#5mn

[titenoute]

Hey!

Guess who's cat managed to hurt himself again.

Idk how he did this. He was at home. As usual. And he was jumping around fine before we went to bed.

But this idiot managed to fuck up his other back paw.

I don't know how bad it is, but at least he isn't bleeding. But he insists on sleeping on heights. I found him above my shower box, unable to get down on his own. And he was famished.

I managed to settle him on my desk chair and have a solution to allow him to go back and forth without hurting too much but idk when I'll manage to get a hold of a vet.

[robespapier]

Eleonore slipping into Robespierre's bed to wait for him naked is such a bold move in wiser writting hands than Mantel is could have made for great cute comedy

[jaffre]

adhd be damned my boy is never late*

*my boy is in truth always way too early

[humanlighthouse]

[foccaccia]

why did adobe charge me 650$ for an account they helped me cancel in october

[pory-z]

yes everything is terrible and horrible and my body is giving up on me and all of my friends are going through some shit and no one's okay but

it snowing :)

[mizu-no-doukeshi]

x reader writers put your shit under read more challange

[schakira]

Here are some details. (Balance Patch 2, March 8th 2023)

Double Jump (Can be upgraded to gain additional jumps. Has no limit cap.)

Stamina wheel (Can be upgraded to last longer. Recharges quickly.)

3-slot Inventory (An invisible storage. Their total weight is added to you. Can be upgraded to gain just one more slot.)

No Fall Damage up to 10 times your height. Anything above that will still you damage like normal. (Edit 2: NERFED AGAIN.)

Actually Useful Tips from a side character that is with you 24/7. (Edit: Clarification — They will not be doing anything other than giving you really useful tips.)

5mn long Loading Screen when you travel around so it feels like you're instant travelling (You're not. You're zoning out until your destination. Your body remains in stasis during that period, i.e. you can't get old, hungry, or die.) (works for wait times)

QTE (time slows a bit whenever something critical happens. Gives you more time to think. upgrades will make you slightly faster in slowed-time. Only 2 upgrades available.) (EDIT: BUFFED. A Necessary buff.)

Multiple Dialogue Choices (gives you recommended replies during every interactions you have, with approval ratings in percentages next to them.)

View stats (View the stats of anyone and anything, including yourself. "Stats" include anything that can be measured, something quantifiable. INT and WIS for example do not exist. But the weird stats like the amount of neuron connections one has? yeah sure that shows up.)

Health potion (Instantly heal anything a doctor/surgeon/medicine/time can fix. You only get 4 potions.) (EDIT: Clarification — This does indeed include therapy. What else could be healed, I let you choose at your own discretion, so long as it's not death.)

Skip. (You can force people to skip their dialogues and immediately retain info. If upgraded, will work on practically anything that requires you to wait — as in you can force skip a red light to turn green. Or force skip a book to read it quickly. Does not work on the concept of time itself - That's the loading screen's job.)

Achievments (Ex. : Congrats, you've pooped 100 times in one month! Includes % of humanity having the same achievment. + You gain a plastic/bronze/silver/gold/platinum trophy based on the achievement's rarity.) (Edit: BUFFED — you can sell those trophies!)

[geekintofeet]

You lost the bet you made with your colleagues yesterday… now they’re getting their reward.

« - so we said 3 hours of foot massage right guys? Ah of course it implies per guy, not just overall! »

 you try to protest: « what?! But that was not clear… »

« - You should have asked hahaha now it’s too late. Ah and I didn’t say it would have to be 3 hours in a row. So here little bitch give me a nice little foot massage to your new master for…5mn, I’m going to make you suffer a little bit everyday that way hahahaha. After that, only 2 hours and 55mn left on my foot rub account… well at least for me! »

[7omby]

Heres the life is strange 2 hc:

Sean doodles on his papers during every class (especially math)

Sean has no game but he’s confident so it works like magic

Sean is a great cook. He tried to teach Daniel but they almost committed arson

When Sean draws, Daniel draws too

Sean is the type to put a pic of him feeling himself on his story then delete 5mn afterwards because it “looked ugly the more he looked at it”lmao

Sean is the type to sing a song but with the wrong lyrics

Sean the type to have a concert in the shower

Sean is the type to draw his crush , little doodles on his sketchbook

Daniel copy his brother all the time, the way he talks, move, little habits,…

Daniel is definitely the kind of kids that wants to pee at the least appropriate moment . The boys will be on a road trip around the desert and Daniel will be like “oh man… I wanna pee”

