#3 seperate people today have started conversations after i said thank you

[deelovesbooks]

ngl my birthday every year is kinda a nightmare bc it's just nonstop sporadic messages and texts and calls from family which is a torture from my own hell

[technowoah]

THESEUS - a dsmp story ( DreamSMP x Queen!Reader)

CHAPTER 3: YOU’LL BE BACK TIME WILL TELL, YOU’LL REMEMBER THAT I SERVED YOU WELL.

Chapter Summary: Declarations are written, you and Eret have a talk, finally you make a decision, and Tommy wants to fight someone.

pairing: c!wilbur x queen!reader

an// I hope you guys want more of this story cause I have some more ideas for y/n to go through. 

⚠︎ swearing, dsmp spoliers(?), angst, mentions of fighting, not proofread.

word count: 4.0k

part 2 - part 4

"Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of victory." Wilbur finished closing the book with a huff. 

You had been listening the whole time. Of course it was good, but you finally figured out what L'Manburg stands for even more. Wilbur made this place because of freedom. They wanted independence from the kingdom itself. It was sort of contradictory at first, You couldn't get your finger on it. All in all it was a beautiful piece of writing and it showed the true feelings of this land.

"What do you think?" Wilbur had gotten up and placed the book in a chest.

 He stayed over there by the chest in the corner leaning against said chest while staring at You still sitting at the huge meeting table. You sat there for a good 5 minutes. He had read the book slowly emphasizing the parts which were supposed to hit hard. You had to admit  it seemed rushed, but still beautiful.

"It was a beautiful piece!" 

"Thank you! I wrote it myself." Wilbur smirked as he sat down on the edge of the table.

"I would've guessed so." You laughed a little. It was still a serious matter to you. 

"I'm still curious as to why you are here." Wilbur had spoken out of nowhere. It was completely off topic.

"I'm curious as to why you still have me here." You shot back.

"Touchè" Wilbur thinned his lips as he looked out the van's window.

You followed his line of sight and saw what was happening outside. Tubbo was currently laying down on the grass while Tommy sat by him staring at the door of the van. Eret stood up talking to Tubbo and Fundy was lying on his stomach facing away from the group, but it seems like he was still listening because his fox ears kept perking up when Eret or Tubbo spoke.

It was a long silence before Wilbur spoke again and filled that silence.

"Tommy found a woman to join L'Manburg earlier on, but you were American so we didn't let you in. He didn't like that at all. I'm surprised he hasn't convinced Tubbo to shun you." Wilbur shook his head while laughing.

"So you let me in? Why?" You asked, still serious.

"You're Eret's wife now, also half American. Half." Wilbur explained while making pitching motions with his fingers.

Before You could speak Wilbur started again, "Also I said you intrigued me, you haven't found your place, I assume. L'Manburg might be your home."

You hummed in agreement. He was right, but you weren't going to tell him that. You were in the middle of a debacle all of a sudden. You just wanted to be a citizen of this new kingdom that your close friend was a part of. You felt so small, you felt like you had no purpose. Maybe this is your calling. 

You were conflicted. This could be a new home. But then.

Your eyes widened as you stared out of the window looking at Tubbo and Fundy laughing in the grass at what Eret said, and Tommy tapping his fingers on his thigh staring worriedly at the van's door. This can't be youhome. You were a spy. You were going to be queen. This is youplace, not some fake country in the woods. You eventually had to go back to Dream, Sapnap and George. That's your purpose.

"I'll be a part of L'Manburg. I want to become a part of L'Manburg. " You stated strongly, trying to make your facadè stronger.

"What if I say no again?" Wilbur smirked.

"I am going to be a part of L'Manburg. This is my home right" You smugly.

"We'll see after today. I'm going to take this and go outside and read out the Declaration to my fellow L'Manburgians. C'mon." Wilbur walked back over to the chest and took out the book.

Wilbur beckoned You over to the door and they both exited the HTO Van together.

"Oh my gosh! What were you two doing in there?!" Tommy shot up from his seat on the grass and sped walked over to the duo. Fundy was finally sat up by both Tubbo and Eret.

"Having adult conversations, which you know nothing about." Wilbur said laughing.

"Hey! I am a grown adult! At least more grown up than Tubbo over there!" Tommy complained pointing at the other kid.

"Hey we are the same in maturity I like to think!" Tubbo sat up from his spot. 

"I haven't been here for long, but Tommy is the least mature person here." You sighed.

"HEY!"

"THANK YOU!" 

"Hey children gather around!" Wilbur finally interrupted the meaningless conversation.

Fundy, Eret, Tommy, and Tubbo gathered around Wilbur and You.

"You wanted to know what we two were doing, well." Wilbur brings the book from behind his back into their view.

"This is the new declaration! Gentlemen, I need you all to sign this." Wilbur handed the book to Tubbo first and then passed it around.

They all seemed proud. Their eyes lit up as the book was passed around. You could see Tubbo trying not to flip through the pages, Fundy was over Tubbos shoulder looking at how intricate the book was. Tommy was impatiently waiting while Eret stood calmer to the side.

All of a sudden You heard something around the walls of L'Manburg. It was like a loud rustling of somesort. You quickly scaled the walls with your eyes and found a familiar set of netherite armor and black hair. You saw three other figures in that same area as well. You saw Dream and George and a new face you haven't seen before. He had tufts on blonde hair coming out of his helmet. He looked dangerous.

"Um guys. You have visitors." You said while still looking at the four soldiers over the walls.

"Oh god." Eret whispered.

"Um they are in here. They're in HERE." Tommy said anxiously.

"It's fine they can watch this. I want them to hear." Wilbur said as he beckoned the five of them to the top of the HTO van.

Once they made it all on the top of the van Wilbur faced the four before speaking out in a loud strong voice.

"THE DECLARATION OFINDEPENDANCE

Signed: Wilbur Soot, Tubbo_, TommyInnit, ERET, Fundy

Forever the nation of the DreamSMP have cast great sins upon our great land of the hto dog van. They have robbed us. Imprisoned us. Threatened us. Killed many of our men. This time of tyranny ends with us this book declares that the nation which shall be henceforth known as L'Manberg is seperate, emancipated and independant from the nation of DreamSMP. The union of the masters of men.”  

Wilbur began to pace around the area they were all in as he continued the long declaration.

“Together we are one. When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one to dissolve the bonds which bind us. Disregarding of this truth is nothing short of tyranny. WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF EVIDENT. THAT ALL _MEN_ ARE CREATED EQUAL The right of the people exists above the right of the king. The right of the government and the right of the economy. From the hto dog van we shall prevail. Life. Liberty. And the pursuit of victory." Wilbur ended.

"Im framing this fucker" The boys started cheering as Wilbur jumped down and entered the van. 

You couldn't take your eyes off of the soldiers. You watched as there was something that fell inside the walls. From afar it looked like a book, a book that fell on the ground inside the walls. The boys were still talking and cheering, but apparently Tommy followed your gaze to the book that fell. 

"What is that?" Tommy said and You and him hopped down and walked over to the book that was dropped. 

It had to be from Dream. You looked up the walls and saw no one there, they must've left. Tommy picked up the book and flipped through it.

"Uh oh." Tommy said suddenly.

"Uh oh what?" You peaked over Tommy's shoulder. 

He handed you the book and your heart dropped. "Declaration of War."

"Oh shit." You whispered 

"Yeah" Tommy and You headed back to the van. 

Tommy snatched the book from You's hand and yelled to Wilbur who was still in the van.

"Wilbur! There’s a book for you. He dropped a book!" Tommy yelled. Tommy and You made their way into the van and found Wilbur leaning underneath a door frame.

"Hold this for me. Let's swap books." Wilbur said.

Wilbur took the new book and began to read it aloud.

"Decla- uh oh."

"Wait, can you read it out loud?" Tubbo asked 

"What was it called?" Eret asked as well.

Wilbur made his way back into the meeting room, sat down, plopped the book on the table and everyone followed suit into the room. He placed his head into his hands and began to speak again.

"The dec- the declaration of war." He finally said.

"OH!" 

"Oh no!" 

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are in a state of war." Eret said playfully next to me.

"This is how we consolidate our power! Men this is not something to fear, this is how we show that we are a nation. If we can hold this off, if we can thwart their advances. Do you know why they're attacking us? Power, greed," Wilbur paces around the HTO van angery still ranting about the situation.

"They're scared!" Tubbo added

"If we can show that our nation is strong enough to hold up against an army, then we can show that we are strong enough to run independently."

"You shouldn't have to prove yourself to Dream if you want independence." You spoke up.

The L'Manburgians were now outside since they followed Wilbur out here.

Wilbur turned around to face You with a neutral face. It was a contrast from just a few minutes ago.

"You're right. For now though we need to show we can stand up for ourselves, they think we are weak. We aren't."

"I understand." You hummed and an awkward silence fell upon L'Manburg.

"Y/N, would you like to become a citizen of L'Manburg?" Wilbur asked formally.

This was a part of the test wasn't it? So many thoughts were going through your head at the moment. This had to be a part of the plan. The whole Declaration of War. You wouldn't get hurt right? And then L'Manburg, you had to accept because if not everything would go to waste. 

You smiled, "I would love to Wilbur."

Wilbur extended his hand out for you to shake and You grabbed it and shook hand firmly. It was official.

"Aye! Did I just see what I think I just saw?!" Tubbo and Fundy appeared out of nowhere.

"I saw a handshake~! Very professional." Fundy said, adding to what Tubbo said prior.

"Yes it did! I am a L'Manburgian now!" You cheered and so did Tubbo.

"The first woman in L'Manburg." Wilbur said.

"WHAT? The first woman in L'Manburg is American?!" Tommy angrily stomped out from around the van.

"You're a good addition I think." Wilbur smirked at Tommy, who was fuming.

"Hm, we'll see about that." Tommy narrowed his eyes at You, but you just smiled at the boy. Apparently that made him even more upset.

Tommy began to walk away before Wilbur began to speak again.

"Before you all leave, we need to have potions, more enchanted bows, arrows, and armor. That's all for now. I'll figure out the rest tomorrow." Wilbur finished and the others agreed.

"Goodbye everyone!" 

"See you all tomorrow!"

Fundy and Tubbo left the L'Manburg walls leaving Tommy, Eret, You and Wilbur still inside the walls.

"Y/N can I talk to you for a minute?" Eret pulled you to the side. Currently Tommy and Wilbur were talking inside the van and You was chilling outside.

Eret took you away from the van and to a semi secluded place.

"Are you comfortable with what's happening?" Eret carefully asked.

"I'm unsure what's going to happen. I hate that feeling. I'm just worried that something will go wrong. I don't wanna die!" You said that last part while laughing.

Eret laughed a little too trying to lighten up the mood.

"I am too. We have to live long enough to become king and queen." Eret smiled and so did You.

"I don't want to die. Yeah that's one problem, but the other one is that I don't know where I belong. It's hard, is this your home Eret?"

Eret sighed, "Ahh! That's the problem! I would consider this my home." 

Eret paused looking at Tommy and Wilbur talking by the HTO van. He took a second and looked You in the eyes again.

"I have the same feeling as you, but I feel like this can't be our purpose. This isn't meant to be, this home is temporary like a wilting home. We can always buy a new one after the old home withers away." Eret concluded. 

You and Eret turned their heads to the noise of Wilbur and Tommy playfully bickering, they seemed like brothers, it was cute. The citizens of L'Manburg seemed like a family. 

L'Manburg was a calm place. It was a calm house in a huge storm, but sometimes the house can get destroyed by the storm and it will be time to find a new house.

"We'll be okay. You're right by the way." You hummed looking up at Eret.

"I know." Eret smiled down at You.

"You know that we'll be okay? Or-"

Eret cut You off by pulling you into a comforting hug.

"We'll be okay, Dream would never hurt us. You know that. And I am always right." Eret laughed and You joined.

"Hey fuckers, I'm out!" Tommy yelled as he made his way towards the two in a hug.

They pulled away as Wilbur made his way over as well and spoke in a baby voice, "The baby needs someone to take him home~!" 

"NO I DON'T! I'M NOT A BABY! I just don't want to get mugged." Tommy complained.

"He is a baby." Wilbur bluntly said.

"I AM NOT-" 

"Hey! I can take you home!" You spoke over Tommy. 

"Thank God, okay bye you two!" Eret laughed.

"Shouldn't you be with your wife?" Wilbur questioned Eret.

Eret shrugged, "I'm 100% sure you can take care of yourself, she can fight. Also she's not alone." 

Wilbur slowly nodded and then began to walk away. The rest of them followed to the outskirts of L'Manburg. The group all ended outside of the walls and split apart. Wilbur goes with Eret and You with Tommy. 

The walk through the forest was rough because Tommy always took the most difficult way. He walked his way into skeletons to fight them, He sometimes stopped to check his menu, He also kept talking while not waiting for an answer. It was a lot to travel with him.

They eventually made it into the greater part of the kingdom and saw the familiar sights. As Tommy led the way, he began another conversation from the long journey.

"So, I can't believe I haven't asked you this before," Tommy laughed "Let me begin with this: I don't like you, but I will put up with you"

Tommy walked backwards through grass as he talked. 

"Wow what a great start." You sarcastically said, rolling your eyes.

"Don't test me. I just wanted to know why you married Eret in the first place." Tommy turned around and kept the pace You had while walking beside you.

Damn it. You were so close, of course Tommy would be suspicious of you. He basically said he hated you and now You think that he wants you out of L'Manburg. This might all go to shit if you can't get the right answer out of your mouth.

"I love him of course! Why wouldn't you want to marry someone you love?" What a lie.

You continued, "We were set up by a close friend, I am still getting to know him more and more each day, but isn't that with all relationships?"

"It seems so," Tommy spoke.

Tommy began stuttering over his words,

"Of course I know! I've been with women! Anyways, I didn't even know you were apart of the kingdom so-"

"So you wouldn't know how long me and Eret were together! So whatever you were gonna say would be invalid!" You shot back while pointing at him with a smirk.

Tommy hummed, "You're acting very territorial, very defensive." 

"Is it bad that I am trying to defend my relationship?" You asked.

"You were very sudden with it." Tommy huffed.

An awkward silence fell upon the two as they kept walking, You not knowing where their destination was. After a while of nothing Tommy started a conversation again. 

"I overheard Big E talking about fighting! Do you know how to fight?" Tommy asked enthusiastically.

"I like to think I do!" You said proudly.

You had learned everything you knew from your own self training and Dream of course. He always talked about how great a fighter you would be, so he took it into his hands to train You.

"Well, are you? I didn't see you fighting that many skeletons huh?!" 

"Because you kept "running into them" and fighting them yourself!" You yelled back and did air quotations around certain words.

"Cause I wanna get stronger! Buffer! The alpha male!" Tommy boasted.

"Well why put yourself into trouble in the first place?" You sighed.

"Cause it's fun!" Tommy's voice got significantly higher the more he complained.

"You don't think I can fight?" You laughed in disbelief.

"Yeah!" Tommy challenged.

"Then I challenge you to a duel!" You crossed your arms over your chest and tried to size Tommy up, even though you were shorter than him.

"Woah, woah what?!" 

You smirked, "You heard me Tommy! I want to fight you." 

Tommy began walking faster and You had to do the same. He kept shaking his head and muttering something. You finally caught up with him and overheard what he was muttering.

"What would Wilbur think of this?"

He muttered.

"He would be okay! Fight me! C'mon pussy!" 

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?" 

You got him. You really wanted to fight this boy. You could prove yourself to him and even the rest of L'Manburg. You might've been contradicting yourself because of what you had said earlier.

"You shouldn't have to prove yourself to Dream if you want independence."

You shouldn't have to prove yourself to Tommy nor Wilbur to gain their trust. But at the same time you REALLY wanted to fight, have some drama. You're hard-headed just like Tommy, so either way they were going to fight.

"Fine! We will fight by the HTO van tomorrow!" Tommy said walking backwards heading off the path that they were going. 

"Deal?" You reached out to shake his hand. 

"Fucking deal!" Tommy exclaimed while shaking your hand.

Tommy walked in front of you and made his way to a house made of dirt. It was well made and, although it didn't look horrible, it was probably a secret base.

"This is my home! I'll see you tomorrow for our duel. Don't be late." Tommy said while entering his house and closing the door on You before you got the chance to speak.

This is going to be very interesting.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here!" A british voice appeared to the side of You. 

Approaching the Prime Path was of course George and Sapnap. They always appeared at the right time because You were getting nervous you wouldn't make it back to the castle.

"Guys!" You exclaimed.

"Hey! We wanted to talk to you before, but you were occupied with "L'Manburg"." Sapnap put air quotes around L'Manburg like it wasn't real.

"We also wanted to walk you back home. Eret’s not being a good husband huh?" George laughed.

You spoke,"I was fine! Almost blew my cover though." 

"WHAT?"

"HUH?"

"Yeah I was walking Tommy home and he asked me why I married Eret and I panicked, but saved it!" You hurriedly explained to the two men.

"Jesus you would have ruined everything." Sapnap rubbed his face while walking ahead of George and You.

"But she didn't! You almost did." George sighed.

"I thought I did well." You hummed.

"Also sorry for the scare earlier." Sapnap said while laughing a bit.

You sarcastically stated, "Yeah the whole "Declaration of War" didn't scare me at all." 

"Aw boo hoo!" Sapnap mocked.

George shook his head while trying to keep in a laugh beside You. They were almost to their destination because you saw the huge castle in your sights. Sapnap dragged his feet on the path tiredly while George still had a small pep in his step.

You finally spoke up again, "Who was that other guy with the three of you? I've never seen him before."

"OH you haven't met Punz! He's one of the best fighters in the kingdom." George explained.

"Dream wants him on his side, he's getting many more warriors, "warriors", to fight against your L'Manburg." George put air quotes around warriors as he continued to explain. 

"He won't hurt you. None of us will, if that's what you're wondering." Sapnap said bluntly.

"I mean that makes me more comfortable now I definitely know." You hummed and so did Sapnap in agreement.

You would love to say that Dream would never hurt you, but that would be a lie. You never knew Dream's intentions from the beginning, but he always says that it's for your own good and it would work out in the end. You trusts Sapnap and George's word, you trust them with your life. Literally.

The trio made it to the castle's entrance and they all stopped. Sapnap yawned and George rubbed You on the back in a reassuring manner.

"Man, I have a lot to do." You sighed as you looked at the huge arches of the castle.

"Well get some rest! Ease your mind." George said.

"Yeah what he said." Sapnap said while stretching.

You smiled at the two of them before beginning to walk up to the main doors. Sapnap reached out to your shoulder and twisted you around to give the two boys a final look for the night.

"Are you 100% sure you are okay with this plan?" Sapnap said sternly.

"Cause you know we have to report back to the big guy." George added.

You paused for a moment. You looked back on the moment when Wilbur and yourself were in the HTO van

"You haven't found your place, I assume. L'Manburg might be your home."

That whole place could be your home. Her calling, but then Sapnap and George in front of you. What about them?

"When have I ever steered you wrong?!"

Dreams' words circled in your head again for what it seemed like the 5th time today. It was tiring, but it was true. Even if you weren't okay with it you would get killed, so you want Eret and yourself to be safe. You didn't have enough connection with the L'Manburgians to keep them alive. This has to be you calling. Please let this be your calling.

