#A study post for people who's spaces aren't aesthetic

[stormyrainyday]

apologies this is far from a coherent shower thought but i think it's time we like. decided to detach our identity a bit from the things we do. it's fine to just read. you don't have to be a reader. it's fine to just game. you don't have to be a gamer. you can be those things but i feel like in a quest to find ourselves and open our hearts, especially to others online (because i know, the first thing we do when on a new platform is say hi im [name] i like these things we should talk, i know, i do, my pinned post is literally that), i feel like we forget that we are more than the things we do and even the things we love. we, to borrow words from slay the princess, contain it in our multitudes.

it's a sentiment i've felt for a long time as someone who has been on the internet and in fandom spaces for a good decade now, and like. i find when we hold these things so close that they become us, we become too defensive over them. how many minor fandom disagreements spiral into threats, name calling, doxxing even? i find, especially younger users in fan spaces, tend to take even small differences of opinion and take them personally. saw someone blow up and call people awful names over believing only one person could top in a genshin ship. another left a server i was in because they disliked a popular character, and other (respectfully), decided to share why they did like her. i get that things like rejection sensitivity are a thing, but i think this failure to recognize the self as an entity apart from the things you do and the thoughts you have definitely contribute to this. phenomenon i suppose.

it's genuinely slay the princess that has given me the vocabulary to express and understand this thing i was already thinking. i think, though we are not gods, it's important to understand that we are not things so easily defined. we consist of our thoughts, our actions, our perceptions, our beliefs, and more. even the outside world's perception of us reflects some part of our nature. but not all of it. it's impossible to define oneself in one, two, three words or even an essay.

because like we don't exist in a vacuum. part of our existence is defined in our interactions with others. but not all. never all. there is no one who can truly know you, and we cannot truly know ourselves. our principles bend to the whims of circumstance no matter what we tell ourselves otherwise, so we can't decide what we are or what we would be in a situation for sure, ever. and that's not a bad thing, but if we can't ever truly know ourselves, then how can we assign such great importance to something as superficial as the things we enjoy sometimes?

we are both a constant and the capacity to change. and to take just a handful of things and call it your identity, even subconsciously, is a disservice to the self. in an effort to be seen we break ourselves down into easy (i hate to say it but) marketable pieces.

take being a reader for example. it has always felt like vague slang for booksmart, thoughtful, likely quiet and introverted as well, just as much as it means "i like to read books". theres an aesthetic to it involved, and a whole subculture. do you write in your books? do you keep them museum-fresh quality? do you read smut or classics or high fantasy or satire and what does it say about you? if you say audiobooks aren't real literature, are you signalling to others about quality and sophistication, or are you a pretentious asshole, and ableist to boot? these connotations assigned to such an otherwise benign thing about someone are i think are reflective of the construct of identity and perception. i could go on about it in a way that's more coherent but i, a student, have other things to do right now.

(does being a student make me intelligent? does it impress you to know i study medicine? what if i told you i average Cs in my classes? what if i told you i dislike patient care? what if i told you i'm not here for the money OR to make the world a better place, and that i'm here purely to serve my curiosities about the way the body functions and to absolve my obsessive need to understand just what are we? does this change what you think of me? does it matter? what if you knew the guilt i felt for seeing so much suffering, but still hating patient care enough to worry endlessly about being stuck in it as a career? am i better for it? but i have not acted on this guilt. it is a mere feeling that only i know. knew. is it different now that i've confessed it? does it matter? does any of it change who i am, fundamentally? or am i a thing detached from it all? or. as i like to believe. is it both? your shifting perceptions of me and the way i change shape and form (so much like our beloved princess in slay the princess) in your eyes, they make up me just as much as the soul or the self or whatever other philosophical name you assign to it. at the end of the day, isn't the most important thing that i am just me? both devoid of and constituted of the sum of my parts? what is found in the spaces between my cells? impulses and chemicals. is that me? is it all me? can i ever really know it? and why, why, why define it at all?)

[fashion4standusers]

FFSU’s Fan Fashion Week!

*ETA: Works posted to AO3 can be tagged as "FFSU Fashion Week"!*

I’ve had the concept for this in my head for AGES but never got around to posting it. I originally planned to run it as an event during a certain time period, but I found that making it an event intimidated me out of actually making the idea happen. I just think that I’m a lot more confident in my ideas when I don’t overthink it! Therefore, instead of running an event, I’m just putting this challenge out into the atmosphere for people to take it and run with it. 

REBLOGS GREATLY APPRECIATED!

Everything you need to know is in the graphics, and here’s a plain text version as well:

Fashion For Stand Users’ Fan Fashion Week Challenge: a 7-day art and/or fic-writing challenge!

Art Prompts:

- Day 1: Runway

Draw your chosen character(s) in an outfit from a designer runway! Check the blog archive or Vogue Runway for references and modify the look however you want.

-Day 2: Subculture

Draw your chosen character(s) in the fashion of a certain subculture: goth, raver, scene kid, etc.

-Day 3: Style Swap

Draw two or more characters swapping their canon outfits, or simply wearing outfits more suited for the other person's vibe and aesthetic.

-Day 4: Historical

Draw your chosen character(s) in the fashion of another era.

-Day 5: Redesign

Redesign, reinvent, or modify the canon outfit(s) of your chosen character(s). 

-Day 6: Formal

Draw your chosen character(s) in gowns, tuxedos, and other fancy clothes. 

-Day 7: Free Space

Draw any kind of outfit(s) you'd like for your chosen character(s)!

Writing Prompts:

- Day 1: Character Study

Write about why a character dresses or looks the way they do. Why do they like the clothes they wear? Do they wear something with personal significance? How do they want the world to see them?

-Day 2: Makeover

Write about a character getting a makeover from another. Are they getting new clothes, a new hairstyle, new makeup? Is it just for fun or a sign of a bigger change?

-Day 3: AU

Write about an alternate universe where the characters are models, fashion designers, hairstylists, makeup artists, etc.

-Day 4: Disaster

Write about something going horribly, horribly wrong: wardrobe malfunctions, makeup mishaps, over/underdressing, etc.

-Day 5: Shopping Trip

Write about characters going shopping together and all the shenanigans that ensue.

-Day 6: The Event

Write about a character getting ready for  or attending an upscale event. Who are they going with? What are they wearing? How are they feeling?

-Day 7: Free Space

Write about any scenario you'd like, as long as it's about clothing or fashion!

Rules:

Have Fun!

This is obviously a JJBA blog, but feel free to use this challenge for OCs and other fandoms! If you plan to modify the prompts, make different graphics, or make your own version of the challenge for a different fandom, be sure to credit this blog or link back to this post!

Mention @fashion4standusers in all your posts to give credit! You can also tag your posts with #ffsufashionweek, and if your work is about JoJo, I would love to share it on the blog. If you post outside of Tumblr, include a link to this post!

Don't think you can do it in a week? Want more time to write longer fics, make more detailed art, or just develop your idea more? No worries, just work at your own pace! The concept of the challenge is a reference to the various Fashion Weeks that happen around the world, but by no means is it restricted to any real time frame!

Only want to write or draw for a few of the prompts? Maybe only one? Wanna work out of order? Go ahead! This is a challenge of course, but if you just aren't connecting with some of the prompts, don't force it!

Feel free to use the ideas you come up with for this into more in-depth works!

It's never too early or too late to give it a shot, and I'll always keep an eye on tags and mentions for new additions!

[wonderful-magician]

OK do you ship dinahboose and if you do I NEED YOUR THOUGHTS. ( I saw you where analyzing ceeb’s characterization sooo) if not just use this as a free space to ramble about something else idk 💀

it is 1:am but I am so desperate to ramble and I also will take any excuse to draw any ship I like ever which is almost too many so excuse me if I sound nonsensical

^^!!

OKAY I LOVE DINAHBOOSE obv I've been into this musical for a total of 2 weeks or so- so I'm still scrounging every bit of Information on these guys that I can. And I've done wayyy more research on CB than I have Dinah ( he has a lot more to look at though ) but these two just make sense to me. They just make sense. Opposites but not opposites. They are confusing and they are both confused. But at least they can hold hands while confused.

Personally I struggle to ever hate or dislike ships unless there's like a blindingly obvious reason to dislike a ship. But dinahboose is probably my second favorite ship so far for StEx ( Electraboose has 1st place and Krupp/purse has 3rd )

Totally not gonna use this to talk about my personal rewrite of StEx.. specifically C.B. because I don't want to make a post just for it LMAO.

So yeah I've been basically studying C.B. ( or, I guess caboose because he hasn't been called C.B in a long time... but C.B has more personality.. ) and my version of C.B. is probably a horrible amalgamation of OLC and 2015 Bochum. Because I love radio aesthetics and the Dinah friendship but I also love the toy soldier aesthetic and absolutely batshit laugh ( I also love it when C.B. is played by somebody too flexible for their own good ) hes just a glorified circus clown on wheels with a radio set strapped to his head.

And I wish I could pretend that I understand cutting him but I do and I don't and I do. Because I honestly feel like C.B in the original does more than Electra lmao. But I don't think cutting people is the solution most the time tbh.

Okay onto more half asleep rambling that is likely to change because I'm still in the early stages of this rewrite. But. I recognize that C.B. has some issues. The one most of my friends point out is that he seemingly has no motive. He just... Is silly I guess. And I think this is a bit funny because I do like an antagonist with the motive of " it would be funny " , but at the same time. Kind of hard to make that character very ...er... Well I'll just say it does get a bit boring.

Something I also heard was that in the reasons C.B. has been cut was because caboose's aren't exactly used anymore, which is totally fair!

But could also totally be a motivation! Think about it, why is C.B still working? Still working with the freight despite essentially being useless? Because greaseball wants to keep him around to use him for cheating. Easy! Obviously none of this could easily be translated to the show. But for some comics/writings? Yes. Yes.

