#6 Evil Things Done By Corporations Throughout History

[edsonjnovaes]

6 Evil Things Done By Corporations Throughout History

6 Evil Things Done By Corporations Throughout History

Corporations entering the crosshairs of regulatory battles is a typical scene, you’ll find that regulatory issues and litigious mistakes are part of the package. You will hardly find a corporation that presents itself as a saint, however, some corporations are known for their ignoble roles in facilitating some of the most atrocious acts in history. 6 Evil Things Done By Corporations Throughout…

[hypmic-translation]

Don’t Pass The Mic

ALL: Don’t-don’t-don’t pass the mic! (Gi-gi-gi-gimme the mic!)

Say what?

RAMUDA: Yo, say, say, say what? Diggity-do-do-don’t pass the mic Sorry to keep ya waiting out here long, ladies With complete control over candy and whip (1) I’ll sneak into your earphones with just a touch Fling Posse bespoke new coordinates Constantly cutting edge is Ramuda’s flow An all-you-can-eat naughty buffet My drops are Shibuya’s guidance

GENTARO: Mm, chrysanthemums blooming in one’s bedside dreams (2) As if within Dogra Magra, the world appears to be infinite (3) Like being dragged into an antlion pit (4) It’s so incredibly natural for the heart to invite abnormality Fragile, you’re so easily teasable The dreams I paint upon the town are all ghost stories, a sweet honey (5) It’s a secret (shh!), but that’s really just a lie

DICE: Three-seven, what the hell? From heaven Endlessly winnin’ pools of cash to jump into, wahoo! (6) I ain’t like the rest, I hate takin’ things slow (7) By the end of the night, all your cash’ll be mine Boom-shakalaka-boom-shakalaka-boom Full stack, raising bets on my luck Only half-serious, Dead or Alive Dice are what I’ll stake my life on, y’knyow? (8)

ALL: Don’t-don’t-don’t pass the mic!

CHORUS: Wack MCs, get rid of them all Thrust out these daggers (say what?) Understand intuition, an instant conclusion Connect dots with my words East side, west side, lock, stock, barrel Scatter crowds, rule the stage Division Battle life, etched into our minds I won’t just pass my mic to you!

Oath be made! There’s no escape! Unbeatable thugs who can’t be shaken Now our words become machine guns Or a compass guiding us into the future, uh Three become one It’s showtime Carve it into history, our style Roaming life and death, genetic power Just put your trust into your instincts, say what?

ALL: What, say what? (x3) (RAMUDA: Don’t pass the mic!)                                   (GENTARO: Don’t pass the mic.)                                   (DICE: Don’t pass the mic!) Welcome to the division!

JAKURAI: Impropriety writhes and coils about all of these howling fools Blood and tears flowing throughout this city, caused by rampant verbal abuse Even the hope we tell ourselves to believe in has curled up and died in our throats Why does mankind rush towards death like the falling of cherry blossoms? (9) Helpless… A pomegranate trampled on a silent night (10) In this wasteland we build Matenrou’s paradise The words I breathe out are clear and serene Prepare to expose one’s self to a shower of taunts

HIFUMI: Hi, hi, hi! Can you hear the call? Bow, bow, bow! The excitement’s not enough If the princess can drink there’s no reason why the prince shouldn’t too! Champagne! (Bang!) Hugging kittens from behind will surely make them scream Eternally calling out for this yellow rose Tacky, ugly men are to be kicked out Gigolos and graceful women only in this jet bath

DOPPO: Aah, I really don’t want to do this anymore Getting caught in the automatic turnstile again (11) “Crap!” Power harassment, moral harassment, a painfully repetitive loop Being beaten to produce results is hip All those walking the city seem like hard workers But I’m a corporate drone, always gritting my teeth through loneliness I can’t do this much longer, my SNS is erased Let me run away and disappear into a parallel world!

ALL: Don’t-don’t-don’t pass the mic!

CHORUS: Wack MCs, get rid of them all Thrust out these daggers (say what?) Understand intuition, an instant conclusion Connect dots with my words East side, west side, lock, stock, barrel Scatter crowds, rule the stage Division Battle life, etched into our minds I won’t just pass my mic to you!

ALL: What, say what? (x3) (JAKURAI: Don’t pass the mic.)                                   (HIFUMI: Don’t pass the mic!)                                   (DOPPO: Don’t pass the mic!) Welcome to the division!

JINPACHI: It’s Edo Asakusa, you ready to begin? (12) Infernos and fights, I’m good at starting both Master, leader, I’m Demon’s Fire (13) Onigawara Bomber’s Jinpachi (14) The hell’d you say! Shutting down geisha and ladles (15) Oi, dumbass! Sharp words cutting through thick bastards Trendy, stylish demons and lanterns Wash your face with miso soup, then never come here again! (16)

MASAMUNE: The perfect kind of saké is saké that’s cool The original drunkard has arrived (17) Recklessly drinking, this red-faced Bacchus (18) The drunker I get, the smoother my flow It’s scale is simply too big for you foolish amateurs You have good reason to fear, drawing back like an oaf I’ll be the one to sew your mouth shut Then celebrate victory with some high-grade booze

DOSHIRO: Carp streamers are flown in May (19) Yet somehow you don’t even know the flavour of soba (20) Expect a war if you damage Sensō-ji, ‘kay (21) The unrivalled NiHachi stands guard in Shitamachi (22) I, an efficient yet obstinate person Brazen with the force of blooming fireworks With confidence in my skill and pride in my work It is my duty to knock people like you horizontal

ALL: Don’t-don’t-don’t pass the mic!

RAMUDA: Big trouble is the price of life JAKURAI: It is inevitable that those who prosper will fall JINPACHI: The rebellion arrives, eliminating false things ALL: A revolution of words, don’t pass the mic!

CHORUS: Wack MCs, get rid of them all Thrust out these daggers (say what?) Understand intuition, an instant conclusion Connect dots with my words East side, west side, lock, stock, barrel Scatter crowds, rule the stage Division Battle life, etched into our minds I won’t just pass my mic to you!

The end is near The greatest conflict Roaring into my Hypnosis Mic Straight hit to your soul, self-customised These words that’ll burn up your synapses Three become one It’s showtime Carve it into history, our style Roaming life and death, genetic power Just put your trust into your instincts, say what?

ALL: What, say what? (Don’t pass the mic!) (x3) Welcome to the division! It’s kill or be killed, oi!

NOTES

“Candy and whip”, AKA carrot and stick. Basically, offering rewards to someone as an incentive to do good and punishing them if they don’t.

“Bedside dreams”, or the space where your dreams reside. The chrysanthemum is the imperial flower of Japan, but in hanakotoba white chrysanthemums usually mean truth/grief, and are incredibly common at funerals. Tldr, you aren’t dreaming, you’re dead.

Dogra Magra is a surrealist, psychological thriller book written by famous Japanese author Yumeno Kyūsaku (actually a pen name), in which a man wakes up in a hospital with amnesia. He might be a murderer, but he also might not be, and everyone else in the book might not be who they say they are or even as dead as they’re supposed to be. It is, mostly, a book about psychoanalysis.

The antlion is a type of insect that, surprise surprise, eats ants. The larvae, which is the more popularly known form of the antlion, achieves this by digging pits that ants fall into. Another name for the larvae of antlions is doodlebug, but that seemed out of character for Gentaro to say… you can pretend he does if you want to, though.

The literal translation of “ghost stories” would be “demon play” (鬼物), which is the fifth and last stage of an Edo-era Noh play.

Dice uses onomatopoeia here to signify the act of jumping into a pool, like he’s doing a cannonball.

More onomatopoeia here, read as chimachima, which signifies someone doing a task in a less effective, much slower way when it could be done far more efficiently.

Dice finishes this line with a very obvious “nya” sound, but he also phrases it as a question? So I merged the two and made a pun instead.

It’s traditional in Japan for people to get together during spring for “flower viewing parties” in which they appreciate the transient beauty of cherry blossoms, because of how quickly the flowers bloom and then fall away. That phenomenon is what Jakurai is referencing here.

I’ll be honest I have no idea what this means. The pomegranate is a symbol of fertility and femininity in Japan, however, so maybe it represents Chuuoku?

Automatic turnstiles/ticket gates, like the kind you’d find in railway stations.

Asakusa was a popular entertainment district during the Edo period, but has since been surpassed by Shinjuku and other districts/wards thanks to the damage dealt by bomb raids during WW2.

Jinpachi’s MC name. Just so I don’t have to do this every time, all of Asakusa say their MC names in English.

An ‘onigawara’ is actually the name for a type of roof ornament in Japanese architecture, which is a statue/tile depicting the face of an oni (demon), intended to ward away evil (and bad weather). They’re commonly found on Buddhist temples. The “bomber” part of the division name probably has to do with the aforementioned WW2 thing.

This guy has the thickest Edo accent. His “the hell” is an shortened version of an old retort/catchphrase of Tokyo citizens (“what the hell are you saying/talking about?”). “Geisha” and “ladle” are both references to cultural aspects of Asakusa, as it is currently Tokyo’s oldest geisha district, and in the Buddhist Sensō-ji temple located there (the oldest in Japan) you purify yourself with ladles of water.

The expression “never come again” stems from the more literal phrase of “come the day before yesterday” - essentially, a day that won’t ever exist again.

A reference to an old song from the 1960s by the Folk Crusaders. It tells the story of a man who dies in a traffic accident while drunk driving and goes to heaven, but gets kicked out and comes back to life for spending too much time drinking with beautiful women.

Bacchus, the Greek/Roman god of fruit, vegetables, ecstasy and wine. Also known as Dionysus.

A reference to Tango no Sekku/Children’s Day on May 5th in Japan, in which carp streamers are flown to celebrate. This is the last day of Golden Week.

Ni-hachi (Doshiro’s MC name) is a kind of soba. He’s essentially saying “it’s so late in the song, but you haven’t had a taste of me yet”.

“Sensō-ji”, or Asakusa Temple. It is the oldest temple in Tokyo.

Shitamachi is the name for the geographically lower half and (once) lower-class of Tokyo, which is considered more traditional than its Yamanote counterpart.

[dispatchdcu]

Jason Aaron has evolved into one of the most creatively rich and productive writers at Marvel, and frankly in the entire Comic Book Landscape. His stories are saturated with texture and steeped in foundational knowledge as well as character growth. From Wolverine to the Hulk, and even Doctor Strange, Jason Aaron has taken every character he’s touched at Marvel and reshaped them into something so much more!

Well, over the past eight + years, Jason Aaron has done the same thing with the God of Thunder. So, to help new readers jumping deep into the MCU or to those that have never taken the intense plunge into THOR, here is a thorough reading order for all related Jason Aaron THOR titles dating back to 2012. This should keep you current!

Plus, if you can hang on until the end, I’ve attached single issue reviews, as well as series reviews, for tons of other Jason Aaron titles from THE GODDAMNED, to SCALPED, and other amazing Marvel Heroes in between! Thanks for the read and I hope you enjoy it.

And if you’re all caught up on Aaron’s THOR, check out my latest review of THOR #5 by Donny Cates HERE, as well as links to get your hands on current THOR issues and trades.

Thor: God Of Thunder (2012-2015)

  Thor: God Of Thunder Volume 1: The God Butcher (#1-5) 

A trail of blood threatens to consume Thor’s past, present, and future! Throughout the ages, gods have been vanishing, their mortal worshipers left in chaos. The only hope for these ravaged worlds is for Thor to unravel the gruesome mystery of the God Butcher! In the distant past, the Thunder God discovers a forgotten cave that echoes with the cries of tortured gods – and is shocked to find himself among them! In the present, Thor follows the bloody wake of murdered gods across the depths of space. And thousands of years from now, the last god-king of a ruined Asgard makes his final stand against the God Butcher’s berserker legions. As three Thors from three eras race to stop the God Butcher, the full extent of his vicious scheme takes terrifying shape!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor: God Of Thunder Volume 2: Godbomb (#6-11) 

Somewhere at the end of the time, all the gods of the universe are enslaved, working to build a machine that will forever change the face of creation. What is the Godbomb? And what can Thor do to stop it? While Gorr’s master plan continues to unfold, all hope for divinity is lost when Thor finds himself in chains alongside his fellow gods. And even as Gorr’s dark origin is revealed, along with the truth behind his bloody quest to butcher the gods, three time-bending Thors unite to lead an army of slave gods in the fight against Gorr. But will it all be for naught as the clock ticks down and the massive Godbomb is triggered at last? And after the dust clears, what will be left of the universe’s deities?

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor: God Of Thunder Volume 3: The Accursed (#12-18) 

It’s the bloody return of Malekith the Accursed! The former lord of the Dark Elves escapes his otherworldly prison, and the chase is on across the Nine Realms to capture him! Thor finds new allies to join his Wild Hunt: A Dark Elf sorceress! A gun-toting Light Elf! A gargantuan Mountain Giant! A dwarf who loves dynamite! And a particularly surly troll! But when one teammate falls, will it mean war for all Nine Realms? And as a traitor within the group strikes and Thor prepares to take drastic measures, Malekith stages his final bloody raid – on Earth! Plus: What does it mean to walk the Earth as a god? What does Thor do when he’s not out saving the world with the Avengers? It’s the return of Thor’s longtime love interest, Dr. Jane Foster!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor: God Of Thunder Volume 4: The Last Days of Midgard (#19-25) 

Thor battles to save Earth, but who can he fight when the planet itself is dying? S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Roz Solomon has a suggestion: the nefarious energy company Roxxon and its ruthless new CE O, “the Minotaur!” Has Thor met his match in the form of a multinational supercorporation? Meanwhile, millennia from now, King Thor and his granddaughters, the Warriors of Thunder, face a very different battle to save what remains of the earth – from Galactus! But even if Thor wins, is the Earth still doomed? In the present, Thor makes a final stand against the Minotaur, Ulik the Troll, and Roxxon’s forces – but not even a god can save everyone. Plus: Young Thor vs. Frost Giants! The untold origin of Malekith! And King Thor’s granddaughters discover the startling secret of his Original Sin!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Original Sin (2014) 

Original Sin #0-8 (2014) 

Who shot the Watcher? Uatu, the mysterious space-god who’s been watching mankind from the moon for as long as we can remember…is dead. Thus begins the greatest murder mystery in Marvel history! As Nick Fury leads the heroes of the Marvel Universe in an investigation, other forces are marshaling and other questions are arising. Why is Black Panther gathering a secret team of his own, including Emma Frost, the Punisher, and Dr. Strange? Who is the Unseen? What was stolen from the Watcher’s lair? Fury’s cosmic manhunt leads to the far corners of the universe and beyond, but just when the Avengers think they’ve cornered their murderer…everything explodes, unleashing the Marvel Universe’s greatest secrets and rocking the heroes to their core! What did the Watcher see? What was the Original Sin?

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Original Sin: Thor & Loki – The Tenth Realm (Original Sin #5.1-5.5 2014) 

Thanks to the events of Original Sin, the deepest secret of the Nine Realms has been revealed: namely, the existence of a Tenth Realm! Now, Thor and Loki must embark on a quest to discover this strange new world – and to discover the sister that Thor never knew he had: Angela! But can Loki be trusted? And will brother and sister murder each other before the truth comes out?

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor (2014-2015) 

Thor Volume 1: The Goddess Of Thunder (#1-5) 

Mjolnir lies on the moon, unable to be lifted! Something dark has befallen the God of Thunder, leaving him unworthy for the first time ever! But when Frost Giants invade Earth, the hammer will be lifted — and a mysterious woman will be transformed into an all-new version of the mighty Thor! Who is this new Goddess of Thunder? Not even Odin knows, but she may be Earth’s only hope against the Frost Giants! Get ready for a Thor like you’ve never seen before, as this all-new heroine takes Midgard by storm! Plus: The Odinson clearly doesn’t like that someone else is holding his hammer — it’s Thor vs. Thor! And Odin, desperate to see Mjolnir returned, will call on some very dangerous, very unexpected allies. It’s a bold new chapter in the storied history of Thor!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor Volume 2: Who Holds The Hammer (#6-8, Annual #1) 

Who is the new Thor? That’s the question on everyone’s lips. Most especially the original Thor! And now he starts to narrow down the list of suspects. Meanwhile, tensions continue to flare between the All-Mother and All-Father, Malekith the Dark Elf forges his most dangerous pact yet, and the new Thor prepares to face her greatest challenge: the unstoppable machine of death and destruction that is…the Destroyer! As the battle for the hammer Mjolnir rages on, an unexpected character makes a shocking return – and the new Thor’s identity is revealed at last!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Secret Wars (2015-2016) 

Thors: Secret Wars Battleworld (Thors #1-4 2015-2016) 

The Thors of every domain, together in one book! As cosmic cops! Whenever there’s trouble on Battleworld, the Thors answer the call. But a string of mysterious murders leaves some of them asking questions that may unravel all of reality! A hard-hitting Marvel Comics police drama. With hammers. Lots and lots of hammers.

Click HERE to grab this trade.

SIDE NOTE: Check out the entire Secret Wars Event HERE. Trust me; you’ll love it!!!!!

