#5 is 1s old band lol

[tombgirl666]

[hangeladavis]

A Gift For You On My 30th Birthday

IT’S MY 30TH BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

This is an accurate portrayal of how I felt this morning when I woke up! 30!!!! WOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!! I have lots of feels so I made a playlist. Naturally. So here are 30 songs (+1 for good luck) that I love and a little bit about them.

Knockin on Heaven’s Door by Bob Dylan - My mom says that this is the first song that came on the radio when we left the hospital. Imagining that it’s the first song I heard is nice.

I Love Your Smile by Shanice - When I was a baby child, this was my song! Every night when my dad got home from work and walked into our apartment in Queens I would run to him and ask him to play my song and I would sing it. HARD! Mind you I was like 2 or 3 but it didn’t matter.

Fly Like An Eagle by Seal - Can we talk about the Space Jam soundtrack!? It was vibe to my 6 or 7 year old self and it still goes! I feel like this album was the first time I really heard music. And felt it.

I Wanna Be Down by Brandy - Ok so my dad got those Columbia House cds for 1c or whatever and the first one he gave me was Brandy’s self titled album. You couldn’t tell me nothing!!! Hairbrush karaoke on a million!

Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny’s Child - When “Writings on the Wall” came out, I really tried to convince my friends to do a backyard performance with choreography and everything. They said no but it was then at 9 that I knew I wanted to be an artist, a director specifically.

We Can’t Be Friends by Deborah Cox - Another in the Columbia House cd collection, I played this album out and knew every word. I played it last summer after not listening to it for at least 15 years and still knew every word and every riff.

My All by Mariah Carey - “I’d give my all/ To have/ Just one more night with you” I had no real context for what I was singing but I used to sing this song so hard! I miss classic Mariah.

Kick Your Game by TLC - That Crazy, Sexy, Cool album was so classic and it was hard to pick one song but this was my jam!

I’ll Be There by The Jackson 5 - Now that I am older I question if I really want someone to be there with that much fervor after a breakup but when baby MJ sings “just look over your shoulders honey, oooh!” I feel it in my soul!

Dirty Diana by Michael Jackson - This song sends me. From the very beginning, to the beat drop. And when she grabs the phone from him and tells his baby “He’s not coming back/because he’s sleeping with me!” thats a moment. No one wants to be on the receiving end of that call but Diana gets what she wants.

That’s The Way Love Goes - JANET! Queen of the Whisper Sing! Duchess of Tight Choreo! I was way too young to be singing this song but I blame my dad. It’s a sexy jam and I don’t regret it.

Are You That Somebody by Aaliyah - When I was 10, some friends and I danced to this song at our elementary school. My mom choreographed it, we got matching outfits and we performed it. Another group of girls (who were admittedly more popular) danced to “Maria, Maria” and they wore matching cowboy hats. Naturally, there was a showdown on the playground over who was better. Naturally.

Just a Friend 2002 by Mario - Westbury Middle School! It was the best of times and the worst of times. Mainly the worst of times cuz middle school is hellish and there is nothing you could do to make me want to relive those years. But one of the sweet moments was getting a mixed cd from this boy that had a crush on me and this was the first song. Swoon It worked. We dated for a while. It was cute.

My Life, My Love, My All by Kirk Franklin - This is the first song I ever choreographed and it changed my life. I was 10 years old. I showed my mother the choreo and she said teach me. It was in that moment that she validated my artistry. That’s why can’t nobody tell me nothing. I have been doing this for 20 years!

Healing by Richard Smallwood - My mother choreographed this piece for the church dance ministry, Choresis, at Memorial Presbyterian Church in Roosevelt, NY. It was one of their most popular pieces and it gave my mother the outlet she needed to dive headfirst into her artistry. I learned how to lead, facilitate and hold healing arts-centered space from my mother and the women she danced with. Their labor made me possible.

