#5000word

[falseandrealultravival]

Lao Tzu (老子), All chapters bibliographical ~ ~ Part 3 (３/３:final):Essay

Lao Tzu (Kouji Fukunaga: paperback Chikumagakugei bunko)

The Chinese classic "Lao Tzu" is a short document consisting of a short sentence fragment and 81 chapters (5,000 words), but its meaning is very deep. From now on, I will divide it into three parts and list the keywords and key points of each chapter. It is written as @ 1 = Chapter 1. 81/3 = 27 chapters each. The source is from "Lao Tzu" (Tamaki Ogawa, translation: Chuko Bunko). This blog makes sense to index and organize the Lao Tzu in me. This is the third (final) time.

(Before accepting)

@ 55: "Baby's virtue. It does not be attacked by dangerous animals (snakes, scorpions, bees, beasts, birds of prey, etc.)" "It has a lot of vitality." Lao Tzu praises the baby.

@ 56: " Those who know do not say. Those who say do not know.." Soften wisdom and assimilate with garbage:和光同塵" (@ 4) & "Saints can neither benefit nor do harm, because they are beyond praise and Backbiting . "

@ 57: "Government of the nation faces with" positive ", and military faces with" strange ". "&" A clever engineer creates an unfamiliar item. The people fight for this and the nation becomes dark. "" If you lose your greed, the people will become a Tree as cut out:樸 "(樸 has been frequent in the past. @ 19, @ 28, @ 32, etc.)

@ 58: "When politics is absent, the people are unsophisticated. When politics Keep eyes out, the people are dissatisfied and fight each other." & "Saints do not hurt people. Light in their hearts. There is, but there is no sparkle that catches the eyes. "

@ 59: "It is best for the monarch to take a regrettable attitude."

@ 60: "Governing a great power nation is like the act of" boiling small fish. " "

If you put your hand out too much and stir it, the fish will fall apart.

@ 61: "The great power nation are downstream of the river, the small ones are upstream. Just as the river flows from the tributary to the main stream, the small powers want to be fed, and the great powers want to feed." It is important to be modesty to the great power nation. "

(This part, in history, is inconsistent with the fact that the real powers forcibly annex the small ones for their own benefit. "The big nation only wants to feed everyone, All the small country wants to be subordinate to and serve another country. ”(P138) Of the“ Lao Tzu, ”I am the most mysterious contradiction. Is this the desire of the Lao Tzu? It is a small country. Did Tibet and Uighur move forward to become China's autonomous regions? And isn't China's policy a fierce attempt to erase their own culture and destroy them and make there unique country of Han Chinese?) (See @ 80)

@ 62: "The saint will not abandon the people even if they are bad. Everything is attributed to the work of the Tao." (@ 49)

@ 63: "Don't act, don't interfere. Taste the tasteless things." & "Take virtue against grudges."

This expression is reminiscent of the Christian teaching that "if you were hit your right cheek, give your left cheek."

& "There are some difficulties for saint, but in the end it will overcome."

@ 64: "Process in the signs of things. The trip of thousand miles also starts from your feet."

& "Because the saint does nothing, he does not damage anything, and because it does not stick to anything, he does not lose anything." & "The saint wants what it does not want. It doesn't want something that is hard to get. (@ 3, @ 12)

@ 65: "Negation of politics by wisdom."

@ 66: "The virtue of being low-profile." "No one can contend with a saint who does not contend."

@ 67: "The vast Tao looks stupid." & "Saints have three treasures. Charity, frugality, and not being Head".

(Head = head, head of organization)

@ 68: "The virtue of no conflict." "People who use people well are humble."

The old letter(kanji:漢字) of the letter "fight" is a hieroglyph that "two hands are trying to hold something one thing". In this case, the "thing" may be a political victory. There are many events that "things" point to.

@ 69: "The key to the war is not to be the main body of the attack, but to take a step back." "The army with sorrow always wins."

@ 70: "My words are easy to understand and practice, but no one does. (So) the saint wears brown clothes and have a jewel (wears poor clothes and hides the treasure)."

@ 71: "It's good to know and not know, it's a drawback to know without knowing."

@ 72: "If the people are not afraid of disasters, a big disaster will come."

@ 73: "Those who are not afraid to do boldly will be killed, and those who are not afraid to be timid will survive." & "The net of heaven is rough, but it will not be missed:(天網恢恢疎而不失). (This word is also famous. Although "天網恢恢疎而不漏" is more Overwhelmed by the population)

@ 74: "How do you threaten people who are not afraid of death?" "If I kill something new, why can I kill it unharmed instead of a great executor? (It can be done by God. Only.) "

@ 75: "People starve because the rulers take too much tax." & "Those who don't care about life at all are wise than those who value life."

@ 76: "When a person is born, it is soft, and when it dies, it is hard. The hard one is a death companion and the soft one is a life companion.

@ 77: "The way of heaven takes away from the surplus and gives it to the shortage, but the actual human society is the opposite."

Even if you look around the world, the rich are getting more and more financial power, and the poor are deprived more and more money. Since the time of the Junichiro Koizumi Cabinet, the Gini coefficient, which indicates the difference between rich and poor Japanese people, has risen.

@ 78: "Nothing is as soft as water, but no matter how hard it is, it is no match for water." (There are many references to the virtue of water ... @ 8, @ 43, etc.)

