#5 seconds of swag

[papasmistakeria]

Father Dougal McGuire’s sermons must’ve been insane

[problem-queer-tournament]

Low-Empathy Swag Tournament: The Final Round

Only two remain...but as we all know, there can only be one.

Now, two competitors face each other.

On one corner, we have Kei Nagai from the anime Ajin: Demi Human.

On the other corner, we have Azula from the cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender.

Both are worthy competitors.

But there can only be one winner of the Low-Empathy Swag Tournament.

(y'all know the drill. the poll goes up tomorrow at 12 and runs for a week, or from the 9th to the 16th. may the best character win. :3)

[fagmaster69696969]

Would you like to do a smg4 shipping chart?

ofc!

im not rly someone who ships things and i had to add a guy but heres my general chart okay? yay.

if u want any explanations for x or y feel free 2 ask ok

also if anyone calls me proship for the smg3 and mr puzzles thing, know its in my mind palace featuring them and nothing else (they're more like exes rn anyway)

[chai-dye]

😭I'm god's bravest soldier I'm god's bravest soldier I'm god's bravest soldier I'm

[todayisafridaynight]

my fave initial reaction to masato people have will always be ‘ew’ because bestie i promise you it does not get better after this. this is his HIGHEST point considerably

[scoobydoozies]

i do love mayor jones' messy gay ass tho ❤️

[crest-of-gautier]

i am pleased to say that i have gotten to evp 999 on gone fission hydroplant for the first time! it took a lot of grinding and reflecting to get here, but it was such a fun rotation ✨

some thoughts under the cut....!

i think the best part of this grind was that i could start at EVP 300 rather than EVP 40. i say that, but i still spent a good 124 jobs getting there... whoops!

this wouldn't have been possible without getting the bronze and silver badges first, which i wrote about here! i still stand by what i said in this post about key traits in salmon run players.

i feel that the key to my success can be boiled down to being able to rotate around the map and not overlap with what my teammates are doing- leaning into weapon strengths, all while flexing to other things when things go unaddressed.

for anyone curious about how the journey went, i streamed some of it on twitch!

EVP 575 -> 695 (Day 1) | 1 hour and 56 minutes

EVP 695 -> 865 (Day 2) | 8 hours and 11 minutes

while i did peak at EVP 935 on that second stream- as you can see, i quickly fell off of it (and i think you can figure out why).

i could talk about what i liked about my gameplay as well as what i didn't do well, but i think the vods speak for itself (and i usually made some kind of comment at the end of each shift as to what mistakes i did or what i could've done differently).

but i think the most important reminder of this particular grind was how important it is to take breaks while playing. my push from evp 865 to evp 999 was all done off-stream, after i ate dinner, took a shower to decompress and release tension, etc etc!

this push ended up taking around an hour- and all of the shifts were successful (well, except one). i don't think i can stress enough how important it is to take a break away from the game while doing these pushes, because i performed way better that time around.

i think it is evident to anyone who watches the twitch vod that i start getting really fatigued near the end. my movements aren't as sharp; i'm very sluggish. and the way i talk about the game too, is evident of how tired i was.

i still wanted to give an earnest attempt at grinding because i thought that: "well, if i'm able to clear 333% when fatigued, imagine doing it when my sense are actually sharp!" i had 4-5 hours to spare after the stream, and i'm glad i chose to try again in a better state. it was nice to clear HLM for the first time on a regular rotation!

i also feel pretty well attuned to snatchers on this map too now, which is lovely! i did feel that was something i was weak at, previously, but now it's more of a habit for me now which is good! :3c

anyway! fun rotation. of the weapon loadout, i feel like i've got a lot to learn about the s-blast, especially with ink management (i noticed that i died a lot because i couldnt ink paths to move around...). e-liter, while a bit slow compared to splat charger, can be immensely powerful if you can aim well under pressure. sploosh and splattershot are gods and i dont think i need to elaborate on that.

this is a very positive note for me to end my chill season 2023 on- i'll probably only be playing the chargers only challenge + eggstra work before shifting completely into reload (though i may still hop on from time to time)... i think eggstra work will be a cakewalk after doing a bunch of 333% runs hehe 😎

[pebblezone]

Idk how welcome home has overrun literally all of my social media but I guess I welcome it

