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ya-zz · 3 months ago

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Regret and Forgiveness

Ramattra x child!Reader

Word count: 5042

Words decided to word right for me for a change... and the fact that over 5k of them worded right for me is surprising. Perhaps when I have made another full fic like this I will make a seperate master post for them because this is part of the child series with Ramattra I want to complete at some point in the future.. Whenever I can find the time to write and relax from work... We shall see... Also yes, you have a pet slicer because who doesn't want a pet slicer ♥

He has you cornered, oh how silly you were to be running from the leader of Null Sector. Your small body trembles as you step back, only pushing yourself further into that corner. There is nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. He is right there.

Ramattra glares down at you, optics picking up your heightened heart rate and a small, extremely small, part of him feels guilty for the fear he is putting in you. You are just a kid, afterall. “Trust me, you do not need to do much to piss me off. Just a couple of stubborn retorts, a dash of disobedience and a generous serving of reckless behaviour and voila! You have got the perfect recipe to send my systems into a fit of rage.”

“You say that like I do it on purpose! You’re just easily angered!” You yell as you step back, watching as the omnic closes the distance you have made. “You don’t trust me at all!”

You glance down to your slicer unit, its body rumbling as if it was growling towards Ramattra. At least you have my back, you think to yourself amidst the situation.

“Do you really think me being angry is just some flaw of mine and not a direct response to your stubbornness and recklessness?” His wires burn, his chassis heats up as anger, no, rage burns hot inside of him. “And you want to talk about trust? You say I do not trust you, but when you go running off like this, without telling anyone… how do you expect me to trust you? You are acting reckless and immature, not like a child, but like a spoiled brat!”

There was a slight hesitation in your voice as you speak, your mind reeling with memories of your parents and their shouting. “I am not spoiled and you know that!”

Ramattra notices the way you hesitate, the quick flash of pain in your eyes before your anger towards him returns. He lowers his voice slightly, not wanting to shout any longer. “I know you are not spoiled, little one. That is not what I meant.”

“You said it so you clearly meant it.” There was a sharp edge to your voice and Ramattra doesn’t miss it.

“I said you are acting like a spoiled brat, not that you are one. There is a difference.” He snaps back, his patience wearing thin.

“I am acting like a kid who wants to have fun and not be watched everywhere I go! I let you put this tracking device on me as a safety precaution and I can’t even walk down the hallway without you panicking!?” You raise your arm, the tracking device dangling from your wrist.

“It is justifiable concern. You are a child wandering Null Sector, of course I am going to be worried about you if you leave my sight! You go running off after a tantrum and you expect me to not worry about you?”

The wall connects to your back, finally stopping you from going anywhere else. “What else am I supposed to do!? You don’t listen to me and you never let me explain my side before you’re off with some stupid counter argument that makes no sense!”

Ramattra stops just before you.

The slicer unit stands between you and him; a futile attempt in protecting you.

There is nowhere to run now.

“Stupid counter argument? Really? You think my reasons and concerns are stupid? My attempts to keep you safe, to prevent you from getting into trouble, they are just “stupid counter arguments” to you?” There was no doubt about it, he was pissed. “And as for listening to you, I listen to you plenty and give you opportunities to explain yourself. But when you throw a tantrum and lash out, how am I supposed to listen? How am I supposed to understand your side when you refuse to communicate like a mature child?”

Biting the inside of your cheek to ground yourself, you notice the way his fists are clenched, the metal joints grinding from the sheer pressure. Glaring up at him, you’re about to speak before you realise too late that his hand has risen.

The slap connects, the sound ringing in the hallway and in your ear. It burns, your eyes stinging just as much as your cheek from the oncoming tears. Shock and pain course through your body, your head tilted to the side from the impact. No words, not even a sound comes from your mouth as you stand there trying to process what had just happened.

Ramattra stands there, his body and systems frozen. He let his anger get the better of him and the last time he did that to someone as innocent as you, he nearly killed them. Guilt overpowers his own shock as he takes a step back. “I… I am sorry… I did not…”

Tears finally fall down your cheek, the saltiness of them making your cheek sting that little bit more. Bringing your hand up, you try to soothe the pain he had just caused.

“Little one… I– I did not mean to…” He reaches out, wanting to comfort you but your sudden flinch, your body jerking away from him, makes him quickly retract his hand. “I am sorry… I am so sorry… I– I do not know what came over me…”

The omnic takes another step back, wanting to give you distance. His systems go back through the entire situation. Could I have prevented this? The weight of his actions sink in, regret making his words shake. “I cannot… I cannot believe I have done this… to you…”

You stay silent, not knowing what to say. It’s taking everything in your body right now to not break out sobbing, the sting in your cheek making it that much more difficult. A lump forms in your throat as you look up at your guardian.