@ 79: "Even if you reconcile those with deep resentment, the resentment remains. Only the saints can reconcile this." & "There is no favor in the way of heaven. Always give to good people.  "

@ 80 "小国寡民(Small country&few people) :An ideal society drawn by Lao Tzu"

The country is small and the population is small (let's say). If you don't want the military to use the tools you need, if you have them, and you want the people to take their lives and not move far away, you don't have to ride a ship or car wherever you have it.  Where there are insteps and weapons, there is no chance to show them side by side. Once again, (as well as) the (ancient) world of using ropes tied by people (in contracts), making their (bad) food look good, making their (poor) clothes feel good, and Let them settle down and make their (simple) habits (life) enjoyable. (If that happens) the neighboring country is immediately visible, and even if they can hear the roar of chickens and dogs, the people will not come and go (with people from other countries) until they are old and dead.

("Lao Tzu": Tamaki Ogawa, translated from P167-P168)

The description around here is inconsistent with @ 61. It is not clear whether Lao Tzu really wants the people to live in a small country or in a large country. (Is the distinction between large and small countries relative?) This one point is difficult for me to understand.

@ 81: "The belief is not beautiful, the flowerly word is not belief. (There are some antithesis below)" & "I give out everything to others, and I have more and more possessions." & "Saint's way Is something that acts and does not contend. "

("Lao Tzu (老子), All chapters bibliographical " completed)

[shrimp-apocalypse-now]

my 5000word polemic on the complicity of science fiction authors in the maintainence of empire needs me...

[xheapndwriter]

i might be needing external content to get inspired 😭😭 i literally went from 5000words a night to 336 fuck off

[nursingpapersmarket]

DOES SLEEP DEPRIVATION CONTRIBUTE TO DELIRIUM IN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT PATIENTS?- Randomised controlled Trial (Quasi experimental study, prospective and retrospective cohorts study, case control observational study). THIS IS A SYSTEMATIC REVIEW PROPOSAL

DOES SLEEP DEPRIVATION CONTRIBUTE TO DELIRIUM IN INTENSIVE CARE UNIT PATIENTS?- Randomised controlled Trial (Quasi experimental study, prospective and retrospective cohorts study, case control observational study). THIS IS A SYSTEMATIC REVIEW PROPOSAL

1.Systematic Review Proposal-Topic: DOES SLEEP DEPRIVATION CONTRIBUTE TO DELIRIUM IN INTENSIVE CARE PATIENTS?-randomised controlled trail( Quasi experimental study, prospective and retrospective Cohorts study, case control observational study designs) 5000words excluding references 2. APA 7th edition 3. Australian English/U.K 4.PECOT P-Population-intensive care patients E-Exposure-sleep…

[indigo-ghost-girl]

No idea if it'll help or not but for me it doesn't really matter when in the night i go to sleep as long as its constant. 2am-10am or 11pm- 10am,(my more recent attempt)

Sometimes feeling tired has nothing to do with sleep but in knowing you have work to do.

Just your brain going, "but that requires effort!" And then pouting in the corner and refusing to move.

Litterally, it can't understand the long term gain so it sends a wave of tiredness at you.

Brain: "But no reward! wouldn't you rather go to sleep or do... litterally anything else?"

You need to convince monkey brain the task is worth doing- then you can sleep.

(She says, lying in bed, ignoring her 5000word essay)

When was the last time that you woke up and actually felt awake and rested for more than half of the day? I'm asking for... Ehm... Research?

Yeah, let's say research (╸w╺)

oo

hmmm probably like a week ago?? id sleep at around 9-10 and wake up at 7 or 6

that was when my sleep schedule was good tho, nowadays i stay up late in the goblin hours of the night and act accordingly (read: like a goblin)

[sophiastiegler]

“When is a movement not a movement? - When it’s a marketing campaign in a movement’s clothing.” - Mary Brigh In my design writing thesis I am taking a stand on the so-called femvertising marketing trend. This advertisement technique puts female empowerment  centre-stage. Not a bad thing at first, but what’s behind the facade of brands doing so? - Comparing two brands (Nike - einhorn Berlin) and their marketing strategies, that seem completely different at first but have surprisingly many commonalities. 

photo credits to concept photographer Marius Sperlich and einhorn Berlin.

[manotelier]

tell me why i wrote 3000 words on one night for a fanfiction but i start to panic when i have to write for my WIPs

[outlanderfanfics]

The Occasion of Sin

Written by Zoe1078

This little stand-alone fic is a missing scene from Outlander book 1, set in Leoch after Jamie and Claire were married. It's my explanation as to why Laoghaire left the ill wish beneath Claire's pillow. Warning: It has approximately no redeeming value, and is purely an excuse to write Drunk Claire, Horny Jamie, and smut. Plus bonus Jealous Laoghaire.

[myworkistohardforwattpad-blog]

Hay I’m just here cause my smut book got deleted on Wattpad…they said it’s against the guidelines…well maybe but it wasn’t that bad…just smut.

I write very detailed,but I try to keep it short (No longer that 5000words)

If I figure out how this app works I will post my stories on here.

