#911 ls bb fic

[tngrace]

Hold Onto Me

This is my Big Bang Fic for @911lsbb I had such fun writing it. I may not be active in the fandom right now (and honestly Idk if that will change in the future or not) I am very excited to get this posted. If it is my last 911 LS/Tarlos fic, just know there was a lot of love and hard work poured into it and I’m so very proud of it. 20K words below the cut

Artwork by the fabulous @reyeslonestar - Alex I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love these 2 pieces. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for making these 2 scenes come to life. 

Text dividers found on tumblr @poison-aesthetics

Read on A03; 911LS Masterlist

Summary: Carlos joins the Army instead of the Police Academy. TK becomes a baker instead of a firefighter. They happen to meet at a bakery in Austin; TK is a baker there, only been there a few months, when he meets Carlos who is home on a short leave. That chance meeting leads to a friendship that develops over texts and emails until Carlos is medically discharged from the Army. 

Tags: see below 

For as long as he could remember, Carlos Reyes wanted to be a cop when he grew up. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, but not exactly in them. He’d always looked up to his father, and his mother too if he was being honest. As he got older and discovered more of the world, he felt like he could do more for his community as a police officer instead of being a Texas Ranger. When he came out to his parents at seventeen, and nothing was ever said going forward, Carlos felt like he was a disappointment to them. He wasn’t even sure his father thought he would be a good cop after that, but he never let go of the dream. The day he realized his dad thought he was “too soft” to be a cop almost crushed him; however, he promised his mom he would attempt community college to see if anything else would stick or if he would continue on to the police academy without his dad’s support.

He felt like he hid so much of himself already, he didn’t want to give up on his dream. He didn’t want to disappoint his parents any more than he thought he had, so he looked for a compromise. He tried classes for one year, but he wasn’t happy. The classes he was taking felt pointless, and it wasn’t anything that interested him as he couldn’t start in criminal justice classes until he got most of the basics out of the way. Unfortunately, he had not been like some of his fellow high school students that took some of their entry level college classes their junior and senior years. College felt like a never-ending chore, and by the end of his first semester, he was looking for a way out.

Every couple of weeks he would see military recruiters around campus, but it wasn’t until some of them actually stopped him a few weeks into his second semester that he considered what they were offering. The two Sergeants shared their stories and their mission, and their words really resonated with Carlos. The whole time all he could think was maybe this was finally the thing that would make his dad proud, would “toughen him up” so he could be a good police officer if he still wanted that once he was out. His mama cried when he told them he’d enlisted for five years, and his dad never said a word. Carlos wasn’t sure disappointment was the word to use to describe how their reactions made him feel, but he was following this through with or without their approval.

He was stationed at Fort Benning after ten weeks of basic training. Training was tough, but he didn’t mind it and he excelled at it thanks to his years working the ranch. He wrote to his parents and his sisters as much as possible, and his mom always sent letters and care packages back. He knew she missed him, but he finally felt like he was somewhere he belonged, somewhere where he was going to make a difference. 

Being stateside was different and not exactly what he was expecting when he joined up, but it also wasn’t bad. He was able to complete specialist training while at base, as well as make friends within his unit. It was more relaxed than basic, but they still had training exercises to keep them in top shape. He and a guy named Colton from North Carolina became really close friends, connecting over their southern roots and families. Colton was the wild to Carlos’s tame, but they were almost inseparable around base and really balanced each other out. The unit had nicknamed them double C, and the boys rolled with it, finding it funny. 

TK Strand fell in love with baking when he was eight years old. Gwyn let him help make cookies and cakes when he was feeling down after the divorce was final. It was a way for them to bond and a way for her to keep his mind off his dad not showing up. The first time he went to rehab at fifteen, he didn’t really take it seriously. He did what he was supposed to do to go home, and for a few months after he got out, he stayed clean. But he didn’t connect with the therapist, and as soon as his parents went back to their normal ways, so did he. 

The news of their first deployment came at the end of Carlos’s first official year in the Army. They were given leave to return home before they deployed out, and Carlos was able to spend Christmas with his family. He broke the news as soon as he was home, wanting to get it out of the way. His mama cried once more, and his dad told him to be careful and come home. Carlos wasn’t sure if they were proud of him or not, but he felt like they might be. He wasn’t sure what deployment would be like, but he felt ready for it. The first week in January 2016 he deployed with his unit to Afghanistan for six months. 

The second time he went, at seventeen almost eighteen, he was paired with a therapist he really connected with once he was released from rehab. He shares more than he ever initially intended to with her; in one of his sessions, he even shares how baking was when he felt most connected with his mother and actually had her attention. He shares how he thinks he must go to the fire academy when he graduates so he can have his father’s attention and be connected to him. They explore more than TK ever thought could be possible, and he learns a lot about himself and why he makes some of the decisions he does. 

He feels like he’s at loose ends once graduation and summer break hit. He’s waiting on his application to be processed for the fire academy, but he’s not sure he’ll get in with his two stints in rehab. He shares these feelings with his therapist, and she makes some suggestions for hobbies to keep him occupied. One of her suggestions is some culinary classes since he seemed to really like baking. TK isn’t so sure about it - it doesn’t seem like something his parents would be proud of him for, but he agrees to look into it. He doesn’t tell his parents; his mom is away on a case, and his dad keeps promising he’s a shoo in for the fire academy. He and a random date go to a couples cooking class one night at TK’s suggestion so he can get a feel of what it would be like, and TK really enjoys it more than he thought he would. The date doesn’t go anywhere, and TK is surprisingly ok with it, focused more on how the class left him feeling. 

He decides to apply to culinary school in the city just to see what happens. He keeps this from his parents as well, only telling Enzo when Enzo finds the school information in his room. Enzo encourages him to pursue it, promising that he will keep it to himself, until TK wants to tell his parents. TK appreciates how Enzo listens and respects him, and he’s the first person TK tells when he gets accepted. He doesn’t pick a specialty, electing to take classes in everything. He loves baking, but he wants to expand and push himself into learning everything. His parent’s take the news better than he expected, TK wondering if Enzo talked to them after all; TK excels at culinary school, ending at the top of his class. His therapist is really proud of him as well, and TK learns to be proud of himself. 

When it comes time for his internship, he picks a NYC restaurant from the list presented to them. It ends up being fancier than he expected, and while it’s challenging and pushes him to do his best, it’s too fancy for him. Before his internship is over, he’s already looking forward to where he wants to go next. He’d gotten accepted to the fire academy halfway through his courses, but that doesn’t feel like the right fit anymore. He meets Derek in the middle of his internship, and Derek seems like the perfect fit in his life. They have a lot in common, and they just seem to click. Derek accepts him, past and all, and TK falls quickly. 

Once his internship is up, he ends up bouncing around some restaurants in NYC. He doesn’t find one that makes him really happy, so he gets a second job at a local bakery he loves. It’s not a permanent position though, so TK keeps trying in actual restaurants. TK feels Derek pulling away the more unhappy TK becomes with work, the more he switches jobs, and eventually he learns that Derek has been seeing other people behind his back. He’s crushed; he truly thought Derek might be the one. The day he moves back into his dad’s apartment, he learns his mom and Enzo are splitting, his dad has a new girlfriend that he doesn't like, and he just quit the third restaurant he’d been at since his internship. He books an emergency session with his therapist the day after he finds out because he doesn’t trust himself. Instead of dwelling on his spiraling life, he spends the night looking for another job, preferably a bakery position, but this time he doesn’t limit himself to just NYC. 

When he shares this with his therapist the next day, he’s not surprised when she agrees that maybe getting out of the city is what he needs. He tells her everything, not holding back because he trusts her, and she reminds him how he’s made the right decisions and she’s proud of him. His parents don’t take the news all that well when he tells them he’s taking a bakery position in Austin, TX, but they understand his need to get out of the city and support him because they see he is making healthy decisions instead of unhealthy ones. TK made the move to Austin at the beginning of 2016 just after his twentieth birthday.  

TK found an apartment in Austin and settled in at the bakery. Life was definitely different in Texas, and it took him some time adjusting. The bakery was nice, but it didn’t feel like the right fit. He’d signed a six-month contract though, so he was sticking it out. It took him a little while to make some friends, but once he did, he felt more settled. He met Marjan and Paul when they became regulars at the bakery. It was near their fire station, and they came in a lot before and after shift for coffees. They’d clicked right away once they got to talking, and they were the ones to show him around town. 

They were also the one to introduce him to Grace and Judd Ryder, knowing TK would click with her over their love of baking. Grace and TK were instant friends, and Judd saw him as a little brother that needed some protecting. Grace showed TK around her bakery, and it felt more like home. He worked out his six-month contract, and then moved over to Grace’s bakery. They got along so well, TK made friends with the usuals, and it boosted his confidence when Grace let him bake things. 

Everyone watched TK flourish, even his parents were impressed with how well he was doing. Of course, he still had some rough days, still battled his addiction, still went to meetings when things got to be too much, and still met with a therapist every couple of weeks, but he never felt happier. He finally felt like his life was going in the right direction and that he would be ok. Sure, he missed having a partner, but it felt nice to actually focus on himself and grow his life, and in time he knew he’d find the one. 

Carlos’s first deployment was a major eye opener. It was a lot rougher than he expected, they lost more people than he expected, Carlos had to kill more people than he expected. He felt like a changed person when they returned to Fort Benning. Colton noticed it too, and he did his best to help Carlos cope. If it wasn’t for Colt, Carlos doesn’t know what he would’ve been like. They were stateside for two months before they were sent right back. 

Because they were such a dynamic duo, their superiors sent them through a crash course of sniper training before they were redeployed. They continued their training once arriving at Bagram, and by their first mission, Carlos was considered a top Sniper. He and Colton ended up in less dangerous situations this way, but it still stayed with Carlos all the deaths he had a hand in even though he understood why it had to happen. If it wasn’t for Colton and all their long talks, Carlos isn’t sure what state his head would be in. When news came at the end of December of their return stateside, he felt grateful. They were back in Georgia by the first of January and were promised two weeks of leave after a week of debriefing. Carlos was glad to be going home.

He’d spent all of the first week and the majority of the second hiding out at the ranch. He enjoyed the peacefulness of the ranch and not having to think about anything or anyone. He didn’t have to think about the things he’d seen and done overseas. He can just forget about it and get lost in the routine of living and working on the ranch. Colton still checked in via phone calls and texts, and Carlos was grateful for his best friend more than he could ever express. His mom was glad to have him home since he’d missed the holidays, and he wasn’t complaining about all the spoiling she was doing. He’d definitely missed her cooking and it was much better than Army food. 

But his sister called yesterday and said she wanted to meet him in town. It’d been almost two years since he’d seen her; their schedules never lined up when he had leave. He’d seen his oldest sister on several different occasions, but not his middle sister. So, he agreed and asked where she wanted to meet. She suggested one of the bakeries in town wanting to indulge his sweet tooth, and he’d easily agreed. 

It’d been a while since he’d been to this particular bakery, so he was looking forward to it. He beat his sister there, which wasn’t unusual, so he grabbed a table to wait on her. He texts her repeatedly after their agreed upon meeting time as the minutes kept ticking by and she still wasn’t there. He knew sometimes she lost track of time, but usually she would at least answer him with an excuse. It was a little unnerving that she wasn’t answering, but he also wasn’t sure he wasn’t overreacting based on his background. The bakery was mostly empty, and he didn’t see anyone he recognized, but he still felt uncomfortable just sitting there by himself. 

TK’s mom and Enzo, who had finally worked out their differences and gotten back together after TK moved to Austin, had been in town visiting, and it was their last day. Unfortunately, he was stuck at work, but they had agreed to stop by and say goodbye before they left. He loved his job, and his boss was amazing, so when they showed up, he took his lunch break early to enjoy some pastries with them at Grace’s insistence. They were just saying goodbye when he noticed the guy in the corner. He was very good looking, clean cut, dressed in army fatigue pants and a tan t-shirt, but he looked really upset. TK could sympathize, assuming the guy was being stood-up on a date. 

The bakery wasn't busy this time of the day. The breakfast crowd had already been through, and the after work crowd wouldn’t be in for a couple more hours. It was quiet, with just a few older people sitting in a corner so the poor guy stood out. Once he saw his mom and Enzo off with plenty of hugs and promises to see each other soon, he went over to check on the guy.  

“Hi,” TK said, walking up to the table. 

“Hi,” Carlos said looking up from his phone. The smile froze on his lips when he looked into the most gorgeous green eyes he’d ever seen. 

“Everything ok?” At Carlos’s confused face TK remembered he left his apron behind the counter, so the guy had no way of knowing he worked there just by looking at him. “I noticed you looked a little upset and wanted to make sure everything was ok with your order,” he clarified. 

“Oh. I haven't even ordered yet,” Carlos offered with a sheepish smile when he realized TK worked there. 

“Oh.” TK seemed just as flustered as Carlos now.  

“Yea, I was waiting on my sister, but she’s really late and not answering me now. We... uh... It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and I don't know what’s up with her,” Carlos sighs. 

TK lets out a soft chuckle at himself for totally misreading the situation. “I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you,” TK said when he noticed Carlos’s confused face. “I just realized how bad I totally misread this situation. First, I thought something was wrong with your order. Then I was afraid a date was standing you up and I was going to offer my sympathies as the last blind date I went on, the dude didn’t even bother to show up.”

