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jackiejacks923 · 5 years ago

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NYE

Summary: Just a NYE wedding…that’s all….

Pairing: Shownu x reader

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! Wishing you all the best of everything this life can offer in this new year. This is just a little piece that @prettywordsyouleft had put in my head and said I should write. I hope you enjoy!

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New Year’s Eve. A day that was celebrated in so many different ways in your life. In your youth, you remembered it as an excuse to stay up way past your bedtime to make as much noise as possible to ring in the new year. In your teenage years, you experienced that first New Year’s kiss with the boy that would eventually break your heart, which would lead to many New Year’s Eves you would spend on your own in your pajamas.

Until that fateful New Year’s Eve when your BFFs dragged you out of your funk to set you up on a blind date with their significant others’ friend, Hyunwoo. It was awkward at first, but his gentleman-like tendencies had you warming up to him and attempting to draw him out of his shell. When the countdown started and couples began to kiss at the stroke of midnight around you, you looked up at him smiling, still contemplating if you should or shouldn’t. His lips then met yours as you were still lost in your thoughts and you felt that zing. A zing that would change you forever. A zing that he felt, as well, that told him he wanted to be the only man you kiss ever again.

That zing was the reason he stayed by your side every day since that day. After two Christmases spent together, he popped the question to be by your side forevermore. And here you were a year after his Christmas proposal on New Year’s Eve, your wedding day, hours before the countdown.

You both wanted a simple beach wedding, but in order for that to happen in the winter, you had to plan for a destination wedding. That is how you found yourselves in separate hotel rooms in Hawaii with only a handful of family and the closest friends joining you in celebrating your nuptials. Your guests were currently enjoying dinner and music underneath a canopy on the beach as the cool, salty ocean breeze blew around them before the actual ceremony. Dinner for you and your groom were served in your respective quarters with your wedding party accompanying each of you.

Your hair had been did and make-up done. You stared at your wedding present to your future husband in your hand with your personal note while pictures were being taken to capture the memories being made this night. Like the time this watch keeps, as is my love for you…everlasting, your note read. You handed off your gift to your maids of honor, Tani & Chelle, to deliver to your groom.

“Thank you,” you expressed to them as you smiled brightly. At that same moment, there was a knock on the hotel door. Tani answered it and discovered Hyunwoo’s best men, who also happened to be her and Chelle’s husbands, Hoseok and Kihyun, there with a delivery of their own. They each greeted their wives with a kiss as they entered the room.

“You look amazing, Y/N,” Hoseok commented as he walked over to give you a hug.

“Here, this is from Hyunwoo,” Kihyun said as he handed you the tiny box he had in his hands. You opened it to discover a beautiful diamond star necklace with a blue sapphire in the center. Hoseok handed you an envelope and with that, they took their cue to exit and accompany Tani & Chelle on their delivery mission to Hyunwoo, as well as to check that everything is going well at the pre-reception party.

You opened the envelope and inside you found a note with Hyunwoo’s handwriting. Like this star you continue to be the light that shines brightly in my life, lighting up even the darkest of corners. I can’t wait to start my forever with you. You smiled as you placed the note back and pulled the necklace out of the box as you placed it around your neck to wear. It was the perfect “something blue” you needed.

You took a picture of the necklace around your neck and sent it to Hyunwoo. Thank you! It’s perfect ❤.

Moments later your phone pinged. It looks beautiful on you. I love the watch. I’m wearing it tonight too ❤. A pic of his wrist adorned with the watch and his hand throwing up the thumbs-up sign followed shortly after.

You smiled at your phone. Honey, I’m nervous 🙁 I need a hug right now.

Shall we ignore superstition? I’ll be there in one second if you want.

I think maybe we should’ve just eloped.

I would’ve been OK with doing that, too. Shall I go get a taxi for the airport?

But everybody spent money to get here to celebrate with us.

Baby, I’m sure they’ll forgive us…eventually. So long as you’re happy and I grow old with you, it doesn’t matter to me.

I’m just being impatient. I haven’t seen you all day.

I miss you too 😘

You and Hyunwoo texted back and forth talking about everything under the sun to pass the hours away as you both waited to be reunited. It was one of his super powers you knew he had. He was always able to calm you down when things started to get overwhelming for you.

Tani & Chelle returned from checking on the guests.

“Y/N, are you ready? It’s time!” Tani stated excitedly. You nodded with a smile.

The girls are back. It’s time! I’ll see you soon. You quickly texted Hyunwoo.

I’ll be the one in the suit that can’t stop smiling 😁.

I’ll be the one in white trying not to run down the aisle ❤.

You placed your phone on the table in the room as Chelle handed you your bouquet and your two BFFs assisted you as you made your way to your waiting groom.

You had timed it just right. 30 minutes before the stroke of midnight the wedding march to start the ceremony began. Hyunwoo made his entrance first looking sharp in his white and black suit with Hoseok and Kihyun following behind him in their matching white suits with rose gold accents. Then entered the ring bearer, Chelle and Kihyun’s son, in a suit matching his father’s with a serious face as he focused on balancing the rings on the white satin pillow. Following him came the flower girl, Tani and Hoseok’s daughter, smiling in her blush pink dress adorned with white flower accents as she tossed flower petals like she practiced for so many weeks. Tani and Chelle then made their entrance side by side in their pink and white floral dresses.

The music then started to cue your entrance. You opted out of the traditional Here Comes the Bride song that every bride had walked down the aisle to. Hyunwoo’s friend, Minhyuk, had so kindly agreed to sing as you walked to your future husband. As he sang The Rest of My Life, you focused on Hyunwoo and tried not to cry. You have never seen a smile so big on his face than you did on this night. It made you smile just as brightly. You couldn’t help but thank your two lucky angels that were at their designated spots to stand beside you as you took each step forward to the happiest chapter of your life. As you continued on your journey down that, what felt like a never ending aisle, it truly felt like it was just you and him in the world at that moment. Nothing else mattered, but trying to reach him. You weren’t lying about wanting to run to him when you texted him, but you had to keep that cursed pace to the music.

As Minhyuk ended the chorus, you finally reached Hyunwoo. He took your hand in his and as you looked up at his smiling face, you noticed a stray tear on his cheek. You smiled up at him as you wiped it off his cheek with your thumb, your own tears threatening to spill over, but you willed them back in their places.

The ceremony began with the blowing of the conch by the wedding officiant…you are in Hawaii, after all.

20 minutes to go as time continued to count down…

The officiant continued with his opening speech and then a reading of the excerpt from Plato’s Symposium, the myth and theory of love and soulmates that you’ve always held dear.

10 minutes to go…

You and Hyunwoo then exchanged your vows and “I do”s to be forever faithful, to be each other’s support, to be a constant friend, and to always love each other through the good and bad.

5 more minutes…

You both then exchanged wedding bands engraved on the inside with your special date.

3 more minutes…

The officiant then began his closing remarks of well wishes to the newlyweds and as he looked at his watch, he signaled the guests of the 1 minute mark.

Guests then readied themselves with the supplied confetti poppers. Kihyun and Hoseok made their way to their wives and children, holding them close as they anticipated the seconds. You looked up at Hyunwoo, tears of happiness now spilling from your eyes as he smiled back down at you.

“By the power vested in me,” your officiant stated.

“10 - 9 - 8 - 7…” your family and friends all chanted simultaneously in the background.

“I now pronounce you man and wife,” the officiant concluded.

“6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2…” the countdown continued.

“You may now kiss the bride!” he announced.

“1!” everybody screamed and yelled and cheered and set off the poppers.

Hyunwoo took you in his arms and kissed you right at the stroke of midnight memorializing the start of the new year as husband and wife. All those around you shared kisses with their partners and loved ones, but you were oblivious to it. The world around you disappeared from view and it was just you and him as you wrapped your arms around his neck as he continued to kiss you and pulled him in closer. And just like the many New Year’s Eve kisses of the past that you shared with him, the fateful zing was ever so present.

#new year new fic #a zing only happens once in your life #the rest of my life

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daphner20 · 4 years ago

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Justice Browne

Restoration

Prologue

My name is Justice Fritzgerald Browne, and ' Truly God is good to me!” My father wanted to name me John Fritzgerald, but my mom said , “ not a day like it!”

I met the love of my life Alicia Leah (nee Dean) at a Catholic Retreat for young adults called T.E.C ( To Encounter Christ), 25 years ago. She was 19, and I was 24. We were married 6 months later. And that union has blessed us with two sons. Joshua, 20 and Jamie 18.

Joshua is a Senior at Notre Dame University, he is a bio/chemistry major, his next step is med school. Jamie is a sophomore, at Notre Dame as well, but they are on different campuses. Jamie is studying accounting. Both of my sons, graduated from High School at 16.

I am so proud of my sons, they are truly one of the joys of my life.

Almighty God, has also prospered the work of my hands. I am one of the largest grocers in The Bahamas. With 4 grocery stores in Nassau, 2 in Grand Bahama, and 1 in Abaco. I own substantial shares in a local bank and insurance company.

I am also on the Economic Council for The Bahamas. I am also the past president of the Chamber of Commerce.

When I was in CCD, as a child, I remembered Sister Cecilia, teaching us the 10 commandments, the sermon on the mount, and corporal acts of mercy. I have spent my entire life, living as closely as possible to these teachings.

My parents, were the greatest in the world. I was the product of their old age. They were married for 18 years, before I came along. My mom was forty, and my dad was 47. My mom told me that she had never stop trusting and believing that God, will bless her womb. She lived to cradle my sons in her arms. She died 10 years ago, and Daddy followed 2 years later.

As, I lit a candle after mass. I am thankful and grateful to the Lord, who has bless my family, my work, my health, and my faith all these years. I also lit a special candle for my boys, just in case they didn’t go to mass this morning, and asked God to forgive their sins.

Chapter 1

“ So you don’t have any classes today,” said Justice

“ No, they are cancel until further,” said Jaime.

“ I suggest, you go and stay with Joshua,' said Justice.

“Daddy,” said Jaime, “it’s just a tropical storm!”

“ Jamie, tropical storms can be dangerous as well,” said Justice.

“ The school has taken all precautions, we will be fine. Further more, Josh, campus is on lockdown as well,” said Jaime.

“Ok,' said Justice, reluctantly, he knew how strong will Jamie is.

'Love you Daddy,” said Jamie, laughingly, he knew his father normally gives in.

“ Love you kiddo, said Justice. ‘Youth’ muttered Justice, they think they are invincible.

5 minutes later.

“ Hello Josh” said Justice.

“ Hi Pops” said Josh animatedly.

“ I heard, about the storm, are you taking precautions.

“ Yes sir, we will be fine, you are aware, that we have been through storms before said Joshua.

“ I know, said Justice, “but it has always been with me and your mother.”

“ We will be fine, I will check on Jamie every day, don’t worry.”

“ I love you Joshua, you are a good son and great brother,” said Justice, holding back tears.

“I love you too Pops,” said Joshua, smiling, “ and turn of the water works, your too old for that.”

As Justice, hung up the phone, he realized, that he wasn’t trusting God to protect his sons.

A few days later, the weather channel, said the storm had been upgraded to a category 3. It will bring lots of rain and high gusty winds.

“I will go by church, this evening to light a candle for my boys,” said Justice in his heart.

When I got home, it was late breaking news on all the stations, that Hurricane David, had come ashore as a Category 5, and there were wide devastation.

“ Have you heard from the boys today,” I asked Alicia.

“ I spoke to them, yesterday, but they told me, that the power company was shutting down the power. They said they will call me, as soon as the power comes back on.

It’s been two days now, and still no communication from our sons. I told Alicia, that I was going to North Carolina tomorrow.

Finally, the phone rang, it was Jaime's number.

“ Jaime, thank God, son how are you? Shouted Justice.

“ This is Dr. Matthew, from Raleigh General, is this Mr. Browne? We regret to inform you that your son, Jaime Browne died two days ago. We finally charged his cellphone, and we found your number. Also, we regret to inform you that your other son Joshua Browne died this morning.

Chapter 2

“The Lord giveth, and the Lord take it away, blessed be the name of the Lord,” said Justice.

It was a bright and sunny morning, three weeks later, when I buried my boys. How could a day be so beautiful, when my children will never see it again! It’s like the world is mocking me. I am numb, I am on autopilot. I am doing everything that needs to be done, without any emotions.

I flew to North Carolina, to officially identify the boys. I had to make arrangements, to bring them home. I had to pick out the coffins. I had to decide their burial clothes. I had to choose the photos and songs for the obituary. My boys were altar boys and a part of the youth group, so every body wanted to play a role in the funeral service. There were such an outpouring of sympathy, I had to make sure they were acknowledged. Instead of two individual plots, I chose one. Joshua at the bottom, and Jaime on top.

Because, they were inseparable, growing up, they were together when they died. Joshua roommate told us, that when the storm got upgraded, Joshua decided to go and stay with Jaime. However, the storm had produced several tornadoes, and one of them had flatten Jaime’s dormitory. Jamie, the coroner believed died instantly, and Joshua died three days later.

Alicia grief is inconsolable, she is heavily medicated, I don’t know what to do. I just have to be strong, for her and my sons. My head says there are gone, my heart says they are here, and there is no reconciliation. As an accountant, this should be easy.

Just as the sun rises each morning, I must do the same. Everyone is remarking on my strength. I told them, it’s not me, but the Lord. His strength is made perfect in my weakness.

A month later, I returned to work full time, Alicia is turning the corner, she is off the sedatives. She is still profoundly sad, but that is to be expected, and she has me.

“ Mr. Browne, here are the papers, you wanted,” said Sheila my secretary.

“ Mr. Browne, Mr. Browne,” Sheila is frantic now. The last thing I heard her screaming was Call an ambulance!!

Chapter 3

Two weeks later, I woke up in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU)

I had suffered a massive stroke, I was totally paralyzed on my left side The doctors told Alicia, that my recovery will be long. Not only will I need a physical therapist, but a speech therapist as well. Another, prognosis, was that I may never fully recovered, and be a shell of a man. All of my physicians were in agreement with that!

Alicia, brought me home three weeks later. The house was completely transformed. There were ramps for my wheelchair. My study, became my hospital room. Because, I couldn’t swallow on my own, I had a drip in my arm, I was also feed intravenously, I also had to use a catheter. My care also included 3 private nurses on shifts.

Alicia had spared no expense.

My first visitor, was my oldest and dearest friend Greg Henfield, he was also my boys godfather.

“ I am sorry Justice, first the boys, now this, I have known you all my life, I can’t believe this is happening to you, you were a Saint living amongst us! What did you do, to make God so angry,” he said.

Thank God, I couldn’t speak or move, I would have kicked him out.

Next, visitor, was my lawyer, Charles Powell, “ I think you should sell your business, seeing that you have no longer have heirs, and you and Alicia can live a comfortable life, with the proceeds,”he said.

Blood in the water, thought Justice, the sharks are circling.

Finally, my father-in-law, Wilfred Dean, came. I loved him like a father. “ My daughter, can’t take anymore, first her children, now you, this is to much for her. I told her to sell your businesses and shares, and put you in a nursing home and take care of herself,” he said.

“What about our vows?” I wanted to scream, “ for better or worse, sickness and in health.”

Alicia, took his advice, she sold everything, but she didn’t leave me.

Laying in that bed day in and out, with only my thoughts. Why God, I am a good person, you took my boys, my health, my work, my friends and family. Why me?

I wish I never was born, I wish I was like a stillborn child, who never saw light. Why did you bless and then take away. I pour out my complaint and bitterness day unto day.

Until one day, The Lord Spoke!

Chapter 4

“ Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

“ Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me.“ Where were you, when I laid the foundations of the earth? Who determined it’s measurements? Surely you know!

Then Justice answered ,” I know that you can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from you. I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eyes see You, therefore I despise myself, and I repent in dust and ashes.

Justice didn’t realized, that he was speaking. He had gotten, his speech back. Praise the Lord.

Over, the next few months, with the help of his therapists, he regained the strength and the mobilty of his limbs. Justice Fritzgerald Browne made a full recovery and discovery.

“ Though He slay me, yet I will trust Him!” Justice said.

Alicia, had kept the life insurance benefits of the boys. With that money, he was able to purchase 10 grocery stores. And the a year later, Alicia gave birth to twin girls, Hannah, and Annah. Double grace and favor!

Justice, lived to see his children’s children.

And God bless Justice's latter, greater than his former!

The End

“

#spiritual #god #faith #hope #story #religion

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heroicadventurists · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Moments: Young Justice Outsiders episode 14-16 **SPOILERS**

10. Jaime and Traci's relationship is established in the Young Justice Universe

In episode 16, Illusion of Control, Jaime confirms that he is in a relationship with Traci. Jaime and Traci have a long history in the comics, becoming a couple before the relationship was retconned in New 52. Young Justice Outsiders has re-established this relationship, making them one of the cutest couples on the show (Traci is adorable in the episode).

9. Introducing the Suicide Squad

In episode 15, Leverage, the team goes on a covert mission in Russia. They are met by the unlikely team of Black Manta, Captain Boomerang and Monsieur Mallah; all three villains are supposed to be in Belle Reve. The trio are now operting as The Suicide Squad, under orders from Amanda Waller. The Squad was sent to Russia to eliminate the Rocket Red Brigade and steal their technology. After the Squad's ultimate capture, Amanda and Aquaman reach a consensus to look the other way.

