#911 8.08 coda

[chefbuck]

i hold one card that i can't use

aka 8.08 coda fic, wc: 1.4k

--

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It’s wasn’t supposed to be this long. But then a week passed. And then another, and another and suddenly months have accumulated and the Diaz household has never felt so boney. And Buck watched his best friend wilt away as the days went by. 

But then— Then Eddie answered the door pantsless and although something inside Buck slumps at the sight of no mustache, for the first time in months Eddie looks lighter. He looks like he’s finally breathing again. And how could Buck feel anything but relief?

And yes, Tommy. Tommy is just another dot on the list of people who have seen Buck and not found him good enough to stick around for. Its— Its—

Buck’s still processing. 

Whatever. He’s doing his damnedest not to backslide because healthy coping is part of his new regimen and he’s focused on centering his feelings and frustrations into baking things for his loved ones who actually stick around. 

He’s just finishing handing over a basket of banana nut loaf and chocolate chip cookies and breakfast scones into Eddie’s hands when he tells him he’s moving to Texas. And Buck is- Maddie. Abby. Alli. Taylor. Maddie. Eddie. Tommy. 

Buck is fine. Buck is fine because he’s plastering a smile up on his face to show just how fine he is and holding the tablet in his hands, ready to help out. And if he holds it in front of him like a shield and tightens it to his chest to send a message from his heart through the device to tell Chris to just come home, he can still be mad as long as he comes home, then that’s between Buck and Eddie’s trusty iPad. 

So Buck sits with him on the couch and tries not to think about the last time they did that. (Tommy wound still fresh, Eddie beautiful under the glow of his own joy. Now, Buck pretending it doesn’t hurt and Eddie, last straw and everything.) Buck sits with him on the couch and helps him out with the terrible nightmare that is house (and apartment, Buck somehow managed to convince him with a few accessible options he found) hunting and he sits in with meetings with realtors because he’s nothing if not thorough. When his presence confuses them a bit, then that’s just karma for number three on the bullet list. But Buck helps Eddie in everyway he can to find the best place for him, even though Buck himself will never step foot inside. 

(Because Buck doesn’t want Eddie to move, are you kidding? Of course he doesn’t want Eddie to move, but what is he supposed to do? Tell him not to go and be with his son? Like hell he is. So if Buck has to rip his heart out of his chest and help it leave him just for the sake of Eddie and Chris together again, he would do it. He would do it a million times over.)

When Eddie tells him over and over that Buck didn’t really have to do all that Buck will smile and say I know. He never has to do anything for the Diazes. He does it because he wants to. 

-

“Okay, and you got the address of the place, right?” 

“Yes, Eddie,” except with the smile Buck puts on his face the tone comes out more like yes, dear, and Buck tries very hard to keep his composure. Both hands on the wheel now, and if Eddie looked over he would see it clear as day that Buck is barely holding it together. Thankfully, for Buck, Eddie is determined to look anywhere but at him. 

“Right, okay. And you have everyone’s numbers just in case of emergency? Not that you should need it but I know you like to have that.” 

Buck nods his head, like a bobble doll. “Saved in my phone.” Buck wishes he was a bobble doll. That way he could fit in Eddie’s carry on and take him with him and Eddie could put him high on a shelf and watch over his boys just to make sure they’re safe no matter what. 

“And, shit, did I forget my charger?” Eddie’s turning around in his seat, rummaging through the glove compartment, and center console storage for anything he could have left behind. 

“It’s in the front pocket of your bag.” Buck pulls into park. They’re here. He doesn’t feel like throwing up. “Eddie,” Buck turns his head to look at Eddie, and finally he looks at him. “It’s gonna be fine. 

Eddie holds his gaze and lets out a breath. The wild look in his eyes doesn’t dissipate. “Yeah. You’re right. Fine.” His smile doesnt reach his eyes. He looks tired. 

Buck sticks his tongue out just between his lips, like he does when he’s gearing up to say something, but all he comes up with is, “I’ll grab your bag.” 

