#A WORD I FUCKING HATE W ALL MY EXISTENCE BTW

[lafleshlumpeater]

trying to get through acotar and why has (who i am assuming is) rhysand already been described as sensual twice, and why is he a typical 'enemies to lovers' love interest

[tvckerwash]

hmmm I'm thinking about wash's stance on the training accident and I think it would be so funny if he gave maine a lecture about it afterwards

[labyrinthofcrystals]

💎. ┊    thinkin abt when I was into [fandom] & I had a mutual who very openly didn't like it so I asked them if it was okay that I still followed them & they said yes so long as I tagged my shit (which I always did, of course). but then when I asked them to tag their crit posts they said no n started attacking me 🙃 like why did u say it was ok for me to still follow if u clearly had a Problem with it then??? and then they sent other people to harass me too like wtf.

[brainscrems]

Making a little pinned post for goyim who stumble across this blog. Nothing in your background, none of your experiences with marginalization, nothing at all makes you exempt from having unconsciously incorporated antisemitism into your world view and mindset. The best thing you can do is seek out a wide range of all jewish voices with no preconceived notions, hear how different things affect their lives and oppression, and take that into account about what you say and do. Next thing to address. Antisemitism from the left DOES exist and it IS in your movements for palestinian liberation, as ugly a truth as that is. I support a free palestine and an end to genocide. So, when I showed up to my first protest and saw a displayed swastika with hundreds of people around, I was extremely dismayed that not a single one was willing to stand up and say a goddamned thing. This is the state of antisemitism on the left. Most people won’t *openly* spout hateful rhetoric, tho those who will are quite loud. The real problem is that there is no collective willingness to go after the open antisemites in these movements. It’s deemed acceptable because it’s for a good cause. And let me tell you, this shit is quite typical and we jews see it constantly. Just because you aren’t seeing antisemitism doesn’t mean it’s not there. Of course you aren’t seeing it. You’re not jewish. You don’t have the background to notice shit that you’ve been taught is normal and fine. Yet, your silence in the face of these things or even your engagement in them still hurts us. And. You know what they say. If nazi joins 4 people at a table and they do nothing about it you have 5 nazis. So. What can you do? Seek out jewish voices and LEARN!! Don’t tokenize us. Don’t choose ones you already agree with. The first resource I recommend for dealing w antisemitism in leftist spaces is called “The Past Didn’t Go Anywhere” by April Rosenblum. This is a jew with a long history of palestinian advocacy and she has done a great job at breaking down where antisemitism happens. Link at the bottom. It was written in 2007 and remains depressingly relevant today. This pamphlet is 24 pages, a bit long, but very thorough. This pamphlet is the barebones details of what’s antisemitic btw. The things listed in there are basic “nearly every jew in the world” would agree things. There is more than just what is contained in there that’s antisemitic and your best resource is gonna be listening to jewish voices. No tokenizing. No dismissing. Just listening and seeing what makes sense. That said, this shit is essential reading because it gives you the tools to start making spaces safe for jews. If you don’t care about that then, well, you probably don’t belong on this blog.

EDIT: In an ideal world I would like a binational one-state solution with a right of return for jews and palestinians as well as massive reparations for palestinians. I don’t identify as a zionist. And. I know jews who identify as zionists who want the exact same things I do. If your rhetoric is calling for violence against those people you can fuck right off. Zionist is a jewish word that has been appropriated by goyim, both by christian “zionists” as well as those who wish to discredit jews wanting to live peacefully with palestinians in our shared homeland. It means whatever the jew using it says it does in the context of their speech. The people who support the ethnic cleansing and genocide of palestinians or the treatment of palestinians as second class citizens are called kahanists and racist assholes, not zionists. Stop misusing our fucking word. Learn what the word means from actual members of our community instead of shouting about it as a fucking outsider and appropriating a term with deep community roots. Yea, Israel has committed so many war crimes and is currently committing genocide. This is not what zionism represents to most zionists so if you’re pushing that narrative just fucking do better and stop putting jewish lives at risk with your irresponsible rhetoric. I once again redirect you to the linked pamphlet. This is not a heavily focused on topic in it, but it gives clear instructions on what not to do, even if it doesn’t give you all the details on the why.

[hansslut]

valentine's day with the yjs ୧ 💌 ୨

cw: pretty much just fluff !!! may have swear words included tho ??

a/n: made this for me and everyone else who's single on valentine's day too :l hope this make you all feel a lil better and ily mwah mwah, happy ( early ) valentine's day babes <3

NATALIE SCATORCCIO

- pretends she hates valentines day and everything that has to do it but deep down she adores it

- will stand awkwardly looking at the different kind of chocolates and sweets and being like "uhmmmm.....reeses are never a bad option i guess?" ALSO I FEEL LIKE she'd ask other people buying stuff for their partners what they're gonna get them cuz she's so confused 😭

- we all know she's a sucker for kisses, cuddles, holding hands, AAAANYTHING that has to do with physical touch but hates showing it so i think she'd use valentine's day as an excuse to be publicly affectionate a bit

- ok that's all i might add more later on

JACKIE TAYLOR

- she's OBSESSED with holidays and celebrations, whether it's valentine's day, christmas, anything

- waking you up at like 7am and being like "hi hi valentine hey you're my valentine it's time to wake up my valentine" while shaking you and smooching you all over

- she's never letting go of you on vday. always clinging by your side, holding your other hand while you're brushing your teeth, talking to you from outside of the door while you're on the toilet, hugging you by the waist when you're cooking

- wearing ridiculous matching outfits with her in PUBLIC. i feel like she'd have those shirts that say "their queen" AND YOU "her king/queen/monarch(☠️)" OR GETTING YOU THOSE SILLY LIL HEADBANDS THINGIES WITH THE JIGGLY HEARTS..

- knows exactly what to buy you and she's already gotten everything prepared😭 it's adorable cause she'll give you a gift of something you forgot you wanted and you're just sitting there standing like :O

SHAUNA SHIPMAN

- ditches you for jackie. end.

- JK. i think she'd just treat it like a regular day honestly

- gets you a chocolate and calls it a day but not in a bad way??? LIKE she already loves you and does a lot of things to show it so she doesn't really think valentine's day is necessary

LOTTIE MATTHEWS

- she's suuuuuuuuch a softie for showing you off and getting to shower you with gifts :(

- she wouldn't wanna go out too much, she'd probably have everything set out already. your gifts hiding in the closet, your sweets hidden in the fridge, everything prepared and on point

- i feel like since some of the yjs were mean to her and telling her to just stop talking and stuff, she'd be kinda closed off at the start and she'd be scared to show you how much she loves and adores you, but then when she sees that you accept and give her the same love back and even more she's SOOOO hyper

- writes you cheesy letters that you keep in your drawer forever and probably even little drawings of your favourite things or you and her 😭

VAN PALMER

- THE SILLY!!!!!MAI SILLY!!!DE SILLY!!!:DD

- arcade dates w them on valentine's day or going like on an amusement park☝️☝️

- they'd go print out some silly t-shirts for y'all... like "i love my van" with a picture of a van LMAOO and they'd make you wear it all the time

- if you want to do smth on that day, you BET you will. they'll never let you down i SWEAR they're the sweetest pookiest babiest to ever exist :(((((((((

TAISSA TURNER

- hates valentine's day more than anything... "what the fuck im NOT wearing that" when you ask her to match outfits with you but does it anyway

- she's miserable doing anything on valentine's day cause she thinks it's cringe but warms up to it when she sees how happy it makes you

- she's the girl that said "happy wife happy life" btw so she'll do anything u ask her to no matter how much she despises it which is.. a lot probably

- gets you a chocolate and takes 2 hours to decide if she should write you a corny letter with it and she scribbles down some ideas but then just puts :)

LAURA LEE

- as a christian we shouldn't be celebrating vday but im not really that religious so????

- but laura lee is so anyways she would be all like "im not going to sin, i don't want to disappoint my lord" 😭😭😭

- she'd still go on a date w you, well more like flower picking and stuff and she'd probably pull out the the bible and start reading to you but you love her too much to say no so you just listen

- ok yeah that's it end of post mwah mwah

[akaakeis]

HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment

HI SAV<33

first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND

N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc

dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think

TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????

THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater

AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"

dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP

ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)

ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !

ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!

HEY LINA!!

yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS

omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!

HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3

THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!

okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh

HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm

HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)

WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!

AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋

AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3

[philameangrey]

😮Stalking?🤭in this day & age? 😏 1st don't confuse showing extra love & support from real pages w stalking btw hwvr Someone lost their mf mind if they think stalking ANYONE is cool & mentally healthy especially an "ex" ("interest"🤭 1 That got jealous over an old ass picture i posted) lol too many "next" "interests" in the real world & online that are not as toxic and are mentally healthy healed & way more deserving with way less mileage than an ex tripping over small shit lololol (ex "interest" remember no words were ever spoken or commitment was ever made & she git jealous over a post! so how a nigga fumble a ball he never had?) Trust i have forgotten family members exist so who you? Shit crazy my bad for following on Your Bday & trying show love🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️🤦🏽‍♂️i had no idea You was gone wear grey to show me Love Sis prior to that i aint push up? frfr i am single i do what the fuck i want post what i want go where i want especially when someone can't communicate like an adult that They want to go out w me or feeling sth i rarely give my # out i gave You ALL MY #s even the Audi phone... df we git here? Oh You gotta shoot & can't let the stupid nigga playoffs die & move forward w Peace & love how You post God every day & You can't stay positive & keep w the petty shit just tryna show no love was lost smh Sheesh nevermind tho

& I DON'T EVEN FUCKIN CELEBRATE BIRTHDAYS or holidays! 😮😏🤣🤭🤷🏽‍♂️💁🏽‍♂️look on ig You will never fuckin see it! Go heal so You can find a great man to help You in Your old age before its too late! Shit scary out here OMG 😬😬😬 How You hate a true supporter? Wow. Super sad out here. i let u git me tight...never again tho

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

look who i found at pride wtf ……. 🤨🤨🤨🤨

HEHEHE I’M SOOOO HAPPY U LIKED THE CONCEPT + THAT IT WAS SIMILAR TO WHAT U WERE IMAGINING the arimickey hivemind lives on…. TAKEDA PLS I WAS LITERALLY PICTURING HIM BUT W BLONDE HAIR PHDHDH he’s perfect for the role he’s the teacher of all time… :3 i forgot to mention it in my ask but OBV professor!reader is a little glasses wearer!!! i’m glad we all agree ANDD I’M SO GLAD TO KNOW WE’RE BOTH GLASSES ENJOYERS i think ppl who wear glasses should get paid every month just for existing and being as pretty as they are idk .. just a thought……

BUT WAHHH MICKEY WE HAVE SO MUCH TO DISCUSS I’M SHAKING IN MY SEAT 😵‍💫😵‍💫 first of all…. the idea of toji getting a crush first is SO cute that’s what we’re going with actually. all ur words are Canon to me. I THINK IT’S SUCHHH A CUTE IDEA mr buff guy ladies man toji realizes that he does in fact like Men………. i think he would very much be in denial but at some point he just accepts it. the idea of him asking another queer guy for advice is so sweet to me too (MORE ON THAT LATER i’m sure u can guess which queer guy i’m thinking abt though…. our one and only…..)

BUT WAHHH MICKEY :((((( literally all ur thoughts made me jump in my seat i’m so excited I LOVE UR READERS ALWAYS like this description……

but yeah he's always wearing the comfiest fits just like u said - sweaters, vests, a button-up shirt and a colorful tie sometimes (he was super nervous about wearing the tie at first bc he thought he'd look stupid but he got over it and now he has a rule of wearing a tie at least once a week)(canon). when it's cold he's wearing an oversized coat and an equally big scarf and toji thinks it's very cute i mean what who said that.

HE’S THE COZIEST GUY EVER I NEED TO KISS HIS FOREHEAD being nervous over the tie 😭😭😭😭…. HE’S SO REALLLL i just know he checks himself out before heading to work every morning…. makes sure his hair is all fluffed up….. gives the mirror a tiny smile to start the day off right………. i Need him as my professor actually. i just know he’s such a sweetheart n treats his students so kindly :(( the kinda prof nobody could ever hate bc he’s so passionate and so silly and cute…. AND THE OVERSIZED SCARF PLSSS toji just gets this warm feeling in his chest as he watches him come into view… giant ass scarf wrapped snugly around his neck….. WHAT COLOUR BTW i’m thinking either a dark green or a BRIGHT orange he’s that kinda guy… i love him actually i don’t think i’ll ever be normal abt ur readers mickey 😞😞😞

AND AND ANDDDD THE SLEEPY DESK SCENARIO that makes it sound like the desk is sleepy and not . the prof. BUT U KNOW WHAT I MEAN wahhhh toji getting all soft 🥺🥺🥺 and then running away LMAOO THAT’S SO CANON he feels an ounce of affection and just FREAKS out…… a big ol awkward teddy bear <333 i do think toji is a morosexual ok i’ll be the first to say it. prof!reader trips on his own shoelaces + faceplants into the grass + spills his coffee all over his nice shirt and toji is just like SIGHHH i like him so fucking much…. smiles all softly to himself like wowwww that guy is clumsy… clumsy little idiot…. who trips on their own fucking shoelaces…….. <- but he’s literally sighing dreamily and twirling his hair :// he has a thing for silly dumbasses ok i firmly believe mamagumi was like that too!!! is this the face of someone w braincells…. no absolutely not she was a golden retriever gf <33

also got this idea of the professor breaking smth in his class idk like he sits on the chair and one of the legs breaks or smth lmao and he goes on a lookout for smth to fix it with (??????) and he finds toji!!!! and he comes to his rescue, teasing the professor a little bc how the hell did he break the chair you know. and maybe he professor blushes a little..................... IT'S TOJI C'MON EVERYBODY WOULD BLUSH A LITTTLE and then maybe the professor brings him a pastry or something the next day as a thank you and now it's toji who's..... cheeks are looking a little pink?????? and he's grumbling that it's my job. no need to thank me. but the professor just dismissed that immediately and just presses the pastry into his hands and waves him goodbye with a smile.

AND THIS????????????????? sorry i had to just copy paste bc it’s so perfect I’M LOSING ITTTTTT MCIKEY :((( THEY’RE THE CUTESTTTT MY DADS I THINK? MY FATHERS??? MAY I BE ADOPTED?????? but no honestly this is THEEEE cutest thing ever i’m so…. T—T toji fixing the chair…. teasing reader……. reader giving him a little treat and toji getting all blushy… sighhhh they’re in Love … i need a whole shoujo manga abt them asap we need to Make it mickey. this’ll sell i just KNOW it…… this has the softest cutest most comforting romcom vibes i can alr feel it healing me.

OH AND AS FOR LIKE … who would make the first move …….. i think i agree that toji would. mostly bc poor prof is convinced that he’s straight 😭 so after toji has done a LOT of reflecting i think he kinda… broaches the subject.:::. really carefully……. but prof is so oblivious and doesn’t realize he’s getting hit on which . ironically would be good i think… idk i just feel like toji would eventually run out of patience and just cup his face all annoyed and blushy and confess…. very gruffly….. ”i like you, dumbass.” <- smth very straight to the point like that …. and reader fucking explodes . tragic 😔😔 but real.

but ok before we go further (and i Forget) OFCCCC U CAN USE THIS IN THE DRABBLE MICKEY U NEVER NEED TO ASK WE SHARE A BRAIN OK THIS CONCEPT IS URS…. U OWN IT I’M SO SERIOUS I WOULD BE HONOURED <33333 it’s our child i think.. we’re taking this marriage one step further…… NO BUT ACTUALLY GO WILD these two belong to u i’m SO excited to see how u write them!!!! i just know i’m gonna explode when that drabble drops….. ure gonna be the death of me….. T—T

WITH THAT BEING SAIDDDD i did….. think of smth after sending this ask……. would love to know ur thoughts i’m just spitballing i’m the loyal employee and ure the ceo ok !! BUT BUT :33 i was thinking of why toji would be at this uni specifically….. and then i was like. what if MEGUMI goes there….. maybe not at that exact institution or whatever but like. he goes to that uni and toji knows that he does…. and maybe he wanted to work there so he could check up on him every now and then?? :(( from afar!! i do picture this as a no curses au i think……. but still canon-aligned in that toji married mamagumi, had gumi, fell into a spiral of depression after she died and worked for very shady people for a while…. and gumi was eventually taken in by Someone (coughcoughcough) and hasn’t seen toji since he was a baby. maybe it’s a lil too angsty for this au but i think it could be a sweet sideplot to the romance….. toji kinda wants to reconnect w him but doesn’t know how to go abt it. maybe prof!reader would give him advice? :’3

OK BUT THAT ASIDE (and this part is Canon to me)…… obviously we HAVE to drag gojo into this somehow. i’m thinking he’s also a professor at the uni and like … the Favorite. the coolest silliest of them all. interacts w everyone and is 100% friends w prof!reader which is how he comes to know toji too!!! just imagine the two of them having a cute lil convo and BAM suddenly our resident freak is there…. slinging an arm over reader’s shoulder (toji visibly twitches) and greeting them both in a cheery voice……….. before rushing away to get some printouts he forgot to give his students <33

aside from being silly and cute and funny and perfect i’m thinking gojo has two roles in this au!! 1) making toji jealous…… 😳😳 and 2) being the resident queer man who helps toji work out his own feelings. i just think he would be the wingman of all time like maybe he notices the shy glances and blushes and he’s like :333 i’m gonna have to intervene. so he’s a lil more touchy w reader than usual….. and he KNOWSSS it drives toji a little crazy and makes him really confused and frustrated and he just delights in it. BUT ALSO i think that when toji eventually has his gay crisis he ends up talking to gojo somehow….. just two bi guys having a chat yk…….. gojo would obviously be wayyy more open w his sexuality (what do we think abt canon stsg for this au 😵‍💫😵‍💫 they’re both profs and toru is famously gross w pda) (it’s ruining suguru’s reputation) (he secretly really likes it)…. so toji just kinda.. nervously asks him abt it….. how he had his awakening and stuff……. (gojo tells him it was angemon and toji promptly leaves <33)

anyway sorry for dragging him into the narrative in my defense one of us would’ve done it eventually 😔😔 i fear there’s no hope for us.