8. Big Barda and the Furies makes their presence known

The Furies have arrived. In episode 14, Influence, we are introduced to Big Barda and the Furies. In the episode, the Furies take on Superman, Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl. During the battle, Superman saves Big Bard's life, which appears to be the start of her hero turn. I'm sure we'll see more of The Furies as Granny Goodness has a more prominent role in the season.

7. Guy Gardner...the best Green Lantern?!?

In episode 14, Guy made his YJ debut. Guy was hilarious in this episode and a nice change of pace from the typical Green Lantern personality. He was annoying and slightly vulgar while being a valuable asset to the team. Guy was responsible for leading the team to Granny Goodness and the Furies, and he saved Superman, Wonder Woman and Hawkgirl's life when they were sucked out into space. This was Guy done right

6. Halo is non-binary

In episode 14, Halo admits to the team that she's not a girl or a boy, confirming that she is non-binary. Halo seemed concerned about Brion's reaction to this news, but he was fine with it. Halo was still referred to as a she/her after the announcement, so we'll see where this leads.

5. Halo confesses that Gabrielle unwittingly aided in the death of the King and Queen of Markovia

In the battle against the Suicide Squad in episode 15, Halo froze during a fight with Captain Boomerang and was stabbed in the chest. During the fight, Boomerang triggered some repressed memories when he said "Do I have a proposition for you". This phrase took Halo back to Markovia, where Gabrielle was offered money to allow entry way into the castle. This led to the death of the King and Queen of Markovia as well as her own subsequent death. Trying to deal with this new information, Halo confessed Gabrielle's actions to Dr Jace (which I think was a huge mistake). Everything done in the dark comes to the light. Only time will tell how Brion reacts to this news when he finds out the truth.

4. Bart's blooming relationship with Eduardo???

In episode 16, Eduardo, Bart, Perdita, Gar, Jaime, Traci and Virgil go to a carnival for the meta-human youth center. Virgil complains that he feels like a 7th wheel, which would imply that he was there with 3 couples. Throughout the episode, Eduardo and Bart spent the majority of their time together, and while they constantly referred to each other as friends, it appears that they were on a date. At this point you can take it either way in my opinion, but I wouldn't be surprised if they were laying the groundwork for a relationship between Bart and Eduardo.

3. Will and Artemis have feelings for each other

In episode 16, Artemis comes to the hard realization that she has feelings for Will. Some people are opposed to this pairing, but I'm open to it for a lot of reasons. (1) Wally has been gone for 2 years, and we have no reason to believe he's coming back (just hope). At some point Artemis has to move on with her life. She's young, beautiful, smart, compassionate and an overall great woman. She deserves to be loved. (2) Cheshire has made her decision. At the end of the day, Cheshire chose to abandon her daughter for crime. She can cry tattoo tears over her decision all she wants, Will has given her plenty of chances to come back to their family and she declined. Not only does Will deserve better but so does Lian. Lian deserves to have a Mother who is consistent, who puts her first and who is there. I have no sympathy for Cheshire and at this point Will needs to move on. (3) Cheshire and Artemis are not close. They may have been close when Artemis was little, but that was thrown out the window when Cheshire left Artemis behind for a life of crime. (4) Will is a catch. He's good looking, has his own home, a business, is a great Father and is a great person. Artemis would have to be blind not to see these things. (5) They are already operating as a husband and wife. If you really look at the dynamics of that household, they operate like a married couple, with Artemis being the Mother of the house and Will is the Father. The only thing left is the physical aspect of their relationship. (6) IF Wally returns, he will be ok. All relationships do not have fairy tale endings, and I believe that while he would be hurt, he would understand. This could also be a way to introduce Linda into his life.

2. The newest members of YJ

In episode 14, Terra, Brion, Halo and Forager were made official members of the team. This is notable because of Terra's inclusion on the team, considering she's a turncoat.

1. Beast Boy is back

It took half the season, but Beast Boy is back on Young Justice. Beast Boy's growth over the years is amazing to behold. He's built a nice life for himself (an actor, in a relationship with a Queen, and an activist). It's nice to see one of the more loveable characters back in the fold.

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lunasaturnine · 5 years ago

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Vienna and cultural trauma

WOW so cool to sign into tumblr and see 99+ notifications, and think “oh a post got some attention,” but it’s actually just general attention!

My astro blog is ready for some action! Or maybe ppl are just bored bc of the quarantine. Either way, it would be cool to write.

I want to write about VIENNA.

I just took a course about somatic healing of trauma and it gave me a good overview of how trauma recovery works. Chapter 1 of trauma recovery is gathering resources. Chapter 2 is dipping or oscillating back into the memory, whether it’s a clear memory or just something held hidden in your body, with your new resources, and allowing circles to complete. Chapter 3 is being bigger bigger brighter in the world !!! (It’s a nice course, it’s on somatopia.com, it costs $40 if you have that to throw around, it’s like 2 hours of videos of a nice man talking in a soothing voice in intelligent language about healing from trauma)

Now I’m thinking about cultural trauma and Vienna. I have long felt that helping to heal the Hitler wound of Vienna is one of my soul’s major dharmic thrusts. So I googled “healing cultural trauma” and most resources out there talk about the trauma of the victim culture. That kind of trauma is totally different, because it recommends amplifying the traditions and greatnesses of the culture, and when you’re a cultural perpetrator of violence, amplifying the greatness of your culture is a trigger because cultural superiority is what lead your culture to be violent. But there are still a lot of resources with a lot of valuable information. I’ve only skimmed a couple things so far and it seems like one thing people emphasize in cultural healing is human connectedness.

The internet is a little hard to navigate on this topic, but I found an NYT editorial called “I loved my grandmother but she was a Nazi.” The author’s sweet grandma was literally a Nazi but she was a nice person who didn’t hate Jews. When the author talked to her about it, she would deflect. “He said a lot of things, I didn’t listen to them all” and “I was caught up in my own life” etc. The author says, that’s bullshit, there’s something she’s avoiding, and I can’t understand what it is or why she’s doing it, and I’m hesitant to say this because it might seem like I’m trying to forgive Naziism but I’m really just trying to understand who I look at when I look at my grandmother. It’s the most direct address of the West’s Nazi wound that I’ve found in my two and a half minutes of searching on google and I think it’s on the nose.

In the readmore are my more concrete thoughts on potential resources for Western/German/Viennese healing, and thoughts about what working through phase 2 would look like for a perpetrator culture.

Resources

On this reddit post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/5nfqwp/my_grandmother_grew_up_in_nazi_germany/

there are some resources. First of all, 1. there are people from diverse backgrounds respective to WWII, coming together and talking as equals in the same kind of “room.” The descendants of the persecuted and the persecutors are together and they are not enemies. The knowledge, and SOMATIC FEELING EXPERIENCE, of that, can be a resource. I am typing over this brusquely and that’s Mercury magic for you and you should know that I just burst into sobs. That in just a couple of generations, the grandsons and daughters of enemies can be together and not hate each other and even love each other is an immense resource and can be leaned into at any point. There is a vast well of cultural relief available here. My tears are thankful, grateful tears, tears of relief. I am thinking of the parks in vienna that are holocaust memorial parks. I am thinking of that horrible statue out in front of the Albertina that is a memorial to cultural violence but at the same time, also represents the trapped soul of the Perpetrator culture, since we are all One. In the same way that a piece of music which opens with a terrifying chord represents both the terror experienced by the terrorized, and the menace of the terrorizer, AND THE FEELINGS IN THE terrorizer that caused them to generate this chord... off on a tangent, and I’m not sobbing anymore! That was crazy. I have a tendency to lock my feelings up, but being alone in this house and in this quarantine, I can open up locked wells of feeling like that.

That resource is IMMENSE, and it’s RIGHT in front of our faces all the time. I took a class on 20th century germany in undergrad, and the professor was a young guy with a Nazi grandfather, well I’m not sure if he was a Nazi but he was a German soldier, and he remarked on it. And I think at the time I thought “how lovely” but if you sit with that feeling, it’s deep as hell. And if you sit with it from the perspective of a penitent perpetrator, it’s REALLY FUCKING DEEP.

So that’s available. Im gonna post this real quick as a way of saving the draft but I have more ideas.

Okay. Continuing,

Resource 2 also from reddit post

The top respondent says his German POW uncle had a British GF. That’s similar to the first resource, but more immediate. I’m sure there are lots of stories like that. Intercultural experience that nullifies certain tensions

Resource 3 also from reddit post

The stories of people who did do the right thing... maybe. I dont know. I’ll get off this post soon but it’s interesting. Idk if this counts as a resource, it’s kind of a tangent, but the more I learn about karma and trans-life inheritance of it, the more it seems true that it really is better to die living in line with your beliefs than to live safely. Like the person in Pweuy’s post. That father died but his karma was pristine as far as this was concerned and perpetrator trauma did not cling to him.

ok jesus this is an interesting post... the girl skipping over the river of blood as it trickled out of the asylum... the hitler youth boy befriending a lamb and the nazis slaughtering it in front of him... the russian soldier who guarded the german girl because she reminded him of her daughter...

Okay. Before I go on, I want to clarify that I am not specifically talking about people who held Nazi beliefs in their core. There is a special type of perpetrator injury that is specific to that kind of thing, true villains and terrorists. I’m talking more about “ordinary Germans” who didn’t think very hard and got swept along, moderate supporters to moderate resisters. As a culture, they were moved by the tides into Naziism. They have culpability, but not the exact same kind of culpability as perpetrator people. The culture moved to perpetrate these crimes, and they were a part of that culture. That’s the specific kind of wound I’m interested in healing. There is a poster on that page whose grandma really loved Hitler...

Ok! I spent a lot of my energy in that page, now its 10PM and I still have veggies to prepare. I need energy for this next thing I was going to talk about.

Resource 4 - this one specific coffee shop

I’m putting *s in its name because I like this blog anonymous. P*****n is a coffee shop in Vienna that is the only happy place I went. There were places that were ok... and fine... maybe pleasant... but this place was American levels of happy. Waiters danced around and were actually relaxed and happy. P*****n’s theme is intergenerational communication. It hires grandmothers to work behind the counter, and make pies, and you’re supposed to buy a slice of their pie and talk to them a bit. And then the waiters are young, and they communicate with the Omas. And the Omas are maybe not old enough to have been Nazis but their parents were.

They also include a bit in all their menus about intergenerational dialogue and wondering what more they can do and how they can be more of a space for it.

I had MANY genuinely pleasant little experiences there... and I think that little space that some person with a vision made, is a blossoming flowerpot with lots of healing energy where true dialogue could happen. So that could be a resource too. The happiness of that place. In fact, these conversations could happen there.

But I wouldn’t want to break the space. The course I just took talked about titration, which is just accessing a TINY part of the traumatic memory, so you don’t get overwhelmed. This is a very icy fucked up conversation for a lot of people. My Viennese friend told me to talk more quietly about it than I was. Actually I did talk about it there with some people! The German girl was surprised that I thought Vienna had a wound. So was the Irish girl actually. For other people it’s really evident. My Viennese friend. D**n. Rf: “it’s ALL I feel when I am there.” ME. God that conversation was sooo gentle and sweet and light. The Irish girl was wondering if she should move to Vienna or stay in Barcelona, and the three of us talked about Vienna nd it was SOOOOO LOVELY, holy BALLS.

But even if we don’t hold conversations there exactly, that could be a really good place for conversation to start. I could reach out to the people who run the shop to ask them about it. And then maybe conversations could happen in other places (don’t want to spoil the sweetness of the shop).

Resource 5 - personal as I investigate maybe not really a resource - but yes maybe it is a resource: Grounded, comfortable people who are Viennese, and who understand the goals and also understand the sensitivities of Viennese people more than I do;

Resource 6 - people who are experts at cultural healing in victim cultures

Resource 7 - fostering dialogue between those two parties, also me.

Again I’m really playing fast and loose with the idea of resources. Maybe. We’re starting to move into phase 2, also, because with this dialogue, I want to open up some scripts for how to TITRATE sensitively.

phase 2

For instance, notice that I didn’t say something like “Remembering Vienna’s amazing heritage of incredible music that has the power to redeem and heal equal to and more accessibly than religions.” I think it’s true that Viennese music is a major healing resource (BEETHOVENSCHUBERTMOZARSKLTBSLJRTHBLEWSKJNS:OFDFD), but since it is bound up in Viennese identity, that notion is complex. Also, it’s not only that Viennese identity is nasty because it’s nazi and therefore that gives Schubert etc a dark tint, but also, the grand things that Vienna has contributed to western culture are now a part of Vienna’s current wound of degradation, cheapification, and humiliation by TOURISM. although I will say that I think Resource 8 should be MY OWN deep internalization of the healing power of Viennese music. Posting again to save...

...not only does that music help me be healed, but it also helps me understand healing process in the specific language of the culture i’m interested in

okay. Phase 2.

A picture of what I think sorta needs to happen

I think Omas that say “It was just a lot of talk, we ignored it” and “I was busy in my life”... I think what needs to happen for a perp culture is for them to actually own their part in the villainy, to claim it and stand in it and feel the pain, and say “I’m SORRY, this was HORRIBLE, I AM SORRY.” THIS WILL ALLOW THEM TO BECOME NEW!!!!!!!

That’s a v different healing process from like native american healing etc.

I really think somatic approach is a better road in than cognitive because, god, imagine cognizing all of this HORRIBLE SIN bit by bit knowing your culture perpetrated it and not having anyone to blame it on. Jesus.

How might the process of getting there look?

This is vague especially now that I don’t have that burst of energy. Conversations...

Here’s a question. After resource gathering.

“Knowing that bells rang for Hitler in Vienna, how does it feel to be Viennese?” IN YOUR BODY?

Damn THAT’S GOOD! THAT’S THE FUNDAMENTAL QUESTION. How does it feel to be Viennese? The goal is for it to feel OK.

Um, speaking specifically about Wiener trauma and their welcoming of Hitler, a few years ago, I read this in some guidebook, Vienna’s government acknowledged that they welcomed Hitler and that they were wrong, and investigating that is important for my mission. It’s cool because 1. it’s a Big Ol Step and 2. it lays groundwork for all of this.

Step 3 is really beautiful to think about. In the course I took, it’s where the instructor got out of his soothing calm neutral demeanor and started speaking passionately and bursting with smiles.

In addition to being able to be more firmly grounded in their own individual and cultural identities...

Okay, so, I’m drawn to this because I’m drawn to it, punkt. That’s all. But also, and I think I’m really late on the uptake here, I think I was due in Vienna many years ago, I think that whatever work I do in Vienna is helpful for the echoes of Naziism in today’s world, such as Trumpism (which does not...exactly... have the same kinds of premises but uses a lot of the same kinds of mecahnisms) and actual brazen nationalism, white supremicism, and far right movements. Hitler is a LOUD and REVERBERANT figure in our history for this kind of energy, and if we can do healing surrounding him, re-discovering resilience in the moderates, helping them go through the emotional journey they need to go through, they will be a beautiful resonant horn call from the past, a solid core of NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that will strengthen the culture of the entire FUCKING world.

Music will be a part of it.

I have always loved Vienna, and I can’t really analyze it. I love it like a girlfriend. I know she’s problematic. And she can be really really horrible.

The wound is deep. The horribleness, the life negating quality not only of the FUCKING WRETCHED SHOP CLERKS, but also of the WAY -- THINGS -- HAPPEN, of the overall weird ass SPIRIT in Vienna, is... God DAMN WHY do I like that city so much? It’s bizarre. It’s very pervasive. I don’t enjoy experiencing it, I don’t think it’s attractive, I don’t like it. I love Vienna THROUGH that wound. I REALLY LOVE Vienna. That’s one of the clearest things that I know in my heart. I love Vienna... and that’s the whole story. It’s one of the easiest things for me to say.

Lots of people love a city. We do it for reasons. I think our hearts are drawn where they are drawn because we are attracted to healing the specific karmas of places. The karma of my hometown is mainly racial, with native american underneath. The coffee shop that is equivalent to P*****n serves often as a place of racial conversation and healing. It is actually pretty amazing. And once there was a white supremacist with a gun there and he stood up on a table and let people see his gun. He didn’t yell or anything. But that vital thing happened there in that coffee shop.

Excuse me I also love coffee shops and Vienna is the land of coffee shops.

Okay. I love Vienna! I literally love Vienna, with my heart. I love Vienna.

One last thing. I’m saving then editing...

The postscript: A major resource, and it kinda sidesteps some things, is language. It will be much better if German is spoken in these conversations. When I went to Vienna last, I didn’t prepare my German because when I went to Vienna first, everyone spoke English and it was simply easier to speak English all the time, so I figured I wouldn’t try to give the illusion and disappoint. But lo... the native people really, really resent it if you don’t even try to speak German. They actually seem to experience it as an injury. It is wild, if you’re not expecting it.

ALL OVER VIENNA I saw the Graffiti stamp/brand, “Tourism is terrorism.”

When I was in the airport and the cute customs dudes asked me the purpose of my visit, I said “TOURISM” and they laughed. That was fun. But it was a lie. I was a pilgrim. I... know I was a tourist, technically. But I felt such hatred for the tourists standing like apes in front of the Schubert statue in the Stadtpark. Their wretched selfie smiles plastered on top of the emptiness of their experience. My purpose in Vienna had nothing in common with theirs. And I claim that I didn’t do a lot of the tourist things - not many museums or concerts or whatever.

