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50 Things for My 50th Birthday - Now With 10 Bonus Things!
50 Things for My 50th Birthday
A continuation of my 40 Things for 40 List, with 10 additional entries for 50. Plus 10 Bonus Things!
Originally written December 2013 on my 40th birthday. It's a list of bits of wisdom I wish I had known when I was younger. Every item has a story behind it. I don't know if this is original, intelligent, humorous, creative, interesting, or valuable to anyone other than myself. But it means something to me.
Maybe someday I'll write an annotated version of the list with the stories for each one. Then that would turn into a book. Maybe it's better to give short snippets and remain mysterious than to overshare everything. December 2023.
40 Things for my 40th Birthday: 12/2013
1. The Universe has a sense of humor which manifests itself as irony. Take time to stop and notice the big glowing neon signs that point to irony.
2. Karma, like gravity, is a force of nature. It does not discriminate. It balances your actions and consequences like balancing an equation.
3. It’s better to be single and alone than be in a bad relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.
4. See the patterns and interconnections - streams, veins in leaves, flowers, moss, agates, geodes, galaxies, calendars, time – it is beautiful and awesome.
5. Every day is different. If today is shitty, tomorrow will be shitty in a different way.
6. Look for the positive. Thousands of things go right every day.
7. Have a good work ethic. Do your best, but don’t let perfectionism interfere.
8. Know your history. Remember your ancestors and family. You could not be who and where you are without all of their hard work.
9. Don’t bite the hook.
10. Don’t feed the troll.
11. Remember Professor Remus Lupin’s Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons – Ridiculous, Expecto Patronum, and Chocolate.
12. Learn crafts – sewing, knitting, beading, etc. – it enriches life. It’s fun to give surprise presents to people.
13. Dream out loud at high volume. Turn it up to 11.
14. No good deed goes unpunished.
15. The Platinum Rule: Treat people how they want to be treated.
16. Always have 2 weeks’ supply of socks and underwear.
17. Invest in good bras. Your back and boobs will thank you later in life.
18. Always wear comfortable shoes. Your feet will thank you later in life.
19. Don’t waste time in front of the mirror. Save money. Cosmetics are optional.
20. Do not fester. To fester is bad. Don’t bottle things up for years. When you eventually explode, it only frightens, confuses, and pisses off the target of your nuclear blast, and innocent bystanders may be injured.
21. Don’t confuse lust for love. Lust and love are not the same thing. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure reality. Ask questions. You might not like the answers but ask anyway.
22. Beware of charming men. They use sexual energy to get attention and evoke a reaction, like using glamour magic. The feeling is fleeting. It’s nothing special.
23. Don’t wait by the phone or the computer. When a man says, “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he probably won’t. He might intend to call, but he doesn’t know which tomorrow he means – 24 hours, 6 months, 8 years later. Don’t take it personally.
24. Diamonds are not a girl’s best friend. You don’t need a ring. A loving relationship is the real treasure.
25. U2 is the greatest rock ‘n roll band and “Achtung Baby” is the greatest rock ‘n roll album in the entire Universe.
26. You are your own worst enemy. You are the only enemy you will ever have. Stop listening to the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee.
27. You are your own best ally. You are the only ally you will ever have. Never betray yourself to others or to yourself.
28. It is what it is.
29. Chill the fuck out.
30. On the subject of Big Girl Panties: Pull them up. Deal with it, whatever it is. They can be She-Ra Princess of Power, Wonder Woman, or Tinkerbell Underoos. In times when you can’t pull up your Big Girl Panties, get some Coping Skills so you can deal with it. Use Coping Skills until the problem is solved or the situation subsides. Repeat as necessary. Coping skills will eventually become the New Normal way of dealing with it.
31. Learn as many life skills as you are capable of doing - housekeeping, home repairs, yard maintenance, gardening, cooking, car maintenance, etc. Be as self-sufficient as possible.
32. Know when to ask for help. Offer to help others too. Know when to hire professionals to do the job.
33. Felines are the best animals ever in the history of all species on Earth. Being a Crazy Cat Lady is wonderful. It’s the cats who are crazy.
34. Read everything. Read constantly. Develop highly effective writing and verbal skills. Clear communication is essential.
35. Book smarts, diplomas, and degrees are not an accurate measure of intelligence. Common sense, ability, skill, and experience are most important.
36. No one likes an insufferable know-it-all. Don’t correct others even if you are right – unless it is a life-or-death situation.
37. Practice mindfulness. Orient your perception to the meta level.
38. Be grateful and express gratitude.
39. Be compassionate, sympathetic, and empathetic – even to people you dislike or who dislike you. Everybody hurts. Everybody has bad days. Understand that.
40. Remember the reason why you had your ears pierced on your 30th birthday. Enjoy the small pleasures of life: favorite foods, scents, sights, sounds, clothes, jewelry, and all the pretty things. These are what the dead remember and desire the most.
50 Things for My 50th Birthday: 12/2023
41. Toxic Situations: Know when to get out on your terms while you still have options. Leave before they force you out. Otherwise, you could be left scrambling and everything is worse.
