#A rare time when I like snakes face so much more than otacons | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sevi007 · 5 years ago

Text

Ecdysis

Rating: Teens and Up

Fandom: Metal Gear

Setting: MGS4 Ending, Missing Scene right after the Epilogue

Word Count: 9510

Summary:

ecdysis - ec•dy•sis - the process of shedding skin or other covering, typical of snakes and some insects.

Big Boss sent both Snake and the world off with carefully chosen words before his death – it’s time to part with the past, and move on to the future.

For David, that means there is a wedding to attend… and then, figuring out how he will live what is left of his life to the fullest. Luckily for him, he has help with that.

__________________________________________________________

“A new world will be born. That new world is yours to live in.

Not as a Snake.

But as a man.”

Big Boss to Snake

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smiling and laughing became awfully close to painful around sundown. By the time the stars blinked above them and late evening turned to early morning, Otacon felt like he would break down crying if he laughed mechanically one more time at a story or joke the others told him.

He felt like an awful friend, and did not care for it at the same time. After all, Johnny’s and Meryl’s wedding was as much a celebration of having done it, of being alive, as it was a wedding, and part of him wanted to join them.

The bigger part of him remembered that this was also a twisted sort of wake for Snake which only he knew about, and it made him want to scream.

It was a close call already when Campbell and Mei Ling came over to say goodbye. The Colonel had claimed to be a bit too old for partying until sunrise, and the young data analyst had gladly taken him up on his offer for a ride back to the hotel.

There was something too knowing, too sad in the Colonel’s eyes as he shook Otacon’s hand. It was then that Otacon remembered with a start – Campbell had been the only one who had not asked after Snake’s whereabouts when the wedding and the party had gone on, gone by, and Snake had not shown up.

“I wish you all the best, Doctor Emmerich,” Campbell murmured, with his knowing, sad eyes, and Otacon had had to bite the inside of his cheek bloody as not to lose it then and there. The others had been right there, after all. Sunny had been right there.

He wasn’t sure what he had answered, after.

Still, it felt almost relieving to not be the only one who knew… knew what…

(He didn’t want to think about it. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t.)

Mei Ling impulsively hugging him goodbye had been a relief. Spluttering in surprise, laughing awkwardly, had been easier to deal with, welcome to replace the pain in his chest. He had accepted her well wishes and orders to come visit her (“Of course, all of you! Snake and Sunny and you!”) or at least call her from time to time with some flailing and half-agreements and yes, of course, we’re staying in contact.

He told himself that he had not lied, after, when he waved their driving off car goodbye. He had agreed to stay in contact. He had not said anything about Snake.

It didn’t make him feel any better.

Otacon was staring at nothing, pondering if it would be suspicious at all to excuse himself and go to sleep now (everything seemed better than pretending a happiness he didn’t feel), when a small weight crashed into his legs, sending him stumbling back a step before he caught himself.

“What-…,” looking down, it was easy to recognize the mop of silvery hair, even when the little girl had her face pressed tightly against his legs. “Sunny!”

At the sound of her name, Sunny looked up, startling him with the deep frown etched onto her face.

“What’s wrong, Sunny?” Worry made his chest squeeze even tighter, and Otacon reached instinctively for her, checking her forehead for temperature, trying to gauge what could bother her. “Are you tired? It’s way past your usual bed time, after all!”

“I’m fine,” Sunny assured, despite the frown lingering on her face. “You look tired, Uncle Hal.”

“O-oh,” blindsided by that, he scrambled, trying for a reassuring smile. Even he could feel it turned out pathetic. “Well, it is getting late, after all…”

“Uncle H-Hal?”

The stutter, having become so rare when she talked to him or Snake, made him all the more worried; but it was nothing against the fear creeping into her eyes when she asked, softly, “Y-you’re not sick too, right?”

“Oh, Sunny,” forget blindsiding. At this point, it felt as if someone had taken a hammer to his head. Otacon dropped to his knees, hands fluttering from gripping Sunny’s shoulders to framing her face. “Sunny, no, no I’m not… of course I’m not sick! Why would you…?”

“It’s just… you said Snake is sick, and he went away…” at this point, Sunny’s bottom lip had started to quiver dangerously, “… and you look so tired, and…”

“Sunny, no!” Without hesitating any further, he pulled the girl to his chest, wrapping her tightly into a hug, pressing his face into her soft hair while he rocked her gently. Idiot, he groused at himself damn idiot, of course she would worry!

“I’m… I’m not sick.” He had meant to say I’m fine, but the words jammed in his throat, feeling as if he had tried to eat glass shards. “A bit tired, maybe, but… Sunny, I swear, I’m not sick. And I’m not going to go away.”

There was a muffled sound against his neck that sounded all too close to a sniffle, then a thin voice, “You mean it?”

“Of course I mean it!” Untangling himself carefully, Otacon held the girl at arm’s length. “Do I look like I don’t?”

Sunny did not look fully convinced, but at least she seemed to believe him enough to not cry any time soon. Small relief.

He was still trying to come up with something better to say (fervently wishing for the same quietly reassuring aura Snake possessed) when he registered a faint rumble, growing steadily louder, turning from a dull droning to the clatter of an engine and the sound of rotor blades cutting the air. By the time Otacon had pushed to his feet and spotted the blinking lights in the sky, the helicopter was already close enough that one could make out its silhouette against the night sky.

Behind them, all conversations died down, laughter tapering off. Backs straightened, hands reached for weapons kept securely under suit jackets. Meryl and Johnny stopped in the middle of a turn in their waltz, stepping apart while their hands simultaneously dropped to the guns at their waist line.

Meryl caught Otacon’s wide-eyed gaze over the short distance, jerking her chin towards the approaching machine. “Someone we know?!”

“No idea!”

A decisive nod, eyes gleaming defiantly, and she turned back to observe the sky. The click of the safety being taken off was loud like a thunderclap to Otacon’s ears.

