#3 days later here I am
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completely innocuous vash sheet :) fr practice
#my art#trigun stampede#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun vash#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#vash fanart#STILL dont know the tags gomen ill do research one of these days#anyway . 4 gd days later hes finally done#here is what i am learning . i love his design sm. but jesus CHRIST#all the individual elements r so time consuming i want to tear my face off. im slowly getting more familiar w the arm but God.#im so peeved at how long this took but i am trying to cut myself some slack. remembering tht his design is a 24 hour endeavour#and i drew 4 of him#3 of which being fullbody 2 of which being foreshortened 1 of which being a Maid Dress#the price i pay fr self-indulgence.....the price i pay fr [redacted]#this started out as a treat fr me n it became my purgatory#but it is DONE and now i can look at vash in a maid outfit and tied up and jacket off turtleneck Out and shirtless and- *is shot dead*#anyway huge shoutout to mey rin black butler fr being the og Maid With Gun#stole the thigh bustle from a panel of her it was just too good#anyway take it enjoy the fruits of my labour enjoy him i am . exhausted.
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i cant stress how much joy i get from doodling magneto as A Dramatic Comic Book Villain i cannot even lie to you chat
#wip#you guys like wips. im never posting another one again <- this is a lie#rb if you want ig idk#snap sketches#he looks like a fuckass beetle with those horns i love him#i was just gonna post the pose but the fuckass dialogue is necessary. i love it when he talks like that i cant stand him#i usually dont post wips cause i love surprises but idk if im gonna finish this#maybe i will. there's more to this its a dumb comic referencing issue 18 again VJAELKJVKLAJ#but anywayt. Yeah <3#big fan of how his dramatic ass was reasoned to be erik putting on a show to act as a 'lightning rod'#well good job girlfriend you definitely put on a show. only problem is i love you#one of these days i am just gonna make a magneto doodle page of dramatic poses or something#also hi charles. youre here too. obviously.#ok bye i have to be in class i guess#if i post a proper drawing later today or tomorrow it'll be a miracle
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they invented a new kind of tired you only feel after doing an artist alley
#anime central#acen#artist alley#not art#i have never been so happy to be tired before actually. oh my god. that was so much fun#and i've still got two more days#someone even said they found me From Tumblr On The Tags so there you go. HI PERSON WHO SAW ME FROM TUMBLR#YIPPIEEE#it was so fun to meet people and it was so fun when people went HEY *I KNOW YOU.*#i made fucking BANK today dude AND VASH EVEN GOT DONUT MONEY !!!!!!!!! MY WAIFU#i am so excited to go back. but first i need to print more prints#ONCE AGAIN i am at Anime Central in Rosemont Illinois at Booth H29 In the Artist Alley and i'll be here all weekend#NICE TO SEE EVERYONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3#best first con and best first artist alley 8 years later. i love u ACEN. mwah mwah mwah
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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So Megalopolis is like if a movie was written by Neil Breen, directed by David Lynch and edited by Baz Luhrmann, with production design by the Wachowski sisters.
#I said this in IRL and then I remembered 3 days later that I have an account on a website where I can also say things so now I am also going#to also say it here on this website thank you
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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Just finished the third season of Bridgerton (it was an incredibly frustrating watch)...People have said that Penelope is named as such because of her nickname Pen and her being a writer... but has anyone thought of the reference to the Odyssey and Penelope being the wife of Odysseus? You know, she had to be loyal for 20 years while Odysseus gallivanted across the globe and was distracted/cheating on her Circe? I feel like it goes with the whole Polin narrative too. She's the one who had to wait for him to get a clue. And if you've read the Penguin version of the Odyssey, you know everyone is like omg! Odysseus, so amazing, the sacker of cities etc. Which parallels Colin's "glow up". Totally think it's more of a literary reference since the two of them are writers...
#bridgerton#bridgerton season 3#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#polin#don't know how much this works for the book#didn't read the books#I ranted at my sister for an hour straight about this season (behated)#wtf was the character arcs for any of the characters this season? a whole lot of nothing..#the writers literally set everything up and then did everything in their power to make the arcs pointless#soooo many crimes of telling instead of showing#bridgerton was never high art but season 1 and 2 landed character and the audience buying into the relationships and cheering for the coupl#disappointed#literally feel like I hated polin in what was supposed to be their season#colin vascilates wildly... and there are like two scenes where i recognize the character he was is season 1 and 2#literally hated him for soooo much#really hate how the season wasn't about the couple but whistledown#and yet they couldn't show us WHY Penelope wants to keep being Whistledown besides telling us why so I just don't get why#they could not decide if whistledown is good or bad and settled on girlboss power!#but here i am like girl... you're ruining lives... you've ruined lives... it's just gossip#they literally screwed over all their characters for nothing#their scenes of intimacy don't land because they feel incredibly paint by numbers and often occur after intense confrontations#confrontations that do not logically make sense for sexy times#the mirror scene exists purely as plot so colin can later accuse Penelope of trapping him in marriage#like that's suuuuper ick#they made colin so incredibly ick i don't recognize him or want him with Penelope#even Penelope making the choice to be whistledown over her new family was insane and illogical based on how the plot developed#i watched the seaon twice to really pin down how I feel and ended up rewatching season 1 and 2 because season 3 part 2 pissed me off so muc#and it's sooo night and day#i just feel sad because i wanted to root for this couple too... but they made it unrootable
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“Not a soul assigned to their case at the Bureau could make sense of their existence. There wasn’t a single scientist, parapsychologist, doctor, or specialist with over a dozen PHD’s under the sun that could figure them out. Pyrokinesis in a human? They defy every law of nature, yet they exist amongst humanity regardless. How do you explain that?” “The truth is that there are a lot of unknown things out there in the world that mankind hasn't even begun to scratch the surface of. Everyone flocked to this case trying to find rational answers, but there aren’t any. Look at the files in your hands. By the eyes of science, Pyro should not exist. Don’t you know what happens to things mankind doesn’t understand? The Bureau has done sickening things to them in the name of research.” “That’s why I helped them escape, Conagher.”