One of my more pleasant memories was going into a used book shop and asking about a book in the window, a German-language edition of the tao te ching from 1923 (a very strange time). I asked in English. The clerk was confused and asked if I spoke German, and I answered in German that I spoke some German, but was learning, and knew the TTC very well, and that it’s simply usually easier to speak in English. I might have used imperfect German, but I felt dignified and natural doing it.

Ok, not only the German language, but the quiet Viennese demeanor of Scorpiness. Scorpscorpscorpscorp. Quiet, observant, emotional, and responsive to gentle tenderness and consideration, and traumatized by brashness.

Both the spoken language, and the language of the demeanor, I think are somatic approaches that sidestep cognitive...things and make the culture feel unconsciously accepted and open.

On my first trip I learned howwwwww AMERICAN I was, and then on my second trip I opened myself up to my inner Wiener and was quiet and scorpy, and I felt warmth emerge from the people and city in response. It felt really right, and it felt like i was honoring...her, and it felt um sort of romantic. ha

#Vienna #Wien

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eerythingisshaka · 6 years ago

Text

The Coffee Prince XI

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3* *Part 4* *Part 5* *Part 6* *Part 7* *Part 8* *Part 9* *Part 10*

(T’Challa x Reader)

Word Count: 5.2K

Warnings: Violence, Grief

Sitting in Shuri’s lab, you get a moment of peace as she cleans your wound and works a salve over your gash that hardens to a comfortable gel-like bandage to hold your skin in place.

“That should do the trick. Should’ve put that on you before.” Shuri says, removing her environmentally safe gloves.

She hands you a canteen of water and some bread for you to eat. “Thanks. It probably would’ve been just fine if it wasn’t for a certain disturbance.”

“Oh yeah, life is funny that way. And just so you know, your vitals still look good. Everything seems normal from what I can tell.” Shuri pushes some options on her interactive wall.

You swallow hard in surprise. “You didn’t even hook me up into anything or poke me or anything this time!”

Shuri smirks, looking back at you like a grandmother about to school the youth. “(Y/N), don’t forget where you are. Things aren’t the same here as America. Now some poking would be nice to get a full scope but we don’t have time…” Shuri studies her kimoyo beads, saying something under her breath as she walks away.

“Where are you going?” You ask, finishing up your snack before you get up from the table. The flip of your vital records disappearing from the wall in front of you as you walk over to an opening positioned right across from the falls. The Dora Milaje have Erik in cuffs, awaiting the start and appearing as cool as ever standing in the rushing waters. T’Challa is nowhere to be seen just yet.

“Don’t worry yourself over that.”

You turn around swiftly at the sound of a melodic voice carrying beautifully across the lab. Donned in a green leather outfit, bantu knots crowning her youthful face. Nakia looks as if she’s never known a day of stress in her life, floating atop all the issues of the world.

You clear your throat, feeling diminutive. “Uh, well, I wasn’t. I am just trying to get myself prepared for what is to happen.”

Nakia purses her lips. “Has anyone explained the ritual that is about to take place to you?”

You shake your head slightly. “Just that there is a fight...whoever wins is King. Right?”

Nakia holds her hands in front of her, the only sign of anxiety reading on her. “That is the short and sweet version, sure.”

Her knowledge began to irritate you. “I’m sorry, but...who are you? You aren’t dressed like the Dora and I just wonder how I should address you properly. You weren’t here for the big raucous earlier.”

Nakia looks at you with sincerity. “Oh, I know. I rushed as fast as I could when word circulated, however.” Nakia closes the gap between the two of you holding a hand out but stops short of touching your face. Your head moves away from her hand involuntarily. “I am very sorry for overstepping. I just...how did he do this to you? I thought he was under surveillance. How did he get past the Dora?”

You touch your head lightly near your wound. “It wasn’t something anyone was expecting, that’s for sure.” You laugh a little too hard, feeling the soreness around your throat.

“Bast, were you choked?!” Nakia leans to view your neck. “You have bruises-”

“Nakia, I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Sorry, just...Shuri is supposed to be down to escort me to the falls and that’s all I’m focused on.”

Nakia nods with a slight bow. “Of course. You’re still early in your pregnancy, I understand. Shuri is notorious for her impulsive fashion changes-”

You stammer over her to cut Nakia short. “Wait, wait. You know I am pregnant? Was there a, like DECREE told about this that I missed out on?”

Nakia blinks a couple times in surprise of your reaction. “No but T’Challa told me in confidence-”

“How do you know him? Are you family?” You ask, voice rising slightly.

Nakia sighs. “No. We really shouldn’t dig into this so deeply-”

“Ok! I am ready! Sorry, my braid was not cooperating…” Shuri adjusts her braided bun and she adjusts her embroidered and leather bound corset marching down her winding staircase before looking up and reading the room. “Uhh...are you two ok?”

You sigh exasperatedly. “I was talking to...Nakia, but I’m confused. She knows everything about me, but I know nothing of her. T’Challa told her I am pregnant so I imagine she is something special here but she won’t tell me! Shuri, would you tell me?”

Nakia starts. “(Y/N), let’s-”

“I said SHURI!” You exclaim, holding your stomach to remind yourself of what is still most important. You take a few deep breaths and Shuri hustles to your side, holding you.

“She is a family friend.”

“And that is all!” Nakia says desperately.

“T’Challa and Nakia grew up together, since they were babies they knew each other. He still confides in her from time to time, it’s only naturally he would fill her in on your condition.”

You begin to calm down slightly. “I know, I know. God, I’m just...so tired…” You feel the crash of embarrassment smack into you as Nakia an Shuri shush you with reassurances. You appreciate the confirmations that you are indeed not crazy and just being a normal, stressed out, hostage survivor who is pregnant with a genetically enhanced monarch of a secretly advanced country. Regular, day to day stuff.

Nakia, Shuri, and a few Dora Milaje take a heliplane over to the Falls; across the plains, over the canyon, toward the sunset. The beautiful golden rays against the pinkish sky juxtaposed your impending dread. What if T’Challa got hurt really, really badly? Maimed and no longer King all because of you?

Exiting the heliplane, Nakia leads you and Shuri off, heading straight to Queen Mother who gives her a generous hug before glaring in your direction.

“What is she doing here? This is not for her to see in her current state. What are either of you thinking?!” She begins to speak to a Dora with a directive before Nakia stops her.

“Queen Mother, she insists on being here. She is of sound mind to make that decision on her own, we can’t belittle her.”

“I am not belittling! I am protecting her because she has been through enough upon arrival here. I would never have authorized her to be here!”

“Mother, she is already here. What else can we do?” Shuri says meekly.

“Send her back! Put her in the offices in the downtown headquarters!” Queen Mother says through her teeth.

“Queen Mother, I am fine.” You say with a slight smile as evidence. “I want to support him, I want to see him through this fight. I assured him to show up for it, I should be here watch it play out.”

Queen Mother holds your hands. “Daughter, you don’t know what you may see. This is a tradition passed down throughout the centuries in determining who runs this kingdom. If he loses, you could easily be caught up in the crossfire.”

“But he will walk away. His pride may be hurt, but he’ll push through like whomever lost before him.”

“Most of them are dead, dear. It’s difficult for most to yield with pride.” She says ominously as the sound of another aircraft approaching kicks up wind around them.

“Wait, this is life or death?” You question as Shuri sets you down beside her on a rock. “Shuri, it’s either give up or die?”

Shuri has her arm wrapped around you, rubbing your shoulder. “No lives will be lost today. T’Challa has you here to inspire him. And after what Erik put you through, he won’t hold back a single blow.”

A second heliplane hovers over the water as a staircase descends. T’Challa walks out slow and steady holding a weapon and a shield. Nothing more covers his body save for a pair of shorts.

“Does he get any armor or something? He can’t fight Erik with just a shield and sword!” You whisper harshly to Shuri.

She pat your hand, growing impatient with your questions. “Erik will have the same things to make it fair. No guns, no armor, just hand to hand combat.”

Okoye uncuffs Erik’s wrists, who rubs them as he sneers at T’Challa, picking up his weapon of choice. A shaman walks toward the middle of the two of them, speaking in Xhosa. Shuri translates to the best of her ability.

“That is Zuri, he is like the master of ceremonies. So now, he has a bowl that is like an antidote for the powers of Black Panther. T’Challa has to drink that.”

You scoff in frustration. “So no he has no armor, no gun, no suit and no powers?? Shuri, this is setting him up to fail! These rules can’t be bent?”

Shuri looks at you. “Have a little more faith than that, (Y/N)! He earned the throne this exact same way before. He knows what he is doing.” Shuri cheers T’Challa on as he coughs and strains from the effects of the antidote. You were already regretting having to see him like this. The pain has already begun before the match has started.

“Agh!” you squirm from a sharp pain in your side. Queen Mother hears you.

“Do you need to exit? I’ll call Ayo over-”

“No!” You say, holding up a hand and breathing deeply. Your face softens when the pain subsides as you look up to see T’Challa looking back at you mouthing if you are alright. You nod with a thumbs up, clapping and cheering him on as Zuri gives a final word, striking his staff down to initiate the battle.

What follows is an assemblance of might and anger between the two. Each strike of metal against metal made you jump a little more than before. Erik was too strong with his hits, hammering down on T’Challa with an unnatural agility for his size. T’Challa was not weary, intelligently moving on the defensive and wearing Erik’s acrobatics down.

“He’s got this…..He’s got this….” You whisper softly, rubbing your stomach subconsciously as you watch in awe of his fighting skills.

“You’ve got this T’Challa!” Shuri whoops from the top of her lungs. Queen Mother is speechless as she grips Shuri’s hand for support.

Erik makes move to stab T’Challa, but T’Challa saw this move coming, using his shield to strike Erik’s hand back before lunging toward Erik’s face. Erik leans away but moves back too soon, catching the edge of T’Challa’s blade against his cheek. Erik stumbles back slightly, touching the wound in surprise.

“Yield! This can be settles another way, if you would only yield!” T’Challa shouts.

“I ain’t a ‘yield’ nigga.” Erik snarls, coming back with a barrage of strikes for T’Challa to block. It’s like the fight has started all over again, with Erik having so much energy come back to him.

“Snap out of it T’Challa!” Shuri screams. Her directive makes you nervous. Is he about to lose?

Erik and T’Challa are toe to toe going at it when all of a sudden T’Challa is brought to one knew, exclaiming in pain.

You jump to your feet. “No…”

T’Challa raises his shield block a second attack, before standing again. A series of blocks ensue before you hear T’Challa wail again in pain, pushing Erik back.

“T’Challa!” You yell out without regard to what’s happening. Shuri takes you by the shoulders.

“Shuri, he needs to yield. He can get a do-over. I don’t want to see him get stabbed” Your thoughts are interrupted by a gasp from the crowd as you see T’Challa on his hands and knees in the water. Just as T’Challa begins to stand, Erik’s foot meets T’Challa’s face.

“NOOO! YIELD, PLEASE! STOP IT NOW!” You scream out as Nakia holds you back. Shuri is frozen, face blank as her mind is in another world. Queen Mother grabs ahold of Shuri before wailing and pleading herself.

“This ya King, huh? This-” a swift kick to the gut interrupts his taunts. “THIS YA KING?!”

T’Challa is at his breaking point, completely out of it as he struggles through the pain to get up, much less defend himself. Erik readies himself over T’Challa, hovering the blade above T’Challa’s neck like a golf club preparing to tee off.

“No.” Queen Mother utters.

“Bast, please.” Shuri sobs.

Nakia’s arms leave your body as her hands shoot up to her mouth, covering her mouth in horror for what was about to happen. Why wasn’t T’Challa yielding, you thought. Is he actually going to accept death for his position here? Wakanda can’t possibly survive under Erik’s crazy hand. And you had no intention on raising a child who would never know their father and his culture.

You aren’t sure when you started or even if you were truly moving. But once the scene of T’Challa about to be beheaded came closer to you in slow motion.

“Stop!”

You couldn’t feel your heart beating, your breath becoming labored.

“Stop her!”

As the water splashed around you, your jaw stretched almost to the point of dislocating. What came out is a blur, but before you know it, Erik was turning to face you, sword trained in the air. Your body suddenly felt cold under his glare as his hands released the sword, turning towards you. You hadn’t stopped yet, you wanted to collapse over T’Challa to protect him, to call an end to the fight once and for all. You didn’t care about tradition or royalty, he was your love and you weren’t about to watch him die.

Your gaze fell to his back, T’Challa was just beginning to crane his neck back and look towards you when it happened. Erik didn’t let you pass him by before he sent a wave of pain to your gut. You fell into his arms weakly as your breath was forced from your lungs. Your vision darkened at the edges as you felt your body being forced backwards, landing in the cool waters. Erik’s image stands over you smiling as you feel hands grabbing your arms and dragging you back. You still can’t think coherently about what has just happened to you, or if you were even alive at the moment.

Sound pops in and out as your ear had filled with water upon your fall, but a spattering of shouts made it to your understanding as your consciousness waned. Some man in fur swings a long club over Erik’s head sending him down with an awful thud. Your eyesight fades in and out as you see T’Challa. One blink, he’s up. Next blink, T’Challa is straddling Erik rearing his elbows back to force his fist practically through his face. Final blink, the fur man pick T’Challa up under his arms. You aren’t sure if a new fight is about to begin, but no one seems to stop him as the Dora carry Erik off and others along with Queen Mother and Nakia try to calm a fervent T’Challa...

----

“Come on, Beanie Baby, he won’t be long. Please behave!” You walk around Wakanda’s natural landscape with your beautiful, yet fussy infant in their stroller.

T’Challa lays his hand on yours resting on the bar of the stroller to stop you from walking further.

“Do you think maybe we should go back home? I don’t think-”

“Beanie needs some fresh air. Three weeks in doors is long enough!” You assert, unbuckling your baby to pick up.

T’Challa pets their head as they suckle on their fist, whimpering. “Hungry, are we?”

On cue, your baby begins to wail again, unsatisfied with their current state.

You tut at T’Challa. “Why did you have to bring that up? I’m a walking refrigerator 24/7.”

Your baby’s crocodile tears run down the sides of their face as their brown little face twist in frustrated toothless wails. You work your breast from your specially made shirt, angling your swollen nipple to your baby, whose mouth eagerly seeks its nourishment.

T’Challa holds your back, observing. “That’s better, isn’t it?” He coos, holding your baby’s hand as they suckle on you.

“Yes, Beanie Baby! Baba and Mama love you so much.” You say sappily in your baby’s face.

T’Challa stands back a little, looking at you. “Are you ever going to say the beautiful name we picked upon birth?” He says sarcastically.

“Ohhh, one day. We know the name, it’s been blessed and sung and praised by the whole country. But to me they will be my Beanie Baby until I am old and bent over.”

T’Challa pushes the stroller as you walk with your feasting baby. “What you said about Bean needing some fresh air...you meant yourself as well, right?”

You sigh, looking off into space. “Of course I meant me. I have been soooo stir crazy in the palace. I mean don’t get me wrong, you’ve made it so comfortable for me and I love every minute with the baby and of course I had to heal up cuz I pushed too hard during and I swear I’m trying to be a good mother but-”

“Eh, eh, shhh…” T’Challa stops in his tracks, turning to you, placing a hand on one side of your face. “You are exciting yourself too much.”

You feel tears beginning to brim over as your baby unlatches from your breast. T’Challa takes the whimpering baby over his shoulder, patting them firmly on the back as you clothe yourself.

“I know, it’s been like that lately.” You wipe your tears away sniffling.

T’Challa’s eyes soften in understanding, standing close to you. “You don’t have to hide your feelings, share them with me.”

“I know, I will. I’m sorry.” You sniffle. The baby lets out a hearty burp that breaks the emotional tone of the scene. You ‘aw’ as T’Challa smiles, congratulating Beanie in Xhosa, holding them up and kissing their cheeks greedily.

Setting the baby back along his shoulder, bouncing their little body along as he pushes the stroller along.

“You know, when we first met, what I enjoyed about you?” T’Challa asks.

You puff out your cheeks in thought. “Uhh, that we both enjoyed coffee?”

He smirks, shaking his head. “No, not even close. What I like is how bold you are. How open you are to letting me in, despite our differences or whatever doubts you may claim to have, you never showed your worries to me. It seemed to come natural to you.”

“Yeah, I just really wanted to talk to you that badly. You seemed nice enough, not like the creepy regulars.”

“Phew, thank Bast for that. However, the same thing I like about you, can also be something that leads to problems between us.” He adds.

“What’re you talking about?” You ask.

“Like all you just told me. For three weeks you’ve been suffering and I haven’t been any wiser for it. I never knew and that is scary. I mean I knew you were tired, we all have been, I just didn’t expect the possible psychological toll on you. Don’t be polite with me, be open and honest as you always have been.”

You nod, mulling over his words. “Yeah, I think I’d call myself the truthful one in the relationship.”

T’Challa groans. “I swear, you know everything now, and you’ll know everything as it comes from here on out.”

He smiles at you, pausing your walk to take your hand with sincerity. A soft snore from your baby fills the silence. T’Challa gently lifts the baby to lay them back in the stroller.