[spinesoakedwithmagic]

I have seen some posts of the Hargreeves siblings if they were to use social media and i just can't buy them because none of them match with how i picture them. So here are my headcanons for this:

-VANYA has some social media accounts that she had to make for the promotion of her book but has not posted a single thing since like 2 months after her book came out. Since then she just uses it sporadically to search for tutorials and Wholesome Lesbian Content

- FIVE would NEVER have a social media account. Luther once tried to rickroll him but five just kneed him in the balls before he could even unlock his phone

-KLAUS was really active on social media at first. Just tweeting the most random things (the stuff 2012 tumblr could only dream of). He began getting followers because people thought it was a great shitpost account á la drill. But then people realized that he was The Seance from the Umbrella Academy so he got a shitload of attention suddendly. His way of handling that was chucking his phone into a river. He already has enough with the ghosts (he also used to search for weird p*rn on tumblr but got bored quicky)

- DIEGO only uses youtube to watch three things: old music videos, basic af cooking tutorials (stuff like how to boil an egg), and the videos from the dude that makes knives out of everything (he dreams of having a jelly knife). Watches p*rn from the "popular with women" category

- ALLISON has an Instagram addiction. As a famous actress she has thousands of followers, of course. She also has a very well organized pinterest account. Watches beauty tutorials.

- if BEN were alive he would have a very strong presence in the booktube community. On goodreads his reviews would either be like 5000words essays, or just one star ratings . But he is dead so...

- LUTHER discovered the internet during that boring ass time in his life where he was the only sibling left. He had to get rid of his first computer because it got tons of viruses since he searched for porn like an 8 year old would. After that he uses safe search for almost everything. He tries to catch up with the memes but he is always late. He once fell for an email scam. He gets into fights on facebook

[falseandrealultravival]

Lao Tzu (老子), all chapters bibliographical ~ ~ Part 2（２/３）:Essay

Lao Tzu ( Kunio Hachiya :paperback Iwanamibunko)

The Chinese classic "Lao Tzu" is a short document consisting of a short sentence fragment and 81 chapters (5,000 words), but its meaning is very deep. From now on, I will divide it into three parts and list the keywords and key points of each chapter. It is written as @ 1 = Chapter 1. 81/3 = 27 chapters each. The source is from "Lao Tzu" (Tamaki Ogawa, translation: Chuko Bunko). This blog makes sense to index and organize the Lao Tzu in me. This is the second time.

(Before accepting)

@ 28: "If you keep the weakness while maintaining the strength of hardness, it will become a valley in the world. Then you will acquire the same virtue. It is the uncut wood (Araki:樸) (wood as it is cut) Is equivalent to. "(See @ 19)

@ 29: "The world is not something you can catch when you try to catch it. If you stick to it, you lose it."

@ 30: "Those who have the intention of the Tao do not use force. The place where the army hangs out becomes a barren land."

@ 31: "A good weapon is an ominous tool." & "Don't be honored to win the battle. Those who do it are those who enjoy murder." Those who hold a celebration party die violent death.

@ 32: "The way the Tao is. The Tao is permanent and has no name." & "It is small wood but no one can make it a subordinate."

(See @ 19)

@ 33: "The state of an excellent person. It is a wise person who understands others, and a person who understands himself is a person who has a insight." It has a poetry-like form, such as stepping rhyme and using couplets.

@ 34: "The great Tao is like a floating ship. No matter what you can do, you don't take credit for yourself."

@ 35: "People in the world gather to those who hold a great shape. When the Tao is mentioned, it is candid."

@ 36: "The secret of never losing to war." "If you want to weaken a person, you must first strengthen it for a while. If you want to take away from it, you must give it first. (Several other examples)" & " Fish should stay at the bottom of the deep water. The nation's sharpest weapon should not be shown to anyone. "

(Note) There is a theory that the text of the ancient conspiracy book "Zhousho".　It has been said mixed in with this chapter, but since it has been regarded as a chapter of Lao Tzu since ancient times, the theory would be adopted. The point is to accelerate the decline of the enemy by consciously increasing it. You can imagine the idea of ​​"the moon that is missing when it is full" in I Ching(易経). The latter half of the word "fish is ..." is an image of the strongest modern weapon, the nuclear submarine. It is reminiscent of a fish in a deep pool firing an SLBM. This is a unique chapter among all 81 chapters of Lao Tzu.

@ 37: "The Tao is useless, but it can' t do nothing." & "The unnamed log:樸 "creates a state of unselfishness. (See @ 19)

(Up to this point, the first volume is called "Tao Sutra." The second volume is called "Virtue

Sutra." Together, it is "Lao Tzu ‘s Tao Virtue Sutra." It is the official name of "Lao Tzu.")

@ 38: "People with high virtues do not brag about it." & "Relativization of Confucian morals such as jin(仁), righteousness(義), and gratitude(礼)."

Jin and righteous people have some motive to do "good deeds."

@ 39: "One (one: perfect) ... By knowing the unification principle, heaven, earth, and living things can live." & "The king uses loneliness, widow, and poor crop as his own name."

The king is said to embody the misery of the world. Orphans are "minashigo". The widow or widower is "one person", and the non-grain is "bad crop and food is scarce".

@ 40: "The road goes back. Weakness is the function of the Tao."

@ 41: "Differences in how to accept the Tao depending on personality (3 ranks)." & "Great talents mature late "(Great talent=Large vessel)

The word "large vessel means "not that a large vessel is completed slowly, but that a large vessel is not completed".

@ 42: "The Tao does produce one, one produces two, two produces three, three produces all things." & "All things bear the yin and hold the yang."

This part is common to the Yin-Yang Wuxing theory and the view of I Ching. The intimacy is extremely high with the trinity of father, mother, and child, and I Ching, which talks about the fate of all things.

& "A ferocious thing does not die well. I make this the father of teaching." As in this chapter, there are some things that make it difficult to see the connection between the first half and the second half, making Lao Tzu particularly difficult.

@ 43: "Water rushes ignoring hard things." & "Teaching without words, things that can be compared with actions without actions are rare."