“Please… Say something… Anything…” It’s breaking his mechanical heart, just the sight of you, the fear and the pain he has caused you. The redness of your cheek, a reminder of the physical pain he has inflicted.

No words come out as they catch in your throat. Taking what little strength you have left, you walk up to Ramattra and then walk past him, keeping as much distance as possible. Your pet follows behind, its little feet tapping against the cold floor.

You do not want to be near him.

He notices the tension in both your body and the air. Guilt threatens to consumes him. He wants to reach out to you, to soothe your pain, to hold you close and make it better but he knows that he has no right to do anything of the sort. Not right now.

“Please…”

Hearing his plea, you stop and turn to face him. “I… I’ll be in your quarters, but, just… leave me alone.” Your voice was quiet, almost a whisper. You hear the soft tapping of your slicer unit hopping past you and you follow behind it.

Ramattra watches as you turn a corner and disappear from his sight. He doesn’t even bother checking the tracking device, his systems are trying to fight off the heating situation before anything else. Part of him wants to chase after you, to apologise for his actions and his words but he doesn’t move.

“[y/n]...”

He’s left alone in the hallway, regret and guilt building up inside of him. He has hurt the one person he had sworn to never lay a hand on. Then, the realisation hits him; he has become the very thing he vowed to protect you from - someone who uses violence to solve problems and assert authority. He let his own principles and values slip away in a single, careless moment.

Meanwhile, you had made your way back to his room, the door sliding open with a hiss and illuminating the dark space inside. On the floor, the broken glass and this mornings breakfast lay there. Part of you doesn’t want to pick it up, but you knew it would only cause more issues. Being as careful as you can, you pick up the broken glass, the shards clinking together in your hand as you drop them into the trash. The toast was hard, stale, hitting the bottom of the can with a loud thunk.

The slicer unit watches you intently, a series of sad sounding chirps and beeps emanating from it.

“I know…” You speak softly before climbing onto the bed. Wrapping yourself in a multitude of blankets, you move yourself as close to the wall as possible, leaving just enough space for your pet slicer to come and intrude. It nudges your arms, moving under them like a puppy would when it wants attention. The metal of its body is cold against your skin, a soft vibration coming from the unit as it snuggles up close to you, wanting to soothe the pain in both your cheek and chest as you sob against it.

Ramattra had been wandering the hallways of the base trying to come up with an apology, a reasoning, something, to make you forgive him, but he knows that he cannot change your minds that quickly. As stubborn as you are, it was a good trait to have when it comes to this. You won’t be so easily swayed and manipulated should someone get their hands on you.

His fists clench at his sides as he keeps walking before he finally finds his way back to his quarters, fingers hovering just over the keypad. He hesitates. Ramattra stands outside of his room, hearing the muffled sobs. He had been standing there for what seemed like an eternity - when in reality, it had been five minutes by the time he came back to his senses.

The door opens once more, the light from the hallway illuminating your body curled up on the bed. You’re not facing him, nor do you want to voluntarily. Ramattra notices the slicer unit lift its head up, a loud rumble escaping it to indicate it’s growling. I failed to do what you are doing now…

The larger omnic stands there, the door closing behind him. Your body shakes under the blankets and as he takes a step closer towards the bed, the slicer unit growls louder.

“Don’t. It’s not worth it.” You mumble, hand appearing from under the blankets to pull the unit back down, it’s body protesting before letting you pull it close.

There was an audible click in Ramattra’s vocaliser as he fights his own emotions. His voice is pained as he speaks quietly. “Little one… please, let me talk to you.”

“If you are going to yell, I will leave.” You warn, not wanting to take anymore of his hostility.

Ramattra takes a step closer only to watch as you shuffle further to the wall, clearly not wanting to be near him. “No, I will not yell. I just want to talk. I do not want to hurt you again.”

You can hear the clear remorse in his voice but you still don’t want to look at him. “Why should I trust you when you don’t trust me?”

Ramattra pauses. The weight of his own hypocrisy hitting him like a tonne of bricks. “You are right. I do not have the right to ask you to trust me after what I have done. My actions were wrong and I know that…” The omnic hesitates before continuing. “I want you to know that I am sorry. I am truly sorry for what I did. I do not expect you to forgive me, but I do want you to know that I never meant to harm you… I lost control and let my emotions get the better of me…”

You hum in response after listening to his apology. The warmth of the blankets makes a small bead of sweat drip down your face but you’re too stubborn to come out. Your pet slicer growls quietly as you hold it tightly. Seems like neither of you want to listen to him much longer.