“Chacha, I want to be honest with you. But I’m hard headed so, just be patient with me. If you can do that, I’m sure I can find the words to tell you how I feel quicker than usual.”

“We share a life, and that includes our struggles. I will not let you fall long as I am by your side. I won’t have it oh!”

You laugh out loud. “You promise?”

“On a ton of vibranium, I promise. I will promise you when we get married next month and all of Wakanda can recognize you as Queen. I will promise you when we have more children, and they have children and we live on in the ancestral plane. You two are the most important beings int my life. I have nothing if I don’t have you both”

You look into T’Challa’s eyes, enamored by his words. The peace of the lands surrounding you both, the little life you both cared for more than anything in the world, and the love and respect between a King and a girl he loved from a coffeeshop around the way. It’s a fairytale that writes itself.

“I guess that’s good enough, I’ll talk it over with Beanie and let you know.”

T’Challa kisses his teeth. “You are something, having secret meetings with the baby. Soon as the baby is weaned, I will be the favorite. Mark my words.”

“Don’t worry, you’re still MY favorite after all.”

You reach your hands to T’Challa’s face, holding his face to study his features you loved so much, fingers finding his widow’s peak. You both embrace sweetly under the high noon Wakandan sun, peacefully loving each other over your first born, anxious for the life you have in store with the new Kings in your life.

“I love you, I love you, I love you. Wake up…”

---

“Uzole!”

Your head pounds as you begin to stir. Your mouth feels dry as you begin to speak but no sound comes. You’re about to try and sit up when your vision focuses on two figures standing at the far end of the room.

T’Challa faces towards you but is looking down at the floor as Nakia’s back is turned to you.

“There is no need for her to hear that now, you stay by her side until she wakes and remind her what she means to you. That’s it.” Nakia says.

T’Challa wipes his faces before stuffing his hands in his pockets, looking up at the ceiling. He looked good for what he went through at the fight, but he was worn down, you could tell.

“I will not lie. As much as it pains me, I will not omit information from her again. She does not deserve that.” T’Challa whispers.

Nakia lays a hand on his chest. “I promise you, one day will not hurt her.”

“And if she asks outright? What do you expect me to say?” T’Challa’s gaze snaps into place in Nakia’s direction, jaw tight in frustration.

Nakia’s hand falls as she shrugs. You feel a soreness in your back that becomes more annoying than waiting for the conversation to end. Pushing off the bed you bring your torso forward, calling T’Challa’s attention to you.

“umhle? You are awake, glory to Bast!” His stride brings him over in seconds as he adjusts your pillows behind your back.

“Ugh...I need…” You croak.

T’Challa’s eyes widen in anticipation. “What is it? Are you in pain? Do you have a fever? Nakia, get Shuri at once!”

You shake your head slowly. “It’s not….I’m thirsty.”

T’Challa sighs in satisfaction as he knows just what to do for you. A pitcher of water sits on your bedside table, dripping with condensation. He picks it up, pouring it slowly into a cup as you wait for him to sit beside you, holding a straw between your lips for you to take a drink.

Nakia clears her throat. “I let Shuri know you have awakened. She’s only a call away if you need. Good to see you back with us.”

Nakai smiles quickly before leaving the room. T’Challa looks you over, petting your hair gently, kissing your forehead with sweet pecks.

“Chacha, please.” You whine, weak from exhaustion.

He sits backs taking your hand in his, studying your knuckles, fingers, nails intently. “I can’t help it. I promise to behave, I’m just excited to see you.”

“I’m glad to see you too. How are you?”

T’Challa runs his hand along your forearm, massaging the softness of your skin. “When the Heart Shaped Herb gives me back my power, it heals as well. No harm done.”

“You won?” You ask with weakened excitement.

T’Challa nods. “I did, my love. With a little help, if I remember correctly.”

“Mm, yeah. Some big guy with furry shoulders came, right?” You close your eyes for a moment.

T’Challa looks at you confused. “You saw M’Baku? I thought you were taken out by then.”

You shake your head. “I was there, but I fell down.”

T’Challa’s thumb strokes your cheek. “You remember how you fell?”

Your eyes open again. “Not all the way. I saw you hurt and...my stomach started to hurt...then I was in the water...floating away…”

T’Challa nods. “Don’t think about it too much right now.”

You turn your head towards your cup of water, motioning for more. T’Challa obliges without missing a beat.

“So are you just going to sit here and watch me sleep then?”

T’Challa shrugs. “It’s the only thing I feel like doing at the moment.”

“That’s boring.” You quip.

T’Challa snickers. “Maybe to you. This is the most excitement I’ve gotten all week.”

You scoff. “The fight yesterday wasn’t fun enough for you?”

T’Challa pauses, looking around to search for words to reply with.

“What’s wrong, Chacha?” You ask suspiciously.

“Nothing. I don’t have anything to say to that.”

You take your hand away from him. “You don’t want to talk to me, but you want to see me. I’m not understanding you right now, man.”

“I would love to talk to you about so much, but-”

“What happened to Erik after the fight?” You interrupt.

T’Challa stammers. “That’s not the subject I’m looking to dig into.”

You rub your temples. “But you are King, right?” He nods. “God, then he is dead.”

“What?! Why are you thinking that?” T’Challa asks, surprised.

“It’s yield, or death right? Which I did not know before saying you could fight. I thought there’d be a ref and rules. Last thing on my mind was a death match.”

“I think it was implied when he took you hostage, death was on the table as consequence.” T’Challa says in a low serious voice.

“Don’t take that tone with me! I was there, I know how dire it was!” You exclaim in anger.

“No, love, I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just saying, I was prepared to risk my life to keep him from hurting you and Wakanda.”

“How would I go on without you? Huh? You weren’t thinking straight to make that kind of decision.”

“You told me to go-”

“I wanted you defend yourself, that’s it! Get some licks in for me, and keep it moving.”

T’Challa leans on his knees holding his head. “You aren’t making sense.”

“Well maybe it’s the pregnancy talking, but I have a lot of shit to work through right now. I want you to be able to hang in here with me while I do that.”

“I’m here, I will. It’s just that-”

Shuri knocks on the door, walking in at the same time. “Hello you two! Are you feeling good (Y/N)?”

You fold your arms. “I’ve been better. Your brother is being extremely annoying because he doesn’t want me to talk to him.”

“I didn’t say that!” T’Challa whines.

Shuri smiles as she takes out a tablet to scroll through. “Sounds a lot like him though, so I believe it. I could open a second vibranium mine shaft for ever time he’s told me to shut it.”

“Aye!” T’Challa scolds her.

Shuri reaches into a pouch to pull out two containers of pills. “Have her take the blue ones for discomfort, the red ones are vitamins. She’ll still feel weak for a few more days.”

“Are those safe to take with the baby?” You ask, reaching your hand out to look at the pills. Shuri looks over at T’Challa and back to you before handing them to T’Challa. “The instructions are these as far a frequency and overdose warnings, and the like. I’m glad to see you’re finally back with us (Y/N).” Shuri shoots T’Challa a look before leaving the room.

“I know she heard me...A few hours sleeping and it’s like I’ve been gone forever.” You chuckle a little as T’Challa reads the bottles.

“How long do I have to take them, you think?” You ask.

T’Challa’s forehead wrinkles in concentration. “Until the bleeding stops, I assume.”

“Whoa, what? Bleeding? I’m bleeding, where??” You push the blanket from you as quick as you can muster, but T’Challa holds your hands down.

“Stop it, (Y/N), you can’t move your body too fast.” He orders you.

You look up at him, you body beginning to fill with rage. “Why? Why can’t I? What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing life threatening, just please calm-”

“T’Challa, if you tell me to calm down, I will lose my shit for real. Now back off of me!”

T’Challa releases his grip on your arms finally. You glare at him as you sit up, taking down your blanket to look over yourself. You look at your body under your gown to see purple bruising across your abdomen.

“Oh God…” You begin to swing your legs over the side of the bed. T’Challa comes over to offer a hand to help you up but you swat him away, easing yourself to standing. You lose your balance quickly as your leg give out a moment, but T’Challa catches you.

“God, it’s like I haven’t walked in weeks.” You say out loud. T’Challa remains silent as you walk holding his hand to go to a long mirror by the adjacent wall. You stop short catching a glimpse of yourself looking haggard. Your hair frizzy and matted, skin pale and eyes darkened around the edges, one eye looking bloodshot.

You felt your spirit falling as you catch T’Challa’s reflection in the mirror, looking at you with pity. No hope in his eyes, no reassuring smile or jokey tone to make you feel less ugly than you looked. His face told you just about everything you would’ve forced him to say.

Your hands fall in front you you as you ease the gown up, catching the hem of the garment in your hands as you lift it up past your thighs, your pelvis. You were wearing granny panties covered a portion of your stomach. Letting down the waistband you see the deep, angry looking bruise the punctuated the impact of what happened to you

Suddenly you realized this whole time you felt nothing. No pain, not even a flutter. You touch your stomach, willing for that sign, anything to tell you that it wasn’t so, you were delusional. It wasn’t gone, they didn’t leave you yet, that you weren’t alone.

You hear T’Challa saying something, but you can’t listen to his words. A sensation comes from you between your legs that catches your attention but not what you hoped. Looking in your underwear, you see a pad filled with blood.

“T’Challa, call Shuri, uhh...I’m-I found the bleeding.”

“Umhle….” T’Challa’s voice cracks.

You grab his arm, feeling dazed. “The...the blood, it’s here. We can’t lose Bean.”

“It’s too late, it’s been days since.” He says.

“Bean...my beanie baby...I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.” You sob, tears painting your face as emotion stretched your features agonizing angles.

“You didn’t! You did nothing wrong!”

“T’Challa!! Call somebody!! We need help!” You scream so loud, a couple of Dora run in to survey the situation. When it became clear you were hysterical,

Shuri and a couple of her lab team members came in to try and calm you. But there was no calm left in you to manage. It was taken from you and left you empty. Your hopes and dreams got the best of you, and the world repaid your ignorance tenfold.

Masterlist

RagTag

@sweetpeachjones@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade@universalbri @therevolution-willbelive@you-like-this-chain @sarcastic-sunshines@airis-paris14@afraiddreamingandloving@kreolemami@lalapalooza718 @syreanne@thiccdaddy-mbaku@she-is-golden @wakanda-inspired@90sinspiredgirl@bidibidibombaclaat@sithlordslut@brujademente@chaneajoyyy@slimmiyagi @lewatigress @shesakillerkween @queentearra @fiercedeception @yaachtynoboat711 @yofavcocoa @katasstrophey @zxddy-panther @babygirlofwakanda@destinio1 @heyauntieeee @ambthegamer @savageiz@klaine15689 @nickidub718 @dramaqueenamby

#t'challa #t'challa fic #black panther au #black panther fic #t'challa x reader #t'challa x you #shakafic #fanfic

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 5 years ago

Text

Caramel Skin Under A Red and Green Cloud prt 4 full draft

"Talking" with Allura, Lance found himself mentally spilling every dark secret he'd buried since she'd left. Everything from the moment he'd said goodbye. All the things he'd never said to her, all the things he should have said. He poured his heart out to the cross that was all he had of her. Her photos were too painful. They felt empty of her energy. He kept the ones of them together, but they stayed here on Earth while he ran as far as he could. He would have kept pouring his heart out if Keith hadn't placed his hand on his shoulder, letting him know that he was there for him, and that he'd talked so long that the hole for the coffin was mostly dug.

Wiping his eyes and dusting himself off, he took the shovel from Keith, climbing down into the hole to finish off. He'd have to ask his father to make another cross, so Kre'el could rest and never be forgotten. Her coffin was plain white, no fancy carvings or intricate designs on top. Just a cold box to contain a woman who'd suffered through so much. Life wasn't fair. He'd known that for almost as long as he'd known his own name. It was hard. Full of fighting and pain, but today he could breathe easier knowing that if he wanted, he could walk right back down the hill and into his mother's arms, and that she wouldn't question it. She still loved him. She still wanted him in her life, and she accepted that he wasn't alright, or as alright as he made seem. He knew she had to hurt from his blunt words, but what else could he do? His past was still clinging to the bottom of his shoes, and his future was right in front of him. Or beside him. In the current moment his future was above him and slightly to the left, letting him be slightly perdantic over making sure the bottom was flat, so her coffin wouldn't warp and buckle before it's time. Patting the back of the shovel against the dirt, it was finally time

"Babe?"

"It's time"

Handing up the shovel to Keith, they hadn't thought things through properly. The hole was a little over 5 feet. There was nothing around that would disturb the grave, yet there was still the matter of lowering the casket down... which was an experience. Lance didn't want to step on the coffin, but with the lack of space and the drop, they were lucky they even managed to lower it down, having to trade positions as Keith was physically stronger than him. It still resulted in him sliding down the back of the hole as they tried to be careful. Both of them climbing out the grave feeling slightly wrong about how it'd gone down. It hadn't been a smooth and beautiful service. They were the only ones there to say the first of the goodbyes. What he wouldn't have given to have found her daughter to lay with her. It seemed unbearably cruel that they were both separated. Not knowing what he was supposed to do, he took the shovel up again, not allowing himself the luxury to rest. The sooner her grave was left alone, the sooner her eternal rest would start.

Covering the coffin, it seemed to take no time before the dirt was mounded up beside Allura's cross. The tears started, but the ran down his face, mixed with sweat from the bright sun overhead. Dirt clung to him from head to toe, Keith much the same way as he took the shovel from him, passing him the bouquet of sunflowers and daisies. Staring at the pretty yellow flowers in the bunch, they seemed ridiculously yellow and clean

"I don't know what to say"

"I don't know either. Maybe you don't need to know what to say right now. Your intentions are good. You put her to rest. She's here, surrounded by more freedom then she never had in her life. More love than she's had in years. She hurt you and forgave her. That's all that matters for now"

"Yeah... I pray she's finally resting in peace, with her daughter again..."

"I know, babe..."

"I thought I'd have words for this"

"You can think about it, and we'll come back up here with the others. When the time is right. You're not forgetting her by taking time to think"

Lance let out a snort, taking himself by surprise. He had no idea why he snorted

"You're right... let's head down now. We both need showers..."

"Ok. I love you, you know"

"I love you too. Do you think she's ok with me walking away?"

"I think she would be. I think she wanted someone to stop her and wanted someone to save you. I think she'd be happy you have someone who loves you and is there for you"

"I wish there'd been some other way... any other way. I forgive her, but I can't forgive everything. I can't forgive them for taking my virginity. I can't forgive them for all the disgust I still feel... but I want to believe when we were friends, that was real. That she's sorry for that. I want to go back now"

With the heat, the exertion, the heaviness of the day, he wanted to unwind again. Take a break before he had to think again. Let Keith comfort him, though he'd done so much of that already. Maybe he could convince Keith to take a shower with him? They both needed a shower and he wanted to show Keith some appreciation for everything he'd done. The least he could do wash his hair for him. The Telula's over head shower head was the only real place they could share a shower without having to swap in and out. Movies were definitely wrong when it came to the romance of shower sharing

"Babe? You still with me?"

He hadn't noticed his hand was gripping his chest. He didn't feel like he was having an attack. He could think clearly for one thing

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. What do you say we take a shower together. I want to hold you"

Keith gave him a smile, that went straight to his heart

"That sounds nice"

Lance was dead on his feet by the end of their shopping trip. Trying to keep his team out of trouble, every time he turned his back, Zak was off and into something new. If it wasn't Zak it was random strangers asking for his or Keith's autographs. Then it was everyone he'd known growing up, or at least it seemed like he was introducing his team to every single person he'd ever met in his time before the Galaxy Garrison. Running into so many familiar faces should have reminded him of all the good times he'd had in his youth, but seeing them in contrast with the thousands of refugees that still called Earth home only served to make him feel like the alien in his own home town.

With his arms feeling like they were going to drop off, he dumped his bags of shopping in Keith's old room, before staggering over to their room where his husband was dealing with his own smaller load of shopping. Coming up behind Keith, Lance wrapped his arm around the half-Galra's waist, nuzzling into the nape of Keith's neck as he inhaled as much of Keith's scent as he could. He loved Keith holding him, but he loved holding his husband just as much. The best time was they'd fall asleep together and he'd wake finding himself spooned around Keith, like his smaller frame could protect the love of his life from everything

"Hello, you"

"Mmm, hello"

Nuzzling harder, Lance was in heaven. He was sure of it. Keith had kept him calm as they'd shopped. Even when Lance had disappeared to pick up a few more small gifts for his husband, the thought that Keith was waiting for him kept him grounded enough not to panic despite all the strangers surrounding him. Letting out a content sigh, he pressed a kiss to fair skin against his lips

"Everything ok?"

"Mmm. Yeah. Better now we're back here and all the children are accounted for"

Laughing lightly, Keith placed his hands on his

"I seriously thought we lost Ezor and Zethrid. That's the last time I trust Acxa to keep them in line. And are you sure your dad will be happy with a new set of spanners?"

