#5 ish inches is gonna be great ok

[peachdues]

Assuming this is inches, I think some of y’all don’t realize what >5 inches looks like

so we all know of the Towel Levi figure, yea?

yea uhmmm… if my math is right on this then

that is about how big his dick is,,,, that’s all,,,,,

(i found the uncensored pic off of Twitter but i didn’t want my post flagged so you’re gonna have to go there to find it)

[whimsyfinny]

He’s a Winchester

Chapter 5

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: It's been a long time since (Y/n) and Dean's paths have crossed. Last time they saw each other it was ‘98 and they were young and living in the moment. Nine years down the Line, their paths cross again, but (Y/n)s longest kept secret is about to become Deans reality.

Slow burn (ish), mom!reader

Warnings: language, alcohol, lots of feelings, small angst, bullying, reader being a victim

Chapter Word Count: 6639

MDNI 18+

A/N: sorry this took so long! Life has been a lot aha. I kinda feel like I’ve rambled on with this one, so I’m sorry about that… I also feel like this was kinda a filler chapter? Idk, I’m sorry if this one isn’t as exciting… Either way, I hope you like it! As always, it's only proofread by moi, so let me know of any errors. Also feedback is greatly appreciated!

A/N2: GUYS IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING but PLEEEEASE provide your age if you want to be added to the taglist and it isn’t in your blog. This story is tame now but it’s gonna get spicy, and my blog is strictly 18+. So pleeeeease save be a very long job and help a gal out.

Photos from Pinterest

New Readers Start Here: Chapter 1

Previous Chapter: Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Sunday mornings were the only time we could get away with being lazy. I would crawl out of bed at around eight o’clock - compared to my normal six o’clock - and shuffle downstairs in my pyjamas in search of coffee whilst Levi was either still sleeping or playing Guitar Hero on the PS2, quietly by himself. On this particular Sunday morning, however, I did indeed venture downstairs at just gone eight, and instead of finding one young boy playing video games by himself, I was greeted with the sight of him battling it out with his uncle whilst his dad sat and watched, critiquing his techniques. I padded in quietly, pulling my long soft cardigan around me further as I tried my best to watch on unseen, enjoying this moment just as much as they were and unwilling to pop their happy bubble. I watched for a few minutes, seeing how Sam didn't go easy on Levi just because he was a kid, and how Dean couldn't seem to take his eyes off his son who was entirely immersed in the game, a soft smile taking up permanent residence on his lips. Dean turned his head slightly and caught sight of me in the archway, that soft smile evolving into a pulse quickening grin. He stood quickly, striding over to me with those plaid pyjama pants distractingly low on his hips.

“G’mornin’ sweetheart, you sleep ok?” He was now a few inches away and smelt like coffee and warm linen - it was the sort of scent that wrapped around me and drew me in with an almost dangerous nature.

“Like the dead,” I grinned, looking up at him, “though I'm not surprised after all those beers and our 1AM bedtime. You're a bad influence Winchester,” I poked his chest and had to fight back a groan when I felt how frustratingly firm his muscles were beneath his grey henley. Instead of vocalising my ‘annoyance’, I bit my lip, which in its own way I suppose was worse. Worse, because now those mossy green eyes were looking at my mouth, their gaze lingering before looking back up to my eyes.

“What can I say except I had a good time? It was nice catching up like that. It was like…”

“Like we’d gone back to a simpler time?���

“Like we'd never been apart.” 

Those words held a sudden weight to them that thumped deep in my chest.

“Yeah,” I said quietly, my eyes not leaving him, “I know what you mean”.

We both seemed caught up for a moment, silent and unmoving - just watching each other. He seemed totally steady, save for the deep inhale he took when I held his gaze just a little too long. He cleared his throat, breaking the trance that seemed too quick to have ever even existed in the first place.

“Coffee?” He asked, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder towards the kitchen.

“Coffee sounds great,” I smiled, glancing over to Sam and Levi who'd still failed to notice my arrival.

Dean and I paced leisurely to the kitchen where I was pleasantly surprised to see a pot of coffee already brewed, just waiting to be poured. Dean reached into the overhead cupboard, already learning where things were and selected two mugs. Pouring the hot liquid into both of them before handing me one, we both leant against the counter as I relished the warmth seeping through the ceramic and into my fingertips.

“You know,” I took a sip, humming in satisfaction, “I could get used to this,” my words felt dangerous the moment they slipped from my lips, a part of me kicking myself for vocalising such internal thoughts. Deans eyes widened almost fast enough for me to miss before his gaze returned to normal, his lips parting slightly as his mug paused on the elevation to his mouth. But once that half a second was over, it was like the fleeting surprise never happened. He simply hummed in agreement, his eyes soft and warm.

“Did you sleep ok?” I said quickly, taking the attention away from my earlier slip of words. He grinned with a nod.

“You have no idea how nice it is to sleep somewhere that's not musty and dusty and a possible crime scene from back in the eighties.” I grinned much like he did, my mind suddenly filling with images of brown and orange decor, unwashed bedsheets and spiders who might as well pay rent because they’ve been there so long.

“Well I can assure you that you're safe from all of that here - though no promises on the eighties crime scene, I have no idea who lived in this house back then.”

Deans grin turned more self assured as he raised an eyebrow at me.

“You don't think the equipment I brought would've made a noise if there was something here that went bump in the night?”

“Equipment?” I almost snorted, “you mean the EMF thing that you made on ‘pimp my Walkman’?”

Dean practically clutched his pearls.

“How dare you - that thing is a work of art. Blood, sweat and tears went into that masterpiece,” by the end of his sentence he was grinning again, almost like he knew he was talking out of his ass.

“Uh huh. Sure thing baby.”

Shit.

Deans lips twitch upwards as the intensity of his gaze sparks up something hot before quickly dying out, his posture straightening as he lifts his mug to his mouth again. I kick myself a second time for letting the term of endearment roll off my tongue. I’d never had this issue before - accidentally calling people nicknames or anything of the sort. I’d dated guys who had perfectly reasonable names that I always remembered to call them. Yet Dean… he stood here, in my kitchen after almost a decade and somehow still managed to turn my brain to butter. It was hard to describe, as surely I couldn’t still feel that way for someone who I’d been parted from for so long with not a whisper of their name from anyone's lips but my own. I no longer knew him. Nine years of time and life and experiences will have sculpted Dean and everything that I knew him to be into a totally different person…wouldn’t it? Hell, maybe he’s even got a girlfriend somewhere out there who's waiting for him to return to her, but he’s just been too nice to mention it. That, or I’ve been too selfishly wrapped up in things that used to be us to even think of asking. Perhaps the mushy consistency of my brain was simply another symptom of some so-called ‘muscle memory’, as my current behaviour was always how I’d been around him. Flirty. Playful. Infatuated. Perhaps I simply didn’t know how else to act; how to be normal in his presence because I knew he’s seen every inch of me, both physically and philosophically. He’d seen my ugly days yet he’d still kissed away the turmoil without so much as a second thought. Maybe, just maybe, I needed to reel myself back in - take myself back to before we were star crossed lovers. Before the memories were made and our hearts beat to the same tune. Back when we were just two people who would laugh and joke and stay up late. Perhaps that would make this all easier.

“There’s that name again,” Deans low drawl snapped me from my internal debate, an unreadable expression dawning on his features.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I just- I don’t think my mouth and brain are working together anymore,” I sighed, fighting to keep some sliver of amusement in my voice. 

“Oh yeah?” a smirk appeared on Deans face, that playful glint returning to his eye as he chewed his bottom lip as though having an internal debate of his own. Who knows what side won, but I’m sure some form of sleep depravity was involved with his next few words: “I remember a time when your mouth didn’t need your brain and it worked just fine on its own.” If his aim here was to make me flustered, he’d sure as hell succeeded as heat bloomed across my cheeks and my mouthful of coffee was spat back into my cup with a splutter.

“Dean!”

He released an almost wicked laugh, clearly pleased with himself for my reaction. If he was going to be making comments like that on a regular basis, it was going to prove extremely difficult for ‘operation: we’re just friends’ to be in full effect. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I’ll stop,” his words were softer yet the edge of amusement was still present.

I scowled at him with as much venom as a fucking wetwipe, my own amused grin straining at my lips.

“You better,” I jabbed a finger into his chest before placing my half empty coffee mug on the counter, turning away from him to rummage through the kitchen cupboards. I turned back around a moment later and thrust four bowls in his hands along with four spoons and two large cereal boxes.

“Put these on the table before you say anything else that might cause me to choke on my coffee.”

I watched a choking innuendo pass right before his eyes yet he bit his tongue and pursed his lips, taking a moment before his eyebrows rose slightly.

“Were you always this bossy?”

“I’m not bossy, I just have a child who needs to be fed. Now, table,” I pointed to the items in his arms before pointing to their designated destination.

“You could at least say ‘please’,” his tone was growing taunting and it drew a sigh from my chest.

“Fine. Can you put those things on the table, please.”

“Hmm… I don’t feel like you meant that, it felt a little… I don't know… hostile?” The grin was now in full effect.

“DEAN.”