Ramattra wants to leave but can’t bring himself to do so. Ignoring the slicer unit’s growl, he approaches the bed once more. “Please, little one… just hear me out. I will not force you to talk, but I need to say something that has been eating away at me…”

The silence was unnerving before Ramattra speaks once again.

“I know I have no right to ask for your forgiveness… I know that I broke your trust, and that I caused you pain… I do not even deserve to be standing here right now, but I have to say this. Please… let me apologise, genuinely and from the bottom of my soul. And after I am finished, if you want me to leave, I will go and will not disturb you again.”

After a short pause, you come out of the blankets and sit up, pressing your back against the wall. The slicer unit, albeit heavy, sits on your lap shaking in anger. It takes more than the usual amount of courage to look up at Ramattra.

“Fine…” Was all you could say.

A small bruise was beginning to form under your eye, resting just on the bone of your cheek and the guilt overwhelms the larger omnic. His voice shakes, a weakness he had never once shown to anyone but his own brother countless years ago. “Little one… I am truly and sincerely sorry. I should never have laid a hand on you. I should never have hurt you. I know that I broke your trust, and that I shattered the sense of safety you had with me. I know that I hurt you both physically and emotionally.”

You can sense the guilt in his voice once more as you listen to his apology. You grab the closest blanket, bundling it up in your hands, watching as the slicer unit shakes himself free from being hidden under it. You needed some form of comfort and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be from Ramattra.

Ramattra can see the slightest hint of understanding, possibly forgiveness in your eyes but he doesn’t dare hope for much more. “I know that the words “I am sorry” alone will never be enough to erase the damage I have done. I know that words are not enough to heal the pain I have caused you, both inside and out… I know that I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, and that I have no right to hope for it… but please, please know that I am truly, deeply sorry. I know that I will never forgive myself for my actions, and I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you…”

Silence fills the room once more. Uncomfortable, unmoving.

Looking away anxiously, you have no idea what to respond with.

“I��m sorry…” You finally muster out.

“No, no… Do not be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, little one. This is not your fault, it is mine. All of it.” Ramattra is taken aback by your apology but he takes another step closer when he notices that you won’t look at him. “Please, look at me…”

You hesitate, hearing the slicer unit rumbling quietly at the larger omnics request, but you look up at him, his faceplate still expressionless as always.

Ramattra can see the pain etched on your face, the small bruise a reminder of the slap he brought down on you nearly an hour prior. He aches to reach out, to comfort you himself but he can predict the outcome of that ordeal.

“Can I sit down?” When you nod, he tilts his head in a silent thanks before sitting down on the edge of the bed, a generous space between you and him and he was careful to not move too quickly and startle you. The silence hangs heavy in the air as he processes his next string of words.

“Forgive me for asking… but-” He hesitates, already preparing himself for the answer as he looks at you. “Do you hate me?”

The awkwardness was plastered on your face. How do you answer him? After what he’d done, you have every right to hate him but it was one slip up. One bad action. He has been taking care of you for the last year now and everything has been fine. Sure, you had your arguments, but this… this reminded you of home.

“Please, just be honest with me.” Ramattra speaks quietly. The silence that hangs in the air is almost unbearable, each second ticking by like an eternity. He watches as you look away, looking back down at the blanket that is in your hands. The slicer unit hums against your thigh, metal ridges digging into your skin but you pay it no mind.

“I don’t hate you… It’s just… I don’t know… I’m hurt…” You speak with a voice that’s nearly a whisper. You don’t want to look at your guardian, let alone talk with him but you know that if you walk or run away like last time, it will ignite another fire.

Ramattra feels a flood of hope and relief course through him despite the pain evident in your voice. You do not hate me? After what I have done to you?

“I feel like I have destroyed everything between us. I have broken your trust.” Ramattra calmly analyses your demeanour as he notices the way you cling to the blanket. You need comfort and he wants to provide what you need, but he knows all too well that he has no right to do so.

He takes a shaky breath, not that he needs to, but to cool his systems. “I do not know how to make this right.” He finally admits after a short pause. He wants to salvage what is left of his relationship with you, he doesn’t want to be like your parents. He genuinely cares for you, wants you to be a part of his life despite his hatred for humankind.

“I just need time… and space.” Your hand comes up to pat the slicer units head, wanting to soothe its anger and your anxiety.