THIS GOT LONG ? SUDDENLY?? MYSTERIOUSLY????? i’m in love w this au and them and u and ur beautiful brain and toji’s tits WHO SAID THAT … it’s really late i feel kinda delirious …… BUT I AM KISSING U SO SWEETLY i hope u have the silkiest softest dreams <33333 and that ur pillow is nice and cold and that ur bed is warm and that u wake up to sunlight streaming in through the windows <33333 MWAH one big kiss for mickey!!!

mickey i am kissing ur brain so gently i literally just woke up but i saw the bi!toji post ……… 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 REAL & CANON BTW but for some reason the first thought that popped into my head was. uni au….. janitor!toji/professor!reader…………….. hear me out.

toji who just stopped working as an assassin and is trying to get his life together, who just happened to land a job as a janitor at a prestigious university that he takes fairly seriously…. (i just knowww he hates littering students with every fibre of his being. catches them in the act and reaches for his gun out of old habit LMAO) and there’s this nerdy little professor who always arrives at the uni first thing in the morning, without fail, and always gives toji a cheery little greeting when he does. wearing his cozy sweaters and vests and scarves and smiling all bright and sleepy. and for some reason he almost always takes his coffee breaks conveniently close to wherever toji is cleaning… so they can chat a bit….. even though toji usually just listens and grunts every now and then.

and at first toji feels kinda Threatened by this pretty boy bc ???? whyyyy is he interrupting my precious cleaning time. is he trying to supervise me? show off his fancy degrees??? …. reader has the fattest crush on him but toji genuinely doesn’t realize bc he’s wired to always mistrust others :// meanwhile reader is watching him clean internally going what the fuck what the fuckkk why is he wearing a compression shirt it’s literally fucking freezing??? is he teasing me???? does he know?????? they’re both losers actually. big romcom vibes

BUT YEAH i just picture professor!reader being a sleepy but cheery little guy….. who loves loves loves teaching and talking about his subject of choice and toji starts to really enjoy their talks bc reader’s eyes shine soooo brightly when he’s chattering away… all excited and gleaming….. and toji kinda hates teachers but he decides to make an exception this once. maybe starts to initiate conversations of his own every now and then… who knows…………….

OK THAT’S ALL PDHJDDHJF 😭😭 this came to me in a vision and ofc i had to share…. imagine me at a board meeting pointing at my little graphs and powerpoints while u sit in a big ceo chair overlooking the city… pondering janitor!toji and the future of this company…... mickey ur posts genuinely make me fully insane i hope u know that. bi!toji is real and loves you specifically btw <333333 I HOPE U HAVE A LOVELY DAY MWAH :3

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I NEED TO KISS U RN!!!

LIKE THIS ISN'T OKAY BY ANY MEANS HOW DID YOU COOK THIS UP AND WHY IS IT LITERALLY PERFECT AND ALSO HOW IS IT SO IN LINE WITH WHAT I HAD IN MY HEAD?????????????? HOW???????

OKAY FIRST OF ALL WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT PROFESSOR!READER KIND OF BEING LIKE TAKEDA FROM HAIKYUUUU??????????????? LIKE THAT'S IMMEDIATELY HOW HE POPPED INTO MY HEAD AND NOW I CAN'T STOP IMAGINING HIM LIKE THAT I ALS OCAN'T TAKE OFF THE CAPS LOCK BC I'M GENUINELY SO INVESTED IN THIS FUCKING AU IT'S INSANE

but yeah he's always wearing the comfiest fits just like u said - sweaters, vests, a button-up shirt and a colorful tie sometimes (he was super nervous about wearing the tie at first bc he thought he'd look stupid but he got over it and now he has a rule of wearing a tie at least once a week)(canon). when it's cold he's wearing an oversized coat and an equally big scarf and toji thinks it's very cute i mean what who said that.

another thing just popped into my head when u called him a sleepy guy..... what if it's already like afternoon and all of the students are gone and the professor was supposed to be grading their papers or smth but when toji happens to walk by his class he's just sleeping on the table............... PLSSSS I THINK IT'S SO CUTEE i can see it so clearly in my head the professor's glasses are really weirdly on his face and his mouth is open with a bit of drool spilling out lmao and at first toji just shakes his head like damn this guy is stupid but then he realizes that he's smiling? that his own lips just curved into a small smile all on their own and he's kinda freaked out about it and leaves really fast hasgahsaghshgagsha HE'S A LITTLE AWKWARD SOMETIMES OKAY even big scary teddy bears have their little love moments yk

my immediate thought was that toji would actually be the one to develop the crush first btw................ and he'd be a little like ???? maybe this is his first real male crush? and the reader is just kind of oblivious to it like he thinks that yk toji seems like the straighest guy on the first glance lmao and he thinks that he doesn't have a chance but hehehehehe he's very wrong IDK WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT i wanna know

DON'T GET ME WRONG THOUGH I DO REALLYREALLY LIKE the reader kind of thirsting over him hihihihihi he's so real for that AND I LOVE THE IDEA OF TOJI EVENTUALLY STARTING MORE CONVOS!!!!!! FUCK OFFF HE'S SOO SWEET AAAAAAAAA i love him so much have i said that already

who do you think would take the step to go further though? IN YOUR SCENARIO I MEAN it would obviously take time. a lot of it. bc toji is well... like he is and the professor is nervous and he's kind of afraid to overstep even though he likes him sooooo much... okay i kinda feel like toji would....... and it almost makes the poor professor have a heart attack bc WHAT? hihihihiihi stoppppppppppppp i can see them both in my head soooo clearly and i'm so fucking in love with them they're so cute aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

also got this idea of the professor breaking smth in his class idk like he sits on the chair and one of the legs breaks or smth lmao and he goes on a lookout for smth to fix it with (??????) and he finds toji!!!! and he comes to his rescue, teasing the professor a little bc how the hell did he break the chair you know. and maybe he professor blushes a little..................... IT'S TOJI C'MON EVERYBODY WOULD BLUSH A LITTTLE and then maybe the professor brings him a pastry or something the next day as a thank you and now it's toji who's..... cheeks are looking a little pink?????? and he's grumbling that it's my job. no need to thank me. but the professor just dismissed that immediately and just presses the pastry into his hands and waves him goodbye with a smile. AAAAAAAAAAAH I CAN'TTTT I'M SMILING SO BIG RN MY CHEEKS HURT WHAT IN THE FUCK THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ARI. MY SWEETEST LITTLE ANGEL. CAN I USE THIS IN THE DRABBLE I STARTED? LIKE I'M GONNA LINK THIS IN THERE TOO. i just started the drabble based on one of the asks i got - toji just smiling while he's listening to his little bf ramble about his day but i'd love to sprinkle this in there. like maybe he taught a class on smth he really likes so he's just so excited about it. excited that the students were loving the topic or whatever. BUT I DO NEED YOUR PERMISSIONN!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR INDULGING ME YOU ALWAYS DO I'M SOOOO GRATEFUL FOR YOUUUUUUUUUU<33333 i can't believe you just cooked it up are you actually gordon ramsay btw? i know you are don't lie to me ari. BI!TOJI LOVES US BOTH THAT'S WHY HIS TITS ARE SO BIG HE'S STORING HIS LOVE FOR US IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE YOU HAD A REALLY REALLLY GOOD DAY MY LOVE MWAH MWAH MWAH<333333333

[mayisgoingnuts]

Can you do like a fanfiction where hellPark Gregory is getting tickled by hellpark stan?

Of course!! Btw I saw the drawing requests, I'll try to do them as soon as possible!

-----------------------------

INFO Lee!Gregory (Hellpark) Ler!Stan (Hellpark)

-----------------------------

"Tickle the rudeness out"

After a long time of "war" between Craig's and Gregory's gang, it's finally over. No more killing, no more traumas. At least, not between them. This truce is a relieve to both of the groups, since ones don't want to die and others don't want to be bothered with that. The only ones who got either mad or sad was Pip, who would end up breaking it at some point. What happened to him wasn't Gregory's problem, the other one who almost refused to agree.

"Even Estella it's okay with it, why wouldn't you? Don't be such a pussy!"

It's what Damien said to him, to finally make him understand a deal it's a deal. Sadly, he couldn't do anything. If the king says, the others listen. It's simple.

After a few days, Tweek wanted to visit Craig, and since even Pip knows what he's able to do, somebody needed to take care of him. Of course… Gregory. Why not him? The perfect person to be a babysitter… …or not.

Either way, he agreed with it. He needed some distraction, and besides, Craig and his group weren't that bad. According to him: they're pathetic. Nothing more, nothing less.

