#3b countdown calendar

[faejilly]

i cannot touch because they are too near

If Magnus is going to love Alexander (which of course he is) then he's going to have to understand his parabatai and their bond, at least a little bit better than he does now. But he’s not entirely sure how or where to start...

(AO3)

***

Becoming parabatai takes practice. Training before the ceremony itself, physical and mental, meditation and sparring, how to move together, think together, read each other's cues even before you can feel them.

How to live together, because if you can't even handle being classmates, roommates, compatriots, partners, you'll never survive being soulmates.

You have to prove you're practically soulmates on your own before they'll let you take the rune and make it real.

Or that's the theory.

Sometimes they get it right.

Sometimes they don't.

***

Alec stops mid-word, mid-gesture, hands pausing in the air for a moment before they fall to his sides and he's staring down at his left foot, which he lifts and rolls in a tight circle.

"Step wrong?" Magnus asks as he stops too, though he's relatively sure that's not what happened. Alec would probably just ignore it if he'd twisted his own ankle, which means it's not his own mis-step he's thinking about.

Alec shrugs in Magnus' direction. "Feels like a sprain, not a break. Hopefully Jace'll remember to ice it this time."

"This time?" Magnus lifts a single eyebrow.

Alec's face shifts into a wry twist of a smile. "If I try to list every time Jace forgot to take care of a bruise and woke up sore and grumpy about the ache the next day, we'll never make it to dinner."

Magnus allows himself a soft indignant snort. "Because you're any better."

Alec shrugs again, not even attempting to argue. "There were more than a few reasons we were encouraged to be parabatai."

"Self-sacrificing idiots recognize each other?"

It's Alec's turn to lift his eyebrows, slow and purposeful and goodness he's pretty when he does that. "If that was all it took, the two of you would get along much better."

Magnus gasps and presses a hand to his chest, all fake offense and horror, and feels the warmth curl beneath his ribs when Alec laughs.

Magnus drops his hand, and shakes them both out before lifting one into a presumably familiar start of a gesture. "Do we need a short-cut?"

Alec frowns as if confused, and then scoffs out a rough breath before taking Magnus' hand and starting down the street again. "I'm not the one who tripped over a stair or whatever."

"But you could feel it?" Magnus is never sure how to ask about the parabatai bond, and he's never met a Nephilim who was either comfortable or possibly even capable of talking much about it, despite occasional attempts to learn more over the years.

Alec nods, and then shakes his head again. "We get physical cues, yes, but it'd be kinda useless in battle if we shared pain. Oh no, Jace got stabbed, I feel like I got stabbed, we both fall down and get eaten by demons?"

Magnus snickers, and tries not to think too much about Alec and battles or stabbings or demons. "I will concede the point, if I must."

Alec huffs out another overly audible breath. "You're ridiculous."

"But you love me despite it all."

Alec pauses, and tugs Magnus closer against his side before he starts walking again. His voice is soft, but clear enough Magnus has no difficulty hearing. "And I love you for it."

***

It starts like this:

The ceremony ends with a flash of light, of power, and you have another heartbeat.

It's almost the same as yours, settles in your chest right where a heart should be, and it mostly beats the same, strong and steady, but not quite. It's not yours, and it never will be, but you guard it just the same, just as hard.

Harder, even. It's so much more precious than your own.

***

"How's the ankle?" Magnus slides a mug across the table, smiles at Alec as he picks it up and breathes in the coffee's steam.

"Better than expected." Alec smiles back, and Magnus wishes he could freeze time, just for a little bit, just for a short break, just long enough to linger, long enough to enjoy that smile. "Either it wasn't as bad as I thought, or he actually remembered to wrap it properly afterwards."

"Or Biscuit reminded him."

"That is, unfortunately, much more likely." Alec rolls his eyes, though Magnus isn't sure if it's at Jace's inability to take care of himself or having to admit that Clary can be a good influence on people. Alec starts to take a sip, winces, and sets his mug back down; it was clearly still a touch too hot.

Magnus tilts his head. "Does Jace know you just burned your tongue?"

"Probably not."

"Too small?"

Alec shrugs. "Something like that."

"You can tell when he's hurt, and that it's different than when you're hurt, even though you don't also hurt, but the little stuff doesn't usually register?"

Alec does an odd and entirely unhelpful nod/head-shake/shrug maneuver, as if he really doesn't have a clue how to explain it. Another check in the apparently incapable column. Which is fair enough; it's hard to describe a lot of things related to magic with mundane words.

Magnus takes a careful sip of his tea. If he's going to love Alexander—which he is because he does, and he will, and that's never going to change—he needs to understand this, at least a little bit better than he does now. "Is it like an alarm in your head? A memory?" A phone call? A telegraph? A radio signal? Carrier pigeons?

Magnus is perhaps getting a trifle ridiculous again.

"It's a photograph rather than a vision?" Alec sounds entirely uncertain in regards the words he's chosen, but it sounds like a reasonable enough metaphor to Magnus. "It's not like there's any telepathy, or uh. Empathy? We don't share emotions or thoughts or pain, we just—" Alec gestures awkwardly at his own body.

"Physical cues, right." Magnus tries not to think what physical cues equated to Jace's I can tell he's happier. He fails. "Do I want to know if sex gives off 'cues' or should I remain cheerfully ignorant?"

Alec's cheeks flush, but he chuckles easily enough to make it clear he's not actually embarrassed. "We usually keep the bond pretty quiet unless we're fighting. I suppose sex would translate a lot like any other physical activity? Nothing too dramatic, but yeah. If one of us was paying attention at the wrong moment we'd probably figure it out by context, but it's not like we can feel anything that's, uh. Too private?"

"So he probably didn't get the equivalent of a much-too-personal photo album delivered to his brain last night?"

Alec half-snorts and half-coughs and drops the mug back on the table, hot coffee spilling up and over his fingers at the uneven impact.

Magnus laughs, and Alec grabs a napkin to clean up, and Magnus sends a soothing wash of magic over Alec's hands just in case. "Sorry."

Alec looks at him from under heavy eyebrows, but he can't quite hold in the twitch of a smile trying to form. "No, you're not."

"No, I'm not."

***

It begins like this:

You have two heartbeats, two sets of lungs, you can feel when your other shoulder itches, not like yours itches, it's clearly not yours, and yet you want to scratch regardless.

You're sitting quietly, studying or planning or waiting or wasting time, (even we waste time, it's all right), but your heart beats too fast and you're breathless.

Only you're sitting quietly, and your heart is steady and your lungs are quiet, in and out, as slow as ever.

The other you is running too hard, racing or fighting or fucking, the other you is pushing too hard. You exhale, slow and deep, and put your hand on your rune. You think about breathing until you can feel the difference: you are here, they are there, and eventually your heartbeats match again.

You have to do it again five minutes later, five hours, five days, five weeks, five years.

It gets easier.

Simpler, at least. It will never really be easy.

***

Lydia is in town for a visit, and Magnus' odd little extended half-Nephilim family has ended up at the Hunter's Moon. They're gathered around a couple tables shoved together, a dizzying collection of mismatched glasses scattered between them all, conversation bouncing back and forth easily enough.

Alec's gone quiet, as he usually does when he's around more than two people at a time, but he's leaning back in his chair, his shoulders relaxed and a hint of a smile in his eyes, and Magnus knows he's enjoying himself.

Maryse and Lucian start to say their farewells, pushing back from the tables and standing up and waving. It is a very odd feeling to realize that at this point in his life Magnus quite strongly identifies with Maryse Lightwood of all people, as he is considering sneaking out early with his boyfriend, too.

All the children get exhausting sometimes. Especially since Catarina already left to rescue Madzie's babysitter so he has no one to make obscure 300 year old jokes with to pass the time.

Raphael never cooperates when he attempts the occasional 50 year old one.

Alec shifts beside him, head ducked and a twitch of his lips like he's trying to hold something in, right as Jace says something that sounds more like a squawk than words, his face starting to flush pink as Isabelle and Clary and Maia all start laughing together.

Magnus tilts his head and watches Alec's smile widen. Alec had moved at the same time as Jace's reaction, too soon to be reacting to the sight of it.

Another weird parabatai thing, or did he hear whatever set Jace off?

"You said it's not empathy." Magnus doesn't manage to phrase it like a question.

Alec turns his head with a frown, trying to figure out what Magnus means. Magnus manages a flick of his fingers, a wave of his arm from Alec to Jace and back again. "Your reaction time seemed... unlikely?"

Alec blinks, mouth opening in a silent oh.

Magnus waits, but Alec doesn't say anything.

"Jace mentioned once that he could tell that you were happier."

Alec's slightly stunned expression eases back into a smile. "I am. But everyone can tell that."

"Not the way he does though."

"No," Alec agrees. "You've been asking about Jace and the bond a lot lately."

"I love you." Magnus shrugs, keeps going even though it's difficult not to be distracted by the look on Alec's face as he says that. "He's a part of you."

Alec leans forward, and presses a quick kiss to Magnus' cheek. He leans back, and the tilts his head as he looks at Magnus, as he considers. "That's not all of it though."

"Well." Magnus gestures widely, entirely incomprehensibly. He's not even sure what it is he's trying to figure out. He just wants... something. "The parabatai I've known all had complicated relationships."

Alec lifts his eyebrows.

"Not from the outside, not external responsibilities, not like we do. Did. Do?"

Alec's face does not shift, clearly not any more enlightened.

"Lucian and Valentine both loved the same woman." Alec doesn't quite wince at the reminder of Jocelyn's life, but it's a close thing, judging by the way his lips tighten. In his peripheral vision, Magnus sees Jace glance over at them, lingering a moment longer than usual before turning back to defend himself from whatever story it is that Isabelle's telling.

Magnus reaches out a hand, rests it on Alec's arm, waits until he sighs, and the tension singing beneath his skin eases a little.

"I knew a Herondale once before, and he and his parabatai managed to be engaged to the same woman. Sequentially, not at the same time."

Alec shakes his head, an odd tremble in his voice when he starts to speak. "Is this your way of telling me you and Jace are pining for each other behind my back?"

Magnus pulls his hand back and glares. Alec laughs at him, loudly enough the rest of the group pauses in their conversations to look at them.

"That was terrible, Alexander." Magnus crosses his arms over his chest, as Alec leans forward, trying and failing to even out his breathing. "I am attempting a serious conversation."

"I know, I know." Alec coughs a few times, a shiver of laughter still making his shoulders shift. "Sorry. Really, I just." He spreads his hands almost helplessly, and Magnus feels himself smile back.

"I know." Magnus sighs. "I don't even know enough to know what to ask."

He doesn't blame Alec for not knowing what he's trying to say, for not having words for something that the Nephilim clearly never talk about; it's just so aggravating, having a mystery in front of him with no good way to research it, to solve it. He hates not knowing. He wishes there was a hand-book or something. "I don't suppose there's a Nephilim children's book on the subject out there? Parabatai cliff-notes for dummies?"

Alec's face twists, as if he's having trouble interpreting or conjugating the sentence into something resembling sense. Magnus can see the moment it slots into place, and Alec's smile is back. "You're frustrated there's not a pile of academic treatises for you to read so you can be a proper expert."

Magnus shrugs again, a bit more extravagantly. "Perhaps a little."