"I am 100% sure. Let's do this."

[piratequeen-queenofgames]

Seperate Ch.3

Parings: Seonghwa X Charlie

Tags: @pastelpinkelfie , @shibermilkio

Warnings: fluff

Today was the grand opening for the record café, I saw wooyoung trying to calm Julia down due to her nerves. While I was pouring  coffee on the half of the cups and the other half had tea inside of them I looked at the line and wooyoung patted my shoulder telling me to open the doors and make sure everyone comes in safety, all of the people where in shock and in awed to see the record store that we all four put our effort, hard working and dedication into this. At first we had every business guy saying no, or we can't do it, or we're just a bunch of kids that will never make it. But we all showed them and here we are seeing our business. I greeted the guest along with Choi who was passing out the pastry. Then my eyes landed on a girl wearing blue jeans, white shirt, with her converse standing next to a short boy who had blond hair, wearing a beanie. 

"Easy, easy calm down love." "I can't, I don't know I'm just over thinking." I heard them until I stepped in. "Is okay, we all four waited for this day. And we won't back out now." She nodded at me and got up and shook it off and wooyoung told me. "Seonghwa opened the doors, I think they waited for a long time." "Alright, here we go team. Welcome guys to the record café, hope you enjoy the vibe and warm welcoming." They all smiled and explored until I was talking to the guest, until my eyes were following her and I bowed at the customers that I was talking to. And I didn't mean jump scare her. "Very nice here, and relaxing." "Yes it is, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare u." She looked at me and me at her. "Is okay, I get scared easily. But my name is Charlie." "Seonghwa, here let me show you around. I have no problem with it." We both walked and I showed her the top floor of the shop. "So this is the vibe room, where you are allowed to play any record and have the volume low, also I love this place because it helps with stress, mental stress, this is my favorite artist." "You listen to him as will." I looked at her and changed the record.

~.~.~.~.~

After quite a while people started to leave and Charlie was still here talking to Julia and Choi while Wooyoung was teasing me like he always does but that is him. "Hey love bird, your eyes are going to roll out if you keep looking at her." "Could… could you really tell." He nodded at me and I just sigh. "Hey brother, it is time for us." "Wait five more minutes I don't want to leave." I laughed at their siblings bond and a light bulb turned on in my head making me grab a sharpie and paper rushing upstairs. To write her a note and give her the record. "Okay, okay. Thank you so much, we keep in touch." "Yeah." I rushed down and went out of the store and told them to wait. "Wait Charlie, you forgot this." "But this is yours.. And not to mention your favorite, I just can't." I shook my head and smiled then told her. "Is okay, I want you to keep it." I saw her holding closer than I opened the car door for her and closed it and when I saw it drove off I went back inside making  Wooyoung to clap and tease me. "Aww we got a lover boy in the shop. Already the first day and bold moves." "Is not that obvious." "Yes it is obvious." I heard Julia and Choi at the same time and then started to help the ladies to clean up while Wooyoung sorted out the records and made sure they were okay. But my mind went back to Charlie and said to myself with the wet cloth in my hand. "Hope I see you again Charlie. And get to know more about each other."  

[f-a-n-d-o-o-m]

A new mask - part 3

Part 1, Part 2, AO3

Sorry this took so long to come! I have quite a few chapters written up now, so hopefully you’ll be able to read them more regularly!

Hawkmoth struck again the next day.

Marinette threw her pen to her desk in anger. “Come on!” She snapped at the news headline on her phone.

She’d actually managed quite a bit of study today, but it would not be enough if she had to stop now! She had both maths and science tomorrow, and she wasn’t even entirely sure what they were doing in science, never mind being prepared for an exam!

But that little notification carried on shining, breaking up the image of her lockscreen. “Fine.” She stood up. “Fine.” She changed into a different suit. “Fine!” She pulled out a spare yoyo. “Fine!”

This time Hawky was robbing a butterfly garden. Her arms still aching from her out-of-control trip across Paris yesterday, Ladybug swung through the doors. She raised one eyebrow at the man in a fancy, Ironman-esque, shiny suit, waving a not-so-advanced butterfly net around.

“You’re trying to steal the butterflies? Gotta admit, didn’t expect that.”

Hawkmoth spun, and glared at her. Even through the mask, he seemed fed up. At her or the butterflies, she couldn’t say, but she liked to think it was the butterflies. “Come on Ladybug. You don’t understand-”

“Look, Hawkmoth. Butterflies probably aren’t as bad as banks, but I can’t just let you kidnap them.”

“No, you don’t understand, I need them-”

“Uh huh, yeah, I don’t care.” Ladybug threw her yoyo, wrapping it around the butterfly net. She pulled, Hawkmoth didn’t let go, and they ended up with a broken net.

Hawkmoth groaned, and threw his stick to the ground, plucking the few butterflies he was able to catch and squashing them into a bag.

He lifted up his hand, and started shooting (yep, those were still real bullets) at Ladybug, who dove behind a plant. Hawkmoth took off, running towards a door, when a silver pole blocked his way.

“Monarch me an idiot, but it seems like you missed a bug!” Chat Noir grinned. Hawkmoth stared at him. “Get it? Monarch me an idiot? Mark me an idiot?”

“That was terrible.” Ladybug responded, standing up from behind the bush. Chat Noir pointed at her and carried on talking to Hawkmoth.

“And you missed a bug? Because you’re stealing butterflies and she’s Ladybug?”

“Seriously Chat, if you have to explain it-”

Hawkmoth made a break for it, knocking the pole over and tipping Chat Noir to the ground. Ladybug threw her yoyo, and used it to block up the doorway. Hawkmoth skidded to a stop, and turned around to face them. Chat Noir stood up to face him, and Ladybug pulled her hands into fists.

“Well then?” Chat grinned. “You going to fight or do you have butterflies in your stomach?”

Hawkmoth ran forward, and they ran to meet him. He lifted his arm, and Chat snatched up his baton. Ladybug pulled her yoyo out of the doorway, then reached for Chat. She wrapped her arms around him, and he pole vaulted them both above Hawkmoth, and she threw her yoyo down to grab the arm that held the gun. She pulled it tight, and there was a loud screeching. She loosened the yoyo, and the ring where it had tightly gripped the metal was crushed and broken.

“Don’t bring a gun to a superhero fight.” She grinned as they landed on the ground, this time guarding the door.

Hawkmoth didn’t say anything, just ran directly at them again. Ladybug and Chat dove in seperate directions. Chat stuck out his baton at ankle height, and Ladybug threw out her yoyo at neck height. Hawkmoth jumped over the baton, but alas, his limbo skills were not up to standard, so he got caught on the yoyo string and slipped to the ground. The bag of butterflies crumpled to the ground. He scrambled to his feet, and dove for the bag, but Chat Noir slid his baton along the ground and knocked it out of reach. Hawkmoth growled, but instead of trying again, he took off to the door.

“Get him!” Ladybug shouted, even as she followed him. They sprinted out the door, where they saw his figure retreating into the sky.

“No!” She yelled.

Chat Noir stood next to her. “It’s okay, My L-”

“No it’s not! He got away!”

“But he didn’t get what he came for.” Chat Noir gestured to the sack on the ground. Ladybug bit her lip. She bent down, and opened it. Two butterflies immediately fluttered away, but the third stayed at the bottom of the sack. She carefully picked it up. It almost seemed to glow, the egg-shell white colour of its wings.

“Bye bye little butterfly,” She murmured, opening her hands. It tested its wings, then took to the sky. She smiled as it went. “You’re right Chat. Maybe we didn’t capture him, but we did win this time.”

“And it was because we worked together.” Chat said. Ladybug rolled her eyes. “Come on, admit it, My Lady.”

“Don’t call me that.” She said, but couldn’t help but smile. “Fine. It was because we worked together.”

Chat Noir looked like he was about to start celebrating, when he froze.

“What?”

“Don’t move!” He hissed.

Terror gripped Ladybug, as she stood like a statue. “Why?”

Chat Noir lifted his phone, and took a photo. “What are you doing?”

He smirked, and turned the photo around, showing the picture of her in her mask, her messy braid thrown over one shoulder, and the sunlight shining through a pair of egg white wings on her hair. Ladybug looked away from the photo to where it was still perched.

“Aww.” She said, grinning. “But you’re going to have to delete that photo.”

“What? Why?”

“What if somebody sees it? Your secret identity will be out.”

Chat considered for a moment, then smirked. “Not if I send it to the Ladyblog! Then anyone could have it.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I so would, Bugaboo.”

-

He did.

-

After spending the rest of the day studying, Marinette reached the conclusion that there was no way she was ever going to be ready for these exams. She kept on finding some new articles to read, some new comments on the Ladyblog’s post of that photo (which was tagged as: An anonymous user sent this to me, claiming to be the notorious, charming and legendary Chat Noir! Whether or not that’s true, two things are for sure: 1) we love this bug, and 2) this is going to become a lot of people’s profile picture! (which was correct, Marinette had already counted twelve Ladyblog users.)) or the room felt too cramped. Groaning, she glanced at the Ladybug suit, then back at her work.

“It’s worth a try.” She mumbled, pulling the suit, and snatching up her book.

-

She didn’t expect to be found, sitting on a random house’s rooftop reading her history book, but ten minutes later a black figure landed next to her.

“Reading on the roof?” Chat Noir asked.

Ladybug rolled her eyes. She lifted up her history book. “Studying.” She corrected. “As of tomorrow, I will officially be in exam week.”

Chat laughed, then held up his own history book. It had the same cover. “Me too. And my teachers expect way too much of me!”

“Same here!” Ladybug agreed, stopping herself from staring at the book. It was weird, she was pretty sure her school was the only one that had that one.

Chat plopped down beside her. “Want to work together then?”

Ladybug chewed her lip. “That depends. How much do you know about Tutankamun?”

“About half as much as I need to, and twice as much as I want to.”

“Then take a seat!” She laughed.

-

It was actually fun working with Chat. She laughed, and he laughed, and they got distracted but they also made jokes that helped them remember things. By the end she actually felt accomplished in her study, which was rare.

There was a lull in the conversation. Ladybug stared at the night sky. “It’s beautiful,” She murmured.

“Like you?” Chat Noir asked. Ladybug snorted.

“Cheesy much?”

The villain-now-hero was probably blushing, if his mask didn’t cover his cheeks.

“Hey, Chat?” Ladybug asked.

“Yeah, My Lady?”

“There’s this guy that I like.” She glanced at the hero sitting next to her. “He’s in my class, but we’re just  friends.”

“Oh.”

“What should I do?”

Chat stayed quiet for a moment.

“Chat?”

“I’d tell him.”

“You would?”

“Yeah.” He turned to smile at her, but there was something else in his expression, which she couldn’t read. “I would tell her-him, that when I looked at him, I saw everything I wanted to be. I saw, not a perfect person, but someone who was trying to be. Somebody who looked at the world and thought that it was messed up, and flawed, but instead of giving up and joining it they became what they wanted to see. And I’d say that I wanted to be with that person, because while they were busy looking for the good in everybody else, all I could see was how good they were.”

Ladybug stared at him, then grinned. “You like somebody, don’t you?”

Chat slowly nodded, his eyes glancing at her face then away again.

“Well, you should tell them that. Exactly what you said to me. She sounds amazing.”

Chat gave a small smile. “She is. And I’m sure whoever Mr Crush is will think you’re amazing.”

Ladybug smiled. “Thanks, Kitty.” She pulled out her yoyo.

-

Gabriel Agreste walked down a darkened alley. A man stood in shadow, flipping a coin.

“Did you do it?”

“No, I-”

“No?”

Gabriel swallowed. “No, Ladybug and Chat Noir teamed up and stopped me.”

“Do you know why we wanted you to steal the money?”

“Yes- to prove I was loyal enough-”

“No. To prove that you were able to. You’re rich enough Gabriel, the question is whether you are willing to steal, to join. We said three tests. The first two were money.”

“Right, and-”

“You made the first one. You didn’t bring enough the second, but that’s not your fault. The money wasn’t there. Now you’re telling me you failed the third?”

“I-” Gabriel paused, expecting to be cut off. When he wasn’t, he hesitantly continued. “You can’t need the butterflies for anything. You’re just doing it to make fun of me now!”

The man stopped flipping the coin. “The butterflies were to prove that you would do anything for this. You join us, and you are given one chance to choose something, anything, that we will help you with. Then, for the rest of your life, you have to do anything we ask of you.”

“I know that-”

“Do you? Because you don’t seem capable of doing it when there is something in it for you.”

Gabriel swallowed. “Please. Another chance. I need this.”

The man glared at Gabriel, then sighed. “Fine. Bring us the masks of Ladybug and Chat Noir, and we’ll let you in.”

[halfusek]

You Left Me in a Heartbeat

I wrote a fic about my interpretation of how things were between Joey and Henry: from before founding the studio to the moment they split up and a bit more. Also it includes a certain theory I would like to discuss in a seperate post some other time. Hope you enjoy! Huge thanks to @pipesflowforeverandever for beta reading and helping me with getting this thing readable! <3 Warning: ...violence.

✪ ✪ ✪

There is nothing wrong with dreaming. Excitement filled his head and buzzing thoughts were running million miles per hour through that brain hidden under dark hair. Although none of that amount of thinking was focused on the real world. At least not yet. Which is why the owner of fancy looking (but actually really cheap, he was just a broke student with nothing but dreams and 60 cents in his pocket, well, at least for the rest of the month) black shoes didn't even notice his feet were constantly switching being attached to the ground between toes and heels. His sight seemed to be focused on a certain covered in lights sign which was hung way above the cogitating head, at the top of an entrance. He was standing close to the gate with the cinema's ticket booth in the middle, his pointy nose pointed at the sky, expression peaceful, shoulders relaxed, and body slightly bending back and forth.

Oh, no, surely nothing wrong with dreaming, especially dreaming big, but who is to say those smaller ones cannot be fulfilled as well? Even those silly ones.

The cinema was showing an animated production tonight. And he had just enough money to see it and only slightly starve for the next week!

He arrived way too early for the show, but he couldn't just sit at home! So he went out for a long walk, well dressed, which wasn't most comfortable, but God, did he feel good!

To be fair it wasn't just the show his mind was currently so occupied with. Oh, it surely is fun doing alone, but what an experience it must be with a company!

He heard his name being shout out from across the street. The man turned around on his heel and sent the best grin the mouth under the pencil moustache was able to make.

Especially good company!

Henry was with some woman.

Joey stood still.

When the pair finally approached him, he whistled under his nose and then bowed. Both of his arms moved right away, one behind his back, and the other one in front of him, reaching for her hand.

"What a pleasure meeting you, my lady,” she giggled and Henry couldn't help but roll his eyes, though his lips twitched, forming a smile, "Can I know your name?”

"Linda,” they exchanged an energetic handshake, "You must be Joey?”

Said man gasped and put his hands on his chest in disbelief.

"Wow! Well...” he pouted comically and put his finger on his chin, other hand resting on his hip, "It is a possibility.”

Linda snorted.

"You know,” she took Henry by his arm and turned her head to him, cascade of blond hair flowing with that movement, "When you said it's just some cartoon I had second thoughts about going... but it might be fun after all,” she bit her lip as she turned back to Joey.

"Oh?” Drew asked, his mind completely ignoring the compliment, "You don't like cartoons?”

"I mean... I never really tried watching any... who knows, maybe it's fun. I know a fella or two who seem to enjoy it," she showed her teeth in a beautiful smile.

Joey noticed with how much affection Henry looked at her face. His eyebrows frowned a tiny bit.

"Let's try making it a three then," Henry beamed and pulled his girlfriend after him to buy the tickets. He did it in such an adventurous way, she couldn't help but laugh.

Joey watched them from behind. He couldn't move his feet. This was stupid.

He was stupid.

He wanted to pay for them. Only the two of them. He didn't expect-

His body shaked for a second. Only now he noticed how cold it was outside. Or...

He took the first step.

They won't last.

He took another step.

They will break up soon and he will never see or hear of Linda ever again.

He came up to the gate and bought a single ticket, then followed his company for tonight.

He won't lose just like that.

After the seance, Linda’s love for toons started and was growing ever since. She couldn't draw a straight line, but was interested in her partner's passion.

He can't lose.

Few years from this night they are planning to get married.

✪

Music was so loud as if the world was ending and it was the last opportunity to dance ever. Wonderful combination of bodies moving to the wild rhythms, people shouting as long as they had air in their lungs, liters and liters of alcohol and pure happiness – truly the most humane form of insanity. Everyone was dressed in their most expensive clothes they should take care of and nobody cared as they waved their arms and legs, drowning in the ocean of sweat and panting breaths.

They owned the place tonight, newcomers could either join or stay being outsiders which ended for all of them in leaving. Judging by how, hm, unusual the party was, it effectively scared away those who could have something against some of its rules. One woman entered looking for someone to make love to, but went out scoffing as her moves resulted in nothing because she aimed at a wrong pal, currently making his own moves towards another pal. How weird!

Oh, those artists. Such deviants!

Joey was forcibly pulling Henry away from the table, despite all of the yet-to-come-animator's protests.

"Come ooooon!” tall man’s voice sounded lower and slowed down. Also very demanding at the moment, "Don't tell me you're not gonna dance at a celebration of YOUR OWN show!”

They finally both ended up in the middle of the chaos which was the said celebration. They were like two pales standing still in a storming sea. Now they either drown or move. Henry didn’t seem up for swimming.

He doesn't like dancing. Joey only knew he performed a few slow ones with Linda, but she wasn't there to get him out of his comfort zone this time.

Obviously Joey was obligated to step in.

"I-I don't know what to do, I feel weird everytime I do this, I-"

"Don't think about it, just do it!” they had to yell in each others ears to make anything out of their conversation.

"I can't. I can't!” light reflected in Henry’s glasses as he looked back at the table.

"It's like slow dancing! But faster!” Henry didn't need to turn again to his friend to see that big grin of his, but he did it anyway just to send him a mildly annoyed look.

"It's not!”

"It is! I'm gonna... fucking... show you!” Joey grabbed his hands and pulled, which took Henry by surprise.

"What the-"

"Think of waltz! But don't be strict! Use some instinct, for crying out loud you're the one with a girl!”

And so they took few first steps like in a classic waltz, which didn't go well with everyone else's tempo but Joey didn't care. Henry got more nervous.

"I told you I-"

"Shut up! Keep! Trying!”

Drew can be really exhausting with his motivational attitude and never-giving-up speeches, but Henry decided to listen to him. After all, he was usually right.

They took their steps faster. Then Joey started leading them into slightly different ones, and with time and occurrence those differences started increasing.

Henry found himself catching up and they both noticed that.

When they achieved a somewhat satisfying pace and didn't bump into others as much, Joey suddenly pulled Henry closer and whispered to his ear something the shorter man couldn't quite catch but it surely included the words "dancing demon" and he bursted out laughing.

Sillyvision pitched their idea.

Way later that night two figures struggled with walking down the street, both clinging to each other. They were trying hard to keep their balance yet still ended up moving between both sides of the road. Luckily for them it was quite a quiet neighborhood, no cars in the sight. There was only one cyclist who tried their best to avoid them with the accompanying sounds of the bike’s horn.