"You know where his house is, right?"

Asked Gregory, while walking with Tweek.

"Of course! I was summoned there, y'know…"

The reason of the question was that… they obviously weren't going to Craig's house. Actually, this place was kinda familiar. A bad type of familiar.

"Then where the hell are we going."

His voice tone changed drastically, making the other scared a bit.

"W-Well, you see… his parents are in his house, and the things we need to talk about are, uh… personal."

"So you're going to make out infront of me. So elegant."

This conclusion made Tweek's face get red almost instantly.

"NONONONO! Of course not!! Actually, Craig said he would call a friend so you won't be alone!"

Silence. Obviously he's not that nice. There's something going on there.

"I already regret."

And finally, after all of this, they saw where they would stay. The worst option of them all. Stan's house.

"Tweek… I hate you so, so much."

He smirked awfully and knocked, waiting for someone to come. Not a minute later, the door open, with an evil laugh and incredibly annoying look coming from the house's owner.

"Hello."

"Oh, h-hi Stan-"

"Craig is in my room, you guys can enter."

And immediately gave them space to go, having himself a space in the couch.

Nobody was in the house, just them. While Craig and Tweek chatted in the bedroom, Gregory and Stan decided to stay in the living room. The only sound coming from there was the TV, because if it depended on them, the place would be completely quiet. They may not be trying to kill each other right now, but the hate still exists. Well, atleast in Gregory's side. But at some point, Stan got tired from doing nothing.

"Hey Greg-"

"DON'T."

Interrupted, showing the face of his palm.

"But I-"

"DON'T. TALK. TO ME."

Four words. Just four words and the boy with blue cap was already angry.

"Look man, I'm trying to start something here-"

"I still hate you, Stan Marsh. So DON'T talk to me."

His little 'fancy ass talking' made everything worse. He wanted to punch this blonde boy so much, but if he did, it would be like giving up on the truce. Besides, he would die for sure. So… what else?

"Gregory, I'll try one more time. And if you interrupt me again, I will…"

The demon was ready to do it.

"I…"

And slowly, the hand and his face were almost touching. This wasn't just increasing the anger, but also making him nervous.

"…I'll tickle this fucking rudeness out of you!"

"You'll what?"

Stan didn't even think of what he would say, but in the end, it seemed to be a good idea.

"Y-Yeah! You heard me, little prince."

"This is ridiculous. Really fits you."

"I wouldn't be so tough if I were you."

This phrase got Greg's attention.

"Was this a threat?"

Stan approached, with an evil smile in their face.

"Maybe."

That face. That damn face. He was so confident, so sure of himself, so... irritating.

"You little shit..."

And just right after, his arm couldn't move anymore, and a tingly sensation past through his body.

"BbbAHA-"

"Little what?"

"yOHOHOU- BAHAHAHaaHA-"

And in matter of seconds, Stan's body was above, preventing him from running away or defend himself properly.

"GEHEHET OFF MEHEHIHI- HAHAHA!"

Even though it didn't tickled that much, Gregory always used to be exaggerated, a real drama queen. And not-so surprinsingly, the other knew it very well.

"Stop being so dramatic Greg's, this don't even tickles that much."

"YOHOU DON'T KNOHO- HIYAAAA"

Just a little tickling in the armpits made them scream like a little girl. A shame for the one being tickled, and pure comedy for the tickler.

"PFFft, what type of scream is that?"

"SHHH- HAHAHA SHUUHU- FUHUHCK! IHIHI KIHIHILL Y... HEHEHEHE!"

"No no Gregory, no using your powers on humans, remember? You must obey the rules~"

His hands kept switching positions between his armpits, ribs and sides, so this made things a little worse. 'Should I protect my sides? But what if he tickles my ribs instead?' These thoughts came all in one, so in the end he couldn't avoid anything. He became a giggly and squirmy mess.

"OHOHOTHER PFFHAHAHA"

"Huh? Other? Like... another place? 'Kay. If you say so."

"NOHOHOHO"

Stan stopped a bit just to take a look at his ticklish spots. This was the perfect opportunity to knock him out and just run, and Gregory obviously knew that. He prepared his punch, got up, and when was finally about to free himself... felt a hug.

"What the..."

This is weird. Definitely weird.

"Let me fucking go you miserable rat!"

The black haired guy smirked.

"Still not out, I see."

And slowly got the fingers into his back, moving them in a silly way.

"pffttTHAHAHATA FUHUHUCK"

The demon was strong, even without his powers he could find a way to find a way to get out, but the ticklishness was just... stronger. His arms and legs got weak.

"Say sorry and this is over, man. Pretty easy, isn't it?"

"AHAHAHA SHIHIHITTT HIHIHEHEHE-"

One or two minutes passed and even Marsh didn't understood why he didn't said anything yet. Gregory may be arrogant, but when it's something they don't like, he give up. Stan thought that maybe it was a spot too 'dangerous', but even when Greg was just giggly, didn't said a thing.

The tickling continued for a while, until Stan stopped suddenly.

"Hahahah... hah... uh... huh?"

...silence. An awful silence.

Gregory stared with a confusing expression, like someone who wanted it to continue. But then, he finally remembered: That's Stan Marsh.

"D-Don't touch me anymore!"

With the space given, the boy got up and walked away, with a shy yet surprising face. 'He didn't realized it.', thought. It was a relieve.

"That's it! I'm calling Estella to take care of Tweek and I'll-"

"...you seemed happy."

'...shit.'

He noticed. He noticed that Gregory was actually having fun.

"E-Excuse me?! This was pure sexual harassment! How DARE you say something..."

A teasy smile grew in Stan's face. He crossed his arms, and did an EXTREMELY visible eye contact.

"C'mon. Confess."

These seconds staring at each other seemed like hours for the one who got tickled just a moment ago. Yes, Stan was right. Completely right. But, if the tickler wasn't him... everything would be easier. Would be better.

"I..."

"Hi."

And finally, after all this time, Craig and Tweek came back. Didn't came when Greg was screaming and laughing, but came now. Better now than never.

"Finally! Tweek, let's go RIGHT. NOW."

Said Gregory, pulling the other by his arm with a little delicacy so he wouldn't hurt him.

"Wha- What happened? And what was all these noises down here? Did he hurt you?"

The same with a red and angry face opened the door and left, leaving in quick steps.

"Nothing, you don't need to know and no, now let's go."

"Bye-bye."

Craig waved slowly, seeing the both of them leaving in a rush. He closed the door and made company to Stan in the couch, changing the TV channel to something more interesting.

"Hey Craig."

"Huh?"

"What's that thing that you and Tweek talked about? Like, to the point you needed to come to my house."

"Oh."

Craig lay down on where he was, with a little smile and bored face.

"Nothing that matters. I just wanted that bastard to suffer in your hands."

Stan cracked a little.

"Then you failed."

[stay-neurotic]

every vorta ranked according to ME

all screenshots courtesy of @gelnon​!!

13. Deyos

i hate him and he needs to die. look @ his evil gremlin face. RIP to my homie ikat’ika you cold hearted bastard.

12. Luaran

she’s fine. just like. she had two lines and then she was dead :/

11. Eris

miss i’m-gonna-play-coy-and-sit-in-a-forcefield-for-hours-while-my-soldiers-pretend-like-they’re-in-charge-and-i-get-to-infiltrate-starfleet-tee-hee

also fucking whack that they never mentioned the telekinetic powers ever again (though i have my own HCs about that)

10. Kilana

okay. i wanted to put kilana higher because of the Tiddy but she’s just. not good at her job. “obvious flattery and duplicitous statement” is pretty standard fare for a vorta but then she follows it up w/ “*does a thing* *it goes badly* i regret that i did that, lets still try to be friends u trust me right?” like sisko’s fucking stupid. any credibility u had to try to negotiate a rescue of the founder went out the window when u sent the jemhadar into the ship miss thing!!!

shit would have gone so much better if she responded to sisko’s directness with directness of her own. but she just couldnt fathom a world where ppl are true to their word so she refused to trust sisko. and immediately proved to him that he couldn’t trust her. ksdjfgbdsk maybe u should have read weyoun’s reports more closely bitch

9. Weyoun 8

his whole existence. is failure. oh my god. he pushes damar away with every word and then is completely fucking blind to his defection. he turns the cardassians against the dominion once and for all by wiping out lakarian city. a fact which he BROADCASTS TO THE CARDASSIAN FLEET, BTW, ALSO TURNING THEM AGAINST THE DOMINION. and in the midst of all this he sends all the guards out the building where he and miss founder are holed up!!! wtf bro!!!!!!! the other clones used up all your braincells!!!!!

8. Weyoun 7

a. talks himself into killing a founder in order to save the war effort. EXPLICITLY AFTER BEING TOLD EARLIER ON BY MISS FOUNDER THAT ODO MEANT MORE TO THEM THAN THE ENTIRE ALPHA QUADRANT......HELLO HE JUST DIDN’T WANT TO DIE FOR HIS FUCKUP THAT WOULD HAVE LOST THEM THE WAR!!! (and lets be honest, if it was a weyoun clone that sold all those secrets, the weyoun line would have been ended right then and there)

b. INTERSPECIES MATING RITUALS

7. Yelgrun

he’s just fun to watch.

