see it.

30. OMG Euron? He’s the one who kills Balon?

31. ...and he’s kind of got delusions of Grandeur? “I am the drowned god” wtf sir.

32. Gotta admit Iron Islands burial customs are kinda neat

33. We get the Kingsmoot? I’m listening, show... you’re on notice but I’m listening.

34. Depressed Melisandre is depressed. Wait... has she never done the raising from the dead thing? SEVEN HELLS SHE HASN’T.

35. A pep talk from Davos might snap me out of my crisis of faith too.

36. Thoros can do this in the language of Westeros, but I guess if Valyrian works for you...

37. I love Tormund peacing out of the room with Mostly Dead Jon like “I have had enough of this south of the wall bullshit”

38. Did Melisandre reach the lord of lights answering machine and it took him a while to get back? “If you would like to leave a resurrection request for R’hllor, please press one...”

39. Ghost’s eyes open AND SO DO JON’S hey bro

6x03 this episode is called Oathbreaker ARE WE ABOUT TO GET TO SEE THE FLASHBACK TO JAIME KILLING AERYS PLZ TELL ME

1. He liiiives! Poor Jon... what did you see while you were gone I wonder?

2. Oh jeez it was nothing. At least he has the most comforting sensible person in this series to help him through.

3. I like that Jon gets to come downstairs and HUG TWO OF HIS FRIENDS and none of the nights watch or the wildlings bat an eye or seem to think less of him for it. LET MEN HUG. 

4. Oh jeez Sam’s taking Gilly and the baby to Horn Hill? Do we get to meet his mom? (No one cares about Randylll but I think we might get to meet him too?)

5. BB Sam is SO CUTE HE HAS HAIR NOW.

6. Wait is Gilly pregnant again?

7. That is the Tower of Joy and I AM NOT READY

8. HOLY SHIT HOWLAND REED KILLED ARTHUR DAYNE?

9. Sword of the morning indeed WHAT A BADASS (somewhere in my soul Jaime is waving an “Arthur Dayne Rocks” banner) there’s no way Ned could have won that fight without help and now Bran knows that??? I don’t really have anything interesting to say here I just love the idea of a kid getting to see the truth of a family story that’s radically different from what he thought he knew.

10. Past Ned HEARD BRAN? FASCINATING?

11. Oh right Dany is about to meet all of the other widows of the Khals this could be cool but knowing d and d it won’t be because it would involve treating WoC with nuance.

12. Not impressed so far.

13. So this girl Varys is meeting with is in league with the Sons of the Harpy? Good my memory is intact.

14. all this with Varys actually TRYING to take care of Meereen is fun...

15. Tyrion being like OMG I AM BORED PLZ TALK ABOUT SOMETHING to Grey Worm and Missandei is the most him thing ever. I feel you Bro. He’s a people person deep down and just wants to be friends so badly.

16. Qyburn with all of Varys’ little birds and making kids’ abusive parents disappear is PRECIOUS.

17. Don’t poke the Mountain, Jaime

18. LANNISTER MUSICAL CHAIRS PART 2 also Jaime is ON THE SMALL COUNCIL NOW??? Who gave book!Cersei three wishes??? Him actually being in her corner and working with her as a team must be like a wish come true...

19. “Grand Maester Pycelle would you sanction that starement?” 😂 Lena’s delivery of that line made me laugh so hard we had to rewind to hear the dialogue.

20. No no don’t leave the three of them together they’ll plan murder. Well, Cersei and Jaime will. Gregor will nod.

21. Tommen confronting the high sparrow fascinated me. He has some of the I WILL KILL YOU family traits on display here but it’s understandable given what his family has gone through at the high sparrows hand. I’d be threatening murder too if I were him.

22. What are you playing at mr high Sparrow? Because I don’t trust you farther than I can throw you, and I don’t even have a good arm.

23. The Hound was not on her list any more 😢 that whole scene with Arya recounting her life and learning to fight blind is NEAT.

24. Wait faceless men are immune to the poison in the water?? Cool.

25. Is that supposed to be Greatjon Umber’s son who refuses Jon? What an ass.

26. My wife adds, “THESE LOSERS are the people Sansa is supposed to be queen of?”

27. OH SHIT OSHA AND RICKON AND SHAGGYDOG HOW DID THAT EVEN HAPPEN? (Please let Sansa Find out who did that and who helped and give them what they deserve... there’s no way anyone took down that wolf alone.) I HATE THAT WE ARE NEVER GOING TO GET CLOSURE ON THAT PROBABLY.