Their long walk was completed at a construction field. Not a recommended place for the drunk, but things were about to start happening here in a few days, only several materials have been gathered for building.

Joey wants to stand on his own but Henry didn’t let him – he knew that would end in the tall man laying face down on the dirt – so instead of making a majestic spin in the middle of the place with his hand pointed at the surroundings, he did an awkward turn-around, which almost knocked Henry off his own feet.

"Look. At. This!” words were pouring out of his mouth in a bulky mutter, "This will be ours. This IS ours.”

"Yeah,” Henry simply replied but then decided to elaborate a bit, "It’s… it feels amazing.”

"Yes! It does,” dark hair fluttered as the head it was on nodded. He kept doing that as he responded, "I think I’m gonna return today’s alcoholic be… be-ve… rages.”

"Ew. Let go of me then. And not on our future floor.”

"Imagine s-someone will be, like, sitting there, like, drawing, and then, I’ll like come to them from behind and be like-"

"Oh, Jesus.”

"Sir.”

"God.”

"You’re sitting on my barf.”

Henry didn’t let this low level joke make him giggle. He made an excessively serious face.

"You’ll be the worst employer.”

"I’ll be an amazing employer. So honest.”

"Please, don’t.”

"Yeah, no, I’ll lie on occasions.”

"I meant don’t puke on our legacy.”

"Oh.”

They took a sit on a stack of desks and breathed in silence for a while. Their shoulders were touching.

"I think I’m better now.”

"Good.”

"I’m so happy,” Drew’s voice broke as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"It sure doesn’t sound like it,” Henry made an awful joke attempt as his own tone hit a higher pitch and he felt a sudden urge to blink more.

Both men raised hands to wipe their eyes- only to be interrupted by their own bursting, bubbling laughter. Cartoonists put their arms around each other and they wobbled, they laughed, and they cried.

They were tired but it was the best kind of tired. The kind you feel after successfully achieving something, so you can rest a bit and let that accomplishment bring some joy into your life.

Henry rested his head on his best friend’s shoulder.

It was so warm. The night was cold and the alcohol wouldn’t help them keep a decent temperature for long, but they simply had each other.

At that moment, Joey could swear he was burning.

His hand found its place on Henry’s hip, long, thin fingers were trembling. He took in a deep, shaky breath.

Henry felt the chest he was almost laying on shiver and for a short moment there was a sensation grabbing his face by the hot hands of confusion. It lasted a few seconds until Joey stood up and took three steps forward. Henry, not expecting this, ended up falling on his elbow, so he was in a kind of semi-recumbent position, his mouth slightly opened. He watched Joey put his hands on his sides, and turn back to him. Shorter man almost expected some sort of negative expression, but the other surprised him with a smile which could only be described as a smile of a dreamer.

Henry forgot to remind him of being careful, because he knew his friend had something important to say. So he listened to the man of ideas.

"This,” he threw one hand in the air, "This will be great.”

His hand fell back on his hip.

"But it’s just the beginning. It will be greater.”

Henry raised his eyebrows and blinked.

"We will expand!” Joey suddenly released an excited shout and lifted both arms to the sky as if he wanted to grab all the stars.

At that moment Henry was almost certain he did. He got up and approached him.

"What do you mean?”

"We’re gonna make it big! Literally!” Joey let out a laughter before he explained, "The grounds were so cheap because most of them are located above a huuuge cave found many feets underground! Of course we won’t start building above that part, but later we could easily use it for building something…” he made a pause and put an emphasis on the next word, "under!”

"Oh, my,” Henry mumbled, genuinely surprised. This lack of knowledge didn’t bother him much. Not now, "That’s… that does sound great… although it will take a lot of hard work before we’ll be actually able to use something… something like that.”

“Yes. Hard,” he grinned widely, "and happy.”

Eyes behind the glasses rolled.

Joey noticed this is how Henry tries to mask his lack of confidence. He patted his friend’s shoulder.

Back then he used his observations for motivation instead of manipulation.

It’s funny how things change over time.

"We’ll make it,” corners of his mouth fell down a bit so the smile appeared to be more gentle, "You just have to believe.”

"Yeah, yeah,” Henry sighed and closed his eyes for a second, before looking up at his pal and reaching his hand to the one resting on his shoulder to grab it in a reacourging grasp, "Thanks, I will try my best. We will try our best. Right?”

Joey turned to look at the foundations of their workshop and released his hand from the touch. He repeated quietly but undoubtedly, "Right.”

Henry didn’t seem to notice weird reactions on his friend’s side and Joey was both relieved and disappointed by that.

He could have tried to make a move on Henry. Well, in fact, he has been trying. His crush already was in a few relationships before and he always waited them out and they always eventually passed.

(He had a bad feeling about this one.)

He didn’t want to interfere. He wanted Henry to be happy the way Henry wanted to be happy. It was the only fair way. But he didn’t see any dangers in his current one. Linda wasn’t… a threat.

(This time he didn’t have a girl just because of social pressures.)

He could try lying to himself, but in reality he was scared of rejection.

(Henry really loves her.)

What if that dream does not happen?

He closed his eyes for a moment. When they opened again, green irises shined with determination.

They will make it. Belief is all they had before and it’s all they need. It’s all he needs.

They will make their dreams come true.

It’s a funny thing.

How so much can fall apart so fast.

✪

He stretched his back and let out a silent groan. No, he needed to stand up, even for a few seconds. And so he did, all his limbs tried to go as far away from his torso as possible. Brain automatically got filled with air. That felt refreshing. He twisted and bent his body before sitting down again. Just as he was finished adjusting his chair, he heard steps coming from the closest room. He peeked his head to the corridor.

A tall figure approached a long table that Henry could only see a small fraction of from this position. The other person wore a black, long jacket, which shoulders were covered in snow, that also was slowly melting on the dark hair making it a bit wet. Joey put some bags in the middle of the table and came back where Henry's sight could reach him. He took off his gloves and threw them next to - how Henry suspected knowing his friend - some warm food he bought for both of them. Cold, currently slightly red hands, rubbed each other energetically and the man grinned.

"Want some coffee?”

"I want you to get your ass over here and help me," his smile was rather sour but shifted to a tired and calm one, "But sure. Just right after that – you stay there.”

"Right, right," Joey did a reassuring gesture and headed for the kettle. He wanted to get a proper break room someday, but Henry couldn't really see it right now. Irrelevant. For this room to have any use they would have to have proper breaks first. At that time everyone was working really hard.

Well they had to. But they wanted to.

Happily tired.

The animator sighed.

After a while his friend was in Henry's little corner with something to fill his stomach and give a little boost to his head. Henry muttered some thanks and tried not to consume everything at once.

It wasn’t the first time he forgot to eat during drawing. Always, even when he did this as a hobby, he since had that problem. This didn't strike anything alarming in regards to his job, though.

He hasn't become aware of his workaholism yet.

Even Linda wasn't concerned yet, they haven't seen each other since that whole thing started but they both tried their best to stay positive. Of course there will be challenges on the way, especially at the beginning. But they won't give up, no, sir.

Joey took a sit on the other chair present in the room, which he once brought in and never got out. It was its only use as no one really needed to come here except for them. Wally or Norman were coming every now and then, but those visits never really required sitting.

Joey let Henry eat in peace and before asking anything, he took a look on what the shorter man was working on. He crossed his legs and studied the frames.

"Aw, that's no fun. I can't even criticize you for anything. Those look perfect,” his tone was mostly playful but with bits of pure admiration. Henry fought the want to hide behind an exaggerated modesty by declining every compliment which dared to tickle his ego. He couldn't just take it though, so he responded with a teasing joke.

"I would introduce my foot to your crotch if you did after last Friday,” he found himself only half joking. He knew Joey well and he was aware of their problems with perfectionism, especially in his pal's case, but the first time it occurred to him as a bigger issue was the aforementioned Friday. Joey didn't accept that character model but he didn't have to reject all those frames Henry did with it...

Joey's lips slightly twitched.

"Sorry. I'll make up for it. No business trips for the whole week.” Joey put one hand on his chest and raised the other, at which his friend chuckled a bit. He meant it and that was enough for Henry. That's great when you have a friend as your boss. You know you can trust him.

"Well then, let's begin!” Henry beamed at him. They assigned what needed to be done by which one of them and set goals for today, each day and the whole week. Deadline was closing in but they still had loads of time. They could do this. Joey moved to the other room with such a strong aura, he wasn’t even taking normal steps, but made small leaps, which made Henry choke on his coffee.

At moments like this you could say they were getting high on believing.

✪

No.

The smiling devil was mocking him.

No.

He turned another paper sheet into a ball and threw to trash.

He let out a silent sigh when he put the pen back in action and his wrist sent a complaining sensation.

No, Henry, we can't go on like this.

She said.

Wrong again.

He tore the sheet apart.

No.

He couldn't work like this.

He had to.

He felt something hot and wet in his eyes.

No.

He needed to be better. He couldn't lose her.

He took the pen back in his fingers and it was at the moment his hand twitched and emitted hurtful spasms through his arm when the water broke through the barrier of his bottom eyelashes.

He grabbed his right hand with the left one. The pen fell on the wooden boards.

Defeated.

"No...”

"Henry...?”

He almost jumped in his seat. Glasses bent askew when he turned his head to the source of the voice.

Joey.

He started wiping of the tears. It wasn’t really effective since he didn't even bother to take the glasses off. He just didn't want his boss... his friend to see him like this.

Well. Too late for that now.

Joey leaned back on his desk. A few months have passed since they started it all and the second chair was moved out of here.

Surprisingly for both of them it didn't take much for Henry to start venting. He never realised how much he has been keeping to himself. How much has bothered him. How bad he felt.

How afraid he was of talking about it with anyone. And his best friend he used to talk with about everything... was a part of the problem.

Heavy thing clenching onto his heart disappeared as he felt relief after Joey's reaction.

Understanding.

He was almost afraid they wouldn't get along as they used to.

Many things weren't as they used to be.

"Linda will be so happy,” Henry sniffed for the last time and used the tissues to stop his face from looking like a mess, "And right now we need every bit of happiness we can get. We planned some big things but... I don't know, maybe they are too big for us...”

"Nonsense!”, Joey exclaimed before he bit his own tongue, "There is nothing on the way to your dreams, Henry. Nothing.”

"I start to feel as if this idea sounds nice only on paper," that's what the animator said, but Joey as an experienced leader and manager knew what his employer meant: convince me. Motivate me.

"Okay, listen to me, dear pal," he put his arm on Henry's shoulder and leaned in a bit so their heads were on the same level, "Of course the idea sounds easier on paper! All ya gotta do is write it! Now – action – is what requires more commitment. But what would you get from just that paper? Welp, nothing, nada, zero.”

"Alright, I get you, please-"

"Do you kind of want it or WANT IT WANT IT?!”

Henry let out a frustrated groan but muscles on his face betrayed him and he smiled and he hated it.

"I want it. I want her.”

"Then get the hell out and make your future wife happy.” he said it as an order but it was one Henry will one hundred percent willingly listen to.

This was a good moment. There has been a lot of stressful situations recently around the studio. Everyone knew what they wanted, everyone knew what to do to achieve what they wanted. It was just... hard. And they had to do their best to be happy.

Joey tried really hard to make it a happy workplace. He might have gotten a bit harsh sometimes but never let his guard of positivity down. Workers were fast to lose trust but slow to regain it. He was trying his damn best and hasn't realised he was pushing his best friend too hard.

He felt awful.

He had to do this, stuff needed to be done, but today? No, he couldn't.

Henry was crying. He had to let him go home, even if that meant he will spent time with his fiance instead of him. Or more like working for him.

But that would make him unhappy. Henry was unhappy for a longer time.

He sat back and lifted his chin up to look at the ceiling.

Most important person in his life was unhappy because of most important thing in his life.

Oh, dear.

Henry's spirit was definitely lifted up when Joey watched him exit the building. He felt an unpleasant feeling in his stomach when he noticed that – almost as if the workshop was some sort of prison. That just felt wrong. But he was glad for his friend. The animator needed rest anyway.

Anyway... what the hell was he doing? Drawing with a hurting hand? Did he really think Joey is some kind of monster that would make him-

No.

He realizes he clenched his fists. His fingers got released right away.

Well. Is he?

No. Calm down. Henry finds it hard to stand up for himself. He never complains! No wonder he just literally exploded from everything he kept inside! Joey never had any problems with giving him feedback or going on and on about what was going inside that idea-pumping head of his, but to be fair he didn't really have any serious issues himself.

(bullshit)

(liar)

The dark haired man shook his head.

They both felt the unpleasant breath of incoming deadline on their backs. Henry was probably too occupied with his mind today to, well, mind going home. But Joey was fully aware.

Oh, well! Who is supposed to make the impossible happen if not him?

He picked up the pen and then he picked up where Henry left off. He felt tired, but only physically (right?) which was something he surely could stand. Unfortunately he had to focus more on the business stuff but some time in the future he planned to hire an entire management department and join Henry in the art one. He could look for more animators first but...

His eyebrows frowned and he bit his bottom lip.

...he didn't want to. Later.

Why?

Oh, obviously because-

Because...

Bendy looked so off model, Joey just stared at the sketch in pure surprise.

Oh, right, he cheered himself up, after that time period some warm ups are necessary.

The amount of time he spent warming up to get the frame right was a bit disappointing, but he kept going.

He was so absorbed by the work, he didn't (want to think) hear the steps approaching him.

"Gee golly. Is that really you, sir?” the janitor's eyebrows instantly rose up as he reached the end of the hall.

Drew gave him an unfocused look and blinked a few times.

"What," he didn't even articulate the question.

"Um, uh, ya know, I'm just doin' the usual, haha,” Wally wasn't sure what to make out of his boss' tone, so his reply was kind of nervous, "Gotta clean up the place!”

The look on Franks face woke Joey up from that strange state of hyperfocusing.

"Oh!” without any reason to he stood up. Just a second after he realized, but didn't sit back, he approached the worker, stretching his back, "Can't you do this later, my boy?”

"It's already after hours, sir," the smile on Wally's face told Joey two things. First: get some rest, old man. Second: I better get overtime for this.

Oh, he heard that second one so often. Not today.

"Forget it. Go home, Wally.”

"Oh, no problemo, I can wait.”

"Wally.”

"Alright, alright," Franks reassured him to back out of his extra work plan by replying with the strongest accent he could pull off, which Joey couldn't help but find amusing. Such personality! Would make a great character trait.

"You can leave the mop here," as Joey continued Wally twisted his head to one side in curiosity. Kinda like a dog, "I will use it later.”

"Wow, mister Drew, you do Henry's job, now mine. When are ya goin’ to write a song?”

"Very funny, Franks.” Joey sent him a tired smile. "I mean – Wally. Quit the mister Drew, please.”

"You got it!” Joey half expected him to salute. Wally Franks might not be the sharpest tool in this shed, but he sure tries his best to be one and works both hard and happy. He would never regret hiring such a character. Good for the janitor, Joey never cared much about papers and qualifications. There were many things to hate this place for but also many things to appreciate. Maybe even love. Like this little comedy he knew he could expect from the boy always walking with his head in the clouds, "Good thing, I don't hafta go back to the closet! Phew! If I met Sammy down here, I wouldn't hear the end of it!”

"Keys?”

"Keys.”

Joey wasn't even slightly mad. That was just hilarious. Even though he was the one paying for a pair of new ones. Well, the studio was, but someone is responsible for it and is in its very name.

After Wally left, he kept working for a few more hours. He almost got the shot done when he felt a gentle touch on his shoulder.

He got up from the desk with a paper attached to his face. There were small spots of ink on his forehead and chin. He was really disoriented and looked at the person standing next to him with two cups of coffee with pure confusion.

Henry.

He was smiling but looked concerned.

"Damn me, I was afraid I will be too much behind so I got up earlier for work, but you..." he sounded genuinely touched, "Thanks.”

"You're welcome," Joey yawned and slowly got up, to which Henry responded by placing the cups on the desk and pushing him back to his place, "Wha-"

"You look like you're about to pass out,” despite his friend's tone, he could tell he wasn't really joking, "How long were you up?”

"Hell if I know," usually higher positioned shoulders now at a lower lever because of their owner's body being laid back in the chair shrugged, "What time is it?” he asked as he reached out for the cafeine.

"Eight.”

Joey took the cup to his hands and simply stared at the surface of what was inside of it. He smiled in an unsettling way.

"I have a meeting at half past nine.”

"Oh,” Henry gasped in that emotionless way of his but in the name of self-awareness added a more concerned: "Shit.”

"Yeah," a loud slorp could be heard.

"Is it important?”

"Yeah.”

"Are you gonna go there?”

"Yeah.”

"Do you want to?”

"Kinda.”

"Do you kind of want it, or-" Henry tried hard not to wheeze as Joey gave him an annoyed look, "want it, want it?”

There was a moment of silence.

"I don't.”

They both laughed hysterically.

Kinda.

✪

First year anniversary party managed to lift up everyone's moods a bit but not long after that event it faded away. They kept pushing but kept losing enthusiasm. It was even harder to stand that grin.

The one Bendy posters have.

The one Joey Drew has.

Said man entered the corridor to the left after coming through the entrance. He stood quietly and watched his only animator work.

He realized it's been some time since they had a normal conversation. He can't deny this feels wrong. He feels... awkward... out of place...

He hesitated to start speaking. It was Henry who sensed someone's presence and looked in his direction.

"Hi," he only slightly raised his eyebrows, "What do you want?”

"Oh? Is it forbidden to just come to see your pal now?” he tried hard to mask his stress and make the tone sound convincing. Henry's sad smile as a reply made him somewhat relieved.

"No. But I need to work on this if I want to get out of this place today," that used to be a joke.

Joey immediately run back to the previous room and returned with a chair.

"Move yo ass.”

"Come on, you don't have to-"

"It's been months since I used a pen for anything else than my signature or script writing. I. Want. To. Draw.” he really did, Henry was almost jealous of his friend's excitement towards drawing. It was only becoming less and less fun for the shorter man.

"Okay, then, here," he gave a folder to Joey and explained what needed to be done.

It was quite pleasant to have some company. Joey was working in the next room but they could shout things at each other. And they did.

Henry worked at a really fast paste. And very effectively on top of that. He didn't realise that himself but there has been quite some time since he heard an actual compliment about his work. He lacked motivation. Maybe that's why not long after Joey started, he went out of his hall and approached his friend's desk.

"Hey, I wanted to ask how you feel about those back-"

Joey has been scribbling circles.

Henry blinked.

This whole time.

"What the-"

"I can't get his stupid head. I'm so out of practice.”

"Are you serious?”

"I know I goof a lot, but not in the mood for it right now, Hen.”

"Ah," he was slightly taken aback by the nickname. It's been so long, "Maybe you want less Bendys and I'll give you some Borises instead? It's good to try different things.”

"Yeah, that does sound good”, Joey gave him a thankful smile.

Henry didn't dare to show him his backgrounds. He thought something but pushed it away.

No way it would demotivate Joey. Nothing was able to bring this man down. Right?

So they kept drawing.

Later, without anything to show this time, Henry came to him again to check how things were going.

Their little devil darling looked on model, just the way he should be.

When he glanced at the Boris Joey was sketching, he almost froze. He saw a mistake repeated on a few sketches already.

