#A MIRROR IS A TWISTED VERSION!!! THE FOUND FAMILY IS JUST MORE EVIL THAN GOOD NOW!!! THEYW OULD STILL BE RIDE OR DIE!!!

[accursedvoid]

Broke: mirrorverse trek should be all bleak and everyone hates each other and constantly backstabs one another, no found family in sight.

Woke: Mirrorverse but they’re found family in a murderous evil way, they WILL kill for each other and fuck everyone else.

[amuelia]

How do you think Roose will meet his demise? Or will he survive? What's your best Roose end game predictions?

Thank you for the question! This will be a long post under the readmore, going into my thoughts on the show ending and exploring what the books may have set up in regards to themes and characterization, as well as a bit of general analysis of Roose' story arc in a Dance with Dragons (and some speculation about Ramsay as well).

If you click on the readmore i will have divided the post into sections with bolded Headers, if you want to only read my specific endgame ideas you can skip ahead to the "His Endgame?" section.

In The Show

The show had him get killed by Ramsay in s6, which informs a lot of the fandom speculation about this storyline.

I am not a fan of the show's scenario as it was both similar to tywin and tyrion as well as a mirror of robb's death; it would also be offscreen in the books since neither of the characters are PoVs and Ramsay would need to do the act in secret. This would ultimately undercut Roose' role and impact, being a death scene that is not very unique and also isn't shown to the reader directly. Since no PoV is even in Winterfell currently, we would just hear of it from afar and not witness the consequences.

The show also has a different dynamic in the Bolton storyline, emphasizing Ramsay as the "main character" of this arc, and elevating him to the main villain for s5-6 to fill Joffrey's shoes as an evil character played by a very charismatic actor. Ramsay's show writing is informed by the needs of a TV setting that wants shocking moments and capitalizes on "fan favourite" actors; his rising importance in the show thus is not necessarily an indicator of his book importance. The show was also missing many central characters like the northern lords and the Frey men in Winterfell.

The show had a tendency to kill off characters early when they wanted to cull storylines or had no plans to adapt more of the character's story (like Stannis, Barristan, possibly the Tyrells...); In Mance Rayder we have the most obvious example, where they killed him off for real in a scene that in the book was a misdirection. We also have characters like Jorah where it appears the showrunners had their own choice of how they want his storyline to end, even if Grrm has his own ending in mind.

"For a long time we wanted Ser Jorah to be there at The Wall in the end," writer Dave Hill says. "The three coming out of the tunnel would be Jon and Jorah and Tormund. But [...] Jorah should have the noble death he craves defending the woman he loves." - Dave Hill for Entertainment Weekly

So a death in the show does not need to be an indicator that the books will feature an equivalent scene, even if it gives a hint as to what may happen. By s5 the show has become its own beast, and the butterfly effects from radical changes they made as well as the different characterizations results in the show having to cater to its own needs in many cases when it gets to resolving a plotline.

"We reconceived the role to make it worthy of the actor's talents." - Benioff and Weiss for the s5 DVD commentary, on Indira Varma's casting as Ellaria

In The Books

(Since this post was getting out of hand in length a lot of these arguments are a little shortened/not as in-depth as i'd like! Feel free to inquire more via ask if something is unclear or you disagree)

In the books i find it hard to make a concrete guess as to how it will end. Occam's razor would be to assume the show sort of got it right and that it will vaguely end the same, which could very well happen and i will not discount the possibility; Ramsay is cruel, desires the Dreadfort rule, and is a suspected kinslayer and has no qualms to commit immoral violence.

"Ramsay killed [his brother]. A sickness of the bowels, Maester Uthor says, but I say poison." - Reek III, aDwD

Reek saw the way Ramsay's mouth twisted, the spittle glistening between his lips. He feared he might leap the table with his dagger in his hand [to attack his father]. - Reek III, aDwD

Arguments against this or for a different endgame come down to interpretations of the themes in the story arc and opinions on dramatic structure/grrm's writing, and are thus very subjective.

The way the story currently is going, Ramsay killing Roose treats Roose almost as a plot device; his death brings no change or development to Ramsay's character as we already know his motivations and cruelty align with such an act, and we can assume that he would feel no remorse about it either. The results of such a scene would be firmly on a story level, as it brings political changes and moves the plot along into a specific direction. Roose himself cannot have any relevant character development about it as he does not have a PoV and we would not be able to witness his reaction from the outside.

“The only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself.” - William Faulkner, often quoted by Grrm

Further, killing his father is very difficult to pull off in secret (Roose is frequently described as very cautious, and employs many guardsmen). And even if Ramsay pulls it off (people often interpret Ramsay as Roose' blind spot, assuming he might be caught by surprise, not expecting Ramsay would bite the hand that feeds him), Roose is the one that holds his entire alliance together; The Freys would be alienated by Ramsay who would antagonize Walda and her son as his rivals, The Ryswell bloc appears to dislike Ramsay (especially Barbrey), and the other northmen are implied to not even like Roose himself. Killing Roose would quickly combust the entire northern faction, and hinder Ramsay's further plans (another reason why I am not convinced of a book version of the "Battle of Bastards"). Though this might of course, if we look at it from the other side, be grrm's plan to quickly dissolve this plot and move the northern story forwards.

"Ramsay will kill [Walda's children], of course. [...] [She] will grieve to see them die, though." - Reek III, aDwD

"How many of our grudging friends do you imagine we'd retain if the truth were known? Only Lady Barbrey, whom you would turn into a pair of boots … inferior boots." - Reek III, aDwD

"Fear is what keeps a man alive in this world of treachery and deceit. Even here in Barrowton the crows are circling, waiting to feast upon our flesh. The Cerwyns and the Tallharts are not to be relied on, my fat friend Lord Wyman plots betrayal, and Whoresbane … the Umbers may seem simple, but they are not without a certain low cunning. Ramsay should fear them all, as I do." - Reek III, aDwD

Roose' death at Ramsay's hand also removes him thematically from the Red Wedding, as we can assume such a death might have happened regardless of his participation in the event (seeing as Ramsay is getting provoked by Roose constantly in normal dialogue, and has a general violent disposition). Roose already took Ramsay in before aGoT started, and married Walda very early in the war, which is already most of the buildup that the show's scenario had. It also has little to do with the The North Remembers plot except set dressing, since the northmen are presumably neither collaborating with/egging on Ramsay nor would they appreciate the development.

Themes: Ned Stark and the rule over the North

Roose is treated as a foil to Eddard; They are often contrasted in morals and ruling styles, while also having many superficial similarities that further connect them (they are seen as cold by people, grey eyed, patriarchs of rivalling northern houses, etc...).

Pale as morning mist, his eyes concealed more than they told. Jaime misliked those eyes. They reminded him of the day at King's Landing when Ned Stark had found him seated on the Iron Throne. - Jaime IV, aSoS

They both have a "bastard son" that they handle very differently; Roose treating Ramsay in the way that is seen as common in their society. Ramsay and Jon as a comparison are meant to show that Catelyn had a reason to see a bastard as a threat (since Domeric was antagonized by his bastard brother), but also shows that her suggested plan for Jon would not have stopped any danger either (as Ramsay being raised away from the castle didn't help).

And if his seed quickened, she expected he would see to the child's needs. He did more than that. The Starks were not like other men. Ned brought his bastard home with him, and called him "son" for all the north to see. - Catelyn II, aGoT

"Each year I sent the woman some piglets and chickens and a bag of stars, on the understanding that she was never to tell the boy who had fathered him. A peaceful land, a quiet people, that has always been my rule." - Reek III, aDwD

It appears to me that Roose' story functions in some ways as an inversion to Ned. He makes an attempt to grab a power he was not destined to (becoming warden of the north), where Ned did not want the responsiblity thrust upon him ("It was all meant for Brandon. [...] I never asked for this cup to pass to me." - Cat II, aGoT). Where Ned rules successfully and his northmen honor his legacy ("What do you think passes through their heads when they hear the new bride weeping? Valiant Ned's precious little girl." - The Turncloak, aDwD), the Boltons are largely hated and there are several plots conspiring against them ("Let me bathe in Bolton blood before I die." - The King's Prize, aDwD).

It seems possible to me that in terms of their family and legacy, Roose might also live through an inverted version of Ned's story; where Ned died first, leaving his family behind, Roose already lived to see the death of his wives and trueborn heir, and might thus also live to see Ramsay's death. Ned leaves behind well raised children and a North who still respects his name, and even though he dies it will presumably all be "in good hands" in the end (in broad strokes, obviously this is all much more morally complex). Roose however built up a bad and toxic legacy, and also built his way of life around evading consequences; it makes sense to me that he would be forced by the story to finally endure all the consequences of his actions and witness the fall of his house firsthand. After all we already have Tywin who fulfils the purpose of dying before his children while his legacy falls to ruins, and a Feast for Crows explores this aspect thoroughly.

Roose' arc in A Dance With Dragons

The story repeatedly builds up the situation unravelling around Roose, and him slowly losing a grip on it and becoming more stressed and anxious.

Reek wondered if Roose Bolton ever cried. If so, do the tears feel cold upon his cheeks? - Reek II, aDwD

Roose Bolton said nothing at all. But Theon Greyjoy saw a look in his pale eyes that he had never seen before—an uneasiness, even a hint of fear. [...] That night the new stable collapsed beneath the weight of the snow that had buried it. - a Ghost in Winterfell, aDwD

Lady Walda gave a shriek and clutched at her lord husband's arm. "Stop," Roose Bolton shouted. "Stop this madness." His own men rushed forward as the Manderlys vaulted over the benches to get at the Freys. - Theon I, aDwD

It also directly presents him as a parallel to Theon's rule in aCoK, who similarly experienced a very unpopular rule and his subjects slowly turning against him. Presumably, the point of this comparison will not just be "Ramsay comes in at the end and unexpectedly whacks them on the head". Both Theon and Roose invited Ramsay into their lives, giving him more power than he deserves, and causing Ramsay to make choices that increasingly alienate others from them (the death of the miller's boys for example has repercussions for both Theon and Roose). Grrm is likely steering this towards a difference in how they will deal with this situation.

It all seemed so familiar, like a mummer show that he had seen before. Only the mummers had changed. Roose Bolton was playing the part that Theon had played the last time round, and the dead men were playing the parts of Aggar, Gynir Rednose, and Gelmarr the Grim. Reek was there too, he remembered, but he was a different Reek, a Reek with bloody hands and lies dripping from his lips, sweet as honey. - a Ghost in Winterfell, aDwD

"Stark's little wolflings are dead," said Ramsay, sloshing some more ale into his cup, "and they'll stay dead. Let them show their ugly faces, and my girls will rip those wolves of theirs to pieces. The sooner they turn up, the sooner I kill them again." - The elder Bolton sighed. "Again? Surely you misspeak. You never slew Lord Eddard's sons, those two sweet boys we loved so well. That was Theon Turncloak's work, remember? How many of our grudging friends do you imagine we'd retain if the truth were known?" - Reek III, aDwD

Roose' arc is deeply connected to the relations he shares to the other northern lords, which has been heavily impacted by the Red Wedding. It stands to reason that they are going to be an important part of his downfall, and we see many hints of them plotting to betray him.

The north remembers, Lord Davos. The north remembers, and the mummer's farce is almost done. My son is home." - Davos IV, aDwD

Themes: Stannis and kinslaying

The books set up Roose and Stannis as foils as well; Both lack charisma and have trouble winnning the people's support, Stannis and Roose both parallel and contrast Ned, Stannis appears as a "lesser Robert" where Roose is a "lesser Ned", Stannis represents the fire where Roose represents the ice, both struggle over dominion in a land that doesnt particularly want either of them, etc... What i find interesting is how they are contrasted over kinslaying:

"Only Renly could vex me so with a piece of fruit. He brought his doom on himself with his treason, but I did love him, Davos. I know that now. I swear, I will go to my grave thinking of my brother's peach." - Davos II, aCoK

"I should've had the mother whipped and thrown her child down a well … but the babe did have my eyes." [...] "Now [Domeric's] bones lie beneath the Dreadfort with the bones of his brothers, who died still in the cradle, and I am left with Ramsay. Tell me, my lord … if the kinslayer is accursed, what is a father to do when one son slays another?" - Reek III, aCoK

Stannis is set up as someone who is very thorough and strict in following his own code and his "duty", even if he does not like what it forces him to do.

Stannis ground his teeth again. "I never asked for this crown. Gold is cold and heavy on the head, but so long as I am the king, I have a duty . . . If I must sacrifice one child to the flames to save a million from the dark . . . Sacrifice . . . is never easy, Davos. Or it is no true sacrifice. Tell him, my lady." - Davos IV, aSoS

The armorer considered that a moment. "Robert was the true steel. Stannis is pure iron, black and hard and strong, yes, but brittle, the way iron gets. He'll break before he bends." - Jon I, aCoK

Roose however is frequently characterized as someone who tries to get as much as he can while avoiding negative consequences, and who does not have a consistent moral code and instead bends rules to his benefit to be the most comfortable to him.

It is often theorized that Stannis will end up burning his daughter Shireen; the Ramsay issue might then serve to contrast the two men. If Grrm intends it to be compared by the reader, I can see it going two ways: Either Roose will be forced to finally act in a drastic way after avoiding his responsibility in regards to Ramsay and he will be forced to get rid of his son, making him break the only moral hurdle he has presented adhering to during the story (though analyzing his character, the kinslaying taboo is probably less a sign of moral fortitude and more him using the guise of morals to explain a selfish motivation). Or he might not act against Ramsay and suffer the consequences, presenting an interesting moral situation where some readers might consider his action "better" or more relatable than Stannis', breaking up the otherwise very black and white moral comparison between the two men. It serves as an interesting conflict of the morality of kinslaying compared to what readers might see as a moral obligation of getting rid of a monster such as Ramsay; contrasting Shireen whose death would not be seen as worth it by most. Ramsay as a bastard (who was almost killed at birth if he hadnt been able to prove his paternity) also makes for an interesting verbal parallel with the bastard Edric Storm, and might be used for a look at the utilitarian principle of killing a child (baby ramsay/edric) to save countless people from suffering that underpinned Edric's story.

"As Faulkner says, all of us have the capacity in us for great good and for great evil, for love but also for hate. I wanted to write those kinds of complex character in a fantasy, and not just have all the good people get together to fight the bad guy." - Grrm

"Robert, I ask you, what did we rise against Aerys Targaryen for, if not to put an end to the murder of children?" - Eddard VIII, aGoT

"If Joffrey should die . . . what is the life of one bastard boy against a kingdom?" - "Everything," said Davos, softly. - Davos V, aSoS

However Grrm decides to present these conflicts or which actions the characters will take in the end, it will result in interesting discussion and analysis for the readers.

His Endgame?

Looking at the trends of the past books, it is probably going to be hard to predict any specific outcome; every book introduces new characters and plot elements that were impossible to predict from the last book even if their thematic importance or setup was aptly foreshadowed.

Roose has a lot of plot importance and characterization that has, in my opinion, not yet been properly resolved in a way that would be unique and poignant to the specific purpose his character appears to fulfil. However I also have a bias in that i did not like the show's writing of that scene which makes me averse to see a version of it in the books, and i really like Roose as a character and want to see him have more scenes in the next book(s). This leads me to discount plot speculation that cuts his character arc short offscreen early. Roose is only a side character; however, i have trust in grrm's writing abilities and that he would give him a proper sendoff that feels satisfying to a fan of the character.

"…even the [characters] who are complete bastards, nasty, twisted, deeply flawed human beings with serious psychological problems… When I get inside their skin and look out through their eyes, I have to feel a certain — if not sympathy, certainly empathy for them. I have to try to perceive the world as they do, and that creates a certain amount of affection." — George Martin

Considering my earlier analyis, there is a case to be made for Roose killing Ramsay; however it appears grrm might have a different endgame in mind for Ramsay, foreshadowed in Chett's prologue:

There'd be no lord's life for the leechman's son, no keep to call his own, no wives nor crowns. Only a wildling's sword in his belly, and then an unmarked grave. The snow's taken it all from me . . . the bloody snow . . . - Chett, aSoS

I tend to think something might happen to Roose/the Bolton bloc later in the book that would cause Ramsay to attempt to flee the scene again like he did back in aCoK fleeing Rodrik's justice; perhaps Ramsay is sent out to battle but then flees it like a coward, or he sees his cause as lost. This time, the fleeing and potentially disguised Ramsay would not make it out to safety though, and get killed without being recognized as Ramsay, dying forgotten. This would serve as dramatic irony since Ramsay so strongly desired to be recognized and respected as a Lord of Bolton, without being too on the nose.

As for Roose, i could see him getting captured and somehow brought to justice (either when someone takes Winterfell or in some sort of battle). I see it unlikely that he will be backstabbed like Robb was, because it seems very "eye for an eye" and ultimately doesn't teach much of a lesson except "he had it coming"; But the various people conspiring against him could lead to his capture by betraying him (giving a payoff to the northern conspiracies and the red wedding). I would find a scene of him standing trial interesting since i believe we didn't have one of these for a true non-pov villain yet, and it would be an interesting confrontation that he cannot escape from (he also loves to talk so it would be a good read to see him make a case for himself).

I assume Roose will be out of the picture when the Other plot finally properly kicks into gear (whether dead or "in prison"). With Stannis as a false Azor Ahai and Roose as a false Other (with his pale, cold features), their struggle in the north seems to be a representation of the false "Game of Thrones" that distracts people from the "real threat" of the Others.

As always this is just my opinion, and it could all go very differently in the books! There could always be something that completely uproots my analysis and goes into a direction i did not expect from the material we had; But i have fate that Grrm as a writer will deliver and give me something i can be satisfied with.

[honorable-wanderings]

Word of Honor - Episode 2 Part 2 - Mirror Lake has more Fire than expected

In an interesting twist of fate Zhou Zishu decides to take the nice munchkin up on his offer to crash at his place for a while.

Thumbs up my dood

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Now the fuck are these guys?

Oh cool. Thanks.

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See? Children chants are creepy! Always!

But especially when driven by plort! (plort was a typo but I’m Keeping it.)

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Finally people treating our man with common decency and respect! Who knew he just needed a fancy bookmark?

Oop. Nevermind

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I have discovered the joys of fucking with people and I’m never going back again

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A fuck this guy again. I’m assuming we’re not supposed to like him? But I don’t like him either way. He has no...  je ne sais quoi

He boring. Basic. Bland.

It ain’t good.

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Oh and also you know how you wanted us to keep tabs on Zhou ZiShu? Oh well um.. it’s going great! Great! Yeah... except for... we can’t find him.

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Well if this ain’t a whole ass mood?

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Midnight already? Time for the pain pins to poke me painfully!