Carlos was silent for longer than was necessary as the information that this handsome guy was also gay. He wasn’t used to people being so open about it in Texas, and he definitely wasn’t used to being hit on in public, thus his silence.  “I... should,” TK gestured back towards the kitchen and counter when Carlos didn’t say anything more. 

“Oh right,” Carlos says, snapping out of his daze. “Of course. Thank you for checking on me though. That was very kind.” 

“Gotta make sure my food is good enough that everyone is happy,” TK shrugs with a grin

“Wait. Your food?” Carlos didn’t remember Sophia mentioning anything about the Ryder’s selling the bakery, but maybe he just missed it somewhere while he was away.

“Yea. I’m one of the bakers here. I had a temporary position at another bakery here in Austin after culinary school and fell in love with the city. Once that was up, I found the position here and couldn’t pass it up. I've been here at this bakery for a couple of months, but the boss lets me bake quite a few of my own recipes along with hers.  I like cooking, but baking is my passion,” he smiles. 

“Well, what do you recommend I get? Since it doesn't look like my sister is going to show. I might as well try something while I'm here.” Carlos’s smile was blinding, and TK was rendered speechless for a moment.

“Oh. Well, anything you get will be good,” he laughed. 

“So humble,” Carlos smirked. He followed TK up to the counter and glanced over the menu and in the cases. He ended up ordering a coffee, a banana nut muffin and a chocolate eclair. 

“You’ll have to let me know what you think,” TK winks as he passes the plate to Carlos. “I’ll be back out in a bit. If you need anything, hollar.” 

Carlos gave him a smile as he took the food and coffee over to his table. He sent his sister another text calling her names in Spanish before he dug into the banana nut muffin first. The muffin was soft and moist, and honestly one of the best muffins he’d ever had. Especially since he’d joined the army. He did his best to muffle his moan as he kept eating it. He’d picked foods TK had specifically baked so he could report back when TK checked on him later, but he wasn’t sure words would do this justice. 

His sister finally responded to what seemed like a thousand texts he’d sent her.

Sorry Carlitos, got held up at the courthouse. I'm on my way. Have you met TK yet?

Carlos was going to kill her. She’d set him up and he didn’t even realize it. While his parents never really addressed his sexuality, his sisters embraced it and wanted to see him happy. But they’d never tried setting him before, always respecting his boundaries. He had no idea why Sophia was trying now, and he wasn’t as upset as he thought he’d be, but he was still annoyed with her.

Yes. No thanks to you. We talked for a few. He thought I was being stood up which I kinda was. See you soon. You're ordering your own food.

Carlos huffed as he pocketed his phone and swirled some of his coffee. He’d taken to drinking it straight black since he joined the army, but he still swirled it occasionally as if he was mixing creamer in. TK came back out as Carlos was fixing to take a bite of his éclair. “Well?” he asks, pulling out the chair across from Carlos. 

“Hmmmmm,” Carlos pretended to think to tease TK. 

“Oh stop it. The muffin is gone and you look like you could devour that éclair,” TK smirked. 

“I will admit. That was probably the best muffin I'd ever had. Don’t tell my mother I said that though.” 

“No worries. Secrets are safe with me,” TK laughed. He was practically beaming at Carlos’s praise of his food though. “So is your sister coming?” TK eventually asked. 

“Yea, supposedly. Said she got held up at the courthouse. I think she was just trying to set me up subtly though.” 

“Oh yea? Doesn’t look like it worked,” TK chuckled, looking around the bakery seeing only the older people still in their corner. 

Carlos blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yea about that…. Apparently, it was you she was subtly trying to set me up with. She specifically asked if I’d met you.” 

“Me???” TK’s confused face was adorable. “Wait. Who’s your sister?” 

Carlos let out a sigh, which made TK laugh. “Sophia Reyes Lopez, Austin’s top public defender.” 

“Oooohhh.” TK’s face was priceless. Carlos started to apologize for his sister, but TK continued. “Wait you must be the and I quote ‘hot brother Carlos who is in the army’ that she has been trying to get me to meet.” Sophia was a regular at the bakery as it was near the courthouse, and she’d really taken to TK. He really liked her, and enjoyed their talks when she came in. She was also persistent that he had to meet her brother, so he’s glad he’s finally getting the chance. 

Carlos groaned as he hid his face in his hands. “I swear I’m going to kill her,” he mumbled into his hands. 

“It’s fine,” TK laughs. “She means well. She tells me all about you though. I think she just doesn’t want you to be alone.” 

Carlos shakes his head, but he can feel that his face is blood red. He knows his sister just tries to make up for all the years he hid, and the way his parents didn’t really acknowledge anything, but he also doesn’t need her help. “Yea well, Army life makes it hard for relationships. And I've still got a minimum of two years left. So, it doesn’t seem fair to ask anyone to wait, and I haven’t really found anyone.” He blushes at how much he has shared with a stranger. “Sorry. That’s not, I usually…” 

“It’s fine Carlos.” TK gives him a reassuring smile. “Sometimes it’s nice to unload on someone.” 

“Yea but you’re at work.” 

“I’ve got a cake in the oven, so I've got a little more time. Besides, this is the slow time.” 

“Thank you,” Carlos says bashfully. “I have a friend at base that I usually unload on, but he’s not really the ‘share my romantic woes’ type. Don’t get me wrong, he’s probably my best friend ever, but…” he trails off with a shrug. 

“I get it. But I should probably get back to the kitchen before Sophia gets here. We don’t want to give her anything to brag about,” TK laughs. 

“No, no we do not,” Carlos agrees. TK takes Carlos’s plate, but before he walks off, he offers, “I wouldn’t mind giving you my number or email, if you ever found yourself needing someone outside your family or your unit to talk to. I’m not the best, but I know how helpful it can be to have someone to talk to.” 

Carlos stares at him so long TK thinks he might’ve crossed a line he didn’t know about. “Yea. Yea I’d like that,” Carlos smiles passing TK his phone so he can put his contact info into. “Email is easier if I’m deployed, but texting is fine if I’m stateside” 

“I’ll put both,” TK winks. He puts his information into a new contact and passes his phone back to him. While he thinks Sophia undersold how good looking her brother is, he also understands that Carlos isn’t looking for that right now. And if he’s being honest, he’s not sure he is either. He’s still not over having his heart destroyed a year ago, and not sure he can trust himself romantically. What he does know is that he enjoyed talking to Carlos just now, and he knows how to be a good friend.  He’s just skirting behind the counter when Sophia walks in. 

Carlos had been back in Georgia for two weeks before he decided to send TK an email. Sophia had gloated majorly when she found out he’d gotten TK’s information. She’d immediately texted Tina, his older sister, bragging that she would be credited for Carlos finding true love, to which he gave them both the middle finger. He ended up going back to the bakery three more times before he left, and each time he found talking to TK, even just about what TK was baking that day, to be one of the easiest things ever. 

And this is why he struggled typing an email. He wanted it to be perfect, but he wanted it to be easy like all their other conversations. He’d started and stopped several times, and he was currently attempting to tug at his hair as he stared at his screen. “Seriously dude? I can feel your tension across base,” Colton said sitting down on the end of Carlos’s bunk. 

“Shut it,” Carlos grunts. He closes his laptop with another sigh before tossing it on his trunk which doubles as a table. 

“Problems at home?” 

“No. Everything is good. Tina and Soph say hi and want to know if you’ve found anyone yet,” Carlos laughs. His sisters have taken to Colton like a second younger brother even though they’ve never officially met, and since they think he's settled with TK, even though he hasn’t talked to him since returning to base, they’ve turned their attention to making sure Colton is happy. 

“Dude! Why are your sisters worried about that?” he laughs. 

“Because they’re annoying and that’s what they do,” Carlos shrugs.

“Ok so if things are fine at home, then what’s wrong? Usually, you’re out there with me kicking ass at horseshoes, not in here moping at your laptop.” 

Carlos rolls his eyes as he sits up. “So dramatic,” he murmurs. 

Colton barks a laugh making Carlos smile. “Usually, you’re not this hard to get info out of. Gotta do something.” 

Carlos runs his fingers through his short hair once more. He’s still not used to not having his curls to tug at when he feels stressed even after two years and some change in the Army. Colton turns around to sit on the same side of the bed as Carlos. His hand falls to Carlos’s shoulder giving it a squeeze. “Deep breath, hold it.” Colton silently counts to five; “Let it out.” Carlos follows Colton’s instructions blowing out a heavy breath. “Now you just open your mouth and talk.” 

Carlos chuckles as he shakes his head giving his best friend a smile. Colton might be wild and a playboy, but he’s an amazing friend and knows Carlos better than anyone. “I sorta met someone when we had leave last time. He lives in Austin. My sister tried to subtly set us up by running extremely late to meet me at the bakery he works at. It sorta worked as he thought I was being stood up on a date so he came over on the guise of checking that the food was ok. When he realized it was my sister standing me up, he sat down for a conversation before my sister tipped her hand in text asking if I’d met him yet.” 

“Wow.”

“Yea I know. I was pissed at her until I realized how easy it was to talk to TK. We exchanged info, TK offering to be a listening ear any time I needed it. I went back three more times before I flew back here. I haven’t talked to him since, and I was trying to type him an email just now.”

“But it wasn’t coming out as perfectly as you thought it should and it was stressing you out, right?” 

Carlos just stares at Colton constantly amazed at how well Colton knows him. “Something like that,” he sighs. “I know this isn’t usually our….” he waves his hand around trying to let Colton off the hook easily. 

“Our topics to discuss. No, not really,” Colton agrees. “But it’s also never come up. Carlos we’re friends, best friends, and we can talk about anything you need. Because I need you focused, not stressed about something like this. In his world, we have each other’s back no matter what. I need to know you’ll be focused when we’re out there, so if I can help alleviate anything keeping you from being focused, then that’s what I'm going to do.” 

Carlos pulls Colton into his side for a side hug. “You’re nothing but a softy,” he teases before letting Colton go. 

“Don’t tell anyone,” Colton fake threatens, and Carlos holds up his hand with a laugh. “Now back to your problem. If the conversation was as easy as you said it was, this… TK?” At Carlos’s nod Colton continues; “TK isn’t going to care what you say, just that you’re saying something. So, type up an email, hit send, and then get your ass out here to help me win horseshoes.”

“You got it,” Carlos smiles as he gives Colton a nod. Once Colton is back outside their barracks, Carlos opens his laptop once more. He opens a new email to TK and starts typing. He doesn’t think, he just types everything as it comes to him, and hits send before he can talk himself out of it. He joins Colton outside, putting the email out of his mind, feeling lighter now that he’s done it. 

TK woke around four in the morning to start getting ready for his shift. He was opening this week so that meant getting to the bakery by 4:30 am to get started baking before their 6:30 am opening, which meant he was asleep by seven each night for his early mornings. To say he was surprised by his email notification when he silenced his alarm was an understatement. He hadn’t heard from Carlos since his last time in the bakery. Seeing he had an email from him, he was instantly more alert and awake. He sat up on the side of the bed and opened it immediately before getting dressed. 

TK, 

I don't even know where to begin. I’ve sat here staring at my screen for the longest trying to figure out the perfect email. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to write, but I have a problem with wanting to make everything perfect before I do it. I’ve tried for two weeks to figure out what to say, and finally Colton, my best friend in my unit I told you about, told me that you wouldn’t care what I said, you’d just be happy I was writing. I hope that is true.

We’re still stationed at base, so I technically could’ve just texted you, but I wasn’t sure how you would feel about that either. We’ll be deploying out in May, which I know is still a few months away, but might as well get used to emails now. I hope you are well, and I hope everything is going well at the bakery. Honestly, one day of base food had me missing your sweet baking, especially the muffins. Anyways, Colt is waiting on me for horseshoes, but I hope to hear from you soon.

Carlos

TK read it a few more times, before he jumped up and got dressed realizing he’d sat on the bed reading it longer than he meant to. He made it to the bakery with nary a minute to spare. He dove right into his baking, getting bagels and muffins going along with some breakfast bread. Once those were going, and he had the coffees set to brew on time, he sat down on a stool in the kitchen and thought of his reply. Honestly, he hadn’t been able to get Carlos out of his mind, and he was so very happy to hear from him. But he feels Carlos’s stress of forming the perfect email. He read over Carlos’s once more before typing his response. 

Carlos,

I’m so happy to hear from you and that you are ok. Sophia updated me last week that you were still in Georgia. I have a feeling she will keep me updated every time you move if you tell her, LOL. She’s still gloating of course, but I can’t seem to be mad at her, not when our conversations were some of the highlights of my day. Things at the bakery are well. I’m opening all week, so early shifts and really early nights. I’ve got a tray of muffins and banana bread in the oven right now along with some fresh bagels. As soon as I finish replying I’m going to start on doughnuts and cakes for later. I could always send you muffins if you told me where/if that would be ok. No pressure, just a suggestion since you said you missed them. I’ll be around any time you want to talk. Xo

TK

After that day, Carlos and TK exchanged emails, texts and even phone calls. Carlos even gave TK the address to ship baked goods to. At first, he didn’t share, but once Colton discovered the packages contained baked goods, it was almost impossible to keep him out of TK’s treats. Colt had even started joking that Carlos should marry him for his baking talents alone, to which Carlos would remind him they were just friends. Their easy conversations carried over into their writing. Carlos found it easier to share everything he was thinking over screens, and TK enjoyed having another person to talk to. Carlos was able to come home for a week before his deployment in May. TK was able to swing some time off since he knew ahead of time when Carlos would be home to spend it with him. It was the first time Carlos came home that he didn’t spend the entire time hiding at the ranch. 