Air Force Ones by Nelly - Back to Westbury Middle School, this song is to honor the Air Force 1s wearing preteen I was. Ooh girl…

Ready For Love by India.Arie - When this song came out I thought I knew what it meant and sang it as such. Girl. Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl… 15+ years later and the only thing I know is that I don’t know very much at all. Also this song is very hetero and I am indeed very queer. lol

I’ll Write A Song For You by Earth, Wind & Fire - Family road trips were not complete without this song. We still sing this song like it’s our job. I knew we were getting older when my brother Jordan couldn't hit the high notes.

As by Stevie Wonder - This song. Whew. When I was 10, my mother and I were asked to dance to this song at the funeral of a baby that died. We did and afterwards I was tore up. I kept thinking about my baby brother, Aaron, who has just been born and how I would feel if he died. I didn’t listen to this song for years. Until I really listened to the words and thought about a love that transcends space and time. This song inspired me to write a musical based on Stevie Wonder’s music. And it is my favorite song by my favorite singer.

Breathe from In The Heights Musical - Fast forward, my senior year of college my parents gave me tickets for In The Heights for Christmas. My best friend Lana and I sat in the second to last row in this Broadway house and when this song started I wept. I mean completely lost it. Because she was singing my story. I was flunking out of college my senior year and hadn’t told my parents. I had been a top student in high school and graduated #5 in my class. But I didn’t have words to name my anxiety, depression and fear that I had no idea what to do with my life after school. “And what will my parent say?/Can I go in there and say/"I know that I'm letting you down” This song still makes me cry.

I’m Here from The Color Purple Musical - I’ll let the song speak for itself. “I believe I have inside of me /Everything that I need to live a bountiful life/And all the love alive in me/I'll stand as tall as the tallest tree/And I'm thankful for every day that I'm given/Both the easy and hard ones I'm livin'/But most of all, I'm thankful for/Lovin' who I really am

Back That Azz Up - Ha! This is my favorite transition. This song is for my undergrad club days at A&T and the Blu&White fam.

Boogie Oogie Oogie by A Taste of Honey - But I don’t actually club for real because I am a grandma that missed my era. I could dance to disco all night actually.

Seasons of Love from RENT Musical - What can I say? I’m a theatre kid. This is for A&T’s theatre department that taught me so much and made me so much of who and how I am as an artist. And Rest in Peace to the mother of our theatre department, Frankie Day.

Screens by Zoocrü featuring Al Strong - In 2016, I met a woman named Margaret A. Brunson who changed my life. (She has that effect on everyone) The first time we hung out she took me to an Kickstarter kickoff party for a band named Zoocrü. I had never heard of them before but as soon as they started playing I was like Who are these boys? I offered my administrative assistance for their campaign and it turned into more than I ever imagined. That offer is what pushed me into consulting and it’s been a joy to work with artists and creatives. I am grateful that our paths crossed.

Sunday Candy by Donnie Trumpet - My grandmother, my Nanny, Evelyne Marie Laisure Marshall passed away on September 29, 2017. Her living made me possible and her passing changed my life. I talk about grandmas so much because I dont know who I would be without her love. I miss her so much but I find her everywhere; in my red fingernail polish, in my card shuffling, in my baking, in my political analysis, in my care. And yes, in the candy dish in my living room.

F.U.B.U. by Solange - Last year I created a show called “Buy My Soul And Call It Art”. I had no idea what I was doing but my Nanny had passed and my cousin Michael had passed and the Universe was telling me to “do it scared”. This song was featured in the piece because I never wanted anyone to forget who this is for, who this is centering. “All my niggas in the whole wide world…”

I Want You by Erykah Badu - The second show in the trilogy is “Buy My Body And Call It A Ticket” and that show almost killed me. I had to go somewhere deep inside myself and that place is dark and scary and I wasn’t sure that I was gonna make it out. But I did. And what brought me back was this. “I want you.” I want my body. I want my life. I want my love. I want myself.