“Uncle Hal, what’s happening?” Sunny pressed instinctively closer to him, eyes wide.

“Nothing, Sunny. But stay close to me, okay?” He did his best to keep his voice even, gently pushing the girl behind him. It would be better to get her to the Nomad… but should he stay outside himself, or follow her inside? He would be no help in a fight…

Cursing inwardly, he squinted upwards, trying to make out anything which could give a hint if the unexpected guest was friend or foe.

When he spotted the familiar writing at the side, so, so late, the helicopter already preparing to land, he felt as if his knees would give out in relief.

“That’s ours!” He called out over the roaring of the rotor blades, hoping to convince the others not to shoot it. “It’s just the pilot coming back, it was …”

… Snake who took it.

Otacon bit the words down before they could come out of his mouth, almost laughing at himself. What would he say, when the helicopter landed and no Snake would appear? Try and explain the truth to them?

Snake took it to get to a good place where he could kill himself, like the self-sacrificing man he is.

Oh yes, that sounded good.

He hated it. Hated it all – the unfairness of it, not being able to tell the others. Hated the little glimmer of hope which had tried to come to life in his chest when he caught sight of the helicopter.

Don’t be an idiot. You know he’s not coming back.

At least his explanation had caused the others to stand down, weapons being holstered and pocketed, postures mostly relaxing again. Not fully; Otacon himself couldn’t really let go of Sunny, either, unconsciously pulling her a bit closer towards him. Even telling himself that it was just one of their two pilots returning with an empty helicopter, he couldn’t shake the initial suspicion.

Maybe they were all a bit too used to surprise attacks, these days, but who could blame them?

They watched, equally parts on guard and curious, as the helicopter started its descent for landing, Rotor blades sending the air howling and whipping around their ears. The headlight turned off, leaving only small lights blinking, just enough to illuminate the door at the side being ripped open and someone moving to jump out while the skids were still inches above the ground.

Otacon squinted against darkness and the gusts, wondering who would join them in their celebration, and this late on top of it.

And then the newcomer stepped into the dim light of their makeshift-aisle, and Otacon stopped breathing at the sight of the familiar face he had thought he would never see again.

Snake was still in the suit he had donned before leaving, all black and grey and white, muted color which could have fit on a wedding just as well as on a deathbed, strands of hair getting torn out of the slicked back style they had been tamed in by the blasts of wind. While they all watched, he ducked beneath the blasts of air to better keep his balance, striding over towards their group in quick strides, gaze flickering left and right, looking for something.

Blue eyes eventually found Otacon’s gaze and a smiled curled over Snake’s face, wide and crooked but so very real.

The little flicker of hope Otacon had tried to suppress only moments before broke free and blazed into a wildfire even as his brain screamed that it wasn’t possible, he’s gone, he’s gone, he said he would…-

Yet his eyes saw and his heart hoped, and he didn’t know if to laugh or to cry or do a bit of both. Maybe some nice screaming mixed in.

Sunny didn’t have nearly the same issues. She was laughing, tearing away from his side in a matter of seconds, cheering loudly as she went, “SNAKE!”

And Snake, the same man who had taken to grumbling over how difficult getting up with his aging knees really was, did not hesitate to drop down, catching the little girl as she flew into his arms, rocking back under the onslaught but holding tight. Burrowing his face in the crook of her neck while she squealed with glee.

“That’s some entrance,” someone behind Otacon commented – Jonathan? – laughter in his voice.

“Dunno, Drebin’s entrance wasn’t too bad, either.”

“Mine had flowers an’ shit,” Drebin threw in, words slurring and tripping over accent and alcohol and the lilt of amusement. “Would say I win.”

“He’s still late, too.”

There was more, after, more talking and more laughing, but it all was drowned out by the roaring of blood in Otacon’s ears. His legs felt heavy, filled with lead as he pushed himself to walk, stumbling, towards a little girl and what could only be a ghost.

… he’s gone, gone, gone…

Is he?

The helicopter’s engine had finally been turned off by the time he reached them and he could hear Sunny prattling away, her stutter coming through as she talked at high-speed. Both her hands were gripping onto Snake’s suit jacket so tightly as if she feared he would vanish if she let go.

“… Uncle Hal said you’re sick, and you need so-… some time alone!”

“He wasn’t wrong about that,” Snake looked up at the sound of Otacon’s footsteps, something undefinable flickering over his face. Putting Sunny back onto her feet, he rose. And there it was, the popping of joints, the wince, but he didn’t comment on it, standing up too straight, too still, while his gaze never left Otacon’s. He did not even seem to blink. “Otacon.”

They were close enough now that Otacon could hear Snake breathe, could feel his body heat radiate off him, and god, even then did he have trouble to believe the other wouldn’t simply vanish if he touched him. Mouth opening and closing a few times, he spoke finally, voice cracking, “You’re… you’re back.”

“Yeah.” Snake looked almost as frazzled as he did, mused hair and out of breath and eyes a tad too wide, and it helped, somehow. To not be the only one looking as if they had seen a ghost.

“You…you didn’t…” He was not even able to finish the sentence in his mind, much less say it aloud.

“Couldn’t do it,” Snake murmured, voice deep and only the tiniest bit wavering, gaze flickering from Otacon’s down to Sunny. Mindful of the curious little ears listening in. “Couldn’t, then something came up and… I didn’t do it.”

Dimly, Otacon was aware of his own trembling. He couldn’t say when it had started. “And you won’t…?”

“Not going to.”

Relief flooded Otacon, so sharp and sudden it was nearly painful. The sound ripped from his throat could have been a hysteric, relieved laugh at any other time, but now it was more of a sob - and he didn’t give a damn, not at all, because for whatever reason, it was that sound of all things which finally seemed to make Snake relax, posture falling from soldier at attention into something more natural, tremulous smile widening-

The sound repeated itself, this time definitely a sob, and Otacon dimly thought fuck it, and simply surged forward to wrap his arms around Snake in a tight hug.

