#2nd cousins twice removed or something

[jujiiithetangerine]

Wake up babe Another sibling's been added to the albedo family lore

[shanastoryteller]

I have a question about the Malfoy family tree in SIAT. How is Xeno related to the Malfoys? I know Luna is Draco’s cousin, and I assume it’s on his fathers side since we know a *lot* about the Blacks, but is Xeno Lucius’s brother? Is Xeno distantly related and Luna’s really some sort of 2nd cousin twice removed or something but they just call her cousin to shorten it?

Xeno is Lucius's great aunt's grandson (or something like that)

I don't know anyone who calls their second cousin twice removed their second cousin twice removed lol. Anyone who's relation to you is more than 3 syllables is just your cousin

[rocksibblingsau]

I saw your original post for Bergen Branch and I got ideas I wanna share.

Since Branch is the only happy Bergen there are rumors that he's hiding a supply of trolls somewhere and is harassed on the daily because of it.

When Bridget becomes friends with Poppy and her friends she takes them to Branch (after her date) with the hope they'll be able to help them get out of Bergen Town.

They talk about the science of happiness. Branch goes on a whole rant on how Trolls are nothing but a drug and a short term solution and true happiness takes work.

Branch does agree to help Poppy and her friends but they try to get him to help them find Creek. He refuses.

When the rest of the village is found and captured and Trollstice is brought back Branch goes 'screw it' and deiced to storm the castle.

Love these!

So a fun headcanon I have about Bergens is that Chef is actually named Chef. Her last name, that is. All/most chefs who worked trollstice are from the Chef family.

This is relevant because I imagine Bergen Branch is of the Chef family. He's not really sure of his exact relation to Chef, something like 2nd cousins twice removed or something. He really only met her once at a family thing.

Bergen Branch was named Brine, but changed it to Branch after he left the family. He may or may not have four brothers with similarly themed names (Julienne, Braise, Char and Fry).

He also has a pet spider named Klutzy who he's researching as part of his investigation on why trolls make bergens 'happy'.

[hiests-art-archive]

HAPPY JUNE 19TH!

u know what that means? FRIGGN DHMIS CONTENT!!!!

this is a lil bit of an old drawing meet my hc version offf...

these fellas! since they were only shown once for a few seconds and were never given personality, i kinda gave em some like.. at least a year ago and i still remember it so imma ramble abt it :> blue: the opposite of red guy. she's energetic and loud, and quite a bit childish. red guy's 2nd-cousin-twice-removed, definitely the different one in her family. they dont really like that about her but she doesnt care, she just stays away from them. if she had a name, itd be henrietta :> green guy: yellow guy's older brother. he grew up with their mom instead of roy, so yellow guy has basically forgotten about green guy's existence. green guy is kind of like a less-smart smart yellow, and moreso the red guy of the group personality wise. smarter than the other 2 for sure, he helps keep them out of trouble. not very energetic, but he knows how to speak up when it's needed. i used to call him "monni", as a mix of doi and manny and an inverse to what i called yellow guy, aka "danny" red duck: a cardinal. isn't related to duck in any way. he's an adventerous one, the type of person to do seemingly dangerous things and then go "oh crap" when something actually goes wrong. he's scared of quite a few things, he just doesnt wanna admit it in front of the other 2. even if at times he'd like to run away, he'd stay to make sure the others are okay instead. his name wouldve been "jay", to reference the blue jay, like how duck's fanon name references robins i have something else relating to dhmis that i drew a while back. if i can find it, ill show it :>

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

7.19.24 Friday

7:17 am

Still,have windblow...

Garbage collector is here and I threw all the trash ... Confirmed our old washing machine for 10 years is really on E3 ( error 3 )... It is beyond my knowledge to handle it... I changed the light bulb of Neko, good thing I have 1 left here for her...

Uncle Jun's behaviour seems mysterious but already went out... He is helping on food but on other things nah! Still,cheapness angels...

Still,thinking of money and Lazadah is already calling me to pay my creditz... I need to process my BPI but still looking for money to do that... It is for Teleperformance Molino Disney account.