I Need You To Survive by Hezekiah Walker - Show number 3 (which will be rebooted) is “Buy My Art And Call It Holy”. Though I don’t consider myself a Christian, I cannot separate myself from my Christian upbringing and this is one of my favorite songs. When I sing it I am singing it out to my people. I am singing to you. “I need you/ You need me/We’re all apart of one body”

Never Would Have Made It by Marvin Sapp - Yall there have been times when I wasnt sure if I was gonna make it to 30. Seriously. Depression and anxiety is real. Sometimes it zaps the desire to be right out of me. But I am here. And I am so grateful. Here’s to another day, another week, month, year, decade!

Crazy, Classic, Life by Janelle Monae - Did ya’ll think there wouldnt be some Janelle Monae on here!?! This is my theme song! Let’s ride this thing til the wheels fall off!

[grapesodatozier]

5 Times Nancy Wheeler Saw Her Little Brother Cry and 1 Time She Saw Him Smile

here’s that st fic i mentioned a few days ago! i wrote this when 5+1s were still a thing lmao.

this is, for the most part, canon compliant. ship wise, there’s lots of mentions of mileven, but this is mostly just nancy caring about/looking after mike and being a good older sister (duffers take note) bc i love them both and wanna see more of their relationship lol. this is my first (and tbh v possibly only) st fic. i’d post it to my st blog ( @curlywheelers hmu lol) but my irl friends follow that blog so i’m posting it here instead lmao

words: 2,190

warnings: mentions of canon character deaths, generally v angsty lol

read on ao3 or below (:

Nancy Wheeler has seen her little brother cry plenty of times. He cried nearly every Thursday afternoon and Saturday morning the one spring their mom had signed him up for baseball, and she always rolled her eyes at him. He cried when he went down a hill too fast and fell off his bike when he was nine, and she put Band-Aids on his cuts. He cried when their parents would argue, and she hugged him until long after the shouting stopped so he couldn’t see her own tears. Still, her experience with Mike’s pain didn’t make it any easier for her as his older sister to witness.

* * *

Nancy sat in the living room with her parents, the three of them deafeningly silent; what was there to say? They had just received the phone call that Will Byers’ body had been found in the quarry, and they had no idea where Mike was, or whether he had heard or not. The only sounds that cut through the heavy air were Karen Wheeler’s uneven breaths as she tried to stifle her sobs of concern, wringing her hands. Nancy bit her lip to keep herself from crying too.

After what felt like hours, they finally heard the front door open. Mrs. Wheeler jumped up and met her son in the entryway of the house. Nancy watched as Mike crumpled into his mother’s embrace, sobs wracking through his body. Her chest ached and the tears started flowing; she wished she could do something to help, but what was there to say? Kids aren’t supposed to die. Kids aren’t supposed to watch their friends die. Nancy trembled as she watched her brother cling to their mother.

* * *

Nancy didn’t know what to say, but she knew she had to say something. Or maybe just listen, or even just be there. She had to do something for him; he couldn’t even tell their parents. She knocked on his bedroom door, but it opened slightly to reveal that he wasn’t in there. She sighed, knowing where he’d be. She did her best to avoid her parents as she made her way to the basement; she only ever went down there to do laundry and look for old clothes, and she felt almost like she was intruding on a space not meant for her as she swung the door open and started down the staircase. The sight before her stopped her in her tracks about halfway down.

Mike’s watery brown eyes stared up at her from a fort she had never seen before, making him look like a deer in headlights. He dropped the walkie-talkie he had clutched in his hands and began wiping his eyes as he sniffled. Nancy hurried down the stairs, sitting beside him. Nothing was said between them as she pulled him into her side, resting her cheek on the top of his head. The words she’d heard him say in Will’s hospital room echoed in her mind; She saved us. But she’s gone now. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she asked quietly. He shook his head, and she left it at that. She felt his body begin to shake as his tears came again, and as she rubbed his arm she willed herself to keep her own at bay.