42. The Ultimate Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42, obviously. (Thanks to Douglas Adams.) 42 is the atomic number of molybdenum. 42 divine beings, with Osiris, Ma’at, and Thoth in the Hall of Truth, judge souls before they enter the afterlife in Egyptian mythology.
43. Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills, motherfucker, do you use them? You spent 2 years in Fight Club. Strive to be skillful every day. The core skill sets are mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. Remember your values. Remember Wise Mind. Remember Radical Acceptance.
44. Gaslighting: Discussing problems is complaining. Telling the truth is causing trouble. Explaining yourself is making excuses. Asking questions is undermining others, making others look bad, or challenging authority. Challenging hurtful comments is not knowing how to take a joke. Expressing emotional needs is neediness. Expressing emotions is seeking attention. Showing confidence and intelligence and using an above-average vocabulary is being a bitch, being a know-it-all, or flexing your education and experience.
45. You need people whether or not you like it. Remember the pandemic lockdown. Remember working from home for a year and a half. You thought you trained your whole life as an introvert for that historic moment and would be excellent at it. No. It was objectively bad. It was a disaster. You need people. Be a better daughter, sister, and friend to the people in your life.
46. People change for better or worse. People will drift in and out of your life. People grow apart. This is a natural part of life. Accept it.
47. Magical Thinking: It’s one thing to know better. It’s an entirely different thing to do better. This is stupid behavior. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, how hard you work, or how good your intentions are. It’s never going to work out how you want it to. It’s never going to get better. And no one cares. Accept responsibility for your part in it. Don’t make excuses. Do something different. Do better. Change.
48. “Do or do not, there is no try” is fundamentally bad advice. Yoda’s lesson led Luke to black-or-white thinking. What would Spock or Picard teach Luke about learning a new skill? Get up and do it again until you can do it or find another way to do it.
49. Everybody is sick of your shit. Everybody, including you, is sick of your shit.
50. On the subject of Giving a Fuck: You either give too many fucks or you never have enough fucks to give. You need to practice, as the internet meme says, “moderate fuck distribution.” Ask yourself when you truly feel like you have zero fucks to give, are you completely out of fucks? Can you have a fuck debt, have a negative number of fucks? Or does something magical happen? Like a mint in the bottom of your purse, like loose change between seat cushions, like a potato chip under the fridge, there is always one more fuck to give. Like a free play token or an extra life in video game, one more fuck will magically appear. That one magical fuck will be dirty, hard, bitter, and broken, but it will be there when you need it. That one magical fuck can be saved or given as needed until you can replenish your regular supply of fucks.
BONUS CONTENT: I have more than 10 things to add to the list of 50 things.
Life is unpredictable. I don’t know if I’ll live another 10 years to continue the list, so I’m writing 10 Bonus Things. Everyone loves free bonus things!
51. “If I don’t do what my parents want, they will be mad at me.” WHAT? Did you just say the quiet part out loud? Every decision in your life is based on it! How can you be in the fifth decade of your life on this planet? Are you even an adult?
52. You can’t be needy if you don’t have needs. Meet your needs for yourself. No one else will. If there’s the slightest stink of neediness on you, people will abuse and reject you.
53. Don’t have expectations of others. Don’t engage in wishful thinking. Stop wanting people to demonstrate their feelings or care for you in the way you want. They won’t. It’s never going to happen. If you ask for what you want, then you are needy or attention-seeking. Accept what they offer as they give it, even if doesn’t meet your expectations, even if it’s nothing. That may be the only thing they can offer or the only way they know how to express it.
54. Most of being an adult is lying to everyone that everything is okay and that you are fine, when in reality your life is an unbearable mess, and you are not anywhere close to being okay.
55. Nothing you do is ever good enough for others. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. It never changes.
56. “Use it or lose it.” You refused to believe it until you quit using it and you lost it. You don’t need to look in the mirror to see it. How does your body feel? Get up, girl, and use it.
57. No one gets out of here alive. Prepare for your death. Don’t leave the burden of your funeral plans, estate, and debts to your family, friends, or strangers. If you worked on projects or created things with other people, include it in your will. Your legacy, and that of others, literally could be thrown away. If you don’t tell people what you want, they will get it wrong. Then you’ll have to come back and haunt the fuck out of those people.
58. There’s no escaping your past, especially with family. They remember everything. Every obnoxious thing you did as a teenager. Every time you freaked out. Every time you had a bad day. Every mistake you made. Every mental health breakdown. It doesn’t matter how hard you work to change and overcome your problems. You’ll always be that past worst version in their minds, and they’ll hold it against you forever.
59. Your family is never going to forgive you for getting a degree in English. It’s always going to come down to their misperception that you are nitpicking and correcting them when you’re not. They’re going to throw it in your face like a glass of ice water.
60. Remember the “Litany Against Fear” from Dune. You memorized it when you were 15 years old. It still works.
#50th birthday#gen x#generation x#things i wish i knew#advice to younger self#adulting#life advice#50 years old#memoir#autobiography
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i didn't expect the rats to start with gay sex
#also this book#is like#50 years old#i#can only assume this doesn't end well#the rats#i just started reading it finally#idk much about it i just heard it recommended
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Your’s truly meets a new friend at the beach while he waits for the desert to cool off.