“Ok! I’m going!” he turned and did as I asked, finally setting the table for all four of us. 

Breakfast passed by with so much ease it was as though we’d done it every day of our lives. Sam and Levi continued to talk about Guitar Hero whilst Dean listened, chipping in the classic rock trivia where he could. The whole time, I just sat, listened and watched, absorbing everything about this moment in time and doing whatever I could to make this a core memory. I breathed in, telling myself to remember the smell of sugar and coffee in the air, along with the new and unfamiliar masculine undertone of cologne and old leather. I looked around, watching how the golden morning light made their hair and skin glow in shades of amber and white, the small dust particles in the air illuminated like fireflies. The sound of their animated chatter was soft, creating a serene ambiance that was as pleasant on the ears as notes from a music box. Everything about this moment was all I’d dreamt of; from the fully occupied breakfast table to the relaxed atmosphere, and the cherry on the cake was knowing that these men were family. Levis family. He had a dad and an uncle who wanted to cherish him and spend time with him, to make him feel so important and loved that it made up for nearly nine years of absence. I know, deep, deep down that part of this was from them feeling guilty - Dean more so than Sam - yet that was only a small part. Their love and affection for him stemmed from something real and it was so easy to see, so fucking clear on their faces, that it made me want to cry. And that feeling was so fucking strong that I had to excuse myself from the table and freshen up in the bathroom, barely able to utter a word to them as I stepped away.

After taking five and splashing some water on my face I emerged from the bathroom and headed back downstairs. Sam and Levi were back in front of the playstation, this time playing Need for Speed, and Dean remained at the table, another coffee between his palms as he leant forwards, staring into the liquid. He must’ve heard me coming as he looked up with a slightly concerned expression. 

“You ok?” he asked.

“Yeah,” my voice didn’t come out as level as I’d hoped, so I diverted the conversation. “I thought that’d be you over there playing Need for Speed. How come you’re over here glaring at your coffee?”

“Ahh, we’ve been up for a while and I spent about an hour on Guitar Hero with Levi before you came down. Plus…” the small smile on his lips that appeared when he looked over at his son was now directed towards me, “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Uh oh, I hate it when sentences start like that.”

“No, it’s nothing bad. I just…uhhh… well, last night when we were talking, you said something that I can’t stop thinking about,” despite his calm expression, his knuckles were starting to turn white around his cup.

“I said a lot of things last night, Dean, you’re going to ha-”

“Let me take you out.”

“What?” 

“Let me take you out,” he repeated, but this time softer and slower, “you said last night that you never get to go out for drinks anymore and that you’ve had some pretty shit dates,” we both grimaced slightly at the thought of that. “ Well… I’m here. Let me take you out. Levi is at a sleepover tonight so you have nothing to worry about where he’s concerned,” he took a deep breath and reached across the table to place his hand, warm and large, over mine. “Let me do something nice for you, like you deserve.” There was a pause as silence settled between us for a moment. He wanted to take me out. Like, a date, or just as old friends, or as co-parents…? I had no idea what his angle was on this. Did he want to have sex? Was that it? Was he just trying to get his dick wet? Old Dean would occasionally pull those tricks with me, though they were usually few and far between, but would the new Dean do that? Was it even a low bar thing to do? Maybe it’s a pity date, and he’s only taking me out because I’ve been so incapable of being able to replace him with someone who is better - who probably doesn’t even exist - that he’s now just feeling sorry for me. Why, oh why the ever living fuck am I even over analysing this? Dean wanted to take me for drinks so why should I care what his motive is. This is a fucking opportunity for me to relax and let loose a little. To not be mom for a few hours. To be me. And why should I care if he wants to fuck me? I should be flattered, right? That he possibly still finds me attractive? And I can’t deny that it’s been a while since I’ve had half decent sex - or any sex at all for this matter. 

“Yes,” I blurted, perhaps a little aggressively. 

“Yes?” he smiles again, that easy, contagious smile, “you’ll let me take you on a date?”

“So it is a date?” I couldn’t help but mirror his grin, adding my own amused tone.

“Wasn’t that obvious?”

“Well, no, you said you’d ‘take me out’. That could mean anything. You could’ve meant with a fucking gun.”

Dean erupted into laughter, shaking his head. That laugh. I remember likening it to a favourite song that was so easy to put on repeat. It was addictive.

“Ok, so I’m not taking you out with a gun. I’m taking you out on a date. Have I dumbed it down enough for ya’ know?”

“If you were any clearer you’d be transparent,” I said, my tone bordering on mocking. 

“Great, well, me and Sammy have a few loose ends to tie up from this case we’re on, so we need to head out soon. We’ll be back by the evening though, soooo…. Be ready for six?”

I nodded eagerly, watching as he stood from the table. The sight of him in the henley - plaid bottoms combo makes me want to have a cozy day indoors, watching nothing but scary movies and scarfing down popcorn and cookie dough. The sigh I heave from my lungs was totally involuntary. 

“Yeah,” I smile, “six is perfect.”

Kat and Toby arrived at the house around noon. Whilst the boys race upstairs to get on with God-knows-what, Kat strides in with a knowing smirk when she clocks the duffle bags that are clearly not mine beside the couch, along with the lingering aroma that's distinctly masculine intertwining with the pumpkin spice from my scented candles. As I studied her face for all but a few seconds, I braced myself for the flurry of questions that I knew were buzzing around her mind.

“Sooooo…” her tone was already amused as she flopped down onto the couch. “Anything you need to tell me?”

“What? Who do you think I am?” I scoff at her words, yet my pulse quickens at the thought of telling her about my plans for tonight. 

“I think you're a woman still in love with her childhood sweetheart and that he's already sweeping you off your feet.”

“I am not still in love with him. I can't possibly be in love with someone I've not seen for almost a decade.”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Bitch, don't ‘mmm hmm’ me. I'm not in love with Dean.”

“Would you fuck him?”

“God yes.”

“So you're keeping him around for the possibility of good dick?”

I threw myself down beside her on the couch, pulling a throw cushion into my lap.

“No, that is so not true. I can't believe you'd think me so shallow,” I held my hand to my chest in mock devastation. She hummed again.

“Didn't you do that to what's-his-face?”

“Who?”

“The guy you dated about a year ago, drove around in that Mustang?”

“Oh shit yeah! I think his name was Chad? Or maybe Brad…? Ok yeah, I did kinda keep him around for his dick… and his car. That car was awesome.”

“You shallow, shallow bitch.”

I threw the cushion which hit her square in the face, likely leaving a print of her lipstick behind on the soft fabric.

“But that was just some dude that was only with me so he could fucking tick ‘banged a milf’ off his bucket list. This is Dean I'm talking about. He's… well… he's Dean. And he's not here for me. He's here for Levi. Don't blame a man for wanting to stick around when he's just found out he's got a kid,” I gave her a look that said ‘I fucking love you but please can we drop this now’, and she did, one final hum moving past her lips. We stared at each other for a moment, her expression one of a studious nature and mine one of feigned innocence. This woman could read me like a book, and I both simultaneously loved and hated it. I loved it, because when something went wrong, and quite often in my life things did, she just knew. She knew to be at mine that same evening with a bottle of red and a bucket of popcorn, pyjamas on and the boys asleep upstairs. This woman had slept in my bed more times than any man as we continued to have sleepovers like teenagers well into our twenties. Alcoholic sleepovers. Yet I hated how she read me like a book, because like right now, if I was in denial about anything or for some absurd reason trying to keep a secret, she would just know. She was like a fucking mind reader. I chuckled inwardly at the thought of that being true. Maybe Dean should scan her with his Walkman and freak her out. Maybe then she'd get off my case about me still being in love with him. I'm not in love with him. 

“You still aren't telling me something,” her voice was even, the amusement fading slightly as she stared at me, waiting for me to stop beating around the bush. Under the heat of her stare I caved, sighing and slumping even further into the soft cushions behind me.

“He's taking me out…on a date.”

“I FUCKING knew it!”

“What?! How would you know that?!” I almost jumped as she flew forward in her seat, the gleam back in her eyes as she grinned like the Cheshire Cat.

“I didn't know that exactly, but bitch I knew you were hiding something juicy!”

“It's not juicy! It's casual - just drinks. I’m gonna wear jeans.”

“Oh yeah, because flaunting the curvature of ones ass makes it casual…”

“Aren’t you here to collect my kid or something?” I launch into my last resort to end this hellish interrogation - which involved kicking her out.

“Babes you can kick me out of your house but you can’t ignore this,” she stood slowly, her ‘all-knowing’ expression un-faltering. 

“Kat, it’s only day two of him being here! You are getting way ahead of yourself,” I stood with her, shaking my head. 

“Two days plus the whole freakin’ year you were dating. That man is not a stranger to you. Hell, you’ve probably had that coc-”

“THANK YOU, Kat! I love you, you are the yin to my fucking yang but please for the love of CHRIST - shut up!”

Her expression finally cracked and she practically cackled at my discomfort, making her way to the stairs to get the boys.

“Bitch, if I don’t get details about tonight then -”

“Ok I’ll tell you! But seriously, don’t read into it too much, it’s just drinks.”