I did stream last night before 12 midnight until Cinderealla is dead,angels ( even after midnight or passed midnight ).

8:19 am

Still,have windblow...

Nourishing nana's mind before doing something but still thinking of money and my job and my progress,angels...

8:25 am

We played twice, pares2x or pairing cards by two's.

I won on the first round, on our 2nd round weird!

My last card is A of hearts and nana's last card is 7of diamonds... How did it happen? Is there a magic spell Garret? Ash? My cousin-white???

Goosebumps...

11:37 am

Still,have windblow...

Biological mother thank God! She went here to get the curtains and blankets for the "master bedroom"...

I just cleaned the side part of receiving area, the best that I can do coz we have no stock room here. We are somehow over-loaded of still an important stuff to keep here...

Sir DD? Sir DD again??? My biological mother told me that Uncle DD is demanding on cleaning and I'm doing it coz I'm mature and I know Uncle DD is on his strategy to ask money on Aunt Teresa...I still need some "talent fee" here... Hmm... Why, will Uncle DD will ask money from Aunt Teresa??? I thought they are working...

I can't do anything to hide this side part coz we have no stock room...But 100% I removed the dirt or dust...Those are stuff of John & Neko and some cleaning materials... Few stuff of Uncle Jun.

7:34 pm

Still,have windblow...

Done,eating dinner with the rest of the gang here... Done,brushing John's teeth as well.

Biological mother went back here around 6pm with Allen ( husband of Maco ). Thank God for their kindness... They brought back the curtains and blankets. Some are dried already and most of it I still hanged there at the hanging rope to fullt dry it...

Uncle DD needs to fix tha ac and bring some sacks... I just hate him for being demanding and threathening us here as if a "super Sir DD". He is the Jesus or Judas he is the one should manage to fix the other ac...

Me? I'm looking forward for the "talent fee".. I need to go back working and I have to exercise again... I just stopped for few days to totally clear the house here, removing dust and dirt in the living room and in the "master bedroom". Still, I need to process something for my job in Disney account. My dream and frustration to visit or work in an actual Disney in USA or Canada???

Uncle Jun should cut the grass tomorrow... It is not my ideal life here to be simply flatten this way... I can't get a bf that I want like my cousin-white or Garret or Ash...

It is bitterish for me that my first cousin on Aunt Ten2x on my biological father side is already married...

Garret and Ash are all successful artist to be considered...

I'm always left behind and I have so many complexeties and frustrations... I really do feel "self-pity" for 17 years... I wanna buy Starbucks everyday... I wanna progress on my vanities. I wanna travel... I haven't tried travelling and be happy... My 17 years were stolen just for nothing... I feel self-pity!

They just want to see me fat and ugly and nothing. This is for the guilty people???

Thanks Ely for the back-up... It is already 5k pesoses today since month of March.

I will do live in Tagged later angels... I hope guilty people can drop by in my space in Tagged.

9:26 pm

Still,have windblow...

Done,watching "Cinderella in the Caribbean"...

[scary-friend]

1. named after anyone? I’m named after my 2nd cousin twice removed.

2. last time I cried? Tuesday in therapy

3. kids? No

4. sports? I played soccer when I was like 5, never done any since.

5. sarcasm? Perhaps

6. first thing I notice about something? Texture or colors

7. eye color? Hazel

8. scary movies or happy endings? It’s in the name, Scary movies

9. talents? I’d like to think I’m good at art.

10. place of birth? USA

11. hobbies? Drawing, embroidery, painting, nature walks, doll collecting, and a few other things I can’t immediately think of.