Think about it. Rusty is struggling, he feels a bit useless because steam is falling behind! So he tries to win and prove himself. But who else feels useless because of their job being replaced? C.B. but unlike rusty, C.B takes the other path, instead of trying to be a role model and win or prove himself. He just goes down the path of crime. And hey, he's probably a crazy adrenaline junky too so he's still doing it for the fun!

And why does he betray greaseball? Plenty of reasons. C.B might dislike greaseball because of poor treatment, he might dislikes greaseball for his treatment of Dinah, he probably just wants to get the adrenaline high of betraying him in the first place. Maybe to prove that he's important and needed because if he doesn't help, greaseball will lose. And he wants to hold it over him for his own personal desire of self importance. Who knows. He's a complicated little clown he is.

Ok anyway yeah I'm like the #3 Dinahboose supporter I will draw them more hehbehehehee

[scarlet--wiccan]

You've made several posts about witchcraft, like the worldbuilding, surround it, and your ideas of the witches' road. Do you also have ideas to flesh out its magic system?

Nothing as detailed or sophisticated as you're probably imagining. Considering how magic and magic users typically function in Marvel comics, I think it's important for these things to be left open-ended. I would not want to box witchcraft into a hard magic system.

I've written at length about what distinguishes witches and witchcraft from other forms of magic in the Marvel world. There's already a lot there, but the thing that's often missing, for me, is a consistent use of characterizing detail. Witchcraft would feel more like its own thing if the writers and artists were consistent about using aesthetics and motifs that set it apart. If I was writing Wanda or Agatha, I'd want to familiarize myself with folk magic and traditional witchcraft practices, so that I could incorporate some of those images and modalities. I don't expect every writer to literally be a practicing witch, but if you get a sense of what kind of tools, symbols and methods a witch might use-- and how they'd use them-- you can create a more immersive atmosphere where witchcraft feels tangible and lived in. This could also be a fun way to give different characters their own specialties and create more variety in how they do witchcraft, without falling into the taxonomy trope.

That aside, a good place to start, if you want to do more world building, is to look for unanswered questions. For example, Scarlet Witch (2016) put a lot of focus on the cost of magic. Casting spells takes years off of Wanda's life, to the point that it's clearly not sustainable. I've always assumed that this was meant to be an imbalance caused by Witchcraft's illness-- when she's healed, Wanda's life is restored, but that begs the question, what does the magical ecosystem look like when Witchcraft is in balance? What is the "normal" price of magic? How does that work for "normal" witches-- you know, people who aren't super powerful like Wanda?

We've talked about how witchcraft fits into the eco-, ego-, and exocentric model, which can be used to explain where a witch's power comes from, but what does that look like in practice? How does one go about honing their innate powers and forming relationships with spirits, nature, and higher beings? What do you have to give, in order to get, as it were? Are there rituals involved? How much time is spent studying or crafting? How do we find space in an issue of comic book storytelling to showcase these quieter parts of magic-as-practice in a way that feels organic and moves the plot along? That's something that's missing in a lot of books these days, not just SW.

I realize that page space is limited, and comic book writers are very busy people. But if I were given stewardship of a character like Wanda, I would be taking this kind of stuff really seriously. You don't have to come up with a whole bespoke magic system, but asking yourself these kind of questions is just a good practice. You want to have those answers ready to go whenever the opportunity arises to inject a little imagination and detail into your world.

Just to give some examples, I wanted to throw out a couple ideas I had while I was noodling over this ask--

Billy lives on a foreign planet and is immersed in alien cultures that each have their own folklore and religion. Does being in such a different environment change his relationship with magic at all? As the Court Mage, what are his responsibilities? Taking a look at Billy's daily life and role in the Alliance would give him a chance demonstrate magic in a way that's more nuanced or intentional than his usual chanting gimmick. Personally, I'd really like to see Billy and Mur-G'nn working together to revitalize holy sites from both cultures, and have Billy respectfully learning about their beliefs while working on cultural unity projects, something that was hinted at in Scarlet Witch (2023).

We haven't really seen Amaranth casting spells yet, and her unique abilities seem to nullify most magic. Is she able to cast spells in the same way that as Wanda? If not, are there other ways for her to work with elemental powers, or access the magical properties of plants and natural materials-- synthesizing what's already there, rather than seeking to conjure or transform? This could be an engaging way to bring in more elements of practical, traditional witchcraft that you might not see with Wanda or Agatha, whose powers are so elevated. Plus, she's named after a flower-- it'd be a fun motif!

In general, having a student or protégée character creates a natural opportunity to talk about witchcraft on a more practical level. It would be very simple to just open an issue with a short lesson scene, and I think that it would go a long way to making Wanda and Amaranth's teacher-student relationship more believable. This brings up a few unanswered questions-- we know, as readers, that Amaranth is connected in some way to the Witchcraft goddess, but what was the pretense or purpose for Agatha tutoring her? What does she get out of being a witch. Where'd she get that costume? Did Agatha give it to her, and does it have any significance? I'm thinking of how Jennifer Kale's outfit is meant to be traditional priestess garb.

[benkyoutobentou]

（再）自己紹介 | Langblr Reintroduction!

皆さん　こんにちは！I recently hit a follower milestone and figured that it was time to reintroduce myself, as it's been quite a while, and I don't really have much information about me easily accessible on my blog. Additionally, I'd like to actually write stuff down about how this blog is organized. じゃあ、始めましょう！

Hi, my name is Nobody (they/them), my native language is English, and I like studying languages! Languages have interested me ever since I was a child, but I feel like I never knew how to properly learn a language until I started studying Japanese in 2020. Now, I also study Mandarin Chinese and German! Japanese is my main target language, and I would some day like to make Japanese my primary language. Yes, that means I'm interested in moving to Japan long-term.

Immersion is my favorite way to study, but as of right now, most of my immersion has been done in Japanese. Please tell me what you're reading or watching, or ask me what I'm reading or watching! I especially love talking about books and manga and would be more than willing to share recommendations!

Outside of language learning, my hobbies include horseback riding, gardening, and reading (in English). I also have a degree in music performance, but I don't really consider that to be a hobby since it's something I'm actively pursuing as a career.

As for my blog, I keep it mostly Japanese focused, mainly because I made this blog when I was only studying Japanese, but my other languages do show up once in a while, and much of the content I post/reblog isn't tied to a single language. Here are the tags I frequently use to organize my blog and what they all mean:

#benkyou posting - these are my own posts! These are usually tagged with at least one of the other tags, as this tag just denotes that I was the one who made it, not necessarily the content that it contains.

#languages - these are posts that are typically tied to a specific language or the specific study of languages. Resources for learning languages will also show up here.

#tips - these posts are general studying tips and may not be specifically about language learning, but are applicable to the study of languages.

#study - these posts are aesthetic posts of peoples' notes and study spaces.

#inspo - these posts are inspirational posts, for when you might have a bit of trouble getting into the study mood.

#art - this is just for Japanese art! Usually, it'll be traditional arts and I must admit that I'm a sucker for woodblock prints. If I reblog any sort of Japanese fashion (think more kimonos), it'll also show up here.

#culture - these are posts about the cultural aspects of Japan, such as explanations of festivals and the such.

#aesthetic - these are just beautiful photos of Japan, mostly temples. Again, these are just photos I like, and I really like shrines and castles (once someone called me a "temple weeb" and I'm still laughing about it).

#memes - this tag is for anything fun! Memes aren't the only thing that go in here- things such as polls and silly text posts will also show up here.

Things that I don't post or reblog include vocabulary lists and grammar explanations. I have nothing against them, I just don't particularly use them on tumblr and therefore find no reason to put them on my own blog. I've made a few vocabulary lists in the past, but have found that it's just not for me! Remember that language learning is a deeply personal journey and what works for you might not work for me and vice verse. Just because these things aren't particularly what I look for out of langblr content doesn't mean that they're not important to other people, but I would like to be clear about what shows up (and doesn't!) on my blog.

So welcome to my blog! I hope you choose to stick around a while! And for those who don't know Japanese, my blog name means "studying and lunch boxes."

[too-many-mes]

TW for C S A, nothing graphic, just the topic - I am spacing that out and not putting tags because the last time I put C S A tags on a post, I got an anon telling me I deserved to be SA'd, so no thanks. Nothing in here is graphic.

[Before anyone says it, and before you read, no, this is not about shipping discourse. I am not touching that shit with a 10 foot pole. Do not ask me about that shit, I barely know what it fuckin' means, I'm not talking about that, and if you think I am, no I am not.]

It really does baffle me that people seem to only be okay with vent art, so long as it's not extremely graphic. Especially, particularly, if it's extremely sexually graphic in terms of sexual abuse survivors. Like most people are in agreement that things like traumacore (which is a broad category of just overall trauma vent art in my own opinion and perception) and like general art to vent about other abuse and trauma, but suddenly because it's about extreme, graphic abuse and trauma, it's "STOP ROMANTICIZNG IT, IT'S UNHEALTHY!!!", "IT'S A BAD COPING SKILL, YOU'RE JUST AESTHETIZING IT AND ROMANTICIZING IT!!!" when people literally said, and still say, the exact same thing about self-harm vent art, depression vent art, anything like that. Like I have lived through those years of Tumblr era and online in general where people saw any kind of vent art that depicted self-harm, depression, abuse, etc. and people would get dogpiled and harassed and shamed for it and treated like they were romanticizing abuse, self-harm, etc. when they. Literally are just venting about their feelings, their trauma, their struggles??

Oh, and it's not just if it's C S A related, it's not just if it's related to more extreme abuse - it's just if the artwork/writing itself is extremely graphic and doesn't sugar coat anything. Like I'm not saying you have to enjoy looking at someone's extremely graphic vent art, but surely you see the hypocrisy here? Vent art is only okay if it is sanitized.