This sure is a weird version of Cinderella

gross

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Okay okay so normally the 7 torture nails block your chi? I’m understanding? So you can no longer do martial arts. And he would rather die than lose all his martial arts so he put the nails in slowly so that he could still have SOME of his martial arts. But the point of the nails is still that he wants to die and feels he deserves to be punished as well? Right? So having his martial arts helps mediate the pain which lessons the punishment

and if it weren’t for the punishment aspect couldn’t he have just like... faked the nails? Or would they have been able to tell? I mean this is all dramatic and all but where are your motivations Zhou ZiShu?

work with me here

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Hey?! That’s not sunlight?!?

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Love me a good silhouette shot

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And suddenly everything is on fire???

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Rude

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After watching like 4 people get killed in front of him and a lot of fire and ransacking our protragonists finally thinks perhaps he should get himself involved.

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How is everything a fucking boomerang???

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Pffffff I love it

Tunk thunk

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In another interesting development, the boat man from before is important?????

Also our boy is doing his best with that hat

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Okay I know he’s like a master of disguise and all but like he doesn’t seem to be doing much to actually... hide? Still love his wiggly sword style

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Um take the kid and fucking run maybe????

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*stalks you from a not very inconspicuous distance*

Didja miss me?

No

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Hate to see you leave but love to watch you go

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Fuck I hate being disarmed.

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This place looks strangely similar to the woodshed...

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The fuck are you?

Wouldn’t you like to know?

Yes I would. That’s why I asked

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There’s just nothing quite like a near death experience to bring people together.

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Take this kid and run!

But sir, you don’t seem to understand! I am the Best Boy! I simply cannot just leave you to die.

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Don’t worry kid! You can’t get in trouble anymore! Your dad is fuckin dead! Surely that’ll bring you some comfort!

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Random Local Boatman is surprisingly honorable and happens to be in debt to the father of the kid who was nice to you that morning.

Life sure is weird.

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He doing him best

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Though it is absolutely understandable, he reacts to being touched by that paper the way I react to walking into a spider web.

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Gramps is a badass

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I do have to say these guys do seem to be much better trained than the usual evil henchmen. And you have to appreciate their aesthetic.

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Seriously!! The best boy!!!!!

This man has helped in a little bit exactly once to repay him for his own kindness an this little teenager is willing to just die for him without hesitation.

Like no, son, the two old men are doing this so that YOU live. You have it backwards.

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Surpriiiiise I’m stalking you too!

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Oh no the henchmen are falling into the drawing things out to emotionally torture their prey thing. Don’t y’all know that giving the protagonist time to recover and/or study your moves is how you die? Did you even GO to henchman school?

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ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Just.. omg. The noise he made. “Dwaaah!!!”

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Okay kid I know you’re young and under a lot of stress and never really got into the whole martial arts training thing but grandpa is doing better than you literally laying down and covered in cuts. Just sayin

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Aw nuts

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*ding*

Please take your protagonist out of the oven as cooktime has been completed.

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The fighting editing style seems to be a weird splice of nice crisp slowmotion view of the action and spliced together jump cuts and zooms that make for an odd kinda hard to follow combination. But at least I guess they tend to end on ‘cool pose x”

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“Hey, Beggar! You’re good at martial arts. Somehow this surprises me even though I already knew that???”

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Unexpected trust fall ends better than anticipated

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Das gaee

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He’s bendin’ over backwards for you!!

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Unexpected but definitely varied emotional investments on the fact that Gramps is dying.

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Look at him being all humble.

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Ooh he could be in a medical drama. That is the perfect like sad close your eyes and head shake no I’m sorry he’s not gonna make it. Bravo.

Very delicate.

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“Don’t fuckin’ touch me”

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I’m guilt tripping you into a found family and you’re gonna like it punk

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Sick dude, whats your name? Shit no one’s asked me that before somehow I’m not ready..

Uh.uh... Zhou Xu.

Nailed it.

“Zhou Xu? Naw that doesn’t sound right.”

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May you learn from this never to underestimate, rob, and otherwise harass your local old boat man for you never know when he may force you through guilt and honor into taking on a ward and a quest under penalty of being haunted by his old ass ghost forever

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Uncle Li has died and most of the group is much more upset about it than they would have anticipated that morning.

Poor ChenLing is having a rough day.

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RIP Uncle Li. So much for living a carefree couple of years lying drunk in the sun.

It looks like even now you can’t escape your responsibilities Zhou Xu.

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Group of hereto-unknown men arrive in poor time to stop the bonfire

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“What’s wrong?” Um... maybe... fire??

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I say again, thank you for labeling the people I’m supposed to remember.

Also, why did y’all have to wait for orders before checking out the fuckin boats?

Y’all dumb.

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Hey, Wen KeXing, Not trying to throw off your groove or anything but maybe a funeral isn’t the best time for flirting? Perhaps? Maybe?

I know you don’t have an ‘off’ switch but maybe a pause button?

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“are you done?”

“Never.”

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It deadass took y’all this long to introduce yourself? You’ve been stalking him all this time and you never thought to go “btw my name Wen KeXing? Comment t’appelles tu?” Come on man

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Our best boy is having his not best day. D:

Don’t worry. Your new family will stalk/care for you.

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“A-Xiang! Make some food!” “No shit Sherlock I already did.” “My ideas are the best. :D”

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Eat your food!

Eat your food!

Eat your food!!

Eat your FOOD!!!

EAT YOUR FOOD!!!!

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EAT YOUR GODDAMN FOOD?

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“Oh my GOD we get it you can fucking read! Oh my god.”

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If I prove I can read too will you pass me a damn pancake?

Fuck yeah.

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GOD DAMN IT SOMEONE EAT FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK

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Um excuse you this group only has room for one little bitch and it ain’t fuckin you, you hear me little girl?

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I am very sorry. Thank you for saving my life. I would like to re-assert my status as “best boy”.

HEY WHAT THE FUCK????

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Wen KeXing: 👀

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Please increase your friendship level before asking personal questions.

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Nya Nya you were useless when your home was burned to the ground and your family was killed waaaaah how pathetic are you!!

Can you fucking not?

My B.

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BEST BOY INJURED THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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Our Man Zhou ZiShu respects bodily autonomy!

Do not touch my fuckin’ boy or I will fight you!

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And we end the episode with Wen KeXing being horny on main!

Sir, keep it together. There are children present.

[futurewriter2000]

Farewell Revenge - pt. 12

A/N: I actually wrote a fluffier version where everything was not as it seemed and like... super “happily ever after...” but I changed it into this instead. 

XX

What had happened? 

Nothing really. James came back after the holidays, hadn’t even looked at Sirius when he did. He couldn’t. 

Sirius tried. He prepared so many speeches yet none of them came to life when the opportunity hit. He just stayed silent. 

James didn’t trust anybody anymore. He came back, cold and heartless. He became... he became like Regulus and that was when Sirius realized. 

You kept your promise all along; you broke James like he broke Regulus. Eye for an eye, best friend for a best friend...

“But at what cause!?” He shouted as he finally found you walking down the corridor. 

You turned over your shoulder, smiling maliciously. “Sirius.” 

“What did you gain by breaking James?!” he stormed over to you, his finger pushing your chest harshly. 

You pushed his hand away and stepped on your toes, your hands reaching up to his dense hair and pulling him down. “What I gained?” you pursed your lips together in a teasing pout, tugging his hair down as he let out a hiss. “A little farewell revenge.” you let go and started backing away.

“Did you ever even meant anything?!!” he shouted, storming after you with long steps. “Did you love James?! Did you love him when you kissed him!? Did you even slightly feel anything in that stone heart of yours?!” 

Your smile dropped but it quickly reappeared. “Did I love him?” you tilted your head to the side, looking away as a sign of contemplation. You dragged your feet forward, hips swinging one in front of the other. “I did love him but I hated you more.” you hissed at him, turning your heel and walking off.

He grabbed your wrist and spun you around but as he did so, your hand flew hard agaisnt his cheek. Yet, he didn’t budge because he didn’t really feel anything anymore. He only grabbed your hand and squeezed it in his large palm.

“I know who you are, you filthy mudblood!” he snarled as he pulled you closer. “Just like your family, aren’t you?!” he continued to goad but you only pushed him away, harshly.

“Yes!” you jeered. “I am like my family and you should be more than afraid of me, Sirius Black. You should be terrified because my family isn’t-”

“What can Muggles do to me, huh?!”

“First of all-” you twisted his hand that held yours behind his back, pushing him against the wall and growling into his ear. “We’re not just any Muggles, you twat. We don’t need a wand. We don’t need a wishy woosh to make our bed or unpack our trunks.” you twisted his hand more far back and he let out another painful hiss. “My father might believe I’m weak because of my gender but you know what?! I’m a woman and I’m more dangerous than any Deatheater or your precious Dementors, Trolls or your pissy wand!” you pushed him against the wall again and let go of him.

He picked himself up, holding onto his arm that seemed to throb from pain. His eyes mirrored heartbreak. He really loved you... he loved a monster. 

“You made it so easy, Sirius.” you let out a laugh. “All I had to do was point at the cloud!” 

“This isn’t you.” he said, shaking his head in denial.

“THIS IS ME!” you shouted, feeling something fill your throat and squeezing it shut. 

“No, it’s not, (y/n)!” he shouted back, saying your name differently as he ever did before... just as he did those first few encounters with you. He was close and above you, blazing his grey eyes into yours. “You might have followed your petty little plan but what you felt, what we felt that night... that was real and you bloody know it.” he took a hold of your jaw and pulled you close, his other hand resting on your hip. 

The sexual tension built just as it did that night. His eyes were different than before. They gleamed with confidence and pride, love and sorrow mixed in lust. He held you tight and it hurt when he did but the pain wasn’t agonizing. It felt good when he dominated you. 

“You see.” he smiled maliciously. “You love me, (y/n).” he whispered seductively, leaning into your ear and kissing your earlobe. “You had always loved me.” he continued, softly kissing your cheekbone. “You can throw a punch and slam me against the wall, tell me how terribly you hate me but in the end...” he leaned his forehead on yours and brushed the tip of his nose with yours. “In the end I know you can’t resist me.” the corner of his mouth lifted up and you could see the infamous cocky grin of his just before he kissed you, slamming you against the wall and interlacing his fingers with yours, raising them above your head and locking them togehter with one of his hand. 

He kissed so wonderfully, sometimes slowly, someties harsh but in a pace you couldn’t keep up with. He chuckled as the two of you kissed, biting your lip before he pushed himself away. 

He wiped his lips with his tumb as he looked you up and down, flushed in red, marked by him. “You taste too good.” he put his palm against the wall behind you, looking closely at your bitten lips, your flushed red cheeks. “Too bad you’re rotten inside.” 

“It takes one to know one.” you smirked and he clenched his jaw, finding himself staring at your lips as much as your evil, glossy eyes. 

“Now you’re without your best friend and I’m without mine.”

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” you tilted your head in amusment. 

“No, it really doesn’t.” his mouth twitched a bit as his eyes bore into yours. “Because I’m different than you. Meanwhile you plotter your little “farewell revenge”- as you said, during that time you could have done anything to get my brother back. I, however, will sell my soul if I have to, to get James back.” 

“Oh, will you?” you scoffed. “Odd how you haven’t done the same for your brother.” you walked away, turning your head over your shoulder. “I don’t crawl after people. I’m not pathethic as you are, Black. Your whole family is filled with feeble cowards like you and your brother. Why would I ever want that?” 

[ask-anti-cosmo]

The return of Anti-Cosmo part 2

Part 1

Anti-cosmo stayed in the suite, knowing you had to come back sometime, especially since you told him you were a day out to land. You dreaded coming back to your room but found him on the computer on a social media site.

“Is there a Anti-fairy Facebook page?” you asked sarcastically.

“Anti-Fairies, as well as Fairies, are very well connected believe it or not. You just need to know the right sites to look for. And even then, only magical beings can use it, if you’re mortal you only see a blank page.” He explained, not looking up at you. “Won’t be long now.”

“Won’t be long till what?” you frowned.

“Till my wand comes to me. My subordinates are going to help bring it back here, by magic or whatever means it takes.”

“Where were your subordinates when you were in the safe?” you folded your arms.

“I go off on my own a lot, they probably assumed I was following a chosen victim.” He shrugged and turned away from the screen for a minute to face you.

“Is that how you got in that safe in the first place?” you asked expectantly.

His eye twitches slightly. “Hunting requires risk, surely you know that. They had just set up an…elaborate trap I was completely unprepared for. A descendant from one of my victims. One of the only victims I left alive. No matter, I won’t make the same mistake.” He insisted with dignity.

“Why did you let them live in the first place?” you asked curiously.

He sat quietly before picking up a pencil and started doodling on a nearby notebook. He drew a young girl with ringlets and a frilly dress. She looked almost like a sweet porcelain doll.

“My perfect little Doll…in her perfect little dollhouse...” he said fondly.

“Why did she need your help if she was perfect?” you frowned.

“Her family was so painfully flawed, she was trying to save them from their own stupid actions.” He explained. “Then one day, she decided she was done cleaning up after them, left to make her own perfect house, and sent me away. Most of the time my victims call me back, whether conscious or in their hearts, but she never did. The last I saw her was at a ball she threw. I had a lovely time.” He said, looking at the pictures longingly before starting to sketch another woman.

“Who’s that?”

“She was my date to that ball…” he sighed. “I actually might have fallen in love with her…alas, she was human and it didn’t last. I probably could have granted her my immortality but…” he sighed and set down the pencil. He glanced at the computer screen, looking for a response or message for him.

“But…?” you asked expectantly.

He sighed at your persistence, but smiled. “She slit her wrists one night. Humans have such limited mental capacities, and Misfortune follows in my wake. It was probably inevitable.”

“You couldn’t bring her back with magic?” you asked curiously.

“I am not so cruel, I let the dead stay dead. After all, there are plenty of living to choose from.” He shrugged.

He stayed by the computer for the rest of the trip to the harbor. You found a trench coat to wear that you cut the bottom off to fit him better, and hide the fact that he wasn’t wearing pants. You felt he was your responsibility and lead him to your penthouse in the busy metropolis.

“My my my, not such a fancy pants that you own your own place eh? Just a simple flat?” he teased.

“It’s the best you can get in such a place jack*beep*.” You glared. “Besides it’s not my only one, and I do have a house, just not here.”

“Boring.” He rolled his eyes and checked the phone you gave him to monitor his messages. So far there was still nothing, making him huff.

“Alright now, what is there to do around here?” he asked carelessly.

“Why don’t you go check out my closet? You’d look lovely in one of my ball gowns.” You smirked as you greeted your cat.

Anti-Cosmo rose an eyebrow. “You’re just jealous cause I probably would.” He mumbled. “I doubt you have my color.”

“Why don’t you tell me more about yourself. Like, what’s with the Anti in front of everything?”

“We are Anti-Fairy dear, we are the equal and opposite forces of the regular fairies. Spelling our names backwards to prove that doesn’t always work. For some it does, but it’s often just easier to say Anti.” He stated simply.

“What, so there’s a regular fairy version of you?”

Anti-cosmo cringed slightly. “He’s an absolute idiot. A goodie goodie nuisance to all he meets. I want nothing to do with him.”

“So if you’re opposites, and you’re the annoying one…” you smirked as he shot you a glare. “Also, if you’re an all powerful magical being, why do you need to drink human blood?”

“Mostly to prevent a magic crash.” He shrugged.

“A what?” you frowned.

“Oh dear, do I need to explain what a crash is?” he sighed.

“No I know how drugs work.”

“Not those kind of drugs!” he insisted with annoyance. “I told you I am full of magic in my veins, correct? So are Fairies. Only they can only let so much build up before exploding. So it’s just called ‘magical build up’. They use the wands and become godparents to help expel the magic as well as do, what they hope is good, by making children happy.” He said with disgust.

“And you what? Use your build-up for evil?”

“Have you not been listening? I am the equal and complete opposite power that is my fairy counterpart! Meaning, my magic regenerates when used, but it is usually at max capacity, that’s normal for an anti-fairy. That being said, when I cast a spell, it takes longer to build back up. If I use too much magic, I will run out, causing a magical crash.”

“Do you explode from mortality?” you teased.

“No.” he huffed then stayed quiet for a minute. “…I implode. It is reversible so it’s not possibly to kill us that way.”

“And you drinking blood comes into play where?”

“I’ve discovered that nothing makes ones magic regenerate faster than human blood.” He licked his lips. “ESEPCIALLY the blood of the misfortunate. Just the thought of meeting a poor soul who’s never succeeded in anything makes my mouth water! Anyways, I always use magic, for everything, so it’s convenient to have a blood supply nearby. However I doubt you’ll have the same effect, so after I get my wand back I will be bidding you a fond farewell.”

“Sounds just fine to me.” You huffed.

“So, what to do till then?” Anti-Cosmo said thoughtfully. “Go to a rave? Go night shopping? Hunt for ghosts in the park~?” he smirked and waved his fingers at you.

“How about sleep? It’s been a long exciting day and I’m exhausted.” You huffed and started getting ready for bed.

“Oh, you can sleep when you’re dead!” he whined and pulled at your sleeve.

“Why don’t you get back online and catch up on the past 15 years worth of memes?” you said and got into bed.

“Oh please, nothing could be funnier than the troll faces that say “u mad?”” he waved his hand at you.

“Oh buddy, you’ve got a lot to learn.” You smirked and went to sleep.

He stared at your sleeping form, his eyes gleaming mischievously. “Soon my sweet…so I will have my way with you, you lovely immortal thing~” He licked his lips. He then checked for messages for his lackies and found nothing. “*BEEP*.” He pouted.

In the morning, you laid on your back and Anti-Cosmo was flouting above you. You frowned at the sight of his face and turned over. “Its bad enough I’ve had to deal with you till late last night, but now you have to flout over me while I’m asleep like a creeper?” you huffed.

“What can I say? You enchant me.” He said and started walking his fingers up your back. You shivered and swatted his hand away.

“Still nothing from your people?” you asked and sat up

He sighed and leaned back. “No…which is really odd.”

“Maybe you can try again? Post something else?”

“That would make me look whiny and desperate, then more of them would be less inclined to help me.” He huffed. “Besides, I’d much rather wait and possibly get some breakfast.” He said, looking at you hungrily.

“Oh for crying out…don’t even think about it!” you glared and got up. “You want blood, you’ve got to go to the fridge for a bloodbag.” You said as you walked to the closet.

“People healthy enough to donate blood rarely have enough misfortune to satisfy me.” He pouted.

“Boo hoo, you’ll have to have your cocktails AIDS-free then.” You rolled your eyes. “And if that’s the case, my blood would be nowhere near satisfying.”

“You think living eternally alone is a blessing?” he asked with his eyebrows raised. This did stop you in your tracks.

He drifted towards you, suddenly shrinking down and sitting on your shoulder. “Come on now, you got to taste my blood! I’ve never had Vampire blood before, I’m curious!” he urged.

You hesitated dispute knowing you’d get no benefit from this exchange, as well as you know darn well you owed him nothing. Before you could decide however, a ding came from the phone on the bedside.

Anti-Cosmo zoomed to it, growing to his original size as he snatched it up and read the notification. His mouth grew to a twisted grin, his eyes shimmering with joy.