They both insisted to anyone that asked that they were just friends. It was a no-pressure relationship that they both found comfort in. It was the first time Carlos ever wished he never joined the Army because he wished he could explore things more with TK. He felt himself falling even though he knew he would never ask TK to wait for him. TK felt similar; he could feel himself falling, but in his eyes, Carlos was too good to drop all his baggage on. TK had shared some of his past with Carlos in their many conversations, but he’d kept some of the more rough stuff to himself. TK dropped Carlos at the airport on the day he had to return to base. They hugged longer than what would be considered friendly, and TK promised to always answer any time Carlos wrote. It was a harder goodbye than either of them was expecting, but it was just the beginning. 

Carlos’s unit was sent to Bagram once more. It wasn’t their first time to be stationed there, but it also wasn’t exactly where Carlos thought they were going this time around. He knows a lot of the details of their deployments will be classified, and it is the first time he’s really had to think about censoring what he writes home about. It was easier to censor things to his family because he didn’t want to share the horrors of war with them. He’s gotten used to sharing almost everything about his life with TK, from the good to the not so good, so it’s a little strange to go back to thinking about what he has to say. 

TK’s emails are the highlights of his days. Their emails usually end up a few days apart because of the time difference, and it took some getting used to their schedules not syncing up. 

Carlos knows that’s toeing the line they don’t talk about or cross, but he can’t seem to help himself.

TK,

I hate that I’m so far ahead of you time wise. It seems so unusual that I’m seeing the sunrise around the time you’re waiting for it to set. I’ll be MIA a lot next week as we’ll be on a mission. I hate not being able to tell you every detail of my life. I know it’s the life I signed up for, but I also didn’t expect to meet someone like you. Someone who is just so easy to talk to.

Colt says hi, and he hates that he’s not going to be able to get any more baked goods for six months. I however am glad not to have someone stealing all the lovely food you make for me. I know you’re going to save me plenty for when we return ;) I can’t wait to hear what is happening around town and the bakery. Stay safe T.

Xo C 

Carlos puts the laptop back into his locked trunk. He knew their mission next week wouldn’t be that dangerous, but it was Afghanistan, and you just never knew. There was so much more he wanted to say in that email, but he knew it wasn’t the time. That is why he had a three-page handwritten letter stuffed in his trunk. If something were to happen to him, there’s letters in there for his family, but also one for TK he added before they deployed. 

“How’s lover boy,” Colton asks, flopping on the end of Carlos’s bed. Carlos rolls his eyes as he pushes Colton’s booted feet back to the floor. 

“He’s not my lover boy and you know it.” 

“Toemaytoe, toemahtoe,” Colton says dramatically, eliciting another eye roll from Carlos. 

Carlos shakes his head as he moves the trunk back under his bed. “TK is fine. I’m still not used to sending an email and not getting an instant reply. The time difference sucks. That email was just a check in and letting him know I’d be MIA,” he shrugs. 

“You’re so whipped,” Colton laughs as Carlos shoves him. 

“I’m not whipped. We’re friends. That’s it.”

“You could be so much more. Anybody that spends more than five seconds around you knows it.” 

“Colton, you know why.” 

“I know, I know.” He holds his hands up placatingly. “I’m just saying. We never know what’s going to happen, and at some point, you’re going to have to confront these feelings. And that’s all the pushing I’m doing for today.” He could see the rebuttal and pushback on Carlos’s face, so he figured it was better to end it there. Carlos just gives him a nod before they head to the mess hall to eat. 

TK reads Carlos’s email on his lunch break. He was closing this week, so he didn’t have to be in until lunch. But since closing meant late nights, he usually slept until after eleven meaning he’d missed Carlos’s email. He was still adjusting to the time difference between them now, and it made him smile that Carlos was hating it just as much. 

“There’s that little smile again,” Grace teased as she walked past TK. He shakes his head at his boss but doesn’t justify it with a verbal response. “Tell Carlos hi,” she calls over her shoulder. 

Carlos, 

I hate the time difference just as much. I was still sleeping when you sent this one, and I’m just now on lunch at work and able to respond. I’m sure you’re already asleep or almost asleep, and it’s fine, it’s just hard being patient for a response. Don’t worry about me next week; you just focus on the mission and staying safe. That doesn't mean I won’t email you half a dozen times to make sure you’re ok even though I know you can't respond, but at least Grace has me opening so I’ll be doing nothing but working.

He doesn’t say he’ll be worrying, but he feels like it’s implied. It’s also toeing the line they don’t talk about, but at this point he doesn’t care.

Speaking of Grace says hi. They find out next week what baby Ryder will be, and I’ll be sure to tell you. I’m looking forward to finding out. My bet is a girl… haha Judd with a little girl is going to be fun to watch. But I’m also still really nervous about it because Grace is insisting on leaving me in charge of the bakery the entire time she’s off. That seems minor in the face of what you’re doing and going to be facing daily, so just ignore me and tell me to suck it up.

Ok, I’ve started rambling and Grace is going to be calling me back to work any second so I’ll wrap this one up. Stay safe Carlos, and I can’t wait for another email.

T

I will never dismiss your concerns and fears TK. What you’re feeling is valid. Running someone else’s business in their absence is daunting, even if it’s something you’re really good at and love. So please share all you’re feeling, and I’ll do my best to reassure you and help you.

As for baby Ryder, I’m going to go with your assumption that it will be a girl until we know otherwise. Either way that is going to be a lucky baby to have you in his/her life. I expect pictures if I’m not in town because I’m sure the baby will be beautiful. He wants to say he knows TK will be handsome and gorgeous holding the baby, but he refrains. Today is probably my last day at base for a week, but I will respond as soon as I can. Just know we’ll be doing everything as safely as possible, and Colt will always watch my back. Stay safe and if you see my sisters tell them hi and that I’m fine.

C

The rest of the deployment went similar; they swapped emails as they could, they had Skype calls when they ignored sleep in favor of talking to the other, and before they knew it, Carlos had received his orders to return stateside. He would be home the first week of November. Baby Ryder arrived the week before Halloween, and as promised TK sent plenty of baby pictures to Carlos. Carlos couldn’t wait to get home and meet her. And if he secretly set his phone screen to a picture of TK and baby Charlie, well no one needed to know but him. 

They would be returning to Fort Benning for a week of debrief, and then they would be released until the first of the new year. Carlos was excited to have almost two months at home, and it seemed that TK shared in his excitement from his emails. He would still be running the bakery while Carlos was home on leave, but he promised he would have some time off as well. While home, TK and Carlos seemed to get closer. Carlos’s sisters liked to tease them about all the time they spent together, but they both just shrugged them off and stuck to their “just friends” despite how close they’d gotten. Sophia and Tina even helped Carlos talk to his parents with TK’s full encouragement about his sexuality and life. It was very cathartic, and a lot of unintentional misunderstandings were cleared between them. It was the freest Carlos had felt at home in a really long time. 

Unfortunately, he has to return to Fort Benning at the beginning of January, and upon arrival he finds out their unit will be deploying again February 1st in response to the Taliban’s attacks in Kabul. Since he just came off leave, he has to deliver the news over the phone. He Skypes his parents to let them know, and he shoots TK a text telling him to Skype when he can. TK knows the minute he reads the text that Carlos doesn’t have good news. The Skype call is more subdued than normal, but TK knows this is Carlos’s life and if he wants to stay in it, which he very much does, then he’s going to have to learn to live with Carlos halfway around the world. 

This deployment seems more heightened to danger, it’s almost like they can feel it in the air as soon as they land at Kandahar. They’re heading straight back to Bagram, and Carlos feels a tingling under his skin to get to base. He’s not sure why, but he knows this deployment will be life changing. As soon as they have down time, he shoots his parents and sisters an email letting them know he made it safely. Then he turns to sending TK one. He feels like he can share more of his thoughts and worries with him, even though he doesn’t want him to worry. 

We made it. I don’t want you to worry, although I know you will, but I also feel like I can share everything with you regardless. I’m sorry upfront if I add to your worry. I hate the idea that I’m potentially adding to your burdens, but I feel like I need to say it to someone not here.  Something just feels different this go around. It’s a tingling under my skin as soon as we landed. I couldn’t wait to get to the safety of the base. We’ve settled in and been debriefed, but I just can’t shake this feeling that this deployment is going to be different. I miss Austin, hell I miss Georgia at this point, so I know I’m in for a long six months.

How are things around town? The bakery? Charlie? I know you’ve got some cute pictures you’re withholding from me T.

He smiles as he writes that last line. Pictures of TK and Charlie have become his new favorite thing. Especially when Grace brings Charlie to the bakery and TK pretends she’s helping him bake. He knows she is going to be one spoiled little girl as she gets older. If he sets every new one he gets as his phone and laptop background, well no one has to know that but him.

I’ll keep in touch as much as possible, but I honestly don’t know how much we’ll be at base. Stay safe T, and I can’t wait for all your updates.

C <3

Carlos hit send before he could over think it and went to join Colton in the mess hall. 

Carlos, 

You know I will always worry about you no matter what you say; you’re halfway around the world in the middle of a war zone for crying out loud. And I won’t lie and say your email didn’t add to my worry. But I will say to always trust your gut. It’s one thing I’ve learned. So if your gut is telling you to be extra cautious, then please do it. And come home in one piece.

Sophia and Tina have both been in repeatedly just to say hi, but I think they’re really trying to check in and make sure I’m ok. Your sisters really don’t know the meaning of just friends do they? *That’s said with me laughing good-naturedly btw; don’t call them freaking out*

Austin is good; warm and spring is definitely around the corner even though it’s only February. I’m still not used to not having a winter, but I’m not complaining. I’ll attach pictures of Charlie, but no I don’t intentionally withhold them *insert tongue hanging out and me flipping you off image*

Grace says hi, and that she’ll send the pictures I won’t send later *eye rolling* as if I hide anything from you.

I know I’ve rambled on, but it seems like you could use the distraction - only while you’re at base of course. But in all seriousness, please stay safe Carlos. Stay focused, and make sure Colton watches your back and vice versa. I don’t know what this town would do without you. I don’t know what I would do without you.

T <3

It’s more than he would usually admit, but he’s being honest. Carlos has become such an integral part of his life; he doesn’t know what he would do without him in it. He sends up a prayer he’s not even sure will work, that Carlos will come home safe and in one piece to him. 

Carlos’s deployment rocks on with them exchanging emails as much as possible. The feeling under Carlos’s skin doesn’t go away, and he always feels like he’s hyperaware. His anxiousness is even starting to rub off on Colton. He shared everything with TK, and he’s found that being able to share his fears and worries help ease them. TK is a really good advice giver even though TK doesn’t seem to think so, and Carlos is so grateful TK lets him share all his thoughts even if it adds to TK’s worry. TK even shares things about his life he says he wouldn’t be able to share with Carlos in person, like his addiction, and Carlos learns more about the boy he is falling in love with.

Carlos is wrapping up an email towards the beginning of July. He’s starting to feel the anxiousness releasing as it gets closer to their deployment being up. He’s so relieved to be heading back home, and he just wrapped up telling TK about how he couldn’t wait to see him again. “Reyes,” he hears Colton call out which instantly puts him on alert as Colt isn’t usually so formal unless on mission. He closes his laptop and puts it back in his trunk before standing up and joining Colton at the opening to their bunks. 

“What’s up?” 

“Got a mission. Briefing in five.” 

“You look concerned,” Carlos says cautiously as he walks beside his best friend to their commander’s tent. 

“I think they’re jumping the gun.” He shrugs as he glances at Carlos. “Just from the rumors of course.”

“Alright, let’s hear them out and then decide. Surely Jones wouldn’t send us into something dangerous without hearing us out.” 

“Don’t know that it’ll be his call.” Carlos regards his best friend carefully before nodding in understanding. If Colton is worried about this, then Carlos knows they really need to be careful. 

The last email TK had gotten from Carlos was the first week of July. TK had been busy at the bakery with Grace as it was holiday season and it had taken him a day before he could respond. Going a few days without hearing from Carlos was normal, but it had been almost three weeks and he hasn't heard a word. He checked his phone constantly, to the point it became a joke around the bakery that it was going to end up in something he baked because it never left his hand. He knew Grace was doing it to try and alleviate his stress and worry. Carlos was supposed to be coming home in a week and half based on his original deployment information, but TK wasn’t sure if that was going to happen or not. 

It was another week, trading text with Sophia and Tina constantly for updates, before they both showed up at the bakery at the same time. TK and Grace shared a look as the sisters rarely came in at the same time to see him. “Hey girls,” Grace smiles, getting timid smiles in return from them. “Perfect timing because it’s TK’s break,” she smiles. “Go I’ve got this,” Grace tells him. TK gives her a grateful nod, leaving his apron behind the counter. He asks the girls if they want a drink or something and they both shake their heads no. TK gulps a deep breath trying to steady himself before he follows them to a secluded corner of the bakery. 

“Ok, just lay it on me. I can’t take this,” he says, twisting his hands together. 