Once again, it always goes back to trauma survivors having to sanitize ourselves and sugar coat everything so that it doesn't make others violently and viscerally uncomfortable. And like, yeah, it is uncomfortable lmfao. Imagine how we feel.

Not to mention. Once again. Art therapy is a thing? That exists? That literally helps people? There are plenty of studies that talk about this. There are plenty of studies that even show that oftentimes drawings by children are some of the only ways they can tell what happened. Same for adults, especially if you have DID.

And even if that random stranger on the internet is somehow making artwork that is in some way only worsening their trauma or whatever, that's not your business. 🤷 Like maybe don't shame people for having maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren't to your tastes.

I've drawn extremely vile things. I've written extremely vile things. I have no idea what they mean, I have no idea if they are hinting at any kind of actual events I have actually experienced or anything, but you know what didn't help me? The amount of people who say you are a pedophile for even daring to make art that depicts such horrific, graphic, and vile sexually abusive things. I constantly feel terrified that I am secretly a pedophile and don't know it, don't realize it. I am constantly terrified that my artwork is just me being a sick, disgusting, vile freak, instead of. Y'know. The possibility that it really is just a manifestation of extreme fucking abuse.

This is where it gets a bit more graphic, but I am NOT describing specific C S A acts or anything, but it is graphic in a way.

I am going to speak about this as if I know for a fact that I experienced these things, even thought I don't know, just keep that in mind before I say this. I'm being extremely bold sharing all of this and I might edit this out later or delete this post altogether, but I have experienced C S A under the lens of believing it as a healthy, consensual, pleasurable experience. Most of my vent art and things I have written depicts this. They depict C S A as if it was normal, healthy, consensual sex. As a result, a lot of the artwork and things I've written could even be mistaken as literal erotica or "romanticizing sexual abuse." Other stuff I've drawn/written is just straight-up graphic and violent C S A, it's just not sugar-coated or sanitized and is extremely graphic.

Like are you sure that person is "romanticizing" or "aestheticizing" their trauma/abuse? Are you sure that person is exploring their trauma in an "unhealthy" way, or is their artwork/writing the only way they can express deep, personal feelings that you could not possibly understand? And in the case that one out of every whatever number of people IS just making art and writing things that is only making it worse for them, do you only think that about people who make artwork/writing that you find gross/vile/uncomfortable/too graphic/etc., or does that apply to other vent art as well? Because if not, you should rethink that thought process. And again, do you really think it would be okay to shame people for having maladaptive coping mechanisms?

[blackcrowing]

"...history is nothing if not a suppositional discipline, sometimes akin to a sort of speculative fiction of the past." - Neil Price

[kitchenalia]

Re: your recent post on cottagecore, how do you feel about the 'dark academia' aesthetic? I love how it's portrayed in media- Kill Your Darlings, Dead Poet's Society, The Secret History, etc, but I've found online communities around it quite idk? hollow? I was interested by the aesthetic because I love learning, I love old books, particularly Victorian, but reddits and tumblrs that label themselves 'dark academia' just seem entirely superficial. Pictures of things without engagement, dressing like a scholar without researching/studying anything. I mean I saw a dark academia blog talk about all the 'problematic' elements in TSH and it was like they'd misunderstood the whole book. 'Bunny says problematic things' yeah and you're supposed to hate him for it!? Anyway, love your blog, you're so smart! <3

i'm sorry that it took me so long to respond, anon! i think that dark academia is and should remain a literary or film genre/aesthetic/set of themes. i enjoy the basic idea of "dark and immoral things happening in upper-class, somewhat isolated academic settings" the same way that i enjoy occasionally reading fiction about unethical scientific experimentation or piracy in space. it doesn't mean that i want to see an entire tumblr tag filled with people earnestly believing that a sweater vest is dark academia. if you want to dress like a nerd who holds books, go for it, but people try to shove literally any academic effort into the dark academia label.

i also don't wholly get the 'romanticization' of it, or people acting like simply pursuing academic goals is dark academia. The Secret History was about a horrible group of young adults committing murder and trying to get away with it; why would you want to emulate that or pretend it also applies to your studies? i understand why people aren't into the source material because it can be really unenjoyable, but i did like those aspects of it. "isolated boarding school murder committed by pretentious, annoying people (maybe with some classics nonsense thrown in)" is just something that i thematically enjoy in literature. i'm not very much into the genre anymore for so many reasons but making it into a general aesthetic was a mistake.

[zaxal]

i worry that when i talk about the double standards between visual artists and writers in fandom spaces, folks misinterpret that as bad blood to the artists, but that ain't it.

i grew up on the early 2000s internet where the overwhelming sentiment was that writers were somehow invasive to whatever media they were a fan of. there was a clear hierarchy where artists who made gen or canon ship fanart were treated as major pillars of the fandom. visual artists who made shippy (esp queer) fanart might get cringed at by the more mainstream nerds, but it was nothing compared to the outright disdain and hostility directed at fic writers. the idea that we might want to add to canon, take away from it, or transform it in any way was met with anger and disgust, especially once you were over the age of 15. even drawn porn and fetish material was treated as more normal than someone writing the most milquetoast, blandest canon-compliant character study.

i didn't start writing fic until i was 20, because the idea that i would care about something enough to write about it made me somehow a bad, intrusive, rude, and disrespectful person was so deeply ingrained from years of spending time in mainstream nerd spaces.

fandom has gotten better, but there's a clear divide between what is acceptable behavior for visual artists vs fic writers. we're not supposed to ask for reblogs (there was a whole THING for a few years where many people insisted their blog's aesthetic didn't allow them to reblog any text-only or text-heavy posts, and we were supposed to respect that and not make them feel guilty about it). we're not supposed to ask for kudos or comments or interaction or validation of any kind. strangely, we're expected to be grateful to have readers at all, even if the only way we're supposed to know is an unreliable hit counter on ao3.

some of it, i feel, is a lingering shame, that many folks don't want anyone else to know the particulars of the fic they read because it reveals something about the reader as much as the writer.

and i think it's partly a problem of marketability. someone drawing even the filthiest porn could be theoretically building an audience for their future commissions or webcomic/s or portfolio.

whereas fic writers aren't supposed to be acknowledged. we're not supposed to let anyone know who we are. if we write fic, it should be strictly walled off from our main writing persona, because the idea that we would write fic harms our marketability and our potential brand.

and i don't really know why this all is, but it chafes something terrible. someone more clever than me could probably tie this into the rise of conservative reactionaries and respectability politics in queer spaces, including fandom, but i don't have that in me rn.

just like... love your authors. (you don't have to love me. i wish i had more readers and more interaction, but this isn't just about me.) if you have a fic writer whose work you enjoy, boost their posts on socmed the same way you would an artist. leave comments on their new chapters. interact with them. send them asks about their fic or headcanons or potential scenarios you think would interest them.

fic writers publish because we've made something we want to share, and wanting feedback and support and love for something we made and shared with the fandom isn't wrong just because our medium is writing. we deserve the same consideration as any other fandom creator.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Talking about younger folks in DID spaces

For some reason a big burst of people reblogging that post are minors claiming DID/OSDD, some of them as young as 14, and obviously I'm not going to be an ass to them and obviously I can't for sure say what anyone has/doesn't have but I'm gonna be real and say if someone is still an underclassman in HS or younger I'm not gonna believe they have DID/OSDD I'm just not. Sorry not sorry. That's still a child that barely has had time to figure out their own identity and is trying to find a clinical reason they feel the way they do when the clinical reason is that they're a developing child.

Back when I was in a System Server™ there were occasionally youth not that young but still pretty young who came in and sometimes it felt like. I'm not going to pass judgement on you in any way that matters and I'm going to keep it to myself but do you know people are complex.

And not to be some grumpy old person or whatever but I do think that the internet has in some way impacted this. I think that in a lot of places in the internet people are expected to fit themselves into neat little boxes and everything has a place and everything that doesn't belong in that place goes some other place, and then people (esp young people, esp esp young people who are and have over the past two years lost out on a lot of chances to meet and interact wholly with real, whole people) see these little cardboard cutout personas people put out online and think that's how everyone is, and then see that they themselves do not fit neatly into one cardboard cutout and assume the worst.

Like, IDK this is a stupid example but if someone runs like, a academia aesthetic study blog then it would be weird for them to also post their favorite Dropkick Murphy's song onto the blog, or their favorite recipe for fried salami. And they might want to answer asks in a way that's more formal because of the blog theme. But that doesn't mean the person behind the screen can't like dark libraries AND Irish rock AND fried salami AND maybe dress up in pastels. But the internet kinda wants people to fit into these cute little cohesive windows into someone's life. And I feel that must be even more true for places like Twitter where things are more connected to like, you as a person rather than being anonymous. But meeting people in real life, you'll meet people who aren't cohesive. We're all, everyone, patchwork quilts of our varied experiences and the people we've met and the places we've been and no one's patchwork quilt is all one color or pattern. And I think I worry for a lot of the young young young people online (TBH I worry about them being so online at all in general, but y'know) who are investing so much time and effort into neatly labeling every part or perceived part of self, updating with who's fronting all the time, etc etc etc because I feel like for those who don't have a dissociative disorder (which, statistically has to be most of them) they're denying to themselves and leading their friends away from the realization that people can be disjointed and not fully cohesive and consistent. Rather than coming to terms with the fact that someone can like punk rock and have their favorite color be baby blue, they're keeping those experiences separate and insisting that must be two separate identities. And I don't know what that's going to do long term, but it probably isn't great.

Not to mention that that combined with the weird. Stranger danger-esque avoidance of any adults ever means that this is just 15 year olds comparing themselves to other 15 year olds to judge themselves in whether they fit the idea of normal development expected of a 25 year old.

