#74 word sentence! please for the love of god let my brain take a break!

[sunsoak]

Think I might fuck around and edit the always sunny Wikipedia page for grammar because there’s a criminally long run on sentence in the lead section

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 268: Please Don’t Tap on the Glass

Previously on BnHA: Dabi revealed his true identity to Hawks! His real name is actually [sound of semi truck horns blaring]. What’s that? You didn’t hear me? I said it’s [sound of dolphins chattering]. You really need to listen better. Anyway, so Dabi set Hawks on fire a bunch of times, and Hawks had some flashbacks indicating that Endeavor saved him when he was a small child, and just when it was starting to look like we might get our second tragic death chapter in a row, Tokoyami showed up to defend his mentor! Meanwhile in Jakku, Miruko remembered that even though kicking ass is fun and she’s really good at it, she still had a job to do, so she sped off toward Ujiko’s little hideaway, getting stabbed and impaled a bunch of times along the way and losing an ear and shit (I very much look forward to the cyberpunk robot-limbed Miruko 2.0 that we had better fucking get once this arc is over). Fortunately Endeavor showed up to help her out! Anyway, so absolutely no one was talking about this last week, but the chapter totally ended with Miruko about to bust open Tomura’s bacta tank with a badass roundhouse kick, so, uh. Shit might be about to go down you guys.

Today on BnHA: Shit does indeed go down, but at a very languid pace. Ujiko apparently built Tomura’s holding tank out of Nokia phones and kevlar, so even though Miruko gets a few good kicks in, she ultimately doesn’t do more than just crack it. So now the tank is just standing there leaking ominously while Ujiko sobs for no reason and we all ponder whether or not a 75%-charged Tomura will be any less doom-harbinging than the full-fledged deal. In the meantime we’ve got Girl Noumu thinking strategic thoughts and chucking acid at peeps; Crust still doing absolutely nothing; Endeavor not doing that much better to be honest; and Mic and Aizawa ready and raring to go kill the old man who turned their dead buddy into a sentient Einstein-Rosen bridge. Obviously I’m all in favor of this last bit, but I’m also on team “Mic and Aizawa not dying horribly” though, so. I do have some concerns here.

full disclosure, I’m very sleep-deprived for various reasons related to various things which can be broadly summed up as Just 2020 In General. so anyway, I’m dealing with it, but I’ve noticed that my rate of typos and errors and such has shot waaaaay up in this past week or so, so I’m just putting that out there that you may find some weird shit in this post! maybe I will write the same sentence maybe I will write the same sentence multiple times, or or the same word twice in a row by mistake, or use the completely wrong word. you are more than welcome to point this out and I will not take any offense and will indeed be grateful because I’ve apparently gone blind to it all! anyway so how are you I hope everyone is well

anyway! the chapter is early (god for all I know it’s been out for hours already. HOW FAR BEHIND AM I) so I’m recapping it early so that I will have more time to play Animal Crossing and fish and craft all of my troubles away. speaking of which Horikoshi, you had better not bring me any troubles this week, I am not in the mood do you hear

good fucking lord

is all of that Miruko’s blood??!? god, she’s even better at bleeding than everyone else. now hold up all you excited vampires, you all can get in line, I was here first

by the way Endeavor, I gave you a pass last week because your entrance was so fucking raw and you saved my girl’s life and that was really neat my man. but now that I’ve recovered from my shock and awe and am ready to be sarcastic once more, I just want to say... welcome to the party, guy. did you stop for drive-thru on your commute from the other side of the planet. were you simply not immune to the bizarre 5th dimensional time-stands-still effects of March 2020. are you curious at all how your son has changed during these past 20 years, and by “son” I am referring not to Dabi, but Shouto. are you looking forward to meeting all of Shouto’s children. are you excited to be a granddad. anyway thank you so fucking much for finally making your way down to this lair with all the speed and haste of a federal appeals process

and I see Crust is still fighting this guy after six decades

(ETA: I would be more upset about the scan quality here, but let’s face it, nobody actually cares about seeing this in HD. I’m sorry Crust.)

and we’re really expected to believe this is the very next ranked hero below Miruko. could it be that the hero ranking system is actually flawed. don’t tell me. I’m just as shocked as you are

seriously??

are we really going to stop and chat with Geriatric Hero: Crust over here. really. far be it from me to tell you how to do your job, Number One. but I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure he does still have... let’s just check... one... two... yep, two arms. not that I’m saying your system for prioritizing which of your fellow heroes to help out should be based off of the number of arms they have. but also I am saying that

OH SONNY BOY

is that a two-page panel of Aizawa Hatake Kakashi Shouta and his loyal husband Screaming Man leaping into the fray to take on some high end Noumus with their bad and sexy selves. I think that’s exactly what it is. are we blessed or are we blessed. Aizawa I’m pleased to see you haven’t aged a day and are looking just as fine as ever in this the year 2045

oh wow Endeavor I thought you had incinerated it

why wouldn’t you incinerate it. please incinerate it. did you not learn your lesson. please don’t start taking your cues from Dilly Dally Hero: Crust over here

oh wow

and yet Miruko was kicking all of their asses like they were made of plywood. really though guys. only number five. okay