She strutted to the bottom of the stairs before ascending, calling over her shoulder; “Sure, whatever you say honey!”

It took longer than I'd have hoped, but Kat eventually left with the boys for the remainder of the day. As soon as they'd left the building, it was like I could breathe again - like the house could breathe again. It was a rare occasion for me to have the place to myself for five minutes, let alone a whole twenty four hours. It was like I could finally hear my own thoughts again after the busy breakfast and Kat's dire interrogation. The silence was bliss. It was pure bliss as I made myself a coffee and settled comfortably on the couch, taking a moment to myself. It was blissful right up until my own thoughts started banging at the door in the back of my mind. Thoughts about Dean, and his motives and my motives. Suddenly my relaxing afternoon to myself was quickly becoming a caged-in trap for my internal thoughts to run wild, the drums of possibilities sounding in the far reaches of my brain, beating faster and faster the closer they drew. Almost as quickly as I'd sat down, I jumped up and headed to the store cupboard under the stairs. One thing that could distract me was cleaning, so that's exactly what I was going to do. 

I blitzed the house from top to bottom, hoovering, mopping, cleaning mirrors and windows, dusting and evening folding the pile of laundry that was starting to become part of the furniture. Much to my dismay, that only took up two hours of my time, so I was left with the only other task that I hate more than folding hundreds of small human sized pieces of fabric. Grocery shopping. 

After a manic stock take of the fridge, cupboards and pantry, I made a list, grabbed my bag, threw on my jacket and headed out.

I'd been shopping around the small town convenience store for around twenty minutes, browsing the aisles and throwing everything - plus some extras - from my list into the aggravatingly wonky trolley. I hated grocery shopping with a passion - the constant beeping from the checkouts, the passive aggressive road rage between trolley users, and the dozens of obscenely slow browsers frustrated me beyond belief. I was normally able to push it to a big haul every two weeks, but with the prospect of Sam and Dean staying a while, it was a safe bet to fill the house to the brim with snacks and meals alike. With the lifestyle that those two lived, I can't imagine that they're overly fussy eaters, and I have a hunch that Dean still loves turkey dinosaurs.

The cereal aisle wasn't supposed to be an eventful place - deciding between Cookie Crisp and Cinnamon Squares should be the highlight of this venture. However as my luck would have it, it became eventful.

“Oh hi! (Y/n)!”

I looked up from my crumpled list and was greeted with three faces that I recognised but not to the point of acquaintanceship.

“Uhh, hi? Can I help you?” 

“I just wanted to say that it's so great to finally see that Levi's father is around. It's just so important, isn't it? For a boy to have that male role model,” the first woman spoke; her peroxide blonde hair looked so overbleached it may as well have been straw on her head, and it almost distracted me from her painfully patronising voice.

“Excuse me? Do I know you?” My voice started to take on a defensive edge as my palms immediately grew sweaty, this situation already making me uncomfortable. 

She laughed, looking over at her friend's like I'd asked some stupid fucking question. 

“Our son's go to the same school - you should really know this.”

“Well, if our sons aren't friends, then why would I need to?” 

She took a deep breath. 

“I just think it's funny how someone like you managed to get someone like… what's his name… Dean? Isn't he a little out of your league?”

My pulse thrummed as my frustration grew with the sudden, unsolicited and blatant attack. How the fuck did they know Deans name? Someone must've overheard us at Jolenes'... or maybe at the track? And what the fuck did she mean by ‘out of my league’? If she was insinuating what I thought she was, then she's going to need to head over to the fucking freezer aisle real freaking soon.

“Excuse me?” 

She smirked, knowing she was sinking her plastic fucking talons into my skin already.

“Oh I think you heard me. Does Dean know? That you trapped him? When you got pregnant on purpose at nineteen?”

My blood began to boil as I white knuckled the handle of the trolley to stop myself from punching her square between the eyes.

“Fuck you; I didn't ‘trap him’. Is that really what you cliquey bitches think?” I was equal parts furious and heartbroken. Furious, because how fucking dare they assume that just because Dean is a God tier DILf that I fooled him into getting me pregnant all those years ago. And heartbroken because, well, is that really what the people in this town thought of me? If these women thought that, then who's to say half the town don't think the same? Or maybe more - maybe it's the whole freaking town with Kat being the only exception, and I've been living so cocooned in my own bubble that it never even occurred to me. But Dean has barely even been here a day, so I can’t exactly blame myself for being so wrapped up in my own life with everything going on. How can people form such strong opinions so quickly when they don’t even know the whole story? My story with Dean. Not theirs. They’ve somehow managed to put two and two together to come up with negative fucking ten, and I’ll be damned if I let them drag our names through the mud.

“Oh honey, we know that you tricked him. A man like that, with that face and physique would never have chosen you willingly, right? I mean, you really don’t look his type.”

“Oh, and you do? Because you know Dean so well?”

“That’s enough!” We were caught off guard by the oldest of the three, a woman perhaps in her fifties, snapping in a clipped tone. “Michelle, that’s quite enough, you’re taking this too far now. And you,” she turned to me with a stern gaze, “that man looks like trouble. We don’t like those sorts around here; you tell him to behave himself.” My anger and frustration was quickly melting into straight up irritation.

“Look, lady-”

“Karen.”

“Sure, ok… look, Deans a grown ass man, he can do whatever the fuck he likes - he’s here on a job. I’m not telling him to do shit.”

“Language! Such a foul mouth-”

“Is he single?” our heads quickly snapped to the third woman of the group - younger than the other two but still a little older than myself. She was a near double of the blonde from the hair to the clothes to the claws, yet she seemed to lack the spite.

“What?” yet another question that caught me off guard. What the fuck is wrong with these women?

“Dean, is he single? I mean, I’ve not seen him, but from how you describe him, he seems hot,” she twirled a lock of hair around her finger like a school girl despite likely being in her thirties.

“Hannah you’re married,” Karen chimed in with obvious disgust. 

That was it, the last fucking straw. I’d had enough of the ambush from three women that I barely even knew. I adjusted my grip on the trolley and quickly planned my escape route, spotting an opening in the crowd to the side. I gritted my teeth and steeled my gaze, the bitter taste of disgust, fury, and disappointment coating my tongue as I all but spat my words.

“This has been a riveting conversation, truely, but I’m leaving. Now,” and with that I hastily left them behind, finishing my shopping with the dark cloud of judgement looming over me. 

The urge to cry hot, angry tears in the car on the ride home was a battle I didn't want to fight. The intensity of the emotions brewing in the pit of my stomach and bubbling into my chest was so strong, so consuming that I didn't even realise I was pulling into my own driveway, having completed the short journey on what I like to call ‘blackout autopilot’. One tear was shed over the shitshow, and in my opinion, that was one tear too many. I was annoyed at myself with having let it get to me so much, knowing I'd grown thicker skin than this. It wasn't the first time I'd been confronted, like a fucking black sheep in a blindingly white flock, yet for some reason, this got to me. At this point, I was drained from even thinking about it, so I grabbed the groceries, making several trips to get them all in the house, put away the fridge and freezer items and left the rest on the counter to deal with later. Right now, I needed a large glass of wine and something to distract myself with. So I decided on the only thing I had going for me at this point in time.

Time to pick an outfit for tonight.

My bedroom was a modest size and the king-size bed practically consumed the room. I had a large, sliding mirrored-door wardrobe that was built into the structure of the room which I flung open and started to rummage through as soon as I made it upstairs.

I'd told myself - and Kat - that it was casual. Dean had implied it, so this shouldn't be too hard to find something nice to wear.

Wrong.

I must've spent the best part of an hour trying on dozens of different tops with my only pair of ‘nice’ jeans - those ones that hugged my ass and thighs just right. I tried long sleeves, short sleeves, chiffon, cotton, satin, opaque, obscenely translucent, bright, monochrome and in all honesty, I felt inadequate in every single one. I'd never really been one to feel overly self conscious of how I looked, but for some absurd reason, this date with Dean was making me flustered. It had me worried that he wouldn’t like how I looked, especially since I’d had Levi and my body had changed in a way that he didn’t know just yet. 

Just yet. 

I cursed myself slightly, shaking that idea from my head. Yes, I’ve had plenty of time to try and get myself back to normal, but some things just weren't the same anymore, and probably never would be. I hated the fact that I was even stressed about this. The safest option was to just go for something comfortable, so I donned a stretchy, low-cut and long sleeved black top and slid on a pair of black closed-toe heels before sitting down at my dresser. 

I’d just opened my makeup bag when I heard the door downstairs open and close, quickly followed by the oddly comforting sounds of Sam and Deans voices floating through the house and up the stairs. I turned to myself in the mirror, sighing at the tired looking woman staring back at me. Get your shit together, (Y/n), Dean is taking you on a date. I grasped my over-sharpened eyeliner pencil that was likely no longer than an inch in length and got to work. I suddenly flinched and nearly poked myself in the eye when Dean appeared in my bedroom doorway.

“Jesus, Dean! You scared the crap out of me - I didn’t even hear you come up the stairs.”

He grinned slightly as he leant against the wooden frame, large arms crossing over his chest. 

“Sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to…” his voice trailed off and I could feel his eyes on me, as though he was searching for something. A few moments went by in silence, and right as I was about to turn to him, he spoke.

“Hey, are you ok?” His voice was dangerously soft, and concerned in a way that could easily have me weeping in his arms. Because of the shitty afternoon I’d had, I feel like it wouldn’t take much kindness from him to have me crumble - no matter how much I’d hate myself for it afterwards. Instead, I pushed everything down as best as I could and turned to him with a weak smile.

“Yeah, I’m ok. I’ve had a bit of a weird, shitty afternoon but I won’t ruin your evening with it.” At my words he pulled a face, his own words quickly following.

“It’s your evening. And if there’s something eating at you, you know you can talk to me. Just like you used to,” his smile was back, warm and comforting and like a balm over a burn. I looked back at myself in the mirror for a moment, debating if it was even worth talking about. If it was anyone but Dean, I wouldn’t hesitate to keep this to myself. But it was Dean, and I hated to say it, but he was always good at dealing with me when I was like this in the past. I turned to him and let his calming presence seep into my bones, desperately trying to take it on myself.

“Ok,” I said quietly, “I’ll tell you at the bar. But I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, and I don’t want to talk about it all evening,” He nodded.

“Whatever you need sweetheart,” he stood up straight and said something about getting ready himself before he left the room, leaving me to finish up before finally heading downstairs. 

It was roughly another fifteen minutes before I made my way down; Dean already waiting for me in the archway to the kitchen. He looked up as he heard me coming, eyes brightening when he grinned at me.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” his voice was smooth and deep, a flirtatious undertone rumbling in his chest. 

“Not so bad yourself Winchester,” I walked up to stand in front of him, almost toe-to-toe. I looked him over, taking in the black shirt he wore, untucked and paired his jeans. The boots and brown leather jacket remained the same, yet I could see the damp patches on both from where he’d scrubbed either mud or blood from the fabric - perhaps both. It wouldn’t be the first time. I took a deep breath, my pulse quickening as his scent filled my senses. 

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked, removing a hand from his pocket and let it hang awkwardly at his side. I shook my head. 

“Not yet, I sometimes forget to eat when Levi isn’t around.” Dean shot me a look that could have been both concerned or protective.

“Ok, well I’m taking you for dinner too then.”

“What? No Dean, you really don’t have t-”

“Don’t argue with me sweetheart, I'm fucking feeding you,” his tone was final, leaving no room for negotiation so I sighed in defeat. 

“Fine, but we’re not going anywhere expensive.”

His smirk widened across his face as he continued to look down at me, finally placing that awkwardly hanging hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the door. He shouted a ‘goodbye’ to Sam over his shoulder and, without really waiting for a reply, he ushered me out of the house and towards the car, locking up behind us. I walked up to the black vehicle, the excitement starting to bubble at the thought of going for a ride in her again after all this time. As Dean walked up to me, he opened the passenger side door, letting me hop in first. I took my seat, quickly dumping my bag and jacket in the footwell so I could softly run my fingertips over the perfectly maintained leather seats, noticing how not a thing had changed - not even the box of cassettes on the back seat. As Dean slid into the drivers seat, his expression something akin to pride, he couldn’t help but comment on my reaction to being back in the impala.

“I bet you missed Baby more than you missed me,” he joked, turning the key and letting the engine roar into life. I bit my lip, leaning back in my seat.

“I missed you both equally,” the humorous tone came easily, my earlier worries already started to feel insignificant as they slipped away with every tick of the engine.

“Equally?” he echoed, feigning hurt, “you don’t even prefer me just a little bit more?”

I pretended to ponder intently, holding a finger to my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest. An obnoxious string of ‘hmmms’ slipped through my lips before I saw him roll his eyes, still grinning.

“Yeah, I guess I do. Especially since you're taking me on a date,” my own words made my heart flutter and luckily he'd moved his gaze from me to the road as he pulled out of my drive. My face felt warm and I cursed at myself for being so easily affected by him already, entranced by the way those long fingers wrapped around the steering wheel and the muscles in his jaw flexed under the glow of the passing street lamps. I couldn't deny that he was still painfully attractive, even after all this time. If I was being honest with myself, he was making it incredibly difficult to concentrate on much else right now. If drinks were soon to be involved, there was a very high chance of me making a total ass of myself in front of him.

Tonight was likely going to be one to remember.

Taglist: @suckitands33 @jackles010378 @megara0224 @libby99hb @roseblue373 @hobby27 @calibootsgirl @lyarr24 @autistic-gothic @wattpaduser200 @spndeanwinchesterlvr @mxtansy @magssteenkamp @redmaro86 @slut-for-evans-stan @spookyysinsanity @localjisung @king-of-milf-lovers @xshortputax @jerksbitch @multifandoms-saidwhat @deans-baby-momma @writersxxx @rox2008 @jeysbae @ladykitana90 @proudbisexual @ladysparkles78 @elenasalvatore1 @bxtchboy69 @saemiau @lilithlunastark @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @riah1606 @impala67rollingthroughtown @berryblues46 @aylacavebear @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @whichwitchwanda @pillowjj @iloveyou2mia @kamisobsessed @bonbonnie88

[gryndboxstudios]

Ghost Ship Review

by Matthew Arce-Phillips

First things first, what the actual fuck?!? The movie didn’t really make a lot of sense, but I think that’s a good thing? Try and hear me out. This movie’s first scene is both amazing a stupid at the same time. I’m gonna spoil this scene because I don’t think director understood how height or angles works. And also because the movie came out in 2002 and if you haven’t seen it yet then you probably aren’t gonna watch it. Unless my words persuade you, then that would be awesome! Anyways, the first scene attempts to give us or first glimpse of how scary this movie is gonna get, spoiler, it doesn’t get much scarier than this. In a nutshell this is what happens.. We see a little girl playing with some toy, bored topside of the boat and then someone who is assumed to be the captain, asks her to dance with everyone else. There’s at least 30 people dancing on what looks like a tiny dance floor on top of the ship “Antonia Graza” and everyone is having a grand ‘ole time. Next we see a mysterious hand pull some kind of lever that then begins to reel in a metal wire that so happens to enclosing the dance floor. The tension of the wire finally breaks and, BAM the wire slices everyone on the dance floor in half! The scene is both fills with gore and suspense. At first all the dancers are shocked and no one reacts, but of course how could they? Then, one by one their bodies begin to spilt in half horizontally and we see the true chaos of the trap. Intestines, limbs, and blood fill every inch of the floor! There’s even people trying to put themselves back together! It’s a truly imaginative sight to see and I give whoever came up with that idea huge props. But then we see the little girl completely unscathed by the incident, but the captain that was dancing with her was somehow cut by the wire directly between his mouth and cheeks and we watch the top portion of his head slide off with ease. Now, I’ve watched this scene 5 times over and over, paused, then play, zoomed in, and got figure out how this little girl survived and the captain lost his head and not his body! I looked at all the other bisected bodies that surrounded them and saw no heads decapitated anywhere! I get it, she needed to be able to walk away for plot or whatever, but how are you gonna tell me that they both were in the middle of the dance floor and didn’t get cut in half?? And then to show the captain being the only one to literally loose his head??? I’m not good at math, but none of that shit adds up. 

