#4-2h is kind of the perfect window

[meanbossart]

Saw your ass-out sleepytime Drow art on Patreon and my thoughts went “WHOA, the siren song of the balls-taint-hole (the hole package, if you will) is real, shame he’s asleep”

Which led me to ponder in true ADHD fashion:

What WOULD be their take on somnophilia be? Less, I think, in the sense of wanting to get it on with a sleeping partner who remains asleep throughout, and more in the sense of waking one’s partner up by lovingly making out with his taint.

"Which led me to ponder in true ADHD fashion" Please, as if this exact train of thought wasn't entirely intentional on my end with that art and possibly the same one I embarked on myself LOL

DU drow is a big cuddler. And feel-er. And toucher. He's also prone to, erm, nightly urges of the more trivial kind post-campaign. Obviously he addresses those himself rather than bothering Astarion with it.

I don't think DU drow would feel right about waking up Astarion with anything so overtly sexual. Kissing, holding, a good ol' morning nuzzle, that's standard for him but the clothes must be on.

If Astarion is in a particularly compromising position, then well - that becomes a wistful game in of itself of look-but-don't-touch. DU drow very much loves the sight of him sleeping peacefully, and still, and cold, but he's perfectly happy denying himself in exchange of a nice view and the joy of working yourself up until you have steam coming out your ears.

On the other hand, Astarion is very much aware that the drow will let him do whatever he wants to him, whenever he wants. DU drow's entire week is made if his partner can't even contain himself from initiating sex before he's even woken up - Astarion knows that it will make him happy, and sometimes that's reason enough.

That was a lot of words just to say that yes, the vamp very lovingly and slowly gives into the siren call all too often LOL

[1-800-slater]

TOP FIVE CHRISTIAN SLATER MOVIES!

(determined by casting, performance, script, cinematography, set design, prop design, character design, character appeal, soundtrack, plot, etc.)

TRUE ROMANCE (1993)

overview: R, action/crime, 2h 1m

description by ella: an elvis presley fanatic named clarence worley (christian slater) falls suddenly in love with a peachy romantic call-girl named alabama whitman. (patricia arquette). to prove to her his willingness to protect her, he goes to take back her belongings from her former pimp. after a violent change of plans, clarence leaves the club with the pimp’s blood on his hands and a mistaken suitcase filled with cociane, not clothes. they decide to live a glorious on-the-run life by selling the coke, with the help of friends. but, will clarence and alabama’s movie lifestyle have a happy ending, especially with the mob on their tail?

directed by: tony scott

script by: quentin tarantino

music by: hans zimmer and others

starring: christian slater, patricia arquette, michael rappaport, dennis hopper, christopher walken, brad pitt, & gary oldman.

why it’s #1: with a movie directed by tony scott and a script by the legendary quentin tarantino, nothing can go wrong. clarence worley and alabama whitman are some of the most interesting characters to ever be in a bonnie/clyde scenario. the movie is always moving, but the cliches of a crime/action movie are thrown out of the window when it comes to true romance. the cinematography and overall design is very unique, is quite beautiful. pretty much one of the sexiest, if not the sexiest, movie, ever.

PUMP UP THE VOLUME (1990)

overview: R, drama/comedy, 1h 45m

description by ella: a outcast with a way of words, mark hunter (christian slater), finds his voice in a pirate radio show, going by the name happy harry hard-on. every night a 10 o’ clock, he empowers the teens of arizona to be who they are, be crazy as shit, and live their life, no matter how ridiculous and crazy, all while nineties hard rock plays and his hormones rattle. but when he’s discovered by nora diniro (samantha mathis), everything falls apart. suddenly the government and the school are after him for his out-of-line behavior on the air, and he’s falling in love for the first time. jeez, somebody give mark hunter a break!

directed by: allan moyle

script by: allan moyle

music by: concrete blond, pixies, peter murphy, urban dance squad, etc.

starring: christian slater, samantha mathis, annie ross, cheryl pollak, andy romano, billy morrisette, & ellen greene.

why it’s #2: pump up the volume is one of the most controversial and eye-opening movies of it’s era. with mark hunter (christian slater) boiling over with truth about society and how it beats down it’s youth, it’s bound to be fantastic. the set design is gorgeous and really matches the aesthetic of the 1990s. the plot is easy to follow, but wild and interesting, and really is a good watch. plus, who doesn’t want to see christian slater and samantha mathis drooling over eachother?