Aizawa’s shouting that he wasn’t able to erase that last Noumu who was impaling Miruko because his vision was obstructed. that’s okay Aizawa, that’s why Endeavor is hopefully about to incinerate him

oh snap here we go

again, one has to wonder what kinds of interactions with rabbits Horikoshi has had in his troubled young life so as to influence his writing of Miruko’s quirk in such a way. did you at some point get rabbits confused with... I don’t even know. polar bears?! not that I’m fucking complaining holy shit

anyway, so just a friendly reminder that if Miruko dies here I will in fact push the button which triggers the hidden ejector seat built into Horikoshi’s office chair. he will be missed. but he had a good run

ho lyyyyyyy shit

so... Miruko I love you but... then why would you break the fucking vat apart with your moon-powered legs. Miruko. Miruko are you listening. oh shit she’s missing an ear I forgot. oh shit. oh shit

MIRUKO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU JUST KICK THE BALD MAN IN THE LAB COAT INSTEAD goddammit well it’s been nice knowing y’all

well then. so this is happening. this is really happening. at least she saved us all from having to face the 100%-charged world-ending Tomura somewhere down the line. instead all we have to do is face the 74%-charged Tomura right fucking now. so that’s. ...I wonder how Tokoyami is doing

holy shit!

leave it to Girl Noumu to be the smart one. for a minute I thought maybe Ujiko had given her Ragdoll’s long-lost quirk. but then I realized that this isn’t a quirk at all, this is just her being smart and using her Big Noumu Brain. anyway so I’m preemptively sorry for having to root against you, Girl Noumu

so now she’s pondering how to disable Aizawa’s quirk. meanwhile I just remembered that we haven’t seen her quirk yet I think. please let it be something good

oh snap she ran away and made it out of Aizawa’s sight range oh fuck

the fuck is up with this thicc fucking Girl Noumu page I can’t tell wtf is going on

LOL OH SHIT

NOT TO WORRY GUYS SHE’S JUST SHOOTING BIG GIANT GLOBS OF ACID AT EVERYONE. can anyone tell if Endeavor has incinerated this Noumu yet down in the middle panel on the left. what is the fucking holdup

and now there’s a big double page of Miruko shattering Tomura’s Noumu Vat, and I can’t quite tell, but it looks like her eyes might be rolling back in a way which I decidedly do not like

(ETA: nah on closer inspection we’re good.)

didn’t she just do this like four pages ago. and how the hell did Tomura suddenly jump from 74% to 75% in like .2 seconds

oh thank god she’s still awake. but now she’s being dragged back now by the Noumu’s bone appendage things because Endeavor SERIOUSLY CANNOT GET HIS FUCKING ACT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO FUCKING LIGHT ITS BRAIN TO ASHES ALREADY, LIKE SERIOUSLY THOUGH. WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THAT TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FAST AND THE DIFFERENCE A SPLIT SECOND MAKES

Miruko if we make it out of this alive, I’m promoting you to number one. Fatgum will be number two. the only two pro heroes in this arc who have actually impressed me at all. shame on the rest of you. shame

so now somehow or some way Miruko is being flung into Endeavor at the speed of light

I don’t understand this at all. did the Noumu retract those bone whips back into its body superfast while dragging Miruko back with them and somehow it managed to avoid being hit by her projectile body but Endeavor took the impact straight on. this doesn’t make any kind of sense to me with my admittedly rudimentary understanding of physics. but then again it is a fucking manga so I’m not about to call NASA and ask them if this could really happen. so this was a waste of a paragraph I guess!! my bad!!

swear to god this is like the fifth panel of Ujiko just screaming. please just stop. what do you have to be worried about anyway? although if Tomura suddenly went crazy upon awakening and just straight up killed you for no reason, that sure would be delightful! that wouldn’t happen, though. or would it

WHAT IS THIS FUCKING FISH TANK MADE OF

IS THIS A TUBE OF GLASS OR A FUCKING FALLOUT SHELTER

ENDEAVOR I’M GLAD YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT MIRUKO BECAUSE I AM TOO, AND ALSO IT’S ALWAYS NICE TO SEE THAT YOU DO HAVE A HEART, BUT ALSO MAYBE JUST LEAVE HER FOR NOW THOUGH, SERIOUSLY??

though on the other hand it’s already too late to stop this inevitable tide, so maybe at this point they should all just get the fuck out of there instead. at least Miruko did her fucking job and saved you all from having to face the invincible unstoppable version. that’ll be a real comfort to everyone when he’s out laying waste to the countryside, I’m sure. but still

-- oh no

the boys heard that. listen you guys, I want Ujiko to die as much as anyone, but I’m gonna need you to not go anywhere near Shigaraki fucking Tomura now or ever. please. do you hear me?? you two still have both of your ears goddammit I want some acknowledgement

-- NO!!!

(ETA: is that. a fucking Tomura dialogue bubble. something stirs in the east. a sleepless malice. the eyes of the enemy are moving.)