If Snake was startled by the move, nothing showed it. His arms snapped up at sheer inhuman speed, wrapping around the smaller man with the strength of steel, and if Otacon lost a few ribs during this, he wouldn’t even be able to bring himself to care. Not when he could press his face against Snake’s shoulder and could feel the other’s heartbeat under his trembling hands, strong and steady and real, beating a silent He’s alive, he’s alive, he’s alive against his fingertips.

He hadn’t felt this kind of breathtaking relief since the time he had had to drag Snake from a wet early grave, and the man had coughed up half a river before had started breathing on him again.

Rationally he had understood. Really, Otacon had understood, he assured himself silently, wildly, he through a blur of tears and relief. Between the aging, and FOXDIE… he had told himself it was a logical solution to Snake’s situation. The scientist in him had sorted it as predictable outcome.

And despite all that, he had not wanted Snake to take this route, inevitable as it seemed.

“Uncle Hal?”

A tiny hand tugged at his pant leg, and Sunny’s quiet voice, brimming with worry, piped up. “Uncle Hal, why are you crying?”

“I-It’s alright, Sunny,” Otacon choked, words muffled by cloth and tears, managing a wobbly laugh. “Those are g-good tears.”

He felt Snake shake in his grip, rumbling laughter vibrate through him, but he couldn’t be offended at being laughed at right then. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel embarrassed at all, even while crying in front of all these people, sniffling rather undignified against Snake’s shoulder.

All he felt was that all-consuming relief and happiness. All the more when he felt Sunny carefully wrap her arms around their legs and hold onto both of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a while before they could get a moment to talk about it.

Snake was greeted with a mixture of enthusiasm he wasn’t all too familiar with (then again, it was Johnny doing the greeting) and playful nagging about his tardiness - he refrained from hinting at the fact that he almost had not shown up at all – and he had to shake hands, accept shoulder pats strong enough to make him bend under the force, and more hugs from Sunny before the excitement had died enough so he could duck out of spotlight.

And the, finally, finally, he managed to pull Otacon aside and away from the others, who were busy with themselves, so he could tell him Otacon what had happened on his trip to the cemetery.

He did so in fits and starts, having to stop every so often.

When he reached the point of the story where he had been about to pull the trigger (leaving out the sensation of the weapon’s weight in his mouth, the sound of the bullet whizzing past his ear) Otacon sucked air through his teeth with a hiss, gripping Snake’s wrist hard enough to bruise.

As he talked about Big Boss appearing in front of him, alive, talking to him, like an equal, Snake had to interrupt himself to remember that it had been real, and not a fever dream sent by his despairing consciousness.

He kept talking to Otacon’s hand on his shoulder, grounding him.

Silence settled between them once Snake had finished his tale, a pause while both tried to make sense of all that. They watched as a bit further ahead, the party came to a close, people preparing to leave. Meryl and Drebin were arguing about something, likely if the arms’ dealer should be allowed to drive in his drunken state or not. Johnny stood next to them, barely smothering a grin while watching his wife shut all protests down. Jonathan had heaved a squealing Sunny onto his shoulders, swearing loudly when Little Gray tried to climb up behind her, Ed laughing his head off over it with glee.

Finally, Otacon spoke, “So FOXDIE will die… with you.”

“Yeah,” Snake rubbed his hands along his pant legs, feeling the nagging need for a smoke. He tried to ignore it.

“There’s not going to be some pandemic outburst or anything.”

“No.”

“And you found all that out by talking to a dead man.”

He really, really wanted a smoke right then. “Supposedly dead. I guess.”

Otacon turned to him rather abruptly, disbelief and hysteric amusement warring on his face. “You guess.”

Snake shrugged, feeling both helpless and a bit amused himself. “I don’t know what else to tell you, Otacon.”

“Well, I don’t know, either!” Otacon’s voice rose a bit at that and he stopped himself, taking a deep breath while rubbing his hands over his face. His next words were muffled by his palms. “Why do things always have to be this weird?”

“Hell if I know,” Snake muttered. He couldn’t help the crooked smile pulling at his lips. It was nice to know he was not the only one despairing over that fact.

Nice and easy. Was that really too much to ask, just for once? Apparently, yes. At least in his life.

Loud laughter pulled them from their thoughts, and they both looked up to see Sunny sway dangerously far back on Jonathan’s shoulders, laughing so hard she had tears running down her cheeks, while Ed was trying to shake Little Gray off his arm where he clung to like a leech.

“You think we should tell them?” Snake pointed towards the happy group with his chin when Otacon turned questioningly towards him.

A pause, then Otacon shook his head slowly, looking tired and relieved at the same time. “No, I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“I mean, they didn’t know before,” Otacon shrugged, pulling a face as if to say well, you know. “About FOXDIE… they didn’t know you were going to… well. And as far as they knew, Big Boss was dead. And now…”

“Now he is,” Snake finished when the other trailed off. “And FOXDIE won’t be a problem anymore. No need to make them worry over it.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“Everything back to zero.”

The sense of déjà-vu he had at that statement made him suppress a shudder. He would need a while until the number held no other meaning any more than just that – a number. Not a man. Not a beginning, or an end.

“Snake?”

Humming in question, Snake tilted his head to look at Otacon. Stopping and taking a second, closer look when he saw the conflicting emotions going over the other’s face. “Otacon?”

Somehow, Otacon managed a weak smile, even when his eyes looked suspiciously wet again. “I just… wanted… I’m glad you didn’t do it. I mean, I know we agreed it would be… a solution,” he vigorously rubbed one sleeve over his face, nearly knocking his glasses off, pulling an apologetic grimace when he resurfaced, “I know we did. But the whole day long, I just thought… I thought you wouldn’t come back, and… I wished I hadn’t let you go through with that stupid plan.”

Snake felt as if his heart had dropped into his stomach right then. Impulsively, he reached out, before sighing and pulling his hand back. “Otacon, I…”

I didn’t even think how it might be for you.