Buck’s unlocking the doors and unbuckling his seating and grabbing Eddie’s bag from the back. It’s a miracle Buck’s knees dont buckle underneath him from the short walk to his driver seat to the truck of his jeep. The last time the Diazes used this suitcase it was to fit both Eddie and Chris’ belongings for a week and a half trip to visit Eddie’s sisters. This time, it’s filled to the brim with just Eddie, since none of them know how long he’ll be gone. 

Buck’s not brave. You’d think he would be with his job and the daring stunts he pulls. But his feet are planted to the asphalt and so instead of meeting Eddie at the passenger side, Eddie has to come to him and Buck just hands over the suitcase. They’re not exactly in front of the doors that enter to the terminal but the feelings just the same. 

Eddie stands in front of him finally, and he must be fucking nervous for his flight because he looks as pale as Buck feels. He’s on the curb so he’s basically the same height as Buck but he stands so far from him, a whole two steps away. 801.6 miles is going to kill him. (Buck first googled the distance when Chris left and he would recite the number in his head, because they say getting to know something makes it less scary. Except the number stayed just as big and Chris stayed just as distant.) 

He clears his throat. “Here you go.” 

Eddie takes the handle from Buck and their fingers brush just a bit. One last time.  

Buck’s not brave. He can’t will his feet to walk Eddie to the airport glass doors because the last time he did that for someone they didn’t return until they both long moved on. Buck doesn’t think he can survive a do-over of that. Not that it’s the same thing. Eddie’s not his girlfriend. Although he does—

Eddie doesn’t say anything so Buck says, “I’ll, um, I’ll be sure to check, check in on your place every few weeks to make sure everything’s okay. And the mail, do you want me to, to forward you your mail?” Pebbles are making their home in Buck’s throat. 

“Oh, um. I hadn’t really thought of that.” Eddie’s voice sounds small. 

Buck waves him off. Right, no need to stress the guy out even more. “That’s okay, I’ll figure it out.”

“Buck-”

There’s so much he wants to say to Eddie. He wants to tell him that Manta Rays are highly intelligent and the markings of their underside are specific to each one of them. He wants to tell him about the new frog exhibit at the aquarium next week. He wants to tell him about how C shift started a rumor Adrien might be pregnant due to the five missed shifts, but it’s really because she’s fighting off a nasty flu. He wants to ask Eddie to take him with even though it’s not possible and Buck doesn’t even want to go, he just wants his boys here. 

But because Buck’s brain and body hate him he doesn’t say any of those things. Instead he blurts, “Are you coming back?” He’s wincing immediately because now he’s jinxed it.

Eddie almost looks surprised and then soft, “Of course.” 

It’s more than Abby ever gave him. It’s a verbal, solid answer. It’s words in the air that Buck could catch in his hand if he jumps at the right time. Because Buck and Eddie are so much different than Buck and Abby ever were (he doesn’t think it’s polite to compare but he almost wants to say better?). And it’s not that he doesn’t trust Eddie or thinks he would ever lie to him, because he wouldn’t. It’s just Buck doesn’t trust his ability to convince the people he loves to stick around. 

[gayhoediaz]

of bookmarks and bravery

M || 1.6k

The moment Buck snatches the tablet, he regrets the decision. It’s an invasion of privacy—but they don’t keep secrets from each other, he knows that flipping the tablet and seeing a regular tab of pornhub open won’t actually embarrass Eddie, or make him upset. Buck would make a playful comment about how his taste is vanilla, and they would move on.

The second he takes a look at the screen, however, his blood runs cold. Not necessarily because of what’s on there—but because this is suddenly a vastly different genre of invasion of privacy.

The video is paused, two men on the screen, drenched in sweat, one of them with their legs locked around the other’s waist, a large, happy grin on his face as the man between his thighs seems to be in the middle of an especially deep thrust.

Jock Rails Latino Hunk (RAW) (REAL COUPLE)

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