"There's no proper manual for us either, beyond the rune description in the Gray Book. If that helps."

Magnus shudders eloquently.

"Maybe you'll be the one to write one," Alec says. "You're the smartest man I've ever known."

Magnus might be blushing. "Flatterer."

"It's not flattery, it's the truth." Alec is, as always, heart-breakingly sincere.

Magnus attempts to tease despite it all; it's that or getting dramatically sappy in public and that's a terrible idea. "Should I tell Isabelle that you said so?"

Alec clicks his tongue, as if disappointed. "Why do you think I said you're the smartest man I know?"

Magnus throws back his head and laughs, lets himself fall completely into it, into this, amusement and affection and Alexander, lets himself forget their audience, their expectations, the questions that probably don't even have answers, and just be happy.

It's such a change, he sometimes doesn't know what to do with it.

He's going to enjoy figuring it out.

***

It goes on and on, like this, like this:

Sometimes the other heartbeat is so loud you can't feel your own.

Sometimes you reach and you can't feel your other heartbeat at all.

Sometimes you stub your toe, and the other you swears.

Sometimes your shoulder itches and the other you scratches.

Sometimes you want to scream, because you just want to be alone.

Sometimes you want to scream, because despite your other heartbeat, you're always too alone.

***

Magnus should get up.

He should, but Alec's body is comfortingly heavy against his side, and it's very difficult to remember why he'd ever need to get out of bed again.

Except he needs the bathroom.

He sighs and starts to slide sideways, but Alec's leg presses down and his arm pulls Magnus closer. "Mmm-mmm."

Magnus swallows the fond ache in his throat and pats Alec's arm, then tries to move again.

Alec shakes his head against Magnus' shoulder and tightens his grip.

"Alexander." Magnus tries not to laugh. "I'll be right back."

"Promise?" His voice is rough and half-asleep, but there's something sharp and fragile beneath the words, as if part of him still doesn't quite believe that Magnus means it, that he'll always come back, that Alec is not going to be alone again.

"Of course, love." Magnus presses a kiss to the top of Alec's head.

Alec grunts, and rolls over until his arm flops against the other side of the bed. "Sorry."

"No need to be." Magnus slips away, blowing a kiss back over his shoulder before the bathroom door closes behind him. I feel the same way.

He's not sure how to say that out loud. When he's done he crawls back into bed and wraps himself around Alec and hopes the gesture is clear enough to say it for him. Alec clings right back, and Magnus is pretty sure it does.

He shifts his shoulders, settling more comfortably against Alec's chest, close enough he can feel Alec's heartbeat beneath him.

It's one of his favorite sounds now, low and steady. His thumb is rubbing back and forth in the same rhythm against Alec's skin, ba-dump, slide, ba-dump, slide. It's soothing and warm and perfect. "Let's never get up again."

Alec hums, a clear enough agreement.

Magnus closes his eyes, all set to see how close to forever they manage, when he hears Alec's phone buzz on the nightstand. He sighs, and starts to try and push back, but Alec's grip tightens again, refusing to let him go.

"It's just Jace. If it's important someone will try again from an Institute phone."

"How do you..."

"Modern technology, old man." Alec huffs and adjusts his shoulders against his pillows. "I do know how to work a smart-phone and assign individual ring-tones."

Magnus scoffs, but he's much too fond to actually sound offended. He gives up on the attempt, and reaches down to poke the parabatai rune down by Alec's hip. "You hear that, you're being ignored."

Alec's chest shifts up and down as he laughs silently. "I love you."

"Thank you." I love you too, Magnus thinks, and his palm settles against the rune as his hand relaxes. Even the part of you that's him, the part of him that's you.

"Are you about to ask about parabatai again?"

Magnus shrugs, knowing Alec will feel the shift of his shoulders. "Maybe? Is he having as nice a morning as we are?"

There's a bit of a pause, and Magnus isn't sure if Alec's surprised by the question, or if it takes some effort to figure it out. "Well, he's not miserable."

"You both talk about your emotions in relation to each other—"

"But I said it's not empathy," Alec finishes his almost question for him.

"And yet?" Magnus yawns. "Clearly not in a hurry for an explanation, darling. I just like knowing more about you."

"How can I resist that?" Alec presses a kiss to the top of Magnus' head. "It takes a little while, after the ceremony, to learn to interpret the other person well enough to know what the cues mean. But once you do, it's hard to go back to only acknowledging physical symptoms."

"But say, a tension headache is still clearly different than an injury."

"Usually. We do get it wrong sometimes. Maybe his tense shoulders mean he's angry and holding it in, but maybe he's just tired and had to stand too long in a briefing."

"Does Jace stay in long briefings that he doesn't like?"

"Occasionally," Alec says, his smile softening his voice. "He's better now than he used to be."

"He's happier too, isn't he."

"Yeah." Alec sighs his answer out slowly, and Magnus can feel how it makes Alec's whole body relax just a little bit more.

"How can you tell?" Magnus lifts his head, shifts until his chin is pressed against Alec's ribs and he can look at Alec's face. "Would you know he was awake, even if he hadn't texted a message or whatever it is we're ignoring?"

A grin flashes across Alec's face, but it fades quickly as he considers his answer. "If he's asleep when I'm awake, sometimes I can feel his heartbeat slow, can feel as the pace draws further and further away from mine." Magnus watches Alec's free hand reach up to rub at his sternum. "I know when he's sad not because I can feel that he's sad, but because I can feel his hands ache, and that's where he is when he's sad, cracking his knuckles or playing the piano."

"Hands." Something else you have in common. Magnus swallows the urge to say that out loud, remembering the sight of shoulders hunched as Alec hit the heavy bag too many times, the lines of blood when he let his bow or his arrows catch against his skin.

Alec makes a soft sad noise, a breath lingering in his throat even as he tightens his grip around Magnus. He'd heard it even though Magnus hadn't said it. Magnus blinks. "That's why you're always so good at figuring out what I'm not saying, isn't it. Practice with subtle physical cues?"

Magnus can almost hear Alec blink. "I guess?"

"Why's Blondie so bad at it then?"

"Uh." Alec's voice catches in his throat, and Magnus swallows the urge to snicker at the sound. "I must give different cues? You'd have to ask him."

Magnus rolls his eyes. That's not very likely.

Alec laughs, and shifts his weight until they're both on their sides facing each other. "If you're going to write your parabatai treatise, you're going to have to interview both sides of the bond."

"I know much better ways to spend my morning than interviews."

"Yeah?" Alec barely breathes the word out as Magnus moves closer.

"Yeah," Magnus whispers back right before their lips meet. Much better.

***

He has your heart, and you have his, but that doesn't mean you understand each other.

It doesn't mean that that's enough.

It doesn't mean he'll love you.

Not like you love him.

It doesn't mean he'll forgive you, when he realizes how different your heart is than his.

It doesn't mean you'll stop loving him.

You don’t think you could ever stop loving him.

***

Magnus hears someone enter Alec's office but he knows it's not Alec, who's still discussing something with a patrol leader the next room over; Magnus can just hear the lift of his voice through both open doors, though he can't hear what he's saying. Magnus doesn't look up from his phone, assuming whoever it is would rather drop off whatever it is they have for the Head of the Institute and leave again without having to engage with "the Warlock" sitting on the couch.

He almost drops his phone in surprise when a small leather book lands on the cushion next to him, and he looks up to see Jace smirking at him. "Present for you."

Magnus glances down at the book and then back up at Jace. "Should I be concerned?"

"What? No." Jace manages to look offended and embarrassed and amused all at the same time. He collapses down onto the chair opposite Magnus and shakes his head. "This is what I get for trying to be nice, suspicion everywhere."

"Maybe you should think about why that is?" Magnus keeps a straight face, but his voice is much too warm and amused.

"Ha." Jace's eye roll is almost as impressive as one of his brother's.

Magnus picks up the book, feels how soft the leather is, how loose the spine. It's old for what looks to be a journal, a decade or two at least. "What is this, then?"

"Alec said you were trying to learn about the parabatai bond."

Magnus blinks. "He said he didn't have a hand-book."

"It's not—" Jace swallows, his expression oddly distant, his eyes sad. "I think Michael Wayland wrote it. The real one."

Magnus opens his mouth, but he doesn't know what to say to that, so he closes it again.

"We were living in his house, you know?" Jace's hands are wrapped together, his thumb digging into a hollow between two knuckles. "I thought my father was Michael Wayland, and I knew he'd had a parabatai, that somehow they were apart even though they were both alive, which isn't... that's not how it works, you know?"

Magnus nods. Magnus doesn't let himself think too much about hands, doesn't let himself stare as Jace's grip shifts but never loosens.

"I found this in the library, and I remember thinking how different it was from how my father talked to me, how much he must have changed, how the distance from his parabatai made him someone else."

"You wished you knew the man in the book."

Jace nods and bites his lip. Magnus waits.

"Michael fell in love with his parabatai."

Magnus inhales. His fingers tighten around the book.

Jace's mouth quirks sideways into something that isn't a smile. "And his parabatai never forgave him for it."

Robert Lightwood never forgave him. That makes more sense than it doesn't, and Magnus exhales, long and shuddering.

"But Michael still loved him. Still kept to his oath as much as he could, even when his parabatai didn't, even when the bond stretched so far Robert couldn't tell when he died, and I wanted..."

"You wanted to be like the man you thought your father used to be."

"Yeah." Jace sighs. "I knew Alec was, I mean." He stops, and swallows, and blinks hard enough Magnus is pretty sure he's holding in tears. He's not the only one. "I wasn't going to make him say it if he didn't want to, you know? I always figured that that was why my f— Why Michael was exiled to his estate, that that was why everything was the way it was when I was young and we were so alone, so isolated. I couldn't do that to Alec, make him risk that."

Oh, Jace. Poor lost children with such strong hearts, the both of them, despite the world trying over and over to break them.

"But I knew." Jace nods at the book, still clutched in Magnus' hands. "If he told me, I wasn't going to be like Robert."

"Thank you." Magnus doesn't just mean the journal. He barely means the journal at all, though he knows he'll be grateful for it when he gets the chance to read it.

"He guards my heart, I guard his." Jace shrugs, unusually graceless, as if has no idea how remarkable the both of them are. "But you're welcome, I guess."

"Everything all right?" Magnus lifts his head and Jace twists sideways until they're both looking at the doorway, both looking at Alec as he leans against the frame.

"'Course." Jace bounces back up to his feet, shaking out his hands as he keeps going, slipping out around Alec with barely a pause. "Enjoy your dinner date."

Alec scowls quite adorably in confusion, and Jace laughs as he walks away, the sound carrying down the hallway even over the sound of his retreating steps.

"Interviews and presents, darling." Magnus stands and steps forward as Alec turns his scowl back to him. Magnus kisses him, one soft press of their lips enough to make the scowl fade away. "We're both more than fine, promise."

Alec sighs, as if he realizes that that's all the sense he's liable to get at the moment. "Glad to hear it."

"Are you all finished?" Magnus slips the notebook into the inside pocket of his jacket, opposite his phone. He pats it carefully, making sure it's settled, safe and secure.

"All yours." Alec smiles as he answers.

