#50 Tropes till Winter: Shower of Angst

[hogwartstoalexandria]

Oh goody , prompts yeah 🙌🤗

Mortchreid and a shower of angst if you want 👉👈

Thank you ☺

Eeee! Thank you for the ask! I had a lot of fun writing this, as painful as it was, hope you enjoy it 💙

First work in my 50 Tropes till Winter series/challenge:

Ravens and Doves

2008w | G | Aaron Hotchner/Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid

Additional Tags:

Established Relationship, Polyamory, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Episode Related, Episode: s10e13 Nelson's Sparrow

Part 1 of 50 Tropes till Winter (Criminal Minds)

Summary:

"Grief is a most peculiar thing; we're so helpless in the face of it. It's like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver. But it opens a little less each time, and a little less; and one day we wonder what has become of it."

—Arthur Golden.

Post S10E13, Nelson's Sparrow; they are all grieving in their own way but when Spencer breaks down, they find strength in each other yet again.

Read here on AO3, or under the read more.

They're eating on the couch, Chinese takeout they've torn through in so little time Derek wishes he'd ordered a couple more things for later — he can see it from here, the way Aaron will get back up in a couple of hours, looking for a snack.

"We always do this," he says, putting his empty box and chopsticks on the coffee table as he sits back against the arm of the couch, looking at both of the men next to him. 

Aaron's only reaction is to look up from his box with an eyebrow barely raised. Spencer doesn't react at all. 

"Order just short of enough, being reasonable," he puts air-quotes on that last word, "and—" 

"Excuse me," Spencer cuts him off, getting up at the same time, letting his own box slip from his hand onto the table as he steps around Derek's legs and leaves the room. Aaron's full-on frowning now, and Derek knows he is, too. 

"What's with him?" He asks, thinking maybe Spencer talked to the other man at some point, maybe there was a conversation somewhere between the jet and the office, or between the parking-lot and home that he wasn't a part of. He sure didn't tell Derek what's been on his mind the last few days, why the dark circles under his eyes are back, why he's flinching away from their touch. He hates it, and Aaron's response does little to help that. 

"I don't know," Aaron whispers, and Derek believes him, the way he rubs his fingers together and the way his jaw works under his skin, he's seen it a hundred times, he knows what it means. They spend a moment just staring into each other's eyes, like they can share their thoughts, half-born ideas and concerns, just like that, without a word. They generally can, but they're both too worried it seems. Derek extends a hand on the couch between them, palm up right where Spencer sat too straight a moment before. 

"Let's go see if he'll talk to us, hm?" 

Aaron takes his hand and nods. When they get up, Derek steals a quick kiss, as much affection as reassurance. Aaron squeezes his hand just as Derek pushes his hair away from his forehead, and there they go, into the hallway and down to their bedroom. Another deep breath and Derek opens the door, unsure what they'll find behind it. He tells himself not to tense up like he does in the field, when they clear a residence or a warehouse. It's ridiculous, but it doesn't matter — it only takes a second to realize Spencer is not in bed, and another for Derek to finally register the sound of the shower running. 

Aaron drops his hand to go knock on the bathroom door, standing close enough that his foot bumps against the bottom of it. 

"Spencer?" 

Derek hates how worried he sounds, and not just because he feels the same but because if it were up to him, neither of the men he loves would ever feel this way— 

"Spence, are you okay?" Aaron tries again, and then when there's no response and he looks back at Derek, his frown deepening, he adds, louder, "Can we come in?" 

Aaron's expression is downright dark when a minute has passed and no response has come from inside the bathroom. He tries the door handle, and lets out an explosive sigh when it's of course locked. Their eyes meet again when Aaron knocks louder, and then stops all at once, pressing his back against the door and his palm to his face, rubbing roughly. 

"Do your thing?" He asks, biting his bottom lip in that way he does when he's sort of nervous, sort of self-conscious, but it's all overridden by how worried he is. Has to be if he's asking him to knock down doors inside their own apartment. 

"You sure?" Derek asks anyway, because he has to. He laughs an unhappy kind of chuckle when Aaron's only answer is to step away from the door, glaring at it like it's offended him personally. "Fine. Guess it'll give me something to do when we're not out on cases, huh?" 