12. pets? 5 dogs

13. height? 5’6”

14. favorite school subject? Art

15. dream job? I don’t dream of labor

@justalexisfine @mx-werebat @blackmetalstar @angel-cryptid

@justagirlluckyme @xxradzxx @sugarcandydoll @angis-filthy-corner

tagged by @wolfsangel

1. named after anyone? no but my grandma chose my current name 2. last time I cried? today 3. kids? my plushies 4. sports? sleeping (n skating in winter) 5. sarcasm? hard to understand 6. first thing I notice about something? shape 7. eye color? that weird grey color that either looks green or blue to people 8. scary movies or happy endings? scary movies 9. talents? communicating with anything that has a soul 10. place of birth? c++ compiler 11. hobbies? programming, drawing, music, reserching topics no one cares about 12. pets? da dog, da hamster, soon da stickbugs 13. height? 5'5 or somwthing 14. favorite school subject? i dunno 15. dream job? something programming or osint related

tagging: @fvckinnefor @disruptxrr @ttattp @necoboberarc @poorpastel-pain + any1 who wants to do this ^__^

[stealsh0e]

Élodie is another inside job oc of mine but her ref isn't ready yet, so have these doodles of her as a kid!! And her cousin may seem to be a familiar face...because he is! It's the PRESIDENT, CALLING INSIDE JOB HQ PLEASE GIVE US MORE OF HIM IN PART 2...they're distant cousins, probably twice removed, but their family has these big get togethers to catch up with everyone. I have a wip of a comic of this first meeting right here for you guyss!

You can see tid bits of their eventual friendship/sibling vibe in my 2nd lil doodle page posted at the top, I really love them,, they don't see each other as much when they start getting into adulthood simply due to distance and having to get on with your own lives, but the time they spent together as kids is something they hold dearly in their hears. Also I am...thinking of a name for the president,, HE NEEDS A NAME FOR THIS COMIC OK...I'm thinking of naming him Paulie bc he looks like one,, giving me some Kevin vibes also. Paulie is the winner so far in my head but IDK!!!! I'll think over it some more.

As a treat, Élodie concept sketches from last month!! She worked as a bartender for the majority of her twenties and thirties, dating and then marrying a man who was a regular at the golf club she worked at and served a few times, JR Scheimpough. I'll be going more into their relationship in a different post 😈😈.

I will say here though that Élodie is UNAWARE of anything Cognito related, JR goes out of his way to make sure his dear Odie is oblivious to his job for her own safety.

Left is present day concept and the right is how I imagine her during her bartending days.

One more bc I rlly like this little interaction between them..

Bisexual power couple being absolute dorks AAAA -MY HEAD EXPLODES and only the lil microwave plate remains and is spinning super fast- they're just...they just wanted to protect each other and be there for one another....ouguugughhuguhwhwh :'''((((

[mysterylover123]

BNHA Chapter 291: “Let My New Villain Crush Say His Piece”

mysterylover123

AWW He’s so cute you guys! I think I’m officially declaring Toya/Dabi my new LOV crush. It used to be Shigaraki and he’s still 2nd. Technically Shigaraki’s actually more sympathetic than Toya, since they’ve both got tragic backstories and abusive dads and Shigaraki at least still likes his friends, while Toya hates everyone and just does not give a fuck. But hey, I still love him anyway. Seriously everyone in this series needs a hug.

(lol no way I’d dye it). It’s the Bride of Frankenstein look ya’ll!

SHADES OF LIL KACCHAN. Man no wonder Shoto’s so drawn to Lord Explosion Murder.

1) I guess we’re officially confirming that Endeav did not, in fact, sexually assault Rei into pregnancy. Which - GOOD. There’s a limit to what morally complex characters can get away with and still be redeemable. 2) BABY FUYUMI AND BABY TOYA CUTE OVERLOAD.

IS THAT THE ALL MIGHT FIST OF TRIUMPH?!

Uh oh baby burning. That image of endeavor across the gulf from All Might sure comes up a lot.

Well then you shouldn’t have abused your kids dumbass.

Let’s sum this part up pretty simply: DABI: “They never told you what happened to your son.” ENDEAV: They told me he was dead. DABI: No, I am your son. ENDEAV: That’s not true. That’s impossible! DABI: Search the DNA tests, you know it to be true. ENDEAV: NO!!! NO!!!

1) Spinner is so Shigaraki’s LOV boyfriend. 2) Seriously Dabi you didn’t tell any of them? 3) Tomura are you OK?