28. Oh shit Jon has to hang the traitors that’s gonna be hard on him.

29. At least Alliser is consistent.

30. Jon did what he had to do... just like Ned in the first ep.

31. Wait WHAT did you just hang those men and then LEAVE? Isn’t leaving just as damaging to the order as killing the lord commander? That seemed overly quick and weird but ok????

32. Guess Jon was the Oathbreaker.

6x04

1. If anyone deserved an I JUST DIED crisis, it’s Jon. Also, the vows say, “it will not end until my death...” so technically...

2. Brienne got them up to the Wall QUICK. She is nothing if not efficient.

3. Sansa and Jon are like, “so... how cool are we going to play this? NOT COOL AT ALL LETS HUG” so sweet.

4. “Where will WE go?” Yes stay together Starklings because family is important certainly don’t scatter to the four winds or anything 🙄

5. I kind of love that Sansa’s the one who insists on taking back Winterfell and is all “help me or not I’m doing it”

6. I’m Brienne of Tarth and I HAVE A LONG FUCKING MEMORY. Wait... wrong show. (She DOES, though...) 

7. Wow Petyr lying about Sansa being forced to Marry Ramsay... he’s playing the lords of the Vale like a fiddle.

8. That’s a lovely bird he got Robin. What a pretty boy.

9. Missandei staring daggers at Tyrion is Excellent Content. The “Tyrion tries to be a little more diplomatic but this involves dealing with slavers” problem is... a bit oversimplified, but at least they’re addressing it? Still not great. 

10. Jorah and Daario are off on a secret mission and I cant stop hearing the Galavant song.

11. The older widow of the Dosh Khaleen is more interesting than the show will let her be.

12. Is that Lazareen widow Dutch from Killjoys? IT IS!!!!

13. Guess what high Sparrow NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR SELF RIGHTEOUS CONVERSION STORY LEAST OF ALL ME (guess who has some issues with organized religion it’s meeeee)

14. Way to act your heart out, though, Jonathan Pryce.

15. So idk if I’ve made a big deal about this but I’m SUPER QUEER and seeing Loras broken like that made my heart stop for a second.

16. “Not setting off” fanatics, huh Pycelle? I think Cersei has other ideas 😈 🔥

17. Tommen is TALLER THAN CERSEI NOW

18. Cersei and Jaime trying to get Olenna and Kevan on their side against the High Sparrow is... smarter than I thought it was going to be when they walked into that room. They had a united front, they were clearly working together... WHAT IS THIS I LIKE IT

19. Theon looks like a ghost of himself. :( And Pyke looks all creepy.

20. Jeez Yarra go easy on your little brother his psyche still has cracks in it. I guess it’s understandable that she’s pissed given the failed rescue and the timing of his arrival. I kept just waiting for him to say “I want to be home,” when she yelled WHAT DO YOU WANT but he didn’t and that makes me sad. (Home should have been Winterfell or wherever Sansa was just saying.)

21. Oh Osha don’t try it... shit. Well, you tried

22. And Tormund’s epic crush on Brienne begiiiiiins

23. SHIT RAMSAY TELLS JON HE HAS RICKON

24. Sansa insisting on reading the rest of the letter from Ramsay is... made of steel. I’m here for her being the driving force behind this attempted rescue.

25. I didn’t realize that so many Dothraki knew about how Dany lost the baby and Drogo.

26. DID DANY JUST KILL ALL OF THE KHALS? Girl knows how to make an entrance? The optics here are sooooo problematic but she looks DAMNED impressive the plan in and of itself is sound - gets rid of the men who don’t respect her and shows herself to be indestructible in one power move...

6x05 OH NO THIS IS CALLED THE DOOR I THINK I KNOW WHAT IS COMING

1. Is it just me or are d and d writing more and more episodes themselves?

2. Sansa has had enough of Littlefinger’s bullshit. Making him face up to what HE LEFT HER TO WHEN HE MARRIED HER TO RAMSAY AND ABANDONED HER YES GOOD.

