#3226

[sleepsucks]

[manoelt-finisterrae]

Alchemia

o Sol vírase a ouro / the sun turning to gold

© Manoel T, 2022

[honjitsuno1mai]

#3226

[ask-sweet-bonbon]

💠!! :D

“Your Esk's Wanderer can hear them. What does your Esk say to them?“

(Answering this for Sashi since I've already answered this for Bonbon)

Ikkit destroyed my temple. I have nothing to say to him.

.....

I have one thing to say to Ikkit. Come pick up your mess.

[vanillastopbath]

3226 Chicago, IL 10/31/2022

[dogstomp]

Dogstomp #3226 - October 31st

Patreon / Discord Server / Itaku / Bluesky

[exotic-indians]

[xeniums]

to be drinking wine together with someone in a villa on a seaside cliff is my morning wish of the day

[perfectlyvalid49]

Hello, I am not Jewish, but I grew up in an area with a noticeable population of Jews who, historically, were able to be openly Jewish. I learned from a young age about the horrors that have happened to your people throughout history, and have been disgusted by the rise in more blatant antisemitism that has reared its ugly head in the days and months since October 7th, a day which also horrified and disgusted me. I have also long considered myself to be pro-Israel, seeing the neccessity for Jewish self-determination in this world.

With my background out of the way, I saw one of your posts mentioned things we non-Jews might not notice are antisemitic due to it being part of our culture and what not, and I was hoping you could tell me some of them? I've detested antisemitism for as long as I can remember, so if I've been unintentionally doing anything that fits that, I would like to stop. Thank you and have a nice day.

I want to start by saying that I really appreciate the fact that you’re trying, and that you want to learn to do better in case you’re making any mistakes. I am a firm believer that EVERYONE has blind spots when it comes to how they treat members of minority groups, be it antisemitism, racism, homophobia, or whatever else, and that while intent isn’t all that matters, it matters a lot. While I’m answering your question, I’m going to cover some stuff you may already know based on the background you gave in the hopes that this answer will be useful for other people as well. I hope you don’t mind.

I also want to put a couple caveats on what I’m about to say. The first is that this is not a comprehensive list. It’s just whatever came to mind while I was typing this up. I’m sure I’ve missed things, but hopefully this gives you an idea of the kind of thing I was talking about. If anyone sees this and wants to add additional examples, please do!

The other caveat is that different Jews will have different definitions of what is and is not antisemitic. The big obvious stuff, like people chanting “Gas the Jews,” or accusations that Jews use the blood of Christian children to bake their bread, almost everyone is going to agree that’s antisemitic. The more subtle stuff, which is what we’re going to be talking about here, is more likely to prompt disagreement. For example, last year there was a lot of conversation on Tumblr about how the goblins in the Harry Potter game were an antisemitic caricature. The reaction from Jews I know in real life basically boiled down to, “Yeah, I guess I can see it. I don’t really think it’s that big of a deal though.” So, some of the stuff I mention, other Jews might disagree that it’s antisemitic. And there are some things that I might leave out because I don’t think they’re antisemitic that other Jews think really are antisemitic. That’s OK!

I think that if we’re going to talk about antisemitism that is present in Western culture, then we need to talk about the antisemitism that’s baked into Christianity, and acknowledge that because a lot of Western culture has been heavily influenced by the church, even if a person is not religiously Christian, if they are culturally Western, then Christianity has had a large impact on their culture, and we can say that they are culturally Christian. And if this post gets big, I know that I’m going to get murdered for that statement, but that’s ok, there’s nothing Christians love more than a crucified Jew (THIS IS A JOKE (mostly.)) I don’t know if you’re Christian or not, but I live in the US, and most people here are heavily influenced by Christian thought and philosophy without realizing it, even if they’re not Christian, and these are the people I was talking about when I made the comment that prompted the ask.

So how is antisemitism baked into Christianity? Well, to understand that, we need to understand some of the problems early Christianity had, namely, the fact that the Jews of the time rejected their beliefs and the fact that Rome persecuted early Christians pretty hard. And we also need to talk about Supersessionism.

Early Christians had a major issue with contemporaneous Jews because the Jews rejected their teachings. Like, Jesus and his followers were Jews, and after his death they wanted all other Jews to agree that he was the messiah, even though he didn’t do all the things the Jewish messiah was supposed to do. This is both why Christianity has the second coming (so that he can do those things) and why the New Testament opens with a genealogy linking Jesus to David (the messiah is supposed to be from the line of David), the early Christians were *desperate* for legitimacy in their new religion. And when the rest of the Jewish community rejected it, they got a little mad, and decided that Christians clearly understand Jewish holy texts better than Jews do (up to and including editing said texts to better support their views), something that persists to this day. I have actually seen Christians show up on posts about being Jewish and try to explain to the Jews about how we’re wrong about our own religion. This is absolutely antisemitism, and it does really happen.

The other thing early Christians decided is that the Jews have been presented with the true word of G-d and have rejected it, so they must be evil. This is true of the early Christians, but I also want to stress that almost every major player in the Protestant Reformation absolutely HATED Jews. Luther literally published a treatise entitled “On the Jews and Their Lies”, and some scholars think that there is a direct line between Luther’s hatred of Jews and the formation of the Nazi party. I think Luther was the worst of them, but none of those guys were cool with Jews, so just know that all of the protestant denominations were founded by guys who would kill me if they could.

Because the Jews were now considered evil, the Christians concluded that the covenant G-d had made with the Jews now applied to the Christians. Now, in Christian thought, they were the Chosen People, and the Jews were no longer so blessed. This is the premise behind supersessionism, and it basically posits that Christians have replaced Jews as the true people of Israel, and it was embraced by many of the men who shaped what Christianity is today, in virtually every denomination of Christianity that exists.