(the stranger danger thing does confuse and worry me esp as someone who works with youth, the weird turnaround from my youth where 15 year olds share all their personal information online combined with "literally anyone over the age of 18 who tries to in any way interact with or talk to or exist in the same space as someone 17- is automatically assumed the worst of" seems like a recipe for disaster. Healthy intergenerational relationships can be so important and helpful, esp for youth who don't have good relationships with parents. I could write a whole post about this alone, and how healthy relationships with adults are necessary to help young people recognize unhealthy expectations from dangerous adults but also this is long enough already.

[preheville]

fran taking the bullet for all of you 😏 ok get ready because i've been oggling these guys for years and years and have a lot of thoughts and opinions on them:

studyblr is the name given to the subculture devoted to glorifying academics and you can find them on other delightful tags such as #studyspo #dark academia etc. though it's definitely not just a tumblr thing, it's gained a significant foothold here. you can find entire blogs dedicated to posting and reposting ~aesthetic~ photos of journals and notion pages and pens and desks on virtually any social media platform, and while it's definitely not entertaining for everyone, many people do, in fact, find solace in it, given that it is a subculture dedicated to the act of studying and falls into the broader topic of academia, which a lot of people find the aesthetics of appealing.

there's nothing technically wrong with the act of engaging with or being a part of these subcultures, and i'm definitely not here to preach (that would be hypocrisy). they can in fact be helpful for some people! it's an incentive to do schoolwork which is usually a tedious task at best and fosters a semblance of real community given that it revolves around real-life events and not media.

however, there are definite problems with the community at large and i think one of the biggest ones is within the concept itself — studyblr sort of branches off from the wider umbrella of dark academia which is notorious for being exclusive, elitist, and racist alongside a plethora of other things. "but margot!" you say to me "it's a tag filled with teenagers who like bad poetry and wearing turtlenecks! what's so wrong with that!"

well, intrepid reader, i say to you the concept of dark academia (assume i am referring to studyblr as well when i say this) quite literally stems from the real life field of institutional academics. go to school of course, but there is a very large amount of rhetoric that still needs to be hashed out about the elitism of real life academia and the consequences thereof. historically, academic institutions have always favoured a specific subset of person and that subset is white wealthy cishet abled men. this reflects on the online subculture. while many online spaces are very queer-inclusive there isn't that much room made for people of colour and if you go in any affiliated tag you can (and will) be accosted by a slew of quote unquote aesthetic photography of skinny white people in tweed jackets. people of colour are purposefully, as well as subconsciously, excluded from the community on a regular basis. (not that this is the only one in which this is the case.) there's also the wider argument that the reason is because statistically speaking people that aren't white wealthy cishet men are less likely to have access to the means of pursuing higher education and would therefore not be interested in the culture, and here's where i remind you that we're talking about tumblr and not oxford university.

alright, so we've established that the social media subculture of academics is deeply flawed from a moralist standpoint. moving onto my next observation: the glorification of study isn't always a good thing and very often instead promotes grind/hustle culture and all manner of delightful capitalist bootlicking.

disclaimer: i am well aware that we live in a society that values work above all else. most things you consume in real life were made by exploiting someone else. this isn't meant to guilt-trip you; it's a statement of fact. subsequently, many things you do in your real-life, many of the goals you hold and are asked to obtain, have the end-vision of a prosperous, successful life in mind. what defines a successful life? wealth. materialism. how high, how fast, and how far you can go? who set that standard?

again, this is not a personal failing, it's just how we've been programmed to believe in our present-day society. the work culture perpetuated by studyblr hinges on also acknowledging the hustle — 100 days of study challenges, perfectly poised journal entries to better enable work — which exists because we live in a society that worships the act of work. it's well known that hustle culture kills creativity, destroys morals and ethics, and, in fact, lowers productivity rather than increasing it, all while breeding on and perpetuating a truly toxic environment of 'if you're not working in some way at all hours you are Wasting Your Time'. there is a threshold to cross where just going 'teehee look i finished all the tasks on my list' becomes dangerous for a person's mental and moral wellbeing, and instead encourages a perfectionist, overworked mindset instead. i am not the only person who holds this opinion (if it can even just be called an opinion).

finally, there is something so truly exploitive and pervasive about posting daily check-ins and desk photography to an audience of thousands and millions of people on a regular basis. at some point the question instead becomes: are you really doing this for yourself? or for the validation you get from the likes? on a small-scale there's nothing wrong with posting a photo of your bullet journal to the internet. if anything, it might be a reason to get you more into the habit, if it's something you want to get into, or encourage you to get that project you've been procrastinating done. on a wider scale, however, it actually diminishes the value of any art you might have gotten out of it. again, why are you posting it, really, honestly?

additionally, the plagiarism/blatant theft culture of academia subcultures is hardly even a dark underbelly, it's a thriving and very open craft. look at any image of a daily spread on pinterest and you'll be almost sure to find a repost of it somewhere else, and somewhere else, and somewhere else. why credit the artist when it barely qualifies as art to begin with, right? and then it becomes, if you're posting your art to a place where you know it'll be stolen, is it really your art anymore? there's nothing you can do about it except let go or ask politely, and when has that ever worked for anybody?

(there is something to be said here about likes and social media and happiness levels being linked to online engagement; but i won't get into that.)

am i reading too far into this? not at all (ok maybe a little) — i fully believe in all of it and it's based on my own personal observations. i acknowledge my view may be skewed but this is my perspective. also bookending this with i am really not preaching to anyone and am just pointing out that these online cultures come from a very bigoted place and need to work on adjusting themselves to being more inclusive and more critical of their own behaviour. obviously there is more to be said about elitism/exclusionism/validation/etc. but this is what i could cover in a tumblr post that's already WAY too long lol

[imanes]

Ill soon move to Copenhagen to study abroad!! But i am worried about navigating European society as a black American woman. I dont know how much your identity might overlap with mine but do you have any tips for navigating white European society?? I know it varies by country but any insight into how race is perceive would be appreciated!!

hello! first of all congratulations, studying abroad is such a great opportunity and i hope it'll all go amazingly for you <3 now while a lot of europe is the same in important ways, a lot of europe is also very different in key aspects lmao. i have once heard that denmark was the france of scandinavia, meaning that they were huge assholes. my experiences with danish people confirmed that theory, since one was a huge fascist and the other one was a cunt who never said hello back. with all of that being said, there is still hope for them i guess or at least i choose to believe it bc some day i'd like to visit and i'd hate to feel like they should take one for them team and launch themselves into the sun for the good of humanity

anyways all of that tangent to say: white Europeans are a LOT to deal with. my friend just launched an exhibition about all the shit that she, as a black woman, was told over the years navigating white, belgian spaces. you'll have to deal with a lot of microaggressions, and since europeans have their heads far up their own asses yet think their shit smells like roses, they can't even fathom that they don't live in a mythical post-racial society where they get to be racist in peace because "they aren't americans" -_- as if structural racism was an american phenomenon and not a european construct

i am a non-black muslim woman of colour so there are some things that may overlap between you and i but i do not experience anti-blackness. as an american though, u will "enjoy" a certain amount of leeway because you come from a western country, and therefore aren't the "wrong" kind of migrant for the danish mind, aka a refugee or a migrant from africa or a hijabi. but it doesn't mean that it'll be a walk in the park either. denmark likes to think of itself as a "social democrat" country but social democracy only applies to white people there. however there are many ppl of colour in copenhagen itself and i hope you'll manage to build a support system that will help you navigate and put up with the insanity of denmark. it is a beautiful country from a purely aesthetic perspective but there is a lot of fuckery that is on par with france, but with taller and blonder people (or bald headed neo-nazis).

now i don't want to paint a catastrophising picture for you to only take away the fact that denmark is racist but i do want u to protect ur spirit and mind and kind of steel yourself against potential scenarios that may await u. i even hate to suggest that u actually have to harden urself but it is what it is. i'm not saying that other european countries are inherently better either, belgium is also a lot to take in and so is france or the netherlands or spain or italy and so on. anti-blackness, islamophobia and antisemitism are rampant here but it doesn't necessarily define every single experience of every day, and i do hope you'll end up having a completely different experience than what i'm saying might await you! it is after all a big city and big cities tend to offer a plethora of different (and perhaps more positive) experiences. but in any case know that you aren't alone. the black lives matter movement is gaining a lot of traction throughout europe and i know there's a danish chapter so obviously there's work being done on civil society level to foster a less racist environment. it might be the case that danish ppl are like americans and that u won't really be all that disconcerted with their behavior. but idk and i choose to hope for the best for you! wishing u the best of luck and if u want to rant when u are there my inbox is open!

[notfeelingthyaster]

Imagine (based on the incomplete fanfic Son of the Underworld) (Son of Hades! Percy AU) (5/5) or (5/10)

Hey so, this is the last part of PJO - I follow into HOO, so before you read this, check on the masterpost - and read the warnings before proceeding :)) Good reading!

Annabeth comes to him, at the end of his fifteenth birthday party, and shows her Daedalus laptop. There's a document open in it, and it's labeled Achilles' Curse.

Percy doesn't read it - he hates reading, in any way or form or language - but she does, out loud.

"I'll think about it"

They have a year. Most of them, even those who aren't year-rounders, are going back to camp, to draw battle plans and stock on the armory.

He feels kinda selfish - for a whole five seconds before he remembers he'll probably die next summer, so he just shrugs it off - Percy deserves this year.

They all leave to go back to camp. Nico seems conflicted over something - but Perseus doesn't question it, there's enough bad blood between them.

Paola is really cool - and Sally really loves her. It's kind of bizarre at first, to see his Mom dating his teacher - and of a subject he hates - but Paola is calm and well-tempered and she laughs at his stupid ass jokes.