THE MANGA GIVETH AND THE MANGA TAKETH AWAY nooooo from 20 pages last week back down to the usual 17. I got spoiled. I expected too much. sob

so now we settle in to wait two weeks to see if Mic’s piercing tones can shatter this fucking adamantium tank like a wine glass. I’m not sure I’m ready for the Noumuraki Tomuracalpse you guys. then again by this point I’m braced for just about anything though so bring it

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 74

“You have got to be kidding me” Steph growled and turned to face her enemy “you know you deserve everything that is happening to you right now” she wagged her finger in front of Harper's face with a vicious grin “and don't worry, he'll cheat on you again and again and again, just like he's done in the past”. Jared blew up at her “are you deaf? I told you to get the fuck out of my house” making her grab her bag and with a sniggering smile of contempt she click-clacked out of the room , swaying her hips extra obvious as if to tell him what exactly it was that was walking out of his life. The door slammed, sending a shiver down her spine, Jared came walking up to her with a gleam in his eyes that had been missing for far too long “you love me? Still? You actually love me?” he licked his lips. Harper batted her eyelashes, he loved how she stood there blushing like a schoolgirl, nothing was fake with this woman, she could try all she liked but in the end she could never hide the truth from him. His hands slowly landed on her hips when he closed the distance and they were toe to toe “I can say the same about you..” she nervously put her hands on his upper arms, “I've always loved you, Harper, then, now, always..I can run to the edge of the world and still there's only one name pounding in my head and that's you, Coco..you're tattooed on my brain, my heart, under my skin”. Coco felt his words tug at her heartstrings, every inch of her skin felt like it was covered in hot lava, and then he lowered his head and closed the last distance between them, his lips covering hers in an electrifying, deep kiss. Time was no longer of the essence, nothing was, the emotion completely overpowered her as her tears started to run down her cheeks, it made him break the kiss “hey..don't cry..” his calloused thumbs wiped the tears from under her eyes. Her watery eyes locked with his compassionate blues “I love you” she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to reconnect again with his hungry mouth, “I love you too..” he breathed, his hands wandering over her body wanting to lift her so he could carry her to his room. “No..not yet” reluctantly she broke the kiss and locked her hand around his wrist to stop him, “ok..” his hand stilled and he refused to break eyecontact with her “you're right, I'm sorry, I got caught up in the heat of the moment”. The ringing of his phone startled them both, looking at the screen Jared raised his eyebrows and handed the phone over to her immediately.

Jared heard her enter the kitchen behind him and instantly stopped with what he was doing, it had been a long call, “what did he say?” he swallowed hard trying to figure out the look on her face, god, don't let it be 'that' call. She didn't say anything, she just sat down and buried her face in her hands with a deep sigh, “Coco?” he walked up to her and caressed her hair, making her lean into his touch “he wants me to come back to NY, he said it's probably my last chance if I ever want to see my father again..”. Jared kissed the top of her head “I see..” and enveloped her in a hug from behind, “I..just..it's just so..why does he keep calling me? I haven't heard from Arno in years and now..” she muttered, her mouth couldn't keep up with the gestures her hands were making in true Italian style. He let go of her and sat down next to her, grabbing her hands as he looked her in the eye “Coco, look at me” she was still too jittery and locked inside her internal struggle to look at him “ will you just look..at..me..” he slowly repeated while squeezing her hands to get her attention. Finally her head lifted and he had what he wanted “what do you want to do?  Forget about your brother or your family, alright? What does Harper Coco want?” he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand, “I don't know..part of me wants to jump on the first plane over there, but another part just doesn't want anything to do with them anymore..they fucked up my life so much..my father, he's..all that abuse..it's just”. Abuse..the word was out, it was unthinkable that anyone would ever want to raise his hand to her, “every time I let the film of my youth inside my head roll and I feel his hand hit me, my stomach turns and I think: 'you don't deserve my tears or attention, you only deserve to fuckin' rot in hell” she growled, clearly overpowered by the memories. “I understand..take your time, but whatever the decision, I'm behind you all the way” he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, “thank you” she whispered as she pulled her hand free and snuggled up close to him, she needed to be as close to him as she possibly could right now.

”How is she?” Charles seemed genuinely concerned, “upset as hell, struggling with what her Daddy dearest has put her through all of her life, but apart from that she's ok, I guess” Jared plopped down on his bed, why did he keep calling him? Couldn't he just leave things be?. “I'm glad..” Charles sighed relieved “I know this is probably not the right timing..but I've got to tell you..every single one of her works is gone, completely sold out..I had to put people on a waiting list”. Where was he? She had gotten a bit lost upstairs and she didn't want to open every closed door, this was not her home and respecting someone's privacy was always top of her list, “wait..what?” she heard Jared's melodic voice drift out of a room somewhere a little further down the corridor. That beautiful head of hers popped up in the doorway and his heart instantly started thumping in his chest, how beautiful was she? He so didn't deserve her, “I've gotta go, talk to you later” he didn't wait for Charles response to disconnect the call. “I didn't mean to interrupt your call” she hesitated to walk in but she couldn't keep her eyes off the breathtaking décor inside, so this was his bedroom? It was practically the size of her loft, “you..” he got up off the bed and walked up to her “never interrupt, you're my priority” seizing her lips in a fierce kiss. “Is this your bedroom” she licked her lips savouring the kiss when they came up for air, Jared grinned as he followed her stare “yes it is, I won't give you the grand tour but I can definitely show you how soft the mattress is?” he wiggled his eyebrows suggesting some much needed bodily action.