“Ah, Anti-Juandissimo, you never fail me dear friend.” He smirked.

He suddenly stood up and held up his hand. A black wand with a star at the end appeared in his blue skinned hand. His face broke into a villainous grin as he spun it around and gave it a wave. Magic erupted from it and made his old clothes appear on his body, but they were new and pristine. His monocle returned, dangling from his earlobe before swinging up to it’s place over his eye. Small silver jewelry were placed on his clothes, ear, and wing. Lastly a bowler hat flouted above his hair.

He sighed with relief and stretched slightly. “Yes…perfect. I feel whole again~”

“You look like a Magical girl transforming.” You chuckled.

He looked back at you before waving his wand at you. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, smoke surrounded you, and your clothes changed into a vampire themed Magical girl outfit. Short skirt, a cape, even little bat wings on your head. Your costume was also adorned in silver jewelry and mirrored Anti-Cosmo’s black and blue.

“There, now we match.” He smirked.

You tried to pull the skirt down to cover your legs. “What the *Beep*?!” you yelled at him.

“What? You look cute~ oh yes, I have a wish to grant, be right back.” He grinned and vanished.

You huffed in irritation and immediately started stripping the cutesie outfit off. “What an *beep*!” you whispered angrily. “I thought he was awful before the wand…”

Part 3

[alpaca-writes]

Mystics, Chapter 28

When Arch becomes hired on at Mystics by the strange shopkeeper Lyrem Nomadus, everything seems to be going well- in fact, their life nearly becomes perfection. Soon enough, however, Arch realizes that perhaps not everything is as perfect as it seems….

Read Chapters 1-27 and more HERE

Taglist: @myst-in-the-mirror, @livingforthewhump

CW: gore mention, manhandling, violence.

Lyrem and Arch have an opportunity to catch up with one another in the Underworld.

------------------------------------------

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT: GOOD INTENTIONS

        Dragged up to his feet and through the halls of the caverns, Arthur didn’t resist. Lyrem followed closely behind.

        “I cannot wait to see the look on Arch’s face when they find you torn open beneath them,” Paimon jeered on. “It would truly be the highlight of my life.”

        “Arch would never hurt another person like that,” Arthur countered assuredly, “Not me, and not anyone, ever. Not unless they were being forced. You’re a liar.”

        Lyrem scratched the back of his neck, keeping to himself. Paimon turned his head, expecting some response from his friend by now. Lyrem had convinced Arch to do innumerable misdeeds without anything more than an encouraging smile. He should be revelling in Arthur’s assumptions more than anyone.

        But he wasn’t.

        Paimon led the man down the spiral stairs and through the halls where the decaying creatures writhed in the shadows. Arthur shuddered as he saw them skittering about. They clearly wanted to come in close, but something was turning them off of the scent, causing them to fall back into the darkness where they could find it.

        “Didn’t you hear me? The bet’s off if Arch is forced into it, even slightly,” Arthur imposed, despite being dragged along as though he weighed nothing, by a creature who had a foot on him in height. “I get it, you know. I get your games. What more can you do to turn innocent souls into monsters like Lyrem? You must have so much fun preying on desperate people”-

        Lyrem opened a door across the hall from Apollo’s chamber, and allowed Paimon to push Arthur through. He stumbled in, cut off from his speech and grasped his leg that was giving him hell. He wasn’t finished. The rage boiled up inside him, threatening to overflow. They separated; Paimon pulled one of the shackled chains across the room.

        “You know, I really shouldn’t be surprised that you’re a tainted evil son-of-a-bitch,” Arthur grimaced, eyeing Lyrem, “-especially after learning what you did to Rosanna. You’re a sick bastard, whether or not you serve a demonic god creature.”

        Lyrem had found it mostly easy to keep himself calm up until this point- up until more specifically, he had heard that name. The memories that Hades and Persephone had pulled out of him were numerous and purposeful, but now he knew that they weren’t confidential either- how much had they been able to see that Lyrem hadn’t even realized? How much did they share with others?

        He grasped Arthur by the neck, pushing him up against the wall.

        “If you dare to speak my mother’s name one more time, I will destroy you right here, right now,” in the threatening calm, Lyrem’s eyes burned with a determined fire. “And you will never see Arch again. Is that understood?”

         Arthur, while struggling against the old man’s surprising amount of strength for a dead man, looked back at him with a confused glare.

        “Lyrem, my friend,” Paimon interceded with cuffs in his hands, “why don’t you check on our young protégé and make sure they aren’t sneaking about?”

        “You stay the hell away from Arch, you sons of bitches”-

        Lyrem stepped away from Arthur to fulfill Paimon’s request. the cuffs lashed out, snapping Arthur’s head to the side as he was met with the blunt force from Paimon who simply wanted him to remain quiet. As their captive fell to a crumpled heap against the wall, Paimon took the opportunity to fasten the cuffs to each wrist, and then turn the crank of the pulley system that would soon have him suspended a little ways off the ground. Feeling torn, Lyrem left Arthur there to suffer. It wasn’t like the man hadn’t already suffered enough- and with the recent quip he pulled out about his mother, Lyrem felt some vindication leaving him there.  

        Meanwhile, Arch was lost in their own world, wandering through the upper hallways with a discman in one hand and headphones attached to their ears. Paimon had offered them a selection of CDs from the Mortal Realm for them to enjoy and they did so quite frequently since they received it. Lyrem came upon them as he turned the corner up the stairs. They didn’t notice him at first, until he tapped their shoulder. They jumped, nearly a foot into the air, and pulled their headphones off. They let them rest around their neck. The sounds of Kula Shaker rocked the hall even through the headphones. Lyrem grimaced, it couldn’t be good for their ears.

        “It helps with the alarm bells,” they reasoned aloud. “What’s up?”  

        “I was hoping we could talk,” Lyrem said, leading them further from the stairs and the caverns below. “It occurred to me that we haven’t had a moment to speak without Paimon around.”

        Arch turned their head, scoping out for any sign of the demon, and then returned to Lyrem with an awkward smile.

        “Why do we need to talk without him?” Arch chuckled through the question unnerved. “We didn’t do anything wrong, did we? Wait- did I?”-

        Lyrem shook his head, “no, no. Of course, not.”

        Arch swallowed back some nervousness and found themselves outside their bedroom door. They opened it, and let Lyrem inside.

        “Cool. Okay, great. Then… what do you want to talk about?”

        “You. I want to know how you are feeling… being here.”

        Arch blinked. “Fine.”

        They set down the discman onto a desk and then leaned against it, finding it difficult to meet his eyes which were looking at them increasingly more concerned as the seconds went by.

        “I’m feeling fine,” they repeated. “… I thought… you would want me to be fine- to be happy here.”

        “Oh, I don’t care about happy,” Lyrem spoke briefly as an aside. He smoothed out a corner of their crumpled-up bedspread and sat himself down. “Do you miss Earth? Do you miss your family?”

        Arch’s face twisted; their nostrils flared. “No.”

        They swallowed again. It happened a lot sometimes, when they knew that they’d need to maintain composure.

        “Arch, it’s okay if you miss them. I won’t punish you for it.”

        Taking a breath, Arch left Lyrem there, and found their way to the washroom. They closed the door and turned on the tap for some refreshing cold water. Lyrem waited until they emerged again, red faced from a towel that was used a bit too vigorously.

        “Everything is fine, Lyrem,” they answered finally. “My uncle will miss me. But my mom is in the Labyrinth. She might never come back after what you did… and that’s… fine.” They managed, barely.

        “She never liked me much anyway. At least here, I have two people- well, you and a demon- to look out for me. I don’t think I would ever have that anywhere else.”

        Arch scratched the back of their neck as Lyrem listened in.

        “And I’m going to learn more, right? Eat a few more hearts and Paimon thinks I might be able to manage some telekinesis. That would be pretty amazing, right?”

        Lyrem stared at the floor.

        “Right?” Arch sat themself beside him on the bed.

        Lyrem turned. He found it difficult to bring himself to meet their gaze, but once he did, he was at a loss for words. Their eyes, which were once a young and rich mahogany were now strained and desperate with the knowledge and guilt of their actions. It had been a tiring game to pretend these things didn’t bother them- the crow’s feet beneath their eyelids told him as such.

        “You need to go,” He nearly whispered.

        “What?”

        “You shouldn’t be here. You need to leave this place. You need to escape, Arch. I’ll do my best to help you. I have thought about a series of ways to help you leave, and only one is really a plausible scenario to execute with success, but”-

        “H-hold on,” Arch’s brows furrowed. “What the hell are you saying? Is this… is this a test? Are you two testing me?”

        Lyrem shook his head. “No, no. I would never trick you like that.”

        “Then why are you saying this? This isn’t you”-

        “Paimon is not who he says he is,” Lyrem said, meeting their eyes steadily. There was so much to explain. “He’s not a demon at all. The hearts that he gives you to eat, are not sources of power. He’s been lying to you.”

        A shiver ran down Arch’s spine. As the meaning of Lyrem’s words sunk deeper, their fists clenched on their lap until their knuckles whitened.

        “What do you mean they’re not sources of power?”

        Lyrem fell silent which was highly inconvenient at the time.

        “I asked you a question, Lyrem!”

        His eyes snapped up to them. They had stepped off the bed in their fury and stuck the end of a fingernail in their mouth. They gnawed at it until it ripped the skin on one side and bled.

        “Fuck,” Arch hissed and winced.

        In all the rage, Lyrem remained calm and seated. “I am sorry Arch. I never knew either. But we have a chance to escape and we must take it.”

        “No, we don’t.”

        “Say again?”

        “We don’t have a chance to escape. I signed myself over to Paimon. He can control everything I do.”

        “A simple fix. We have to find that contract then and destroy it”-

        “He’s already turned it to ash! It’s not just a piece of paper, it’s… everything. That’s why I’ve been doing what he wants. There’s no point in fighting it, Lyrem- not when he can just force me to do everything, anyway. I’ve already tried. I’ve… I’ve given up! I’m a torturer now, a cannibal, and that’s all I’ll ever be. I’ve come to accept it- just like you asked me to!”

        Lyrem shook his head. “I shouldn’t have done that- it was wrong, and I put your life- your soul- in danger by doing so. I only wanted you to become the best version of yourself”-

        “No, you didn’t!” they snarled in reply. “You were lonely! And you wanted to save your own skin! Don’t act like this was all some sort of mistake with good intentions! You are a monster and you made me one too. So, thanks a lot, man.”

        Arch stepped into the washroom again to tend to their finger. They emerged, focusing solely on the small tissue that slowly turned pinker as they pressed it on. “By all means, you can try to escape. I don’t care what you do, but I’m cutting my losses here. Paimon’s too powerful to”-

        Arch froze, seeing Paimon standing in the doorway.

        “To what, sweet thing?”

        Lyrem stood at the foot of the bed, also too shocked to move any further. Arch darted their eyes between them both. This was definitely not a test. As they stood frozen, without a word to say, Paimon walked slowly through the room, gaining the attention of Lyrem on the way.

        “Paimon, please. I can explain”-

        “Not another word from you, my friend.”

        Lyrem remained silent.

        Arch stood to attention for Paimon as they paced. He didn’t like it when they cried. Out of instinct to explain themselves, their head shook from side to side.

        “I- I- I didn’t- I wasn’t going to”-

        “I know,” Paimon finished for them. “It’s alright, Arch. I believe you.”

        They breathed out in relief as Paimon’s hands cupped their face. He tilted his head down to plant a soft kiss on their forehead before turning away. Arch looked to Lyrem with concern and fear of what would happen next.

        “But you, my friend…” Paimon tutted as he approached Lyrem. “You have yourself plenty of explaining to do.”

        “Yes, I know, I”-

        “But I care not for hearing it now.” Paimon interrupted. “I’ll have you strung up in the caverns below just like our other guests.”

        For not having a working heart, Lyrem still felt as though his was pounding its way out of his chest. He wasn’t impervious to the anxieties that came with making a god angry- his last encounters with Hekate and Hades showed him that much- but they were kind in comparison. They were relatively understanding at minimum and patient with humankind. This was Paimon. He was vengeful, and wrathful, and he didn’t care for people.

        “Please Paimon, just listen to me for a moment. We’ve done so much together and I have no intention on leaving, but Arch is… Arch is young and they deserve a chance to live their life the way they want it”-

        Paimon squared himself up in front of Lyrem as he stumbled through his words and grinned sympathetically. He shook his head. Lyrem continued, knowing that he was losing the battle.

        “-let’s not destroy their life before it’s even begun. Please, we- we’re friends, Paimon”-

        Paimon let out a chuckle, which turned into a laugh. And he threw his head back in a burst of raucous amusement, causing Lyrem to silence himself once again.

        “You think we are friends?”

        Lyrem swallowed and regarded him seriously. “Well, yes. That is what we agreed”-

        “You,” Paimon pointed at him, then poked him forcefully in the sternum, “are MY friend. That is what we agreed. I gave you Maria, and in exchange you agreed to be my friend. MINE. I am not and never have been your friend, Lyrem. Everything I did for you since then was out of the goodness of my heart.”

        Paimon shot a quick glance to Arch who was still frozen in place, watching the spectacle unfold.

        “Charitable, aren’t I?”

        Arch nodded. Lyrem looked away from them in shame, thinking on the spot, and gripped the jeweled knife that he had pulled from Arthur.

        “Cwsg sy”-

        Lyrem collapsed to the floor before he could finish the sleeping spell on Paimon. He didn’t exactly expect it to work, but it was worth a shot. The knife clattered to the ground, as though returning itself to its rightful owner.

        Arch didn’t pay attention and instead found themself at his side, wanting to support Lyrem’s head from the harsh ground as he landed. Paimon ushered them away before they could get a good look at the damage.

        “I’m surprised by his stupidity. I taught that sleeping spell to the Fae myself hundreds of years ago,” he said, tutting. He glanced to Arch, whose knees raised to their chin. “And you, sweet thing, should get up off that dirty floor. It’s not where you belong.”

        “Paimon, please don’t hurt him,” they begged, hardly hearing what he had just said.

        He sighed out of frustration. “Stand up.”

        They stood.

        He snapped his fingers, and Lyrem’s soul/body vanished. “I’ve hurt him plenty already, I think. Now, from you,” he ran his long fingers through their soft hair, “I would appreciate just a little co-operation.”

        They swallowed and nodded.

[pathogenic]

Chapter 10: The Ancestor

Prologue

Chapter 1: The Necromancer

Chapter 2: The Prophet

Chapter 3: The Hag

Chapter 4: The Brigand Vvulf

Chapter 5: The Brigand’s Cannon

Chapter 6: The Drowned Crew

Chapter 7: The Siren

Chapter 8: The Swine God

Chapter 9: The Formless Flesh

Chapter 10: The Ancestor

Epilogue

Warning for body horror, gore, and character death

I dreamt again. A voice spoke to me clearer than it ever had before. I never heard this voice before in my life and yet somehow I knew it was the voice of my ancestor calling out to me. He spoke of how he had been watching my progress the moment I stepped foot into the Hamlet. I tried to voice how that had to be impossible, I never saw him, no one ever mentioned seeing him, but I found that I could not speak. It didn’t seem to matter as he laughed. He said no, of course not, he wasn’t physically there.

He went on to say that he was amused with all that I had done. I rid him of some nuisances that he couldn’t destroy himself. He spoke on how pleased he was to finally see that fool the Prophet silenced for good. How fitting it was for that beautiful young woman to be twisted into that fish-monster. He also praised me for how I handled the Brigands. A display befitting the world he wished to create.

I tried to speak out, to scream about how no, I didn’t want any part of any plans he was making. I wanted to save this land, like he had asked of me in his letter. I wanted to do good, to be good. He scoffed at the notion. What did it mean to be good? Did I not sacrifice people just as he did? And for what? I argued that the land was healing and that those deaths were not to serve my own goals.

He laughed, and laughed, and laughed. My ancestor then spoke again. Was it not a selfish goal to want to be the savior of a land? To be looked upon as a hero? I found myself at a loss for words. How do you dispute something like that? He said that my goals were not any less selfish than his own. I used people and power just as he did to get this far.

He then asked me if I knew what the best part of it all was. I didn’t ask, and I didn’t have to for he continued anyways. He said the best part was that it wouldn’t matter anyways. The god he touched upon had consumed him just as it would consume me once he perished. Should I die, it would go to another member of our family should they arrive at the Hamlet. Corruption was a part of my blood the moment I arrived. I had doomed this place the moment I arrived.

My ancestor then asked for me to come back to him, for he had much to teach me before his body finally gave. I awoke deep within the Warrens in front of one last set of doors. There was no lock and my hand was already upon the handle.

I couldn’t enter alone. If he was beyond these doors, then we needed to put an end to him. If what he said was true, then I would become the next beacon of evil for this town. If I was fortunate, then Damian would do what he promised me and kill me so I could do no harm to the town I built back up. The cycle would end before it could begin in full and the world would be saved. I refused to be the person my ancestor was.

I gathered what was left of my heroes. There was no panic from me this time. This time, it truly felt like an end. I knew for certain that it was the end of it all. I could feel that god that spoke to my ancestor reassure me of this, and at once I knew that is what told me of the information I had before. I was touched by something beyond this world and it favored me over my dying ancestor. I can’t say I found that reassuring.

We entered the Warrens and I lead them to the final set of doors, keeping as steady as I could. There was not a single word between the group as we approached. Perhaps the sense of finality fell upon them as well and so we were all too focused to say anything. The doors opened with ease and I found myself in a chamber that was almost impossible to see in. We lit our torches, but even here, they seemed to do so little to fight back the dark.

So we pressed on, sticking close as we attempted to navigate the pitch dark we found ourselves in. The ground changed from the solid stone to something that gave way under our feet. As we continued, we began to see that the walls and the ground around us had long since given way to flesh. It felt fitting that my Ancestor be in a chamber formed of it. After all, how many experiments had he performed focused on this very thing?

At last we reached a large, circular room. The walls pulsated and moved. Veins ran along the lengths of the wall and towards the center of my room where my Ancestor stood. If it wasn’t for the voice of that god speaking to me, I never would have known that he was soon going to die for he looked as young as he did in the paintings around my Estate. He smiled as we entered and congratulated us on making it this far. He then turned to me and asked if I truly intended to go down this path. I requested that he answer a question of mine, and he obligued.

I asked if I truly was going to take on the burden of this god should he die, and he confirmed it. I could feel my heroes staring hard at me. I asked him if he chose to cause the chaos that he did or if it was always going to happen. There was a thoughtful look upon his face before he answered. True, he was still in control of his actions, but the corrupting force of what he brought into this world would always take over at some point. Eventually you will give in and you would find yourself justifying your actions, no matter what. After all, it is all for a power much greater than any mortal being, what was morality to a god anyways?

I had the answer I needed and saw no reason to prolong the conversation. I knew enough about my Ancestor at this point to know that anything he had to say was something I had no interest in listening to. He was a man who gave into awful temptation in the name of power and knowledge. His philosophy meant nothing to me. For the last time, I raised my sword and prepared for battle.