He visits Persephone afterward - and it really feels like he has three moms to fulfill his lack of a father - well, he is absolutely grateful for the women in his life.

Percy isn't truly in good terms with his father. The man doesn't really seem to care much for him as a person - he is much more of a trophy son.

Perseus loathes being a trophy son, but at least he has someone to help with his powers - not something a lot of half-bloods can claim.

So he goes back to school with Rachel, and they pretend everything is normal. He tells her about his quests - all three of them. He thinks she understands him better now.

He opens up to her. Tells her about Annabeth - the adrenaline-fueled kiss - and Rachel stops talking with him for a week.

She apologizes when she comes back. She needed to figure some things up - firstly, the redhead tells him she is probably asexual - and maybe aromantic too, but she is not certain because the internet wasn't really clear about that.

Then Rachel confesses that she is not jealous of him in a romantic way - she is envious of his friendship with Annabeth. Percy is her first genuine friend that really appreciates her.

This is the first grudge Perseus lets go for real before it even takes place - Rachel didn't leave him because of teenage drama, she ignored him out of confusion. Everyone is allowed space - he knows this better than anyone.

They don't kiss anymore. Not because Rachel doesn't like it - no, she is all for it - but because Percy is starting to think kisses should mean something - he is saving them.

They kiss once - when Rachel father calls for the first time this year - not to ask about her, but to tell Rachel he found this amazing all-girls school. To Percy, kisses mean comfort.

They cuddle a lot, though. These past few years of fear have made Percy very touch-starved.

It's sophomore year - and Percy is in five AP classes: Macroeconomics&Microeconomics, Statistics, Calculus AB, Physics 1, and Comparative Government and Politics.

He is planning on taking both AP Computer Science classes, Psychology, Physics 2, and Calculus BC next year; leaving only Electricity&Magnetism, Mechanics, Chemistry, and World History for his senior year.

If he lives, he is working on a tight schedule here. He doesn't know what he wants yet - and if he is in constant danger, it's already pretty lucky he can do high school - but probably something with Math.

Rachel says fourteen AP courses are ambitious - that he'll burn out. But math comes to him easily enough - it's in his blood.

She is also overworking: She is taking AP Environmental Studies, Art History, Drawing, 2-D Art and Design, and English Literature and Composition.

They complete each other. Rachel is planning on taking as many Art, History, and English courses as she can - he is taking as many Physics, Math, and Science as he can handle.

(She is also going to take on Japanese studies for some reason - probably for her GPA, but Perseus just teases her that she is getting too invested in anime)

Perseus doesn't care about languages anymore - the only languages that matter to him are C++ and JavaScript now.

They study together, they take naps together, they climb to the roof together, they flee school to visit Sally together - he is the Pinky to her Brain, the Scooby to her Shaggy, the Lois Lane to her Superman, the Robin to her Batman.

They look like troublemakers - They are honor roll students, but she is always with ripped pants dirty with paint, and he is always full of flowers everywhere, even in his muddy converses - a cliche to kill all cliches.

They're both nerds - he is the classic one, all polo shirts now, the first chair for every number-related class - and she is the artsy one - there's a brush behind her ear and her hair is so messy that half the time it covers her face.

Paola gifts him a pair of cheap frames without lenses once - saying it adds to the aesthetic - he totally uses them.

Persephone just makes him flower-crowns, and giggles when he matches them with his polo shirts.

When winter comes, he goes back to his hoodies and sweaters and gloves - to find out he doesn't miss them a lot.

Rachel introduces him to polaroids - and they look eerily pretty in the winter, her hair looking like blood spilling over the snow - and he loves it.

If he survives - he can feel Rachel slapping him - when he survives, his college credits will be remarkable. The idea of doing SATs makes him want to cry - reading always does - but he'll get somewhere good - he knows it. Perhaps Stanford. Or NYU. Or the dream of his life, MIT.

He is living his life to the fullest - he starts reading comic books, he gets really (really) into Tony Stark once Iron Man 1 comes out (even if he has to kill at least three monsters just to go to the movies), he plants trees and Rachel starts teaching him how to play her ukulele - but half his mind is still on the upcoming war.

Christmas vacation comes - and he goes to visit Camp Half-Blood, before heading back to his mom. It's quite memorable, if only by the fact that Nico Di Angelo freaking betrays him.

He tells Percy to come to the Winter Solstice with him. Most of the campers are not going - the war effort is in an all-time high - but Percy has never gone before. Hades will be there - it'll be great!

Perseus should absolutely be less surprised with the outcome - seeing that Nico is inviting him in Cabin 1, post-dinner, and they don't even stop to talk to Chiron about it.

But Percy goes. Because Percy wants to make amends.

There's no time to really talk to anyone. They travel in Blackjack for the Empire State Building - and it's fine.

They go up to Olympus, Nico shows him everything in the god's land, the temples are a work of art, if not kind of old, and the meeting is kind of okay, even if the gods are squabbling children.

Then the gods leave, and Perseus thinks they're leaving too.

"My father needs a word with you"

Perseus feels the betrayal claw on him. There are no shadows in the white hall, there's no way for him to escape. Nico looks apologetic - Percy wants to clock him in the face.

"He promised to tell me more about my mother" Nico pleads "He will tell me more about where I've come from. Please, Percy."

Nico is cute. He is, for a soon-to-be fourteen-year-old. But his pretty face and exquisite white eyes don't make him any less of a freaking liar. All his handsome male straight friends betray him - it's a worrying pattern now.

He muses for a second that they also all have a crush on Annabeth - gods, the blonde attract the worst types.

It's double-crossing - Percy ends up in an all-white cell that burns his retinas without any weapons because Zeus wants praise in the middle of this freaking war - doesn't matter if a hundred demigods die, if he only has the glory.

Nico ends up with barely any information - Zeus didn't promise anything. The god of the skies is a lying-ass motherfucker - literally.

And Zeus justifies it - He says Perseus is a criminal because he awakened Typhon. So Hephaestus issues a quest so he can save a hundred demigods, he destroys a powerful titan weapon of doom, and he is the villain? Sure, Jan.

Perseus writes this grudge in his heart - that's where trust will take you. To a cell. Betrayed by a "friend". Again.

He flinches when Nico comes into his cell, pins him to the wall and promptly begins to try and strangle him. He wants to melt in the boy's shadow - to go and never give him a chance to explain - but he looks so guilty Percy waits for his repentance.

The son of Zeus saves him, but Perseus is still pissed off. The god of thunder has threatened to kill him off at least two times now, what is to say he wouldn't have killed off Percy for the sake of glory?

He half hopes Zeus had killed him off. The war is close, too close - Nico wouldn't be the Prophecy's child. There would be no child. Olympus would fall - and Percy would have seen it all from his very comfortable couch in Elysium.

He wants Kronos gone - but he kind of wants Olympus to fall with the Titan.

Nico flies him down to the Earth - the elevator is monitored. Zeus has left, like many others - not to bother with the war effort against his main enemy, but to go to the human world mess with people.

Some gods are doing something - He has heard from Annabeth that Artemis is leading the widest hunt ever, with her brother by her side; Hermes (with Hephaestus help) is delivering Celestial Bronze, other metals, old schematics and a whole lot of fuel to Camp Half-Blood every few weeks; Poseidon is fighting his own war, in the ocean; Dionysus is at Camp - and this time, he is really helpful with the battle formations; Demeter is on the Underworld - Chiron seems to think his father is preparing for war, but Percy sorely doubts it.

Percy is taking some people with him to Sally's Christmas dinner. Just Annabeth, Clarisse, Rachel, Connor, Travis, and Charles - people who don't have a present family to celebrate it with.

Grover is coordinating the dryads up in San Francisco with his second cousin, Gleeson Hedge - they are the first to fall if anything goes wrong in Mt. Othrys.

"I think you should stay." He tells Nico.

"You don't trust me anymore." It's not actually a question.

Percy doesn't trust the boy. Not at all - it's the third time he does something shady to achieve his ends based on emotional turmoil. But he is a good person - it's just his father's cursed temper and his grief.

"It's not that. You're needed for the war effort."

Both of them know it's a lie. Percy doesn't care - he deserves to be bitter a little longer.

Percy goes back home. Christmas is amazing - even if Rachel asks him where Nico is because he is talking about making amends with the boy for a while now.

He goes visit Persephone - but she is occupied, so he wanders through the Underworld after Bianca di Angelo - someone he, for some reason, never been able to reach. It's a pointless endeavor by now.

He finds her. Or else, he finds a shadow of her - she is blocked from his view. Bianca doesn't talk to him - they weren't close - but she guides him to a girl.

Her name is Hazel Levesque.

She seems lost - like most ghosts - but something in Percy calls for her. It's the color of her skin and the sparkle in her golden eyes - Hazel remembers him of himself.

He promises to visit more - even though he doesn't think she'll remember it - and leaves to go back to the surface - he will finish the sophomore year.

And Percy does. After a very distressing break, he is doing his best. His grades drop a little in English because he can barely focus - half his mind is on the war and Nico's betrayal and Hazel Levesque's golden eyes.

Miraculously, his GPA doesn't fall - he still is taking a ridiculous amount of AP classes, and barely has time to breathe - dark circles grow under his eyes, and he looks like a mess - but now he is a Junior.

That's why, as soon as the year ends, Rachel takes him on a road trip with Connor. They go all the way to Boston, then Portland, Quebec, Montreal, Ottawa, Syracuse, Baltimore, and Filadelfia, before going back to NY.

They are stopped five times by the police - because Percy is black, and it's Rachel driving the Camaro, because she has a learner's permit and Connor is, somehow, an approved license holder.

They are on a pier, enjoying the view of the beach. They did the last week alone because Connor wanted to go check on one of his cousins - at least, that's what he said, with an over-exaggerated wink that both Percy and Rachel ignored for the sake of their sanity.