LOL THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS. Shiggy: “Also I’m All Might’s master’s grandkid! And Kurogiri’s Aizawa’s long lost friend! And Muscular’s Bakugou’s cousin, Toga’s Ochako’s wife, Spinner’s Tsuyu’s secret dad, Gigantomachia’s Kirishima’s grandfather, Compress is Jirou’s 5th cousin once removed, and All for One is Deku’s dad...” blah blah blah (actually 2 of those are true...)

Um isn’t 99.99% less Missing Lost Son and more Actual Clone?!

OH SHIT MORE REVELATIONS?! THIS GUY’S NOT DONE YET!

POOR NATSUO AND FUYUMI. Your whole family is so screwed.

Legit good question! Even if he’s asking it for selfish reasons. 

AW! You precious child. I was wondering what his verbal reaction would be. Looks like we’re going with “Denial”.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Oh dear god (BTW Who the fuck was filming this? Is big brother always watching or something)

Oh man. (Poor freaking Twice. Isn’t this exactly what Curious wanted to do to Toga? I think she’s gonna be pissed at Dabi later on). 

ENDEAVOR AND HAWKS FEELS. HOLY SHIT

Ooh, I think you just made a mistake Dabi. Jumped the gun a little. (Please don’t let this undo all the good, society-destroying work our villain did before this once the Not Deadness of Jeanist gets out! People already don’t want to believe him)

Similar to who? Also TOKOYAMI. HAWKS. OH GOD

HOLY SHIT. (Similar to someone else? By that DO YOU MEAN YOU!?! Oh man I thought Dabi/Hawks was sunk for good after the burning incident but maybe not so much.)

All good points! Great writing and art touch, all those ads. (Again, he’s still a dick for doing all this. But still. Worth thinking about).

1. HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM CANT YA SEE KUN. 2. deku and kachcan deku and kacchan you guys need so many hugs. 3. Yeah right Dabi. Sure you would’ve. 4. Iida and Hado get to be part of this!

Endeav’s gonna have a real crisis now that the Denial Stage is over.

(Senpai=Hado?) “The Others” here...I’m guessing Kacchan and Aizawa? Either way, that “Midoriya”. Tododeku is alive and well! (+TDBK and bKDK. The OT3 lives). Also CRYING SHOTO. HUG HIM DEAR GOD SOMEONE HELP THIS GUY. And he’s keeping it together pretty well though! 

Fierce Deku and Kacchan! Dabi using ultimate moves from Endeavor! 

Here we go.

Jeanist is here huh. Yay he’s not dead!

So I asked myself while writing this, why am I apparently not wanting Jeanist to pop up and prove Dabi’s “lying” (he’s not, he just doesn’t know the truth) about Hawks? Apparently I want society’s faith in heroes to be shaken or something. Well yeah. I guess, as long as our heroes make it out of this arc alive, I’m kinda rooting for the villains to win here. Not because I agree with them, but because it feels like that’s the point of this arc, this piece of the story. It’s the “fall of the old” to make way for the new. The Darkest Hour, the ending of the Empire Strikes Back (fittingly), the climax of the Rise of Villains Saga for the series as a whole. Night getting darkest just before the dawn. So I guess I want the villains to win here. (so the UA protags can bring everything back up again). I guess I’m just hoping Jeanist’s arrival doesn’t undermine everything Dabi just said, cause so much of it is true. All the stuff about Endeav is true. And Hawks did kill Twice, for the greater good no. So to have everyone just live in denial...it would undermine this whole arc. So yes, I’m rooting for the villains here.

(again, not endorsing their behavior at all.) 

On break sadly. TWO WEEKS FROM NOW. 

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

Francis Kinloch and Alexander Hamilton are related!! (Distantly)

So I’m going through the Kinloch family tree for fun, right? Because I’m not overly obsessed with the man, right?

And I saw something on that family tree:

Okay, so? But here is what happens if you click on Patrick Leslie, Francis Kinloch (the last one’s) great-great-great grandfather.

As you can see, there begins to be a little Hamilton in the mix here. So of course I’m very intrigued, and I may have spent three hours finding the direct common relative, which turns out to be a certain James Hamilton, born 1475ish, 1st earl of Arran and 2nd lord Hamilton.