It seemed he expected this outcome. Once I was ready, the room pulsated faster and copies of him began to form. They were not of any great strength and they fell easily enough, but it was the sheer number that was concerning. With that many copies of him, they inevitably got a few hits in, but it wasn’t enough to seriously injure anyone.

Slowly I began to notice there was something off with the clones. At first they were perfect mirror images of him, but with each new iteration of my Ancestor, something was out of place. An ear wouldn’t form, he was missing fingers, his hand was nothing more than a mound of flesh. It continued to twist from there. Sections of him were fused together, beady black eyes had begun to form various locations, tendrils started to sprout from mounds of pink flesh.

These malformed clones made it easier to find the original version of my Ancestor. With each death of these clones, he seemed to strain until finally there were no more, only the original himself. He waved his arm and the room seemed to react to him. It attempted to grab and pull at us, but it was simple enough to cut away at it and advance on him. Unburdened by the terrain in the room, he often found it easy to get away from us, but we managed to injure him. My sword found his chest and he staggered back, hand clutching at the wound.

There was a wicked smile on his face as the room shifted all at once. We could do nothing to stop it as it enveloped him and made a ball of pink flesh. We hacked at it, but with each hit, it released an awful gas that hurt the lungs. Regardless, we did our best to stop whatever plan my Ancestor was forming.

With one more hit from Baldwin’s sword, the ball of flesh let go and unfurled, revealing my Ancestor’s new hideous form. The mass he was stuck to resembled a heart and he was unrecognizable sticking from it’s pulsing mass. His face was mostly skeletal, save for a stripe of flesh across where his eye sockets would be. From the flesh was more bone that formed a crown. His torso was nothing but exposed muscle that he showed off with his outstretched arms, inviting us in to attack, and attack we did.

He accepted each and every blow without flinching. As the battle waned on and he started to show signs of damage, my Ancestor attempted to reach out to me, attempting to grab me. At once, Dismas stood before me and the Ancestor grabbed onto his shoulder. I could see the life drain from him, but still he managed to put on a smile for me, as if to try and reassure me that it would all be okay. Before I knew it, he was dead and dropped to the ground.

I couldn’t let that stop me. My Ancestor needed to die. I needed to take on this mantle and I needed Damian to kill me. The cycle had to end, so on I pressed in the battle, but it felt like each time I gained some ground, another would fall. It seemed if I wanted to kill him, I would have to go through my heroes to do it. Was it worth it? Were their lives expendable for this cause?

Each time, he would reach to me and someone new would defend me. After Dismas, there was Baldwin, then there was Reynauld, and then Missandei, and finally, Barristan. Did they believe in my cause so much that they were willing to throw down their lives for me? The idea was always so touching in the stories I read growing up. It is a noble sacrifice, but I did not feel I was worthy of their sacrifices. However, if I stopped to despair, it would be an insult to what they had done to ensure my victory. They managed to give me the time I needed to continue to injure my Ancestor alongside my remaining companions.

At last, my sword found his chest once more. The flesh that had surrounded my Ancestor fell away and I was left with the man we confronted before. There was a smile on his face as I let go of the sword. He held his hand up to the wound and staggered back. He wished me luck with my plan and passed away.

I could feel a weight fall upon me as his god turned its attention towards me. I could feel it speaking to me in full. I begged Damian to end me, but in the end, he couldn’t hold up his deal. He refused, saying that it was still me, was it not. I argued that in time, I would no longer be myself and that I would become like my ancestor.

Paracelsus spoke at that point and said that my Ancestor could have been telling lies. I might be able to be rid of this god in some other means. If my Ancestor opened a door, couldn’t that door be closed again. What if I didn’t have to die? After all, didn’t I have living relatives that it could coax over?

I tried to argue that they needed to enter the Hamlet in order for that to happen and she pointed out that it was not a promise, perhaps entering the Hamlet simply marked you as the next victim, but if no one came, then it would simply pick a member at random. I realized at that point I had an obligation to live and to try and find another means of ending it. After all, the alternative was simply to tempt fate, and how could I let that happen with something so awful?

With my survivors, we left the chamber and returned to the Hamlet.

[svynakee]

castlevania s3 thoughts

Well more like complaints. Although I do find it worth watching; maybe after S4 comes out, though. Because S3 is really just a fancy teaser for S4.

I really don’t like how Castlevania S3 felt like a waste of time (except for 30% which was very good). I mean yeah I watch shows to waste time in general but hear me out.

By the end of S3, it feels like nothing happened. The status quo is kept. There’s a lot of setup with a tenuous promise of S4 payoff. There might be growth, but really, everything feels more like the catalyst for growth to happen later. It’s like following your GPS and it says “You’ve arrived at your destination :)” but you find yourself at some dusty crossroads and there isn’t even a petrol station in sight.

That’s basically all I can say without spoilers. I have a lot more to say with spoilers. So-

If Castlevania S3 was divided into 4 basically unrelated stories (Styria, Lindenfeld, Isaac’s travels, Alucard’s castle), at least half of them ended up saying/contributing nothing to the overarching plot, setting and characterisation. It felt like an extended trailer. Action, twists, your favs making an appearance…then goodbye, screen fades to black, see you next season.

TLDR version: get rid of Isaac’s entire arc, develop Sumi and Taka or get rid of them, Lindenfeld sorely needed more focus, no need to change Styria but more Styria would be nice.

Compare to S1, which was also mostly setup for the plot resolution in S2. It didn’t feel like a waste of time. Why? Because of the threat of Dracula? I don’t think so. It’s because when we first meet Trevor, we’re presented with a very solid image of who he is. He’s alone, he’s purposeless, he doesn’t want to take up his family legacy. 3 episodes later and he’s got two “friends” and a clear goal to pursue. And he’s no longer a nameless drifter – he’s the last living Belmont, vampire hunter, returning to his ancestral home so he may arm himself to face Dracula.

Alucard

Alucard’s story was the worst offender in my opinion. We start with Alucard being alone and sad in his empty castle. We end with Alucard being alone and sad in his empty castle. While this could be an interesting start of darkness for the dhampir, the fact that we don’t really see the results make it an overall unsatisfying season. Suki and Taka contributed nothing. We learned almost nothing about them. Their motivations were frankly generic – they want to fight vampires? Well we already know people who do that. Their obsession with the castle’s engine? Goes nowhere. Their friendship with Alucard? Shallow, not really built on mutual points of interest. Then they die.

The truth is, Sumi and Taka were dealt a bad card to begin with – Alucard, to be exact. Because a ranged and close quarters fighter duo of vampire hunters has direct competition with the previous season’s S&T, Sypha and Trevor. Instead of giving them the time and development needed to grow apart, they seemed more like plot devices to get Alucard to where he needs to be in S4. Or just to prove he’s lonely and gullible. And a bottom.

I feel like there’s a lot of potential in this storyline. Perhaps Taka and Suki’s interest in the castle is more nefarious; maybe they were part of a bigger group. Their betrayal of Alucard could cause him to reconsider his father’s stance on humanity. As a stepping stone, I have no complaints about this storyline. But that’s because there’s nothing to say. Its impact all depends on S4 and S4 isn’t out yet. So, the entire thing just feels frustrating, a pointless distraction from the other storylines.

Isaac

Isaac should not have gotten as much screen time as he did, unless they actually did something useful with him. As much as I love his character (Casually putting Godbrand down? Instant fav.) his presence in S3 feels like pointless pandering. Because he spent all that time doing nothing.

We know who Isaac is, because of S2. We know what his motivations are: return to/avenge Dracula. We know his general worldview, the thing that makes him what he is – he has a low opinion of humanity, is highly disciplined and loyal to Dracula. And the thing is, NONE of these things change in S3. Instead we’re treated to Isaac repeatedly almost thinking humans are okay, then getting proven wrong when he tries to give them a chance, then killing everyone.

This is would serve a purpose if: Isaac was seen as ambivalent towards humanity or conflicted about condemning them in S1 (more like Hector, perhaps). Isaac was more like original Isaac, an unhinged sadist and being saved by Dracula starts him on a path to redemption which is repeatedly denied.

But no. Isaac is always shown to be calm, disciplined and set in his views. Having him go through this completely unchanged makes his character ‘arc’ a waste of time.

The problem is Isaac’s storyline also feels unnecessary plot-wise. Isaac finds humans disgusting and his power is to be a monster spawn point. The fact is, if Isaac shows up one day with a monster army and wants to kill humans, we don’t need an explanation for it. Isaac himself is the explanation. The only thing that needs resolving is ‘how did he get from the desert to bother the heroes’ and that can be solved by “I took a boat” or “I found a transportation mirror” or even “I used a night creature to carry me”. He can just tell us. It can be a shot of him travelling. Or a cheesy montage set to rock music I don’t care.

So the fact that character-wise Isaac is just going through a series of resets is made even more tedious when you realise that plot-wise he’s also been completely useless.

His big fight was fun, but it lacked emotional impact. The wizard wasn’t opposed to Isaac, either in terms of good/evil or ideologically. There was no catharsis to the wizard dying because we never knew those townspeople. Who got turned into night creatures anyway. By Isaac.

Belnades and Belmont (the dancing bear)

The Lindenfeld plot I would say has all the elements of an excellent story but needed more time. More focus. I hated S3’s style of constantly jumping between the four storylines, especially when one of them involved Isaac going through a banal cycle on another continent and the other had the Discount Belmont and Belnades.

In my opinion, Lindenfeld only suffered because there wasn’t enough focus to really build up the almost Lovecraft-esque mystery for Trevor and Sypha to investigate. Germain barely interacted with them, we only got his story via infodumping and a bad dream. Their relationship with the Judge didn’t feel deep enough that his ‘betrayal’ had impact (besides, it was bundled up with Alucard and Hector’s betrayals so there’s a bit of overexposure apathy). And it’s hard to be sympathetic towards townspeople when, for most of the series, townspeople are shit. Townspeople blamed Belmont for Dracula’s horde. Townspeople tattled on Lisa. Townspeople antagonise Isaac. Showing us 1 family eating dinner isn’t going to change that.

There was something of a start to an emotional arc where Trevor questions Sypha’s naiveté, his future with her, etc. which would have been stronger if it wasn’t just the start of an arc. Leaving them horrified at the truth of the Judge, the destruction of the town and their inability to prevent disaster is absolutely fine. But when it’s also paired with Isaac’s Are Humans Bad Merry-go-Round and Forever Alone Alucard, yet another “to be continued” ending instead of closure was frustrating.

Hector but not really

Hector, similar to Isaac and Alucard, starts and ends in the same place. I have no complaints about the Styria storyline though because Hector isn’t the character carrying this subplot. Lenore is.

Lenore starts out with a clear goal and obstacle to that goal. The other vampire sisters seem unconvinced that she can solve it, or that any of them can. Lenore succeeds despite these odds, proving her own strength, cunning and patience. She also shows how her way, the diplomat’s way, has the same value as Carmilla’s schemes, Striga’s military knowledge and Morana’s talent for governance. She has an arc. Sure, it’s a villain arc, but villains need them. S2 had Carmilla working against Dracula, putting her forces into place, manipulating the war council, stealing Hector to her side. S3 has Lenore.

Meanwhile, the Styria subplot also sets up the new villains for the heroes to face – cunning Carmilla, strong Striga, strategic Morana and manipulative Lenore. Along with Hector the army spawn point. We have the new location, Styria. We see the dynamic and power hierarchies of the new villains. We learn about their overarching goal and how they mean to achieve it. Lots of setup, even more than the other storylines, but it has a satisfying arc within it that means it gives closure.

If S3 was freed from Static Isaac and Sumi/Taka (who have expiry dates and arrived half stale), the Styria storyline could benefit from the extra time. Better establish the dynamic between the four sisters (as opposed to Striga-Morana, Lenore-Hector and then a little bit of Carmilla). Give Hector more time to show his emotions; his despair, his loneliness, his genuine desire to have a friend despite his better judgement.

Final thoughts and Season Finales

Overall, the strongest parts of S3 are bogged down by subplots that really didn’t deserve so much screen time. I question the editing style of constantly jumping between the storylines; it comes at the cost of emotional investment into each one. The finale is especially strange to me. Two fights and two sex scenes that clashed, broke tension and made it tough to respond emotionally. Isaac’s fight should’ve happened earlier, a mid-season spectacle that really doesn’t have emotional impact. Lenore’s manipulation and betrayal could have been a second-to-last episode thing. The heroes naturally deserve the prime spot of season finale; the disastrous end of that fight also sets up the gloomy tone of the ending.

Sumi and Taka can die whenever, however. I literally could not care less whether they tried to kill Alucard after sex or over dinner. I barely care about their reason for attempted murder. I don’t know what part they play in the grand scheme of things and I am not invested in them as individuals.

If the entire point of the arc was to prove that Alucard was a bottom, just have him absent the entire season and add a post-credits scene of him using a dildo. Then he accidentally smashes it with his vampire strength and cries on the floor.

[youngerdaniel]

Youngo’s 2019 at the Movies (with Baby Yoda)

IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN, FOLKS...

Wherein this blog crawls out of the woodwork with fresh aspirations for a more consistent content strategy in the year to come. Like a Baby Yoda emerging from his floating iron egg to great the sun. So let’s dust off some cobwebs and talk about the great movies that came out in 2019.

BRIEF UPDATES FROM THE WAFFLER This year marked a turning point. No, not that fucking decade that everybody’s making a big deal about. Not even that I hit 30 but thankfully have most of my (still not totally gray) hair... Nope, I went into business for myself. I leapt off the stable lily pad of 9-5 etc. and went freelance! Life’s been full of stories since then -- both the kind I write, and the kind I get to look under the hood on. I’m happy to report I’ve written more than ever before... Just not blogs, and mostly stuff I’m not at liberty to discuss.

*Clears throat. Pulls up the collar on his trench coat.* And I may have had more hair turn gray. Turns out, running your own ship is quite a bit of work, especially when you’re teaching yourself how the hell you do it. Nevertheless, I loved the shit out of every minute of it, and I still use phrases like nevertheless. It could easily be a blog (or several) for a different time, but the short and easy explanation of the absence is I was busy, it was fun, get over it. 

Besides, we don’t actually care about whatever lame excuse I have for why I haven’t been posting. We’re here because it’s 2020 and time for a listicle, dammit! This one is neither definitive nor ranked. But dang if 2019′s fodder didn’t come sauntering into theaters like the big chuckling cherub of Christmas Present, with a cornucopia of awesomeness. 

THINGS I LOVED, IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE David Robert Mitchell’s neo noir takes a fittingly existential approach to detective fiction. An enigmatic case, hidden clues and coded pop culture, Andrew Garfield’s charmingly hapless sleuth... There’s a lot to love in this weird soup of a movie. At times nightmarish, often trippy, and an excellent performance from a parrot. Late night fodder.

CLIMAX Gaspar Noe does not make sane movies. With Climax, there’s a hypnotic quality that sucks you in and drags you along on its nightmarish journey as a group of dancers drink from a punchbowl laced with drugs. The result is absolute bedlam, and everything from the lighting to the camerawork pulls its weight to put you into the action. This is the kind of thing you watch and marvel that, “Wow, they went there.” to varying degrees of satisfaction. Like a freight train barreling toward the side of a mountain, it’s hard to look away even though you know you probably should. 

JOJO RABBIT And then there’s a different kind of madness. The movie that billed itself as “The movie that shouldn’t work.” Jojo Rabbit is so full of heart. This is Taika Waititi in full force, and hilarity meets real pathos. Love is better than Nazis. It’s a simple message, and I think it doesn’t need to be much more. The relevance of such a narrative in our time is pretty disappointing, but the truth seems to be that we need ones like this to come along and remind the collective. The mashup of humor with genuine drama is balanced in a way that will feel familiar to fans of THE HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE or BOY. The performances are superb, and it’s a beautiful looking film. If you missed it last year, start the new one off right and amend this problem.

US The thing I dug the most about US was how unique it felt. Original premises in horror are on the rise, and there’s no denying the man leading the wave is Jordan Peele. The social commentary elements of this followup to GET OUT play with a little more subtlety, and in some ways it almost felt like a stronger move... But I refuse to compare the two of them. US stands out in its own right, and carries some of the most memorable performances of the year. A twisting narrative that crackles with tension, and a concept that haunts the imagination. What if your every action had an equal an opposite effect on a mirrored version of yourself? A study on the impact of the class system, and a nightmarish what-if to explain the real life series of underground tunnels that span the United States. Also, that costume design! That Alexa gag! The way this one opens up at the midpoint was such a delight in the theater. I’d apologize for spoilers, but let’s be real... You’ve seen this movie.

AD ASTRA Best summed up as “Daddy Issues in Space,” AD ASTRA feels like the kind of sci-fi mysteries that were made in the late 70s and 80s. A spellbinding journey to the far edges of the galaxy to save the world, and maybe prove that aliens exist. Oh, and to stop your possibly insane father from destroying the human race on the way. Brad Pitt is on fire, and everything about this potent emotional journey remains focused on his character’s dilemma of deciding whether or not his father was a good man, what it means to him and his own isolated existence, and whether he can overcome that shit and live a life instead of taking risks. From its opening scene to its closing one, this one blends gripping life-or-death set-pieces exploring the dangers of space travel and the cyclical nature of humanity’s progress with small moments. The journey, the heart-wrenching climax, and the harrowing trip home is well worth the rental fee. Check it out.

THE GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR

Some horror movies exist to make you think, some exist to cover their protagonists in black goo, subject them to grueling physical and psychological lament, and chuck ‘em through a woodchipper for good measure. The Girl on the Third Floor takes your average premise of “Stubborn and troubled guy picks a fixer-upper house to flip, only to discover horrors beyond his imagining” and leans hard into the gross-outs and festering boils of body horror. Reminiscent of Evil Dead, Amityville, and Dead Alive, there’s so much insanity to love, and the movie makes some big turns -- some surprising, some daring, some a little out there. It is by no means perfect, but it’s got a charm about its rough edges. You will never look at a marble the same way again.

I LOST MY BODY

I know. “A life-affirming work” left me a little skeptical too. But from its very first frame, I LOST MY BODY is arresting. Its hypnotic narrative follows the story of a severed hand in search of its owner, and has great fun carrying you along with its troubled protagonist’s journey from a crush to obsession. The sheer amount of visual storytelling and striking imagery is worth the runtime, but for any arthouse lovers feeling a little too chilled to hop down to the nearest indie theatre can open a new tab and have at it. Didn’t expect to be as moved by this one as I was, and for that I must recommend it.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME The fact that a movie like this can even exist is pretty amazing, and I have to say, as the culmination to the Avengers saga as we know it, ENDGAME delivered something with way more heart and character than I expected. Funny, sad, bittersweet, and massively satisfying. This is the Thanksgiving Turkey dinner of movies. It’s got everything. But the best part for me was how little fighting the big superhero finale of the decade had to it. Firmly rooted in character, taking ambitious and surprising turns in their trajectories, and balancing the fanwanks with a genuinely exciting story. I mean, c’mon. Time heist? A Greatest Hits play that also recontextualizes a few of the lesser films of the sweeping franchise? The third act battle felt a little tacked-on, but the conclusion felt like exactly what we needed. 

