#A true story

[mcnostril]

The part they don't tell you about Isaac Newton is that the apple bounced off a rock at an impossible angle and hit him right in the jejunum.

[hwi-noree]

i am an important business woman on a work trip

i get to the international terminal early and order my fancy latte

i sit down and open my laptop, businesslike

i log on to neopets.com

[marchioness-of-the-flowers]

I learned about the existence of Gay people through N x Hilbert Pokémon yaoi.

Everyone thank them for their service.

[headlesssamurai]

//hacksaw_ridge/ //dir_mel_gibson/2016/

[emeraldotter]

hosting acumen

[ingridgh0st]

[bronze-bits-babyyy]

Ace attorney when I’m playing at home:

Ace attorney when I’m at the hairdresser’s:

[slaviclore]

me: *tags a post with "architecture" pretty much every day*

me: *remembers perhaps once thru the fog of time a post i tagged "archeology"*

me, tagging a post: arch...

tumblr: archeology

tumblr: did you mean archeology

tumblr: how about archeology

me: archi...

tumblr: archirecture

[3leafstem]

You ever pspsps a tiger?

Day Eighteen of 100 Days of Deathduo; Icee literally pspsps' a tiger.

[can-i-explode-now]

My favourite thing about auto generated captions on YouTube is when somehow Skizzleman gets interpreted as schizophrenia

[idkeither223]

my closeted to even myself ass when prince louis was born, on the sofa to my family: it’d be nice if someone in the royal family was gay,, just because,, even if it was someone less important like louis

a number of years later: netflix makes young royals

me now older and wiser: hooray for queers!

[whereonceiwasfire]

Tumblr storytime because I have not stopped thinking about this for days. So I went into this antique jewelry store the other day (like it was CALLED Antique Jewelry Store) and I'm wandering around going "Wow, hey, there's a lot more here than antique jewelry, what a quirky little place, I like it." All of a sudden, there's this corner in the back I did NOT realize was there and there's a big ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK sign. Which. Okay antique jewelry store, well played, I'm curious. So I go inside this back section and all of a sudden everything is dark and there are haunted dolls hanging from the ceiling and a cabinet from an asylum and these horror dioramas, and I'm like "I do not see any jewelry and also I do not want to touch anything because danger." But this room just keeps GOING, and I have very little self preservation instinct, so I keep going right along with it. Well there's ANOTHER room even further in the back, and A VOICE calls out from inside it. When I tell you I nearly passed from this life into the next, it scared me so bad. But I poke my head in like any good protagonist should, and it's the store's resident witch. They complimented my drip, I contemplated buying this cute little ghosty painting, I checked out a real human skull, and then I went home. The end.

[hornblower-diary]

If you thought Hornblower was on HMS Justinian first, then you are wrong. Convince yourself:

[ninevehsage]

After midnight the full moon shone bright and it created dark shadows in the garden. A witch walked through the dark house, towards the room full of windows. The moonlight lightened her way and it invited the witch to come and bath in its glow. "But what is that dark thing on the grass?", the witch wondered. "Is it a cat?" Slowly the witch moved little closer to see better, but then the animal jumped and disappeared into the shadows. "Oh!", said the witch smiling. From its jump she instantly knew, that the cat it was not, but a hare.

~N~

[residentshitcunt]