"Babe, we're on a working farm. Stuff goes missing all the time, so yes. And personally I was more concerned that Ezor was going to make crash the ute. I wouldn't be surprised if we'd all died on the way home"

The novelty of a car was too much for both their teams. Ezor kept trying to "help" by making repeated grabs for the gear stick, while Zethrid wanted to know why it didn't go faster. Sure, their work ute was old. She was rusty and didn't like going into gear half the time, but that was usually half the fun

"She's never riding in the front again"

"Nope. Anyway, how about you? How do you feel? I know you don't love crowds"

"I'm alright. Though, I probably would have walked away the first time someone asked for my autograph"

"I can see that. Sooo many people... I want to tackle you down into our bed and hold you all night, but now we have to go to dinner"

"I wouldn't mind a good tackling"

Rolling his eyes, Lance let Keith go

"No tackling for you. I'm going to grab a jumper to replace this jacket. Is there anything you want from the closet?"

"I'm good. I'm dressed alright, aren't I?"

Black skinny leg jeans with a black shirt... Keith was definitely more than alright

"Maybe just a jacket. Here, put mine on, it's prewarmed and everything"

"I need a jacket?"

"You don't need a jacket, but sometimes it gets really cold here at night. Mami couldn't care less what you wear, as long your hands are washed and you eat way too much"

"We're having dinner in the tent, aren't we?"

"We don't fit in the house. Not your team, my team, and the family. It's a quiet dinner tonight, mami messaged me while we were out"

"Oh... I didn't know she did"

"I had to ask her something. It's fine. Now, we need to get a move on. Rachel will eat your dinner if you're late. She'll also break your heart by finishing the last of your birthday cake you were saving for breakfast the following morning, and putting glue in your favourite face cream"

"I don't know who I'm more scared of, your dad or your sisters"

"My sisters. Definitely my sisters. Poor old Jorge is scared of them too"

Keith let out a confused hum of sorts

"Dad is Jorge. Mum is Miriam. Or papi and mami. I've told your their names before"

"I'm sorry... It's just, you always call them "mami" and "papi"... and your mum says to call her "mami""

"Yep. Dad will pretty much answer to everything. It comes from spending so much time around mum. I don't know if Luis and Lisa will be there... but tomorrow night we'll be heading into town for Nadia and Sylvio's school play. Then on Christmas Eve we have midnight mass. We don't have to go to morning mass on Christmas Day, so we can spend that together with our teams. Mami and papi, and the others are going. In the afternoon we'll be handing presents out. Then there's dinner, and fireworks with the kids. Mum's like lowkey catholic when compared to rest of the family. Especially after the existence of aliens were proven. She still believes in god though... Oh, we need to be up earlier tomorrow for the animals. It goes so much faster with more hands, but the cows were pretty uncomfortable waiting to be milked"

Keith gave a small laugh as he turned in his hold

"Babe, you already told me the schedule"

"I told you we were doing Christmas and New Years here. I didn't tell you absolutely everything. Like usually we have big family dinners from the 18th through to the 1st. I think mami changed all the plans because of what I said. That and I'm not up in the house where she can keep a close eye on me"

"Keeping an eye on you is my job"

"I know. Here, take the jacket already. We need to head out"

Dinner was loud, and long. Rachel kept shooting him looks before biting her lip and looking away. Lance knew he needed to talk to her, but it was hard when she was at the opposite end of the table. In the end, most the conversation came from Keith's team. Acxa had been forced to sit next to his mother, so she could finally get the woman talking to her. Their siblings had been pretty shocked that Veronica was dating Acxa, but that soon worn off. It was nice to watch as Acxa came out of her shell, even managing smiling and laughing at whatever his mother was saying to her. Down their end of the table, Lance had his hand on Keith's knee as he ate, enjoying the casual contact while Daehra and Lucteal discussed everything new they'd seen for the day. Zak and Tobias had bailed on dinner. Lance was sure he'd seen something suspiciously video game console like in Zak's hold. With a little bit of luck, the game console would keep both aliens out of trouble.

As the meal came to an end, Lance volunteered himself and Keith for dish duty. Not publicly admitting their competition as they both carried stacks of plates up to the house. The rules were simple. Everything had to arrive in one piece, and whoever was fastest won. The game was ruined when they hit the old wire door. With their hands full, they couldn't hit he magnetic lock, and were left to stand there until his mother finally brought up the rear with the left overs. Sighing heavily at the pair of them, she let them, Lance darting in before Keith could and claiming victory. It was a small win, but a win all the same. Piling into the house, their team members were ushered through to living room. Marco insisted they needed a crash course in Earth Christmas movies. His excuse for why he couldn't help with the dishes, when their mother tried to un-volunteer them. Waiting until his mother filled the kettle, Lance then went about stacking plates in the sink, automatically pulling the cupboard door next to him open so Keith could scrape the plates into the pig bucket.

For Lance the comfortable silence of the kitchen as everyone fell into place wasn't all that comfortable. The moment the kettle boiled and the teapot filled to brew, his mother gathered up four cups from the rack

"Mijo, leave the dishes for a moment. Your father and I want to talk"

Like he hadn't seen this coming from a quiznakking mile away

"It's alright, mami. We can talk while I wash the dishes. I told Keith about what I said today, so anything you want to say or ask, it's ok"

Tugging his gloves off, Lance placed them up on the window ledge, then went about rolling his sleeves up. The gloves were waterproof, but he didn't really want them soaking in the remnants of dinner. Grabbing the dishwashing liquid off the sink, he gave a generous squirt before making sure the plug was in place and starting to fill the sink

"Your father and I have some concerns"

"I thought you might do. You can ask... if I can't... answer it just yet, I'll tell you"

"Alright. We want to know what you meant by brain damage. Was it because of the bleed during surgery? Couldn't the pod heal it? Is it permanent?"

Straight for the big one first...

"There's some scarring. I don't remember how it happened, but it couldn't be healed by the pod because it'd already scarred. If they went in to try and fix it, they'd probably end up risking making it worse"

"Mijo..."

His mother's quivering voice is exactly why kept all of this to himself. Lance's hands gripped the plate in his grasp harder. Sensing his discomfort, Keith stepping while Lance forced himself to loosen his hold

"The damage isn't major. Lance is still Lance. It's mostly time that he gets anxious over, and sometimes he'll forget small things. The scar is located in the temporal lobe, according to his scans. It affects his flight or fight responses, which doesn't help with the PTS or depression, but we've got plans in place to help with things like flashback and panic attacks. We've been working on identifying his triggers and how to calm down a panic attack when he feels one setting in, which isn't always. It hasn't made him any less himself"

"Surely you can understand why we'd worry"

Breathing out through his nose, Lance finally started scrubbing the dishes, Keith now waiting with a tea towel for him to catch up

"I know, mami. It's hard for me to tell you. I know I acted wrong and didn't... do things how I probably should have after Allura died"

"Mijo, you were hurting. More than we knew... Keith, its very brave of you to face these things with Lance, but how are you? I know how hard it can be to care for someone in a medical sense when you love them"

He was right there. If they wanted him to leave, the could just tell him... No. He was being stupid. His anxieties were being stupid. Of course his parents wanted to know if Keith was handling things

"I'm alright. I mean. It's not always easy. We've always been good at riling each other up, and Lance is still healing, but he's trying so hard. It was harder in the beginning. I... had feelings for him before he started dating Allura, and when we ran into each other again, I didn't understand anything that was happening, or going through his head. I wasn't even sure Lance was Lance with how drastically he'd changed"

"I worry for you both. Your both so young. Please make sure that you're taking time for yourself"

"I have been, but honestly I'm happier with him than alone. I didn't have much of a family life growing up. When we met, I was warped and jaded from all the stuff I'd seen in the foster system, so when Lance started acting like everyone's brother, I didn't handle it very well. It took phoebs to realise that who he was, and that he wasn't pushing himself to pretend to care. I didn't have much faith left in humanity, but then before I knew it, I took control of Voltron and Lance was my right hand man. Voltron never would have succeeded without him"

A few ticks passed before his mother's next question came

"You said people hurt you for the red lion. What happened to them? Did they get everyone who hurt you?"

"Yeah. They're taken care of. Kre'el made sure of that. They worked for her, without knowing they did. When they hurt me without her permission... stuff happened. Basically, they won't be coming back"

"And the man you worked for?"

"Dead. He's dead. I've handed everything I had over to Shiro and Keith's mum. I need to stop being stuck in the past. I want to give this thing between Keith and I a real shot... and I don't ever want to scare you guys again"

"You said you bought an outpost? For you and Keith? You're not staying on?"

His mother wasn't trying to be accusing, but yet again his anxieties went there

"I'm not finished with my job. I like the work I'm doing. Helping people that Voltron wasn't able to help. Helping to keep space safe and calm. It's an old rebel base that they couldn't use anymore so moved on from. The money I gave them for it is only going to end up going back through the system and to the people who need it. It's not too far from Erathus, and a little over a movement to Daibazaal. Plus, the police out there totally owe me for doing the prison transfer out there so it shouldn't be too bad"

"We know you love your job, but if dangerous people..."

"Mami, I could live on Earth and it'll be just as dangerous. I have a really good team. Daehra is like the most amazing medic you could ask for. Lucteal backs me where I lack in hand to hand combat. There isn't anything in existence that Zak can't hack his way into. Tobias is... he's there. Plus, I have support from Shiro and Coran. It's not like it was before. I'm slowly trying to let everyone back in again. Like you and papi. And I want to talk to Rachel and V. I think Luis and Marco are just happy I haven't drunk myself senseless yet..."

"They worry for you"

"I know, mami. But there's worrying, and there's smothering. Veronica already tried to smother me. I really wish she'd taken time off sooner. She neeeds it. She's so cranky up there, she's even got poor Shiro scared"

"She's always been head strong. I guess there's nothing we can say to convince you to stay on Earth?"

Lance let gave a mental sigh. How we're parents able to lay the guilt on without changing their tone? His stomach was starting to roll with the festering feeling forming inside him

"No. Mami, I will always love Earth. It was my home and the place I longed to come back to every single day I was in space, but it... other than this house and all of you, it doesn't feel right for me anymore. I thought we'd come home to Earth. I thought we'd stop the Galra before they even spread out this far... but not it's like I don't belong out there, with everyone else here. The streets have changed. There's so many strangers and I don't know what's even going on in Earth politics anymore. I love you guys and the farm. I couldn't imagine not having that in my life, but until I'm better, I need to keep doing what I'm doing. Plus, my therapist is on Erathus. It's easy for me to get there from where the outpost is"

"You were always like this is a child, running off whenever I wanted you stay. I don't want to lose you, my baby"

"You're not losing me. I need this right now, and I need... Keith says I need to do what I need to do for me. I'd rather lose a finger and find happiness, than having kept the finger and lost all of this"

"I still can't believe what they did to your hand, and those nasty blaster burns"

"They've healed. I'm physically fine. Just a bit bruised around the mental edges. I'm in a better place... no, that makes it sound too much like I've died. I'm doing better than I was"

"Don't think I don't remember you said you died! Why didn't you tell us?!"

The plate Lance was scrubbing slipped from his hand as he flinched. He could feel the tightness in his chest starting to build. The voice of anxiety whispering how he would never have disappointed his parents if he'd just stayed dead. Trying to ignore it, he pulled the plate back out again. He just had to be normal for a little longer. A little longer, then he could go back to the Telula and snuggled up with Keith in his arms

"Because it was only for a few moments. Allura brought me right back. Plus... there were more important things going on"

"There's nothing more important than your life"

"There is! There's you. There's all of you! Papi, Luis, Marco, Veronica, Rachel... I couldn't come back from something happening to any of you! If my life could stop you all from being hurt, I'd give it every single day of the damn week!"

Placing his hand on his shoulder, Lance shrugged off Keith's touch. His skin prickling under the normally comforting hand. Not taking offence, Keith plucked the plate from Lance's hands

"I'm sorry. I know you have more questions, but I think that's enough for tonight. It's been a really long day for all of us. Let's get these dishes done and head to bed, babe?"

"Yeah.. yeah, your right. It's been a stupidly long day... Why don't you two go watch movies with everyone. Keith and I can finish up here, it's no drama"

"Mijo..."

"I'm ok, mami. I just need to... do this right now. I love you. And I love you, papi"

"We love you too, mijo. And you too Keith. Thank you for all you do for our Lance"

"You're welcome, though he's the one doing all the hard work"

Jorge cleared his throat

"Keith, Lance tells me your pretty handy. Would you mind helping an old man with his tractor? No rush or anything..."

"It's no trouble at all..."

Keith trailed off, unsure what to call his father

"Jorge is fine son, or papi if you feel like it. Make sure you don't stay up to late"

"We won't, Jorge. Thanks for a wonderful dinner, mami"

Waiting until his parents had left Keith out the tea towel down, before nudging him with his elbow. A slight blush on his husband's cheeks

"Is it really ok to call him Jorge?"

"He said so. Thanks for being here... It gets so hard to tell them anything. Mami worries and papi worries, then I worry about them..."

"Your parents are really nice"

There was a tinge of sadness in Keith's voice that had Lance abandoning the dishes, his anxieties didn't matter as he hastily wiped his hands on his jeans before reaching up to cup Keith's cheeks. Gently kissing his husband, the indulged himself as one soft kiss turned to three, a smile on Keith's lips as he broke away to stare into his husband's eyes. Reaching up with his left hand, he brushed a few stray hairs back from Keith's forehead

"You're so beautiful, babe. I love you. I hope you know how happy you make me"

Blinking at him, Keith leaned into kiss him, much harder and more passionately than the soft and tender kisses he'd bestowed upon his husband's soft lips. Moaning into the kiss, Lance felt dizzy from the attention, his stupid knees having the ordasity to go weak.

Forcing himself to break the kiss, they both smiled at each other like the lovestruck idiots they were

"Wow..."

"Yeah... sorry if it was too much"

"No. No... that was... let's get these dishes done. I feel like you just kissed all the stress out of me in one go"

"Oh, is that an invitation to do it again?"

"Mmm, as tempting as it is, let's save that for bed. If you keep kissing me, I'm going to end up on the floor in a goopy loved up puddle, and these dishes will never be done"

"I like the sound of that"

"I know you do, and that's the problem. But if you're a good boy, I promise you a special treat"

Covering his mouth and nose, Keith pulled away as he laugh-snorted. Faking offence, Lance huffed as he turned back to the dishes

"So rude"

"I'll be good. I just can't keep up with you sometimes. I could smell how agitated you'd become, but the next tick were kissing and laughing"

"And who's fault is that? Honestly. You're too beautiful for your own good"

"Nah, we both know you're the beautiful one. I'm the hot one"

Turning to gape at his husband, Keith shot him finger guns. The half-Galra had no idea what he started, but Lance was now going to prove how hot he could be.

With both their teams falling asleep while watching some snowy Christmas movie, Lance pulled Keith back to the privacy of the Telula. Washing all the dishes had been draining, but a second wave of unexpected energy had crashed through him thanks to Keith and him getting lost in the kitchen. What was the point of shutting the cutlery draw when there was more cutlery to go away? And how managed to forget twice where it was... Lance would never know.

Leading his husband through to their room, he pushed Keith down onto their bed, before climbing up and straddling his lap

"Babe?"

"Shhh... I've got this"

He didn't know if he had this. He simply wanted to feel Keith beneath his fingers. Leaning down, he pressed his lips to Keith's as he started taking his gloves off, when his husband started kissing back, he broke the kiss to start kissing down his chin and across his throat

"Shit... babe..."

Getting his pesky gloves off, they went flying. His hands moving to Keith's hips as wriggled down his husband's legs, mouthing harder at his neck as he went

"I love you... I love you so fucking much"

Sucking a deep possessive hicky on Keith's neck, Lance pulled back to survey his work, a smirk on his lips. Keith was biting his bottom lip as he stared up at him. God. The man was the epitome of sex appeal. Shifting his weight, he grabbed hold of the bottom of his jumper, tugging both it and his shirt free in one smooth move. He was actually momentarily surprised at how well he managed to execute the move without klutzing it up

"Lance?"

"Take your shirt off. I want to see you"

Nodding, Keith sat up so he could. Accidentally hitting Lance in the chin in his rush to obey. Laughing at his alarmed looking husband, Lance moved his hands up to "help" free Keith of his shirt and jacket, before throwing them to join his gloves, his lips smashing into Keith's as he pushed him back down, and slid back up so he was straddling the forming tent in Keith's jeans. Letting out a growl, Keith rolled his hips as he broke the kiss, hands going to Lance's arse

"You're so fucking sexy"

Groaning as Keith's gripped him hard, he was struck in the face the scent of Keith's desire. He didn't want to just have sex. He didn't want to think about his pleasure, he wanted to make Keith feel loved. He knew a happy family home came with lingering pain for the man he loved, so he wanted to show Keith just how damn loved he was

"Hey, tonight it's about you babe. Let me make you feel good?"

"I want to touch you"

"Mmm, but let me touch you first..."

Grinding down against Keith, Keith let out a sinful moan

"See, baby. Let me take care of you"

They had rules. Sleeping with underwear on was non-negotiable. Preferably with pyjama bottoms but sometimes they were too tired to go to the effort. Above or "through" contact was alright, provided Lance gave clear permission, and Keith would stop if it all got too much or smelt something was wrong. Awkward morning boners were politely excused, and wet dreams too. If Lance grew too wet and soaked through his underwear, Keith would wake him so he could clean up... which was still a little mortifying, even when his husband meant well. Waiting for Keith to nod, Lance began peppering open mouth kisses to the half-Galra's throat, letting out small moans at the feeling of Keith's skin so openly exposed to him. There was something about being so intimate and completely control that made him feel like he was unstoppable. Keith was allowed to use force on him in the case that he flipped out. But his husband wouldn't. He'd only agreed to satisfy him and they both knew it. Making his way down Keith's chest, he pressed kisses to the scars there, tracing his hands up his lovers abs. Keith might call him beautiful, but he was nothing when compared the man between his legs. Reaching his left pec, Lance traced the muscles outline with his tongue, Keith arching beneath him as he paused to blow across the trail, then moved to tease the small bud of his left nipple into a stiff peak with tongue. Biting lightly, he hummed happily when Keith growled at him, hands gripping his arse even harder.