The early Christians dealt with their Roman persecution problem by allying themselves with the Romans. One might think that this would be difficult, as the Romans are very much the bad guys in the new testament. Like, the guys who arrested Jesus were Roman, and following Rome’s orders, Pilate was Roman, and the men who put Jesus on the cross were Roman. So how could Christianity ally with the people who killed Jesus? Well, it’s simple, they were already mad at the Jews for rejecting their new religion, so they would claim that all of that was the Jews’ fault so the Romans could be allied with for political power. And Rome didn’t like the Jews anyway, so they loved it when the Christians threw the Jews under the bus.

So, a lot of cultural antisemitism has its basis here, with this idea that Jews are not like the rest of us, they’re somehow worse (“the rest of us” meaning people in Christian cultures). And while a lot of it has turned into more overt antisemitism (“Jews killed Jesus,” Jews kill Christian children for their blood to make bread/matzoh, Jews control money/media/government). But this also turns into things like sermons about the evils of the Pharisees or praising Jesus for the cleansing of the Temple. How is that antisemitic? Well, the Pharisees are the fathers of modern Judaism, so if their evil, then the modern version of our religion is based on the thoughts of evil men. Jesus’s cleansing of the Temple was, from a Jewish perspective, a story about a man deciding that the systems that Jews established to make worship easier should be taken away. Praising that is praising the disruption of Jewish worship.

And on the other end of things, we have people (mostly Christians, but some not), who are in love with the idea of Jews, but not actual Jews. In non-Christians, this looks like people with the opinion “Christians suck, but the Jews are cool.” As an example, I had a guy show up on one of my posts to let me know that he used to hold Jews in high regard because he thought our culture would make us immune from nationalism and far-right ideologies. He was so disappointed in us when we behaved just like other groups of human beings. And while he said that he had thought well of us, he still thought of us as being not like other human cultures – that’s antisemitic. And being mad at us for acting like other humans? That’s antisemitic too.

In Christians, it usually looks like people saying “We love Jews, Jesus was a Jew!” This implies that the only reason to love Jews is because of a relation to a deity we don’t believe in. It ignores real, live Jews in favor of people who if real, have been dead for 2000 years, and makes it seem like our only value is that you like one guy from a very different version of our culture (modern Judaism is VERY different than what Jews contemporary with Jesus would have practiced). These people are also the ones who are most likely to try to connect with Judaism through cultural appropriation. The most common example of this is churches that hold a “Passover Seder.” Judaism is a mostly closed religion, and our holidays are not for other people to play dress up. Like, imagine if a church in the US said it was going to do a Native American ceremony with no Native American input, and you have an idea of the level of cultural appropriation. And people would rightly call that out as not ok, but churches do this all the time. The excuse that they use is that the last supper was a Seder, but while that may be true, the modern seder, which is what most churches try to do, is not how Jesus would have celebrated in the time of the Temple. So, their reasoning doesn’t hold much water, Jews tend to be pretty clear that it’s not ok as far as we’re concerned, so this behavior is very problematic.

Moving on from Christianity, there’s also stuff that has been around so long we’ve forgotten their antisemitic origins. I mentioned goblins at the start of this, but did you know that witches are also based on antisemitic stereotypes? The green skin, the big nose, the hat which matches hats Jews were required to wear in parts of medieval Europe, the magic received from a deal with the devil – these are all heavily based on antisemitic caricatures of Jews. And while I don’t think witches by themselves are antisemitic, if you start pairing them with other antisemitic things it gets bad fast. Like, a witch is not antisemitic, and a person kidnapping children is not antisemitic, but a witch kidnapping children is raising some serious red flags. And a cabal (the word cabal is derived from Kabbalah, which is a Jewish practice, and its use is ALSO antisemitic) of witches doing so is a big freaking problem.

Or we could talk about Charles Dickens. His works are considered classics, and are often required reading in school. But Fagin in Oliver Twist is a walking antisemitic Jewish stereotype, and that’s never called out in lesson plans. So to people who have never met a Jew, but have read this classic of English literature, Fagin is what they think of when they think Jews. For the classes with one Jewish kid – how do you think it feels to have everyone in class be like, “Oh you’re Jewish, just like Fagin the bad guy!” Of note, Dickens did write a much less antisemitic Jewish character in a later novel, Our Mutual Friend, but of these two, which one gets taught?

I also want to talk about institutional antisemitism. This is similar to the idea of institutional racism, if you’re familiar with that concept – the idea that racism has worked its way into how our very society is structured, so even if you try very hard to be anti-racist, the society you live in is designed to make life harder for POC. Institutional antisemitism is the same thing, except the system is rigged against Jews instead.

We’ll start with one that Jews and Blacks have in common – redlining. It’s the practice of not allowing people (mostly Black people, but also other POC) to buy houses in certain areas. Usually this was done by banks not giving mortgages to people, but there are also homes where it’s in the deed to the house, or in the by laws of the local HOA that you’re not allowed to sell to Black people. It turns out that some houses/HOAs also have “no Jews allowed” rules as well. And it’s super subtle – is a neighborhood Jew free because we’re an incredibly small portion of the population and just so happen to not live there? Or are they legally barred from living there? It can be hard to tell without doing some significant digging. My synagogue actually had a booth at our Purim carnival last year so that we could see if our neighborhood still had anti-Black housing laws so we could work on getting them changed if so. Solidarity.

There’s also probably some institutional antisemitism in your workplace. There sure as heck is in mine, and the last time I brought it up I was told that I could find work elsewhere if I had an issue with company policy. One of the more common ones it that many jobs that require work on Sundays give a higher rate of pay for that day. The historical reason for that is because Sunday is the Sabbath, and if your company is going to force you to work on the holy day, then they’re going to value that time more highly (my company does an extra dollar an hour for Sunday hours.) But Sunday isn’t the Sabbath for Jews, and when I asked if I could be compensated for my time on MY day of rest, well, see above for the answer I got.