Lao Tzu praised water in the previous chapter. (See @ 8)

@ 44: "Which do you choose, honor or body?" "If you are too greedy, you will suffer a huge loss."

The question mark was asked, "What is the significance of the honor of damaging the body?"

Also, greed is a source of earthly desires.

@ 45: "It looks like there is something missing in the big ones. (Hereafter, the same purpose is expressed in antithesis.)"

@ 46: "If there is no war, war horses will become farm horses." & "Knowing enough is always enough."

A bell against spreading desires indefinitely.

@ 47: "Knowing the world without leaving the house. The farther you go, the less you know."

Nowadays, the power of television, radio, and the Internet makes it possible to understand the world, but how did Lao Tzu know about the world? It is a mystery to modern people. Also, if the person traveling visits a tourist destination or a commercial city, the blind person will only get information that is junky.

@ 48: "When you study, you will know more. Those who do the Tao will reduce what they do."

From a slightly twisted point of view, if you study and do the Tao, what you know and what you do is the same. So I see that both are needed.

@ 49: "The idea of ​​good is completed, with good people as good and non-good people as good."

Only when you know that it is "bad" can you understand that it is "good." Both are two sides of the same coin. In this view, saints do not discriminate against different people. (See @ 27)

@ 50: "The way to divide life and death ... Who can predict? Many people who are obsessed with life go to the dead place."

@ 51: "The Tao creates creatures, and virtue nurtures them."

The kanji "Toku(徳)" originally has one more stroke, and when the character is translated, it can be read as "going the way with an honest heart." Then you will meet various tangible and intangible treasures on the road. In kanji, it leads to the homophone "Toku(得)".

@ 52: "There is a mother in the world. You know a child from its mother, you know a mother from its child, and you will not be harmed until you die."

@ 53: "The people are hungry, but the dynasty has sharp weapons, and gets bored. It is a country that is off the Tao." (← For example, modern North Korea. There must have been such a country even during the Spring and Autumn Warring States period.)

@ 54: "With well-prepared equipment, offspring will continue to respect their ancestors. It is a virtue of the Tao." & "I see a virtuous person from the eyes of a ruler."

There are similarities between governing a country and governing a home.

(Hereafter, next time)

[starianights]

The fact that I can finish an almost 5000word-chapter in less than 3 days, but it takes me 3 months to make the decision to start writing it, is above me. 😅

Friendship + Trust + Family + Love

Chapter 6: Who the hell are you? is ready. I just need to check it for mistakes!

Coming very soon.

[emberfaye]

Commission Info

Hey guys! I’ve said in the past I take commissions but here’s the actual information in one place.

Writing (Original or Fanfiction)

Project Fee: $10 (add to word counts for total)

Under 250 words: $10 (project fee waived)

251-500 word: $15 (project fee waived)

501-1000 words: $20

1001 to 5000words: $35

5001 to 8000words: $45

8001 to 9000 words: $55

Over 9000 words: custom quote

Main Writing Fandoms

The Magicians

Good Omens

Karen Chance novels

Burn Notice

Game of Thrones

Inuyasha

Rurouni Kenshin

Final Fantasy 7 and 8

Buffy

Roswell

The Vampire Diaries

Fandom not listed? Send me an ask

I also do professional website “about me”. The cost for that is $100 for roughly 15-20 sentences, max of 600 words, with additional costs over 600 words. 

Also, if you need social media marketing help, I am available for that as well. 

You can also find me at Ko-Fi. 

[nanmindulle]

My Favorite julerose Au Collection

☆=subjectively good

.

.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20730626 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18095891/chapters/42775934

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17491247/chapters/41197592

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16186988 (French)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15940889/chapters/37171418

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12353529

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14032203

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13131672

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068539/chapters/24683499 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10750128 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9430634

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8492506/chapters/19462351

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6370405

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5389721/chapters/12449138

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5262290

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6304666 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6120454

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098411

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6717259

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10024556

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9547457

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9059983

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11106240

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064291/chapters/24672258

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12484144/chapters/28417820

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13135419 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14317887

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14314482 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13780293

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070543/chapters/24688704

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13667739

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15192650

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15354405 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022381/chapters/37392854

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16421699

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17248298 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17718191/chapters/41799701

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17614019

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17320169

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991038

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18855301/chapters/44751463

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19859194

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19845622/chapters/46994107

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20678978 ☆☆☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15661608/chapters/36379827 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20595866

Short story ( 100~5000words )

.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19283488 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14942529/chapters/34621845 ☆☆☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14820596/chapters/34295717 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15942980/chapters/37177565

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8267260

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7559317#main ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11305902/chapters/25299642 ☆

Middle story ( 5000~10000words )

.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20800559/chapters/49437887

☆☆☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11064858/chapters/24673701

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9109255/chapters/20705398

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8328517/chapters/19075396

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7495764/chapters/17037081 ☆

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11178447/chapters/24955896 ☆

Long story ( 10000~~~words )

Maybe...

I will keep updating

[el-gilliath]

Sacrifice

@cowboyswagger​ prompted this: A (familiar) demon offers Michael the return of his mother, whole and young again: a second chance for the two of them... without outlining the cost of this home is his other one. So as Mara gets stronger, Alex gets weaker and Michael is caught between the two things he's always wanted. (I missed the familiar demon part but I sorta had that too, sorry). This does NOT have a happy ending. And is about 5000words. And crossposted to Ao3 if people would prefer to read there.