"Hmm, not quite." Magnus thinks of Jace, of Isabelle and Clary, of Maryse and Lucian, of Simon and Maia and Lydia, of Underhill and the patrol-leader whose name Magnus doesn't even know, of Madzie's laugh and Catarina's slowly widening smiles, even of the grudging respect Alec and Raphael are slowly re-building between them. Magnus kisses Alec again, just because he can. He finds Alec's hand with his own, and his smile widens at how perfectly their fingers slide together. "But close enough."

***

Sometimes they get it wrong. Sometimes they tie two souls together who should not have been so closely bound. Despite all the training, all the tests and precautions, sometimes they fail.

Sometimes you fail. You feel it end. You have to live with it as your souls stretch apart, as your connection fades until your heart beats alone again, and your chest echoes with it because it's too empty, too quiet.

It will never feel right again, being that alone.

But if you had the chance, even knowing what you do now, you'd do it again. You had your time together, fighting and working and living side-by-side. You'd saved each others' lives more than once, and you can't regret that.

You'll never again know if he feels the same, but you'll never regret it. Never regret him. It was worth it. It is worth it. Both for him, and for who you are now, for loving him.

Even when it doesn’t last, love is always worth it.

[astudyinfic]

Title: Homecoming

Fandoms: Shadowhunters

Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Luke Garroway, pre-Maryse Lightwood/Luke Garroway

Words: 2331

Rating: T

Summary:  Returning home after months deployed overseas terrifies Alec far more than anything he faced in the war zone. What if he is different? What if he isn’t?

Thankfully, he has his team leader, friend, and brother-in-arms there to offer advice and a sounding board for all his concerns. And Luke Garroway has never let him down before.

Collection: 3B Countdown Calendar

Support a Writer: Buy Me a Coffee

Six months they’d been gone, thrown into the worst environment he could imagine, fighting for their lives more often than he would like to admit.  But their unit returned whole, not having lost a single member. Not many groups could claim that and Alec was proud of the men he served with. His brothers and his friends.  

Much of their success could be credited to their team leader.  Alec’s respect for Staff Sergeant Luke Garroway knew no bounds and he’d learned so much from him during this tour.

[takaraphoenix]

shadowruned replied to your post “Me: *trying to write the next Marvel fic on the schedule* Little Devil...”

Yes yes yes yes!!!! I am sorry it derailed your schedule but I am HERE for this fi. *marks the 26th in calendar and sets a countdown clock*

*laughs* Thanks. xD

I mean, it didn’t REALLY derail. I do have this weird tradition of writing a fic for myself for my birthday. Ya know, so I get comment alerts on my birthday. xDDD

So it fits. And I haven’t been heavy on the Jace Angst lately; been so focused on healing him post-series. So time to write some mid-series Jace Angst again and I looove the idea of omega!Jace who was raised against his omega nature and now fears he’ll never be omega enough for an alpha (or, you know, two particular alphas who are living two rooms over ;D). *giggles*

I kinda figured I’d skip this year’s birthday-present-to-myself since the 26th is a Saturday and it’ll be How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful’s 19th chapter. But I am really happy I’m getting back into Malace - as one may have noticed, around season 3B I had kind of... dropped the ball on Malace because it did not make me like Alec much. Guess I really finally got over 3B and got back into things. *^*

[ohfreckle]

fic: hearteyes, motherfucker (malec; pg)

The experiment recounted in this fic really took place. The idea behind it was to see if strangers can fall in love, starting from the premise that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness.

Written for the 3B Countdown Calendar.

If Magnus hasn't been able to find true love after twenty years of hit and miss, surely a scientific experiment won't change that. Who does still believe in love at first sight anyway?

   It’s not until the very last second that a flutter of nerves sends Magnus’ pulse tripping. Something in his chest clenches with a flash of panic. What if this changes everything? But then the door opens and all Magnus can do is step into the unknown.

Whatever he expected from a room in which a scientific experiment is about to take place, this isn’t it.

Magnus expected miles of cables and neon light glinting off a wall of monitors, the noisy whirr of computers and cameras following his every move with their red blinking lights. Either this project is grossly underfunded, or Magnus watches too many Sci-Fi movies. The room is austere, empty except for two lamps, a table with a tape recorder, and two chairs. The soft, clean white of the walls is soothing Magnus’ nerves.

It’s just talking. Magnus is an exceptional and (so he’s been told) charming conversationalist even on a bad day. He can answer a bunch of questions, even if he thinks the research topic is pointless.

Strangers don’t fall in love. In lust, yes, Magnus has done that plenty of times. But not love. Most people can’t even tell the difference and end up hurt and disappointed. Magnus wishes he could claim that he isn’t one of them.

Lust—yes. Oh god, yes. Magnus’ stomach drops when the door on the other side of the room opens, and out steps the most gorgeous man Magnus has seen in—ever.

The meaning of tall, dark, and handsome shifts in Magnus’ mind, sudden and irrevocably, forever reshaped to bear this strangers’ face. Something twists in his chest and spreads through his veins, sharp and hot like fire. Magnus recognizes the first spark of interest, so vivid he’s instantly swept away by images of short, dark strands of hair slipping through his fingers and generous lips sliding against his own.

As instructed they sit down at the table, facing each other. “I’m Magnus.” Magnus extends his hand, pleased when the man doesn’t hesitate to shake it. His handshake is warm and firm, his palm a little damp. Nerves. At least Magnus isn’t the only one.

“Alec. Hi!” Alec’s smile is small but it reaches his eyes. It’s impossible to mistake the glittering in them for anything but blatant interest that matches Magnus’ own. Pity. It seems this experiment is ruined before it even started.

Their introductions are brief. They both live in New York, and Magnus learns that Alec is a homicide detective with the NYPD. It surprises Magnus, but that is probably more because the detectives in the late-night reruns rarely look like they stepped out of a high gloss magazine. Magnus supposes they both don’t quite fit the mold; people rarely associate a professor in anthropology with the crisp, navy winged eyeliner he took great care to apply this morning.

“Well then, I believe we have some questions waiting for us,” Magnus says, finding himself a lot more eager to get this thing started than ten minutes ago. “Ready to bare your soul?”

Alec’s dry snort tells Magnus that he isn’t the only one that didn’t come here of his own volition.

As much as Magnus loves his friends, their meddling with his love life is a constant point of irritation and has led to more than one embarrassing situation. And yet, here Magnus is again because his best friend signed him up for this experiment. Cat conveniently forgot to tell him before it was too late to drop out, counting on his reluctance to be unnecessarily rude. Sometimes having friends that know him so well sucks.

“You go first.” Alec pushes the stack of small cards in the middle of the table towards Magnus gingerly, almost as if he’s trying to convince it to be gentle.

“I imagine this is quite different from what you’re used to.” Magnus winks, making it clear that he’s just teasing.

He needn’t have worried that maybe his joke fell flat. Alec barks out a low laugh, looking positively delighted. “Yeah, I’m usually on the other side of the table. Maybe I’ll learn a new trick or two. Mix things up a little with the perps.”

“It will be my pleasure to help you out with new experiences,” Magnus says and picks up the first card from the stack, not at all charmed by the way the corners of Alec’s mouth lift at the corners. Attraction, nothing more. “When did you last sing to yourself?” He reads the neat print on the card out loud, laying it down on the table between them. Magnus hesitates for a second, but Alec picks up on it. Of course it would be Magnus’ luck to be partnered up with a real-life detective who's not only a trained interrogator but most likely versed in reading even small nuances of body language.

“Now I’m curious,” Alec says, picking up the card and twirling it between his fingers before he lays it down, tapping it thoughtfully. They’re nice fingers, long and strong with perfectly manicured nails. Magnus can’t help but mirror the motion, keeping his fingers just barely from touching Alec’s.

“Actually, I sang to myself on my way here. An old lullaby my mother sang to me when I was little. After all these years it still soothes me when I’m nervous or upset.”

“You were upset when you came here?”

Any reservations Magnus might have had about sharing something so personal vanish into thin air the moment Alec’s eyes soften and he covers Magnus’ hand, squeezing lightly. Magnus barely knows this man, but everything about Alec screams sincerity, makes him feel safe and appreciated.

“Nervous,” Magnus admits, swallowing around the sudden tightness in his throat. “I could have been paired up with a yeti.”

“Who said that you weren’t?” Alec grins and lets go of Magnus’ hand with a parting squeeze. “My sister always tells me that I look like a caveman when I haven’t shaved for two days after a double shift.”

“As an anthropologist, cavemen are somewhat of a specialty of mine. They’re quite fascinating. Broad chest, lots of hair and testosterone.” As soon as the words tumble from his mouth, Magnus holds his breath. He’s a master of innuendo, and even if he doesn’t try, something not entirely appropriate often slips out at the most inopportune circumstances. Like an actual scientific experiment. Oh well, it’s not as if he’s invested in the outcome, no matter how alluring the company.

“Good. That’s good.”

That’s all Alec has to say on the matter, not bothered in the slightest as he reaches for the next card, navigating the slightly awkward situation with remarkable aplomb. But then, terrible puns probably don’t even register as a blip on the radar in a seasoned cop’s daily routine.

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would be your ideal dinner guest?” Alec reads, his brows drawing together as he places the card on top of the one Magnus just answered. “What does that even mean? An ideal guest is somebody who doesn’t complain about the food even if the vegetables are soggy and helps with the dishes, but I guess that’s not what this means.”

A barrel of emotions flickers over Alec’s expressive features, none of which Magnus can read. Alec casts him a long look. This time it’s him who’s trying to decide if he can trust Magnus.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to say more. You already answered the question. Nothing says you need to give a name.”

“No, it’s not—I just don’t think about people I don’t know, not in that theoretical way the question suggests. I like to think about the people I know and care for. I’ve got my work cut out with that.” Alec laughs a little and shrugs, leaning back in his chair. “That sounds way deeper than it is. It’s just a stupid question. I don’t know everyone in the world, so how would I know if they’re an ideal dinner guest?”

Alec is a grown man, but frowning over a question he deems pointless he looks so much like a disgruntled cat that Magnus bursts out laughing. Most people would have chosen an artist or a politician to surround themselves with an air of sophistication, but Detective Lightwood disputes the question. It’s such a different viewpoint from Magnus’ own who thinks about strangers for professional reasons and out of curiosity all day long, but presented so calm and matter of fact that Magnus wonders how he didn’t see any fault with the question himself. It’s been a long time since Magnus was this intrigued with somebody outside his line of work.

“Tell me who you’d like to have dinner with, then,” Magnus prompts, not quite ready to move on. “Out of all the people you know.”

“My brother Jace.” Alec’s answer comes without hesitation, his mouth and eyes softening with fondness. Magnus doesn’t have siblings, but if he had he hopes they’d look at him like this. “He’s a terrible dinner guest, always helps himself first and takes the biggest steak. Always finds a reason to duck out of helping with the clean-up. It’s been like that since we were kids, but in return he doesn’t complain about my cooking and pretends he actually likes it.” Alec grins, looking at Magnus from beneath his lashes as if he’s confessing a secret, and Magnus finds himself drawn in and leaning close eagerly. “We always tease our sister Izzy about her abysmal cooking skills, but the truth is that I’m not that much better.”

“That sounds lovely. Seems like dinner with your siblings is quite an entertaining affair.”