HEATHERS (1988)

overview: R, dark comedy, 1h 43m

description by ella: a teen girl lost in societal standards, veronica sawyer (winona ryder) falls for a rejected and dejected jason dean (christian slater), with a taste for a clean slate. it seemed perfect at first, her prince coming to her rescue on his motorcycle. but, after a line of murders with her knight in armor, veronica finds herself pushed off the edge. before she can stop the madness, she must stop jason dean.

directed by: michael lehmann

script by: daniel waters

music by: david newman

starring: winona ryder, christian slater, shannon doherty, kim walker, lisanne frank, patrick labyorteaux, lance fenton, & carrie lynn.

why it’s #3: the set design of this movie is absolutely gorgeous, with each piece seemingly handcrafted to fit. the script is one of the best of it’s kind, as it’s unique catchphrases and dialogue assigned to each character is brilliant. the plot is so fun to watch unfold, and you’ll find yourself torn between rooting for veronica sawyer or jason dean.

UNTAMED HEART (1993)

overview: P-13, romance/drama, 1h 42m

description by ella: caroline, a bubbly waitress,(maresi tomei) falls victim to the tender trap of love after a series of breakups. with the help of her best friend cindy (rosie perez) she finally feels herself again. but, comes along thugs from her past, who follow her home and attempt to rape her. a shy busboy named adam (christian slater) who is hopelessly in love with caroline, comes to her rescue. as their romance blooms, caroline falls even deeper in love with adam than she ever imagined.

directed by: tony bill

script by: tom sierchio

music by: cliff eidelman

starring: maresi tomei, christian slater, rosie perez, kyle secor, willie garson, & lotis key.

why it’s #4: untamed heart is one of the most tragic yet heartwarming romance stories ever told. maresi tomei and christian slater play their roles with ease, and their romance is believable and awe-worthy.

MOBSTERS (1991)

overview: R, crime/drama, 2h

description by ella: four mobsters, charlie luciano (christian slater), meyer lansky (patrick dempsey), bugsy siegel (richard grieco), and frank costello (costas mandylor) rise from nothing a build an empire. but, the original big guys of the mob world are sensing the quartet are more trouble than they thought.

directed by: michael karbelnikoff

script by: michael mahern

music by: michael small

starring: christian slater, patrick dempsey, richard grieco, costas mandylor, lara flynn boyle, anthony quinn, & michael gambon.

why it’s #5: armed with a tommy gun and a craving for revenge, christian slater and his gang of mob maniacs stop at nothing to make their acting perfect in this movie. the set design is the best i’ve seen in a mob movie ever, and does justice to charlie lucky luciano’s legend.

[arplis]

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[illusivegore]

31 for 31: Gore Horror Reviews – Part 1

Note: This series was never completed due to personal issues.

31 for 31 (not to be confused with ESPN’s 30 for 30 movie series, which I totally didn’t rip off) is a series of articles where I cover a different horror movie for each day in October. A few years back I tried something similar to this feature where I attempted to watch and review a movie every day throughout the month of October. That idea quickly ran out steam as I couldn’t keep up with the task, so this year I’ve decided to try something a little different. This time around, I’m still planning on covering 31 different movies, but it will be broken down into four parts that will go up about once a week throughout the month.

I’m also not trying to break down each of these movies or write in-depth reviews. Instead this is just going to be a more laid back series of articles. I’ll still give you my final score for each movie (because people love scores), but think of this more like a blog. So with all that out of the way, hopefully I can help guide you towards something worth watching during my favorite time of the year.

-1-  The Conjuring

2013 | R | 1h 52m

Based on one of the real-life cases of famed paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren, The Conjuring tells the story of a Rhode Island family that is being tormented by what appears to be a demonic force. I’m normally not a fan of possession/exorcism movies (I think The Exorcist is one of the most overrated movies ever made), but when I watched The Conjuring back in 2013 I loved it. I have to say, after watching it again for this article, it definitely holds up. Even though I’d already seen it and was watching it in the middle of the day there were still parts that creeped me out and had me on edge. It’s the perfect combination of psychological and jump scares and also features some pretty decent acting. It’s honestly one of the best horror films I’ve seen in the last decade and I think everyone should watch it.