The demon finds him on its own volition. Apparently his grief is screaming loud enough into the void that they had to check out whatever it was. The fact that the demon appears before him wearing his mother’s face, might be the biggest fuck you this world has ever given him. Because in those few seconds before he realizes that the psychic connection isn’t there. He’s happy. He’s so happy and the joy is bursting out of him thinking that she somehow managed to survive. But then it tilts its head. He can’t feel her in his core. And it breaks his heart.

His grief surges, bigger and worse than before. Because she’s here. Her face is right in front of him, and she is so beautiful, so wonderful and so very, very missed. He had her back for 5 minutes, got to hold her hand and feel her love for 10 seconds. It wasn’t enough, it will never be enough. He wants her back. He wants his mother, a parent that loves him. Loved him. But it’s not her, and he feels his power surging under his skin as the anger rises, ready to tear everything in his path apart.

“You are a very angry young man,” the thing with her face says, and his telekinesis rips out of him, trying to fling the thing away from him. But it only smirks at him, its eyes going completely black as it stays exactly where it is. Of course. Of course he would attract a fucking demon with his grief.

“I can give her back to you.” He freezes at the words. And despite himself, despite knowing he shouldn’t. He feels hope. He wants it, more than he has ever wanted anything in his life. More than he wanted Alex. Wants Alex. But it’s a dangerous hope, cause a demon will never give it to you straight.

“You’re a demon. All your deals come with false hope and a prize I’m not willing to pay,” he responds, grief once again overcoming the small feeling of hope. Because there is no hope. His mother, is dead and he won’t get her back.

“You don’t pay a prize.”

He narrows his eyes. There is no way. “There’s always a prize”

“Not for you. Now if you want your mother back, come over here and seal it with a kiss. I’ll even change shapes for you,” the demon says with a cruel smirk, and between one blink and the next, Alex is standing in front of him instead of his mother.

“Why. Why would you give me this?” he asks. The hope is surging within him again, battling against the cloying feeling of grief. But he doesn’t know if he can trust this. He doesn’t know if he wants too.

“Because your grief? Is filling up the void in between this place and Hell, and we are tired of it. Demon’s live off of human grief. You’re not human, so instead of it being the good kind of grief it’s just annoying. We need it gone. And as such you don’t have to pay a prize. Now come, kiss me. And you can have her back.”

He moves before he thinks about it, striding over to the demon wearing Alex’s face and kisses him. Deeply, like if it really was Alex. He knows he needs to talk to Alex too, and he will, but this comes first. His mother comes first.

The kiss breaks and the demon grins at him. The grin is dark, and full of sinister evil. Somewhere in Michael’s brain Klaxon alarms are blaring and he knows that grin means nothing good. But the demon promised that he wouldn’t have to pay a prize. And the hope of having his mother back is too great.

“Our deal is sealed.” The demon disappears and for a moment he panics. But then, there she is. She appears to his right with a giant intake of breath, young and beautiful like she was when they connected. Clothed in the same white dress, with the same necklace. Her eyes wild, looking around with obvious shock until the land on him. And a second later, the connection snaps back into place. He can feel her. He knows without a shadow of a doubt. It’s her.

“M-”. He can’t finish it, can’t get the word out of his mouth. It feels too big, too small, too import and too not important at the same time. So he does the only other thing he can do. The only other thing that feels safe and needed. He runs over to her and gathers her in his arms. He clings to her, as she puts her arms around him and clings back. The connection between them surges as they touch one another. He can feel her in his head, her love, her joy, her disbelief. She doesn’t understand how she can be here, how she can be young again and still have her baby boy in her arms. Her first born, the child born from her and the love of her life that died in the war. Her Rath. Her precious, beautiful, wonderful Rath with a set of curls just like his father. She sees all of Geran in him, in the lovely young man he is. She misses him so much even if he has been dead for years. But Rath… She feared for his life, not knowing where he was all those years she was captive. She knew someone had tried to move their pods to safety, but she never knew if they succeeded. But they did. Because her he is. Here he is again. Seeing him in the prison had been so painful and yet such a giant relief. She didn’t know if he got out safely along with the wonderful man who loves her son so much. But he’s standing with his arms around her and he is fine. As is she. And she is so thankful.

Michael withdraws his mind the tiniest bit from their connection. Her feelings about him and his dad, Geran, is so strong. Geran. Maybe that’s why Guerin didn’t always feel so wrong even if Michael sort of did. But his name, the name given to him by his parents is Rath. And she. His mother’s is Mara. Geran, Mara and Rath. They were a family. “Mom,” he whispers in her ear. He can feel her smile through the connection, her mind whispering “Rath” back at him. Then a questioning “Michael?”. As if she wants him to tell her what she prefers.

“Call me whatever you want,” he whispers back. And feels his heart elevate as she whispers back; “My son.”

——————-

They spend the day together, and he learns more about them and his home planet than he ever thought possible. Antar, though war torn now, was a beautiful place of peaceful blue waters, green grass and brown dirt, not so dissimilar to what Earth looks like. It’s why they chose it when they had to go on the run, because of how much like home Earth looked. She tells him about his father, the general in chief of the Antarian Army, best friend of king Faron and brother of Queen Naria; Max and Isobel’s parents. Or Zan and Vilandra as their Antarian names are.

She tells him about his father dying to protect the ships and they left Antar, escaping from Kivar, the usurper who tried to steal the throne. She tells him about their journey to earth that took 20 years, mostly done in pods but that she was awake for small bits of it, bringing him out of his pods as well to share the beauty of space. She tells him about the stowaway that caused their ships to crash instead of landing gently, and how the government found them right after. She doesn’t tell him what they did to her and the others at Caulfield. But he sees enough in her head to know. And it kills him that she had to experience all that. But she is here now, and he is so grateful, just as she is. And maybe the two of them can be a family again.