Excerpt from the novel INCENDIARY; A TF2 Pyro origin story Read the latest chapter of 'Incendiary' on AO3 here! Artwork created by the incredible @narklos ♡
#tf2#tf2 pyro#if you're reading this hello!! I'm the author of this story!#I was basically struck with an idea one day... what if I created a whole pyro origin story with deep world building and original characters#7 years later here I am :)#the pyro origin story nobody asked for but is getting anyways!#while it is on track to be a origin-type novel it is also still very much a self-indulgent fanfic#I still have a long ways to go before this fic is done but this is by far one of the most ambitious projects Ive ever done for any fandom#and I hope you all love it too <3#also CAN I JUST SAY#NARKLOS IS A GOD#I gave him a vision and he just blew my fucking mind away with the final product that I'm still in awe about this#Narklos if you're reading this ILY and I can't wait to work with you again <3#also I should mention that the excerpt IS in the story but in a future chapter that isn’t out yet#but it was fitting for this post :)
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☝🤓 What if 🤨🤔! I was back 😨🤯 after some months 😞😤😲... ahahah jokes 🧐🤣😂... unless 😳👉👈
#wren text tag#wren draws stuff#it has been a while ^_^ guess it's time to remove the dust from this blog eheh#anyway gaslighting all of you so I can pretend I didn't go on hiatus every 2 working days lol next year it will be the year I am sure 💪#I say while I'm waiting to get the appointment to have my wisdom teeth removed (as if I didn't have enough bullshit in the past few months)#did the check up some days ago and they really went “yeah. ur old. those are your wisdom teeth. we have to remove them sorry 😅😬😔💔💔”#I guess karma didn't know what else throw at me “idk make her bones annoying this time lol” so unoriginal man ugh wish I could unfollow 🙄🙄🙄#idk what else to add. Look at the drawing of my sona and wait (she's so silly omg 😖🤭🥰💖💕✨)#Speaking of ✨art✨ I have some stuff that were supposed to be posted this summer but UHM I will post them here nonetheless#imagine they were posted in time alright. I'm still working on learning how to warp the time-space continuum 🙏#and then I'll be back posting fresh cringe 🥰💖 can't wait to draw all my stupid silly little dumb angular blorbos#I also have memes to redraw with the StS characters tehehehe I'm so evil. nefarius. wicked. foul. villainous if you will#where's that emoji of the cat looking mischievous#😼😼😼#OH YEAH I also I have a bluesky. it's doodlingwren so uhmn. do what u want with this information. I'll make a decent announcement later on#there is no art for now over bsky. But you can see me blabbling abt my own forgetfulness (?)#also I changed the color theme for this blog. It's not that important but I think it's nice#logged in after some time and when I went to change my age in bio I got blinded by the light color combo ��😭#I might do some lil changes in the next few days but so far it's good :3 the blue looks nice
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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postcards for my new upcoming jewellery collection ft. the femc girlies ;w;
#persona 2#maya amano#persona 3#femc#kotone shiomi#i'm a hamuko defaulter but ill comply with the canon name for the main 5 tags fghjdkg#also girlypop collection coming to pondsizedocean march 31st#hope you guys on here have been well sorry for being scarce i dont draw a lot these days :(#might do a little doodle dump later on (of p2 shitposts mostly. so many p2 shitposts)#the duology changed something very profoundly within me i am now a better man#ty for your attention#sorry for rambling#my art
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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maybe it's to maintain a sense of tension & turmoil that would eventually reach an explosive peak, a sense of tug-of-war, a back-and-forth to hammer home the ideals they want to deliver and for the viewers to chew on, but although these arguments regarding hiroshi & his stance as a man torn between his loyalty for his country & the loyalty for his Filipino friends and lover is of course important, how they write these scenes & the points they present from this week alone is getting too repetitive...? literally the argument scenes from last night & tonight between adelina & hiroshi is basically the same; the ideas were the same, the dynamics were the same: the aggressive, radical adelina, bristling rage and fear over the injustices she's seen thus far, and the cautious, inspiriting hiroshi, all hopefulness and reassurance one moment as a lover, defensiveness and sternness as a japanese soldier in another. this debate will be ever-present ofc, it is one of the series' biggest conflicts, but it is unfortunately so easy to tell when it is a.) being pulled up as a main topic to move the plot along / be a necessary conflict for character development/introspection / be the conflict to deliver the morals & messages the writers want to send to their viewers, or b.) when it is being pulled up only for the drama and filler to pass the time. like watching the characters sit down to argue for 10 minutes, do other things for the plot for 2 minutes, then sit down again to argue for the next 20 minutes. lol.
