#4/6/25 is being too pushed to not be confirmed so. april 6th

[puhpandas]

guys we need to be getting hype we can be free from the mimic in as little as 3 months

[twf100]

Prologue Part 7: Counter attack, digging in, and the settlement of the Western Front

German, BEF and French army positions Aug 23-Sept 5 1914, Wikipedia (click text to enlarge)

The Battle of the Frontiers had been a catastrophe. British and French forces across the line were rapidly being pushed south. The Great Retreat was fully underway. Starting on August 24, the German 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th Armies would advance nearly 250 miles into France.

The commander of the British Expeditionary Force (BEF), Sir John French, having lost faith in the ability of France to defend herself, began to make plans to retreat to the coast and evacuate his army from the continent. In the final days of August soldiers of the German 1st Army, just ten miles outside of Paris, could see the Eiffel Tower in the distance. To say that the situation was dire for France would be an understatement. However, at this moment, a window of opportunity was presented that would change the entire course of the war. The window opened slightly on September 1 when British Secretary of War Lord Herbert Kitchener ordered the BEF commander to keep his army in France.

At the start of the war retired French General Joseph Gallieni had been called back into service and named Military Governor of Paris. On September 2, Gallieni told his Commander in Chief, Joseph Joffre, that he needed more resources to protect the capitol. Despite his dislike of Gallieni, and the desire to use these forced elsewhere in battle, Joffre placed the newly created French 6th Army under Gallieni’s control. Augmented by additional troops, including a brigade from Morocco and a division from Algeria, the 6th Army was led by General Michel-Joseph Maunoury. The window opened a bit more with this addition of this new force to the French line.

German 1st Army General Alexander von Kluck, photo Wikipedia

Commander of the German 1st Army, General Alexander von Kluck, had been aggressively pursuing the retreating French forces since August 24. The German Schlieffen Plan for war against France stated that the German 1st Army was to advance on the west side of Paris while the 2nd Army, under General Karl von Bulow, was to advance on the east. The two armies would then surround and capture Paris from both directions. But von Bulow was much more cautious than von Kluck. While the 1st Army was ten miles north of Paris, von Bulow directed his 2nd Army to stop 30 miles from Paris in anticipation of a French counter attack. With von Kluck far in advance of von Bulow, too much distance existed between the German 1st and 2nd Armies. Von Kluck was ordered to move 1st Army to support the 2nd Army. On August 31, in total disregard for the Schlieffen Plan, von Kluck swung the entire 1st Army to the southeast, away from Paris, and towards von Bulow and 2nd Army. This is the now infamous “Von Kluck’s Turn”. The German soldiers of the 1st Army, thrilled at the vision of Paris growing larger in front of them, were confused to see the city moving off to their right side as they marched forward. In addition to skipping the capture of Paris, von Kluck’s maneuver had created a 30-mile gap in the German line. Unknown to von Kluck, he was also exposing his entire right flank to a force he did not know existed: Maunoury, and the new French 6th Army. In three days the French would realize what was happening and the window of opportunity would be opened wider. Winston Churchill, in his book The World Crisis 1911-1918 wrote:

It was upon these indications, confirmed again by British aviators on the 3rd, the Gallieni acted. Assuredly no human brain had conceived the design, nor had human hand set the pieces on the board. Several separate and discrepant series of events had flowed together. First, the man Gallieni is on the spot. Fixed in his fortress, he could not move towards the battle; so the mighty battle has been made to come to him. Second-the weapon had been placed in his hands-the army of Maunoury. It was given him for one purpose, the defense of Paris; he will use it for another-a decisive maneuver in the field. It was given him against the wish of Joffre. It will prove the means of Joffre’s salvation. Third, the Opportunity: Kluck, swinging forward in hot pursuit of, as he believed, the routed British and demoralized French, will present his whole right flank and rear as he passes Paris to Gallieni with Maunoury in his hand. Observe, not one of these factors would have counted without the other two. All are interdependent; all are here, and all are here now.

Gallieni realized the position in a flash. “I dare not believe it,” he exclaimed; “it is too good to be true.” But it is true. Confirmation arrives hour by hour. He vibrates with enthusiasm.

Position of forces before the Battle of the Marne, Wikipedia (click text to enlarge)

Joffre sees the opportunity as well, and intends to take full advantage of it. The time for timidity is over. The Great Retreat is halted and French forces are turned around to attack. By this point numerous French generals have been sacked by Joffre. They have been replaced with more aggressive commanders, including Ferdinand Foch and Philippe Petain. But there is one general that Joffre can’t replace and who does not report to him, BEF commander General French. The French commander desperately needed the BEF to join the counter attack. Joffre traveled to meet with the BEF commander and during their discussion Joffre slams his hand down on a table exclaiming “Monsieur le Maréchal, c’est la France qui vous supplie!” (Marshal, France is begging you!). Sir John French attempted a reply in French, stumbles, and finally tells an aide “Damn it, I can’t explain. Tell him that all our men can do our fellows will do”. The BEF will join the Battle of the Marne. Joffre directs his forces to attack on September 4 and the French 6th Army made contact with the Germans near the River Marne on the next day. 