——————-

He’s been ignoring his phone in favor of her when a familiar Humvee drives into the junkyard. The last conversation he had with Alex (“I don’t love you!”) flashes through his mind and he closes his eyes in regret. The hurt on Alex’s face was devastating. Even knowing that Alex knew he lied makes Michael feel sad, he never wanted to be the person that put that kind of devastation there ever again. It reminded him of how broken Alex was in the tool shed when they were 17, and it is not a good feeling.

His mother reaches for his hand and squeezes, waves of unconditional support coursing through the connection in their head. She did show him how to close the connection if he needed too. But so far none of them have, the feeling of the other in their head is too new, too loving, too precious to let go of right now.

Alex gets out of the car and Michael can see how tired he is. It makes him frown, Alex has always been one to overwork himself and it doesn’t seem like he’s stopping anytime soon.

“Alex, you okay?” He asks as he gets closer. His walk is slightly bumpy in a way is hadn’t been since he quit using the crutch. He must be more tired than he looks.

Alex looks up and opens his mouth as if to reply but stops when he sees Michael’s mother. His faces turns blank, but not before Michael sees the brief flash of pain in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company. I’ll see you later Guerin.” Alex says before he turns around. And Michael knows what he’s thinking. He remembers what Michael yelled at him, even if he knew that he was lying, sees a pretty girl by his side and thinks the worse.

“Alex, stop.” Alex doesn’t, of course. And the limp is more pronounced as he tries to get away as quickly as possible. Running on the prosthesis must have done a number on his leg.

“I thought you were done walking away! That you don’t look away.”

Alex turns, anger evident on his face even if he tries to hide it. “I am! And I don’t. I meant everything I said, but you already have company. This obviously isn’t the time for me to be here.”

“Alex. I swear, you aren’t interrupting anything,” Michael said with a smile, walking over to Alex and grabbing his hand, holding it tight when Alex tries to snatch his hand back. They need to talk so badly, and he wants that. He wants it so much. “This is Mara. My mother”

Alex’s head snaps so fast to look at his mother than Michael almost fears for his neck. But the widening of his eyes, the slight recognition when he looks over her features, the breathless joy hidden on his face when he looks back at Michael. Alex Manes is the bravest and most lovable man he has ever had the fortune of meeting. And he loves him so much.

“Guerin, how the hell is she back? And young? She died. We saw the prison blow up!” Michael opens his mouth to answer but Alex just barrels over him. “ Are you sure? Like completely sure she’s not just someone or some thing sent here to fuck with you even more?”

Michael grins as Alex continues to ramble on about probability, statistics and facts. He’s nervous and worried for Michael in a way he has never seen before. And knowing what he knows now about exactly how Alex feels it only makes him more endearing. His mother nudges him through their connection, laughter and joy lacing it. Part of her own powers are empathy, and the love she feels from Alex makes her own happiness shine in Michael’s head. Like the beacon he was missing.

“Alex!” Alex shuts up abruptly and just looks him in the eyes. His other hand tangling in the one of Michael’s still holding Alex’s hand. “I can feel her in my head. I have the same connection with her that I have with Max and Isobel. Only hers is stronger, more familial. It’s her Alex, I’m positive.”

The smile that comes over Alex’s face is radiant. The joy hidden on his face earlier is out in full force, and Michael. Michael can’t help himself. He extracts his hands from Alex’s and brings them up to his face, pulling him in to place a sweet kiss on Alex’s lips. And Alex responds the way he always does, pushing himself closer to Michael, his hands coming up to run through Michael’s curls. Clutching him closer to have as little space between them as possible. They get a bit lost in each other the way they always do, in their own cosmic little place in the universe.

He can hear his mother’s soft chuckle in his head, but Alex has apparently forgot she was here because he startles when she laughs out loud. He pulls away from Michael to look at her, flushing a brilliant red. Michael can’t help but chuckle at him which earns him a patented Alex Manes Stink-Eye. But he can’t begin to care. His mother is alive and here with him, and so is Alex.

“Come on, let me introduce you,” He whispers after giving Alex another quick kiss and Alex just looks at him. He’s slightly afraid of something, but Michael can’t pinpoint what it is. It makes no sense that Alex would be afraid of his mother. Unless…

“Alex. You are not your father, or your brother. She doesn’t blame you for anything you family has done.” Alex just nods, but Michael knows he doesn’t believe it. The most important thing is that his mother does, and he knows that she will show Alex that she does. He turns towards her, and she’s just standing there, waiting with a smile on her face. Michael takes Alex’s hand and walks over to her, tugging a slightly reluctant Alex along. He can almost feel Alex’s apprehension, the tension radiation from him. He knows his mother feels it too, but she doesn’t seem to care. She is still smiling, her eyes on Alex as they walk up to her.

“Mom, this is Alex. Alex, this is my mom,” he says in a soft voice as they stop in front of her. He can feel her empathy reach out towards Alex, and Alex startles as he feels her. Michael can feel their connection in his head as his mother shares it with him. It’s not as tangible as the one he has with her, nowhere near as complex. But it’s still there. It’s still the soft, gentle touch of a mother's embrace, the gentle caress of acceptance and unconditional admiration, the tender whispers of a mother’s love. She is showing Alex how much she doesn’t blame him; how much she knows he’s not his father. How much she loves and adore him because of how much Alex loves and adore Michael. She shows him how much she accepts who and what he is, all with the gently touch of her powers against his human mind.