The Mighty Thor (2016-2018) 

The Mighty Thor Volume 1: Thunder In Her Veins (#1-5) 

Dr. Jane Foster is the Goddess of Thunder -and it’s killing her. Her enemies are many as Asgard descends further into chaos, and unrest threatens to spread throughout the Ten Realms. Yet she wages her greatest battle against a far more personal foe: the cancer killing her mortal form. When Loki steps back into Thor’s life, will it ease her troubles or only add to her pain? There’s no such question about Malekith as he continues to fan the flames of a looming War of Realms – when he isn’t wedding planning, that is! And as Asgard is torn apart, the skies will shake in one of the bloodiest battles of all time: It’s Thor vs. Odin like never before!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

The Mighty Thor Volume 2: Lords Of Midgard (#6-12) 

The legend continues with Thors new and old! Loki spins a special ages-old tale of a young Odinson in action against a hulking great enemy. You wouldn’t like this Viking when he’s angry! But what incredible impact will this yarn from the past have on the present? Prepare for corporate espionage, Marvel-style, as some of the world’s most powerful and evil conglomerates go to war – with Thor caught in the middle! And as if Roxxon and the rest aren’t enough trouble, Jane Foster must contend with a new enemy: S.H.I.E.L.D.! Worse still, somehow millions of lives will depend on the God of Thunder saving Roxxon’s evil executive, Dario Agger!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

The Mighty Thor Volume 3: The Asgard/Shi-Ar War (#13-19)

As the War of the Realms rages on, the only way to defeat Malekith is with a united front – and it’s up to Thor to bring the many races together! Now heroes from across the ten worlds – including Lady Sif and Angela – unite under Thor’s command to form a new League of Realms, with the sole mission of bringing this conflict to an end! And their first mission is to infiltrate Dark- Elf-occupied territory! But when the war spreads to every branch of the World Tree, the League’s road to peace is fraught with challenges they hadn’t anticipated. To stand against the heroic allies, Malekith forms a wicked union of his own, calling on Loki and the all-new Kurse to take down Thor and her band of heroes!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Unworthy Thor TPB (#1-5) 

Unfit to lift his hammer, with another now wielding the power of Thor, the Odinson’s desperate quest to regain his worthiness takes him out into the cosmos – where he’s learned of the existence of a mysterious other Mjolnir! This weapon of ultimate power, a relic from a dead universe, is the key to the Odinson’s redemption – but some of the greatest villains of the Marvel Universe are anxious to get their hands on it as well. And when the Realm of Old Asgard vanishes, the Odinson’s hopes might go with it – unless good tidings from Beta Ray Bill offer fresh hope! Can the Odinson reclaim his honor, or will the power of thunder be wielded for evil? Let the battle for the hammer commence!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

The Mighty Thor Volume 4: The War Thor (#20-23, Generations: Unworthy Thor And Mighty Thor #1)

Who is the War Thor? The Ultimate Universe’s Thor died defending the Multiverse, but his hammer remains. Who wields it now? Ponder that question along with Jane Foster, the Mighty Thor, as she faces the Ultimate team-up! War is coming to the Ten Realms -and when the Queen of Cinders sets them ablaze, even the combined might of not one, not two, but three Thors may not be enough to put out the flames! Meanwhile, Malekith’s army grows, and the looming conflict reaches Asgard’s doorstep! But even the fire of Muspelheim pales beside the fury of the War Thor -and with his thunder comes vengeance! Plus: Generations collide as Jane and a young Odinson face an Apocalyptic encounter in ancient Egypt!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

The Mighty Thor Volume 5: The Death Of The Mighty Thor (#700-706, Mighty Thor At The Gates Of Valhalla #1) 

Marvel Legacy hits Asgard with a bang, with…the death of the Mighty Thor! The final judgment comes as the Mangog arrives. The War Thor will meet the beast head-on, but even the blood-thirst of this Ultimate hammer-wielder may pale in comparison to the Mangog’s might! The battle rages even as Jane Foster’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, and she might not have to wait for the final judgment at all. The clock is ticking, the War of the Realms is spreading, and Mjolnir cannot save her this time. Can even the legendary Hercules help avert disaster? It’s the beginning of the end – one that will lead to the most dramatic return in the Marvel Universe!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor (2018-2019) 

Thor Vol. 1: God Of Thunder Reborn (#1-6) 

Thor Odinson has regained his mantle – and with it, a wild new world of trouble on his mighty hands! The artifacts of Asgard have been scattered across the Earth, and to reclaim them, Thor will have to face some ugly truths. Like the production cost on hundreds of new hammers! And the Thunder God is going to need every last one of them if he’s going to stop the unstoppable Juggernaut. Jason Aaron takes the Prince of Asgard in a whole new direction with YOUNG GUN artist Mike Del Mundo joining him at the helm! And don’t miss the latest chapter of the King Thor saga with acclaimed BLACK BOLT artist Christian Ward, as the Thor of the far future encounters an old friend who’s undergone some startling changes.

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor Vol 2: Road To War Of The Realms (#7-11) 

Jason Aaron’s epic THOR run continues! Part the mists of time and peer into the distant past – for a tale of a young Odinson from the Viking age! Every time Thor travels to the mortal land of Midgard, he finds all the mead, battle and romance that a young god could possibly want. But he still can’t figure out how to prove himself worthy of the mighty hammer Mjolnir. Now Odin is determined to keep his son away from Midgard for good – and young Loki knows just the way to do it! Then, in the modern-day, Thor is held prisoner by the fearsome warriors of the Tenth Realm: Heven! Can even the intervention of Valkyrie and Thor’s deadly sister Angela help Thor escape the inescapable prison of angels?

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Thor Vol 3: War’s End (#12-16)

After years of Malekith’s plotting, the War of the Realms is raging full force – and for Loki, that means it’s time for a family reunion! Fatherly love is not something that the God of Lies is terribly familiar. Having been adopted by Odin as an infant and raised in the Asgardian royal family, Loki never had a chance to bond with his birth people – the fearsome Frost Giants. But now, the Giants have invaded New York City as part of Malekith’s war on Midgard. And you’d think that Loki would take the opportunity to find some quality time to spend with dear old deadly Dad! And he will. But not in the way you’d think…

Click HERE to grab this trade.

War of the Realms 

War of the Realms (2019) 

THE WAR OF THE REALMS is upon us! Malekith, king of the Dark Elves, has been conquering the Ten Realms and now has his sights set on the last one: Earth. And with armies of Frost Giants, Fire Goblins, trolls, angel warriors, Roxxon corporate soldiers, the Enchantress and the prince of lies himself, Loki, at his side, Malekith may just succeed. Asgardia is no more, Old Asgard is in ruins, and the majority of Asgardians are refugees on Earth. Now Thor and Earth’s heroes — including the Avengers, the Fantastic Four, and even such unlikely allies as Venom and Punisher — are all that stand in Malekith’s way! It’s an event five years in the making as the MIGHTY THOR creative team of writer Jason Aaron, artist Russell Dauterman and colorist Matthew Wilson reunite to save the Ten Realms!

Click HERE to grab this trade.

After The War… 

King Thor (2019-2020) 

Superstars Jason Aaron & Esad Ribic conclude their epic Thor story! The creators of the legendary THOR: GOD OF THUNDER series that kicked off one of the most epic runs in Marvel history are back together for one last ride with the almighty Lord of Asgard! Seven years ago, Jason and Esad introduced the Thor of the far future, All-Father of a broken realm and a dying universe, as he stood in battle against the Butcher of Gods, wielder of All-Black the Necrosword. Now that nefarious blade has returned, in the hands of Thor’s all-time greatest enemy – his brother, Loki – for one final, cataclysmic showdown. Behold the book no comics fan should miss – the celebration of the end of a truly marvelous era.

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Valkyrie: Jane Foster Volume 1: The Sacred And The Profane (#1-5) 

Jane Foster is back! For years, you knew her as Dr. Jane Foster, one of Thor Odinson’s most steadfast companions. Then you knew her as Thor, Goddess of Thunder, who took up the mantle when no other hero was worthy. Now Jane takes on a new role as Valkyrie, guide, and ferrywoman to the dead! But her days of battle are far from over – especially when the Marvel Universe’s deadliest shot gets his hands on the sword of a god! With the Asgardian weapon Dragonfang, Bullseye has the power to kill a deity in a single stroke – and he’s about to prove it. Jane must learn a hard lesson: Not every death can be prevented. But who’s next on Bullseye’s list – and what is the assassin really after?

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Valkyrie: Jane Foster Volume 2: At The End Of All Things (#6-10) 

Jane Foster has been many things in her life, including the heroic hammer wielder known as Thor! Recently, Jane became the Valkyrie, guardian, and protector of the Norse dead, and she’s still finding her way in this new stage of her life. But now, Jane must return to the role she knows best – that of a medical doctor – when a supernatural medical emergency rears its head! Jane teams with Doctor Strange, Sorcerer (and Surgeon) Supreme; the tough-as-nails Night Nurse; Excalibur-wielding Dr. Faiza Hussain and more Marvel medics to crack a case that will give readers heart palpitations! Heroes of medicine will unite – but are they all about to become doctors to the dead?!

As of July 2020, it’s not released yet but it can be PRE-ORDERED

Click HERE to grab this trade.

Valkyrie: Jane Foster Vol. 3 (#11-15)

She’s faced the Marvel Universe’s deadliest assassin – armed with the sword of a god – and won. She took the Grim Reaper straight to his eternal reward. She’s come face-to-face with Death herself…in more ways than one…and saved Asgard from a force beyond even Death’s powers. Now Jane Foster – the one and only Valkyrie – embarks on a whole new adventure under the pen of rising star artist Mattia De Iulis! Valkyrie has already journeyed across the Multiverse in her new role…but now Hel awaits her. Along with its prickly rulers. But what does Hel want with Jane Foster? And what does Loki, the god of lies and mischief, have to do with it all? Find out in an exciting and action-packed mystery!

As of July 2020, it’s not released yet but it can be PRE-ORDERED

Click HERE to grab this trade.

BUT WAIT… THAT’S NOT ALL!!!

  If you or someone you know loves Jason Aaron’s THOR and is interested in other THOR related titles by Aaron, give the ongoing AVENGERS (2018-Present) title a shot! As of July 2020, there are close to 37 issues and seven trades you can really sink your teeth into.

Click HERE to get your hands on all the current AVENGERS trades!

Interested in more Jason Aaron stories?

Click HERE for a series review of his CONAN THE BARBARIAN run and links to the trades!

Click HERE for a review of INCREDIBLE HULK #1 by Jason Aaron and links to trades and issues in his run!

Click HERE for a review of WOLVERINE: WEAPON X #1 by Jason Aaron and links to trades and issues in his run!

Or, click HERE to grab WOLVERINE GOES TO HELL and HERE for related WOLVERINE stories by Jason Aaron!

Click HERE to snag trades of Jason Aaron’s DOCTOR STRANGE run too!

Lastly, if you’re simply a huge Jason Aaron fan, check out my series review HERE for THE GODDAMNED with links to get your hands on the trades.

Keep in mind Aaron’s sequel to this series just kicked off NOW called THE GODDAMNED: THE VIRGIN BRIDES #1, which you can grab by clicking HERE!

Additionally, check out my SCALPED series review HERE and my SOUTHERN BASTARDS series review HERE with even more access to these outstanding trades. And finally, if you’re looking for something else to read, check out my Amazon Online Comic Shop HERE. Thank you all again for the read and continued support. I genuinely hope this helped to spike you’re interested in one of the best writers in comics, as well as one of the best Marvel characters on screen and in the comics. Stay safe and stay healthy.

  Jason Aaron’s THOR: Reading Order And MORE #thor #janefoster #valkyrie #jasonaaron #odinson #Marvel #marvelcomics #comicbooks #comics Jason Aaron has evolved into one of the most creatively rich and productive writers at Marvel, and frankly in the entire Comic Book Landscape.

[daleisgreat]

Batman: Dark Knight Rises

I picked up the BluRay for today’s film, 2012’s Batman: Dark Knight Rises (trailer), shortly after it hit video way back in 2012. I have neglected it to the backlog for so long because by the time I saw it in theaters I overdid it on the caped crusader’s films and needed a break. I say this because to get hyped for director Christopher Nolan’s final Batman film I watched the four Batman films from Burton & Shumacher in the weeks leading up to Dark Knight Rises and our local theater was doing a release day special to watch all three of the Christopher Nolan Batman films in a row which a friend and I did after I got done helping him move earlier in the day. It made for a long day, and while it was an unforgettable experience, it was still spending nearly half a day in the theater and I kind of associated the Nolan films with that memory for a period of time and so I needed a break from them for a bit. Nolan was riding high after the critical and commercial success of his previous two Batman films, so expectations were through the roof for Dark Knight Rises. This picks up in the aftermath of The Dark Knight’s ending where Batman indirectly killed a rogue Harvey Dent, but him and Commissioner Gordon decided to cover-up Dent’s darker half and celebrate Dent as a fallen hero that Gotham needed to absolve its crime dilemma. It is now eight years later and both Batman and Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) have disappeared from the public eye. The first act helps establish a new evil is on the rise going by Bane (Tom Hardy), who quickly accumulates power and establishes a base in Gotham’s sewers that prompts Wayne and Batman both to return to Gotham and meet his biggest foe yet.

Dark Knight Rises introduces a few other new players to Nolan’s films with the biggest standout being anti-hero master thief, Selina Kyle, aka Catwoman (Anne Hathaway). This was my first major exposure to her and she is flawless as Batman’s off-and-on ally. Officer Blake (Joseph-Gordon Levitt) is an up-and-comer for Gotham PD, and is one of the more proactive members of the force to react to the Bane threat and quickly gains trust from both Batman and Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman). Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard) is trying to become a player in Gotham by establishing a future clean energy source. Upon this re-watch I was flabbergasted I completely forgot about Detective Foley (Matthew Modine) who is an incompetent cop who wants to bust Batman. It would be criminal if they were absent, but Nolan knew it would not be a Batman film from him without the returning affable Batman allies in tech-man Luscious Fox (Morgan Freeman) and his loyal butler Alfred (Michael Caine). I loved the first two acts of Dark Knight Rises. Nolan does a great job at establishing the new characters with Selina taking advantage of her stealth and cunning to keep me guessing which side she is really on and Bane gradually amassing resources and power to become a legitimate threat to Gotham. I loved how it plays off the consequences from the aftermath of The Dark Knight in a big way to set up the present-day Gotham. There is a fine balance of action and exposition sequences that constantly kept me glued in for the next big set-piece sequence. There is the nice gradual build in pacing in the first two hours when there is this sudden shift into overdrive I was never fully able to settle in with to the film’s detriment.

A nice side-effect from holding off nearly eight years to re-watch Dark Knight Rises is that I recall some negative press from critics on how Nolan’s trilogy wrapped up and I wanted to distance myself from it to go into this again with a fresh set of eyes. The chief criticism I recall was there being not a lot of fans for the voice used for Bane. The Elephant Man-esque voice has been the butt of many Internet jokes in the years since. I will admit, it does not sound all that menacing, but it grew on me throughout the film and that combined with Tom Hardy’s excellent use of body language resulted in it not coming off as a hindrance all these years later. A qualm I vaguely remembered is that even though Dark Knight Rises is two hours and forty-five minutes long, it flies by because it tries to crunch in about four hours’ worth of cinema into that timeframe. This is not knew from Nolan, and as a matter of fact he is usually pretty good at this type of filmmaking and making longer films breeze by with his brisk cinematography in mind-benders like Inception and The Prestige. However, I do not know whether if it was due to a poor script, clashes with corporate officials, budget or filming restraints, but something happened with the filmmaking here that results in many ‘straighten-your-tie’ moments. Minor-yet-pivotal points of the plot happened in a blink-of-an-eye, and there were several points where I found myself rewinding to pick up on some of these little details. This mostly breaks down in the final act where a lot happens in terms of events and time passing by. Bane pulls off a power grab at a football game in a big trailer-pleasing moment (featuring one completely unaware of his surroundings Heinz Ward) while Batman is banished to a mysterious pit. A lot of time goes by while Gotham succumbs to martial law, but the way it all plays out seems haphazard and confusing to keep up with. It felt like Nolan was told he had a half hour to forty-five minutes of cuts to make to keep the film under three hours and he chose the all-important final act to take the brunt of the cuts.

The last stretch of action also comes off clumsy and rushed. It requires a lot of suspension of disbelief where the seemingly unstoppable Bane established in the first three quarters of the film all of a sudden comes off as easy pickings for Batman and Catwoman. I get the whole ‘Batman does not kill’ edict from DC comics, but this once again leads to Nolan having to find another way for Batman to indirectly kill off a major villain for the third film in a row, but it comes off incredibly weak on-screen. Finally, there are convenient lines of dialogue thrown out for Batman somehow surviving a severe stabbing and escaping a six mile nuclear bomb blast radius…..sorry Bats, but I simply could not buy it. The BluRay has a bonus disc that has nearly three hour of bonus features on it. Far and away the marquee extra is The Batmobile. It is an hour long, in-depth look at the history of the Batmobile from its humble beginnings in the comics and early TV serials, until it started to really pop in the Adam West 60s TV show and evolved into the elaborate designs from the last several movies from Burton, Shumacher and Nolan. They interviewed designers of the cars from nearly all eras, have a great showcase of all the Batmobiles next to each other at a vintage drive-in and it wraps up with a touching tribute by bringing the Batmobile to a children’s hospital. Definitely do not skip past The Batmobile.

The rest of the extras are divided up into three areas: Ending the Knight, Gotham’s Reckoning and Reflections. Ending the Knight is comprised of about a dozen smaller features mostly highlighting an individual action sequence or set-piece moment and how the production team pulled it off. Gotham’s Reckoning is character profiles of Batman, Bane and Catwoman and is where we see the most interview time of Bale, Hardy and Hathaway. Reflections is only a couple quick features touching on the crews memories from making three films together and putting a bow on their trilogy. I am a sucker for these, and a lot of these are well made and do not come off as quasi-trailers like a lot of other shorter, thrown together behind-the-scenes pieces on other home video releases. From this two hour lot of extras I would say the half hour of character profiles and the Gameday feature detailing the football game bomb sequence stood out to me the most. A superb collection of extra features all around; I would have been bummed with the lack of a Nolan commentary, but he is featured prominently throughout these extra feature interviews so much that it more than makes up for it. I know it sounds like I bagged on a lot of the film, but it is mostly the last act of Batman: The Dark Knight Rises where things fall apart. Again, this is purely speculation on my part, but it mostly boils down to feeling like Nolan being told he had to cut a half hour out of the film and he decided to sacrifice a good chunk of the last act. The strong first two acts combine to make this a quality comic book movie and despite being a couple notches down from Nolan’s previous two Batman films, I would still rank it in the top third of comic book movies all things considered. Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed Deck the Halls Detroit Rock City Die Hard Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Dirty Work Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hercules: Reborn Hitman Indiana Jones 1-4 Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Major League Man of Steel Man on the Moon Man vs Snake Marine 3-6 Merry Friggin Christmas Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets Pulp Fiction The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Slacker Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Sully Take Me Home Tonight TMNT The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

[geek-patient-zero]

Part 1, Chapter 8

Or: Spaghetti and Corpses, Boss

Blood War: Masquerade of the Red Death Trilogy Volume 1

Venice—March 12, 1994

A black shape slipped from shadow to shadow in the late-night darkness. Weaving through the narrow streets and winding lanes of the ancient city, it moved without a sound, heading ever inward, toward Saint Mark’s Square at the center of the sleeping Metropolis.

The form, vaguely human in shape, traveled quickly, never hesitating to stop and stare at the stunning examples of Renaissance and Byzantine architecture that earned the city a reputation as one of the most beautiful locations in the world.

Whatever this shape is, clearly it’s a local.

Nor did it slow down on the numerous bridges it was forced to cross. Venice, situated on 120 islands and formed by 177 canals, was laced with over 400 such spans.

The shape won’t stop and enjoy the scenery, but Robert Weinberg did the research and damn it, he’s going to make sure you all know it.