[chisatowo]

Dst farming is just farming happily with no worries in the world and then the horrors (carrotpocalypse)

[nillial]

i finished ethersea

mentally preparing to finish ethersea

[biinaberry]

Did I make an au just for a rarepair? Yes, but heres my idea of a shen twin au

In my version Shen Yuan transmigrates into the body of 5 yr old Shen Shi, twin of Shen Jiu. It is very important to note that in this au SJ and YQ refer to SY with "A-Shi" and "Xiao-Shi" respectively, and SY takes up the identity of Shen Shi. SY is also fully cognizant when he migrates so he has the complete thoughts of a 20~ yr old while in the body of a 5 yr old. This causes some major dysphoria and also anger at the helplessness of being in a body that does not fit him and also the fact that he has no social nor physical power because he is a child. He also views SJ and YQ as his little brothers even if he is actually the youngest physically.

He eventually is taken in my the Qiu family alongside his brother. It is when SJ starts to bond with Qiu Haitang that it finally pieces together that his brother is going to be SQQ and grieves for the events that he knows is going to happen to him. The building rage and anger at the helplessness of the situation culminates in Shen Yuan starting the massacre with SJ instantly jumping in and causing the majority of deaths. When SJ carries out the unconscious body of Qiu Haitang SY realizes the opportunity in front of him. He knows that she is going to be the kickstarter of his brother's downfall and in that moment grabs the nearest weapon, and with a heavy heart, kills her as SJ watches in shock. He turns to SJ telling him "You can't leave any witnesses, they always eventually spill" before both run off. I dont know what to do with the Wu Yanzi so I'm ignoring it for now. And im also unsure if he gets a system but we'll see.

Eventually they meet up with Yue Qi now Yue Qingyuan and the anger SJ has towards him. SY is also angry but its more so for SJ's sake than his own. The two of them become a part of Cang Qiong sect and while SJ is taken in by the Qing Jing peak, SY is taken in by the beast and flora peak (which I do not have named). They both become head disciples and later peak lords. SY also is able to clock that SQH is not the original version due to airplane saying a modern phrase and a friendship forms. SY is also the one to start biting and defending his brother when QQQ or LQG take potshots at him. It's while they are still disciples that SY meets Su Xiyan while hes on a mission and they worked together for a bit before SXY split. They continued to meet up until eventually a friendship formed and SY meets TLJ a "companion" of SXY. SY clocks who the two of them are goes to SQH to learn all he can about them and their future. SXY and TLJ eventually fall for each other and SY makes sure to prevent the palace master from finding out as long as he can. He also warns them about the palace master and to not trust any letters not hand delivered by SY as he will act as a middle person to make sure no one intercepts them. It is also during this time that SXY and TLJ both gain interest in SY. Neither can explain fully why but his autistic swag, photographic memory and ability to name drop paragraph long information in seconds intrigued them. They start courting him, shen yuan is of course oblivious. It is also important that SY introduced himself to TLJ and SXY with the name "Shen Yuan" so only the two of them refer to each other as such. He also clocks when SXY is pregnant and tells her as such when symptoms start to show and again, not to trust the palace master. By this time he is now a peak lord alongside his brother.

Eventually the old palace master finds out and instead of targeting TLJ, he first targets their lynch pin, shen yuan. He sends letters to SJ and YQY about SY being a traitor. Showing him being a demon sympathizer and hanging out sect secrets that actually SQH was leaking due to the system. SY is captures, a trial occurs and SY is charged as guilty with the punishment of execution, but YQY and SJ object. Since it was CQ secrets he was sharing they have the official say. So instead of execution they instead lock him up on the beast peak using talismans and sigils. He is not allowed to talk to anyone besides fellow peak lords and his head disciple. He cannot leave the peak without another peak lord monitoring him and this also applies when teaching. This lockdown completely breaks him as he lost trust with his family and the confinement dives him crazy as a peak lord he commonly left to document and work upon his bestiaries. This leaves him in a depressive state and constantly paranoid as he cant trust anyone. And No One has told him definitive news if SXY and TLJ are safe, SQH has confirmed that TLJ was not captured and helped SXY but he has no clue where they are now and if baby LBH is with them. As SY is confined on his mountain he stops caring about appearances and starts wasting away seen in image 3. I havent figured the rest out with LBH but he does become a part of cang qiong sect under Qing Jing, the abuse he faces stays the same. If he is raised with TLJ and SXY or by the washer woman I do not know yet. LBH hearing about the rumors of a monster on the beast peak heads out and comes face to face with SY who is delighted to see him but also horrified that about 14+ years have now passed. This pushes him a little out of his depressive episode because now he has a son to take care of and he can't waste away in front of him. He needs to act strong. He teaches LBH the best he can while contained and tells him about his parents. The two form a father son dynamic where both cant really escape the situation they are in but at least have each other for company. SY also holds onto LBH's jade pendant so it isnt lost. He also tells LBH that if he meets a demon named TLJ, to mention the name Shen Yuan.