3. When he says “did he cut you” and Sansa talking about Ramsay not caring as long as she could give him an heir... does that mean what I think it does? FGM? I hate that I even wonder. (Still not sure about this, but I don’t put it past them to imply something horrific like that and then not come back to it.)

4. The more I see the waif fight, the cooler she gets.

5. Faceless men founded Braavos? Right I KNEW that.

6. Ok the play is fun... complete with sound effects. So interesting to see what people in Braavos think of everything that happened.

7. So... I would Lady Crane’s voice anywhere. Hi Phryne!

8. Oh wow look at all the CotF

9. THEY MADE THE WHITE WALKERS I did not know that and for YEARS before this season came out we had an au idea where that was true and I AM SCREAMING

10. AND THEY DID IT TO DEFEND AGAINST THE ANDALS AND WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO THE TREES

11. Yara’s speech was lovely, Theon supporting her was sweet, but Yara shouldn’t have needed a dude’s support to get that reaction from the crowd. She’s been on Pyke and being badass ALL HER LIFE. That being said, I like to think Yara would have been Queen in this version of things if Euron hadn’t showed up. What a Dick.

12. How does Euron go from wanting to marry Dany to allying with Cersei? I guess I’m about to find out.

13. Damphair knows cpr, idiot showrunners. don’t just let Euron lie there.

14. YES GET AWAY YARA AND THEON AND... a lot of the fleet? Good on them.

15. Jorah trying to leave Dany and her not letting him and commanding him to find a cure aaaahhhhh my feelings 😢

16. In the real world Tyrion would have been a great campaign manager.

17. If they wanted someone local... why get a red priestess from Volantis? Is this supposed to be the same woman? Do any of the people of Meereen even follow the faith of R’Hollor?

18. Varys having no time for the red faith’s bullshit is SO GOOD. It’s ok Varys you’re probably the most famous eunuch in the world right now. And whoop de doo a sorceress knows a story about a sorcerer it’s a small magical world don’t let her cow you.

19. ...whatcha doing, Bran???

20. Well that’s not creepy at all. Soooo many wights. Were there only... four white walkers including the night king? I’m so confused.

21. “The Umbers gave Rickon to Ramsay they can hang” YES SANSA

22. Why did she lie about getting info from Petyr? (And GOOD ON BRIENNE calling her on it)

23. Brienne calling Jon “a bit brooding” is the most hilarious thing ever. Somewhere Jaime Lannister is laughing his ass off. 

24. Yes wolfy clothes for everyone.

25. Awww Edd forgetting he’s acting lord commander is hilarious.

26. SO MANY WIGHTS DON’T DIE MIRA

27. Why are the children and the white walkers on opposite sides? Are these just about rogue CotF? EXPLAIN SHOW EXPLAIN

28. Cool visuals though... the night king walking through that fire was AWESOME.

29. Rickard LOOKS like a stark in that flashback.

30. RIP Bloodraven... glad you didn’t have to see how pointless all of this was.

31. Wait wait plain old wights can KILL THE CHILDREN? Dumb.

32. SUMMER NO I AM NOT OK WITH ANY OF THIS not Leaf either she’s a nice little tree person even if her motivations are unclear.

33. So Bran warging into Hodor in the present and in the past at the same time is what messed him up? Or something about the time folding and Bran BEING THERE?

34. That was upsetting as fuck about Hodor and I AM SAD EVEN THOUGH I KNEW IT WAS COMING

And... tumblr won’t let me post the whole thing. I had A LOT to say about some later episodes. Remember when I was going to keep this to three bullet points for each episode? Yeah me neither. 

[fweeble]

Episode 2: In Another Country

I hope everyone stays hydrated, whether or not they’re currently suffering through summer! I’ve got my set up all prepared (with the tissues and pillows being the most important, but that’s preference). Hope everyone else is comfy as we start episode two! 

We’re gonna need it. 

Looks like we’re jumping right in. OOF. Ibe’s face ruins me. He’s so worried about Eiji. Someone needs to hold my hand, my heart hurts and I’m already prepared to cry everywhere. 

None of this was ever supposed to happen, Charlie. Just save Skip and Eiji --just save them, Charlie. Save them.

Ibeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Your decision to cover American gangs will bring you so much heartache. So much. Q AQ

Not even half a minute into the episode and my boy Shorter makes an appearance. My heart. Look at that lighting... the glow... the colors. Oh my god, just slay me with the colors. Hnnnnnnng. Also: three motorcycles. I am secretly hoping that Shorter’s just casually commandeering Ash’s since Ash rudely yoinked his away. I can dream, can’t I? Disappointed how they cut out some of Shorter’s insightful dialogue, but time constraints, I understand.

Shorter, your gut is very spot-on. 

Seriously, Mappa could just murder me with these gorgeous backgrounds. Look at the attention to detail. I know this is a hostage situation but let’s take a moment to bathe in the beauty that is this (old, abandoned) scenery. Aaaaah.

And here is Arthur, trying to look intimidating and ominous by hiding in the shadows, but he’s sadly overshadowed by everything else. As usual. Is anyone else impressed with all the effort that goes into everything? I’ll try not to wax lyrical but look at all those gang tags and planks left around, the cracked tiles and the smudges --someone had to draw that.

Everyone knows it’s a trap, Arthur. You’re clever, but you lack a certain degree of self-awareness and ability...

but do keep talking. Your only positive point is your smooth, buttery baritone. Nice. I will enjoy your villainous monologue. It will match your laughably stereotypical evil ‘do.

Truly, subtlety isn’t your strong point, Arthur. 

Also, lying. But please, lie more. 

Eiji and Skipper together is my favorite thing. Skipper is this tiny, determined ball of controlled kick-ass. Eiji is utterly out of his depth and looking around curiously because boy, Japan wasn’t like this!

These two cuties. Please.

Fuck ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooff.

PUNCH HIS FACE IN!!!

*WILL SMITHS THIS SCENE* I have so many feelings, I have so many things I want to scream about, I want to dissect just how much this one line underlines the differences between Ash and Arthur despite the fact there are plenty of superficial similarities between the two and I just --HNNNNNNG. *clenches fist* I HAVE FEELINGS AND THEY ARE STRONG.

Skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiijiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. So many props to Eiji for staying relatively calm in a frankly terrifying situation. 

Skiiiiiiiippeeeeeer. *STRANGLED DYING MANATEE NOISES*

*INTENSE SOBBING* SKIP, YOU ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL, YOU PRECIOUS STARCHILD. HE IS SO PROTECTIVE OVER EIJI. MY HEEEEART.

Why are you such trash, Arthur????

EIJI’S FAAAAAAAAAAAACE. SAAAAVE HIIIIM.

I’M TOO EMOTIONAL, SOMEONE FUCKING HOLD MY HAND ALREADY!!!

You didn’t even lose your fingers. You just have some scars. Talk about disproportionate retribution???

Oh my god there’s an actual opening segment, I thought they were forgoing it altogether because 19 volumes in 24 episodes, but I guess not. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. Aaaaah.

Seriously, the background???? I’ll try to keep the gratuitous snapshots to a minimum. I’ll try. Honestly.

I think from now on I’ll start all my Nanner Fish Liveblogs with this. 

Why does this break my heart. (No, don’t answer. Just leave me to wallow.)

Beautiful juxtaposition. Also, rude. I love that lighting through the trees, though. Q AQ

*HYSTERICAL SCREECHING* MAPPA, Y’ALL ARE THE RUDEST ASSHOLES TO EVER ANIMATE AND I AM SO OFFENDED, EVERYTHING HURTS, NOTHING IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THIS, LAY ME TO REST.

Yut-luuuuuung.

WHY MUST MAPPA BE SO CRUEL AND HURTFUL.

GOSH, THIS IS GORGEOUS. MY HEART. WHY DO THIS TO MY DELICATE BABY HEART???

Guys, guys, guys. Look at all that gang tagging. SOMEONE HAD TO DRAW THAT. THE COLORS MAAAAN. Also: Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

FUCK OFF. I HAD TO STOP FOR A BIT. JUST. WHY. FUCKING WHYYY.

MAPPA YOU BASTARDS.

Every.single.fucking.time, Marvin. 

*high pitched distressed noises*

Ash, you beautiful, sassy smartass. PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS SASSY.

My heart. 

Just call him Florence Nightingale. 

*more strangled high pitched noises of distress* I wish Ash wasn’t so right.