The noise it makes, wood splintering as the frame cracks, bends and bursts, is deafening in the quiet of their home, the silence of their concern. Derek steadies the door before it can go and break the tile on the wall, and his eyes widen when he finally sees Spencer. He doesn't have a wise line left in him, not a trace of humor when he takes in the sight of his boyfriend folded over himself in the shower, naked boniness trembling as water pours over him, his wet hair hiding his face. 

Aaron's the first to move, all clothed that he is, past the clear half-wall of the shower and into it, under the jets he doesn't bother turning off as he kneels and takes Spencer in his arms. 

"What the hell?" Derek hears himself whispering. His hands are shaking, his shoulder smarts from pushing the door loose and all he can think about is how stupid it was to let Spencer come to them instead of making him talk. He doesn't stop to think that pressing Spencer never goes anywhere good, instead he gets behind Aaron in the shower, close enough that he can grab Spencer's cold fingers from where they rest on his knee. 

He's relieved yet devastated when the man doesn't even try to protest, say he's fine, ask them to respect his privacy — anything. Instead he cries into Aaron's neck and his fingers twitch between Derek's. 

"Let's get him out of here before you're soaked too," Derek says, because Aaron hasn't moved yet, and he doesn't want him getting sick on top of this. He turns off the water and gets busy finding towels and Spencer's robe. Then maneuvers with Aaron to pull their lover out of there. Spencer lets them. He curls into Derek's arms, shivering in the fluffy towel while Aaron gratefully takes the one Derek hands him and dries himself as best as he can too. He takes his sweater off, his shirt is passably dry. 

"Let's get you into bed, okay?" Derek kisses Spencer's cheek, glad for the way he doesn't shy away from eye contact even when what he sees there makes him shudder. Spencer looks lost, in more pain than he can possibly say and that's when it hits him — he's seen that look a few times before, too many times really, but the last time he did… Derek sucks in a breath and looks up to find Aaron frowning at them still, and he tells him, arms strong and ready for the way it makes Spencer's legs give out from under him — "Gideon." 

That's all he needs to say, Aaron's eyes widen and he curses under his breath but that's all they've ever needed. Explanations are no use, it's been six months since their former colleague, friend, mentor was killed. Six months during which they all tried to move on, get back to life before that horrible night. Doesn't mean any of them dealt with those feelings. They buried them, because that's what they do. 

They get Spencer laid out in the middle of the bed, his wet hair still sticking to his skin in odd places, soaking through the pillowcase. They lie down on either side of him, bracketing him with their arms and chests alike. When Derek feels like this, having them both around him always feels safe, warm, a solidity he doesn't have when he breaks down, but can find again in the men that make everything better, always. Derek doesn't know if they can make this better though, not when they feel the same ache inside them, when they too, felt the pain of losing someone who had such an impact on who they were then and who they are now. Someone who shaped them into the men and agents they grew to be under his watchful eye and his double-edged sword of a mind.

They stay like this for a long time. Long minutes that morph into an hour maybe, and during which Spencer cries and Derek is sure Aaron lets a few tears of his own roll down his face because he hides it all in Spencer's shoulder. Derek hasn't cried yet, he doesn't think he will, but he's glad these two get to let go in this moment. Finally. Where it's safe. Where no one is looking or taking notes. 

He lets his hand rub Spencer's side and Aaron's hip, back-and-forth with no distinct pattern to it. He just wants to be close to them, and when Aaron's hand closes around his, he stops moving altogether. Aaron's hand is cold, it always is, and that little fact is enough for Derek's heart to squeeze. He tightens his grip on it and looks beyond Spencer's shoulder to find Aaron watching him. He looks more peaceful than before, and that's confirmation enough that they all needed this. 

"What do you need, pretty boy?" Derek asks, a whisper of a question, "Think you can get some sleep if we stay here like this?" 

It takes a minute, and Derek spends it brushing his lips against Spencer's clammy skin, kissing the base of his skull and waiting. 

"I think I'd rather watch something," Spencer eventually replies, his voice hoarse and his eyes puffy when he looks back at Derek and Derek nods. He looks back at Aaron and smiles when he sees they had the same idea—

"Star Wars?" 

That makes Spencer smile a little, too. 

"With or without commentary?" 

"Are you kidding? That's half the fun, isn't it?" 