He is Francis Kinloch’s 6th great grandfather, because he is Patrick Leslie’s great-grandfather.

He is Alexander Hamilton’s 8th great grandfather, shown here:

Now, this family tree of Kinloch’s I looked at does not have a Janet Hamilton as James’s daughter, but it does have his (several) spouses correctly, and his parents, so I am inclined to believe that it is fairly accurate.

So what does this make Hamilton and Kinloch? From my research, I believe it makes them 7th cousins, twice removed. Which admittedly is not very close. They are distant relatives.

But I still think it is extremely interesting that John Laurens fell in love with two men who had a common ancestor within 300 years.

[lalunanymph]

Yeah, Naobito would be his grand uncle but idk it probably depends on which Asian descent you are from. From our culture we refer to 2nd or 3rd cousins by their names if they are the same age as us or onii/onee-san if older (I'm not Japanese but this is just an example).

Lol we honestly don't adhere to the cousins-once-twice-removed something.

oof got it, thanks for the help, anon!

and I agree, the non-adherence to the cousin-twice-removed thingy is confusing

[hqkaia]

pr friendship; a classic, please come make some awkward interactions when in private but when out and about they couldnt be a better duo ( seemingly )

an ex ( whether before her npc bf passed or after ) and i like to make things either sPiiiiCY or dramatic…brownie points for both?

a secret gf / hook-up; they’re both good friends and everyone just seems them as the girl’s who tend to have a lot of sleepovers together

a muse; someone who inspires some of her tracks ( whether current or past )

cousins, but make it complicated and it’s really like 2nd cousins twice removed or something weird like that, but someone who has been there forever bc they’re literal blood

i saw you in a dream ( the japanese house ) - you guys were close. so close. thought there would never be a time you guys wouldn’t talk, but one thing lead to another and you’re left thinking about them when it’s just you and your thoughts. without them your life really hasn’t been the same, but is it worth getting past what happened to pick up the phone and call them? ( taken from https://artitsics.tumblr.com/ )

perfect places ( lorde ) - party buddies but make it you guys just getting lost in the vibes because you don’t want to deal with life. it’s a good friendship. you guys get the thoughts in your head to go numb, but at a point it’s like what’s the point ? ( taken from same as above ) 

[patiusarchivist]

Imperial Vampires of Nosgoth - 2020

+1 on Strength, Dexterity and Constitution

Immortality. As the undead, Nosgothic Vampires -as any - are physically immortal the moment their souls are returned to their corpses and reanimated by their sires. They can be killed by violent means (even then, they are harder than the archetypal vampire). Age of time’s passage does not affect them negatively. Infact, they become stronger for it. In their undead status, healing potions aren’t potent yet such things are rarely needed thanks to their hyperactive healing factor.

Blood Curse. Nosgothic vampires sustain their bodies with the fresh blood of humanoid victims. The blood of pure demons and that of the evilly mutated tend to poison them while the tainted fluid of the long-undead is fatal if too much consumed. With this Blood Curse, they are sterile and detoured by sunlight and water’s touch. Fortunately, at least they overcome the prior over time.

Evolution. Nosgothic Vampires venerate themselves as ‘dark gods’ for their superiorities to mortals and their Evolution is the grander show of it. Over time and Lore, they become stronger and soon experience slow prominent changes to their physical appearance and abilities. Each unique to their sires at Level 5, 10, 17, and 20 in their tier of experience.

Fledgling. The newly risen of the vampires, known as Fledglings. While physically heightened in their dark rebirth with a cusp of their sire’s power within their being but it is enough to be a danger to mortals on their own. Their hunger is intense and an instinctual ambition to become something of worth to their sire’s design, a fact that the clan elders and lords use with stoic effect. For their earnest youth, the clans employ their Fledglings into tutelage to learn the Emperor’s grand ambition and more often than not serve as ‘adventurers’ - a small affectionate word left in their own mortal origin to describe the wandering bands willing to delve into places of ancient renown and dangers that their betters had little care nor time to explore themselves. In this double-making, they throw themselves in hope to achieve favour from their older kindred and earn their own power and weed out the meek and weaker broodlings. Even to their own ends, the Fledglings will serve the embetterment of the Empire.