“I don't know what to do..” she let her indexfinger trail down from his chin to his chest, “one part of me wants to go to New York and the other part wants to curl up into a little ball and hide away, what am I to do?”. Softly she laid her head against his chest, needing to be held, needing guidance, “hiding away is not an option, that's not gonna help you or this whole situation” he slowly caressed her back and thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of her warm breath flowing over his chest. “So you think I should go back to New York, is that what you're saying? Are you trying to get rid of me already?” she sulked, “whoa, hold on a second, can we rewind just a little?!” he grinned and took a step back so he had her full attention. “I'm not doing anything, you're asking me for help, and that's exactly what I'm offering, so why don't I help you make a list of all the pro's and the con's?” he sat her down on the bed and took a deep breath, “nah..I think I already know what I need to do, but that don't mean I have to like it..or even want to do it” she shrugged and bit her lip. “So, you're thinking of..” he needed to hear her say it for some reason, “going back to New York, yeah, even though I already know now that I'll be regretting it for the rest of my life..but then again, I also know that I'll never forgive myself if I stay here and he dies..” she finished his sentence. Take me with you, please, don't leave LA without me, I've only just got you back, I don't want to lose you again “makes sense” was all he could say right now, “oh Jay, I've only just got here and we had so little time together..even thinking of flying back already, makes me want to throw up, I can't do this alone..I know it's a lot to ask and I'll completely understand if you won't or can't but will you..”, he was the one to finish her sentence now “of course I'll come to New York with you, I won't let you do this alone”.

A suitcase, a private plane, take off and airborne, all in just a couple of hours, underneath them America whizzed by at 500 miles an hour, closer to home again, but the furthest removed from what should have always been her real home, physically she was getting closer to her father or family but mentally she was still so terribly detached and that wasn't about to change anytime soon. “I forgot to tell you something..” Jared pulled her out of her daydream, “oh..?” she shuffled in her seat, “Charles..called me right before we left, the exhibition is completely sold out, he even had to put people on a waiting list..seems like you finally had your break” he grabbed her hand and kissed it. “No..what? Really? Oh my..” her big brown eyes drilled into his, her free hand clasped over her mouth “but..how?..ever since..what happened, I didn't even think about my work anymore, because Daddy dearest just had to spoil things” the venom in her voice touched him. “How? That's simple, you're the one who made all that beauty..I was smart enough to buy a few too, thank god” he grinned against her lips, “You? But you didn't have to buy anything, I would have given them to you..which one?”. Her work was all sold out, really? She still couldn't get her head around it, “you mean which ones?” he wiggled his eyebrows “seriously, I bought two..my mother really wanted the one where I look like the new Messiah, so I bought that for her and for myself I bought the other real disturbing one where I seem to be screaming, that one is soooo good”. So she actually meant something to him, just thinking that they weren't even together at the time, and yet he had shown up and had even bought two paintings without her knowing, god she loved him so much, was this the one? Yes Harper, trust yourself for once, he definitely is the ONE!. “Your mother? She wasn't there..oh..right” her penny dropped “digital times..right, I get it”.  He saw the flight attendant move towards them to inform them of the imminent descent so he quickly stole a kiss from her lips “you've finally had your break, kiddo, and you deserve every single minute of it, so how does it feel to be rich?”.

Everything was taken care of as soon as they landed in New York, there was a car waiting for them, she didn't have to lift a single finger, all she had to do was crawl into his arms in the backseat of the car when she got a bit panicky realizing she was on her way to her biggest nemesis and the dire straits he and the rest of her family were in. “Tell me it's gonna be alright?” she whispered, he could actually feel her heart beat through his shirt, “If I knew it was, I would tell you straight away, trust me..but I can't, all I know is that I'm gonna be with you every step of the way”. Harper moaned a little as she sat up “That's a comfort and I'm ever so grateful”, seeing that they had arrived at the hospital, had her heart thumping in her throat all of a sudden. The car pulled to the curb “we're here..you ready?” Jared gave her hand a squeeze but when he wanted to open the door, she stopped him “Wait!” and her voice trembled. “What is it?” he breathed, scared she had changed her mind, “I just..” she took another deep breath “I'm just scared that all this..is gonna have its' effect on our relationship, we've only just got back together and..” she rattled herself in a panic attack. “Harper, babe..” he cupped her face so he could look her in the eye by the dim light inside the car “listen to me, no matter what happens, it's not gonna break us up, I promise..they don't have that kind of power over you and neither should you let them” he whispered. “You're the strongest person I know, so you can do this and I just want you to know that I'm with you every step of the way, ok?” he saw her confidence grow with every heartfelt word and finally she fiercely nodded. “Come on, we should go inside, and remember, it's you and me, alright?”.

[rp-meme-central]

Sherlock - A Study in Pink - sentence starters

1. “How’s your blog doing?” 

2. “You haven’t written a word, have you?” 

3. “You just wrote ‘still has trust issues’.” 

4. “Nothing happens to me.” 

5. “It just says ‘wrong’.” 

6. “You’ve got to stop him/her doing that. S/he’s making us look like idiots.” 

7. “I thought you were off somewhere getting shot at. What happened?” 

8. “I got shot.” 

9. “Come on. Who’d want me for a flatmate?” 

10. “Are you wearing lipstick? You weren’t wearing lipstick before.” 

11. “I was wondering if you’d like to have coffee.” 

12. “A bit different from my day.” 

13. “Can I borrow your phone? There’s no signal on mine.” 

14. “What happened to the lipstick?” 

15. “How do you feel about the violin?” 

16. “You told him/her about me?” 

17. “Who said anything about flatmates?” 

