#A.J.H

[elderflowerecho]

Hello followers,

Just making a few adjustments for the sake of it being easier to use, and to clarify what this blog is.

As you may have noticed going through our personal posts, our body experiences dissociation resulting in different "parts" acting as separate entities with different ideas and goals:

Ivor ("host"), Bug/Ottolie (blog owner, child), Perse (persecutor, teen), Nesbitt ("voice of reason"), Anna (a.j.h. - current persecutor), and Lilly (dormant protector of Bug, fairy).

We are currently undergoing assessment for our symptoms (among other things) with our country's mental health service, but as of yet there has been no official diagnosis given other than the general term of DID. Our symptoms most closely resemble the subtype of OSDID-1b - distinct "people" within the brain, dissociation rather than amnesia between switches.

As we are a little unfamiliar with community terms, our interactions with the tumblr DID community will be limited. We believe our condition to be trauma-based, though it only manifested in full form about a year and a half ago so we're unsure how we would be classified.

The focus of the blog will still be on the things Bug/Ottolie likes, as it was her idea to start this blog to begin with. That said, I (Nesbitt) wanted to post this with her approval so we could use this blog more as a general system blog rather than feeling restricted.

We hope you understand, and feel free to unfollow if this is not what you're looking for.

Regards,

Nesbitt

[mxdvs]

Zoë Rose photographed by A.J.H. For Atelier Bordelle.

[eacbooks]

Le Livre de Marco Polo, Citoyen de Venise, Haut Fonctionnaire a La Cour de Koubilai-Khan, Generalissime des Armees Mongoles, Gouverneur de Province. Ambassadeur du Grand Khan Vers L'indo-Chine. Les Indes. La Perse et Les Royaumes Chretiens D'occident. Three Volumes

https://www.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=30796296265&searchurl=kn%3DWithout%2Bthe%2Bmap%2Bof%2Bthe%2BGenghis%2BKhan%2Btomb%2Boriginally%2Bloosely%2Binserted%2Bin%2Bfine%26sortby%3D0%26vci%3D65071755&cm_sp=snippet-_-srp1-_-title1

[rp-kat]

Sarcophagus   -  Judas Iscariot

1997

Thrash'em All  #03

[detroitlib]

“Winter in the Copper Country.” View of a car parked next to a snowbank after a winter storm in Calumet, Michigan. Houses are partially visible in background. Typed on back: "Feb. 8, 1938. Thanks for the check. Haven't opened the package of returns yet. Sure don't accomplish much these days. This picture was taken almost across the street from our house. We have some very good views coming through soon. Will send you more when they come. It sure was some storm. Guess there is plenty of water down that way right now. Hope things are going fine. A.J.H." Card is postmarked February 9, 1938.

Courtesy of the Burton Historical Collection, Detroit Public Library

[strangelyamused]

Wipe your tears away baby girl,

You weren’t meant for this world.

You are made of stardust,

Encased in patchwork of stained glass.

A.J.H

[ninjabunni13]

Vanilla & Utility

You used me.

Maybe you knew it when we met. You sensed it, smelt it upon the air like vanilla and spice, that I would love you.

I think you knew I could hold all of you, the broken bits and the shiny bits, and still have room in my arms to hold more.

I think you knew that I would kiss your wounds and kiss them again for good measure. And when I didn't get the same in return, I wouldn't complain. I would just continue kissing.

I think you knew my heart's capacity, and that only my heart, of all hearts, could hold all of you, and willingly too.

I think you knew.

I think I knew...

But loving is what I do best. I do it hard. I do it deep. I do it with all of me.

And I think I knew,

That of all the hearts

In all the world

Yours needing loving the most. And I leapt at the chance. What a huge empty vessel to hold my boundless love. Let me supply you.

We have plenty in stock today sir.

I don't know how to feel about all of this.

You used me. Was it only because of what I could do for you that you loved me?

Loved me for my utility?

I was the shiny new gadget that could do it all and more. Every feature perfectly suited to all your needs.

When was it that you decided I wasn't shiny anymore? When did your hands break? When did my endless features and endless utility become simply an aching reminder of how much help you needed? *Need.*

Did it anger you that you couldn't do it all with your bare hands? Did it hurt you too much to know how much you needed me, and yet could never repay?

For how does a working man thank his tools? He cleans them, keeps them together enough to keep functioning and serving him. But does he love them? Does he hold them? Does he even see how much they help him to achieve?

You built houses with me. You constructed towns and cities and nations with me. And when I became rusted and dirty and not oiled quite right, you threw me in the sink and scrubbed me raw. Threw me on a towel, rubbed and oiled me for a few moments. Then back to work again.

And when your own fire burned those towns and cities and nations, you blamed the tools rather than your own ash-covered hand.

You never needed me to light the match. You did that all on your own.

And no matter how many pails of forgiveness I threw on to it, no matter how loud I cried for evacuation, it burned and burned. It all burned. It all died.

And what did you do then?

You threw your tools in the trash. Easier to blame them, for how do you throw yourself away?

On to the next shiny new gadget. On to build new cities and burn them down.

I think you knew.

I think you *know*...

Coward.

11-13-17

A.J.H.

[andoptimism]

Speeding down the street in the dark. A shot in the dark to fix my aching heart.