You can also look at the holiday situation. My company is open 357 days a year. Of the 8 days we are closed, one is for Christmas, one is for Easter and one is for New Years on the Christian calendar (It’s the Gregorian calendar after POPE Gregory). Most people don’t work Sundays, so there’s no pay for Easter, but Christmas and New Years are both paid holidays. But the Jewish New Year, which is a religious holiday, is not. Nor are any other Jewish holidays. And we have a lot, and many of them require that you not work if you’re religiously observant. Enough that most people would have to spend their entire allotment of PTO for the year, just to have off for religious observance. You could argue that Christmas and New Years and Easter are federal holidays, except Easter isn’t, and also at my company we aren’t given off for all federal holidays (we’re open for president’s day and MLK day and so on), so you actually kinda do have to defend why these made the cut. Also I’m still waiting for the reason why a Christian holiday is also a Federal holiday in a country that supposedly values the separation of Church and State.

Jews also feel this at school. In college I had a professor schedule a midterm on Yom Kippur – the holiest day on the Jewish calendar, and a holiday that is observed, in part, by not consuming any food or water for 25 hours. I asked if I could take the test on a different day, and my request was denied. I’m sure my school probably had someone I could have talked to about this but I didn’t know that at the time, so I felt like my options were come in to class on a holiday or take a 0% and screw over my grade for the semester. I chose to celebrate as best I could, and duck out of services for an hour and a half to take the test. The professor (in what I’m sure he thought was an act of kindness) had brought several barrels of apples, so that we could each have a snack while we tested. I almost committed murder that day (what, my blood sugar was low enough to be non-existent at that point and I was feeling pretty cranky). And like, I don’t think the professor was trying to be antisemitic. He was trying to be fair by making us all test at the same time, and kind by bringing us a snack. But in effect, he made life much harder for the one Jewish student in his class by refusing an easy accommodation.

And is not being accommodating to Jews antisemitic? Yeah, kinda? It sure feels that way when it seems like your only options are 1) things are shitty because people won’t accommodate you, 2) you have to work extra hard to figure out how to accommodate yourself, or 3) you can stop being Jewish and then everything suddenly is so much easier. Another really common example of this is getting invited to a party, and then none of the food is kosher. Your options are 1) go hungry, 2) bring enough food that’s kosher for yourself and everyone else (otherwise they might eat the kosher stuff and you’re back to 1), or 3) the problem goes away when you stop keeping kosher. And the reason I feel this is antisemitic is that the host is making the space unwelcoming to Jews – you can come, but you’re not gonna like it, so you might as well not come. 

The last thing I want to talk about is treating Jews as white. A person might think that this is a good thing, like it’s granting us access to white privilege, but in reality it’s ignoring our needs as a minority. Claiming that Jews are white ignores that some Ashkenazi and many non-Ashkenazi Jews are definitely not even close to white, and it downplays the real discrimination Jews face. Studies have proven that it’s harder to get hired with a Jewish sounding name, and an article recently came out that said the prosecution was deliberately excluding Jews from juries (this is illegal discrimination) because they were less likely to give the death penalty, as examples. And even for white-passing Jews, the Shoah was very much about how Jews were not white. That was a pretty significant part of the Nazi ideology.

And this becomes an even bigger problem when the people who should want to be allies – other minorities and their white allies deny us the ability to seek help from them. When we talk about the discrimination that we face, we’re very frequently ignored, or told that we’re white and that we don’t know what it’s really like. This is what the left is doing right now when it calls us “oppressors” or “colonizers” – it’s denying our history of being oppressed and our history of being colonized because some of us look like we came from Europe.

Anyway, if you’re still here (I know this is VERY long), I hope this was helpful in understanding some of the ways that antisemitism can be present in small things, from church sermons to pay rates to fairy tales. And I want to be clear, I’d much rather deal with the antisemitic implications of Hansel and Gretel than deal with people chanting “Jews will not replace us.” But in an ideal world, I wouldn’t have to deal with either.

[quiltofstars]

Arp 94: Two buddies doing a little star-sharing // Alex Woronow

The two buddies are NGC 3226 (left) and NGC 3227 (right)

[michaelgabrill]

Upcoming: H.R. 3226 PREEMIE Reauthorization Act of 2023

H.R. 3226 PREEMIE Reauthorization Act of 2023, sponsored by , is scheduled for a vote by the House of Representatives on the week of September 18th, 2023. https://ift.tt/bpWBKaF

[makethesausage]

Upcoming: H.R. 3226 PREEMIE Reauthorization Act of 2023

H.R. 3226 PREEMIE Reauthorization Act of 2023, sponsored by , is scheduled for a vote by the House of Representatives on the week of September 18th, 2023.

[deepwaterwritingprompts]

Deep Water Prompt #3226

The golden koi in the pond at the center of the Imperial Palace are not fish at all. They are wishes waiting to be caught, fate changing magic disguised as decoration.

[scoops-aboy86]

If You Were Serious (Secret Admirer pt 7)

Okay, so there will be more than seven chapters. For now, please enjoy Steve on painkillers and creative mix tape shenanigans.

(The crossed out thing after the first "Dear" is the first line of an E.)

wc: 3226 / rated: T / set end of/after season 3 / also on ao3

Dear I

Dear Secret Amdirer,

Sorry, painkillers kicking in. I got pretty banged up in the mall, in the fire. Well, less the fire and more getting hit by stuff. Mall fell down. I have ribs and eye and nose, and concussion this time so I had to stay over at Robin’s because someone had to keep an eye on me sleeping and my parents are still out of town. Dustin said I won at upper body injury bingo but I didn’t even know I was playing, that sounds like really a shitty game. 

Anyway, I haven’t been home so I don’t know if you tried to call. If you did, don’t worry!!! I’m not mad. I don’t not like you anymore just because you’re you. And this isn’t the durg drugs talking because I read your letter first before they kicked in, but I have to write this ASAP so it can get to you faster. 

You could’ve called back that night but if you needed some time to breathe I get it, it’s cool. And I kinda had a feeling after that you might be a guy? Like, shit, man, they’d eat you alive in this town. Not me, I learned my lesson after Jonathan wrecked my face after I called him and his family some bad things. I deserved that. Kinda funny how the next year he stole my girlfriend and now I like you. If you could still be interested in somebody who used to be like that. 