6. Borath

listen man. the borath inside the simulation has a voice like butter. i could literally listen to him talk all day. he gets nice & flirty w/ sisko too. and the one outside the simulation is just bitter & done w/ everyone’s shit and does not bother to hide it even around Miss Founder. man has balls. (and i’m very fond of him b/c of @weyoun-9′s borath in our RP, mostly cause my character abuses the fuck out of him and i feel bad but that’s a story for another day)

5. Gelnon

pettiest bitch in the galaxy. look @ his shit-eating grin. motherfucker pops into a commlink with two jemhadar, starts a fight and then peaces out. deals shady bizz with the orion syndicate and picks obrien out of the lineup just by looking in his eyes. legendary

4. Weyoun 4

his first time dealing w/ sisko but he manages to create & oversee a successful co-op mission (w/ the help of sisko & omet’iklan ofc) even if the two crews REALLY did not get along. he’s also given the task of fucking infecting one of his gods with a virus and he does it, bless his heart. i just cannot get over his constant obvious vexation toward having to deal w/ his soldiers he openly hates them at all times and it’s amazing (please go watch his expressions during omet’iklan’s “victory is life” speech)

3. Keevan

this man fucks.

2. Weyoun 5

“is it any good?” “i think it would be nice to carry a tune” “DABO!!!!” “it’s all so...entertaining~” “besides, i think it’s exciting :)”

his wanting to understand art & music. his love of games. his bickering w/ dukat. his little shows of delight and excitement when petty shit happened. his actual competency at being a diplomat and bridging the gap between the bajorans and the cardassians during the occupation. he made all the right fucking decisions and if dukat hadn’t overriden him when damar asked if he should send troops after the defiant, sisko might not have made it to the wormhole and the dominion would have won the fucking war

1. Weyoun 6

if you disagree you’re wrong. thanks for coming to my TED talk

[wasflypaw]

ghghhhh it's such a shame that Fanon c!Dream exists bc Canon c!Dream is so much more fun. The c!Dream that enjoys chaos and has fun doing it while also keeping up the whole "I want a peaceful server" thing. The canon c!Dream who is a dickhead just to be a dickhead

The thing is I believe him about the peace thing

I watched early DSMP pre-Tommy VODs and he was already going on about keeping the server peaceful and working together, to the point where he hunted down and burned all George's items to try to achieve this bc he was getting too powerful (again. Pre-Tommy. Early Dream Also struggled to keep the server peaceful)

He's Always had this "I want peace/no conflict" thing but the interesting thing is you can See him gradually enjoy chaos more and more while still trying to stick to his peace thing. Like scolding people for fighting, fixing Tubbo's house, helping Tommy when his house got blown up by a creeper, etc. But then turning around and logging on Just to mess with Tommy, teasing n provoking him, joining n escalating conflicts needlessly, (like kickstarting the Disc War that couldve ended after a day just so he can have fun fucking w Tommy)

This was Pre-L'Manberg btw. I'm aware they werent roleplaying back then but I can still analyse it as if they're the characters instead of writing it all off as non-canon

The Fanon "wahh everyone abandoned me I was villainised I became a villain I'm going to go cry" c!Dream sucks and also Doesnt Exist. This is the c!Dream I hate, bc there's just no evidence of him existing unless you twist the shit out of his words and the narrative

Out with fanon c!Dream, in with "I really do want a peaceful server with my friends but being in conflicts and messing with people is really fun, actually.." who gets worse as we progress through season 1 and into season 2

[stoatwashere]

shoutout to the guy who's apparently my boyfriend who has showed up in 2 dreams of mine like 1-2 months ago and even tho he doesnt exist he never seems to be able to leave my mind

ight anw here are bulletpoints abt him bc im a simp and proud

- hates getting wet in the rain but danced in the rain with me

- gives the warmest hugs i swear he's an actual human heater

- how does you has the softest and best smelling hoodies

- who likes to boop my nose when i get grumpy

- i hate my nose its an insecurety + he loves my nose its his fav thing abt me = chaos

- whenever i use his hoddies i got sleeve paws bc its so big, which leads to him tying the sleeves together as he jst stares at my nose and boops the living crap out of it

- also hugs me whenever the sleeves are tied bc that way i cant escape

- his hugs last so long

- im melt in hug

- also clings onto me like a koala

- i do that to him too so im not complaining

- who has the actual best sister in the entire world stan her for clear skin

- who's mom makes thE BEST chocolate soufles

- whos dad makes the best like stew or whatever i swear it tastes so amazing words cannot describe-

- who has the most handsome accent ive ever heard

- who literally his voice is softer than room temperature butter

- who's love language is a mix of quality time, gifts and acts of service

- which may i say mans spoils the living shit out of me

- like he literally showers me in gifts like brO I DONT DESERVE THESE LIKE REFUND THEM AND INVEST THE MONEY OR STH

- i envy how soft your hair is like- ajdhsjkf my gosh

- pls he took me out on my dream date like- im gonna cri

- is a cat person and has 2 rescue kittens he found abandoned in a box at the side of the pavement while we were having a walk in an open field

- he took me to a lavender field and just- picnic date. pls i will cry he made brownies w his mom's signature recipe- sdhsfhsf im in love

- he insists on feeding me almost everything that i will consume bc he likes babying me bc im shorter than him-

- like oKAY I GET IT UR OVER 6 FT (6 ft is 182cm btw)

- some how found my fav flowers and gifted a bouquet of them to me on a normal day jUST BECAUSE

- LIKE IT WASNT AN ANNIVERSSARY OR BDAY OR LIKE ANY FUCKING THING HE JST GAVE THEM TO ME bECaUsE???

- like bro deutzia flowers are rare ;-;

- he grew deutzia in his greenhouse ever since then bc theyre pretty hard to find and bc i like deutzia

- pls im so soft

- i liked to hang out in his greenhouse a lot bc it was jst so aesthetically pleasing and the environment was jst so serene and calming

- also the kittens likes to hang out there too and its just always so pretty

- i liked to read there and do like homework and assignments there or jst hangout and stroll around

- sO HE FRIKING MADE THIS ONE AREA JST FOR ME TO CHILL IN???

- LIKE HE SET UP A CHAIR N LIKE COFFEE TABLE THERE FOR ME???

- JUST BECAUSE???

- LIKE HELLO???

- literally everyone i knew hardcore approved of him and liked him as my bf sm i swear i-

- in these dreams (fuck why must this be a dream) i lived in london and so did he (we dont live together)

- my parents didnt live in london bc they live in my native country, his parents live in london tho (but like he doesnt live w em he lives alone as do i)

- hIS PARENT WOULD BE LOWKEY UPSET IF HE VISITS AND I DONT COME WITH HIM

- LIKE ONE TIME HE CAME UP TO ME AND SAID HIS PARENTS SAID THEY MISSED ME AND TOLD HIM TO BRING ME NEXT TIME???

- I- I WAS HAVING EXAMS IM SORRY-

- speaking of exams dude he's so supportive

- like i was studying once and he jst sat there ready to tutor me whenever i needed

- he read my textbooks and studied them jst so he can help me if i needed help T-T

- also his fashion taste was *cheffs kiss*

-yea thats the end of this idk why or how i remember this much (not complaining tho)

- idek his name or face *cries*

- but i do remember that he's a brunette with wavy soft hair and has heterochromia (yknow the diff eyecolours)

- like his eyes are the most gorgeous shades of brown and green ive ever seen

- im in love with someone who doesnt exist bye-

oh and btw writers you are all welcome to use any of these as your writing prompts (jst give credit pls thanks <3)

[h2bakugou]

hey! can you do a bakugo x reader oneshot where bakugo and the reader have been dating, but one day the reader disappears for months out of no where and no one has heard from her, but she comes back one day and it just ends in fluff? thank you! i love your writing btw 💕

a/n: hii! of course love! thank you so much <3! i hope you enjoy this, sorry for the delay!

summary: you’ve been dating bakugou for a while, but something comes up and you’re forced to disappear for months. no one knows what happened to you until you come back.

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: fluff, swearing, angst

wordcount: 1.2k

»»————-　★　————-««

»»————-　★　————-««

The day was going like any other. You woke up, got dressed, had breakfast with the Bakusquad. Nothing felt out of the ordinary.

Meanwhile, across the sea, in America, where your mother was stationed doing hero work, a storm was brewing.

- - -

Sitting in class, you glanced over in Bakugou’s direction, sending him a soft smile. Just a few more minutes and you’d be able to kiss his lips and bask in his burnt sugar scent.

His ruby eyes stared back at your (e/c) ones, a soft expression on his features. He was truly in love with you. There were no ifs, ands, or buts, about it. 

Finally, the bell rung and everyone shot off down the hall to head to lunch. You waited for Bakugou and got that kiss you’d been waiting on.