Regardless of this confusing as hell scene, the movie the picks up 40 years later and introduces us to the “Arctic Warrior” crew, a sea salvaging team in the middle of hauling some rust bucket of a boat to port. Murphy the capitan, Epps the first mate, Greer the guy who steers the boat, Santos our Hispanic mechanic with a love of low riders, and finally Dodge and Munder the two handy men of the crew pretty much. The movie tries to emphasize how truly great this crew is at doing their job by making the boat they’re pulling start sinking and quickly fix the hole as if it was second nature to them. Alright, cool, we got it. But another weird thing, I couldn’t tell if the captain had a Irish accent or not. His name was Murphy, kinda Irish, but he talked so low in most of the scenes it just sounded like he was trying hard to make the accent but couldn’t really pull it off.  Finally we get some story as to what the movie is gonna be about. Some scrawny looking guy named Jack Ferriman approaches the crew as they’re drinking, enjoying themselves and explains that he found an unknown ship out in the Bering Sea and convinces them to find the boat, bring it back to port, and get rich. Simple enough right? After sometime the crew finds the ship and realize it’s the “Anontia Graza”! The ship from the beginning of the movie, who would’ve expected that! After some exploring around the ship one of the crew members falls through the floor and everyone scrambled to pull him up! The girl that’s barely hanging on to his dumbass sees a little girl in the background and freaks out. From here on out she sees the girl in different areas of the boat and the movie kinda shifts into a thriller of sorts. Like I mentioned before, the movie isn’t really scary. Like, at all. There’s a bit more gore-ish parts here and there, but nothing that screams BOO to your face. As they explore the boat a little more things start getting bad for the crew. They realize the cruise ship needs some repairs before bring it to port and the tug boat they arrived in needs repairs as well. Epps falls into an empty pool, hits her head at the bottom and somehow manages to spill a tiny bit of blood from the 6 foot drop. But does not have a concussion at all... oh ok. The blood is then sucked into some bullet holes and I’m assuming this awakens the spirits? At least that’s way it seems. Because from here the other ghost start acting on the crew. After a few scares Epps and Ferriman find a vault full of golden bricks which they all think this is their ticket to easy street, so they all say fuck it a decide to take the gold home instead of the boat. Semi good choice. We see Santos and Greer making some progress on repairing the boat as the other prepare to move the gold from boat to boat. But, just as Santos has finally fixed the problem, some ghost or what have you opens a gas valve dispensing it in the air. As Greer turns the key the boat fucking explodes destroying the boat, killing Santos, and stranding the remaining crew to the “Antonia Graza”. I’m gonna give a quick rundown of events only because the ending gets bad then good then bad again. So, Murphy who was a recovering alcoholic runs to the captains quarters to snag a drink while the rest of the crew argues on what to do next. Obviously, fix the boat and try to make it home. Greer come with the idea to make a raft with is just fucking stupid. Dodge is mad at Ferriman for showing them the boat, Munder doesn’t seem to care about anything but the money, and Epps is just trying to keep everyone together. In the captains quarters Murphy sees the dead captain and finds some photos showing how the gold got on board of the cruise ship in the first place... along with a picture showing a mysterious man that freaks out Murphy. Greer gets seduced by an Italian singer ghost that tricks him into plunging down an elevator shaft and lands onto some broken rebar. Murphy racing to find the crew starts to hallucinate images of the new crispy Santos and believes Epps is trying to kill him. Ferriman knocks out Murphy and they all put him in some tube thingy waiting for him to sober up.  The rest of the crew then begin to fix up boat, starting with patching a giant hole in the side then pump out the water the has flooded the lower half of the boat. Epps finds Greer then the ghost girl from earlier leads her back to the little girls room and explains what really happened that night. And it’s a bunch of bullshit that’s what happened! Pretty much, some of the crew start poisoning passengers, murdering them with guns in an attempt to steal the gold. It’s a bunch of back stabbing as the crew eventually turn on themselves leaving just the Italian singer who we find out was manipulated by........ JACK FUCKING FERRIMAN!!!!! Get it? Ferriman? Ferry man? I’ll explain in a bit. Anywho, Epps runs to free Murphy who has now drowned in the tube thingy, but somehow he carried that picture with him and it’s reviled the picture is of Ferriman. She scrambled to warn the rest of the crew that Ferriman is some ghost or something but is stopped by him. He doesn’t know she knows just yet. Oh yeah, Munder dies getting sucked up into a gear and gets torn to pieces. Dodge is put in charge of watching Ferriman, Ferriman tried to escape, Dodge shoots him. Epps finds Munder’s corpse by the water pump. Now it’s finally shown that Epps knows Ferriman was on the ship 40 years ago and asks for an explanation. Now here is one of my biggest problems with the movie and why I felt the need to explain everything fucking thing in this movie. Jack explains that he works someone “downstairs” and that he collects souls to make them happy. This is his job because he has lived a life full of sin. Pfft, who hasn’t buddy. Now is where I explain the Ferriman shit. In Greek Mythology Charon is the Ferry man that carries newly dead souls across the Rivers styx. But, In Jacks explanation he makes it seems like he works for Satan himself. Seriously, what the fuck? How are they gonna try to combine two different religions and expect everyone to except that? I just could t believe it when I heard it. That explanation was just terrible... After this, Epps defeats Ferriman, the souls are freed, and she drifts out into open sea only to be picked up by another cruise liner. Back on shore she’s loaded up into an ambulance and she watches the crew of a cruise ship load luggage on board and among the crew members is fucking Jack Ferriman in the flesh. Of course, the circle continues. I know it seems like I’m complaining a lot but I actually did enjoy this movie. It wasn’t super terrible but not super good either. When looking into this movie I read that originally the movie was going to be a physiological thriller called Chimera, but for reasons unknown the script underwent tons of rewrites and became Ghost Ship. I remember hearing about his movie when I was a kid and thinking it was dumb, but of course only because I was too scared to actually watch it. Now that I think back to it I’m glad I never watched it. I probably would shit myself in the first 30 minutes. Oh yeah, I hated scary movies as a kid. It’s definitely a movie that has not aged well at all. The cgi and backdrops are pretty bad looking. But when you see the open waters it’s beautiful, that I don’t mind. Personally I’d probably watch this movie one more time if I ever needed time to kill or was just bored. It held my attention the first time really well, but I’m not sure about a second. I give Ghost Ship 6 bacon and cheese Whataburgers outta 10. I ate one while watching the movie and I also ate while writing this review.

Movies by Matt is the newest part of GBStudios’ team, looking to provide entertaining and informational reviews on all our favorite movies. You can follow @movies_matt and Gryndbox Studios on Twitter!

[britishchick09]

danger force double livewatch!

today we’re doing a special livewatch... a double feature! i’ve been looking everywhere for ‘test friends’ and ‘lil dynomite’, which were taken down by dailymotion for a while. now that i’ve finally found them, it’s time to see what i’ve been missing!

first up is ‘test friends’!

oh no why is ray angry

WHY CAN’T BOSE FEEL HIS ARMS

is this an intricate training thing?

bose: ‘orphan sock!!!’ OMG NOOO!!

OMG the socks exploded!!!!!

wowza what awesome laundry! :D

hey this is the clip i watched on the henry danger force youtube!!! :D

YAS!!! :D

chapa: “harmony check!” all: “in tuuuune!!!!!” :D

what cute poses! :D

oh no they have 7 POSES???

miles thought captain man would ‘just be there’ lol :D

think is the forbidden ‘t’ word *LOUD GASP!*

captain man: “ts” the kids: ??? captain man: “the same” the kids are me when my friends say internet slang

miles said ‘chicken tendies’ ^_^

schwoz: “great group of kids!” captain man: “too bad i can’t trust them...” schwoz: *le GASP*

oh no captain man’s gonna prove that the kids are untrustworthy DID YOU SEE RAYA AND THE LAST DRAGON

speaking of that awesome movie captain man’s acting a lot like raya...

captain man’s spying on them! :o

even swellview academy has surprise tests!

ray’s putting the answers on his podium... ;)

he’s talking like a fancy guy and chapa’s like ‘why are you talking like a book” lol :D

NO MIKA!!!!

mika: “no!!!” ray: “yesssss.....” ray WHY YOU SO SNEAKY

bose: “this answer key is tearing us apart!” you’re tearing me apart, answer key!

aaand he literally tears it apart! nice bose! :D

schwoz wants ray to let go but all ray does is want to make the tests harder... WHY ART THOU A MAN OF SILLY PROPORTIONS RAY MANCHESTER???

wait did silly man just say ‘man ladder’

the intro is at 7:30! how long that is! :o

i love how ray tells them to shut up lol :D

a cute bird house! :D

ray said ‘talketh’ coolio :D

oh no... TRUST FALL!!!!!!

bose saved him with levitation and the other kids grabbed pillows! how sweet :)

mika: “obvi” how ts of you mika!

ray wants to test them... WHEN THEY”RE ALONE >:)

bose is being prank called by ray aka ‘bose of the future’ AND OF COURSE HE’S GONNA FALL FOR IT HE’S BOSE!!!!

oh bose just said ‘wrong number’! how very mature of him!

YAAAAS RAYAAAAA!!!!!!!!! :D

ray’s prank for miles was luring him to ice cream while mika gets a speech review? ok...

CHAPA HAS TO USE AOL BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T HAVE A PHONE OMG

no miles found the ice cream.... AND HE’S TEMPTED!!

ray: ‘in the future, ray turns evil!” monsty reference? :o

ray: “destroy ray... no matter how good looking he is!” lol :D

miles went for carrots! :o

aww bose ‘loves ray too much’ :)

ray: “e before i except in july! amen!” ha ha :D

MIKA SCREAMED INTO THE ESSAY LOL!!!

the swellview version of instagram is swellgram :D

schwoz says ‘way’ like ‘vay’ and i love it :D

awww!!!! :D

oh bose believed ray!

schwoz spilled the beans! :o

OH NO THE LAUNDRY LEVEL IS AT 1000!!!

the baby goat bleating is so cute! ^_^

the vid went to an ad just as schwoz said ‘manche-’ and i thought he was about to say ‘manchild’ lol :D

mika: “i passed!” miles: “we all passed!” goat: “MEHHHH!!!!!!!!!” :D

oh no are the kids gonna do something bad :o

OMG miles just called ray ‘rayman esther manchester’ OHHH!!!!!!! :o

ray wanted them to eat a scorpion WHY RAY

miles teleported to ray and instantly went back lol :D

goat: “buhh jerry!” OMG IT TALKED!!!

ice cream party! :D

schwoz: “it’s a real milestone” eyyy ;D

schwoz says it all the time lol :D

ray’s been gone FOR A WEEK????

they all think it’s a prank but what if it’s real?

IT’S BEEN ANOTHER WEEK WHY

bose: ‘he’s taken this fake desert test really far” i don’t think it’s fake bose...

OMG RAY NO

why does he look like al from quantum leap but crazy af

THE KIDS TURNED HIM OFF

and they got to do the supes illustrated shoot all on their own!