I know I like you because when you hung up I was really worried, you sounded like you were breathing really fast, maybe a panic attack? I have those after nightmares now. Robin too. (Don’t worry, we bonded and she’s like my sister now, she says we’re playdoh soulmates

“Oh my god, I knew explaining who Plato was was a bad idea. It’s platonic, Steve, not Play-Doh.”

“Stop reading over my shoulder! … How do you spell that?”

“P-L-A-T-O-N-I-C.”

“Thanks Robbie.”

she says we’re playdoh soulmates platonic soulmates.) I was worried about you and thought maybe you might be a guy but, that wasn’t as important as wanting you to be okay, you know? You still wrote me all those nice letters. You’ve made me feel really good about myself, why does it have to be different just because you’re not a girl? I can’t tell you why Robin knows about this stuff but she says I might be bysix bisexual. Not sure why I need a big fancy word for it when I didn’t have one for liking girls, I just know I care about you a lot and want you to like me. 

And you’re not a coward, you’re very very brave. You reached out first, you went for what you wanted even when I didn’t get it and tried to ask for too much too soon. And then you kept coming back to try again, even though I kept doing that. That’s so brave. 

I’m not feeling so awake anymore so I’m going to stop and have Robin mail this for me. (No way am I going out dressed like this. Her dad wears grandpa shorts dude, it’s pretty bad.) I’ll write more when I’m feeling better. Are you okay? Hope you weren’t anywhere near the mall the other night. Thanks for the rainbow song I will look for it.

Love Steve 

~

Once Eddie is done reading, he screams into his pillow for a different reason. Several, actually. 

First, he’s been so sure for the past week or so that he would never hear from Steve ever again. The only reason he’d checked his mail today was because he should have another zine coming in soon. He didn’t, but there was a yellow envelope with familiar, if slightly messier than usual handwriting on it. And inside that, stationary with colorful geometric shapes along the edges that Eddie now surmises is Robin’s. 

Second, Steve isn’t even writing to tell him to fuck off right to hell. Because yes, Eddie had heard the rumors about Steve calling Jonathan Byers a queer. The irony does send a seam of semi-hysterical laughter through his screams. It’s fine. It’s fine!

Third, Steve hasn’t been avoiding his calls. He just hasn’t been home. He’s hurt, and it sounds like his head and torso took quite a beating. Eddie remembers seeing him around school both times after the other concussions and that had looked bad enough, and that had just been his face. This sounds worse. 

Fourth, Steve is… still interested? Has talked to someone about this and might be bisexual?! Eddie’s never had anyone talk to someone else about him, has always been completely anonymous with a possible option of becoming a dirty little secret. And then the letter ends with ‘Love Steve.’ Love? Love Steve?!

Fifth, Robin knows he sent Steve that ice cream. Eddie doesn’t know what all “platonic soulmates” entails, but what if she tells him? What if she already has?!

Sixth, despite being injured, and having panic attacks apparently, Steve is still asking if he is okay. 

Seventh, beneath his name Steve had also doodled a lopsided happy face with what he can only guess is an ice pack balanced on top. Or… maybe it’s hair. Or some kind of hat. 

Any of these would be enough to make his head spin on their own, but it’s all happening at once and he doesn’t know what to do. So he screams into his pillow for a while longer, kicking his feet for good measure. 

He wants to rush out and find Steve, wherever he is. Wants to call him, but doesn’t know what he would say even if he did know the number to reach him right now. What he could say. Wants to wrap both arms around him and kiss his poor head better. Hell, if he’s turned Steve gay he doesn’t just want, he deserves to make that guy the little spoon for the first time in his life probably and just. Hold him. 

Except… he’s not sure he’s ready for face to face yet. He will be! Soon. Once all the emotions bubbling in his chest have settled a little. And after he’s pinched himself a few million more times just to make sure. But until then…

A thought occurs to him, and Eddie rolls over to frown consideringly up at the ceiling. He’s sent Steve words to comfort and reassure him before, right? Maybe there’s something else he can send, a different way of offering a part of himself to Steve until he works up the nerve to face him for real. 

It’s just going to take him a little time, and some recording equipment. 

~

Dearest Steve,

I hope this address is still okay to write to you while you stay with your friend, but I don’t know where she lives. 

You have no idea 

Holy shit man. Holy shit. Are you serious? No, strike that, you’ve been nothing but genuine in these letters and I trust you, I do. Holy shit though. It’s you. Clearly I never thought I’d actually have a chance, from the way I approached this whole thing, so you must forgive me for how utterly poleaxed, completely flabbergasted, and genuinely gobsmacked I am. 

And shit, I’m still sorry for hanging up on you. That golden years line—and this heavy secret of the most basic fact of who I am weighing on my shoulders, pressing down so hard I couldn’t breathe. I wish I’d just said something. But you’re right, I needed… space? And a push, to work up to writing the last letter I sent you. I got yours the day I put that in the mail, by the way, and that spun me even more because what if you read mine and took it all back?

But you didn’t. You didn’t, sweetheart. I’m still reeling in the best possible way. Again, axed like a pole, flabbers gasted, and gob thoroughly smacked.

Enough about me. More than enough about me. You’re concussed; I ought to wrap that gorgeous head of yours in bubble wrap and offer to fight all your battles henceforth, even against falling buildings. I’m glad you have someone out there who’s looking out for you though. I guess… you’ve told Robin about some things? Maybe these letters? Which is absolutely fine, by the way. It’s great! Fuck knows it wouldn’t have occurred to me to explain what bisexuality is, since I hardly dared to dream so big and only swing the one way myself. You’re an amazingly open-minded person by the way, Steve; I hope you know how rare that is, especially in a place like Hawkins. And Robin too, apparently. Please give her my highest regards, she is an angel among mortals and an inadvertent champion of this sad wet rag of a human being (me). 