The shape reaches Saint Mark’s Square, or Piazza San Marco if you want to impress the locals (you won’t), and we get some brief tour guide info on Saint Mark’s Cathedral and the Doge’s Palace as the shape glides past them. By the way, that’s Doge as in the historical supreme authority of Venice, not the meme dog.

I’ve been to Venice. It was one of our stops when my family went to Italy in ‘07. Let me give you some advice. Unless you’re way into history and architecture, you should spend, at most, two days there and not a day more. At the risk of sounding uncultured, Venice is boring. You take a gondola ride on the canals, you visit a glass art shop, you visit the above sites, and that’s all there is to do. 

Venice smells, too. If you google it, you’ll see some travel agency and tourist board crap about how oh, it’s just low tide and salt water, Venice doesn’t stink. Yep, I’m sure it has nothing to do with the city’s romantic canals doubling as an open-air sewer.

Our tour of old Venice ends at the Bridge of Sighs, behind the palace, and we transition back to the World of Darkness and one of its greatest evils: urban land development.

Once the famous arch led to the public prisons. Now the prisoners were gone, and in their place stood a vast, black skyscraper of glass and steel.

We get some background on the building. As you can imagine, the locals were pissed when it was announced that the old buildings were going to be torn down and this random modern corporate penis built in its place.

Opponents objected bitterly to the massive rebuilding project, declaring that the ancient jail was one of the city’s most prized landmarks. As usual, money spoke louder. The city-zoning commission had ignored the complaints and approved the design.

Soon after, a number of the most strident critics had disappeared from Venice. Reports by the police claimed that the citizens had angrily departed the city after being scorned by the city fathers. The more cynical inhabitants of the island said nothing and made their peace with the new skyscraper.

The building is forty stories high, which, phhhhht. That’s a baby skyscraper. All that trouble for a weenie building. I understand the cruelty was on purpose, but whoever owns this monument to hubris could’ve flexed better. Anyway, the building’s surrounded by a twelve-foot-high brick wall with only one gate and guardpost leading inside.

Whispered tales describe huge, red-eyed hounds that roamed the grounds at night. No one was sure what secrets the building contained. Other than a street address, the skyscraper had no name. None was needed. Among the residents of Venice the rectangular black giant was known simply as The Mausoleum.

We don’t learn who owns the Mausoleum for another few pages, but since we’re in Italy and there’s a vampire clan with an Italian as hell name, it ain’t hard to figure out.

The shape gets to the perimeter, but stops. There’s more than a brick wall. And it’s not just a brick wall.

Embedded throughout the barrier were small heat detectors that would record the slightest variation in temperature—warm or cold. The top of the wall was covered by thousands of inch-high, steel needles. Each was barbed with a curve designed to rip protective garments or skin to shreds. Powerful searchlights swept the inside perimeter of the compound every few minutes. Monstrous beasts roamed the grounds, things of nightmare that recognized no friend, only prey. Entrance to the Mausoleum other than through the main gate was impossible.

Understandably, the infiltrator decides to take the front door.

The gate, two six-inch steel doors, is guarded by four ghouls in black uniforms. Two were in a booth with a “complex video and computer network” which gave them live video of the company grounds, and the other two stood by the gate, armed with AK-47′s with high powered explosive ammo.  The shape’s plan on getting past? Wait for them to blink.

Even ghouls blinked. Human senses could not trace such rapid eye motions with precision. But the blot was not human.

Twenty-two minutes later, all four of them blink at the same time. The shape, the presence, the blot, whatever the narration wants to call the infiltrator, slips past them at that moment. As for the door, even though the crack between it and the ground is described as “microscopic,” the infiltrator is “molecules in width” and slips under easily. “The patch of darkness” heads for the Mausoleum’s entrance, a pair of giant glass doors, undetected by the “Hellhounds” wandering around.

Many vampires could meld their forms into the earth, becoming part of the ground. The moving shadow was one of the few that, having done so, could actually shift its location.

Sounds like Earth Meld, third tier power of Protean, the signature discipline of Clan Gangrel. The infiltrator isn’t a Gangrel, but there are other ways the infiltrator could’ve learned it.

Oh, right, and the moving shadow infiltrator is a vampire.

Beyond the glass door is an entrance hall, well-lit and painted completely white, guarded by a single ghoul in a glass booth.

His gaze, like those outside, never wavered, Getting past him would be more difficult.

They could just wait for the guard to blink like with the ones outside, but this way they get to show off more vampire powers.

Gathering its Mighty Will willpower, the shadow projected a single thought at the watchman. Sneeze, it commanded, sneeze. The guard sniffed, scowling. Sneeze, projected the shadow again.

Eventually the guard does sneeze. The infiltrator turns from a shadow on the ground into a white mist. That’s Body of Spirit, fifth tier of Proteus. The change between the two is described as taking “milliseconds.” They slip through another “microscopic” crack, this time between the top of the door and it’s steel frame, and flattened against the ceiling. All during the second the sneezing guard had his eyes closed.

All these descriptions like seconds and milliseconds and microscopic. And that brick perimeter outside with its heat sensors and barbed hooks. It’s like two kids trying to one-up each other while play-fighting during recess.

“My fortress is so secure it’s surrounded by evil dogs and the only way in is through cracks! And they’re smal- they’re my-cros-scos-pic!”

“Oh yeah, well I can turn into a shadow who can get past evil dogs and fit through the smallest cracks ever!

“Oh yeah, well I also have guards who watch every opening at all times all day every day!”

“Oh yeah, well I’m so fast I can get past them when they blink!”

“Oh yeah, well my bodyguards can sense your thoughts and teleport in front of you in a milly-second! And they’re Super Saiyan 5!”

“Oh yeah, well I’m Super Saiyan 6!”

Then one of them hits the other kid with a rock.

There’re more guardposts throughout the building, security cameras, and office workers running around even at this time of night, but the mist avoids them by moving against the ceiling, white-on-white, and finding the door leading to the basement. There, it messes around with the complex’s switch boxes.

The building was controlled by a computer monitoring system. Bypassing the built-in safeguards was child’s play, and the shadow was no child. Mentally, it attached invisible trip wires to the proper circuits. The emergency generator proved no more of a challenge. Plans set, it went looking for a way up.

Those invisible trip wires must be some kind of vampire magic, or else this thing was sneaking past guards and fitting through microscopic cracks while dragging around computer parts.

The infiltrator finds an elevator shaft, enters it, and rises to the fortieth floor. Despite there being security cameras pointed at the elevators, it does this with no problems. There aren’t any cameras in the shaft itself, which the narration notes is a “dangerous mistake.” Sensing that there’s no one running around on the fortieth floor, the infiltrator exists the shaft.

This part of the building was extremely well protected. A dozen deadly spells ringed the inner group of apartments. They were triggered by thought, not physical presence. One wrong move and the invader’s efforts would come to a hideous end.

Effortlessly, the misty form disarmed the traps. Instead of intertwining, so that releasing one set off another, they overlapped. The interloper’s Mighty Will powerful mind surrounded each spell and swiftly neutralized it. Not an alarm was sounded yet in the span of a quarter-hour, the entire top floor of the main headquarters of the Giovanni Clan of vampires was rendered defenseless from outside attack.

“Oh yeah, well my room is surrounded by a hundred magic spells that kills anyone who thinks in it!”

“Oh yeah, well I use my mind powers to destroy them! You should’ve mixed them together instead of making them on top of each other, idiot!”

“Oh yeah, well I turn into a Super Saiyan 20 and-”

That’s when a teacher finds them and makes them cut it out. They don’t want a repeat of yesterday.

No alarm went off, but someone noticed the top floor’s magic defenses were gone anyway, and the infiltrator hears the elevator, full of security personnel, begin to rise. The infiltrator uses whatever psychic BS they have to trigger their magic trip wires from earlier and cut off all power to the elevators. No longer having to worry about outside interference, the infiltrator slips into a room with the name Madeleine Giovanni marked on the door.

Inside the empty room, the mist begins to change, gathering form, turning solid.

In seconds it was gone, leaving standing in its place an attractive young woman with dark eyes and long black hair. Pale white skin and blood-red lips offered a sharp contrast to the black leotard that was her only garment.

Of course she’s hot. This time in a gothic gymnast way!

Walking to a nearby closet filled with women’s clothes, the intruder searched carefully until she found an old-fashioned black velvet gown. Nodding, she slipped out of the leotard and pulled on the dress.

A more low-brow franchise would have the security guards arrive just before she gets the dress on.

It fit perfectly, hugging her slender form as if by design. Reaching into a box on a shelf above the clothes, she extracted a stunning silver necklace and draped it around her neck. It was decorated with the same family crest that marked the front end of the Mausoleum. A pair of short heels completed the outfit.

It’s obvious, but in case you’re glazing over this because you thought the sneaking mission stuff was boring, our infiltrator is Madeleine Giovanni. She broke into her own clan’s main headquarters.

Smiling at herself in a full-length mirror, she strolled across the chamber to a second door. Gently she wrapped on the paneling.

That bit with the mirror. It’s a male novelist cliche to write a woman protagonist examining herself in a mirror and mentally describing every one of her physical features. Y’know, as women do, am I right, herp derp? To Weinberg’s credit, he doesn’t do that with Madeleine. Now if this were Flavia, whose high cheekbones, sensuous lips, and great tits he felt the need to describe twice, who knows.

“Enter,” growled a loud voice from the other side. The speaker did not sound pleased. “You little witch.”

Madeleine enters a huge corner office. It’s lined with dark-tinted windows with a view of Venice one can enjoy without having to smell it. She addresses the man inside as her sire, and informs him that she tested the building's security and found it "...underwhelming." 

A tall man with graying hair, he had the face of an aristocrat.

Appropriate, since Clan Giovanni is one big The Aristocrats joke.

He was impeccably dressed in a dark, three-piece suit with a white shirt and an unadorned tie. His only concession to color was a blood-red rose tucked into his buttonhole. When he walked the earth in human form, hundreds of years ago, Pietro Giovanni had had a passion for beautiful flowers. Undeath had left that sentiment unchanged. As manager of the Mausoleum and one of the most powerful Kindred in Europe, he could afford to indulge his vices. Large and small.

The two vampires sit down to have a discussion about the Mausoleums’s security. Pietro acknowledges that even though he thinks Madeleine is “the most accomplished saboteur” of his childer, and that no other Giovanni could get past their defenses, the Mausoleum is still technically vulnerable to potential enemies. He asks her what she recommends.

This conversation goes on for about a page and a half. Madeleine thinks that they rely too much on ghouls and that while loyal, they’re a weak link in their defenses. The four out front need to be better trained and with better security equipment, meant to “compliment their efforts, not duplicate them.”

“The Hellhounds?” asked Pietro.

“A minor force,” answered Madeleine. “Feed them less. They need to be hungrier.”

Hey now. I know these are ghouled monster dogs bred to main and kill, but that ain’t necessary. More practically, the narration said the Hellhounds wouldn’t attack anything they couldn’t see, hear, or smell, so how’s being hungrier going to help them notice moving shadows? More likely they’d turn on each other instead.

She ramps down the dickishness when talking about things like replacing the ground around the building with artificial sod, installing electric currents in the door frames, and repainting the entrance hall with stripes, but then ramps it back up when she gets to the poor sneezing guard.

Her eyes narrowed. “The ghoul at the entrance. His mind is too weak for the task he performs. I bent his will with minimal effort. He never realized I was manipulating his thoughts. He is worthless. Kill him.”

“As you wish.” Pietro pressed a button on his desk. “Summon the ghoul watching the entrance of the Mausoleum to room seventeen. Disarm him when he enters. Give the fool an hour to contemplate his sin against the House Giovanni and beg for forgiveness. Then feed him to our neonates.” Pietro paused, then continued. “Make sure the other ghouls assigned to guard duty are present and watch. It should inspire them to higher standards.”

“And it’s almost time for dinner. Bring us up two babies. Make them Asian. Tibetan, in fact.”

Also, here’s some fun facts about what it means to be a Giovanni ghoul, from the White Wolf Wiki Giovanni page:

“Giovanni make an art out of ghouling, since ghouling is a rite of passage for the Giovanni – ghouling means that the Giovanni is now part of the people who make the family work. Not necessarily a mover and shaker, but something akin to a made man: the Masquerade is pulled back and the truth about vampires is revealed. Giovanni tend to make Proxy Kisses aesthetic efforts, and take a point in pride in producing especially memorable or mind-destroying ones – blood received via fellatio, blasphemous masses and the like are all popular choices.”

If that ghouling process is the same for regular ghoul employees as it is for potential future vampire ghouls, then that guard had a shit life.

Madeleine goes on to suggest security cameras in the basement and elevator shafts, and motion detectors. They’re briefly interrupted by a phone call. Along with the elevators, Madeleine had also turned off all power on the lower levels, which she turns back on when asked with a snap of her fingers. Then they get on the subject of magic spells.

“Now explain what you want done with the spells. Anything involving the black arts has to be approved by the clan elders.”

I’m guessing all these spells are blood magic. I don’t know a whole lot about the metaphysical side of World of Darkness lore. I know that Mage magic is based on “bending reality” and that vampires can’t do that, hence Clan Tremere’s whole thing with having to learn Thaumatergy to compensate for their lost magic. If these spells aren’t blood magic, then I don’t get what the difference between that and Mage magic is.

“They spent the next hour talking.”

Meaning by the time they’re done that guard is already neonate chow.

Finally, Pietro raised his hands in mock surrender. “Enough. You have convinced me. I will raise your points with our esteemed ancestors at the next board meeting. There will be no objections.”

“Right after we have the vote on whether pineapple-on-pizza is grounds for excommunication.”

“Good,” said Madeleine. [...] “You realize, grandfather, I went through this escapade merely to insure you are properly protected.”

“Yes, my precious one,” replied Pietro fondly. “You are my greatest treasure. I thank you for your concern.”

The narration introduces one of the big Giovanni gimmicks: Every member, vampire and mortal, no matter how distantly, is related. Literally one huge family, descended from the first Giovanni, Augustus, and his family at the time he got his... start, sometime in the Dark Ages.

With that much focus on family and this being dark fantasy, you know what that means. It’s inevitable that incest would come up. The White Wolf wiki tries to downplay this, implying that the clan’s “incestuous nature” is more a structural thing, with some Giovanni rarely interacting with anyone but other Giovanni and the problems that can cause with their worldview and social interaction. But no, there’s still plenty of the gross hillbilly literal kind of incest going on. Luckily, nothing in this book suggests that the relationship between Pietro and Madeleine is anything more than granddad sire and granddaughter childe.

Madeleine had been Embraced by Pietro, establishing their relationship in undeath. She was also the daughter of his only son, Daniel, who had met the Final Death at the hands of Don Caravelli, the Kindred master of the mafia. It was a debt both father and daughter had sworn to repay.

Normally, Giovanni aren’t suppose to Embrace members of their immediate family. Some other Giovanni a few branches on the family tree away’s supposed to do it, otherwise it would encourage nepotism. It happens anyway, but it’s frowned upon.

And despite being a powerful and influential Italian criminal organization with ceremonies comparable to becoming a made man, the Giovanni aren’t part of the Sicilian Mafia. In the general lore the Giovanni have connections in the mafia, but they’re both separate organizations. Remember, the mob is Sicilian, the Giovanni are northern Italian. It’s a moot point anyway, since they’re enemies in Blood War thanks to a classic you-killed-my-father feud.

The narration describes two other big things about the Giovanni, what it refers to as their “two ruling passions: money and death.”

Their skill at manipulating finances was matched only by their powers of necromancy. Of all the Kindred, their clan was the most heavily involved with the world beyond. No one was sure what ghastly rituals they pursued in secret vaults beneath family enclaves. Rumors spoke of an incredible plot to control not only all life but the spirits of the dead as well.

That’s all true. Their “take over the worlds of both the living and the dead” plot’s a hell of a thing, but it’s irrelevant to Blood War.

Equally mysterious was the exact extant of the Giovanni fortune. Like a gigantic financial octopus, the family business had spread tentacles throughout the world. Connections with the Catholic Church, firmly established during the Inquisition, had further enabled the clan to penetrate markets unreachable by any other banking institutions. The Giovanni controlled billions in assets. A word from the clan elders could plunge the world into a depression that would leave entire populations destitute.

That’s why they’re able to survive despite being a treacherous, incestuous gang of necromancing wannabe world conquerors who everyone hates.

Clan Giovanni’s financial power is emphasized a lot more than their necromancy in Blood War, to the point where when I first read this as a kid I thought the Giovanni’s thing was being a young nouveau riche clan that gained its power through finance and connections rather than clan prestige or whatever. In a way they’re that, but every other V:TM media seems to focus on their skills in necromancy and their depravity. Getting back into the franchise and learning all that was... It was a “huh” moment.

Giovanni necromancy being out of focus in this story likely has something to do with our main Giovanni POV character Madeleine’s skill set.

Madeleine was unique in the clan in that she possessed skills unrelated to either necromancy or high finance.

“She was so bad at both she lost a 50K bet that she could summon Beetlejuice.”

Fanatic in her devotion to family honor, she had devoted her entire existence to avenging her father. A century of intensive training and rigid discipline had turned her into a master of industrial espionage and corporate surveillance. She was the hidden dagger of the Giovanni empire.

Though she was responsible for many of the clan’s greatest triumphs, engineered through a combination of sabotage, blackmail, and assassination, Madeleine was virtually unknown outside the Mausoleum.

And that’s why none of you have ever heard of her until now.

(The wiki has nothing about her. There’s an entry for a Pietro Giovanni, but he’s a different character from the one here.)

The in-universe reason she’s unknown outside her grandpa’s house is because she kills anyone who sees her during a mission.

Yet despite her successes, Madeleine remained unfulfilled.

“The Beetlejuice incident still burns her to this day.”

Three times she had tried to penetrate the secret fortress of he ultimate quarry, Don Caravelli, and three times she failed.

A third kid on the playground would just say “I fucked your mom” whenever the first two tried to say anything.

The Mafia chief, controlling a criminal empire that equaled the Giovanni clan’s in wealth and power, lived in the most secure hideaway in the world. Caravelli knew Madeleine waited for him the moment he left Sicily and thus refused to travel. The Don was no coward, but he was also no fool.

Equal to the Giovannis in wealth and power, huh? Not bad for a mostly mortal organization that didn’t exist before the 19th century.

Before the chapter ends, Pietro finally introduces his granddaughter to her purpose in the story. It involves a certain detective.