18. “I’ve got a nice little place in _______. Together we should afford it.” 

19. “Is that it? We’ve only just met and now we’re going to look at a flat?” 

20. “We don’t know a thing about each other, I don’t know where we’re meeting, I don’t even know you’re name.” 

21. “This is a prime spot. Must be expensive.” 

22. “Well, this could be very nice. Very nice indeed.” 

23. “I looked you up on the Internet last night.” 

24. “What’s new about this one? You wouldn’t come to get me if there wasn’t something different.” 

25. “I’m your landlady/lord, ______, not your housekeeper.”

26. “I’ll make you that cuppa. You rest your leg.” 

27. “DAMN MY LEG!” 

28. “No sense sitting at home when there’s finally something fun going on!” 

29. “Look at you, all happy. It’s not decent.” 

30. “Who are you? What do you do?”

31. “That... was amazing.” 

32. “Did I get anything wrong?” 

33. “Hello, Freak.” 

34. “I’m not implying anything. I’m sure ______ came around for a nice little chat and just happened to stay over.” 

35. “You were thinking. It’s annoying.” 

36. “Fun? There’s a wo/man lying dead.” 

37. “Oh, for God’s sake. If you’re just making this up....” 

38. “What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring.” 

39. “Do you know you do that out loud?” 

40. “You’re not his/her friend. S/he doesn’t have friends.” 

41. “Stay away from ______.” 

42. “There is a security camera on the building to your left. Do you see it?” 

43. “Get into the car, ______. I would make some sort of threat, but I’m sure your situation is quite clear to you.” 

44. “Is that your real name?” 

45. “Any point in asking where I’m going?” 

46. “You know, I have a phone. Very clever and all that, but, uh, you could just phone me. On my phone.” 

47. “When one is avoiding the attention of _____, one learns to be discreet. Hence this place.” 

48. “You don’t seem very afraid.” 

49. “You don’t seem very frightening.” 

50. “What is your connection to ______?” 

51. “I’m the closest thing to a friend that ______ is capable of having. An enemy.”

52. “Do you plan to continue your association with ______?” 

53. “I worry about him/her. Constantly.” 

54. “Could it be that you’ve chosen to trust ______ of all people?” 

55. “Who says I trust him/her/them?” 

56. “What’s wrong with my hand?” 

57. “You’re not haunted by the war, ______. You miss it.” 

58. “Listen, your ______, any chance you could not tell him/her/them where I went?” 

59. “You asked me to come, I’m assuming it’s important.” 

60. “I just met a friend of yours.” 

61. “Did he/she/they offer you money to spy on me?” 

62. “Oh, perhaps I should mention, I didn’t kill her/him/them.” 

63. “Do people usually assume you’re the murderer?” 

64. “Did I just text a murderer?”

65. “Have you talked to the police?” 

66. “People are dead. There’s no time to go to the police.” 

67. “You want me to go with you?” 

68. “I love the brilliant ones. They’re always so desperate to get caught.” 

69. “That’s the frailty of genius, ______. It needs an audience.”  

70. “S/he wouldn’t just come right up and ring the doorbell, would s/he? S/he’d have to be mad.”

71. “I’m not his/her date.”

72. “You don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend, then?”

73. “______, I think you know I consider myself married to my work, and while I’m flattered by your interest, I’m really not looking for any...” 

74. “That was ridiculous. That was the most ridiculous thing I have ever done.” 

75. “You can’t just break into my flat!” 

76. “Are these human eyes?” 

77. “I’m not a psychopath, _____. I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.” 

78. “That was ages ago! Why would s/he still be upset?” 

79. “Oh dear, they’re making such a mess. What are they looking for?” 

80. “______, face the other way. You’re putting me off.” 

81. “Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing.” 

82. “So we can read her/his/their emails. So what?” 

83. “______, don’t talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the entire street.” 

84. “No one else will die, though, and I believe they call that a result.” 

85. “If I wanted to understand, what would I do?” 

86. “Does it matter? Does any of it? S/he’s just a lunatic, and s/he’ll always let you down, and you’re wasting your time.” 

87. “I’ve been warned about you.” 

88. “I’ve been on your website too. Brilliant stuff! Loved it.” 

89. “Who warned you about me?” 

90. “Why’d s/he have to do that? Why’d s/he go and leave?” 

91. “______ is a great wo/man, and I think one day, if we’re very, very lucky, s/he might even be a good one.” 

92. “One thing about being a _____, you always know a nice quiet spot for a murder. I’m surprised more of us don’t branch out.” 

93. “It’s up to you. You’re the one who’s gonna die here.” 

94. “You call that a risk? Nah. This is a risk.” 

95. “Wouldn’t be a game if you knew. You’re the one who chooses.” 

96. “You take your time. Get yourself together. I want your best game.” 

97. “Somehow, this is about your child/ren.” 

98. “With each life I take, more money goes to my kid(s). The more I kill, the better off they’ll be.” 

99. “What if I don’t choose either? I could just walk out of here.” 

100. “I’ll have the gun, please.” 

101. “This is what you’re really addicted to. You’d do anything, anything at all, to stop being bored.” 

102. “Why have I got this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me.” 

103. “Oh, what now? I’m in shock! Look, I’ve got a blanket.” 

104. “Good shot.” 