At any rate, wishing you the speediest of recoveries and I hope you’re already feeling at least a little better. My condolences on the grandpa shorts, although personally I’m convinced you could wear a trash bag and still look like an Adonis. 

It’s taken me a little longer than I’d like to send this because I made something for you. Enclosed is a tape with some of the songs from our call that you said you liked, played acoustically by yours truly. Rainbow In The Dark is one of them. You mentioned having nightmares, and whenever I had bad dreams as a kid my mom would play for me until I calmed down. She’d hum instead of doing the words, to make it more like a lullaby. I hope it’s at least a decent distraction, sweetheart. 

Let me know if you like it? I can make one of your favorite songs too, just you let me know what they are. In the meantime, I remain, as always—

Your Secret Admirer

~

“You should tell him that you know,” Robin whispers, at some point during the fourth night in a row they’ve ended up crashed on the same bed listening to the Anti-Panic Attack Metal Mix. 

Her dad sleeps like the dead and her mom sleeps with earplugs in because he snores, so they get away with it, but Steve always insists on laying on top of the covers anyway. The friendship is still new, for all that they’re trauma bonded, and he wants to make sure she knows he’s not getting any funny ideas, that he gets the whole lesbian thing, that even though he’s new to being into a dude he’s committed to it and not wishy-washy or greedy or whatever.

He fiddles with a loose string on the blanket for a minute before answering. “No… I don’t want to freak him out again. It’s all going to be on his terms from here on out, no more pushing.”

“Well you’ve got to do something. Come on Steve, I’m invested now. Ask to meet him.”

He rolls his eyes. “What did I just say?” 

Immediately he gives an inward wince, because that came out bitchy. But Robin just snorts and murmurs “Fine,” sounding amused rather than offended, so he relaxes. 

They exist in silence for a while, side by side. Just close enough to not feel alone, drifting on the soft notes and low, rich hum. It’s soothing. 

“What if,” Robin starts, and ignores Steve’s huff. “What if you go somewhere you know he might show, and then give him the opportunity to talk to you?”

“Oh yeah,” he scoffs, “like what?”

“Summer house party.” Her whisper picks up a little in excitement as she warms to her own idea. “I bet we can find one that’s coming up soon. Everyone knows that Munson sells, it’s one of those never invited but always welcome things. Then if he doesn’t come to you, just buy some weed and see if he says anything.”

“No,” Steve whispers back. 

She rolls over to squint at him in the dark. “Just think about it, okay? You wouldn’t be forcing him to do anything, just… providing an opportunity. Come on, Stevie-evie, this is my chance to see a gay love story go right.”

“Vetoing that nickname.” With a sigh, he rolls onto his side too, facing her. “My face still looks like raw hamburger meat, Robs. I have like zero charm right now.”

The swelling has gone down, at least to where he can open his eye again but the bruising remains spectacular. It looks like a sunset exploded across the side of his face, and not in a good way. 

Robin rolls her eyes. “You’re more than just your face, dingus. It wasn’t your rugged jawline, sculpted cheekbones, or pimple-free forehead that wrote those letters, it was you. Steve.”

He goes to wrinkle his nose at the descriptions, but quickly remembers that’s still a bad idea with a swallowed grunt. “Please, never describe me again.”

“I make no promises. And anyway, if you’re willing to try makeup I think we could get most of it covered so no one’ll ever notice. Not at night, anyway.”

That gives him pause. He rolls onto his back again to think about it, staring up at the ceiling of Robin’s bedroom and tracing imaginary constellation lines between the glow in the dark stars she has up there. Beside him, he feels her settling on her back too without having to look. 

It’s not like when he’d found a little brother in Dustin—who has visited pretty much every day during Steve’s convalescence, sometimes with Erica or Mike, Lucas, and Max in tow, spouting off things he’s read in books about the various still-healing injuries. As annoying as it is, Steve appreciates that the little dork took the time to study what’s wrong with him enough to provide armchair diagnoses and give him advice about things that he already knows. 

Robin is… more of a twin than a sister. (Which, yeah, twin sister, whatever. That’s not the point.) They’re on the same wavelength in a way he’s never experienced before, not with Tommy or Carol or even Nancy. The closest thing Steve has ever had to this was during basketball games, in the heat of a play where everyone on the team knew where everyone was and where they’d be and how to work together as a unit, perfectly in sync. Only with Robin, it’s all the time. Sometimes they can even finish each other’s sentences—though they try not to do that around her parents, in the interest of not wanting them to think they’re a couple. 

They’re more like a pair of bonded kittens at the pound, Robin says. Must be adopted together. (“Okay, but why can’t we be dogs? Dogs are cooler.” “Because, dingus, you have a one-hundred-and-twenty-seven step hair and skin routine and you’re incredibly aloof when you want to be. I could go either way, but you’re one hundred percent cat.”)

“Maybe,” he whispers finally. 

He’s not sure she’s still awake—he’s not sure he’s still awake, with the soothing music lulling him back to a calm he hadn’t felt even before he’d gone to bed the first time. But he wants to think she hears it, just like he wants to think that he’ll run into Eddie and find out what it’s like to hold his hand, maybe even kiss him, all in the same night. He’s worn lip gloss, he can deal with a little makeup. 

“Maybe I’ll go.”

~

Dear Secret Admirer,

Thank you for the tape, it’s perfect. It helps me get back to sleep because it feels like you’re there, watching over me. Like nothing bad can happen. Sometimes the nightmares still come back after but I think it’s getting better. It takes a while, you know? Last time, after the after Billy after my last concussion it took a while to stop having bad dreams. I guess the mind needs time to heal too, even if the stuff that happens to it isn’t as “real” as breaking a nose or a rib. Who knew?