THEIR SLEEPING POSITIONS. SKIIIIIIIIIIP. EIJIIIIII. MY HEART.

SERIOUSLY PUNCH THAT FACE IN.

Oh my fucking god. I thought he was just a random new mob character, but he’s that dude who looked exactly like Charlie!! The first time I read Nanner Fish I was convinced Charlie was a mole because of him!!!

HE ALSO LOST THE PORN ‘STACHE. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER. A LOT MORE INTIMIDATING.

I totally went off-topic. The topic being: Marvin is gross, the scum of the earth, and should be punched a lot in sensitive places.

Thank you, Skip.

I am the worst person, I’m sorry, because I spent this entire slow pan up Ash laughing hysterically. This is secondhand embarrassment at its peak. Pffffft. 

Ash, please.

Poor Eiji. Pffffffffffffffft.

Marvin, you are honestly dumber than a bag of bricks. Beautiful wounded gazelle gambit, Ash. I love how Skipper is jumping with excitement, cheering Ash on, and Eiji’s holding himself like he needs protection from the latent gross that emanates from Marvin constantly.

*side whispers* This is it.

The turning point.

*blows kisses at Mappa* GORGEOUS.

I’m breaking things up a bit since I’m just. Full of feelings. Eiji making a decision, inspired by Ash. Skip automatically assuming Eiji’s making a Last Stand, because that’s what he is: a fighter to the last. 

But Eiji is a civilian, and he doesn’t fight the way Skip does. 

And this is beautifully animated, and it definitely shows Eiji’s resolve and determination... but it bugs me.

Because they gave one of Eiji’s lines to Skip.

They turned a line that showed Eiji’s determination, his acknowledgement that he could severely injure himself --could even cripple himself --but he was willing to bet it all on a chance, and made it into an argument Skipper has against Eiji’s Hail Mary decision. 

And I hate it.

I really love the soundtrack they use, though. Nice.

How the cat fell in love with the bird.

Seriously, look at those colors? Look at that rainbow effect while Eiji’s in the sky. The textures. *sends all the kisses Mappa’s way*

Eiji... what about your bleeding. I mean, yes, run for help, but also: what if you pass out before you get help? A quick tourniquet, please!

He did indeed. It was beautiful.

Shorteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. 

HIS TINY SATISFIED SMIRK.

I AM TOTALLY UNBIASED. IT’S NOT LIKE I LOVE SHORTER A RIDICULOUS, LOPSIDED AMOUNT. WHAT LIES ARE YOU SPREADING. *cries* I just love Shorter so much.

More smartphones trying to save the day.

And again. No more phone booths!

Seriously, I suspect I will forever be smitten. Muwah. Gorgeous. Muwah Muwah.

Finally! Plotty things! And why automatically suspect Ash, Charlie?? You trusted him enough to let him near civvies but you automatically suspect him when Golzine’s up to something sketchy? 

Oh, Ibe. You’re gonna have white hair soon, Eiji is gonna make you worry lots.

I know you are, Eiji. Q AQ

Nice, thank you Mappa! Now I know Eiji’s A pos. (Or AB pos.)

*wounded hippo noises* THEY ARE SO LOYAL AND DEDICATED TO ONE ANOTHER. SKIIIIIIIIIIP. AAAAAAASH.

CMSDKLFMLDSF. SOMEONE SAVE SKIIIIP.

Beautiful. The best part about Shorter and his garish colors is that you can always pick him out of a crowd. <3

I didn’t mention it last time, but I’m so happy to see Ash’s crew! Hi Aleeex!

Just casually taking snapshots of Shorter being awesome. That’s not a crime. I swear.

BONES! I think. I forget. I get their names mixed up. 8( Where’s the other one? You can’t be Ash’s power trio with just the two of you! (I guess Shorter’s there too. Q vQ)

Totally just took this screencap because I’m basically an embarrassing parent who likes to show of their kid. Lookit Shorter. Isn’t he awesome?

Nooooooope.

Nooo, no no no.

Marvin you idiot, Golzine said alive. Your Papa Dino? Remember him?

Nooooope.

For fuck’s sake, noooooooooo.

SOMEONE FUCKING KILL MARVIN FIRST.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. SKIIIIIIPPER. Q AQ

Skiiiiiiiiiiiippeeeeeeeeeeeer...!!!!!!!!!