Aaron chuckles when Spencer looks back-and-forth between them and confirms, "Sure is." And then he adds, a mock-pensive look on his face, "Think we even have some Easter chocolate left somewhere." 

The prospect of chocolate and Spencer's favorite franchise to deconstruct seems to finally break the gravity of the moment, and when he sits up, Derek can't help but grab Aaron's chin and kiss him softly. Spencer watches them with an equally soft expression, and Derek kisses him too — he brushes Spencer's wild hair into a semi-tamed shape, smiling when Aaron's arms snake around Spencer's waist. 

"Let's go do that then," Derek drops one last kiss on both their mouths, emotion once again washing over him that he doesn't want to wallow in. He knows they know, but they go along and don't drag him back between them when he gets up a little too brusquely. "Movie night and candy, like a bunch of teenagers." 

He knows they got Spence back when he immediately fires back— "Chocolate acts as a natural antidepressant for a variety of reasons. The studies around it aren't uncontested but…" 

Derek doesn't hear the rest, he makes his way to the kitchen instead, grabs a bowl and pours every leftover bag of little Easter eggs they have in the cupboard, throws a pack of snickers bars on top and smiles. He's sure Aaron is listening intently as Spencer goes on a rant about sweets, a familiar one, one they've heard a million times as their boyfriend justifies his admittedly terrible diet. He takes another deep breath, grateful that they knew to give him just a little bit of space, and then finds them on the couch again, the remote in Spencer's hand and Aaron's socked feet on the coffee table. 

"Here you go," Derek hands Spence the bowl before sitting on Aaron's other side. He's sure he'll fall asleep on his shoulder soon enough, but for now he just laces their fingers and tries to keep his laughing silent as they start the movie and Spencer is already rambling. 

Grief is a monster they all know inside and out by now, both an intensely personal nightmare and a shared battle. Sometimes there's nothing to say or do, but be together, and that's one thing they can always find their way back to. 

[hogwartstoalexandria]

50 Tropes till Winter

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So, I made a thing. I am terrible at sticking to a prompt list but I figured, if I made it myself I might have a better chance at jump-starting inspiration with it. So here it is!

These are free for anyone to use if they speak to you! My personal plan is to try and write them all (probably a big Lol but we'll see!) between November 1 and December 21.

50-ish days, 50 tropes.

Most of them were taken from the TV Tropes website.

No rules whatsoever for using them, write, art, moodboard, whatever.

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I'll be writing Criminal Minds things and I would love it if some of you would send me combos of ship + prompt! The ships I will write are the following:

Hotchgan

Gotch

Hotchreid

Hotch/Rossi

Hotchniss

Dave/Erin

Dave/Erin/Hotch

Dave/Carolyn

Dave/Emily

Gotchgan

Mortchreid

Alex/Erin

Alex/Dave

Hotch/Emily/Dave

Hotchley

Hotch/Beth

Fair warning: a lot of my ideas turn out nsfw, so if that's not your thing, state so!

Text version of the prompts under the cut!

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A Birthday, Not a Break

Aborted Declaration of Love

Abusive Parents

Achey Scars

Anorgasmia

Feeling Blue

Blunt "Yes"

Breaking Out the Boss

Cannot unsee

Climactic Elevator Ride

Coms are still on

Cut Himself "Shaving"

Dancing Is Serious Business

Desk Sweep of Rage

Dramatic Sit-Down

Dramatically Missing the Point

Give Him a Normal Life

Grave-Marking Scene

Greeting Cards for Everything

Grew a Spine

"I Will Wait for You"

"It Gets Easier"

Learning to let go

Loss of Inhibitions

Lying in the Dirt Together

Memorial bedroom

Mundane Made Awesome

Photoshoot gone wrong

"Pick on Someone Your Own Size"

Poorly Timed Confession

Campfire Character Exploration

Punch a Wall

Sarcastic Clapping

Shower of Angst

"So You Were Saying...?"

Stranger in a Familiar Land

Missed Calls/Messages

"Take My Hand!"

Talking to the Dead

Afraid to Hold the Baby

"This Is My Side"

"You Called Me X, Must Be Serious"

"You Didn't Ask!"

"You!" Exclamation

"Sometimes I Hate You"

Something Only You Know

Brake Angrily

Takes Two To Tango

"I Didn't Know Where Else to Go"

Character Tics

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Let's have fun with these!