WAIT DID CHAPA SAY THEY WERE IN PHOENIX???? :o

ray BUSTED!!!!

oh no is chapa sending the prank pic she deleted

dan schneider who lol :D

last but not least is ‘lil dynomite’!

omg there’s smoke everywhere!

and a treasurechest monster? :o

awww mika’s locker is her only personal space :/

she wants ray to put the monster in miles locker lol :D

the monster wants to eat swans ew :/

bose said the ‘mangenda’

ooh they said the title of the ep!

awww lil dynomite is cute!

he says ‘hello sir!’ :D

he’s ‘4 feet 10 inches of-’ neverending joy and smiles?

a country duo is signing a song called ‘almond milk’

66 DOLLARS A TICKET WTF

‘life size board game night? gayle from bob’s burgers wants your number ray...

ray during game night: “did i ever tell you the last time i saw my father?” ...ok :/

country lady: “there’s some flashbacks at table 5″ lol :D

they’re called court and courtney! :D

chapa: “almond milk feeds my soul!” YAS!

mika: “who would miss almond milk?” lady: “it’s funny you’re missing almond milk right now!” OHHHHH

OMG THE OTHER LADY SAID ‘BEAUTIFUL WIFE’!!!! :D

lady: “we have another song for you. it’s called..” her and other lady: ‘SHUT YOUR MOUTH’!!” lol :D

ray: “anybody hungy?” lol :D

ray: “you love my manflaps!” THAT PANCAKE NAME SOUNDS DISGUSTING OUT OF CONTEXT

OMG LIL DYNOMITE IS THE 5TH MEMBER

AND THEY KEEP SAYING ‘MANFLAPS’!!!!

he looks like a smol henry... :o

chapa said ‘booty hurt’ lol :D

why is the chest monster still there?

OMG CAPTAIN MAN ASKED THAT MUST AS I TYPED IT! :o

lil d stole bose’s mangenda job! :o

CAPTAIN MAN CALLED BRAINSTORM ‘BRAINBENDER’ NOOO :o

lil d reminds me of speedy alka seltzer with his ‘gee whiz!’ attitude

NO LIL D HAS MIKA’S LOCKER!!!!

miles *screaming*: “YOU MONSTER!!!!!!” you tell him miles!

the news people are back!

captain man and lil d played a non-copyrighted cover of ‘blinding light’ lol :D

lil d is making hair gel WITH CONDORS NO >:(

bose: “oh where is my brain?” it’s in a storm EYYY :D

lil d emphasizes ‘captain MAN’ and it’s so weird

the chest monster is singing lol :D

OMG HOMER SIMPSON BROKE THE NUCLEAR REACTOR

mika: ‘how did you get hired here?” nuclear lady: “i slammed the interview!!!”

it’s MELTY NOOO!!!!!

lil d: “wish me luck mans and sirs!” gee whiz what a quote!

HOLY FRICK WAS HE MELTED????

geez that’s rough!!! :o

chapa: “poor little guy... he just wanted to help” aww they care about him :(

captain man: “that better be awol!” awol: “i’m sorry what” captain man: “NOOOOO!!!!!!” AND HE BROKE THE LAST CONDOR EGG EVER NOOOOO!!!!!

chest monster: “never would’ve happened if you brought the chest monster along!” chapa: “SHUT UP CHEST MONSTER!’ yeah!

RAY WAS GONNA ADOPT LIL D :o

chapa’s trying to hit ray but she keeps hitting lil d HE GONNA DIE

why did the chest monster say “get wrecked” :(

ooh schwoz hologram

awww schwoz built the healing suit to give him powers!

OH CRAP LIL D DED!!!

captain man was gonna feed lil d to the chest monster :o

OH CRAP U DED C MAN!!!!!

HOLY FRICK

awww the kids are defending captain man!

AND LIL D JUST CALLED HIM A MANCHILD! :o

wait captain man has daddy issues

THEY’RE ALL SCREAMING

NO LIL D NO!!!!

GO DANGER FORCE!!! :D

ray right after lil d and awol teleport away: “...we still doing movie night?” lol :D

those were the new(ish) danger force eps! i-

*record scratch*

wait...

THERE’S MORE!!! you thought this was just a double livewatch? i’ve sneakily turned it into a TRIPLE livewatch! this has been a lot of fun so we’re watching the other ep i missed out on!

the final ep of this forcetastic livewatch is ...‘monsty’!

double bubble toil trouble... :)

mika walks in screaming “WHERE’S MY MEAT???” just go to wendy’s!

mika is wearing captain man’s clothes because she did a bad thing! :o

ooh thunder!

spongebob who?

chapa: “you go to your dentist once a month?” lol :D

bose: “33 months? that’s like a hundred years!” miles *softly*: “buddy...”

mika: *breaks a glass* MIKA’S BROKEN A GLASS MIKA’S BROKEN A GLASS! (paul would be proud!)

is this what she’s freaked out about?

lol :D

bose: “WE LUV YOU DANNY CHEEEESST!!!!” double lol :D

there’s a ‘struggle for candy equality’

bose: “what’s a jury duty?” captain man: “when you turn 18- like i did a couple years ago” more like a billion couple years ago! :D

did mika go to jury duty to make up for the glass?

ray thinks left handed people cheat on taxes why

HE MEMED THE MEME!!!!!

and he thinks all people have 2 first names lol

WOAH mika was gonna CLONE ray???? :o

a tongue is god’s napkin

THUNDER STRIKE!!!

omg TINY RAY!!!!!

chapa: “is there a tiny ray shooting a blaster?” ray: “there’s an old ray doing that but that’s another story for another week” great fourth wall reference! ...and possible ‘gnight everybody?’

oh no she cloned ray THE SCARY WAY???

mika: “this is where the story starts to get weird” chapa: “starts to?” lol :D

OMG IT RAYENSTEIN!!!! :O

so that’s monsty!

monsty peed everywhere ew :(

twins! :D

also that’s monsty’s pee bucket double ew :(

chest monster was teleported away! rip chestie

bose keeps calling ray ‘sir’ is that like lil d?

i wonder if that’s a real phone number...

danny chest: “now we have... 100 dollars in pledges” ...oh :/

chapa called him ‘danny boi’ lol :D

DANNY’S THREATENING TO LAUNCH THE GANG AWAY

captain man: “surprise villain! classic!”

they were locked up and captain man said it was a classic!

jennifer lawrence donated 10 thousand! :D

launching off of mountains only ‘hurts for a second’ according to ray

WHO JUST GOT A PEE BUCKET HEAD :o

mika: “captain man wants us to say cool stuff before we use our powers!” how very sailor moon of you ray!

mika called bose ‘honey’ lol :D

CHAPA WANTS HIM TO LIFT THE ANVIL

miles wants monsty to help!!! :D

why is there dramatic music playing in the monsty teleport flashback

awww :D

awwww!!!!!! :D

HE’S IN THE DUNGEON WITH CHEST MONSTER

YAS CHEST MONSTER!!!

bose dropped the anvil on captain man WHY

chapa to mika: “SCREAM GIRL!!!!” YAS! :D

omg DUST :o

mika: “monsty’s coming through that door right now!” monsty: *doesn’t come through that door* awk-ward....

HE BROKE THROUGH THE DOOR YAS!!!! :D

danny hit monsty NOOOO :o

mika: “can you zap monsty?” chapa: “i can, but that’s mean” mika: “i know, but-” chapa: “i’ll still do it tho” lol

YAS MONSTY HIT DANNY WITH THE ANVIL!!!! :D

oh no is monsty gonna accidentally launch them

captain man go YEET!

monsty: “rut roh!” *wah wah wah wahhhh...*

how fancy!

captain: “time to distribute the employee of the month award to someone who has had great courage and sacrifice... mika can you get out of the way please” lol :D

aww monsty is the employee of the month!