His lips clashed with yours, tasting of cinnamon and citrus. He was so fucking amazing in every way, and you were so lucky to have him. You wanted to spend the rest of your days with him, not having to worry about anything at all.

“Come on, let’s go meet up with the other dumbasses.” Bakugou teases. You nod but stop when you feel your phone buzz.

“Go on ahead, I’ll catch up, I have to take this.”

And that was the last time Bakugou saw you.

- - -

Leaving to America where your mother, who worked as a professional hero who traveled all over the world, without telling anyone, was heartbreaking. You never even got to tell Bakugou goodbye.

Your phone and all other electronics were confiscated by your mother’s agency. You were monitored constantly. The hero world didn’t know about you being your mother’s child.

As far as the media knew, you were just some intern, but it was rare that any media outlet got a glimpse at you. Everything you needed was brought to you, and you were rarely let outside.

Your mother had gotten critically injured and the doctors thought her wounds might be fatal, so they called you over in case she passed.

You were extremely worried. Yet full of anger. Your mother, who was doing this to protect you despite being able to protect yourself, was worried about you.

So, sitting in the private hospital room, the heart monitor beeping every so often, you watched as your mother lay unconscious, her chest rising and falling.

Months went by. You stopped counting the days and stopped trying to come up with the right words to say if you ever returned back to Japan. You had enrolled in U.A. yourself with dreams of becoming a hero like your mom.

Your mother healed eventually, but she was still worried about you.

“There are wonderful school here-”

“But what happens when you get stationed somewhere else? Do you just expect me to drop out and follow you? That’s going to be detrimental on my education!” You cut your mom off.

Sitting in her private suite now, she was healed up to do mundane tasks on her own. Her eyebrows furrowed together.

“You’ll catch up-”

“It’s my education! I dropped everything to come see you. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my friends!” You could feel the tears building up in your eyes. You hated fighting with your mother. You know she was only trying to do what was best, but it didn’t ever feel like she was doing it the right way.

“I love you, but the world doesn’t even know I exist. Do you regret me or something?” You sob, wiping your eyes with the sleeves of Bakugou’s jacket, the one you managed to grab from your dorm before your mom’s agency guards brought you to the airport.

“No! I love you so much, I’m just trying to protect you-”

“But I don’t need you to protect me! I’m not little anymore! I’m learning to become a hero on my own, so I can save and protect others.” Your voice cracked as more tears pooled from your eyes.

Your mother’s expression changed as she looked at you.

“Is hero work what you want to pursue?” She asked you bluntly.

“Yes. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do since I saw you on tv. It’s amazing.” You shake your head, trying to stop yourself from crying.

“Alright then. I’ll pay for your flight back to Japan. You’ll be allowed back into U.A?” Your mother asked, taking a few steps closer to you.

“W-What?” You looked up as she finally stood in front of you.

“I love you, and I feel like sometimes I see how evil the world is and all I want to do is keep you locked up where you can’t get hurt because seeing you hurt, hurts me.” Your mother wrapped her arms around you and hugged you tight.

“But you’ve grown so much, and I’m so proud of all you’ve accomplished. You’d do amazing in the hero field. You don’t need me to protect you anymore.” She kissed the top of your head and smiled.

“Go get ‘em kid.” She pulled away and looked at you.

“And tell me more about this Bakugou boy when you get back to Japan.” she winks.

“I love you so much too!” You smile and rush off to go pack your things.

- - -

When you returned to Japan, you weren’t even worried about your phone, you were sprinting off to U.A. trying your best to get there as fast as you could.

When you arrived, you were let back in just like that, nothing had changed it seemed.

Darting into the dorm, all eyes locked on you. A set of crimson eyes in particular.

“(Y/n)!” A few voices shouted. You ran toward Bakugou and jumped into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“I’m so sorry! I never said goodbye, I should’ve! I missed you all so fucking much.” You cried, hugging your boyfriend tightly.

“I missed you so much.” He sniffed, his eyes stinging with tears that he wouldn’t let fall.

“Woah, (Y/n)! Your mom’s a pro hero?” Denki called out. You whipped your head around and stared at him with confusion.

“Your mom just confirmed that you were her child!” Denki pointed out in the news headline.

“Holy shit.” Mina smiled, patting your head.

“My mom was injured, and overseas in America. I dropped everything to go see her, and I should’ve at least said goodbye, to all of you. I’m so sorry.” You apologized to your classmates.

“Don’t apologize! You were worried, it’s human. We’re so glad you’re back!” Tsu croaked, walking over to give you a hug.

And soon the entire class was hugging you, but your eyes were locked onto a pair of red ones.

After the hug dissipated, you walked to the stairs with Bakugou.

“Did any lame guys approach you-”

“Bakugou I was only thinking about you.” You cut him off. Your lips collided with his as you closed the space between the two of you. You’d missed him, his lips, his touch, his hugs, his scent, his everything.

Months you’d waited to be able to be held by him again.

Pulling away, the two of you were breathless.

“My mom wants to know all about you.” You teased, pinching his cheeks.

“Whatever!” He blushed, clearly embarrassed.

“Cutie.” You smiled.

“I missed you, dork.”

“I missed you too, ‘Suki.”

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

[httpsexistence]

Hi! I am new to tumblr and I’m not too sure how to request, but can you do 66 with a VERY angry Armin? Possibly reader has cheated on him or did something extremely wrong.❤️Btw I love your writing!! Can’t wait to read more of it!

thank you so much🥺💕

i got carried away with this one🧍🏼‍♀️sorry if it’s not what you wanted :(

66. “Get out of my sight before I kill you myself.”

warnings: mad coconut, burnt toasty boi go brr, much angst

**not proofread

--

“I don’t know what to do, Eren.” I sigh sadly, rubbing my arms. “He hasn’t been talking to me for a few days. You’re his best friend! You have to know why.” The brunette sitting next to me sighs.

“I hate to say it, but he hasn’t been talking to me, either. He’s been acting like I don’t exist. I don’t get it.”

“What could we have done wrong, though?” I ask. “Have you said anything or done anything?” Eren shakes his head.

“It’s been like this ever since you and I-”

“I knew it.” Both Eren and I turn around at the sound of the voice.

“Armin!” I exclaim getting up to embrace him, but the harsh shove of his hand against my shoulder makes me stop. I take a few steps back, holding my shoulder while looking at my boyfriend.

“What the hell, man?” Eren hisses, walking towards my blonde boyfriend, but stops when he starts talking.

“I knew it.” Armin repeats, clutching his hands into fists at his sides. His breathing becomes rapid before his body starts shake. I lift my hand again, slowly walking towards him.

“Baby, what the hell is this ab-”

“You’ve been cheating on me with Eren.” I feel time stop as soon as those words come out of his mouth.

“Armin, we can explain-” 

“I don’t want to hear it, Eren.” Armin hisses, his voice the darkest and most serious I’ve ever heard it.

“Please, it’s not what it-”

“And you.” The blonde boy turns to look at me, his ocean blue eyes full of anger and... hatred. “Get out of my sight before I kill you myself.”

--

To make a long fucking story short, the expedition has gone to shit.

“That bastard.” Jean sneers, narrowing his brown eyes at the Armored Titan as it walks in a circle around us. “What will it take to put him down for good? What the hell do we do against something like that.” The brunette boy then turns to look at Armin, who was watching the Colossal Titan march through Shinganshina, straight towards Eren’s limp titan body.

“Hey, Armin. I think getting Eren out of here safely might be the best we can hope for.”

“He’s thinner.” My now ex-boyfriend whispers in amazement.

“Huh?” Mikasa, Jean, and I all question.

“The Colossal Titan. He’s gotten a little thinner!” He turns around to face the three of us. “Guys! It’s exactly like Hange said! Our best bet against the Colossal is a battle of attrition!” Then it hit me. I turn to look at the other two.

“Remember her experiments with Eren? He could only transform up to three times. If that’s the case for a 15 meter titan, a 60 meter might be even less efficient!” I feel a stare burning into the back of my head as I talk.

“Then there’s his steam. I think he might be burning through flesh and muscle tissue to produce it. Everything except for his skeleton!”

“So, what are you two saying?” Jean asks, standing up. 

“Armin? Y/N?” Mikasa whispers, looking up at the both of us. I stand back, looking up at the blonde boy.

“I have a plan. The rest of you need to draw Reiner away. Eren and I will defeat the Colossal Titan ourselves.”

“Armin, wait-”

“The two of us can do it.” He says, not even sparing me a glance as he cuts me off. “Trust me on this.”

“All right, then.” Mikasa gets up from her crouching position. “You leave Reiner to us and get going.”

“Sure took you long enough. You had me thinkin’ we were all gonna die here.” Jean says, cracking a small smile. Armin nods at them before flying away, not even bothering to say goodbye.

“Come on, Y/N.” Mikasa says as her and Jean ready up their gear to go to Reiner.

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a sec.” I turn around and watch as Armin flies to Eren’s limp body, a bad feeling in my stomach. I wait until the sound of ODM gear becomes inaudible before shooting my wires.