“They used to be.” Something akin to wistfulness settles over Alec, dimming his smile like the sun becoming veiled by clouds. His whole body draws into itself, his knuckles white where he clasps his hand on the table. It seems impossible how small this literal mountain of a man can suddenly appear. Magnus’ throat constricts with sympathy, and he has to stop himself from reaching out consciously. He barely knows this man. But it feels like he knows him, and it didn’t stop Alec.

“And now it’s not?” Magnus skims his fingertips over the knuckles of Alec’s hand, skin prickling when the knotted fingers relax under his touch. It shouldn’t be this easy, shouldn’t feel so natural.

“I—I did something I’m not proud of.” Alec swallows and looks at their hands, loosening his grip so he can turn his hand and brush his fingertips against Magnus’, lost in thought for a moment until he physically pulls himself together. They’re barely touching, electricity crackling in the sliver of air between their skin. It makes Magnus’ breath catch in his throat, but it seems to settle Alec’s emotions. “We haven’t talked in weeks. It all seems so stupid now, so petty. I should go and apologize. I will.” Sucking in a deep breath, Alec slumps back in his chair. “You know, these questions are total garbage. You weren’t wrong about baring our souls. Can’t they just ask us about our favorite burger?”

The heavy air between them lifts as soon as they aren’t touching anymore. It helps Magnus to clear his head enough to remember to reach for the next card, gives him something else to focus on than this strange connection that seems to surpass simple attraction.

“Let’s hope I didn’t jinx it then,” Magnus says, holding his next card up between two fingers. He means it. As fascinating as he finds Alec—fascinating being a massive understatement, he’s riveted—this is about all the soul-baring in front of strangers he can stomach without copious quantities of alcohol.

“I like your nail polish.”

One quiet remark, and the shaky equilibrium Magnus regained seconds ago is once again shot to hell. There’s no hidden meaning in the words, no come-on, just Alec’s quiet, absolute focus on him that makes something in Magnus’ chest loosen and unravel at an alarming speed. It’s unsettling, the whole experiment is. Magnus feels off-kilter, more drawn to Alec with every passing second, and he isn’t sure he likes it.

He didn’t ask for this.

In the back of his mind a voice that sounds like his friend Ragnor snorts inelegantly. Ah, my friend, but you did.

As much as Magnus wants to object, he's never been prone to deceiving himself. He's still a romantic at heart, wants to believe in that one true love that will get under his skin so deep he'll never want anyone else. He just doesn't think it's out there for him. All around him people are happy and well into starting their own family, and at thirty-three all he has to offer is a battered heart that was broken and stomped on one time too many.

But what if?

"I'm sorry if that was too much," Alec's voice cuts into Magnus' thoughts when the silence between them stretches out uncomfortably long.

"No! No, not all. I just don't usually get compliments without an ulterior motive. It's always Magnus this, Magnus that. Or people wanting to get into my pants." Magnus shrugs unapologetically. It's not bragging if it's the truth. He's been around the block, perhaps once or twice too many. A warm body is an excellent cure for just about everything.

"Shame, people should be nicer to each other." Alec stretches and rolls his shoulders, wincing a little around a yawn. "Sorry, long night at the precinct."

Magnus tries to focus on that, yet another glimpse of the kind and thoughtful man he can sense under the handsome facade, but it's impossible not to notice how Alec's shirt stretches tightly over his broad shoulders and chest. Magnus is only so strong, and Alec’s particular brand of intelligence, paired with heart and devastatingly good looks are quickly drawing him in.

“Anyway, the color suits you.” Alec inclines his head towards Magnus hand where he’s still holding the card between his fingers. “I’ve never seen a guy who can pull off sparkly, turquoise nail polish. It’s unusual. Special. Like you.”

The bold statement sends a flutter of warmth through Magnus, curling in his middle and quickly traveling up until he can feel the tips of his ears grow hot. Without a doubt Alec will notice it, but at least Magnus manages to keep his voice steady. “Are all detectives this blunt?”

“Only when the situation calls for it.” Alec smiles, quite obviously pleased with himself. “So, what do you have?”

“What do you consider your greatest achievement in life?” Magnus reads, glad it gives him something else to think about than the slow, erratic thud of his heart.

"That's a question for long nights of introspection, but I think we're already pushing our allotted time frame."

Magnus puts the card on the smaller pile and loosely clasps his hands. "I don't like to think there's just one single accomplishment that obliterates everything else I've done in my life. From an outsider's perspective my academic career as a professor at one of the top universities in the world most likely is the pinnacle of success. I love my career and I work hard for it, but I don' t value my personal achievements any less for it."

„I imagine you have quite a lot of those as well." Alec nods, his face serious and intent as he listens, his hazel eyes fixed on Magnus. "I get it. My job is important to me, but I want to be more than just Detective Lightwood. I need to be Alec, too. Matter to someone as family, a friend, a lover."

"Since we're both here, it would seem we're still working on the latter," Magnus laughs and winks to lighten the mood. It's working. Alec smiles, a little sheepish, his eyes lighting up with humor and a faint flush spilling down his neck. He really is exquisite.

If they'd met in a club, Magnus would have made his move already, willing to forget pretty much every standard he has about potential partners for a face and body like Alec’s. Intellect isn’t exactly a necessity for a night of anonymous passion. Hell, Magnus has half a mind to tell Alec screw this, let’s get out of here. The way Alec’s eyes keep straying to his mouth tells him he wouldn’t be turned down. But there’s more to Alec than stunning looks, more to the heat that’s spreading languorously in Magnus’ system. Less than half an hour and Magnus is already in much deeper than with people he’s known for months.

Magnus wants to call it potential but it feels like more than that. Potential means something might happen, but hasn’t it already? Wishful thinking, the magic of the moment, whatever it is, something is there between them and Magnus wants it. It scares him; too much too soon, like standing on the edge of a cliff with nowhere to go but taking a leap of faith.

The next questions fly by in a blur, scraps of information painting an even more captivating picture of Alec. Magnus files away Alec’s indignant Hey when he can’t hold back his surprise at learning that Alec plays the piano, offering the same sentiment in comfort after Alec’s halting confession about his strained relationship with his father. That’s another thing they have in common, and once again Alec’s hand over his own is a welcome touch that soothes an ache Magnus thought long healed.

“Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.” Alec leans back heavily and runs a hand through his hair, muttering something Magnus can’t quite catch but that sounds a lot like for fuck’s sake.

“Out with it, darling.” It’s really just a slip of the tongue, but oh, if Magnus had known that the simple endearment would make Alec look at him like he’s two seconds from rounding that table, he would have done it an hour ago. Heat burns its way up his spine, sharp and sudden, leaving behind a lingering warmth that feels almost like a touch.

Almost, but not enough.

There’s a split second of hesitation before Alec straightens and meets Magnus’ eyes. “I almost got married. Tuxedo, white gown, the whole shebang.”

“That’s—interesting?” The warmth that a moment ago suffused Magnus whole body simmers down and gives way to mild confusion. “Forgive me, darling, but you don’t strike me—”

“As straight?”

“Straight, bi. I just don’t think women are your type.” The ridges of Magnus’ ear cuff tickle against his fingertips as he fiddles with it. It’s a nervous tick, something he unconsciously does when he’s uneasy, but like hell Magnus will admit to that. He meets Alec’s eyes straight on, lowers his lashes just the tiniest bit to make it a challenge.

“Fuck no, I’m so gay I can’t even think straight,” Alec snorts. It should be gross and unbecoming, not even vaguely attractive. Maybe it’s simple relief that makes Magnus find it charming. “I wasn’t out back then. My parents arranged a marriage, and I was so deep in the closet that I didn’t know how to get out.”

“This story is truly scintillating, Alexander, but I’m glad you got out eventually.” Magnus quirks a smile, some of the tension easing out of him when it’s met with a smirk. The thought of Alec being with a woman (or really anyone) shouldn’t affect him at all, but here he is, a sour taste lingering in his mouth. Christ.

“That was the last time somebody called me that. Alexander,” Alec clarifies. “Right before I said No in front of the altar and came out to half of the city’s old money families. My mother almost fainted from sheer outrage, and my father told me to be a man and go through with it anyway. Which in return made me almost faint because I couldn’t breathe around my anger and disappointment.”

“I take it that’s part of the reason for your strained relationship?” Magnus isn’t sure what’s worse. Having a father who shows so little regard to his son’s feelings, or one who isn’t around at all. Either way, they both drew the short straw.

“My mother eventually came around but I haven’t seen my father since then.” Alec doesn’t look particularly upset. An old wound then. Magnus knows more about old wounds than he cares to admit. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t occasionally hurt.

“That wasn’t an easy thing to do. I’m proud of you, Alexan—Alec.”

“No, I like it.” Alec leans forward, their hands touching unerringly again. Just a brush of their fingertips, but it grounds Magnus, soothes his scraped raw nerves. Alec seems to feel the same because his eyes are bright and warm when he looks at Magnus. “It sounds different from you, like it matters. Like I matter.”

Magnus swallows around a lump in his throat. "You do matter. So much," he says, his voice hoarse, and he means it. To me. All of this may seem like a forgotten dream tomorrow. Magnus feels torn, spread thin by sharing so much of himself. He's unsure how much of what he feels are his own emotions and how much is a product of the intimacy that's forced on them, but Magnus knows that Alec is special. However they will go on from here, nothing will change that and Magnus will be richer for having been allowed to spend time with him.

Nodding jerkily, Alec smiles. A private, tiny thing that's all the more precious because Magnus put it there. "Thank you."

"Well then, second to last one. Shall we?" Magnus reaches for the next card of the now significantly smaller stack, eager to break the silence that follows after their last exchange. It's not an uncomfortable silence, quite the contrary. He has an inkling that quiet times with Alec are something to be cherished, but this moment feels private and he's reluctant to share it with whoever is undoubtedly listening in.

"Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?" Magnus reads the question and now it's his turn to mutter 'for fuck's sake'.

Goddamn, all of a sudden he's so sick of this soul striptease. Getting to know Alec has been nothing short of a revelation but Magnus wouldn't mind continuing their conversation over a triple shot latte and some lighter topics. He has opinions about Prada's spring collection and a feeling that Alec might just humor him. As he does right now, waiting patiently while Magnus mentally cartwheels through his thirty seconds of conniption.

"You okay?" Alec's voice is warm, soothing, a hint of concern deepening it. If that's his interrogation voice, criminals from all over the city must be standing in line.

"Yeah, let's get this over with." Magnus forces a smile, dropping it immediately when Alec gives him an unimpressed look. Well, it was worth a try. "This is a sore topic and in a way one of the reasons I'm here today."

Not even his best friends know what's sitting on the tip of Magnus' tongue. He pauses, looking at Alec for—he isn't quite sure what but receives nod and a smile anyway, and that's what makes him jump. "There's a box on the shelf of my office. It contains tokens from everyone I've ever been in a relationship with. Some remind me of happy times, lovers who crossed my path and we were right for each other until we weren't anymore."

"And some memories were not so happy?"