Taxi de la Marne at Les Invalides Paris April 2018

Fully engaged in battle, von Kluck wheeled the 1st Army west to face the French 6th Army on September 5. In doing so he opens another gap between his forces and von Bulow’s 2nd Army. Confusion between the German commanders caused the gap to open wider and on September 6 the BEF and French 5th Army took the advantage. Two days of ferocious battle followed and this time it was the Germans that were pushed back. On September 7 the French 6th Army was reinforced with 10,000 reserve troops, 3000 of which were delivered to the front via a 30-mile taxi cab ride from Paris. General Gallieni arranged for 600 taxis to transport the soldiers and the taxi companies were reimbursed the 70,000 francs for the expense. The Taxis de la Marne was the first large scale use of motorized infantry in battle and the taxis would become iconic in French history.

French soldiers charge at the Battle of the Marne, photo Wikipedia

The tide had turned and by September 8 it looked like the German 2nd Army was in danger of being surrounded. Von Bulow was forced to retreat and, much to the objection of the still aggressive von Kluck, the German 1st Army was forced to fall back as well. Chief of the German General Staff Helmuth von Moltke, who had been suffering from the immense stress of command since the war began a month ago, collapsed upon hearing the news that German forces were in retreat. The Schlieffen Plan had failed and the fate of Germany was in question. Upon recovery, von Moltke is reported to have told the Kaiser “Your Majesty, we have lost the war.” France would not be defeated before Russian mobilization was complete. The nightmare of a two front war was now a reality for the German Empire. Von Moltke was replaced as German military commander on September 14 and would die from stroke in June 1916.

The German retreat continued for almost a week. Upon crossing the River Aisne in northern France, German soldiers stopped on the higher ground, began to dig in, and prepared to defend themselves against the advancing French forces. For two weeks the First Battle of the Aisne would rage until a front line stabilized. Similar fronts would establish themselves to the east all the way to the Swiss border. Trenches, first dug by the Germans, were also built by the French.

The “Race to the Sea” and the flooding of Belgium October 1914, Wikipedia (click text to enlarge)

To the west, the month long “Race to the Sea” began. Reaching the sea was not the goal however. Instead, the BEF/French and German forces attempted to turn each other’s flank and find a weakness. Neither force could outflank the other and eventually the armies ran out of land in which to try and make the turn, they had reached the English Channel. 

Driven out of Antwerp by German forces, Belgian King Albert I and his army, along with French forces, made a stand along the Yser River in western Belgium. On October 25 the German offensive was so fierce that Belgians made a decision to open the floodgates in Nieuwpoort and let in sea water from the channel. Ten square miles of Belgian farmland was flooded by salt water and the Germans were held back. The Belgian Army would remain behind the safety of this artificial lake for the next four years.

Langemarck Belgium November 1914, photo Wikipedia

The First Battle of Ypres took place from October 22 to November 22 and achieved no definitive results other than the additional loss of life. The war, which had been expected to last six weeks, was by this point four months old. Armies were short on supplies and ammunition. Morale was low and soldiers were exhausted. German reservists, thrown into battle without adequate training, attacked at Langemarck and suffered horrible casualties. The professional ranks of the BEF, 80,000 solders strong at the start of the war, had been all but wiped out. The British would need to rebuild their army and they would require help from their colonial territories in order to do it. By the end of 1914 German and French casualties had reached 1.5 million men, almost equally split between the two combatants. That’s ten thousand casualties per day, on average, for the first five months of war alone. How could any of this be sustainable?

German General Erich von Falkenhayn, who had replaced von Moltke in September, decided upon a strategy of attrition. The Germans would hold on to the territory they had gained and force the French and their allies to try to root them out. Falkenhayn believed the cost would be so great in casualties and material that the French would eventually be forced negotiate for peace. Trenches were dug and reinforced. Machine gun and artillery positions were cleared and improved. The entire Western Front was defined and stabilized from the English Channel to Switzerland. By and large, the front would not move in any significant way until 1918. It would take another force, a fresh belligerent with a nearly limitless supply of man and materials, to enter the war before the balance of power would start to tip.