While on a mission LBH meets up with TLJ and tells him that he's met SY and TLJ loses it (pos). He asks where he is as SXY and TLJ have been trying to find him with no success. He is told that hes on the beast peak in cang qiong and has been contained there for the last 16 years. TLJ then hatches a game plan to free him and the decide to use the immortal conference as a distraction. Most of the cultivation world will be at that conference so minimal security will be held at the sect. They use this to their advantage. TLJ strikes a deal with MBJ to cause a distraction to keep the cultivation world on the two of them even if alarms go off that SY is escaping. MBJ agrees to this as TLJ allows him to target any huan hua disciple he sees (they dont tell SXY this). While they cause a distraction by appearing on the 7th day of the conference, SXY sneaks into cang qiong peak and works on the talisman and sigils. This works and eventually she gets to SY he sees the bad shape he is in, but it was better than what LBH originally saw. The two of them start crying and SXY activates a 2 way communication artifact with TLJ telling him it was a success.

TLJ then turns to MBJ and MBJ teleports, appears in front of SXY and SY and teleports the two of them to the demon world. TLJ then turns to his son who's demon seal now broke and decides to do some father son bonding and the two both go into the eternal abyss together, as this is a tradition for heavenly demons. The two of them return after 1-2 years and have MBJ teleport them out rather than using Xin Mo.

[freakattack]

most and least divorced mario characters?

Love this question

MOST DIVORCED MARIO CHARACTERS

#1: Bowser & Peach

Now, Bowser has only married Peach for dark ritual purposes, which legally I think doesn't count. However, you can't deny that there is something distinctly divorced about their relationship. Bowser Jr. is extremely fond of both of them, idolizing his father and calling Peach "Mama" (even after he knows she did not give birth to him - another point for Divorced Bowser). Bowser obviously loves his kid, and Peach really has no quarrel with him either; nevertheless, the only time Junior ever sees them alone together is when they're fighting. "Your princess is in another castle", indeed.

#2: Donkey Kong Jr.

Donkey Kong Jr. is so goddamn divorced that we don't even know who his ex-wife is. She just fucked off to nowhere. Now he is a lonely balding accountant in New Donk City, but he is doing very well for himself, so good for him. Maybe one day he will be ready to jump back into the dating scene and find his second banana.

#3 Queen Jaydes & King Grambi

They have joint custody over Luvbi but unlike Bowser and Peach they are amicably separated so all that means for her is that she gets two birthdays.

Now...

LEAST DIVORCED MARIO CHARACTERS

#1: Yoshi

#2: Cranky & Wrinkly Kong

"Til death do we part" my ass. No force on earth or otherwise is going to keep these geezers from bickering over the TV remote. Forget OTP, this is the TP.

#3: 5-Volt

Sorry fellas, 5-Volt does NOT have single mom swag. Although she is the only one of 9-volt's parents with the honor of being playable, seasoned wario veterans will know that 9-volt has a loving firefighter dad whose choice of occupation (and presumably the physique that comes with it) only "fans the flames of love" for 5-volt, disappointing MILF-hunters everywhere. Go get your own, ugly.

[ana-bananya]

TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR RANIA'S PAYPAL CAMPAIGN

Current progress: £2,575/£35,000

Vetted by nabulsi

@ranibra71 had to open a new campaign on paypal when gofundme shut down the campaign she had there. She lost all the untransferred funds and has been struggling to regain them since.