"I've loved once with everything I had, only to find out that person betrayed me in any way possible. I closed myself off years after that. Until—“ Today. Magnus carefully looks down on his flawlessly painted nails, not quite sure what he's implying. He's not in love with Alec. It's impossible. "Once or twice each year I open that box and go through its contents. It reminds me that I'm capable of love. Even if it isn't in the cards for me right now, which is entirely my fault, it gives me hope that one day I will find somebody who loves me the way I deserve. And that's why I would save that box even if the whole building would collapse around me."

"It's not your fault, it's that person's fault." Alec looks genuinely upset, a deep furrow between his eyes marring his lovely features. "But I get it. I don't love easily and I don't let myself be loved easily. Or so I've been told."

Magnus laughs ruefully. "What a pair we make."

"I'd say a pretty good one." Alec meets Magnus' eyes without reservation, frank and so soft it makes Magnus tremble with the effort to sort through his warring emotions.

"Put on the headphones on, start the tape, and stare into each others eyes for four minutes," Alec reads after picking up the last card. He barks out a laugh. "Now they're going easy on us?"

Magnus isn't so sure about that, but he's pleasantly surprised when the tape provides merely a background of ambient noise that fades into nothingness. Combined with the stark white of the room it feels like Magnus is falling, his world shrinking, their surroundings fading until it's just the two of them.

There's a green ring around the hazel of Alec's eyes, faint laugh lines Magnus didn't notice before surrounding them. It's a comforting thought that despite his often gruesome job, Alec still likes to laugh. As someone who celebrates life, Magnus can’t even imagine facing death in all its forms each day. If he had to, though, laughing with friends and family would be an absolute necessity to hang on to his humanity.

Right on cue, Alec smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. It softens his classic features, makes Magnus wonder how he'll look when he outright laughs with his head thrown back in mirth or happiness.

An image of Alec stretched out on the golden sheets in his loft flashes through Magnus' mind, Alec’s face relaxed in sleep and his lashes casting shadows against the crest of his cheek in the early morning light.

Magnus never takes anyone home.

Maybe it’s the heat that’s creeping up his neck, maybe his thoughts are splashed all over his face, but as soon as Magnus’ imagination takes flight, Alec’s gaze drops to his mouth again and the room around them grows several degrees hotter.

With the temperature, Magnus' heart rate spikes too. They aren't even touching but his skin prickles with Alec's imagined touch, and in the back of Magnus' mind his thoughts from earlier are rushing back to mock him. Instant attraction kills any possibility for deeper feelings? The hot mess of emotions in his chest, an explosive mix of want and something much softer, tells a different story.

Magnus wants. It’s not a new experience. He’s burned hot and fast like this before, but it’s been a long time since it felt like kindling rather than straw fire. Yes, he wants Alec with an intensity that feels like a punch to the chest, but at the same time he’s suffused with an inexplicable bone-deep satisfaction that’s rooted in the joy of simply being in Alec’s company.

Four minutes should last an eternity. In this room with Alec, they are over in the blink of an eye. Magnus startles when the tape runs out, the silence almost deafening around them. Before he can think of something witty to say, the door across the room opens, and an assistant calls for Alec to follow. His own name rings out a second later.

Everything goes so fast, Magnus doesn’t have the presence of mind to protest, to tell them No, he needs to talk to Alec. He remembers being briefed about the protocol, but right now he doesn’t give a damn. He doesn’t even have Alec’s number.

As a scientist, Magnus knows that experiments need to be documented and evaluated with utmost diligence. He also knows that the research assistant who asks him even more questions than he just answered is only doing her job. By signing the agreement before he went through that door, he agreed to everything that's happening now.

All rational thinking though can't alleviate the growing sense of urgency that makes Magnus snappish and even more impatient by the minute. Biting his tongue when the assistant's tablet crashes for the third time, Magnus is only mollified when she asks his consent to give his contact information to Alec. He signs that form with a bit of extra flourish, grumbling just a little when she rolls her eyes that yes, Mr. Lightwood will be asked to do the same. Well, maybe Magnus asked twice, but scientists can't be trusted.

After yet another technical mishap with the printer, Magnus is finally re-released into the real world. He's still thrumming with nervous energy and too many emotions, but he takes his time buttoning his coat and binding his scarf. Even if Alec decided to stick around and wait for him, he’d be long gone by now. Even angels aren't this patient. He'll have to wait for Alec's contact information or his call, hoping against all hope that the tablet saved at least this bit of information. Damn. Patience admittedly isn't a virtue he can claim for himself.

Magnus steps out of the building, ducking his head against the cold and debating on which direction to take. A walk and maybe a cup of coffee might do him some good to clear his head. So caught up in his thoughts, Magnus only notices Alec unfolding his tall frame from one of the benches lining the street when they're already standing close enough to touch.

"Alexander!" Magnus breathes full of wonder, reaching out for him at the same moment Alec reaches for him.

"I thought I missed you," Alec says quietly, fisting his hands into the lapels of Magnus’ coat. His nose is red from the cold, and he's shivering in his too thin jacket because he waited for Magnus.

Something in Magnus cracks. A surge of warmth sweeps through him, sweet and heavy, leaving a dull roar in its wake that makes it impossible to form a thought beyond Yes.

It must show on his face, or maybe he said it out loud. Everything slows down as he tilts up his face and watches Alec’s eyes drop to his mouth again, their breath mingling in the chilly air between them. Alec’s skin is cold as he brings a hand up and strokes his thumb over Magnus’ cheek, but it still leaves a path of heat that sends Magnus’ heart racing.

“Can I—”Alec starts, his lovely brown eyes almost black when Magnus nods.

“Hey” someone shouts, a bicycle bell ringing up a storm behind them because they’re standing in the middle of the pavement. The moment is broken, and Magnus sighs with regret as he feels Alec straighten. Despite his warm coat, he suddenly shivers. Neither of them moves, though, the cyclist already gone and forgotten.

“Fuck,” Magnus says with feeling.

“Fuck,” Alec agrees and huffs out a laugh, brushing the back of his fingers against Magnus’ cheek. It almost makes up for the kiss Magnus was robbed of. “Should we get a drink first?”

“I was just about to get coffee.” Magnus nods and steps back, starting into the direction of a little coffee shop he saw on his way here. “You look like you could do with a something hot. Other than me.”

Alec laughs, throwing his head back before he quickly falls into step with Magnus. He looks even better than Magnus imagined. It’s only a short walk, seemingly even quicker with the additional spring in Magnus’ step. He didn’t miss the first in Alec’s question about getting a drink, and Magnus always collects.

***

Alec squeezes his eyes shut and rolls onto his back with a groan. It’s late already, little specks of dust dancing in the pale sunlight that’s streaming through a gap in the curtains. The other half of the bed is empty, he can tell by the lack of weight against his side, so he might as well get up. Not bothering with more than a pair of boxers, Alec steps out of the bedroom, following the delicious smell of fresh coffee and pancakes.

He could get used to this vacation thing. Especially if the first thing that greets him is the sight of Magnus in nothing but a pair of boxers and his favorite apron.

“Morning, Mr. Lightwood-Bane,” Alec murmurs as he steps behind Magnus and slides his arms around his middle, mindful of the spatula Magnus is brandishing. “This smells amazing.”

“Good morning to you, too, Mr. Lightwood-Bane.” Magnus tilts his head, giving Alec better access for the row of kisses he lays against his throat. “They better smell amazing. I had to borrow butter from Mrs. Rafferty downstairs because somebody distracted me yesterday and we never made it to the grocery store.”

“Isn’t that the purpose of a honeymoon?” Alec hums, stealing a bit of the pancake Magnus slides onto a plate. “Staying in bed all day and never leave the house?”

“Larceny before noon, detective?” Magnus scolds, his voice mock-stern as he swats at Alec’s hand. “We should at least stock up on food. I think I’m still blushing after listening to Mrs. Rafferty prattle on about the many creative uses of butter.”

“Did you learn anything interesting?”Alec grins and fills two cups of coffee, sitting down at the table while Magnus carries over their plates. His apron says ‘kiss the cook, often and everywhere’, framed by a glittery heart. Alec would be a terrible cop if he couldn’t carry out a direct order, and Magnus doesn’t even try to resist when Alec pulls him into his lap and starts on the arduous task to kiss him breathless.

Breakfast turns into brunch as they share small bites of pancake between kisses, each one longer and heavier than the last, their hands roaming over hot skin in long caresses. It’s only been three months since Alec snapped at Izzy for signing him up for an experiment he thought to be utterly pointless, three months filled with love and happiness and Magnus. Everyone, even their closest friends and family, called them crazy when they invited them for their impromptu wedding last week, but Alec couldn’t care less. This—Magnus is it for him, and he knows Magnus feels the same, so why wait?

Eventually, they’ll have to emerge from their touch-drunk bubble and face the real world again. Neither of them had been able to take off more than one week from work on such short notice, and there was no time for a proper vacation. Alec thinks he likes this even better, just the two of them in their home. They have a lifetime for traveling together. One honeymoon trip every year sounds about right to Alec.

They'll have to buy something nice for Izzy for making him go to that experiment. Maybe a toaster, but unlike Izzy, toasters belong into the kitchen and can explode, so perhaps a fruit basket.

"Alexander, I’m afraid you're not doing a very good job," Magnus interrupts his thoughts and wriggles a little in his lap, tugging on his apron. "Kiss me, or do I have to call the cops?”

“I’m sure that won’t be necessary,” Alec murmurs against Magnus’ lips. He does take orders very well.

[lynne-monstr]

My contribution to the 3B Countdown Calendar. Banner by the lovely @cryptidbane on twitter.

A string of unsolved murders threatens twenty years of peace in the shadow world, and Alec is determined to put an end to it once and for all. The only catch: all the clues point to the next one taking place at the biggest party of the year, and he might be falling for the killer he's supposed to bring down.

Meanwhile, Magnus Bane has his own agenda for the evening, and it doesn't involve being caught by Alec Lightwood.

featuring: enemies to friends/lovers, mortal danger, alec lightwood being an a+ dancer, tuxedos looking illegally good on magnus. and flirting. so much flirting

Chapter 1: ao3 link

[bytheangell]

Life in the Shadow of Death

(Read on AO3)  (part of the 3B Countdown Calendar of fics!) 

Jonathan Christopher should have known that Death, along with the destruction and loss it brought, would follow him no matter where he went, no matter what he did.

He wasn’t even properly alive when Death first appeared to him, taking the life of the woman carrying him in her womb. No one could have predicted that Celine’s death would be the first of many Jonathan would come to blame on himself.

It followed him as Jonathan Wayland, when his desire to care for something, to love it and be loved in return, brought about the death of his beloved falcon, and it didn’t stop straight through the death of the man he believed to be his father as the result of what he thought was a Circle uprising. Real or not, the loss he perceived and the weight he took on seeking vengeance and retaliation would shape the most formative years of his life.

It followed him as Jonathan Lightwood, but this time it was channeled. This time it had purpose. His life was surrounded by death because he brought it   intentionally , honing his skills, fighting his way through demon after demon… but it didn’t stop there. He wouldn’t allow it to, because that wasn’t enough. For every rogue downworlder the Praetor couldn’t handle efficiently, Jace was there - vampire after vampire, werewolf after werewolf, if there was a rogue creature to hunt he was on it. He was good at it. After so many years of resenting the death his very existence drew towards him whether he wanted it or not, he found the easiest way to control it was to always want it. To welcome it. To seek it out before it could find him first.