She tells him about Clarion Ladies Academy - but that her father is at least mildly happy with her GPA this year, even if he disapproves of her Art focused AP classes. Percy thinks Mr. Dare would love him, with his APs on Economics and Politics, if only he was rich. And white.

This time, when Charles Beckendorf arrives in a Pegasus to tell him it's time, Rachel doesn't kiss him - she justs hugs him and makes him promise to call her.

Perseus doesn't go to the Andromeda Ship - he is needed in Camp. He is useless on the water - but they do need him to improve battle strategy.

Charles Beckendorf is dead. Thalia is the one to tell them - she was in her father's palace helping with a monster under her Lady's orders - he went on the mission alone.

Percy talks briefly with Beckendorf's ghost - is his worst developed power, and he can barely hold the "seance" for more than a few minutes. He does it with only Nico di Angelo for witness - the others are the way to close to the situation.

There's a spy passing information to Luke.

They look at him. Doesn't matter how much he does, he is always the first suspect - he is a son of Hades. He was friends with a lot of people on the other side. He was gone for a year and a half, who knows where.

Perseus wants to say that he has helped to save their asses four times now - that without him in the Labyrinth, they would all be dead right now - and that Charles was basically his older brother.

Then he points out he wasn't even here - he had no idea of any plans of anything - and he told him about the spy, so he is not the freaking spy, go point fingers at each other instead of him.

When they start yelling, he stops them - this is not the time, he was just angry at their accusations. They have to burn Charles shroud. Silena is inconsolable - Percy is not very far from it, but he is not a public crier. The last time he cried in public, Luke was dead on a cliff.

Percy speeds up the line for Elysium to Beckendorf - his brother deserves it.

They read the prophecy together - Perseus already read it last summer, he doesn't even care anymore. They look at him anxiously - no one has forgotten that he abhors most of the gods.

Clarisse and Michael Yew fight, but Lee Fletcher - with a mechanical arm built by Beckendorf himself, still re-learning how to shoot arrows and forever incapable of playing the guitar again (but the keyboard is not ruled out yet) - stops them: They can share the chariot. The war is more important - is not the time for petty fights.

Chiron shows them Typhon - and Perseus has a sliver of hope that they can destroy Kronos and be free of the gods at the same time - It's a horrible hope, because he loves Persephone and some of them are even okay sometimes, but he really wants Zeus to go to Tartarus for at least a century, so Perseus doesn't meet him again in this life.

But he also wants the gods to win, because there's a lot of dead people - innocents, people who have nothing to do with this war.

He dreams of Rachel. Rachel is painting Luke - and Percy wakes up crying, for the boy the gods took away.

Annabeth takes him aside and reminds him of Achilles' Curse. He is off to May Castellan's house - the last place Luke has been - for it's his best and only chance, its what Annie thinks. And she is scarcely wrong.

Perseus hates the gods. They wrecked a family - and for what? May Castellan - forever waiting for a son that will never come back, haunted by visions of his future, plates of burned cookies everywhere.

Perseus doesn't pity her - he rages against the gods, who brought madness upon this woman and then left her to it. Where was Apollo, the god of health? Dionysus, who is supposed to control mental health? Artemis, whose job is to protect women?

Hestia is kind - but she is still a goddess. She could've prevented this - but she hides in her hearth and abstains - and that's enabling. Hestia enables the other gods to do as they please, even when she is the oldest. She says they ignore her - oh well, she ignores them right back! He has no time for the laments of another all-powerful being.

So he goes to his mother and asks for her blessing. Then, just to be sure, he asks Persephone's too.

He thinks about his anchor - where does he want it to be in his body. He doesn't want somewhere in his back - where he can't see it - or in his gut - where anyone can stick a sword. He settles for the bottom of his back - where he can at least touch it and it's well protected by armor - and dives.

Perseus hates water - and he has an uncanny fear of drowning. He feels pain - everywhere, horrible pain.

His vision now doesn't have Annabeth's face - the blonde is his link to the demigod world, Persephone is his link to the Underworld and his mom is his link to childhood - but the person who grounds him is Rachel.

He is stronger. He feel his powers at his fingertips - Perseus feels the Underworld as a whole, and it's overwhelming.

Green flames explode from his hands. Flowers made of shadows curve around his ankles - he has been training since he was 12, but now his body can sustain all of his power. This is all his.

He goes meet with his father - Perseus manipulates him. He tells Hades he'll be the hero, but the god himself can be praised for more than being his father. That he should join the battle against Typhon - That's his chance of proving himself. Also, there's less paperwork for him if there are fewer dead people.

His father is amused with his blatant bribing, but he thinks about it, Percy can tell. In a way or another, he excuses himself and goes back to the surface where he is needed.

Persephone stalls him. She asks him to stay, just for this night. He can go back in the morning - he sleeps, and dreams of Rachel again, drawing in the sand. In greek.

He is scared for her - she is having demigod dreams, but she is mortal. Something is wrong.

Typhon is getting worse - and Kronos draws closer to NYC. It's time - he calls for Blackjack and leaves - Mrs. O'Leary, who has become more or less of a mother to his own hellhound, follows. Persephone promises to convince Hades.

They have about sixty campers able to fight heading for the Empire State Building, and five healers. The ones too young to lift a sword or string a bow stayed back at Camp with Argus - fifteen children between 5 and 9 years old.

Percy knows he looks different - he looks just like his father. He has gained a godly aura - he has no scars anymore, no imperfections. Perseus looms over all of them - he went from 5'7'' to 6'2'' - it's a weird view, from up there. It's still strange when they look at him with a mix of fear and admiration.

Perseus Jackson is officially their leader. He hates Olympus - but he will give his life to defend every single one of his demigods.

The vision Hestia shows him just makes him want to tear this throne room with his bare hands - Luke was a kid. He was a kid - and the gods corrupted him. Thalia was a kid - and the gods took her life, twice. Annabeth is still a kid - they all are - and she is here planning battle strategies.

Annabeth missed an extra year of formal education - while Percy is a Junior, Annabeth barely qualifies for a Freshman - because the gods took this from her too.

Percy rages. The ground of Olympus trembles beneath him - he wants to kill something.

Then Hermes appears - like this whole war is not his fault in the first place, the literal bastard - just to relay a message from Athena that gives them a plan that Annabeth was already putting into works and tells Percy to stay away from Annabeth.

Like she cares. Like Athena has ever, ever, done anything for Annabeth.

Perseus can't punch Athena, so he punches the messager (also, because he freaking guilt trips both of them about Luke). He has nothing to lose - he is going to die by the end of the day anyway, and they need him too much.

He has punched a god before - Ares, in a desert in the middle of Los Angeles - but this time, it's satisfactory. He feels good after it.

Hermes seems strangely resigned - He feels guilty about Luke too, but Perseus doesn't think it's enough. It'll never be enough, not while the gods leave their children to rot in a cabin of rejects and May Castellan bakes cookies for a son that will never come back.

Hermes leaves, ashamed. It's only fair, Perseus thinks. They all should be ashamed.

They see the city asleep - the prophecy is in the works.

Perseus executes their strategy - every cabin is covering a tunnel, with the exception of Dionysus, because Pollux is with the Demeter kids, and the Hecate kids stay behind to use spells to overlook the city. Lincoln Tunnel is getting covered by Ares - who, this time around, is actively participating.

The undetermined who didn't desert are with Hermes - and the minor god's children are divided by specialty - most Hypnos and Morpheus children follow him directly, but the two sons of Iris go with the Apollo Cabin.

Annabeth executes Plan 23, automatons, mounting on Mrs. O'Leary (who has strict orders to take Annabeth anywhere she wants without stopping to play around) - she doesn't need his help with this, and Percy has a tunnel to defend.

That left the rivers uncovered - until Thalia appears, with magical sand money, and made the rivers cooperate.

The hunters join the Aphrodite kids - who are half a dozen children between 11 and 19 - the oldest being Silena Beauregard, who uses a crossbow that looks exactly like her immortal half-brother's one.

His bridge is completely covered on skeletons - but no monster comes, even if he hears explosions. He leaves an English Lieutenant from the Battle of Yorktown in command of the bridge - with Tyene, the oldest daughter of Morpheus, to be in alert and don't let Clovis sleep through the battle. Because he did it before - and while it is funny, it can't happen right now.

Perseus mounts Blackjack - and go see where the noise is coming from. It's the Williamsburg Bridge - where are most of Apollo's Cabin.

They fight - and Percy almost cries when he sees Luke, who is not Luke anymore. Luke, who is a puppet controlled by Kronos.

Perseus kills the Minotaur and the weight of his stone spikes collapse the bridge - and Michael Yew dies. This time around, the bridge falls silently into shadows, and he doesn't bother about searching for the corpse - he saw the boy falling, and his screams will haunt all of them, forever.

This time around, Annabeth is not there to protect him - Ethan also doesn't try to kill him. The Son of Nemesis doesn't leave Kronos side for a second - but there's regret in his eyes.

After the bloodlust is gone, Perseus collapses - Will has to bride carry him back. Overuse of his powers - he summoned skeletons and produced shadows, melted enemy swords (with the bonus of incapacitating them without killing), and sprouted stone spikes everywhere - there's even a vine or ten that he used to hold his friends from falling.

Perseus doesn't sleep quickly enough to not hear the yell of anguish that comes from Lee Fletcher - the pain of losing a brother and not being able to fight beside him.

But he does sleep - and he dreams. He dreams of Hades killing Maria Di Angelo, not Hera, like Zeus told Nico. He dreams of Zeus cursing the Oracle - and he seethes, because he also sees what happened to May Castellan.

He keeps getting angrier and angrier at the gods - it's building inside of him. But his friends are still here, still fragile. He can't let them suffer more.