“I have a special mission for you,” declared Pietro. He pushed a manila envelope across the desk to her. “Everything necessary for your trip is here. You are to leave for America immediately. In the city of St. Louis, I want you to locate a human named Dire McCann. Finding him should not be difficult, as the kine has ties to the local Prince.”

“And when I find him?” asked Madeleine. “What do you want me to do?”

In two words, Pietro told her.

So yeah. That’s the Giovanni. Incestuous necromancer mafia-but-not-really Italian vampires. What a weird fucking stereotype.

[prakask]

6 Best Tamil Films From 2018 That You Must Watch!

Since the cinema came into existence, varieties of films have been coming out to the audience from the nook and corner of the globe. Indian cinema plays the biggest role in producing films and generating revenue from it. As we all know Indian cinema involves many other national as well as regional film industries which popularly include Hindi Cinema, Tamil, Telugu, Malayalam, Kannada, Marathi, Bhojpuri, Punjabi, and Assamese among others. Above all, Tamil cinema is an integral part of Indian cinema. It has been very content since its origins. Tamil cinema has produced many legendary directors, producers, cinematographers, editors, actors, actress, musicians, and writers and so on. The year 2018 proved to very significant for the film industry as in this year films from art house cinema to mass cinema created a buzz in the country. On one hand, when films like “2.0,” made history by being one of the highest budget Indian film of all time, at the other hand, films like “To Let” created history by changing the course of the Tamil cinema by its content and representation. Here, we will be discussing about six most important Tamil films of 2018 which can’t be left behind by a true cinephile. The list of these films is based on the writer’s own taste and understanding, however, your suggestion is welcome. Feel free to share your list of Tamil best films from 2018. Pariyerum Perumal

This is one of the finest, genuine and intense movies I have watched in the year 2018. As said by K.R. Narayanan, “inherited caste system still remains with us”.  The movie brilliantly portrayed the harsh reality of our society, about the ideologies of caste, inequality, life of oppressed people and honor Killings. It’s hard hitting and thought provoking. No hero build ups, no lengthy dialogues, no taking revenge, no blame games, everything is portrayed in a subtle way, carefully balanced from all the aspects. The film boldly asks major questions revolving around the caste system and beautifully portrays a message for the same without ever sacrificing the story-line. Very depressing yet very eye opening movie brilliantly acted out by the majority of the cast, mainly by the protagonist Kathir, who played his role with ease and precision and aptly captured by Sridhar. Some of the songs bring out the emotions pointing to the evils of the rotten system. You feel exhilarated and empowered by the end of the movie.  Vada Chennai

Vada Chennai lives up to the expectation and hype it created since it was announced years back. The movie is raw yet so refined; the story telling is complex yet simple. The movie in itself has badness with goodness. It’s a perfect mix of things you never thought would sync together. The camera work and realistic feel is incredible. Very well edited and acted out by a talented cast, this movie which portrays a natural north Chennai slum not only is a masterpiece but also an eye candy for the viewers. However, what works great for this movie is its attention to detailing, strong characterization, art direction, background score and the non-linear story telling that keeps us engaged and intrigued throughout the film. This film is directed by one of most promising young breed of Tamil film director called Vetrimaaran – who got name and fame by making one of the most radical, realistic, original and authentic film ‘Visaranai’ in 2015 which was India’s official entry for the Oscars. Vada Chennai is undoubtedly the finest work of Vetrimaaran. Ratsasan

The opening frame of this film will remind you of the Korean classics ‘Memories of Murder and I saw the Devil’. It is one of most nerve wreaking thriller in a long time in Indian Cinema, you will be in the edge of the seat for the entire movie. You can’t even imagine that this movie was directed by the same guy who has directed Mundasupatti (a hard-core romantic drama). Such a strong story line and he has handled with ease. Each and every character in the movie has done a fabulous job. The unpredictability is another major element that you will fall for while watching it. BGM was right there bringing you the much needed anticipation throughout the movie. Psycho thriller genre is not very successful in Tamil cinema as very few directors have explored this area. However, the director of the film Ram Kumar has definitely done justice to his work bringing us an ambient visual treatment. Climax of the films more intelligent, terrifying, and hypnotizing and the entire team made sure that there are no logical flaws or whatsoever in the movie. 96

Love is an abstract word that no dictionary can define but its effect on humanity and life as such is astonishing. Some died, sacrificed themselves and some lived for it. This movie has brought out that beauty which made us realize that the word love is not just a few late night calls, letters and gifts; it’s all about giving a bit of you to another person. This film strokes all the right string of emotions with its artistic subtlety. The 90s, the dying years of the ‘simple life’ and perhaps the one snapshot in time that most people over 30 today would want to relive forms the premise of this story. Each and every frame in the movie is admirable. Clear cut scene delivery. Sound effects are brilliant from the bird’s chirping when Ram and Janu are talking in the school campus to the rain sound when they are having conversation at Ram’s apartment, audience immersed into the film very easily. It’s a very simple yet hitting film which showcases how humans are trapped into social norms lose their own self in between. In some of the scenes you will get glimpses of ‘In the Mood For Love’. It has been executed flawlessly. Merku Thodarchi Malai

‘Poetry in Motion’ describes this film in a completely pure way. Story of the film revolves around a group of landless workers living along the foothills of the Western Ghats in India. It depicts how the introduction of commercialization creates conflicts in the lives of villagers. There are very few Tamil films which has this level of cinematography. The camera simply goes from one place to another and you too as a viewer travel with the camera. Characters and locations look as natural as these could be. Legendary music composer, Illayaraja has composed the background Music of the film which makes the visuals look more appealing, engaging and impactful. The film ends with a series of shots that show the helpful nature of humans who go beyond religion, caste, creed and region to help on another.  In one scene, a Muslim man provides land to the hero without asking for money. In another, the heroine takes debt for the marriage of a girl who is not related to her. Tamil Superstar Vijay Sethupathi has produced the film under his banner and he should be appreciated for supporting such a radical and experimental film. Mercury

One of the most radical and new age film maker Karthik Subbaraj has already made a name of himself in the Indian film industry, especially in Tamil cinema with films like Pizza, Jigarthandha and Iraivi. Mercury is an addition into his filmography which clearly indicates the versatility of his film making style. Rommance, horror, reality and brutality are the elements that his films consist. Mercury is undoubtedly another master piece from Subbaraj. It is a Silent movie and there is also a strong reason for the film being silent. You can understand that within five minutes of the movie. The story revolves around five people who are accidentally driven in to an old abandoned mercury factory and their attempts to escape from there. This film speaks about the environmental abuse by the corporate and also the emotional complexities of life. The cinematography, color tone and Background music is amazing. The film is described as silent but ends up being loud, noisy and disturbing. The list and its sequencing are based on cinematic sensibilities of the writer. However, you are welcome to give your suggestion.         Read the full article

[delwray-blog]

CANAAN IS AMERICA TODAY

The Sin of Canaan, America's Sin

“And the LORD spake unto Moses in the plains of Moab by Jordan near Jericho, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye are passed over Jordan into the land of Canaan; Then ye shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, and destroy all their pictures, and destroy all their molten images, and quite pluck down all their high places:” Numbers 33:50-52 “But if ye will not drive out the inhabitants of the land from before you; then it shall come to pass, that those which ye let remain of them shall be pricks in your eyes, and thorns in your sides, and shall vex you in the land wherein ye dwell. Moreover, it shall come to pass, that I shall do unto you as I thought to do unto them.” Numbers 33:55-56 By Pastor Del Wray The Sin of Canaan has become the sin of America, the New Canaan taking up its “sinful lifestyle and habits.” Canaan is America today. And America is reaping the “Curse of Canaan” which curse is now the “Curse of America,” the curse of mongrelization, the curse of homosexuality, the curse of demonology. “Come out of her my people” for America has been cursed. Mongrelization is the worst form of genocide. If you kill ninety-nine percent of a race but leave the other one percent pure-blooded they will in time restore the race. But, when you mongrelize them, you have destroyed that race forever. Once mixed with the black or yellow races, the white race will be totally and forever destroyed, hence God has forbidden it. Hence, God forbids the mixing of races! Sodom and Gomorrah weren't destroyed just for their homosexual lifestyle but primarily for their mixing of races, their marriage with “strange” women or strangers in the land. America has become the “melting pot” of the world and the axis of mongrelizing all the races on earth. The Canaanitish immigrants have infiltrated this country, changed its culture and polluted its land. America is fast becoming a curse to other nations. Mongrel America is committing genocide, and she has been cursed by God, bringing down God's anger. While all the while instead of repenting she has become mad with God and warring with Shem. Whoever said that “history runs in circles” couldn't have said it better for the truth speaks for itself the Canaanites have come to America. America and “The Will of Canaan” is being exploited. “But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth: But thou shalt utterly destroy them; namely, the Hittites, and the Amorites, the Canaanites, and the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites; as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee: That they teach you not to do after all their abominations, which they have done unto their gods; so should ye sin against the LORD your God.” Deut. 20:16-18

Let me begin by saying contrary to what some Bible believers claim, the Canaanites were not the absolute worst specimens of humanity that ever existed or the worst that existed in the ancient Near East. Although the land of Canaan was the center and hub from which all their evil deeds

and practices spread across the known world. God being the righteous God that He is, has always meted out punishment for the transgressors. Canaan happened to be the reservoir that collected all the filth that had migrated north from the South which was Africa the land of Ham and his descendants. Canaan could be considered the land where all the vice and evil known to man was practiced and spread. Canaan was a unique, unrepeatable historical land, and I could not justify Israel‟s attacking the Canaanites unless God had commanded this by special revelation. Even so, God had patiently waited over 400 years until the Canaanites would be ripe for judgment, Genesis 15:16 though this would mean Israel‟s enslavement in Egypt in the meantime. By the Israelite attack on Canaan, God accomplished two things. First, He brought righteous judgment on the deserving Canaanites, a kind of corporate capital punishment. God directed this destruction, however, less against Canaanite persons as it was against Canaanite religion Deuteronomy 7:3–5; 12:2-3; Exodus 34:12-13. The Canaanite gods/goddesses engaged in all kinds of sexual acts including incest and bestiality. Not surprisingly, worshippers of these deities engaged in ritual prostitution, not to mention infant sacrifice and other deviant acts. In our sex-saturated culture, many people do not seem concerned about sexual immorality and the destruction it wreaks on individuals, families, and society. Our anger may flare up about racism or gender discrimination, but today‟s society has jaded our moral instincts when it comes to other soul-destroying activities. God‟s anger at a society‟s moral and spiritual suicide mission, His saying “Enough,” turns out to be a sign of moral concern. Second, God was able to prepare a land for His people to create the proper religious setting to make sense of a coming Messiah who brings redemption to Israelites and Gentiles alike, Genesis 12:3. Who are the intended recipients of this salvation? Jews! Yes, but also Israel‟s most hostile enemies, Assyria, Egypt, Babylon, and Philistia Psalm 87:4–6; Isaiah 19:23–25. Killing the Canaanites was not racially motivated; rather, it was theologically and morally motivated via divine mandate. If I may, let me divert from here and give a brief history of the “Sin of Canaan” and afterward, conclude with a more concise summation.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF CANAAN AND THE SIN OF CANAAN: 

America and the World are at War with God and with God‟s people Shem, the Semites. The War with Shem: “They sacrificed unto demons, which were no gods.” Read in Deuteronomy 32! “They sacrificed unto devils, not to God; to gods whom they knew not, to new gods that came newly up, whom your father‟s feared not. Deut. 32:17

In the churches of America, Christians worship a somewhat paternal God; the bearded patriarch whom Michelangelo depicted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, an authoritarian figure who is also the Father of our Teacher, and our Saviour, Jesus Christ. God is revered as the original Creator of our universe, and as the ultimate moral guide. In this setting, humanity is a somewhat harmless group, placed in a rural setting, generally obedient to the laws of God, and subject to punishment when disobedience occurs. Religious observance based on this concept is adequate until this Arcadian scene is disturbed by misadventures or calamities. It also begs the question of innate or inescapable evil. Satan, the fallen angel, and rebel against God, Satan, a Hebrew word meaning "adversary" appears in the Bible. There are frequent references to God's admonishment, and often, chastisement, of wrongdoers, both individually and in large groups. Here again, the persistent appearance of evil throughout the history of mankind is dealt with as it occurs, but it is difficult to fix either its sources or its causes. Therefore, humanity has existed under a considerable disadvantage, unable to recognize or understand evil before being injured by it. Indeed, the great movement of modern history has been to disguise the presence of evil on the earth, to make light of it, to convince humanity that evil is to be “tolerated,” “treated with greater understanding,” or negotiated with, but under no circumstances should it ever be forcibly opposed. This is the principal point of what has come to be known as today's liberalism, more popularly known as secular humanism. The popular, and apparently sensible, appeal of humanism is that humanity should always place human interests first. The problem is that this very humanism can be traced in an unbroken line all the way back to the Biblical "Curse of Canaan." Humanism is the logical result of the demonology of history. Modern-day events can be understood only if we can trace their implications in a direct line from the earliest records of antiquity. These records concern pre-Adamic man, whose origins are described in ancient books. Satan, the leader of a band of approximately two hundred angels, descended on Mt. Carmel. They had lusted after the daughters of men from afar, and now they took them for wives. These fallen angels, known as the Order of the Watchers, taught their wives magic. The issue of these unions was a race of giants, known as Nephilim. The Bible does not mention the Nephilim specifically by name. However, here are several verses; “There were giants in the earth in those days…” Genesis 6:4, These giants later became known as “the sons of Anak.” In, Numbers 13 we read, “And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, which come of the giants: and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.” Numbers 13:33, These giants constituted a powerful menace to other peoples. In Deuteronomy 9 is the complaint, “…Who can stand before the children of Anak?” Deuteronomy 9:2, Nevertheless, they were all finally killed or driven out of the land of Israel. “There were none of the Anakims left in the land of the children of Israel: only in Gaza, in Gath, and in Ashdod, there remained.” Joshua 11:22

These early giants would be considered as mutations by modern scientists. Because of their peculiar parentage, they had habits and lusts which horrified their neighbors. Their leader, Satan the “adversary of God,” was the serpent who entered into the garden and seduces Eve, producing the first murderer, Cain. Not only were the Nephilim a menace to others, their uncontrollable hatred and violence sometimes led them to attack and kill each other. They then ate their victims, introducing cannibalism to the world. According to some accounts, God slaughtered them, while the Archangel Michael imprisoned the fallen angels, the Order of the Watchers, in deep chasms in the earth. Unfortunately for humanity, this was not the end of the matter. Satan, through his children, the Nephilim, and also through Cain, had now established a demonic presence on the earth. His rebellion against God‟s world resulted into continuous suffering and travail on earth for centuries to come. The history of mankind since his rebellion is the history of the struggle between the people of God and the Sect of Satan. With this understanding, it is now possible to trace the historical events which reveal the actual archives of the two adversaries. There is a Talmudic legend that demons originated in sexual assembly between humans and demonic powers. This offers a reasonable explanation as to why all occult ceremonies stress three things: drugs, incantations, which express hatred of God, and bizarre sexual practices. The study of demonology in history discloses answers to otherwise inexplicable aspects of man's, history. The torture and murder of children, obscene rites and mass killings of innocents in worldwide wars, as well as other catastrophes, are phenomena which bear little or no relation to mankind's day by day routine of tilling the soil, raising families, and maintaining the standards of civilization. On the contrary, these types of calamities are direct assaults on the normal existence of humanity. Furthermore, they are expressions of the rebellion against God, as attacks on His People. Because of their extraordinary powers, demons have always attracted a certain number of followers on earth. "Secret" organizations, which insist on concealing their rites and their programs from all “outsiders" must do so in order to prevent exposure and the inevitable punishment. While they were wandering in the desert, the Jewish tribes worshiped demons and monsters. They revered their mythical monsters, Leviathan, Behemoth, aid Raheb, who well may have been survivors of the tribe of giants, the Nephilim. They also made sacrifices to the demon of the desert, Azazel. Their mythology developed a certain hierarchy of demons. A demon arch, who presumably was Satan, ruled over all demons on earth. He was also known as the Prince of Evil, Belial, the Hebrew Be'aliah, meaning Yahweh is Baal. Next in the hierarchy of demons was Asmodeus, King of the Demons, and his wife, Lilith, chief demoness of the Jews. Lilith is well known today as the patron goddess of the lesbians. Her name survives in many current organizations, such as the Daughters of Lilith. This choice of a patroness suggests that there may always have been a certain amount of demonic impulses in homosexual practices. This motivation would fit in with the basic rites of occultism, such as defiance of God, and the development of “unusual lifestyles.” The inevitable retribution for these practices has now appeared among us in the form of the widespread plague of AIDS.