"You won't make me correct all the frames to give him a tail, will you?” he let out a nervous chuckle. Joey furrowed his brows as he studied what he made.

He gazed upon Henry who could see something shifting through his boss’/friend's face but couldn’t quite catch it.

"You're tired.”

"I'm tired.” Joey nodded slowly.

He muttered thanks for reminding him and went back to work. So did Henry. As the animator sat down on his own place, he wondered why did this little thing bother him so much.

Because? It's no big deal, right? Everyone makes mistakes.

After something around twenty minutes, Joey took careful steps while going to Henry's desk. He held some paper sheets and a pen. His face was covered by some undefined mask, so hard to guess what he felt at this moment.

Henry guesses he was... embarrassed? Afraid?

Why?

"Can you... show me how the details on Boris’ overalls look like?” his tone was so quiet, Henry got the impression it wasn’t even Joey speaking.

"Sure," he took out one of the concept arts he barely touched now since the designs of the characters were basically engraved on his memory. He smirked teasingly, "What kind of director doesn't know his own characters?”

That was supposed to be a joke.

Gritted teeth and pencil moustache pointed down told him someone didn't take it as one.

"You don't have to remind me about that," he hissed and pretty much threw all the stuff at the desk, "I'm done.”

"No, I didn't mean- Wait, what? What are you-"

"I'm done. I can't... do this anymore.”

"Um, hello? Are you listening to yourself?” Henry pulled out a nervous smile which was supposed to resemble his concern, "You just need-"

"Practice, yeah, no shit," Joey sighed heavily and crossed his arms, "But I don't have the goddamn time.”

Henry just blinked and stared at him. Joey finally realized what was coming out of his mouth.

"I... I'm sorry. I wanted to help you but-"

"No, it's fine. Don't worry ab-" Henry reached for his shoulder to lay a hand on it but Joey flinched back.

"I'm not worried. Of course it's fine. Now excuse me, I won't waste any more of our time-"

"Hey! No! It's... it's okay if it's not fine, we can talk about thi-"

"No need to. It's fine,” it was the first fake smile Henry remembered after finally quitting the studio.

"I don't believe that. Can you just... stop running away from talking about what's really bothering you?” he approached the tall man.

"I have no idea what you're talking about,” he turned away, planning to exit the room.

"It's okay to admit something is wrong!” Henry grabbed his arm.

Before he gets pushed with an unexpected force, he saw Joey in a completely new form. His friend's face was furious. Paper and pens fell from the desk on the ground. An ink well spilled out its content on a few pages by shattering on top of them. Henry hit the wooden structure with his back and the blue eyes watched the green ones in disbelief.

Joey's expression instantly changed. He looked at the other's face, not sure what to say. Seemed like he tried to state something but failed as his mouth opened and closed.

He exited the room in a hurry.

✪

Joey has been sitting in his office for quite a while now. Motionless. Staring at his desk. At an envelope laying on it to be precise.

He was away for a few days so he missed the biggest news going around the studio right now. On the way to this room he noticed some people gossiping and there was an unusual excited atmosphere.

Subconsciously, he knew what was inside of it. The thought just didn’t form inside of his head.

With a slightly shaking hand, he reached for the paper and cut it carefully with a letter opener.

He noticed the biggest word right away and lost his breath.

BEFORE THEY SAY

"I DO”

KINDLY JOIN US FOR THE

WEDDING

UNITING

LINDA & HENRY

After that there were written the date, the place and his own name but he paid no mind to those.

The invitation was put back down slowly, the fingers holding it twitching.

Tall, thin body was unusually still. Looked calm.

But wasn’t.

It’s over.

He stood up and a noise of something shattering could be heard. He felt a pain in his arm as he looked at it being stretched. He stared almost blindly at the wall and hardly noticed a big stain on it. Then his mind went back to focus. There was glass on the floor and on a chest of drawers which stood under the ink splatter. He remembered to breathe again, which he continued to do heavily, and then slowly approached the furniture to study what he’s done.

He appeared to just have thrown an inkwell.

Oh, what a mess.

Nothing like the one inside his head.

Joey pulled out the drawers. Various things ended up flying out of them. Documents, pens, stamps, keys, you name it. Falling wood made cracking sounds as it hit the ground.

He went around the room pulling his hair.

The man passed a wine rack which he pushed furiously. Alcohol spilled on the wood and the luxurious carpet covering it.

He stopped walking ending back again at the desk. With one swing of the long arm, he managed to push everything off it’s surface. There was something wet on his sleeve and he raised it up to his face with disgust, expecting to see ink.

But it was red.

And it hurt.

It must have been the letter opener.

He almost collapsed on his back, but the chair behind him broke the fall, so he ended up sliding down it. His legs were pointed at different directions, his body in general looked like an abandoned doll. The bleeding arm rose to the chest and was being hugged to it by the other one. It was now, when everything else went quiet, nothing was shattered or thrown, that he heard sounds which only a hurt animal could have made.

It slowly got through to him that he was sobbing uncontrollably.

His limbs slowly woke up from that weird apathetic state and along with head started coming together to one point – curled into a ball.

Hide.

Stop.

From what? Stop what?

What…?

He didn’t want to think.

He didn’t want anything.

Not anymore.

He…

He just can’t have it.

He can’t have him.

No matter what he does. Nothing really matters. He can’t succeed.

THIS ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!

His whole body trembled.

This isn’t right, this isn’t fair, this can’t be like this, he has to… he… he just needs to…

He has always believed you can achieve anything if you try hard enough. If you believe. If you keep going. At some point that dream will come true.

He fell on his side and put a fist inside his mouth to silence his own scream.

LIES. LIES. LIES.

What was right is wrong. Nothing is the way it’s supposed to be.

He felt that… toxic… desire… to get what he wants.

But the problem was… he didn’t want something. He wanted someone.

Henry isn’t and can’t be your damn property, you stupid piece of garbage. How pathetic can you be?

Dreams are supposed to be your power…

He choked on his tears, but that didn’t stop him from laughing.

…but they can also be your downfall.

✪

This was not what he dreamt of. He run his hand through his brown hair with ending that movement on the neck to give it a small massage. It ached a bit, his back did as well. And his hand.

Henry sighed. He was so tired.

Why won’t Joey hire more animators? They should afford to do so, and even if it was risky, they would rather benefit from it in the future as there would be less dangers of not meeting the deadlines. He managed to do everything alone but at what cost…

A wrinkle appeared on his forehead.

Joey won’t even help him anymore. And his name is in the goddamn-

He released the breath he was holding.

Time passed and things only seemed to get worse.

He put his hands on the Bendy sketch he was working on. He grasped one of the fingers and studied it.

He designed the main character. Heck, two main characters.

He gently touched and twisted the golden ring.

Does he want to live in his shadow?

Does he live in it?

Should he quit? What would happen to them? What job would he look for?

He didn’t want to think about this.

They wanted to start a family. He couldn’t be absent in their children’s life.

He needed to think about this.

Blue eyes closed.

Should he quit…?

✪

There was an unpleasant silence in the office. Heavy atmosphere hanging in the air.

Old friends sat on opposing sides of Joey’s desk.

They couldn’t look each other in the eyes. No one wanted to start speaking.

Henry asked for talking about something. Something important. Privately.

Joey exhaled deeply and looked up at the other one’s face.

"What-"

"I quit.”

Dark haired man blinked. Corners of his mouth rose but the smile didn’t reach the green irises.

"Let’s take it slow from here, okay? Tell me what’s the problem.”

"What isn’t a problem, Joey?” Henry didn’t expect himself to raise his voice. At least not so early, "Short answer is: I’m not happy here.”

Drew folded his hands and put them on the countertop.

"Could you elaborate on that?” his voice didn’t show anything except for impatience.

The animator swallowed his saliva.

"I’m working alone and it’s just too much work for one person, it’s entirely consuming my life-"

"Well, it’s like this in this bus-"

"I’ve become a fucking workaholic, Joey.”

"I… I’m sorry to hear that…”

"Haven’t you noticed?”

"Noticed what? How am I supposed to know what’s going on inside your head? You never tell me anything, you just wait till it all bursts out in one moment, and look what it lead to now.”

"Oh, well I… thought you knew me a bit better and were aware of some changes. I’ve been lying to myself because I have an addiction. And everyone around me seemed to notice. Everyone but you.”

"I thought you liked drawing.”

"I love drawing.”

"What’s the matter then?”

"That I’m a goddamn wreck, maybe that’s what. I’m… sort of… miserable… because of it… If it wasn’t for Linda, I surely would drown the sorrows in alcohol. Almost added drinking to the list of my problems, but she-"

"Oh, thank God, Linda is here.”

Henry didn’t miss the sarcasm in Joey’s tone.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

"She’s convinced you to quit for her, hasn’t she?”

"What? No! Well, we did talk about it, but it’s not like… This is MY decision, I’m doing this for my own sake… Well ours too but…” he shook his head and continued more angrily, "Are you suggesting that she’s… she’s… I don’t know, sabotaging?”

Joey didn’t stop his shoulders from shrugging and Henry could feel his teeth grit.

"I’ll tell you what,” he stood up, "The only person sabotaging anything here is you…”

"Henry, please, sit down-"

"You manipulative asshole.”

His boss gave him a dead stare.

Silence came back for a plenty of seconds, even worse to handle than before.

"You took my designs. You always used pretty words and ideas to get around it but the truth is you stole it from me.”

Joey listened to the accusations without showing any emotions. His mouth only once twitched.

"I won’t let you steal anything else.”

As a confirmation of his words, he turned around and headed for the door. When he pressed the handle, a cold, empty tone reached his ears and sent a shiver down his spine.

"Don’t you dare leave.”

Henry ignored it and walked out of the room. He was aiming his steps at the exit.

He felt as if his head was burning.

This is all wrong. How did they end up like this. Why is it hap-

"WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!”

Against his will, his body faced the man following him.

Green eyes emitted fury and Henry experienced an irrational fear.

Of course he was mad. This was a hard situation for both of them. But it had to be like this.

It shouldn’t have to.

"I’m leaving. You can’t change my mind.” he replied in apologetic tone, even though he knew he wasn’t the one owning the apologies.

"What the fuck did she put into your head?” Joey asked in a disappointed tone and raised his arms in confusion.

"Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with-"

"Oh, yeah?! Well, everything was okay before she started putting her fucking nose in places it didn’t belong,” taller man approached the shorter one, who was backing out carefully.

"I just told you to not involve her,” Henry growled, "You don’t even realise you’re the problem, don’t you?”

"Ah, of course!” he shouted and hit his forehead with right hand, completely forgetting they were in the hall where anyone passing could witness this scene. Luckily for them no one was there to see it.

Or maybe unfortunately.

"I forgot that three is a crowd.”

"What…?”

Joey immediately stopped and went silent. He was standing right in front of Henry, who also was done moving. Both of them were panting.

Both angry like they’ve never been.

A realization hit Henry like a train. He opened his eyes wide.

He was wrong. Many years from that moment he understood what was actually… the case…

But for now…

"You’re fucking sick,” now he took a step forward, "Just how controlling can you get?”

"What is that now, huh? What else have I done?”, Joey muttered but his tone seemed to have lost some fury, the loss being replaced with… fear?

That came to Henry as nothing else but a conclusion. Guilty.

He grabbed his best friend by the collar.

"You want to pull me away from her,” he hissed and his voice wasn’t ever as dangerous as in that moment.

Joey didn’t reply but his expression revealed his bewilderment and that somehow made Henry’s blood boil with rage. He rapidly pushed him away, long legs almost tripping over each other.

"You’re fucked in the head.”

"Henry-"

"I can’t believe I let you waste so much of my time, my energy… my… my life…”

"Listen to me-"

"No,” he cut him off and pushed again along with letting out a furious cry: "What the hell were you thinking?!”

"It’s not like this!” Joey noticed Henry getting ready to push him once more and tried to somehow stop his hands.

"Then how, huh?!” he went straight past Joey’s weak arms and grabbed him again, "How is it?!”

"I was just… I-I…” now he was the one pushing, anger suddenly kicking in and increasing his strength, "I was doing what had to be done to achieve our dreams!”

"Our dreams?” then Joey was the one backing out, "Or just yours?”

"I… I thought those were the same,” voice coming out from under the pencil moustache cracked.

"Well… maybe they were…” the animator’s tone calms down a bit as they reached an intersection of corridors. Behind Joey’s back was a place under construction which was going to be a break room. It was kinda upsetting Henry won’t even get to experience it. Would be nice… but at his position he probably wouldn’t even have a chance, "But not anymore.”

He held Joey’s vest with only one hand. He was ready to let go but-

"THEY ARE! IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING SLUT!”

Something red covered Henry’s vision. He didn’t know what was happening until he heard a loud thud. He blinked.

There was a smell of blood. His hand hurt and was wet. Blood on his hand. But what was that-

Again. Thud.

His eyes followed the noise.

There was a small trace of red dots leading to the beginning of the stairs.

Thud.

His chest suddenly felt heavy.

If he had air in his lungs, he would scream his friend’s name.

But he didn’t.

There was only one sound.

Thud.

And then silence.

A few seconds have passed before Henry finally moved. To him it could have been as well years. His legs felt like they were made out of iron.

Joey never realized he fell down the stairs. He was unconscious before he even fully registered being punched in the face by the person he only ever cared about.

For some reason there was one thing he remembered from that accident. Very clearly.

A sign he saw while the world was upside down.

"WATCH YOUR STEP”

Henry’s eyes stung. Hot tears rolled down his cheek as he watched the body at the bottom of the stairs. He would have sworn to God, he didn’t see it breathing.

Someone was coming.

People.

They will know.

Everyone will know.

Henry whispered a voiceless "sorry”.

He left in a heartbeat.

✪

There’s not enough air. There’s not enough air. There’s not enough air. There’s not-

Henry.

There were flashes.

Joey woke up in cold sweat and wanted to sit but wasn’t able to and it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt like hell.

There was light. Right above him.

And a face.

Henry?

It was a doctor.

The doctor told him many funny things.

Why was it funny?

Well, because it was a joke, of course! It just couldn’t be true! So it must have been a joke!

It! Was! So! Funny!

He was in a hospital. There were more people in the room, trying to calm him down.

They said he was having a hysteria attack.

How was that possible? It was not.

They’re joking!

They’re lying!

Isn’t joking just funny lying?

He didn’t feel his legs. He couldn’t use his arms properly.

They told him he had a spine injury. That he probably won’t be able to walk. Or at least not much, unless he’s really lucky. But they should focus on saving his arms.

They were so silly.

They said he won’t make it for too long. His body was so fragile right now, it was a matter of months until it shuts down completely.

So, so silly.

He asked for Henry.

Nobody told him anything except for that he had a concussion and shouldn’t have any visitors for a while.

Time passed. He barely noticed from all the drugs they gave him.

Then his head started to feel clearer.

He realized they weren’t lying.

He told them he didn’t remember what happened.

He was the one lying.

He was having visitors. Henry was not among them.

But there was the janitor.

The janitor…

Oh!

Franky!

Like a cute version of Frankenstein!

No, wait, it’s Wally!

Wally Franks. The janitor. A really important visitor.

Joey asked him for a favour.

✪

Wally looked around with confusion and scratched his head. He rang the bell again and held it for a longer while. Then he knocked and shouted out Henry’s name a few times.

Well, time to give up. He obviously wasn’t home. His car wasn’t even on the driveway.

Mister Drew just seemed… it just seemed really important to him. And he didn’t want to bring bad news to him, considering the situation his boss was in.

Speaking of the news, there was a stack of newspapers just laying on the pavement.

No one was there since a longer time.

The janitor didn’t need to count them to know the amount of days it took to deliver these was equal to the amount of days which passed since… the incident.

He even asked some people.

No one knew where Henry was. Same about Linda.

Something was telling Wally they were out of town.

Probably for good.

✪

He let out an unhealthy chuckle after he was done writing the letter.

Why does he keep doing it? No one even reads those. And never will.

Without knowing Henry’s current address, he just kept sending mail to his old one. No one lived in it anymore because it wasn’t for sale and it couldn’t be even considered a property belonging to the town, because they’ve got nothing on him.

That’s because Joey never made any statements about what happened. He faked a memory loss. Some people speculated about him remembering what happened, some tried talking to him about it, pointing out how his disappearance happened at the same time his accident did.

But he didn’t tell anyone.

Police would have to start looking for him. He could ruin his life.

And ruin what was left of his own life. But that would also take away his only achievement.

The studio. The characters they argued about amongst other things.

If he took out Henry’s trash, his old friend would probably return the favour.

He couldn’t move his legs at first but after some rehabilitation he managed to use crutches from time to time. On rare occasions he stood with a cane but didn’t really move with it.

His arms were really weak, but got stronger after he started using the wheelchair. Only the dominant left one was really usable though.

✪

The demon touches his glove with the uncovered right hand. His whole body is cold but this part seems almost comfortable.

✪

He sometimes was coming to the art department to watch the animators work. He has hired many after-

He never really paid attention to them though. The only desk he really looked at was the empty one outside the area they were working in.

Despite everything, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of it.

✪

Old man pants heavily as he escapes inky black stains whirling all around him. He reaches a corridor without a proper floor, only wooden boards put together in hurry to make a provisional bridge.

He can hear the Ink Demon closing in.

Henry takes his steps carefully. Falling would probably cause him to break his spine in half.

He thinks of the vertebrae sticking out of the deformed Bendy’s back.

He notices a sign at the end of the hallway. It’s upside down.

"WATCH YOUR STEP”

[dorkyungsoowrites]

Fatal Ties Ch. 4

Pairings: Baekhyun x You

Genre: Angst/Smut/Fluff | Mafia AU

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.6k

Description: Your first real conversation with Baekhyun, and final negotiations.

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | The Ending |

The preparations had been done. Jongdae was going to oversee the club as management while you were gone. He had confirmed there was no breach in security and told you Baekhyun had simply walked around the house the night before. Listening to music with headphones. Sometimes sitting down. So how did he know about your affair? It didn't make sense, but you couldn't dwell on it that night. That night was the last meeting before the peace contract was finalized. You had to focus.

"Put the chips down," you drawled. Baekhyun dropped the bag he was holding on the floor. You rolled your eyes, but smirked when he started following you. You walked to the front door. As you put on a jacket he stuck to your heels.

"Where are you going?"

"Dinner with your parents." You faced him and straightened his shirt collar. "You'll behave while we're out, won't you?"

"I'm coming with you?" His bright smile was endearing. He was so excited to be with you. One day away from you and he was like a puppy with seperation issues. It was kind of adorable.

"Get your jacket. It's cold outside. I'll be waiting in the car."

"Y-yes boss."

"Kyungsoo, keep beside him tonight. Make sure he stays in line."

"Do I get a reward if I'm good?" He really was a puppy, you mused. You could entertain the idea of rewarding him at least. New pets needed to get settled and comfortable after all.

"We'll see." Baekhyun did a mini celebration as you walked out the front door. He joined the backseat of the car not long after you and the driver took off. You sighed softly and stared out the tinted windows.

"What's wrong?" Baekhyun questioned quietly.

"Nothing," you lied. "I just like car rides. It's peaceful."

"I've always hated long car rides. You're stuck in a small space for hours."

"Do we have anything in common?" you asked monotonously.