READY OR NOT I love this movie. Love it like an adorable, scrappy friend who always manages to make their social commentary entertaining. Hide and Seek turns deadly for a bride to be when she meets her future in-laws, the proprietors of a board game company that takes their product very seriously. A darkly funny survive-the-gauntlet-till-morning ride. Great characters. Awesome kills. A few really unexpected and delightfully devilish turns. Oh, and it takes a stab at privilege and how far some people are willing to go to preserve theirs. It’s got teeth, a mean bite, and it’s fun to walk around the neighborhood. If you liked YOU’RE NEXT, you will probably love this movie. I still can’t get its final few moments out of my head. And I mean that in the best way.

PARASITE Speaking of social criticism and privilege, there’s no denying the brute fucking force of PARASITE. Following a struggling family who imbed themselves into a rich family by posing as the help, this madcap game of suspense takes so many surprising turns that even describing the full plot spoils the fun. Go into this one having read as little as possible. It will take you for a spin. Part con movie, part social critique, part comedy and part tragedy, it’s a lot to digest, but it’s a damned tasty treat. 

KNIVES OUT In a word, it’s fun. Rian Johnson’s locked room murder mystery packs some wonderful barbs in the side of affluence, armchair activism, and the corruptive nature of wealth. A wealthy novelist is found dead, and all of his family members have motive... But don’t let the familiar set-up fool you, KNIVES OUT plays fair with its audience, but it is a fast runner. The story jumps ahead of you almost every time you think you’ve got it figured out. Daniel Craig’s genius sleuth is full of likable energy, protagonist Marta is full of layers, and the family are all such a pleasure to watch. Several times along the trip, I had no idea where the story would turn next, or how much further the envelope could be pushed, but by the end, I came out marveling at its construction. The production design is unreal. The direction and vibe are so unique, and by the closing image, it’s nearly impossible not to enjoy the shift in values. There’s also a speech involving donuts that I will be reciting at parties for the foreseeable future.

DANIEL ISN’T REAL

I closed off the year with this wildly inventive take on the possession trope. This. Movie. Is. Nuts. Which, considering it was produced by the same folks who did MANDY, shouldn’t come as a surprise. A mind-bending tale that riffs on Jekyll and Hyde, with a great modernization tackling the concept from a mental health perspective... It’s not the first time it’s been done, but the execution is just excellent. We follow a disturbed young man whose imaginary friend hatched from a childhood trauma makes a devilish return to play hell with his adult life. It’s a psychological horror that’s FIGHT CLUB meets THE DOUBLE. Great look. Excellent creature design and visuals for a cosmic horror that makes great use of low budget devices. If you’re looking for the answer to the age old question of “Should my third act involve my protagonist battling his inner demons literally with a rooftop sword fight?” You’ve found your contender.

I’ll tell you this, reader friend. The hardest part about 2019′s slate at the box office was deciding what to see. There were so many interesting movies that came out, brimming with big ideas and social commentary. Sad as the state of the world is, there’s no denying times of unrest have a knack for yielding great art. The Trump era has made its stamp on Hollywood for better or for worse. But the rising tide of voices pushing back give me a bit of hope, and a lot of salve for the whole existential dread thing. I think that, however small it is, is good.

For what it’s worth, none of these films are reinventing the wheel or burning flags... But they are asking questions. Okay, CLIMAX, really isn’t asking anything, but it is fun as hell. There’s just as much merit in the salve as there is in the flame that caused the burn.  So may your 2020 be full of entertainment. I’ll try to get some useful content up here at least every couple of months in smaller digestible forms. Now go forth and brunch, you hungover, resolution-breaking slob.

[freddy-oppression-squad]

Quentin, Laurie, Steve, and Nancy for role swap au? And/or maybe Nea?

Quentin Smith - “The Lost”

A killer with fire-based abilities. His main weapon is the broken handle-blade of an old fashioned paper cutter, rusted with age but more than sharp enough to kill. He can release a burst of flame to injure and stun survivors. His exposed skin is covered in burn scars, and his eyes are wrapped in bandages.

[TW: Nothing explicit, but vague mention of Freddy’s bullshit ahead]

This is a version of Quentin and his friends’ story where Freddy wasn’t killed. He got away with his crimes for far too long, and when the truth finally came out, he skipped town before the parents of his victims could catch him. Quentin, Nancy, Jesse, Kris, and Dean all remembered what happened to them around the same time. They found each other, took comfort in one another, and pieced together their collective trauma. They were hurt and scarred, and their pain gave way to rage- they were going to avenge what he’d stolen. They were going to make him pay.

The plan had moved smoothly at first. They’d tracked him down, living in a small town only a few miles away. They’d lured him to the preschool. They all hid and waited, weapons in hand. Of course, all good plans...

Freddy managed to avoid their ambush, spotted them before they could get the jump on him. He tried to run. The group tried to chase him down, but through the process, everyone got separated outside. When Freddy ran into the building, Nancy and Quentin were the only ones who went in with him. Freddy managed to disarm Nancy, and when Quentin saw him with the blade of a gardening trowel to her throat, he panicked. Then he saw the paint thinner on the shelf, and he made a choice.

He threw the can at Freddy and it startled the man enough to drop Nancy. Quentin managed to get her away, told her to run, and dropped his lighter into the fluid that now covered half the room. He managed to get her out of danger- but he was too late to save himself. Despite knowing he was dying, Quentin couldn’t deny the dark sense of satisfaction he felt through his own pain, as he watched his nightmare burn away with him.

But death wouldn’t take either of them yet.

[Laurie, Steve, Nancy, and Nea under the cut]

Laurie Strode - “The Sentinel”

A killer with abilities based on staying hidden and out of sight. Her weapon is a wrought, twisted blade, like a long, distorted kitchen knife. Her skin is stark white with blue-black webs of veins visible over all of her skin, and black eyes. Her way of moving is unnerving- she just barely floats above the ground, her body and limbs stiff but her head almost limp, hanging in whatever direction she bends her neck.

Her story is very different. When Michael came back, he wasn’t some horrifying stalker- he was simply a mute mental patient, who’d left the hospital to find the only family he had left. Laurie was apprehensive and confused when he first showed up, but when he managed to communicate how they were related, she took him in. It was hard, with his being unable to talk, but they managed to reconnect and bond, as she helped Michael adjust to normal society.

But there was a threat neither of them expected- Dr. Loomis. Consumed by his fear and hatred, the doctor hunted Myers down with the intent to kill him. He found him and Laurie, and made his move, breaking into the house with his gun. He and Michael confronted each other. Loomis managed to shoot and injure Michael in the fight and was preparing to finish him- when, suddenly, a kitchen knife stuck through his spine.

Laurie dropped the blade as soon as she pulled it out, hands shaking. Loomis fell to the ground. She and Michael looked at each other, and Laurie fell to her knees. Unsteady, Michael climbed around Loomis’s dying form and hugged Laurie to his chest as she began to fall apart. They sat there, holding each other, as the doctor’s breaths ran out- and neither noticed the fog setting in around them until it’d already swallowed them whole.

Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler - “The Flayed”

Like the Legion, Nancy and Steve are two halves of the same monster. Monstrous and mutated, their abilities mirror that of the Upside Down creatures. Limbs twisted into long, gnarled claws, discolored and covered in growths. They have animal-like senses and can tunnel through dimensional space.

Their story took a turn at the point where Nancy calls Steve for help. When he gets there, Nancy is still there, and the two investigate the laboratory further. While doing so, they unknowingly walked into a trap. They were cornered in one of the equipment rooms. Nancy had her gun, but the men after them had their own- they were at a standoff.

Steve and Nancy both knew how this would end. They knew too much and they had a room full of guns pointed at them. There wasn’t any out for them. So they looked at each other and answered a silent question. 

And then Nancy turned and shot one of the fuel tanks in the back of the room, enveloping the entire lab in a white-hot explosion. If they were dying, they were taking as much of this nightmare with them as they could.

If only it had been that easy.

Nea Karlsson - “The Vandal”

A killer whose abilities revolve around moving quickly and easily. Skin half morphed into stone, half of her face is covered with a respirator mask. Her weapon is a long, jagged steel bar. 

When Nea Karlsson was forced to relocate to America, she didn’t take it well. Furious with her family and her circumstances, she turned to rebellion. She took up graffiti, trespassing, shoplifting- anything she could think of, for a cheap thrill and a sense of power. It was addictive.

One day, she broke into a building, only to find someone occupying it. She’d only just woken them up, and she didn’t have much time before they came to their senses. She saw a pole in the corner, and something evil took hold of her mind. She let her impulse take hold. She moved across the room, grabbed the metal, and let out her rage onto the screaming man until it painted the walls red.

When she was finally done, and let the pole slip from her fingers, she expected to feel bad. Guilt, fear, sadness- but nothing. None of that came. Instead, she felt... satisfied. That was when a chill filled the air, and she felt something reaching out. Not with a hand, but into her mind and soul. It was an offering. 

She took it without hesitation.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

‘Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all.’

If you missed my announcement post last week, you may not know that I am a co-host of a wonderful readathon that will be taking place from 11th-18th August. My co-hosts are BookTubers Sam, Becky, Erica and Jordan and I would love if you could subscribe to all four of their channels. They are all fantastic creators and their videos deserve a LOT of love!

Today’s post aims to give you some inspiration for your FairytaleAThon TBR. The challenges for this round are in the above image and I’ve selected a few books that fit each one, which you’ll hopefully be interested in. FairytaleAThon encompasses original fairytales, myths, folktales and retellings of them so the possibilties are almost endless! Here are my very best recommendations:

1. THUMBELINA: Read a fairytale or retelling under 250 pages.

ELLA ENCHANTED BY GAIL CARSON LEVINE: 240 pages.

This very funny and sweet retelling of Cinderella is perhaps better known as a cute Anne Hathaway film but the source material is definitely worth the read. It follows Ella, who was given the curse of obedience by a fairy, when she was a baby. This means that she has to do anything that anyone tells her -fight monsters, let down her friends and even deny that she’s in love with the prince. However, there is a beautiful feminist resolution that is sure to delight modern fairytale lovers!

THE SNOW QUEEN BY HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN: 96 pages.

The story that inspired Frozen is over 200 years old but this beautiful new edition from independent publishing house Pushkin is worth picking up for the coverlust alone! The original tale is quite different to Disney’s version but it is still an epic story of love and loyalty in the harsh landscape of the snowy North. When a magic mirror breaks and curses Kay to be blind to all of the good in the world, he is taken by the Snow Queen and locked in her ice palace. It’s up to his friend Gerda to trek across the icy plains and rescue him and his frozen heart.

THE BROKEN SWORD BY POUL ANDERSON: 237 pages.

Inspired by Norse mythology, The Broken Sword is a dark high fantasy that has somehow been packed into just over 200 pages. Skafloc is a human boy who has been raised by elves amidst their war with the trolls. The elves require the use of the sword Tyrfing, which the mighty Thor broke in order to stop it destroying Yggdrasil -the tree that brings the earth, heavens and underworld together. Only the giant Bolverk can fix it and it’s Skafloc’s job to persuade him. As well as this huge undertaking, Skafloc also needs to face his dark changeling self! This is ideal for Tolkien fans who need a quick whimsical adventure in a strange land.

THE WILD SWANS BY HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSEN: 64 pages.

I’m aware that this is the second Christian Andersen Pushkin edition in this post but LOOK AT THEM! The Wild Swans is a little-known story about a princess whose 11 brothers are turned into swans by their evil stepmother. Despite being determined to break the curse, the stakes are high and huge sacrifices will need to be made to reunite the siblings. It’s a heartbreaking story about familial love and loyalty.

2. GENTLE GIANTS: Read a fairytale or retelling over 500 pages.

CRESS BY MARISSA MEYER: 560 pages.

This sci-fi retelling of Rapunzel is actually the third book in the Lunar Chronicles series. Although each book is a retelling of a different fairytale, the characters do overlap and therefore it is best to read them in order. The good news is that you have plenty of time before the readathon to read both preceding books -Cinder and Scarlet. The series is incredibly unique, quirky and funny with some truly shipworthy romances and madcap adventure.

COMPLETE FAIRY TALES BY BROTHERS GRIMM: 1019 pages.

Ok, so this may be cheating a little BUT what would FairytaleAThon be, if you didn’t dip into some classic original stories at some point? This Penguin Vintage Classics edition of the tales collected by the Brothers Grimm is a simple yet beautiful chunk of a book that I believe should be a staple in any fairytale lover’s library. Featuring the original gruesome versions of classics such as Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood, Twelve Dancing Princesses and so many more, there is bound to be more than a few of these 279 twisted, disturbing stories that you love!

CHILDREN OF BLOOD AND BONE BY TOMI ADEYEMI: 544 pages.

It was one of the biggest books of last year and its sequel is on its way next year. Children of Blood and Bone is inspired by the Orisha (deities) of West African mythology. It follows Zelie, a young girl with magical powers in a world where magic has been taken away and people like her are hunted by a tyrannical king. However now she is on a quest to avenge her dead mother and restore magic to her homeland. Followed by her brother Tzain, a rogue princess Amari and enemy prince Inan, this is a truly unique YA fantasy that I found completely unputdownable.

WICKED BY GREGORY MAGUIRE: 512 pages.

This prequel to The Wizard of Oz is best known as a hit West End and Broadway musical but the source material is also a fantastic read. Elphaba has been an outcast and persecuted all her life because of her green skin and this doesn’t change when she starts at Shiz University, where she meets the beautiful, queen bee Galinda. After a reluctant start, they soon form a friendship and band together with Munchkin boy Boq and quiet Vinkus prince Fiyero to put the injustices of their world to rights. Spanning over years of Elphaba’s life, Wicked features forbidden love, high-stake drama and challenges your idea of what evil really is.

3. IF THE SHOE FITS: Read any fairytale or retelling on your TBR.

Of course you should use your own TBR for this challenge but I’ve chosen some popular releases over the last couple of years that just might be on your TBR anyway.

CIRCE BY MADELINE MILLER

Not only is it a beautiful book but the story inside is truly captivating, bewitching and heartbreaking. This is a feminist retelling of the Greek myth of Circe, the sorceress living alone on the island of Aiaia with a talent for potion-making and a penchant for turning sailors into animals. In this version, Circe is banished to Aiaia by Zeus when he feels threatened by her unique brand of magic. There she develops her craft, tames the animals, grows herbs and even encounters travellers such as Daedelus, Icarus and Odysseus. After angering both mortals and gods, she needs to decide where she truly belongs to protect the thing she loves most. Madeline Miller is a gorgeous writer and Circe is a masterpiece.

THE HAZEL WOOD BY MELISSA ALBERT

Although not a fairytale or a retelling, The Hazel Wood has many fairytale elements and therefore, I feel it more than qualifies for FairytaleAThon. It follows 17-year-old Alice who has spent most of her life moving around with her mother because bad luck and disaster seems to follow them around. Alice’s grandmother is the author of a book of dark fairytales set in mysterious Hinterland. When her grandmother dies and her mother goes missing, Alice has almost nothing to go on. She teams up with classmate Ellery Finch, who also happens to be a superfan of her grandmother’s stories, to find her mother and discover the secrets of her grandmother’s creation. It’s the perfect remedy if you’re craving some fast-paced, whimsical action. THE SILENCE OF THE GIRLS BY PAT BARKER

Ok so it’s ANOTHER Greek myth retelling but this is another book that should really be on your radar.  The Silence of the Girls tells the story of the women affected by the Trojan war, who have been largely ignored by the original myth. It focuses primarily on Briseis, a Trojan queen who became a concubine to Achilles after he murdered her husband and brothers. Her life in the Greek camp is a world away from the one she led in Troy and she is now a slave to the army. When commander Agamemnon wishes to claim Briseis as his own prize, she finds her fate entirely at the mercy of the two most powerful men of Greece as the war wages on. It’s an engaging accessible version of the story with some lovely female friendships, intricate and illicit romances and an ending that will definitely touch your heart.

GEEKERELLA BY ASHLEY POSTON

This quirky, nerdy YA romance is enormous fun to read! Vegan food-truck worker Elle is a superfan of hit sci-fi series Starfield, a love she shared with her late father. When a cosplay competition is announced to celebrate the upcoming movie reboot, Elle has to enter. The prize is a ticket to the Cosplay Ball at the fandom’s convention ExcelsionCon and a meet and greet with the new Prince Carmindor. However, when it’s announced that the role will be played by teen idol Darien Freeman (who her stepsisters are obsessed with) Elle isn’t hopeful he’ll do the part justice because surely a pretty boy actor doesn’t know the first thing about Starfield, right? Told through the viewpoints of both Elle and Darien via alternating chapters, it’s full of dramatic irony and the subtle similarities to the story of Cinderella are so fun to pick out. Our group book for this round is its recently released companion The Princess and the Fangirl, so what better reason to pick up Geekerella if you haven’t already?

4. CREATURES OF THE DEEP: Read a book with mermaids, sirens or sea monsters.

As this is a summer round of FairytaleAThon, my co-hosts and I decided that we wanted to dedicate a challenge to stories that feature cool blue waters. We agreed that this book doesn’t have to be a fairytale, folktale or retelling; it just has to feature a mythical aquatic creature.

TO KILL A KINGDOM BY ALEXANDRA CHRISTO

This dark retelling of The Little Mermaid sees Princess Lira as a ruthless collector of princes’ hearts. However, when she kills a fellow siren, the Sea Queen punishes her by turning her into a human and taking away her singing voice. She needs to bring back the heart of Prince Elian in order to return to the sea. Prince Elian is himself a siren-hunter and when he rescues a drowning Lira, she promises to help him destroy all sirens but of course, she has her own motives for getting close to him. Although I’ve seen mixed reviews for this book, I really enjoyed it for the concept. Lira is a much more powerful, more formidable figure than Ariel and the story is much more brutal. I’d definitely recommend it for anyone who feels like Ariel deserved more.

THE PISCES BY MELISSA BRODER

The Pisces is an incredibly strange novel about Lucy who has recently split from her long-term partner and is lacking inspiration for her thesis. In the hopes that it will help her forget her problems, she agrees to spend the summer in LA, looking after her sister’s house and foxhound. While there, she goes on a string of grisly Tinder dates, attends a therapy group for love addiction and falls in love with a mysterious but gorgeous surfer dude… who appears to have scales over the entirety of his lower body… It’s funny, it’s weird, it’s sad in parts but it’s also somehow bloody brilliant. Be warned that there are some pretty graphic sex scenes, so perhaps avoid it if you’re sensitive to that!