I’m sorry I put you through this.

God, sometimes he really wished he was better with words, Snake grumbled to himself. Sighing, he settled for what seemed to be the easiest way to sum it all up, “I’m glad I didn’t do it, too.”

It seemed to work, at least. Otacon looked up, a real smile quirking the corners of his mouth, “Yes?”

“Yes,” somehow, Snake managed a lopsided smirk. “Or do you think I would have missed a shot at such a distance.”

The sound bursting out of Otacon then was half splutter, half choked off chuckle, and he aimed a weak slap at Snake’s shoulder. “Don’t make me laugh about you almost dying!”

Chuckling himself, Snake dusted his shoulder off – not that he had really felt it, anyway – and patted Otacon’s arm reassuringly, ignoring the half-hearted grumble of unbelievable he got for it.

“Snake!”

Hesitant amusement filled Snake as he looked up to see Johnny wave animatedly over at them. Really, the enthusiasm towards him was… unusual.

Next to him, Otacon chuckled. “They are probably leaving, you know.”

“Yea,” pushing to his feet with a grunt, Snake waved it off. “Be right back.”

Sunny beamed when she saw him approach. Her greeting was cut short, however, when a mighty yawn almost split her face.

“Whoops, kept the little lady up past her bedtime,” Jonathan joked, lifting the girl off his shoulders to set her carefully back onto the ground.

Rubbing her eyes which seemed hell-bent to fall closed, Sunny leaned heavily against Snake’s leg, holding onto him for support. “Snake, c-can we get a monkey, too?”

The surprise lasted less than a second. Snake did not even have to wonder where the notion had come from, Drebin’s grin too wide and Little Gray’s chatter a bit too smug (if monkeys even sounded smug. What did he know?).

Without missing a beat, he gently ruffled the girl’s hair and answered, “Why don’t you go ask Otacon about that.”

When Sunny lingered, grip still tight on him, he softened. “I’ll be right behind you.”

That finally seemed to satisfy her, for she nodded, letting go to wander back over to where Otacon was waiting, waving all the while to the adults who called well wishes and goodbyes after her.

“Good kid,” Jonathan commented, Ed nodding in approval.

Noting that, strangely enough, the statement seemed to be meant for his ears, Snake acknowledged it with a tilt of his head.

“She made a great flower girl.” Seeming to be done with her discussion, Meryl turned to Snake. She looked him up and down for a moment, hands on her hips, before raising an eyebrow. “You know, at that wedding you missed.”

“Yea,” Snake agreed. Pausing, considering, he added with a huff, “Sorry.”

Meryl frowned a moment longer at him, then she rolled her eyes and snorted a half-laugh. “Honestly, I was not even that surprised. You always have horrible timing.”

“Hey.”

“Probably depends on the perspective,” Johnny added cheerily, grinning crookedly when Meryl turned towards him with narrowed eyes. “Errr, you know, a perspective we don’t… understand?”

Much to Snake’s amazement, it was visible how Meryl relaxed when looking at her… well. Husband. The scowl faded from her face like it had never been there in the first place, and there was a brightness to her eyes he had never spotted in the woman before.

He had been a bit perplexed, to hear that Meryl, or rather, Meryl and Johnny, would get married, after all this mess, but now he could see that… yes. Those two might just be able to find their own kind of happiness.

“Otacon going to be okay?”

Caught wrong footed when Meryl addressed him all of a sudden, Snake had to think quickly to gauge what she meant. “Yes.”

“Going to tell us what that was about?”

The mood changed quickly, feet being shuffled uneasily at the sudden questioning, one or two throats being cleared uncomfortably.

Snake did not even bat an eyelash at it. He might have been tired and off-kilter, but it was not enough to have him disclose any more than he wanted to. “We all had a few long days.”

Meryl studied him for another beat before sighing. “So stubborn.”

“Likewise. You guys off to your honeymoon now?” It was not the best way to change the subject, but he didn’t really care.

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah!” Johnny seemed to brighten even more, taking the bait easily. “Not that we know where we’re going, we’re getting surprised with it…”

“Our lips are sealed,” Ed mimed zipping his mouth shut.

“I don’t even like surprises,” Meryl grumbled, yet couldn’t keep the smile off her face completely. “But yes, apparently, we’re going on a honeymoon.”

“But before that, we wanted to thank you.”

Thrown for the second time in this conversation, Snake frowned. “Thank me?”

Now that was wholly unexpected.

Johnny nodded, laughing - and when exactly had he grown so much more at ease around Snake? Around anyone? The wedding did not only do Meryl some good, it seemed. “Thank you, yes. I mean, without you, we all probably wouldn’t be here.”

Wouldn’t be… no that still made no sense. Was this about the mission? Snake’s frown only deepened. “If I had not done the job, someone else would have.”

“What?” Now Johnny seemed to be the one thrown, the smile dripping off his face as he cocked his head. “The job-… ah, no, I didn’t mean… I meant our first meeting! You could have killed me back there, but you didn’t. For that, I have to thank you.”

“…I see,” he didn’t. He hadn’t… he simply had not pulled the trigger, on a guard who was so naïve and kind that ketchup could trick him into worrying over his prisoner. Over an enemy. It had felt wrong, to kill someone so innocent, so he simply… had not done it.

He shouldn’t be thanked for that.

Meryl seemed to think along the same lines, at least partly, since she snorted. “He basically saves the world and you thank him for that?”

“Hey, I wouldn’t have met you, if it weren’t for him!” Johnny defended, before his eyes softened. “And then I couldn’t have married you, right?”

“Ugh, guys,” Jonathan complained, laughing. “Keep it down!”

“Uh, right!”

Much to the general amusement, Johnny blushed beet red, even while trying to glare at his friends for the teasing. Eventually, he gave, laughing at himself while he scratched the back of his neck. “Um. Yeah. That’s just… well. I just really wanted to say - thank you, Snake. For, uh, a lot.”