The two siblings may not have been the closest in the world, but Nancy was good at reading people, and Mike was an open book anyway, so she could tell that Eleven had meant a lot to him. Thinking about it, El had probably been Mike’s first serious crush. Nancy’s chest ached; she was feeling loss too, and she couldn’t bear the thought that her little brother was feeling anything remotely similar to her own pain. He was only twelve – no twelve-year-old deserved what happened to him; he had been through far more grief than any twelve-year-old can be expected to handle. He was a good kid, and so was Eleven; they had both just been trying to help, and now Mike was heartbroken, and Eleven-

Nancy pulled him closer. He cried a little harder.

* * *

Jonathan jumped out of the car as soon as it was parked in his driveway, barely stopping to take the keys out of the ignition. Nancy followed, rushing up the porch and holding the door open for him as he carried Will’s unconscious body out of the car and into the house. Hopper’s truck was right behind them, and Nancy watched as he helped Joyce out of the car and into the house as well. She was about to follow them in when she realized Mike hadn’t gotten out of the car. Dustin, Max, and Lucas rushed into the house, Steve behind them. He paused in the doorway when he realized she wasn’t following.

“Hey,” Steve said softly, “you coming in?” She shook her head without looking at him.

“I need to check on Mike,” she whispered, descending the stairs of the porch and heading back to Jonathan’s car. She heard the front door close behind her.

She took a deep breath outside the car before opening the door and sliding into the backseat next to Mike. He didn’t react; he just stared at the seat in front of him, his eyes wide and faraway. “Hey,” she spoke gently. When she still received no response, she took his hand in hers – it was shaking. “You okay?” She knew it was a stupid question, but she had no idea what else to say. Normally she’d just be there for him, but he wasn’t crying or yelling or anything – she needed something, even just for him to squeeze her hand back. It took about a minute of silence, but he finally spoke up.

“I could hear them,” he whispered, his voice breathy and broken. She felt his grip on her hand tighten as his tears started to fall. He turned his head to look at her, not bothering to wipe away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “I heard those- those things-” he began saying, his own sobs cutting him off. Nancy’s heart sank into her stomach; no one had mentioned why Bob wasn’t in the car or why Mrs. Byers was sobbing, but it wasn’t too hard to fill in the gaps. Nancy thought she might be sick at the thought of her little brother witnessing that. She wanted to put her arm around him, but he had her hand in a death grip.

“Mike,” she whispered, beginning to cry herself, “I’m so sorry.” And then he was in her arms, rocking back and forth slightly while he sobbed. She rubbed her hand in circles on his back while holding him as tightly as she could, as though he might float away. He could’ve, god, it could’ve been him who’d been eaten alive by those things. And now she was really, truly crying as well. “I’m so glad you’re safe,” she sobbed, not wanting to ever let him out of her sight again. “I’m so, so sorry, Mike, I’m never gonna let anything happen to you, okay?” she vowed. He pulled back to look at her and nodded.

“Y-you too,” he said, his entire body still shaking, his face red and puffy. They stared at each other for a moment before Mike started wiping his eyes. “You shou-hould p-probably go check on Jo-onathan,” he said, his words hiccupped with small sobs.

“I’m not leaving you,” she said with an air of finality. He looked at his older sister with an incredible amount of grief and fear, but also with clear gratitude before burying his face back in her shoulder. They stayed like that for what felt like an hour, but was really more like five minutes before collecting themselves and heading inside to join the others.

Just as Mike was about to open the door, Nancy stopped him. He gave her a questioning look, and she did something she hadn’t done in years: she kissed his cheek. “Agh, gross,” he complained, pulling a face. But he still squeezed her hand before going inside, and they both understood.