105. “We can’t giggle at a crime scene. Stop it.” 

106. “It’s how you get your kicks, isn’t it? You risk your life to prove your clever.” 

107. “Always so aggressive. Has it ever occurred to you that you and I belong on the same side?” 

108. “This feud between us is childish. People will suffer. And you know how it always upsets ______.” 

109. “Try not to start a war before I get home. You know what it does to the traffic.” 

110. “S/he’s always been so resentful. You can imagine the Christmas dinners.” 

[jumpsitehq]

200 Best Sarcasm Quotes and Sarcasm Sayings & Messages

Ever wish to be honest without hurting somebody’s feelings? One perfect way to do it is through sarcasm. It’s funny and witty, brings humor into our lives but it gives the most brutal kind of honesty too. So here we collected some of awesome 99 Best Sarcasm Quotes and Sarcasm Sayings & Messages. Even some of the best life lessons we learn are from the most sarcastic quotes we read over the internet or from our dearest friends and family. Although some people find it difficult to understand the hidden meaning of our sarcastic messages, others have no problem in finding the sense of it at all. We also have a great collection of Insomnia Quotes & Angry Status.

200 Best Sarcastic Quotes

1. I’M 2% Cute & 98% Single. 2. All You Need Is Love 5M $. 3. I’M Like Monday. Nobody Likes Me. 4. True Love: I Love More Than Free Wi-Fi. 5. Your Crush + Fast Replies = Imagination. 6. I’ve Never Faked A Sarcasm In My Life. 7. Are You Free Tomorrow? No I’M Expensive. 8. I Love Education But Without Examination. 9. Avracadabra ! Nope. You’re Still A Bitch. 10. You Remind Me Of My Chinese Friend. Ug Lee 11. World Biggest Lie ” I’ll Always With You “. 12. Let’s Just Stay Friends = Never Talk Again. 13. Money Can Buy Happiness, It’s Called “Food”. 14. First Rule Of 2017 ” Never Talk About 2016 “. 15. Conjuring 2 Is For Kids. Real Men Get Married. 16. Not Everyone Likes Me But Not Everyone Matters. 17. If You Are Late, Don’t Rush You’re Already Late. 18. Sarcasm : Just One Of The Many Services I Offer. 19. If You Don’t Have Something Nice To Say, Hush It. 20. I Don’t Understand You. I Don’t Speak Assholian. 21. Always Be Yourself, Except During Job Interviews. 22. Losing Your Best Friend Is Worse Than A Break Up. 23. I Am ” Eats Ice Cream In Winter ” Type Of Person. 24. Single Bell….Single Bell….Single All The Way. 25. Life Is Full Of Fake People. Don’t Trust Blindly. 26. I Would Slap You, But That Would Be Animal Abuse. ( Sarcasm Quotes . 27. Every Year Thousand People Quit Smoking, By Dying ! 28. I’M Single Because Nobody Believes That I’M Single. 29. I Was On Diet For 30 Days & All I Lost Was 30 Days. 30. Yes, I’M Online 24X7, But I Hardly Chat With Anyone. 31. If Nobody Hates You. You Are Doing Something Boring. 32. People Get Mad When You Treat Them How They Treat You. 33. Happiness Is You And Your Best Friend Hate Same Person. 34. Sarcasm Is The Body’s Natural Defense Against Stupidity. ( Sarcasm Quotes . 35. Tip For 2017 : Don’t Get Emotionally Attached To Anyone. 36. My Secret Talent Is Getting Tired Without Doing Anything. 37. Don’t Remind Me How Old I Am ! I’ll Always Watch Cartoons. 38. My Problem Is That I Hate Maths But I Love Counting Money. 39. I Love All The Religions Because They All Bring Holidays ! 40. Studying Is My Drug. But Thanks To God. I Say No To Drugs.

Sarcasm Quotes for Twitter

41. Don’t Be Ashamed Of Who You Are. That’s Your Parent’s Job. 42. Everyone Is Matured Until Someone Brings Out Bubble Wrap ! 43. To Be Old & Wise, You Must First Have To Be Young & Stupid. 44. Sarcasm : Because Beating The Crap Out Of People Is Illegal. 45. The Hardest Part Of My Job Is…Being Nice To Stupid People ! 46. Never Laugh At Your Girlfriend’s Choice. You Are One Of Them. 47. It’s Okay If You Don’t Like Me…Not Everyone Has Good Taste. 48. If You Want A Sarcastic Answer, Don’t Ask A Stupid Question. 49. I Live For Two Reasons. 1 . I Was Born 2 . I Haven’t Died Yet. 50. Tom & Jerry Taught Me That Life Is Incomplete Without Enemies. 51. Dear 2017 : Make Sure You Don’t Come Up With Temporary People ! 52. I’M Actually Not Funny. I’M Just Mean & People Think I’M Joking. 53. I Don’t Believe In Plastic Surgery. But In Your Case, Go Ahead. 54. Brain Logic : Let’s Insult Our Best Friend Ore Than Our Enemies. 55. Just Wanna Be Rich Enough To Buy My Mom Everything She Deserves. 56. Show Me You’re Different & I won’t Treat You Like You’re Typical. 57. Thanks To The Wrong People In Life. They Teach The Right Lessons. 58. Sarcasm : The Ability To Insult Idiots Without Them Realizing It. 59. I’M Sorry What Language Are You Speaking ? It Sounds Like Bullshit. 60. Behind Every Successful Person…There’s Lot Of Unsuccessful Years.