Snake stared down at the hand the other man offered him, then back up at the pair of newlyweds, watching him with matching smiles.

Later, he would blame it on the sudden sentimentality of a man who had stared death in the eye not too long ago, but right then, he honestly simply acted. Gripping the offered hand firmly and corrected, “David.”

A pause followed the single word, brief but there. It was easy to pinpoint the exact moment when the new knowledge and its weight sunk in. Meryl’s face did not give much away, but her eyes widened the tiniest fraction, glowing just a bit brighter. Johnny’s expression was much more open, went from confusion over surprise to something like awe, mouth opening and closing a few times before a wide grin spread over his face.

Snake couldn’t help but smile back. “My name is David.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Saying goodbyes to a group of people, Snake learned that late evening turning way too early morning, was just as bothersome as greeting them. By the time the tank had driven off (and wasn’t that an interesting ride for a wedding), he felt the deep ache of exhaustion in his bones, and all he wanted was to get some sleep.

He was nearly surprised to find Otacon still waiting where he had left him when he returned. The other man looked just as tired as he felt, eyes red from crying and lack of sleep and swaying slightly where he stood, yet he smiled when Snake approached slowly. Sunny had fallen asleep on his hip, head pillowed against one bony shoulder.

“Want me to take her?” Snake made sure to keep his voice to a low grumble, careful not to rouse their charge.

“No, no, I got this.” Otacon shook his head, hair flying around his face. Then he narrowed his eyes, something occurring to him. “But do you have any idea why Sunny thinks I would get her a monkey as a friend?”

“No idea,” exhaustion helped to keep his expression neutral even when he wanted to smirk.

“Aha…” Otacon knew him too well, if the eye roll was anything to go by. With a result huff, the smaller man turned, aiming for the Nomad. “Well, let’s keep talks about monkeys and anything related to the future. I’m too tired to argue over it.”

Whatever Snake had been about to answer got lost halfway there, and he slowed his steps, stopping altogether.

“Am I going to die?”

“Everyone dies. You can’t stop it. You can’t run away from it.”

Future. It had been an off-hand comment from his friend, but it brought the reality that had been drowned out in a rush of exhilarating relief back with the force of a shot finding its target.

He might have a life now, Snake reflected, but a future was not in the cards for him. With his light, his source, gone, he as a shadow would vanish soon enough. His life was only borrowed. Expiration date unclear, yet hanging over his head like a Damocles sword all the same. All he had left now was a job, a mission to finish to the sound of his final countdown ticking down.

Otacon and Sunny, though…

He watched Otacon vanish in the Nomad, the girl still secure on his hips. Those two, hey were different. They had a future, were more than shadows. And they didn’t deserve having to watch yet another person in their lives die right in front of them.

Snake watched, considered, and came to a decision.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hal was not even surprised when he went looking for Snake the next day and found him packing.

Sunny was in the kitchen, preparing them a late breakfast while humming and singing happily to herself. She would be too distracted to notice what was happening, and had Hal not gone looking for his partner on a whim, so would he have been.

As a master of stealth, it was likely Snake had counted on exactly that.

It hurt, a bit (a lot). Knowing that the other would just leave, chose to go by himself and be lonely, when he and Sunny were still there, ready to follow him. But, again - there was no surprise.

He had not expected Snake to return to them alive. How could he expect him to stay, then?

He couldn’t, Hal answered for himself with a little, annoyed huff. Because Snake, that stubborn, blind man, had no yet realized that he did not have to leave, and telling him wouldn’t get them anywhere. He had to come to the conclusion on his own, in time, and not because he was pushed to it.

The time were anyone could push or order Solid Snake around was over, for good. And Hal would not be the one to try and put him on a leash again.

Snake didn’t look up or acknowledge it when Hal stopped next to him, continuing to stack his few belongings in the backpack and zip it all closed without missing a beat, every movement fluid and practiced. He seemed to be nearly finished, pack full to burst. Gritting his teeth as he rocked back on his heels, the man took a deep breath, and pushed himself to his feet. The audible cracking of his joints and back was met with a wince, and swinging the backpack up and over his shoulder ended with a pained grunt.

It was only when Snake started to fiddle with the shoulder straps, corner of his mouth tilting down in annoyance, that Hal noticed something missing, making the picture seem strangely incomplete. A quick glance around didn’t suddenly procure the missing item, and by the time he finally spotted it – laying on the desk furthest from them – and had went to retrieve it, Snake was already by the door and nearly out of the Nomad.

It just wouldn’t do, sending him off so… incomplete.

“Snake, wait up!”

For a moment, it seemed as if Snake would ignore him, hand already hovering over the opening mechanism of the hatch. Then he shifted, looking back over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

Hal waved the pack around slightly, managing a half-hearted smile. “You forgot these.”

The tense line of Snake’s shoulders eased (had he expected a try to stop him, Hal wondered idly) and he shook his head. “No, thanks. I’m quitting.”

The pack almost slipped from Hal’s suddenly numb fingers. Instead he crushed it in his grip, the crackling of paper strangely comforting over his whirling thoughts. He couldn’t have heard that correctly. “Snake?”

A smile flickered over the soldier’s face, weak yet teasing. “These things will kill you.”

…I know, Hal wanted to say, to snap – how many times had he told Snake that? Especially after the coughing had started! And Snake had always shrugged it off, ignored it, or pointedly taken a deep drag of the damned thing. To hear him say it so nonchalantly now…

Something far more than simple surprise welled up in Hal at that, an odd mix of hope and disbelief and determination, and he took a sharp breath. The Snake he once had known – did know – would never let himself be talked out of doing something idiotic, self-sacrificing, like walking out of their life to spare them pain, once he had made up his mind.

But that same Snake would also never have quit smoking.