* * *

After making sure Joyce and Will were comfortable and safe in the backseat, Nancy climbed into the passenger seat beside Jonathan. Her eyes strayed to the Byers’ porch where Steve was standing with Lucas, Max, Dustin, and Mike. Her heart tightened as she thought about the conversation she’d just had with Steve – if you could even call it a conversation. But her heart hurt a whole lot more when she saw Mike watching El leave with tears in his eyes. She could only imagine what he was feeling right now, having just gotten her back and now having to watch her leave again. Nancy knew as well as everyone else that there was no certainty that any of the six who were leaving were coming back, and El was least likely of all to survive, excepting Will. Nancy watched her brother get smaller and smaller as she drove away, wishing desperately that she could be on that porch telling him everything was going to be okay. But Jonathan needed her, too, even more than Mike, and she knew Steve wouldn’t let anything happen to him. Still, it broke her heart to see her little brother in so much pain when there was nothing she could do to help.

* * *

“Mom, have you seen my pink lip gloss?” Nancy called from the stairs.

“I haven’t,” her mother’s reply came from the kitchen. “Have you checked the bathroom?”

“I already did!” Nancy called back in frustration, running back up the stairs before she could hear Karen’s reply. On her way to her room, she noticed Mike’s door was open a crack. She could hear muffled sniffles coming from his room as she walked closer. The door creaked open when she knocked to reveal Mike sitting on his bed with his head in his hands. He jerked up at the sound of Nancy’s entrance. She noted the tears on his cheeks and the suit and tie lying next to him on his bed, nice and neat and definitely untouched since their mom had put them there for him. Nancy closed the door and walked further into the room. “God, Mike, I know you can’t dance, but it’s nothing to get so worked up over,” she joked lightly, taking a seat next to him.

“Leave me alone,” he grumbled, wiping at his cheeks.

“What’s up?” she asked gently.

“It’s nothing,” he mumbled in response. Nancy just sat there, waiting until he was ready to share. He sighed eventually, still avoiding her gaze as he confessed, “I promised her I’d take her.” Nancy’s heart dropped. “I told her all about it, and I promised I’d take her, and now I can’t.” Nancy hated hearing the pain in his voice, but at least this time it was easier, because this time Nancy wasn’t useless to him; this time, Nancy knew something he didn’t, she knew she would be able to help make him feel better. Still, it sucked to see her little brother so upset. But she wasn’t about to ruin the surprise.

“I’m sure she understands,” she said. “It’s safer this way.”

“That’s all anyone ever says,” Mike answered, sadness evident in his voice though he tried to sound annoyed.

“I know,” Nancy replied softly. “But hey, you’ll have a great time with your friends! And maybe I’ll even save you a dance,” she teased.

“Ugh, gross,” Mike complained, pretending to vomit as he shoved her away. She giggled, but left the room anyway.

“Get dressed!” she called before closing the door, “Mom put a lot of thought into that outfit!” He flipped her off, a gesture she returned with a smile before returning to her search.

She gave one last look around her room, finding her lip gloss under her dresser, before taking her makeup case and slipping out of the house before Mike could see her with it.

* * *

Nancy smiled down at Dustin, nodding her head to the music as she swayed. She let her eyes linger for a moment, disappointed to see that Mike was sitting alone, staring off into space forlornly. It was upsetting, but she knew he’d be smiling soon enough. As if on cue, she watched him look toward the door, eyes wide as he jumped out of his seat. Nancy smiled to herself, watching as Mike started walking toward El. Nancy silently congratulated herself on her styling abilities, proud that El’s hair had stayed the way she’d styled it.

“Holy shit.” Dustin’s eyes had followed Nancy’s and the two of them watched as Mike took El’s hand. “Is she allowed to be here?” Dustin whispered.

“Hopper knows she’s here, and he’s outside if anything happens,” Nancy assured him, a smile on her face. Dustin’s face lit up.

“You knew about this?”

“Who do you think did her makeup?”

They glanced back over at Mike and El. They were resting their foreheads together as they swayed to the music, and Nancy’s heart soared; she hadn’t seen her little brother smile like that in such a long time.