“I’m still sorry, Mara,” Alex whispers. Michael is certain he accepts everything she is telling him. But he also knows that Alex still blames himself. Still blames his family for all the rest of them that died in that prison. Still blames himself for the fact that she died in there. But his mother only smiles and presses a soft kiss against Alex’s forehead.

“You make my son happy; you make him feel loved. That is all I see, and that is all I will ever see,” she whispers back at him. And Michael, like Alex, struggles not to cry.

——————-

He gets two more days with his mother before everything comes back to haunt him. Before life once again shows him that he is not meant to be completely happy. Life has too much of an issue with him for that. Because Alex showed up two days ago looking tired and explained it away with all the running and being on the prosthesis for too long the day before at the prison. And Michael believed him, he forgot for a second that Alex has been running on his bad leg, what with him going to Max’s house and arguing for not killing Noah. Noah had died anyway while they argued, but his mother coming back the next day had made anything he wanted to ask Noah not important anyway. But when Alex shows up on the third day, almost stumbling out of the car, his eyes sunken and his skin a decidedly not healthy tone of grey, Michael worries. He knows something isn’t right. And he has a creeping feeling of despair.

“Alex! What the fuck?!?” He yells as he runs over to the dark-haired man. A tendril of disapproval at his language comes from his mother but he ignores it. Alex looks like hell and he doesn’t care about that right now.

“’M sorry. I woke up feeling like shit. Had to come here,” Alex mumbles as he all but collapses against Michael when he’s close enough. His skin feels warm and slightly sweaty. But he’s shivering like he’s cold.

“You look like shit, Manes. Why are you even out of bed?” Michael asks, gathering Alex close. Alex was right that he runs hot. Even being close to him seems to make Alex feel better. Like the heat the gives off helps with the chill.

“Somethings wrong.” His mother’s voice is deep, gorgeous and a little bit unexpected. She’s only whispered and spoken in his head so far. Pictures, images, sounds and feelings is how she usually communicates. Words are less often, even if she does use them every now and then. For her to talk now, in such a clear and strong voice, something must really be wrong. She’s worried, a bit of fear coating the worry. Alex feels it too, the tentative connection between his mother and Alex opening enough for Michael to feel it. She’s just as worried about Alex as she would be about Michael. It makes him feel grateful. But it also scares him, because she knows something is wrong. She can feel it, something is happening with Alex and the worry is bleeding through to Michael.

“Tell me how you feel my child,” his mother says, walking towards them. Michael already knew her voice would be melodical because of the way she uses sound when showing him things. But he didn’t expect it to be like this, almost like her speaking is a soft song on its own. But he figures it comes with her powers, because Alex calms right down when she speaks, even more than he has ever calmed down with him.

“Feel weak. Warm. Cold. Tired. So tired,” Alex mumbles against his chest and Michael hugs him tighter. Alex’s hand come up underneath his t-shirt at the small of his back and sighs in relief.

“Do you feel better in contact with Rath? With Michael?” his mother asks, clarifying when Alex gives her a confused look at Rath.

“Rath is your name? You real name?” Michael just nods at Alex’s question. “It’s beautiful, it suits you.”

“How so, because I’m just so gosh darned pretty?”

Alex huffs. “No. Because you’re beautiful inside and out”

Michael smiles into Alex’s hair, dropping a light kiss on it. Trust Alex to just casually say something like that after so long of bad communication, after so long of misunderstandings and hurt feelings and broken hearts. “You are the beautiful one here Alex.”

“I look like a ghost Michael.” Alex says as he leans back and looks up and Michael

“No. You’re always beautiful to me,” he replies, leaning down to kiss him. And he isn’t lying. Punky goth Alex with his eyeliner, piercings and attitude was just as beautiful to him as grown up, serious and capable Alex is.

“You’re sick.” His mother speaking brings them both back to the reality. Her eyes are narrowed, as if she’s trying to figure out a mystery. Her hand glowing red as she lightly touches Alex’s cheek with it. Along with her empathy, she always had a gift of diagnosing things, figuring out how things work, be it machines or people. Michael figures that’s where he got his engineering skills, even if his human skill is lacking. “I’m becoming stronger. And you’re becoming weaker”

All the blood drains from Michael’s face. His breath leaves him, and he’s unable to take another one. And he knows. He knows exactly what is happening, he’s seen enough of Supernatural to know. Someone is draining Alex’s life force to sustain his mother’s. And he knows who.

The rage rises within him like a tornado, his mother startling as pieces of debris, rocks and other random things form a maelstrom behind him. The crash and creaks of the old cars lined along the junkyard as they start to move in the face of his anger. His beloved Airstream rattling at the force of the wind created by his telekinesis. He is angry, maybe the angriest he has ever been. But his grief was loud enough to scream into the void the last time it appeared. Maybe his anger will be enough too.

“If you wanted my attention. You could have just asked.” He doesn’t recognize the voice behind him. But his mother does, because even as she gasps, Michael feels a rush of loss-love-grief run through the connection and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that the demon has the face of his father. He closes his eyes, knowing that he’s not yet ready to turn around and see the face of his other parent. But he has too, for Alex. He has to save his life. So he turns his head, and looks at the demon behind him. The first thing he notices are the curls. And his mother was right, they are distractingly like his own. His eyes are a deep blue bordering on green, nose slightly crooked with a mouth not unlike his own. He has a scar running from his temple down to his chin but the only thing it does is make him look more accomplished. The look in his eyes and sneer on his lips is all demon. But he can still imagine that face looking at him with love once upon a time. Looking at his mother like she is the most precious woman in the world. He has no trouble believing it, even if the face is marred by evil right now. His mother is still looking at the demon with loss-love-grief flooding the connection, and he sends her all the love he can muster through his anger in return.