Maybe… just maybe…

“Where will you go?” The question he had sworn not to ask tumbled from his lips before he could stop himself. Maybe he had the sheer surprise to blame for that. Still, Hal winced, dammit, good going, before deciding – in for a penny, in for a pound. “Our fight is finished. There is nothing left for us to do.”

“No,” much to his surprise, Snake’s smile stayed, not giving way to the frown and grumbled acknowledgment he had expected. The older man tilted his head, seemingly considering his words, choosing them carefully, deliberate. “There’s one thing I still have to do. I have to see this age off – seeing what the future brings.”

Oh. Hal blinked, going over this new information and… Oh. Only now did he realize what he had been afraid of, still, after Snake’s return: That the man might not have died, but still had lost all purpose in life. Only waiting around until death would come to take him. Snake was a soldier – following orders, working towards a goal, had been all that he had ever known.

He had been afraid of what losing it might do to him. Hearing that Snake had already come up with a new goal, one he had chosen himself…

Something eased inside Hal’s chest right then, and for the first time in days he felt as if he could breathe freely again.

“Sounds good to me,” he said, and meant it, even when his voice quivered with the rush of emotions. Became steadier again when he found his determination. “I’ll go with you.”

Snake huffed, shaking his head. “Otacon, I’m gonna be dead soon. You don’t have to come.”

He said it as if Hal did not know that. Said it with a kind of pity that made Hal’s temper surge.

He did know. He had already dealt with what he had thought to be Snake’s death once, and was fully aware that there would be no miracle next time, no Snake suddenly appearing before him right as rain.

Probably the reason why his next words came out sharper than intended, anger driving any care out of him for the moment. “You said it yourself, Snake. There’s nothing inside you that you can pass on to the next generation. No genes, no memes… You’re manmade. You’re a beast.”

The words must have stung – Snake’s smile, pitiful or not, wavered. In any other situation, Hal would have backed off, but not this time.

He would make it perfectly clear that knew what he was getting into.

“I know,” the smile had made way for a scowl now, yet Snake did not get angry or snap back. He seemed more resigned than anything else, shoulders drawn up resolutely, defensively. “A blue rose. There won’t be any happy Beauty and the Beast ending for me. What little time I have left will be spent living as a beast. A shadow of the inside of the old age.”

It hurt more than any insult being hurled his direction, hearing his friend talk this way. Hal tried to ignore it as best as he could. Using Snake’s own logic against him was probably the only way he could make him see.

“Exactly,” the word tasted like ash in his mouth, everything in him wanting to disagree, and he kept going quickly. “That’s why you need me as a witness”

That made Snake pause, posture faltering, and scowl turning to a frown of confusion while he repeated slowly, “A witness?”

“Yeah!” Hal hoped anything of what he was about to say would make sense, would be believable. He was making this up as he went. Searching for something, anything to convince the other. He wanted to be there for Snake’s final days, no matter how close or how far away they were. The thought of those final days – Snake losing the fight, at last, - made his eyes burn, but he blinked hard against it, and kept talking with more conviction than he really felt, “Someone on the outside, to bear witness to your final days. Someone to pass on your story.

Not that I’m the only witness,” Hal laughed, a bit self-deprecating, but also glad. He wouldn’t be alone with this, after all. Heart lighter, he finished. “But I’ll remember everything you were and stick with you to the end.”

While he had spoken, Snake’s had eyes widened slowly, and now he was staring at Hal, slack-jawed and silent. A myriad of emotions flickered over his face in rapid succession, clear as day on his usually stoic expression, too fast to catalogue and recognize them all. His throat worked as he swallowed, hard, jaw flexing around words he couldn’t get out.

The one word Snake finally did get out was cracking, caving under the weight of too many emotions, “Otacon.”

Hal didn’t feel too bad about his own burning eyes anymore when he saw the answering glittering in Snake’s eyes. He swallowed the laugh – sob, he wasn’t sure – that wanted to escape him, managing a grin as he teased, “Besides – you wouldn’t let me suffer Sunny’s eggs alone, would you?”

The startled huff of laughter which exploded out of Snake’s mouth startled the other as much as him, and Snake ducked his head, failing to hide the grin flitting over his face.

Absolutely failed to hide the step he took away from the opening mechanism.

As if on cue, Sunny’s excited scream waved up the stairs, followed by calls of their names. “… come quick! They’re ready!”

“See?” Hal waved half-heartedly in the direction of the kitchen, unwilling to take his eyes off Snake. “Right on time.”

“They look yummy!” Sunny continued talking, blissfully unaware of what had almost happened above her head. A pause, the clatter of pans and plates, then she added thoughtfully, “Sort of like the sun. It’s rising again!”

“Sounds like we won’t have to suffer this time, though,” Snake’s voice was gruff, yet his smile unmistakable, reaching his eyes as he nodded towards the stairs.

We.

The thrill Hal felt at that burst out in a laugh even as he tried to wrinkle his nose. “Oh, please. You missed breakfast yesterday, that’s the only reason why you can say that.”

“Oh?”

“She put sugar on them, Dave!”

“Thought you like sugary stuff.”

“Not my sunny-side up eggs, thank you very much…”

Whatever else he had been about to say was lost when Snake shrugged the backpack off, letting it fall to the ground with a thunk.

Rolling his shoulder carefully, Snake looked back up, smirking at whatever he saw there on Hal’s face. “Well? Let’s go see what Sunny has in store for us.”

“…Yeah,” Hal mumbled, still dazed over this turn of events, then more enthusiastic. “Yeah! I mean, I want to see you eat sugary eggs, Mister Super Solider…”

“It’s not that bad. They could be burned still.”

“Don’t jinx it now.”

Snake rumbled a laugh, and Hal didn’t stop himself from doing something emotional, like, reaching out while they descended the stairs and place a hand the other man’s elbow.

Neither pulling nor pushing. Simply letting it rest there, hoping it would say I’m here, I will follow, I’m not going anywhere just as well as words would have.