Sophia leans over and covers his hands stilling them. “He’s alive,” Tina leads with. TK feels like he can breathe at that. “But it’s not good,” Sophia adds, giving his hands a squeeze. TK looks up at the girls and nods. He takes another deep breath. “Ok, I’m ready.” 

Tina and Sophia share a look, before Sophia turns to TK. TK figures it's her experience as a defense attorney that they decide she can deliver the news the calmest. Tina’s nails are bouncing off the table which isn’t helping TK’s nerves, but he gets it. “Mama and Papa heard from the Army last night. Carlos’s unit was under fire on a last-ditch mission. Carlos has been in Germany for the last two weeks, but his dog tags were missing. He woke up yesterday and that’s how they were finally able to contact us. The mission obviously went sideways.” 

She pauses for a breath, and TK sucked in his own breath. “Is he ok?” he’s finally able to ask. 

“His injuries are extensive and severe. He had several broken bones, two gunshot wounds. One to the abdomen, one to the shoulder. The abdomen one nicked his appendix and he had to have it removed, but he also got an infection. He also had a pretty bad head wound and concussion which is why he’s been in a medically induced coma. They kept him sedated until he started improving. They said he would be sent to Brooke Army Medical in Fort Sam Houston. If they deem him stable enough, they’ll transfer him here to St. David’s. They’re also honorably discharging him. He’ll get some kind of award too.” 

At TK’s confused look, Tina stopped her sister. “TK, they weren’t supposed to tell us this probably, but he was the only survivor of his unit. He’s…. He’s not going to be in the best head space when he gets home. We feel sure he’s still going to want to talk to you, but we want you to be prepared. He might not be the guy you love.” 

 TK looked between them shaking his head with teary eyes. “I… I...”

“We know. You don’t have to tell us. We know neither of you are ready for this, but we know deep down you love each other.” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” he finally gets out. “We may not be where you think we are, but I would never abandon him. He’s become one of the best parts of my life, and whatever he needs, whatever he wants I'm going to support. I don’t…. I don’t know if yall can talk to him or anything, but if so, please make sure he knows I’m here, whatever he needs.” 

He wipes his eyes before blowing out a deep breath. He knows this is going to change things, but he has no intention of going anywhere unless Carlos wants him too. The girls both give him tight hugs and promise to keep him updated before they’re gone. TK is quiet the rest of his shift, and Grace lets him be, but reminds him he’s free to share anything with her anytime. 

It’s another week before he hears from Carlos. He knows from the girls that he made it to Brooke Army and is going through a myriad of testing. Carlos sends him a text towards the end of his first week back stateside. All it says is check your email with a smiley face, and TK almost drops his phone in his haste to open his email. 

T,

I don’t even know where to begin. I know you’ve been worried and for that I’m sorry. I know it’s been close to two months since you’ve heard from me. I don’t know if you even still want to hear from me, but Soph and Tina have told me that they’ve kept you updated and that you would want to talk. I truly hope they haven’t been a bother. I know they mean well, and I’m grateful they’ve been able to give you reassurances during this time, and I’m sorry if I’m about to dump a lot of feelings and things on you if you’ve moved on. I still have concussion side effects, so this email has taken me way longer than I wanted to get out. I could’ve called, but I didn’t know your schedule anymore, and I tire so easily, it was just easier to take my time and write it out.

I’m guessing they told you I’m done. I still don’t even know how I feel about that. On one hand, I’m grateful to be coming home and able to stay at home. At the same time, I feel like I’m not finishing what I committed to, but I know I’m physically not able anymore. Especially with the PTSD diagnosis this doctor here just gave me. I’m sure he’s right, but I just can’t wrap my head around it.

Everything still feels surreal. I can’t just pick up the phone or look to my side and know Colt is there. Colt is gone, and there was no goodbye. There was nothing but pain. Sometimes I feel like I’m still back there. Sometimes I think I’m going to open my eyes and see sand, not three white walls. Sometimes I wish I was, sometimes I wish I could’ve done something different. I wish I could’ve gotten him home. My memory is coming and going on what happened. The drs say it’s my brain’s way of protecting me, but I don’t know if I believe that or not.  But I remember the pain from the bullets, and I remember Colt shoving me out of the way of the majority of them. I tried to stop him, I really did, but he was gone before I passed out.

I don’t know how to handle that, and I know there’s really nothing you can do. The dr said I needed to talk to someone before they would move me to St. David’s for rehab and finishing my care, and you were the first person that came to mind. I don’t know that they’ll count this, I’m sure I’m going to have to see a therapist, but it reminded me how easy our conversations were and how much I missed you.

Anyways, I should probably wrap this up. Don’t feel like you have to respond if you have moved on, but T, I want you to know. You got me through. Thoughts of you waiting on me kept me going. You’re always going to be special T, and I don’t want you to ever forget it.

Carlos.  

TK has tears pouring down his cheeks by the time he’s done reading. Grace finds him like that in the kitchen a few minutes later. “TK honey, oh come here,” she says, pulling him into a tight hug. TK cries on her shoulder for a few minutes before he’s able to pull himself together

“I finally heard from Carlos,” he says, waving his phone around. He wipes at his eyes as Grace pokes her head out front to make sure no one is waiting. 

“And?” 

“I think I need to call him. I have to go see him.” The urgency has been just under his skin since he knew Carlos was back in the states. But after that email, he felt like he couldn’t get to him fast enough. 

Grace gives him another hug. “Ok you call him, see if he can have visitors. And if so we’ll get you to Fort Sam Houston tomorrow.” 

“Grace. Wait no. I can’t leave you here alone. I just meant on my next day off.” 

“Sure you can. I did this long before I hired help. A day or two won’t kill me. Besides if your reaction to that email is anything to go by, he probably needs you just as much. Call your man while I go help the Smiths.” 

TK lets out a soft chuckle at Grace’s no-nonsense statements as she bustles back out front. “Yes mam,” he murmurs. He pulls Carlos’s text thread up and pushes the call button before he can talk himself out of it. The conversation is short; TK assuring Carlos he hasn’t gone anywhere, and Carlos letting TK know he can have visitors, but he doesn’t have to disrupt his life to come visit. TK doesn’t agree or disagree with him and promises to talk once he’s off shift. The next day, he arrives at the hospital at ten am and is led right to Carlos’s room. 

TK stands in the doorway for a moment, just gazing at Carlos. The number of bandages on his body is daunting, but nothing TK hasn’t seen before. It reminds him of the time he considered the fire academy, but he reminds himself this isn’t about him. He softly knocks and when Carlos’s eyes meet his, TK struggles to keep the tears at bay. 

“Hi stranger,” he says softly walking into the room. He sets the vase of flowers in the window seal before walking over beside the bed. “You’re a site for sore eyes,” he says leaning down for a gentle and careful hug. 

“TK… I…” 

“Shhh, I know. Grace insisted I come right away. Said I would be nothing but a distraction at work after getting your email,” he laughs. “She’s right, you know?”

TK pulls the chair closer to the bed, and he offers Carlos a tentative smile when he keeps a grip on TK’s wrist. “I’m not going anywhere,” TK reassures, laying his hand over Carlos’s on his wrist. 

“I can’t believe you’re here.”

“I’m here. For as long as you want me. I had the weekend off anyways, so now I just have a four-day weekend.” 

Carlos gives him a small nod being mindful of his stealing healing concussion. He can’t seem to take his eyes off TK. “I know this is going to be a dumb question considering,” TK says gesturing to the bandages and IVs. “But how are you really feeling? What have they told you?”

Carlos lets out a sigh as his gaze finds the ceiling for a moment. “Well, I have a broken ankle, six broken or cracked ribs, and a sprained wrist. They had to remove my appendix, and I ended up with an infection, but they say that’s almost cleared up. I have fifteen stitches from that, and then another ten where they removed the bullet in my shoulder. I have ten staples in the back of my head and a grade three concussion. They did a myriad of testing here and deemed I had PTSD, and yea they definitely want me to see a therapist.”

TK lets his thumb drift back and forth along Carlos’s hand as he talks. When it seems like Carlos has said all he’s going to say for the moment, TK takes the chance and laces their hands together. He gives Carlos’s a gentle squeeze. “That’s a lot,” he whispers. “Carlos I can’t… I can’t begin to imagine or understand what you’ve been through and what you’re going to be going through healing. But… I can say, if you find the right therapist, you might be surprised how much it helps. And I’m not going anywhere. Whatever you need, whenever you need it.”

Carlos gives him another small nod. “I appreciate that TK. I just… I don’t think I can talk about it right now. Things are still a little fuzzy anyways and I just…”

“Hey, no that’s not what I meant. We can talk about anything you want. Or you can just rest. This is at your pace Carlos.”

Carlos gives him a small smile. “Tell me about home? What have I missed? Charlie’s not going to be mad I’m stealing her favorite person for the weekend is she?” he teases.

“No, I'd say Charlie will be fine. Grace said Judd was off for forty-eight, so he’s on baby duty while she works Saturday. So she’ll be plenty spoiled,” he laughs. He does get his phone out and shows Carlos new pictures and videos he’s missed out on.

“Man, she’s grown,” he murmurs, flipping through the pictures on TK’s phone.

“Yea. She’s almost ten months old. Grace is already trying to gather ideas for a first birthday party.”

“I’m sure it’ll be wonderful,” Carlos agrees. TK can tell he’s starting to wear out, so he takes the phone back not wanting to aggravate his concussion symptoms any. “Rest. I’ll still be here,” he assures before Carlos can protest. TK dims the light in the room, and it’s not long and Carlos is falling asleep. He scrolls through his phone and flips through the channels making sure to keep things quiet while Carlos rests. Nurses come and go; TK sends Grace a text letting her know he is ok, and after about two hours of being there, an older couple comes in, catching TK off guard. Just by looking at them, he knows it must be Carlos’s parents.

“Hi. I was just… um…” he moves to head for the door, but Carlos starts waking up and they’re all just kind of frozen in the moment.

“Mami, Papa?” he questions, his face squinching adorably in confusion.

“Si mijo,” Andrea says, coming closer and running a hand through his hair.

“I’m just…” TK motions to the door once more.

“You don’t have to leave on our account son,” Gabriel says.

“TK,” Carlos says, finally realizing TK was still there after his dad addressed him. TK turns toward him seeing the wide-eyed look on his face.

“It’s fine,” TK assures, but Carlos shakes his head. He doesn’t want TK to leave, and he almost feels panic at the thought of TK leaving. TK notices the change in the monitors, so he walks back closer. “Or I can stay. That’s fine too. Whatever you want,” he assures.

A nurse pokes her head in to make sure everything is ok, and TK gives her a kind smile promising everything is fine. She reminds them to buzz if not, and then she’s gone. TK offers his seat to Andrea or Gabriel, but they both wave him off. Gabriel does get Andrea a chair for the other side of the bed and then stands behind her. “This is TK. He works at Grace’s bakery,” Carlos finally gets out after a couple minutes of slowing his breathing. “TK this is my parents Andrea and Gabriel.”

“Oh TK! We’ve heard so much about you. We feel like we already know you,” Andrea gushes, causing both boys to share wide-eyed looks.

“Mi amor,” Gabriel gently shushes.

“Oh stop it. We do and you know it.”

“I… uh… well hope it was all good things,” TK says clearly surprised by this development.

“Oh it was. The girls rave about you and your baking skills. We’ve been meaning to stop in at the bakery, but the ranch keeps us so busy and with Gabriel still working we just haven’t found the time. And…”

“Mi amor,” Gabriel interrupts her once more. She looks over her shoulder at him with a look Carlos knows would make any one of the kids cave in a heartbeat, but Gabriel just gives her one back and nods towards the boys. She turns back to them, and finally takes in both of their wide-eyed expressions.

“Oh querido,” she sighs before squeezing Carlos’s non-injured hand. “Your sisters have been meddling again, haven’t they?”

TK chokes on a barely suppressed laugh as Carlos just sighs. “When aren’t they meddling mama?”

TK does snort a laugh this time, making Carlos grin at him. “They are very persistent mam. But they haven’t been a bother. I just hope they’ve told you all good things.”

“Of course, of course. They have nothing but praise for you.” TK actually blushes at that which Carlos finds just adorable. He turns his attention back to his parents to see how long they’re planning on staying that day. They’ve been there every day since he returned, but he also knows they have a lot of things at home to be taking care of as well.

Andrea had planned on staying well into the night, but Gabriel could tell that there was more to TK’s visit and maybe they’d unintentionally interrupted. Before they can agree on how long they’re going to stay the doctor stops in for his daily rounds. They don’t foresee Carlos having to have any more surgeries, and he’s already been in contact with a therapist at St. David’s. They’re hopeful to have him moved the beginning of next week. They thank the doctor, and then he's gone.

Gabriel suggests that maybe they go get some lunch for the boys that isn’t hospital food and then head home. They already have Carlos’s room ready for when he’s actually discharged, but there’s still some things that will need to be done. They get the boys’ orders, Carlos not really hungry, but agreeing to try something, and then they’re gone.

“Sorry about that,” Carlos murmurs once it’s just them again.

“Nothing to apologize for. I would’ve been surprised if they hadn’t shown up honestly.”

 “Yea well, you see where my sisters get it from now,” he grins, making TK laugh.