It didn’t stop when he was Jonathan Morgenstern. How could it, when of all the Jaces he’d been so far, this was the one that made the most sense. The one that explained every dark thought that pushed through his best defenses, every voice that told him he was born to be a killer. Would Maryse and Robert have praised his skills had they known where they came from? The answer was no, because the moment he stepped through that portal they realized the true threat that was Jonathan Morgenstern - because there was now a chance that destructive force was no longer on their side, but turning against them.

It’s easy to love a killer when you’re the one they’re killing for.

When he reached for the soul sword it was with every intention of meeting Death once and for all, to sacrifice himself for the sake of a world that deserved better than the carnage that followed him at every turn. What he received in instead was the loss of the very lives he intended to save. He hadn’t known, he couldn’t have known… but that hardly mattered. Valentine’s victory that day was brought about by Jace’s selfish desire to go out in a blaze of glory, by his need to prove himself once and for all. All he proved was that he couldn’t escape the fate that was always meant for him.

Death followed him, right up until the moment he drew what should have been his last breath. And when it could no longer call upon him to do its bidding it moved on to Clarissa, driving a blade through Valentine’s chest.

And then it brought him back, because it was not done with him yet.

Jonathan Herondale wanted it to stop more than ever before. He’d never truly wanted it in the first place. He made the best of it. At times he embraced it, accepting it because fighting it 24/7 was simply too exhausting for any one person to endure. But now he had someone who refused to give up on him… someone he couldn’t write off as a familial obligation, because of course he knew Izzy and Alec cared. They loved him more than he could possibly deserve, but he could convince himself it was because they had to. They were family after all, even if not by blood. But Clary?

Clary could leave him at any moment. And she should have, time and time again. Instead she held him close and supported every decision he made, even if she didn’t fully agree with it or even understand it. She loved him despite him doing everything wrong he possibly could along the way. She killed her father for him, and though if any man deserved it it was Valentine, that was still not a weight he would’ve wished upon her, or anyone else. He wanted to be different, to be better, for her. For them .

But Death had other plans, so much worse than anything that came before.

He knew, on some level, that he wasn’t entirely responsible for the lives lost at his hand while he was possessed. It was the demon, it was Lilith’s influence, it was nothing he ever would’ve done on his own. Imogen… his own grandmother, the last living flesh and blood he had… her blood was on his hands, but it wasn’t his fault . He knew that, and so did the people around him. But he couldn't erase the guilt because he and Death knew one another intimately by now; if he was a stronger person he would make himself one with death and remain the way he was meant to at Lake Lyn. He thought Alec might be strong enough, and for a moment he almost was. But the love that Alec and Izzy and everyone else foolish enough to care for him convinced them he was worth saving, no matter how much he pleaded otherwise. Their love for him won out. It always did.

And it was always wrong.

They saved him, and in return he brought more death. Clary was gone, the love of his life torn away not just from him but from all the lives she touched. And Magnus… Magnus’ death may not have been an immediate result, but it’s happening, slowly but surely. It’s evident with the first gray hair that stained his black mohawk, a streak that came through right at the front. It’s evident in the first time Magnus caught a cold that turned into the flu, and Alec took  a week off from the Institute to stay home and take care of him. Magnus was dying, and that death will be Jace’s fault, just like every other death in his life since the day he was born.

It was easier when he stopped fighting it. It was simpler when he pretended he wanted it there, that he didn’t mind it’s presence. Things were less complicated when he could count the number of people who cared about him on four fingers, and even two of those were suspect. He brought enough death upon himself, he didn’t want anyone else in the line of fire for his sake.

He doesn’t think he’ll have to worry about that for much longer. It may be too late for all that’s come to pass, but now?

How anyone could continue to love him after this, he doesn’t know. Everything Alec and Magnus sacrificed, they did it for him, and they must regret it now that they’re living out the consequences. Isabelle and Simon feel the loss of Clary so deeply he can tell that they relive the pain of her death every time they look at him - every time they remember it’s his fault she was ever in that position. Maryse isn’t around the Institute often and Robert is in Idris, something he’s infinitely grateful for because he doesn’t think he can handle their looks of disappointment on top of everything else.

He wishes he was stronger… that he could end the suffering he caused around him once and for all. But he isn’t. He can’t, because despite the fact that he cannot begin to fathom how, or why, the fact remains: there are people who still care. People who wouldn’t understand that the pain he’d be sparing in the long run would more than make up for any temporary anguish. So he stays, for them, even knowing that no matter how far he runs and many times his name may change, Death will always find him again.

He’ll try his best to right the wrongs committed by his hand and by his influence, and he’ll will Death to stay away, because hasn’t he given it enough? What more could it possibly want from him?

As much dread as the question brings him, he fears the inevitable answer will be worse.

[actuallyredorchid]

FIC: Learning to Fly

Guardian angel Alec Lightwood is assigned a new human to watch over after her previous protector is fired. Once on Earth, Alec finds he’s not alone on the job, however—and that Magnus, a fiery and badass fellow angel, intrigues him far more than his new mission.

(Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, wip, E)

For the 3B Countdown Calendar

Banner by 3B countdown calendar mods.

[ao3feed-malec]

Love is a Journey

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2SbrkdR

by reignofdreams

They say love is a whirlwind, coming out of nowhere and sweeping you off your feet. But true love, the kind that lasts, is a series of moments that build like a ripple effect.

Alec and Magnus like to think theirs is a lasting love. These are their moments.

Words: 2490, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Madzie (Shadowhunters TV), Isabelle Lightwood, Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood

Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood

Additional Tags: Fluff, Domestic Fluff, seriously that's all it is. just tooth-rotting fluff, 3B Countdown Calendar

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2SbrkdR

[feetglider2-blog]

This is the Cubs prospect to watch in camp

The countdown to pitchers and catchers reporting is down to single digits for all 30 MLB clubs, but as exciting as it is to see the return of Major League stars, it's also a time to dream about the next wave of baseball talent. With the help of MLB.com's beat writers, here's a prospect to keep an eye on for each and every team in 2019.

AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST

Blue Jays: Vladimir Guerrero Jr., 3B The Blue Jays might be in the process of rebuilding, but their upcoming Spring Training will be must-see TV because of one player. Guerrero, arguably one of the most hyped prospects in history, will report to big league camp for the first time in his career. Guerrero appeared in a handful of spring games for Toronto in 2018, but he's never been a full participant in camp and this will be the first time fans get to watch his progress from start to finish. Guerrero vs. Chris Sale, Blake Snell, Aroldis Chapman and Masahiro Tanaka: These matchups have never happened before, but they might this spring -- and if they do the entire baseball world will be watching. If Guerrero comes anywhere close to matching the hype, there are certain milestones of his career people will not want to miss, and his very first Major League Spring Training is one of them. Circle Feb. 23 on the calendar because that's when all of the fun could begin with an afternoon home game vs. the Tigers. -- Gregor Chisholm

Video: MLB Network on Vlad Jr. being game's top prospect

Orioles: Yusniel Diaz, OF Orioles camp will be full of blue-chippers eager to show the new regime what they can do as the club heads into a season in which big league opportunities figure to be available in plenty. The crop includes fast-rising Ryan Mountcastle, rebound candidates Hunter Harvey and Austin Hays, and late bloomers Ryan McKenna and Dean Kremer. But the obvious choice here is Yusniel Diaz, the prize of the Manny Machado trade and the Orioles' No. 1 prospect per MLB Pipeline. The 22-year-old Cuban slumped at Double-A last summer, but has generally rose steadily since signing with the Dodgers in November 2015. He is considered a potential five-tool player with an advanced approach at the plate, an ability to play all three outfield positions and a shot at debuting in Baltimore as early as this summer. -- Joe Trezza

:: Spring Training coverage presented by Camping World ::

Rays: Nate Lowe, 1B Once the Rays decided to trade Jake Bauers to the Indians this offseason, it became clear that the organization believes Nate Lowe is the first baseman of the future. Lowe won the Rays' Minor League Player of the Year Award in 2018 after dominating three levels in the Minors. The Rays' No. 13 prospect according to MLB Pipeline finished with 27 homers in 2018, and scouts have little doubt that the power will translate to the Majors due to his 6-foot-4, 235-pound frame. Lowe is one of the 24 non-roster invitees at this year's Spring Training, and it will be interesting to see what Lowe can show in just over a month. There's a good chance we see Lowe at the big league level at some point in 2019, but the 23-year-old will look to display his power all throughout the spring. -- Juan Toribio

Red Sox: Bobby Dalbec, 3B The power-hitting third baseman will be in big league camp for the first time, and Red Sox fans look forward to watching him take aim at the replica Green Monster at JetBlue Park. Dalbec has the best raw power in Boston's farm system, and his batting practice sessions could be a must-see event for fans roaming the back fields. But Dalbec isn't just about offense; he was a much-improved defender at the hot corner last season, displaying a quick first step and a strong arm. Look for Dalbec to start 2019 at Double-A and likely finish it at Triple-A. A September callup isn't out of the question. -- Ian Browne

Yankees: Clint Frazier, OF Frazier's 2018 season was derailed in the Yankees' second exhibition game, when he sustained a concussion slamming into the left-field wall in Bradenton, Fla. Recurring symptoms dogged the promising outfielder throughout much of the campaign, but he recently received a clean bill of health and has eyes upon claiming the starting left-field job from Brett Gardner. Frazier was lauded for his "legendary" bat speed in 2016, when he served as the centerpiece in the Andrew Miller trade. -- Bryan Hoch

AMERICAN LEAGUE CENTRAL

Indians: Bobby Bradley, 1B For those who enjoy the long ball, Bradley will be one to keep an eye on during Spring Training. The 22-year-old first baseman has demonstrated plus power in every step of his Minor League career, launching at least 20 home runs over the last four years (27 in Class A Advanced Lake County in 2015, 29 for Class A Advanced Lynchburg in '16, 23 at Double-A Akron in '17 and 27 between Double- and Triple-A in '18). In '16, he also knocked in an impressive 102 runs in 131 contests. Bradley's powerful bat is definitely something the Indians could use in their lineup once he continues to improve his defense and trim his strikeout rate. But it may not be too much longer until he gets his chance to hit long balls and drive in runs for the big league club. Either way, look for his power to be on full display once the team arrives in Arizona. -- Mandy Bell

Royals: Richard Lovelady, LHP As we've mentioned numerous times on royals.com, Lovelady, 23, doesn't have to go on the 40-man roster until next fall. But Lovelady, who posted a 2.47 ERA last year at Triple-A Omaha with nine saves, may force the Royals' hand this spring. And there certainly are plenty of open spots in the bullpen for Lovelady to grab. A lot of eyes will be on Lovelady when camp opens. He has swing-and-miss stuff and a bulldog mentality, and general manager Dayton Moore brought his name up at the team's recent FanFest as one of those pitchers who could be the next Greg Holland, Kelvin Herrera or Wade Davis. Lovelady just needs an opportunity. -- Jeffrey Flanagan

Video: Callis on the potential of No. 17 prospect Casey Mize

Tigers: Casey Mize, RHP Mize won't be pushing for a roster spot after just 13 Minor League innings last summer. But what last year's top Draft pick shows in camp should play a big role in determining his eventual path to the big leagues.