‘I know I shouldn’t go... but my gut’s telling me this isn’t going to end well if I stay with Mikasa and Jean.’ I think, narrowing my eyes as I make my way towards the wall, making sure I’m not seen. ‘I have to make sure he’s okay.’

--

“Understand? We’re leaving Bertholdt to them! We have to trust they can handle him! As for us, we need to keep Reiner at a safe distance.”

“Wait! Where the hell is Y/N?! Isn’t she supposed to be here?” Connie exclaims. Jean and Mikasa share a look before turning around and staring at the wall, seeing the girl on top of a building.

“What is she doing?”

“We can’t focus on that right now!” Jean says. “Fly close enough to Reiner to get his attention!”

“Got it!”

--

“Armin?” I whisper as I watch the boy jump down from Eren’s shoulder, shooting his wires towards the Colossal Titan. “Is he really gonna... NO! I won’t let that happen.” I shoot both of my wires to the wall, right next to where Eren is standing before spinning around, chasing after Armin, who get’s closer and closer to Bertholdt by the second.

‘I see what he’s doing. He’s sacrificing himself to distract Bertholdt.’

Suddenly, a burst of hot steam surrounds me, making my eyes water. I use more gas, and eventually catch up to Armin. He turns around to face me, his eyes narrowed because of the heat.

“Y-Y/N?”

“Armin. Go to the sea for me, please.” I stare directly into the blue of his eyes. “I love you. I always have. I’m sorry.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

I unhook one of my wires and swing myself towards Armin, grabbing him by his jacket. Using all of the remaining strength I have, I throw Armin’s body out of the steam, towards the direction I came from. I reattach my wire to the Colossal Titan’s tooth, feeling the steam get hotter and hotter. 

‘It’s too hot! I have to let go! No... I can’t! I can’t fail Armin! It’s not enough!’ 

After a few more seconds, my body goes completely numb.

‘I have to keep fighting! Buy more time! My life... my dreams... they don’t matter anymore. This is the last thing I can do! He’ll make it... Someday, Armin... will reach the sea! Just like he said he would!’

The handles of my ODM gear fall out of my hands, and I feel a falling sensation in my stomach.

‘He’ll reach the sea... for both of us...’

--

might make a part 2 idk

[foryouthegays]

techno liveblog w timestamps lets go for ‘a new home (dream SMP)’ stream

good laugh times: 00:13:50, 00:14:55, 1:38:45, ik it doesnt look like a lot but like u should watch the stream anyway bc philzas there and his laugh is amazing and they just go so well together

times techno calls phil his friend: 00:6:00 00:37:00, 00:45:17, 0:1:09:30, 01:11:15, 01:26:35, 01:50:05, 2:35:00

FSDJKFAF;LS HE KEPT THE MUTED INTRO IN JHKADFLS (ends at 00:1:25)

i like how, when faced with Leaving Youtube, techno would choose to be an author. i want a book by techno. reblog this if u want a book by techno (with an audiobook by him as well) /hj. 00:1:33

i love how he says ehhhhhh so much lskjhdfas (abt 2 mins in) 

who the FUCK just remembers that the word fortuitous exists wtf 00:5:17

00:7:45 PHILZA TIME PHILZA TIME LETS GO

00:8:55 tommy time :/

0:14:10 rANBOO JUST WALKS IN, LOOKS AROUN ,AND LEA VE SIM CRYING 

i love how much philza laughs at technos jokes bc pretty much everything he says IS a joke he just says it in such a serious voice that p much everyone else is like,,,yeah,,,,yup,,,,and phil just knows when hes joking and his laugh is so good with technos voice. sbi? whos that? i only know philza and technoblade

00:19:30 ghostbur joins! this is my first time hearin ghostbur btw

00:19:40 haha string axe technos so bad at crafting what a fool /j

00:21:07 ghostbur: “Even I remember how to make a fishing rod!” ghostbur u just MURDERED technoblade oh my god im gonna scream hgjdfksla i love ghostbur so much

00:23:55: GHOSTBUR NO!! DON’T DIE YOU’LL BECOME A DOUBLE GHOST!!!! -technoblade 2020

00:24:55 technoblade neva lies -guys he almost did the technoblade neva dies ahh!!!!!

i havent heard anyone talk about this but techno has a dedicated roleplay voice. like listen to him talk to tommy at 00:25:08. his voice gets more even, he uses names a lot more often (seriously, listen to his theseus speech. he says tommy so often, its incredible.), and his voice gets,,,,deeper? not deeper but smoother, in a way, and he repeats what he says for emphasis instead of humor. and his voice is louder, and he seems more assertive. 

00:27:30 philza: where we goin, by the way? techno: to our- to my new home. 

techno cmon let phil live w u wed get so much more content cmonn

00:28:50 the fact that he calls the manhunt theme “dream music” makes me laugh so hard. and then his version of it,,,,,m love he (also he sings it here and at  01:14:20)

00:35:10 why is ranboo so cryptic im-

why does he just casually know the word sentry wh at i hate him 00:39:45

this is the worst sentence (structurally) ive ever heard techno say im gonna cry 00:49:33 ‘im too busy thinkin of new ideas to sleep so i could actually execute them’ and tubbos *oh?* after is just hdsfgkjlka

LKSJDHFJK 00:51:49

00:54:30

techno: thats one of dreams powers, he can just stop the rain

tubbo, quietly: like jesus!

i love them sm dsfhkjla they kept going but i jus gdfhjksa jesus has op

techno @ being the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans: haha funnie!!

techno @ having fun w religious stuff: i wILL BE CANCELLED NO-

00:58:10 “hey if ur [ghostbur]  a ghost, do instant damage potions heal you now?” “...no,, they hurt me still :(” DSIULZKJHFSLKFJH 

01:04:00 his brother named the cow bob im- aww 

also he has a fanart wall again!!!

01:09:30 “phil, you’re the only friend i have left in this world.” aWWWWW HE GAVE HIM THE COMPASS 

“dont smoke, it’s a joke” -technoblade 01:14:15

ROLEPLAY SPEECH VOICE IS BACK AT 1:16:10 “they pillage my base for everything i’m worth, they use me for the revolution, but oooOOOoo i took a pickaxe with his consent? oOOOooOo i’m a thief!”

holy shit 01:17:15 “you know what, phil? for you, the world, alright? it’s fine.” oH MY GOD HHHHGHG (context, right before they were arguing bc phil took some blocks from his base and techno thought that when he said phil could take anything he meant from the chests)

the COMIDY of that villager coming in and sleeping while techno was readin donos at 01:22:05 RIGHT AFTER phil freaked out abt inturruptin his dono readin im SFDHKJLA:

techno talkin bout the winstreak and how he wont be able to live up to that sort of playin at 01:22:30ish is super important and ill transcribe it tomorrow, but if u can id highly rec watchin it. 

01:24:20 “[readin dono] what’s your favorite movie? uh, the princess bride is pretty good” techno ily that movie rocks also he said it so fast like hes ashamed of it noo

techno says no to canon ranboo son btw! 01:25:30

01:25:55 “i wasnt in that story, therefore it doesnt matter” all of technoblr be like 

01:37:49 is great lemmie transcribe

“how have you still not gotten a second monitor?? holy shit.”

“let me tell you something. and im only telling you this because i know that so many people in the chat are gonna be furious. so i recently realized- i think the second monitor can just be any ol’ monitor, right? you literally just plug it in, and its set up? well i mean you have to turn on some settings, but like, thats it, or something?”

“yeah,,,,, uh techno you fuckin destroyed my chat, by the way, oh my god, [earlier techno told his viewers to twitch prime philza] there has been like 40 primes just flying through”

“yeahhh twitch prime!!! twitch prime philza yeahh!!! so anyways the other day, i like, i looked to my left, and realized that my old monitor has been like, five feet away from where i sit and stream for the last three years?”

“oh my god...”

“so i- i literally do not have to leave my room to set up a second monitor and i havent. and i’m still usin my laptop for this stream.

“is this gonna be one of those situations where you like, you have a thing, you just refuse to do the thing?”

“listen, my desk is-

“yOU STILL HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE!!!”

“AHHHH I HAVENT OPENED UP THE HYPIXEL PACKAGE! I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY MCC COIN! DUDE I HAVENT EVEN OPENED UP MY ONE MILLION SUBSCRIBER PLAQUE! ITS STILL THERE RIGHT BEHIND ME! ITs sTILL IN THE BOX! i never made a video on it....”

“bruhhhhh [philza laughs] thats FREE VIEWS what are you doing??”

“ill open it at 8 mil :/.”