“Yes I do,” he chuckles. “But I don’t mind Carlos. Your family is wonderful, just like you.” His parents return with the food before too much more is said. They stay and eat with the boys, TK able to convince Carlos to try more than he would’ve normally, and Andrea feels good knowing TK will be staying with her baby. They hug Carlos and then Andrea pulls TK into a hug whispering a quiet thank you, before she’s pulling away and leaving with Gabriel. He’s not sure what she’s thanking him for, but he has a feeling he’s going to be spending a lot of time with them and learning a whole lot more about the Reyes in the coming days, weeks, and months. Because now that he has Carlos back, he’s not going to be letting him go so easily.

Carlos is moved to St. David’s on Sunday, and everyone is relieved that he’s at least back in Austin. TK is working day shift, not opening or closing, all week, and he has a sneaky suspicion Grace did it on purpose. She claims she doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but he’s able to drop Carlos breakfast, check on him, and bring food for dinner all week. 

He stays with dinner each night and visits until he can see Carlos is too worn out. He’s been doing therapy and rehab almost daily, and TK can tell it’s taking a toll. He does his best not to pry and let Carlos tell him things as he wants. Carlos doesn’t talk much about the therapy sessions, but after two weeks of TK consistently visiting with dinner, Carlos decides to ask him the question that’s been on his mind.

TK can tell something is on Carlos’s mind the whole time they eat, but as usual he doesn’t pry. Once he’s thrown away their trash, he settles into what’s become his chair and just waits him out. He’s dying to ask, but he’s using everything he’s learned from his own therapists over the years, to give Carlos the space to say what he needs to say when he’s ready. TK makes a note to thank his therapist the next time he sees her. 

“Can I ask you something?” Carlos finally asks as TK starts flipping through the channels. 

“Always,” TK smiles, setting the remote down and giving Carlos his undivided attention. 

Carlos won’t look at him; instead his fingers twist the blanket covering his legs repeatedly. “You said, back at Fort Sam, that if I find the right therapist I might be surprised.” 

“I did say that, and I meant it.” TK lays his hand over Carlos’s to still his nervous, restless movement. 

“How do you know if they’re the right one?” 

TK gives him a soft chuckle and squeezes his hand. Carlos does eventually meet his eyes. “You’ll feel extremely comfortable talking to them, almost like this, and you’ll start to see things in a new light. You won't just focus on the tragedy anymore.” 

Carlos just stares at him for the longest, and TK just gives him a soft smile. “I’ve been through my fair share of therapy over the years,” he shrugs. “Sometimes it takes a while to find a good one, and other times you get lucky.” He gives Carlos a minute to think that over. “I take it therapy might not be going so well?” TK hedges when it seems like Carlos might not say anymore. 

Carlos lets out a soft sigh before shrugging. “Been doing group therapy for two weeks, but..  I hate it. I can see a therapist separate from that, but I don’t really like any here.” 

TK hums before he pulls out his phone. He sends a text before turning his attention back to Carlos. “It took a couple tries before I found one I liked too. I finally connected with one in New York; she was truly amazing. And then when I moved here, my therapist in New York did some research for me and found the one I’ve been with here. I just text her to see what her recommendation would be.” 

Carlos doesn’t know what to say to that; he’s speechless. “Don’t worry, I didn’t tell her any specifics. If you have to complete a certain amount here, before they release you we can figure something out, but I stand by my thoughts. With the right therapist, you’re going to get past this. You’ll never forget, but you’ll be ok.” 

Carlos is thankful in that moment more than he can express, and he gives TK a soft smile and a squeeze of his hand, hoping he’ll understand. They spend the rest of the night watching some TV and just enjoying each other’s company until Carlos falls asleep and TK heads home. Carlos is discharged over the weekend; his injuries are healing enough that they send him home. His ankle is still in a cast; his ribs still give him trouble; his wrist is still wrapped, but almost healed so he uses crutches. He texts TK once he’s settled at the ranch. He’s going to miss their nightly dinners, but TK is back to opening this coming week, so he’s not sure he would’ve seen him as much anyways. 

TK is glad Carlos is home, but he is going to miss their nightly dinners as well. He text Carlos off and on throughout the day over the weekend. Carlos is already complaining about being bored because with his ribs still healing, using the crutches isn’t that fun so he’s trying not to move too much. His mother and sisters are hovering too, and while he gets it, he’s also been used to being on his own. TK offers him his sympathies and tells him if he ever wants to get out, TK will gladly spring him. 

During the next week, they text a lot. TK’s therapist had made a house call to visit Carlos, and she’s currently working on getting him set up with someone she thinks he will connect with and will be able to help him. Carlos is grateful and lets TK know. 

I don’t think I can thank you enough for having Kelsey help. I liked her when she was here, so I’m hopeful she’ll find someone. 

You don’t have to thank me. I know how hard it can be when you don’t connect with the person. And it’s partially selfish on my part to want to help you. I’ve kinda come to depend on you just as much, and I don’t want to lose you. 

Carlos smiles as he reads TK’s text. Oh yea? Well I kinda depend on you too. I don’t… I don’t know that I would’ve survived the last two weeks without you. 

I disagree. You would’ve made it. I just brought dinner. 

You did more than that Ty and you know it. Those dinners were the highlights of my days. 

Mine too :) 

Carlos thinks over his next text very carefully. It’s only been a week, but he misses seeing TK’s face. He knows TK has been opening and is probably worn out with it being the week before a holiday, but he really wants to see him. He still can’t drive so he decides to take a risk. 

Would you want to come out here for dinner? I know you’ve been opening, and it’s probably been crazy at the bakery so you can definitely say no. I was just thinking it would be nice to see you again. 

He spent the next twenty minutes until TK was able to respond, spiraling that maybe he overstepped. Maybe TK was glad he wasn’t having to see him every day. Maybe he was just going to be nice and say yes so as not to upset him. It took him a whole two minutes before he was able to read TK’s reply because he was building himself up for rejection. 

I would love to. I’ve missed our nightly dinners. Want me to bring some burritos from the taco truck? 

Carlos couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face and the breath of relief he let out. 

Yea. That would be great. I think my parents are going out tonight so it’ll just be me and still not getting around enough to cook. 

Don’t worry about it. Burritos on me. Text me the address. I get off at 1 and will take a nap before I come out.

Carlos double checks that tonight is his parents monthly date night out, and then he texts TK the address to the ranch. He spends the rest of the day getting ready. He takes a shower and dresses in something other than sweats. He makes sure the living room is picked up and the dining table looks ok even though he knows he gets his cleanliness from his mom and the house will be spotless. 

Once his parents leave, he camps out on the couch and tries to occupy his mind not to spiral or stress out. Carlos knows the Army reinforced his control freak tendency, and not being in control, much less able to do anything, really wrecked havoc with his mind. TK text him when he was leaving town, making sure the burritos were the only thing he needed to bring. Carlos got up and went to the kitchen; Andrea had made some guacamole and salsa earlier that day, so he got it and some chips and carefully carried them to the table. It wasn’t the easiest to do with his crutches, but he made it work. He was just getting glasses for drinks out, when he heard the knock on the screen door. 

“Come in,” he called out, as he hobbled to the kitchen entrance. TK looked worn out even though he’d napped, and Carlos felt bad he’d asked him to come out tonight. 

“Hey,” TK smiled. It lit up his whole face making Carlos smile. 

“Hey, I was just getting drinks.” 

“Go sit. There’s no way you can carry glasses on crutches. Just tell me where everything is and I’ll get it.” He drops the bag of burritos on the table raising his eyebrows at the chips, salsa and guac already there. 

“I’ve learned to adapt,” he shrugs, before listing off drink options in the fridge letting TK get them. 

TK quickly pours them drinks and then joins Carlos at the table. “Are these homemade?” he asks, gesturing to the dips. 

“Yep. Mami made them this morning. They’re a staple around here,” he grins, as he digs into his burrito. 

“I can see why,” TK mumbles around bites of food. He lets out a sexy moan as he tries the homemade dips. “These are amazing.” 

Carlos chuckles softly. “Yea Mami is an excellent cook. She made sure we could all cook as well. I can’t wait to get back to it either. I need something to do.” 

“Wait, you can cook?” 

“Yea. I like it. Helps me relax. Getting lost in a recipe, working with my hands, I’ve always liked it,” he shrugs like it’s no big deal. 

“Well, I can’t wait to try your food because if it’s half as good as this, you might not ever get rid of me,” he laughs. 

Carlos gives him another one of those bashful smiles like he can’t believe TK is real. “I wouldn’t mind that,” he murmurs softly as he feels the blush spread across his cheeks. 

TK gives him another soft smile before talk turns to the bakery and how busy it’s been with Labor Day weekend. TK is glad to have the weekend off to recover. After they talk about weekend plans, TK asks how Carlos’s doctor appointment that week went and what they’re saying about his recovery. Carlos fills TK in on all the doctor appointments; they’re pleased with the rate he is healing, and they’re going to take the stitches and staples out mid-week next week. 

His discharge papers from the Army came in the mail, and he still has mixed feelings about it. He tries to share about it while they eat, but he can’t seem to find the words which frustrates him. “Hey, it’s ok. Some things are harder to share than others, and when you’re ready you will,” TK murmurs squeezing his arm in support. 

Carlos gives him an appreciative nod, but he is still frustrated. They’re mostly done with dinner, so TK starts cleaning up. “Why don’t you go get comfy, and I’ll join you in just a minute,” he suggests. Carlos hates not being able to do anything because TK is the guest here, and should not be cleaning up, but he also knows if he tries to do much, they’ll end up with a bigger mess. 

“Yea, ok.” He hobbles his way to the couch and once he’s as comfortable as he’s going to get, he runs his hands through his curls giving them a tug now that his hair has gotten longer since being home. It relieves the stress he’s feeling to a degree, but he can also hear TK moving around in the kitchen and it amps the stress back up. He’s so lost in his own head he doesn’t hear TK join him on the couch. 

“Carlos,” TK says quietly, not reaching out to touch Carlos even though he really wants to. 

Carlos startles a little, but he drops his hands and looks at TK. “Sorry, I just…” He trails off when the words won’t come and he feels anxiety bubbling to the surface. TK tentatively reaches his hand out, and when Carlos doesn’t flinch away, he lays a hand on Carlos’s forearm giving it a gentle squeeze.

TK lets out a slow breath, his mind made up that now is the time to share more about how much he truly understands Carlos right now. No he didn’t go through something as traumatic, but he gets it more than he suspects anyone else does. “Can I share something with you, so you’ll understand that I can understand where you’re coming from? It’s going to be a lot and I’m going to need to say it all at once, and I don’t know that now is the time to really be sharing this because you’re still recovering from your own trauma, but I want you to know that on some levels I get it, and I want to be there for you.” 

TK slowly met Carlos’s eyes, and Carlos gave him a nod. “I’ll always listen to anything you say,” he murmurs. TK gives him a grateful smile and a nod before letting out a deep breath. He tells Carlos about his childhood and his parents’ divorce. He tells Carlos about middle school and falling into the wrong crowd of friends. He explains how he ended up starting drinking at a young age which then led to smoking some weed which led to harder stuff. He tells Carlos everything about his first rehab stay and how it actually got his parents attention, but ultimately it didn’t last and neither did his sobriety. From there he talks about meeting his therapist in NYC after his second rehab stay and how she was the one to encourage him to follow his love of baking. He finishes with more details on how he actually ended up in Austin and with Grace’s bakery. 

Carlos doesn’t say anything the entire time. He does as promised and just listens to TK talk. He feels his heart breaking for the man in front of him and all the pain he’s endured. “I know it’s a lot and this probably wasn’t the time,” TK sighs softly. 

“No. No, TK. I appreciate it. I… I.” Carlos runs his hands over his face as he tries to gather his thoughts into a coherent sentence. “I can’t even explain how much it means to me that you shared all that. I know it took a lot.” He lets his hand cup and brush TK’s cheek before pulling back. “It means the world that you trust me like that,” he whispers so softly. 

TK gives him an exhausted smile and a nod. “I know this isn’t easy on you, and you’re getting frustrated easily, but I just wanted you to know that I mean it when I say I get it and that you can come to me with anything. I’ll do everything I can to help.” 

They change the subject to more lighter topics for another hour before Carlos can’t ignore the exhaustion radiating off TK. He offers the guest room for him, but TK doesn’t want to impose and heads home instead. He promises to let Carlos know he makes it, and stay in contact. Carlos spends the night turning over TK’s words and all their interactions. He reads back through some of their emails, soaking up TK’s words. 

It’s another couple of days before he hears from Kelsey, but she has him an appointment with her friend Wesley for after his follow-up with the doctor to remove his stitches and check his ribs. He lets his mom know since she will be the one taking him to the follow-up. He text TK the update and TK tells him he can meet him for the appointment if he’d like. Carlos asks if they can meet after instead. He wants to be able to do this; he knows he needs the help even if it goes against everything he ever thought. TK readily agrees and they decide to meet at the bakery and then TK will take him back to the ranch later. 

The appointments go smoother than Carlos expected. His stitches and staples are removed; he has some more x-rays of his ribs, and he’s given another follow up appointment for his ankle. He loathes the crutches, but now that his ribs are mostly healed and his wrist doesn't hurt as much, they’re easier to use. His appointment with Wesley is a lot of getting to know each other and making sure Wesley has all the needed information. What Carlos can’t remember, his medical and military records fill in for now. The questions are easy and Carlos seems to connect with Wesley; it helps that Wesley has previously worked with former and active military members. 