I really am serious, yeah. Even though I’m me. Whatever that means. I don’t really know what to do with myself or what I want right now. (Except you. Kind of cheesy, but maybe you like that about me? I guess it’s something I always tried to hide before because the guys would’ve made fun of me, fuck knows Tommy did all of junior year, but I kind of like the idea that maybe you saw it anyway.) Once my face heals up me and Robin are going to try and get jobs together somewhere else because we’re cats that have to stick together or we’ll get stressed out and claw all the furniture. Other than that I don’t know what I want to do except leave Hawkins someday. But stick around to make sure it’s to see the kids graduate. Dustin’s starting high school in the fall, maybe you could keep an eye out for him? Curly hair, no collarbones, ego bigger than the whole state, total nerd but in a good way, even if he’s sometimes a butthead about it. He plays that game with dragons and those weird looking dice, do you know it? Him and his friends Mike and Lucas are kind of bully magnets. (Max is starting freshman year too but she can take care of herself in that department.) They’ve all been pretty down after the mall and with Will and moving away and everything. Erica, Lucas’ little sister, I guess I’m her “babysitter” now too, is still in middle school but I don’t know if she’d be glad or insulted if I waited around to see her graduate. She can take care of herself too. She and Dustin were with us for most of the Starcourt burning down and it was a lot, but kids are resilient. I don’t think she gets nightmares, not that she would ever admit to anyone if she did even though in her own words “we’ve bled together.” She’s getting into the nerdy dice game too and is planning her campaign for President of the USA as soon as she turns, what, 40? 50? Whatever age you have to be before you can do that. I’ll probably still be in a town like Hawkins with another lame retail job by then, but she’s got my vote. She’d do a hell of a lot better job than Regan, that’s for sure. 

Is your mom My mom never sang to

Also, you are really good at guitar, man. I still think about your hands, I bet you have long fingers. Really… What’s a word for ‘good with his fingers’? I think about that sometimes. I don’t really know what kind of stuff two guys can do together except the obvious but I think about that a lot. I want you to play me like your guitar. I’d let you fight my battles too, at least until my ribs get back to normal and then we can both fight both of our battles. You know I’d do that for you, right? If you ever need me. I really like these letters. I really like you.

Love, Steve

P.S. If you were serious about making me another tape (which you really don’t have to, this was already going above and beyond), my favorite songs are…

Tag list (and if you missed the earlier chapters check the "#secret admirer steddie" tag on my blog): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites

@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @whalesharksart

@thetinymm @envyadams-vs-me @practicallybegging @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @dauntlessdiva

@nerdyglassescheeseychick @fuzzyduxk @chaosgremlinmunson @greatwerewolfbeliever @goosesister

@dolphincliffs @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin @beckkthewreck @pitrsattabhaadmeinjao @kurofuckingshi16

@bookworm0690 @millseyes-world @live-laugh-love-dietrich @the-tenth-mus-e

[ask-sweet-bonbon]

🫂

“Who is closest to your Esk? and some bonus questions: how did they meet, what is their relationship like? would your Esk go out of their way to do a favor for them, protect them, or go on a journey?”

[shangchiswife]

joel miller- pretty pink skirt

summary: joel miller gets possessive over you so you teach him a lesson

joel x fem!reader

warnings: smut, cursing

word count: 3226

....

The moment you strutted down the street in that pretty pink skirt Joel Miller knew it was the end of him.

He watched the way that with every step the skirt showed a sliver of your thighs and fit snugly against your curves.

His breath caught in his throat at the way the hint of a smirk formed on your lips as you smoothed your fingers over the flowy skirt.

You knew exactly what you were doing and it was definitely on purpose.

….

The previous day you had been at the local Jackson bar when a man around your age approached you.

He was handsome with steel gray eyes hidden behind dark frames and unruly curly hair.

Joel had been sipping a glass of beer as he watched the man approach you.

The man tapped your shoulder before you turned your head to spin in his direction.

Your jaw dropped as you hopped off the stool you previously sat on to stare at the man in front of you.

“Ollie?” you questioned as the man grinned.

You ran into his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck while he embraced you back with an equal amount of passion.

His thick eyebrows furrowed together as he downed the rest of his beer, his fingers pressing hard against his glass as he watched the interaction.

“It’s been so long oh my god! How are you?” you asked excitedly as you broke away from him and watched as he gave you an excited look.

“As good as I can be in an apocalypse,” he said as you threw your head back in laughter.

“Oh, Ollie you’re just like I remembered,” you shook your head as you remembered the two of you rolling around in the dirt together at recess time at the small local school in the QZ.

“I hope not I’ve grown at least a foot since you last saw me!” Oliver feigned mock pain as he placed a hand over his hand.

You rolled your eyes and shoved his hand away from his chest.

“So how’s your love life?” you asked wiggling your eyebrows suggestively which didn’t go unnoticed by Joel who narrowed his eyebrows at you.

“Man you know I keep looking but I’ll never find the right guy,” he scratched the back of his head awkwardly as you took his hand in yours and squeezed it tightly.

“One day you’ll find him I promise,” you said as he offered you a shy smile and hugged you.

“So do you have anyone?” he raised his eyebrows, trying to mock you.

“Yeah actually-”

You were cut off by Joel whose glare cut you so deep you stumbled into Ollie’s arms.

“You ok?” Ollie questioned.

“She’s fine,” Joel’s voice dripped with malice before he grabbed your arm.

“C’mon we’re going home, Y/N,” the older man grabbed your forearm as you turned your head and waved at your former best friend who made kissing faces.

You exited the bar and entered the breezy streets of Jackson.

The night sky was glittering with white stars and a bright full moon.

“Joel, I was in the middle of talking!” you said.

“Talking or flirting,” Joel gritted his teeth as you stopped in your tracks, gawking at your boyfriend.

“Ollie is a childhood friend-”

“I don’t care who he is he is not allowed to look at you like that,” the salt and pepper-haired man twisted his head around to shoot his eyes at you.

You started to laugh a little.

You could practically feel the red-hot jealousy radiating off him.

Joel’s face burned with anger.

“Texas I don’t think you understand,” you giggled using your favorite nickname on him, placing a hand on his arm to stabilize yourself.