KILL HIM.

Ash, what black voodoo magic did you do to get that car going??? You didn’t turn or put in any keys, you certainly don’t have the fancy electronic keys on you. What the hell? Did some lazy mafia asshole leave their fancy electronic key in the damn car?

ASH STOP LEAVING SHORTER BEHIND FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!

I love how this implies the cops are on good terms with Shorter.

Shorter, did you even tell them where you were heading??? You’ve got a smartphone now!!! Use it!

Shorter...

Because you were stupid enough to shoot Skipper. All you had to do was not shoot.

CMLKSDFMLDSF. DINOOOOOOO.

Because people aren’t pets, Dino!!!!

Trust your instincts, Ash! Turn back!!

He honestly deserved worse.

Ash....

*sigh* I’m so smitten. That’s gorgeous. (Sorry, Ash.)

Jenkins and Charlie will believe you, Ash! But...

Obligatory corrupt cop Evanstine won’t let them help you. This is his jurisdiction. 8(

Oh, Jenkins. Charlie. You’re gonna regret it...

Another asshole who deserves his face punched in.

Is no one going to dress Ash’s wound? It’s still Eiji’s tourniquet there. It’s gonna get infected you shithead.

Fuck oooooff.

Oh look, someone who needs to slip on a pickle, fall, crack their head on the counter, and die face first in their own piss. That’s you, Evanstine! 

Please. Die horrifically.

Ash... Q nQ

Please don’t take it personally, Jenkins... Skip just died in his arms... he was framed for murder... and a scumbag just ambushed him with his past...

Cmkalsdmfklsadf. DINOOOOOO.

We’re so blessed, guys! So much plot this episode!

Charlie... don’t do this. Please... don’t.

Oh, Charlie. You’re so earnest. You’re still so pure. Q AQ

And Ash... takes after his middle name. He is jaded. He knows better. He knows Dino. How do you indict someone with so much money, power, and influence? He has judges in his pocket!

And Charlie...

And an intermission from my previous thought because boy howdy am I still swooning over these gorgeous visuals. *blows even more kisses Mappa’s way*

Back to my previous train of thought: ...Charlie can’t give up.

Ibe’s face, though. It’s the face of a dad going “son, could you please stop putting yourself in dangerous situations I’ve already gotten fifteen new grey hairs and I’m only 30 please don’t do this to me.” Poor Ibe. That’s exactly what Eiji’s gonna do.

Charles Dickinson: Poster boy for Not Givin’ Up, We’re Taking Dino Golzine Down the Right and Proper Way, Just Believe in Us Ash!

Noooooo, not with the emotional blackmail, Charlie! (Besides, as much as I love Ash, preeeetty sure Eiji was incidental. He was chasing after Skip, wasn’t gonna let Eiji, an innocent civilian get caught in the crossfire of a gang war, and at no point did he risk Skip’s life. He contemplated his own, but never Skip’s.)

What a cute bird. Q vQ <3 <3 <3

*clutches chest* Eiji. Why. 

Skipper... you will never be forgotten. 

DAMMIT WHY IS NO ONE HOLDING MY HAND??? I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

THE FUCKING ART DIRECTION. CMKSLDMFOWEMFDSLF. MAPPA NEEDS TO BE ARRESTED FOR MURDER. MY MURDER. 

It’s okay, Eiji, I wouldn’t be able to, either... Q AQ

Seriously, how is that even remotely legal????

Fuck Golzine and his connections. Fuck him with a power saw.

*intense feelings about later volumes and how this relates to both Ash and Eiji* CMSKDLFLSDFJLSDJFOEWIMSFD. *strangled dying manatee noises about foreshadowing*

*lies on ground, emotional and useless*

Hnnnnnnnnng, that’s just gorgeous. Ominous, but gorgeous. u 3u <3

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand prison wardens are also in his pocket. Seriously, Charlie, do you not see why Ash is the way he is?

There’s also a brand new ED, but I’m seriously emotionally drained after the OP and Skipper... It doesn’t really have anything particularly foreshadow-y or relevant that my dead soul can see. It’s lovely and a nice end to an emotionally charged episode. I’m going to just quietly cry into my pillows now.

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