#lots of things i wish they would soon improve but this 1 bothered me tonight..stopped watching halfway thru#these scenes would be like excellent breaks for when we need to take a breather to digest what's been going on#but at the slow pace they've set it it's just...nothing's been going on since like...4 days ago#except for eduardo's plot#it's just arguments..everywhere....all the time....over the same repetitive things#no progress nothing new to chew on despite there being drastic changes to their situation...? same vibes from the time they weren't occupie#yet lol. same dynamics mostly#only new points of debate is regarding hiroshi & his country vs friends conflict#& carmela being desperate to go back to comfort & luxury vs her family standing as firm as they could against the occupation#ahhh i am sooo not eloquent enough to express my full thoughts but like!!! fellow viewers if y'all r here u understand me right lmfoskadhsg#finding it hard to criticize bc i'm trying to make sense of where they r coming from#a.) seeing as unlike mcai this is a complete original story it's hard to see what direction they'd like to take it to#b.) fil shows really find it hard to break away from their normal formulas of family dramas & bastard children & love triangles :'))))#god the opportunity to tell a refreshing diff story but this is like gma show 67627627th but set in the japanese era....then mixed with 50%#of the mcai show feel#the editing the visuals the acting = good. 60% of the story line = can be compared to the hundreds of gma shows we've seen be4#anywy going off on a tangent...#c.) i can understand the slow pacing as them trying to establish the settings & the feel of that era so that the more intense tragedies-#later on would hit harder#but again. few scenes feel like they're dragging on for too long. some scenes & themes r too repetitive#need to see something differenttt something fresh something developing. something moving & feeling & connecting w/the audience#need to see more of the Philippines & the Filipino people in the 40s!! not the same afternoon prime drama shot in intramuros#need to see their messages staring into our souls instead of just being words uttered in tears#all this to say....flop era this week tbh sorry#EXCEPT FOR MAX COLLINS & HER LIKE. 3 MINS SCREEN TIME. MAX COLLINS I LOVE U QUEEN#rambles#pulang araw#putting this in the main tag i KNOW some ppl out there would feel the same & can explain this better lol i swear????
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embarrassing sex!!¡ fuck yea!!!
#throught these past few days ive made lots of progress on da safehouse comic#yes i am still working on that#it is INCONCEIVABLE in my brain for those two to have perfectly normal sex so hopefully i will be able to deliver#to answers some questions: the full thing will be behind a paywall. i will upload the sfw half on here#how to get it: patreons will have access to the full thing literally as soon as i finish it#you will be able to get it for like 2 or 3 usd on itch.io (i dont remember how much i charged last time)#or i will send you the file if you can provide a fresh (less than 24 hours) receipt of a donation to any fundraiser#be palestine or sudan#i prefer the later one#another question nobody asked: why havent i listened to tmagp yet#the answer is i have to graduate college before i can obsess over anything else#im literally not allowing myself to. science comes first#anyway be safe
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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i am very grateful that im not someone that has to deal with daily seizures but it is evil when it takes like a week and a half's worth of business days to recover from a seizure
#if i had them everyday or every other day i would be so fucked 😭#id like to say they dont bother me per se but the entire week after is laying in bed after 11 pm and wondering if jts going to happen again#bc my head feels like its about to explode#and then do not get me started on the fear of getting in the shower within the first few days of one happening .#reasonably i understand that my seizures happen from 11pm to maybe 3 am on average .#but ill have a seizure and then have to hype myself up for like 2 hours just to take one 3 days later st like 2 pm#my seizures do not interfere with my day to day life in extreme ways but existing knowing that i have them during a certain time frame is#like. Hey man can you grow up#also it is really funny being told theyre probably hormonal or stress related and should 'probably stop' as i get into my mid 20s .#Well im turning 25 next month and evidently i still have seizure activity in me#also also heres a fun fact: my epilepsy does not have an actual named diagnosis they just said i certainly have a Form of it ❤️#they dont know what causes them and i have no real warning signs (bc a headache =/= potential seizure)#they dont bother me but i do have to live with the knowledge that i could have one any day now and wake up to my mom asking me questions#hope everyone can tell i have a lot of feelings about my epilepsy despite not talking about it like ever ❤️#the only thing that really bothers me is the no warning signs. ive been perfectly fine and had them. ive had massive migraines when i was#unmedicated and didnt have one. very bizarre#and ofc all my brain scans come back normal all the time so they dgaf Lol
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