Pressing a kiss to the centre of Keith's chest, his right nipple was already a hard bud, taking it into his mouth, he sucked firmly, rolling his hips as he did. Keith wasn't sure if he liked his nipples being touched, where as Lance's were constantly sensitive under his lover's ministrations. A playful flick never failed to send a jolt through his groin. Their time on Daibazaal hadn't been all meetings and gloom. Some light mutual touching had morphed into something a little more. Rules formed and broken, but they'd never crossed the line back into sex or beyond a mutual handjob. He'd been too worried about Earth to be in the right frame of mind. Whining at him, Lance pulled off Keith's reddened nipple to stare down at his husband before hungrily claiming his lips again.

Moving his hands up Lance's back, Keith rolled them so Lance's long legs were wrapped around his waist as broke the kiss in favour of furiously nuzzling into Lance's neck, dropping soft kisses to the flesh as he dragged his teeth across the curve and down to his collar bone

"Babe... you're so fucking beautiful"

Biting down on his collar bone, Lance let out a surprised gasp that was suspiciously moan like. He could feel a sudden rush of wetness between his legs as Keith rutted up against him

"So beautiful... so beautiful babe..."

Moving up to claim his lips again, Lance felt like he was melting. This wasn't how things were supposed to go, but damn if he didn't feel like the most loved and wanted man in the world. He could... He was learning how to let go. Keith never judged him. Keith would never judge him when they were like this... He was still opening up and allowing himself to be open beneath Keith, but his husband truly loved him for him, no matter what he'd been through. It was intoxicating to know that it wasn't his messed up body, but he himself that his husband wanted. Breaking the kiss, Keith stared down at him

"Babe?"

"I'm ok... I'm ok... God, I love you. You... make me so happy"

Smiling, Keith leaned into kiss him softly, ending the kiss sweetly to rest his forehead against Lance's

"Not as happy as you make me... Can I eat you out?"

Lance let out a breathy laugh

"Babe, the whole point of tonight was I wanted to show you how much I love you. I want to focus on you tonight"

"Nothing making me happier than you... and I want to do this. I want to taste you on my tongue"

How was he supposed to say no to that? Especially when his body was so damn eager for it... he just... he was saving sex for a little further on... maybe a few days if everything went right. He wanted it to be really special and perfect for them both... and had it all mentally planned

"No sex. I mean... I..."

"It's alright. I want to touch you. If you don't feel comfortable, I promise to stop"

"Ok... go slow?"

"Always"

Stripped beneath Keith, his husband insisted on echoing his earlier movements. Teasing his nipples until Lance was wet enough that the sheet beneath his arse was thoroughly soaked. Pulling him down the bed, the wetness smeared up his back as his legs were pushed open, Keith's fingernails scraping as he gripped his legs. Blushing, Lance grabbed his pillow, covering his face

"Babe? Are you ok?"

"Mhmm"

Squeaking, Lance forced himself to peak over the pillow

"Then why are you hiding?"

"Because I'm like... completely exposed here"

They might both be naked, but Keith wasn't the one with his arse and junk on display

"I know. It's a great view"

Groaning, Lance pulled the pillow back up

"Babe, if you're not comfortable"

"It's... exposing"

"Then you're going to love what comes next"

Throwing his pillow at Keith, Keith dodged with ease before burying his between Lance's legs, the Cuban letting out a choked cry of pleasure as Keith's tongue lapped at his leaking opening, the inside of his thighs trembling

"Quiznak... oh... fuck..."

Keith had the nerve to snort lightly, before slipping the tip of his tongue in, Lance throwing his hands out to fist the sheets as his husband moaned, hips rocking in desperate need for more than just the tip of his tongue. Fuck... fuck... there was no way he could last, and he'd only just started... oh quiznak...

"Keith... fuck..."

Panting and shaking, Lance lost himself chasing the pleasure of Keith's mouth and fingers. With his hand wrapped around his dick, his husband alternated between eating him out and blowing his brains out. The soft laps along his leaking slit contrasted against the hard way Keith all but shoved his face against arse, eating him like there was no tomorrow while Lance fucked himself on his husband's tongue. His whole body was shaking, so close to orgasm that it was cruel. With his chest heaving, he licked at his dry lips. He wanted to come...

"You can come, baby. You come come... you don't need to beg"

Lance didn't know he'd been begging... Keith's hold on his dick was the only thing keeping him from coming. Pulling off his arse, Keith sank his mouth down Lance's shaft, still holding him tight as he worked the tip... The stupid purple eyed bastard had said he could come... so why wasn't he letting him... he wanted to come... he was hard... properly hard... tears prickling in his eyes, hands sore from holding the sheets so tightly. Sliding off with a lewd pop, Lance whimpered at Keith's breath against the tip of his dick

"Come down my throat... want to taste it"

Sinking back down, Keith released his hold, jerking him as Lance swore the whole world imploded with pleasure, hips stuttering as Keith drank him dry. Holy fucking quiznak... Keith was... Keith was jerking off to him? Warmth splattered across his arse and thigh as Keith let out a long growl... fuck... fuck...

Coming hard enough to fall completely boneless, Keith kissed his inner thighs before lowering his legs off his shoulders. Climbing up, his husband collapsed next to him, brow damp with sweat as he grinned, a hand lazily coming up to pat around on Lance's chest until Lance raised his hand to capture Keith's. Lance hoped his husband knew how much effort that took and how floaty he felt in the after glow of probably the bet orgasm of his life. Laying there, they both caught their breaths, Keith wriggling to lay up against him, nuzzling and kissing his shoulder

"Babe? You ok?"

"Mhmm..."

"Ok... fuck... you came so hard it came out my nose"

Laughing weakly, Keith rubbed his nose against his arm, Lance wrinkling his face up in disgust

"I've got enough cum on me, that I don't need more. Can you stand?"

"Hmm, what?"

"Never mind... I need to clean up..."

Their mixed cum was starting to dry against his skin, the feeling not the greatest, and if he allowed himself to focus on it too long, the bliss and heat of the moment would turn to fear

"I'm going to take a shower. Do you want me to bring you back a cloth?"

Keith sighed at him, flinging a leg over his hips to keep him in place

"Do we need to clean up?"

"As someone who's slept in their own filth, I need to clean up"

He didn't exactly snap, but Lance's tone took on a hard edge

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for, especially after that orgasm. I need to clean up, babe. Can you please let me up?"

Keith slid his leg back

"Yeah, babe. Sorry. I didn't think of that"

"No, don't say sorry... We're... boundaries right?"

Kissing his shoulder again, Keith propped himself up

"Here, let's get you up and in the shower, then I'll change our sheets"

"Thanks... and... that felt really good..."

"Mmm, you taste really good"

Going for a kiss, Lance pushed him back

"Nope. I'm not being kissed while you're all "juicy". That's a no go. Now, carry me? My legs are like jelly"

Realising his hand, Keith grabbed him up and threw him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. Slapping his husband's arse, Lance let out a laugh. This wasn't what he meant. He'd been joking for the most part. His legs did feel like jelly, but now Keith had gone and recovered with his stupid Galra stamina and made off with him like it was nothing. He was supposed to be reminding his husband that he was the hot one! Now he was stuck staring at Keith's glorious arse and toned back... it wasn't fair. Hot. Smart. Kind. Gorgeous and strong as hell... Stupid perfect Keith and his stupid perfect mullet.

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zukalations · 6 years ago

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Keep Smiling! - Misaki Rion retirement talk with Yuuma Rin

This is Misaki Rion’s farewell invitation talk in Kageki, which was published in the April 2017 issue. She invited Senka member Yuuma Rin, who she had also performed with when they were both members of Flower Troupe.

Keep Smiling! - Misaki Rion retirement talk with Yuuma Rin

Misaki: I was with Marin-san (Yuuma) during my time in Flower Troupe, and then last year when we were together again for Elisabeth, it was really nostalgic, and I was so happy. I thought ‘I would love to have a chance to talk thoroughly with her’, so I took the liberty of requesting you.

Yuuma: For this precious page!!!

Misaki: I really owe a lot to you, and I like you a lot, so I thought it would be simply perfect.

Yuuma: I’ve received a love confession. Basically, I’ve always been fond of Mirion (Misaki). Recently I was talking with Daimon (Nozomi) and Akira (Seto), and we were all saying we were really weak for Mirion, and so we just couldn’t help supporting you, and all that (laughs).

Misaki: I just...really like you…

Yuuma: I really like you too, with your laughter and your open personality. Mirion-san, didn’t you stand out ever since you were first assigned to Flower Troupe?

Misaki: No, no...you mean because my makeup was terrible? (laughs)

Yuuma: Your makeup… (laughs). Although I did have the feeling that your wig and makeup styling was going to need...a lot of work (laughs), I thought that a really pretty girl had joined the troupe. In EXCITER, the first show after you were assigned to the troupe, you were on the Silver Bridge in one scene…

Misaki: During the fashion show scene, where 5 couples cross the Silver Bridge.

Yuuma: You were with Maa-kun, right?

Misaki: Yes! I was with Maa-sama.

Yuuma: The youngest couple was Maa-kun and Mirion. I’ll never forget how stiff and nervous you were in the rehearsal room (laughs).

Misaki: My face was so frozen, so even if I was trying to laugh it wouldn’t show at all.

Yuuma: And then when it came time for the dress rehearsals, that incredible wig (laughs).

Misaki: And I just thought ‘Yup, this will do!’ and came out in that.

Yuuma: Right, right. “You know you’re a Ken-1 when…” And then...or was it after you had already become a senior actress? That show with Eritan (Sou Kazuho)...

Both: Canaria!!!

Misaki: You were playing the director of the Demon Academy, and you were just amazing. Your characterization and your acting and everything!

Yuuma: Now, now. I had the feeling that Maittii (Minami) and Mirion were weaponizing your youth and using all your energy towards your performance! (laughs) Were you still ken-1 then?

Misaki: I was ken-3!

Yuuma: That was incredible for ken-3. The role of Adjani was perfect for you.

Misaki: I am told that a lot, and it’s still a performance that holds a lot of memories for me.

Yuuma: How long were you in Flower Troupe?

Misaki: Three years. I was transferred just as I was about to become ken-4.

Yuuma: So in the end it was only three years? Wow! You left such a deep imprint on the troupe...amazing.

Misaki: (laughs)

Yuuma: I remember that duet dance you did with Eritan on the boat in Canon really clearly.

Misaki: That was another situation where I was really suddenly able to join that scene, and also the duet dance with two couples in the finale. I felt so much pressure internally.

Yuuma: You didn’t look it at all.

Misaki: I actually cried over that a lot. But I remember that Eritan comforted me really brightly: she would say “The heck’re you crying about? This isn’t the time for cryin’~ (laughs)”

Yuuma: You looked like you laughed your way through it. That brash laughter is the image I have of Mirion. Your laughter helps you make it through all kinds of things, and you don’t really show frustration on the outside, right? Even if I think you look like you’re having a hard time it’s like ‘but she’s still laughing!’ (laughs). After all, if you laugh you can get through the difficult things.

Misaki: That’s right.

Yuuma: Your last Flower Troupe performance was Chikamatsu: Journey on the Road of Love, right.

Misaki: That was also my first traditional Japanese-style performance, so I really struggled in rehearsals.

Yuuma: Even though here we are as Kansai folks, at times we couldn’t even manage the Kansai dialect in the script (laughs). But those days in rehearsal…

Misaki: I’ll never forget them.

Yuuma: I remember it as if it just happened the other day. I can picture Mirion feverishly working to deal with the trouble spots. So in turn the rest of us felt like we had to put in our best effort too.

Misaki: I was fighting with myself, and fighting with the difficult parts in the show, so I was totally wiped out every day (laughs).

Yuuma: Our conversation every day would be like “You don’t look so great, do you?” “Neither do you!” (laughs)

Misaki: But, once the performance started, every day was so much fun. That performance was full of so many different emotions.

Yuuma: It didn’t have anything to do with it being your last Flower Troupe show, since you didn’t have the time to think about that, did you?

Misaki: Not a bit. But on the last day it hit me, and when I thought ‘Oh, this is the end of my time in Flower Troupe…’ I started crying. Although for some reason Yuzuka (Rei) cried more than me (laughs). As I was saying “I’ve never cried this much before…” I went from having tears pouring down my cheeks to being able to laugh (laughs).

Yuuma: Of course you’d still laugh (laughs).

Misaki: Even though I was crying too, you [Yuzuka] crying even more than me was funny, was the thing (laughs). But since I really felt that it was my last show in Flower Troupe, it got mixed up with loneliness and doubt, so it was a really complex feeling.

Yuuma: I felt like you matured a lot when you went to Cosmos Troupe. Did you feel that you had to make sure you had it together?

Misaki: I think so. I thought ‘I’d better do this right.’ I really felt conscious of being watched, and it was my first troupe transfer, so I was thinking ‘Well, they probably don’t know that I’m actually such a weird person,’ (laughs) so I was really putting on a different personality. So at the start some of that was faked, and thinking back on it it was pretty stressful.

Yuuma: We really worried about you. When all of us from Flower Troupe would go to see your shows, or when we would get a glimpse of you in the dressing room after a performance we’d confirm ‘It’s ok, she’s alive, she’s laughing’ (laughs). And then when you went on National Tour with Melancholic Gigolo…

Misaki: The Niigata performance!

Yuuma: Four of us—Yuu (Matobu Sei), Eritan, Miwacchi (Aine Harei), and I—all went to see it together.

Misaki: Having all of you gorgeous people there was so exciting!

Yuuma: I was so happy that you were together with Maa-kun. When you crossed the Silver Bridge together in EXCITER and I thought about how you were both coming out as Top Stars, the feeling was like ‘Oh, your old dad’s gonna cry~’

Misaki: Dad (laughs). My bond with Maa-sama is really miraculous. I still think that all the time. I feel like something brought us together.

Yuuma: Your atmospheres really match. When you were with Ouki (Kaname)-san, you fit well with Ouki-san’s aura of nobility, and it was a really Takarazuka-esque feeling, but when you were with Maa-kun it seemed as if Mirion’s good qualities came out even more...and now in the middle of that you’re retiring, is how it feels (laughs).

Misaki: But then during Elisabeth we were able to meet again. I was so happy when they announced the cast members! I was like “It’s Marin-san!!!”

Yuuma: Every day when you would come over saying ‘Papa~’ it was so cute and I was so happy. During the wedding ball scene, it was as if my character’s feelings at his daughter being married, and my feelings at sending you off from flower Troupe, became linked. Although I was nervous since it was my first time with that troupe, Maa-kun and Mirion being there gave me strength. That was a big relief.

Misaki: It was a great relief to me too. I just love Marin-san’s personality. The way you can think positively about everything was a big encouragement to me.

Yuuma: During Elisabeth, even though I wanted to take the time to talk with you thoroughly, of course it was a really busy performance, so yet again I just got glimpses...I’d end up doing welfare checks-- ‘Alright! She’s alive!’(laughs)

Misaki: You always check on me (laughs)

Yuuma: It would have been nice to do one more show together…

Misaki: It really would…

Yuuma: I was able to see your farewell recital, and it was so good! You were so dazzling and it made me think ‘retiring Takarasiennes are really glowing’. I’ve seen you at times where I thought ‘maybe she’s not happy about things right now’ but now you’re totally in high spirits. After I saw the performance, didn’t I say ‘you’ve become young again’? (laughs) You’re young already, but it felt like you had so much life force, or something…

Misaki: Hearing that makes me so happy. I’ve always been more quiet and reserved, so I end up being seen as older. I’m glad I could become young again at the end (laughs).

Yuuma: (laughs) Are you enjoying yourself right now?

Misaki: I think so. I think I just feel full of gratitude. In each and every scene I feel full of love towards the director and the choreographers.

Yuuma: Takarazuka is amazing, isn’t it.

Misaki: Everyone retiring would say that there is so much warmth, and now I’m feeling that for real, and every single day I’m performing full of gratitude for everything.

Yuuma: I think it would be good to see more of Mirion’s brash side in the Tokyo performance.

Misaki: Is it okay to show that on stage? (laughs)

Yuuma: You could stand to put in a little more.

Misaki: I’ve always ended up putting on airs a bit onstage.

Yuuma: The top-student side of you comes out.

Misaki: I think that’s always been an issue for me. Therefore, like you said, until the end I want to try and put something of my true self in.

Yuuma: To think little baby Mirion has grown up so wonderfully… I saw you keep on growing, and while I thought ‘you do your best’ actually I think I was the one impacted by that. And a lot of times that positivity of yours, and your brash laughter, really helped me as well.

Misaki: What, really!?

Yuuma: Therefore, until your last day, I think you should just be like that, and be yourself.

Misaki: Wah~ Yes!