THE GLOAMING BY KIRSTY LOGAN

This is a wonderfully charming magical realism book following Mara and her family, whose island is surrounded with magic and stories. When tragedy strikes her family, Mara finds solace in enigmatic Pearl who introduces her to a new way of life and possibilities she never dreamed of. Torn between the traditions of her island and the ever-changing course of the sea while still haunted by the past, Mara needs to decide which is the best path for her to take. Kirsty Logan is a lyrical genius so if you like beautiful imagery and strange diverse storylines, The Gloaming is a great choice for you.

THE MERMAID AND MRS HANCOCK BY IMOGEN HERMES GOWAR

Set in the 18th century, The Mermaid and Mrs Hancock is a beautifully written and surreal read that will appeal if you’re looking for a more literary, social history-led mermaid book. Merchant Jonah Hancock learns that one of his captains has sold his ship for what is apparently a mermaid. Naturally this piques the curiosity of the area and he is soon thrown into upper class circles, where he meets the beautiful, accomplished Angelica Neal. Soon enough, both of their lives take a new course at a high price. It’s a pretty big book so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it if you’re not already a historical fiction reader but it’s definitely a unique story of obsession and intrigue with bags of wit.

5. TRY THE GREY STUFF: Read with a yummy treat.

Naturally, your choice of reading snack is ENTIRELY your choice but these are four of my favourites to get your tummy rumbling!

ICE CREAM

The perfect treat for a hot day. Just don’t let it drip onto the pages!

COOKIES

Is there anything more tasty than a plate of warm, gooey, freshly baked cookies? Pretty sure there isn’t!

POPCORN

If your book is painting beautiful cinematic images in your mind or the drama is getting a little tense, you might want to grab some popcorn to add to the experience. MOZZARELLA STICKS

Possibly my favourite savoury snack ever. A few mozzarella sticks dipped in sweet chilli sauce is simply delicious!

6. A WHOLE NEW WORLD: Read a fairytale or retelling with a diverse character.

ASH BY MALINDA LO

This bisexual retelling of Cinderella is one of my favourites ever. Ash dreams of being taken away from her miserable life with her stepmother by fairies so when she meets handsome but dark fairy Sidhean, she thinks her life is about to change. Then she meets beautiful huntress Kasia and begins feeling things she hasn’t felt in a long time. But how can she choose between true love and her fairytale escape? It’s sexy, enchanting, incredibly intense and I absolutely devoured it.

A CURSE SO DARK AND LONELY BY BRIGID KEMMERER

This was our group book for the last round of FairytaleAThon, so if you joined us then, there is a good chance you’ll have already read A Curse So Dark And Lonely. It’s a recently released Beauty and the Beast retelling which has been getting a lot of hype in the book community. It follows Harper, a teenage girl living in Washington DC with her ailing mother and dismissive older brother. When she intervenes in a street incident, she finds herself being pulled into Emberfall, a broken kingdom ruled by Prince Rhen, who has been cursed to relive his 18th year until a girl falls for the vicious beast he has become. With evil forces at work, Harper and Rhen need to defeat more than a curse to save the people of Emberfall. Harper has cerebral palsy and as a result, she has developed a strength and feistiness that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in YA fantasy. It’s a must read for anyone who loves cursed hearts, easy-to-root-for characters and page-turning tension.

EVERY HEART A DOORWAY BY SEANAN MAGUIRE

The first in the Wayward Children series of novellas, Every Heart A Doorway is the perfect twisted fairytale. The premise explores what happens to the children who have been to magical lands on their return to the real world. Ever-changed by their experiences, they are often take to Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children, where everyone is seeking a door to the fantasy world they’ve left. When Nancy arrives, darkness and tragedy are just around the corner. There are asexual and transgender characters, multiple ethnicities represented as well as plenty of dark whimsical adventure. It’s certainly a strange little series but once you start it, you’ll be hooked.

THE WRATH AND THE DAWN BY RENEE AHDIEH

A retelling of an Arabian Nights story, The Wrath and the Dawn tells the story of the young king Khalid who murders a new wife every night. When her best friend becomes one of the slain, Shahrzad volunteers to be his next bride with every intention of not being the one who ends up dead. Through the power of storytelling, she survives night after night and inexplicably finds herself falling in love with Khalid, who appears to be nothing more than a tortured soul -much like the rest of his palace which seems to have more than a few secrets. It’s a novel full of tradition, elegance and fantastic world-building. You’ll definitely get swept up in this one!

7. RAGS TO RICHES: Read the group book.

THE PRINCESS AND THE FANGIRL BY ASHLEY POSTON

Our group book this round is The Princess and the Fangirl and I can’t wait to dive into it! It’s set in the same fandom as Geekerella but is not a direct sequel, so you can technically read it if you haven’t read the previous book. It follows fangirl Imogen who is on a mission to save her favourite Starfield characters Princess Amara from being killed off. However Jessica, the actress who plays her, is desperate to shake off the pressure and intensity from the fandom and would actually quite like to bow out of the series. I don’t want to know too much more about it but I know it involves an F/F romance and I’m guessing there’s a case of switching places or mistaken identities at some point, given that it has been touted as a retelling of The Prince and the Pauper. I am INCREDIBLY excited for this one and I hope you’ll be picking it up too!

Hopefully I’ve given you some ideas for your own TBR. I’ll be posting my own next week, so look out for that. This round looks like a good one!

[douxreviews]

Quantum Leap - Season Five Review

It had been awhile since I watched season five, and some of it was better than I remembered. Unfortunately, some of it was worse.

Celebrity leaps

The Kennedy assassination? What were they thinking? ("Lee Harvey Oswald," 5.1 and 5.2.)

Quantum Leap always played with celebrity encounters as cute little supplemental by-the-ways and isn't-this-fun, like Buddy Holly and Michael Jackson, and honestly, I totally understand their desire to try something new, to do a high concept two-part episode. But "Lee Harvey Oswald" was terrible, uncharacteristically grim and unforgivably dull. Quantum Leap is a science fiction adventure show with a great deal of humor and charm. It is not a documentary.

Not to mention that Quantum Leap's raison d'etre is to fix "what once went wrong." How on earth could they possibly fix the Kennedy assassination without changing a massive event in American history? Having Sam save Jackie Kennedy, who died in the original history, was an interesting twist, but it was also a cop-out. Especially when you consider what Jackie did with her life after Jack Kennedy's untimely death. (No judgment there, honestly. I'm just saying.)

It also felt wrong to see Sam so affected and influenced by the person he leaped into that he couldn't change anything, and it's telling that this was the only way they could make the script work. We all know that if Sam had been himself, he would have found some way to stop the assassination. I understand from the internet that Donald Bellisario believed that Oswald acted alone and that it was the point he was trying to get across. And I will respond by saying that a show like Quantum Leap was not the place to do it.

"Goodbye, Norma Jean" (5.18) didn't work either, despite a good performance by Susan Griffiths as Marilyn and some enjoyable faux cameos by actors playing Clark Gable, John Huston and Peter Lawford. The big question for me again was, why? What did Sam put right that once went wrong? Supposedly, Marilyn needed to live a little bit longer and do one last film, and if The Misfits had been one of the greats, I would get it, but honestly, it's not a great film. If they had to do Marilyn, wouldn't it have been great if Sam had kept her from committing suicide earlier in her life?

The other two celebrity leaps this season were outright fun, though, and those did work.

I loved Scott Bakula doing an actual impression of "Dr. Ruth" (5.14) in an episode that featured the real Dr. Ruth Westheimer. While the double entendres were uncomfortably thick on the ground, it was pretty much the perfect celebrity leap to illustrate the differences between the reserved and prudish Sam, who had a terrible time doing a radio show about sex, and Al, who didn't hesitate to avail himself of free sex therapy in the Waiting Room with Dr. Ruth herself. We also got a timely reminder that Al has been married five times, and that he still loves his first wife, Beth.

I also enjoyed "Memphis Melody" (5.21) where Sam leaped into a young Elvis Presley. It was so much better than Lee Harvey Oswald and Marilyn Monroe because it wasn't depressing, and Scott Bakula got to sing as Elvis. Very nice. Especially his version of "Amazing Grace." (Which is not what they're singing in the photo below.)

Movie tributes

One of Quantum Leap's constant go-tos was movie tributes and/or ripoffs. In "Leaping of the Shrew" (5.3), Quantum Leap did The Blue Lagoon, and they even got Brooke Shields to guest star. You'd think that wouldn't work, but it was actually pretty darned cute. They also did Coming Home in "Nowhere to Run" (5.4), and it even guest starred an adorable pre-Friends Jennifer Aniston. But honestly, the way they got around Sam walking around while he was supposed to missing his legs was pretty darned weird.

Points for trying

I liked the idea behind "Trilogy" (5.8, 5.9 and 5.10), an interesting twist in the formula where Sam leaped into three different people while trying to save the same person, Abagail Fuller. It was almost like they finally addressed the "what happened to the person Sam saved later on" question. But the story acquired a mildly incestuous feel when Sam went from being Abagail's father figure in part one to her fiance in part two. And the idea of Sam fathering a child while not in his own body was interesting, but also weird. Although I did like the idea of Sam's brilliant daughter Sammy Jo helping out at the Quantum Leap project. Were they thinking about casting her as a permanent character? That could have been fun.

I also liked "Killin' Time" (5.5), where Sam leaped into a serial killer and had to explain the truth about the Quantum Leap project to his hostages. The best part about it was that there was actually action at the project in alternate universe 1999 as the killer escaped and Al took off after him, while Gooshie had to replace Al in the imaging chamber. I'll admit that the face paint, neon decoration and strange computer stuff didn't work, mostly because we all know now that 1999 didn't look like that. Maybe I should have taken that to mean that all of Quantum Leap happened in an alternate universe?

I wasn't as crazy about "The Leap Between the States" (5.20), the first and only time that Sam leaped out of his own lifetime, inhabiting his great-grandfather and romancing his great-grandmother back in 1862. It might have been a little better if they'd managed to resist white savior syndrome.

"Promised Land" (5.11) was a nice idea in theory, popping Sam back to his own home town with people he grew up with. Maybe a little hokey, but at least he got to see his late father one last time. But couldn't we have spent time with Sam's family again instead of getting stuck in a bank for the entire episode?

No points for trying

And then we had the evil leaper. (5.7 "Deliver Us From Evil," 5.16 "Return of the Evil Leaper," 5.17 "Revenge of the Evil Leaper")

Okay. I can see where the writers would have hit on the idea of an evil counterpart to Sam, but I thought it made absolutely no sense and was in fact never explained. Was Satan carrying on a Quantum Leap project of his own to put wrong what once went right? Although it was nice to see the characters from season two's "Jimmy" again and the carrying on in the women's prison was sort of fun, it just didn't work for me. Plus Alia's existence made Sam non-unique, which is something you don't want to do with your lead. The evil leaper concept didn't deserve to take up three full episodes of their final season.

The series finale

I hadn't seen "Mirror Image" (5.22), the final episode of Quantum Leap, since it aired, and was really looking forward to it because I remembered how choked up I was by that last scene with Beth and that final card about what ultimately happened to Sam. Unfortunately, I am sad to report that I found the rest of "Mirror Image" to be sub-par.

Sam arrived in a barroom at the moment he was born, and for the first time, when he looked into a mirror, he saw himself. That was actually a powerful scene, and it was touching that his hair had started to become gray. There were many scenes in the barroom in the coal mining town of Cokesburg that included actors from previous episodes playing other characters. I'm sure they were going for some sort of huge metaphorical what's-is with the mine collapse, but I just didn't get it.

I also thought it was sad that, even though the resolution of the series was all about Al Calavicci, we saw too little of him in the finale. Instead, we got Bruce McGill as the enigmatic Al the bartender, who kept giving Sam clues about what's going on. Was this new Al supposed to represent the God who had sent Sam on this strange journey? I suppose so.

We also learned that it was always Sam's unconscious choice to keep leaping, that his leaps would become more difficult, and at this point, Sam could choose to go home. The fact that Sam chose instead to leap back to the end of "M.I.A." and change Al's life forever was by far the best part of this mishmosh of an episode. Sam's ultimate choice was a selfless expression of love for his closest friend. It was also a radical, series-changing choice, breaking all of the rules we've come to accept as governing Sam's leaps. It was emotionally satisfying, though. So like Sam to give such a huge gift to someone else instead of taking advantage of his one last opportunity to go home. Tragic.

That last title card, "Dr. Sam Becket never returned home," really got to me way back when it first aired in May of 1993. This time, when I saw it, the one big thing that struck me was that in their rush to close down their series, they spelled their lead character's name wrong. (It's "Beckett," with two T's.) Maybe they made that mistake because "Mirror Image" wasn't supposed to be the series finale and they were forced to tack on an ending.

While that last scene with Beth, and its implications, were a worthy end to the series, and I loved the idea of Al happily married to the love of his life, the thought of a sad and exhausted Sam choosing to continue leaping forever was emotionally wrenching. In a way, it also negated everything that happened in the entire series. The Al Calavicci that helped Sam on every step of his journey is no longer the same Al Calavicci. I guess I need to remind myself that I must never try to apply logic to time travel stories.

Bits and pieces:

-- The credits for season five featured a new arrangement of the original theme song. It was terrible. Awful. Blech.

-- Notable actors: Neil Patrick Harris, age twenty, in "Return of the Evil Leaper," Stephen Root in "Goodbye Norma Jean," Hinton Battle from the Buffy musical in "Revenge of the Evil Leaper," and Meg Foster of the amazing eyes in "Trilogy."

-- Bruce McGill, who played Al in the series finale "Mirror Image," was also in "Genesis," the pilot episode. That was a nice touch, since I assume it was deliberate.

-- I hadn't known this until I looked it up, but Susan Griffiths ("Goodbye, Norma Jean") has made a career out of playing Marilyn Monroe. And Michael St. Gerard, "Memphis Melody," played Elvis several other times as well.

-- Just a general observation: when I was finished my rewatch, I figured out what years Sam leaped into the most, and which months of the year. There were very few winter leaps, which makes sense since they filmed in Los Angeles. It also makes sense that the writers would mostly choose the 1950s and 1960s because they could do more interesting period stuff. The year Sam leaped into the most was 1957 (seven times).

And in the end:

Despite this mostly negative closing review, I enjoyed rewatching Quantum Leap more than I thought I would. It was a creative series that aired at a time when there was very little quality science fiction on television, and the two lead characters and the actors who played them were exceptional. There's also no question that Quantum Leap is showing its age a bit sooner than it probably should.

There are a lot of series revivals going on right now. What would a reboot of Quantum Leap be like? I bet that in today's "it's all about the arc" environment, they could go in some truly interesting directions.

What do you guys think?

Billie Doux loves good television and spends way too much time writing about it.

[kawitchii]

Little Witch 101: Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Today we take a step back from anime’s little witches to look at a little witch close to my heart: Sabrina Spellman.  Long before she started her chilling adventures with black magic, demons, and Satan, Sabrina was just your average all-American girl.  She went to high school, had a teenage romance, and lived with an eccentric family.  Plus, she managed to balance all of this while being a witch.  Though she may not have been America’s first magical girl, Sabrina certainly was America’s first little witch and, as the years have shown, she’s always been beloved by many.

From comic book sweetheart, to animated middle-schooler, to black magic princess—the world just can’t get enough of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

An All-American Little Witch through the Ages

Sabrina made her debut as a comic character in Archie’s Madhouse in 1962 and kept appearing as a regular until 1985 even though she managed to get her own comic volume in 1971. This Sabrina was part of the Archie’s line up of characters and had frequent interactions with his friends since she only lived in the next town over.  Sabrina still was a secret witch in this scenario, only ever revealing to the group that she was a witch years later in a remake of the original Archie comics.  It’s also interesting to note that a major point of Sabrina’s story was that if a witch fell in love with a mortal, they’d lose their powers.  In fact, witches weren’t supposed to fall in love at all. This, of course made Harvey’s presence a special problem in the original series.

In the 70s, Sabrina’s first animated series featured some new characters called the Groovie Goolies who are inspired by classic Universal monsters.  This version of Sabrina has a distinct 70s meets magical girl vibe to it that jumps right out at you from the start of the show’s opening:

"Once upon a time, there were three witches, who lived in the little town of Riverdale. Two aunts, Hilda and Zelda, are choosing the ingredients to create an evil wicked witch. But suddenly, Zelda bumped right into Hilda and accidentally added beautiful girls' stuff as an extra ingredient. Thus, the grooviest teenage witch was born. She has white hair with a pink headband, and blue eyes. She wears a blue dress with a black belt and black shoes. She loves to goof off and battle evil forces using her ultra-magical powers. It so happens that she is the first bewitching American superhero — Sabrina, the teenage witch!"

This was the first time Sabrina’s adventures resembled action packed magical girl adventures. She’s not just a hip high-school student with a band made of groovy monsters, but a kick-butt, super girl! In fact, she really likes fighting evil (reminiscent of the titular character of Star vs the Forces of Evil) just as much as she likes doing regular mortal girl things.  Unfortunately this adorable series only ran for four seasons.

It wasn’t until 1996 that Sabrina would be on TV again, this time in live action form.  Arguably the most popular version of Sabrina, Sabrina the Teenage Witch set a couple of firsts that would influence Sabrina stories for the rest of history. This series was the first to go into depth about Sabrina’s family life as a mortal and witch.  This also is the first series that introduces the lovable and sassy Salem as a talking character, which is now something that’s expected of new Sabrina series. Finally, Sabrina the Teenage Witch was the first version of Sabrina where she wasn’t born with knowledge of her powers, but instead found out about them on her 16th birthday, giving her even less experience and training than all her other counterparts.

Sabrina in Sabrina: The Animated Series follows suit because she is 12 rather than a high school girl. In this series, she often gets help from a genie-like creature called the Spooky Jar in order to do more complex magic.  This magic often backfires on her and causes problems, but always results in important life lessons.

Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch takes a turn for a more Eastern interpretation of little witch but for good reason.  It was heavily influenced by a Sabrina manga made in the 90s.  In this series, Sabrina is a princess who is destined to become ruler of the witch world.  Salem is not a sassy friend, but an enemy spy sent to set Sabrina on a path of destruction. Sabrina even needs to go to two schools: her mortal high school and a magical one.  With this comes double the rivals, and double the love interests with not just Harvey but a dreamy warlock named Shinji.  In this series, Sabrina also battles the forces of evil that are sent to her by Enchantra, an evil sorceress looking to destroy Sabrina and take her powers.  This was the most off-beat of the Sabrina series until recently.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina features a world very similar to the original Sabrina Comics, but with a spooky twist.  Instead of being witches with powers that come naturally, witch powers come from a deal with Satan.  Unlike previous incarnations of Sabrina, she’s proficient in her powers here, but it is expected that she sign her name in blood in the Book of the Beast during a black mass on her 16th birthday.  It’s a pretty heavy change to the normally upbeat and comical Sabrina story, but that isn’t the only change to the Sabrina story…  Poor Salem doesn’t even get to talk!  Though this series has its major differences, it’s a must watch for lovers of horror starring witches.