Lilith is typical of the demons that were created by sexual intercourse between the daughters of man and the Watchers. They first appeared during the six days of creation as disembodied spirits and later took physical form. Ancient writings say, “All pollution of semen gives birth to demons.” Also, they say, “The impurity of the serpent that had sexual relations with Eve.” The Kabbalah claims that Lilith had intercourse with Adam and produced demons as part of the cosmic design, in which the right and the left are the opposing currents of pure and impure powers, filling the world, and dividing it between the Holy One and the serpent Samael. Webster's Dictionary says of Lilith: “Heb. meaning of the „night.‟ 1. Jewish folklore, a female demon vampire. 2. Jewish folklore, she was the first wife of Adam before the creation of Eve.” Many legends identify Lilith as the first wife of Adam. These myths claim that God formed Lilith out of mud and filth. She soon quarreled with Adam. Because of her conceited pride, she refused to let him lie on top of her. It is for this reason that she was adopted as the patroness of the lesbians. She left Adam and fled to the shores of the Red Sea, where she was said to indulge in her sexual fantasies with demons, living among the wild beasts and hyenas. Her presence gave rise to many terrifying legends; she became the chief of Jewish demonesses and was said to prey on newly-born children, sucking the life out of them. She also was known to suck the blood from men who were sleeping alone and is referred to as “the night hag,” Isaiah 34:14. And wild beasts shall meet with hyenas, the satyr shall cry to his fellow; yea, there shall the night hag alight, and find for herself a resting place. Except for this one verse, her name was excised from all Scripture because of her unsavory reputation. Other legends claimed that Lilith and her accompanying demo-nesses ruled over the four Seasons: as did Lilith-Naamah, Mentral, Agrath, and Nahaloth. They were said to gather on a Mountaintop near the mountains of darkness, and there celebrate the Witches Sabbath when they would have intercourse with Samael, the Prince of Demons. It was because God had had such an unfortunate result with Lilith, after creating her out of mud and filth that he decided to go to Adam's rib for his next creation, Eve. She was subsequently known as "haw wah," "Mother of All the Living," and also as "the Serpent Mother" because of her later association with Satan. The Prince of Darkness had a number of disguises, but when he incarnated sexual desire, as he did for Eve, he always appeared as a serpent. Because evil was now established on earth, through the presence of the demons and their followers, it was necessary for God to punish mankind. In inflicting this punishment, He resolved to be just. For this, it was necessary for Him to select those who were without stain, and who would be allowed to survive the punishment. His method of selection was a simple one. He chose those who had not been contaminated. His choice was Noah and his family. Noah is described in Genesis 6:9, "Noah was perfect in his generations." The word generations here is an imperfect translation of the Hebrew word "to-Ied-aw," which means ancestry. An earlier and more appropriate translation is "Noah was a just man, and perfect, without blemish in his generations." He was God's choice because he and his family were the last remaining pure-blooded Adamites in the world. "Noah was blameless in his generations,"

The site of the Flood, which was God's prescribed punishment for mankind, was not in the Near Eastern area, as is commonly supposed. Archeologists have been puzzled for years that they could find no evidence of such a flood in this area. In fact, because Cain had been banished "east of Eden," Noah and his family lived in the Tarim Basin, located in the Upper Sinkiang Province. This basin was fed by the River Tarim, and here the Deluge took place. Having been warned by God of the impending catastrophe, Noah succeeded in building the Ark, one of the greatest engineering feats of all time. Weighing 36,750 tons, it was built entirely of wood. It was 450 feet long, 75 feet wide, and 45 feet in depth. On this Ark, God commanded Noah to “take of every living thing of all flesh.” Because of the limited space on the Ark, there could be no possibility of further reproduction of these species during their time aboard, and God commanded that “no intercourse” should take place. This commandment was violated by an inhabitant of the Ark, Ham, and the second son of Noah. Ham had intercourse with a pre-Adamite woman on the Ark, a dark-skinned person. Their offspring was a black son named Cush, who became the symbol of Ethiopia. Noah was dismayed when he learned that his son had violated God's commandment because he knew that retribution would come. After the Flood had subsided, and life on earth went back to its usual routine, Noah continued to be haunted by his fears. The subsequent occurrences have since had dire consequences for all of mankind. In the Bible, it appears as somewhat of a riddle, since the characters are identified and misidentified in sequential verses. Neither the exact sequence of events nor their explanation or the identification of the principals can be followed as it appears in Genesis, possibly due to mistranslations or editing over the centuries. Although life on earth had resumed its pre-Deluge felicity, Noah continued to be distressed by Ham's transgression. So vexed was he that he drank too much wine, and he lay exposed in his drunkenness. As it is recounted in Genesis 9:24-27! Ham's son Canaan saw his grandfather exposed, although at one point he is referred to as “Noah's youngest son,” instead of the correct designation as his grandson. Noah's other sons, Shem, and Japheth seeing their father exposed hastened to cover him with a cloak. However, when he awakened, Noah was greatly infuriated by what had taken place, and he pronounced a curse on Canaan, “Cursed be Canaan; a slave of slaves shall he be to his brothers, Shem, and Japheth.” Here again is something of a riddle, as Shem and Japheth were the uncles of Canaan, not his brothers. The “riddle” is probably an intentional one because it is intended to evoke a special study of these verses to come to an understanding of these very important messages, warnings to all future generations.

Various explanations have been offered for Noah's tremendous anger at Canaan, and his Curse of Canaan. One, which has now largely been discounted, is that Ham may have slept with Noah's wife, or that he had made an attempt to do so. No basis for this conjecture has ever been established. Another explanation is that Noah cursed Canaan because he was still vexed at Ham's violation of God's commandment to the inhabitants of the Ark that they should refrain from intercourse while on board. Because Ham had slept with the pre-Adamite woman on the ark, Noah finally vented his wrath in the Curse of Canaan. This also fails to ring true; the men of the Old Testament were very direct in their dealings; if Noah was vexed with Ham, he would have cursed Ham, not Canaan. None of these explanations offer a valid reason for the vehemence of Noah's curse, a curse which has blighted humanity for three thousand years. The only rational explanation for the curse is Noah's anger that Canaan had done something which thoroughly outraged his grandfather. Looking on him while he was exposed would hardly have caused such a reaction. Scholars finally concluded that Canaan had done something so degrading that Noah had to pronounce a curse upon him. What would this have been? The Bible as presently translated does not really give us a clue. These scholars decided that Canaan, being of mixed race, and therefore not bound by the rigid moral code of the Adamites, had probably committed a homosexual act on his grandfather. Being of pure stock, Noah would have been exceedingly wroth at such an act and would have reacted as he did. The Curse of Canaan was extended to the land which was named after him, the Land of Canaan. The Canaanites themselves, the people of this land, became the greatest curse upon humanity, and so they remain today. Not only did they originate the practices of demon-worship, occult rites, child sacrifice, and cannibalism, but as they went abroad, they brought these obscene practices into every land which they entered. Not only did they bring their demonic cult to Egypt, but, known by their later name, the Phoenicians, as they were called after 1200 B.C., they became the demonizers of civilization through successive epochs, being known in medieval history as the Venetians, who destroyed the great Byzantine Christian civilization, and later as “the black nobility,” which infiltrated the nations of Europe and gradually assumed power through trickery, revolution, and financial nimbleness. The reputation of Canaan is to be found in many ancient records, although its foul history has been carefully expunged from even more of the historic archives and libraries. In 1225 B.C., the Pharaoh Merneptah, who, because of his victories in the Canaanite region, was known as “Binder of Gezer,” set up a monument to commemorate his successes. Among the inscriptions placed thereon was this: "Plundered is Canaan, with every evil; all lands are united and pacified.” This inscription did not mean that Merneptah had used every evil to plunder Canaan; it meant that he had in his sojourn there encountered every evil practiced by this notorious tribe. Ham had four sons; Cush, who founded the land of Ethiopia; Mizraim, who founded Egypt; Put, who founded Libya; and Canaan, who founded the land of the Canaanites, the area now in contention as the State of Israel, in Agatha. Cush is said to be black-skinned as punishment for Ham's, having had intercourse on the Ark. “Three copulated in the Ark, and they were all punished, the dog, the raven, and Ham. The dog was doomed to be tied, the raven exerts his seed into the mouth of his mate, and Ham was smitten in his skin. From him descended Cush, the negro, who is black-skinned." In Talmudic literature, Cushi always means a black person or the Negro race. Cushite is synonymous with black. The Bible as presently translated makes no reference to "Cush's color. Reference to his descendants, the Cushites, appears only in Numbers and in 2 Samuel. Numbers 12:1 reveals that "Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Cushite woman he had married, for he had married a Cushite woman." Here again, no explanation is given as to why Miriam and Aaron turned against Moses, yet the matter is obviously of some importance because the same verse emphasized by repetition that he had married a Cushite woman. We find the explanation by turning to the Talmud, which tells us that "Cushite" always means black. The verse in Numbers should read, and originally may have read, "Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the black or Cushite woman he had married." Second Samuel contains seven references to Cushites, but again no descriptions are given.

Dr. Sayee, the noted Egyptian scholar, and authority on the ancient Near and the Middle East, explains that Canaan means “low,” and Elam means “high.” The Canaanites were those who inhabited the low places; the Elamites occupied the high ground. Dr. Garnier, in his great work, "The Worship of the Dead," quotes Strabo's observation that "the Cushites inhabit the coastal regions of all Asia and Africa." They were never aggressive enough to fight for or remain on the higher ground and were forced to remain in the low, swampy areas, exposed to the elements, areas which other peoples would not contest them for. Garnier continues in “The Worship of the Dead”: “We have also seen that Osiris was black, or of the Cushite race and this was characteristic of the Egyptians. Herodotus speaks of the Egyptians generally as black and wooly haired. There were two races in Egypt, the Mizraimites, who first colonized the country, and the black Egyptians, the latter receiving their name from Aegyptus, the son of Belus, that is to say, Cush. There can be little doubt, therefore, that Aegyptus, the father of the black Egyptians, and son of Belus, is the same as the black Osiris.” Garnier informs us: “The Aryan immigration and Brahmanism were subsequent to that of a Cushite race more or less hostile to them and their religion. We find Aryan traditions speaking of them as white and the Dasyns as black, to be exact Cushite.” Garnier quotes a description of the Cushites as follows: “They call them demons and devil-worshippers, and lascivious wretches who make a god of the Sisna, the Lingam, and the Phallus.” Garnier goes on to observe that “Buddha must be identified with those gods whose human origin was Cushite, from Cush, the great prophet, and teacher of the ancient Paganism, the father of the black or Ethiopian race. Buddha, although the chief god of the yellow race is constantly represented, like black with wooly hair and Negro features, the flat noses and thick lips of many of the ancient statues which occur in Hindustan, for these are clearly the well-known features of the genuine African Negro; the human origin of Buddha was Cush.” Ham's subsequent acts did nothing to clear his reputation. He stole the garments which God had made for Adam and Eve before He expelled them from the Garden of Eden. Cush inherited these garments from Ham and passed them on to his son, Nimrod. Because of these garments, Nimrod became known as "the mighty hunter." He was considered to be invincible as long as he wore these garments, which are recorded in Genesis 3:21. Animals and men cowered before the onslaught of Nimrod because of these garments, which conferred great powers upon him Nimrod, who was born on December 25th, the High Sabbath of Babylon, was the founder of Babylon and the city of Nineveh. In the history of mankind, Nimrod stands unequaled for his symbolism of evil and satanic practices. He is credited for having founded Freemasonry and for building the legendary Tower of Babel, in defiance of God's will. In Talmudic literature, he is noted as “he who made the entire people rebel against God.” The legend of the Midrash recounts that when Nimrod was informed of Abraham's birth, he ordered all the male children killed, to be certain of eliminating him. Abraham was hidden in a cave, but in later life, he was discovered by Nimrod, who then ordered him to worship fire. Abraham refused and was thrown into the fire.

The legendary symbol for Nimrod is "X" the use of this symbol always denotes witchcraft. When "X" is used as a shortened form meaning Christmas, it actually means “to celebrate the feast of Nimrod.” A double X, which has always meant to double-cross or betray, in its fundamental meaning, indicates one's betrayal into the hands of Satan. When American Corporations use the “X” in their logo, such as “Exxon,” the historic Rockefeller firm of Standard Oil of New Jersey, there can be little doubt of this hidden meaning. The importance of Nimrod in any study of the occult cannot be over-emphasized. Because of the powers given him by the clothing of Adam and Eve, Nimrod became the first man to rule the whole world. He indulged that power by launching excesses and horrors which have never been equaled. Ever since the time of Nimrod, Babylon has been the symbol of depravity and lust. Nimrod also introduced the practice of genocide to the world. His grandfather, Ham, having consorted with other races, and brought children of mixed race into the world, was persuaded by his consort, the evil Naamah, to practice ritual murder and cannibalism. She informed Ham that by killing and eating fair-skinned people, his descendants could regain their superior qualities. Throughout the ensuing centuries, the fair-skinned descendants of Shem, Noah's oldest son, have ritually been slaughtered by the darker descendants of Ham and Nimrod, in the world's most persistent campaign of racial and religious persecution. This is the beginning of the war against the people of Shem. Not only did Nimrod kill and eat the fair-skinned descendants of Shem, in his fury and hatred he often burned them alive. The type of human sacrifice involving the eating of the slaughtered human victims derived its name from the combined names of his uncle, Canaan, and the demon god Baal, the two names being combined to form the word “cannibal.” Nimrod was also known in ancient history by the names of Marduk, Bel, and Merodach. Because of his importance in its history, Babylon was known as the Land of Nimrod. Nimrod has also cited in the most ancient writings the founding of the Masonic Freemasonry. Nimrod's downfall reputedly came about when he began to build the Tower of Babel, a ziggurat or temple tower, which was planned to rise up into the heavens. Because of this offense against God, Shem, the eldest son of Noah, pronounced judgment against Nimrod and executed him. Josephus says that “Ham's black grandson, Nimrod, was beheaded by Shem.” Other accounts add that Shem then cut Nimrod's body into pieces and sent the pieces to the pagan temples of Babylon, as a warning to the priests that their sex orgies and child sacrifices would result in a similar judgment of execution; Instead of abandoning their hideous ceremonies because of this warning, the priests literally went underground. No longer did “their altars smoke with human blood,” as Kitto, the great Palestinian authority, described them. The priests took the pieces of Nimrod as relics to their secret meeting places, which were hidden in "groves" and "shrines." This was the origin of the secret Mystery cults, whose orgies could no longer be performed in public temples. Because of the power of Shem, the priests from that time on conducted their forbidden orgies out of the light of day, in their secret hiding places. Their meetings were bounded with secret rites, which no one outside of their order was permitted to know, on pain of death. This was the origin of the Gnostics, the Knowing Ones, who knew the secrets. It may be for this reason that Nimrod became known as the founder of Freemasonry, because its fundamental rites were established and invoked after he was killed, in order to carry on his work of evil.

“The history of mankind for the past three thousand years has been the history of the struggle between the fair-skinned descendants of Shem and the darker-skinned descendants of his brother, Ham, yet you will not find this struggle defined in any historical work.” The records of the genocide against the people of Shem are apparent throughout the archives of history, but there is not a school or university whose faculty will apprise its students of this simple fact. This in itself explains much which is usually dismissed as being “beyond explanation.” The reason for this development is that the descendants of Ham traditionally have usurped the educational process, through their earlier usurpation of the priesthood to carry on their satanic work. They have controlled the educational system ever since, converting it to their own evil purposes. It is of even greater interest that not a single school of theology anywhere in the world takes note of this central fact of history, a red thread which runs continuously through the record of events. In the Greek language, Shem appears as Ehu; in Egyptian mythology, he is Shu, the son of Ra the Sun God. It was through claimed descent from Shem that Louis, King of France, called himself the "Sun King." However, a much more important point and one that has again been obscured or hidden by the priests who controlled the educational system throughout the last three thousand years is the fact that it was Shem who founded and built the great civilization of Egypt. The rulers of Egypt were called Pharaohs, from the Hebrew word pira, meaning “long hair.” The native Egyptians were short-haired. Not only was Shem long-haired, but he was also fair-haired. In their records, the priests call Shem “Shufu,” or "Khufu," which means long hair. Being a great warrior, Shem easily led his people in the conquest of the native Egyptians. He immediately set about to commemorate his reign by building the “Great Pyramid” at Gizeh. Babylon was then overcome by the son of Shem, Elam; a later descendant, Cyrus of Persia, an Elamite, completed the final conquest of Babylon and built the great Persian Empire. It was to signify his great military successes that Shem adopted as his symbol the lion, which is still the symbol of rulers today. The Great Pyramid was later called Khiut, the Horizon, in which Khufu had been swallowed up, as the western horizon swallowed up the sun each evening. After extensive archeological investigations, the Royal Astronomer of Scotland concluded that the evidence was irrefutable that the Great Pyramid at Gizeh had been built by Shem. He found the name Shufu inside the pyramid, painted in red, which signified Shem's fair hair. Also, inside the pyramid is an inscription placed there after the death of his descendant, Amenhotep IV, “He stopped the barbaric practices of the priests which had been introduced by Naamah and her followers from Babylon, including Nimrod.” The priests murdered Amenhotep IV so that they could resume their orgies of lust and child sacrifices. They had admitted to Herodotus that the Great Pyramid had been built by “a wandering shepherd,” an odd observation, as shepherds do not usually create such grandiose monuments to themselves. However, this was one of the terms of derision by which they always referred to Shem after his death. Other inscriptions by the priests throughout centuries of Egyptian history revile Shem as “pig,” “dwarf,” and other terms signifying their hatred of him, possibly because he slew their mentor, Nimrod. In the same areas, other inscriptions extol the degenerate Ham, who had been corrupted by his consort, the evil Naamah, and introduced to the practices of human sacrifice and cannibalism.

Egyptian civilization reached its peak during the reign of Shem. The Sphinx is now admitted to be a portrait of him. After his death, the priests not only resumed their evil practices, but they embarked on a successful campaign to blackout his name from recorded history, a campaign which has largely succeeded during the ensuing three thousand years. They also launched terrible punitive actions against Shem's fair-haired descendants, often murdering them, or burning them alive. Not only did the priests falsify the records of Shem, but they also succeeded in eliminating most of the subsequent history of his fair-skinned descendants, the Shemites, or, as they are sometimes called the Semites. The Arab scholar Murtadi noted that Num and Khufu, Shufu, the builders „of the Pyramids, lived with Noah. Shem was also referred to by the name of Menes, from the Hebrew Meni, or man, which appears in the Egyptian “Book of the Dead,” referring to Uranus and his three sons, an obvious reference to Noah. Ham later became known as the Egyptian God Amon. Herodotus writes that the first king of Egypt, who reigned until 2320 B.C. Eusebius, says that three hundred successive sovereigns descended from him, the Thinite Kings, who had succeeded the demigods. The historian Murtado referred to Shem as Menes. As the ablest son of Noah, Shem exemplifies the qualities upon which all subsequent civilizations have been built; courage, the desire to build, and the willingness to subdue those who have adopted a lower form of life. He is the Adamite who created civilizations as we have known it. On the other hand, the descendants of Ham, the Canaanites, exemplify the satanic urge to destroy civilization and the rebellion against God. J. Hewlitt points out that Adamite meant a "thinker," and Mena or man produced Menes, the thinking man. This survives today in the intellectual society, Mensa. The distinction was made to distinguish the lineage of Adam from the pre-Adamites, or non-thinking Men, the Jewish Encyclopedia says that Shem became king of Jerusalem as the representative of God so that he could carry on the battle against the slave people, the Canaanites. In Genesis, we find this verse: "Bless be the Lord, the God of Shem!" Genesis 9:26. Shem had five sons: Elam, from whom came the Persian Empire; Asshur, from whom came the Assyrian Empire; Arpachshad, Lud, and Aram. So great was the reverence for the name of Shem in the ancient world that his name in many records became synonymous with God. Yahweh, or, in a later version, Jehovah, derives directly from the Hebrew verb Hava, meaning, “I am.” Historically, this was read as the older Khufu, or HWFW, instead of YHWH, and thus, it refers to Khufu or Shem, Shem was the builder of the Great Pyramid. It was because of the persecutions of the fair-skinned peoples by the priests that Khufu, which phonetically is almost identical with the Hebrew Hava, (h) became YHWH, the God of the Exodus from Egypt. The Encyclopedia Britannica notes of “Jehovah,” "The pronunciation „1‟ is an error resulting among Christians Combining the consonants YHWH with the vowels of „adhonay‟ Lord, Adonis which was substituted by the Jews for the sacred name YHWH, commonly called the tetra-grammaton or four consonants. The name „Jehovah‟ first appears in the manuscript of Martin's Pogio in the Fourteenth Century.” Thus the name of Jehovah, which is commonly used in our churches, is only 500 years old.