Yuuma: I want you to enjoy Takarazuka and use your laughter, and your brightness, to envelop all of Cosmos Troupe, and the whole theatre. I think you can really do it!

Misaki: I’m going to fight till the end while enjoying myself and living life in Takarazuka to the fullest.

Yuuma: Yes, yes! Laugh your way through it! (laughs)

Misaki: Your final summation is ‘laugh your way through it!’ (laughs) Thank you so much!

#takarazuka #mag: kageki #sienne: misaki rion #sienne: yuuma rin #troupe: sora #troupe: senka

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gudrun-g-ds-precious-lore719 · 5 years ago

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April Top 10

1. No Man’s Land by Hands Like Houses

This song is so good! It’s about what connects us all, and that it’s ok to ask for help, and we don’t need to suffer in silence. It’s about mental health and the cycles that people, and especially men, go through.

“Too many mothers

Are burying sons

And too many daughters

Are being robbed of their own father's love

We're killing each other

We're killing ourselves

'Cause nobody taught us

That it ain't weakness to open up and reach for help

Staring at the bottom of the bottle

Like it owes us something

We owe it to ourselves to be better

In case the world's gonna give us nothing”

It’s also helped me as a reminder to stay sober, which has been very difficult recently.

2. On to the Light (The Rush Pt. 3) by Kings Kaleidoscope

This is a happy song about knowing where you’re going. It’s got brass instruments, which I always enjoy.

3. Eyes On Me by Thundamentals

This is a love song, and though I’m not in love with anyone, it still makes me and my heart happy. :) Plus it’s just a dope song

“You can spend your whole life searching

Searching for something

Yearning for someone, then all of a sudden

They're right there in front of you like you got the sun in your eyes

Ayy, "Love is blind, keep your eyes on me"

Yeah, that's what she said

In the middle of nowhere, surrounded by strangers

Lemme tell you that I never felt so fucking inspired to go there”

4. To Noise Making (Sing) by Hozier

First off, Hozier is just great. :D Secondly I love to sing, and this song is about singing your heart out and not caring what other people think.

“

You don't have to sing it right

Who could call you wrong?

You put your emptiness to melody

Your awful heart to song

You don't have to sing it nice, but honey sing it strong

At best, you find a little remedy, at worst the world will sing along”

5. Good News First by Listener

This song is about survivors, and giving hope. It’s spoken word, which is great. The musical composition is beautiful and powerful. It’s about needing each other, and how losing helps us grow.

“Dear survivors and future survivors: You are all amazing. You are important. Flawed and scarred on purpose. I love you all because you're perfect, and with all the rest of me. Losing makes you grow. Do you want to lose with me? Growing helps you win. Who wants to lose with me? Good news first. Good news first to numb the pain. (and on my best days so I can take it)”

6. Vultures by Asking Alexandria

This song is heavier, and there’s a part in it that I’ve gotten down and can sing well. It’s about either continuing on or giving up because you can’t trust anyone. I’ve been feeling recently like my luck’s run out. This is the part of the song that I like most and can sing:

“For so long all I've known, all I've seen's

Green lights. Fuck your greed, all I need's somewhere

To catch my breath, rest my head and ease my mind

I've been holding on

But my grip ain't what it used to be

I'm much older, I'm bitter, I'm jaded, I'm lost

Can somebody give me a sign?”

7. Glory by Dermot Kennedy

Dermot Kennedy is an Irish singer/songwriter, and he recently got his big break and performed on Ellen. He has a very powerful voice, and I really like his stuff. This song is no different. It’s a song about a girl that has all the potential to be hellish, “and yet she’s singin’ to me glory”

8. Glass Houses by Bad Omens

So this one is a throwback for me, and it’s quite dark and very dramatic, but I was listening to it a lot because someone who hurt me a lot made a fake fb account after I blocked her and sent me a long message about how I should let her back into my life because she’s changed and she deserves another chance. Now, people can change, but I don’t think she has. She’s always been a manipulator, and I don’t want her anywhere near me.

Anyway, basically this song is about seeing more of the devil than God in someone.

“I see through you

I know what you are

I've seen the Devil more than I've seen God

And when he has you by your neck

I hope you choke on every fucking word you said

You said I'd never make it

You said I'd fall on my face

But now I'm right where I belong and I put you in your place

You said I'd never make it

You said I'd make a mistake

But now I'm right where I belong and you've got nothing to say”

9. FEEL NOTHING by The Plot In You

Another dramatic song, heavy, something about Landon Tewers’ voice never ceases to make me get emotional. It’s about giving up on someone because they’ll never change.

“Broke away but you're starving for closure

Seem together but you know that I know ya

Know this is real, this is real

It's too late, too late

I've buried this and it's evident

You won't change, won't change

I feel

It's too late, too late

I've buried this and it's evident

You won't change, won't change

I feel nothing for you

And I feel...”

10. Alive by Wage War

I can’t fully describe the way this song makes me feel. It’s a hardcore song, but I can’t help but groove to it. It makes me feel... Alive ;) But really. So good. It’s about proving people wrong that said you’d never amount to anything. I never thought I’d live this long, but here I am. I’m making it.

“They said we'd never make it out alive, But I broke the mold and I survived Hate is a cancer We are the problem Love is the answerGoIf we're the troubled youth they claim that we are Condemned to sink to the depths of a world ripped apart I'd rather spend my life believing there's hope Than be obsessed with how to tie the end of my rope”

#monthly top 10 #monthly top ten #april 2019 #april top 10 #april top ten #wage war #the plot in you #dermot kennedy #aa #asking alexandria #listener #listener band #hozier #hlh #hands like houses #kings kaleidoscope #thundamentals #music

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healthprogramnewtips-blog · 6 years ago

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A Great Time to Update Your Estate Planning

Across the give up of each 12 months i really like to take an stock of myself, what I did inside the past year and what changed over that point. There had been new additions to my circle of relatives; i've grown toward some pals and greater remote with others; we have moved to a brand new residence; and in standard things have changed notably. With all the trade, it is an ideal time to replace my property plan to mirror those and different modifications that have came about due to the fact I carried out my property making plans documents almost 8 years ago.

I need to update my files and you probable do too; otherwise you want to create an estate plan in case you do not have one already. Some questions which you need to ask yourself in figuring out whether you need to replace your property making plans documents are below.

1. Do you've got an existing property plan?

If your answer is sure, then i will direct you to impeach wide variety 2. In case you solution, no, then please read on.

I from time to time have human beings tell me that they have a will but it simply hasn't been signed. My answer is short: "then you definately don't have a will." In Oregon, a will is most effective valid if you sign it and it's properly witnessed.

I additionally ask them in the event that they have a long lasting power of legal professional and increase fitness care directive. Either a will or agree with will form the spine of your estate plan, however you must also have a long lasting energy of attorney for price range and improve fitness care directive to finish your property plan.

2. Has the size of your property changed?

If the scale of your estate has accelerated then you may need a brand new property plan to cope with the growth for estate tax motives or from a monetary planning point of view. Even a decrease to your estate may necessitate a change when you consider that tax making plans for your preceding estate planning documents can also no longer be vital or ok.

3. Have you ever divorced or married?

Once finalized a divorce robotically revokes your will. If you failed to update your existing estate plan after the divorce then you definately need to achieve this as soon as feasible. If your will is revoked then your estate can also bypass through intestate succession except you execute a new will or trust.

No longer most effective is your will revoked however most payable on dying designations naming your ex-partner as a beneficiary could be mechanically revoked too. But, you want to trade the ones designations so that a bank or other financial institution does not mistakenly make a charge to your ex-spouse.

In Oregon, like a divorce, marriage revokes any will entered into prior to the marriage (until the desire states that it become made in contemplation of marriage). But, the beneficiary designations on most payable on death accounts (financial institution bills, brokerage bills, and so forth.) and retirement money owed remain unchanged. As an instance, you could name your sister as the beneficiary of your IRA, get married, and neglect to trade your partner to the number one beneficiary. You skip away 10 years later, still fortunately married. Your sister gets your IRA, no longer your partner - the only you and your partner have been living on.

Executing a new estate plan following a divorce or marriage is important to avoid this end result.

4. Have you moved to a new state or united states of america?

For the most part property making plans files executed in Oregon are valid inside the different forty nine states. However, you may need to replace your existing documents to reflect your new nation's legal guidelines. Normally you'll want to execute a new durable strength of legal professional or health care directive to conform along with your new nation's laws. Despite the fact that it may not be important, new estate planning documents might also make it less difficult to address monetary institutions and scientific carriers on your new country.

5. Have any of your trustees, non-public representatives or other fiduciaries moved, died, end up unwell, grown remote, or otherwise become not able to function a fiduciary?

As beneficiaries change, so do your fiduciaries - together with personal representative, trustee, lawyer-in-truth and health care agent. With more youthful couples, oftentimes they name their parents as trustees of a trust installation for the couple's minor kids. The kids develop up and emerge as financially accountable. The couple's parents get older and bypass away or emerge as unable to manage budget.

Co-fiduciaries get divorced (suppose your son and daughter in law) or have a falling out (siblings named as co-trustees) such that they are able to no longer serve together. Pals named as trustee or private consultant grow distant and also you now not talk or see them. Banks exchange arms and names such that the small, intimate local bank, is now owned by way of one of the massive countrywide banks.

As these changes manifest, the fiduciary designations on your property plan want to alternate too. The update can be fairly simple.

6. Have you ever funded your trust absolutely?

Many people sign their accept as true with, placed the originals of their safe deposit container and then flow on. They by no means reflect onconsideration on the believe once more. They buy and promote belongings in their own names, in no way shifting the property to the accept as true with or buying new assets beneath the agree with's call. Many clients will refinance their domestic and to do so the financial institution calls for the couple to take their assets out of their consider and refinance it of their names as husband and wife. Once the refinance is entire, they do not put the property again into their accept as true with.

One of the principal motives to use a trust is to avoid probate. If all of your own home is not transferred on your trust or owned by your believe then probate may be required. Probate is an expensive and well timed manner this is regularly needless, assuming your accept as true with is fully funded.

7. Does your current plan cope with your incapacity?

A few humans have a will but do not have a long lasting power of attorney for budget and enhance fitness care directive. Each of those documents are vital to keep away from unnecessary and high-priced guardianship and conservatorship court cases during your lifetime. Many human beings that use do-it-your self wills run into this trouble.

The truth of the problem is that guardianship and conservatorship proceedings decrease your assets faster than a probate proceeding will. Yet humans frequently ignore these documents in planning or fail to update the documents to address changes during their lifetimes.

One of the more frustrating parts of my practice occurs whilst someone has a legitimate durable electricity of attorney however the appointed attorney-in-fact has exceeded away or is not able to serve as lawyer-in-fact and a successor isn't named within the file. The report is basically vain and you may need courtroom involvement if you emerge as disabled.

8. Does your current plan distribute your property: (1) to whom you need; (2) whilst you want them to acquire it; and, (three) inside the manner you need them to get hold of it?

If you can't solution those three questions affirmatively then you definately possibly want to update your estate planning files.

Own family dynamics alternate unexpectedly. You can have had an wonderful dating together with your son at the time you completed your will in 1990 however on the grounds that that time your dating has deteriorated a lot that you have not spoken to him in 10 years. Do you continue to want your son to acquire all your estate and if so do you need his percentage to be held in agree with for his benefit in the course of his lifetime with the remainder going immediately to his youngsters.

Has a beneficiary become disabled because you remaining completed your will or trust? Has a beneficiary advanced a gambling dependancy or spending habits that you could disagree with?

Beneath those varieties of situations you'll really need to replace your will, believe and other estate planning files to cope with these changes.

End

The purpose of estate making plans is to cope with how you would really like to be handled in the occasion of your disability and the way you would love your property to be treated after you skip away. Failing to replace your property planning files can bring about fallacious control of your finances in the course of your lifetime and your private home being disbursed to humans or organizations that you no longer wish to acquire it.

These questions are non-exhaustive. Please name our office to agenda an appointment to check your current estate making plans files and discuss modifications which you would like made.

#health #health tips #Health care

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self-made-cages · 2 years ago

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so I’ve been thinking about Midnights...

...and all of the things that Taylor could cover in 13 tracks written in the dark of the night. For my own general amusement, I compiled a track list of what it would be if I were Taylor. Disclaimer: I am not Taylor, and I don’t know any more about her or her life than the average really-big-fan. Therefore, this list is based solely on publicly available facts and details from old music that I want to dig into more. The list is sorted based on hypothetical topic for reference.

*For legal purposes, this should be considered strictly bullshit.*

Without further ado: Midnights (morgan’s version)

The Joe tracks:

1. The 2016 Pining Track: It’s a staple in the T/J love song repertoire. I don’t care if it’s what happens after Dive Bar Night or the 28th Night of September or sexting over Words with Friends at midnight in Australia (time zone plot twist!), I want more details from the beginning and I want them now. 2. The Super Sexy Song: It’s Dress and ITHK and KOMH but with half a decade of additional practice. At the time of this writing, Mr. Alwyn has been in our girl’s life for exactly 6 years’ worth of midnights. This is gonna be good. 3. The Moment of Doubt: It’s when things got tough, maybe in the early, still-catching-feelings stage or in summer 2018 when miss ma’am is on tour and learning that long distance with your soulmate is tough. Tell us, what really happened when you left Cornelia Street, before he even knew you were gone? 4. The Together Forever One: If they’re married by Oct 21, it’s the proposal story (he did it at midnight, of course. New Year’s proposal?). If they’re still secretly engaged, it’s musing on how she’ll give him a child and give him her wild. Either way, it makes little lover look downright youthful. I’m swooning already.

Career:

5. The Golden Birdcage: Critical evaluation on the metaphor that has (almost) appeared on every album since Speak Now. It’s crippling self-doubt and evaluation of exit strategy. I can’t be sassy about this one because it’s heartbreaking. A likely candidate for Track 5.

6. The Fuck the Patriarchy Zinger: Shame on all the men who have tried to push her down. If Taylor Nation has any leftover stock of the keychains, they can reissue! I regret not buying one last year.

7. The Re-Records Retrospective: Is it a retrospective if you’re only 1/3 of the way through? When Taylor dodged the question from Seth Meyers about how re-recording Red felt, the details of her most emotionally intense project to-date were left secret. Those details belong here.

Family/Childhood:

8. The College Degree: “I sometimes feel like my college degree is in acting like I’m ok when I’m not.” It’s a what-if scenario mixed with Mirrorball and Nothing New. It’s the one that makes you want to hold her and softly tell her she’s done a good job (while also crying your eyes out).

9. The Teenage Throwback: Midnights for debut-era Taylor probably involved worrying about curfew. It’s a cross between fifteen and 22; I’d call it Edge of 17 if that wasn’t already taken (maybe that’s where the Stevie Nicks rumors came from).

10. The Parent Track: The easy answer is despair over illness, but I don’t think that story could be told any better than Soon You’ll Get Better (and I don’t know that I can handle the tears if I’m wrong here). I vote for a grown-up take on “careless man’s careful daughter.” Even the best parents fuck us up sometimes.

Life. And other Concerns.

11. The Halloween Fright: It’s not actually about Halloween, but the demons and lanterns she’s chasing them away with aren’t funny at all unless you frame it up this way. I’m afraid of nightmares; sometimes I’m too scared to go to sleep. This song will say that in a way that makes Taylor Swift the greatest poet of our age and me an anxious little girl on tumblr. Runner up for Track 5.

12. The Cinderella Story: The clock strikes 12 and the coach turns back into a pumpkin. Being America’s Princess means wearing a lot of glass slippers. Today was a fairytale, but tonight was worrying about happily never after.

13. The Drinking Song: “I’ve been thinking a lot about addiction.” It’s not an IBYTAM-style bop, it’s This is Me Trying... and trying... and trying. She asked the traffic lights if it’d be alright; they didn’t know, so she went home and started asking the walls. This is definitely a song for people with feelings, but it’s not Track 5.

P.S. Remember what Taylor once said about throwing away fear-based check-listing? Her music ascended to a whole new level once she did that; I can’t wait to see what she does with this record, far and away from the silly checklist above.

#taylor swift #midnights #ts10 #tracklist #MorganSpeaksNow

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ovgallery · 3 years ago

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E-4 Relationships lady 2 decades Older. More aged guys meeting younger women all of the time. Without question that people sorted out in the past

OV Gallery E-4 Relationships lady 2 decades Older. More aged guys meeting younger women all of the time. Without question that people sorted out in the past

E-4 Relationships lady 2 decades Older. More aged guys meeting younger women all of the time. Without question that people sorted out in the past

Special Ms. Vicki,

I’m twice divorced with adult family. I made an entry in the dating stage once more, and do you know what occurred? We came across a man greater than 20 years my own junior!

It gets far worse. Nicely, the connection is great, yet the bad part usually this individual instructed his mama about myself. She actually is possessing a tizzy that them daughter try online dating a lady within her mid- to late-40s. She wishes him or her to exit myself alone datingreviewer.net/inmate-dating/ like yesterday’s aged news.

This lady activities has actually trained myself much about my own child. I recognize my own son is actually an adult husband whos extremely competent at creating his very own judgements. My favorite companion’s mother should know that the woman son was 26 years and he will never be an infant. Infants can’t say for sure simple tips to do the items that they knows how to accomplish, should you get the move.