Fullblood. Experienced vampires that manage to survive their first half-century and gorge themselves into the lore-filled blood of their inferior foes. Their skin leathering into natural hide, akin to leather armour to the normal human and such a boon provoke many Fullbloods to adorn themselves into more provocative wear normally associated with the hedonist saint Vorador and his brood. Nails become effective retractable claws that deal 1d6 damage with carving boon from their heightening strength. Most of all, their dark gifts evolve with their slowly changing bodies and become prominent manifest.

Elder. The vampires who’ve established themselves into the confidence of the clans and ear of the Clans’ higher hierarchy, arrogantly wise and powerful in their Dark Gifts and social command that the thought of even challenging these elders are anything but wise. Centuries old, the touch of sunlight is little but irritation to them and their regenerative potency is enough to resort to only the most traditional of violent deaths; whether of submersion into water to the decapitation of head or plunging the heart into death-like sleep until the piercing weapon is removed. At this age, vampires truly resemble the dark gifts that their patriarchs embody and easily recognized with their hardened talons and cloven feet that develop towards the end of their Fullblooded maturity.

Ancient. The pinnacle of vampiric society underneath the Clan Lords and the Emperor himself, the clan ancients are the most powerful of the vampires with powers very few can even hope to match in their millennia of existence. All but human, their bodies transformed and Dark Gods manifested. Their physical attributes nightmarish compared to even the legend of the Sarafan warrior-priests and powers unmistakable. The Ancients are few in number, many vampires have fallen in their arrogance, misfortune or rarely, the cut-throat politics of their own rivals along their existence before reaching such an aloof stage. Now, in this moment of their unlife, Clan Ancients are direct servants of their lords and their experiences used most potently as strategists, generals and champions. Yet, even with all their power, to lose their masters’ favour is to spell the reality between Sire and Descendant.

Sunlight’s Touch. In the glare of sunlight for Fledglings, the fear of spontaneous combustion is real. They have disadvantages under it for one turn and if they haven’t moved by that one turn; they suffer 4d6 of fire damage.

Acidic Water. Along with sunlight’s blight, water is another noticeable weakness. Its touch scorches the vampire like acid. Unless a Rahabim, a Nosgothic Vampire receives immediate damage to the touch bare skinned. Even rain is an annoyance for them at 2d4 each turn until finding shelter.

Clans

Razielim The Razielim Clan is the First Clan, of origins and favour under Kain’s gaze. With their proud culture as philosophers and elegant manipulators of war and magics, the protege of Kain’s Lieutenant-General are the self-perceived representatives to his supremacy.

+2 Cha Firstborn’s Privilege. As a member of the Elder Clan, announced Razielimare known and treated with a noble’s treatment with lesser clans but with it, everyone - good and ill - knows of his presence. They are versed in Persuasion. Razielim Presence. You know the thaumaturgy cantrip. Once you reach 3rd level, you can cast the Charm Person spell once per day as a 2nd-level spell. Once you reach 6th level, you can also cast Dominate Person spell once per day. Charisma is your spellcasting ability for these spells.

Turelim The Sons and Daughters of Turel, the Secondborn. Powerful of physical might and ingenuity, the clan are the siegemasters of the vampiric legions and perhaps more importantly - the architects to the strongholds and the greatest ambition crafted by their father; the blocking of the very sun.

+2 Str Artificer’s Lore. Whenever you make an Intelligence (History) check related to magic items, alchemical objects, or technological devices, you can add twice your proficiency bonus, instead of any proficiency bonus you normally apply. Relentless Endurance. When you are reduced to 0 hit points but not killed outright, you can drop to 1 hip point instead. You can’t use this feature again until you finish a long rest.

Dumahim The natural warriors of the Empire, the brood of Dumah - the Third Son and Lieutenant of the God-Emperor. The masters of warcraft in its countless techniques collected and invented by the immortality that only vampirism can provide, the Dumahim command the core of Kain’s legions without doubt.