"Sure," he whipped back quickly. "We're both drop dead gorgeous." Through the reflection you saw him smiling at you. He snagged his lip with his teeth, looking away. The smile dimmed. When he spoke again his voice was hushed. "Will you ever not hate me?"

"Maybe. Depends."

"On what?"

"I don't know. Just depends. Right now you're interrupting my only rest time."

"Indulge me. Please?" He pouted. Meeting your eyes in the reflection. You felt a small tug in your chest.

"Sure. What?"

"Well my parents will know something's up if you don't know anything about me. Why don't we talk?"

"I already know about you and your family."

"Then tell me about you. When did you take over the business?"

"Three years ago."

"What's your favorite movie?"

"Don't watch movies." Baekhyun gasped like he was scandalized.

"That's mission number one! Movie nights. Video games?"

"I don't have time."

"Do you do anything for fun?"

"Baking. Sex."

"You have time for sex but not video games?"

"Sex is better."

"Not all the time," he scoffed. "Do you know how much strategy goes into games? The action? It's an adrenaline rush. Have you ever killed an entire horde by yourself?"

"Does a dozen guards count?" Baekhyun looked away.

"Oh...right...you actually...do that."

"Have you ever killed before?"

"N-no..." He was whispering at that point.

"And yet you claim to be the best at espionage in your family."

"I seduce people. I don't have to resort to that. I count that as better. Less mess."

"Had sex so many times it lost its appeal?"

"No," he answered. "And I don't always sleep with my targets. But the foreplay is so boring now and that's half the fun gone."

"You enjoy the chase?"

"Oh yeah. Nothing better than finally cracking someone's walls."

"How long before you give up on mine?"

"You're far too fun. When you finally give in it'll be..." he trailed in thought. Searching for a word in his head to fit best. "Explosive. My magnum opus if you will." You chuckled spitefully.

"You're just a kid."

"I run a quarter of our business," he shot back. "Or, I did, until your contract."

"Do you resent me for that?"

"Truthfully? I hated working for my dad. Coming here was the best assignment that ever happened to me. No brothers, no parents. Just play house with a--" Baekhyun hesitated. "Do you prefer beautiful or handsome?" You turned further to hide the heat rising up your face. He cared enough to ask.

"Either," you replied quietly.

"A beautiful, successful, badass person it is then. I want to learn from you despite what you think. I'm not just here because my parents forced me. No matter what you think, I actually want this marriage. That's why I was upset when you said I'd hardly see you. Sure I could live out my days in my own corner of your manor with anything I could buy, fuck, inject or smoke, but where's the intrigue? Where's the danger? Where's the rush?"

"I don't have time to deal with you. I don't trust your intentions either."

"A smart move, but you should trust me. We'll be married soon. I'll be bound to you by law. When people come after you it'd be good to have someone you can rely on."

"Bound by law," you mocked with a scoff. "I break at least a dozen laws every day. I don't need saving."

"That's not what I said. What if someone infiltrates your security, or a deal gets compromised? Everyone around you could be at your throat. Who will you confide in to get answers?"

"Everyone is always at your throat, Baekhyun," you answered tiredly. "That's the job."

"Then you're doing it wrong."

"Don't you dare tell me how to run my business," you growled. Baekhyun recoiled, staring at his hands in his lap.

"Sorry." You sighed, watching his reflection in the window.

"You give in too easily."

"Aren't I supposed to listen to you?"

"Only me," you confirmed. "Or else people will think you're spineless." A heavy silence came over the car. One you felt the need to break. So you softened your tone. "How's your head?"

"Oh," he perked, touching a hand to the bandage on his temple briefly. "Much better. No headache today."

"Good."

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"Talking to me." You bit back a smile and looked past his reflection in the tinted glass. You were almost to the restaurant.

"Anything I might not have read that I should know about your parents before dinner?" Baekhyun hummed in thought.

"Don't let business be the first conversation. My father is direct, but my mother prefers traditional small talk. Is this the first time you're seeing her face?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm sure she bought a new designer dress of some sort. Try complimenting that."

"Understood."

"She's pretty shallow, but my father is harder to impress. Although whatever you did to get him to agree to this contract already got his attention so don't try too hard. He'll think you're plotting something."

"What if I am?"

"Then...um...don't be obvious?" Glancing, he was blushing and scratching the back of his head. His rosy cheeks staying your gaze a few seconds longer. You bit the inside of your lip. He was rather cute flustered like that.

"You don't care if I'm plotting against your family? The one we're brokering peace with by having this wedding?"

"I care, but...well, whatever it is, they have it coming. We all do."

"Even you?"

"Especially me," he smiled. When he did he raised his eyes and your breath caught in your throat. You had to admit he was handsome. A kind sort of attractiveness that lured people in. Gave them false security. You knew better than his past victims. You knew he was danger. Though you did your best to remain neutral on the outside.

"So if you woke up to a knife at your throat one night what would you do?"

"Depends on who's holding the knife."

"Me."

"Then I'd disarm you and kiss you."

"Good luck with that."

"The fight for the knife or the kiss?"

"We're here, boss." The driver announced. The car came to a stop.

"Thank you Chanyeol," you replied and opened the door. "Enjoy a nice dinner anywhere around here on me. I'll call with enough warning for you later tonight."

"Thanks boss. Enjoy your meal," he grinned broadly. You smiled back. You couldn't help it. He was one of the kindest people you had met in this profession. He was always good to you and went the extra mile without asking. He was loyal and passionate to a fault in getting you around safely every day. He even created a little code for you to use whenever going somewhere that was surprisingly effective. Since you were secretive about the business you conducted it proved useful to warn him without telling him much. If you told him about a 'boring meeting' that meant the destination wasn't hostile. If you knew there would be trouble you would mention allergies. It's saved you quite a few shattered windows and busted tires. Something Chanyeol appreciated considering his affection towards keeping the cars he drove you in immaculate. You felt the need to pamper him a little for his hard work. And he loved being pampered. Buying him fancy food and expensive suits every now and then. Okay, maybe the last car you bought was one he had ranted to you about on a particularly long drive. But it was all to better your business, you shrugged off when he asked. That car was only taken out of the garage on frivolous trips like that one to dinner. It was too sleek and modern to blend in for most missions you went out on.

The two other men followed you inside the restaurant after that. Kyungsoo stuck to Baekhyun's heels as ordered, and Baekhyun to yours like a frightened child. You subtly rolled your eyes and gave your name to the host. If Baekhyun couldn't even find his courage facing his parents how were you supposed to trust him with jobs? He was turning more and more into an accessory on your arm. It was disgusting. A trophy husband. How dull. If you were going to be stuck with someone the rest of your life you'd prefer they at least challenge you on some level. If not bravery or strength then intelligence. Anything. Fate wasn't on your side it seemed. Perhaps you could just lock him away in the back of the manor and buy him new toys every now and then. Keep him on a nice leash so he didn't do anything stupid. Be a good puppy.

A waiter led you to the back of the establishment where a wall of curtained off booths sat. One was opened, waiting for the rest of its party. Three people spotted you and stood to greet you. Two were an older couple. The man had a tuxedo on, the woman a long sequined green and gold dress. Clearly expensive. Clearly on one with bad taste. The yellow made her skin look sickly even under all the layers of make-up. Although she was still beautiful. She didn't look her age. Neither of them did, but she had the same eyebrows as Baekhyun. One glance and you could tell she was the same. No role in the business. A trophy wife. No need to cater to her as Baekhyun stressed. The third person you assumed was a guard like Kyungsoo. Although closer up you realized you were wrong. The wire framed glasses around his intense eyes weren't for show. He had a similar build to Baekhyun except this man clearly worked out every day. His grey suit fit snugly to his frame. Young looking. A sibling? You heard both Baekhyun's siblings were half brothers. Same dad, different moms. Baekhyun was the outlier with his mother in front of you, but a different dad. He was born before they got married. Perhaps that was it. The beginning of his life Baekhyun was raised outside of all of this shady business. It explained why he was more innocent.

"Mom, dad," Baekhyun moved in front of you to bow as the couple did the same. You also bowed. "It's good to see you again."

"Oh, sweetheart let me see your head," his mom worried. As he playfully reassured her you shook hands with the dad. After he released your hand he nodded and ushered everyone to sit down. The mysterious man went on the far side of the horse-shoe booth followed by the mom and dad. Baekhyun took the spot beside the stranger, leaving the two household heads on the end where it was easiest to leave quickly if necessary. Kyungsoo faced away from the table after closing the curtains to be on lookout. Within earshot but out of the conversation.

"Who's he?" you questioned bluntly. The father motioned to the man so he would know to speak.

"My name is Minseok. I'm Baekhyun's older brother and legal consultant for my family. I'll be dealing with the contract being negotiated here tonight." As soon as you had the confirmation you noticed his jawline was the same as his fathers. Knowing he was a lawyer, you needed to antagonize him. Crack the polite mask to get a feel for his personality.

"That's what it was," you realized aloud. "I knew your sharp gaze reminded me of something. That, Baekhyunnie, is what we call a corrupt lawyer with no morals. A pig, if you will." Minseok's eyes narrowed at you while Baekhyun gaped.

"I'm a fair and good lawyer," the older male argued.

"A fair lawyer who deals with the mafia? Ah yes, you must be an angel. My mistake. Don't talk bullshit to me."

"I'd watch your tongue if you want me to defend you or your employees in court one day."

"You don't give a shit if we rot in jail. You wouldn't care if your own parents went to the chair. You're dead inside."

"I've won over thirty cases," he snapped. There was a glint in his dark eyes. A rage he kept tempered under a cold veneer. Voice cutting through your jabs without flinching. "All defending worthless degenerates like you."

"Why not defend someone worthy then?"

"Too easy." You bit your bottom lip and hummed, gaze raking up and down his person. That's what you wanted. Someone with fire and strength. Someone who sought challenge. Those were the people who would do anything to accomplish their goal. The passionate ones. Minseok needed to be yours, you decided. You might need his services if trouble comes up in the future. It was far better than your failsafes at the moment.

"It's okay, sweetie," his mother cooed. "They're just testing you." You smirked. She was a trophy wife, but at least she wasn't an idiot. "Now if you got what you wanted can we please move on to the wedding?"

"Of course," you answered. The waiter came to take orders. Baekhyun put a hand on your thigh and leaned over to whisper while his parents were distracted.

"Baekhyunnie? Are you trying to kill me? And flirting with Minseok? What's your game here?" Your own fingers inched up his thigh before giving a gentle squeeze. He tensed under you.

"Remember to behave for that reward tonight," you whispered back. Both of your hands retracted from the others' leg at the same time. You saw his adams apple bob as he leaned back and nodded submissively. The rest of you ordered and once the waiter was gone Baekhyun's mother pulled out a legal pad and pen. She already had phone numbers and lists mapped out. Clearly she was the only one excited about this wedding. It had been under planning for a week already, but you'd hardly done anything.

"So we have everything ready to set up the ceremony in our backyard and have the reception at one of our hotels. That way we keep it to family and close friends. You know, private. I booked a caterer since we already had some connections. No video on your request, but our cousin offered to take formal photos after the ceremony for traditions sake."

"You're very good at organizing events," you complimented with a practiced, small smile. "I greatly appreciate all your help." She giggled and grinned back.

"Oh, I do it all the time for our hotel guests. Never you mind, dearie. There's only a few things left undone now. The cake? Do you have preferences?"

"I already hired a wonderful baker," you assured.

"Oh good. No worries then. What about flower preferences?"

"For myself or as decoration?"

"Both."

"I suppose I always liked the idea of lillies in a bouquet, and whatever Baekhyun wants elsewhere." His posture straightened beside you at attention while his mom jotted down more notes.

"Oh, um, I-I don't know about flowers," he chuckled nervously. "Anything colorful I guess."

"Don't worry, dear. I'll take care of it. I think I can guess what you like." His mom's reassuring words relaxed him. The waiter came with drinks and dashed off again. "And now, your dress." You picked up your water glass and timed your reply to be just before you sipped.

"I won't be wearing one." All eyes went to you, but his mom seemed to be the only one taken aback. His father kept a cool aloofness to his expressions, and Minseok quirked an eyebrow as if intrigued. "I don't like dresses."

"Well...um...alright, I suppose," she responded slowly. Processing the information. "Not everyone wears dresses these days. A tuxedo then?" She was trying, you had to admit. It was sweet. You smiled warmly across the table.

"I already own one, if that's alright."

"Of course," she chirped. "So long as the ties match."

"Done."

"People will have a hard time deciding which of us is more handsome," Baekhyun joked lightly, laughing.

"What do you mean?" Minseok scoffed, smirking. "Clearly you're the flowery one." Baekhyun did have slightly softer features. You briefly wondered if he ever did drag before. The mother swatted Minseok's shoulder and scolded him to be polite.

"Lastly," she picked back up. "The honeymoon. Obviously you can't go away for too long because of your business. I was thinking a nice weekend in Greece."

"Thank you for the thoughtfulness, but it's highly unnecessary," you replied. "I won't be leaving my work for any length of time."

"Not even a weekend?" she pouted. "How will you celebrate your marriage? Is work all you do?" She seemed to be totally oblivious to the fact you weren't madly in love. There was nothing to celebrate besides the ending of the mindless slaughter between two gangs. You didn't have the temperament to play romance with a man you didn't care anything for.

"Yes."

"Won't you at least consider it? A few days won't hurt any--"

"Enough," you interrupted, clipped. "I said no honeymoon. I don't have time for frivolous travels."

"Well..." The woman pulled back and set the pen down, putting away the notepad dejectedly. "That's that then. Everything on my side is done. Dear, I believe it's your turn to handle them." She was upset, but knew her place at least. You were grateful for that. The perks of marrying into the mafia as opposed to being breed in its culture, you suppose. You were forced to submit quickly. You decided not to wait for the father to speak. This part was more your style. This kind of negotiating you could handle. You loved it, in fact. And this would be a fun challenge since he also had years of experience intimidating others to twist a deal in his favor.

"First, no more animosity towards my people. Once we're married we share territory. We'll be family, after all. I don't want to see any more blood spilled. Second, I want your son Minseok to work for us. Call it insurance. Third, we open distributing lines to all parties. Right now I have buyers that would love to get their hands on your merchandise, but they don't trust you. I'm sure you have the same problem."

"No." It was simple. He was going to be impossible to bargain with. You waited for him to explain himself. Make a counter offer. Minseok had taken out his own notepad and was writing shorthand to keep up with everyone to record the deals being offered. "Our family stays together. Isn't it enough you're taking Baekhyun?"

"Taking?" the man beside you scoffed. "You practically hurdled me at them. You couldn't wait to get rid of me. It was the next best thing to disowning me." His father glared and Baekhyun shrunk away.

"It's okay Baekhyunnie," you responded calmly. "I only meant to share resources. We get use of a capable lawyer for consulting or defense, and you can use my people as well."

"Killers?"

"Cleaning crew," you corrected. "Very skilled, very thorough, cleaning crew."

"Practical or electronic?" So he needed hackers? That was interesting to know.

"Both." His face shifted from a blank expression for the first time that night; a smirk.

"Now we're getting somewhere." That's when you knew you had the upper hand. You were already willing to share resources, but now he thinks he's getting the better end of a bargain. Present obvious conditions no one would disagree to, then sprinkle in the real tools you wanted. Make it appear as though you're stretching your limits to please them so they don't get suspicious. That was your plan, and it was working perfectly. He believed you were compromising. And no one else knew what you were thinking since you never revealed your strategies. The cards were being dealt, but the players failed to see you were the dealer and not one of them.

Let the games begin.

[babykpopsweets]

Truthful Blood

| anon reqeusted |

Is your requests still open? I want to request a Mafia AU with Minseok/Xiumin when he is a gang leader and then he finds out that his s/o is also the leader of their rival gang/group. And I'll leave the rest to you because I believe in your creativity. Make it Angsty & w/ a very fluffy ending please.. 😚 T H A N K Y O U~ 💜💜💜

Y/G/N = ya gangs name

UNEDITED

—-

‘Information not found’

The file said as Xiumin tried to scoop up some info on the leader of his rival mafia gang leader.

“What the hell?! This person literally has nothing on them. Ughhhhh” Xiumin groaned as he started to try a new route of figuring it out.

“What are you doing baby?” You questioned while rubbing his shoulders.

“I am trying to find out who the leader is for our rival mafia gang that keeps interfering with us. But there is literally nothing at all for them to be found.” Xiumin sighed and then kissed your hand.

“Do you need help?” You offered your assistance as you knew he might want it.

“Deeply. You can try your best; not even Suho nor Lay could find a lick of info on them.”

“You see Xiumin, I know a lot more people then you think I do.”

“Uh, I do not know how to feel about that.”

“Thas a good signal then. By the way I need to tell you something. I just don’t know when I will maybe not today cause’ you seem a little... busy.”

“Hm? Oh yeah haha real funny. Y/N I love you and you know that so take your time to tell me whatever it is.”

“Thank you. And I think you should get off the conputer it’s 12:39 pm. I think you should rest it off.”

“Seriously? Aish, I guess I could try and catch some Z’s.”

“You better!”

—————————————————————

The morning came around quicker then Xiumin would have expected. His eyelids were very heavy as he tried waking up. He bolts his hand to block his face from the blazing sun. Xiumin looks next to him and sees you aren’t there. How weird? You are always there when he wakes up. If anything he was the one leaving before you awoke. He just dusted it off thinking you were probably grocery shopping.

Xiumin rose out of bed and went to the bathroom. He took and a shower came out then brushed his teeth. After he finished getting ready he peeked his head outside the bedroom door to see if you were around. Still not here? Grocery shopping doesn’t usually take this long. He takes out his phone and dials you number. Only hoping you’ll pick up.

‘The number you have tried to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.’

*beep*

“Y/N-ah where are you?! Call me back as soon as you hear this. Please.”

He hung up the phone and sighed loudly. As he was about to start making breakfast, a message came through to his computer. Xiumin takes a glance at the name lf the person. It seemed like the rival gangs official number. But how? He never had any information on them and suddenly he has the contact. Then reality hit him hard.

How come every time something happened with the other gang you were never here?

How come the morning after he said he had trouble finding info to you a message came rolling in?

Were you somehow in an alliance with the opposing team?

Upon realization, Xiumin knew that he didn’t have much time to think of a plan. He would have to hurry and try to make you confesses before it was too late.

Just 30 minutes after you came in. He was quick to hide some where he could see you but you couldn’t seem him. He might’ve seemed like a stalker right now but this was vital. Xiumin watched as you closed the door and hung up your keys. You looked around for him and called out for his name once.

“Xiumin baby?” You yelled out looking at your surroundings.

It seemed like the coast was clear. You reached into your mini velvet bookbag and pulled out your phone. You dialed a number then put it to your ear to speak. Xiumin pulled his computer on his lap and hacked into your phone so he could hear the conversation through his ear piece.

“Hey~ I think Xiumin left the house already. :c” You said into the phone.

“So when are you going to tell him?” The other person immediately asked firmly.

“You see I don’t know. He’ll hate me if he found out I am leader of his rival mafia gang. And on top of that he’ll think I am trying to use for info or whatever. I really love him I don’t want to lose him.”

“Ah yah! You have to tell him soon. The later you tell him the worse the consequences.”