Carlos feels surprisingly comfortable with Wesley, and it helps that they don’t dig into the trauma first thing. Before he knows it, the hour is up and Wesley is getting him on the schedule for in just a couple days. He wants to keep his first few appointments close together so they can build that relationship and start working on helping him heal. Wesley explains that after the first two or three appointments the rest will be spaced out to once a week, unless Carlos feels he needs more, and then they’ll continue to decrease as Carlos continues to manage his PTSD. 

Carlos spends time with TK after his appointment with Wesley; he can feel their friendship bordering on that relationship line, but he also knows he’s not exactly in a place to get in a relationship just yet. Thankfully, TK understands that, and doesn’t pressure him for more. He’s comfortable and content himself, but it feels good that they both can acknowledge their feelings for each other and their desire for more. 

They continue to text almost every day, and some days they even share phone conversations when Carlos just needs to hear TK’s voice to remind himself everything is still very much real. They spend time together on TK’s days off, and once Carlos is cleared to drive, he gains the majority of his independence back. His mother still hovers and his sisters still annoy him, but he doesn’t complain; he’s just thankful he still has this time with them. He’s been home for almost two months, when his trunk arrives from the Army. 

He stares at it for the longest on the front porch before he even moves. He’s been moved from a cast to a walking boot, and he knows he could get it inside and to his room, but it feels too daunting to do on his own.  He hovers over TK’s contact for the longest, but eventually settles on sending him a text. 

Call me when you can talk.

He knows that’s a random, out-of-the-blue text to send TK when he knows TK is at work, but he doesn’t think any of his family will understand, and he doesn’t want to bother Wesley when he’s almost certain he’ll have a client. Carlos has an appointment with him tomorrow anyways, so it’ll be a good thing to discuss. Their sessions have kinda stalled anyways, as Carlos’s memory of the attack still hasn’t returned, but he knows Wesley is doing all he can to give him coping mechanisms. They’ve discussed his feelings on practically everything, except the attack, but Carlos feels like this delivery has set him on edge more than it should. 

He doesn’t have long to spiral in his thoughts before his phone is ringing in his hand and a picture of TK and Charlie is staring back at him. He’d set it as TK’s contact photo, and he loves how much he gets to see it. “Hey,” he answers. 

“Hey yourself. Everything ok?” 

Carlos can hear background noise of the kitchen, and he regrets that he’s worried TK enough to interrupt his shift. “I’m not sure. I’m fine,��� he says before TK can really start to panic. “But I got my personal things from the Army today, and I….” 

“Oh,” TK lets out a soft breath, and Carlos can hear him moving around and then the background noise is gone. “What do you need Carlos?” he asks so gently.

“I…” Carlos feels his nails digging into his skin, and he takes a minute to do some of the breathing exercises Wesley has taught him. “I think I need someone here to help me open it,” he finally gets out. 

TK is glad Carlos can’t see his smile; he’s so happy he’s reaching out for help, and that Carlos wants that help to come from him. He feels his heart breaking a little at how much anxiety he hears in Carlos’s voice though. He checks the clock to see how much longer he has left of his shift before he answers. “I finish my shift in about thirty minutes. I need to run home and change because I’m covered in flour, but I can be there in a little over an hour. Are you going to be ok until then? If not I can go ahead and leave now.”

“No, no, don’t do that.” Carlos hates the thought of TK leaving in the middle of his shift just for him. “I’ll be fine til you get here. Ma has gone shopping with the girls and dad is still at work. Then he’ll go straight to the barn to check in with the hands. I… I’m going to try and get it to my room. There’s no reason I can’t; I’ve just….. When they dropped it off and I had to sign for it, they left it on the porch, and I…. I just froze. I’ve been sitting here in the swing staring at it. I…” 

“Carlos, breathe,” TK murmurs, exaggerating his own breath to stop Carlos’s spiral. “I get it. If you can’t get it there, just leave it and I’ll help you once I’m there. But it’s going to be ok. I promise. I’ve got to get this cake out of the oven, and then I’ll be there. Hour tops ok?” 

Carlos lets out a shaky breath. “Yea… yea I’ll be ok.” 

“If you’re not call me back, but I’ll see you soon.” They hang up and Carlos checks the time. He’s fine; he can make it an hour until TK gets here. He ends up sitting on the porch for another forty-five minutes before he makes his way over to the trunk. He carefully picks it up, and it’s not until he does that he notices an envelope on top. He carries the trunk to his room, and sits it down on the floor as he sinks to his bed. He picks up the envelope carefully, turning it over, inspecting everything. 

The return address is what makes him catch his breath. He stares at, until he feels himself gasping. It falls from his hands as he doubles over, feeling the tears stream down his cheeks unbidden. He’s gasping for air, and that’s how TK finds him. “Carlos! Hey, hey, hey. It’s ok,” TK soothes. He gently pushes Carlos back up to sitting, and he takes one of Carlos’s hands and lays against his own chest. “We’re just going to breathe ok?” Carlos sorta nods so TK takes that as his cue to slow down his breathing. He murmurs softly to Carlos the whole time until Carlos is able to steadily breathe on his own. 

TK tentatively reaches up and wipes the tears off Carlos’s cheeks, and he’s thankful when Carlos doesn’t flinch back. He stays kneeling on the floor in front of him and gives him a few minutes to compose himself. “Wanna tell me what happened?” TK asks softly. He sees the trunk on the floor near the bed, but he’s not sure if that was the trigger or not. Carlos shakes his head, but he points at an envelope on the floor beside TK. “May I?” TK asks, pointing to it as well. 

Carlos gives him a shaky nod and lays back on his bed feeling exhausted. TK carefully picks up the envelope, and upon seeing the return address, he instantly knows what happened. He climbs up on the bed still holding the envelope. “Oh Carlos. I’m so sorry,” he whispers, giving Carlos’s hand a squeeze. Carlos still isn’t able to say anything and is just staring at the ceiling. 

TK just lays back beside him, still holding his hand, following his lead. “I didn’t see it til I picked the trunk up to carry it in. I didn’t see the address til I got in here.” His voice is soft and slightly hoarse sounding, but TK knows that’s just from all the gasping. 

“What can I do?” 

Carlos rolls his head to look at TK. TK can see the tears still swimming in his eyes, and he can’t stop himself from reaching up to wipe under his lids. Carlos is holding his other hand like a lifeline, and TK doesn’t even consider letting it go. “Just be here, for now,” he finally whispers. 

“Always.” TK gives him a sad smile, as they lay there letting Carlos process his thoughts. After several minutes, he finally sits up, pulling TK with him. “I don’t even remember what all is in here,” he sighs, dragging the trunk over to the bed. 

“Well I’d be happy to find out with you,” he grins. He lets Carlos undo the lock and flip the lid open. On top is his laptop; he hadn’t even realized he was missing it. Underneath was his old cell phone, a couple of notebooks, some pictures of his family he’d taken with him, his shoes and clothes, and at the very bottom was the letters he’d written to his family, Colton, and TK. “Is this….” TK trails off, unable to ask the question burning through his brain when he pulls out the envelopes from the bottom of the trunk. 

Carlos nods but answers TK verbally as well. “Yea… It’s…. It’s the same thing laying here,” he whispers, picking up the envelope on the bed beside him. 

“There’s one for me?” 

Carlos gives him a rueful smile as he nods. “Of course. You are one of my best friends TK. There was a lot at the time that I couldn’t say to you, but that I wanted you to know if something were to ever happen. I prayed you never got that letter, but I knew I had to write it because war is so uncertain.” 

TK lays the letters back into the top of the trunk before rejoining Carlos on the bed. Carlos is staring at the envelope in his hands and TK runs a hand up his back hoping to provide him some level of comfort. “Do you want to read it?” He feels Carlos tense beneath his hands, but TK just keeps rubbing his back. 

“I don’t know that I can.” 

“That’s ok. You’ll be able to read it one day. It doesn’t have to be today or tomorrow or even next week. But you’re going to want to know what he said, and you’ll get to the place where you can read it. Doesn’t mean it won’t bring a ton of pain, but you’ll be able to get through it.” 

Carlos is quiet once more as he continues to stare at it. “I don’t think I want to read it with Wesley tomorrow, but…. I wouldn’t mind reading it with you.” 

“I’d be honored,” TK whispers, giving Carlos a side hug. Carlos shakily opens the envelope and pulls out a couple pieces of paper. TK’s hand never stops moving on his back and Carlos appreciates the simple gesture more than he’d ever be able to tell him. The familiar handwriting comes into focus, but Carlos can already tell it’s going to be blurred by tears. 

“I…” He trails off not sure what he’s going to ask for, as he wipes the tears once more. “Could you…” He holds the letter out to TK, and he sighs as TK takes it from him. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind, but I want to make sure you’re ok with me reading this.” 

“I’m sure. I…. I don’t think I could get through all of it because of the tears.” 

“That’s ok,” TK reassures him, before turning his attention to the pages before him. He clears his throat and begins to read. 

TK pauses waiting to see if Carlos is going to do it, and he can’t help but smile when Carlos follows the count exactly as Colton detailed.

Carlos,

My man, my best friend, the other half of the double C duo. I know I don’t do sappy shit, but for you I do. If you’re reading this then the worst actually happened. I almost didn’t write one of these because in my eyes we’re both invincible, but I took your words to heart and wrote a couple of these. If you’re reading this, it means that not only am I gone, but you’re still here. I don’t know what that means for you, physically at least, but I know how you think, and how you operate. On some level you’re going to be blaming yourself whether it was your fault or not. I’m going to say no matter how it happens it wasn’t your fault and don’t blame yourself. I’m also going to say to breathe. In for five, hold for five, out for five. Don’t ever forget that when you’re feeling like the world is too much and the panic creeps in. In for five, hold for five, out for five. It’s never let you down yet. Before you read any further I want you to do that. Breathe.

I’m also going to say I hope you’re not reading this alone. I hope someone, maybe even TK if you two ever got your head out of your asses, is there with you. Don’t close yourself off Carlos. You’re too good for this world not to be surrounded by people. Don’t let whatever happens be what closes you off. I would say don’t let it change you, but that would be hypocritical. I know if something were to happen to you, it would change me, but I don’t want you to become a shell of who you are. You’re one of the best friends a guy could ever ask for, and I was the luckiest guy around when we connected at Benning. I was even luckier when we worked so well together we got to stay together as a partnership. You made my life brighter, better, and you don’t know how many times I’ve said thank you, that you became my best friend. 

Carlos you deserve the world man and I hope you get it. I hate I'm not going to be here to see it, but know I'm never far away. Make sure you dump everything out of the envelope too. I sent something else with this. Something I want you to have because I know you'll cherish it. 

TK pauses once more as Carlos picks up the envelope and dumps it out finding Colt's gold cross necklace. He stifles another sob as he turns it over and over in his hand. It's so thin and he's not surprised he missed it when he pulled the letter out. TK gives him another minute before he continues reading. 

I'm guessing you found it. You know what that cross meant to me and I added it to your envelope just before our last mission. You know I had bad feelings about the mission to begin with, so I rewrote this so I could tell you everything I never did. I'm guessing that last mission probably did me in, and Carlos I'm going to say it again. It wasn't your fault. No matter what, don't blame yourself. 

Go home. Have a life. Fall even more in love with the green eyed boy from the city. And don't deny it. TK if you're there reading this with him, and I think you might be just from what I've heard about you, stay with him. He's worth it. And he might not say it yet, but he loves you. Like a lot man. I've never seen him happier than when he comes back from leave or after he gets an email or talks to you. You make him happy. 

TK chokes a laugh at the fact Colton addressed him in a letter to Carlos. Carlos shakes his head with a slight smile as he wipes his eyes. "He never let me get away with any bullshit," Carlos whispers. 

TK leans over and gives Carlos’s hand a squeeze. "I know nothing is going to make this better for a while, but he sounds like a great friend." He gives him another moment before finishing the letter.

I should probably wrap this up. We're leaving out in five. Carlos, don't ever forget your training and what this life has taught you, but once you're out, move on. Have a life. Don't dwell on this, on the deployments, on the things we saw and did. Don't let me being gone hold you back. I lived my life doing what I loved, and died doing the same. Can't ask for more than that. I knew there was a chance I'd never make it home, but somehow I always knew you would. Live a life you'd be proud of, have the family you never let yourself dream about and find something you're going to enjoy doing for a career. And just know wherever life takes you, I'll always be looking down on you. I love you brother. 

Colt

TK carefully folded the letter and laid it down on top of the trunk. He stayed silent with one hand still laced with Carlos’s as Carlos tried to catch his breath and stop the tears. "You're stronger than you know," he whispers. He softly leans up and wipes some of the tears. "And Colt was right about a lot of things in that letter." 

Carlos gives him a shaky nod, his hand not in TK's gripping the cross necklace. "Want me to put that on for you?" TK asks him carefully. Carlos gives him another shaky nod and hands the necklace to TK.  TK is careful as he clasps the thin chain around Carlos’s neck. Carlos lays back against the bed once more feeling complete exhaustion. "Would you like me to go so you can rest?" 

Carlos grabs onto TK's arm quickly to keep him from moving. His breathing even picked up a little. "Please don't leave." 