Support has been painfully slow, and to make matters worse, paypal announced they will no longer allow people to create fundraisers on their platform. Raina has until January (just 3 months!) to raise the rest of her goal before she loses her fundraising platform for a second time!

The funds will be used to help Rania afford essentials, winter clothes for her 5 children, and medication for her husband's blood pressure and diabetes. Only about $9 has been raised in the past 5 days, and that is the first progress there has been in OVER A MONTH.

Iyad (@iyadsobhegaza) and Ruba (@rubashsblog) are two others who moved their campaign paypal and are now also facing the January deadline. You can read more about them in this post (which is also where I learned of paypal's new policy).

The currently have $14,035/$60,000. Please support them as well:

Tagging for reach (sorry for any inconvenience)

@neptunerings @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @acepumpkinpatrick @heritageposts @c-u-c-koo-4-40k @victoriawhimsey

[fictional-orphan-smackdown]

ROUND 3, MATCH 5!

All propaganda and what each competitor is from under the cut

Trafalgar D. Water Law (Once Piece)

Law is a genocide survivor who saw his parents' dead bodies along with experiencing a whole bunch of other messed up stuff (his sister burning to death, the people of his country being shot for being poisoned by their own government, being terminally ill, escaping the genocide by hiding under a pile of dead bodies, etc etc). After all this shit, he eventually got forcibly adopted by this one guy and dragged around the world looking for a cure for his illness. Right when Law started to trust and love his new caretaker, he is also brutally murdered in front of him. Law's life goal for the next decade is to get revenge on the person who killed his adoptive father. Vote for him bc he needs a goddamn win for once in his life. He is the people's princess and the narrative's favorite punching bag. Also, his depressed, PTSD-ridden autistic swag and scoliosis realness have captivated me body and soul

His biological parents were killed (before his eyes, by the governement) when he was 10(?). He then joined a bunch of pirates, knowing he wouldn't have much time (and will) left to live anyway. There he was sort of adopted by the Big Bad Pirate's brother, who managed to save his life, only for said brother to be killed (more or less before Law's eyes, by the Big Bad Pirate), when he was 13. You could say he was orphaned twice.

He’s literally got the double orphan special (Parents died and then the guy who took him in after them died too) that’s a 50% increase in orphannedness above your standard orphan. He’s also cool as fuck.

Law's parents were already on death row along with him and his younger sister due to a disease that shortens the life span of a person. The disease can only be passed down genetically and has afflicted everyone in the town that he has grown up in. Due to the sudden outbreak and unknown nature of the disease to the rest of the world panicked and the government closed off his city, killing everyone there. That is how his first set of parents died when he was 10, I think. Still then Law would later join a pirate crew where he would eventually be taken away 2-3 years later by Corazon, marine working undercover as a pirate in order to take down this brother, who is the captain of crew Law joined. Corazon took him in order to cure Law's disease which he still had and to get him away from Doflamingo, his brother. Over the course of 6 months the two became close with Corazon essentially becoming a father figure to Law. I am simplify this but at some point of Doflamingo catches on to Corazon being a double agent and finds him. Doflamingo then proceeds to find Corazon and shoot him in front of a chest that Law was hiding in.

Law has faced many hardships since he was a child, but used his experiences to become an extremely powerful doctor. His pirate crew theme and his Devil Fruit ability are all owed to his adoptive father. Law acts really gruff and serious most of the time, initially seeming like a cool, calculating character and feared swordsman… but one second around the Straw Hats and you quickly see just how silly he really is. He hates bread. He collects coins. He is obsessed with ninjas and superhero comic books. In one arc he just fucked around with his powers and INVENTED harpies and centaurs. Oh, and his First Mate is a polar bear. What could be better than that?