Perseus wakes up, checks on everyone - most everyone is either injured and/or exhausted, but he checks on every camper. He knows all of their names, their ages, their cabins. - and promises to sit up to talk with Thalia and Nico - war makes him prone to peace - and promptly goes back to sleep.

He dreams of Rachel. He wants to scream for her not to come: but she'll anyway.

Perseus dreams of a boy. He is his age - maybe a little younger. His hair is blonde and his skin is whiter - but Percy glances at his eyes, and there are waves in them.

There's a girl by his side - she is familiar to Percy, somehow. They're climbing a mountain.

The dream ends and Percy can't make heads or tails of it. He asks Thalia if she has a brother, but she says that she doesn't, looking wistful.

Prometheus is tempting - but he knows there's no Luke anymore, there's only Kronos. And the gods are horrible, vile and immature - but they never killed any of Percy's friends. Some of them died for the gods - but never by their hands, so for now, Perseus would toe the line.

He does want to punch Hermes again. He takes the Pythos - if everything goes wrong, he will not hesitate in going down for the sake of his friends - but there have been six deaths, and it's enough.

"Was it worth it?" He asks Ethan.

"Alabaster is alive" And it's all the answer Percy needs.

He dreams of Ethan and Alabaster. Alabaster is alive, yes, but he is missing half a leg - courtesy of Clarisse herself. Luke - Kronos - is indifferent, and Ethan curses the daughter of Ares - "The sword that took from us will take from you"

He contains Hyperion with his shadows. Then he helps Grover (who was half asleep, because of Morpheus) to make the Titan into a tree. It's a pomegranate tree - then he sets hellish fire to it and sacrifices it to Hades and Persephone.

A pig is in the sky - this time around, Annabeth and her frightening army of automatons kill it with Nico's help.

Perseus laughs - because Annabeth has about two hundred automatons under her command, Martin Luther King and Alexander Hamilton leading the charge with a giant bull being ridden by the Mad Hatter behind them.

It's weird to see historic figures Percy admires - like Jane Bolin, Sylvia Mendez, or Abraham Lincoln - fighting alongside people he downright despises - Thomas Jefferson and the goatfucker, herpes-ridden, Colombus. His Comparative Government teacher would have a field day.

Annabeth and Nico's pair up is amazing - They fight alongside like they have been doing it all life.

Nico is a force of nature, flying and commanding the winds to do his bidding - His eyes shine in the midst of the stormy clouds. His specialty is weather manipulation - he hasn't had much success with direct energy or electric discharges.

Annabeth has her mother's tenacity for war - and her clever mind for strategies. It's clear in her eyes - she is racking the weaker points of the Clazmonian Sow in her mind and destroying it. The automatons hold the pig in place - and she makes bacon of it.

Hercules couldn't do it. Nico and Annabeth can, because they have the power and the mind.

Perseus is still fighting off monsters - but they're too widespread, so they retreat to the doors of the Empire State Building.

Percy does a mental tally: of sixty-two campers, six are confirmed dead, twenty are injured and nine are out of commission on exhaustion. There should be 27 orange shirts here - but there's only twenty.

Percy wonders if the seven missing are injured, or dead, or under a pile of rubble somewhere with no one to help them. Is there someone being slowly eaten by monsters? Is there someone alone and injured and abandoned? He doesn't know.

He prays that those seven deserted them - at least that means they probably are alive and well.

Perseus looks at Phoebe's grief-stricken face, and he knows it's not probable - she had almost three dozen hunters with her, and now there's barely fifteen still fighting, Thalia nowhere to be seen.

They prepare for their last standing - Percy keeps conjuring skeletons, but they're no match for the sheer strength of the hyperborean giants. Nico is shoulder to shoulder with the Stoll brothers against a group of telkhines - Clarisse is bringing down a whole giant by herself.

After the Party Ponies save them - Chiron leads the charge against his own father, and Perseus is so proud of his mentor he can't even put in words how much - he goes to sleep. Fighting gets him tired quickly, and they'll come back.

He dreams of Dionysus. Perseus is not fond of any god who is not Persephone, but Dionysus is mostly okay sometimes. He seems to care about his children.

Perseus couldn't care less about the Western Civilization - but he'll care for Pollux. It's one of his demigods, after all, and Underworld people are possessive of theirs (i.e. Hades and Persephone).

He dreams of Thalia, in her father's palace, begging Poseidon to leave the underwater war and help with the invasion - His wife is none too happy with the presence of his immortal bastard daughter.

He wakes up to Rachel's helicopter falling - how is Rachel even awake, is a mistery.

The improbable pair Nico and Annabeth strike again: The girl knows how to fly helicopters, and the boy can fly himself. They save the redhead and the pilot - everything is fine.

"You're not the hero"

"Why did you risk yourself to tell me something I already know?"

Rachel doesn't explain - she can't. But she has a vision that says that he is not the hero. The hero of what? Perseus has no idea. But there's no way any of his cousins is dying for this stupid prophecy.

Suddenly, there's a drakon there. Rachel has another prophecy - Perseus fears she will walk the path that led May Castellan to destruction - that only a child of Ares will be able to kill it.

Bad news: All children of Ares are otherwise out of battle.

Clarisse is resting after a nasty concussion - and her brothers and Apollo's children are fighting yet again because Lee Fletcher is in no condition to stop them and Michael Yew is dead. Ares' side refuses to fight without the chariot - which Cabin 7 has hidden somewhere.

The best they can do is fend the drakon off until a miracle occurs. And it does: Clarisse, in full armor, manages to lead her brothers into battle.

Clarisse is dead. Something shatters inside of Perseus - and he leaves the drakon for the Ares' children to solve - he can't kill it anyway - and starts to vaporize the army behind it.

He is so caught up in bloodlust, that he almost misses Clarisse slaying a dragon. Clarisse, who has no armor. Clarisse, who is alive.

Ethan's curse rang true - Clarisse's weapon took something from her.

Silena is a traitor. She is also dead - which makes her a martyr, and probably going to reunite with her boyfriend in Elysium.

He remembers how easy is to fall for Luke's charm - he was - is - still in love with the guy. Percy thought the son of Hermes could do no wrong - and he wonders how much of his rage against the gods sprout from his influence.

Something evil inside of Perseus's mind tells him she deserved it. It tells Perseus that better her than Clarisse - but he shuts it down, and concentrates on his shining red friends.

He hates Ares. But he might just have an okay side if he can produce such a magnificent daughter.

Silena is the Patroclus to Clarisse's Achilles, and the Drakon is Hector - and the daughter of Ares is sure to parade its dead body.

It's the first time they feel like they are winning. It doesn't last - but as he hugs Clarisse tightly, he thinks he might cry of relief.

Clarisse looks tough - but she is a wonderful human being. She loves Silena with her whole heart - even more than she loves Chris, her best friend. Silena might've been in love with Charles - but she and Clarisse? They are soulmates.

The damned Pythos is following Perseus - and he is done with it. He knows where hope will survive best. Rachel wants him to give it to Hestia - but he owns the fire goddess nothing.

She has never interfered, not once, to help the dozens of demigods with no family that is abandoned in Cabin 11, and he won't forgive her for it.

He sacrifices hope to Persephone because that's what spring is. Spring is the hope of a new life. Maybe, Perseus thinks, it'll convince his father to come.

They go down to make their final stand against the forces of Kronos. There's not a lot of them - but they're not getting through those doors.

Well, his father doesn't come. But Poseidon does, with his whole army, Tyson and Thalia behind him, and the scales seem to turn.

And then Kronos cuts the barrier. Perseus can see his Mom (why is his Mom here with a handgun?!) and Poseidon fighting against the monsters under the eyes of extremely confused mortals.

Some are trying to break the barrier - but it's futile. Kronos has corraled them like sheep for the slaughter.

It's just him, Grover, Annabeth and Nico, fighting against Kronos vanguard - which is big, but not as strong as they are.

Kronos passes him without resistance - Ethan follows, but there's anger in his eyes - not for Percy, but for the monster he is leashed to. Alabaster is not there.

As soon as Kronos powers stop working on them, the four follow the titan - and some things never change, no matter the universe.

This time, it's Nico who falls because of Hera - it's her curse over all of her husband's bastards.

Ethan takes one look at Perseus, and they don't even need to fight. They have been friends for longer than they have been enemies - and they both loathe the gods, but Kronos is as much of an all-powerful controller being as any of the Olympians.

They battle against Kronos - Perseus has only his ax against his scyther - a true Underworld fight.

Ethan dies. And Perseus bloodlust consumes him - it clouds his eyes and he can only keep fighting.

"If... if we've had cabins... and they had thrones"

It's true, and more than ever, Perseus wishes Kronos wasn't such a bastard. He wouldn't bother killing the gods - but the titan is a way worse option.

"LUKE, PLEASE" It's Annabeth. He doesn't have her faith - she didn't saw his transformation. But he tries anyway because he loves Luke just as much as he hates Kronos.

"Luke, remember our summer" But his words are caught up in his throat when the titan throws him against the wall.

But the amalgamation of his friend and an all-powerful being looks confused, so props for his genius best friend.

Kronos shows them a rainbow message of Typhon - and that's where Perseus it's pretty sure he starts liking his father.

Because the Lord of the Dead opens up the earth and gets out in a black chariot guided by skeletal horses like a king. By his right side, is Persephone, in armor battle as a queen should be. By his left, is Demeter, who looks every single bit like the matron she is supposed to be.

Behind him, a hundred thousand dead roars. Charon is mounting Cerberus - and literal hell is unleashed upon the Father of Monsters.

The gods strike down Typhon, sending him back to be locked away - this time, in the depths of Tartarus instead of Mount Etna.