Elderly guys evening young women all of the time. Without question that people taken care of long ago. Now you have for us to appreciate that more youthful the male is infatuated with more mature ladies way too, and nothing is wrong with that.

The companion’s mommy doesn’t need to bother about several things. For just one, she doesn’t have to concern that i am searching trap them kid with a pregnancy or because he try a Marine. She doesn’t have to fear that i am looking to get your to get married me personally so I can bring a brown identification cards.

Need to need to get your to deal with me personally because i’ve a good quality career and I also assist take care of your financially. He can be an E-4, about to making E-5. He is doingn’t make some dollars, period.

So here’s my issue: Do you think the man instructed his or her mother about me personally because he has to have “mama’s permission and Mommy’s endorsement” for each and every determination this individual renders?

When it is correct, Really don’t assume i will overcome him or her in a long-term commitment since there’s practically nothing his or her mother can tell me. I’m not really her son or daughter.

Yes, I love this model kid i would like to view wherein this commitment goes. Subsequently, it can bee a thing most lasting sometime soon.

— Don’t Need License

Hi Authorization,

I presume that you are inquiring inquiries whenever you already fully know the answer. We believed they on your own, you are a grown lady, twice divorced with grown girls and boys. Your kids may be the exact same get older as your boyfriend.

Nowadays, think about your small porno kiddies. Can they dub you and ask for information? Do they show you what’s happening inside their daily life only to see just what you think of their steps?

This can be possibly exacltly what the sweetheart achieved along with his woman. This individual allowed their mama realize he had been internet dating an old woman.

good, his or her mommy failed to go too perfectly. She’s wondering if they have some “momma-unresolved-issues” along with her nowadays he is with an adult lady to try to operate them around.

You need to remember that after I state that moms recognize their children. This girl features record with her daughter, through pros and cons, good and bad decisions. This lady has read everything and went through the heck with him. She just might be imagining they have lost their attention and today he has created a careless, spontaneous choice in connecting to you.

That is why, you will want to display some classroom, sophistication and an experienced deportment so his or her woman are not going to obtain the completely wrong idea with regards to you. It sounds as if you will be ready to pull-out the boxing gloves acquire through the ring together with her and duke out.

End and assume, OK? You’re old, and you should respond in an issue congruent in your era. That’s all I’m mentioning.

I am aware that young boys like going out with elderly females. It takes place all of the time, so your partnership using your tiny chicklet is not the first. Proceed easy in your sweetheart plus don’t face his or her mommy.

Actually, it’s not necessary to encounter her or propose to go to his or her subsequent Christmas mealtime. This could possibly bee a long-lasting union. Lack a knee-jerk answer. Just relax if the commitment gets.

Let me know just how action move forward in the foreseeable future.

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#art #fitness #fashion #lifestyle #health #wellness #beauty #design #sunglasses #jewellery #style

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stephenmccull · 3 years ago

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Covid Renews Interest in Radiation, but Docs Caution Against Pilgrimages to Radon-Filled Mines

BOULDER, Mont. — Twice a year, Brian Tichenor makes the 1,200-mile drive each way from his home in Kansas to a defunct uranium mine in Montana, where he takes an elevator 85 feet below the surface to sit amid radioactive radon gas to ease the pain from his chronic eye condition.

“I found it like I think a lot of people do,” said Tichenor, 67. “It’s a point of desperation with conventional treatment.”

While radon is commonly known as a hazardous gas removed from basements, people in pain travel to Montana and pay to breathe, drink and bathe in its radioactive particles. The travelers view the radon exposure as low-dose radiation therapy for a long list of health issues. But the Environmental Protection Agency and the World Health Organization, among others, blame the gas as the second-leading cause of lung cancer. Although cancer doctors use radiation as a front-line treatment to destroy dangerous cells, its role in the U.S. in low doses for other ailments is disputed. The pandemic has recharged that debate as clinical trials across the world test whether low doses of radiation can help treat covid-19 patients.

But radon gas isn’t the same radiation U.S. doctors use, radiation experts caution. Radon is just one of the radioactive chemical elements and, because it’s a gas, it can be inhaled, making it particularly dangerous. Sitting in a radon-filled room and targeted radiation treatment in a medical facility are as different as “chalk and cheese,” said Brian Marples, a professor of radiation oncology at the University of Rochester.

“In clinical therapy, we know exactly what the dose is, we know exactly where it’s going,” he said.

Marples said much of the argument for radon’s therapeutic use relies on historical reports, unlike evidence-based research on clinical radiation. Still, some radiation experts are split on what level of radon should be deemed dangerous and whether it could have positive health effects.

Another concern: The radon treatment in the mines is largely unregulated. The Montana Department of Public Health and Human Services doesn’t have the authority to permit or license the mines, though department spokesperson Jon Ebelt said the adverse health risk from exposure is well known. The EPA also doesn’t have the power to mandate limits on radon.

Nonetheless, each year travelers head to western Montana, where four inactive mines flush with radon are within 11 miles of one another near the rural communities of Basin and Boulder. Day passes range from $7 to $15. The gas naturally forms when radioactive elements in the mountains’ bedrock decay.

Outside the Merry Widow Health Mine, a billboard-like banner announces “Fountain of Youth. FEEL YOUNG AGAIN!” Inside its tunnels, water seeps from the rock walls. Those who want full immersion can slip into a clawfoot tub filled with radon-tainted water. People soak their feet and hands in water or simply sit and work on a puzzle. On a bench sits a printout of a Forbes article on clinical trials that show low-dose radiation could be a treatment for covid-19.

To owner Chang Kim, 69, his business is a mission, especially for those with chronic medical conditions such as arthritis or diabetes. Those who swear by radon therapy say that, in low doses, a little stress on the body triggers the immune system to readapt and reduces inflammation.

“The people coming to the mines, they’re not stupid,” Kim said. “People’s lives are made better by them.”

He learned about the mines 14 years ago when he and his wife, Veronica Kim, lived in Seattle and a connective tissue disease crumpled Veronica’s hands and feet. Traditional medicine wasn’t working. After two sessions a year in the mines ever since, Veronica smiles when she shows her hands.

“They’re not deformed anymore,” she said, adding she’s been able to cut down on her use of meloxicam, a medication to reduce pain and swelling.

Tichenor said going to a mine with radon over six years has been one of the few things to calm his scleritis, a disorder that causes pain he describes as ice picks stabbing his eyes. As for its potential danger, he said radon treatment is just like any medication: Too much can cause harm.

He and other radon users point to European countries such as Germany, where the therapy may be controversial but doctors still can prescribe radon treatments for various conditions that insurance may even cover.

In the U.S., the EPA maintains that no level of radon exposure is risk-free even though everyone encounters the element in their lives. The agency notes radon is responsible for about 21,000 lung cancer deaths every year. It recommends that homeowners with radon levels of 4 picocuries per liter or more should add a radon-reduction system. By contrast, the owners of Montana’s oldest radon therapy mine, Free Enterprise Radon Health Mine, said their mine averages around 1,700.

Monique Mandali said the federal guidelines are “a bunch of baloney.” Mandali lives in Helena, about 40 minutes from the mines, and tries to fit in three sessions at Free Enterprise a year — 25 hours of exposure spread out over 10 days for arthritis in her back.

“People say, ‘Well, you know, but you could get lung cancer.’ And I respond, ‘I’m 74. Who cares at this point?’” she said. “I’d rather take my chances with radon in terms of living with arthritis than with other Western medication.”

Antone Brooks, formerly a U.S. Department of Energy scientist who studied low-dose radiation, is among those who believe the federal government’s no-level-of-radon-exposure stance goes too far. He pointed to research that indicates low doses of radiation potentially turn on pathways within bodies that could be protective. Though what’s considered a “low dose” depends on who’s talking.

“If you want to go into a radon mine twice a year, I’d say, OK, that’s not too much,” he said. “If you want to live down there, I’d say that’s too much.”

In the early 1900s, before antibiotics were popularized, small doses of radiation were used to treat pneumonia with reports it relieved respiratory symptoms. Since then, fear has largely kept the therapeutic potential of low-dose radiation untapped, said Dr. Mohammad Khan, an associate professor with the Winship Cancer Institute at Emory University. But amid the pandemic, health care providers struggling to find treatments as hospital patients lie dying have been giving clinical radiation another look.

So far, the trials Khan has led show that patients who received targeted low-dose radiation to their lungs got off oxygen and out of the hospital sooner than those without the treatment. Khan said more research is necessary, but it could eventually expand clinical radiation’s role for other illnesses.

“Some people think all radiation is the same thing, that all radiation is like the Hiroshima, Nagasaki bombs, but that’s clearly not the case,” Khan said. “If you put radiation in the hands of the experts and the right people — we use it wisely, we use it carefully — that balances risk and benefits.”

The logo for Free Enterprise Radon Health Mine is a miner skipping with crutches in the air. Roughly 70 years ago, a woman said her bursitis disappeared after visiting the mine several times. Thousands of others followed suit.

“We believe in it,” said Leah Lewis, who co-owns the mine with her husband, Ryan Lewis, and has relied on it to help treat her Crohn’s disease.

The couple live on-site and grew up in Boulder, going into the tunnels just as their 5-year-old daughter does now. Her husband’s great-grandfather owned the mine, and the business has been in the family ever since.

“Not one person has come back and said they’ve gotten lung cancer here,” Ryan Lewis said. “If they did, they would shut us down so fast.”

Aside from a billboard outside Helena, the family doesn’t really advertise the business. Clients tend to find them. Like many companies, Ryan Lewis said, Free Enterprise took a hit last year as people canceled plans because of the pandemic. Before that, he said, the business broke about even, adding that radon can be “a hard sell.”

But he said the family of cattle ranchers plans to keep it running as long as it doesn’t cost them money.

“The land is an investment, and we want to keep it in the family,” he said. “And there are a lot of people who use this, and there’s some responsibility there.”

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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xxxdragonfucker69xxx · 7 years ago

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dunking and danging: kings of all cosmos

ok my dnd game is pretty certifiably dead so im gonna post here the skeleton of the plot i had planned, if you were in my game and want to preserve your innocence then do not read further

PLAYERS

squamata, a reptilian mystic

glenjamin gogol, a elemental monk who is dwight from the office

tobi, a hobbit ranger with a giant toad friend named george

and clayface, a goblin who makes things out of clay

ACT 0: EXPOSITION

the four of them appear in the sky over throne, a weird city where the sun is chained to the ground and ultraviolence is everywhere. also, demon wasps are attacking them. they fall through the roof of a building and meet the wanderers guild: neptune, jupiter and venus. they explain that this world is ruled by an asshole named zosimos, and that he has fucked off but left four kings to rule in his absence, and that there is a prophecy about a rising star that will overthrew zosimos and rule the universe as the new king, and one of them is the rising star. they’re stuck here unless one of the kings opens a way back to their homeworlds so they agree that they might as well become kings themselves

ACT 1: THE BLEAK ACADEMY

(i originally called this the black academy and then started kicking myself halfway through when i realized i fucked up the color scheme) (this is the only arc we finished)

the first king is lord entropy, principal of the bleak academy and inventor of murder. he cannot be killed by murder, which is a problem cause thats basically how you take the title of king from someone. everyone takes a youth potion and goes undercover at the bleak academy. there were some fun classes and squamata vowed to fuck lord entropy (leading to the famous “it’s not breaking the windflower law if it’s just eating ass”). in the end they befriend his daughter desecration roseblack attaris ebrot appeka entropy (and she ends up briefly played by a guest pc) who tells them about a scroll containing entropy’s true name (i wrote kind of a cool backstory for this i may post eventually) that can compel him to do anything. so they break into the library, then break into the secret underlibrary, to get the name. then they go confront entropy in his office, have a bigass boss battle, and then one of them commands entropy to attack so he can be killed in self-defense. rejoicing! they solved the murder puzzle! a star flies from entropy’s head to rest on tobi’s brow but im sure that’s not important for now! as they’re celebrating some old drunkard comes up to tobi and asks what she thinks about death, and her response is basically “it’s not something to worry about”

ACT 2: KEEPER OF THE FLAME

They wake up with a hangover and get an invitation from lady enheduanna, who is coincidentally the next king they gotta tick off. she’s throwing a party for nemontemi, which is basically calibration/halloween/the purge, and wants them there. the wanderers suggest they go shopping to get ready, and they basically have a christmas episode shopping and having fun with each other. they get back, and as they’re falling asleep, tobi wishes that “every day could be like this” in a very imperial voice. oops! they wake up and find that they’re in a time loop. after discussing it for a while they decide to go break back into the bleak academy’s library and look for information about time shit, and find that the key to breaking a time loop is usually a person that has to change

(this is where we left off)

the plan was for them to go talk to enheduanna, who at this point has probably been through a couple loops of their time loop (only the players and the kings keep their memories through the loop) and is probably kind of pissed off. but she offers them their hearts desires if they will go and steal from hell for her: she wants the forbidden apple, the fruit of life, because her current method of immortality is fading. (i really wanted to deliver the mottom speech ok). so then its a fun montage where they have less than a day to break into the brass embassy, which is hell’s embassy in throne, and find the door that will let them into actual hell, kill the serpent guarding it, and get back. surprise! enheduanna double-crosses them and tries to kill them. presumably they kill her and one of them becomes imperator of hunger

INTERMISSION: WAY DOWN NADIR TOWN

(this is possibly where this goes but maybe not)

the wanderers get a contract from the crooked-crosses, a gang of dickensian orphan urchins. they had a special treasure: one of the sparks of divinity leftover from the dead gods. it was stolen by a thief named snuffer, who has fled to nadir, which is a mining town inside the skull of a long-dead god. its run by a mysterious guy known only as Bossman, and nobody ever comes back. so they traverse the spiral road down, pass through the stygian wall and the kerberoi, and get admitted as miners. bossman provides food, board and company scrip, so by the time you actually find anything worth selling you’re probably so deep in debt it doesnt matter. his enforcers are the vakes, vaguely batlike people who swoop overhead in darkness; and the longer you stay in nadir the more you forget, so that the oldest workers are zombies who have forgotten everything but work. theres a friendly old worker named bones who points them towards the Hole, a speakeasy run by a lady named lilac. at the hole you can buy back some memories: sunlight, fresh air, clean water, love. of course, lilac is secretly the bossman. anyways, they find snuffer, but hes forgotten who he is and where hes hidden the spark. he begs them not to kill him cause hes just a kid too, and promises to pay them off if they rescue him. hes in debt to bossman, but bossman can be tempted by a suitable wager. the spark is actually in bossman’s vault as well. im almost certain this intermission ends in a riot.

ACT 3: KASTLE KORPUSLES

(backstory: in our last campaign one of the players was herbst korpusles, a paladin who was also basically agnostic. he had a little homunculus he kept in his beard and was raising like a son, but he was kind of a bad parent, so the homunculus was growing evil and basically sucking all the evil out of him. as time went on he got smaller and the homunculus got bigger and at the end of it you could barely tell them apart. the homunculus was named squilliam but thats neither here nor there. at the end of the last campaign they slew a demon named the king in yellow who basically possessed the empress and then herbst got made king for it, cause he also had excalibur)

hadnt really hugely planned this part but basically throne is split into quarters, and one of the quarters would be like industrial england (as opposed to the rest of throne which is more like ksbd) and ruled by this multiversal warlord named king korpusles who is, surprise surprise, that old herbst. they go to confront him through his castle which is simultaneously in throne and in albion (the world of our last campaign). i was probably going to send them to go discuss with a couple of other old characters: the druid raven veaux and the warlock valentine bebe, who are probably living in a bog together. they go to confront korpusles who has turned all of albion into one big war machine but he throws the cape off his hunchback and its not a hunchback at all! its a tiny little man just sort of attached to him sucking on his blood. is he the homunculus or the original herbst? neither can remember! also the king in yellow was the previous imperator of war and thats how korpusles is zoss’ king now. big fight, big murders. someone becomes imperator of war

ACT 4: THE APOCALYPSE SERPENT

the fourth king is kind of a problem, cause whereas the other kings were old and/or magically powerful this one is old, magically powerful and a mile-long dragon. its name is kormis, the apocalypse serpent, and it has been sleeping for ages but recently awoken due to all the hubbub. but they have a plan! throne is dotted with giant statues that are the corpses of gods and are sort of incorporated into architecture, but the wanderers have got word of one they can sort of reanimate. unfortunately its being occupied by their rivals, the most illustrious guild of judicious violence. they have to clear out the main room in the skull, then keep it clear while they perform the ritual to reanimate the god-corpse into basically a giant mecha. then they call out kormis, and have a proper mecha/kaiju battle. someone becomes the imperator of conquest.

ACT 5: BIG ZOSS BATTLE

the sun is chained to the tower of the sun, zoss’ palace, which the angels previously refused to let them into aaaalll the way back in act 1. but now they’re kings so they can enter. they go in, and aside from angels just kinda hibernating in between missions, its... empty. no palace here! but there is some kind of teleporter pad or something. they pop up, and appear in a room looking out over a plain of fire which is otherwise very luxurious. zoss’ palace isn’t underneath the sun, it’s on the sun. also, zoss is there, lounging with some cocktails. it turns out hes been grooming them as kings to take over, cause the current batch kind of fucking suck and hes bored of doing it himself. then they fight the king of the universe on top of the sun

#dunking and danging #what could have been....#can you tell i was extremely on my ksbd kick when i planned all this

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