“you could LITERALLY make a video of you just like, throwing it off a wall, and then thumbing up, like doing a thumbs up, and then that would be it. 10 seconds. ten seconds. thumb and elbow in shot. [laughs]”

techno is such a disaster i love him

01:34:18 the way techno says “tommy, that statement has NEVER been true” i dont like sayin i simp for block men but GOD sometimes his voice is nicer than usual hhhgn

“man i sure wish tommyinnit was in this stream” -nobody ever (just after previous timestamp)

01:40:15 is fuckin hilarious and im actually crying oh my god techno just says things and says them well with a completely straight face how does he do it

i cannot WAIT until theres a president w the last/first name andy so we can say president andy and think abt technoblade

IM CRIASDNGUSFHD 01:44:38 PHILZA LOOK OUT LOOK OUT PHILZA  LSKJDAFJASD;LKF

i love when techno talks abt his vids. like u can tell he puts a lot of thought into the vids (esp these ones) and like at 01:47:00 he talks abt the “I DIDNT PUT DEAPTH STRIDER ON THOSE BOOTS, FUNDY!” and how its just that creepin realization that you were doomed from the start and how he made the armor, he isnt intimidated by the netherite bc he didnt enchant it all the way and only he knows that,,, and i just,,,hgg he

he reveals that hes writin the next arc at 01:48:00: “oh, speakin of arcs, chat, i’m writing the next arc. so, you know. hope nothin bad happens in two weeks, chat!” IM SO EXCITED like he clearly has his character fleshed out and is SO good at writing and retellin history im so so excited to see where he takes it AHHHH and also taht means he might stream more bc he might make his character more important (keep in mind this is the guy who wrote self insert hypixel fanfics. he has no shame in puttin himself first and i respect him so much for it) 

01:51:20 “they’re tryin to get a second customer but they’re riskin their first” is lowkey a good line

has anyone else noticed that techno says wise a lot? like at 01:55:10 he literally says “wise dragon armor” as a joke but like i think he says wise so much BECAUSE of skyblock like hjkfdsla

01:57:30 techno plea se eat 

ok 1:58:45 is hilarious and all but at the end of his ramble he says “come back, i miss you” and lowkey im crying 

techno needs to stop knowing his audience more than we know ourselves im hsfkjda 02:05:25 “the chat’s spammin ‘eat technoblade, eat!’ like they’re not gonna start, like, theyre not gonna get super sad if i ended the stream right now, like theyre not gonna all cry ‘i miss technoblade *sniffs* why- whyd he leave to eat food, why did he listen to our advice noooo’”

02:14:50 NEW VIDEO POGGGG CARL THE HORSE POGGGGGG  NOT A STREAM HIGHLIGHT POGGGGG

02:17:40 “i could start a potato farm out here to show how much ive changed” techno last time u made a potato farm u started an entire war that lasted a year that does NOT say calm and retired to me lskgdfjagsldj

02:23:00 why does techno just reference greek mythology so much. makin me scared for his arc. 

also he talks abt smp earth a lot in this stream i love it so much

i also just. love?? how much sbi respect tommy like they bully him but when talkin bout him they just have so much respect for how much work he puts into youtube and i just,,,,hgnn they r friends 

02:33:13 sbi streamer house lets go cmon

02:34:15 “i think if i streamed every day i could keep up” on one hand YE S  but on the ohter oh god techno no we have to keep up tho

hearing techno say “violence isnt the answer” is so scary  02:35:40

02:37:30 technosneeze 

hiS BROTHER SENT HIM 46 DISCORD MESSAGES SFKDJLFLKASF 2:49:25 i love his end screen so much hes just sadness,,,,retirement,,,t,echnoblade,,,the government is going to fall on its own due to lack of organization and ideals,,,,,,subscribe,,,,,sadness,,,,,also 2:50:45 is making me laugh so hard its just sad music and technos like??? whys phil in my house drinking milk????? 

overall, fantastic stream, if ya want some chill techno philza content i highly recommend. 

[fairycosmos]

i hate grief bc i've wanted to die my whole life and thinking about the person i lost never wanted to make me stay but now that they are the ones who died i'm angry as fuck every day and feel trapped but i know that if it had been me the one to die it would have been ok and i wouldnt even have worried about it/hurting ppl with my death. like every day i do H and get drunk and i dont care about dying you know? but i lost someone and it makes me angry that THEY didnt care. do you get what i mean?

i am really really sorry for your loss. yeah. i know what you mean, at least to an extent. everyone’s grief and suffering is unique to them and the relationship they had with the one who passed, but i can relate so much to being trapped and mad and out of my mind. i think a lot of people can. it seems like so many of us are walking around half disillusioned by this existence and half completely done with it because of the shit we’ve been through. every day i feel a form of anger (most of the time it is cold and numbing) when i think about how my sister died. i have gone round and round in my head about why she did the things she did. because even if it wasn’t fully preventable, it wasn’t cancer or a car crash or anything like that. when i found out what she had in her system. god. i can not explain to you what that moment was like. it fucking choked me. all i remember is i felt my heart beating somewhere in my head, and i was PISSED. i thought i was going to pass out. because it’s like you said - she didn’t care, and that was almost like proof. she went to sleep thinking nothing of anything. mindless. after weeks of lecturing her, after her constant presence in my life, all that time. after years of her fucking around w other drugs and finally finding stability only to slip for less than a month bc of some fucking man, only to lose her entire life to a mistake - it’s inexplicable. i can sit here and write to you about it but i still cant’t fathom it. how she didn’t give a fuck, or she couldn’t see the situation clearly enough to. and now i’m living this forever without her. now i have to take care of my mother alone. now i’ve lost my best friend. and she lost everything. she was a whole person, she would’ve had years left and she deserved to. and the only reason she didn’t is because she couldn’t fuckin accept how much she was worth, how much life was worth so she gambled w death. what i’m saying is i understand that in a way, maybe a selfish way, i don’t know -  it almost feels mocking. because we’ll never know if they realize what they’ve done. after she died that’s all i could repeat out loud in the shower. i kept saying: you don’t know what you’ve done. idiot, stupid girl. shit like that. every time i tried to talk to her, it was a lecture. so yeah. it is very very normal to be pissed off and bitter dude. it is not easy or fair to be left behind. it’s all a normal part of grief. losing it entirely is the whole thing because honestly what else can you do.

i could be wrong but. unfortunately i think all of these emotions, in the context of you, stem from the fact that it is easier to care for others than it is to care about yourself. you’re not bothered about yourself dying because you don’t have the same love for yourself that you had for the one who passed. you don’t see yourself as important in that way. i don’t know what happened to make you feel like that. maybe whatever it was lead you to use drugs n alcohol to escape in the first place. maybe you think you not mattering is some sort of universal truth, but it’s not. it’s a belief you constructed either out of pain or as a trauma response that you’ve clung onto so much that you’ve convinced yourself it’s reality. it’s clear you’re going through an insurmountably difficult time, and i know words on a screen aren’t going to change that. i wont pretend to get it first hand. i just want you to know that the same way you wish your friend had realized the worth in their life before it was too late, that same anger born from frustration and sadness - that’s how a lot of people likely feel about you. and i know you don’t care about hurting them w your death because you don’t care about anything. your friend didn’t care, why should you, right? but that’s how the cycle perpetuates. and you’re the one who has to live with this all now, stuck here or not. try to periodically and consciously recognize how fucked up and permanent grief is. you don’t want to be the one to cause it. not really. not when you can see it for what it is and you have the option to prevent it. you are here no matter how much you wish not to be. you do deserve to find substantial peace, stability and good health while you still can. that’s non negotiable. even if it takes a fucking life time getting there.

i completely understand that it is all far easier said than done. that you have to be the one who is willing to reach out for help and to really stick w a plan but. i guess i just hope you know that the option will always be waiting for you when you are willing to seek it out. whether it’s through a hotline, rehab, your doctor, your friends and family, 2 hours without using or drinking. any step in the right direction is commendable. you are absolutely more resilient than you realize. more in general than you realize. you’ve had to deal with so much, just the most unimaginable things, and you’re still here. i know that’s because you feel you have no real choice in the matter, back to being trapped here. but nonetheless you’re making it. you can learn to treat yourself w the same regard that you treated your friend. you can learn to care about what happens to you. you can slowly make a home out of what you currently see as a jail.  through talking, through implementing healthier coping mechanisms into your daily life, through building a support system, through confronting and processing how much it hurts, through finding the clarity that comes with progress. all the things your brain wants you to write off. addiction and mental illness are genuine health concerns that require long lasting therapy and treatment just like any other ailment. and maybe the point is to learn to live with them, rather than to cure them entirely. but they are not a death sentence (and that is a good thing), and they are not the entirety of you. you are just currently very overwhelmed by them, understandably so.  excuse me if this is all sounds like naïve bullshit, but maybe some day you will be able to take some of it on board if you can’t right now. anyway, it sounds cliche as fuck, but every day that you’re alive you’re keeping your friend’s influence on this world alive too. you were shaped by them, in more ways than you realize. and they’re here in more ways than we realize too. not necessarily ghosts, at least imo. but just around. and in your head, in the universe. i am rooting for you so much and i hope you can accept that even if it all feels like lies, it’s ok to treat yourself w kindness. any attempt is good enough. sending a lot of love your way. please take care of yourself as much as possible. please consider your needs and your well being while you still have the choice to. sorry to go all 90s drug prevention ad on you btw, but u know me. i’m incapable of shutting up and minding my business abt this sort of thing lol