“You are right. All this time I haven’t ever even thought about telling him. Maybe I should. I am going to call him now thanks bye!”

You hung up the phone.

You grunted at the thought of Xiumin practically hating you. This wait any longer though. It’s best for the truth to come out now rather then later. Before you could call him, Xiumin emerges from the shadows. Seeing his angry face you knew he heard everything.

“Oh Xiumin! D-did you by any chance hear all of that?”

“How could you?”

“I am sorry. I was leader of a mafia gang and I fell in love. With you. Then right when I was going to confess this to you our gang clashed.”

“You are a filthy liar Y/N. I can’t believe I practically gave you all of EXO’s information and you backstab me.”

“Look I am not a liar! I just didn’t tell you about it I never said I didn’t own a gang or something. But saying that doesn’t justify what I did.”

“You are probably just here for the information! You never cared did you? It was all for the stupid dirty cash you want right?!”

“Woah woah woah. I never said any of that! Did you or did you not just hear my conversation?! I said I loved you and that if I told you about this you would hate me. And I would hate myself too!”

“well you were right then. I do hate you. You betrayed me. And I don’t want to see you right now.”

“Fine. I’ll leave then.”

Right as you were storming out of that joint, you remembered you had bought Xiumin something. You stopped dead in your tracks and reached in your bookbag. You pulled out the IPhone X and placed it on the table. You knew Xiumin had broke his phone recently on a mission so you felt bad about it. Thus you bought a new one. After it was safely on the table you walked out not looking back once.

The door slammed shut and Xiumin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He softly made his way to the phone. Upon opening the case a paper appeared. He out the top down; he opened the letter to reveal a whole paragraph.

~

Xiumin-ah,

I am truly deep down inside sorry. I kept the fact that I am the mafia leader of your rival gang for sooo long. Too long to be exact. I didn’t mean or want to cause any harm to you nor EXO members. If you could be so kind as to forgive me. This isn’t a kiss up either! It’s just my way of showing I truly care. <3

~

Xiumin felt a salty warm tear rush down his face. He went a tad bit overboard. You were going to tell him everything but you were too scared? Why? He could never hate you. hate. Hate. HATE. At that second he progressed what he had said to you in order for you to leave. He said he hated you. That wasn’t true, Xiumin knew that. Did you know that?

The only person he truly hated right now was himself. He never bothered to hear you out completely.

“I’ve gotta go after her.” He whispered to himself as he grabbed his computer to look at your location.

You were at a random place which he assumed was your other mansion from your mafia. He grabbed his keys and blasted out of there.

-

Many awful thoughs crossed Xiumins mind at the time. None of them were really as important as how bad he felt. He knows you messed up yet he did himself too. He didn’t give you even a second to explain.

Two minutes later he arrived at this big luxurious mansion. Xiumin shut his car off, locked it, and went to your door. There was no answer at the door when he knocked so he rang the door bell. Nothing. He stood there while his heart dropped to his feet. Xiumin wished he could take back what he said. He didn’t givenup though and knocked once more. There wasn’t an answer still.

Drip drip...

Great. It was drizzling now. And he was waiting outside your door like a fool. More then likely he will get sick from this but he’d do anything for you because he is a fool that is in love with you. Only you, no one else would ever cross his mind. To Xiumin no one in this world is conparable to you and how much you put up with him.

As he was sulking in his own saddness he heard the door unlock. Immediately his hope sprung up again. He raised his head to be greeted by the sight of your watery eyes.

“Don’t just stand there. You’ll get sick. Come in.” You said opening the door more.

“Thanks” Xiumin replied rushing in to get warm.

-

An awkward silence was present as Xiumin was taking a look around. It took him to break the silence.

“Look. I know I really messed up. But you have to know how important something like that is really.” Xiumin finally spoke dragging his feet towards you.

“Yeah I know. You didn’t need to come off like that though.���

“I know that too. Please forgive me. We can work this out. I just need you to be truthful with me.”

“...I am. I have too. It’s just never told you about one thing. I never lied about it or say I wasn’t. I just never told you anything.”

“Fair enough. You have to be mire OPEN with me. I need to know what’s happening in your life in order to live mines correctly. I am nothing without you Y/N. I love you.”

“I love you too Xiumin and I promise to be more expressive and open with you.”

Xiumin took advantage of this moment of forgiveness and locked your lips together. After that you both discussed what to do with your seperate mafias. It took an hour but you both agreed to join forces.