The government ordered to kill everyone in Law's country due to everyone getting "fantasy lead poisoning" disease, which was wrongfully thought to be contagious stroked. Law's family was living at the hospital when they got attacked, his parents (who were doctors) got killed and the hospital got set on fire with his little sister inside. He managed to fled the country hiding in a pile of corpses and ended up joining a pirate crew lead by Doflamingo. Law knew he had the disease and it was going to kill him in three years. Doflamingo's brother, Rosinante took Law hospital to hospital to find a cure but they always rejected him thinking the disease was contagious. Then they learned that someone had offered Doflamingo a devil fruit that could grant him immortality. The fruit could also cure Law so Rosinante stole it and made Law eat it. He then made sure Law could escape Doflamingo and got killed by his brother.

dude spent his childhood getting thrown out of windows, while dying from a deadly disease (that was eventually cured) but while he was still showing symptoms of the disease no one would go near him out of fear and disgust, save for his father figure.

nothing can ever go right for this man. its fucking hilarious in the series and makes for some wonderful angst content. i want everyone who has not watched or read One Piece to know that, for half of his 'main' arc, he's carried around like a potato sack by MULTIPLE people. he is a damsel in despair. he didn't even need to be carried, he honestly could've walked, but he had to save that energy so he could take the like 17 lead bullets out of him. he's always getting shot or thrown out a window and he's severely injured more often than not. he's also a doctor/surgeon, one that should be able to cure incurable diseases, yet his pathetic loserboy ass is too busy being emo to worry about the several gunshot wounds and internal bleeding. god help this man but also don't because honestly it's really fucking funny

Ok, FIRST, when he was a tiny frog-disecting little kid, him and his family and island contacted a disease equivalent to cancer BUT his fam didn't die from that. No, no, his parents got gunned down by the military and his little sis was burned alive with the rest of his house, so, yeah, very traumatic, horrific in a way that makes you very angry at yourself and life and want to oh I don't know, kill everyone and everything possible until the day you die, which won't be long because you have cancer after all. Later, after joining a mafia/cult/gang, Law meets Corazon who after like 2 years kidnaps him to try and get him healed and so they spend the next 6 months bonding, WEEEEEE!! Wait, no, NOT weeee because Cora who is now his father-figure DIES having protected and saved him, and thus bruv becomes orphaned not once, not thrice, but TWO very traumatic times! If this isn't an orphan, idk what is……

Anthony Lockwood (Lockwood and Co)

Lockwood (he's known by his surname mostly) is the mysterious, daredevil and charming founder of Lockwood and Co., a detective agency specialised in protecting people from angry -and sometimes sort of hungry- ghosts in a world where they're rampant. His agency is starting small despite Lockwood bragging it's the best in London but get more and more recognition as the series progress and the agents composing them meet success (when they're not on the verge of dying). Lockwood has open manners but hid his painful past from his coworkers to protect himself. He and George, the first teenager he recruited, are quite stunned by Lucy, a country girl who fled to London after disaster striked in her hometown. Thanks to her talent, she quickly becomes known as one of the best ghost fighter in London and finds her place in the small team despite having the same determination to hide her past than Lockwood, which draws him close to her, making George jealous, but Lockwood's manifest good skills in leadership and the three of them become fast friends while unravelling secret truths and risking their lives repeatedly

He has a lot of trauma and a lot of pain but he always smiles and always has a warm and polite attitude; he’s so protective of the ones he loves that it overrides his suicidal tendencies; at the end of the series he starts to heal from his past; he’s hot but has only two braincells.

[frosted-woods]

i haven't read anything in 3 months. there are like 5 books i should be reading for uni. at least 10 things i said i'd draw first. my headphones refuse to work. my graphic tablet pen seems like it's going to die any second. i can't go to bed at humane hours. i think i ended up a little frustrated and with this guy all over my canvas??

oh and happy ace week. that's so swag.

[liesmyth]

locked tomb characters ranked by how cringe they are

because this post by @wifegideonnav reminded me that they’re all losers, but some are even more losers than the others

Hot Sauce: 1/10. This girl is cool in all possible ways and definitely future lead researcher material. No cringe, zero notes.

Pyrrha: 2/10. By far the least cringe of The Olds. Yes her nicknames for Nona have dad joke energy but she’s very earnest about it and it’s cute.

Juno Zeta: 2/10. Total MILF. Very smart and should know better than to get flirty with We Suffer, but I get it.

Marta Dyas: 3/10. A complete badass with a very sensible outlook on avoiding unnecessary forms. Call me Judith because I would also make a pass at her at the first possible chance.

Commander Wake: 3/10. She made Pyrrha fall in love with her, seduced ever-loyal G1deon into hatefucking and galvanized a dying resistance movement. She was genuinely nice to Gideon those 3 seconds they interacted in passing! Then she had to go and hide under the bed of a mentally ill teenager.