Kronos gets mad. Utterly, undoubtedly mad. He talks about burning Luke's body. Then he hurts Annabeth and breaks two promises in one fell swoop.

"Luke.... remember family" It's what Annabeth utters, but Perseus, already certain of their own demise, is crying now.

"That summer Luke, you promised to never hurt her again. You remember it? YOU PROMISED LUKE!!"

Annabeth's promise was already broken - he had hurt her, all those years ago, in Mt. Othrys. But the promise he made to Percy - that he would never hurt her again - is new and broken, in the river Styx no less.

Luke regains his own body, for a minute, and Perseus runs to him like a man in a desert with no water.

"Please, please tell me there's a way to undo this, Luke, please, please"

"There isn't one, Percy" And it's the first time he hears Luke call him Percy, Percy and not Perseus, in his own voice, in two years. Percy cries.

"We... we don't have much time, hellebore. Give me Annabeth's dagger. Before he... before he takes back"

Luke calls him hellebore and it makes him start crying all over again. He gives him the dagger - and Luke kills himself, taking Kronos out with him.

Luke doesn't need to ask if Percy has ever loved him - Percy kept loving Luke, one-sided as it was, even when Kronos was there.

He still crying over Luke's body when the gods arrive. Luke is dead. Ethan is dead. Silena is dead. Michael Yew is dead. Charles is dead.

He lost three of his best friends in two days. Ethan is dead. Luke is dead. Luke is dead.

Perseus can't stop crying. They take Luke's body away - but he can't stop. Annabeth explains what happened to the gods - most of it, anyway. Apollo says he is in shock - his father says he is a hero.

Perseus doesn't feel like a hero. Was this all worth it? Was it worth it the pain and the death and the suffering?

Persephone touches him - and he has no tears to cry anymore. She can't hug him here, but she'll do so later.

He stares at the walls, listening to his friends being awarded - compensated by their siblings and friends' deaths - with a blank stare. Perseus wants his mom.

They call for him. He raised his head but doesn't bother getting up. He just saved their asses - for the fifth time in a roll. He deserves to grieve.

They offer him immortality. A place between the gods.

He laughs. Zeus looks murderous, but he can't stop laughing.

"My apologies, but I have to refuse," he says. But in his mind, he is thinking about how could they even think he might want to sit between them and be an all-powerful being, be another god ignoring his children and messing with mortal lives while thousands die for him.

"Promise me, on the river Styx, that you'll give me the wish that I want."

They promise him, that if it's within their capabilities, they shall grant him his wish.

"I wish for every child at the age of twelve to be claimed. I wish for cabins in Camp Half-Blood, for every single minor god, and my own father. I wish for Calypso to be free, and to the demigods from the opposite side of this war to be given amnesty. It's not their fault. It's not any of our faults."

"You dare to-" Zeus begins, but Percy is really tired of Zeus.

"We fought your war, we won your battles. We, the unclaimed and rejected stowaways of Cabin 11. We, the children of minor and Underworld gods. We deserve respect. Just like my father deserves a throne, just like the minor gods deserve justice."

"Don't you fear us?" Athena asks, something weird shining in her eyes.

"I thought I would be dead today. At least if I die now, I'm dying for something I believe in."

It stays unsaid that he doesn't believe in them. The other demigods look at him worried - but he is not afraid of the gods.

They grant his wish. Some of them aren't happy with it, but they have to do it. He meets Calypso at the front gates of Olympus - and her smile can brighten the pits of Tartarus. He sees Alabaster talking with Lou Ellen - they are both crying.

He thinks it's the end - it's not. Thalia tells him Rachel left for Camp in her Pegasus - and his father has lift the curse, the Prophecy is gone, but he fears for his best friend.

Perseus is too tired for shadow travel - he does it anyway. He flickers, but anyway, he is too late.

It works. Rachel - his best friend - is the new Oracle. Someone jokes they can't be together anymore and Rachel lifts an eyebrow.

"We never were. Didn't you see the last few hours?" Well, he did out himself. Mostly - they might say it's just friendship, and he will hate the way they twist it. Luke wasn't a villain, and Perseus isn't a pure hero with a heart of gold.

Perseus is healing from lost love - and Annabeth is too. His crush on her was only a crush, he thinks - She is his best friend first and foremost. They cry together at the bonfire that burns away the shrouds of 43 demigods - from both sides - and 16 hunters of Artemis. Their souls all rest in Elysium now.

Alabaster comes back to Camp and helps his siblings to build the new Cabin for Hecate, full of spelled blocks and magic chimneys. Clovis and Tyene have their hands full with their own cabins - it doesn't help they keep getting sidetracked with naps.

Somehow, Nico, Thalia, and his bond over helping construct Cabin 13 - They are both way too invested in the goth vibe, mostly because Cabin 1 looks like a temple, and Cabin 3 looks like a beach cabin. And both of them are so over it.

Perseus doesn't want a goth cabin - he is fighting against the aesthetic for years - but sometimes, there are no arguments. His Cabin is made of black marble, and there are skulls everywhere, with torches shining with green fire. Outside, at least. Inside, it looks like Persephone's garden, with input from the queen herself. It's ready just shy of the end of summer vacation.

Rachel tells the next Great Prophecy. Perseus isn't such a positive person to think it won't affect him - he hopes at least it'll wait until he is done with High School.

That night, he dreams of the blonde boy again - it's his first night without nightmares since the battle. He has a scar in his lip, and his green eyes pierce Percy's soul. Perseus wonders if they'll ever meet, wonders if this boy is one of the Seven of the Prophecy.

But alas, Perseus lets it go. The summer is over - he is sixteen, somehow. He is alive and going to go back to his mortal life and his junior year, and grief. Not everything is fine - but eventually, it will be.

It's not the end. Not yet.

[lizziestudieshistory]

Coming back because I feel this so much and I'm so sorry you have to experience that! The ingrained prejudices in elite universities/colleges is insane. It's just one more barrier to entry and success for any minority (race or gender, also class in the UK as I can't speak for other countries) on top of the ridiculous fees and work load demands these institutions pride themselves on.

Elite, "aesthetic" schooling is rarely worth it in my opinion. If you are looking to apply to these universities ask for students opinions, not just for the uni approved statements but the negative comments too. Ask graduates, people who dropped out, and current students if you can what their experience is like. But also look at other universities, those that aren't as well known or wouldn't be 'first choice' on a traditional UCAS application. Ask yourself what it would be like studying at these places - not a romanticised view but the real experience of late nights study, busy schedules, and the people you have to work with.

My undergraduate degree was at a post-92 institution (traditionally seen as slightly shit unis) but my history department is 13th in the UK national ratings and 1st in our area, knocking down several Russell Groups. They achieved 100% student satisfaction this year, always have a very high graduate employment rate, and are becoming increasingly well known within "history circles" for the academic rigour they put their students through.

Yet, they also care about their students welfare. When I had a serious illness and a bereavement during my second year the department (and uni) gave me the space to breathe and LOOK AFTER MY MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH. To this day I can trace a lot of my confidence in my academic abilities back to three lectures who took the time to get to know me and as many of their students they could.

This uni looked like crap - every building was a concrete 1960s monstrosity that was constantly going under renovation. But their heart was in the right place, as much as it can be for a business. They employ staff that care and the SU does more than throw parties.

A bit more compassion and less pretentiousness is needed in universities and academia right now. Not everything should be about the mind. As my uni showed look after your students and they will thrive.

Also absolutely LOVE your mission to take out the pretentiousness from dark academia and university education @decadeance! Truly a worthy plight!

EDIT: fuck it, I left well over a year ago and some digging through my pictures on here will show you anyway. I went to Newman University! They've also decolonised the history programme recently to include MUCH more non-European, non-white history and from what I've seen from the new course it looks fabulous.

I’ve seen a couple posts floating around that say something along the lines of ‘you can still be dark academia even if you don’t go to a uni like oxford!!’

My personal feelings on ‘dark academia’ as a lifestyle (whatever that means) aside, whilst I completely agree with the sentiment of these posts, I do want to clear up a few things as someone who actually goes to Oxford. The posts in question say that you can create your own dark academia experiences even if you don’t go somewhere where dark academia is ‘a given,’ which misleadingly suggests that there are places in the world - like Oxbridge or the Ivy Leagues - where the dark academia vision is a reality, and I just want to say firmly that this is not true.

Oxford is an amazing university because of the resources and funding it has available, and the city is very beautiful - I know I’m fortunate to go here and I’m not trying to deny that. But at the end of the day, it is just another university. You still get students sadly making instant noodles in a shitty kitchen at 3am, or vomiting into their sinks because they couldn’t make it to the toilet, or drunkenly eating yesterday’s pizza out of a bin. Oxford students don’t sit around discussing literature or philosophy any more than your average student, and the view from my bedroom window is this:

The work culture here is more rigorous and intense than at most other unis, but that is more because of our shorter terms than anything else. And that ‘academic vigour’ is not something to be envious of or aspire towards, because it’s not fucking healthy: I know the DA community likes to talk romantically about pulling all-nighters to study because of your unquenchable thirst for knowledge or whatever, but being at a uni where you have no choice but to pull frequent all nighters to get through all your work can actually be pretty horrible sometimes, and the state of mental health here at Oxford is absolutely appalling as a result.

Basically what I’m saying is: dark academia as an aesthetic is all very well and good, and if it encourages you to study that’s fantastic, but please don’t fall into the trap of thinking that dark academia is a state of being that can actually be attained by people in reality. It’s not real. Not at Oxford or Cambridge, not at Harvard or Yale, not at posh English boarding schools (and let me tell you, some of the boys who went to schools like that are some of the most unpleasant and bigoted people I have ever had the misfortune of meeting). Dark academia is not attainable as anything more than a way of dressing or of decorating your room, so please don’t get sad if you feel like there are people out there living it while you can’t. There aren’t.