Months later the EXO and Y/G/N became the strongest gang to ever come on the sceen. Maybe uncovering some secrets is for the best. In some cases at least.

~~~~

Alrightyyyy so sorry this took so long but I hope you like it. I hated this but whatever I tried my best. Enjoy!

-Jamz

[dontcheckthis-blog]

A Dragon’s Heart - Part 2

Kris Hybrid!AU/Kris X Reader

Summary: Known as the greatest warrior to have ever lived. A prince and a soldier, he will do anything to protect what’s his. Especially for the love of his life, you. But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t know that there is a secret between you and the king.

(Note: this is part of the hybrid series by @suhitos-peaches ( @oh-beyond writing blog) which y’all should read and check out ‘cause it is freakin’ awesome, her stories are amazing! I’ll be taking up on Kris’ hybrid story and just gonna remind that uh…this is my first time making an X Reader story so I apologize in advance for my lack of skills here, but i hope you’ll enjoy the story and if you have any feedbacks, questions and whatnot, don’t hesitate to come and talk to me, don’t be shy my friends! Don’t hesitate to tell me what you think of the story and here it is, enjoy the part 1 of A Dragon’s Heart🐉)

@suhitos-peaches Hybrid Series Masterlist

Part 1 - Part 3

Opening his eyes, the first thing he sees is a dim light shining slightly on him. He figured it was the sun so he went back to sleep, not in the mood to move nor can he actually move at all since he was trapped in a damn tower anyway. He could get out of the tower and just crawl around but he was never to be seperated from it.

He couldn’t get out of this. He wanted to but it was impossible to do so. He’s cursed to stay in this form and stay in this wretched tower, trapped forever....

Or maybe....

A young man was wandering around the area. Looking around and enjoying the breathtaking nature around him. The slight breeze hitting through him as he continues to walk around, hoping to encounter it.

So many people he has heard it from. They all said the same thing. A mythical creature living around the area, hidden from the rest of the world and if you’re lucky, you could be able to encounter it. Only by following some certain tracks as well as the changing of the weather, you could be able to possibly see it.

Since he’s turned into a dragon, he of course had the strong senses of the mythical creature, as well as the strong sense of smell. And for sure, a strong smell hit his nostrils. Then he heard a voice.

“Whao, it really is real...”

Yifan looked to the source of the unknown voice and sees a young man standing infront of him, shock and in awe.

Growling slightly, he glared at him moving slightly. The young man moved back, slightly afraid yet curious of the dragon. He hesitated, until he spoke up. “Uhhmm.....y-you’re real??” He didn’t really know what to say. Being so amazed at the fact that he just found a real dragon. Not just that, he found THE dragon from the stories or the rumors that he was told about.

Yifan couldn’t answer, only responding with a grunt and a snarl.

Real? Of course I am! I am real! What the hell do you mean I’m not?!

The young man flinched at his response, clearing his throat and staying in his ground. “O-okay...so I should maybe introduce myself, I-I’m Junmyeon.”

Yifan roared at him, annoyed at his actions. Whipping his long tail towards him as Junmyeon dodged and moved out of the way to avoid destruction, screaming slightly from the sudden action.

Get the hell out of my sight!

“I just wanted to see if you were real! I’m sorry! Please don’t kill me!” Junmyeon pleaded, stumbling back as Yifan stopped his movement.

Wait....what?

“I’m sorry! They told me you existed and such and I wanted to see for myself! They told me you were a warrior before then you were turned into a dragon! This was reckless of me and I’m very sorry!”

Will you shut up already?! You’re killing me here

“I-I’m sorry, I’ll shut up now.”

Y-You can.....understand me?

“Y-yeah, who couldn’t?”

That’s impossible, you can’t do that. I’m simply a mythical creature that can’t even talk like a human, some are lucky but I’m not. You hear my thoughts?

“Wait.....I’m hearing your thoughts? That’s.....strange.....I thought all majestic creatures such as yourself have the ability to talk and communicate like us.”

Well, I wasn’t lucky when I was transformed. My mouth is kept shut unless I am feeding or wanting show my emotions such as now

“It’s true then?! You were a warrior before you were transformed?!”

Honestly, how did you even find this damned place? You shouldn’t even be here, human

“First of all, my name is Junmyeon and I wanted to see if you existed.”

Well, now you have seen my existence, you may leave now. Get out before I break you in to two if you’d like that

“Just like that? I came here from a far away village, I might as well engage in an interesting conversation with a majestic creature like you and it’s only once in a lifetime I get to do this.”

You are very annoying, did you know that?

“Yes, I have known that. Very much so. Please, let me stay here for a while. After that, I’ll leave you alone. Forever. I promise.”

Yifan sighed deeply, for years he haven’t had any contact with anyone. All being trapped in the same tower and watching the sun set and the sky turn to night. All while thinking about what has happened and to you.

Fine.....might as well just take the chance....I have not communicated with anyone in a long time....

Junmyeon’s eyes widened in excitement. “Really?! Thank you! Thank you so much!” Yifan groaned again at his loud voice.

Please do not be loud then

“Ah, I apologize for that. I’m just excited to have the honor of talking to you.” Junmyeon chuckled, before sitting down and looking up at him. “What can I call you?”

Yifan, Wu Yifan

“You were turned by a witch then? Is it true?”

Yes, I believe so. Now I am cursed to be in this form and to live in this tower forever, I cannot escape. Even if I wanted to

“You sure about that? You can’t escape?”

No, I’m quite honest with that. If I did try to escape, I wouldn’t be here today. I would be in ashes by now if I went out of the line, or seperated by the hold of the tower

“There’s always a way for every curse to back out. I’m sure of it.”

What do you know about this anyway? Why bother?

“I’m telling you there is a way for you to get out of this, I’m sure of it. I just don’t know what kind of magic.”

I do not believe you

“Well....just believe me. Trust me, Yifan, you’ll transform back! You’ll be that warrior and prince that everybody loves!”

Hard to believe that. Ever since then, I’ve been feared. For my skills in battle as well as my merciless nature

“But everybody says you were the greatest warrior who’ve ever lived. You even sacrificed yourself for the war and then they said that you died but you didn’t, you came back and then-“

Enough. Please. If you’ve heard all of this and you believe it, don’t. It’s all lies

“Really? Then what about your love for the princess before? Was that a lie?”

What do you mean? How do you know so much?

“People from the village told me all about it. Especially your love for her, you loved her truly. Then I heard that she and the king are married now-“

Wait.....they’re....they’re married?

“Yes, they’re married now.....”

I....I see...

“Yifan, I can tell you want her back.”

She is happy now, I shouldn’t interfere with her current life. She’s loved the king for a long time. I was only a second choice for her

“Oh.......she never loved you?”

I do not know what to believe, she has told me before I left that she learned to love me as time passed by

“Wait, you left her? Why?! You could’ve-“

It is complicated, Junmyeon. Don’t bother yourself in it, it’s all in the past for a long time and she is happy now

Junmyeon sighs at his attempts to try and talk it out of him. He did understand Yifan’s situation before. Junmyeon is quick on reading him, he could tell that he wanted you back but Yifan is of course, stubborn and decided to go against his feelings. It’s already confirmed.

It’s been a year since you and the king married each other. You couldn’t tell what you were feeling anymore. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what to do. Did you still love the king? Did you love Yifan?

Yes. Yes, you did. You did love Yifan. You learned to. But you knew he wouldn’t forgive you and come back. Because of what happened.

You felt guilty, you couldn’t control yourself. The guilt stayed with you until now. And you know that it won’t leave you anytime soon, it will remind you. That you lost yourself that time. But most importantly, you lost him. Yifan. You lost him. And now, you were stuck here. With the king. Luhan.

He never forced or pressured you, he is still in love with you but even he felt guilty too of what happened. Especially since he was the one who started it. Things have changed now, especially him and you. You couldn’t look at each other anymore. It was difficult to when you were both reminded of what happened before.

And then something happened....

The king....

Luhan...

Soon became ill.

He became sick. But he tried to hide it. He didn’t want to tell anyone, especially you. He didn’t want you to worry about him nor did he want you to know about his illness. But it became unescapable when it started to affect his appearance.

He became paler and paler, coughing violently and trying to stop it. And the worst would be his appetite, he couldn’t eat anything. He slowly became weaker and weaker, until his energy was drained. You noticed then on the third day he got ill, he was paler than usual. But he told you that he was fine, there was nothing to worry about him, that it was just the stress overcoming him.

You didn’t believe him.

Choosing to stay close with him to keep an eye until he started to cough violently and you rushed to him. You held him with and called for help in the palace.

“Please! Someone help us!” You cried, Luhan saw a dark red liquid on his hand after coughing so much. The metallic taste lingering in his mouth, blood. Panting and wheezing slightly, then he slowly looked up at you, you can see the energy drained out of him and the blood on his hand, you feel the tears forming around your eyes. “Luhan, i-it will be okay, alright? We’ll-“ Luhan held your hand, giving you a weak smile.

“I-it’s okay.....” he whispers, feeling the consciousness slowly drifting away. You didn’t want him to ‘sleep’. You didn’t want him to close his eyes. “Luhan, please! Please don’t do this!” You begged, holding him close. You see his smile again before he closed his eyes.

“How is he?” You asked the doctor.

“I’m sorry, your majesty...” the doctor’s expression was already proof enough to her but......

“Tell me what is wrong with him. Tell me what I can do to help him. Please.” You pleaded, feeling the tears form around your eyes but you were fighting to keep them inside. The doctor looks at you with a sorrowful look in his eyes.

“He is....not well.”

“How long....does he have?”

“He does not.....have any much days left, your majesty....I’m truly sorry, I’ve done everything I can to try and prevent this but-“

“No.....I understand. Thank you for your kind help, I’ll be taking it from here. You may leave.”

The doctor gave an apology once again before bowing to you and leaving the palace. You went back inside the room where Luhan was in, the servants cleaning up and bowing to you as you entered in the room. “Thank you, you may all leave.” The servants brought all the things not needed and bowed again to you before leaving you alone in the room.

You went to the bed he was lying in, gently sitting beside his sleeping figure and softly caressing his hair as he was sleeping. You looked at him, the tears that were formerly around your eyes beginning to come more and more until one gets out and streams down your cheeks, falling onto his forehead.

It made him wake up and open his eyes, seeing you crying. Luhan reached for your hand, holding it gently as you held his back, now the emotions controlling you fully.

“Y/N.....I’ll be okay, please....don’t cry, love....” he pleaded, caressing your cheek and wiping the tears away. You leaned to his touch, closing your eyes in warmth and calm. “Luhan...I’m so sorry....I-I....-“

“No....don’t be....This is all my fault. For what happened, for everything. Years before. I stepped in and ruined everything between you and Yifan.....and for that...I am sorry....Y/N....”

You smiled weakly at him. “I’ll be here with you, okay? I promise, Luhan. I will be here with you, by your side.” You say as you leaned near him, kissing him gently and you feel him kissing you back with the warmth that you always loved ever since. 

You’ll always be here with him, until his possible end. 

The days slowly passed. You were grateful for that, maybe it was giving you a chance to be with him for a while to make time and spend it with him. His last days with you. But then, all of it came to a direct end. You witnessed it again, him coughing violently with blood on his hand and you rushed to him, helping him. You became afraid, knowing that this might be his possible end with you. He’ll soon leave you here, and you’ll have to take up his place. 

As you were by his side, the tears visible on your cheeks, he turned to you, smiling weakly as he did, trying to make you at ease. “Y/N-ah......Can we....take a small walk outside?” He asked you, his voice already weak and broken. You swallowed a lump in your throat as you nodded your head, helping him up and beginning to slowly walk with him. 

Looking at the falling snow, you held his hand in yours. You turned to him and you could see that he was beginning to tire out, walking slowly beside and slightly leaning at your shoulder. “Luhan....would you like to sit by the tree over there?” You ask him gently, trying to fight back the tears that were itching to come out of you again, Luhan smiled and nodded, following you to the bench under the tree. The all too familiar tree that the both of them know so well. Where they first met,the first time they laid eyes on each other. 

“Do you remember the time we met?” You ask him, squeezing his hand slightly and swallowing another lump in your throat. You feel him nod slowly against your shoulder. 

“The first time.....I saw you here.... under this tree..... you looked so beautiful....so full of joy and love.... you still are until now....always...” He added in, smiling at the fond memory of the both of you. You smiled, turning to him. GIving him a peck on the forehead, you held his hands. “Luhan.....you’ll be okay....you will be....” You gently say, Luhan breathing slowly in and out. 

“I’m....sorry.....for everything....Y/N....I.....” He inhales.

“...love....” He exhales.

“You...”

Luhan.....

Yifan.......

....I’m sorry.......

I love you.....

Always........

.Author’s Note: Part 2 is here finally.... i hope you liked the first part and the third part is coming up but it might be a while, i’ll try my best to make it fast and stuff. as always, feedbacks are always appreciated! Don’t hesitate to send me feedbacks, my friends! Have a great day!

[lazyneonrabbitt]

New kids on the North side. [Pt.3]

Sweet Pea x Reader [Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4] [Pt.5] [Pt.6]

North and South merge within Riverdale High’s walls. What’s the worst that could happen?

Tuesday morning, 7am.

Your alarm went off and you were not ready to face the day.

You crawled out of bed and draped yourself over the sink to freshen up.

The cold water worked miracles and you managed to get dressed and go downstairs to grab breakfast and start your morning routine of checking your social media before leaving.

You started with a quick scroll through the Instagram posts and stories, checked Twitter for some news and went over yout notifications on Facebook.

To your surprise, your friend request to Sweet Pea was accepted not much after you went to bed and you had likes on posts and pictures from way down on your timeline. Seems you weren't the only one who did some snooping around on their study partner, you were just more subtle.

Now the two of tou were friends, his page showed a lot more posts and info and of course you couldn't resist the urge to scroll around for a bit to see what this boy was like below the snakey skin.

Most of the pictures on his page were of him and his friends at the Serpent bar and other places around the South side, mixed with the occasional music video or dumb joke.

His likes had a bunch of movies and different genres of music, some of which you recognised. There were also some games which you knew, only by name because you heard the boys talk about it from time to time.

When you reached the end of his list of likes, you realised you had been scrolling quite a while and was supposed to leave for school ten minutes ago.

You quickly put on your shoes and grabbed your bag from the table and made your way to school, making it to your first class just before the second bell and sat down at the only empty spot, next to a pink haired girl who greeted you with a smile.

You had seen her before, yesterday during your run-in with Sweet Pea. You returned the smile and grabbed your books as the teacher began discussing today's material.

You flipped your notebook to an empty page and began writing the most important things down when a hand got to your paper and scribbled something on the side.

'So you and Sweets huh♡' Toni wrote down with a knowing smirk on her face.

'???' -You

'Ur the only northsider on his FB ;)' -Toni

She obviously knew more since she spent most of her day after school with Sweet Pea at the Wyrm yesterday.

'We're only sudy partners..' -You

She softly giggled, which caused the teacher to look your way as a warning.

She grabbed her pen again and continued scribbling 'Sweets <3 Greenie' with hearts all around it.

You were sure you hadn't shared your name with her yet, so you assumed she just saw your nickname on facebook through that becoming friends with Sweet Pea post.

You rolled your eyes at her and continued on your notes and eventually your assigned homework until class was over.

Sweet Pea and Fangs shared their first and second class and spent most of the time texting back and forth.

Most of the conversation was Fangs teasing Sweet Pea about how unlike him it was to even think about sharing his contact info with a North sider. No matter how many times Sweets eould tell him it was only for school, Fangs would keep replying with typical flirty highschooler comments and jokes about you and him. He was lucky that he was his best friend and one of the two onky people who could dare to make these kind of jokes without risking at least serious injuries.

After a bit Sweet Pea started getting texts from Toni as well and sighed in defeat, put his phone in his bag and ignored the two for now.

Having made it through the first few classes,you made your way to the cafetaria and sat down with some of your friends. Some minutes later one of them mentioned towards a boy making his way to your table and sitting down on the empty spot next to you.

You barely payed him any attention as you were just gonna check your facebook notifications, which included two new friend requests. One from Toni, the pink haired girl from your first class, and one from, oh. The guy who is currently sitting next to you.

You put away your phone and gave him a questioning look at which he smiled in return.

"It seems my friend likes you." He said surprisingly friendly.

"I guess you mean Sweet Pea?" You simply replied while getting weird looks from everyone at your table. "He's okay I guess. I just hope he isn't a no-show, we're supposed to study later." He raised his eyebrows and smirked as he got up again and made his way to where his friends were seated and Toni was doing her best not to laugh too obvious while looking your way.

The rest of your lunch break passed quickly and you started making your way to your locker just before the bell rang.

You put your last books in your locker and closed the door. You hadn't turned around yet or Chuck was at your side again, locking you in place against the lockers and making his usual florty comment which your friends usually saved you from. But now they weren't there since you didn't share your next class with them. Ignoring Chuck's gross comments, you tried to shove him asay from you, without any succes since he was way stronger thsn you, obviously. You couldn't stand him and made it very clear tou weren't interested but that didn't stop him from getting as close as possible to you at amy possible moment.

You were desperately looking around the hallway hoping to spot a familiar face who could get you out of this jock's grasp, when a group of leather clad kids walked closer. They seemed to have spotted you as well and you gave them a look begging for help, gesturing at Chuck, who kept getting uncomfortably closer to your face, whispering whatever gross things he could come up with.

After Fangs had gotten back to his table, the lot of them went outside for a quick smoke before class. Fangs kapt teasing Sweet Pea about his study date but Toni, though she loved thr idea of Joining Fangs in his teasing, had to admit that Sweets was the one doing better than them when it came to actually getting schoolwork done. Things weren't the same as on the South side. Here they'd actually get in trouble if they didn't do their work.

When the bell rang, they started making their way back inside to their next class that they shared with their North side partners.

Toni spotted you from a distance closing your locker, followed by all the Chuck drama, nudged Sweet Pea and gestured your way.

By now all three of them were looking your way and saw your look asking for help.

Sweet Pea only rolled his eyes and sighed as Toni nudged him your way in an attempt to get him to help you, to which he responded with a quiet "Fine." and walked over to you.

He stood besides Chuck, casually pulling his arm away from you, grabbing your hand and almost dragging you away from him and into the classroom where Toni and Fangs were already waiting at the door, smiling at how he two of you were still basically holding hands despite the somewhat longer walk from your locker to the classroom.

There was also the fact that the two of you indeed just walked through the halls and into class like that, for everyone's eyes to see. Realising this you both quickly pulled back your hands and stepped away from each other, only to realise what class this was and letting out a defeated sigh, while the two other serpents were almost on the floor laughing about their badass leader being a complete softie around this North side girl.

You both went to your seats and didn't say a word until around half of the class and you really should start working together again to get this part of the project done.

"Thanks." You said quietly gaining his attention.

"Toni made me do it." He sinply replied while he glanced over your notes. "Can I see those? I don't get how you do this so quick." He mentioned at your notebook which you gladly handed over, turning to the page where the notes on this chapter started. He flicked through the pages of your notes and his textbook, looking between them with a puzzled look. He turned another page in your notes and raised his eyebrows looking at you, pointing at the edge of a loose paper between the pages.

You quickly snatched he paper away and stuffed it into your bag. "Toni wrote that." You said, not daring to look him in the eyes.

Not untill he giggled. Of all the amused sounds he could make, he giggled. Soft eniugh to go unnoticed, but loud enough for you to hear. "Yea Fangs and Toni did that to me too. Just ignore them." He said with a genuine smile on his face. You continued to chat about how Toni had been teasing you this morning and how Fangs had been texting Sweets all morning and Toni joining later as well.

You laughed to yourself, "I'm sorry for you, dude." you were so glad your friends had barely said a word about it all and mostly just minded their own business.

"Yea thanks." He started and leaned in a bit closer. "I don't think studying at Pop's is gonna be a great idea, though." He clearly meant with how Toni and Fangs were acting, there was a high chance they'd make time to stalk the two of you just to check if their best friend wasn't secretly going on dates with a North side girl. That would be the perfect thing to tease him about or bribe him with for years.

You agreed, "We can go to my place? There's snacks and food." you had already thought about just going to your place for all the school stuff since no one was ever home anyways so there wouldn't be any other people to bother.

By the time your little chat about the two other Serpents' matchmaking tactics ended and you had planned a new study location, class had ended and you both went your seperate ways again and went through your next class.

You had Vixen try-outs and Sweet Pea had a free period that he spent with Toni outside on one of the benches, smoking and talking. Well, being teased again, as usual.

"Toni just stop it." He said as he flicked his Cigarette bud away.

"Come on Sweets! You can't tell me you're seriously only hanging out with her to study. Tou never cared about studying!" She practically shouted over the parking lot.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and sat her back down, hopefully also keeping her calm. "And what if I do like her?" He whispered. "In case you hadn't noticed yet, she's the only person besides Jughead who's treated us like normal people. Even the non-Serpent South side kids don't do that." He let go of her shoulders and turned away from her.

The two of them talked for quite a while, not noticing the bell had rang already.

Your class ended and you grabbed your stuff to go home. Walking outside you spotted Sweet Pea and Toni on the bench and walked over to them.

Toni greeted you, mostly to warm Sweets but also to be nice to probably the only girl who was gonna be able to help her when combining school and work was getting too much.

Sweet Pea quickly got his bad boy attitude back and greeted you looking very uninterested, you had already texted the details of your study locations to him so you said your goodbyes, quickly exchanging contact info with Toni and started walking home.

The other two staid behind for a while longer since Sweet Pea had his motorcycle and didn't want to arrive at your place before you.

Toni gave him a last encouraging pep talk and patted him on the back before he drove off, on his way to the first of many study dates.

[queencassiopeia6]

Take me back to the night we met .0

The next morning I did my fair share of traslating texts (I’m a linguist) and finished up after midday to catch the bus out of town to spend the rest of the weekend at my family lake home. During the one hour ride I checked my insta multiple times (like people check the fridge) to see if maybe D had posted anything, even a story. I had liked a couple of his posts that same morning. I felt oddly drawn to him, this wouldn’t be the first time a boy had gotten my attention, but this was a boy I knew almost nothing about. hence odd.

The day with family was nothing out of the ordinary, we did some planting, some watering, I took a wonderful long walk along the lake, breathed in that late spring merky lake water and felt in place. It was around dinner time, when I was sitting down on the cold sandy lake shore staring into the cold water thinking about what this coming summer may bring, that my phone notified me that I have recieved a DM, from no other than my new-made friend.

I panic. A lot. My hands get sweaty and shaky. My heart races. And since my blood pressure is already low, it drops even lower and as my head starts to spin everything tends to go black as I feel like I am about to pass out. So now yall know just how I felt as a reaction to that text I recieved. It was a hello and a thank you to me liking D’s posts. I wasn’t sure how to react, can’t just say “oh, don’t mention it”, (by the way - I also overthink. Overthink everything). And as I was nervously trembling my thumb over the keyboard, he texted again - how’s it going, whachu up to. I am that much of a weirdo, that it took me about 20 minutes to get myself together to reply to that little message! God help me. After that, everything seemed so much easier. It’s as if we’ve been chatting for ages, like we knew each other. We hit the keys back and forth until well after midnight, just finding out everything about each other. Movies to recommend, music that is life, flavored tobacco etc. I ended up passing out at some point and kind of left him hanging, to which he waited for an hour, and bid me good night. The next morning I felt stink that I passed out without warning, so I sent a few random messages, so that when he woke up - we’d have something to go on.

It was just after lunch time, while we were packing up for the long drive home that D replied. My hands were kind of busy so I took my time with getting back to him, which I wish I hadn’t. D figured I was preoccupied, so after a few texts, he sent a voice message asking if I were keen to have coffee later today, hinting that it would be a lot easier to have this conversation in person. I don’t think I need to mention how nervously I agreed to have coffee with him. And after 3 hours of washing the smell of burnt wood, old leafs and paint off me, after putting on a full face of make up, then washing it off cause it was waaaaaaaaaay too much, and doing it all over again - I felt like I was ready to have coffee.

We met at a coffee palace in an atrium of a near by hotel. Me being me, too resposible to be late EVER, arrived early. I had been sitting down with my tea reading from my phone when D walked in. In the few moments while he looked around to find me, hung his coat and ordered a coffee, I got a decent look at him, properly. D wasn’t much taller than me, I’d say we were about the same height. His dark, near black hair was streaked with natures highlights, at the young age of just 22 his head was was flowing with grey hairs. To be fair, much like mine, but I felt the pressure of society to cover that up in order to avoid questions of why I had so much grey hair while being only 26. I couldn’t tell much about his physique due to a baggy sweater and straight cut jeans. As D sat down and we started talking, I got a good look at his eyes. They were a mixture of colors I had yet not witnessed. Much like hazel, but darker, a lot more mahogany in his iris. But when the setting sun which lit up the atrium hit the top of the building behind my back and shined into his face, I saw a million emerald sparks that had settled all around the hazelhunt iris. They were overshined by the amber streaks that made his iris look like a golden sky of constelations, as for the every jade spot, a golden line would lead from there, to another one. I must’ve dazed off and had began to stare as I noticed that D was now quietly checking out my appearance, which must’ve made me blush like a mad woman since he smiled from ear to ear, and said that he was just mirroing me. Now that might sound awkward, but I suddenly felt right in place, as if I hadn’t been blushing cause D had caught me staring. In place, like there was nothing wrong with me getting a closer look at him. And I knew D felt the same, well, cause he told me that there was nothing wrong with him noticing that I too have oddly colored eyes, that my freckles don’t settle much over my face other than my nose, but they are well spread over my neck, collar bone and shoulders, like stars. Now that one made me blush.

We talked, a lot, a few hours worth, about everything. The tea had been refilled and there was a few origami roses made from table tissues. It was almost dark, the sun was barely getting through the tall buildings which this town was made of, when D offered that we take a walk down a few blocks from said hotel to the place where we had met, the place where he no longer worked but is always welcomed at, and smoke a delighful sheesha - LBB. That sounded fantastic. A lovely way to end an evening, a weekend. I’m saying the word end as if this person wasn’t to stay in my life. As if he wouldn’t occupy my mind for the next year and a half (so far) and that I wouldn’t go a single day without thinking of him. As if I wouldn’t grown to hate him at moments but feel the biggest relief when I would see him and wouldn’t be able to help myself but to smile when he was around.