Dulcinea: 4/10. Her horniness for revenge is epic. Let down Pal as nicely as she could and managed to outwit Cytherea when it mattered. Not cringe at all.

Camilla: 4/10. Yes, she could kill you in seconds but she did once sell cigarettes, her most liquid asset, for about a third of their market value.

Alecto: 4/10. Scary eldritch woman-shaped creature with a sword, comes highly recommended by Pyrrha Dve. Loses points for confusing Middle English and thinking John was the best possible Sailor Earth when he was clearly the worst.

G1deon: 5/10. Utterly willing to burn for what he believes in. Yes, he probably needs some perspective but he made sure the baby had enough air before kicking Wake out of the airlock and Matthias Nonius thinks he’s an okay dude.

Pash: 5/10. She has that freedom fighter swag and the cool hair but she is a terrible bodyguard coasting on nepotism, sorry to say.

Palamedes: 6/10. He didn’t clock the serial killer pretending to be his ex because he was too busy going to painfully extreme lengths to avoid interacting with her.

Naberius: 6/10. My controversial opinion is that Babs is the least cringe of the Third House throuple. Yes he looks and acts like a peacock but he puts up with Corona snacking on him for no reason and is still nice to her, and gives Ianthe solid romantic advice.  

Nona: 6/10. Cringe in the unselfconscious way of a young teenager, and put this ability to use making Pal fess up to his nurse kink. She will never be cool but it’s part of her appeal.

Mercymorn: 7/10. Speaks in onomatopoeias. She knows she is insufferable so she’s gonna do her best to make sure to be the most insufferable person in every room. Once called John Gaius “the best man I who ever lived” to his smug face and not even blowing him up later makes up for that.

Ianthe: 7/10. Looks like a wet rat. Hopelessly dramatic but she pulls it off. Declares her love for Harrow at every turn in the most transparent possible way then pretends she’s just being snarky. Some cool points for actually getting shit done

Coronabeth: 7/10. Terrible taste in love interests. Her freedom fighter era was hot but she thinks pompadour hair is a good look? Also, the way she spent her whole life lying about necromancy speaks of extreme conflict avoidance. Cringe move.

Judith: 7/10. She deserved to suffer and has suffered more than she deserves. It’s cringe how she clings to her imperialist brainwashing but she gets a point for rightfully understanding she should be wary of Corona, something Ianthe still can’t even grasp.

Ortus: 7/10. Yes he quotes his own epic poetry WIP at people but he also had to grow up on the Ninth with nothing better to do. Genuinely a very nice guy.

Cytherea: 8/10. Her unhinged vibes are very hot but she killed a couple of nerds and two teenagers instead of anyone who was actually dangerous. Cringe of her!

Silas: 8/10. Smarmy cloud-looking motherfucker. He is a child Pope and I guess he can’t help the inherent cringe of the Eight. But that’s still no excuse for bringing a portrait of John all the way to Canaan House just to hang it in your bedroom, dude.

Gideon: 8/10. Babygirl is a horny virgin with the vocabulary of a nerd. Harrow is bones over tit in love with her and she fails to notice after living in Harrow’s brain for eight months. Gets points for managing to maintain impressive biceps on a diet with no protein.

Augustine: 9/10. Extremely cringe because of how hard he tries to pretend he’s not cringe. Cigarettes on a space station and effectively performing swag don’t make up for how much he clearly wants to suck John’s dick. Which he did at least twice.

Harrow: 10/10. Spent most of her life being mean to Gideon because she was too hot to deal with and lobotomized a coffee shop AU into existence. Thinks Ianthe Tridentarius is beautiful. Once built a bone cocoon to sleep in after not drinking water for two days. Should’ve told God months ago that she just didn’t want to eat his fucking biscuits and stop offering.

John: 10/10. Unfortunately, this scale only goes up to 10 but we all know it’s not enough. Deeply cringe in a myriad of ways, chiefly among them the way he inflicts his barely veiled incest kink on all his friends. That one dad joke was gold, though.

This was getting too long but for the record: Aiglamene is cool and so is Abigail Pent. Magnus is not cool but he’s a fun time. The Terrible Teens are exempt from judgement on account of being 14.