“It’s not him. It’s a demon, a creature from the deepest reaches of hell that’s taken his face to make you feel even more like shit that you already do,” Michael tells her. The sorrow he gets in return is more than he can fathom. The love his mother feels for that face is all consuming, the thought of seeing it on a thing that’s not him is even more horrible.

“Michael. You didn’t.” Alex voice is breaking and Michael closes his eyes again.

“I did.”

Alex coughs, a deep rattling cough deep inside his chest. He’s dying. And it’s Michael’s fault. Again the only thing he has ever done is cause his family pain. Caused the love of his life pain. His cosmic connection of epic proportions.

“He did. Kissed me wearing you face even. It was quite the spectacular kiss.” His mother takes Alex from him as he whirls around. It’s standing in the middle of the maelstrom Michael made with his power, smirking at him as if to show him that he can never hurt it. Even how much he tries.

“You told me there wasn’t a prize!”

“I did.”

“He’s dying. So there is a prize. You told me I didn’t have to pay a prize!”

“Exactly. I told you you didn’t have to pay a prize.” It dawns on Michael then that he walked into this all on his own. He wanted it so badly that he believed a creature of hell, a creature made to torment human beings in the worst possible way, a creature made to make your own life a living hell.

“Then let me pay it. Let me pay it now,” he says through clenched teeth. He doesn’t want either his mother or Alex to die. If it comes down to a choice between the three of them, he will gladly make it.

The demon grins at him. “I told you. You don’t pay a prize. Meaning, you can’t. The prize isn’t for you to pay”

The feeling of fear that runs down his spine isn’t just his own. It’s his, his mother’s, and Alex’s. All three of them are locked in it together, spiralling deeper in a pit of despair, fear and sadness. If Michael isn’t allowed to pay the prize. One of them is going to die.

The maelstrom of power the demon is standing in stops abruptly. Michael doesn’t have the concentration to keep it going any more as his minds whirls. “There has to be something!”

“No. You were given a gift from hell. But the gift of your mother turned bigger than we imagined, and so to give her back we needed to demand payment. We needed… leverage. And now they have to choose. Does your mother get her long life with her son at her side for the first time in 71 years, after years of torture and think her beloved child is as dead as the face I wear? Or does she give it all up for the cosmic connection, the star-crossed lovers. The military son and the alien general’s son who found each other despite hardship?” The demon asks, its face going surprisingly somber as it talks. “It is not your decision to make, Michael Guerin. It is theirs.”

Michael turns around slowly and looks at them. At his mother, who he has had back for three glorious days. Who has shown him how loved he was, how loved he is, how loved he has always been. Who has given him a parent, something he has been missing his entire life, for the first time in so many years. And at Alex. Who has loved him unconditionally for ten years, who has been so brave and so strong in the face of his father, who has run away time and time again but only to protect him. Who decided that if Michael was dying with his mother at Caulfield. Then he would die with him. Because they never/don’t look away.

“Please take me. Don’t make me watch one of them die,” He whispers. His eyes filling with tears. His mother, Mara, looks so beautiful. So strong and so loving, his head is filled with the stories she has spun for him in the last three days. He doesn’t want to lose her again. But Alex. His gorgeous and courageous man. How can he lose Alex when he has finally gotten him back. When finally they both know what the other feel. When they could be starting a life together.

“No.”

He turns, his telekinesis rising within him as he lifts his hand. Maybe if he can just… But the demon has already anticipated it. And has him against the wall of his airstream in a second. He’s pinned there, cut off from his powers. Cut off from his mother and their connection. Cut off from Alex and the connection he could feel through his mother’s much more powerful bond. He screams out loud in frustration and anger before that too is quickly shut down, the demon clamping his mouth together.

“Now hush. The grown up needs to have a chat.” is the last thing he hears before a fog rolls over his senses. He tries so hard to break away, to figure out what is going on but he can’t. No matter how much he struggles he can’t open his mouth, nor his eyes. He can’t move a finger to help as he is once again put in a horrible position of his own doing. Once again his own actions will make him lose a special someone. And as the fog lifts in what is probably only a minute or so later, he’s afraid to open his eyes. He’s afraid to lift a finger, he’s afraid to speak any words.

“It is done. The sacrifice has been sealed with a kiss.” And Michael doesn’t need to ask who made the sacrifice he wasn’t allowed to make. He doesn’t need to ask who sacrificed their lives so that one part of his family could live. The tears start streaming down his face, harsh, broken sobs forcing their way out of him. He wants to scream, to rage, to throw the world into chaos and entropy with his powers.

He wants to tear the world apart, hunt for the highest angel and the lowest demon. His family, someone he loved more than life itself has been taken from him yet again. Once again one of the most important people in his life is gone, and he will never see them again. Never hold them in his arms again. Never laugh, smile or joke with them again. Never kiss him again.

Because the voice coming out of the demon’s mouth... Is his own.

[charlottedabookworm]

Me: I have 5000words of assignments that I need to write over this holiday

Also me: I have 2 different oneshots planned and I’d like to get at least one new chapter of something out for my birthday