+2 Con Dumahim Training. You have proficiency with light and medium armor, as well as martial weapons. Savage Attacks. When you score a critical hit with a melee weapon attack, you can roll one of the weapon’s damage dice one additional time and add it to the extra damage of the critical hit.

Rahabim The elegance of Rahab, the Fourthborn and confidant of the Six, has passed onto his children. The Rahabimare known for their fey-like wisdom and curiosity to weave the empire’s most exotic beauty and explore places normally uncared by their cousins. However, in their seemingly docile hedonism, the Fourth Clan is a gam of sharks waiting for the singular drop of blood.

+2 Wis Skill Versatility. You gain proficiency in two skills of your choice. Rahab’s Ambition. From your sire’s ambitious work, you have a turn’s immunity to water and afterward a resistance to water’s touch. A short rest for the immunity’s use.

Zephonim The reclusive opportunists of Zephon’s clan is a questionable community. From their stronghold silenced in the Nosgothic East, a massive web of conspiracies and death whisper on poisoned threads waiting to be sprung by their master’s command.

+2 Dex Stronger claws. The Zephonim can use their claws more effectively than the other clans, effectively 1d6 finesse weapons. Vampiric Poisons. Proficiency of a Poisoner’s Kit.

Melchahim The plentiful clan of the Lastborn is a mocked and wearied brood. From the fickle power of Melchiah’s dark gift, the border of Mortality and Eternity is blurred by the slowed rot that is slowly devouring the Melchahim that twist many of these vampires in a constant contempt of all life and that of their envied kin turned into a stubborn existence that push for the discoveries of dark elixirs and magics to cheat their curse.

+2 Int Mist. Briefly melted into silvery mist, you teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that you can see. In this temporary form, you are able walk through grates and under doors as well as move over standing water in the same distance. In combat, may be used once in combat as a reaction. Frailty. With the Boon of your Sire however, comes with the dire weakness that the other vampires generally do not share. Your healing factor is slower than theirs, appearing 1d4 every two turns and the chance of death more likely after three death rolls. However, healing potions are effective to their physiology due to this bodily closeness to mortality.

[grimbunnies]

10 Random Questions

I was tagged (ages ago--I’m so sorry!) by @mrslandgraab. Thank you! <3

Rule: Answer 10 random Questions and tag 10 simmers! (Tagging makes me anxious–please forgive me and consider yourself tagged if you’d like to share!)

1. If you could travel one place in the world where would you travel?

There isn’t just one place that I’d like to travel. I’ve had very little opportunity to go anywhere in the world, so I’d be interested in visiting many places, in particular places with a lot of interesting historical buildings and landmarks.

2. What do you do in your free time away from sims?

I play other video games, read, write, embroider, felt (as in the stabbing craft), and play D&D (I’m the DM–kill me). When there isn’t a pandemic, I work and sleep and cry. Gosh, I can’t wait to have a job that isn’t soul crushing.

I’m oversharing.

3. What other games do you play besides the sims?

Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age II, Skyrim, the Mass Effect trilogy, the Witcher games, some old Telltale games, The Outer Worlds, Fallout 3, Fallout: New Vegas, Divinity: Original Sin 2, Crusader Kings 2, Stardew Valley, RimWorld, Banished… Most recently I finished Return of the Obra Dinn. I started Death and Taxes. I’m playing Life is Strange for the first time now that I’ve forgotten most of the story I watched in let’s plays (though not the big reveal, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it’s about the journey).

Way too fucking many.

4. How tall are you?

I am not sure. 5′4″ on a good day. 5′3″ on a bad day. Somewhere in that range.

5. One random interest of yours?

I am obsessed with creating elaborate family trees for characters in my favorite movies, books, and shows. In general, I am interested in family trees. When my family used to gather for the holidays, I often would end up explaining the difference between 2nd/3rd/4th cousins and once/twice/thrice removed cousins. Anyway, my mom’s boyfriend thought his son was strange for translating words into fictional languages, so I told him about my fictional family trees and now he’s concerned I’m wasting my life.