"I'm not going to even touch the delivery," pitching coach Rick Anderson said of Mize a couple weeks ago at TigerFest. "You just let him get adapted to where he's at. I'm excited to see him, just as I was when [Beau] Burrows and [Matt] Manning came up. You get a chance to see these guys and then you sit down with [roving pitching instructor] A.J. Sager and the Minor League people and talk about where we're going with them and what their thoughts are. It's going to be fun to see him."

The Tigers' decision to invite Mize to Major League camp is similar to what Detroit did with fellow right-hander Alex Faedo, their previous year's top Draft pick. The Tigers rested Faedo for the summer of 2017 after taking him with their first pick, letting him rest his arm following extended work during the University of Florida's run to the College World Series. Before Faedo embarked on his first pro season, the Tigers gave him a glimpse of Major League pitchers and the routine they build to prepare for a season. He pitched in the Tigers' spring exhibition game against Florida Southern College before heading over to Minor League camp. Expect much of the same for Mize. -- Jason Beck

Twins: Alex Kirilloff, OF Kirilloff missed the entire 2017 season after undergoing Tommy John surgery, and his only goal entering '18 was to play a full season of healthy baseball. The former first-round selection from the '16 MLB Draft not only stayed healthy, but also had one of the most productive seasons in the Minor Leagues, leading all full-season Minor League hitters in doubles (44) while hitting .348/.392/.578 with 20 homers and 101 RBIs across two levels. The 21-year-old was named the Twins' Minor League Player of the Year, shot up to No. 9 on MLB Pipeline's top 100 prospects list and earned an invite to big league camp this coming spring.

"I'd never had an injury like that, that caused me to miss that much time," Kirilloff said. "But once it got past that point and I accepted everything, I took it as a challenge and tried to make myself better from it." -- Do-Hyoung Park

White Sox: Eloy Jimenez, OF White Sox fans continue waiting on decisions from premium free agents Machado and Bryce Harper, but in the meantime, believe they have a star of their own in the making in Jimenez. Those same fans were disappointed to not have Jimenez come to the Majors at all in 2018, especially after getting a glimpse of his raw power during Spring Training and then watching Jimenez tear through the Minors offensively. The game's No. 3 prospect overall, per MLB Pipeline, has worked diligently on his conditioning in the offseason and seems primed for an impressive rookie campaign, which should begin sometime in mid-April. -- Scott Merkin

Video: All eyes on Jimenez at White Sox Spring Training

AMERICAN LEAGUE WEST

Angels: Jo Adell, OF Adell, ranked as the No. 14 overall prospect by MLB Pipeline, is a true five-tool center fielder who has continued to make impressive adjustments in the Minors. He's coming off a breakout year that saw him hit a combined .290/.355/.543 with 20 homers, 32 doubles and 15 stolen bases in 99 games across three levels, including his first stint at Double-A despite being only 19. He'll be in Major League camp for the first time this spring, but isn't likely to reach the Majors in 2020. He'll be in the upper levels of the Minors this season, however, and is the club's most exciting home-grown prospect since Mike Trout. -- Rhett Bollinger

Video: Callis on Forrest Whitley being top pitching prospect

Astros: Forrest Whitley, RHP Whitley, the seventh-ranked overall prospect by MLB Pipeline, is one of the Astros' most highly touted prospects in the last couple of years. Whitley, who dominated at the Arizona Fall League after being held to 26 1/3 innings at Double-A Corpus Christi last year following a 50-game suspension and a pair of injuries, will probably begin the season at Triple-A Round Rock and should make his way to Houston at some point in 2019. There's a reason the Astros came out publicly and said the 6-foot-7 Whitley isn't available in trades this offseason. -- Brian McTaggart

Athletics: Jesus Luzardo, LHP All eyes will be on Luzardo when camp opens next week. The A's top prospect, all of 21 years old, is the most intriguing Opening Day rotation candidate. The southpaw sensation -- who was recently anointed the game's top left-handed pitching prospect by MLB Pipeline -- climbed three levels in the Minors in 2018 and put together a 10-5 record and 2.88 ERA with 129 strikeouts in 109 1/3 innings. Despite having just four games under his belt at the Triple-A level, the A's won't hesitate to throw him in the big league rotation with a strong spring showing. Conversely, they don't want to rush him if they feel he's not ready, and wouldn't shy away from giving him more time at Triple-A. Either way, the hype is real. Luzardo is armed with a premium arsenal -- including a high-90s fastball that features a high spin rate and an elite changeup -- and the kind of pinpoint command that typically eludes young pitchers. -- Jane Lee

Mariners: Kyle Lewis, OF With all the offseason moves by Jerry Dipoto, the Mariners are suddenly loaded with interesting young prospects, including promising pitchers Justus Sheffield, Justin Dunn and Erik Swanson, who all could impact the rotation before long. Nine of the club's Top 30 prospects per MLB Pipeline were acquired this winter. But there's a returning prospect who might be even more intriguing to keep an eye on this spring, as Lewis -- the club's No. 1 Draft pick in 2016 -- should finally be at full strength in his return from knee surgery. Fans will finally get to see Lewis in action at his first Major League camp as the 23-year-old looks to re-establish himself as a key part of the franchise's future plans. -- Greg Johns

Rangers: Taylor Hearn, LHP Spring Training will give the Rangers a chance to take a good look at Hearn, 24, who was acquired from the Pirates in a trade for Keone Kela at the end of July. He is at the forefront of a group of Minor League starting pitchers who are expected to make an impact at the big league level in two to three years. Hearn, who is from nearby Royse City, has a fastball that hits 97-98 miles per hour but still has to refine his location. He has a good feel for a changeup, but is still working on his slider. He could end up with a future in the bullpen, but the Rangers will give him a chance to start and he could be fun to watch in Spring Training. -- T.R. Sullivan

NATIONAL LEAGUE EAST

Braves: Cristian Pache, OF Andruw Jones says Pache is already the best defensive outfielder within an organization that includes Ender Inciarte, who has won three straight Gold Glove Awards. Other evaluators have opined the 20-year-old prospect might be the game's best defensive outfield prospect. The young outfielder hit the first nine homers of his professional career last year and his power will likely increase as he continues to physically mature. Pache held his own while experiencing his first big league Spring Training last year. His presence during this year's camp should give Braves fans further reason to be excited about the possibility he might be roaming the outfield with Ronald Acuna Jr. at some point during the 2020 season. -- Mark Bowman

Marlins: Victor Victor Mesa, OF Mesa, Miami's No. 1 prospect and baseball's 99th overall per MLB Pipeline, enters Spring Training as a non-roster invitee and a bit of a mystery. The 22-year-old and his younger brother, Victor Mesa Jr., defected from Cuba last May and he has not seen any real game action since. He signed for $5.25 million (and his brother for $1 million) with the Marlins in October.

The fact that the elder Mesa hasn't played in games in about a year will create plenty of intrigue as to what he can do. A speedster with a cannon for an arm, Mesa draws praises from scouts for his defensive abilities. His approach at the plate is also solid, and the thought is that he will hit for average. But there are questions as to how much power he will provide. The Marlins will give Mesa every chance to showcase himself; along with game action, he is expected to be in the bullpen tracking pitches during pitcher warmups. Marlins fans are wondering when to expect him in the big leagues, but they will have to wait because he will likely start off at either Class A Advanced Jupiter or Double-A Jacksonville. -- Joe Frisaro

Video: WLD@USA: Alonso mashes a 2-run homer to left field

Mets: Peter Alonso, 1B A vocal segment of Mets fans wanted top-ranked prospect Peter Alonso in the Majors last season. They'll be back in full-throated support of Alonso this spring, when he attempts to make the Mets' Opening Day roster despite odds stacked against him. While Alonso has nothing left to prove offensively in the Minors, slugging 36 home runs over two levels last season, the Mets must keep him down until mid-April if they want to ensure an extra year of team control.

Regardless of that decision, Alonso promises to be under a microscope this spring, as the Mets try to figure out if he really is their first baseman of the future -- particularly on defense, where he has struggled since the Mets drafted him in the second round in 2016. If all goes well, Alonso has potential to develop into one of the best right-handed sluggers in baseball. -- Anthony DiComo

Nationals: Victor Robles, OF One of the biggest reasons the Nationals could potentially lose Harper and still be OK? Robles, the club's top prospect and MLB Pipeline's No. 4 overall prospect in baseball. Had he not hyperextended his left elbow on a diving catch last April, Robles would have received his chance in D.C. last season. Instead, his friend Juan Soto got the chance and he ran with the opportunity. This year will be Robles' turn.

Washington is going to hand Robles the job as the everyday center fielder because the team believes he is ready to show off all of his tools: The speed around the bases and in the outfield, the instincts and arm on defense and an approach at the plate that they do not believe will be overwhelmed by big league pitching -- along with enough power to make pitchers pay for mistakes. Robles is about to get his chance to prove himself this season, and the Nationals hope he will end up roaming the outfield at Nationals Park for years to come. -- Jamal Collier

Phillies: Adam Haseley, OF The Phillies selected Haseley with the eighth overall pick in the 2017 MLB Draft, and there is some thought that he could push for a job on the big league roster later this season, if he plays well and if there is a need. Haseley opened last season with Class A Clearwater before being promoted to Double-A Reading. He put up impressive numbers with Reading, batting .316 with six home runs, 17 RBIs and an .880 OPS in 159 plate appearances. If the Phillies sign Harper at some point this spring, it obviously hurts Haseley's chances to make a big league impact in 2019. But if Harper signs elsewhere, the Phillies could have a use for Haseley mid-summer, especially with outfielders like Odubel Herrera and Aaron Altherr trying to rebound from disappointing seasons, and Roman Quinn having an extensive injury history. -- Todd Zolecki

NATIONAL LEAGUE CENTRAL

Brewers: Keston Hiura, 2B In this case, the must-see prospect in camp might also be the one with the chance to make the biggest impact. Hiura impressed manager Craig Counsell and the Major League staff last year by batting .419 with a .986 OPS in 31 Cactus League at-bats before a solid season split between Class A Advanced Carolina and Double-A Biloxi -- as well as a strong showing in the Arizona Fall League, where he posted a .934 OPS. President of baseball operations David Stearns has already said Hiura will begin the season in the Minors, but with the big club poised to start a platoon of Cory Spangenberg and Hernan Perez or Tyler Saladino, Hiura could have callup potential once Super 2 territory is cleared. -- Adam McCalvy

Video: Mayo on Reyes being a prospect to keep an eye out for

Cardinals: Alex Reyes, RHP Reyes has been the Cardinals' top-ranked prospect for four straight seasons, but he's eager to graduate from that list this season. He missed 2017 while recovering from Tommy John surgery and made just one start (four innings) in 2018 before requiring surgery to repair a torn tendon in his lat muscle. His rehab schedule has him on track to be ready to pitch in Spring Training, and the Cards will use the next several weeks to assess his health and optimal fit for the season ahead. They remain open to using him as a starter or reliever, depending on need. -- Jenifer Langosch