61. Damaged People Are More Dangerous Because They Know How To Survive. 62. Everything Is Like Either Expensive, Illegal Or Won’t Text Me Back. 63. The World Is Filled With Good People. If You Can’t Find One, Be One. 64. 3 People Who Call Me. 1. My Mom. 2 . Wrong Number. 3 . Customer Care. 65. Closing Your Eyes After Turning Off The Alarm Is Very Dangerous Game. 66. Don’t Respect Her Because She’s A Girl. Respect Her Because You’re Man. 67. If The Teacher Tell You To Get Out, It Means You Have Won The Argument. 68. The Luckiest Are Those Who Fall Asleep As Soon As They Close Their Eyes. 69. Why People Buy Guitars Now A Days. 10% To Play, 90% To Click Profile Pic. 70. I Want One Of Those Jobs Where I Get Paid For Travelling Around The World. 71. Don’t Judge A Book By It’s Cover. Don’t Judge A Student By His Percentage. 72. May Be You Should Eat Some Makeup So You Can Be Pretty On The Inside Too. 73. My Girlfriend Is So Good At Playing Hide And Seek. I Haven’t Found Her Yet. 74. We Don’t Need Cctv Camera In Our Country. Neighbours & Relatives Are Enough. 75. When People Ask Stupid Questions I Feel Obligated To Give Sarcastic Answers. 76. I Don’t Care What People Think Of Me. At Least Mosquitoes Find Me Attractive ! 77. When I’M Free No One Texts Me ! & When I’M Busy. Bam ! Still No One Texts Me ! 78. True Bonding Is When You And Your Friends Are All Angry About The Same Thing. 79. If You Think Nobody Cares If You’re Alive, Try Missing A Couple Of Car Payments. 80. We All Have That One Teacher Who Give You Amazing Marks On Matter What You Write.

Sarcasm Quotes for Facebook

81. From The Moment I Saw You, I Knew I Was Gonna Spend He Rest Of My Life Avoiding You. 82. Babies Are So Lucky. They Can Sleep All The Day And Everyone Still Would Be Proud Of Them. 83. I’M Sorry I Hurt Your Feelings When I Called You Stupid. I Really Thought You Already Knew. 84. You Cried All Night ? You Were Hurt ? And No One Knows ? Congratulations ! You Are Mature Now. 85. I May Look Calm, But Inside My Mind I’ve Killed You 20 Times, In 5 Mins, In 20 Different Ways. 86. My Attitude In Exams. They Give Me Questions I Don’t Know. I Give Them Answers They Don’t Know. 87. I Can Only Please One Person Per Day. Today Is Not Your Day. Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good Either. 88. I Love Texting People Who Reply Super Fast. It Makes Me Feel Like They Really Want To Talk To Me. 89. Bring Able To Respond With Sarcasm Within Seconds Of Stupid Question Is A Sign Of A Healthy Brain. 90. At Age Of 25, Others Want To Get Married And Have Kids But I Want My Parents In The Backseat Of My Audi 91. There Are Two Types Of People In The World. 1 . People Who Understand And Appreciate Sarcasm 2 . Idoits. 92. Askhole. A Person Who Constantly Asks For Your Advice, Yet Always Does The Opposite Of What You Told Them. 93. Need Money For College. Need College For A Job. Need A Job For Money. Who Was The Mastermind Behind This System ? 94. What’s The Point Of Education If You Still Throw Garbage On Street To Be Ultimately Picked By An Uneducated Person ? 95. If You Want To Change The World, Do It While You’re Single. Once You’re Married You Can’t Even Change The T.V Channel. 96. Not All Girls Are Made Of Sugar And Spice And Everything Nice. Some Girls Are Made Of Sarcasm, Wind And Everything Fine. 97. I’M Sorry, I Didn’t Realize That You’re And Expert On My Life And How I Should Live It ! Please Continue While I Takes Notes. 98. The Whole Purpose Of Sending A Text Is To Get A Reply Within Seconds Or Minutes Otherwise I Would Have Sent A Letter By F***In Mail. 99. My Future Wife Would Be Probably Texting Her Boyfriend About How They’re Gonna Stay Together. Haha, See You In A Couple Of Years, Sweetie. 100. Don’t worry about hurting my feelings, because I guarantee you not one bit of my self-esteem is tied up in your acceptance.

101. They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast. 102. Excuse me, which level of hell is this? 103. When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”. 104. You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that. 105. You know what I like about people? Their dogs. 106. People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite. 107. Have you ever met someone and thought, “There goes the reason why contraceptives were invented?” 108. I’d slap you but that would be animal abuse. 109. Most people have “Ah ha” moments. I have “Oh for f..ck’s sake, f..ck this shit” moments. 110. I have to stop saying how stupid you can be. Some people are starting to take it as a challenge. 111. I think Dildo is a perfectly acceptable insult. I’d call you a d..ck but you’re not real enough. 112. If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me. 113. When something goes wrong in your life, just yell “Plot Twist” and move on. 114. If someone points at your black clothes and asks, whose funeral it is, you just look around the room, and answer, “haven’t decided yet.” 115. Sweetie, leave the sarcasm and insults to the pros. You’re going to hurt yourself. Go play in traffic. 116. What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically, better. 117. Abracadabra! Nope. You’re still a b..ch. 118. Oh. I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours? 119. When people see you laying down with your eyes closed, they still ask “Are you sleeping?” And I’m like, “No. I’m training to die.” 120. Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.