What was to come? Neuve Chapelle, Second Ypres, Loos, Verdun, The Somme, the Nivelle Offensive, the Battle of Messines and Third Ypres, the Battle of Cambrai, the Kaiserschlacht, Belleau Wood, the Battle of Amines and the Black Day of the German Army, Meuse-Argonne, villages pounded into dust, pointless attacks with nothing to show for it, poison gas, ground turned to soup by artillery shells, innovations in warfare like tanks and airplanes, reinforced bunkers and underground mines, and conditions that would drive men past the edge of their sanity; all would take place along the Western Front of the Great War over the next four years.

Next Up - Prologue Part 8, The Belligerents: United States

December 23, 2018

[back-home-ballers]

How I Won SNL Tickets: info + tips

I promise this’ll be the last post I make about my SNL experience for those who are sick of hearing about it, but I’ve been working on this since Sunday and I wanted to address a few questions and give a few tips for the show + meeting the cast after (I know a lot of what I’m going to touch on are things I was curious about prior to, and after winning as well)

PART 1 (HOW I WON) - Okay so I sent an email for the April biggest fan contest maybe a day after they tweeted about it from SNL’s official twitter. They’ve been doing these contests every month since February I think, so I’d be on the lookout for a May contest in the near future. In terms of what to put in the email, I honestly could not tell you what they’re looking for, or how closely they read the emails. I know some people have sent serious emails and won, and others have sent funny emails and won. I personally sent a “funny” email with a few serious notes. So I sent that in mid/late March & I received an email on the morning of April 6th that I’d won tickets for the April 15th show (9 days notice). You have to email them back within 24 hours to confirm your tickets & it’s apparently hit or miss whether or not you receive confirmation of your confirmation. 

If you don’t win tickets through this contest, or the August lottery, you can always do standby. I have personally never done standby, so I cannot speak to that experience, but I know general information for that can be found on NBC’s website. For the show I went to, standby was insane because of Harry Styles, people had been lined up all week. However, I hear for most other shows, if you get there sometime on Friday before like, 6-7 pm you’ll be fine. Just know the significance of the host & musical guest, and remember stand-by does not guarantee you’ll get in. 

PART 2 (THE DAY OF THE SHOW & NYC) - I live in NY, but I go to school in the Midwest (moving back to NYC in the Fall, but that’s irrelevant) and we were on Easter break so getting a flight home wasn’t a big deal, and I had a place to stay. I know if you’re coming from far away & you win on short notice, NY is expensive so here’s a few mini-tips on that I guess: first, it’s usually cheaper to fly into LGA. I know that LGA is objectively the worst, but like, money. In terms of lodging, I might try to stay outside of Midtown and take public transit. Midtown is a money sucking hole, and I would avoid it for most of your trip (Although, if it’s your first time in NY or you really love touristy stuff, Midtown is a great place to explore). The entire city is super expensive so plan accordingly.

If you’re going to dress rehearsal, I know my letter said to check in BY 7 pm, but they let us upstairs at 6:15 pm. So when you get upstairs, MAKE SURE YOUR CELL PHONE IS OFF AND AWAY. There is absolutely no photography. There will be a page at the top of the stairs, and you tell them what line you’re in. There are two separate lines that I saw. From what I gathered, I think one line was people who know people, and one was contest or lottery winners. So you go up to a desk and show them your ID (it’s SO important that you bring a valid photo-ID with your date of birth on it) & your confirmation letter. Then they’ll give you a wristband, and an envelope with your tickets in it. The wristbands for dress rehearsal were either blue, or purple. There were very few purple wristbands, and everyone I saw with a purple wristband ended up in a floor seat.

After you get your tickets, you go through security, which is basically just a metal detector. They said no bags, so we didn’t even bring purses, but it looks like you’re allowed to have purses and just not backpacks. I wouldn’t risk it though if you think your purse might be too big. After security you go to the Peacock Lounge where another page looks at your envelope and directs you to either of the sides or the middle section. So this is going to sound kind of off but here’s what I observed about the sides: On one of the sides, you had the purple wristbands, and other generally good looking people. On another far side were people who seemed to know the NBC staff, and in the middle were the common folks. My friend and I were in the middle section. So you sit there awhile & they play music and there are big screens with pictures from sketches and it’s all cool and fun. 

When they started loading the audience, they called the purple wristbands first. Then they called by envelope number & letter or symbol. So the people on the good-looking side generally all left first, then people who seemed to know people all seemed to have stars on their envelopes and they went up next, and then they started calling plain numbers from the middle section. Our envelope number was 30, and I didn’t realize that we were literally the last number until they called up to 25 and it was only my friend & I plus these two guys were left in the little waiting area. So we joked with them about how we’re plebes, and blah blah blah so they eventually say “Everyone else in the Peacock Lounge may now make their way to the elevators”. So we got up, and got in line at the elevators, and I guess they started letting standby people into the waiting area because eventually they started lining up behind us. 