The backpack stayed behind on the ground, no longer needed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a lot of things the adult tried to keep secret from her, Sunny knew. They did it to protect her, as not to worry her, and while she wanted to be part of things, she also loved them for wanting to protect her.

(Yes, love; she had learned what that was, thanks to them).

Sunny was fine with the little secrets. The tiny, unimportant ones. Like Uncle Hal eating his instant ramen in secret while working, so he could claim he wasn’t hungry when she wanted to bring him sunny-side up eggs that were, alright, slightly burned. Or Snake shrugging vaguely when he came back inside the Nomad and she asked him if he had smoked again, when he was still smelling of cigarettes.

Those were the secrets they could laugh about, after, when Sunny wrinkled her nose and frowned at them and Uncle Hal claimed she got that from you, Snake, look at this, it’s your expression exactly!

Sunny did, however, despise the big, sad secrets. The ones that made the adults frown too much. The ones that had them lower their voices to whispers, worried hisses, or shouts that got quickly cut off so she wouldn’t hear them.

(She did. She did hear.)

The secrets that were so big, so heavy, so sad, that they couldn’t be kept secret completely, those Sunny hated a lot. Because she was smart, smarter than a girl her age had any right to be, and the adults not as secretive as they wanted to be, and somewhere in between those facts, she would always notice it, and start to worry and get sad, too.

Snake’s health, and everything related to it, was one of the big secrets. The raspy coughs and the cracking of joints protesting every motion. His slowed movements. The pains.

And, much too Sunny’s confusion, the wrinkles.

The wrinkles had been what started the big secret, even.

Uncle Hal’s joking about Snake frowning too much had turned in whispered suggestions (always when he thought Sunny couldn’t hear) to see a doctor.

This is not normal anymore, Snake.

Snake’s grumbled retorts that it was all age, he was fine, he was fine, had morphed into glares at reflecting surfaces, into searching fingertips mapping out new lines in his face that had not been there the other day.

Can’t recognize my own face anymore if this keeps going.

Everything else – the coughs, the pains – had come later. The added lines to Snake’s face had been what started the secret, what made the adults anxious and angry and sad.

And Sunny couldn’t imagine why. The pains and coughs, she didn’t want, either – they hurt Snake, and she wanted them to be gone. But the wrinkles?

She liked the wrinkles – the way they made Snake’s eyes crinkle when he looked at her warmly, or how they accentuated his rare, honest smiles. She used the deepening lines between his brows when he thought very seriously about something as handy guidelines to determine when it was time to distract him, so that he might smile at her again.

No, she really didn’t understand what reservations adults had against wrinkles.

All of that and more she pondered while watching Snake rest intently, arms crossed and chin put on top in the little space next to the man. It was not often that she saw Snake sleep, or sit down, for once not constantly on guard, and when she had found the man lying down for a nap on the couch after their breakfast, she had seized the opportunity of simply watching. Taking diligent notes of new lines to his face, the still unfamiliar dips and bumps of the burn scar, and just how relaxed he looked in sleep.

“Something on my face?”

Or, well, maybe not sleep.

Blinking, Sunny frowned to herself, very seriously considering if Snake would want her to answer with the whole list of new angles and lines she had found, or rather not. Finally, she settled on shaking her head No. “T-There’s nothing.”

One blue eye cracked open to look at her, a smile curving his lips. “What’s so interesting then?”

Another blink from her, slower this time. Confused.

The smile deepened, even while first frown lines appeared between his brows. Thinking lines, Sunny had labeled them. “You were staring.”

“I like your face,” Sunny tried to explain, earnestly. “That’s all.”

For some reason, that made Snake take a deep breath before he huffed a chuckle, eye closing again. A while there was only his deep breaths between them, before, “Don’t want to go play with your outside friend?”

“Mh-m,” Sunny shook her head before Snake had even finished the question. “Maybe… maybe later?”

A hum, saying more than most people could have said with words.

She would have to explain, then. “I want to stay with you.”

There was a long pause after that, longer than the last, long enough that Sunny wondered if she had said the wrong thing. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Talking to people instead of machines still was a challenge for her on the best of days, and even though it was so much easier with Uncle Hal and Snake, there was no guarantee for success.

Then Snake grumbled a sound and lifted the arm which had been laying over his chest in silent invitation.

The surprise was short-lived, and in a matter of seconds Sunny was scrambling up on the couch and on Snake’s stomach, dragging herself up so she could flop all over his chest. Laughing when he tapped her nose as soon as she was in reach, batting his hand away lightly.

This close, nose to nose, she couldn’t help herself but follow the newest wrinkles she had discovered with her fingertips – laugh lines, thinking lines, the edges around his eyes. She drew them all, fingertips feather-light, so light that the touch must have tickled, for Snake wrinkled his nose (Sunny happily counted even more wrinkles around his eyes) and huffed, making her giggle as the gust of air tousled her hair.

“I like your face,” she repeated, still smiling, sing-songed it while Snake’s hand rose to softly pat the unruly strands back into place. “I really, really like your face.”

It was not really what she wanted to express. She wanted to be able to tell him, in a way he could never doubt. How much she loved him. How it had hurt, after what Uncle Hal told her, to think she would not see him again for a while. That she did not mind if his face changed, or if his hair got even whiter than snow. He would always be important to her just the same.

But words were not as easy to her as numbers, or codes, and she could only count on the fact that Snake would understand her all the same. He was good at that, hearing what she did not say, what would not fit into clunky, awkward words. Maybe because he did not rely too often on spoken words, himself.

When Snake’s large palm gently slid down and cupped her cheek, thumb sweeping so tenderly over her skin, she knew - Snake understood.

And he loved her right back.

Else he would have never smiled like that at her, crinkling eyes and all. She just knew it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When David woke next, it was to the sensation of his right shoulder having gone completely numb, and the sound of computer keys clacking steadily away.

Awareness returned only slowly, consciousness dragging itself out of sleep at a snail’s place. Blinking his eyes open was already a herculean task in itself.