The Real Sabrina Spellman

Sabrina may have gone through a lot physical changes over the years, but she’s always been the same character at her heart.  Sabrina is a spunky, caring, kind of clumsy girl who just wants to do the right thing and help others.  Of course, this means using her magic, even though she’s never quite a master at it. It especially gets sticky when she uses magic to help mortals.  Sabrina’s interloping with mortal affairs constantly seems to get her into trouble.  These magical hi-jinks are especially worrying to Sabrina’s family, which is comprised of her aunts Hilda and Zelda as well as their cat, Salem Saberhagen.  Unfortunately, Sabrina is separated from her birth parents, warlock Edward and mortal Diana, because of the Witches Council.  Humans and mortals are not to live in peace with one another, let alone marry and have children, so Sabrina is always a special case.

Still, Sabrina lives in the mortal world and is plagued with mortal problems.  She’s half-mortal after all, so these issues are always important to Sabrina whether it’s something as trivial as fitting into slim clothes or as earth-shattering as telling her mortal friends she’s a witch.  This is a reoccurring issue in all of the Sabrina series since her love interest is always Harvey Kinkle, a nice, average human boy. Sometimes Harvey finds out about the magic, sometimes he doesn’t, but his presence is a persistent problem for Sabrina no matter the iteration of her story.  It’s the same question that is reflected in her upbringing.  Which world should she choose: the mortal world or the witch world?  Since she is part of both, Sabrina can’t understand why she can’t have both.  Her parents didn’t choose.  Why should she?

Not only is it difficult for Sabrina to separate herself from the mortals because of love, rivalries always play some sort of role in Sabrina’s life.  Though Sabrina’s original rival was another witch, named Rosalind, all of her other rivals are mortal girls who mirror the real teen issues of high-school hierarchies involving cheerleaders and popular girls. They may seem like trivial problems, but these rivals are often the cause of Sabrina’s interference in mortal affairs.  Girls like Gem, Libby, and Amy have tried to steal away Harvey, bully Sabrina’s friends, and make fun of her family.  Sabrina can’t help but try to teach them their own lessons by using magic to make the girls suddenly nicer or, in a case from the live action show, accidently turn the a girl into a pineapple.  These instances in turn teach Sabrina her own valuable lesson: not all problems can be solved with magic.

Like most little witches, Sabrina’s story of being extraordinary in a world of average people is relatable, but unlike most little witches, Sabrina is tied to both the world she comes from and the world she lives in.  She’s able to solve problems other witches can’t because of her mortal upbringing.  Her witch life has left her with an idea that most problems can be solved easily, which causes other problems in her mortal life.  It’s this constant balance of these two halves that make Sabrina’s story entertaining no matter what adventure she goes on.

There’s plenty of ways to enjoy all kinds of Sabrina stories both legally and illegally so if you want to support the series you definitely can!  Archie Comics has the 90’s comics to the current Chilling Adventures Series available for sale, but no classics.  In that case, you’d have to search them up on illegitimate sites. Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996) is available on Hulu, Amazone Prime, and Google Play.  Sabrina the Animated Series is available through Starz, Amazon Prime, Google Play, and iTunes.  The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina is available on Netflix.  Sabrina: Secrets of a Teenage Witch is the only series not available for streaming legally.

[cupidsbower]

Let me tell you people that I found a new way

Supernatural 13x06, “Tombstone,” 13x07, “War of the Worlds,” and 13x08, “The Scorpion and the Frog.”

Something very interesting is happening this season, relating to Dean’s position in the narrative. Over the course of 13 seasons, it’s been proven over and over that Dean’s hunches tend to be right. He thinks someone’s a rotter, and they are a rotter. He thinks something’s hinky and it is hinky. He does sometimes make mistakes, but generally speaking, when Dean makes a moral pronouncement, he is right about the morality, even if events don’t play out the way he anticipates.

At the start of season 13, Dean made the moral pronouncement that he thought Jack was evil. He may still prove right about this of course, as the season is still young (for me, I know you are all far ahead), but so far it’s looking like he was wrong, and that Jack is more like a blank slate trying to figure out who he can be rather than intrinsically good or evil.

Does this matter? Does Dean’s hunch about Jack count in the same way it counted when Dean knew Ruby was rotten, but tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because Sam asked? When it comes to Jack, is this just Dean being a jackass due to grief and it’s not really what he thinks?

The tension arising from Dean’s distrust of Jack has so far been used to complicate Jack’s arc, but a larger thematic question arises. What does it mean for the story if Dean’s moral compass is wonky? And what does it mean if it’s not?

Okay, cards on the table. I think Dean is wrong about Jack. I’m sure Jack will do a bunch of stupid shit, because that’s how growing up works, but so far he doesn’t seem to be intrinsically evil. So why was Dean so insistent about it? Was it because Cas’s death had him so turned around his instincts were awry? But if that’s the case, you’d expect his instincts to be back to normal with Cas back... but the text is hinting that they’re not.

I enjoyed Tombstone. Cas is back, Dean plays cowboy, and Jack gets a hug, screws up, and runs away from home. All the drama!

Tombstone is a title with a lot of meanings. The primary meaning is the headstone on a grave, but in a text where cremation is the Hunter’s way, whose tombstone is it referring to? Is it literally just talking about the location of the ghoul’s lair? Or is it talking about Jack’s use of his powers that goes horribly wrong? Then there’s the movie reference. The film is the fictionalised (and often romanticised) story of the West... when “cowboys were the law”! And as we know, Dean is all about cowboys, especially the ones in the rogues gallery up on their hotel room wall. Later he prompts Cas to act like he’s in the movie, and Cas quotes Val Kilmer to assure Dean he’s his Huckleberry, which just about makes Dean tear up. All a boy wants is a partner who fondly goes along with his cosplaying fantasies... looking good in a cowboy hat a definite bonus. And Dean gets it good here -- he wears the boots, fixes Cas’s hat, and does a slo-mo power walk to the song Space Cowboy:

Steve Miller Band - Space Cowboy

I told you 'bout living in the U.S. of A Don't you know that I'm a gangster of love Let me tell you people that I found a new way And I'm tired of all this talk about love And the same old story with a new set of words About the good and the bad and the poor And the times keep on changin' So I'm keepin' on top Of every fat cat who walks through my door

I'm a space cowboy Bet you weren't ready for that I'm a space cowboy I'm sure you know where it's at Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (x)

I mean this is hilariously silly, and Dean is having so much fun, but he’s also completely embarrassing with his whole cowboy nerdgasm and forcing Cas to play along, amirite? This is Jensen Ackles showing off his physical comedy chops like the pro he is. But here’s the thing. The song scratches out the minute they find the law, because the old romantic version of the West does not hold true. In this version of Dodge, the law is not a cowboy, it’s a Native American. What’s more, Dean is not really the Space Cowboy either. Surely, surely, Cas is the space cowboy (but is Cas the gangster of love??? And if so, who’s heart did he steal???).

The frisson of not-quite-right continues throughout the rest of the episode. While the ghoul realises there are Hunters after him and tries to “get out of Dodge” -- the line the lawman Marshall Dillon of the TV show Gunsmoke used to say to interlopers of Dodge City -- it’s Jack who is proved to be the interloper in the end, and it’s the Winchester posse who leaves town. Except for Dean, of course, who ends up Hunting someone wearing the face of one of his cowboy faves.

I could go on, but you get the point.

Thematically, this episode is all about undermining Dean’s moral authority. It does it in several ways, many of them funny, but the intent is quite clear. He even straight up says that he was wrong at the end:

JACK: Good? How is that good? I killed someone. What was his name? The guard? Did he have a family? CASTIEL: Jack, don't do this to yourself. JACK: No, did he? DEAN: Yes, he did. SAM: Jack, look, this life, what we do, it's… it's not easy. And we've all done things we regret. JACK: Just don't. You're afraid of me. CASTIEL: Jack, no. JACK: No, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just another monster. DEAN: No, you're not. I thought you were. I did. But… Like Sam said, we've all done bad. We all have blood on our hands. So if you're a monster, we're all monsters. JACK: No, you don't… Every time I try and do something good, people get hurt. I thought I was getting better. I'm not… I don't know what I am, but I know I can't make the world a better place, not like this. I can't even do one good thing. And I know that if I stay, I'm gonna hurt you. All of you. And… I can't. You're all I have. SAM: Jack, listen… JACK: I have to go. CASTIEL: No, Jack. JACK: I'm sorry. (x)

Winchester through and through, that boy. Unintended lesson well and truly learned! Oh, the irony.

(My pet theory is that Jack isn’t actually gone, he’s just invisible and lurking around the Bunker. Don’t tell me if I’m wrong, please. I’m going to enjoy thinking about it until canon bursts my bubble.)

Before watching this ep, when I was talking over 13x05 with my viewing buddy, I said, “I wish monsters recognised Hunters more, and especially the Winchesters. It seems dumb after so many years that so few of them do.” And lo, in all three of these eps, people do recognise Hunters and/or the Winchesters. I’m very pleased by this, although as always it isn’t playing out quite the way I hoped. In the case of our ghoul, even though he quickly recognises that Hunters are after him, and makes plans to escape, he fails because he doesn’t take the threat seriously enough. More importantly, it’s not a Hunter(/cowboy) who kills him, it’s the Law(/Native American).

There were a lot of other things to like about this episode, but the other thing I find most notable in terms of meta is something on the meta-textual level. This episode starts upbeat, after five episodes of unrelieved grieving, with Cas back, and Jack finally seeming to be finding his place. That doesn’t even last one episode before the emotional apple-cart is knocked over again. If I were writing this season, this emotional beat in this place in the story arc would mean I’d be aiming for either a happy or ironic climax, rather than a tragic one. I’m leaning towards ironic, and I think Dean’s moral wonkiness will have a part to play in the ironic twist.

Anyway, that was Tombstone. The next two eps put away the myth-arc for a bit, and move on to monster-of-the-week stories full of mirrors for our protagonists. This season they are very much focused on fathers and sons.

War of the Worlds is an interesting title to choose for this episode. It’s obviously referring to H.G. Wells’ book, one of the first stories about aliens invading the Earth and trying to take it from Humanity -- a colonisation narrative in other words. It’s pretty easy to see that Michael in this case is the alien/coloniser.

By the way, I’m now calling alternaEarth “Mordor” because of that fiery eye in the opening credits, and also it’s much easier to type. Interesting, isn’t it, how the Mordor angels managed to screw up the Apocalypse, the implication being that it’s because God, Lucifer, the Winchesters and Castiel were all absent, and so The End wasn’t just a figment of Zachariah’s imagination, but what really happened. And with Lucifer dead in that world, not around to be the antagonist and keep things in check, Michael has basically gone crazy.

Chuck really did a spectacularly bad job as Father to the angels. They only need a bit of spite to energise them and they flower into the most noxious of weeds, smothering everything else around them during their self-absorbed tantrums. What does Michael even want with ParadiseEarth? Does he know, or does he just want it the way a baby wants a toy, and so he thinks it’s his to take? He’s not wearing a Winchester either (not one we know, anyway), so that also brings us right back around to the question of Dean being the Michael Sword. Methinks it’s a really bad time for Dean’s moral compass to be going wonky.

I found Lucifer interesting for the first time in ages in this ep. If I remember correctly, he was always ambivalent about the idea of the Apocalypse, because he liked Earth and having all those Humans to corrupt. But now he also has a son in the world; in other words, a stake in the continued existence of the world. I’m finding that super interesting. How will it change the choices he makes? I’m not expecting a redemption arc or anything like that, but I do think we’re going to see a different set of choices now Lucifer has someone he’s invested in as family. Can even Lucifer learn some humility once he’s the Father rather than the rebelling son?

To go back to the title of the ep, though, my favourite version of War of the Worlds is actually the musical. I see quite a few thematic similarities between some of the tracks and this season of Supernatural. Forever Autumn for instance, reminds me very strongly of Dean at the start of the season. The Spirit of Man I can easily see as a riff on what could happen if Michael actually gets out of Mordor. It does beg the question though, of what the equivalent of the deadly microbes would be. I have this horrible feeling it might be something like “love”, which has a pretty good track record of corrupting angels, but I can’t see many good ways of getting a shot of it inside of Michael. Maybe Rowena sticks some kind of magical bio-weapon in a vessel (Dean) and then they (Dean) says yes to Michael... because TFW does like to re-use strategies, and they never did get to play that one out with Amara in the end.

Why else bring back Ketch and potentially Rowena, reminding us of the whole secret-power-inside-a-body possibility at the same time? I mean, I know resurrection is a theme this season, and I’m always happy to see Rowena back, but UGH. I’d rather NOT end the season with Michael wearing Dean, and Dean wearing a crown of blackberry thorns, if you get my drift.

In other news, Dean’s moral compass seems to be working again this ep, as he spotted that Ketch was sketchy right from the start, and he picked up on Cas being weird on the phone too.  Could it be a fake-out that pays off later? If his moral compass is still on the fritz after all, it means Ketch was probably saying some truth in this bit of dialogue:

KETCH: I believe you're familiar with the witch Rowena MacLeod? She was captured by the British Men of Letters some years back. I discovered she'd sewn a powerful charm into her body that could bring her back should she be killed. I struck a deal wherein she did the same for me in return for allowing her to escape. SAM: So after we dumped your body, you- KETCH: Good as new. Only problem is, one the device is used, it needs to be recharged. DEAN: Which is why you're hunting for Rowena. Well, sorry. Lucifer burned her up. She's dead. KETCH: Is she? DEAN: Why'd you come here? You could've run. KETCH: Did it ever occur to you, Dean, that I might actually be one of the good guys? DEAN: No. Not even once. KETCH: You and I were soldiers in opposing armies who were at war. DEAN: Well, the thing about war is, one side wins. KETCH: I suppose you're right. (x)

So which bit is the potential truthiness? Is Ketch a good guy? *quietly gags, please nooooooo* Or is Rowena alive *yis pls*. Or... can you have a war in which one side doesn’t win?!?! Morder, I’m looking at you.

My foreshadowing senses are tingling. Let me just float this idea now and get it out there where I can poke it with a stick... maybe all three of these things will be true. For a certain value of true. And that would definitely mean Dean’s radar is still wonky.

This ep we have another character who recognises the Winchesters/Hunters. The witch who got away from Ketch fears them, but rightly considers them the lesser of two evils as long as she’s the victim. I’m liking this theme a lot, and I wonder where they’re going with it? I kind of hope that maybe we’ll get some more references to Carver Edlund’s books if this plot thread unspools for more than a few episodes. I’ve never felt that the villains really used that resource enough, you know? I kind of want Michael to get his hands on them, or maybe Kevin.

Which brings me to the final thing about this episode’s title -- the Orson Welles radio play of Wr of the Worlds. It’s famous for causing a panic when it aired, as people thought it was real. Or did they??? Wikipedia tells me:

The first two-thirds of the 60-minute broadcast were presented as a news bulletin and is often described as having led to outrage and panic by some listeners who had believed the events described in the program were real. However, later critics point out that the supposed panic seems to have been exaggerated by newspapers of the time seeking to discredit radio as a source of information. (x)

Ahhhhh. I did not know that. I’m starting to understand why my story brain is so hung up on the reputation of the Winchesters this season, and why it’s important that other characters have heard of them or of Hunters more generally. Propaganda and misinformation are an important part of any war, and they can play out in unexpected ways. We got a bit of this last season with how woefully wrong the BMoL’s intel was on the Winchesters, and I wanted that to pay off more than it did in the end. But I’m more than happy for it to pay off this season instead, with Michael and his posse. Supernatural’s story-within-the-story could use a good shake-up at this point, and giving us some new insight into the stories people tell about the Winchesters would be a clever way to revisit the Metatron arc without resurrecting him too.

For an ep that focused so much on characters I’m not that fond of (Lucifer, Ketch), I enjoyed it quite a lot for the way it’s opened up the narrative in new directions. It’s actual plot wasn’t that strong, but I was happy to be carried along by the revelations.

The final thing I want to say about this ep is that Dean and I are brain-twins on the Evil Colonel Sanders front -- it’s a perfect name for him.

I like heists if they do something fun, so I found the plot of The Scorpion and the Frog episode enjoyable enough. The way Sam and Dean disarmed the booby-trap made me laugh out loud!  Zoooooooom, zwot, thwop-thwop-thwop. Classic.

As this isn’t a myth-arc ep, the most interesting meta stuff arises from the title and theme. I’m sure you’ve all heard of the parable of The Scorpion and the Frog, so I won’t repeat it here, except for the axiom it ends with: “When the frog asks the scorpion why [it stung him], the scorpion replies that it was in its nature to do so” (x).

This title pretty directly evokes the show’s current major theme -- nature vs nurture -- and this season’s variation on it -- who’s your daddy?

As you’d expect at this point in the season, the ep raises a lot of questions about the theme: Do people really have an essential nature, or can they change their spots? Who in the episode is the scorpion and who is the frog? Is the scorpion the demon who can’t help but lie and use people? Is it the father who can’t help but try and save his son, and then turns bitter when he fails? Is it the Hunters who can’t help but hunt, even when they don’t intend to? Is it the victim who takes her shot at ending her suffering when offered the means? I could ask a similar set of questions about who is the frog.

Not to mention:

What qualities make for a good father?

Can somone overcome their (or their father’s) nature?

How do stories about the Winchesters affect they way people interact with them?

Hunters gotta hunt?

Can a frog be a scorpion in disguse? And if so, is that how they’ll sting Michael?

Is Dean’s moral compass wonky or not?

The more I think about all these questions, the less sure I get. Must be getting close to the middle of the season. :)

Barthamus the Crossroads Demon is another character who has heard of the Winchesters, and thinks he knows everything he needs to about them in order to get to the other side of the river on their backs.

Much as Evil Colonel Sanders is Lucifer!lite, Bart is Crowley!lite. He saw how Crowley worked with the Winchesters, and decided to take a leaf out of his book, but doesn’t understand the larger consequences of that choice. So far Crowley is the only antagonist who has ever realised that the Winchesters are always more dangerous than their enemies think -- they have taken down Gods and monsters, and even Death cannot stop them for long. It was almost inevitable that they would hunt Bart, no matter what was at stake (does that make them the scorpion?). Add in Smash, an actual victim, who Dean uses his supernatural bonding skills on, and that outcome went to a 100% certainty. This dilemma is prefigured early in the episode:

DEAN: You know, this could be a trap. I mean he could work for Asmodeus. SAM: Yeah, but what if he's telling the truth? DEAN: You know, after Crowley, I told myself, no more demons. SAM: Dean, we don't even know what this guy's deal is. DEAN: Yeah, we do. He's a freakin' demon. SAM: Yeah, but you said it yourself, we need a miracle. And maybe this is it. DEAN: You know what "miracles" are called from demons? I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's not "miracles". SAM: How about this? Let's hear the guy out. DEAN: All right, and after that, we kill him.

They enter the Smile Diner.