6. Current favourite bands or artists?

My musical preferences are not really organized by bands or artists. I’ll like particular songs by an artist, and dislike others. I’m generally ok with artists that are popular on the radio... I’m basic.

7. Something you’re looking forward to?

Playing my round in the Round Robin Legacy! I’m seeing some good opportunities for drama >:)

My friends and I are also beginning a political/social justice book club. Looking forward to that.

8. Current favourite films?

I watch so few movies. Most recently, I rewatched Maleficent with my mother. I enjoy that movie.

9.  What food could you not live without?

Cucumbers, sugar snap peas, pomegranates, cherries, mangoes, oranges, and cheddar cheese.

10. Favourite series (book or movie series)?

This changes often, but I think my favorite series of anything is the Dragon Age series. Can I pick a video game series? Well, it’s got books, too, and I’ve read most of them (they’re… books–they’re fine). I just think this series and the fandom around it had a huge impact on me (for good and ill). The games themselves are also super fun for the creative, character-focused storyteller in me, and I think Dragon Age: Origins is my second most played game in terms of hours I’ve spent with it (Sims 2 being the most played).

[raintailed]

After working on allegiances for Mapleshade’s Vengeance (Untold Legacy link is here), I added a bunch of cats to my Warrior Cats family tree.

I’ve also noticed something: Cloudstar and Birdflight are Pinestar’s 2nd great grandparents and Leopardfoot’s 4th great grandparents. Pinestar and Leopardfoot are second cousins twice removed.

There’s a bunch of coefficient of relatedness stuff out there, so I think I have a rough idea of how related Pinestar and Leopardfoot are:

Pinestar is 1/8 (12.5%) related to Cloudstar

Leopardfoot is 1/32 (3.13%) related to Cloudstar

Pinestar and Leopardfoot are 1/128 (0.78%) related to each other

This means that, ignoring bloodlines that aren’t direct descendants of Cloudstar, Pinestar and Leopardfoot are barely related. Interesting.

[planabee]

Random Ryuki headcanons

This is just the sense of Ryuki I have in my head after almost a year of consideration. If it doesn’t fit your image of the character just ignore me.

Name: Ryuki Makoi

Age: 19-20 (USUM’s timeframe)

Family: mother from Johto, father from [India-based region]

- Lived in [India] most his life

- Ryuki is childhood friends with Valerie. They met while he was visiting his mom’s hometown in Johto.

- Valerie inspired his fashion sense (to an extent.....) and gave him the idea of starting a dual career as gym leader/artist overseas 

- It should be noted Ryuki is not a fan of cold weather. That’s why Ryuki chose Alola specifically, and why he wears longsleeved leather in a humid tropical climate (the madman)

- Adding to that, most of Ryuki’s casual wear favors airy sweaters and shorts for some reason

- In Alola Ryuki reaches out to other active trainers―including former and soon to retire captains― who might be interested in establishing a gym system. 

- (He believes trials and gyms can coexist like Galar’s major and minor leagues) 

- Plumeria, Ilima and Mina are somewhat receptive to the idea, Kiawe hates it, and Kukui is still sitting on the fence. No one in Alola is thrilled with the proposed change, but some are more willing to give it a test run.

- Hapu is most adamant about him earning proper acknowledgment from Tapu Fini so he can oversee the dragon Poni trial. Ryuki’s tried twice and he’s reluctant to continue that route.

- The kommo-o on his team joined him in Poni, but his dragonite is from Blackthorn. He kept them out of high profile trainer battles until both evolved because he wanted to give them grand debuts in Alola.

- Lance gave him a baby aerodactyl when he was 12 (At least I’m assuming Ryuki has one, going by his concept art). That aerodactyl is a songbird, built for stage and not the arena.

- Him and Lance are distantly related (something like 2nd cousin once removed on Ryuki’s mother’s side). But more importantly he’s Lance’s student

- Ryuki’s been to Galar as a kid (specifically to Hammerlocke, at his mentor’s earnest insistence) and most of the lessons went over his head.

- He ventured into Spikemuth on his second visit to Galar, and that did leave an impression

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."