In order to understand why the name of Shem was systematically reviled and concealed throughout the records of history, we must return to the record of his thoroughly degenerate and evil nephew, Canaan. Canaan was so wicked that his last will and testament to his children was a formula for vice. It read, “Love one another, that is, of this tribe only, love robbery, love lewdness, hate your masters and do not speak the truth.” This remarkable document, the Will of Canaan is to be found in only one place in all the world's theological literature, the Babylonian Talmud, where it is presented thusly, “Five things did Canaan charge his sons: love one another, love robbery, love lewdness, hate your masters, and do not speak the truth.” Sound like the Muslims of our day. The Will of Canaan has been the Canaanites prescription for all of their operations during the ensuing three thousand years. Meanwhile, the people of Shem, knowing nothing of this document, vainly tried to "convert" the Canaanites, and turn them from their evil ways. If the descendants of Shem had been warned of the precepts imparted by this document, the history of the last three thousand years could have been very different. The Will of Canaan today remains the operating instructions of the Canaanite heirs, who presently control the World Order. At the same time, it remains unknown to the peoples, whom the Canaanites continue to rob, enslave, and massacre. The “Will of Canaan” contains the instructions necessary to resist the results of the Curse of Canaan, which condemn them to slavery. The instructions to "hate your masters," that is, Shem and Japheth and their descendants, is a command to commit genocide against the people of Shem. For this reason, all subsequent Canaanite rites are based upon these exhortations to struggle and commit acts of violence against the people of Shem. It is not only the basis for all of the revolutions and “liberation movements” since that time it is also a basic incitement to commit genocide and to carry on racial wars. Because of the three-thousand-year historical blackout, the people of Shem have never understood their peril, and they have frequently been subject to massacre because their essential goodness made it impossible for them to believe the vileness of the Canaanites. The Will of Canaan has always been concealed from them because it is the basic program of conspiracy and secret rites which enable the Canaanites to wreak their hatred upon the descendants of Shem. There it is in summary, the reason for our Muslim terrorist‟s problems today, the Canaanite saga continues. Much of the continuous hostility between these two forces is mentioned in the Bible, but never in the basic form which has been stated here for the first time. In a book which I read, “The Mystery of the Ages,” the author whose name evades me right now comments, “Canaanites, who were racially dark, had settled the land; God commanded the Israelites to drive them out.” as the Bible cites in Numbers 33 the basis for his reference, Num. 33:55-56. During the centuries of oppression and mass murder, God has not stood aside from His people. On the contrary, He has frequently exhorted them to attack and to rid themselves of the peril of the Canaanites. In the early years of this struggle, it was still possible for His children to hear and to obey. The vision of Obadiah is recounted in Obadiah 20, “And the capacity of this, host of the children of Israel, shall possess that of the Canaanites, even unto Zarephath; and this capacity of Israel which is in Sepharad shall possess the cities of the south.” Significantly, the New Bible Versions omits the mention of the Canaanites entirely. Only the King James Version uses the name Canaanites correctly.

The battle continued over a period of Centuries. In Joshua 17, we read: “Yet it came to pass, when the children of Israel were waxen strong, that they put the Canaanites to tribute but did not utterly drive them out,” Joshua 17:13. Hence, our problems today are because of the disobedience of God‟s people back then, “Canaanitish” and it is the Canaanites that we contend with even now. God expressed His will in the strongest terms to His children in Number 33:52-56: “Ye shall drive out all inhabitants of the land, Canaan, before you ... And ye shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land, and dwell therein: for I have given you the land to possess it ... But if ye will not drive out the inhabitants of the land before you; then it shall come to pass, that those who ye let remain, of them, shall be pricks in your eyes, and thorns in your sides, and shall vex you in the land wherein ye dwell... It shall come to pass, that I shall do unto you as I thought to do unto them.” The children of Israel, that is, the descendants of Shem, obeyed God and did war against the Canaanites, but in later generations, they lost sign of this goal, permitting the Canaanites to live with them. During this period of history, there were great victories against their historic enemy, as recounted in Judges 1: “And Judah went with Simeon, his brother, and they slew the Canaanites that inhabited Zephath and utterly destroyed 1,” Judges 1:17. This victory came about because the children of Israel were distraught, and they sought guidance from the Lord. Judges 1:1-5: “Now after the death of Joshua it came to pass that the children of Israel asked the Lord, saying, „Who shall go up for us against the Canaanites first to fight against them?‟ And the Lord said, „Judah shall go up: behold, I have delivered the land into his hands.‟ And Judah said unto Simeon his brother, „Come up with me into my lot, that we may fight against the Canaanites‟ ... And Judah went up, and the Lord delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand... and they slew the Canaanites and the Perizzites.” Later, the victors again fell into the evil practices of those whom they had conquered, and again they were punished by the Lord. Judges 4: 1-2: “The children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites. And the children of Israel again did evil in the sight of the Lord, and the Lord sold them into the hands of Jabin, king of the Canaanites.” A later verse in Judges notes that the Israelites prevailed against Jabin and destroyed him and the Canaanites. Exodus 15:15 says, “Then shall the dukes of Edom be amazed; the mighty sons of Moab, trembling shall take hold of them: all the inhabitants of Canaan shall melt away.” Several Concordances lists more than eighty-five (85) Biblical verses referring to the Canaanites. Most of the references are unfavorable, and invariably they reveal God's determination to punish his people for their misdeeds. Ezekiel 16: 1-3:

“Again the words of the Lord came to me: „Son of man, make known to Jerusalem her abominations... Your origin and your birth are of the land of Canaan.‟ Considering the frequency of references to Canaanites in the Bible, it is surprising that religious leaders rarely make any mention of them. In fact, many of the wealthier religious leaders today are actively in league with the Canaanites, enabling them to garner millions of dollars in contributions from gullible Christians. Your current president “Abominable” is the biggest. Certainly, the barbaric practices of the Canaanites were never secret, nor were they unknown in ancient times, as evidenced by the number of references available. Psalms 106:37-38: “They sacrificed their sons and daughters to the demon; they poured out innocent blood, the blood of their sons and daughters, whom they sacrificed to the idols of Canaan.” Because of this well-documented record of their fiendish practices, God issued numerous orders those other tribes should not intermarry with this person. Isaac passed on one of these orders to Jacob. Genesis 28:1: "Isaac called Jacob and blessed him, and charged him, „you shall not marry one of the Canaanite women‟ “We have previously noted that Miriam and Jacob turned against Moses for marrying a Cushite, or black. The men of old were aware of the necessity to protect their genetic heritage, and they were equally aware that it could vanish in a single generation if the wrong marriages took place. The prohibition against mingling with the demon-worshipping Canaanites remained one of God's strongest commands. God said, “So shall we be separated, I and all of Thy people, from all the people that are upon the face of the earth” Exodus 3:16. God characterized the Canaanites thusly: “And I will make them a terror and an evil for all the kingdoms of the earth, referring to the Diaspora, as a reproach and a proverb, a taunt and a curse on all places where I shall scatter them” Jeremiah 24:9. Thus, we see the Canaanites, newly named the Phoenicians, dispersing along all of the trade routes and avenues of commerce throughout the earth. As God prophesied, they spread corruption, terror, and devastation wherever He scattered them. Later known as the Venetians, they dominated the avenues of commerce; when they settled inland, they specialized as merchants, and later, as bankers, at last comprising a group now loosely known as “the black nobility,” which holds seemingly irresistible power today. God further warned His people against the dispersed Cainites. Deuteronomy 7:2-5: “thou shalt smite them, left! Utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, like the League of Nations or the United Nations! Nor shew mercy unto them! Neither shalt thou make marriage with them: thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods; so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly. But thus, shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire.”

This was a direct command to destroy the groves and shrines of the demon-worshipping Mystery cults, now known as Freemasonry. The prohibition against “graven images” has been misunderstood by many well-meaning Christians. God did not prohibit graven images, He prohibited the obscene images of the Baal and Ashtoreth cults, which were made to create sexual excitement as part of their obscene rites. The battle against obscenity goes on today, although it often seems that American Christians are losing it. In making these demands, they were not requests, God was not offering a program for a school picnic; He was laying out the only program which would allow His people to survive on this earth. Otherwise, He warned, “And a mongrel race will dwell in Ashdod” Zechariah 9:6. Should His people fail to carry out His instructions, God specifically described what would happen, and in so doing, He accurately described the world of today. “But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God, to observe and to do all His commandments and His statutes which I command thee this day, that all these curses shall come upon thee and overtake thee:... The stranger that is within thy gates, the Canaanites or their descendants shall get up above the very high, and thou shalt come down very low. He shall lend to thee, and thou shall not lend to him; he shall be the head and thou shalt be the tail” Deuteronomy 28:15, 43-44. The reversed roles we see in society today between black and white. Certainly, this is the situation which exists in the United States today. The Venetians control the Federal Reserve System; they lend to us, but we do not lend to them; they are the head, and we are the tail. Having become Satan's curse on humanity, the Canaanites now spread across the earth like some evil plague. Genesis 10:18: “The families of the Canaanites were spread abroad.” This Diaspora brought troubles to every nation in which this person landed. Ezekiel 16:3, 45, and 46 list the racial tribes of the Canaanites, denouncing them individually, “thy father an Amorite, their mother a Hittite, their older sister Samaria, their younger sister Sodom.‟ Jesus, the minister of compassion, when he was asked to cure a Canaanite, denounced them as dogs. Matthew 15:22: “And, behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and cried, „Have mercy on me, o Lord, son of David; my daughter is severely possessed by a demon.‟ But He did not answer her a word.” At last, He did answer her, verse 26, “And He answered, „It is not fair to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs.” By children, He meant the children of Israel, and that the Canaanites were dogs. She persisted and he finally did heal her daughter. The Canaanite political parties were the Pharisees, Sadducees, Zealots, Essains, Assissins, Herodians, and Scribes. A later group, the Edomites, descended from Esau and later intermarried with the Turks, producing a Turco-Edomite mixture which later became known as the Chazars, the present occupants of Israel, according to the great Jewish scholar, Arthur Koestler. The Canaanites were divided into the Amorites, Hittites, Moabites, Midianites, Philistines, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, Sepharvaims, Perizzites, and affiliated tribes, all of which are routinely denounced in the Bible! Genesis 3:17: “The Perizzites are the enemies of God; the Ammonites worshiped Moloch Chemos and were demon-possessed.” The Ashodites worshiped the fish and god, Dagon-they were robbers and hated God. The Egyptians were known as worshippers of black magic, which resulted in God's rebuff to Hagar. The Amorites were cursed by God, Ezra 9:1. Hittite was defined as meaning to destroy or to terrify; Perizzites came to stand for strife and disorder; the Sepharvaims, later Sephardim, were revolutionaries; Jebusites stands for trampling underfoot. In his monumental work, “The History of the Jews,” Joseph Kastein writes, “The Canaanitish cults were closely connected with the soil and expressive of the forces of nature, particularly the force of fertilization... This force or divinity was called Baal... Whenever any question arose involving their existence as a nation, they knew only one God, and recognized but one idea-the theocracy.” Thus, Kastein admits that the Canaanites were fertility cults, but he does not explain that the worship of Baal as a god of fertility, with the obscene rites of his queen, Ashtoreth, was so abominated in the ancient world that whenever Baal was used in this context, in referring to proper names, the suffix for Baal was “bosheth,” or shameful; thus, we get the names Ishbosheth, Mephibosheth! The destructive nature of the Canaanites upon other nations in which they settled is nowhere more strongly demonstrated than in Egypt, the first land to be corrupted by their barbaric practices. Originally, “Baal” simply meant Lord in the Canaanite language. The obscenity of the rites soon developed a popular image of Baal which had three heads, the head of a cat, the head of a man, and the head of a toad. His wife, Ashtoreth, also known as Astarte and Ishtar, was the principal goddess of the Canaanites. She also represented the reproductive principle in nature, and in case anyone might overlook it, all of her rites were sexual observances. In Babylon, the temples of Baal and Ashtoreth were usually together. Mainly, they served as houses of prostitution, in which the priestesses were prostitutes, and the male priests were Sodomites who were available for the worshippers who were of that persuasion. The worship of the Canaanite gods consisted of orgies, and all their temples were known as centers of vice. They also originated voodoo ceremonies, which became the rites of observance in Ethiopia through the Ethiopian Jethro, the tutor of Moses. These same rites now enthrall tourists in the Caribbean. There it is, it was not long before the simple ceremonies of vice began to pall on the worshippers of Baal. They sought greater excitement in rites of human sacrifice and cannibalism, in which the torture and murder of small children were featured. To consolidate their power over the people, the priests of the Canaanites claimed that all firstborn children were owed to their demon gods, and they were given over for sacrifice. This lewd and barbaric practice was noted in Isaiah 57:3-5: “But you draw near hither, sons of the sorceress, the offspring of the adulterer and the harlot. Of whom „are you making sport? Against whom make ye a wide mouth, and draw out the tongue? Are ye not children of transgression, a seed of falsehood? Inflaming yourself with idols under every green tree, slaying the children in the valleys under the cleft of the rocks?” Thus, Isaiah inveighed not only against the obscene expressions of the blood-maddened orgies‟, their salacious grimaces but also they're now the well-established custom of practicing their horrible rites in “groves” and “shrines,” where they could murder children without being seen and punished by the descendants of Shem.

King Solomon came under the influence of the child-murderers, and he rebuilt an altar to Milcom, Molech, from the Hebrew melekh, meaning king. I Kings 11:5-8. Molech, or Moloch, was honored by his worshippers by the building of a great fire on his altar. The parents were then forced by the priests to throw their children into the fire. In excavations at Gezer, the Pharaoh Merneptah had called himself the Binder of Gezer after he put a stop to the obscene rites of the Canaanites at Gezer, Macalister, under the auspices of the Palestine Exploration Fund, from 1904 to 1909, found in the Canaanite stratum of about 1500 B.C., the ruins of a “High Place,? A temple to Ashtoreth, containing ten crude stone pillars, five to eleven feet high, before which human sacrifices were offered. Under the debris in this “High Place,” Macalister found great numbers of jars containing the remains of children who had been sacrificed to Baal. “Another horrible practice was what they called the „foundation sacrifice.‟ When a house was to be built, a child would be sacrificed and its body built into the wall, to bring good luck to the rest of the family. Many of these were found in Gezer. They have been found also at Megiddo, Jericho, and other places.” read in, Halley's Bible Handbook. Halley's also notes that in this “High Place,” Macalister found large piles of images and plaques of Ashtoreth with rudely exaggerated sex organs, designed to stimulate sexual acts. Ashtoreth images found in many areas of the Canaanite influence emphasize over-sized breasts, sensuous smiles, heavily accented eyes, and nudity. The demonic nature of this sex worship is traced directly to Ham's intercourse with the witch Naamah on the Ark. Dr. Garnier, in his “Worship of the Dead,” writes, “Naamah was celebrated for her beauty, talent, energy, lustfulness, and cruelty, and she was of Nephilim, fallen angel parentage.” The Canaanite demonology is described as featuring Lilith, the vampire; Reseph, the god of the plague; Dever, god of pestilence; and the god of the underworld, Mot, from mavet, the Hebrew word for death. Despite their prominence as destructive influences in the ancient world, the Canaanites, and their demon-god Baal seldom appears in the authoritative works on the ancient Near East. Gaston Maspero's great history of Egypt, “The Dawn of Civilization,” published in 1894, and republished in 1968, does not mention either Baal or Canaan. H. R. Hall's “Ancient History of the Near East” does not mention Shem or Canaan in the index. Baal has a single mention. How much of this is due to the deliberate falsification and destruction of historical records by the Egyptian priesthood cannot be ascertained, but the results are obvious. Another contributing factor is the sudden disappearance of the names “Canaan” and “Canaanites” from all historical records after 1200 B.C. How did this come about? It was very simple. They merely changed their name.

“After 1200 B.C. the name of Canaanites vanished from history. They changed their name to Phoenician.” Thus, the most notorious and most hated people on earth received a new lease on life. The barbaric Canaanites had disappeared. The more civilized Phoenicians, seemingly harmless merchant folk, took their place. Having obtained a monopoly on the purple dye, which was highly prized throughout the ancient world, the Canaanites advertised their control over this product by calling themselves Phoenicians, from Phoenicia, phoenikiea, the Greek word for purple. From the outset of their history, the Phoenician Canaanites always managed to get a monopoly on some essential product. They later had a monopoly on the tin for some centuries, until the Greeks discovered tin in Cornwall in 233 B.C. Joseph of Arimathea, the uncle of Jesus, was said to have owned large tin mines in Cornwall. The change of name did not mean that the Canaanites had abandoned their worship of Baal and Ashtoreth. They became more prudent in their worship of Baal, and in the colonies which they established along the length of the Mediterranean, they built their temples to the female of the species, Ashtoreth. In the Egyptian city of Memphis, the Phoenician Temple of Ashtoreth was the largest religious edifice. She was known there as the wife of the supreme god, El, and his seventy deities. In their rituals, Ashtoreth was sometimes worshiped as the male demon, Astaroth, who survived in European rites as Astara or Ostara in this form, he became the patron god of the Nazi movement in Germany. The westernmost outpost of the Phoenicians was Cadiz, a Phoenician colony which derived its name from the Semitic Agadir, or fortress. Their most important colony, which soon became a rival to Rome itself, was Carthage, which they established about 900 B.C. The name derived from Hebrew, Kart-hadshat, or a new city. The Phoenicians often named their cities with the prefix of “new.” During the fifth century, the Carthaginians had fought the Greeks and survived, but in 264 B.C. Rome attacked in full force. A series of wars ensued, called the Punic Wars because the Carthaginians called themselves the Punics. St. Augustine noted that the Punic among them referred to their people as the “Chanani,” or Canaanites, but this name was like a secret code; they never used it in dealing with other people. Whether for purely commercial reasons or because they feared a military power astride their avenues of commerce in the Mediterranean, the Romans determined to utterly destroy Carthage. They succeeded in this resolve so absolutely that present-day archeologists are not sure just where Carthage was located. From 264 to 201 B.C., Rome waged three Punic Wars against Carthage, culminating in the defeat of their leader, Hannibal, by the Roman armies who were under the command of Scipio Africanus! The Romans killed or took into slavery every Carthaginian and razed the city. They completed their task by sowing the land with salt so that nothing would ever flourish there again. Nothing ever did. This defeat, although a major setback, did not destroy the world operations of the Canaanites, but it did inculcate in them a fierce hatred of all things Roman, which ever since has been characterized by the Canaanite school of propaganda as “fascism,” from the Roman rods, or fasces, which were carried by the magistrate to symbolize his determination to maintain order. The later Masonic assault upon the Catholic Church was largely dictated by the fact that it was headquartered in the city of their most ancient enemy, Rome, and therefore, the papacy became to the Phoenicians the modern embodiment of the force which had destroyed their most important headquarters. Few Americans realize that when the New School of Research in New York denounces “fascism,” joined by the columnists of the New York Times and the New York Post, they are merely echoing their ancient anger over the destruction of Carthage. Here again, our historians have only one goal, to obscure the past and to prevent us from realizing the nature of the forces at work.