Cubs: Nico Hoerner, SS Chicago built its core through position players at the top of the MLB Draft, and the club is hoping that Hoerner (taken 24th overall in the '18 Draft) will soon fit into that same category. The 21-year-old Stanford product has certainly turned heads since turning pro. A left elbow issue limited Hoerner to 14 games last season, but the shortstop posted a 1.021 OPS in 60 plate appearances. He then opened eyes with Mesa in the Arizona Fall League, hitting .337 with one homer, four doubles, four triples and an .867 OPS in 21 games. With his bat-to-ball ability and impressive exit velocities, Hoerner could develop fast and grow into more power. MLB Pipeline listed him in the final spot in the latest Top 100 rankings and projected that he could reach MLB by the 2020 season. If Hoerner gets some Cactus League action this spring, Cubs fans will want to pay attention. -- Jordan Bastian

Pirates: Mitch Keller, RHP Last year, Keller said it was "kind of a big deal" to pitch two innings in a mid-March Grapefruit League game. Pirates fans will get a much longer glimpse at the club's top prospect this spring. Keller, MLB Pipeline's No. 19 overall prospect, will be in big league camp from the start and may be preparing for his Major League debut at some point this summer. He has a plus fastball and curveball, and the Bucs have been stressing the importance of his changeup over the past few years. The 22-year-old right-hander is set to begin the season with Triple-A Indianapolis, where he initially struggled last season before finishing strong. Third baseman Ke'Bryan Hayes, Pittsburgh's No. 2 prospect and a dynamic defender with an improving bat, will also be in big league camp for the first time this spring. -- Adam Berry

Reds: Nick Senzel, 3B/2B/OF Cincinnati's prospect to watch happens to also be the organization's No. 1 prospect, according to MLB Pipeline, and MLB's No. 6 overall. Senzel is back for his second big league camp, but this one has much more at stake. The Reds have an opening in center field and Senzel -- a career infielder -- has spent most of his offseason learning the position to try to make the team. Senzel could also make the club in a super-utility type role where he plays regularly. If the 23-year-old hadn't had a bout of vertigo and a broken right finger last season, he likely would already be in the Major Leagues. Now he must show not only that he can stay healthy, but that he can also be a quick learner to take on a new position at the game's highest level. -- Mark Sheldon

NATIONAL LEAGUE WEST

D-backs: Jazz Chisholm, SS D-backs fans who got out to watch Arizona Fall League games last year got a sneak peek at Chisholm. Signed in the 2015 international class, Chisholm is an athletic shortstop that has moved up steadily through the system. While his ETA in the big leagues is probably not until 2020 and he could be one of the early cuts in camp, D-backs fans should take advantage of the opportunity this spring to get a glimpse of what the future looks like for the organization at shortstop. -- Steve Gilbert

Dodgers: Keibert Ruiz, C Assuming he isn't dealt in a trade for J.T. Realmuto or Corey Kluber, Ruiz will be the prospect that draws the most attention because he's younger than outfielder Alex Verdugo or fellow catcher Will Smith -- and might also have the highest ceiling. Ruiz spent all last year at Double-A and is only 20 years old now. With Austin Barnes, Russell Martin, Rocky Gale and Smith ahead of him on the depth chart, the big question is how much spring playing time Ruiz will get. -- Ken Gurnick

Giants: Joey Bart, C Bart, the Giants' top prospect, will headline the list of 18 non-roster invitees at big league camp this spring. The second overall pick out of Georgia Tech in last June's Draft, Bart quickly lived up to expectations after batting .298 with a .983 OPS and 13 home runs in 45 games with Class A Salem-Keizer in 2018. With Buster Posey on the mend from major hip surgery, the 22-year-old Bart could see a lot of action early in camp, giving the Giants plenty of opportunities to evaluate their promising young catcher. -- Maria Guardado

Video: MLB Network highlights No. 2 prospect Tatis' talents

Padres: Fernando Tatis Jr., SS Who else? Tatis is presumably the answer to the Padres' decade-long shortstop question, and there's a chance he answers it in a big way. MLB Pipeline rated him as the sport's No. 2 overall prospect, and he's the rare five-tool talent without a glaring flaw in his game. Tatis, who has only played a few months at Double-A, will have his work cut out for him to make the Opening Day roster. He's got service-time concerns working against him as well. But he's going to arrive in San Diego soon enough. And he'll bring plenty of swagger with him. -- AJ Cassavell

Rockies: Brendan Rodgers, INF Rodgers -- the No. 10 prospect in the Majors according to MLB Pipeline -- is in Major League camp for the second straight year, but this is his first shot at breaking with the big club as he competes for the starting second base job. Ryan McMahon, Garrett Hampson (the Rockies' No. 4 prospect) and Pat Valaika also are in the running for the job. Realistically, for Rodgers to not start the season at Triple-A Albuquerque, he'll have to win the job with a breakthrough spring -- like the one shortstop Trevor Story accomplished in 2016. -- Thomas Harding

Source: https://www.mlb.com/news/each-mlb-teams-prospect-to-watch-in-2019/c-303523464

[jeffdgary]

End of July

Looking at the calendar and seeing that it’s the end of July, we’re about to make one of those quarterly turns in the year.

I’ve often thought our seasons are about one month out of synch with real life. Fall, in essence, begins with the start of school (even if the thermometers don’t agree).

Seeing a series of beach vacation photos posted online—as families enjoy one last getaway—reminds us that the first day of the school year is just around the corner. Indeed, many area school systems have begun the 2018-19 academic year and others will start soon.

Folks, it seems, have gotten the message.

We just passed through tax-free weekend, there are still a number of back-to-school related sales in all sorts of shoppes and everyone, it seems, is gearing up for a big year.

We also just concluded early voting before Thursday’s primary elections. Results will be tabulated and reported soon enough.

In the sports world, even as the MLB trade deadline fell this afternoon, we realize it signals the final push of 2018. There are contenders and pretenders but the pennant race is on. In Braves Country, the home team made a few modest moves and with two months to go in the season, they’re still in the thick of things.

Meanwhile, football teams at all levels are ramping up their efforts. And hearing the local high school band tune-up reminds me that “Friday Night Lights” will be switched on soon. The annual countdown to the kickoff of “football time in Tennessee” is underway.

I like football but you know my real passion is baseball. The other night, as I was waiting for the grill to fire up, I went through a few photo albums and saw some oldies that I haven’t previously shared. Here I am filling out the line-up card before one rec league game.

In the olden days, the shift from summer to fall always signaled, to me, that it was about time to begin “fall ball.” I loved that time of year, as I’ve told you before, and I enjoyed that extra season. We played at a less intense pace. The games gave us the opportunity for extra practice time and, moreover, to try out some guys at different positions.

Want to build depth on your pitching staff, try out a couple of your strong-armed outfielders for a few innings during the fall season to see if they have what it takes. Need an extra catcher, try moving your 3B and giving him a shot.

It was a great system and often it helped us build depth. Moreover, it was always just a fun season. And you know how lovely our fall weather is. Never a better time to be on the ballfield than in the fall.

Of course, football fans might disagree.

But no one would disagree that the fall season that will be upon us in a few weeks is one of the best times of the year to be in East Tennessee.

JG

[faejilly]

4 and 5 for the fic questions, for i cannot touch because they are too near

4. What part of the fic was the hardest for me to write?5. What part of the fic am I still dissatisfied with? (questions from here) (fic here)

awww, thank you lovely. The fic itself, I think, was mostly cooperative while I was writing it, though I couldn’t quite get it to tie together until @rutherinahobbit did a beta read for me and commented on the original ending. Ending are hard, I find I struggle with them a lot with anything more than a drabble/ficlet, because there’s always more in my head than actually serves the story, if that makes sense? So I’m never entirely sure where to stop to get my point across rather than bogging down in all these extraneous details that may be fun but aren’t usually necessary and do, in fact, generally dilute the story I’m trying to write.

I really enjoy balancing introspective epistolary via journal or letters with prose, it’s like my favorite little niche of writing, because there are things people think but can’t say, or say but can’t really just... wallow in the way you can when you’re only writing for yourself. If that makes any sense at all? I re-did and moved the journal bits around several times while working, but that’s pretty normal for me and any fic that’s composed of series of scenes like this one; it wasn’t a hard fic to write, but it was fiddly and required I give it a bit of time to settle, if that makes sense?

I think the fic does what I wanted it to do, though. I’m not sure I ever would have managed to write it if it wasn’t for signing up for the 3b Countdown Calendar and then having my first three attempts at fic fail dramatically. *laughs* So, even if it’s not perfect I will always be satisfied with it because it’s done. 😅

[faejilly]

F L P S

F. What stories are you planning for the future?

OH, more Alec & Magnus, mostly. I keep sort of poking at non-Shadowhunters stuff and not getting anywhere, so I have succumbed to the inevitable. I have maybe a couple sequels, a Persuasion AU, an arranged marriage fic, some Izzy & Maryse character study thing, all the WIPs that I started posting on AO3 but haven’t finished, something for the 3b-countdown calendar that I want to keep a surprise, and a post-2x20 date night/rebuilding the relationship spite fic, as much of the Alec characterization in fanon that I don’t agree with is contradicted.

I think that’s it? I’m forgetting something. But mostly it. SOMEDAY I may get back to Code: Realize and also finish my poor neglected BioWare WIPs, but I certainly don’t know when. 

L.  Which character did you most write about this year, and why do you like ‘em?

#Lightwood Family Feels (previously answered here) 

Magnus Bane is obviously runner-up, since he is actually my favorite fictional person ever, I just find it easier to circle around Alec for fic purposes. Also Alec makes Magnus happy & whenever I do Magnus POV I end up with Alec there too, so. *shrugs*

P. What are your pet peeves in other people’s work?

I mean. Honestly the only real thing is characterization I don’t agree with, but that’s a vague and wibbly-wobbly-line that is hard to articulate. I dislike how often in fic people use direct quotations from the source material. Like. I saw that in the show/game/book, give me something else in your fic. I get why they do it, but it seldom works in at all the same way as it did in the original so it tends to distract or detract rather than strengthen the prose. (There are obviously a few exceptions, but generally... nope.)

S. What’s the sexiest thing you wrote this year?

hmmm. I think I wrote decent and emotional smut in a couple different things this year, but probably this one: “Look at me.” Alec’s voice is low and serious, and Magnus blinks open eyes he hadn’t quite realized he’d closed. When Magnus meets his gaze, Alec’s lips curl up on one side, just a little. “I always mean it.” 

[lynne-monstr]

hi blog! normally I'd be writing about my weekend plans with a cocktail in hand, but this week was a big drinking week with the work crowd so I'm taking it easy. (spoiler there was team karaoke involved. and mixing beer with soju, and wow that packs a punch! )

anyway, tomorrow is all about finishing my malec secret santa. sunday I'll change gears and focus on my leverage exchange fic.

and then I'll be free to panic about what the hell I'm gonna write for my 3b countdown fic lol

I also have a bunch of stuff on my to-gif list that I'd like to take a shot at! speaking of which, I'm also psyched for my contribution to the malec advent calendar.

hmm that's a lot of a stuff. at least least I can say I was productive this winter.

happy weekend, blog!!

[lynne-monstr]

also you all should check out the 3B Countdown Calendar twitter because it’s gonna be awesome!