Sarcasm Quotes for Whatsapp

121. My alone time is sometimes for your safety. 122. Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it. 123. I wish more people were fluent in silence. 124. Deja Poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before. 125. I’m a lady, but when I’m mad, I am an evil sadistic demon spawned b..ch from hell that will make you regret the day you were born. And when I’m happy, I like to bake cookies and shit. 126. I’m an odd combination of “really sweet” and “don’t mess with me.” 127. I am in one of those moods where I just want to throw a book at someone’s face and be like: I facebooked you. 128. Controlling my tongue is no problem. It’s my face that needs deliverance. 129. Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end 130. Hmmm, I’m going to file your opinions right here between “f..ck this” and “f..ck that”. 131. I’m not petty, I’m dead ass disrespectful and I will straight up disrespect you if you want to play that petty game. Your feelings will be hurt. 132. Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back. 133. Some people are a human version of a migraine. 134. Grammar. The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit. 135. If only closed minds came with closed mouths. 136. People think I’m shy because I don’t get involved in their conversations. The truth is, I don’t give a f..ck what they’re talking about. 137. I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts. 138. It’s a beautiful day to leave me alone. 139. Congratulations! You’ve managed to make me feel like a worthless piece of shit again. Would you like an award for that? 140. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

141. Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork. 142. Some people are just treasures that you just want to bury them. 143. Sweetie, I’m going to need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, Okay? 144. In order to insult me, I must value your opinion. Nice try though. 145. I’ve got heels higher than your standards. 146. If you don’t like and still watch everything I do, b..tch you are a fan. 147. I may look calm but in my mind, I’ve killed you three times. 148. Oh sure, you’re smart. Sesame Street smart. 149. Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing. 150. I’d rather be someone’s shot of whiskey than everyone’s cup of tea. 151. Oh, my bad. I’m sorry for bothering you. I forgot I only exist when you need me for something. 152. If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question. 153. Shhhhhhhhhhhhh. No one cares. 154. Oh, you hate me? Join the club! There are weekly meetings at the corner of F..ck You St. and Kiss My Ass Blvd. 155. I’m 97% sure you don’t like me but I’m 100% sure I don’t care. 156. Your flexibility amazes me. How do you get your food in your mouth and your head up your ass all at the same time? 157. I don’t have a bad temper. I just have a quick reaction to bullshit. 158. Listen, I’m a nice person. So if I’m a b..ch to you, you need to ask yourself why. 159. Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived! 160. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

161. I try not to laugh at my own jokes but we all know I’m hilarious. 162. You are the result of 4 billion years of evolution. So act like it. 163. I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions. 164. I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me. 165. It’s nearly time for my Psychotic Break. 166. I know I don’t have to be sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with. I would hate to be wasteful. 167. Here’s a tissue, you have a little bullshit on your lip. 168. Only dead fish go with the flow. 169. Some people will only like you if you fit inside their box. Don’t be afraid to shove that box up their ass. 170. If I say “First of all”. Run away because I have prepared research, data, and charts and will destroy you. 171. In my defense, I was left unsupervised. 172. I am a nice person. Just don’t push the b..ch button. 173. The B..ch Slap. Keeping a..holes in line since 1836. 174. Warning. I’m bored. Things could get dangerous. 175. I am currently experiencing life at the speed of 15 wtf’s per hour. 176. Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments. 177. I’m confident my last words will be, “Are you fu…ng kidding me?” 178. I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than f..ck. 179. We all have problems. Some of us just choose not to post them on Facebook. 180. In all honesty, things would’ve never worked between us. I’m a unicorn, you’re a donkey; I’m majestic, and you my love are just an ass.

181. It must be hard putting makeup on your two faces every day. 182. Nothing brings a group of a…holes together faster than something that’s none of their business. 183. Don’t be an a..hole to me, cause then I have to be an a..hole to you. And I’m way better at being an a..hole than you are. 184. My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street. 185. Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. 186. I would like to confirm that I do not care. 187. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. 188. Breaking someone’s trust is like crumpling up a perfect piece of paper. You can smooth it over but it’s never going to be the same again. 189. Please cancel my subscription to your issues. 190. Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. Whatever works. 191. Patience. What you have when there are too many witnesses. 192. Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment. 193. I don’t know how to accept compliments. So thanks, suck a d..ck or whatever. 194. I need a cocktail. Hold the tail. 195. I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend, are the f..cking cactus. 196. I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work. 197. Quick Tip: Mind your own motherf…ng goddamn business b..ch. 198. My loyalty cannot be bought. However, it can be rented. 199. I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it. 200. Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.

In every sarcastic remark we hear, there is always some truth behind it. It’s easier to express our feelings to other people by being sarcastic. It makes the person laugh a little and accept the advice you say without them feeling offended. But being sarcastic can be a little harsh as well. We find ourselves using sarcastic quotes or remarks usually when we deal with our friends and family members. We use it as a way of dealing with issues in relationships, in decision making, and in life in general. If you want to know why sarcasm has now become a meaningful way to express one’s feelings, you have to familiarize yourself with them.