Absolutely worth it, though, David concluded when he finally managed, a tired smile curving his lips.

Sunny was fast asleep laying on his chest, one fist grabbing his shirt and her head tucked against his shoulder – that explained the numbness, then, he noted wryly. Warm puffs of breaths tickled his neck when he craned it to look at the girl, and while he watched, she burrowed even closer to him, still sound asleep.

The clacking, background noise until then, stopped momentarily and a whisper addressed him. “I hope she’s not too heavy.”

Pulled from his silent observation (Sunny had grown again; he had missed that in all the chaos), David looked up and met Hal’s gaze.

Hal shrugged with a crooked smile, shifting his laptop on his crossed legs so it wouldn’t fall. Sitting on the ground with his back against the couch, he was approximately on eye-level with the other man, making it easy for David to pick out the fondness softening his gaze. “You looked so peaceful. I didn’t have the heart to wake either of you.”

“’s fine,” he murmured in answer. Shifted his numb arm so it tucked Sunny closer. Tried to squint over Hal’s shoulder to see what the other was typing so rapidly. No use. There were half a dozen windows opened, some with multiple tabs, and Hal was so fast that the text on screen scrolled past too quickly to read.

Just as well. He liked getting the summary of Hal’s work better than figuring the stuff out himself, anyway. “What are you up to?”

“Oh,” Hal’s typing faltered, and he shrugged. “First of, uh, letting Mei Ling and Campbell now that you’re… we’re alright?”

That you’re alive. The words were there, but left unsaid.

David waited patiently. He knew well enough of Hal’s ability to multitask, deeming one or two emails unlikely to be able to hold the other’s entire attention for so long.

And sure enough, Hal continued on quickly enough, “And, ah, maybe looking for a place for us to stay, while I’m at it.”

A place to stay.

Blinking, David pondered over the warmth that filled him upon hearing the simple phrase. He had not even considered that, had he? Even after deciding to keep living his life out for as long as he could.

Of course he would forget something as ordinary as that. Of course Hal would be the one to remember.

“Found something?”

“Not really. I mostly asked around,” more clacking, a few windows being pulled up, some others closed. “Mei Ling promised to keep an eye out. Rosemary even offered us to stay with them, for a while.”

At that, David gave a quiet huff. A heartfelt offer, surely, yet not one he would take up. It would be hard enough, for Raiden and Rosemary both, to wrap their heads around the fact that they had each other back again. They did not need others imposing on them in the meantime. “Let’s give her and Raiden some space.”

“Exactly my thinking,” Hal sent him a smile over his shoulder, nodding, and Dave cracked a smile. Not the first time they thought the same thing, after all. “That’s why I’m already looking for something myself.”

Pulling a few different pages up, Hal shifted so the other man could look more freely over his shoulder, indicating towards a map which had certain areas marked with circles, and a few pictures of towns and villages. “I was thinking of a place in the countryside, maybe. Not too far out, but still…”

Still far away enough from the hustle and bustle of the bigger cities to have some peace once in a while. Off the radar, for once. Similar to how he once had decided that the solitude of Alaska would be right for him. David nodded slowly, murmuring a low agreement. Hand carding softly, mindlessly, through the mop of silky hair buried into his neck. “Sunny would like that.”

The girl had been copped up inside all her life, after all. Since she already liked the “outside” right in front of the Nomad so much, a bit of fresh air and pure nature would probably make her lose her mind in joy.

Instead of agreeing as David had expected, Hal seemed to stiffen at the comment, shoulders drawing up. The light of the screen illuminated the frown edging between his brows.

Not a reaction that seemed warranted. Yet Hal did not seem willing to elaborate by himself. With a huff, David pushed himself up far enough so he could rest his head more comfortably the armrest. “Hal.”

Not quite command, yet not a question, either.

Hal glanced over, sighed when he caught the frown sent his direction, and fiddled with his glasses. His voice was even quieter than before when he spoke again. “You think she would want to stay?”

That was the problem? David’s eyebrows arched. “Did you ask her?”

“No,” even while still whispering, Hal’s voice was the epitome of startled offense. “David, she’s seven.”

“She’s a smart kid. And she knows how to say No,” when Hal muttered something indecisive under his breath, David chuckled under his breath. “You can talk me into staying, but not ask Sunny if she wants to? Really, Hal.”

“Completely different situations, thank you,” the other’s hiss only made him chuckle harder, and Hal glared at him in return - before sighing deeply, shoulders sagging in defeat. “Alright, fine. I will ask her.”

“Good.”

“And it’s not because you told me to.”

“Uh-huh.”

“No need to be smug about it.”

“Sure, Hal.”

The half-hearted bickering stopped the moment they made eye contact. David couldn’t keep the smile off his face, and one look, and Hal was laughing, too, smothering it, barely, into the crook of his elbow.

Once they had gotten a grip over themselves again, they took a moment to simply watch the sleeping Sunny, making sure they hadn’t accidentally woken her.

Finally, David shifted with a quiet grunted, letting himself scoot lower on the couch, and closed his eyes. “Wake us up when you found a place.”

“Huh?” Surprise creeped into Hal’s voice, and he could vividly picture the other blink rapidly at him. “You don’t want a say in it?”

“Nah. You’re better at that kinda thing.”

“Such high praise,” a snort, and the click-clack of keys started up again. “Sleep well, Dave.”

“Hm-mh.”

Silence settled between them, comfortable and easy. Sunny’s quiet breaths, Hal’s typing and, from time to time, muttering to himself made for a strange lullaby, yet David couldn’t deny it was effectively lulling him to sleep.

If this was peace, David pondered lazily while he allowed himself to drift off, then it was pretty good.

Yeah.

This is good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ D ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This is good… isn’t it?”

Big Boss to Snake

#metal gear solid #metal gear #solid snake #otacon #sunny emmerich #meryl silverburgh #mgs #my writing #fanfic #fanfiction #long post #super long post

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