I hit the gas too hard and my tears go flying through the windshield - my life shattering like the glass and my laughter falling like the shards. But really, I’m okay.

a.j.h.

[elderflowerecho]

Tag index:

:-)

:-0

:-|

:-( (caution: negative self-talk, trauma/Adverse Childhood Experience implications)

✏ (school)

🏠 (home)

🌿 (outside)

🛁🚿💧 (cleancore/watery things)

🤖🎲🐻 (toys)

🎼 (music)

📚💿 (media)

💤 (sleepy time)

- 🧚‍♀️🧚‍♂️

- 🦊

- 👑

- 🐎

- 🌟

- 🐾

bug-eyed child (thoughts and feelings of the younger self)

💛✉ (affirmations from the older selfs)

elderflowerecho (original content)

Lilly time🧚‍♀️🏵💐🧣🌷🌼🏥 (Lilly time)

a.j.h. (the Victorian lady living inside our head)

Accurate tagging is aimed for but cannot be guaranteed.

[mxdvs]

Zoë Rose photographed by A.J.H. For Atelier Bordelle.

[lu-ci-da]

Crumbly Cheese

I used to think I was strong. I don’t know when I became so weak, Crumbling like dry cheese, Growing vulnerability and letting things look bleak.

I guess it may have been I started possessing things I’m scared to lose, I started feeling easily destroyed, Watching things leave in ones and twos.

I love the way you smile, But I feel like my love is so meek. How will I fulfill your dreams, Be everything you seek?

a.j.h.

[misowisesaying]

명언세계는 인간 없이 시작되었고, 인간 없이 끝날 것이다. 그러나 비록 인간 자신이 저주받을지라도 그의 헛된 노력들은 하나의 보편적인 몰락 과정을 저지하는 방향으로 진행될 것이다. - 클로드 레비 스트로스 <슬픈 열대>

New Post has been published on http://eboss.kr/%eb%aa%85%ec%96%b8%ec%84%b8%ea%b3%84%eb%8a%94-%ec%9d%b8%ea%b0%84-%ec%97%86%ec%9d%b4-%ec%8b%9c%ec%9e%91%eb%90%98%ec%97%88%ea%b3%a0-%ec%9d%b8%ea%b0%84-%ec%97%86%ec%9d%b4-%eb%81%9d%eb%82%a0-%ea%b2%83-2/

명언세계는 인간 없이 시작되었고, 인간 없이 끝날 것이다. 그러나 비록 인간 자신이 저주받을지라도 그의 헛된 노력들은 하나의 보편적인 몰락 과정을 저지하는 방향으로 진행될 것이다. - 클로드 레비 스트로스

  좋은글자존심은 수양의 결실. 사람의 위엄은 자기 자신에게 ‘노’할 수 있는 능력과 더불어 성장한다. ―A.J.H. 귀인간이 창조하는 것은 정말 아무 것도 없다. 오로지 자연을 표절할 뿐. ― J.B.

좋은글자존심은 수양의 결실. 사람의 위엄은 자기 자신에게 ‘노’할 수 있는 능력과 더불어 성장한다. ―A.J.H.

좋은시훌륭한 충고보다 값진 선물은 없다.(에라스무스)

[que-noticias]

Detenido en Gijón un joven de 19 años por mostrar el pene en presencia de menores

Detenido en Gijón un joven de 19 años por mostrar el pene en presencia de menores

EUROPA PRESS

GIJÓN, 30 (EUROPA PRESS)

Agentes de la Policía Local de Gijón han detenido a un vecino de este municipio, A.J.H., de 19 años, acusado de exhibir su pene en presencia de menores.

El joven, que ya había sido detenido por un hecho similar el pasado mayo, fue arrestado sobre las 11.30 horas de este pasado domingo, han comunicado desde el Ayuntamiento gijonés.

De acuerdo al relato…

[ninjabunni13]

I'm turning All the leaves circling round And around I'm waiting But I've yet to be sought or found Maybe if I close my eyes and forget the world My feet will feel they've left the ground And when I sing without a care of being heard The birds and trees will sway with me and make that special sound. Perhaps if I forget what it's like to feel their eyes Upon my skin Burrowing within They will cease to exist And I will grin For I will feel and I will be And I will sing and I will breathe "Free." Unseen and seen Touched and intangible Chaos that is serene Managing the unimaginable I will taste the fine wine that is free of a glass As soft as the grass And as wide as the sea Echoing in me like a cave Embraced as though by waves The unnamable I've craved Let me savor what I've made. I want to feel what it is To be tickled by the things I didn't know I wanted to be touched by To feel my breath between the ecstasy of gasp and relief of sigh I want to reach up and stand up and be born to the sky To return to the soil where my roots grew thereby Brush my fingers along the earth as though it has a spine Yes I will feel fine. Words that feel like music and magic fluttering from my tongue to the air I want to feel them flutter in my belly like laughter begging to escape Dig my toes in Make a home in Hang pictures of rolling hills on the walls Melting butter what I feel within Like warm melting butter with some gin... Let my hair flow among the wind Let me feel free among those leaves Round and round... Let me spin.

10-5-17

A.J.H.

[andoptimism]

You made me unstable and took my breath away. You’d think that since I have asthma it wouldn’t make a difference, but it did. It made everything different.

a.j.h.

[mxdvs]

Zoë Rose photographed by A.J.H. For Atelier Bordelle.