AND MIKA IS PROUD!!!! :D

and schwoz did jury duty :) *wah wah wah wahhhh!!!!*

that was a great trio of eps! it was fun getting back to danger force and i can’t wait to see what will happen in the next eps! :D

[cosmosogler]

today i got up soooort of on time. then i got distracted by the internet!!! so i was 2 minutes late for class. the air was chilly today though so the bike ride over to campus was gucci. perfect weather.

i took furious notes in both classical and quantum. classical today was “graded” by a professor who left the comments portion of the lecture very open-ended. we weren’t really sure what to say. i ended up kind of dominating the conversation even though i didn’t really want to.

gotta keep my trap shut!

after that we went to get spaghetti. i missed it, even though we only skipped one week. suzanne asked why i talk to my parents. that got me down a pretty dark lane of conversation. i tried to focus on how i wish i had a closer relationship with my siblings... but i’m still so angry. all the time.

eventually harrison said something like “we need to pick a different awkward topic before my day gets ruined.” 

and i said “OH. i’m sorry my life ruins your day.” 

i was mostly joking. he apologized but we did change the topic to “awkward topics.” 

then i went to group therapy. i had to fill out a survey beforehand. i thought about how i was feeling the last week or two. i only really started feeling like i had any energy at all yesterday-ish. so i kept my answers pretty low mood-wise. 

i only consciously lied on one of the questions because i wasn’t sure what the required response would be. and it wasn’t a big lie. i’m not really at “high risk” of killing myself. maybe 5%. right now at least i feel ok. the past week collectively though, i wasn’t feeling too hot. 

group therapy was... actually good? we tried to focus and dwell on some conversation topics even though most of us are usually lightning-fast about responding. i ended up talking quite a bit. they seemed worried. they also seemed pretty upset about the department thing, where the professors/coordinators lie about how your classmates are doing to try to push you to work harder.

one thing the group leader said though is “how can we help you?” 

i told her i’d get back to her on that. i don’t really know. i said hearing about their self care routines and comparing ideas helps. i have made adjustments to my routine over the last two months. pretty drastic ones. i haven’t yet been able to re-cram in time to meditate before bed but the podcast helps me doze off at least. 

i’ve been drinking more tea too and i think that keeps my stomach a little more settled. caffeine free so i can drink it with dinner.

i need to think a little more about what other people can do to help me. i don’t really have any hope of actually being helped any more. i still get let down all the time by the people who are supposed to be in charge. but like... you only get out of group therapy what you put in. if i can find a specific goal to achieve that these guys can help me get to, and how to get them to get me there, that’d be great! but i also might not have Problems if i am able to get that far? i mean, like, you gotta be pretty on top of things to know exactly what you need help with and what that help needs to look like.

after that i went to e&m. something about that classroom really throws me off, because in the last ten minutes of class my eyes started hurting AGAIN. like a cramp, almost? this doesn’t really happen anywhere else. reading for too long i just get a headache and then i grind my teeth which makes the headache worse. i tried some eye exercises and that helped for a few minutes but by then i was way behind and i was just tired. 

the frustration builds up. the professor will make a step that doesn’t make any sense and not explain it. someone will ask a question and he won’t explain it still because he thought the question was dumber than it actually was. he goes too fast. just little things, but millions of them for 50 minutes straight. and then trying to focus on the board hurts. maybe his handwriting is too small and it strains my eyes? maybe i get frustrated because he stands directly in front of his writing and his lecture is incomprehensible and the anger and anxiety make my muscles tense up which hurts my eyes? i dunno.

after class i checked my email and then biked back over to the group therapy building. but this time i went to the third floor. the person i was having a meeting with was like 10 minutes late even though i got there 5 minutes before my appointment. i took the time to update pokemon go since i haven’t touched it in over 8 months. i caught a murkrow and looked at the entei raid a few blocks over.

i want entei. not gonna happen at level 20 though. my strongest pokemon is 1400 cp. this thing was like 19000.

anyway this new person is annie. the student “care area” is not a therapy office but they can help coordinate between the drc and my department. we talked about maybe dropping e&m for now since the workload is getting to be too much. (i am 4 weeks behind in grading.) 

so i will talk to danielle about it tomorrow, and then see how i do on the test on friday, and then talk to both of them again next week. i’m a little stressed about the consequences of dropping the class. the financial aid requires a certain amount of credit hours. and we’re supposed to be done with classes by the end of our second year, and i won’t even have finished UNDERGRAD e&m by my first year if i drop it. and it’ll give me a glaring weak spot on my next round with the prelim right after new year’s. 

well, i haven’t talked about it with the drc yet, so i probably won’t get anywhere worrying about it right now.

at the end of group therapy i said that even though i like to complain, i will try to follow up with actual solutions more. 

it just seems like... most of the things i complain about don’t really HAVE solutions. or i’ve already made a decision about how to deal with them but they are still very difficult and/or stressful. my classmates said it might be a good idea to reach out to my brother more after he moves away for college because teenagers are super moody and just not very enthusiastic about talking to family members in general. so that just means being patient for another two-ish years.

after that i biked back to the office.

OH! I ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR THIS MORNING. it was like three inches away. they were making a left turn across the road i was riding down and they just... didn’t stop. or go and get out of the way. i had to pull a hard turn and swerve up on the sidewalk and i almost hit a pedestrian. 

it’s like they weren’t even looking.

anyway i got back to the office at about 5:15 or so. i took a 45-minute break to eat some food and walk around a bit and goof off on facebook. i felt a little better after that, and then suzanne helped john and i study for our e&m test. we covered the entire chapter, just the main ideas, but it helped a lot i hope. i had my mind blown once at least. i understand dielectrics WAY better now.

we got done with that at 7:10-ish, so longer than a full class period. i was exhausted and antsy by the end of it. i packed up my things, yelled at luis a little bit about the alphabet song since we’d been having an argument about it earlier, and then biked home.

he told me the alphabet song came before the alphabet and that’s why they are in the order they are. i think the vowels should have all been put together.

the alphabet song was based off a mozart piece apparently and copyrighted in 1835. TAKE THAT, LUIS! EAT IT!!

when i got home i made some dinner and hid some cookies around for snoopy to find. she was WAY more interested in looking for them after she watched me hide them. and also had some catnip that i put on her walk-through brush. then she seemed to realize for the first time that her cat bed has two levels, and the lower level had cookies on it.

she’s a goofy one.

by the time i finished eating it was after 8:30 so i watched a few youtube videos and checked the 9 o’clock updates. then i ACTUALLY SAT DOWN AND DID SOME GRADING. i got through 2 pages of a whole lab section, which comes out to 36 pages. i did that in about the same amount of time, and then i spent a few minutes feeding snoopy and preparing my daily planner for tomorrow, and then it was 10 so i started writing. now it is 10:43.

it feels like this week has been going extra slowly. maybe it is because i feel more focused so i am losing less time to the Void of the Internet? my breaks have been more... deliberate. i set aside 90 minutes to play smash bros, and then got back to work after i felt more relaxed. stuff like that. it was a lot of fun, too.

i am a little worried about friday, between the test and the fact that i have to have 9 sections of labs graded by the end of the day, which is just not going to happen. tomorrow i don’t even get to sit down and take a BREAK let alone do work until after 4. friday is busy all the way through 4 too. and today was busy through after 5.

AND i gotta start the classical assignment somewhere in there too so i don’t have to try to slog through a 12-hour assignment over the weekend yet again. 

tomorrow my labs ungraded are gonna bump up to 12. but i made progress today. i have doubled the amount of grading i’ve finished. that’s something, right? 4 is twice as much as 2, even if you need to get to 70. and then 20 more after that.

something good. i jumped right away to asking questions when i got to my meeting with annie today. i admittedly did not have time to look up their office before i got over there, but she was very kind and explained how their office was different from the drc and counseling centers and what they are useful for. we got a solid plan set and another appointment scheduled within 25 minutes. 

now i just need to apply that “here is how this will be helpful” authority to emotions i guess? i’m not very good at asking for help from peers. i do it a lot but that doesn’t mean i’m good at it. well, i can do academic questions pretty well. but personal help is like... a league of its own.

i think i did a good job making use of some break time today and then getting back to work when i was ready. i didn’t have a LOT of time today but i stayed busy at least. and i paced myself really well yesterday because i wasn’t miserable and exhausted today! 

well, i was miserable and exhausted. but not AS miserable and exhausted as i usually get when i work too hard for too long without breaks. because i took breaks!

[upthenorthmountain]

Between the Lines - 5

I am ON FIRE

Previous Chapters

This chapter rated T

Chapter 5 - Winchester and Salisbury

“You know you like her. What are you going to do about it?” Katja had said. And then started talking about Lindsay. Or was she just mentioning Lindsay in front of Anna to see what happened?

What was he going to do about it? He didn't know yet. Much as he got annoyed whenever his family tried to pair him off with any woman that came into his orbit, he did like Anna. He was crap at making a move, though. And they still had a couple of weeks of touring together. He wouldn’t do anything just yet.

-----

They contemplated the cathedral wall.

“Is it the real one?” Anna asked.

“What do you mean?”

“It looks really old, is it the real one?”

“You know King Arthur and his round table is a myth, right? A story?”

“Stories can be real.” She walked over and read the sign. “Oh, it says it's 13th century - that's still pretty old.”

“We need to get back to the bookshop.”

“I know. But I bet you didn't think you'd see King Arthur's actual Round Table today, did you?”

“It's not -” He stopped. “It's not nice to wind people up.”

Anna grinned at him. “There's a cathedral in Salisbury as well, isn't there? But maybe one is enough for a weekend.”

“Probably.”

They strolled out and down the road, back towards the shops. Kristoff’s phone rang, and he answered it. “Hi, Mum.”

“Happy birthday, love!”

“Thanks.”

Anna must have overheard, because her face was a picture of surprise. It’s your birthday? she mouthed at him, and he nodded and turned slightly away. “Yeah, we were a bit early so we went and had a walk round the cathedral - heading back now though. Two. Yeah, I don’t know - OK. Speak to you later.” He hung up.

“It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you tell me! I didn’t get you a present or a card or anything. I would have made you a cake! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was your birthday.”

“Remind me to ring my mum back after we’re finished, will you? She thought I was on at three and I don’t really have time for a chat now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”

“Because - I didn’t want you to make a fuss.”