It was not only the Canaanites who spread across the earth. The descendants of Shem also multiplied and journeyed to find greater opportunities for their families. They moved from country to country, founding great kingdoms and dynasties, which have survived to the present day. There are many people who can agree that the kings and leaders of the Western nations are descended from the tribe of Judah, but they fail to recognize an important fact, which is entirely omitted in the King James Version of the Bible, that there were three branches of the tribe of Judah. Those who lump all the descendants of the tribe of Judah together do not realize that there was a tainted branch. There were the families of Pharez and Zarah, Judah's purebred sons out of Tamar, and there was a third branch, Judah's descendants from a Canaanite mother, Shuah, who were known ever afterward as “the cursed Shelanites.” Tamar was the daughter of Aram, the youngest son of Shem. Shuah called Tamar's sons bastards because they had been born out of wedlock while the twins claimed to be the rightful heirs of Judah because they were of pure-blooded stock, the Adamite strain. From the Shelanites descended thirty-one cursed tribes of Canaanites of Judea and Samaria, including the Sepharvaims, a name which the Canaanites had adopted for deceptive purposes. At the birth of Pharez and Zarah, the midwife, seeing that there were twins in the womb, realized that it would be necessary to mark the firstborn, who would have primogeniture. She quickly wrapped a red thread around the wrist of Zarah, but it was Pharez who came out first from “the breach.” The Messiah was descended from Pharez, and he was said to have been sent by God to heal “the breach” which had existed since the birth of Pharez and Zarah. Tamar, the mother of Pharez and Zarah, had a descendant named Tamar Tephi, known in Irish legend as “the daughter of Pharaoh.” She married Eochaidh, king of Ireland, who was known as the Prince of the Scarlet Thread. Thus, the two lines of Pharez and Zarah were again reunited. The Scarlet Thread subsequently became an integral part of British history. A red thread is symbolically woven into every rope which is used by the Royal Navy, and every British monarch has delivered to him official documents which are wrapped with a red cord. The term also survives in “red tape,” that is, the official red cord which must be unwound before any state business is transacted. There is also the red carpet which tradition required to be unrolled before royalty walks in. Before he would give Tamar in marriage, Heremon, the father of Tamar, demanded that serpent worship and the rites of Bel, which were then practiced in Ireland, be renounced. The serpents then disappeared from Ireland, and there are no poisonous serpents there today. A later legend is that St. Patrick expelled the serpents from Ireland. Both legends call attention to the demonic practices of the Canaanites, as well as their descent from the serpent; its banishment established Ireland as a land of the true religion of God or the descendants of Shem. The disappearance of the serpents also signified that the evil powers of the Canaanites had vanished from Ireland. Both Spain and Ireland show their direct connection to the descendants of Shem in their names. Spain occupies the Iberian Peninsula, from Iberia, or Hebrew; Ireland is known as Hibernia, the land of the Hebrews, as are the Hebrides Islands. In his History of Ireland, Roger Chauvire says that Ireland is the last remaining part of Atlantis which is still above the surface of the sea. In his History of Ireland, A. M. Sullivan writes of the legendary origin of the present Irish race.

“The Milesian colony reached Ireland from Spain, but they were not Spanish. They were an Eastern people who had tarried in that country on their way westward, seeking aid, an island promised to the posterity of their ancestor Gadelius. Gadelius was the son of Niul, who was the youngest son of the King of Scythia. As a child, Gadelius had been bitten by a poisonous serpent. He was near death when his father persuaded Moses to use his rod to cure him. From that day, the Milesians carried westward their banner, which was emblazoned with a dead serpent and the rod of Moses, until they found an island which had no poisonous snakes.” The sons of Milesius, Gadelius' descendants, who sailed from Spain to Ireland, were Heber the fair, Amergin, Colpa, Heber the Brown, Ir, and Heremon. Their descendants ruled Ireland for one thousand years, the dynasty being established by Niall, Niul, who ruled at Tara from 310 to 405. He is described by Sullivan as “a splendid hero of the Gaelic blood, tall, fair-haired and blue-eyed, a great and noble-minded warrior, „kind in the hall and fierce in fray‟; from him descended the kings of Ireland, the Neills.” These conquerors of Ireland, the Milesians, derived their name from Milesius, the soldier, from the Latin miles, from which we get the word militia. Gadelius, the founder of the line, derived his name from the Hebrew “gadil,” meaning to become great, or in plural the exalted, the fortune-seekers, or the fortunate ones. Because of their great pride and their natural abilities, the Irish were later referred to as being from “the Land of Kings.” Of almost any Irishman, it could be boastfully said, “Sure, and he's the descendant of kings.” From the earliest records, the Irish and the Britons are shown to be historic enemies. Apuleius wrote in 296 A.D. of the “two races, the Britons, and Iberia.” Eumenius always wrote of Hibernia as the enemy of Britain. Caesar's Notes on the Gallic Wars, 58-50 B.C., wrote of “Hibernia, west of Britain.” The world was now swept by two diametrically opposed sides of history. On the one hand were the highly creative and productive descendants of Shem, who have since become known as Semites, and on the opposing side were the “cursed Canaanites,” who historically were anti- Semites, the foes of the tall, fair-haired, and blue-eyed descendants of Shem! Because the Semites were always known as great warriors; they handily defeated the Canaanites in every military encounter, and in many cases obeyed God's command to drive them out and to destroy them utterly. But the anti-Semites seemed to have great staying power; when driven out of one country, they appeared in another to continue their same type of corruption and betrayal. While the Semites were busily establishing one great empire after another, Asshur's was building the Assyrian Empire, Cyrus the Great was building the Persian Empire, and Shem himself creating the great Egyptian civilization, the anti-Semites were developing their own talents. These included a talent for trade and commerce, for travel, for making themselves at home in any country, and among any race of people. Generally, they established their trading colonies along the seacoasts, for they lacked the courage to venture into the great wildernesses of Europe, where the Semites always made themselves at home. The Canaanites always remained true to the precepts of the “Will of Canaan;” they were true to each other, regardless of the circumstances; they were constant in their love of robbery, their love of lewdness, and their hatred of the masters, that is, anyone who tried to interfere with their corrupt way of life. And they always refused to tell the truth. By remaining loyal to these unchanged precepts, the anti-Semites had at their disposal vital weapons for their war against the people of Shem. The Shemites, on the other hand, being fiercely individualistic, never hesitated to pit their empires against each other or even family against family, their conceited pride always taking precedence before any racial or historical imperative. During the Middle-Ages, the people of Shem found their typical characteristics best expressed in such organizations as the Teutonic Knights, a group of warriors which was invincible for hundreds of years. At the same time, the anti-Semites were busily expanding trade routes, and amassing their profits from trade (to this day, the British aristocracy professes disdain for anyone who sullies his hands with trade, an ancient prejudice against the Canaanites); with these profits, they eventually became bankers to the world. In pursuing this objective, they found a great opportunity during the Crusades. Not only did the Crusades open up trade routes throughout the known world, but they also opened up new avenues of graft and corruption, which allowed the Canaanites to amass even greater profits. When the Christian knights departed for the Crusades, dedicating themselves to the service of Christ, the Canaanites, who prudently remained at home, now perfected various schemes to rob the knights of their money and property while they were away. In “Ancient Knighthood and the Crusades,” we find that some of the crusaders “found shelter and protection at the hands of the Teutonic Knights, who were engaged in looking up the frauds perpetrated by the rapacious monks and clergy, who had forged title deeds and mortgages upon lands and property of absent Crusaders or those who had fallen in defense of the Cross in the Holy Land .... Time for reflection and study of the causes of the Crusades at home and abroad, when, other than the scum of Europe which settled upon its dregs, the best people had been almost entirely obliterated from the face of the continent. The capacity of the popes and clergy down to the lowest monks was appalling to those self-sacrificing, stalwart warriors of the Cross, who had returned and found utter strangers in the places and homes of their kindred, had upon investigation it was discovered that frauds, forgeries of title deeds, and confiscations under pretexts of heresy had despoiled their kindred, and the meager few who had survived were beggars upon the highway and lanes, perishing as tramps by the wayside.” The Knights of the Teutonic Order built the city of Riga In Latvia in 1201; they conquered Estonia in 1220; they conquered Prussia in 1293, establishing a military tradition there which ended only after World War II. Although they were disbanded in 1809, the Teutonic Knights remained the inspiration of the German military establishment, which guided Germany through two World Wars. It was Hitler himself who wrote “finis” to their proud traditions when he concluded the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact in 1939. Not only did this pact cede the nations of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, the ancient strongholds of the Teutonic Order, to the Communists or Canaanites, but subsequently, all of the great estates of the last heirs of the Prussian tradition, the last survivors of the Teutonic Order, fell into the hands of the onrushing Soviet hordes. By this time, the reader must be thoroughly confused. The "Semites" are really the "anti-Semites" or Canaanites, the heirs of the “Curse of Canaan,” whose corrupt acts are dictated by the “Will of Canaan;” the true Semites are the fair-haired warriors who built one great civilization after another, then how do we recognize these various forces in today's world? “By their deeds, ye shall know them.” Those who are engaged in murderous conspiracies, those whose only loyalty is to secret international organizations, those who promote the use of drugs, bizarre sexual practices, and criminal undertakings, in short, those who continue the rebellion against God, these are the Canaanites, the anti-Semites. Those who remain true to Christ are the Semites. Despite great calamities and the sweep of powerful historical forces, the genetic pools of the original people of Shem, as well as those of the Canaanites, remain fairly consistent. How do we recognize the one group from the other? You should have no problem in looking about you and deciding who are the true descendants of Shem, often fair-haired, fair-skinned, predominantly blue-eyed, healthy, creative, productive, and proud disdaining to engage in any dishonest activity, and always fiercely individualistic, these are the people who remain true to the tradition of the people of Shem. The Canaanites, on the other hand, are generally shorter, darker, more furtive, and almost always engaged in some type of criminal activity, usually with special government approval or license. Roget equates license with “anarchy, interregnum, mob rule, mob law, lynch law, nihilism, reign of violence,” in other word, the acts of the Canaanites; yet in the United States today, we have imposed on the citizens requirements for license to do any of the things free men would not be licensed to do; to drive or own a car, to engage in a profession, and many other intrusions into the individuality of the people of Shem. “License,” which does not appear in the Constitution written by and for the people of Shem, means setting up requirements that only the Canaanites can meet, or license which only the secret clubs of the Canaanites will grant to their own; no others need to apply. This is the cohesiveness required by the Will of Canaan in everything they do, socialistic and communistic, the individual submerged in the mass, and committed to conspiratorial social and business practices. They are also frequently involved in some sort of extracurricular sexual activity which can be traced directly back to the orgies of Baal, human sacrifice, and obscene sexual rites. At the same time, these “anti-Semites” will go to great lengths to conceal their true identity and their real loyalties. In their communities, they are often found to be leaders in activities advertised as “compassionate” and “caring”; they are often to be found in government offices, in the media, and in the educational institutions. In these areas, they ruthlessly promote the interests of their own kind, while presenting a solid phalanx of opposition to anyone of the individualistic descendants of Shem who enter these professions. The great asset of the Canaanites is that the people of Shem have no idea what is going on; they rarely find success in a profession despite their great natural talents and appetite for hard work. Throughout their careers, they are oppressed by the realization that “luck” never seems to favor them while others find promotion almost automatic if they are members of their rivals, the Canaanites. Now time grows short. History will not allow the people of Shem additional centuries, or even decades, to come to their senses and realize what is going on. Just as they have been victims of massacre and genocide for centuries, the people of Shem now face the determination of the Canaanites to exterminate them utterly and finally, a goal which they hope to achieve by the end of this millennium. For here we see the continuing struggle between good and evil, the war on Shem, the fair-skinned people against the darker skin people known as Canaanites, the Cainites against the Shemites. Disclaimer: Sections and excerpts of this article have been taken from Eustice Mullin‟s book, “The Curse of Canaan.” A Demonology of History; The book itself was once a part of the Library of Congress later removed and outlawed while the author himself was for over thirty-two years, he and his family, under the watchful eye and investigation of the FBI. So as you can see even our own government still practices the Canaanite art of lying and hiding the truth from the people.

DRIVING OUT THE CANAANITES:

Now to God‟s command to drive out the Canaanites. Any conquest of Canaan was far less widespread and harsh than many people assume. Consider Joshua 10:40: “So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded” KJV. At first glance, it appears that Joshua captured all the land, defeated all the kings, and destroyed all the Canaanites. Not quite. Joshua used typical ancient Near East language that exaggerates what actually took place. Joshua was not trying to deceive people; the ancient audience would have readily understood what was going on. In fact, if we read the text closely, we see this is exactly right. Joshua later refers to nations that “remain among you,” and he warns Israel not to mention, swear by, serve, or bow down to their gods Joshua 23:7, 12-13; 15:63; 16:10; 17:13; Judges 2:10–13. The same is true in Judges, which is literarily connected to Joshua: “they did not drive out the Jebusites”; “they did not take possession”; “they did not drive them out completely” 1:21–36, KJV; “I will not drive them out before you” 2:3, KJV. In fact, these nations remained “to this day” 1:21, KJV. Yes, Joshua used ancient conventional warfare expressions. Many other ancient Near East military accounts are full of exaggeration, depicting total devastation. Ancient near East readers knew this was a massive overstatement and not literally true. Interestingly, Deuteronomy 7:2–5 uses words like “utterly destroy” right next to “you shall not intermarry with them” KJV. As we have seen, the chief concern is destroying the Canaanite religion not necessarily all the Canaanite people. You ask, what about 1 Samuel Chapter 15 where God commands Israel to “utterly destroy, “and “not spare” the Amalekites? Who were these people? They were Israel‟s enemies from the start, Exodus 17:8–16 and across the generations Judges 3:13; 6:3–5, 33; 7:12; 10:12; for nearly 1,000 years, the Amalekites dogged and threatened Israel. So did Saul really wipe them out, except for Agag, whom the prophet Samuel finished off? Well, there is more going on here. Despite all appearances, the Amalekites show up again in 1 Samuel 27:8 and then in 30:1–18. During Persian King Xerxes‟ time (486–465 B.C.), we encounter Haman the Agagite, Esther 3:1. Agag had been king of the Amalekites. Haman mounted a campaign to destroy the Jews as a people Esther 3:13. Repeatedly, we see that the Amalekites were resolutely hostile toward Israel. When reading the text of 1 Samuel 15:3, we are led to believe that Israel targeted and obliterated Amalekite noncombatants. However, Old Testament scholar Richard Hess argues that we do not actually have indications that this was so, whether toward the Amalekites or the Canaanites. Deuteronomy 2:34 states that “And we took all his cities at that time and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain” KJV. Again, in the next chapter, we read that Israel “And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city” 3:6, KJV.

The sweeping words like “all,” “young and old,” and “man and woman,” however, are stock expressions for totality, even if women and children were not present. The expression “men and women” or similar phrases appear to be trite for describing all the inhabitants of a town or region, “without predisposing the reader to assume anything further about their ages or even their genders.” Our understanding of the archeology history of Canaan offers some illuminating perspectives that help shed light on this discussion and reinforce this point. So let‟s explore this. This orthodox ancient Near East language of “all” people describes attacks on what turn out to be military forts or garrisons containing combatants, not a general population that includes women and children. We have no archeological evidence of civilian populations at Jericho or Ai Joshua 6:21; 8:25. The word “city” during this time in Canaan was where the military, the king, the army, and the priesthood resided. So for Joshua, mentioning, “women” and “young and old” turns out to be stock ancient Near East language that he could have used even if “women” and “young and old” were not living there. The language of “all” “men and women” at Jericho and Ai is an “orthodox expression for the destruction of all human life in the fort, presumably composed entirely of combatants.” The text does not require that “women” and “young and old” must have been in these cities, and this same situation could apply to Saul‟s battling against the Amalekites. Furthermore, people in Canaan commonly used the associated term melek “king” during this time for a military leader who was responsible for a higher ruler off-site. The civilian population typically lived in the hill country. According to the best calculations based on Canaanite inscriptions and other archeological evidence, no artifacts or “prestige” ceramics, Jericho was a small settlement of probably 100 or fewer soldiers. This is why all of Israel could circle it seven times and then do battle against it on the same day! Also, we should keep in mind that the large numbers used in warfare accounts in the Old Testament are a little tricky; they simply may not be as high as our translations indicate. The Hebrew commonly rendered, “thousand” can also mean “unit” or “squad” without specifying the exact number. As an aside, some people have wondered if the two spies coming to Jericho sought out Rahab for sexual favors. That is not the case here. Biblical writers elsewhere do not shrink from mentioning such liaisons, think of Judah and Samson. Apart from the fact of Rehab‟s genuine faith in Israel‟s God, the language in the text forbids this perspective. The spies “came into the house of Rahab” Joshua 2:1, KJV, not, “they went into Rahab” Judges 16:1, KJV. Furthermore, Rahab was in charge of what was likely the fortress tavern or hostel, not a brothel even if prostitutes sometimes ran these taverns. Traveling caravans and royal messengers would commonly overnight at such places during this period. These reconnaissance missions were common in the ancient Near East. An innkeeper‟s home would have been an ideal meeting place for spies and conspirators, a public place where they could learn about the practical and military dispositions of the area and could solicit a possible “fifth column” of support.