Ramattra wants to protest, he wants to actually beg for your forgiveness. He doesn’t want to give you space, he wants to be there for you, but your words ring loud in his systems.

Time and space.

How long? How much space?

“I understand.” He finally speaks up. “Just… Promise me one thing, little one.”

“What is it?” You keep your head bowed, focussing on your motions against the slicer units head.

“Promise me that if you need anything, no matter what it is, to come to me, okay?”

Just the request alone makes your body shudder and your hand freeze. After what he’s done, he has the audacity to ask such a thing?

“I will.” You lie. Whatever it takes to get him to leave. You want to be alone. You want to be away from him.

The larger omnic breathes a sigh of relief, his systems calming down. He wants to say more, to keep apologising until his vocaliser hums static. “Thank you.”

He takes one last look at you, your body tense as you stay seated with your back against the wall. Your guard is up and rightfully so. Ramattra stands from the bed, walking back towards the door to give you that much needed space you desire. He can’t bear to look at your frightened form so he speaks to the door. “Please, take care of yourself.”

You don’t look at him, though, just out of the corner of your eye, you can see that his back is turned, beige fabric wafting gently from his movements. “I’ll be here.”

“I will be nearby if you need me.” With hesitancy, Ramattra leaves the room, the door separating the two of you once more. He takes a moment to compose himself, the regret, the guilt swelling inside of him as he tries to calm down but no amount of meditation will make it evaporate. Just as he’s about to walk away, he hears you break out sobbing. He tenses before shaking his head.

He can’t go back in.

He has to leave.

His footsteps echo throughout the halls as he makes his way around the base. There was no destination in mind, it was just him wandering until he either found his way back to his quarters or until he wore the metal of his feet away.

Meanwhile, you pull the blanket around your body, snuggling it up close to your bruised cheek. The soft fibres of the blanket provide a sense of comfort to you, something you wish that Ramattra could give.

Your hand tightens around the fabric before you remove it from your face. The anger swirls in your mind once more but you can’t entirely blame him for his actions. You roused him, you pissed him off. If you didn’t run and instead spoke to him, you wouldn’t have been struck…

But, on the other hand, if he had just listened to you in the first place, if he would’ve just understood that you didn’t want to disturb his charging time just for some toast and didn’t start yelling at you for your “careless behaviour”, then maybe you wouldn’t have run.

Groaning out, you fall back against the bed, your pet slicer coming up and curling beside you, emanating warmth against the side of your body.

Ramattra had made his way towards the control room after several laps of the base, the hum of electronics being the only noise in the room. He’s slouched in the chair, optics staring up at the muted monitors. The reality hits him hard, fingers tapping away at the table before swiftly throwing everything off of the control panel, letting it crash on the floor.

His systems involuntarily go through the scene; the way your head snapped to the side as his hand connected to your cheek. The heat and redness that instantly swelled, the tears that pricked your eyes. Your shock. Fear.

It scared him more than he’d like to admit. From your first encounter, being so friendly and unnerved by his presence, holding his hand and examining him to this… timid and frightened child.

He growls, slamming his fist against the control panel. Your stubbornness is just as bad as his, you have a sharp tongue, quick to respond when provoked… and now… You hesitate. You step back, you go as far back as you can possibly get.

“I messed up. This is all my fault.” Ramattra fights his own thoughts, fights against his systems to rid the nightmare that plagues his optics. His hands fiddle with the holopad, pads of his fingers beginning to type, beginning to work. He wants to forget.

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours and Ramattra had finalised three separate plans and a backup plan for each. Whilst focussing on the tedious part of counting numbers for his army, he doesn’t hear the beeping of the tracking device.

You’re on the move.

As you’re walking through the maze of hallways, the little slicer unit trots alongside you much like a puppy with it’s owner. You’re still clutching the blanket in your hands as you pass several Null Sector units but none of them pay you any mind. You’re a visitor, you’re not a threat.

Ramattra had changed their programming, granted it took longer than he had anticipated, but seeing you able to interact with them as a curious kid should do, it warmed his circuits. You were careful and gentle, small hands tracing their ridges and curvatures. You treated them like they were omnics, not war machines. You treated them as if they were friends, not enemies.

Perhaps, that was when Ramattra found himself yearning to keep you close by.

As he’s inputting the last set of numbers into the database, there was a quiet and timid sounding knock on the door causing Ramattra to snap out of his work daze. He fell silent, wondering if he was just hearing things, but when the knock sounds again, he perks up, sitting straighter in his chair.