"Ok, ok I won't go anywhere," TK promises as he stretches out beside Carlos. He starts softly talking, about anything that comes to mind to distract Carlos enough to rest. He tells him about the bakery and the latest things Charlie has done. He tells him about things Marjan and Paul have told him about from the firehouse and before he knows it Carlos is asleep. TK pulls the blankets up around him and just watches him sleep. He makes a silent promise to Carlos and to Colt that he'll do everything possible to protect Carlos’s heart. Colt might know how much Carlos loves TK but he didn't know that TK felt the same. And one day they'd get into all that, but for now he's happy and content to just be his friend and help him heal. 

It’s another two months from the time Carlos received his personal items from the army and the letter from Colt before his memories of that fateful day start creeping in. It starts as a nightmare when he’s staying over at TK’s, both of them deciding to take their friendship into a relationship after their day with Colt’s letter. He wakes with a scream that could wake the dead. TK is instantly awake and trying to calm him down. It takes a few tries but Carlos does finally settle enough to go back to sleep. Another time, they’re walking through the park walking the dog TK decided to adopt when he hears a truck backfire. He ducks jerking TK down with him before he’s frozen caught in another memory. He has several flashbacks at different times, and each time they steal his breath and leave him feeling helpless. 

He works through every flashback and attack with Wesley, but it’s not enough that he gets a full picture of that day or how to handle it. He hasn’t been able to share it with TK yet either. He doesn’t want to bring him that pain, but he also wants to have the full memory back so he doesn’t have to repeat it more than once. He works with Wesley on attempts to recall the rest of his memory, but it seems fruitless. Wesley promises him that it will return in full, and that once his mind feels ready to process it all, he will. Carlos isn’t sure he believes him, but so far Wesley hasn’t led him astray. 

It’s a random Thursday afternoon; Carlos is at the bakery with TK. He’s taken to spending some time in the kitchen with him, at Grace’s insistence once TK let it slip that he could cook. Grace was trying to convince him to come to work as a chef, so they could expand into a bakery and café, but he wasn’t that confident in his skills just yet. He’d considered it because he was getting bored and restless, especially when TK was at work, and there was only so much he could do around the ranch when his dad still paid hands to work during the days. But he wasn’t ready to commit just yet. 

He’s helping TK by kneading some dough for homemade bread when it happens. His hands punch the bread down before the second proof, and he just freezes. He no longer sees the bakery kitchen; he’s back in the sand and dessert. 

They’re rolling through the streets heading to attempt a rescue for a member of another unit that had been taken hostage by a group of jihadist. The mood is different than normal, more somber, less joking. Colt is sitting to his left and instead of their usual joking manner, he’s staring out the window, gun at the ready. “Hey, you good?” Carlos leans over and asks him. Colt finally looks at him and nods. “I’m telling ya, something don’t feel right about this.” 

Carlos gives him a nod in understanding. He has to admit that their rescue plans seem rushed, but he also gets the urgency. “We’ll be fine. We’ll get set-up up high, and we’ll cover them as they go in. In and out.” 

Colt lets out a sigh but nods, turning his attention back to the road. In the next instant they hear the explosion, and look ahead to see the lead humvee being blown to bits. He feels Colt grab his arm as their own humvee comes to a stop. “Let’s go,” Colt grunts throwing open his door and scanning the area all around them. Carlos leaves his sniper rifle and makes sure his gun is loaded before following Colt out. They stand back to back as the other humvees unload. “We can’t stay here. We’re too open,” Carlos yells, hearing Colt agree. They move as one towards the front to check for survivors, like they’re trained, before they hear gunfire ringing around them. 

They see one of the other humvees fighting off what would be kidnappers, and Carlos and Colt duck behind one of the humvees. “What do we do?” Carlos asks breathlessly, hoping Colt would have some answers. 

“We fight,” he says decisively, and Carlos agrees with him. The next few minutes are a blur of bullets, yelling, explosions, blood, and tears. Carlos isn’t sure how long it goes on, but he never loses sight of his partner. The next instant seems like fast forward and slow motion all rolled into one. Colt is facing down a terrorist and Carlos feels frozen. Colt screams at him to run, but Carlos doesn’t. He opens fire around them; there’s no way he’s letting Colt become a kidnapped victim; he doesn’t even register the bullet he takes to his shoulder as he’s firing like crazy. Colt draws his pistol and fires some shots, disregarding the gun that had been trained on him when he sees a sniper in the distance aiming at Carlos. Carlos watches as bullets from nearby men pierce through Colt, and it’s only later he realizes he is screaming knowing what this could mean for his best friend. 

Colt shoves him out of the way at the last second, and it’s only then Carlos realizes Colt took the kill shot from the sniper for him. Most of their unit is down, injured or dead. Carlos is crawling over to Colt, begging and pleading that his best friend is ok, even though subconsciously he knows he’s not. He looks up at the man that had tried to kidnap Colt, and before Carlos can kill him, the man utters some words in Arabic that Carlos doesn’t understand, but he feels the bullet pierce through his side, and he knows this is it for him as well. His head hits Colt’s chest as he fights through the pain and he cries for his best friend. He passes out before he realizes that one of the humvees in the back called in support. Two weeks later he wakes in Germany, to learn he is the sole survivor of the attack. 

TK watches as Carlos freezes, his hands down in the dough, his breathing becoming ragged. He quickly grabs a stool and places it behind Carlos. He isn’t sure whether to touch him or not, never knowing what Carlos is going to be seeing or how he’ll react to touch, but he doesn’t want Carlos to fall and get hurt. “Babe?” he tries not really expecting a response. He yells out to Grace that he’s going to be tied up and to keep everyone out of the kitchen for a bit, and when she pokes her head in to see what’s up, she instantly understands. 

TK gently removes Carlos’s hand from the bread, and when his boyfriend is still unresponsive, he gently eases him down on the stool. “Carlos, I need you to breathe,” TK tries. Carlos is holding his breath, his eyes glazed over as he watches whatever his mind is showing him. “Fuck,” TK sighs, feeling absolutely helpless. 

He takes Carlos’s hand and places it against his own chest, exaggerating his breathing in the hopes Carlos will blindly follow it. He doesn’t but TK can see he’s starting to come back around after a few minutes. “Carlos. Breathe. Please breathe for me,” TK tries, cradling Carlos’s cheek. 

The touch to his cheek is like a snap back into reality, and if it wasn’t for TK’s grip on him, Carlos is sure he would’ve face planted off the stool. He’s gasping for air as TK holds him up. “Breathe babe. I’ve got you. Match my breathing,” he soothes. He doesn’t say it out loud, but he’s following the count Colt detailed in the letter, hoping Carlos will pick it up. It takes several starts and stops with gasps in between but when TK starts counting the breaths out loud, Carlos follows it.

“He… he…. He…” He breaks off into another sob that completely breaks TK’s heart. 

“Carlos it’s ok. Just breathe babe.”

He goes back to counting their breaths out loud until Carlos is getting air once more. “How bout you just sit here and breathe and I’m going to get you some water, clean up real quick and we’ll go home? Ok?” 

“You’re not…”

TK runs his hand through Carlos’s hair calming him as he silences him with a finger to his lips. “We’re done for today. Just let me pick this stuff up and tell Grace.” Carlos gives him a feeble nod as he works on stopping the tears and keeping his breaths even. TK speeds around the kitchen cleaning up their mess, being sure to keep an eye on Carlos. He lets Grace know they’re going to sneak out the back, and she makes him promise to let her know they’re ok later. He gives her a hug for being the best, and then he gets Carlos and they head for TK’s apartment. 

Once inside, he settles Carlos on the couch, Buttercup coming over to lay at his feet. Carlos reaches down and scratches the dog’s ears as TK puts their things away. “Do we need to call Wesley?” TK asks joining Carlos on the couch. 

Carlos shakes his head no before laying down on the couch with his head in TK’s lap. TK’s fingers card through his hair which really helps to relax him, as Carlos’s hand grips his necklace. “I remembered everything,” he finally whispers. He hears TK’s sharp inhale, but TK’s fingers don’t stop playing with his curls and Carlos is thankful. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” TK carefully asks. 

“I should. I’ve…” he takes another deep centering breath. “I’ve been wanting to tell you what all I remember as I've remembered, but I wasn’t sure I could repeat everything more than once.”

“That’s ok babe. Just share things as you are ready. This is about you not me.” 

“But I want you to know all of me, and this is a part of me.” 

TK gives him a soft smile. “I know. But we have all the time in the world to know everything about each other. Just take your time.” 

Carlos gives him a smile that’s tinged with sadness. “I used to think we had all the time in the world too. But losing Colt has made me realize we don’t always have as much time as we think.”

Carlos stops TK before he can apologize for his careless statement, and instead launches into what happened at the bakery. He tells TK everything in one go. He repeats some things TK already knows, like how he and Colt met and became best friends, but he shares everything from his time in the army. It feels good to get it all out there, even the parts he used to censor from his emails. Detailing the attack for TK is the hardest. Especially when it makes TK cry. Carlos gets it though; it’s a lot for someone who was there, he can’t imagine what hearing about it would be like. Especially when it was about someone you loved deeply. 

Carlos feels exhausted by the time he is done talking, but he feels like a weight has been lifted off his soul. TK leans down placing a soft kiss on his lips. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that, but I’m so so so so damn proud of you for being able to talk about it. You are the strongest person I know, and truly my hero,” he grins, getting a watery smile from Carlos. “Colt would be proud of you too,” TK whispers after several minutes of silence. “I know it’s hard not to blame yourself, especially now that you remember, but just remember what he said to you in that letter, and know I’ll be here to remind you of it too.” 

Carlos ends up staying that night, and the next day Wesley is able to work him in. It’s great progress that Carlos was able to remember it all, and they work through his feelings on the attack. It takes a couple of weeks of going back to weekly sessions with Wesley before Carlos is able to believe that it wasn’t his fault his best friend died, and during that time TK stayed right by his side. Carlos might have lost his best friend ever, but he gained something as well. He gained a great love with a great guy, that he’s still not sure how he got so lucky to have. 

It takes a year of being home, and working through all the trauma of being the sole survivor from his unit, before Carlos is ready to focus on the future he wants for his life. He and TK moved in together after six months of dating; TK became Grace’s partner at the bakery; Charlie was more than happy at gaining a second uncle in Carlos and she thought both of them truly hung the moon. TK and Carlos visited Colton’s home town in North Carolina on the anniversary of the attack in Afghanistan. It felt like the last piece in healing, getting to say a proper goodbye to his brother. When they returned to Texas he finally took Grace up on the offer to try out being a chef and expand the bakery. They added seating and expanded the kitchen with the help of Judd and some of his buddies that worked construction. The café side officially opened and was a major hit in the town. Carlos was an excellent chef and it was a lot of fun getting to work with TK. He never thought he’d get to have this life, but he thanks his lucky stars every day that he does. And he knows somewhere out there Colt is looking down on him smiling that Carlos was able to move on and be happy. A year later he and TK get married in a small ceremony on the ranch, and two years later when he and TK finally expand their family using a surrogate, they welcome a gorgeous baby boy named Colton Jason after the uncle he’d never meet but would always know.

[maxbegone]

may there be abundant peace

Carlos sighs. “Baby, I’m so sorry.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m so sorry.”

It warrants no further reply, because at this point Carlos is crying along with him, resting his forehead against his temple and securing his hold even tighter.

If he didn’t feel so numb, TK would reciprocate somehow. But this day has been simultaneously a blur and the sharpest image, burned red-hot in his brain. He could relive every single moment in perfect accuracy, he swears. __

An introspective episode coda sometime after the events of 3.07 and 3.08.

[lire-casander]

work in progress wednesday

the fic™ has officially reached 62k, and i have just 2 more chapters left to write and a week and a half to write them. that means around 12k more of fic for you!

you're all going to hate me for this, but it needed to be done... i'm putting this excerpt under the cut and then I'll slowly walk away so @doublel27, @meloingly, @tarlos-spain, @moviegeek03, @breannacasey, @morganaspendragonss and the rest of the fans this fic already has won't kill me.

fair warning: this is angsty.

Carlos wants to scream at himself for allowing this to happen; for letting TK get even more broken than he already is because of Carlos’ own insecurities when it comes to his parents’ traditional views on life and love. 

He’s never introduced a boyfriend to them. He’s been so scared that they wouldn’t accept his lifestyle, after having given everything up when he moved to New York City to follow Iris’ last wishes. They’d been hesitant of talking about his sexuality before, ever since he came out to them. He wishes he could tell TK, but his boyfriend is fuming right now — with good cause, Carlos is very much aware of that — and it’s not the best timing to explain how Carlos’ love life isn’t discussed at the Reyes household.

They enter a staring match right then, TK almost in Carlos’ personal space with his eyes ablaze and his lips trembling. Carlos is trying not to budge; he knows TK’s been hurt lately, not just because of Enzo passing away but also because of Alex’s betrayal that dented TK’s soul in a way no other loss had affected him before. Up until now, Carlos had thought that nothing would hold the capacity of destroying TK Strand ever again, not after he survived Alex and the downfall that followed.

Looking into TK’s hurt eyes right now, a shadow of the brightness that’s usually there because of Carlos, he’s painfully aware of the hurt he’s caused in the man he’s fallen in love with.

[tngrace]

Seven Sentence Sunday

Tagged by @moviegeek03 💙 I just posted a new chapter today for my TGM fic, and I really need to be giving my 911 LS BB fic another read thru for editing. So have 7 sentences from the BB in the hopes it motivates me to edit it this week.