Daniel definitely steals socks or tshirt from Sean just to annoy him

Daniel is the type to fell and hurt himself but still continue to plays like nothing happened

Daniel is a “OMG look at the cute dog there!” / “can I pet that puppy? Cmon Sean !” Idiot

Daniel Hates math and is canonically bad at it lmao

Daniel plays Roblox or Fortnite

Daniel uses Sean expression and Esteban laughs because he’s the only one to notice it

Esteban is the type to prank his own kids, like scaring them when they go pee in the middle of the night (that video is literally him)

Esteban loved to surprise the boys with his special pasta or movie nights when they’re feeling down

Esteban definitely prank Daniel with Sean or Prank Sean with Daniel

Esteban loves to go hiking with the boys and tell them stories about his childhood

Esteban wears the same socks two days in a row

Esteban copies Daniel/Sean whining sometimes

Daniel made him learn TikTok/Fortnite dance

Lyla babysit Daniel a lot meaning Daniel knows dumb memes

Lyla sends the cringiest memes to Sean or sometimes it’ll be npc TikTok’s live and she’ll be like “we should do that !! We’ll make a lot of moneyyy”

Lyla is like a little mouse , she knows everything about everyone. And always give updates to Sean (he didn’t care at first but he’s all in now lmao)

[vamptits]

can logan be real for 5mn i neeed to put a baby in him

[miyakuli]

5mns since I started the game and I am already attacked by a wave of nostalgia, hearing the dango theme playing in the back *sob*

[leleaulait]

C'est toujours la même chose, une personne me fait une réflexion sur moi, ma façon de vivre, de faire ou ne pas faire certaines choses et je vais y penser pendant 10ans. Ça va remuer mon cerveau chaque soir, m'empêcher de dormir, me faire ruminer voir parfois même déclancher une phase down. Alors que c'est rien ! La personne était bourré, elle s'en souvient probablement pas du tout mais moi ça m'atteint, ça me fait mal, comment on peut encore sortir à une personne que "tes problèmes mentaux c'est dans ta tête" ah bah merci Jacky je pensais sincèrement que c'était dans mon cul !... Comment on peut dire que "c'est pas une vie de ne pas travailler et de rester seul chez toi", la plupart des gens qui m'ont sortie ça était clairement des gens qui ne supportait pas d'être seul plus de 5mn... mais bon, c'est toujours plus simple de critiquer les problèmes et le mode de vie (peu commun) des autres au lieu de se poser des questions sur le sien apparemment. Vous savez le pire ? C'est que quand je dis que je vais y penser pendant 10ans c'est même pas une vanne, je rumine encore à cause de certaines chose qu'on m'a dit quand j'avais 15ans et qui reste, j'en dort pas alors que la personne qui m'a dit ça ne s'en rappelle même plus.

[the-dragon-invasion-is-near]

i swear my snails poop on their terrarium just after i cleaned on purpose

They get inspired or something, i have to do spot cleaning like 5mn after i cleaned, everytime

[theredtrails]

Day job really went from "AI is only going to support your work" to "please proofread the shitty AI generated text" in the span of a few months lmao

And my feedback is just that it is not technically incorrect just awkwardly written? Which is something higher ups don't care about? English is not my native language and even I can see that the texts don't flow or are straight up bad?? But ig it's quicker to take 5mn to check there is no factual error and hit the publish button than to rewrite it or write a good text from scratch, quality be damned 🤡

[gayleatherbiker]

Mon chauffeur de Uber qui était ten débardeur, jeans déchiré et baskets au pieds pour conduire.

Il puait le sexe

Je lui ai demandé s il était chaud et m a répondu y a moyen mais discret j ai une meuf alors qu il m a dit de le prendre en photos pour la fiche contact de son no de tel.

Arrive chez moi il s est mis à genoux direct et j étais dans son cul même pas 5mn plus tard

Il m a demandé de le doser

J ai dis tu rends des ce risques et il m a dit qu il pensait lui qu avec bbk moi c était du sûr mais qu il voulait ma plombe grave.

J ai craché direct et il m a dit je peut être ton batard attitré si tu veux.

Je vire ma pouf et je me mets à ta dispo ici si ça te va?

Comment refuser d un si bogosse une telle proposition.

Il m a dit être la ce soir pour 21 heures avec ses affaires !

Trop cool

Lui Killian 21 ans