He waits for a moment longer before speaking up and then returning back to his plans. “Come in.” Ramattra hears the door hiss open before it shuts again, but there was no talking. The quick succession of tip-tapping makes him turn around, watching as your slicer unit makes a beeline for the sofa on the far side of the room, instantly jumping up and resting on it, humming quietly.

Familiarity.

Ramattra turns his attention to you, your slow movement forwards making him feel uncertain about the upcoming conversation. You’re here for a reason, either you’re going to change your mind and now hate him, or you forgive him. Ramattra leans towards the hatred.

The blanket drags behind you, picking up small particles of debris as you keep walking towards the control panel where Ramattra was still seated.

A pang of guilt rises within the larger omnic upon seeing the bruise that has formed on your cheek. The reminder of his actions will haunt him until it fades and then some days or even weeks after the fact. He could always wipe the nightmare from his systems, never to be remembered again, but should it be brought up in another argument, should it be mentioned, he would have no idea what you were talking about.

Rustling breaks him out of his thoughts. He doesn’t realise how close you had gotten as you stand in front of him.

Innocent eyes catch his optics behind the faceplate. Uncertainty. Hesitation.

Just get on with it. Tell me you hate me. I will let you go.

What he didn’t anticipate was your outstretched arms towards him. Words had caught in your throat, all sounds had caught in your throat, blocked by the lump that had settled there the moment you had knocked on the door.

Ramattra hesitates, his systems freezing momentarily as he attempts to process your request. Without thinking a second longer, he slides out of the chair, knees hitting the cold floor beneath him as he pulls you to his chest. Large arms wrap around your small body as he holds you close.

The hum of his inner workings vibrate against your cheek and he’s warmer than usual. You can hear a faint thumping, perhaps coolant pumping through his chassis, though it sounds more like a heartbeat. The thought alone makes you smile.

“Rama…” Your voice was muffled against the blanket, his arm and his chest. He pulls back slightly, letting you shift within his arms.

“Yes, little one?” He looks down at you, his hands releasing their tight grip on your body.

There was a moment of silence, a hesitation before you speak. “I forgive you.”

Ramattra’s hands twitch against you, systems repeating your words inside of his head. “You forgive me?” I did not expect you to forgive me so soon, if at all…

He watches as you nod before he’s pulling you back against his chest, his hand rubbing up and down your back in a soothing motion. It was a moment short lived as you pull back completely and Ramattra silently sighs for he already misses your embrace.

“I… I’m sorry for running off. And yelling. It’s my fault that you lost your temper.” Your small hands grip the blanket tightly as you apologise, but Ramattra wasn’t having it.

“No, do not apologise. This was not your fault. I lost my temper. It is my responsibility to have control over my emotions and I let my own anger get the better of me.” He places a reassuring hand on your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“I shouldn’t have yelled… I’m sorry.” You look away, eyes focusing on the holopad that’s on the floor.

Ramattra tilts his head to the side before shaking it. His hand moves from your shoulder to your chin, turning your head and forcing you to look at him. “You have nothing to apologise for. I am the one who lost control and I hurt you. This is not your fault, little one.”

He can sense that you want to argue back but you bite your tongue. It would only drag the situation on longer and neither of you have either the strength nor the patience to start another argument.

“Are you okay? That bruise looks bad.” His moves his hand from your chin to cup your cheek, thumb gently brushing over the small pained area.

“It hurts to smile sometimes.” You admit, glancing off to the side. It still pains Ramattra that he did this to you, guilt still simmering inside of his circuits. “You are always so concerned about me.”

Ramattra chuckles lightly, hand falling to his side as he looks at you. “Of course I am concerned about you. It is my responsibility to take care of you and I do care about you. I do not wish to see you hurt, by anybody's hand, might I add.” He pauses, head tilting once again. “I care about you a lot, [y/n].”

The admission makes your heart beat a tad bit faster and Ramattra’s systems pick up on it instantly.

“Come here.” He opens his arms, an invitation for you which there was no hesitation in taking. You wrap your arms around his back, hands holding onto the silver metal braces as his arms comfortably wrap around your frame. “I just need to know that you are safe. Your safety is my utmost priority.”

“And I just want you to trust me.” You say softly.

Ramattra moves a hand to the back of your head, rubbing up and down to soothe the remaining anxiety inside of you.

“You and your oversized kitchen knife of a pet make that extremely difficult.” Ramattra retorts, his chest vibrating as he chuckles.

You can’t help the giggle that escapes you at his remark about your pet slicer unit. “You love us.”

“That I do, little menace. That I do.”

#overwatch #ramattra #ramattra x reader #overwatch 2 #reader insert #child!reader #overwatch fanfiction #yazzfics

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