He doesn’t have long to spiral in his thoughts before his phone is ringing in his hand and a picture of TK and Charlie is staring back at him. He’d set it as TK’s contact photo, and he loves how much he gets to see it. “Hey,” he answers.

“Hey yourself. Everything ok?”

Carlos can hear background noise of the kitchen, and he regrets that he’s worried TK enough to interrupt his shift. “I’m not sure. I’m fine,” he says before TK can really start to panic. “But I got my personal things from the Army today, and I….”

[tngrace]

His sister finally responded to what seemed like a thousand texts he’d sent her. Sorry Carlitos, got held up at the courthouse. I'm on my way. Have you met TK yet?

Carlos was going to kill her. She’d set him up and he didn’t even realize it. Yes. No thanks to you. We talked for a few. He thought I was being stood up which I kinda was. See you soon. You're ordering your own food.

Carlos huffed as he pocketed his phone and swirled some of his coffee. He’d taken to drinking it straight black since he joined the army, but he still swirled it occasionally as if he was mixing creamer in. TK came back out as Carlos was fixing to take a bite of his eclair. “Well?” he asks, pulling out the chair across from Carlos.

“Hmmmmm,” Carlos pretended to think to tease TK.

“Oh stop it. The muffin is gone and you look like you could devour that eclair,” TK smirked.

“I will admit. That was probably the best muffin I'd ever had. Don’t tell my mother I said that though.”

“No worries. Secrets are safe with me,” TK laughed. He was practically beaming at Carlos’s praise of his food though. “So is your sister coming?” TK eventually asked.

“Yea, supposedly. Said she got held up at the courthouse. I think she was just trying to set me up subtly though.”

“Oh yea? Doesn’t look like it worked,” TK chuckled, looking around the bakery seeing only the older people still in their corner.

Carlos blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yea about that…. Apparently it was you she was subtly trying to set me up with. She specifically asked in text if I’d met you.”

“Me???” TK’s confused face was adorable. “Wait. Who’s your sister?”

Carlos let out a sigh, which made TK laugh. “Sophia Reyes Lopez, Austin’s top public defender.”

“Oooohhh.” TK’s face was priceless. Carlos started to apologize for his sister, but TK continued. “Wait you must be the and I quote ‘hot brother Carlos who is in the army’ that she has been trying to get me to meet.”

Carlos groaned as he hid his face in his hands. “I swear I’m going to kill her,” he mumbled into his hands.

“It’s fine,” TK laughs. “She means well. She tells me all about you though. I think she just doesn’t want you to be alone.”

Carlos shakes his head but he can feel that his face is blood red. “Yea well, Army life makes it hard for relationships. And I've still got a minimum of two years left. So it doesn’t seem fair to ask anyone to wait, and I haven’t really found anyone.” He blushes at how much he has shared with a stranger. “Sorry. That’s not, I usually…”

“It’s fine Carlos.” TK gives him a reassuring smile. “Sometimes it’s nice to unload on someone.”

[tngrace]

When you make an 10 bullet point outline that is in theory going to get you your word count limit for this fic only to realize you way far deviated after bullet point 3 👀🙈

[tngrace]

What’s your fic about??

Summary: Carlos joins the Army instead of the Police Academy. TK becomes a baker instead of a firefighter. They happen to meet at a bakery in Austin; TK is a baker there, only been there a few months, when he meets Carlos who is home on a short leave. That chance meeting leads to a friendship that develops over texts and emails until Carlos is medically discharged from the Army. Carlos comes home a different person than he left, but TK is there for him.

[tngrace]

ITS DONE 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 I honestly wasn't sure I'd be able to do this, but I pushed myself and ran with an idea and I was able to do it. I can't wait to see what the artist come up with for it or be able to post this for yall. 🥰

[tngrace]

Last Line Tag

rules: write the latest line from a wip and tag as many people as there are words in the line.

Tagged by: @noxsoulmate - thanks for the tag. As I'm currently working on my @911lsbb fic, I actually have something to share. I'll be sharing more for WIP this week but for now, have this:

His sisters have taken too Cooper like a second younger brother, and since they think he's settled with TK, even though he hasn't talked to him since returning to base, they've turned their attention to making sure Cooper is happy too.

Theres no way i can tag that many people so no pressure Tagging: @moviegeek03 @toews-a-peek @marjansmarwani @djdangerlove @howtosingit @aliceschuyler @bellakitse @iboatedhere @reyescarlos @reyesstrand @ravens-words

[lire-casander]

wip wednesday

for wip wednesday, i'm bringing you the rewriting of a part of the @911lsbb fic that i've been working on. yesterday was a very tough day for me, writing-wise, and i want to thank @noxsoulmate @doublel27 @tarlos-spain and @moviegeek03 for their hand-holding and the patience they showed me yesterday, and @alidravana and @breannacasey for their input and their love. you guys are the best, and are also responsible for me writing this monster.

anyway, after this looooong introduction, i am ready to share a big chunk of what i rewrote yesterday. i hope you guys like it.

TK sighs into the mic before muttering, “I’m done with this bullshit.” He surprises everyone, Carlos included, by dropping the microphone and rushing out of the stage. There's a collective groan as he disappears through one of the sides, the reverberation of the cacophony created by the microphone crashing onto the floor following him.

Carlos blinks.

He isn't sure about what has just happened. It's true that he hasn't attended a massive show since before moving to New York City — and just thinking about how long that's been makes him feel old — but he's pretty positive that shows don't abruptly end with one of the singers fleeing the place.

"Papi," Leyre says, tugging at his sleeve. "Is the show over?"

Carlos frowns. "It may seem so, but a show isn't over until all the lights are back on."

As if on cue, the venue — that had been dimly lit for the duration of the show — lights up in bursts of colors, almost blinding them all. The groan from before turns into a booing session, the whole of the crowd showing their discomfort at how the sudden end of the show is being handled; nobody steps forward to explain, leaving it to the robotic voice over the speakers to repeat rhythmically that the exits are at both sides of the venue.

"What a bummer," Mateo mutters under his breath. "This shouldn't have ended like this. We've been robbed of the wedding."

"Not sure there would have been a wedding, after that video leak," Tommy says, waving her phone. Carlos catches the image frozen on the screen, a blurry screenshot of two people kissing. "Alex is a je—not a good person."

"We're big girls, Mom," Evie says. "You can say he's a jerk."

"No wonder they end up at the principal’s several times a semester," Nancy teases them. "But you're right. Cheating is a horrible thing to do to anyone."

"Agreed," Carlos mumbles. The memory of finding out the secret lover Dan had been keeping from him for months still stings, five years down the line. "What do you say, we go grab some ice cream?" he offers as they step out into the street. "To make up for the lack of wedding."

The girls squeal, delighted, and Mateo whoops. Carlos chuckles when Tommy throws a pointed look at him and Nancy simply leads the way to her favorite ice cream parlor, which also happens to be a couple of blocks away.

"Underneath this hard Daddy exterior there's a big soft teddy bear," Tommy says as she falls into step with him.

"Shhh," he stage-whispers. "It's my secret power."

"My lips are sealed," she says, playfully shoving his shoulder as they follow Nancy.

[lire-casander]

wip wednesday

i wasn't about to share anything today. it's been a long, weird day, and i haven't been able to write as much as i would have wanted to. but, apparently, my brain has decided to work while i was in class and i've finished chapter 9 of the fic™ at a whooping 8k+.

right now, the fic™ is sitting at 70k+ (@meloingly you were right, i'm still in need of one more chapter and i'm afraid it will be around 10k long so... you were right: the fic™ will end up being over 75k). i don't know how that happened. i don't know if it's any good. all i know is that i'm going to miss writing these characters once the fic is over. i hope all the people i've personally bothered with it (i'm looking at you @tarlos-spain @moviegeek03 @noxsoulmate @doublel27 @breannacasey @marjansmarwani @morganaspendragonss and everyone at the server where i've mainly just cried and complained)

so, for now, just enjoy a bit of carlos and andrea talking. i know it's not much, but i love andrea so much.

Once they’re left alone in the kitchen, Carlos busies himself with fixing the mashed potatoes. He hopes the rest of time they spend with the food preparation is quiet, but he sees his hopes crushed when his mother says, “I’ve been thinking, when will you be arriving in Austin for Christmas?”

“Uh, night before Christmas Eve, but I’m not sure about the time,” he offers. “I need to check it. Do you need the exact timetable now?”

“No,” his mother says with a warm smile. “You can confirm it later. And,” she adds, trying to make it sound like it’s an afterthought, but Carlos knows her well enough to be aware that it, in fact, isn’t. “Will you be bringing your friend TK with you?”

“What?” Carlos halts his movements mid-mashing, arm stretched in an awkward angle, as he stares agape at his mother. “Why on Earth would I be bringing—” He splutters, unable to finish his question, too taken aback by both the fact that his mother remembered TK’s name correctly and the fact that she remembered TK, period.

“Because he’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” Andrea Reyes, Carlos had discovered throughout the years, could be many things, but subtle when it concerned her son, she wasn’t. “At least, that’s what all the gossip magazines and Jesse Corbet say. Not that you’ve told your mother or anything.”

[lire-casander]

it seems like i've found my groove again and i'm on a roll writing the fic™ even if i think it's not coming out as nicely as it should be. good thing is that i'm already starting chapter 8 out of 10. better thing is that we're officially over 53k. bad thing is that i only have until may 14th to finish the 18k approx words that are left to write. and i have exams. and i have class. and i have a very demanding job.

well, i guess sleep is overrrated, isn't it?

i know for a fact that @tarlos-spain, @noxsoulmate, @moviegeek03, @meloingly and @doublel27 will be very excited to know that this is still being written.

but for now, please enjoy these six sentences of pure angst.

For the longest time, Carlos thought home would be wherever his parents were, be it the ranch or a condo in downtown Austin that Carlos bought fresh off the Academy and that his mother helped him decorate. Then, when Iris left him with Leyre, Carlos learned that home was wherever his daughter would be. Now, Carlos is not so sure that his idea of home doesn’t include a small preteen with sorrowful eyes and a grown-up singer with the ability to read Carlos’ soul like an open book. 

And yet, the mere mention of Dan is enough to throw him off balance.

It hasn’t even been a mention. Carlos is aware that Marjan couldn’t have really known what she was hinting at with her sassy attitude; he knows it's been just that, an unfortunate comment that’s rubbed him the wrong way.

[lire-casander]

six sentence sunday

remember how i said i wouldn't be sharing much more of the fic™? well, i was lying.

i'm still working on this and i hope it will be finished as soon as next week. but meanwhile, please enjoy a bit of domestic sadness.

TK’s sitting on his couch, with a guitar in his lap as he scribbles down on a music sheet, when the doorbell rings. The noise startles him, making him lose the pencil he was using and scratch the paper. He’s alone in the penthouse; Jonah is at school, enjoying the last day before Christmas break — and before the school closes, shortly after they come back to class — and his team has a day off. TK wanted to write music, and for that he needed the quietness of an empty apartment. He’s only gotten out to bring Jonah to school and back, carefully avoiding running into Carlos. He’s still in awe at how many times he can bolt out of the school’s street without seeing his ex-boyfriend.

[lire-casander]

a poll, you say? a poll!

so, apparently i've lost my mind because i'm actually thinking about music for the fic™, and since i can't make up my mind about it, i've decided to ask you guys!

it's a spoiler-free poll, since i won't be giving out details about who will be performing the song or writing it or whatever. please remember that we have two singers in the fic™ but also several characters who could very much sing a song/write a song/think about doing it.

help me? pretty please? thanks!

[lire-casander]

six sentence sunday

another sunday, another moment of sharing the @911lsbb fic that's slowly becoming a monster. we're at 27k+ and we're only on chapter 4!

wanna read some more on it?

"TK," Paul's tries to say. "Assuming this guy doesn't have a boyfriend or a life," he glares at Marjan when she pointedly coughs, "I'm not sure that's what we will be telling the world. Is this the message you want to send? My fiancé cheated on me so I started dating some stranger on a whim?"

"You'll become an even funnier joke, T," Judd tries to warn him, but TK closes his eyes and focuses on the memory of those eyes as the need to use grows inside of him.

And as the warmth that the memory of Carlos' smile spreads through his soul works magically to soothe him, TK knows he's not making a mistake this time.

[lire-casander]

six sentence sunday

this is probably one of the last pieces of the fic™ i will be sharing before it gets posted. the deadline for this to be done is may 14, but i still need to finish around 5k of chapter 9 and around 6k of chapter 10 before next saturday (spoiler: no way it's happening, so i'll most likely need to ask for an extension).

enjoy this little bit of the fic™ before i stop sharing bits of it altogether!

"On it!" Marjan exclaims, swiping furiously on her tablet. "I'll make sure the charity is set up and ready to go by the time the fundraiser takes place."

True to her word, Marjan offers him the last of the papers to sign for the charity when he's stepping out of the car at the Madison Square Garden where the fundraiser is taking place. He flourishly scribbles his name and draws the signature he's perfected over the years at the bottom of the last page presented to him, and smiles as Marjan closes the clipboard with a clap.

"We're all set," she announces before Paul takes over, placing a hand on the small of TK's back and guiding him inside. "All you have to do is announce the name when you're given your cheque," she continues as they all rush to his dressing room.