“Oh, I think I’m starting to…” his thick southern accent slipped into his words as he shoved his arm away from you.

Suddenly you weren’t smiling anymore.

“Joel you’re still not getting it he isn’t into w-”

“You know what save it,” he cut you off with a hand before turning around, his broad back facing you.

“Have fun with your ‘childhood best friend,’” he said using air quotes when he said childhood best friend.

How did he not believe you?

You felt hot tears blur your vision.

“He’s into fucking men, Joel!” you shouted as he whipped his head around, eyes wide.

He opened his mouth to say something but you used his method by cutting him off with a hand.

“YOU save it, Joel I can’t believe you didn’t trust me or my love for you for one second after all we’ve been through together,” your lip trembled with your words as Joel put his head down in shame.

“I’m not coming back to your place tonight so don’t even bother waiting for me,” your voice cracked as you turned back to the direction of the bar, swiping stray tears away from your face.

Joel felt his heart crack into a million pieces as he watched you walk away from him, the dim yellow streetlamps illuminating your form.

….

The first time you both had slept together was years ago after Sam and Henry had passed.

It had been hours since you’d buried them and Joel was now driving you and Ellie away.

Ellie had fallen asleep long ago, her soft snores providing you with little comfort.

Your entire body had been shaking with terror as the scenes of Sam and Henry dying replayed in your head.

You tried to look around to distract yourself from the two with the once former blooming suburbs of the small town you were in.

“Hey,” Joel’s voice was soft as he put a hand on your bouncing knee, stopping it instantly.

Your heart dropped as he stared at you, his brown eyes full of concern.

“You alright? You haven’t slept,” he said as he slowed the truck.

You shook your head lightly, avoiding eye contact with him as he stopped the car in front of a house.

“Come on let’s stop for the day,” he said as you said nothing, your face a mask void of emotion.

He opened the passenger side for you to get out of and then lifted Ellie out of the car as she stirred, making an annoyed grunt.

“I know I know, you’ll get back to bed soon enough,” he said as she opened her eyes and took your hand in hers.

The house was deserted without a single sign of life except for pictures of a family of five that lined the living room.

“Let’s get to bed, sweetheart,” you coaxed Ellie, leading her up the rickety steps to the second floor.

The girl grumbled as you guided her into a room that was previously home to a teenage girl.

Ellie stared at the lush made-up king-sized bed and immediately jumped into it, covering herself with the thick bright blanket.

A moment later, her snores returned and you snorted before going over to her and pressing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“Hey,” Joel rapped his knuckles on the doorframe as you spun around to face him.

How did he always look so dashing?

“You should get some rest,” he said as you walked over to him and let him lead you to a bedroom, his hand resting on the small of your back.

Your heart pounded from his touch as he escorted you into a large bedroom.

The sheets were velvet while the pillows had satin over them.

“These were some rich people,” you mumbled to yourself as your fingers brushed over the thick blanket.

The older man nodded as you slipped under the covers.

Your eyes were still wide open.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asked knowingly as he crouched beside you.

At this point, you both had known each other for months and Joel being as observant as he was always noticed when something was off with you. Maybe it was the feelings he was fighting for you that made him more attentive when it came to you.

“Can’t stop thinking about them,” you shuddered as you thought about Sam and the way his head had jerked violently when he was shot.

The sweet innocent boy that you had grown attached to within the span of a day.

Joel was not used to being open but when it came to you he would do whatever you wanted.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he questioned, raising his thick eyebrows slightly looking for a reaction.

“No, I just want to sleep now you’re right I am tired,” you said, pressing your tired face against the silky soft pillow.

“Alright then,” the man bowed his head and made his way toward the door.

“Wait!” you said making him stop in his tracks.

“Can you…stay with me?” you asked sheepishly as the Texan’s heart stopped at your invitation.

“Of course,” he breathed as he made his way next to you and went under the blanket.

“Thanks, Miller,” you said, giving him a shy smile before drifting off to sleep.

That was the day when Joel Miller knew he had fallen in love.

….

Now he watched you strut down the streets of Jackson without a care in the world while everyone stared at you with admiration and envy.

Men your age and Joel’s all took turns looking you up and down with wolfish grins on their faces.

“Lookin’ good baby,” he heard someone wolf whistle as you smiled innocently at the man, sending him a cheeky wink.

It was a particularly windy day and Joel watched as you tried to tame the skirt that tried to fly up and expose you.

Joel felt his fists clench in his jeans pockets as he watched you sashay down the most public avenue.

His veins practically popped out of his neck at the lustful looks of the men in Jackson who tried to take a peek at what was his.

Once you had passed the older man you shot him a nasty glare.

“That’s it,” he grumbled as he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into an abandoned alley.

You said nothing, your eyes narrowing as he stared you down, his once soft brown eyes cold.

“Miller,” your tone was even and matched his stern gaze.

“Look Y/N I’m sorry for being possessive over you I was just jealous,” he said as you said nothing.

“I can’t believe you’d ever accuse me of ever betraying your trust like that Joel that’s so fucked up,” you looked down at the ground, kicking a pebble.

Joel brought his fingers to your chin, lifting it up so that you locked eyes.

“Let me make it up to you then,” his voice was deep and sent shivers down your spine.

“It better be good because otherwise, I won’t be forgiving you, Texas,” you said, turning your head the other way and shifting your stance.

It was a good sign that you were using his signature nickname which made him regain his confidence.

The air was thick and electrifying with tension, passion, and desire as you both stared at each other intensely.

Joel angled his head down so that you felt his breath fan across your ear.

“You bet it’ll be good darlin',” he smirked as he watched you shudder from your close proximity.

The older man then got on his knees in front of you.

The sight was almost enough to make you drool but you controlled yourself because you were still slightly annoyed at him.

“You’re gonna have to be quiet if you want this sweetheart,” Joel said, gripping your thighs as he watched you nod in an uninterested manner, your blank face masking your want for him. 