Rahab and her family were living demonstrations that a mission of killing Canaanites was not absolute and irreversible. The Canaanites were aware of God‟s power. Joshua 2:10-11; 9:9, and they could have repented. Indeed, Israel‟s sevenfold march around Jericho reveals an opportunity for its king, soldiers, and priests to relent. The Hebrew word circle, “March around” Joshua 6:3, involves various ceremonial aspects, including rams‟ horns, sacred procession, and shouting 2 Samuel 6:15-6; Psalm 48:12-3. The word contains the idea of an inspection; in Jericho‟s case, it was to see if the city would open its gates to evade its downfall. The text suggests that Joshua gave a genuine opportunity for Jericho to repent and trust in the one true God. Furthermore, Israel is not engaged in “genocide” or “ethnic cleansing.” Israel took in Rahab and her family just as it would accept Ruth. God regularly reminded Israel to look out for the alien in their midst. Why? Because Israelites had once been aliens in the land of Egypt themselves. Leviticus 19:34. Furthermore, God regularly threatened to judge Israel, and He did just that, as He had the Canaanites. In fact, we have seen that Israel‟s enemies are eventual objects of God‟s salvation. No ethnic hatred here. What adds further interest is the language of “driving out” and “thrusting out” the Canaanites Exodus 23:28; Leviticus 18:24; Numbers 33:52: Deuteronomy 6:19; 7:1; 9:4; 18:12; Joshua 10:28,30,32,35,37,39; 11:11,14. The Old Testament also uses the language of “dispossessing” the Canaanites of their land Numbers 21:32; Deuteronomy 9:1; 11:23; 18:14; 19:1. “Driving out” or “dispossessing” is different from “wiping out” or “destroying.” This provides yet a further indication that utter annihilation was not intended. “I will send my fear before thee, and will destroy all the people to whom thou shalt come, and I will make all thine enemies turn their backs unto thee. And I will send hornets before thee, which shall drive out the Hivites, the Canaanite, and the Hittite, from before thee. I will not drive them out from before thee in one year; lest the land become desolate and the beast of the field multiply against thee. By little and little I will drive them out from before thee, until thou be increased, and inherit the land,” Exodus 23:27–30, KJV. Expulsion is in view, not annihilation. And after examination, the “driving out” references are much more numerous than the “destroying” ones. How does this dispossessing or driving out work? It is not hard to imagine. The threat of a foreign army in the ancient Near East prompted women and children to remove themselves from harm's way, not to mention the population at large. They would be the first to flee. Josephus writes an attacked population would not wait around for the enemy to kill them. Only the defenders, who do not get out, are the ones who would get killed, Jeremiah 4: “The whole city shall flee for the noise of the horsemen and bowmen; they shall go into thickets, and climb up upon the rocks: every city shall be forsaken, and not a man dwell therein,” Jeremiah 4:29 KJV. Again, we have no indication from the biblical text that the “justified wars” of Joshua “were against noncombatants.” We read in Joshua and Judges that, despite the “obliteration” language, there were plenty of Canaanite inhabitants whom Israel did not “drive out”; rather, they lived in the areas where Israel had settled. In the following texts, Joshua‟s “utter destruction” of the Canaanites is exactly what “Moses the servant of the Lord had commanded”:

“And all the cities of those kings and all the kings of them did Joshua take, and smote them with the edge of the sword, and he utterly destroyed them, as Moses the servant of the LORD commanded.” Joshua 11:12, KJV. “And all the spoil of these cities and the cattle, the children of Israel took for a prey unto themselves; but every man they smote with the edge of the sword until they had destroyed them, neither left they any to breathe. As the LORD commanded Moses his servant, so did Moses command Joshua, and so did Joshua; he left nothing undone of all that the LORD commanded Moses.” Joshua 11:14-15, KJV. “For it was of the LORD to harden their hearts, that they should come against Israel in battle, that he might destroy them utterly, and that they might have no favor, but that he might destroy them, as the LORD commanded Moses,” Joshua 11:20, KJV. Remember Moses‟ sweeping commands to “consume” and “utterly destroy” the Canaanites, not to “leave alive anything that breathes”? Joshua‟s comprehensive language echoes that of Moses. Scripture clearly indicates that Joshua fulfilled Moses‟ charge to him. So if Joshua did just as Moses commanded, and if Joshua‟s described destruction was really massive, exaggeration and common in ancient Near East warfare language and familiar to Moses, then clearly Moses himself did not intend a literal, comprehensive Canaanite destruction. He, like Joshua, was merely following the literary conversation of the day. Now let‟s look at it as we pre-suppose that Joshua was to destroy the entire populace of the Canaanites. First, just because Canaanite women did not fight did not mean they were morally innocent, note the seductive Midianites women in Numbers 25. Second, if Israel targeted children, we must remember that this act was unique and unrepeatable in Israel‟s history and that God‟s ultimate intentions were to bring salvation. Consider the parallel between Abraham and Isaac. God promised Abraham that Isaac would be the child of promise to bring blessing to the nations. So Abraham was convinced that God would keep His promise, even if this meant raising Isaac from the dead: “And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.” Genesis 22:5. Likewise, the Canaanite question has as its backdrop the promise of blessing and salvation to all peoples, including Canaanites. Despite your remaining questions, we need to look at God‟s clear revelation in Jesus Christ, especially His incarnation and atoning death. A concerned, relational God, who made himself known to ancient Israel, showed up on the scene in flesh and blood. He entered into first-century life in Palestine, stooping to share our lot to enduring life‟s temptations, injustices, sufferings, cruelties, and humiliations. However we view the Canaanite question, God‟s heart is concerned with redemption. Christ‟s dying naked on a barbaric cross reveals how very low God is willing to go for our salvation. As the song goes about those who scorned and spurned God‟s salvation in Jesus of Nazareth: They mocked His true calling And laughed at His fate, So glad to see the Gentle One Consumed by their hate, Unaware of the wind and the darkening sky, So blind to the fact that it was God limping by! Since God was willing to go through all of this for our salvation, the Christian can reply to the critic, “While I cannot tidily solve the problem of the Canaanites, I can trust a God who has proven His willingness to go to such excruciating lengths, and depths, to offer rebellious humans reconciliation and friendship.” However we interpret and respond to some of the baffling questions raised by the Old Testament, we should not stop with the Old Testament if we want a clearer revelation of the heart and character of God. In fact, the New Testament clearly reveals a God who redeems His enemies through Christ‟s substitutionary, self-sacrificial, shame-bearing act of love Romans 5:10. Though a Canaanite-punishing God strikes us as incompatible with graciousness and compassion, God is also light 1 John 1:5, a God who is both good and severe Romans 11:22. Yet this righteous God loves His enemies, not simply His friends Matthew 5:43–48. Indeed, He allows himself to be crucified by His enemies in hopes of redeeming them: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34. Canaan is America today about to reap the consequences of her sin. America under the false pretense of technological advancement has regressed to become the ancient land of Canaan of years gone by. They sacrificed unto demons, which were no gods. They are practicing demon-worship, occult rites, child sacrifice, and even cannibalism. Our Country is now promoting these obscene practices; its leaders tolerate and legalize Demonology, the Worship of Pagan gods and Spirit-World Mystics. A Canaanite Court has replaced the Supreme Court passing laws in favor of the “Will of the Canaanite.” America‟s Cushite President, a Hamite Muslim out of the jungles of Africa plying, “lying to gain control,” the “Will of the Canaanite” documents. America is under siege! The government took control of public school education a long time ago. In 1962 the Canaanite Court (Supreme Court) through prayer out of the public schools (Engele vs. Vitale), and in 1963, it threw the Bible out (Abington School District vs. Schempp). In 1980, the Canaanites in (Stone vs. Graham), said the Ten Commandments could not be posted in school classrooms. And now we‟ve seen the satanic Court legalize Homosexuality, Same-sex marriage and enforcement of removal of any mention of God anywhere on public, State or government property. The military has done the same declaring that Jesus‟ name cannot be used in prayer or even spoken or talked about in the military. America is no longer the land of the free and home of the brave but has become the Canaanitish State of Socialistic Enslavery for Sheminites and God‟s Japhetic people. A haunt for Hamite and Cushite whoredom practices to bring in their One World Order.

How much time is left is hard to say, America is living on borrowed time. The sweet things have made her sick, the diabetic Laodicean church has sugar-coated the gospel so much that she‟s become anemic on love. Sweet things have brought on a coma and Laodiceans fill the hospitals and nursing homes with hospice care, too much love and sugar have sent her over the edge. As a

nation, we are near death and dying and what we should be asking is: What‟s On the Other Side of Death? All Scripture notations are from the King James Bible.

CANAAN IS AMERICA TODAY

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The film and TV industries go to extreme lengths to protect the details of their stories, from shoving NDAs up everyone's ass to literally locking scenes inside vaults. So it's hilarious when their biggest plot twists are revealed not by master hackers or corporate spies, but by random jackasses making off-the-cuff jokes. But how often could that happen? All the time, it turns out ...

WARNING: This is an article about plot twists. Expect some!

6

Fans Joke About Hodor, Spoil A Major Game Of Thrones Twist Years In Advance

There have been a lot of shocking twists throughout the course of Game Of Thrones; from the Red Wedding stabbings, to Jon Snow getting stabbed a bunch of times, to the stabbing of- You know what, they're mostly stabbings. One twist no one could have seen coming (because the books haven't even gotten to that part yet) had to do with Hodor, the loveable manservant who serves as young Bran Stark's personal piggyback service.

HBO Apparently, the people in Westeros are too busy sword-fighting and getting naked to invent the goddamn wheelchair.

But why is his name Hodor? Did he have annoying, Gwyneth Paltrow-esque celebrity parents? The answer is far more complicated. Basically, Bran's time-travelling melted poor Hodor's brain -- as his future self is being commanded to "hold the door" to block a horde of White Walkers, his past self starts muttering "Hold the door" over and over, eventually morphing into "Hodor" (a transition that caused headaches for the show's international translators). So, people just started calling him that.

HBO

HBO If the same rule applied to 12-year-old boys in this universe, there'd probably be a hell of a lot more kids named "Boobs Pokemon."

That's a pretty intricate twist, but a few people actually predicted this outcome. How the hell? By doing what we do for a living: making dumb-ass pop culture jokes. Way back in 2008, before the TV show even started, a fan of the books posted this on a message board:

Not all commenters were receptive to the idea:

This poster wasn't the only fan to randomly stumble onto this bad pun, either. Writer Michael A. Ventrella blogged in 2014 about an encounter with GOT creator George R.R. Martin at a convention, where Martin mentioned an interest in being an elevator operator. When Ventrella ran into him again, this happened:

So a terrible pun that people balked at actually became one of the most poignant moments in the show. What we're saying is maybe now's the time for HBO's gritty Bazooka Joe reboot.

5

Darth Vader's Actor Randomly Guessed He Was Luke's Father

David Prowse was the guy who acted inside of the original Darth Vader suit, and who will one day be wiped from all historical records and replaced with Hayden Christensen. We've talked before about how he publicly spoiled the twist of The Empire Strikes Back years before the movie came out, during a 1978 appearance at Berkeley:

That's not all. He also blabbed to Little Shoppe Of Horrors magazine that same year:

But here's the weird thing: He shouldn't have been able to spoil this, because he didn't know. No one did. This was back around the same time Leigh Brackett was writing the early drafts of Empire, which included scenes where Luke's dad is a decidedly non-evil ghost:

And Vader even refers to Luke's dad in their final confrontation:

A recent documentary focusing on Prowse delves into this mystery, but somehow Prowse doesn't remember blowing the twist. The director literally has to pull up the old newspaper clipping on an iPad and show Prowse that he totally ruined the ending for people. In fact, because the line "I am your father" wasn't even recorded on set, Prowse recalls being surprised by the reveal at the premiere.

The documentarians also interview Gary Kurtz, the producer of A New Hope and Empire, who claims it was just an amazingly lucky guess. So either Prowse's random bullshitting stumbled upon one of the biggest moments in movie history, or George Lucas was pulling story ideas from magazine interviews given by his non-speaking supporting cast.

Similarly soothsaying the future of the franchise was a 1982 Mad Magazine bit about Lucas' Star Wars plans. It was just a bunch of ridiculous jokes -- and in a testament to just how silly the series got, some actually came pretty close to reality. For starters, they predicted 50 percent of Episode II's title:

And that Episode III would feature the Wookiees fighting the Empire:

One prediction jokingly states that Darth Vader is Han Solo's father, which is crazy. It also says that Vader will turn out to be C3PO's dad which is ... no, wait, that's exactly what fucking happened.

Another throwaway joke says that Luke's real father is "The Force" -- which sounds stupid as all hell, until you realize that "The Force" is actually his grandfather. Then it sounds stupider.

4

Someone Wrote An Erotic Novella About Taylor Swift And Tom Hiddleston (Before They Actually Dated)

We're switching it up to talk about a real-life twist: the announcement in 2016 that pop-star Taylor Swift was dating actor Tom Hiddleston. You know, the guy who has played Loki so many times he apparently just started wearing the costume in everyday life.

While that bit of news may have caught you off guard, it wouldn't have if you'd read Wildest Dreams -- a 58,000-word piece of erotic fan fiction by online author Jennifer Stanley. Stanley's story imagined a (sexy) world in which Hiddleston and Swift were a couple back in 2014. Before they even met.

That's a pretty random guess. Other than the fact that they often have the same haircut, what do these two celebs have in common? Loki's not even the Marvel villain you'd expect a music superstar to end up with -- young Magneto's handsome as hell, not to mention that pruny hunk Thanos and his blinged-out Michael Jackson glove.

Furthering the theory that Stanley is a god and our entire universe exists only as the backdrop for a sex-filled internet story, she predicted that Hiddleston and Swift would meet at the Met Gala, and, yup, that's what happened. She explains that she guessed that by doing good old-fashioned research and finding out which type of event they'd both be likely to attend -- because how will anyone masturbate to this if it isn't completely realistic?

Of course, a lot of the book is just straight-up celebrity doing it. (If a mustachioed Tom Hanks showed up delivering a pizza it wouldn't feel out of place.) And when Stanley first saw the pictures of the couple at the Met Gala, her first thought was: "Oh my god, what have I done?" Presumably her second thought was "I should never have bought that typewriter at Stephen King's garage sale."

3

Kevin Smith Called Tim Burton's Planet Of The Apes Ending Years Earlier

We all remember Tim Burton's remake of the classic Planet Of The Apes, the one that scrapped the classic Statue Of Liberty twist, ending instead with the apes and humans putting aside their petty differences to chill out at a suburban mall's Sears Portrait Studio.

Actually, Burton added his own bizarre twist to the movie. After returning to Earth, Marky Mark is shocked to discover that the Lincoln Memorial statue is an ape -- which is a way more dramatic way of revealing this than if Wahlberg simply found a penny on the ground, or rented a DVD of the Daniel Ape Lewis biopic.

It was a startling, utterly unpredictable twist ... unless you were a Kevin Smith fan. A few years earlier, Smith (who, as a reminder, didn't do drugs at this time) released a Jay And Silent Bob comic that riffed on Planet Of The Apes, and there is a strikingly similar image:

At first, Smith seemed to accuse Burton of plagiarism, saying "I think I got robbed and I'm talking with my lawyers about possibly suing." Then, later, he claimed he was only joking -- either because he genuinely was, or because he soon realized no one should want to take credit for that monkey turd of an ending. Burton defensively claimed that he wasn't an avid reader of Jay And Silent Bob comics, and that "anybody that knows me knows I do not read comic books." He's gonna flip his shit when he finds out where Batman came from.

2

A Random Comedy Sketch Calls The Insane Direction Lost Was Going

Back when Lost was on TV, a good chunk of the internet consisted of just people trying to figure out where the show was going. Amid all that rampant speculation, one sketch troupe actually got one key detail right, but in the most random way possible. The internet comedy group Olde English had a sketch that made the rounds back in 2007 about how ridiculous the Lost writers' room must have been. They're just frantically coming up with ideas like polar bears, four-toed statues, and, say, how about a magic turtle?

The ideas get more and more ludicrous, and that's the joke. However, in throwing out the craziest possible suggestions, they actually anticipated a real storyline. Look at the cue cards on the back wall:

See how two of the cards are about Locke?

They read "Locke Dies" and "Locke Becomes a Zombie" -- which sounded completely ludicrous. Come on, not even this show would go as far as to kill a fan-favorite character and then bring him back to life as some sort of evil force, bent on destruction. Right?

Around the same time this sketch came out, on the Season 3 finale, we saw Jack moping over someone's casket in a funeral parlor. Because this show was infuriating, it took them a whole year to show us who was in the freaking casket: it was fan-favorite Locke! Gasp!

Locke then promptly comes back to life, but with a grumpier, more murder-y attitude. It turns out his dead body had actually been reanimated/possessed by the Smoke Monster -- as in, an evil force, bent on destruction. Maybe if we examine the magic numbers some more, that whole all-powerful top-hatted turtle theory will pan out too.

1

Austin Powers Had The Exact Same Twist As Spectre, 13 Years Earlier

Spectre is that James Bond movie that works way better if you assume it mostly takes place inside the inane imaginings of 007's lobotomized brain. Otherwise, eh. The movie is packed with twists that don't really add much to Bond's mystique. For instance, there was the reveal that the head of the evil organization Spectre, Franz Oberhauser, was actually ... Ernst Blofeld, who was the head of Spectre in every other James Bond movie! Wait, how was this a twist? The movie was literally called Spectre. That's like trying to make it a surprise that Jim Morrison is a character in The Doors.

Anyway, early in the movie, we see a photo of Bond with his adoptive dad, and another kid whose face has been burned off:

Then, towards the end, Blofeld reveals that it was his father who took Bond in. He was the little boy in the photo ...

... which makes Bond and Blofeld brothers! Bond didn't remember this because, again, martinis.

While that's certainly a shocking development, if you got the sense that it was strangely familiar, you weren't alone. Over a decade earlier, the Bond parody Austin Powers In Goldmember had an extremely similar third-act twist. It ends with Powers' father admitting that Dr. Evil (the blatant Blofeld ripoff character) was actually Austin's brother.

The plot twist actually works better in Goldmember, probably because Michael Caine and Beyonce are there, while the Bond producers apparently wouldn't pony up the cash. Also, Goldmember was just going for a silly ending, not trying to predict where the Bond franchise was actually headed. Still, we can't wait for the sequel where Bond finds out his other brothers are Shrek and the Love Guru.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter, or check out the podcast Rewatchability.

For more twists we all should've seen coming, check out The 5 Most Ridiculous Ways Studios Spoiled Their Own Movies and 6 Movie Characters Whose Names Spoiled Huge Plot Twists.

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