Once you get up in the elevators, everything is totally random. We got separated from our new friends in the studio, and despite being last, we ended up with good seats. We were on the center bend and we could see pretty much everything. They let in 30-40 girls from standby and most of them were way to the side in the kind of crappy seats where you can’t see the two main stages. A few standby people ended up in the center sections in seats that weren’t filled, and they were the last ones in.

PART 3 (THE SHOW ITSELF) - So the studio itself is a whole lot smaller than I imagined, and with the exception of that side section, most seats are incredible. The show starts with Che doing stand-up, and he was actually pretty funny. After that, Kenan, Kate, Vanessa, and Sasheer came out and did the cool song & dance thing warming up with the band, and then they set up for the cold open. I had a Trump cold-open, so it was cool to see Baldwin in his element. He seems to always be in the zone. So they do a countdown, and then the cold-open happens, and let me tell you, the rush between the cold-open and the monologue is real. They do the cold open in front of the main stage, as many of you know, so they have like a minute to get the whole set out, and it’s really something else to watch.

So they do the monologue, and I know for mine, they had dancers. So they swapped out everyone who was on the floor for the dancers, and then while the dancers were in the hallway, the people in floor seats had to literally run back. The people on the floor move a TON. So be prepared for that if you’re on the floor, especially in the front row.

They do sketches all over the studio, so at one point or another, one is going to be happening right under you where you can’t see it, and cameras can sometimes get in the way even when they’re directly in front of you. It’s all cool though, because there are TV screens you can watch on, or if you’re set on looking at the floor, it can sometimes be fun to sit and read the cue cards even if you can’t see the cast.

The musical guest performs twice for those of you who aren’t familiar with the set up of SNL, and with Harry Styles, the stand-by people were going insane. Staff yelled at them at least five times, and I know it’s exciting being in the studio, but it’s important to remember that it is a studio, and that people are working. So that’s just a little side bar there.

For Weekend Update they set up two big black things on either side of the set for the shot I assume, and during dress rehearsal Che & Jost told several different versions of the same joke to I assume see which one got the best reaction.

At the end of the show, as soon as goodbyes are over, they sort of rush you out so they can prepare for the live show (I don’t know how it is after live) Sometimes you can spot cast members in the hallway which is cool, I saw Colin & Bobby as I was walking out. You come out in the NBC store, so it literally feels like you just went on a Universal ride or something.

PART 4 (THE BARRICADE & MEETING THE CAST) - If you’re planning on trying to meet the cast afterwards, they come out under the 49th street marquee. If you’re planning on doing standby and your priority is meeting the cast, I would choose dress rehearsal tickets because they set up the barricades and people are out there before the live show gets out.

My friend and I started lurking outside around 10:40 pm and they set up the barricades around 12:40 am. Most people showed up around 11:30 pm. They set them up on the side closer to the street so stand around that side before they set them up. 

The cast members start coming out around 1:15 am usually from what I hear. I know Leslie came out at that time, and went straight to her car. Most of them came out between 1:30 am and 2:00 am.

I think my biggest tip if you’re going to do barricade is be respectful. Treat not only the cast with respect, but the people surrounding you. I think being respectful entails a lot of things, and for me the biggest things were people hopping the barricades. First of all, don’t do that. For one thing, when security tells you to move, you might not get whatever spot you originally had on the barricade back (and if you push your way back into it, then that’s like a double dick move) and second, the barricade is a physical boundary that is there for a reason. I know it sucks to be like penned in, and to feel like an inferior, but it’s ultimately to keep the cast, and everyone there safe.

My last two-cents on respect is I generally recommend asking before taking pictures, or videos, and always express gratitude. In terms of cast obligations, they are not required to take any pictures, or videos, or sign things, so don’t feel bad, or angry if they don’t stop or have to leave.

PART 5 (FINAL BITS & PIECES) - In terms of accommodations, NBC is great. My friend has trouble with stairs due to a disability, and as long as you correspond with them before the show, they’ll be able to make whatever you need happen. I know if you win the biggest fan contest on Twitter and you can’t make the show you win for, they’ve changed certain people’s dates. I don’t know how that works, but I know it has happened. In general, everyone at NBC is super helpful, and friendly, and they do everything in their power to make sure you have a great night.

So I hope this was helpful, and informative (I’ve been working on it since Sunday). If you have any other questions, feel free to shoot me a message. Otherwise, have an amazing morning/day/night/evening, and good luck with your SNL adventures!