Joel was going to make it his ultimate goal to coax that reaction out of you.

He rubbed your thighs sensually, his rough calloused hands smoothing them up and down at first before gently lifting up your pink skirt.

You knew that it’d drive him crazy when he’d see you wear it which was the reason you picked it out for this occasion.

“Such a pretty fuckin’ skirt,” he complimented before tearing his eyes away from the fabric and onto your pink lacy panties.

“Holy fuck,” he said, feeling his pants grow tighter as he pulled them down.

You held back a whimper at the feeling of the wind grazing over your bare pussy.

The Texan took one finger and dipped it in your folds, collecting your wetness.

“So fuckin’ wet,” he smirked before taking his wet finger and sucking it in his mouth.

Your pussy clenched around nothing as you watched the dirty action.

“Hurry the fuck up already,” you said impatiently as the man said nothing and plunged one of his fingers inside of you making you throw your head back against the brick wall behind you.

The combined feeling of him rubbing your clit at a tantalizingly slow pace and his middle finger continuously hitting your G-spot made your breaths shallow.

Joel grinned as he watched your face struggle to be neutral.

“Another finger outta do it,” he said, southern accent strong in his words before he added another finger into your weeping pussy making you mewl.

His eyes were trained on you as they took in every movement and reaction from you.

You grabbed a fistful of his salt and peppered hair and brought it close to your core as he took that as his cue and started to simultaneously flick your clit with his tongue and finger-fuck you.

“Joel,” you whimpered with pleasure as he groaned into your heat, swirling his tongue around at a brutal pace that made your eyes roll to the back of your head as he started to bring you to your climax.

You watched as his hands started to drip with your slick.

“So fuckin’ sweet,” he growled as he assaulted your pussy faster with his tongue sliding up and down your slit and his two fingers hitting your G-spot.

You were so close, the all-so-familiar coil in your stomach about to snap before Joel removed his head and fingers from you making you whine.

“Aww, I thought you were mad at me, sweetpea?” he mocked you.

“Fuck you, Miller,” you breathed out as he stood up and pushed you against the brick wall, one hand on the base of your throat shooting electricity down your spine.

“Oh I will, trust me, baby,” he said darkly, his pupils blown out and full of lust.

His tone made your heart drop to the lowest pit of your stomach and a pool of wetness form around your core.

You watched as the bulge in between his thighs grew from a whimper that escaped your throat.

You couldn’t help but get turned on by the situation as he slipped your shirt off, and threw it on the floor. 

He then undid your bra and immediately attacked your boobs with his hands. He squeezed the mound roughly and tweaked your pebbled nipples making you moan loudly.

Then you pulled him by his shirt to you and kissed him hard.

He kissed you back with an equal amount of passion as you ground your bare pussy on his clothed cock making him groan.

“Fuck baby you’re gonna make me cum right now,” he sighed with bliss as you removed your lips from his and attached them to his neck, licking and sucking everywhere.

He smirked at your movements before he unbuttoned his jeans, letting his girthy cock spring free.

He was leaking with pre-cum before he spun you around so that you were pressed against the cold wall, making you shiver.

You clenched your thighs together as you peeked at his dick.

“Like what you see baby?” he drawled tauntingly as he pumped himself a couple of times before peppering kisses on your neck and bunching up your skirt so that he had easier access to you.

“Always do,” you said, your core throbbing as he seized your hips in a bruisingly-tight grip and let his cock nudge against your slick entrance.

The older man pushed inside of you as you took one of his hands and intertwined it with one of yours as you allowed yourself to get used to his large length.

“So tight,” he hissed as he drove himself deeper into your cunt making you gasp with pleasure.

He stretched you out completely as your fingers clung to the brick wall in front of you.

“Ready?” he rasped as you nodded eagerly as he began to slip in and out of you at a rough pace, the way Joel liked it.

You were clouded with pleasure and bliss as he filled you up and left you empty within seconds.

You moaned loudly before Joel covered your mouth with one of his large hands.

“Careful sweetheart, don’t want anyone to hear you do you?” he panted as you whimpered into his hand.

His hand slapped your ass making you squirm underneath him.

“Such a dirty fuckin’ whore walking around town with a tiny skirt beggin’ for attention,” his pace turned even rougher as your vision blurred with tears from the stimulation.

“But we all know you just wanted my cock in the end isn’t that right?” he grinned cheekily.

“Yes,” you sighed.

“Yes what?” he growled gripping your throat as his other hand slid down your body to rub hard circles onto your clit.

“Yes, sir,” you managed as stars blinded you from the way he split you open with his cock.

“Good girl,” he massaged your ass before he continued to move into you, his thrusts started to get sloppy. 

The only other noises in the room were Joel’s grunts and the lewd noises that came out of your throat.

Your walls started to flutter around his length.

“Gonna cum,” you moaned louder as pressure started to build up in your lower belly.

“Me too,” he admitted, his nose brushing against your throat as he continued to pound into you, his balls hitting your ass while you clenched around him.

“Fuck!” you screamed into his hand before whimpering his name repetitively.

He gave you one last thrust before you both orgasmed at the same time with his seed filling you up and leaking down your thighs.

Waves of pleasure washed over your entire body as you shut your eyes with bliss as your orgasm came over you.

“So fuckin’ pretty,” he panted before he pulled out of you and twisted your tired body around so that you faced him.

He took your tossed clothes and gave them to you like the gentleman that he was.

You slid on your shirt while he returned your soiled panties to you.

Once you were fully clothed, the older man pulled you into his chest, placing a gentle hand on your head.

“Sweetheart I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice dripping with sadness.

“It’s okay, Joel, I know you were only doing all of that because you love me,” you gave him a smile before cupping his face.

He immediately melted into your touch before he pressed a kiss onto your hand, his eyes soft and adoring as he gazed at you like you were the most beautiful person in the world.

“I love you so much, cowboy,” you teased him before planting a kiss on his cheek.

“I love you too, sweetpea,”