“But now I feel bad.”

“It’s fine. Really. I’m not bothered much about birthdays.”

Anna trudged along beside him, her expression thoughtful.

“Anna.”

“Mm?”

“Promise me you won’t do anything. I’m serious.”

“Define - do anything.”

“Don’t get me a present, or a card, or a cake.”

“Spoilsport.”

“I mean it.”

“Okay, fine. You’re no fun.”

“I can be fun.”

“At least let me take you somewhere nice this evening, for dinner.”

“Alright. But no telling the waiter it’s my birthday.”

“No fun at all.”

-----

Anna did get over-excited and tell the waiter it was Kristoff’s birthday. Fortunately, she’d not chosen a restaurant where that earnt him a song, just a sparkler in his dessert, and he could live with that. It was also walking distance from the hotel - “So you can have a drink on your birthday” - and afterwards they wandered back along the street.

“You didn’t ring your mum,” Anna said as they waited to cross the road.

“Oh, shit. No. I’m going to be in trouble.”

“Kristoff’s in trouble with his mother,” Anna sang, walking slightly too carefully as they crossed to the opposite pavement.

“You’ve had too much to drink.”

“No I haven’t. I’m just a bit cheerful. Let’s not go back just yet, let’s do something.”

“What? I think everyone else in Winchester has gone to sleep.”

“Then come back to my room for a drink.”

“Water, I assume, since Travel Taverns don’t exactly have mini bars.”

“Hmm. Okay, wait here. Right here.” She left him, crossed the road, and disappeared into the Tesco Express. Five minutes later she came out with a carrier bag.

“Sorted.”

-----

“Come with me.” Anna opened her hotel room door and waved Kristoff inside. He perched on the dressing table stool as she swept clothes, books and various other random items off her bed and into her suitcase, then opened her Tesco bag and held up a bottle of vodka. “Ta da!”

“Straight vodka?”

“No, wait…” She put the bottle down and took out a carton of Tesco Value orange juice. “I’ve thought of everything.”

Anna went into the bathroom and came out with the two tooth-glasses, then poured a measure of vodka into one and a double measure into the other, before topping them up with the juice.

“Why do I get twice as much?”

“It’s your birthday! And you’re twice the size of me, I can’t have you drinking me under the table.” She drank half her drink straight down. “Mm. Okay. Truth or dare.”

“What?”

“Truth or dare. Go on.”

Anna sat on the edge of the bed and grinned at him.

“How old are we?” Kristoff said.

“Well if you’re scared, you can ask me first.”

“Fine. Whatever. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I don’t know. Finish your drink.”

“That’s a boring one,” she said, but she drained it and then poured herself another. “Truth or dare.”

“Dare, if you can think of anything.”

“Of course I can! OK. During your Q&A tomorrow, you have to say the word ‘reindeer’ at least once.”

“Reindeer?”

“I was trying to think of something - nordic.”

“I don’t write about reindeer.”

Anna shrugged. “That’s your dare.”

“Fine. Truth or dare.”

“Truth, since you can only think of rubbish dares.”

“I can’t promise to think of better questions.”

“Well, try.”

“Hmm.” He swigged his drink. “This is a bit strong. OK. When’s your birthday?”

“You could’ve asked me that any time. Twenty-first of June.”

“I suppose you expect a present.”

“Obviously.” She took Kristoff’s empty glass from him and refilled it. “Your turn, truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

“Why did you really break up with your girlfriend? Lindsay.”

“God, really?”

“Tell me. I’m nosy. I’m never going to meet her, what does it matter.”

He sighed. “Have you ever woken up next to someone and realised that they aren’t the person you fell in love with? They’ve changed, and you’ve changed, and you just don’t - fit the way you used to. Some people get together young and they grow together, we grew apart.”

“I’m sorry.”

He took a swig of his drink. “But everyone said we were such a great couple, and thought we were perfect together, that was what made it hard. You heard Katja! And I still get it from my mother. Jesus. She wouldn’t have me even if I wanted to, anyway. It was 100% mutual. The break-up.”

“I have never had a break-up like that. God, you’re such a grown-up.”

“Sorry.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Sometimes...I miss having someone, you know? I sold those TV rights a couple of weeks after we broke up and my first thought was to call her, then, oh, right, I shouldn’t. That was tough.”

Anna stared into space for a minute. “I have an idea! Instead of truth or dare, we’ll play ridiculous lie or dare. Ask me, go on.”

“Uh - ridiculous lie or dare?”

“Ridiculous lie.”

“Um. Do you have any children?”

“Yes! I have - seventeen children.”

“What’re their names?”

“Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, Grub, Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, Peter - is that seventeen?”

“I have no idea. I don’t think so.”

“Robbie, Gary, Mark, Howard, Jason, Violet, Hyacinth, Rose…..maybe that’s enough. I don’t know. Ridiculous lie or dare.”

“Ridiculous lie.”

“Excellent. Great. Hmm - what’s your house like inside?”

“Very gothic. Battlements and gargoyles and big oak doors. Dungeons.”

“As I suspected. Dungeons? Like Fifty Shades of Grey?” She laughed.

“EXACTLY like Fifty Shades of Grey, in fact, they filmed some of it there.” She was still giggling so he continued, “I wanted to star in it but they wouldn’t let me, said I was too handsome.”

Anna fell on her back on the bed, still laughing. “Oh god. You see! You can be fun when you try.”

“Don’t tell anyone, for god’s sake, I’ve a reputation to maintain.”

Anna’s laughter slowly faded. She shifted and her skirt fell to one side, exposing nearly her full leg. “Ridiculous lie,” she said.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“Grey. Or brown. A grey-ish brown. The colour of boredom. Ridiculous lie or dare.”

“Dare.”

She looked at him sideways. Her hair was lying in copper waves around her face, her top was half-off one shoulder. She shifted her legs again and revealed another inch of thigh. “Kiss me.”

Kristoff opened his mouth but couldn’t think what he wanted to say.

“You wouldn’t have come back to my room if you didn’t want to,” Anna continued, pushing herself up on her elbows.

She was right, that was the problem. His body didn’t feel entirely under his control as he stood and took the two steps over to the bed, as he sat next to her and leaned down until his face was just above hers. Anna slipped her hand round to the back of his neck and pulled him down to close the distance between their lips.

He kissed her. Her response was immediate, her lips moving against his, her fingers tangling in his hair, and he didn’t resist when she pulled him down with her onto the bed. It seemed fitting, or maybe just inevitable - of course this was how the evening was going to end. He kissed her, and let himself slide a hand round her waist, pulling her against him.

It wasn’t until Anna wiggled her hands round to her front and started unbuttoning his shirt that the klaxon in his head finally got his attention. He pulled his lips just far enough away from hers. “Anna. Anna, wait.”

“What?” She kept pulling at his shirt buttons.

“Anna, we’re drunk.”

“Hmm?” Half the buttons were undone now. Kristoff made a great effort and pushed himself up and away to sit on the bed next to her.

“You’re drunk,” he repeated. “We, we shouldn’t do this. I should go to my room.”

“M’not -” Anna pushed herself up on her elbows, then fell back again. “Woops,” she said vaguely. “Oh, god, you’re right. The room is going roun’ and roun’. You’re right. Fuuuuuck.” She screwed up her face.

Kristoff got to his feet. He started doing up his shirt, then decided it was too fiddly and there was no point. “G’night. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Mmm.” She looked up at him. “Y’sure? S’already gonna be really awkward tomorrow. Might as well make it worth it.”

“Goodnight, Anna.”

“Fine. Spoilsport.”

He let himself out.

---

what time do they stop driving ballasts

serving

breakfast

9 I think

are you coming down for breakfast?

they’re starting to pack up

Anna?

---

“Hey.” Anna sat down at the table opposite Kristoff. It was 8:58; he’d almost given her up.

“Morning,” he said, and slid a plate and glass over to her. “They were starting to tidy up so I got you your croissant and orange juice.”

“Oh - thank you - that was thoughtful, thank you.”

She fiddled with the glass. He said “Anna -” at the same time as she said “Kris -” and they both stopped.

“No, let me,” Anna continued. “I behaved really badly last night and I want to apologise -” she held up her hand when he opened his mouth - “I got drunk and I threw myself at you and it was stupid and I am HIDEOUSLY embarrassed, oh my god, I can’t believe I did that, and I’m so sorry and I would really like it if we could forget it ever happened.”

“It’s forgotten.”

“Thank you.”

“I can’t let you take all the blame, though.”

Anna pulled a face. “Let’s just forget it and not talk about it any more. At least until my painkillers have kicked in. And I need to go back upstairs in a minute, I haven’t showered yet, or packed up or anything.”

“Sure, fine.”

She picked up her croissant and pulled it apart. “You don’t have to do the reindeer thing.”

“Pardon?”

“That is what I said, wasn’t it? You had to say reindeer in your Q&A? It’s okay, forget it.”

“Oh, yes, right. OK.” He looked at her, poking at her breakfast. “How about yours? Are you ready to drive to Salisbury and spend an hour with a group of excitable seven-year-olds?”

Anna looked at him bleakly, then put her face down on her folded arms.