The walk didn’t take long thankfully as it had gotten rather chilly outside and my leather jacket wasn’t doing a great job at keeping me cozy anymore. I shared my ear buds and we listened to my infinte playlist as we continued to talk about random things. At LBB we met up with O and M and sat down for an evening filled with sheesha and Monopoly (which I hate but we were short on entertainment). I realised that the clock had stricked after mid night only when O reminded me that we were to start work earlier on Mondays due to her physical therapy after a minor bike incident she had while in Bali. M began to pack up the game as her boyfriend (N) arrived to chill a little and then drive her home. I looked at D and he mentioned that time does fly when you’re enjoying yourself, and with a suddent blast of confidence I said (not asked) - “walk me home”. With my peripheral vision I saw how O’s facial expression changed in a smile of surprise to a nod of being impressed, she hadn’t seen me flirt before and knew how shy and socialy awkward I can be.

As we stepped outside, O kissed me goodnight and got into her cab, D said that we were taking a different route this time, a longer one. I asked if that was a good idea due to the temperature taking quite a drop and how I wasn’t dressed appropriately for a long walk. D told me not to worry, he said he’ keep me warm. As he took my hand I felt his palm tremor, his hand was so warm but rough skinned yet oddly comforting - “your hands are so cold, it’s insane!”. Having low blood pressure, being anemic and it being cold outside was a triple threat, but with my newly found blast of confidence I quickly remembered a witty come back “they’re not half as cold as just under oxygenated” (yes I do enjoy The Fault in Our Stars). D’s smile grew fondly as he took a step towards the garth’s and nodded his head in the direction of the street lit alleys, as if asking me to follow him. I think at that point it hit me - this was a date, and oh boy was I happy about it. As we walked towards my house we discussed the causes of anemia and my witty remarks about how not everyone was given the gift of having a 1000 degree body temperature, seriously, this guy was like his own sun. And the topic of being single came up too. Not one I favor to discuss, but I layed all my cards out in front of him - make sure that it was all on the table and so he knew that I don’t enjoy letting people in, making sure he knows that goodbyes are hard on me.

Turned out M lived only a few blocks away from me since D mentioned that he felt like I was taking him to her place as we got closer to mine. The conversation was growing quiter as we reached the entrance of my apartment buidling and his hand had gotten hotter as well as mine sweatier (face palm). We both knew that this date was bound to come to an end at some point, but neither of us had wanted that point to any time soon. We stood at the door, I jangled my keys trying to not look at him because I didn’t know what would come next. I mean I knew what I wanted to come next, but plans don’t always coexist in seperate minds. To be honest I found myself at that rare moment when my mind drew a complete blank. Nothing, not even a tumbleweed. D was still holding my hand, and was at an arms reach when he took a step closer towards me turning that distance nonexistant. I nervously looked up and met his stare. I could tell D was slightly worried about what was to come also, but trust me, not like I was. We looked at each other a few seconds as he told me that he’s really like to kiss me right now, followed by permission to do so, asking me - ‘what do you think about that”. “I find myself not thinking at all right now” I replied honestly. D leaned his head forward, took my face into his hands and our lips locked. I’m not gonna say it was magical. That would be the understatement of the century. My lips were bigger, much bigger than his, so with every lock we made I got to feel every chap in his dry lips, every curve his tongue made when he’d try to lick his own lips in the quick betweens of head movements. His left hand still holding my face and his right hand had slowly moved down my neck, over my shoulder and under my arm to my weist and pushing my torso into his. I in return had my left hand on his shoulder, sinking my fingers into it as if terrified that at any moment he would dissappear. My right hand was on the back of his neck at the contour of the hair line and bare skin. Gently running my fingers upwards into his short hair, clenching all I could in a fist and pushing my face into his.

I don’t know how long we were kissing in front of the entrance but it must have been a while since the motion detector light went off and we were standing in complete darkness when D’s phone had rung and interrupted us. He pulled his face away, and removed his left hand from my face to get his phone, whilst keeping him right hand on my weist, as if to let me know that we were not done here. It was M, calling to inform him that while she was closing up, she had found his back pack and if he would like her to drop it off or if he’d prefer the keys to the lounge so that he can later pick it up himself. He said that he’d prefer the keys due to not being ready to go home quiet yet. D winked at as he said that last bit and pulled me closer. I blushed knowing that this not ending just yet and that there may be more to come. We held each other and talked for the next 5 to 7 minutes while waiting for M and N to drive up and hand D the keys to LBB. We saw them pull into the parking lot and as M hopped out and walked towards us I could tell she was feeling at least slightly excited. Her big brown eyes were lit with sparks and her large nude colored lips were moving in in a smirk, the girl knew she had interrupted something juicy. We exchanged pleasantries as she handed over the keys and wished us a “most sensible” night and laughed as she hugged me goodbye. As D and I watched them drive off into the night, we giggled like we were 15 and had just been caught by the school staff while making out behind the bleachers or something. I said that I can not invite him inside my apartment as I do not live alone, but we could at least move this party to the stairs in the entrance hall way. So we did.

I think I’d like to leave the rest to another tbc

[anxious-gnome-cryptid]

The Future of History

Summary: Gideon is having some issues coming to terms with his past. Allen encourages him to look towards the future.  Written for my Creative Writing Final, using the same characters (and a few new ones!) from Hey Little Jitterbug

Warning for alcohol mention, death mention, a non-graphic war scene in a documentary, and a discussion about suicide. 

I swallowed back the tears begging for release and curled into a tighter ball on the couch, clutching the Ravenclaw mug filled with jasmine tea tighter to my chest. My bed seemed to call to me, promising safety and refuge from the horrors being presented before my eyes if I only had the courage to move, but my terror and anguish won out, keeping my legs locked in place as images of the destruction of both land and human life flashed before my eyes. Allen had warned me that it may not be the best idea to watch this, not while the news of Edward’s passing was still fresh and painful, but my own morbid curiosity had sunk its claws into my brain and forced my hand, leading to my current position, watching a documentary narrated with a soothing British accent (Estuary, I can tell, far from my own Queen’s English accent) about the First World War.

The bright explosions seared my retinas, yet I could not look away as red splattered the ground, most likely red paint but depicting real events, making it real. My ears rang with the screams of the dying men, actors channeling years of grief to recount the dying gasps of young men who had not known what they were in for. Mud stained everything, mixing with water and blood to create an awful soup coating the ground and the bodies that decorated it. Cannon after cannon fired, punctuated by the staccato hits of a machine gun, accompanying the bright explosions of grenades being thrown across a ruined battlefield.

Mid-scream, mid-explosion, the screen in front of me went blank, and I slowly turned, tears in my eyes, to face my current roommate. Allen held the remote in his hands, blue eyes hard as he stared at me.

“I told you to avoid these.” His voice seemed to boom in the quiet air of the apartment even though he was barely speaking above a murmur. I nodded and took a shaky sip of tea, refusing to meet his eyes. Allen sighed in return and moved around the couch, steps far quieter than usual due to his lack of combat boots. He sat next to me on the couch, fidgeting with the remote, and did not speak again.

“I know it was incredibly stupid of me to watch that. I just… wished to learn more about-”

“About a useless war where so many people died?” Allen snapped, head snapping over to glare at me. “Why? Because hurting yourself won’t bring Nonno back.”

“At least I can try to understand what he was thinking as he…” My voice trailed off, the words choking up my throat. I could not even bring myself to say it. How pathetic was I?

“No one knows what he was thinking when he blew his own brains to kingdom come,” Allen growled. “And, really, you don’t need to know. Some things are better left private.” I bit my lip in a futile attempt to stem the flow of tears, and Allen let out a heavy sigh before leaning over, resting his head on my shoulder.

“Sorry, that was harsh,” he apologized, looking down at his chipped blue nail polish. “Just… I’ve been down this road. It doesn’t lead anywhere good. More often than not, it ends at 3 am with you making yourself so high you’re not sure you’ll ever come back down.”

“How do I know this whole experience is not just a bad dream or a hallucination? Perhaps I ate something strange and am truly back in my room in 1878,” I murmured in return, staring into the depths of my cooling tea as if it could offer me answers.

“Gideon, I’m not dealing with an existential crisis today,” Allen laughed. “But I can tell you: it’s real. I don’t think you could have dreamed up something as elaborate as this.”

“You are most likely correct,” I answered, sipping at my tea again. “I have always been told I have a poor imagination.”

“See? Answer right there,” Allen said, voice tinted with a rare smile. “Plus, why would you dream up someone as terrifying as this Tory you keep telling me about?”

“You make an excellent argument, Allen,” I chuckled, finishing the rest of my tea. “Tory is… quite the character.”

“Yeah, she is. Sounds a lot like an old friend of mine,” Allen laughed again, standing. He reached out a hand towards me and I took it, allowing him to pull me to my feet.

“May I ask why we are getting up?” I asked, cocking my head to the side in confusion.

“Ice cream. We’re going for ice cream and a walk,” Allen announced, walking back over to the coat rack and throwing on his dark green canvas jacket before slipping into his beat-up black Converse. I pulled on my brown boots and grey woolen peacoat and followed him out the door, taking in the wild wind through my hair as we stepped outside. Allen grabbed my hand to prevent our seperation and we started our short walk to the ice cream store just around the corner.

The nice young couple who ran the small shop simply smiled as we strolled in and immediately began making our usual orders. Allen chatted up their child, a young man of about 12, asking about how his school year was going, his plans for the future, the newest round of Dungeons and Dragons he had played, and other things I did not understand. I thanked the owners as they handed me our ice cream and I gave them the exact change, taken from Allen’s wallet earlier that week as an emergency store. The two of us left soon after and began to walk towards the small park near Allen’s college campus, taking small nibbles of our ice cream and enjoying the late winter air.

“Okay, Gideon. I’ve gotta say something, and you won’t like it,” Allen announced once we were away from most of the people. I paused, halfway through a bite of ice cream, waiting for his statement.

“You… you can’t change history, Gideon. You’re so worried about living in the past… and I think that’s why you’re still stuck.” Allen sighed, flailing his hand in circles in his thinking gesture before continuing. “Maybe… look to the future? All the new things that have been invented? All the things you could do or be?”

“But my history is where the answers to where I have gone wrong lay,” I countered, swallowing the ice cream. The small chunk of chocolate scraped against my throat, but I ignored it, looking at Allen with wide eyes.

“Is it? Or is it just keeping you trapped in regrets?” Allen asked, looking deep into my eyes with a stare so intense I felt my knees go weak. He looked so much like Edward, if only Edward had been a couple years older and merged with Virgil. I shook my head, determined to get rid of the thoughts. I did not need to think of both my great losses right now.

“We cannot forget our history, Allen.”

“Yeah, but we don’t have to be trapped by it either,” Allen said, smile and voice softer than was normal of him. “In fact, we can start now.”

“How?” I asked, highly confused. “We cannot forget the past.”

“Not forgetting, just not letting it define us,” Allen corrected. “For example, there’s a nice gay bar a couple blocks over. Might be fun to let go and have some fun.”

“Are you quite sure?” I asked, flushing. Allen’s openness about his bisexuality, as he defined it, was… startling to me, to say the least.

His grin was crooked as he grabbed my hand and began to run, laughing. “Yeah! Let’s have some fun, Gideon!” I yelped but allowed him to lead me away, a smile tugging at my lips against my will. Healing would take a long time, I knew, but perhaps Allen would be the one to heal me fully. Perhaps Allen would be the one to break the curse. I ignored the small whispers telling me I had thought that of many people before and followed Allen into the soft rainbow lights of a rustic wooden bar, determined to focus on the future, if only for a few hours. I had had enough of history today. Now, it was time to at least pretend I had a future.

[luxlisbonblog]

10 Things you didn’t know about a DIY band Tour...

N.B Our UK tour starts very soon >>>>>GET YOUR TICKETS HERE

------------------------------------------

10 Things you didn’t know about a 100% DIY Band Tour…

On our tours we are the band, support band, promoter, booking agent, band manager, roadie, tour manager, financiers…you get the idea….all in one. No-one else is involved. So there’s alot to it and a few people have suggested I update a little thing about i wrote about it. Let's dive in! 

1. Recording songs to play

Of course the FIRST thing to do is to record some new songs to play! We'll have a new EP out very soon called 'Change (To Stay The Same). This is our latest single 'When You Need Somebody'.

2. Planning the tour dates

It takes a fair amount of time to research appropriate venues for each City, especially if we have never been. I’ll tend to try and take recommendations from our lovely fans in each City. The size, cost, facilities (stage, PA, projector/screen), proximity to the city centre.

Then we send out an email to our fans in nearby postcodes asking if they’d pay in advance for the show. If there are enough people to make it work - we’ll book the show. This is cool. 

We do all the booking, promoting etc ourselves, so then it’s a case of contacting the venues, finding suitable dates, booking, arranging payment, signing contracts, planning a tour schedule and listing and promoting all the shows - this needs a fair bit of website/graphic design huffing and puffing for a non-techie like me who doesn't know what he is doing. Youtube tutorials are your friend I find!

 3. Selling the Tickets

We setup our own site to sell the tickets ourselves rather than use a big ticket site.  

Basically this is because it is the only way to charge no ticket fees.

I detest them. And so do you. Urgh. They are the absolute worst part of the gig going experience in my book. Put you in a right bad mood. 

Also, doing it this way also means we can communicate with folks ahead of time, making sure they know all the songs by sending them over, even unreleased ones, when gig day comes. This helps the enormously we find.

4. The Soundperson

We can’t afford our own "Soundperson" to travel everywhere with us (this is a very important role - someone who controls the levels and the quality of the sound using the mixing desk while you are playing, some people call them the extra member of a band) - so we have to liase and talk to the Venue’s Soundperson as best we can. That means more conversations and making documents…like this one…

Because essentially we have quite a complex set up and bank of equipment to re-create our songs live. 

5. Band Equipment and Setup

We have 4 vocal mics, 3 different guitars feeds, 3 seperate keyboards, a digital sampler and jamies drum kit to set up (as well as Trumpet, Saxophone, Violin and extra backing vocals when budget allows on bigger shows) - in addition to in-ear monitors radio feeds to hear what we are playing best we can. So 2 hours or so is needed to set up and test all of this (and there will always be a problem, you can bet your house on it!). 

There’s also bit and bobs of stage equipment like Tom’s Electronic Drums, Keys and Mic Stands, Spares, Projectors, whole sports holdalls of wires and adaptors of differing colours and uses (sometimes we need 50m+ to rig up the projectors at some reticent venues!) 

…and you can always bet on something going wrong. Tom’s trying to remember whether it’s the Red or the Green wire he shouldn’t cut here…

6. Projections and Visuals 

The projections and visuals we use (syncing up with the songs as we are playing them) are also a vital and non-negotiable part of our show.

Anyway…for each tour there are new visuals to prepare/amend. Chris Tongue from Dead Ready who does all our videos has already done the lion’s share here, but I also have to employ hours of some abysmally slow Final Cut Pro “skills” to adapt them for the live show. 

The hire and set up of the extra equipment required to make that happen can be tricky, as not an awful lot of bands use this sort of thing, but it’s cool. It’s worth it. 

For example, here is Charlotte with wor friend Daveyboy hovering and taking his projected bow! 

7. Lighting 

Sometimes there are also lights to consider, and as it is normally only for certain shows, and venues mostly don’t have specific lightpeople - hiring and liasing with a freelancer to handle that side of things. 

8. Merchandise

I guess there is research, design, finance, pack/price up and transport of the merchandise for the show too, where we'll set out our proveribal (and literal). Bit like this. 

More often we have to arrange to pay someone local to actually do the selling on the night too - we’re normally too busy packing up and down, but we try to man the stall ourselves when we can - it’s cool to meet everyone! 

We’re in negotiations to make this little guy our full time merch dude, but he is a bit reticent at this point. That’s Bruce the cat. He’s named after Springsteen, not Forsyth in case you were wondering. 

9. Rehearsal

We tend to tour in chunks. So some time may have passed since our last show. A rehearsal is needed! We take a good few days over it. Although it would probably take less time if we didn’t always devote the first day to 5 hours of “throwing rock shapes”. 

For bigger shows we also rope in some good friends to play extra parts with us, so we’ll need to rehearse with them too.

Alex on Sax (in a new song ‘When You Need Somebody’) :-

Elliot on Trumpet and Basia on Violin :-

 and Dickon, Rob and Ben from that band Careless Sons on BV's (who will also be supporting us on the tour on these dates below, thanks for info boyz :)

Decide the setlist. And away we go….It’s often a bit of a squeeze. 

10. Right...the Tour is on! - A typical day

9 = Wake in whatever accommodation we’ve arranged. Surrounded by equipment. It’s usually a Travelodge*. I think Charlotte is on commission or something :)

11 = Have now sourced and consumed a decent breakfast** - like this one at the Long Play Cafe in Newcastle. Ace Coffee. Average Ringo Starr Solo albums.

11.30 = Pack 2 Travelodge rooms of gear into 2 cars. This picture obviously isn’t outside a Travelodge. 

12ish = Set off a'driving. 

3ish = Arrive at Venue. Often venue has no parking. Unpack all gear onto pavement. 2 Drivers head off to find parking. 2 of us stay and move the stuff inside.

3.30 = 2/3 flights of stairs done. Gear is all in the venue.

3.35 = Set up. The stuff. Put on a cuppa. This’ll take a while.

4.30 = Deal with whatever problem has reared it’s head today. There is always one. Or nine. 

5 = Soundcheck. Looks a bit like this. 

6.15 = Remember that we haven’t eaten. Get that sorted. Gotta be back at the venue by 6.45.

7= Doors open. Nervous. It’s not always quite like this, but this was one of our our Scala Show. Deal with ticket/gueslist ‘issues’. Always fun. 

7.30 = First Act. Charlotte usually opens for us, playing her own songs. Normally 3 bands. Normal curfew 10.30ish. So 3 hours on call.

9.15pm Gig Time! Lux Lisbon Set time 1hr 25m

10.35pm =  Offstage. A total blur until about 11.45pm but during that time, chatting with folk, merch stuff, celebratory drinks, packing down what took us 3 times as long to set up earlier, reverse stairs trip, re-locating/driving back cars, loading up and setting of to next Travelodge will all have been ‘achieved’

Midnight-1am = Arrive at Travelodge, unpack gear into rooms again. Look forward to realising what essential piece of equipment we left behind in 6 or so hours time. 

And Breathe!

PHEW!

As I said at the start we are doing this all again in April 2017.

In Glasgow, Newcastle, Manchester, Brighton and London.

Here is a little poster. It has information on it. Like a typical promotional poster. It’s self explanatory in almost all respects. OK, in all respects.

 >>>>>>>>AND YOU CAN GET YOUR TICKETS HERE

That’s enough of that now. 

Take care and as ever you can hit reply and I’ll answer any q’s. 

Stu (from that band Lux Lisbon). 

————-

*In the interests of 2016 BBC-esque balance….‘other budget hostelry option are available’. 

**Note: Essential. And enjoyable. I love a breakfast and very much subscribe this this Thomas Babington Macaulay quote -

“Dinner parties are mere formalities: but you invite a man to breakfast because you actually want to see him”

P.S Tell your pals. They can get our music free to DL/Stream here - http://luxlisbon.com/listen or point send them to our latest single (http://luxlisbon.com/whenyouneedsomebodyvideo)

Copyright © Stuart Rook All rights reserved.

[pepperminthealing-blog]

Day 1

I want to start this blog stating that I’m going to attempt to write everyday, and maybe even more than one a day. The events of this blog will not be in chronological order, it’s going by what is really tearing my heart apart that day, where my mind wanders. 

I want to say thank you for whoever reads this, and I hope through my healing it may give you some insight in your own life, or better understanding of whatever. Or even if you’re just curious, I hope it tickles your feather I suppose.

On we go.

A month and a half ago I met someone, and we had the instant click. Whether it was because we were considerably nerdy, or because he made me feel safe during my current situations. Honestly, it was all supposed to be a joke; and thats so sickening to me knowing that I fell that low. We first met on tinder, and he would send some uh... wonderful messages. And my co-workers and I would read them and respond, then chuckle as we just kind of made fun of this guy who seemed to really be trying too hard. -Sigh- Who would of known that this guy was actually someone with a very very soft heart. We lost contact once I left my job shortly after my miscarriage and gained contact back when I returned, he was already seeing someone and I was on the line of breaking up with the person I was with at the time as well. We made rules that we wouldnt hang outside of work until we both had ended those two terms, because we wanted to be as truthful and transparent with not just one another but with them, fairness to speak. Today, I couldn’t tell you how we got to where we were that day, it was literally just a click... Maybe I was craving something that he posessed because I wasnt getting it in my own relationship? Idk. But, the first night we hung out... I knew I had to keep walking with him. He took me to Wawa at 3am, and bought me a tuna sandwich, and we drove to some dock area and talked about politcal things, hospital business and just our opinions on the world. It was freeing, connecting and intoxicating to find someone who had a like mindset as my own, that could hold an intellectual conversation on things that really mattered to me. After hours of talking, he drove me back to my car and kissed me, and it felt so tender and innocent. I think that was the moment I let my walls down, that for some stupid reason my dumb broken heart wanted to just burst and open up to someone I barely had any knowledge of. The most we talked when seperated was sexual things, and from my past expierences that was never a good sign, but WHY DID THIS FEEL DIFFERENT? Was it because he was a nurse I worked with? That I believed he didnt have the capacity to break me like anyone else could in this world? -sigh.- I slept with him that night, and the hormones our brains release during that time, started the attachment. But it also set the fear in that he would be like everyone else. I want to skip around so much because diving back into these memories have been nothing but haunting the last week, but I’m trying to remind myself that skipping details is skipping moments that could possibly heal you. As I’m writing this, I’m crying tears over this stupid guy. And calling him stupid isnt going to fix anything, because even though you guys have gotten to read down to this part, I just want to say he isnt bad at all. He didnt leave to be an asshole, he was physically ill, he had an addiction problem and I was his catnip. And asking him to stay wasnt just selfish of me, but it was deadly. I would of never forgiven myself if he relapsed because I pushed him too far. I know he cared about me, and the impression I’m giving of him already doesnt give that off, so I wanted to say that before I continued the rest of this story.

Anyways, weeks passed and James and I would have deep conversations about our lives, fantasies, dreams and things. He would care for me when I was sick, reach out and cushion the blows I would take from the break up I just endured. He would push me to take the stress of work and push through it, remind me that I’m doing it for the greater good, and that I was doing just fine. He calmed the storm in my mind for a brief period of time, while I rumbled the dark one in his. Sex and the connection we made was what he called “catnip” to him, and he tried to push me away and I pulled him right back in. Not only was I intoxicating to him, but he became just as much to me. Who wouldnt want someone who could protect them from the harsh of the world for some time?? To give them that freedom feeling that they have CRAVED to feel for years? Valentines day, he gave me 3 chokers, and they meant the absolute world to me. Not only were they ones I wanted, but they had meaning to me. They were heartfelt emotional presents, specially from him; and I felt I was flying. I think that night was the night I began the falling process, or well... I know I did. I stepped off the ledge after he told me to not move furniture into a house he was only renting. I refused to believe that, in my head I thought I could save him, that this would be different. And the signs he gave off, gave me the hope that just that was happening.

......this is the hardest part.....

The day after Valentines day, I woke up and in my stomach I felt something different. I felt like our connection was torn, I was depressed and I thought it was just maybe me. We talked all day, and everything seemed normal. But that night, when he got off his shift, he met me in the staircase at my work. The staircase where he would visit me before he left, where he told me how crazy he was for me, where we shared some of our best kisses.... The staircase I walked down to have my first in face conversation with him...I sat next to him... Him: “Hey buddy, how are you?” It always bothered me when he called me buddy, I wasnt his buddy. I was his Kitten, his baby... “I’m alright, how are you?” “Tired.”  I wanted to just slump onto him and just melt. But I could feel the tension behind his words, that there was something that he wanted to say. “Are you still coming over Thursday?” “I don’t think thats going to be a good idea, buddy.” That last sentence shattered the world that he built up with me. I pressed on asking and he began to lightly tell me how what we built up was unhealthy for him, which I didn’t understand at that moment how it was unhealthy. How our relationship was bad for him, but I wasnt. His hazel eyes stared into mine, and I could feel that wall being built between us, I felt shut out. I tried clawing at that wall, pushing, hammering everything I could to get him to tell me why he was leaving. I sat on that second stair of the top while he stood below me, asking me to tell him to leave... I couldn’t. Telling him to leave was like telling myself to drown at that moment. How in such a short period of time could one person make me feel all this in a second. I didn’t grasp how we went from one moment of bliss, to.... hell. I’m still processing through this part, and it wasn’t until last night that it all made sense to me. James expressed so many times that he didn’t want to leave, but what we had was enticing his addictive nature, which could push him to relapse. And the only way to stop that, was to stop being with me. And I felt like I was so unhealthy for him at that point, no matter what he said. But it wasnt me, it was what we had. And there was no going back from that, you can’t just build up a relationship and then change it expecting it to change with you. So, you have to end it...  Which is still hard on me, because I care deeply about him. And because I care deeply for him; I’ve started to let him distance from me.

I wrote him one final text last night expressing every little emotion I had for him, and apologizing for throwing his stuff out, which I regret so much now because I dont have an inch of his love in my house... just my bed still smells like him. I can’t count how many times I’ve thought about him in a day, or how I’m still picking pieces of our relationship apart to find solutions or how BADLY I fight with myself to text him, begging him to text me back. Even after we broke up, he still wanted to come take care of me... I invited a random guy over to poke at him when we broke up, and he still came over to calm the pain in my heart once the guy left. Who does that? Not only do I know that what we have was unhealthy for him, but by the way I acted when he hurt me, was how I knew I was unhealthy for not just him... but those around me.

Moral to this story, even though its not fully finished but this is as much as I want to dive into it today is that... people are lessons. And James was the one who left pain in my soul, and that pain finally opened my eyes to how dangerous I am to people, how much pain I actually feel. I’m so for healing those around me, and saving those who need it. But... I forgot about me. I forgot that I need those things too, from myself. As of right now, I havent texted him; I’ve kept my word to let him distance, and I think he’s finally removed me from snap chat so he wont look at my stories and have the craving to return. 

As for me, well... this whole thing has made me realize that I need time to really heal and figure out me. I’ve been in and out of things in life, that I don’t think I’ve ever slowed down long enough to process what it is I’ve gone through. 

Do I love James? I think I loved the idea of being with him, and the feelings he gave me.

Do I care about him? Yes, and because of that, I don’t want to get in the way of his recovery.

Do I hope we can ever become something? At this point I think it’s healthy to say that everyone hopes they can get back with the person who just left them . I do hope we can talk one day, i miss our conversations. 

What’s next? Well, work today... I’m  dreading the day we have to run into each other at work, but that day will come and when it does, I’m going to embrace it and push through. 

I think thats enough for right now.