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I 🖤 Real Hiphop 🎼💯
Happy 50th 🎂🎼Hiphop
#hip hop music#50 years old#soundcloud#billboard#vh1#Hard-core 70_80_90_200.#def jam#bad boy records#Ruthless_Record deathrowrecords#bet#hollywood#v mm#vintage#photography#black and white#east coast#west coast#north coast#south coast#african music#rap music#music video#spotify#apple music#youtube
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Baby Grogu!
#star wars#starwars#grogu#baby yoda#baby grogu#jedi#mandalorian#the mandalorian#themandalorian#disney+#cute#frogs#50 years old
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No, I don't care what you say, there is nothing that gives me such adrenaline or a greater amount of joy, then picking fights with random strangers on the Internet.
Like, I will fight for human rights against the worst muck of the earth with a smile on my face and giggling like the gremlin shit I am.
Not because I aim to win. Oh no.
I aim to piss you off so severely, that you either give up or just stop replying to me.
Trust me, you have not known joy until you've made a 50 year old Give up because you're "a menace to the society my grandfather fought and died to protect"
It's all I am to be, Kevin
#internet fight#internet#karen#50 years old#gremlin#chaos#giggling#smiling#debate#arguing#put me in coach#let me at em#im ready#tumblr#shit post#shitpost#hellsite
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I hear this all the time -- and it’s not true
True, standing/sitting/whatever for extended periods can cause exhaustion and injury, and if you don’t take care when they arise... your back will hurt. all. the. time. It sucks.
And True, you can get hurt badly enough it won’t go away.
But mostly? Back pain may seem inescapable, but it’s repairable. Take care of yourself. Do physical therapy. Commit to up front physical maintenance. It’s tedious and can take a while before you see results, especially if you’ve accumulated stacking injuries...
But! It’s actually straight forward, and less time consuming than being injured.
Don’t mistake being injured for “getting old”.
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EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt
#talk tag#IT KILLS ME. REIGEN IS NOT MOB'S DAD. HE HAS A DAD. INGO IS NOT AKARI'S DAD. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN ANYONE HEAR ME#(not even necessarily to say that ingo is in his late 20s but still)#(even if he was a 30-40-50 year old no matter how old he is no fucking teenager is gonna call some guy they met as a 15 year old ''dad'')#GAI IS NOT A FATHER FIGURE TO ROCK LEE HE WAS LIKE 13 WHEN HE WAS BORN! PLEASE!!!!!!!!#one time i saw that a person wrote a fic where mario was like a father figure to luigi.#they are TWIN BROTHERS.#not what this about but idk where else i can say anything about this.#just horrible#also sometimes someone is just An Older Friend like no familial relationship just a friend or acquaintance who is a lot older than you
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#ai generated#ai image#ai photo#ai photorealism#ai photography#ai portrait#ai man#ai model#ai male#male#male portrait#male face#male art#ai art community#50 years old#fifty years old
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every time a new SA allegation of a favored celeb arises, i'm reminded of the absolutely soul-crushing experience of the depp/heard trial in which i learned that dozens of ppl i loved + respected + trusted were also willing to engage in the basest form of misogyny if the woman Seemed Crazy Enough. there was a horrifying 2ish weeks on this website + much longer irl where i genuinely felt unsafe voicing my discomfort as i relived something eerily reminiscent of the aftermath of my own assaults playing out on screen, commented on by true crime youtubers like it was a red sox game.
it happens time + time again with every new allegation + it's truly the most agonizing + exhausting part of being a survivor. i am begging you all to consider that survivors are watching you engage with this stuff like theater + it erodes our trust in all of you + compounds our grief.
#one of the only things i still have blacklisted is depp/heard#the whole ~she's a borderline bitch who deserved whatever happened cuz she was the crazy one~#schtick is smth i never expected to have to watch play out on a public stage so much so that my 50 year old acquaintances would know of it#now every time it's a new Beloved Celeb i'm like i don't trust any of you fucking ppl
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Trying my best.
2024.08.12 | If you're confused, reflect on your self and work on improving yourself first. It will help equip you for the opportunities that will open up for you moving forward.
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completely normal family portrait
#just a 50 year old child#her rag doll gf#and her furry inlaw#dungeon meshi#farcille#yuri#dungeon meshi fanart#falin touden#marcille donato#labios touden#delicious in dungeon
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Michael Afton is so fucking old in FNAF..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#michael afton#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#security breach#you ever meet someone younger than you and it makes you turn to dust#this is what this comic is based off of that feeling#it’s just super funny and extreme in Michael’s case#cause he’s basically a zombie he doesn’t age normally#so perpetually looking like he’s in his 20s#but technically if Michael were ever able to meet vanesss in security breach era#he’s an old man dudes like 50 to 60 years old#which isn’t that crazy old but again he looks the same#so him hearing Vanessa wasn’t even born in the 90s#simply ages him rapidly kills him on the spot#he’s so relatable for this too I understand him
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