Did anyone else hear the name of this diner and think of Hamlet and the whole, “one may smile, and smile, and be a villain” speech? It really made me think of Crowley too -- if you go read the speech, you’ll see what I mean: http://nfs.sparknotes.com/hamlet/page_66.html.

BARTHAMUS: The famous Winchesters. DEAN: Some random demon. BARTHAMUS: Barthamus. Bart's fine. Please, sit. I ordered cherry pie. DEAN: Well, Bart, don't know what you've heard about us, but… BARTHAMUS: Everything. I've been following your careers a long time. You're a real pain in the pitchfork. And the halo. Natural disrupters. We have that in common, you and I. DEAN: Mm. Yeah, we're twinsies. (x)

Dean was a much better demon than this, and Dean was basically a shitty demon. Dean’s moral compass seems to be working perfectly here, though: some random demon, indeed.

Except... there’s the way the episode ends.

DEAN: You okay? SAM: Yeah, not really. Not exactly the best day, you know? DEAN: Well, it's not the worst. We did save somebody. That felt good. SAM: Yeah. Yeah, it did. But… [Sighs] back to square one with Jack. DEAN: We'll figure something else out. And if that doesn't work, then we'll move on to next, and then whatever's after that. We just keep working, 'cause it's what we do. SAM: It feels really good to hear you talk like that again. DEAN: I'll drink to that.

Sam and Dean clink their beer bottles and take a drink. (x)

So is Dean right here, too?

“It’s what we do,” Dean says about Hunting, as though he and Sam are only and entirely defined by Hunting, and that they do have an essential nature that can’t be changed, despite Dean’s recent bout of feelings.

If that’s really true, it’s an enormous problem, both for themselves and for Jack. Toxic masculinity is part of what they always do. Abusive fathers, the MoL’s sexism, the Angel breeding program, Mary/Dean making a deal, John/Sam sacrificing themselves...

If a person’s nature can’t ever be changed, all of these patterns are what the Winchesters are made up of and will always remain. That isn’t a very hopeful picture, so I kind of hope Dean’s wrong about he and Sam being nothing but their work.

Can people change?  Can they make different choices? Will the Winchesters make the same mistakes all over again at the end of the season -- will they sting the frog and doom themselves? Or will they try out new and better mistakes, and make it safely to the other side of the river along with the frog?

I guess we’ll find out soon enough. I’m hoping for something new, but I gotta say, I’m starting to think that Castiel and Jack are the frogs.

Previously:

I never opened myself this way (13x01 and 13x02)

You say you've only got one life to live (13x03, 13x04, 13x05)          

[tillthenexttimedoctor]

Of Engine Oil, Tears and Happiness

”No, it’s an actual tear, but it shouldn’t be...”

Gentle, sometimes violent, but always trying to get to the heart of things, there is an emotional pull to the episodes of series 10. It’s found in Bill’s openness, as her emotions and thoughts spill across her face, her words, her imagination. Rarely has there even been a companion so vibrantly, uncompromisingly and genuinely herself, in every way, no matter what happens.

But it also carries us through story about story, calling for empathy and understanding. It’s getting true the true nature of robots and wishes. It’s believing the best of those held in chains and recognising true monsters. It’s realising the truth about a scary house and about a family. It’s about knowing yourself, holding on to who you are even as falsehoods claw at your mind. It’s about finding your fate, even if it’s portals to other worlds or far away from home on Mars. It’s trusting that even evil is capable of goodness, as long as she wants to.

There’ is beauty in reaching out, even when it is scary. Even when the world has been broken and twisted beyond recognition. There is kindness in everyone. There is hope in tears. And that is why Heather’s story could never end with only a mournful goodbye.

Heather’s story begins with open questions and suspicious behaviour. On a show like Doctor Who, strangeness is the sign of a threat or the beginning of an invasion often enough. From her first appearance on, Heather comes across as a dubious figure. In a crowded lecture hall, she stares straight ahead, no sign that she is even registering the content. Encountering Bill at the bar, no words are spoken, just an enigmatic smile. And through it all, a the bright star in her iris, a curious feature on a show on which being human is optional.

And yet, these moments are undeniably framed as romantic. “The day you fall in love”, the Doctor exclaims as the camera rests on Heather’s face. And there, eyes are meeting, two people drawn to each other across a crowded room by a force that seems bigger than themselves. When Bill meets Heather again, our trust in this set up is tested once more, with an odd request that lures Bill to what is clearly a source of danger. A puddle without rain, a reflection that isn’t quite right, and a girl who first beckons Bill to look and then flees the scene.

Heather she sits in an odd spot between different different expectations. It may look like she is leading our heroine into peril, but she makes a poor evil seductress, too rough around the edges. Every revealed detail make her less suitable for a cute romance, drawn out over small encounters. Although even her last name remains unknown, we are given emotional glimpses. Alienation and discontent. She hates her surroundings and rejects who she is. A star is a defect. Something to be fixed.

Still, the very second Heather catches the glimpse of understanding, she begins to reach out, reach back. One moment, she is rude and dismissive, but an “Are you freaking out about something?” is enough to start confiding in Bill, to show her what she is preoccupied with, to admit that she wants to leave wherever she goes. To grant Bill a “maybe” when she asks to come along. These are the tentative beginnings of a romance, with all its unfulfilled promises, built on just one small moment of human connection.

It takes Heather’s transformation into the Pilot for the puzzle pieces of her isolation to truly fall into place. Stripped down to to her wishes and thoughts, she isn’t pushing the outside world away. Where Where Bill complained that her face betrayed her emotions, Heather’s showed detachment and hostility but hid her unhappiness and longing, those other fragments of her depression. Now she is reaching out, through all of time and space, longing for love. Bill is brave enough to reach back, but does not dare to hold on too long.

Mirrors, reflections, echoes, are a defining and essential theme in the Moffat era, from at least the moment on in which Prisoner Zero tries to hide behind an image created from Amy Pond’s mind. Heather is woven from the same thread that send fragments of Clara Oswald through all of space and time, had the Twelfth Doctor wonder about the familiarity of the face he was wearing, or let the ways in which these two characters were the same threaten the universe in the hybrid arc. Plot, monster, characterisation and theme often come together in one cohesive, beautiful whole.

And so the sad young woman finds a single droplet of engine oil left behind by a spaceship and it consumes her until she too is shaped from flowing tears. But among her handful of scenes and a small number of lines, Heather does not only have her physical nature altered. She does not merely shift her shape. Heather changes genre. As a mirror image, as a perfect reflection caught in a pudde, she responds to context, her purpose in the story, her meaning in a scene.

Heather appears as a monster when people believe her to be one. Met with careful trepidation, there barely seems any life in her. “You’re dead,” Bill says and in that moment, Heather might as well be. Emotionless and relentless in her pursuit, the young woman Bill had a crush on seems to have disappeared for good. When feared, this new creature is full of rage. The Doctor, Bill and Nardole run from her and what follows them is a screeching creature of water and fury.

But as that tone shifts, so does our perception of Heather. The Doctor tells a story about looking for connection the image rising from the water softens. When Bill looks upon her rising face with yearning, it is yearning that reflects back. And when she finally realises the truth, it is that overwhelming sadness that we are left with. It’s a goodbye made out of mirrors, until Heather dissolves into tragedy and leaves behind a single tear. And a joyous smile on Bill’s face, later, reminiscing, a quiet promise that this will not be the final chapter in this story.

“World Enough and Time” and “The Doctor Falls” set a stage that could not be bleaker, years of waiting whittling down bones, the violation of cyberconversion stripping away the flesh. And yet, the reponse could not be louder. Bill, impossibly, holds on to who she is even through her horrific ordeal and claims her soul, her face, her freedom to be herself. Missy proves herself to be capable of goodness in extremis, in a way only Missy could. Nardole proves his strength and wit more than once. The Doctor makes his stand, no matter how hopeless, because it’s right and decent.

There is hope in kindness. There is hope found within us. There is hope in tears. There is hope in humanity, in vulnerability, in the ability to feel pain, in the ability to grieve. In the barren wasteland of a battle, Bill cries, wails, and reality itself holds its breath. Magic is needed and so magic is given. Heather could be a source of suspicion, a romantic interest, a monster, a tragedy. And she can be a fairytale when the world screams for one.

Maybe this version of Heather that we meet now is able to speak to Bill because they now share the same nature. Maybe it is because Heather has learned a thing or two on her travels through all of space and time, too. Or maybe the person she is she kisses Bill, when she pilots the TARDIS, is just who she is when someone is actually willing to see her. Someone who accepts her as the sad, alienated woman and the being of immense cosmic power.

As she steps into the starlight to explore all of time and space with Bill, there is a star in Heather’s eye. It used to be a defect that she wanted to get fixed, a fault she found in herself, a taint. Allowed to be anything, to rearrange the atoms of the universe, it remains untouched. The smile on her face, however, is new.

[faithandfairies]

OUAT: The Vortex of Evil

I’ve actually talked about this before, when I talked about Emma becoming the Dark One/ tethering herself to the darkness.

But I thought I’d connect a few different yet similar metaphors OUAT has used to illustrate the same thing or parts of it.

So basically I believe that Emma tethering herself to the darkness is actually a metaphor for her getting married to someone who wasn’t good for her. 

In season 4 we see the darkness attach itself to Regina with every intention of snuffing out her light. So kill her or at least kill anything good inside of her.

And then we see Emma pretty much take her place in that arrangement.

That, I think is in fact how it happened.

(x)

I think Regina got herself into a bad situation or deal she had trouble getting out of and that Emma saved her by taking her place in it. I also think that deal/tether involved Rumple. Since he was whom the Darkness belongs to for most of this show.

The interesting thing is that the Vortex of Evil as Regina described the darkness attaching itself to Emma, also doubled as a portal, since it took Emma to Camelot, where she was haunted by Rumple’s appearance. Remember that for later.

The thing is, that save is not the first time we see Emma save Regina. And the other times hint at something similar as that one.

(x)

This is the first time we see Emma save Regina. Right before this Regina tells Emma that Gold is a snake and to be careful who she gets into bed with. Emma tells her she isn’t getting into bed with anyone, just fighting fire with fire. It turns out that Gold was actually the one who set the fire and Emma saves Regina by dosing it and helping her get out of the building. 

We later see Regina or her Split Queen counterpart turn into an actual snake, but I think that’s just confirmation that Emma got into bed with her at some point as well.  I know “to get into bed with” is actually a saying that can simply mean “working with” but I think in these cases it’s meant to be taken literally.

(x)

Look at that, the Gold choker/ bracelet Rumple put on both Regina and Belle to be able to control their movements. Looks like the one Split Queen wore around her neck in 6x06, I think it was. 

The next time we see Emma save Regina I believe, it’s here.

(x)

The first words out of Regina’s mouth when Emma removes the duct tape are “He tricked you!”

Regina was tied up and duct taped by Rumple while Emma went and killed a dragon. I actually think any time there’s a dragon on this show it’s like the homosexual elephant in the room, symbolic of one or more characters’ sapphic inclinations. 

(x)

Most prominently illustrated by Emma and Regina alone in a room with a dragon in 6x08, A.K.A. just their gay feelings for each other. Trying to run and hide from said gay feelings. Which I’m guessing is hard to do when you can see your desire reflected back at you in the eyes of the other person in the room. Gives a whole new meaning to “I’ll Be Your Mirror” I imagine.  And you know how they got out? By Henry using the Hammer of Hephaestus on the mirror. A hammer that was actually meant to be used to kill the dragon or crush its heart which would kill it. Guess what, Hephaestus was a Greek God of fire with a limp. More on this in a hot minute.

For now back to the season 1 dragon. The other thing that’s interesting is that Emma goes to the dragon to retrieve the dragon egg that was put inside the dragon before she realized what was happening. Rumple then tricks Emma into handing over the egg.

(x)

Here we have Snow gagged and bound, just like Regina. Only in this scenario, Emma gets tricked by Jefferson, the Mad Hatter, into thinking he’s hurt and limping and in need of her help. Hmm, now who do we know that also sometimes limps and sometimes doesn’t on the show?

(x)

Rumpelstiltskin

In fact, I think Rumple is the only other character that has ever limped on this show. Not even twisting her ankle could make Regina limp. 

Back to 6x08, so the way I see it, in the mirror world Emma and Regina got cockblocked by their own gay panic, Rumple and (their concern for!!! (inside joke, right here)) Henry.

As for Jefferson, I think he’s Rumple. (More than any similarity between Jefferson and Rumple-and there are plenty-the disappearing limp connects them.) And so is Whale. Rumple that is. I feel like I’ve also made this connection in a previous post way back when, but I need it again for this post so...

(x)

Basically I think the three men that conspired to hurt Regina in order to create the monster Rumple wanted are, I think, in fact one and the same (Some of the names and faces of Me, Myself and I)

But back to the Jefferson story line. Jefferson ends up kidnapping and drugging Emma by lacing her tea with something. This, I think, is the root to Rumbelle’s story line. Rumple’s favorite chipped teacup is I think pretty much where their story began. Or took off in the way he wanted. It also resurfaces when magic tea is what speeds up Belle’s pregnancy with Gideon.

Anyway, Emma finds Snow and saves her. In this version of events she also saves herself. But the Dark One story line tells us that Emma didn’t manage to save herself.

Then there is Emma saving Regina from dr. Whale by pulling him off Regina and pretty much getting in between Regina and Whale to do it. If you think about it it doesn’t make much sense that Whale came after Regina. Of all the people Regina wronged dr. Whale was not at the top of that list as far as I know. In fact, if anything he wronged her first in a big way. He even ends up trying to do her a favor to get on her good side later because of it. And pretty much everyone ended up questioning his presence and his reasons for wanting to hurt Regina here. But if you consider that Whale is in fact Rumple then it does make sense.

(x)

And my favorite and what this post was originally meant to be about, portals and portal jumping.

Which leads me to this iconic moment.

(x)

But this moment is only a small, yet significant part of a greater story line.

If you remember correctly, what got Emma and Regina to this moment is that Regina got marked for death by Rumple. There he is again. He is heavily involved in Emma and Regina’s story. He or a version of him keeps popping up and a lot of times when Emma and Regina seem to be in mortal danger he is somehow the cause for it.

So basically thanks to Rumple, his wraith wants Regina’s soul. Funny how that is similar to darkness previously belonging to Rumple trying to snuff out Regina’s light.

The portal opening moment is Emma and Regina uniting against a common enemy. It’s an indication that there’s a love connection between them. That Emma cares what happens to Regina and would rather not have Regina have her soul sucked out of her. The love connection is confirmed by the fact that Emma jump starting Regina’s magic is paralleled by Henry using his love for and belief in Emma to jump start Emma’s when she needs it.

(x)

When the wraith goes to attack Regina, Emma pushes Regina out of the way and gets pulled through the portal by it instead. 

(x)

Very much the same way Emma became the Dark One.

It’s also interesting because true love being able to create and power a portal without a bean is an idea Rumple is the first to voice. The portal is powered by love, but it separates the lovers that caused it. i.e. Dark One portal and Mad Hatter portal. Both symbols I associate with Rumple. Basically I think Rumple used Emma’s love for Regina to rope Emma into a deal with him that took Emma away from Regina. 

Regina is devastated and goes dark, well, darker again for a bit, and it takes Emma about 8 episodes to get back to Regina. I have this theory that each episode represents a year that Regina and Emma spent apart from each other. Roughly somewhere between 8 and 10 years I’d say. Which I think is how long Emma’s marriage/partnership to Rumple or whatever his actual name is, lasted.

The Cleo story line tells us that Cleo, a bailbondsperson, took a picture of her daughter, *Sasha Winter, from a distance when she was about 8, I believe. But she never actually met her. That tells me that Emma actually found Henry when he was about 8 and started looking into whether he was okay in the family he’d ended up in. I think Henry is who Emma is looking for when she meets Cleo. I think that episode tells us both about the start of Emma’s search and how it ended. With her finding him without interfering in his life.

*Sasha is a form of Alexandra, the name Cinderella/Ashley gives her daughter. I think that Cinderella/Ashley is also Emma. Winter links back to Snow. And in the scenario of Snow having to give up her child Snow is Emma. The baby she gives up I believe is Henry, not Emma. Unless Emma thought she’d have a girl and planned to name the kid after herself or something. It’s like Snow naming her second child Neal, after an already existing character. It’s just another way to tell us Henry’s story.

Then there’s the one that ties it all together.

(x)

A disheveled, sad, pregnant and married to Hook Emma going through the portal with Hook and leaving behind a lot that matters to her-i.e. Regina and Henry- in favor of a life with him.

Hook also mentions before this that in Storybrooke Emma was fighting off a swarm of pesky little dragons. There is that gay reference again. Because just because you marry a dude, doesn’t make you any less sapphicly inclined if you are.

And as a bonus, two other important times a portal appears.

(x)

Neal gets hurt and falls through the portal and Emma tells everyone he’s dead, without actually having any kind of confirmation. I think this moment is about Emma giving up Henry.

As Shady once said about Emma’s confession to Neal in the Echo Cave actually being about Henry.

I actually wonder if Neal’s entire story line with Emma isn’t about Henry. In fact, the moment where we see Emma meet Neal? With him lounging in the backseat of her car? It’s actually paralleled by Henry hiding under a tarp in the backseat of her car when I think she’s leaving and he wants to go with her.

(x)

The other important portal moment. I think here Bae is Henry. And it’s Rumple refusing to let go of his power, his controlling behavior that makes him lose Bae.

I think it’s because Emma took Henry from him. Because of who he was. Another thing confirmed through Belle when Belle sends Gideon away with the Blue Fairy to get him away from Rumple and the person he is.

If you remember Blue also happens to be the one who gave Bae the bean that made him create the portal that separated them. 

So in conclusion,

I think that:

-Rumple= Jefferson and dr. Whale and sometimes Hook

-Henry=Neal (all versions although I’m not sure if that’s always the case for the elder one) and Bae (but I’m not sure if that’s always the case either. I think sometimes Emma may also be Bae.)

-Emma=Belle and Snow (but not always, sometimes Regina= Snow)

Ooh, why I think Emma is also Belle and Bae aside from all the reasons I’ve ever listed. Bae is short for “Before Anyone Else”. The person or people you love most, like a wife and son maybe? When The Original Dark Curse is cast the name Rumple makes himself remember is “Emma”. I’d say the name of the person that means the most to you would be the one you’d want to remember. I think the reason Rumple didn’t try and remember his son’s name is probably because he didn’t know it. 

(I actually have an extensive post on who I think is whom).

The portals between Emma and Regina and Emma and Hook are about Emma’s marriage/partnership to a man who wasn’t good for her to protect the woman she loved. Leaving her behind in order to save her. I think there was probably some deception and betrayal happening from Regina’s side as well, intentional or accidental.

The portals between Bae and Rumple and Emma and Neal are about Emma giving Henry up to save and protect him from Rumple.

Which I think is why in 7x02 Emma leaves both Regina and Henry behind. Because that’s how it happened. And then they somehow found each other.