Score: 5 out of 5

-2-  The Conjuring 2

2016 | R | 2h 14m

The Conjuring 2 takes things across the pond to England where another family is being tormented by a demonic force and is based on the real-life Enfield haunting. The first half of the movie is about on par with its predecessor, as it creates a palpable tension and is genuinely frightening. Unfortunately, as the film progresses it starts to go a bit off the rails. Most of the scare tactics were used up in the beginning, so repeated scares had little affect. I mean, you can only be scared by something suddenly appearing on screen accompanied by a loud noise so many times before it gets played out. There were also times where the film just felt downright campy, which I normally don’t mind, but it felt out of place in this particular movie. All that said, The Conjuring 2 still tells an interesting story and is better than most other horror films from recent years. It’s good and deserves a watch, but It does fall short of living up to the original.

Score: 4 out of 5

-3-  Don’t Breathe

2016 | R | 1h 28m

Three thieves, each with their own motives, decide to break into the home of a blind veteran in hopes of nabbing an easy $300,000. That’s the simple premise behind Don’t Breathe, but when the blind man turns the tables on the would-be thieves and they end up trapped in his home, simplicity goes out the window. I wouldn’t say it’s a groundbreaking moment for the genre, but with a few twists and a lot of tension, Don’t Breathe is a damn solid film and one I’d highly recommend checking out.

Score: 4 out of 5

-4-  Ghostbusters

2016 | PG-13 | 2h 14m

The original Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies, but unlike many other “fans” I was actually looking forward to the Ghostbusters reboot from last year. Unfortunately, all the whiny little internet trolls got their wish and said reboot turned out to be pretty bad. The pacing is atrocious and the writing is even worse. I have zero problems with the cast. In fact I like each member of the Ghostbusters team quite a bit. It’s just a shame that the writing is so terrible that none of them could actually shine. I did feel that, if written properly, these characters could have been the perfect collection of new Ghostbusters. There were some small glimmers of hope like the variety of new weapons and gadgets at the busters’ disposal, as well as the talented cast, that I know a possible sequel could be great. I guess we will have to see if it ever manifests though. Until then, I think it’s best to just forget this particular entry even exists.

Score: 1 out of 5

-5-  It Follows

2014 | R | 1h 47m

Until I watched It Follows, it seemed like a film that people either loved or hated. I guess I bucked that trend because I fell somewhere in the middle and thought it was just okay. The premise is basically that characters are pursued by some sort of supernatural entity and the only way to free themselves from its pursuit it to pass it on to someone else through sexual intercourse. There were some genuinely creepy and disturbing moments, but there were also plenty of moments that just fell flat thanks to sub par acting. If I had to point to one thing that I found particularly great, it would be the soundtrack which was done by Disasterpiece, who worked on the games Fez and Hyper Light Drifter. If you’re a horror fan, I think It Follows is a movie you should watch at least once, if for nothing more than to see what all the hype is about.

Score: 3 out of 5

-6-  Krampus

2015 | PG-13 | 1hr 38m

Two things I particularly enjoy in the horror genre are movies with a Christmas theme and those that integrate comedy. Krampus does both of these nearly perfectly. There’s nothing more unsettling than seeing people being terrorized during what is supposed to be one of the happiest times of the year. While it’s not the scariest movie you’ll probably ever see, between homicidal gingerbread men, grotesque children’s toys, and freaky little elves there’s just so much to love about Krampus.

Score: 4 out of 5

-7-  The Midnight After

2014 | NR | 2h 2m

I originally watched The Midnight After on a whim and I’m glad I did because it’s kind of fantastic. Set in Hong Kong, a group of strangers catch a late night ride on a minibus and soon realize they are the only people left in the city. What follows is one wild ride of a movie filled with a ton of bizarre and off-the-wall moments. Some of these moments actually kept me thinking about the film days after I watched it. It really is a movie that has to be seen to best understand and, if you have Netflix, you should definitely give it a shot.

Score: 4 out of 5

-8-  Train to Busan

2016 | NR | 1h 58m

Prior to watching Train to Busan I had heard great things about it and I’m thrilled to say that it did not disappoint. In a genre that has been over saturated by zombies in the last few years, Train to Busan feels like a fresh take. It displays one the most brutal and relentless depictions of zombies I’ve ever seen in a movie and it also features a cast of endearing characters that I actually came to care about. There were also a handful of jaw-dropping moments that I wasn’t expecting to see. I can’t say enough good things about Train to Busan. It’s absolutely a movie that all horror or zombie fans should check out.

Score: 5 out of 5